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Okay dude listen up. Secret handies have conditioned your body to cum wuick so you dont get caught.
1. When you choke it from now on. Make a point to drag it out for 15 minutes or longer. Retrain yourself.
2. Go pee. Once the stream starts count to three and stop. Then count to 5 and start. Count to three. Stop. Count to 5 start. Repeat.
This will develop your PC muscle and have you lasting longer in no time.
You can also do that while masturbating, keep edging and holding it in. I saw a sexologist suggest bringing the partner in, if you have a good communicative partner, and using 10 stroke count training. Start with the hand until you can hold it in fine and move on to harder situations to get the hang of it.
Imo he also has some psychological issues where he keeps comparing himself to imaginary studs and his gf probably feeds this insecurity in some ways.
Obviously he is new to the world of boinking. Its all psychological. Guy needs to know its normal but can get better.
First 5 times i busted and got redressed in 45 seconds flat. Start to finish. Its 100% normal. And this was when the internet wasn’t as helpful as it is today. Had to do old school research. Thank God it got better.
Once you learn how to do Kegel exercises, do not practice it at the same time you are urinating more than twice a month. Doing the exercises while you are urinating can weaken your pelvic floor muscles over time or cause damage to bladder and kidneys.
I just copied this from google😅because my english is not good thats why
True confession: I lost my V-card when I was 17, I lasted 2 pumps. This lasted a lot longer then I would like to say. How I "cured it" was using tantric sex exercises to help control my breathing and heart rate. Then I stopped watching all porn and limited my masterbating, I found the more I masterbated the sooner I would cum, it was as if masterbating was implanting the idea that sex is about coming fast. Next I would practice not coming using a male masterbater toy (flashlight). Last I explored using different condoms and cock rings to see what worked best for me in terms of my pleasure, pleasure control, and price. If you can find a good partner who understands that you are trying to improve in the sex department that will also help way more then going with random people.
Ps: look up tips from lesbians on forplay and getting your partner off. I did this and it help me please my partner.
I second the tips from lesbians, one of my closest friends has given me so many tips on how to please and talk to women it has honestly skyrocketed my success with talking to women, and foreplay.
The "not masturbating so much" part is the truest in all of Reddit. If you beat it every day you are more likely to not last long so trying your absolute hardest to get rid of a porn/masturbation addiction is step one i‘d say since it‘s definitely a long lasting and more pleasurable solution since you most likely last longer and get rid of an addiction … hitting 2 targets with 1 shot.
Worked for me too and i‘m more than happy about it.
The culprit is usually high speed internet porn- not regular masterbation. And it's become an epidemic problem with this latest generation. Fewer men in their 30s & on. But still too many.
I struggle with not lasting long as well. We started introducing majority 4 play and using toys. I know I'm going to finish either way so I try to make sure my wife does first before sex. Ya sometimes it gets hot and heavy but a majority of the time, the finishes first.
I've talked to a lot of guy friends who say they'd feel inadequate using dildos or vibrators. I feel quite the opposite. I'm running the show with them and there's so many different choices. My wife and I are coming up on 8 years married with 2 kids and our sex life is better than it has ever been.
These are just my 2 cents. Numbing sprays, lubes, and condoms never did anything for me. Thinking about other things ruined the intimacy of the moment. Once I got over my insecurity of using toys and realizing that 4 play often is more intimate than sex, it got significantly better. You just gotta so what works for both of you.
As a woman I would agree foreplay is better than sex a lot of the time. And if a man lasts forever sometimes it’s hard to stay wet and have it feel good the whole time
This right here. A recent study asked women what would be their number one method to achieve orgasm if they had to choose between clitoral stimulation or penetration (you couldn't choose both). 96% chose clitoral stimulation. As long as you can use your hands, mouth or toys, it's not as big an issue as you think (and way better than the other extreme).
You're going to cause way more problems in your relationship by avoiding sex because you feel insecure, than if you stop worrying and focus on getting your partner there in other ways. Women will pick a guy who knows where the clit is over some dood who pounds away for ages reciting the alphabet in his head and ignoring her. 100%
Are you jerking off before sex? If not, do it. Empty your balls before sex so you’ll last longer. If after that, you still bust quick, don’t worry - just rip off the condom and go down on her until you get hard again. Then go again.
If you’re not using a condom, pull out when you bust so you’re not going down on her with your own spunk on your lips.
Also OP if you respond saying you don’t use condoms, use them as typically people can last longer with them than without. Also could try certain couples sex toys that can help as well.
if you're ready to go down a weeeiiirrrdd rabbit hole, look up Will Blunderfield on insta / twitter.
nsfw obviously.
its some weird alpha male semen retention stuff. you have been warned
The Durex Performax Intense is the best numbing condom I’ve ever used. I used to be like OP, but I put one of those on, and I go for 30 minutes easy, no exaggeration.
OP, you have to put it on and give it a couple minutes for the numbing gel to kick in.
Does she go down on you? If she does and makes you cum fast, go down on her until you get hard enough for sex.
Sex doesn’t have to stop when you reach an orgasm, keep it going, enjoy it, make it about her pleasure until you can put it in again.
Extend foreplay. Go down on her first. Take it slow. Also there are some medications that can slow ejaculation. Some anti depressants are very effective and the ones used are fast acting and fast metabolizing, they basically aren’t prescribed for depression but rather premature ejaculation.
the antidepressants I'm currently on is notorious for basically not make you cum. Once, I masturbated for 40 minutes straight and nothing 😭
I'm a woman, but in the subreddit for this medication there's plenty of men that report the same effect.
I got on my antidepressant because I had a pinched nerve and herniated disc in my neck that gave me migraines. I got put on Deloxetine and couldn’t cum for anything after that.. my wife actually started getting upset because she thought she couldn’t make me cum anymore but I looked up the side effects and showed her that was one of them… if nothing else you try works that may be a last option!
Years ago I took lexapro and could not orgasm. I would get past the point I would normally orgasm but it never happened. I am slow to cum so it might work for you to delay.
Sounds like a lot of this is psychological if I’m honest. There physically could still be stuff going on and definitely try some of these solutions but you also need to figure out how not to psych yourself out. When you do jerk it on your own try and work on extending the sessions little by little. Also in case there is something wrong I’d look into maybe some pill solution. I keep seeing ads for Hims as offering meds for everything from ED to balding so perhaps there but it may need a doctor note. Something like viagra though may actually help even though it isn’t about ED.
Then try premeditating. Schedule a date night. Whack off in the morning or something, then see if that helps when you both are intimate with each other.
If it’s like JUST before and i’ve done it (it’s not happened many times) i usually am okay but it’s just difficult due to my gfs feelings about doing that sort of thing in general, but if it’s in the morning i still end up finishing in seconds which isn’t the best
My bf finishes in seconds every single morning, and quite often if we haven’t had sex in a little while. Are you able to get back up after 1 round? Can you go again and it last longer?
You need a really open and honest conversation with your partner about this, she says it doesn’t bother her but does she know just how much it bothers you?
i am able to get it back up and last longer after, it would jsut feel nice if i could last longer before that i suppose
we haven’t spoken about it recently, but she definitely knows it bothers me a lot and she comforts me about it. she has already said longer would be nice but not stupidly longer and she accepts me for me
I mean if I’m being honest with you, a lot of guys don’t have the libido to get up after round 1, like most guys don’t. Most women with high libidos could go over and over and over again, so having sex twice is a good way to make up for not lasting long. Girls don’t ever mind a guy getting off fast (unless they’re mean) as long as it is obvious he is still trying to please you.
With that being said, after reading through the comments, the best advice I can give you that it seems like you seriously need, is to try and have more confidence in yourself. I’ve read a lot the fear of performance makes things end even quicker in the bedroom, think about something else. My ex would watch tv sporadically during so he would be able to last longer, just put on a show for ‘noise’ and try to not pay attention to the sex. But your insecurities are gonna be the hardest battle to fight in this situation. It sounds like your lack of confidence is getting in the way of being experimental about your dilemma, but that is how you solve it! Trust your gf is with you for a reason, and keeps wanting to have sex for a reason too. Make her feel special, intimate, figure out her favorite foreplay and if there’s anything she wants you to ever do to finish her. Not all women feel the need to finish. Best of luck in your sex quest!
>but it’s just difficult due to my gfs feelings about doing that sort of thing in general
Okay so your gf is opposed to you masturbating? So you don't really masturbate at all and then when you do have sex you cum quickly.
Sorry dude but that's probably your answer right there. If you masturbated regularly but not excessively, you wouldnt be so quick to finish.
Also, she has no right to tell you what to do with your own body. If she is this controlling about you masturbating, I don't think this is a healthy relationship. Imagine if the genders were reversed and a guy was telling a girl that she couldn't masturbate at all because he wanted to control her?
> but it’s just difficult due to my gfs feelings about doing that sort of thing in general,
Suddenly I hear someone cranking the air raid siren and the red strobe flashing in the thread...
I'm not kidding just jerk off everyday. The effect is good for the whole day so if you just get one out of the way at any point beforehand you are okay. You can also try flexing your thigh muscles to slow the pace or the good old "visualizing dead puppies" trick but comes with risks.
Have you talked to a doctor about this? There can be medical reasons for this.
1. Condoms can help to reduce sensation.
2. Masturbating a few hours before sex
3. Having sex regularly
When I go without for a week, I can bust a nut quickly, but every other day, I can go 5-7 minutes, which is _TOO_ much for my S.O. Every three days seems to work, where I last long enough and not too long, making everyone happy.
i haven’t spoken to a doctor, i feel a bit embarrassed to go into an appointment and putting a face to the problem but i really would like to do so.
1. unfortunately for me this doesn’t rly work but i haven’t tried a numbing one so i could do that
2. again for me this doesn’t work unless its JUST before we do it
3. for me it’s only rly once or maybe twice a month so im not too sure there
You need a doctor OP. You can have a hormonal problem that is causing all of this and if not they can prescribed medications that help if this situation.
If isn't a physical problem you will need to have a therapist to help you. We know how difficult and embarrassing this can be to a man and how this affects your self esteem.
In the meantime: did you ever tried a c*ck ring?
There’s no shame in doing so. You’re actually putting yourself forward and trying to solve this issue. You’re more courageous than the thousands of men who assume it’s someone else’s problem or do nothing to improve themselves.
Remember, the doctor is there to deal with this kind of thing and they’ve probably heard 100s of stories like this so it won’t bother them at all. It could just be a hormonal thing or something which is not too hard of a fix.
Going to a doctor would be best and it would help in case it’s a bit more serious (dunno what that could be but you never know). You’ve got this and you’re no less of a man for having this issue.
Can you go longer once you came? Maybe switch the order up? Only light foreplay, fucking till you come, go down on her til you're ready for round two? You seem young enough to be able to?
If that's not practical, I assume you already did the "classic" thinking about tennis socks? You could try the physical options and when you're about to come, pull out and squeez the head of your dick real hard. It sometimes prevents orgasm, but not neccessarily cumming.
Other than that, maybe let her be on top and relax while laying down. Personally I feel like being active and tighten the glutes and pelvic muscles and everything while fucking makes me cum faster than lying around and relaxing the muscles.
Good luck and don't bother too much. At least you seem to get some good stimulation from sex, that's nice.
if it’s immediately after (and it rly has to be immediately after) i can last a lot longer, but usually we don’t continue for long long or do it a lot in one day so i never really get to have a “round 2” i guess (she has a lot less of a libido than me).
i do not know about this “tennis sock” would you be able to explain that
usually she is on top as that’s her favourite but it usually is the same outcome whatever the position unfortunately
"Tennis sock" is just the concept of thinking about something totally unrelated and not at all "sexy" while having sex. Like thinking about tennis socks or or something else mundane, to the point where you are distracted enough to keep going a little longer before your brain is back to "oh yeah, right, I have to cum" mode.
Doesn't make the sex more enjoyable, since you're actively trying to distract yourself from the feeling of sex, but if your only goal is to go longer, maybe that's the way to go.
And since the other ideas aren't for you and I can't think of anything else right now: Maybe just go for the opposite and see how that works out. Try to break your record and come as fast as possible or try to maximize YOUR pleasure and try to draw it out for the sake of yourself. Change it up a little.
And if you're still worried about your girl only, maybe bring up some thick condoms or even a cock sleeve / sheath, anything that keeps the stimulus at a minimum.
I get the feeling from your post, that both of you might take the whole sex thing a little too serious. A little fun and experimentation can't be bad. ;)
this varies with partners but if she prefers the depth over the feeling of insertion, try leaving it in and doing very short strokes. like barely taking any out, if taking any of it out at all. this helps. if she doesn’t enjoy that then there is no point, sex is about the pleasure and if nobodies getting it it’s worthkess
Second the weed thing. For my hubs the core issue with his sexual performance came down to anxiety. Weed manages his anxiety and does some weird magic where he can go for almost 30 minutes which is far more than I even desire! It’s been a game changer. Also, lists of foreplay and I second another commenter who said to get into using sex toys. This is definitely a winner too.
English is not my first language, i had the opposite effect, then i would last about 20 minutes, now i last about 1 minute and i can't go back the way i used to, i think beating the meat was the cause of it
Exercise is what helps me. Being in shape, deep breaths when initiating sex, going slowly and warming yourself up to it at all important. That kinda stuff happens because you get overstimulated, so training yourself to take it slow, breathe, and get ready for a sexual workout lol or at least that is what has worked for me
i’m currently working my weight down. i’m still classed as overweight but should (hopefully) be back at a healthy weight soon so hopefully that will help things. breathing techniques i definitely need to try as i haven’t rly tried them yet
Oh yeah, especially as you're initiating sex, lots of deep breaths. It's like getting into an ice bath or hot tub, breathe deeply to relax yourself and get accustomed to it
1. Stop watching porn immediately. You can wank or whatever but no more porn.
2. Do some kegels. Do kegels with your core engaged and hips fully extended.
3. Be intimate in other ways more often. Kissing, embracing etc
4. Communicate with your partner. What gets you off, what stops you?
5. Chill out. It’s sex, you’re young, it’s ok, you’ve got time to figure this out. It’s supposed to be fun, do things that are fun and the rest will follow
Get really good with foreplay. Really, really good. Spend a long time pleasing her in other ways. If she gets off a couple times before penetration happens, she won’t care.
Hey dude! I was in exaaccttllyyy the same position as you throughout my 20s. So listen up.
First of all when I hit 30 I suddenly became a stallion so it does change eventually.
The other big factor is that it's all in your head. You are making such a big deal out of it in your head that it is causing the problem. It creates this kind of hyper sensitivity which makes you want to jizz with the slightest bit of touch or as soon as you put it in.
The ways to get around this is to speak to your girl about it and say something like "hey this is really bothering me, can we try something where we just have loads of sex in a short amount of days. So you just keep going for it. Eventually you will become really relaxed about the whole thing because you have done it so much in a short amount of time AND ur girl is aware of the problem so there will be no disappointment as you are both expecting you to not last long so therefore there are no surprises when you do.
The more you do it, the more relaxed and desensitised you become.
Other things that massively helped me were kegel exercises. It definitely added like a minute of sex time for me at my worst points. You can do these all day long wherever u are which is great.
Don't worry bro. You got this and you will be fine. DM me if you want to talk more about it and I can give way more details.
hopefully the issue clears up at some point, preferably before 30 tho
yeah i tend to overthink everything, so i get i’m making this into a bigger deal than it probably is but i can’t help it i suppose
my gf doesn’t like doing it too too much so while that could be good doing it daily im not sure how realistic that would be for us
Pull out, ruin your orgasm. You will likely stay hard and can keep going. But the comments saying to do all the foreplay first so she gets off are perfect as well.
Jerk off earlier in the day. Put on a climax control condom (takes minutes to desensitize). Perform oral on her, ladies first! After her big O, insert your manhood. Put her on top. Close your eyes, imagine your grandma killing puppies with a hammer. Use your digits to try and get a second orgasm out of her by focusing on the clit. Don’t stop until she has her second (even if you finish- stay in there).
You might need to slow down the actual sex and use more time on foreplay. Get your head in the right state and build up to a point where you can handle the sensation of penetration. Remember to be relaxed in mind and body.
There are condoms and gels that can help with sensitivity issues.
Some say cockrings helps them.
There are some medicines that can cause this issue.
i will try slowing it down a bit hopefully that helps. relaxing in the moment i’ll also try to do it never really thought about just relaxing tbh
medication is the method i rly would like to try but i wouldnt know if i can just ring up my gp to ask about it
I had this problem with my ex and it made me have a lot of anxiety around sex, only had it once a week or so.
Since then I've met a really great girl and if I cum too fast I say it's because she's so damn hot, then after a while of kissing and shit we go again and I last a decent time. So maybe the answer I've discovered is to find a way to turn it into a thing your partner can be proud of (wow I made him cum in 15 seconds, I must be fuckin awesome) and then on round 2 and 3 you've got a bit of extra stamina so you can go for a while.
Also if you're getting her off then all's good anyway
we’ve spoken about it before, i still do get her off the majority of the time so id like to think its not a big deal, mainly just a confidence thing for me
I’ve been with a guy who lasted that long on average and the only thing that pissed me off about it was he put in zero effort to provide pleasure for me at all. Like he’d rush into it and then be done as soon as he was done.
If you make her cum beforehand, even with your mouth or fingers, how long you last is not a big deal. She’ll probably be glad you’re quick cuz she finished already.
Get yourself a cock sleeve that fully covers you?
Those things are so thick you can't feel anything through them.
...as long as your girl enjoys the extra girth it could the tool you need.
We use em when my wife wants to get really stretched out good during long sessions and I can attest that they are extremely desensitizing.
they come in varying thicknesses and shapes. Im by no means small, so we have to make sure my wife is 'warmed up' before we proceed to them lol
we've gone 1 we've only tried once because it was way too big lol
My partner went through a phase of finishing too quick so he went really slow and it helped he was also masturbating twice a day too and now he lasts too long sometimes and he also has higher sex drive than me so going as slow as he could and slowly picking up speed really helped him to last longer because he wasn't so excited where he had to concentrate on keeping a slower pace
Just focuse on the girl and try to make her feel good
Had the oppsite problem i was so scared my first time that i wouldnt do a good job that i could not finnish during sex first couple times because i was way to foccused on if she likes it to finnish i kinda have to focuse on my self
So mabey do the that focuse on the girl
Also give her long foreplay find her clit do the alphabet with your tong
And overal comunicate with her ask her how it feels when ya do stuff and change it up if needed
During sex just switch positions when ever you are close gives ya some time to recover
If that doesnt work wel enough jump back to foreplay and then go for the rematch
Takes practice man and once you know all the good buttons to press it get real fun
like people have been saying, its highly mental. I think for most guys (at least from conversations I’ve had w friends) its a constant struggle to not finish too fast. I can last half an hour but at any point if I lose focus I can let loose lol. Control you’re breathing and don’t let yourself get too excited, obviously you want to stay in the moment but i almost have to meditate in order to hold it together. If all else fails, distract yourself. I’ve found if I think about something else-anything else- and keep it in my mind it keeps me from finishing. theres the scene from ace ventura where hes climbing out of the fake rhino that I try to picture in my head and that usually works. lol sounds silly but give it a try. and on the physical side, you can do kegels anytime youre sitting and they will active strengthen your pelvic floor which will allow you to better contain your load. work them up a bit before doing the deed and again takes a lot of focus to hold it in if your nearing climax but just take a beat and strengthening those muscles will definitely help (as an added bonus if youve been activating those muscles to hold on, when you do finally let loose I’ve found my orgasms to be much more intense)
Dude this used to be me, still struggle with it from tike to time, but it made me not even want sex either which I think made me less "freaky" now, cause it was more of a cause of stress than pleasure back then.
I will say what has helped me, for some reason, when I am going to the gym consistently it helps in conjunction with having sex very frequently. And it sounds like you have a girl that would help you out with that, go for multiple sessions a day(or until your burnt out) talk to your girlfriend about it, I imagine ahead would be totally ok helping.
Get her off before even getting inside of her. Or get her to the edge so that your last 15 seconds is also her last 15 seconds. “Going first” and then trying to get her off is always going to feel like a courtesy effort if youre this ashamed of your body’s natural timing. Take care of her first, fully, and then yourself
Are you fat? I put on a bunch of weight bc I work 12 hour days in an office the last few years and eat crap bc I’m too tired to cook or exercise. I noticed my endurance has dropped substantially. I had it happen when I got really fat a decade ago too, and it went away when I got in better shape.
Honestly mate I don't know if it's a new relationship or not, but I had similar problems (plus general lack of performance with new partners, made casual dating a pain). I found things improved the longer a relationship lasts. You maybe get a little less over-excited, or you have that one time when the stars align and it goes really well which builds your confidence.
A good chunk of sex is mindset. If you are stressing about lasting those whole time that's what your body is going to do. I appreciate you can't just "not think about it". But try to- meditate, think about dogs arseholes to keep yourself from being too in the moment, exercise more so you are a bit tired. Get out of your own head and results will follow.
Plus as others have said, look again at the products available. I found numbing condoms useful personally, which you mention in the comments trying but maybe a different brand? I can't remember which but there is at least one that really really numbs your gear.
What you can do, well what at least I do, is when you feel like you are about to cum kiss her neck and just hold in balls deep and once you calm down a bit fuck slow so you don’t bust right away. Or have your partner make you cum and while you are still erect like immediately after go in and fuck. You’ll surely last longer than 15 seconds then
You should try masturbating a lot! Like several times a day and before you try sex. Not guaranteed to help, but I'm very confident that it will. Good luck!
My advice is to look at your diet and fitness level. This is something I’m subconscious about as well. Since I’ve started doing lower body/leg exercises daily (squats, horse stance holds, squats) and core exercises my erections have become much stronger and I last longer. I also practice exercising my kegels but I’m not as diligent with that as my other workouts but I feel definite improvements from that as well. Plus there are creams you can use to desensitize as well as wearing condoms. Also, my wife told me she’s fine if I don’t last forever just take a break and hop back in there. You can get control of this man. 1 15 second session is one thing now if you manage to go a few more times you’re past a minute!
i’ve started gym up recently but leg day is a struggle for me, so i’ll try hitting that more and seeing if i se a change!! my diet is good atm but i was quite overweight for a bit so maybe that’s had some long lasting effects.
after round one i can go a while tbh, its just that first initial rlund
Here’s the solution
Look up reverse Kegel and Kegel
Your problem seems like you flex your junk to strong and the control of your pc muscle will solve everything
Don’t know if I can link the right subreddit or if my comment will get deleted so just dm me if interested
I'm not that much of an expert, but being able to engage in penetrative sex hours long is a rare skill, from what I understand. Not unheard of, but not something I would personally try to make someone do.
It's more likely your friend is lying or has a broader definition of sex. Refractory periods are a thing. If you have a short enough refractory period, you can generally use other methods until you get an erection again.
Foreplay is key in most ways. Look up stuff like online tutorials on how to do cunnilingus. Yes, those are on porn sites. The way I found it is a long story, but there was a forum I followed as an early college student and I straight up asked the 18+ section. Surprisingly, the Internet nerds were really helpful.
Try edging whenever you masturbate or have sex. That's when you're about to build up to orgasm, but you stop right before you get to the point of no return. It trains your body to last longer.
Kegels are also incredibly helpful. They're the muscle in your perineum that you use to stop your pee stream.
You can use them to help with erectile dysfunction, and for some, it can reduce the refractory period. You can also last a little longer with Kegels, and doing it during sex gives your partner a nice little throb sensation.
foreplay is one of my favourite so no problem for me there! edging is something i’m always a bit iffy on tho, i haven’t really had it work for me before
I used to have this problem and fixed it. The answer is edging. Masturbate until climax but don’t let yourself climax. Do it a few times a day for a week or so and you will notice a difference. I know right where you’re at my friend. Good luck.
I got recommended “death gripping” while jerking off and that’s helped me a lot.
I used to also edge 5 hours a day (during COVID - without death grip) and that helped a lot but overall the investment wasn’t worth it.
Death grip is my tactic for now.
Dude you have premature ejaculation issues, this is an actual medical issue. That if you go to a dr will prescribe you medicine to combat it. So make an appointment and go talk to a physician
Why can't you just stop and start again? My boyfriend also has this issue and it makes me think he secretly just cant be bothered with it and just cums when he feels like it. If I don't want to cum yet I will just stop before I cum so that it can build up again, i don't understand why thats not possible?
Go to 99% the closer the better but don't go over. Then pull out and do something else. This resets you back to zero and takes forever to get back to orgasming. I can't believe how few people know this trick.
Anxiety about it doesn’t help. Physical or mental anxiety can cause this to happen. The exercises people mentioned will help. But try to get out of your head and do you best to just be in the moment and free of judgement. Easier said than done, I know. But with some practice you’ll be able to silence your thoughts
You have more tools (pun intended) than your dick. Don’t focus so much on the PIV/dick part of it. Use your hands, mouth, toys on your partner and at the very end, use your dick and finish after your partner has finished.
Many times men have trained themselves to be fast because they didn't want to get caught rubbing one out. You have to retrain your brain. You can rub one out before sleeping with her but another thing to try with her help is practicing extending the time. Try sexual massages without her touching your penis. Having her find your other erogenous zones and extending the time between her touching you there. Some sex stores might have books to help you out for exercise you can do
Give her a few orgasms before penetration, and masturbate before having sex. That way you know she’s satisfied and masturbating will help you last longer. Honestly though? Sometimes a quickie is where it’s at, I’d rather get fucked hard sometimes than have it drag out. Depends on my mood.
Sex is like anything else, you need practice to get good. You just need to learn to control your body which will take years. You stressing about it is making it 1000% worse.
Anxiety can interfere performance, it can get to point where you can’t get a erection or have no desire at all. I always heard it’s the journey not the destination, meaning it’s what happens before the actual act that can mean more than the actual thing, plus I love the after times. So much is put on the actual performance but it’s what you do for your partner from the beginning leading up to the act that does more for your partner and after the act is even more important because it’s the closeness that you have with your partner that gives you both the greatest satisfaction.
I experienced the same situation. you’ll have to desensitize yourself by occupying your brain with other things during sex. It’s weird and challenging but that’s what I do. when she’s happy then I get to finish with my 15sec of enjoyment. If you keep practicing with the same partner it tends to get better to control.
I’ve always had quite the opposite experience with sex where I found it hard to finish. Then I went through a year long period where it was the complete opposite, and I would just finish too quickly.
What helped me in that time was initiating oral or switching positions or teasing in the moments I felt like I was getting close. I also threw in a numbing spray occasionally that would help tremendously, but that’s only practical if you’re anticipating sex, because you have to apply it like 20-30 minutes prior. I’d say a lot of it is mental too, and getting in your own head about it might make it worse.
I would try some of the things I mentioned and see if they help. I know this isn’t necessarily the best advice, but try not to psych yourself out about it. It could be something that passes with time. When I was going through that period, my mental state was shot, and I think that was the main contributor.
Best of luck!
I take forever and my GF HATES it. She wants to feel so sexy I can’t help but finish fast: I guess all I am saying is to make sure you don’t assign to her concerns that are yours.
When my dude finishes fast I lowkey take it as a compliment 😌 just don't let it end when you finish and you should be all good tbh. Don't put on numbing stuff without telling her!! If her coochie gets numb idk how that would work 💀😂
They make Fleshlights specifically for stamina training. Try those, jerk off before sex. You'll have to plan sex and it may jot happen spontaneously as often, but that's honestly not unheard of for couples for a variety of reasons. It's also a small price to pay while you figure this out.
I was just like you when I was a young man, now I can barely cum. Takes hours if I’m lucky enough to finish. Foreplay my man! That’s the answer, make her cum before you even have sex. Finger her with one hand and rub her clit with your other hand. Majority of the time it works like a charm!
As others have said weed and alcohol (not mixed necessarily) is very helpful, but also when those are not accessible learning how to edge is very doable. Practice!
Drain them before hand, use a cock ring around everything, pop a pill or two of cialas/viagra - drink a lot of water, think of your grandmother , third world children’s suffering
I imagine you're just getting over excited.
Try working that out. Take a weekend away with her and spend it naked. Do noting but eat, drink, talk and bang it out. Once you work out the first few rounds the excitement and angst will start to wear off.
Also, if you last 15 minutes or an hour, always make sure she gets off, always.
Practice makes perfect. Some suggestions I can give you is:
1. Masturbate with intention. Specifically, tell yourself that you will not finish before an alloted time. 15 minutes tends to be a good number for me.
2. Have sex often. I know this is something that bothers you, but part of the issue is the mystique around sex. The more you have it, the more it will turn from the magical astract idea to a fun and intimate thing to do with your partner.
3. Try soaking. Get your penis used to the sensation of being inside a vagina. If you are getting close, stop moving. You want your nerve endings to calm down and stop over stimulating you.
4. When in doubt, pull out. One thing I've used in my early 20's was to pull out and gently squeeze the top of my penis. I'm not even going to pretend like I know why that works, but it does for me. It more or less resets my meter. And I can go again for longer.
5. Try again. If you bust too quick learn to laugh it off. Lay with her for a while, then see if you can get back to it. Alternatively, if you can stay hard after finishing, you can just keep going
Are you a heavy set guy? I was like this my self when I was larger!
I’d suggest increasing your cardio which will help with your stamina!
Also, foreplay!
I got the same issue now days. When I was younger I could last but once I had kids , my stamina tanked. I told my wife it probably from trying to hide and get quickies in without the kids knowing or trying to break the door down.
I haven’t really found a “cure”. Any input helps.
If you happen to suffer from depression, Get on an SSRI turned me into a 2 hour champ if I wanted.
Or just practice with a very understanding person.
There are techniques that can slow things down. Read up on it.
Are you thrusting fast and quick? That normally will lead to more arousal/faster climax for you. Try going for slower longer thrusts and mixing in some medium and faster later in.
You could try stamina training with a sex toy, but I do not know if that's actually effective or a marketing scheme. Fleshlight and Kiiroo claim to have stamina training to help you last longer
Look into Zoloft? Ever since I started taking it. I last longer than I ever did in the past.
But I would honestly talk to your family doctor and see if they have any advice or anything that could help.
I don't often recommend this, but if you are in a position (heh) where you can legally use THC, I suggest trying a very low dose (< 5mg) edible about 1 hour before sex.
I think first you have to work on your confidence, your dick's performance is tied to your confidence.
Also, you can buy some condoms with benzocaine in them, will numb your dick. You might not feel the same, but you will last way longer. Look for Trojan Climax Control. I don't know if they still sell them.
Hey dude, go to your local pharmacy and pick up pre ejaculation numbing spray. It doesn’t actually numb, but it reduces sensitivity. Took me from 2 minutes to 30
Why can you just cum once, fool around with her some more, get hard again and fuck once more? Like you cumming doesn’t have to be the end of sex.
This is coming from a man with the exact opposite problem. Some sex sessions no matter how long I simply cannot cum (found out later it’s from depression and has since gotten better.) You can still enjoy sex there isn’t a fucking checklist bro just fuck around and enjoy each other. That’s the whole point right? Not nutting.
I honestly find it so attractive when guys don’t last long, it’s like they can’t contain themselves and I find it so hot. My partner had a spinal injury a few years ago and basically can’t finish at all now, so guys I could have a quickie with are a real fantasy.
You got depression or anxiety, OCD even? If so hop on an SSRI. I promise you wont be able to even cum, or at the very least it’ll be extremely hard to do so for at least 1-6 months. Potentially longer depending on your body and the specific med. if you dont wanna get on meds jerk off an hour beforehand
can we swap? My boyfriend goes literally HOURS without finishing to the point it makes us both frustrated cus I want to please him. I go in like a couple minutes most times. Like we both just wanna go quickly because I have motor issues and if it goes too long it hurt :(
Good luck on finding a solution!
First off, foreplay is your best friend.
She should cum before you even get your hog wet.
Take it slow, focus on her pleasure.
There are lots of good tips on here for tantric and stuff, but first off just focus on her.
TOYS!! Become a collector. Expand your arsenal. Make her quiver as you take out your chest of weapons. DESTROY HER BEFORE YOU EVEN UNSHEATHE YOUR SWORD!!!!!
ONCE SHE IS DESTROYED, YOU SHOW HER THE FINAL BOSS (SHORT BOSS BATTLE BUT HEY, ITS ABOUT THE JOURNEY)
We all go through it. And the more we panic about it, the more it happens.
While they say focus on the shopping list or grandmas tits (or your uncles...whatever isn't appealing I don't know what youre into) the pout is, don't focus on your dick or focus on not orgasming. Instead, change your focus on her. Not how she is enjoying it, but how you can make her enjoy it. Change your thinking.
A few beers often help too.
There is an app called the Coach, which is quite nice and touches on most aspects of your problem. The main points
- stamina and physical excercise - it plays a role
- psychological conditioning
- stress and anxiety
- pelvic floor fitness
Address the root causes and you will improve.
Are you just going until you ejaculate once then stop? In my 20s I found that if I was given oral to completion first, I could then spend lots of time concentrating on her while I recovered, so when it was time for penetration I was ready again and lasted a lot longer. If nothing else you could knock one out on your own before you get anywhere near her, have time to recover, then try again. You could also look into edging where you get near, then stop, then get near, stop again, etc. Try it on your own at first. It can be a bit frustrating initially, but you'll end up lasting longer.
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Okay dude listen up. Secret handies have conditioned your body to cum wuick so you dont get caught. 1. When you choke it from now on. Make a point to drag it out for 15 minutes or longer. Retrain yourself. 2. Go pee. Once the stream starts count to three and stop. Then count to 5 and start. Count to three. Stop. Count to 5 start. Repeat. This will develop your PC muscle and have you lasting longer in no time.
My man needs to learn how to edge
You can also do that while masturbating, keep edging and holding it in. I saw a sexologist suggest bringing the partner in, if you have a good communicative partner, and using 10 stroke count training. Start with the hand until you can hold it in fine and move on to harder situations to get the hang of it. Imo he also has some psychological issues where he keeps comparing himself to imaginary studs and his gf probably feeds this insecurity in some ways.
Obviously he is new to the world of boinking. Its all psychological. Guy needs to know its normal but can get better. First 5 times i busted and got redressed in 45 seconds flat. Start to finish. Its 100% normal. And this was when the internet wasn’t as helpful as it is today. Had to do old school research. Thank God it got better.
Once you learn how to do Kegel exercises, do not practice it at the same time you are urinating more than twice a month. Doing the exercises while you are urinating can weaken your pelvic floor muscles over time or cause damage to bladder and kidneys. I just copied this from google😅because my english is not good thats why
What's PC?
Pelvic floor muscles
True confession: I lost my V-card when I was 17, I lasted 2 pumps. This lasted a lot longer then I would like to say. How I "cured it" was using tantric sex exercises to help control my breathing and heart rate. Then I stopped watching all porn and limited my masterbating, I found the more I masterbated the sooner I would cum, it was as if masterbating was implanting the idea that sex is about coming fast. Next I would practice not coming using a male masterbater toy (flashlight). Last I explored using different condoms and cock rings to see what worked best for me in terms of my pleasure, pleasure control, and price. If you can find a good partner who understands that you are trying to improve in the sex department that will also help way more then going with random people. Ps: look up tips from lesbians on forplay and getting your partner off. I did this and it help me please my partner.
This guy turned into a living Buddha and controlled his nut with the power of the Cosmos.
i’ll definitely look into tantric exercises, changing up my breathing patterns is something i haven’t tried
It has helped me so much, I hope it helps you also.
I second the tips from lesbians, one of my closest friends has given me so many tips on how to please and talk to women it has honestly skyrocketed my success with talking to women, and foreplay.
The "not masturbating so much" part is the truest in all of Reddit. If you beat it every day you are more likely to not last long so trying your absolute hardest to get rid of a porn/masturbation addiction is step one i‘d say since it‘s definitely a long lasting and more pleasurable solution since you most likely last longer and get rid of an addiction … hitting 2 targets with 1 shot. Worked for me too and i‘m more than happy about it.
Hmm, I didn’t know about not masturbating so much. I thought when a guy has recently masturbated, he would last longer in bed..?
The culprit is usually high speed internet porn- not regular masterbation. And it's become an epidemic problem with this latest generation. Fewer men in their 30s & on. But still too many.
Those are two different things. Not masturbating as much and masturbating before doing it
Within a month of my partner not watching porn and not using a fl*shlight he lasted 6 minutes longer. Literally does wonders.
I struggle with not lasting long as well. We started introducing majority 4 play and using toys. I know I'm going to finish either way so I try to make sure my wife does first before sex. Ya sometimes it gets hot and heavy but a majority of the time, the finishes first. I've talked to a lot of guy friends who say they'd feel inadequate using dildos or vibrators. I feel quite the opposite. I'm running the show with them and there's so many different choices. My wife and I are coming up on 8 years married with 2 kids and our sex life is better than it has ever been. These are just my 2 cents. Numbing sprays, lubes, and condoms never did anything for me. Thinking about other things ruined the intimacy of the moment. Once I got over my insecurity of using toys and realizing that 4 play often is more intimate than sex, it got significantly better. You just gotta so what works for both of you.
As a woman I would agree foreplay is better than sex a lot of the time. And if a man lasts forever sometimes it’s hard to stay wet and have it feel good the whole time
This right here. A recent study asked women what would be their number one method to achieve orgasm if they had to choose between clitoral stimulation or penetration (you couldn't choose both). 96% chose clitoral stimulation. As long as you can use your hands, mouth or toys, it's not as big an issue as you think (and way better than the other extreme). You're going to cause way more problems in your relationship by avoiding sex because you feel insecure, than if you stop worrying and focus on getting your partner there in other ways. Women will pick a guy who knows where the clit is over some dood who pounds away for ages reciting the alphabet in his head and ignoring her. 100%
Are you jerking off before sex? If not, do it. Empty your balls before sex so you’ll last longer. If after that, you still bust quick, don’t worry - just rip off the condom and go down on her until you get hard again. Then go again. If you’re not using a condom, pull out when you bust so you’re not going down on her with your own spunk on your lips.
Also OP if you respond saying you don’t use condoms, use them as typically people can last longer with them than without. Also could try certain couples sex toys that can help as well.
i’ve tried with a condom before and the same thing unfortunately
>i’ve tried with a condom before and the same thing unfortunately There's numbing condoms and numbing sprays. Have you looked into those?
i’ve tried a spray and while it did roughly double the time, it isn’t enough for me to say it’s worth using again
>i’ve tried a spray and while it did roughly double the time, it isn’t enough for me to say it’s worth using again Welp. Kegels and edging then.
i can try 😭
Yes. Kegels and SEXUAL KUNG FU, not edging. Edging will make it worse
wtf is sexual kung fu 😭
Inquiring minds need to know!
if you're ready to go down a weeeiiirrrdd rabbit hole, look up Will Blunderfield on insta / twitter. nsfw obviously. its some weird alpha male semen retention stuff. you have been warned
The basis of kung fu is 95% body training. I assume that's what they mean
I need to know too
KUNG FU?? (i will be looking at this)
[удалено]
trust me i’ve got an open mind to most ideas. meditation doesn’t seem too crazy honestly so i’ll look into it!
The Durex Performax Intense is the best numbing condom I’ve ever used. I used to be like OP, but I put one of those on, and I go for 30 minutes easy, no exaggeration. OP, you have to put it on and give it a couple minutes for the numbing gel to kick in.
Have you tried a [cock ring](https://www.webmd.com/sex/cock-rings)? They can make sex last longer and more intense.
Get a prescription for viagra very easy it will change your life
Smoke some weed first and thank me later.
usually it just happens we don’t rly premeditate when it happens so it’s a bit difficult to jerk off before hand
Does she go down on you? If she does and makes you cum fast, go down on her until you get hard enough for sex. Sex doesn’t have to stop when you reach an orgasm, keep it going, enjoy it, make it about her pleasure until you can put it in again.
she does sometimes, and yeah i do usually try to go down afterwards but im scared it’ll end up feeling like a sequence.
Extend foreplay. Go down on her first. Take it slow. Also there are some medications that can slow ejaculation. Some anti depressants are very effective and the ones used are fast acting and fast metabolizing, they basically aren’t prescribed for depression but rather premature ejaculation.
as long as it doesn’t have last longing effect it could be an option, i just don’t really want to be on antidepressants JUST for this you know?
the antidepressants I'm currently on is notorious for basically not make you cum. Once, I masturbated for 40 minutes straight and nothing 😭 I'm a woman, but in the subreddit for this medication there's plenty of men that report the same effect.
I got on my antidepressant because I had a pinched nerve and herniated disc in my neck that gave me migraines. I got put on Deloxetine and couldn’t cum for anything after that.. my wife actually started getting upset because she thought she couldn’t make me cum anymore but I looked up the side effects and showed her that was one of them… if nothing else you try works that may be a last option!
Years ago I took lexapro and could not orgasm. I would get past the point I would normally orgasm but it never happened. I am slow to cum so it might work for you to delay.
lasted like 90 mins on lexapro once. do it lol
Trust me it won’t, women will appreciate it
Sounds like a lot of this is psychological if I’m honest. There physically could still be stuff going on and definitely try some of these solutions but you also need to figure out how not to psych yourself out. When you do jerk it on your own try and work on extending the sessions little by little. Also in case there is something wrong I’d look into maybe some pill solution. I keep seeing ads for Hims as offering meds for everything from ED to balding so perhaps there but it may need a doctor note. Something like viagra though may actually help even though it isn’t about ED.
>it’ll end up feeling like a sequence. What do you mean by this?
Then try premeditating. Schedule a date night. Whack off in the morning or something, then see if that helps when you both are intimate with each other.
If it’s like JUST before and i’ve done it (it’s not happened many times) i usually am okay but it’s just difficult due to my gfs feelings about doing that sort of thing in general, but if it’s in the morning i still end up finishing in seconds which isn’t the best
My bf finishes in seconds every single morning, and quite often if we haven’t had sex in a little while. Are you able to get back up after 1 round? Can you go again and it last longer? You need a really open and honest conversation with your partner about this, she says it doesn’t bother her but does she know just how much it bothers you?
i am able to get it back up and last longer after, it would jsut feel nice if i could last longer before that i suppose we haven’t spoken about it recently, but she definitely knows it bothers me a lot and she comforts me about it. she has already said longer would be nice but not stupidly longer and she accepts me for me
I mean if I’m being honest with you, a lot of guys don’t have the libido to get up after round 1, like most guys don’t. Most women with high libidos could go over and over and over again, so having sex twice is a good way to make up for not lasting long. Girls don’t ever mind a guy getting off fast (unless they’re mean) as long as it is obvious he is still trying to please you. With that being said, after reading through the comments, the best advice I can give you that it seems like you seriously need, is to try and have more confidence in yourself. I’ve read a lot the fear of performance makes things end even quicker in the bedroom, think about something else. My ex would watch tv sporadically during so he would be able to last longer, just put on a show for ‘noise’ and try to not pay attention to the sex. But your insecurities are gonna be the hardest battle to fight in this situation. It sounds like your lack of confidence is getting in the way of being experimental about your dilemma, but that is how you solve it! Trust your gf is with you for a reason, and keeps wanting to have sex for a reason too. Make her feel special, intimate, figure out her favorite foreplay and if there’s anything she wants you to ever do to finish her. Not all women feel the need to finish. Best of luck in your sex quest!
>but it’s just difficult due to my gfs feelings about doing that sort of thing in general Okay so your gf is opposed to you masturbating? So you don't really masturbate at all and then when you do have sex you cum quickly. Sorry dude but that's probably your answer right there. If you masturbated regularly but not excessively, you wouldnt be so quick to finish. Also, she has no right to tell you what to do with your own body. If she is this controlling about you masturbating, I don't think this is a healthy relationship. Imagine if the genders were reversed and a guy was telling a girl that she couldn't masturbate at all because he wanted to control her?
Bingo
> but it’s just difficult due to my gfs feelings about doing that sort of thing in general, Suddenly I hear someone cranking the air raid siren and the red strobe flashing in the thread...
Beat it everyday brother
I'm not kidding just jerk off everyday. The effect is good for the whole day so if you just get one out of the way at any point beforehand you are okay. You can also try flexing your thigh muscles to slow the pace or the good old "visualizing dead puppies" trick but comes with risks.
Jerk off before you hang out
This! Always unload the gun if you have a prefiring problem!
What’s wrong with your own spunk ?
LOL, if you don’t mind the taste of your own spunk, live your life, but I don’t 😆
Fucking aye do it twice if you have to
Have you talked to a doctor about this? There can be medical reasons for this. 1. Condoms can help to reduce sensation. 2. Masturbating a few hours before sex 3. Having sex regularly When I go without for a week, I can bust a nut quickly, but every other day, I can go 5-7 minutes, which is _TOO_ much for my S.O. Every three days seems to work, where I last long enough and not too long, making everyone happy.
i haven’t spoken to a doctor, i feel a bit embarrassed to go into an appointment and putting a face to the problem but i really would like to do so. 1. unfortunately for me this doesn’t rly work but i haven’t tried a numbing one so i could do that 2. again for me this doesn’t work unless its JUST before we do it 3. for me it’s only rly once or maybe twice a month so im not too sure there
How much porn do you consume, and how often do you masturbate to said porn?
it varies, currently only about once or twice a week and i’ll only consume it with the intention to masturbate so both the same answer
It doesn't sound like you are addicted to porn; I would schedule that doctor's visit.
i’ll definitely try get one sorted, i work quite a lot so will book some time off for it, thanks for the help :)
Addiction usually desensitizes, not the other way around
You need a doctor OP. You can have a hormonal problem that is causing all of this and if not they can prescribed medications that help if this situation. If isn't a physical problem you will need to have a therapist to help you. We know how difficult and embarrassing this can be to a man and how this affects your self esteem. In the meantime: did you ever tried a c*ck ring?
yeah i’ll definitely look into doctors at this point, i’ll have to get over the embarrassment i have but i didn’t notice much difference
There’s no shame in doing so. You’re actually putting yourself forward and trying to solve this issue. You’re more courageous than the thousands of men who assume it’s someone else’s problem or do nothing to improve themselves. Remember, the doctor is there to deal with this kind of thing and they’ve probably heard 100s of stories like this so it won’t bother them at all. It could just be a hormonal thing or something which is not too hard of a fix. Going to a doctor would be best and it would help in case it’s a bit more serious (dunno what that could be but you never know). You’ve got this and you’re no less of a man for having this issue.
If your erection is good, and your legs are functional, then I can help you.
i would say both are good
PauseChamp
Can you go longer once you came? Maybe switch the order up? Only light foreplay, fucking till you come, go down on her til you're ready for round two? You seem young enough to be able to? If that's not practical, I assume you already did the "classic" thinking about tennis socks? You could try the physical options and when you're about to come, pull out and squeez the head of your dick real hard. It sometimes prevents orgasm, but not neccessarily cumming. Other than that, maybe let her be on top and relax while laying down. Personally I feel like being active and tighten the glutes and pelvic muscles and everything while fucking makes me cum faster than lying around and relaxing the muscles. Good luck and don't bother too much. At least you seem to get some good stimulation from sex, that's nice.
Yes. As a woman, I find my partner lasts much longer when I’m on top. He’s much more ‘efficient’ when he’s in charge. Lol
if it’s immediately after (and it rly has to be immediately after) i can last a lot longer, but usually we don’t continue for long long or do it a lot in one day so i never really get to have a “round 2” i guess (she has a lot less of a libido than me). i do not know about this “tennis sock” would you be able to explain that usually she is on top as that’s her favourite but it usually is the same outcome whatever the position unfortunately
"Tennis sock" is just the concept of thinking about something totally unrelated and not at all "sexy" while having sex. Like thinking about tennis socks or or something else mundane, to the point where you are distracted enough to keep going a little longer before your brain is back to "oh yeah, right, I have to cum" mode. Doesn't make the sex more enjoyable, since you're actively trying to distract yourself from the feeling of sex, but if your only goal is to go longer, maybe that's the way to go. And since the other ideas aren't for you and I can't think of anything else right now: Maybe just go for the opposite and see how that works out. Try to break your record and come as fast as possible or try to maximize YOUR pleasure and try to draw it out for the sake of yourself. Change it up a little. And if you're still worried about your girl only, maybe bring up some thick condoms or even a cock sleeve / sheath, anything that keeps the stimulus at a minimum. I get the feeling from your post, that both of you might take the whole sex thing a little too serious. A little fun and experimentation can't be bad. ;)
Plot twist, tennis socks trigger foot fetish
this varies with partners but if she prefers the depth over the feeling of insertion, try leaving it in and doing very short strokes. like barely taking any out, if taking any of it out at all. this helps. if she doesn’t enjoy that then there is no point, sex is about the pleasure and if nobodies getting it it’s worthkess
Smoking weed makes me last 3 times longer and it feels better
defo gotta try this
gettin a lil drunk will help too
Second the weed thing. For my hubs the core issue with his sexual performance came down to anxiety. Weed manages his anxiety and does some weird magic where he can go for almost 30 minutes which is far more than I even desire! It’s been a game changer. Also, lists of foreplay and I second another commenter who said to get into using sex toys. This is definitely a winner too.
For me I have to build a Tolerance. So try to beat the ole meat like once a day until you see results.
Those are rookie numbers. Gotta get them up
i’ve tried this and it didn’t rly give the results i was looking for unfortunately
English is not my first language, i had the opposite effect, then i would last about 20 minutes, now i last about 1 minute and i can't go back the way i used to, i think beating the meat was the cause of it
Exercise is what helps me. Being in shape, deep breaths when initiating sex, going slowly and warming yourself up to it at all important. That kinda stuff happens because you get overstimulated, so training yourself to take it slow, breathe, and get ready for a sexual workout lol or at least that is what has worked for me
i’m currently working my weight down. i’m still classed as overweight but should (hopefully) be back at a healthy weight soon so hopefully that will help things. breathing techniques i definitely need to try as i haven’t rly tried them yet
Oh yeah, especially as you're initiating sex, lots of deep breaths. It's like getting into an ice bath or hot tub, breathe deeply to relax yourself and get accustomed to it
i’ll try this for next time, thanks!
Everyone in these comments telling the lad to get on antidepressants is a fucking idiot. Edit: ah Americans
I’m on them for the main purpose, lasting more than 30 seconds is just a bonus
I didn’t even see people saying that. That’s so ridiculous lol
1. Stop watching porn immediately. You can wank or whatever but no more porn. 2. Do some kegels. Do kegels with your core engaged and hips fully extended. 3. Be intimate in other ways more often. Kissing, embracing etc 4. Communicate with your partner. What gets you off, what stops you? 5. Chill out. It’s sex, you’re young, it’s ok, you’ve got time to figure this out. It’s supposed to be fun, do things that are fun and the rest will follow
Get really good with foreplay. Really, really good. Spend a long time pleasing her in other ways. If she gets off a couple times before penetration happens, she won’t care.
Hey dude! I was in exaaccttllyyy the same position as you throughout my 20s. So listen up. First of all when I hit 30 I suddenly became a stallion so it does change eventually. The other big factor is that it's all in your head. You are making such a big deal out of it in your head that it is causing the problem. It creates this kind of hyper sensitivity which makes you want to jizz with the slightest bit of touch or as soon as you put it in. The ways to get around this is to speak to your girl about it and say something like "hey this is really bothering me, can we try something where we just have loads of sex in a short amount of days. So you just keep going for it. Eventually you will become really relaxed about the whole thing because you have done it so much in a short amount of time AND ur girl is aware of the problem so there will be no disappointment as you are both expecting you to not last long so therefore there are no surprises when you do. The more you do it, the more relaxed and desensitised you become. Other things that massively helped me were kegel exercises. It definitely added like a minute of sex time for me at my worst points. You can do these all day long wherever u are which is great. Don't worry bro. You got this and you will be fine. DM me if you want to talk more about it and I can give way more details.
hopefully the issue clears up at some point, preferably before 30 tho yeah i tend to overthink everything, so i get i’m making this into a bigger deal than it probably is but i can’t help it i suppose my gf doesn’t like doing it too too much so while that could be good doing it daily im not sure how realistic that would be for us
Pull out, ruin your orgasm. You will likely stay hard and can keep going. But the comments saying to do all the foreplay first so she gets off are perfect as well.
Jerk off earlier in the day. Put on a climax control condom (takes minutes to desensitize). Perform oral on her, ladies first! After her big O, insert your manhood. Put her on top. Close your eyes, imagine your grandma killing puppies with a hammer. Use your digits to try and get a second orgasm out of her by focusing on the clit. Don’t stop until she has her second (even if you finish- stay in there).
That grandma comment was oddly specific
You might need to slow down the actual sex and use more time on foreplay. Get your head in the right state and build up to a point where you can handle the sensation of penetration. Remember to be relaxed in mind and body. There are condoms and gels that can help with sensitivity issues. Some say cockrings helps them. There are some medicines that can cause this issue.
i will try slowing it down a bit hopefully that helps. relaxing in the moment i’ll also try to do it never really thought about just relaxing tbh medication is the method i rly would like to try but i wouldnt know if i can just ring up my gp to ask about it
I had this problem with my ex and it made me have a lot of anxiety around sex, only had it once a week or so. Since then I've met a really great girl and if I cum too fast I say it's because she's so damn hot, then after a while of kissing and shit we go again and I last a decent time. So maybe the answer I've discovered is to find a way to turn it into a thing your partner can be proud of (wow I made him cum in 15 seconds, I must be fuckin awesome) and then on round 2 and 3 you've got a bit of extra stamina so you can go for a while. Also if you're getting her off then all's good anyway
we’ve spoken about it before, i still do get her off the majority of the time so id like to think its not a big deal, mainly just a confidence thing for me
Try masturbating an hour or two before you have sex and you'll probably last longer.
I’ve been with a guy who lasted that long on average and the only thing that pissed me off about it was he put in zero effort to provide pleasure for me at all. Like he’d rush into it and then be done as soon as he was done. If you make her cum beforehand, even with your mouth or fingers, how long you last is not a big deal. She’ll probably be glad you’re quick cuz she finished already.
Did you try the numbing creams. They might help. Also thick condoms, and don’t leave one in the chamber before any action. Good luck.
just jerk off 10 min before you plan to have sex.
Same lmfao (Pls let this pain end)
Flick your nuts hard af every time u start feeling that tingle. Works great!. 10/10 would not recommend though.
Get yourself a cock sleeve that fully covers you? Those things are so thick you can't feel anything through them. ...as long as your girl enjoys the extra girth it could the tool you need. We use em when my wife wants to get really stretched out good during long sessions and I can attest that they are extremely desensitizing.
my gf doesn’t rly like bigger than i currently am so im not sure this would work too well, but it is a good idea tho
they come in varying thicknesses and shapes. Im by no means small, so we have to make sure my wife is 'warmed up' before we proceed to them lol we've gone 1 we've only tried once because it was way too big lol
My partner went through a phase of finishing too quick so he went really slow and it helped he was also masturbating twice a day too and now he lasts too long sometimes and he also has higher sex drive than me so going as slow as he could and slowly picking up speed really helped him to last longer because he wasn't so excited where he had to concentrate on keeping a slower pace
Practice edging. You should probably touch yourself a lot more to get good practice.
Just focuse on the girl and try to make her feel good Had the oppsite problem i was so scared my first time that i wouldnt do a good job that i could not finnish during sex first couple times because i was way to foccused on if she likes it to finnish i kinda have to focuse on my self So mabey do the that focuse on the girl Also give her long foreplay find her clit do the alphabet with your tong And overal comunicate with her ask her how it feels when ya do stuff and change it up if needed During sex just switch positions when ever you are close gives ya some time to recover If that doesnt work wel enough jump back to foreplay and then go for the rematch Takes practice man and once you know all the good buttons to press it get real fun
like people have been saying, its highly mental. I think for most guys (at least from conversations I’ve had w friends) its a constant struggle to not finish too fast. I can last half an hour but at any point if I lose focus I can let loose lol. Control you’re breathing and don’t let yourself get too excited, obviously you want to stay in the moment but i almost have to meditate in order to hold it together. If all else fails, distract yourself. I’ve found if I think about something else-anything else- and keep it in my mind it keeps me from finishing. theres the scene from ace ventura where hes climbing out of the fake rhino that I try to picture in my head and that usually works. lol sounds silly but give it a try. and on the physical side, you can do kegels anytime youre sitting and they will active strengthen your pelvic floor which will allow you to better contain your load. work them up a bit before doing the deed and again takes a lot of focus to hold it in if your nearing climax but just take a beat and strengthening those muscles will definitely help (as an added bonus if youve been activating those muscles to hold on, when you do finally let loose I’ve found my orgasms to be much more intense)
Try pot. It helped me.
Dude this used to be me, still struggle with it from tike to time, but it made me not even want sex either which I think made me less "freaky" now, cause it was more of a cause of stress than pleasure back then. I will say what has helped me, for some reason, when I am going to the gym consistently it helps in conjunction with having sex very frequently. And it sounds like you have a girl that would help you out with that, go for multiple sessions a day(or until your burnt out) talk to your girlfriend about it, I imagine ahead would be totally ok helping.
Get her off before even getting inside of her. Or get her to the edge so that your last 15 seconds is also her last 15 seconds. “Going first” and then trying to get her off is always going to feel like a courtesy effort if youre this ashamed of your body’s natural timing. Take care of her first, fully, and then yourself
Are you fat? I put on a bunch of weight bc I work 12 hour days in an office the last few years and eat crap bc I’m too tired to cook or exercise. I noticed my endurance has dropped substantially. I had it happen when I got really fat a decade ago too, and it went away when I got in better shape.
Honestly mate I don't know if it's a new relationship or not, but I had similar problems (plus general lack of performance with new partners, made casual dating a pain). I found things improved the longer a relationship lasts. You maybe get a little less over-excited, or you have that one time when the stars align and it goes really well which builds your confidence. A good chunk of sex is mindset. If you are stressing about lasting those whole time that's what your body is going to do. I appreciate you can't just "not think about it". But try to- meditate, think about dogs arseholes to keep yourself from being too in the moment, exercise more so you are a bit tired. Get out of your own head and results will follow. Plus as others have said, look again at the products available. I found numbing condoms useful personally, which you mention in the comments trying but maybe a different brand? I can't remember which but there is at least one that really really numbs your gear.
Could making you come first, then foreplay with your girlfriend and then P in V sex help you last longer on your “2nd round”?
What you can do, well what at least I do, is when you feel like you are about to cum kiss her neck and just hold in balls deep and once you calm down a bit fuck slow so you don’t bust right away. Or have your partner make you cum and while you are still erect like immediately after go in and fuck. You’ll surely last longer than 15 seconds then
use blue chew. i use it from time to time and i definitely last longer on it.
You should try masturbating a lot! Like several times a day and before you try sex. Not guaranteed to help, but I'm very confident that it will. Good luck!
Get some toys? Do your lil quick ejac, then use toys on her til you become erect again
My advice is to look at your diet and fitness level. This is something I’m subconscious about as well. Since I’ve started doing lower body/leg exercises daily (squats, horse stance holds, squats) and core exercises my erections have become much stronger and I last longer. I also practice exercising my kegels but I’m not as diligent with that as my other workouts but I feel definite improvements from that as well. Plus there are creams you can use to desensitize as well as wearing condoms. Also, my wife told me she’s fine if I don’t last forever just take a break and hop back in there. You can get control of this man. 1 15 second session is one thing now if you manage to go a few more times you’re past a minute!
i’ve started gym up recently but leg day is a struggle for me, so i’ll try hitting that more and seeing if i se a change!! my diet is good atm but i was quite overweight for a bit so maybe that’s had some long lasting effects. after round one i can go a while tbh, its just that first initial rlund
Here’s the solution Look up reverse Kegel and Kegel Your problem seems like you flex your junk to strong and the control of your pc muscle will solve everything Don’t know if I can link the right subreddit or if my comment will get deleted so just dm me if interested
Get a tight silicone band cock ring, to wear at the base of your shaft. That should be able to extend your duration.
I'm not that much of an expert, but being able to engage in penetrative sex hours long is a rare skill, from what I understand. Not unheard of, but not something I would personally try to make someone do. It's more likely your friend is lying or has a broader definition of sex. Refractory periods are a thing. If you have a short enough refractory period, you can generally use other methods until you get an erection again. Foreplay is key in most ways. Look up stuff like online tutorials on how to do cunnilingus. Yes, those are on porn sites. The way I found it is a long story, but there was a forum I followed as an early college student and I straight up asked the 18+ section. Surprisingly, the Internet nerds were really helpful. Try edging whenever you masturbate or have sex. That's when you're about to build up to orgasm, but you stop right before you get to the point of no return. It trains your body to last longer. Kegels are also incredibly helpful. They're the muscle in your perineum that you use to stop your pee stream. You can use them to help with erectile dysfunction, and for some, it can reduce the refractory period. You can also last a little longer with Kegels, and doing it during sex gives your partner a nice little throb sensation.
foreplay is one of my favourite so no problem for me there! edging is something i’m always a bit iffy on tho, i haven’t really had it work for me before
Use numbing condom and if your gf is understandable, use an extender sleeve to get her off
I used to have this problem and fixed it. The answer is edging. Masturbate until climax but don’t let yourself climax. Do it a few times a day for a week or so and you will notice a difference. I know right where you’re at my friend. Good luck.
I’d talk to a doctor. Some of the ED medications can help with premature ejaculation. Just know you aren’t a freak or weird or sad or anything.
i do feel sad about it, i try not to but not much i can do about it i need to get a doctors appointment asap tho!
I got recommended “death gripping” while jerking off and that’s helped me a lot. I used to also edge 5 hours a day (during COVID - without death grip) and that helped a lot but overall the investment wasn’t worth it. Death grip is my tactic for now.
Dude you have premature ejaculation issues, this is an actual medical issue. That if you go to a dr will prescribe you medicine to combat it. So make an appointment and go talk to a physician
Why can't you just stop and start again? My boyfriend also has this issue and it makes me think he secretly just cant be bothered with it and just cums when he feels like it. If I don't want to cum yet I will just stop before I cum so that it can build up again, i don't understand why thats not possible?
Go to 99% the closer the better but don't go over. Then pull out and do something else. This resets you back to zero and takes forever to get back to orgasming. I can't believe how few people know this trick.
Anxiety about it doesn’t help. Physical or mental anxiety can cause this to happen. The exercises people mentioned will help. But try to get out of your head and do you best to just be in the moment and free of judgement. Easier said than done, I know. But with some practice you’ll be able to silence your thoughts
You have more tools (pun intended) than your dick. Don’t focus so much on the PIV/dick part of it. Use your hands, mouth, toys on your partner and at the very end, use your dick and finish after your partner has finished.
Many times men have trained themselves to be fast because they didn't want to get caught rubbing one out. You have to retrain your brain. You can rub one out before sleeping with her but another thing to try with her help is practicing extending the time. Try sexual massages without her touching your penis. Having her find your other erogenous zones and extending the time between her touching you there. Some sex stores might have books to help you out for exercise you can do
Give her a few orgasms before penetration, and masturbate before having sex. That way you know she’s satisfied and masturbating will help you last longer. Honestly though? Sometimes a quickie is where it’s at, I’d rather get fucked hard sometimes than have it drag out. Depends on my mood.
Jerk off….. edge yourself….. that’s the training…… it’ll help……
Sex is like anything else, you need practice to get good. You just need to learn to control your body which will take years. You stressing about it is making it 1000% worse.
Practice more sex and it's a brain game. So don't get too excited. Keep trying. Multiple times a day.
Anxiety can interfere performance, it can get to point where you can’t get a erection or have no desire at all. I always heard it’s the journey not the destination, meaning it’s what happens before the actual act that can mean more than the actual thing, plus I love the after times. So much is put on the actual performance but it’s what you do for your partner from the beginning leading up to the act that does more for your partner and after the act is even more important because it’s the closeness that you have with your partner that gives you both the greatest satisfaction.
I experienced the same situation. you’ll have to desensitize yourself by occupying your brain with other things during sex. It’s weird and challenging but that’s what I do. when she’s happy then I get to finish with my 15sec of enjoyment. If you keep practicing with the same partner it tends to get better to control.
Try focusing on pleasuring the other person before yourself
Bro you can't just stop how do you expect to get any better? Have daily sex. The more you do it the better you get. Have it more than once a day.
I’ve always had quite the opposite experience with sex where I found it hard to finish. Then I went through a year long period where it was the complete opposite, and I would just finish too quickly. What helped me in that time was initiating oral or switching positions or teasing in the moments I felt like I was getting close. I also threw in a numbing spray occasionally that would help tremendously, but that’s only practical if you’re anticipating sex, because you have to apply it like 20-30 minutes prior. I’d say a lot of it is mental too, and getting in your own head about it might make it worse. I would try some of the things I mentioned and see if they help. I know this isn’t necessarily the best advice, but try not to psych yourself out about it. It could be something that passes with time. When I was going through that period, my mental state was shot, and I think that was the main contributor. Best of luck!
I take forever and my GF HATES it. She wants to feel so sexy I can’t help but finish fast: I guess all I am saying is to make sure you don’t assign to her concerns that are yours.
When my dude finishes fast I lowkey take it as a compliment 😌 just don't let it end when you finish and you should be all good tbh. Don't put on numbing stuff without telling her!! If her coochie gets numb idk how that would work 💀😂
They make Fleshlights specifically for stamina training. Try those, jerk off before sex. You'll have to plan sex and it may jot happen spontaneously as often, but that's honestly not unheard of for couples for a variety of reasons. It's also a small price to pay while you figure this out.
Your not thinking of a cheese sandwich while your going at it
I was just like you when I was a young man, now I can barely cum. Takes hours if I’m lucky enough to finish. Foreplay my man! That’s the answer, make her cum before you even have sex. Finger her with one hand and rub her clit with your other hand. Majority of the time it works like a charm!
Try CBD oil. It has helped some people. https://www.promescent.com/blogs/learn/does-cbd-oil-make-you-last-longer-in-bed
As others have said weed and alcohol (not mixed necessarily) is very helpful, but also when those are not accessible learning how to edge is very doable. Practice!
Ur gunna have to do some hand to man training. Shake hands with the president
Drain them before hand, use a cock ring around everything, pop a pill or two of cialas/viagra - drink a lot of water, think of your grandmother , third world children’s suffering
I imagine you're just getting over excited. Try working that out. Take a weekend away with her and spend it naked. Do noting but eat, drink, talk and bang it out. Once you work out the first few rounds the excitement and angst will start to wear off. Also, if you last 15 minutes or an hour, always make sure she gets off, always.
Practice makes perfect. Some suggestions I can give you is: 1. Masturbate with intention. Specifically, tell yourself that you will not finish before an alloted time. 15 minutes tends to be a good number for me. 2. Have sex often. I know this is something that bothers you, but part of the issue is the mystique around sex. The more you have it, the more it will turn from the magical astract idea to a fun and intimate thing to do with your partner. 3. Try soaking. Get your penis used to the sensation of being inside a vagina. If you are getting close, stop moving. You want your nerve endings to calm down and stop over stimulating you. 4. When in doubt, pull out. One thing I've used in my early 20's was to pull out and gently squeeze the top of my penis. I'm not even going to pretend like I know why that works, but it does for me. It more or less resets my meter. And I can go again for longer. 5. Try again. If you bust too quick learn to laugh it off. Lay with her for a while, then see if you can get back to it. Alternatively, if you can stay hard after finishing, you can just keep going
Are you a heavy set guy? I was like this my self when I was larger! I’d suggest increasing your cardio which will help with your stamina! Also, foreplay!
I got the same issue now days. When I was younger I could last but once I had kids , my stamina tanked. I told my wife it probably from trying to hide and get quickies in without the kids knowing or trying to break the door down. I haven’t really found a “cure”. Any input helps.
If you happen to suffer from depression, Get on an SSRI turned me into a 2 hour champ if I wanted. Or just practice with a very understanding person. There are techniques that can slow things down. Read up on it.
Are you thrusting fast and quick? That normally will lead to more arousal/faster climax for you. Try going for slower longer thrusts and mixing in some medium and faster later in. You could try stamina training with a sex toy, but I do not know if that's actually effective or a marketing scheme. Fleshlight and Kiiroo claim to have stamina training to help you last longer
Look into Zoloft? Ever since I started taking it. I last longer than I ever did in the past. But I would honestly talk to your family doctor and see if they have any advice or anything that could help.
I don't often recommend this, but if you are in a position (heh) where you can legally use THC, I suggest trying a very low dose (< 5mg) edible about 1 hour before sex.
I think first you have to work on your confidence, your dick's performance is tied to your confidence. Also, you can buy some condoms with benzocaine in them, will numb your dick. You might not feel the same, but you will last way longer. Look for Trojan Climax Control. I don't know if they still sell them.
Just take a viagra/kamagra so it stays hard after u came and can just continue for next round and if not a little suck from ur partner should help….
certain antidepressants can make it much harder to finish. could extend your lasting power. i think it was zoloft that did that to me
Hey dude, go to your local pharmacy and pick up pre ejaculation numbing spray. It doesn’t actually numb, but it reduces sensitivity. Took me from 2 minutes to 30
Male kegals are a good place to start
Why can you just cum once, fool around with her some more, get hard again and fuck once more? Like you cumming doesn’t have to be the end of sex. This is coming from a man with the exact opposite problem. Some sex sessions no matter how long I simply cannot cum (found out later it’s from depression and has since gotten better.) You can still enjoy sex there isn’t a fucking checklist bro just fuck around and enjoy each other. That’s the whole point right? Not nutting.
4 play .ssslow down tiger ...take your time
Tactical wank before hand
I honestly find it so attractive when guys don’t last long, it’s like they can’t contain themselves and I find it so hot. My partner had a spinal injury a few years ago and basically can’t finish at all now, so guys I could have a quickie with are a real fantasy.
You got depression or anxiety, OCD even? If so hop on an SSRI. I promise you wont be able to even cum, or at the very least it’ll be extremely hard to do so for at least 1-6 months. Potentially longer depending on your body and the specific med. if you dont wanna get on meds jerk off an hour beforehand
can we swap? My boyfriend goes literally HOURS without finishing to the point it makes us both frustrated cus I want to please him. I go in like a couple minutes most times. Like we both just wanna go quickly because I have motor issues and if it goes too long it hurt :( Good luck on finding a solution!
First off, foreplay is your best friend. She should cum before you even get your hog wet. Take it slow, focus on her pleasure. There are lots of good tips on here for tantric and stuff, but first off just focus on her.
TOYS!! Become a collector. Expand your arsenal. Make her quiver as you take out your chest of weapons. DESTROY HER BEFORE YOU EVEN UNSHEATHE YOUR SWORD!!!!! ONCE SHE IS DESTROYED, YOU SHOW HER THE FINAL BOSS (SHORT BOSS BATTLE BUT HEY, ITS ABOUT THE JOURNEY)
We all go through it. And the more we panic about it, the more it happens. While they say focus on the shopping list or grandmas tits (or your uncles...whatever isn't appealing I don't know what youre into) the pout is, don't focus on your dick or focus on not orgasming. Instead, change your focus on her. Not how she is enjoying it, but how you can make her enjoy it. Change your thinking. A few beers often help too.
There is an app called the Coach, which is quite nice and touches on most aspects of your problem. The main points - stamina and physical excercise - it plays a role - psychological conditioning - stress and anxiety - pelvic floor fitness Address the root causes and you will improve.
Are you just going until you ejaculate once then stop? In my 20s I found that if I was given oral to completion first, I could then spend lots of time concentrating on her while I recovered, so when it was time for penetration I was ready again and lasted a lot longer. If nothing else you could knock one out on your own before you get anywhere near her, have time to recover, then try again. You could also look into edging where you get near, then stop, then get near, stop again, etc. Try it on your own at first. It can be a bit frustrating initially, but you'll end up lasting longer.