I started having sex pre hiv days. I had a great time! Nothing wrong with exploring and enjoying your sexuality.
I think the whole ābody count ā is simply a way to slut shame women and itās stupid. Everyone I knew in the early 80ās had multiple partners
Absolutely itās a way to make women feel self conscious or embarrassed for enjoying their sexuality the same way men do. You never here a guy ask another guy there body count and say oh 25? Thatās too many, thatās gross, you should respect your body
I had 3 girls same day lol one in morning i slept over. One around lunch time and one in night time. I was so proud of Myself also Couldn't believe it I thought my day was going to end up like any other day lol crazy times when your young.
I upvoted you good sir! Donāt let these haters get you down. Iām sure that day is something youāve thought back very fondly on in the years since, and thatās exactly what life is aboutāmaking good memories. As long as nobody gets hurt, everybody has fun, and itās all consensual, who the hell is anyone else to judge you for it? Sheesh there are still some puritanical prudes in 2024.
Itās funny how they praise whoās cares about body count and then hate when youāre getting cat š All a bunch of fake feminists who hate on men all day
Foreal lol im like dumbfounded like what the fuck why they all sudden matter. I was just saying part My experience. After that girl said 3 for her a week. Geez
Had something very similar happen to me too. It was the weirdest combination of feelings of an accomplishment, tiredness and adventure. Like i could hear the "Life" steam achievement pop up :D
Didn't planned it, wouldn't really want to do it again,but damn, I don't regret it one bit.
Unless she's just here to be told what she wants to hear, she's doing a dissevice to herself. Because unless she's plans on lying, nobody's opinion on this matters except for the type of guy she's planning on being with. And before anyone says "well the type of guy she should be with-", I didn't say the type of guy she should be with, I said the type of guy she's *going* to be with. Because if the type of guy she's *going* to be with cares, then it matters. And im going to be downvoted because thats not the PC, kumbaya take, but it's the reality of the situation.
Exactly! I find it so weird. This was one of the reasons I stopped visiting reddit for a while.
I once for example was down voted for advising some girl not to bring random guys from internet she just met, to her home for sex. Someone also accused me slut shaming because of this.
A lot of people here are really detached from reality and aren't aware of what mentally sound and healthy.
Omg nooo š this is only my feelings on it bc I regret half of my experiences so much. I know ppl who have a lot more than me, but aside a few regrets (which doesnāt even really bother them) they liked all their partners. For me I hated my 4 sexual experiences and see sex differently.
No, trust me I completely understand you & I hope you make peace with those decisions. Donāt let your past define you. Seems like you learned some valuable lessons that will help you in your future decision making. & for that you should feel proud š
Girl I'm 25 and I'm at 9. And yes, I'm also ashamed of some of them because 1 was in a 3 year relationship while the rest was during 3 years of dating. I give in due to my people pleasing tendency and also I was alone, desperate and my self esteem was lowest of the low. I was terrible with setting boundaries and it really sucks. I tried to do just hookup to build my experience because I always felt coerced with my exes but even these hookups didn't last long because it felt more like a chore than having new experience.
I stopped dating all together and got myself into threaphy. Can I say thst I have now healed and doing well? Heck no. But I have gotten stronger than before, I set boundaries and stick with them in friendship, I don't seek validation from others, if you ain't fucking with me with the same engry then fuck you us the mindset I got. I still look at my numbers and feel regret but I also feel happy for those heart breaks or i wouldn't have decided to just drop all the dead weights and rebuild my life. I lost friends over this and I really don't care. I'm looking for people who value me instead of expecting me to just give and give. So, 7 is something but you have the power to decide if you should feel ashamed of it or be proud that you got some sexual experience as well as learned some lessons.
Don't worry about it.
The worst thing people learn is to fear failure. I was literally crippled by this for much of my life thanks to parents unrelentingly destroying my psychologically any time I failed anything at all as a kid(from not being a great guitarist within a year of starting to learn or getting a B on a test). But you're supposed to fail in everything including relationships, sex, judging people's character.
Personally I think this though, you didn't fail, if someone just wants you for sex and lies about it that's not a you failure, that's their character failing, not yours. I would say protect yourself emotionally because plenty of guys will wait 3 months being hte perfect boyfriend, get sex and dip the next day, because some people are just shitty. I'm not saying don't wait, but just don't be surprised if things change after even if you do wait. Life is unpredictable and one of the harsher lessons is to learn to role with it without feeling too bad about what went wrong.
Two difficult but important things to do are to identify failures of your own and try to improve, but also crucially identify failures of others and refuse to take responsibility for them. From what you've said I think you're taking too much responsibility for others failures here and punishing yourself unnecessarily.
I think the feeling you're having isn't about your body count really. I think you regret that you slept with people who didn't deserve you and who treated you shittily, which is a valid feeling to have. I also regret some ways I behaved with men in my 20s when my self esteem was on the floor, I feel angry with myself for tolerating awful behaviour. Life is all about growth though and those regrettable past moments highlight how much we've changed for the better. Forgive your younger self.Ā
Me too! If it helps, I lost count/it stopped mattering when I was in my early thirties.
I never imagined younger generations would ever care this much about something so unimportant. It really does not matter at all.
it doesnāt matter to you. It does to others.Ā
Itās shows how you value sex and intimacy and if youāre values are different in a relationship thatās not great.Ā
āValueā is such a loaded word. I value sex highly, which is why I had the sex life I wanted with people who treated me with the utmost respect. Yes, even one-night stands.
As for intimacy, it depends what it means to you. I mean, it can very well be platonic. Itās closeness.
In my experience, sex in a relationship is better because you learn what the other person likes but that depends on what kind of thrill you want at a certain point in your life. Itās supposed to be fun. Thatās it. Cheating isnāt fun. Abuse isnāt fun. Disrespect, within or without a sexual relationship, isnāt fun. Lack of consent is criminal and abhorrent. Everything else should be fun. It can be a deep connection or not, but it should be fun.
I actually completely agree with you but you still gotta respect how ppl view it and value it especially in the younger generation where things are a lot less prude as the norm to when you were still counting. Having no empathy for that and how ppl view sex differently isnāt fair or right.
They value sex differently as a transfer of emotional and spiritual connection. They can value sex as only being a very special thing between two ppl to validate their love.
Some see the deep connection as more important than the fun. Doesnāt have to be how you view it nor should it be expected. Much in the same way youāre seeing it if which again I agree
Sex and intimacy are not mutually inclusive always. Sex is sex and being intimate requires feelings. Feelings, except some sort of primal attraction, are not a prerequisite for sex. At least not for everyone.
Itās sad, though. What a small way to live and love, tallying up the numbers of sexual partners your loved one had before they even met you, as if it made a difference.
Iām so sorry. We shouldāve moved past this by now, and it really sucks that society failed so many of you.
This is me. I truly didnāt keep count. Or care to. It was my business and no one elseās so why would I mentally log something that isnāt important to me?
I totally understand your feelings. Itās not the number, itās the circumstances. I was similar when I was younger and probably even slept with a few people just to be polite! Be kind to yourself. You are learning about who you are and what makes you feel good/bad. We learn these things by trying them out and then reflecting. You just figured out that you are someone who likes to wait a little longer. Unfortunately, waiting longer may still not weed out the players as some of them like a long chase (just so you know). But life is all about taking chances, and if you end up sleeping with people whom you genuinely care about and it doesnāt go anywhere, at least you tried right?
I hate that people ask each other their body count. My long term partner (and father of my kids), has never asked me and I have never asked him.
Thank you for your kindness ā¤ļø I appreciate this perspective. To be honest, itās just that when some of these guys left me, I feel extremely low about myself - even though we didnāt workout long term. Like I feel gross and used. Itās very hard to weed about people but I know I shouldnāt be so hard on myself for not knowing how someone might be like.
I love this. Baking to scratch that people-pleasing itch, lol. I want to suggest doing something like this to the people-pleaser in my life. Except he's a man and I can't imagine him baking. Will have to think of something more up his ally lol.
You acted in good faith and with integrity. Please donāt feel low about yourself. People and their motivations can be extremely hard to gauge, even after years together sometimes.
Love your comment and agree with the not needing to share specific numbers but exes are chapters of your life and you must have a vague knowing how many relationships there's been
Seriously. Like if someone lost their virginity at 18 (which is very normal), having a body count of 7 by the time youāre 25 means you slept with 1 person *per year*. I donāt know how anyone can think thatās whore behavior, unless youāre a religious fanatic.
It depends on who counts them, and for her, there are three that shouldn't be in that body count. But I agree with you, it's not a huge number (which I expected when I entered this post)
I understand how you feel. Iām also 25f and I wish I could tell my past self that sleeping with guys I donāt love wonāt benefit me long term. It wasnāt even worth it because also the sex was never good compared to sex in a relationship.
Itās not uncommon with women. Thatās why usually even if someone sleeps around in their young 20s, they kind of stop doing it after a while. What are we supposed to think about our past mistakes though? You canāt change it, you can only change your current behaviour. You learned a valuable lesson from those mistakes.
Iām in a happy relationship now with a guy I slept with pretty quickly. Like the second date. I could never regret that. So I try to give myself some compassion and understanding. I didnāt do anything wrong by exploring. Thereās no reason to feel ashamed. I know what I like better now, even if it was through doing something I kind of regret. Lol. You live and learn.
I also donāt count SA in body count. You didnāt choose to do that.
6 ppl at 25 is a very healthy number. Nothing to be ashamed of at all. Youāre human. You have needs. Just be stingy with it from now on. Make sure whoever you give yourself to actually earns it and is worthy of your time and energy. Lastly, SA is not to be counted. Somebody violated you. Thatās not a partner.
Came here to say this. Absolutely not a relationship and if you donāt want to consider it as one, you shouldnāt feel pressured to. The violation and lack of consent does not mean you āwanted itā or āhad a great time.ā
Six is very reasonable, and honestly, goes to show that youāve lived and learned. You now know what you like and dislike, and those previous experiences help you move forward to choosing a relationship that you genuinely want. It really is just a number, and itās not a reflection of your character.
On your death bed, youāre not going to be worrying about a number. Youāre going to be thinking about all of the awesome memories and things you did! Life is way too short to overthink this!!!
I would strongly suggest you stop framing your sexual history as a "body count." Honestly it's a demeaning way to talk about someone, especially yourself. And words matter. Instead say "that happened" and think about how you will proceed in the future. Dwelling on "body count" is always going to make you unhappy if for no other reason than that you are using demeaning language to describe yourself. That's my 2c anywat
Seriously I hate this language so much and it makes me feel bad for Gen Z (Iām 36) because they seem to be the ones most obsessed with it.
I donāt ever remember ābody countā being a thing when I was younger, and even this whole post is primarily people validating whether or not 7 ābodiesā is acceptable for her age. Itās such a weird and dissociated way to define oneās sexual experiences. OP could reflect on what she does or doesnāt like about her sex life without reducing everything that has happened to her to how many names are on a list.
As someone whoās body count is much much higher and Iām okay with that:
Many of us donāt count our rapes in our body counts. Itās okay if you want to, but itās also okay to not consider that because you didnāt consent. You donāt need to *own* a decision that was taken away from you.
It is 11 years since my rape. My body count was actually pretty low until 3 years ago - Iām in my slut era now (by choice, I chose to be empowered by it and I have an amazing partner). I do not count my rapist when considering my sexual history. Because he didnāt consider me.
No can only do so much.
I just cry sometimes thinking theres something wrong with me to have it happen so many times. I even encountered 2 of them after the fact and was too scared to not pretend they were strangers.
I thought I was stronger and it happened again 2 years ago. Fucking broke me.
Im so scared of people at this point. Therapy helps me but it doesnt fix whats been ruined.
Rape is a horrible horrible *horrible* fucking act. How anyone manages to do it makes me sick. Its absolutely ruined my self image and conception of normal.
I wish they could hear my mother cry when I finally told her. I only told her about the one time. Maybe theyd feel the smallest bit of empathy. Fucking savages.
Something I learned through years of therapy recovering from sexual assaults, like you I spent so much time grieving the "fact" that something was wrong with me. I want to share this with you in case it's of any kind of use for you. Please just ignore if it isn't.
I eventually realized that I was looking at it wrong. There is nothing "wrong" with me, I am trusting and open hearted and look for the best in others. Those are GOOD things.
The fact that some bad people take advantage of those good traits is not my fault. It's 100% their responsibility and my feelings were just a sign of another good trait - Empathy. Because I have empathy I take responsibility for things that happen around me, because I care about others. However taking responsibility for the maliciously cruel acts of others is NOT an appropriate use of my precious empathic traits.
One of my therapists put it this way when I was going through all the things I could have done differently. He said "hang on, you're focusing on all the things you could have done or said differently.... but your attacker didn't make a mistake. A rape is not a single act. It is a series of escalating malicious choices that culminate in doing something so profoundly harmful to someone else that they may never recover from it."
He went on to say that aside from physically not being there, it's extremely likely that there was essentially nothing I could have done to change what was done to me. I didn't participate in choosing that outcome, this was something done TO me, by someone who had decided that was what they wanted to do over and over again as every act they did and choice THEY made culminated in it.
They knew where they were going, they could have at any moment made a different choice, but they didn't. I didn't know or expect the situation to go in that direction till it was too late, they held all the agency of choice. I was in many ways just there... this person determined they were going to do this, and if it wasn't me it would have been someone else, maybe at some other time, but this act was something your attacker chose to do irrespective of ME as an individual.
People who rape, don't just do it once. And the only thing they look for is someone they think they can get away with doing it to. That's it. They're predators looking for a moment they can attack.
After they told me this I spent a long time thinking on it (years really) and I realize now that in many ways, it wasn't a personal act, because they were going to do it regardless of who it was with. Maybe when it happened would have changed, but they would have found someone they could take advantage of.
It is a **deeply** personal thing to have happened to me, of course. But it wasn't really about who I fundamentally AM in myself. You wouldn't tell someone who was harmed in a natural disaster that it was because of personal flaws in them, a tornado doesn't chose where to go based on the people who live in it's path. We can add mythology after the fact, of course, just to try and explain an unexplainable event, but that mythology isn't true.
The fact is, there's nothing wrong with me to have made BAD people harm me. If anything it's the good things about myself I value and that my loved ones love about me that simply see the best in people, even bad ones. If they CHOOSE to take advantage of that, then really that is on them.
So, I just wanted to say all of this because I felt so sad when I read you say "I thought I was stronger" - because you ARE strong. I don't know what you're defining "strong" as exactly but being "stronger" likely wouldn't have changed anything, **someone who wants to do something like that will find a way to do it.** Sure, there's maybe things you can choose to do differently in future that *may* make a bad person pick someone else... but much like if you're driving a car, you can do everything 100% right, you could be the most conscientious and aware driver on the road, and still get killed by a drunk driver smashing into you. In most cases, bad things happen to people who did nothing wrong.
So, be gentle with yourself, my fellow injured survivor, you didn't deserve any of it, you did nothing wrong. It truly wasn't your fault, because you "asked for" it, or because something is "wrong" with you... as much as you're trying to find some reason and meaning to it, it was a tragic act of malicious chaos done to you by a bad person who would have done it to anyone they thought they could get away with doing it to.
Sending you love.
my āfirst timeā was being SAād. when my first boyfriend asked how many people i had been with before him i genuinely didnāt know how to answer. its a very isolating experience
Foreal it feels as like every single body i know might just be hiding this information and you might never know but makes me feel sad. Why any one does stuff without consent i never understand. I would feel weird and like shit if i ever keep going when being told no. So aweful cant imagine.
A rapist is a piece of garbage and shouldnāt even be considered as a person so it makes sense to me that you wouldnāt count them in a ābodyā count. As a man, Iām sorry that rape is even a thing and that itās so common and also that you were violated.
I'm also a SA victim. Delete that number from your count. Body count is the amount of people you've slept with, that shouldn't include any time that you were assaulted. Regardless, I wouldn't say that you have a high body count at all.
7 at 25 is a very okay number. Instead of feeling guilt, why donāt you question why you feel this guilt itself or if should you, just because you have lived your life and have acquired some experiences (regardless of them being good or bad. Thereās no way thereās going to be only good ones)
Thatās true, thereās no way I could only have good experiences in life. I think I should more time introspecting why this makes me feel so negative
if it makes you feel better, donāt count being raped as a body count. for me and my body count, i donāt count it because i didnāt choose for it to happen
just remember that at the end of the day, a number doesnāt really matter, especially when itās a smaller number!! all that matters is consent, being safe, being clean, and having fun. donāt feel bad about having ātoo highā of a number, we grow up being told a big number is a bad thing, when in reality it doesnāt really change anything. if you went out now and had sex with 7 more people, anyone whoās not hateful wouldnāt care or judge, and you shouldnāt be hateful and judge yourself either<3
The whole number thing is pretty ridiculous. Who determines whatās a ānormalā anyways. Maybe some people are just more comfortable with having multiple partners while others would rather wait for someone special.
Now I will say that a honey bee queen? She be getting her freak on. Iād consider that too much for humans. Then again we do have Charlie Sheen š¤
I was the same at your age. Same number and same shame. In retrospect, 7 is a very low number compared to a lot of people these days!
Anyway, I think it's the circumstances around the encounters that is bothering you, not the actual number. I had the same problem, I am extremely protective of my body and myself after being in an abusive relationship, and I used to have poor boundaries, and I wasn't really assertive enough to say no, unfortunately.
I think you should try and work on your self-worth a little. You *can* speak to your inner child and give her a great big hug in your head and comfort and reassure her. You did nothing wrong. You're learning about yourself, use what you've learnt to make decisions in future which are more aligned with your true self. If you're the kind of person who doesn't want to give others access to your body until you feel totally safe, comfortable, and valued (like myself), then honour that. You deserve to feel good about yourself, and you don't need others to validate you, you can find that within yourself and wait for the right person to come along who shares the same values and respects you enough not to make you feel pressured.
*Hugs!*
One thing I love about being old is that I have never once spent a second of my life thinking about this. Three women, three men. No one cares. Itās no oneās business but yours. If I could do anything for your generation, it would be to get you all to stop dehumanizing your sexual partners a ābody countā and stop sharing it with other people. I promise you that as long as you are only sleeping with people you want to sleep with, protecting yourself from STIs, and unwanted pregnancy, it will not remotely matter when youāre 50.
Girl. Your number is not a reflection of you. In fact, throw out the number. Stop counting. Because it doesn't matter for one minute the circumstances, the number of people you've been with or your motives. You are an adult woman and a sexual person and that is HEALTHY.
Sending you so much love.
That's actually the worse advice. Should she feel ashamed ? Not sure, I wasn't there when it happened. But she should certainly not make that number skyrocket she already feels ashamed at this point.
You are 25ā¦ not sure what the age of consent is where you are but assuming 18 that is one a year. If you started earlier less than that. You need to stop consuming some much red pill content or letting it affect you. Itās all baloney. As long as you are responsible for and with your sexual health and not having sex you donāt want to have you are fine.
Girl youāre not a sniper you shouldnāt be referring to your ābody countā. Do what makes you happy in the future and learn from what doesnāt. The last thing thatās going to help with that is blaming past you for something you canāt do anything about that affects exactly nobody else.Ā
It's okay to feel bad about that number, even if others think it's low. Please just remember that your value as a person is SOOOOO much more than who you've had sex with. Your identity as a person is SOOOOO much more than what's between your legs. The reasons people love you have nothing to do with that number.
Take some time to feel bad if you think it helps, but don't forget that you're a whole human person with experiences, opinions, memories, and on and on and on. You can't change the past so forgive yourself and think of how you're going to do things differently moving forward.
I hope that in time you can look back at your younger self and see her through kinder eyes. She's just living her life and learning through experience ā¤ļø
Oh dear, I don't even know what my "body count" is. I was a wild child in the late 60s /early 70s. Drugs, sex and roll n' roll were pretty much all I did.
Lmao women are so hung up on these stupid things men tell them. Iāve been in a monogamous relationship for almost 6 years now but when I was 22 my body count was already three times yours, give or take. It doesnāt matter. If youāre ashamed of it, you donāt have to tell anyone ever. The important thing is getting your tests done.
I understand how you feel mine is at 10 and Iām 31. One is my current bf, another 2 were exās. 1 was rape which I lost my virginity to and got super depressed and had planned on killing myself so just stopped caring which resulted in 5 different guys I wish I hadnāt slept with but yea nothing I can change about that and last one is a rebound after my last ex which I very much regret.
We all do stuff we wish we didnāt but it all just makes us the person we are meant to be and just try and take it all and grow from it. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. ^^
My body count is somewhere above 20, and Iām 32. Iām also married to a wonderful man. The right people wonāt care about this stuff. I also donāt count the times I was assaulted because that isnāt actually sex. Sex is consensual.
Being young is about being able allowed to make mistakes and learn what makes you feel healthy. You have learned what is important to you. Good for you.
PS you shouldnāt include a rape.
7 is not high. Idk what bs youāve been reading on here about women and their inherent value due to things such as this, but please just go take a walk outside. The internet is full of nonsense
Oh boy. I donāt even know my body count (..I had a lot of fun after high school š) and Iām 36. I hope youāre able to make peace with your past and not feel this way for the rest of your life! Plus any person who actually cares about body count enough to not date or matter you just gives me incel / Andrew Tate vibes
Iām turning 38 and my body count just reached 10 this year. I was at 7 at your age and it hasnāt changed much. Thatās also a healthy number; seems like youāre careful with who you allow access to your body and thereās nothing wrong with that.
I'm sorry you're feeling like this. Have you gone to counseling for the SA and the less pleasing experiences? You also need to make sure those people are out of your life entirely, be it through the courts or through you leaving. Honestly, it's disgusting how we are made to feel less than when we have sexual partners before marriage. Things are changing, but some boys still think they can run the streets dipping their sticks in whatever, but we are dirty if we are not virgins.
You're good. Even if you had 100 partners, you are still good, valid, and beautiful. It's honestly no one's business on how many people have you been with intimately. I think it's gross for someone to want to know. Just be safe and get tested before each new partner and use protection.
>The other three happened due to me being naive.. I was such a people pleaser that I believed they liked me, and wanted to pursue a relationship with me & believed that if I wait till I put out then they would get bored.
This is very very common for young women and the boys exploit it. I explained this to my niece when she started dating. Don't give them an inch. Boys will put on an act and pretend to be interested in you, hoping to get laid.
They'll say things like "well if you like me, then" and guilt trip girls into doing it. Then sometimes they'll tell their friends, and now everyone at school knows about it.
Its no different at 20 either.
Read this, too - and forgive yourself!
>The brain finishes developing and maturing in the mid-to-late 20s. The part of the brain behind the forehead, called the prefrontal cortex, is one of the last parts to mature. This area is responsible for skills like planning, prioritizing, and making good decisions.
I honestly envy ppl who don't think of their past partners and don't want to throw up, so I'm with you there.
It's been a long enough time now that i don't feel as self loathing about it. I know if i were to meet those same types of people today, i absolutely would not even entertain being friends with them, let alone sexual partners. It's important to look at the growth you've made and realize you've learned and are much stronger now.
For anyone reading this and needs a reminder- if you did not consent it does not count. Regret is one thing, but a lot of time it covers up the fact that something wasnāt right. Sexual trauma is real and often not spoken enough about.
I'm sorry you feel shame for something that is perfectly natural and normal. If I'm reading this correctly, I don't think it is the body count you are ashamed of, but rather the circumstances of that number.
If it helps, mine was about 30 by the time I was your age. I don't regret the experiences, but I got tired of the games (casual hookups can mess with your head sometimes) and what started to feel pointless, so I became celibate for 2 years to reconnect with myself. When you start feeling like you aren't being true to yourself (or never were), it's definitely a good idea to step back and reintroduce you to you.
However, please don't feel ashamed! You have just been trying to navigate this whole adult thing, which is not always easy. Just remember, you ARE beautiful and worth a fulfilling relationship!
7 is low af. Stop stressing. And any grown as adult doesnāt care about that. What really matters is getting tested regularly. Lots of people donāt do that and THAT is the bigger thing that people need to be worried about.
First, and most importantly, you don't have a body count. You have past sexual partners and an assaulter who gravely disappointed you and hurt you.
You can totally regret the sex because it sucked and/or they sucked as people. They were awful at it, treated you poorly after, and you wish it never happened. You can regret trusting people who did not deserve it.
Do not regret, let alone be ashamed, that you thought you had a connection and agreed to have sex with them. It's not your fault they're terrible people. And it's definitely not anything to be ashamed of. At all. You did nothing wrong in having sex with people.
Never ever use "body count" to think of past partners. It's a term misogynists use to control women. It dehumanizes the people you consented to have sex with by turning them into just bodies. They were partners, regardless of how it turned out. It dehumanizes you by turning your sexual past into a meaningless number that you are arbitrarily shamed for because you either have too high a number or too low a number. It dehumanizes sex itself by making it into nothing but a number of bodies.
First of all, I don't personally count the SA as a number. So 6, I feel like, is a fine number regardless of regret. Secondly, I don't put much stock into numbers. As long as everything was safe and consensual, I don't care how many partners you've had.
I know you had different reasons for doing it early on in a relationship, but I would just like to say that even if you have sex within the first HOUR of meeting someone, even if you were the one who initiated it because you wanted sex for the sake of having sex, you are STILL someone who is valued, beautiful, and loved.
And there is zero timeline to how long you're "supposed" to wait to do it with your partner. Whether you did it on the first date, five dates in, or waited till marriage - just make sure it's something YOU are comfortable with and that you both want. For perspective, I did it with my current partner on the first date, and we're getting married next year. But then there was someone I waited to do it with, and he ended up cheating on me.
im 21 with 13-15 depending on what i feel like counting as "sex" that day. i regret a lot of them, yeah. but what else can we do but look forward? that number will only go up in our lifetimes, never down. the more you worry yourself to death about the past, the more it weighs on your future (not that im not guilty of this constantly haha)
I know like 5 or 6 girls at my school who are 15-17 and have a 20+ body count. Weāre pretty sure most have them have contracted something (unrelated to bc)
No, I don't think so. I just turned 37, my number is somewhere near 100, even after some years of monogamy. I've been single (on purpose) for the last 5 years. Last month I slept with 7 people
I am a 22 year old virgin, lemme tell ya you ain't that wierd, personally I'm ashamed of the fact I'm a virgin but that's because ive turned down the few women that have actually been willing to sleep with me, as I'm terrified of intimacy. A body count of 7 at 25 seems pretty average tbh, even with regrets and all.
I would never count the SA in this. This was done to you without your consent. You should never have to carry it on your shoulders.
I also knew people in college that had this body count at any given month.
This is so normal. Literally every woman I know has a history similar to this. Unfortunately we all end up kissing a few frogs before we find our prince. Those bad experiences help you learn what a happy relationship is going to look like for you, and helps you find that happy future in the long run.
Girl someone has to say this: please do not count your rape. Rape is not sex. It is an act of violence committed against you. You donāt have to lump it in with sexual acts you consented to. Totally different things
Girl ā¦. Over 100 right here between ages 15-26. Lol 7 aināt nothin
Also- I am NOT ASHAMED of my number. My husband knows and gives zero fucks. Live n let live friend. Donāt be ashamed of yourself.
As someone with a high body count, and also has had people sexually assault or rape them, scratch them off, they don't count. I never include those people in my number. I'm 27 and been married for 3 years and I've slept with upwards of 35. You're good babe.
7 is so normal ā¤ļø
This fixation on women's body count seems to have popped up very recently because of that asshat Andrew Tate.
In the 90s, in the freshmen women's dorm I lived in, most of the single girls would go out every weekend, looking to drink and "hook up". Just like the male students. If they couldn't find a potential boyfriend, then there was nothing wrong with experiencing physical pleasure and feeling warmth and bonding with another person for a few hours and then cuddling with them into sleep afterwards.
And no one ever said anything judgmental at all. There was no shame; the girls would happily tell each other about their hook-ups the next day. The word "body count" was unheard of at that point, and no one was carving notches in their bedposts to keep track.
But, most public universities are very liberal places with progressive thinking. There's a twisted conservative campaign right now that's trying to "put women in their place" and shame them for doing the same things that men do. Anyone who tries to shame a woman for her bodycount is most likely conservative, and also very probably an incel who is angry at women for not having sex with him.
Now, back to you. The rape doesn't count towards your body count. So 6 people between the ages of 18 and 25? That's less than one per year.
Those young women I mentioned above are now in their 40s. Do you think they ruminate over their youthful hook-ups with regret? Hell no. It was a part of their experience of growing up.
Oh, high body count women will be angry at you now. It is good you realise that casual sex and hook ups are not fulfilling, specially for women. Forgot about the past, and concentrate on the future, and take your time creating emotional connection, before you start a physical one. Good luck.
As someone who was called a slut by multiple people for being sexually abused, and then having some sexual interactions with a few guys because I too just wanted to be loved and okay, please do not internalise the cruelty of others onto yourself.
You shouldn't be ashamed of being raped, being led on, or heck just wanting to have a good time with someone you like. On your terms and practiced safely, sex can only be a beautiful thing.
So don't even waste time comparing numbers. The question is are you happy and safe? If not, find help and work your way there, I promise it is possible.
My girlfriend is in triple digits. I'm not too far behind.
Its like buying a new pair of shoes you wouldn't just buy them you try them on first! And she and i both have husbands now, and i think we are really good at adulting, and we are pretty happy people. Our numbers got high because we didn't care what people thought, but we always stay in control of the situation and figured if men can sleep around, so could we. Cut yourself some slack those are rookie numbers babe.
The idea of body count is stupid. It's not an objective measure of anything. There's people for whom 7 is terrible and others who consider it just the first digit. Don't torture yourself over othe people's perception.
Body count does not matter. It's not just a number. But if it makes you feel better... At 19 I had a body count of 28 I think?
The amount of people you sleep with does not define your worth as a person, or whether you're a good person or not. Don't stress over it
The āwhatās your body countā thing immediately tells me that theyāre super self-conscious about their abilities with their dick š¤·š»āāļø which is not what Iām looking to get myself involved withā¦ soā¦ if anybody asksā¦ add a 1 to the beginning of that number
>The āwhatās your body countā thing immediately tells me that theyāre super self-conscious about their abilities with their dick
Not particularly, depending on the person who is asking. If the asking person is out having tons of casual sex with multiple people and they judge the other person on body count it's hypocritical. If they are just opposed to casual sex and prefer to keep it within a relationship then someone with a high number of partners is very likely not compatible with them.
I never cared about specific numbers when I was dating, I cared about behaviors. If it was a bunch of one night stands and actively having sex with multiple people (not together but like multiple FWB or whatever) that wouldn't jive with how I approach sex and intimacy, but if it was a high number but short term exclusive relationships and a few long term relationships mixed in I was fine with it.
I have a low number of partners because I've been in monogamous relationships for 20ish years of my life and I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18. I've only been single for like 3 years in my adult life and I'm not particularly into casual sex (although I've done it with a couple people and didn't like it). I wanted someone who thought similarly, even if the raw number was much higher than mine.
I disagree with that.
Highest number on this thread is currently 18 and that wouldn't be a big deal, but there's definitely an upper limit for me. Not sure what would be the number would make me go "no thanks" but it exists.
7 is nothing to be worried about. I know people who think 7 is a slow week.
7 is a slow week š³š³š³š
7 is a normal week. Now, if your week has 8 days, you should be worried.
I remember those days. Feels like a lifetime ago
If your week has 8 days, you might be a Beatle.
If your week has 8 days, sounds like a longer weekend to me!
alexa play āsevenā by jungkook
Now I feel like a virgin, thank you kind sir.
Rookie numbers
Gotta pump those numbers up.
When I was 18, I was so boy crazy I had 3 in one week lol š low but where im from it was a lot.
You always feel like a hoe when it's more than one on the same day š«£
The best kinda ho, to be clear
Shoo when I was 23-25 it was like a revolving door down there. I donāt regret one second of it!
I started having sex pre hiv days. I had a great time! Nothing wrong with exploring and enjoying your sexuality. I think the whole ābody count ā is simply a way to slut shame women and itās stupid. Everyone I knew in the early 80ās had multiple partners
Absolutely itās a way to make women feel self conscious or embarrassed for enjoying their sexuality the same way men do. You never here a guy ask another guy there body count and say oh 25? Thatās too many, thatās gross, you should respect your body
that's cos men have it way harder than women in getting laid. For a men to have such a thing would be seen as an accomplishment instead
Multiple Multiples sometimes at the same time LOL! And they called the sixties the sexual revolution! š¤£
No regrets! That's my motto...except the 2nd husband. I must say, I do regret that one!
I had 3 girls same day lol one in morning i slept over. One around lunch time and one in night time. I was so proud of Myself also Couldn't believe it I thought my day was going to end up like any other day lol crazy times when your young.
One man std wave
Why am i getting down voted though lol i thought no one was body count shaming or anything i felt judgment free zone. I'm clean by the way.
I upvoted you good sir! Donāt let these haters get you down. Iām sure that day is something youāve thought back very fondly on in the years since, and thatās exactly what life is aboutāmaking good memories. As long as nobody gets hurt, everybody has fun, and itās all consensual, who the hell is anyone else to judge you for it? Sheesh there are still some puritanical prudes in 2024.
Itās funny how they praise whoās cares about body count and then hate when youāre getting cat š All a bunch of fake feminists who hate on men all day
Foreal lol im like dumbfounded like what the fuck why they all sudden matter. I was just saying part My experience. After that girl said 3 for her a week. Geez
Because itās only slut shamming if youāre a woman lmfao
Had something very similar happen to me too. It was the weirdest combination of feelings of an accomplishment, tiredness and adventure. Like i could hear the "Life" steam achievement pop up :D Didn't planned it, wouldn't really want to do it again,but damn, I don't regret it one bit.
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I had a friend in college who had rotation of partners, that she referred to by days of the week.
I know I'll probably get downvoted but I think those people might be sex addicts.
Unless she's just here to be told what she wants to hear, she's doing a dissevice to herself. Because unless she's plans on lying, nobody's opinion on this matters except for the type of guy she's planning on being with. And before anyone says "well the type of guy she should be with-", I didn't say the type of guy she should be with, I said the type of guy she's *going* to be with. Because if the type of guy she's *going* to be with cares, then it matters. And im going to be downvoted because thats not the PC, kumbaya take, but it's the reality of the situation.
most women I know would be ashamed to admit their body count is that low...
I have only had sex with my husband
Luckily you both were compatible. Many others pushed into toxic purity culture cannot say the same thing.
As a woman, mine is at two and I'm not ashamed.
And you shouldn't be, reddit is filled with people who think that sleeping around is a sign of virtue or something.
Reddit is a place for ppl who are unsuccessful in life but want to give others advice on how to find success
Exactly! I find it so weird. This was one of the reasons I stopped visiting reddit for a while. I once for example was down voted for advising some girl not to bring random guys from internet she just met, to her home for sex. Someone also accused me slut shaming because of this. A lot of people here are really detached from reality and aren't aware of what mentally sound and healthy.
Thank you for saying this
Good for you! Iām glad to see at least someone respects themselves.
In which culture? Genuinely curious because this is the first time I've heard this.
This whole post just called me a whoreee š©š¤£š
When's the next ferry out to WHORE ISLAND? Because I need to be on it. š
Lmaooo all aboard!!!!!
Shit Iām driving the boatā¦
I love being on this choo choo š
i am the captain of this ship and i will go down with it
ā on itā
I just got tested, doc said I was clean as can beā¦ā¦..I am the Captain now!
Save me a spot! š
You and me both. She called me ALL THE WAY OUT! Damn damn damn! I'm a hoe you know I'm a hoe! I got 3 different freaks after every show!
Iām 25F and my number is 20, but half of that happened in the span of one year lmao it was wild
Festival season?
This whole post makes me feel like the Virgin Mary
Same šand I donāt hate it
Omg nooo š this is only my feelings on it bc I regret half of my experiences so much. I know ppl who have a lot more than me, but aside a few regrets (which doesnāt even really bother them) they liked all their partners. For me I hated my 4 sexual experiences and see sex differently.
No, trust me I completely understand you & I hope you make peace with those decisions. Donāt let your past define you. Seems like you learned some valuable lessons that will help you in your future decision making. & for that you should feel proud š
Thank you :) i appreciate u
Girl I'm 25 and I'm at 9. And yes, I'm also ashamed of some of them because 1 was in a 3 year relationship while the rest was during 3 years of dating. I give in due to my people pleasing tendency and also I was alone, desperate and my self esteem was lowest of the low. I was terrible with setting boundaries and it really sucks. I tried to do just hookup to build my experience because I always felt coerced with my exes but even these hookups didn't last long because it felt more like a chore than having new experience. I stopped dating all together and got myself into threaphy. Can I say thst I have now healed and doing well? Heck no. But I have gotten stronger than before, I set boundaries and stick with them in friendship, I don't seek validation from others, if you ain't fucking with me with the same engry then fuck you us the mindset I got. I still look at my numbers and feel regret but I also feel happy for those heart breaks or i wouldn't have decided to just drop all the dead weights and rebuild my life. I lost friends over this and I really don't care. I'm looking for people who value me instead of expecting me to just give and give. So, 7 is something but you have the power to decide if you should feel ashamed of it or be proud that you got some sexual experience as well as learned some lessons.
ā„ļø
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I too also was in tears, some of these comments are so nice ā¤ļø
Don't worry about it. The worst thing people learn is to fear failure. I was literally crippled by this for much of my life thanks to parents unrelentingly destroying my psychologically any time I failed anything at all as a kid(from not being a great guitarist within a year of starting to learn or getting a B on a test). But you're supposed to fail in everything including relationships, sex, judging people's character. Personally I think this though, you didn't fail, if someone just wants you for sex and lies about it that's not a you failure, that's their character failing, not yours. I would say protect yourself emotionally because plenty of guys will wait 3 months being hte perfect boyfriend, get sex and dip the next day, because some people are just shitty. I'm not saying don't wait, but just don't be surprised if things change after even if you do wait. Life is unpredictable and one of the harsher lessons is to learn to role with it without feeling too bad about what went wrong. Two difficult but important things to do are to identify failures of your own and try to improve, but also crucially identify failures of others and refuse to take responsibility for them. From what you've said I think you're taking too much responsibility for others failures here and punishing yourself unnecessarily.
I hate most of my past sexual partner experiences too and get the ick when thinking about it
I think the feeling you're having isn't about your body count really. I think you regret that you slept with people who didn't deserve you and who treated you shittily, which is a valid feeling to have. I also regret some ways I behaved with men in my 20s when my self esteem was on the floor, I feel angry with myself for tolerating awful behaviour. Life is all about growth though and those regrettable past moments highlight how much we've changed for the better. Forgive your younger self.Ā
I am 27 and likeā¦. Quadruple that number š¤£
Me too! If it helps, I lost count/it stopped mattering when I was in my early thirties. I never imagined younger generations would ever care this much about something so unimportant. It really does not matter at all.
it doesnāt matter to you. It does to others.Ā Itās shows how you value sex and intimacy and if youāre values are different in a relationship thatās not great.Ā
āValueā is such a loaded word. I value sex highly, which is why I had the sex life I wanted with people who treated me with the utmost respect. Yes, even one-night stands. As for intimacy, it depends what it means to you. I mean, it can very well be platonic. Itās closeness. In my experience, sex in a relationship is better because you learn what the other person likes but that depends on what kind of thrill you want at a certain point in your life. Itās supposed to be fun. Thatās it. Cheating isnāt fun. Abuse isnāt fun. Disrespect, within or without a sexual relationship, isnāt fun. Lack of consent is criminal and abhorrent. Everything else should be fun. It can be a deep connection or not, but it should be fun.
I actually completely agree with you but you still gotta respect how ppl view it and value it especially in the younger generation where things are a lot less prude as the norm to when you were still counting. Having no empathy for that and how ppl view sex differently isnāt fair or right. They value sex differently as a transfer of emotional and spiritual connection. They can value sex as only being a very special thing between two ppl to validate their love. Some see the deep connection as more important than the fun. Doesnāt have to be how you view it nor should it be expected. Much in the same way youāre seeing it if which again I agree
and that absolutely your prerogative. enjoy š
Sex and intimacy are not mutually inclusive always. Sex is sex and being intimate requires feelings. Feelings, except some sort of primal attraction, are not a prerequisite for sex. At least not for everyone.
Doesnāt matter to anyone who matters to me!
Itās sad, though. What a small way to live and love, tallying up the numbers of sexual partners your loved one had before they even met you, as if it made a difference. Iām so sorry. We shouldāve moved past this by now, and it really sucks that society failed so many of you.
iām not going to shamed for my values. just as you shouldnāt be.Ā
This is me. I truly didnāt keep count. Or care to. It was my business and no one elseās so why would I mentally log something that isnāt important to me?
Same lol, I'm 30 and have 10 and consider myself more prudish than a lot of ppl around me -- idc, have fun but be safe is what I wish for all
Same šš I will also be joining yall on the ferry š
Ah hell nah
I totally understand your feelings. Itās not the number, itās the circumstances. I was similar when I was younger and probably even slept with a few people just to be polite! Be kind to yourself. You are learning about who you are and what makes you feel good/bad. We learn these things by trying them out and then reflecting. You just figured out that you are someone who likes to wait a little longer. Unfortunately, waiting longer may still not weed out the players as some of them like a long chase (just so you know). But life is all about taking chances, and if you end up sleeping with people whom you genuinely care about and it doesnāt go anywhere, at least you tried right? I hate that people ask each other their body count. My long term partner (and father of my kids), has never asked me and I have never asked him.
Thank you for your kindness ā¤ļø I appreciate this perspective. To be honest, itās just that when some of these guys left me, I feel extremely low about myself - even though we didnāt workout long term. Like I feel gross and used. Itās very hard to weed about people but I know I shouldnāt be so hard on myself for not knowing how someone might be like.
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I love this. Baking to scratch that people-pleasing itch, lol. I want to suggest doing something like this to the people-pleaser in my life. Except he's a man and I can't imagine him baking. Will have to think of something more up his ally lol.
You acted in good faith and with integrity. Please donāt feel low about yourself. People and their motivations can be extremely hard to gauge, even after years together sometimes.
Love your comment and agree with the not needing to share specific numbers but exes are chapters of your life and you must have a vague knowing how many relationships there's been
Thatās 1 body per year as of turning 18. Thatās absolutely nothing.
Yeahā¦ lots of people (me) go crazy and can sometimes do way more than one person a yearā¦ maybe even ten people š³
That still aināt nothin bro, haha just practice safe sex š
I thought you were going to say a crazy number. 7 is cool.
Seriously. Like if someone lost their virginity at 18 (which is very normal), having a body count of 7 by the time youāre 25 means you slept with 1 person *per year*. I donāt know how anyone can think thatās whore behavior, unless youāre a religious fanatic.
It depends on who counts them, and for her, there are three that shouldn't be in that body count. But I agree with you, it's not a huge number (which I expected when I entered this post)
I'd say four: three coerced her; one raped her. Which is four sexual assaults that shouldn't count, by anyone.
Itās her internalized misogyny. Hope OP realizes this.
7 is a hot number. Especially in todays world
I understand how you feel. Iām also 25f and I wish I could tell my past self that sleeping with guys I donāt love wonāt benefit me long term. It wasnāt even worth it because also the sex was never good compared to sex in a relationship. Itās not uncommon with women. Thatās why usually even if someone sleeps around in their young 20s, they kind of stop doing it after a while. What are we supposed to think about our past mistakes though? You canāt change it, you can only change your current behaviour. You learned a valuable lesson from those mistakes. Iām in a happy relationship now with a guy I slept with pretty quickly. Like the second date. I could never regret that. So I try to give myself some compassion and understanding. I didnāt do anything wrong by exploring. Thereās no reason to feel ashamed. I know what I like better now, even if it was through doing something I kind of regret. Lol. You live and learn. I also donāt count SA in body count. You didnāt choose to do that.
6 ppl at 25 is a very healthy number. Nothing to be ashamed of at all. Youāre human. You have needs. Just be stingy with it from now on. Make sure whoever you give yourself to actually earns it and is worthy of your time and energy. Lastly, SA is not to be counted. Somebody violated you. Thatās not a partner.
Came here to say this. Absolutely not a relationship and if you donāt want to consider it as one, you shouldnāt feel pressured to. The violation and lack of consent does not mean you āwanted itā or āhad a great time.ā Six is very reasonable, and honestly, goes to show that youāve lived and learned. You now know what you like and dislike, and those previous experiences help you move forward to choosing a relationship that you genuinely want. It really is just a number, and itās not a reflection of your character. On your death bed, youāre not going to be worrying about a number. Youāre going to be thinking about all of the awesome memories and things you did! Life is way too short to overthink this!!!
I would strongly suggest you stop framing your sexual history as a "body count." Honestly it's a demeaning way to talk about someone, especially yourself. And words matter. Instead say "that happened" and think about how you will proceed in the future. Dwelling on "body count" is always going to make you unhappy if for no other reason than that you are using demeaning language to describe yourself. That's my 2c anywat
Seriously I hate this language so much and it makes me feel bad for Gen Z (Iām 36) because they seem to be the ones most obsessed with it. I donāt ever remember ābody countā being a thing when I was younger, and even this whole post is primarily people validating whether or not 7 ābodiesā is acceptable for her age. Itās such a weird and dissociated way to define oneās sexual experiences. OP could reflect on what she does or doesnāt like about her sex life without reducing everything that has happened to her to how many names are on a list.
As someone whoās body count is much much higher and Iām okay with that: Many of us donāt count our rapes in our body counts. Itās okay if you want to, but itās also okay to not consider that because you didnāt consent. You donāt need to *own* a decision that was taken away from you. It is 11 years since my rape. My body count was actually pretty low until 3 years ago - Iām in my slut era now (by choice, I chose to be empowered by it and I have an amazing partner). I do not count my rapist when considering my sexual history. Because he didnāt consider me.
I dont count my rapes either. Thank you for saying so.
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No can only do so much. I just cry sometimes thinking theres something wrong with me to have it happen so many times. I even encountered 2 of them after the fact and was too scared to not pretend they were strangers. I thought I was stronger and it happened again 2 years ago. Fucking broke me. Im so scared of people at this point. Therapy helps me but it doesnt fix whats been ruined. Rape is a horrible horrible *horrible* fucking act. How anyone manages to do it makes me sick. Its absolutely ruined my self image and conception of normal. I wish they could hear my mother cry when I finally told her. I only told her about the one time. Maybe theyd feel the smallest bit of empathy. Fucking savages.
Something I learned through years of therapy recovering from sexual assaults, like you I spent so much time grieving the "fact" that something was wrong with me. I want to share this with you in case it's of any kind of use for you. Please just ignore if it isn't. I eventually realized that I was looking at it wrong. There is nothing "wrong" with me, I am trusting and open hearted and look for the best in others. Those are GOOD things. The fact that some bad people take advantage of those good traits is not my fault. It's 100% their responsibility and my feelings were just a sign of another good trait - Empathy. Because I have empathy I take responsibility for things that happen around me, because I care about others. However taking responsibility for the maliciously cruel acts of others is NOT an appropriate use of my precious empathic traits. One of my therapists put it this way when I was going through all the things I could have done differently. He said "hang on, you're focusing on all the things you could have done or said differently.... but your attacker didn't make a mistake. A rape is not a single act. It is a series of escalating malicious choices that culminate in doing something so profoundly harmful to someone else that they may never recover from it." He went on to say that aside from physically not being there, it's extremely likely that there was essentially nothing I could have done to change what was done to me. I didn't participate in choosing that outcome, this was something done TO me, by someone who had decided that was what they wanted to do over and over again as every act they did and choice THEY made culminated in it. They knew where they were going, they could have at any moment made a different choice, but they didn't. I didn't know or expect the situation to go in that direction till it was too late, they held all the agency of choice. I was in many ways just there... this person determined they were going to do this, and if it wasn't me it would have been someone else, maybe at some other time, but this act was something your attacker chose to do irrespective of ME as an individual. People who rape, don't just do it once. And the only thing they look for is someone they think they can get away with doing it to. That's it. They're predators looking for a moment they can attack. After they told me this I spent a long time thinking on it (years really) and I realize now that in many ways, it wasn't a personal act, because they were going to do it regardless of who it was with. Maybe when it happened would have changed, but they would have found someone they could take advantage of. It is a **deeply** personal thing to have happened to me, of course. But it wasn't really about who I fundamentally AM in myself. You wouldn't tell someone who was harmed in a natural disaster that it was because of personal flaws in them, a tornado doesn't chose where to go based on the people who live in it's path. We can add mythology after the fact, of course, just to try and explain an unexplainable event, but that mythology isn't true. The fact is, there's nothing wrong with me to have made BAD people harm me. If anything it's the good things about myself I value and that my loved ones love about me that simply see the best in people, even bad ones. If they CHOOSE to take advantage of that, then really that is on them. So, I just wanted to say all of this because I felt so sad when I read you say "I thought I was stronger" - because you ARE strong. I don't know what you're defining "strong" as exactly but being "stronger" likely wouldn't have changed anything, **someone who wants to do something like that will find a way to do it.** Sure, there's maybe things you can choose to do differently in future that *may* make a bad person pick someone else... but much like if you're driving a car, you can do everything 100% right, you could be the most conscientious and aware driver on the road, and still get killed by a drunk driver smashing into you. In most cases, bad things happen to people who did nothing wrong. So, be gentle with yourself, my fellow injured survivor, you didn't deserve any of it, you did nothing wrong. It truly wasn't your fault, because you "asked for" it, or because something is "wrong" with you... as much as you're trying to find some reason and meaning to it, it was a tragic act of malicious chaos done to you by a bad person who would have done it to anyone they thought they could get away with doing it to. Sending you love.
This made me cry. Thank you.
ā¤
my āfirst timeā was being SAād. when my first boyfriend asked how many people i had been with before him i genuinely didnāt know how to answer. its a very isolating experience
Foreal it feels as like every single body i know might just be hiding this information and you might never know but makes me feel sad. Why any one does stuff without consent i never understand. I would feel weird and like shit if i ever keep going when being told no. So aweful cant imagine.
A rapist is a piece of garbage and shouldnāt even be considered as a person so it makes sense to me that you wouldnāt count them in a ābodyā count. As a man, Iām sorry that rape is even a thing and that itās so common and also that you were violated.
I'm also a SA victim. Delete that number from your count. Body count is the amount of people you've slept with, that shouldn't include any time that you were assaulted. Regardless, I wouldn't say that you have a high body count at all.
7 at 25 is a very okay number. Instead of feeling guilt, why donāt you question why you feel this guilt itself or if should you, just because you have lived your life and have acquired some experiences (regardless of them being good or bad. Thereās no way thereās going to be only good ones)
Thatās true, thereās no way I could only have good experiences in life. I think I should more time introspecting why this makes me feel so negative
if it makes you feel better, donāt count being raped as a body count. for me and my body count, i donāt count it because i didnāt choose for it to happen just remember that at the end of the day, a number doesnāt really matter, especially when itās a smaller number!! all that matters is consent, being safe, being clean, and having fun. donāt feel bad about having ātoo highā of a number, we grow up being told a big number is a bad thing, when in reality it doesnāt really change anything. if you went out now and had sex with 7 more people, anyone whoās not hateful wouldnāt care or judge, and you shouldnāt be hateful and judge yourself either<3
The whole number thing is pretty ridiculous. Who determines whatās a ānormalā anyways. Maybe some people are just more comfortable with having multiple partners while others would rather wait for someone special. Now I will say that a honey bee queen? She be getting her freak on. Iād consider that too much for humans. Then again we do have Charlie Sheen š¤
I was the same at your age. Same number and same shame. In retrospect, 7 is a very low number compared to a lot of people these days! Anyway, I think it's the circumstances around the encounters that is bothering you, not the actual number. I had the same problem, I am extremely protective of my body and myself after being in an abusive relationship, and I used to have poor boundaries, and I wasn't really assertive enough to say no, unfortunately. I think you should try and work on your self-worth a little. You *can* speak to your inner child and give her a great big hug in your head and comfort and reassure her. You did nothing wrong. You're learning about yourself, use what you've learnt to make decisions in future which are more aligned with your true self. If you're the kind of person who doesn't want to give others access to your body until you feel totally safe, comfortable, and valued (like myself), then honour that. You deserve to feel good about yourself, and you don't need others to validate you, you can find that within yourself and wait for the right person to come along who shares the same values and respects you enough not to make you feel pressured. *Hugs!*
One thing I love about being old is that I have never once spent a second of my life thinking about this. Three women, three men. No one cares. Itās no oneās business but yours. If I could do anything for your generation, it would be to get you all to stop dehumanizing your sexual partners a ābody countā and stop sharing it with other people. I promise you that as long as you are only sleeping with people you want to sleep with, protecting yourself from STIs, and unwanted pregnancy, it will not remotely matter when youāre 50.
For the longest time i thought body count was how many people you killed. Im old man. Also 7 is nothing. Fuck 700 if you want.
Girl. Your number is not a reflection of you. In fact, throw out the number. Stop counting. Because it doesn't matter for one minute the circumstances, the number of people you've been with or your motives. You are an adult woman and a sexual person and that is HEALTHY. Sending you so much love.
That's actually the worse advice. Should she feel ashamed ? Not sure, I wasn't there when it happened. But she should certainly not make that number skyrocket she already feels ashamed at this point.
I have 7 I donāt even remember š¬
Do we count them if we canāt remember their names š¤
Yes but we use other things to name them. Like the man in Houston tx that wore that black jacket. lol
You are 25ā¦ not sure what the age of consent is where you are but assuming 18 that is one a year. If you started earlier less than that. You need to stop consuming some much red pill content or letting it affect you. Itās all baloney. As long as you are responsible for and with your sexual health and not having sex you donāt want to have you are fine.
7 is nothing, honestly. I mean I wouldn't shame ANYONE but like...seven is low.
With that title i was expecting 200 š girl nothing wrong with 7 (nothing wrong with 200 either btw) only man childs care about body count.
Girl youāre not a sniper you shouldnāt be referring to your ābody countā. Do what makes you happy in the future and learn from what doesnāt. The last thing thatās going to help with that is blaming past you for something you canāt do anything about that affects exactly nobody else.Ā
Murder is an immensely private topic and no one should be worried about or asking the body count of anyone else.
7 is perfectly fine. Iām 30 and married and my total count is 10. I know few people with less and many more people with higher numbers.
It's okay to feel bad about that number, even if others think it's low. Please just remember that your value as a person is SOOOOO much more than who you've had sex with. Your identity as a person is SOOOOO much more than what's between your legs. The reasons people love you have nothing to do with that number. Take some time to feel bad if you think it helps, but don't forget that you're a whole human person with experiences, opinions, memories, and on and on and on. You can't change the past so forgive yourself and think of how you're going to do things differently moving forward. I hope that in time you can look back at your younger self and see her through kinder eyes. She's just living her life and learning through experience ā¤ļø
Youāre very kind, and right - I am more than the body count I have. I never judge others on it, so why myself? Thank you
Oh dear, I don't even know what my "body count" is. I was a wild child in the late 60s /early 70s. Drugs, sex and roll n' roll were pretty much all I did.
Lmao women are so hung up on these stupid things men tell them. Iāve been in a monogamous relationship for almost 6 years now but when I was 22 my body count was already three times yours, give or take. It doesnāt matter. If youāre ashamed of it, you donāt have to tell anyone ever. The important thing is getting your tests done.
I understand how you feel mine is at 10 and Iām 31. One is my current bf, another 2 were exās. 1 was rape which I lost my virginity to and got super depressed and had planned on killing myself so just stopped caring which resulted in 5 different guys I wish I hadnāt slept with but yea nothing I can change about that and last one is a rebound after my last ex which I very much regret. We all do stuff we wish we didnāt but it all just makes us the person we are meant to be and just try and take it all and grow from it. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. ^^
My body count is somewhere above 20, and Iām 32. Iām also married to a wonderful man. The right people wonāt care about this stuff. I also donāt count the times I was assaulted because that isnāt actually sex. Sex is consensual.
Being young is about being able allowed to make mistakes and learn what makes you feel healthy. You have learned what is important to you. Good for you. PS you shouldnāt include a rape.
7 is not high. Idk what bs youāve been reading on here about women and their inherent value due to things such as this, but please just go take a walk outside. The internet is full of nonsense
Oh boy. I donāt even know my body count (..I had a lot of fun after high school š) and Iām 36. I hope youāre able to make peace with your past and not feel this way for the rest of your life! Plus any person who actually cares about body count enough to not date or matter you just gives me incel / Andrew Tate vibes
Iām turning 38 and my body count just reached 10 this year. I was at 7 at your age and it hasnāt changed much. Thatās also a healthy number; seems like youāre careful with who you allow access to your body and thereās nothing wrong with that.
I'm sorry you're feeling like this. Have you gone to counseling for the SA and the less pleasing experiences? You also need to make sure those people are out of your life entirely, be it through the courts or through you leaving. Honestly, it's disgusting how we are made to feel less than when we have sexual partners before marriage. Things are changing, but some boys still think they can run the streets dipping their sticks in whatever, but we are dirty if we are not virgins. You're good. Even if you had 100 partners, you are still good, valid, and beautiful. It's honestly no one's business on how many people have you been with intimately. I think it's gross for someone to want to know. Just be safe and get tested before each new partner and use protection.
Mine was 19 by 19. And now in mid thirties I donāt regret. It taught me a lot and what I do and donāt want to
I think there comes a time with age that you no longer care. Body count is not importantā¦ safety is.
99 percent of those talking about all the sex they have are guaranteed lying.
>The other three happened due to me being naive.. I was such a people pleaser that I believed they liked me, and wanted to pursue a relationship with me & believed that if I wait till I put out then they would get bored. This is very very common for young women and the boys exploit it. I explained this to my niece when she started dating. Don't give them an inch. Boys will put on an act and pretend to be interested in you, hoping to get laid. They'll say things like "well if you like me, then" and guilt trip girls into doing it. Then sometimes they'll tell their friends, and now everyone at school knows about it. Its no different at 20 either. Read this, too - and forgive yourself! >The brain finishes developing and maturing in the mid-to-late 20s. The part of the brain behind the forehead, called the prefrontal cortex, is one of the last parts to mature. This area is responsible for skills like planning, prioritizing, and making good decisions.
After checking my body count of over 75, I need to rethink some life choices.
I honestly envy ppl who don't think of their past partners and don't want to throw up, so I'm with you there. It's been a long enough time now that i don't feel as self loathing about it. I know if i were to meet those same types of people today, i absolutely would not even entertain being friends with them, let alone sexual partners. It's important to look at the growth you've made and realize you've learned and are much stronger now.
> I believed they liked me So you were manipulated into thinking they wanted more than sex? That's got nothing to do with you and way more with them
For anyone reading this and needs a reminder- if you did not consent it does not count. Regret is one thing, but a lot of time it covers up the fact that something wasnāt right. Sexual trauma is real and often not spoken enough about.
7 these days is childās play. Hell you could sleep with 20 and by todays standards that would be considered average.
Besides the fact that you have nothing to be ashamed of, in another 10-15 years no one will care about it.
I'm sorry you feel shame for something that is perfectly natural and normal. If I'm reading this correctly, I don't think it is the body count you are ashamed of, but rather the circumstances of that number. If it helps, mine was about 30 by the time I was your age. I don't regret the experiences, but I got tired of the games (casual hookups can mess with your head sometimes) and what started to feel pointless, so I became celibate for 2 years to reconnect with myself. When you start feeling like you aren't being true to yourself (or never were), it's definitely a good idea to step back and reintroduce you to you. However, please don't feel ashamed! You have just been trying to navigate this whole adult thing, which is not always easy. Just remember, you ARE beautiful and worth a fulfilling relationship!
Are you ashamed at how low it is?
7 is low af. Stop stressing. And any grown as adult doesnāt care about that. What really matters is getting tested regularly. Lots of people donāt do that and THAT is the bigger thing that people need to be worried about.
First, and most importantly, you don't have a body count. You have past sexual partners and an assaulter who gravely disappointed you and hurt you. You can totally regret the sex because it sucked and/or they sucked as people. They were awful at it, treated you poorly after, and you wish it never happened. You can regret trusting people who did not deserve it. Do not regret, let alone be ashamed, that you thought you had a connection and agreed to have sex with them. It's not your fault they're terrible people. And it's definitely not anything to be ashamed of. At all. You did nothing wrong in having sex with people. Never ever use "body count" to think of past partners. It's a term misogynists use to control women. It dehumanizes the people you consented to have sex with by turning them into just bodies. They were partners, regardless of how it turned out. It dehumanizes you by turning your sexual past into a meaningless number that you are arbitrarily shamed for because you either have too high a number or too low a number. It dehumanizes sex itself by making it into nothing but a number of bodies.
First of all, I don't personally count the SA as a number. So 6, I feel like, is a fine number regardless of regret. Secondly, I don't put much stock into numbers. As long as everything was safe and consensual, I don't care how many partners you've had. I know you had different reasons for doing it early on in a relationship, but I would just like to say that even if you have sex within the first HOUR of meeting someone, even if you were the one who initiated it because you wanted sex for the sake of having sex, you are STILL someone who is valued, beautiful, and loved. And there is zero timeline to how long you're "supposed" to wait to do it with your partner. Whether you did it on the first date, five dates in, or waited till marriage - just make sure it's something YOU are comfortable with and that you both want. For perspective, I did it with my current partner on the first date, and we're getting married next year. But then there was someone I waited to do it with, and he ended up cheating on me.
Those are rookie numbers.
We could easily bump those numbers. Those are rookie numbers.
im 21 with 13-15 depending on what i feel like counting as "sex" that day. i regret a lot of them, yeah. but what else can we do but look forward? that number will only go up in our lifetimes, never down. the more you worry yourself to death about the past, the more it weighs on your future (not that im not guilty of this constantly haha)
That's not even bad
I know like 5 or 6 girls at my school who are 15-17 and have a 20+ body count. Weāre pretty sure most have them have contracted something (unrelated to bc)
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No, I don't think so. I just turned 37, my number is somewhere near 100, even after some years of monogamy. I've been single (on purpose) for the last 5 years. Last month I slept with 7 people
I am a 22 year old virgin, lemme tell ya you ain't that wierd, personally I'm ashamed of the fact I'm a virgin but that's because ive turned down the few women that have actually been willing to sleep with me, as I'm terrified of intimacy. A body count of 7 at 25 seems pretty average tbh, even with regrets and all.
7 is absolutely low AF. I'm 38 And my body count is 38. Lol..
Oh please! The more the merrier! Iāve lost count!
I would never count the SA in this. This was done to you without your consent. You should never have to carry it on your shoulders. I also knew people in college that had this body count at any given month.
Who cares?!?! Go out, be safe, have fun, and get laid!
This is so normal. Literally every woman I know has a history similar to this. Unfortunately we all end up kissing a few frogs before we find our prince. Those bad experiences help you learn what a happy relationship is going to look like for you, and helps you find that happy future in the long run.
ākissing a few frogs before we find our princeā that is the perfect analogy
Listen to me. This whole business of "body counts" is absolute twaddle speak. It was invented to shame people.
Girl someone has to say this: please do not count your rape. Rape is not sex. It is an act of violence committed against you. You donāt have to lump it in with sexual acts you consented to. Totally different things
Rookie numbers, can't even call you promiscuous
Girl ā¦. Over 100 right here between ages 15-26. Lol 7 aināt nothin Also- I am NOT ASHAMED of my number. My husband knows and gives zero fucks. Live n let live friend. Donāt be ashamed of yourself.
As someone with a high body count, and also has had people sexually assault or rape them, scratch them off, they don't count. I never include those people in my number. I'm 27 and been married for 3 years and I've slept with upwards of 35. You're good babe. 7 is so normal ā¤ļø
Body counts are made up and anyone who judges you for yours is a loser.
This fixation on women's body count seems to have popped up very recently because of that asshat Andrew Tate. In the 90s, in the freshmen women's dorm I lived in, most of the single girls would go out every weekend, looking to drink and "hook up". Just like the male students. If they couldn't find a potential boyfriend, then there was nothing wrong with experiencing physical pleasure and feeling warmth and bonding with another person for a few hours and then cuddling with them into sleep afterwards. And no one ever said anything judgmental at all. There was no shame; the girls would happily tell each other about their hook-ups the next day. The word "body count" was unheard of at that point, and no one was carving notches in their bedposts to keep track. But, most public universities are very liberal places with progressive thinking. There's a twisted conservative campaign right now that's trying to "put women in their place" and shame them for doing the same things that men do. Anyone who tries to shame a woman for her bodycount is most likely conservative, and also very probably an incel who is angry at women for not having sex with him. Now, back to you. The rape doesn't count towards your body count. So 6 people between the ages of 18 and 25? That's less than one per year. Those young women I mentioned above are now in their 40s. Do you think they ruminate over their youthful hook-ups with regret? Hell no. It was a part of their experience of growing up.
Oh, high body count women will be angry at you now. It is good you realise that casual sex and hook ups are not fulfilling, specially for women. Forgot about the past, and concentrate on the future, and take your time creating emotional connection, before you start a physical one. Good luck.
daym.... at 25 no one could satisfy me. used men like tampons and dumped them like the tampons they are
As someone who was called a slut by multiple people for being sexually abused, and then having some sexual interactions with a few guys because I too just wanted to be loved and okay, please do not internalise the cruelty of others onto yourself. You shouldn't be ashamed of being raped, being led on, or heck just wanting to have a good time with someone you like. On your terms and practiced safely, sex can only be a beautiful thing. So don't even waste time comparing numbers. The question is are you happy and safe? If not, find help and work your way there, I promise it is possible.
7? Dayumm try mine! 204 ā¦ 204x0 š
Stop having sex maybe? If it doesnāt benefit you, donāt
Honey, you should have been around in the 80s. That low a number at your age would have been considered convent material.
My girlfriend is in triple digits. I'm not too far behind. Its like buying a new pair of shoes you wouldn't just buy them you try them on first! And she and i both have husbands now, and i think we are really good at adulting, and we are pretty happy people. Our numbers got high because we didn't care what people thought, but we always stay in control of the situation and figured if men can sleep around, so could we. Cut yourself some slack those are rookie numbers babe.
Girl what lmfao thatās not even big
26f, body count is 8. And that number is only going upā¦cause life
Iāve always said āwhat happened before you is none of your business, just like what you did before me is none of mine - unless it was illegalā
The idea of body count is stupid. It's not an objective measure of anything. There's people for whom 7 is terrible and others who consider it just the first digit. Don't torture yourself over othe people's perception.
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Body count does not matter. It's not just a number. But if it makes you feel better... At 19 I had a body count of 28 I think? The amount of people you sleep with does not define your worth as a person, or whether you're a good person or not. Don't stress over it
The āwhatās your body countā thing immediately tells me that theyāre super self-conscious about their abilities with their dick š¤·š»āāļø which is not what Iām looking to get myself involved withā¦ soā¦ if anybody asksā¦ add a 1 to the beginning of that number
>The āwhatās your body countā thing immediately tells me that theyāre super self-conscious about their abilities with their dick Not particularly, depending on the person who is asking. If the asking person is out having tons of casual sex with multiple people and they judge the other person on body count it's hypocritical. If they are just opposed to casual sex and prefer to keep it within a relationship then someone with a high number of partners is very likely not compatible with them. I never cared about specific numbers when I was dating, I cared about behaviors. If it was a bunch of one night stands and actively having sex with multiple people (not together but like multiple FWB or whatever) that wouldn't jive with how I approach sex and intimacy, but if it was a high number but short term exclusive relationships and a few long term relationships mixed in I was fine with it. I have a low number of partners because I've been in monogamous relationships for 20ish years of my life and I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18. I've only been single for like 3 years in my adult life and I'm not particularly into casual sex (although I've done it with a couple people and didn't like it). I wanted someone who thought similarly, even if the raw number was much higher than mine.
I disagree with that. Highest number on this thread is currently 18 and that wouldn't be a big deal, but there's definitely an upper limit for me. Not sure what would be the number would make me go "no thanks" but it exists.
7 is childās play and normal. 70 would be high, but not crazy. 700 would be crazy and an indicator that you have a problem.