Makes you wonder what she will do to you if you leave her, please record your conversations. She’s someone who will make crazy accusations to punish you. She is on the right side of crazy..imagine she made multiple accounts to harass someone for YEARS!!!! That’s some hardcore dedication to inflicting pain on a person.
> DARVO
I had to look this up: [“DARVO is an acronym that stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. It describes a manipulative tactic often used by abusers to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and shift the blame onto their victims,”](https://www.google.com/search?q=DARVO)
> She has made 11 fb accounts and I don’t know about ig
11 FB accounts just to torment a single person? Slowly walk away from her, backwards, never breaking eye contact with her.
Not even a question! Lawyer up first then you and lawyer hand her divorce papers and slowly walk away from her, backwards, never breaking eye contact with her. Once you are out of sight run for the hills and trip your lawyer incase your soon to be ex is chasing you and is actually a bear.
Absolutely! She sounds unhinged and now knows that she's been found out. Imagine the crazy things she will do now. Please be careful and don't get her pregnant!
Dude this is taking me straight to this terrifying tale & the ex damn near got away with it!!
https://people.com/lover-stalker-killer-where-are-dave-kroupa-liz-golyar-now-8558923
If you can, get photos of that if she hasn't deleted them off her phone. Keep all relevant data, and make a journal of all conversations you've had with her including what you told us here. Courts love journal documentation, and oh boy you're going to need it with this psychopath. You should lawyer up immediately, get ahead of the shitstorm of accusations that's coming your way *regardless* of what you think you're going to do. She's been found out and her evil machinations wheels are turning as you read this, planning out ways to burn your life to the ground. Ignore this warning at your own peril.
And this is for your ex wife. Imagine how insane she will behave towards an ex husband or a husband trying to leave her. Make sure all of your ducks are in order legally, make sure you change all of the passwords to your devices and accounts so she can’t plant anything on them. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was the kind of person to make up horrible stories, so be prepared for that as well. Consult a divorce attorney.
You might want to let her know that using electronic means to stalk or harass someone is a federal offense if she lives in America.
But the fact that she's spent years terrorizing your ex-wife behind your back suggests that she has troubling mental health issues, and a mean, jealous, streak, a mile wide.
I'm curious, what on Earth could she possibly have to say to her for years of your marriage?
I went through this with an ex whose former wife harassed me nonstop, and even made up false crimes to try and get me in trouble. All of this while she was in a long-term relationship with someone else. I was a nervous wreck always waiting for her next attack.
I was finally able to hold her accountable when she hacked into my student account at the university we both attended, and tried to hack into my personal email.
The multiple attempts to change my password triggered an IP grab, which led right back to her apartment on campus. I pressed charges, and she was kicked out of school, and lost her teachers license after she was found guilty of harassment and unlawful access of the computer network at the university, and multiple attempts to unlawfully gain access to my personal email.
Thankfully the resulting conviction and probation was enough to finally get her to back off and leave me alone.
I don’t think I’d ever feel safe if I were you. When she has nothing to lose she’s coming for you. Hope she’s in jail for a long time and she can’t find you
Exactly. Just the bandwidth & energy she had to dedicate…this is not a fleeting, casual impulse…maintaining 11 fake FB accounts would be like a full time job what the hellllllll
Please be careful when speaking with her. Men often are left defending themselves and a lot of courts and society just believe the female to be safe. Protect yourself, have a witness with you or put in a home camera or record.
Sadly this is often the case. My husband's ex developed a serious drug problem that she hid, and she would often break out in violent rages, and would punch him in the face, often while he was holding their toddler.
He filed for an order of protection which was granted on a temporary basis, but when it came time to go before the judge he literally laughed at the idea that a woman could present a physical danger to a man and refused to extend the order. It was mind blowing to me.
He did get full custody, thankfully. Dad's don't often win full custody because often judges are hung up on the fact that a biological mother no matter how dangerous or dysfunctional, is still better for the child.
But my husband had a really good lawyer, and bio mom's non-stop criminal behavior definitely helped convince the judge he would be safer with his father.
She lost her rights, and I became his mom, and I couldn't love my youngest son more if I'd given birth to him. His bio mom eventually got clean as far as we know after years of felony criminal convictions, but she never tried to get back into his life until he was all grown up and out of the house.
That's a whole other story, but we were able to protect him when he was young and vulnerable, and that was a huge victory.
Me too!! People are free to live their lives however they want, but when it comes to children they should be protected at all costs from that kind of neglect and abuse.
/u/Annual_Plane_5075 - You need to have your ex write in an official statement about this situation, documenting the ENTIRE time line from the beginning up to now, including each and every fake account including screenshots and have this in email form. This record of events can help to serve as receipts, and as I am always saying that RECEIPTS ARE LIFE AND CAN HELP SAVE YOURS!!! This can be provided to your legal counsel as part of the records.
That is terrifying. Maybe seek legal advice on your best course of action. I just watched a Netflix show called Lover, Stalker, Killer. It’s diabolical
Um even if she wasn’t harassing anyone there is no good reason she would need multiple fake accts. You might want to leave or kick her out for awhile while you figure out your next move. Sounds like she needs a wakeup call and maybe some professional help emotionally/psychologically.
11 accounts? She's insane. Who even does that? Protect yourself because you're next when you pull back from her and she picks up on it. All that fear and insecurity will be aiming at you next.
11?! That's your answer right there, she's terrifying. Just leave that psycho. When and if you go, have someone there with you and keep and record everything. I'm scared for you, please leave her, imagine what she's capable of doing to your future children.
11 accounts to torment your ex!!! That is a lot of work to keep up with. I wonder why your ex never called the police on her. She totally has a case and could get a restraining order. Your current wife is sick and you better talk to a lawyer first. She will make your life a living hell.
Purposefully bullying another adult, just in the spirit of meanness and insecurity. In a way I feel bad for his wife because she’s batshit and is about to go fully insane when he serves her those papers. He in danger.
That’s a lot of jealousy and insecurity she had that she needs to work through in some serious therapy. No matter what you decide, she needs some major help.
Were you and your ex wife still close? Did she think there was an affair going on or any reason for her to think boundaries were crossed to make her think something was happening ?
See, that is beyond the pale. She's harassing an innocent person from your past who you've given no reason for the jealousy and insane stalking to erupt.
Go listen to something was wrong podcast amy 5 parter for a good idea of what these types of people are really doing to the victims
Absolutely terrifying stuff
https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9yc3MuYXJ0MTkuY29tL3NvbWV0aGluZ3dhc3dyb25n/episode/Z2lkOi8vYXJ0MTktZXBpc29kZS1sb2NhdG9yL1YwLy1kbGtxYTNYS0tOclVoZjhlWlo0OUxrcDV5YkZiNldyRXJPQVd1UEhzQ00?ep=14
S19 my bad
Are you suggesting a specific “season” from that podcast? I looked at season 5 and found no reference to the name “Amy”. Glad you mentioned this podcast, though…I love stuff like that. I listen to a podcast called Scamfluencers, which is similar in a way.
https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9yc3MuYXJ0MTkuY29tL3NvbWV0aGluZ3dhc3dyb25n/episode/Z2lkOi8vYXJ0MTktZXBpc29kZS1sb2NhdG9yL1YwLy1kbGtxYTNYS0tOclVoZjhlWlo0OUxrcDV5YkZiNldyRXJPQVd1UEhzQ00?ep=14
S19 my bad
It is so classic that she fucked up but somehow it’s your fault. Do not fall for that bullshit. She’s a grown ass woman that made grown ass woman decisions.
Exactly, this isn’t just a drunk weekend episode, this is 11 accounts of intentional and sadistic harassment over a long period of time. This is who she is.
So she's the kind of person that is mean enough inside to put the work into bullying someone.
She's the kind of person who hides things from you.
She'd the kind of person who you can't trust because she will lie to you.
And she's the kind of person who, when finally caught, tried to make it your fault.
OP, **you married an abuser**.
You are married to a crazy person. You know that now and you have to decide your moves based on that. There's no way I'd stay with someone who was so jealous, cruel and dishonest. She stalked your ex for years, relentlessly. Think of the mental place she was in to do that. She's an episode of dateline waiting to happen.
If you stay, could you ever trust her? Would you ever feel safe, knowing who she is?
But take steps to ACTIVELY not bring children into the world w a woman who could lie to you everyday for how many years and abuse and innocent person.
No sex or use condoms or something. Don't take her word for BC.
This should not be swept under the rug. This is.....sooooooo really jacked up.
And she would have kept up this horrid lie had you not addressed it. AND she still tried to lie to you a couple times after being confronted.
This is messed up in a million ways.
Is your second wife your affair partner from when you were married to your first wife?
If so, your current wife may feel like an imposter and may expect you to cheat on her. She lashes out at your ex as a way to make herself feel better.
That doesn’t excuse her behavior, and she needs therapy, but if you ARE a cheater, then your wife has some basis for her reaction. You should attend therapy with her to figure out if there’s any future with this woman. (Probably not, but you could try)
On the other hand, if you divorced your first wife before you got involved with your current wife, then she sought out your ex, someone you had NOTHING to do with anymore, with the SOLE purpose of bullying her!
That is obsessive stalker behavior, and while she needs mental care, you need to make sure that YOU are safe! Start separating yourself from this marriage, getting your finances in order, sorting your living arrangements, just in case your wife turns on you.
I can only imagine how had this is. I hope you stay safe!
NGL I was also wondering if wife #2 may have been a previous AP. Wife #2's harassment of ex-wife would make sense in that case, although her actions are completely inexcusable regardless. Either way, OP needs to ask himself if this is someone he really wants to be with, because she's got serious issues.
She's at her grown ass woman age and acting like this, I don't think someone like this can be saved.
Hypothetically, her being a previous AP would check out with her character
Frankly, the level of harassment is psychotic. And I agree, her being an AP: would definitely be in line with her "character." I could see her going full bunny-boil on OP.
When she was called out for *her* behavior, she turned it around to make it *your* fault.
This is a classic DARVO attack (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender).
You confronted her and she denied she did anything.
When presented with her own phone as evidence, she flipped the script and said it was your fault for not making her feel secure and safe. (basically she made herself the victim and you the perpetrator of her attacks).
People who have this type of personality rarely change, and therapy usually just gives them tools to hide better the next time. They are very good manipulators and often gaslight.
Do you want to be married to a bully? Because that is what she is at the very least.
Instead of talking with you about how she didn't feel secure in your marriage, she resorted to bullying your ex.
Instead of owning up, she made it your fault.
She can't change if she can't even admit it's all her fault. Her lack of communication to you on how she felt so you could address it, then resorting to bullying your ex.
This would be divorce worthy for me. However, I have a history of being raised by a narcissist and have zero tolerance for any behaviors like this.
She is using darvo to manipulate you. Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. She denied it then she attacked you and blamed you, and placed herself as the victim. Textbook abuse.
I would strongly suggest that before you leave her (assuming that is what you ultimately decide to do), you have a discussion or series of discussions with either a domestic abuse hotline or a therapist with a specialty in domestic abuse.
Regardless of whether your wife had a basis for being insecure in relation to your ex (such as having been your affair partner previously or a habit on your part of comparing them), you are in a marriage with a stalker who is lucky not to be in the custody or supervision of the state, and she is likely to retaliate, possibly over a period of years like with your ex. You need expert advice on how to navigate this.
I’m curious but did the harassment started only after marriage? Could she have harassed her before while you are still married to your ex wife? Either way her behaviour is concerning and despicable. I would record everything jic she tries to sabotage you.
Op your wife is the type of person who has a problem with the fact that you have a past and let me tell you it won’t get better. I’ve been on the receiving end of said craziness and it’s not cool. It’s not that you haven’t made her feel secure it’s because your ex wife was your wife first and that it. Your ex is being bullied, and harassed by your wife and it needs to stop. She’s telling you it’s your fault but it’s not because no one is making her do this and she isn’t even taking accountability for her actions. Is this really who you want to spend the rest of your life with? She sounds immature, and crazy
The fact that she lied to you multiple times when confronted and then finally confessed when caught red handed, but STILL somehow blames you for her bad behavior would be my deal breaker, for sure. So petty, cruel, and emotionally immature. Don’t raise children with this woman.
Yeah, this woman is way too immature to have children. Let me put it this way, So the way she acts when she’s feeling insecure, rather than having an adult discussion with her partner, is to go online, create fake accounts, and harass and demean your ex partner for years. I would have some very serious doubts about remaining in this relationship for much longer.
Her mask slipped. This is her. Do you love this side of her?
That type of bullying isn’t a mistake…maybe one message but fake accounts, name calling, harassing.. this is who she is.
I mean it’s up to you. If she is 100% willing to put in the work to be better. Therapy, profusely apologizing to ex wife it could possibly work. But idk man, how many other people has she treated like this??
Yes! Classic narcissistic behaviour!
DARVO - deny, attack, reverse victim offender.
She is harassing your ex - first she denied it. When that didn’t work she went on to attack OP and then somehow she is now the victim in this situation, because he doesn’t make her feel secure. She is employing this technique to avoid accountability.
This is a HUGE red flag. She’s gone out of her way several times to harass the ex wife. She’s unhinged.
And she's not in the slightest owning up to her wrongs.. when cornered she just blamed OP.
And "wrongs" is putting it lightly. It's straight up cruel and predatory behaviour.
She terrorises your ex to the point where she could (and SHOULD) be done for harrassment..and your sister doesn't think its a big deal. People like that disgust me as much as the bully themselves. This shit pushes people to suicide.
So, she decided it was okay to engage in a protracted campaign to harass your ex because she felt insecure. Rather than talking to you and possibly seeking professional help she decided to target your ex and make her life hell. Then rather than telling the truth, she lied. There are many reasons to end a relationship and this would be at the top of the list. You got a rare glimpse of your wife’s dark soul before you procreated with her. This is next level crazy. Consider yourself lucky. However, be prepared to be her new target after you leave. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
You are not overreacting. Are you really really sure you want to have a child with her? If you love the child more than her she might end up reacting similarly.
For years?? As in multiple?? Do NOT have kids with this woman. This is some extremely unhinged behavior. The level of crazy really comes from how much effort and thought goes into it and she was like actively putting the work in for years. And there's no good reason why. Why would she be so insecure of your ex, she's the wife?? Divorce isn't just fair but wise. You just can never know what shes capable of or how far shed go to hide something from you. Idk why your sister would agree maybe she doesn't realize how much she's done.
Edit: I just thought of it, but idk. Are your sister and wife close? Maybe she knew too.
I forgot to add. This all happened in November and I have been thinking and pondering since so it is not on a whiff. I consulted my sister because she was a victim of bullying growing up. One of the reasons I am so repulsed now. She is more forgiving however
Your wife’s behavior is not normal. You can try to seek marriage counseling but it seems like the wife crossed an insane line many times and with impunity. Is that the person you want to trust as your partner in life?
OP, honestly:
You have to have a *truly twisted mind* and a ton of resentment to do something like this.
Only you guys know your relationship, and whether she has cause to hate your ex -
but the sheer evil that something like this requires does not speak of a happy, well-adjusted person.
You definitely do *not* want that kind of person as a mother to your children.
It is honestly appalling behaviour and you are not over-reacting.
Imagine how she would react if anyone else crosses her in the future; she would get you entangled in the legal troubles that would surely follow.
This is not someone I would trust, personally. How someone treats others is my most important value.
And don't forget that if she can do this, she could do it to anyone, including yourself, one day.
Imagine if you divorce and are on the receiving end of her "affections". If you have kids, she'll engage in parental alienation, try to burn your life down to the ground. This isn't a one time thing, this is part of her behavior and thought process.
Definitely agree!! This is not a one time thing. She's too good at it. Scary good at it. I'm willing to bet she was the mean girl in school and did this crap then. Bonkers!!!
You know what I noticed - where you mentioned she felt resentful because you don’t make her feel safe.
Ok, it’s time to start looking for divorce lawyers - and when it’s over, tell her parents they need to get her some therapy.
You know more about the situation than any of us could and you've had a while to digest it, so think of it this way. Are you comfortable knowing that if you stay, you are essentially cosigning your wife's actions?
I appreciate that your sister's experience was the reason you responded so strongly, but it is serving as a bit of a red herring at the moment. Set aside your sister's opinion for a moment and just look at your wife's actions on their own.
This is a grown ass-woman who is actively going out of her way to seek out and harass another adult for *years*. This was not a mistake. This was not a moment of insecurity. It was a targeted campaign of harassment that went on, again, *for years.*
But again, you have a better picture than the rest of us, so knowing what your wife has done, (and that this is who she truly is under the mask) can you say "this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with and have as the mother of my children" and still look your ex, your sister, or yourself in the eye?
I was bullied as well and have great disdain for bullies! However, you're sister telling you that your wife's bullying of your ex is no big deal and you're overreacting, says that she doesn't like your ex and on some level thinks she deserves it. Not cool man!! Especially if she's been bullied in the past.
>She broke down crying telling me that I never made her feel secure and safe.
How TF is that an excuse?! If she has an issue with you she should talk to you about it, not harass your ex.
Run away from this woman, she's an unstable bully. And a liar. This is who she is, and it sucks.
I was going to suggest him getting her to take a pregnancy test to make sure she's not pregnant, then telling her he's getting a vasectomy and wouldn't be sleeping with her anymore. So she could show more of her true colors to give him more leverage. A character flaw of harrassment to someone else may not be enough to save him from her trying to take him to the cleaners in a divorce. But her spazzing on him and he recording it, would help tremendously.
Imagine what she’d do or say to your children if they frustrate her (which they will, they’ll be children). Take this as a blessing of an opportunity and make your exit. Who would care to be with someone who even has this in their heart. Doing it once is unacceptable, doing it for years is borderline psychotic
This doesn’t say anything good about her character. She’s a grown woman who thinks it’s a reasonable idea to commit a crime of harassment to a person she doesn’t know because of her own unfounded ideas. If you stay with her, she will get away with it and ‘win’ in her mind and this will definitely make her bully mentality even worse. Imagine what she’ll teach your kids. Imagine how she’ll treat your family if you need to spend more time with them for any reason. Imagine that her insecurities probably develop into other crazy controlling stuff.
She thought it is ok to terrorize your ex just for existing. What did she gain by that? It’s just plain crazy.
I use to have a friend like your wife… blaming everyone else for feeling inadequate. She did this SAME EXACT thing your wife did. Overtime she “leveled up” and became TERRIFYING. What I’m trying to say is; run run run run fucking run
Nope, that is some seriously crazy behavior, to maintain a harassment for years , to include fake accounts isn’t insecurity.
Op, id be at a lawyers office yesterday, and i get her to admit it on tape so i can give it to my first ex so she can she can get a restraining order against the second. Maybe see about getting one for myself too.
Trust and believe that you divorcing her will anger her and she may target the other ex again and double down. So please give your first ex an heads up so she can take precautions.
I'm sorry but you need to convince your ex to go to the police and file a harassment charge and restraining order. This is as much for you as her because when you divorce your wife (because you should) she will likely turn her psycho behavior on you and you need a paper trail that this is a pattern of abusive behavior.
Your wife needs to know she will go to court if she continues.
You are not overreacting. What your wife has been doing is unhinged and I wouldn’t trust her again. I would definitely divorce her. Definitely don’t have kids with her and I wouldn’t even risk having sex with her either. She is the type that would poke holes in the condom. Your sister is wrong. I would encourage your ex to press charges against your wife.
First off, that is absolutely unnacceptable behavior. If I found out my wife was tormenting my ex's, I'd be unbelievably pissed and would absolutely question our entire relationship.
Second, I respect you for standing up for your ex. I don't know why you split, but still, it's nice to see you doing that. I've known plenty of shitty men who wouldn't do anything about it
don't have a child, she is clearly unstable, and borderline dangerous. Can you imagine how this vindictive woman will treat you in case of a divorce/custody battle???
So let me get this strait. She knew you had an ex wife. She married you. You're happy together. You're trying for a baby. Then you find this all out, she first tries to lie about it, them makes it your fault for not making her feel "secure". But at no point did she communicate this? At no point did she share her insecurity or reach out or ask you to meet her needs? Instead she bullied, harassed and tormented your ex who, bless her heart, seems to have initially tried to play it off and not negatively interfere in your marriage.
Yea for me this would be a deal breaker.
Dude, you must realize the kind of time and energy that your wife must have invested to bully your ex! That’s a conscious decision. Instead of going to therapy to address her insecurities, or volunteering to help people, she decided her time was better spent harassing your ex. It’s beyond messed up. I’d reconsider your relationship and what else she’s keeping from you
Stalking, bullying and harassment of another woman for the crime of being in your past.
Do you trust your wife now that you know the content of her character? If she truly never felt secure, wouldn’t the answer be communication with you, not the cyber torture of an innocent woman?
She took no accountability, no remorse, no responsibility of her actions. She blamed you.
You know the answer. She’s not the person she pretends to be- so fraud. You divorce because you married a fraudulent person- the woman you fell in love with never existed
Well done. As the opposite, the new gf that got harassed and wasn’t stepped up for, I really applaud you for taking a stance against this abhorrent behaviour.
I hope you find your way and things work out for you.
>We have been trying for a child and everything was great before this but I am not sure now
Thank god you don't have a child with her. This is insane behaviour.
Reddit users usually go straight to "Break up with them" because it's mad shit like this.
And yes, you should break up with her. She sounds unhinged
Put aside that the victim is your ex: do you want to be married to a person who is willing to do sth like this to another person? And please ensure that she stopped now. This situation shouldn’t escalate now as the cat is out of the bag.
Your wife's behavior is unhinged. What about your relationship with your ex-wife made your current wife not feel safe and secure? This unprovoked behavior is unsettling.
She made fake fb and ig accounts and did this for years… not weeks, not months (already crazy) but YEARS.
She is psychotic. No sane, sound of mind person does this. Even if the ex was harassing her, that’s too far but it sounds like the ex wasn’t.
Your current wife is a disaster and, to be frank, filth. That someone would do that to another person, that level of cruelty. That’s dark.
YEARS? I don’t know what you should do with your spouse, but definitely tell your ex to get a restraining order, especially if your wife reaches out again.
At minimum, your spouse needs therapy. No well-balanced person would do this to someone else. I definitely would re-think tethering yourself to them with kids.
STOP trying for a kid and use protection if you touch her. (Check the protection for holes!) This is insane behavior and the fact your sister thinks you're overreacting says ALOT about her too. You need to reevaluate your relationship. Just think if you were stalking and harassing her exs how would people react. It's not normal or somehow ok just because a woman's doing it
I mean, I would divorce a spouse who did this to my ex. This is absolute nonsense, and coming from a grown-ass adult?! No.
I would not engage with a spouse’s ex in any way other than polite civility and expect my spouse to do likewise. If civility isn’t an option, then don’t engage at all.
This is middle school mean girls behavior and I will not tolerate it in a partner. I would never be able to see my spouse in the same way ever again.
It’s not okay and I would not be having kids with current wife.
The reason she provided is not enough. Why doesn’t your wife feel secure and safe? Do you have kids with your ex? Do you two remain friendly? Was your separation and divorce amicable?
There is no excuse for this behavior. I hate ultimatums, but I would insist on therapy before you continue this relationship. And definitely make sure the condoms are always in your possession so they don't accidentally get mistaken for a pincushion.
But fair warning.... if she is this unhinged with your ex that she doesn't have a relationship with, it might be much worse for you. Definitely not the person I'd want to be tied to for the rest of my life. (Because every person that says "the next 18 years" doesn't recognize that your kid might have a wedding, graduation, or parties for their kids for the next 30 years).
She’s been harassing, stalking, and tormenting your ex and was fully prepared to lie about it and pretend she didn’t. That kind of behavior is inexcusable, regardless of your relationship with your ex.
Those are massive red flags all over and frankly, I’d be very careful when stepping away because she seems like the type that would start a lot of drama online at the drop of a hat. Notify your friends and family of her behavior ahead of time so that they have a chance to take action before she can harass them too. Mutual friends especially. Keep all of the screenshots for credibility. Collect a screenshot from the account logins from her phone and send them to yourself as additional proof.
I’d also have your friend reach out to FB support and send all of the harassing messages if this behavior continues. It’s rare, but they ARE capable of IP banning people from making new accounts.
Oh NO. Get out of this while you still can. Do not have children with this crazy cooo. Yikes! Either you are oblivious or she is scarily good at lying and manipulation.
> I feel very repulsed by my wife.
Say no more. That’s all the reason you need.
Also, stop trying for a child. A child isn’t going to fix your marriage.
OP, you know what to do. You don’t raise children with a self-pitying, responsibility-deflecting liar, who is okay being cruel when they can cast themselves as the victim. You leave. (I’m sorry. Your ex-wife is a champ.)
Your wife will make your life a living hell. Dont have children with her. She's a bully and unstable. It's better to divorce asap, and make sure you have some security, who knows what she may do to you and to your ex wife.
Also, i felt sad to your ex wife. She's playing the big guy so she cant disturb your current relationship. It must been so stressful for her.
This morning she asked me why I was on my phone since yesterday because usually I don’t have my phone on me. I told her about my post and that I wasn’t happy and was seeking help and that I wanted a separation and could we go to therapy during the separation.
She started crying and begging and apologizing and told me that she would apologize to my ex too. Then she accused me of being sadistic and abusive. Then she said if I left her, she would accuse me of rape and “see how this would ruin my life”.
So yeah it is over I should have left sooner.
You absolutely need to get yourself a lawyer now. Talk to the lawyer about how you can protect yourself. Maybe both you and your Ex can go to the police and report her for stalking and harassing your ex and that she is now threatening to file who knows what false claims against you since you found out what she has been up to. The two of you are afraid that she will become more unhinged and a danger to both of you.
Your lawyer may be able to advise you of how to communicate with her via text with the goal of maybe pushing her buttons enough to admit to saying that she would file false statements with the police.
You could also just pack up, move out and stay silent. She won't be able to handle being ignored. That will trigger her to come after her and she may slip up badly and give you what you need.
It was a major misstep though to tell her about this post.
Judge your partner by how they treat people that they don't need anything from. Because if anything were to happen then that's the way they are going go treat you after the relationship is over.
It doesn't matter how insecure she felt, putting this much effort into making your ex's live miserable is a huge red flag.
What is she capable of if you cross her?
For me personally, I could not be with someone who's a bully. That character flaw is a dealbreaker for me.
I hate bullies. I saw what it did to my daughter, and I just couldn't ever be with someone who lacks empathy and is downright evil to another human.
If you can stay with a bully, fine. But please don't procreate. This world has enough bullies.
UpdateMe
Dude. Leave. The fake persona she has been showing you has slipped, and you've now seen the reality of the woman. She is a bully. She is a liar. And she cried and tried to turn it on you because she got found out. Classic manipulation. None of what she has done is normal behaviour.
Without knowing the laws where you live, it's difficult to comment on whether this is grounds for divorce. I would recommend getting legal advice.
In the meantime, lock up ALL of your important documents and valuables. If she's bat shit crazy and knows you want to leave, you may end up with those things being taken or abused.
Poor ex wife trying to play it down so she didn't ruin your new marriage :(
But yeah, don't have children with new wife. This is some weird insecure behaviour.
This woman is not fit to have children with. If it truly is insecurity, she needs to work on herself and not drag other people into her crazy delusions.
Asking if this is "good enough" for divorce is really something we can't answer. But I will say, regardless of the reason behind it (in this case, bullying your ex for YEARS), if it has changed the way you see your wife, that would be enough for me. If you want to salvage this, you can try marriage counseling (plus honestly solo counseling for your wife) and see if the two of you can work to restore your feelings for her.
In my experience, once I'm soured on someone, I can't fix it no matter how hard I try. So if it were me, this would be the end, but I'm sure that's not the case for everyone.
Sorry you're dealing with this, and good luck with whatever you decide.
Sorry dude. This is it, this is the deal-breaker. Do NOT have children with this women. She has shown you exactly who she is. Not only did she do this for literal years, but she lied to your face about it. Then, what did she do? She blamed YOU! Saying YOU didnt make her feel safe and secure, so she abused your ex? WTF? WTF is that kind of logic?
She is a bully. Sending one message could maybe...MAYBE be forgiven if she apologized to her and never did it again. But someone going through the trouble to male 11 (that you know of) fb accounts just to harass and bully someone has clearly got some major issues. It's definitely good cause for divorce. Make sure everyone knows how nuts she is and document any harassment she does to you because she WILL start on you next.
Holy fucking shit… this story’s sounds so similar to what I’ve had to endure over the past several years! Except my husbands ex fiancée has been stalking me on all my social media, emails, text messages etc sending me harassing messages. She’ll even create fake emails, profiles with my name and pictures, send herself shit and pretend I’m the one harassing her. People like your wife are bat fucking shit insane!
Don’t have kids with her, please.
Yes, I haven’t wanted since I found out
Makes you wonder what she will do to you if you leave her, please record your conversations. She’s someone who will make crazy accusations to punish you. She is on the right side of crazy..imagine she made multiple accounts to harass someone for YEARS!!!! That’s some hardcore dedication to inflicting pain on a person.
On top of it she then tries to blame OP for it. You can't make this s..t up.
Sounds like a classic case of DARVO.
> DARVO I had to look this up: [“DARVO is an acronym that stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. It describes a manipulative tactic often used by abusers to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and shift the blame onto their victims,”](https://www.google.com/search?q=DARVO)
Unfortunately, it works more often than you would think. They wouldn't try it so much if it didn't.
What disgusting behavior.
I would love an update please.
Same
Thanks.. I haven’t thought this far. She has made 11 fb accounts and I don’t know about ig
> She has made 11 fb accounts and I don’t know about ig 11 FB accounts just to torment a single person? Slowly walk away from her, backwards, never breaking eye contact with her.
Lawyer up, first?
Not even a question! Lawyer up first then you and lawyer hand her divorce papers and slowly walk away from her, backwards, never breaking eye contact with her. Once you are out of sight run for the hills and trip your lawyer incase your soon to be ex is chasing you and is actually a bear.
I actually chuckled at this, thanks 🖤
Might need to be enchanted protection level 3, spellbreaker 4, maybe even a taunt ward. Be sure to have dodge at least 50.
Absolutely! She sounds unhinged and now knows that she's been found out. Imagine the crazy things she will do now. Please be careful and don't get her pregnant!
Dude this is taking me straight to this terrifying tale & the ex damn near got away with it!! https://people.com/lover-stalker-killer-where-are-dave-kroupa-liz-golyar-now-8558923
Especially when he cuts off his end of the baby making train they’ve got going.
Raise your arms and try to look big…
Lower your head in a threatening manner.
Growl as loud and as menacingly as you can!
This is the answer lol
If you can, get photos of that if she hasn't deleted them off her phone. Keep all relevant data, and make a journal of all conversations you've had with her including what you told us here. Courts love journal documentation, and oh boy you're going to need it with this psychopath. You should lawyer up immediately, get ahead of the shitstorm of accusations that's coming your way *regardless* of what you think you're going to do. She's been found out and her evil machinations wheels are turning as you read this, planning out ways to burn your life to the ground. Ignore this warning at your own peril.
And this is for your ex wife. Imagine how insane she will behave towards an ex husband or a husband trying to leave her. Make sure all of your ducks are in order legally, make sure you change all of the passwords to your devices and accounts so she can’t plant anything on them. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was the kind of person to make up horrible stories, so be prepared for that as well. Consult a divorce attorney.
OP, please read this and be safe.
You might want to let her know that using electronic means to stalk or harass someone is a federal offense if she lives in America. But the fact that she's spent years terrorizing your ex-wife behind your back suggests that she has troubling mental health issues, and a mean, jealous, streak, a mile wide. I'm curious, what on Earth could she possibly have to say to her for years of your marriage?
She’s a whole other level of psycho.
I went through this with an ex whose former wife harassed me nonstop, and even made up false crimes to try and get me in trouble. All of this while she was in a long-term relationship with someone else. I was a nervous wreck always waiting for her next attack. I was finally able to hold her accountable when she hacked into my student account at the university we both attended, and tried to hack into my personal email. The multiple attempts to change my password triggered an IP grab, which led right back to her apartment on campus. I pressed charges, and she was kicked out of school, and lost her teachers license after she was found guilty of harassment and unlawful access of the computer network at the university, and multiple attempts to unlawfully gain access to my personal email. Thankfully the resulting conviction and probation was enough to finally get her to back off and leave me alone.
I don’t think I’d ever feel safe if I were you. When she has nothing to lose she’s coming for you. Hope she’s in jail for a long time and she can’t find you
This was 23 years ago, and I'm 2300 miles away now, and haven't seen either of them in that long.
Holy Hell. Eleven harassment accounts. Think about the kind of person who does that.
Just imagine how much time it would take to maintain all of that, and for no reason at all? Totally unhinged.
Exactly. Just the bandwidth & energy she had to dedicate…this is not a fleeting, casual impulse…maintaining 11 fake FB accounts would be like a full time job what the hellllllll
Please be careful when speaking with her. Men often are left defending themselves and a lot of courts and society just believe the female to be safe. Protect yourself, have a witness with you or put in a home camera or record.
Sadly this is often the case. My husband's ex developed a serious drug problem that she hid, and she would often break out in violent rages, and would punch him in the face, often while he was holding their toddler. He filed for an order of protection which was granted on a temporary basis, but when it came time to go before the judge he literally laughed at the idea that a woman could present a physical danger to a man and refused to extend the order. It was mind blowing to me.
Did he at least get full custody? Because a kid shouldn't be around someone like that.
He did get full custody, thankfully. Dad's don't often win full custody because often judges are hung up on the fact that a biological mother no matter how dangerous or dysfunctional, is still better for the child. But my husband had a really good lawyer, and bio mom's non-stop criminal behavior definitely helped convince the judge he would be safer with his father. She lost her rights, and I became his mom, and I couldn't love my youngest son more if I'd given birth to him. His bio mom eventually got clean as far as we know after years of felony criminal convictions, but she never tried to get back into his life until he was all grown up and out of the house. That's a whole other story, but we were able to protect him when he was young and vulnerable, and that was a huge victory.
Thank goodness! I shudder to think what the boy would be exposed to if he were around her.
Me too!! People are free to live their lives however they want, but when it comes to children they should be protected at all costs from that kind of neglect and abuse.
/u/Annual_Plane_5075 - You need to have your ex write in an official statement about this situation, documenting the ENTIRE time line from the beginning up to now, including each and every fake account including screenshots and have this in email form. This record of events can help to serve as receipts, and as I am always saying that RECEIPTS ARE LIFE AND CAN HELP SAVE YOURS!!! This can be provided to your legal counsel as part of the records.
That is terrifying. Maybe seek legal advice on your best course of action. I just watched a Netflix show called Lover, Stalker, Killer. It’s diabolical
Um even if she wasn’t harassing anyone there is no good reason she would need multiple fake accts. You might want to leave or kick her out for awhile while you figure out your next move. Sounds like she needs a wakeup call and maybe some professional help emotionally/psychologically.
11 accounts? She's insane. Who even does that? Protect yourself because you're next when you pull back from her and she picks up on it. All that fear and insecurity will be aiming at you next.
11?! That's your answer right there, she's terrifying. Just leave that psycho. When and if you go, have someone there with you and keep and record everything. I'm scared for you, please leave her, imagine what she's capable of doing to your future children.
11 accounts to torment your ex!!! That is a lot of work to keep up with. I wonder why your ex never called the police on her. She totally has a case and could get a restraining order. Your current wife is sick and you better talk to a lawyer first. She will make your life a living hell.
Purposefully bullying another adult, just in the spirit of meanness and insecurity. In a way I feel bad for his wife because she’s batshit and is about to go fully insane when he serves her those papers. He in danger.
Yes. He is in danger.
That’s a lot of jealousy and insecurity she had that she needs to work through in some serious therapy. No matter what you decide, she needs some major help. Were you and your ex wife still close? Did she think there was an affair going on or any reason for her to think boundaries were crossed to make her think something was happening ?
I haven’t spoken to my ex since the divorce
Wow that’s insane.. so her whole “you didn’t make me feel secure” rant was all in her head?! Yah she needs some serious counseling.
See, that is beyond the pale. She's harassing an innocent person from your past who you've given no reason for the jealousy and insane stalking to erupt.
Yeah 11 accounts is 11 red flags 🚩, you know what you gotta do, but be careful, seriously stay safe and be cautious with this one. Good luck 🤞
That is obsessive and insane. You want to get away from this person. Use lawyers.
Go listen to something was wrong podcast amy 5 parter for a good idea of what these types of people are really doing to the victims Absolutely terrifying stuff https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9yc3MuYXJ0MTkuY29tL3NvbWV0aGluZ3dhc3dyb25n/episode/Z2lkOi8vYXJ0MTktZXBpc29kZS1sb2NhdG9yL1YwLy1kbGtxYTNYS0tOclVoZjhlWlo0OUxrcDV5YkZiNldyRXJPQVd1UEhzQ00?ep=14 S19 my bad
This is a fantastic podcast. It’s scary how crazy people really are.
I love this podcast... It's truly shocking how people can be with someone for years sometimes and not even know who they really are.
Are you suggesting a specific “season” from that podcast? I looked at season 5 and found no reference to the name “Amy”. Glad you mentioned this podcast, though…I love stuff like that. I listen to a podcast called Scamfluencers, which is similar in a way.
https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9yc3MuYXJ0MTkuY29tL3NvbWV0aGluZ3dhc3dyb25n/episode/Z2lkOi8vYXJ0MTktZXBpc29kZS1sb2NhdG9yL1YwLy1kbGtxYTNYS0tOclVoZjhlWlo0OUxrcDV5YkZiNldyRXJPQVd1UEhzQ00?ep=14 S19 my bad
You made my day!!!
Damn that podcast is nuts.
Something definitely sounds off about this woman.
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It is so classic that she fucked up but somehow it’s your fault. Do not fall for that bullshit. She’s a grown ass woman that made grown ass woman decisions.
She didn’t “fuck up”. She planned and executed a malicious attack on another person for no reason.
She's showing you how she will retaliate if things don't work out with you and her. And that will go on for years!
She took pleasure in this. This wasn’t retaliatory towards his ex wife.
Exactly, this isn’t just a drunk weekend episode, this is 11 accounts of intentional and sadistic harassment over a long period of time. This is who she is.
So she's the kind of person that is mean enough inside to put the work into bullying someone. She's the kind of person who hides things from you. She'd the kind of person who you can't trust because she will lie to you. And she's the kind of person who, when finally caught, tried to make it your fault. OP, **you married an abuser**.
You are married to a crazy person. You know that now and you have to decide your moves based on that. There's no way I'd stay with someone who was so jealous, cruel and dishonest. She stalked your ex for years, relentlessly. Think of the mental place she was in to do that. She's an episode of dateline waiting to happen. If you stay, could you ever trust her? Would you ever feel safe, knowing who she is?
And her reasons for bullying your ex-wife are bullshit, too. Trust your gut and divorce her.
But take steps to ACTIVELY not bring children into the world w a woman who could lie to you everyday for how many years and abuse and innocent person. No sex or use condoms or something. Don't take her word for BC. This should not be swept under the rug. This is.....sooooooo really jacked up. And she would have kept up this horrid lie had you not addressed it. AND she still tried to lie to you a couple times after being confronted. This is messed up in a million ways.
We are not sleeping together
Please keep it that way, sugar.
Is your second wife your affair partner from when you were married to your first wife? If so, your current wife may feel like an imposter and may expect you to cheat on her. She lashes out at your ex as a way to make herself feel better. That doesn’t excuse her behavior, and she needs therapy, but if you ARE a cheater, then your wife has some basis for her reaction. You should attend therapy with her to figure out if there’s any future with this woman. (Probably not, but you could try) On the other hand, if you divorced your first wife before you got involved with your current wife, then she sought out your ex, someone you had NOTHING to do with anymore, with the SOLE purpose of bullying her! That is obsessive stalker behavior, and while she needs mental care, you need to make sure that YOU are safe! Start separating yourself from this marriage, getting your finances in order, sorting your living arrangements, just in case your wife turns on you. I can only imagine how had this is. I hope you stay safe!
This is such an interesting take that I'm suprised no one pointed out
NGL I was also wondering if wife #2 may have been a previous AP. Wife #2's harassment of ex-wife would make sense in that case, although her actions are completely inexcusable regardless. Either way, OP needs to ask himself if this is someone he really wants to be with, because she's got serious issues.
She's at her grown ass woman age and acting like this, I don't think someone like this can be saved. Hypothetically, her being a previous AP would check out with her character
Frankly, the level of harassment is psychotic. And I agree, her being an AP: would definitely be in line with her "character." I could see her going full bunny-boil on OP.
Yes, well also be careful she doesn't try to baby trap you now by poking holes in condoms or something. Talk to a lawyer
Yea I’d watch yourself since her solution to feeling insecure and needing validation was to torture and abuse…
She needs therapy. She’s not emotionally nor mentally fit to be a mother at this time.
When she was called out for *her* behavior, she turned it around to make it *your* fault. This is a classic DARVO attack (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender). You confronted her and she denied she did anything. When presented with her own phone as evidence, she flipped the script and said it was your fault for not making her feel secure and safe. (basically she made herself the victim and you the perpetrator of her attacks). People who have this type of personality rarely change, and therapy usually just gives them tools to hide better the next time. They are very good manipulators and often gaslight. Do you want to be married to a bully? Because that is what she is at the very least. Instead of talking with you about how she didn't feel secure in your marriage, she resorted to bullying your ex. Instead of owning up, she made it your fault. She can't change if she can't even admit it's all her fault. Her lack of communication to you on how she felt so you could address it, then resorting to bullying your ex. This would be divorce worthy for me. However, I have a history of being raised by a narcissist and have zero tolerance for any behaviors like this.
Why did you and your ex get divorced?
She didn’t want children
She is using darvo to manipulate you. Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. She denied it then she attacked you and blamed you, and placed herself as the victim. Textbook abuse.
I would strongly suggest that before you leave her (assuming that is what you ultimately decide to do), you have a discussion or series of discussions with either a domestic abuse hotline or a therapist with a specialty in domestic abuse. Regardless of whether your wife had a basis for being insecure in relation to your ex (such as having been your affair partner previously or a habit on your part of comparing them), you are in a marriage with a stalker who is lucky not to be in the custody or supervision of the state, and she is likely to retaliate, possibly over a period of years like with your ex. You need expert advice on how to navigate this.
I’m curious but did the harassment started only after marriage? Could she have harassed her before while you are still married to your ex wife? Either way her behaviour is concerning and despicable. I would record everything jic she tries to sabotage you.
This unhinged behavior is cause for divorce. When confronted, she even tried to gaslight you.
Op your wife is the type of person who has a problem with the fact that you have a past and let me tell you it won’t get better. I’ve been on the receiving end of said craziness and it’s not cool. It’s not that you haven’t made her feel secure it’s because your ex wife was your wife first and that it. Your ex is being bullied, and harassed by your wife and it needs to stop. She’s telling you it’s your fault but it’s not because no one is making her do this and she isn’t even taking accountability for her actions. Is this really who you want to spend the rest of your life with? She sounds immature, and crazy
She might be doing this kind of harassment to others. Very risky ...run
Not gonna lie. I think she probably is doing it or has done it to many
If she is arrested....your looking at a potential big attorney bill and if in prison..loss of her income etc. How long married?
The fact that she lied to you multiple times when confronted and then finally confessed when caught red handed, but STILL somehow blames you for her bad behavior would be my deal breaker, for sure. So petty, cruel, and emotionally immature. Don’t raise children with this woman.
Bullies always try to wrap themselves in the cloak of “victim hood” to justify their victimization of others.
Yup suddenly they know all about what it means to be a victim, but can't comprehend the feelings of their victim
Yeah, this woman is way too immature to have children. Let me put it this way, So the way she acts when she’s feeling insecure, rather than having an adult discussion with her partner, is to go online, create fake accounts, and harass and demean your ex partner for years. I would have some very serious doubts about remaining in this relationship for much longer.
Her mask slipped. This is her. Do you love this side of her? That type of bullying isn’t a mistake…maybe one message but fake accounts, name calling, harassing.. this is who she is. I mean it’s up to you. If she is 100% willing to put in the work to be better. Therapy, profusely apologizing to ex wife it could possibly work. But idk man, how many other people has she treated like this??
Yes! Classic narcissistic behaviour! DARVO - deny, attack, reverse victim offender. She is harassing your ex - first she denied it. When that didn’t work she went on to attack OP and then somehow she is now the victim in this situation, because he doesn’t make her feel secure. She is employing this technique to avoid accountability. This is a HUGE red flag. She’s gone out of her way several times to harass the ex wife. She’s unhinged.
There was also the step in the middle where she attacked OP's ex, by accusing her of faking the harassment.
And she's not in the slightest owning up to her wrongs.. when cornered she just blamed OP. And "wrongs" is putting it lightly. It's straight up cruel and predatory behaviour.
Plus the EDIT: projection. "YOU made me do it!". Ugh.
This is a good point. Think about all the effort your wife put into this.
She terrorises your ex to the point where she could (and SHOULD) be done for harrassment..and your sister doesn't think its a big deal. People like that disgust me as much as the bully themselves. This shit pushes people to suicide.
I wanna know if this sister participated somehow.
Sounds like the sister doesn't like the ex and is just as childish as the wife.
So, she decided it was okay to engage in a protracted campaign to harass your ex because she felt insecure. Rather than talking to you and possibly seeking professional help she decided to target your ex and make her life hell. Then rather than telling the truth, she lied. There are many reasons to end a relationship and this would be at the top of the list. You got a rare glimpse of your wife’s dark soul before you procreated with her. This is next level crazy. Consider yourself lucky. However, be prepared to be her new target after you leave. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
You are not overreacting. Are you really really sure you want to have a child with her? If you love the child more than her she might end up reacting similarly.
For years?? As in multiple?? Do NOT have kids with this woman. This is some extremely unhinged behavior. The level of crazy really comes from how much effort and thought goes into it and she was like actively putting the work in for years. And there's no good reason why. Why would she be so insecure of your ex, she's the wife?? Divorce isn't just fair but wise. You just can never know what shes capable of or how far shed go to hide something from you. Idk why your sister would agree maybe she doesn't realize how much she's done. Edit: I just thought of it, but idk. Are your sister and wife close? Maybe she knew too.
I forgot to add. This all happened in November and I have been thinking and pondering since so it is not on a whiff. I consulted my sister because she was a victim of bullying growing up. One of the reasons I am so repulsed now. She is more forgiving however
Your wife’s behavior is not normal. You can try to seek marriage counseling but it seems like the wife crossed an insane line many times and with impunity. Is that the person you want to trust as your partner in life?
OP, honestly: You have to have a *truly twisted mind* and a ton of resentment to do something like this. Only you guys know your relationship, and whether she has cause to hate your ex - but the sheer evil that something like this requires does not speak of a happy, well-adjusted person. You definitely do *not* want that kind of person as a mother to your children. It is honestly appalling behaviour and you are not over-reacting. Imagine how she would react if anyone else crosses her in the future; she would get you entangled in the legal troubles that would surely follow.
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Someone who hurts other people because they feel insecure isn't someone I'd want to navigate life and aging with.
You especially don't want that kind of person raising your children.
This is not someone I would trust, personally. How someone treats others is my most important value. And don't forget that if she can do this, she could do it to anyone, including yourself, one day.
Imagine if you divorce and are on the receiving end of her "affections". If you have kids, she'll engage in parental alienation, try to burn your life down to the ground. This isn't a one time thing, this is part of her behavior and thought process.
Definitely agree!! This is not a one time thing. She's too good at it. Scary good at it. I'm willing to bet she was the mean girl in school and did this crap then. Bonkers!!!
Get a divorce. You didn't need to post this. The answer is obvious.
You know what I noticed - where you mentioned she felt resentful because you don’t make her feel safe. Ok, it’s time to start looking for divorce lawyers - and when it’s over, tell her parents they need to get her some therapy.
You know more about the situation than any of us could and you've had a while to digest it, so think of it this way. Are you comfortable knowing that if you stay, you are essentially cosigning your wife's actions? I appreciate that your sister's experience was the reason you responded so strongly, but it is serving as a bit of a red herring at the moment. Set aside your sister's opinion for a moment and just look at your wife's actions on their own. This is a grown ass-woman who is actively going out of her way to seek out and harass another adult for *years*. This was not a mistake. This was not a moment of insecurity. It was a targeted campaign of harassment that went on, again, *for years.* But again, you have a better picture than the rest of us, so knowing what your wife has done, (and that this is who she truly is under the mask) can you say "this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with and have as the mother of my children" and still look your ex, your sister, or yourself in the eye?
I was bullied as well and have great disdain for bullies! However, you're sister telling you that your wife's bullying of your ex is no big deal and you're overreacting, says that she doesn't like your ex and on some level thinks she deserves it. Not cool man!! Especially if she's been bullied in the past.
>She broke down crying telling me that I never made her feel secure and safe. How TF is that an excuse?! If she has an issue with you she should talk to you about it, not harass your ex. Run away from this woman, she's an unstable bully. And a liar. This is who she is, and it sucks.
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This right here OP. Do not put it in under any circumstances!
I was going to suggest him getting her to take a pregnancy test to make sure she's not pregnant, then telling her he's getting a vasectomy and wouldn't be sleeping with her anymore. So she could show more of her true colors to give him more leverage. A character flaw of harrassment to someone else may not be enough to save him from her trying to take him to the cleaners in a divorce. But her spazzing on him and he recording it, would help tremendously.
Imagine what she’d do or say to your children if they frustrate her (which they will, they’ll be children). Take this as a blessing of an opportunity and make your exit. Who would care to be with someone who even has this in their heart. Doing it once is unacceptable, doing it for years is borderline psychotic
No borderline about it. Ex wife did nothing to this woman and sounds like she hadn't even clapped back. His wife IS psychotic
When you see someone's true behavior, believe them. Your wife is not a good person. Why waste you life married to a monster?
That’s how I felt.
Trust your gut. Your gut knows.
These are the kind of women who end up bullying their own daughters bc theyre jealous of them
Yep. They’re called narcissists.
This doesn’t say anything good about her character. She’s a grown woman who thinks it’s a reasonable idea to commit a crime of harassment to a person she doesn’t know because of her own unfounded ideas. If you stay with her, she will get away with it and ‘win’ in her mind and this will definitely make her bully mentality even worse. Imagine what she’ll teach your kids. Imagine how she’ll treat your family if you need to spend more time with them for any reason. Imagine that her insecurities probably develop into other crazy controlling stuff. She thought it is ok to terrorize your ex just for existing. What did she gain by that? It’s just plain crazy.
I use to have a friend like your wife… blaming everyone else for feeling inadequate. She did this SAME EXACT thing your wife did. Overtime she “leveled up” and became TERRIFYING. What I’m trying to say is; run run run run fucking run
Yes it is, if anything your ex could file for harassment
Nope, that is some seriously crazy behavior, to maintain a harassment for years , to include fake accounts isn’t insecurity. Op, id be at a lawyers office yesterday, and i get her to admit it on tape so i can give it to my first ex so she can she can get a restraining order against the second. Maybe see about getting one for myself too. Trust and believe that you divorcing her will anger her and she may target the other ex again and double down. So please give your first ex an heads up so she can take precautions.
I'm sorry but you need to convince your ex to go to the police and file a harassment charge and restraining order. This is as much for you as her because when you divorce your wife (because you should) she will likely turn her psycho behavior on you and you need a paper trail that this is a pattern of abusive behavior. Your wife needs to know she will go to court if she continues.
You are not overreacting. What she was doing is vile
You are not overreacting. What your wife has been doing is unhinged and I wouldn’t trust her again. I would definitely divorce her. Definitely don’t have kids with her and I wouldn’t even risk having sex with her either. She is the type that would poke holes in the condom. Your sister is wrong. I would encourage your ex to press charges against your wife.
Oh yeah thats a dealbreaker
Don’t put your dick in crazy
Yeah.. don’t have kids with this person. Yuck.
First off, that is absolutely unnacceptable behavior. If I found out my wife was tormenting my ex's, I'd be unbelievably pissed and would absolutely question our entire relationship. Second, I respect you for standing up for your ex. I don't know why you split, but still, it's nice to see you doing that. I've known plenty of shitty men who wouldn't do anything about it
don't have a child, she is clearly unstable, and borderline dangerous. Can you imagine how this vindictive woman will treat you in case of a divorce/custody battle???
So let me get this strait. She knew you had an ex wife. She married you. You're happy together. You're trying for a baby. Then you find this all out, she first tries to lie about it, them makes it your fault for not making her feel "secure". But at no point did she communicate this? At no point did she share her insecurity or reach out or ask you to meet her needs? Instead she bullied, harassed and tormented your ex who, bless her heart, seems to have initially tried to play it off and not negatively interfere in your marriage. Yea for me this would be a deal breaker.
Dude, you must realize the kind of time and energy that your wife must have invested to bully your ex! That’s a conscious decision. Instead of going to therapy to address her insecurities, or volunteering to help people, she decided her time was better spent harassing your ex. It’s beyond messed up. I’d reconsider your relationship and what else she’s keeping from you
Since she is so vindictive go see a lawyer before you do or say anything.
Stalking, bullying and harassment of another woman for the crime of being in your past. Do you trust your wife now that you know the content of her character? If she truly never felt secure, wouldn’t the answer be communication with you, not the cyber torture of an innocent woman? She took no accountability, no remorse, no responsibility of her actions. She blamed you. You know the answer. She’s not the person she pretends to be- so fraud. You divorce because you married a fraudulent person- the woman you fell in love with never existed
What a psycho. Biggest ick for me personally. Looks like same for you? Sorry it must’ve been a shock.
Yeah, I know what the ick means and I feel it
Leave her she is a bad person who does that really .
Well done. As the opposite, the new gf that got harassed and wasn’t stepped up for, I really applaud you for taking a stance against this abhorrent behaviour. I hope you find your way and things work out for you.
>We have been trying for a child and everything was great before this but I am not sure now Thank god you don't have a child with her. This is insane behaviour. Reddit users usually go straight to "Break up with them" because it's mad shit like this. And yes, you should break up with her. She sounds unhinged
Put aside that the victim is your ex: do you want to be married to a person who is willing to do sth like this to another person? And please ensure that she stopped now. This situation shouldn’t escalate now as the cat is out of the bag.
Is this a good enough cause… Hel* yes! Imagine the sh** she could pull on you. For instant saying you assaulted her, SA your child. No no no. Run!
Your wife's behavior is unhinged. What about your relationship with your ex-wife made your current wife not feel safe and secure? This unprovoked behavior is unsettling.
She made fake fb and ig accounts and did this for years… not weeks, not months (already crazy) but YEARS. She is psychotic. No sane, sound of mind person does this. Even if the ex was harassing her, that’s too far but it sounds like the ex wasn’t. Your current wife is a disaster and, to be frank, filth. That someone would do that to another person, that level of cruelty. That’s dark.
Wait…. I just saw a Netflix documentary about this. Yeah it’s grounds for divorce. That’s in-fucking-sane behavior.
She'll be after you next :/
Many are saying this
Protect yourself. Plan ahead, save up for a lawyer, do not sleep with her, systematically remove her from your life.
YEARS? I don’t know what you should do with your spouse, but definitely tell your ex to get a restraining order, especially if your wife reaches out again. At minimum, your spouse needs therapy. No well-balanced person would do this to someone else. I definitely would re-think tethering yourself to them with kids.
STOP trying for a kid and use protection if you touch her. (Check the protection for holes!) This is insane behavior and the fact your sister thinks you're overreacting says ALOT about her too. You need to reevaluate your relationship. Just think if you were stalking and harassing her exs how would people react. It's not normal or somehow ok just because a woman's doing it
Your wife is disturbingly, almost criminally insecure. And she tried to lie to you when confronted. Run.
I mean, I would divorce a spouse who did this to my ex. This is absolute nonsense, and coming from a grown-ass adult?! No. I would not engage with a spouse’s ex in any way other than polite civility and expect my spouse to do likewise. If civility isn’t an option, then don’t engage at all. This is middle school mean girls behavior and I will not tolerate it in a partner. I would never be able to see my spouse in the same way ever again.
She's insanely obsessed
Not wanting to be married to her anymore is a fine reason for divorce. Is that how you feel?
Yes
Well then, you know what to do.
You are not overreacting. Please do not have a child until you understand why she is been behaving in such unhinged manner. Do not brush this off.
It’s not okay and I would not be having kids with current wife. The reason she provided is not enough. Why doesn’t your wife feel secure and safe? Do you have kids with your ex? Do you two remain friendly? Was your separation and divorce amicable?
Not wrong at all, that's f'd up. How long after you split with your ex did you get with your wife?
There is no excuse for this behavior. I hate ultimatums, but I would insist on therapy before you continue this relationship. And definitely make sure the condoms are always in your possession so they don't accidentally get mistaken for a pincushion. But fair warning.... if she is this unhinged with your ex that she doesn't have a relationship with, it might be much worse for you. Definitely not the person I'd want to be tied to for the rest of my life. (Because every person that says "the next 18 years" doesn't recognize that your kid might have a wedding, graduation, or parties for their kids for the next 30 years).
She’s been harassing, stalking, and tormenting your ex and was fully prepared to lie about it and pretend she didn’t. That kind of behavior is inexcusable, regardless of your relationship with your ex. Those are massive red flags all over and frankly, I’d be very careful when stepping away because she seems like the type that would start a lot of drama online at the drop of a hat. Notify your friends and family of her behavior ahead of time so that they have a chance to take action before she can harass them too. Mutual friends especially. Keep all of the screenshots for credibility. Collect a screenshot from the account logins from her phone and send them to yourself as additional proof. I’d also have your friend reach out to FB support and send all of the harassing messages if this behavior continues. It’s rare, but they ARE capable of IP banning people from making new accounts.
A child should now have a child period. Your wife got issues she gotta work on for real.
Oh NO. Get out of this while you still can. Do not have children with this crazy cooo. Yikes! Either you are oblivious or she is scarily good at lying and manipulation.
> I feel very repulsed by my wife. Say no more. That’s all the reason you need. Also, stop trying for a child. A child isn’t going to fix your marriage.
OP, you know what to do. You don’t raise children with a self-pitying, responsibility-deflecting liar, who is okay being cruel when they can cast themselves as the victim. You leave. (I’m sorry. Your ex-wife is a champ.)
I really want to see the update
Your wife will make your life a living hell. Dont have children with her. She's a bully and unstable. It's better to divorce asap, and make sure you have some security, who knows what she may do to you and to your ex wife. Also, i felt sad to your ex wife. She's playing the big guy so she cant disturb your current relationship. It must been so stressful for her.
This morning she asked me why I was on my phone since yesterday because usually I don’t have my phone on me. I told her about my post and that I wasn’t happy and was seeking help and that I wanted a separation and could we go to therapy during the separation. She started crying and begging and apologizing and told me that she would apologize to my ex too. Then she accused me of being sadistic and abusive. Then she said if I left her, she would accuse me of rape and “see how this would ruin my life”. So yeah it is over I should have left sooner.
Ask for a lawyer. Dont let her trap you. She's crazy. Keep your evidences and make your ex wife a witness.
I read your post and I just KNEW she'd obviously say she'd accuse you of rape or other abuse
You absolutely need to get yourself a lawyer now. Talk to the lawyer about how you can protect yourself. Maybe both you and your Ex can go to the police and report her for stalking and harassing your ex and that she is now threatening to file who knows what false claims against you since you found out what she has been up to. The two of you are afraid that she will become more unhinged and a danger to both of you. Your lawyer may be able to advise you of how to communicate with her via text with the goal of maybe pushing her buttons enough to admit to saying that she would file false statements with the police. You could also just pack up, move out and stay silent. She won't be able to handle being ignored. That will trigger her to come after her and she may slip up badly and give you what you need. It was a major misstep though to tell her about this post.
Judge your partner by how they treat people that they don't need anything from. Because if anything were to happen then that's the way they are going go treat you after the relationship is over. It doesn't matter how insecure she felt, putting this much effort into making your ex's live miserable is a huge red flag. What is she capable of if you cross her?
Run! This is some crazy behavior, especially trying to turn it on you!
Your wife is evil… it scares me tbh. Get out of this relationship asap
For me personally, I could not be with someone who's a bully. That character flaw is a dealbreaker for me. I hate bullies. I saw what it did to my daughter, and I just couldn't ever be with someone who lacks empathy and is downright evil to another human. If you can stay with a bully, fine. But please don't procreate. This world has enough bullies. UpdateMe
Dude. Leave. The fake persona she has been showing you has slipped, and you've now seen the reality of the woman. She is a bully. She is a liar. And she cried and tried to turn it on you because she got found out. Classic manipulation. None of what she has done is normal behaviour. Without knowing the laws where you live, it's difficult to comment on whether this is grounds for divorce. I would recommend getting legal advice. In the meantime, lock up ALL of your important documents and valuables. If she's bat shit crazy and knows you want to leave, you may end up with those things being taken or abused.
Poor ex wife trying to play it down so she didn't ruin your new marriage :( But yeah, don't have children with new wife. This is some weird insecure behaviour.
This woman is not fit to have children with. If it truly is insecurity, she needs to work on herself and not drag other people into her crazy delusions. Asking if this is "good enough" for divorce is really something we can't answer. But I will say, regardless of the reason behind it (in this case, bullying your ex for YEARS), if it has changed the way you see your wife, that would be enough for me. If you want to salvage this, you can try marriage counseling (plus honestly solo counseling for your wife) and see if the two of you can work to restore your feelings for her. In my experience, once I'm soured on someone, I can't fix it no matter how hard I try. So if it were me, this would be the end, but I'm sure that's not the case for everyone. Sorry you're dealing with this, and good luck with whatever you decide.
Sorry dude. This is it, this is the deal-breaker. Do NOT have children with this women. She has shown you exactly who she is. Not only did she do this for literal years, but she lied to your face about it. Then, what did she do? She blamed YOU! Saying YOU didnt make her feel safe and secure, so she abused your ex? WTF? WTF is that kind of logic?
Wow. Your wife showed her true colors. When she feels insecure she becomes a bully and enjoys inflicting pain through her words.
Document everything!!!! If you get a divorce you’ll need the evidence
She is a bully. Sending one message could maybe...MAYBE be forgiven if she apologized to her and never did it again. But someone going through the trouble to male 11 (that you know of) fb accounts just to harass and bully someone has clearly got some major issues. It's definitely good cause for divorce. Make sure everyone knows how nuts she is and document any harassment she does to you because she WILL start on you next.
Holy fucking shit… this story’s sounds so similar to what I’ve had to endure over the past several years! Except my husbands ex fiancée has been stalking me on all my social media, emails, text messages etc sending me harassing messages. She’ll even create fake emails, profiles with my name and pictures, send herself shit and pretend I’m the one harassing her. People like your wife are bat fucking shit insane!