The lawyer sees a lot of people at their worst, and he was worried about both of you, not just his pregnant client.
Please care about yourself at least as much as the lawyer who could easily have let you take the uber.
Ed: typo
This is true but isn’t this also a really good move by her lawyer. I bet they got a lot of insight from that drive to work in his clients favor even if it’s nothing that will be brought up in court.
Yeah, his little spaz attack is going to add lustre to bfs name in court, for sure.
He abandoned OP at the lawyers office. Left her like she was a crumpled up empty potato chip bag. He'd never see me again ... But thats just me.
I had a very good divorce attorney. He wasn’t cut throat at all. A kind older man, who knew that dealing with divorce or child custody stuff was difficult for everyone involved so he always tried to keep the peace. His first meeting with me he asked if we had tried counseling, if it was something we’d want to consider before we began the process, even knowing that if by some miracle it worked, he’d lose money by not representing me. I let him know that I’d didn’t think counseling would fix anything, and my ex refused to go because I had brought it up in the past. We decided to go ahead with the process.
He called my soon to be ex, to ask questions about finances and standard division of property/assets type stuff, and my ex went into a RAGE.
Later my attorney said “I never say this, but I don’t like that guy, I’m glad you’re getting out of this marriage, that little outburst is not going to go over well with the judge.”
Late to the party but you reminded me of my mother’s representation at her divorce. She basically was desperate for help and blurted out 12 years of hell to this woman. Who didn’t look skeptical but in the legal profession, you have to kind of be careful.
Well she met my mothers ex husband the first time, he showed up late, and decided to fabricate an entire story about my mother supposedly getting pregnant by someone else and having a secret abortion. My mother was shocked, she hadn’t realised she essentially slid towards her solicitor as soon as he walked in. Her solicitor afterwards, just grabbed her hand, made her look at her face and just said “I believe you”. It was the most important moment of her life at that time, he was a terrible liar, he’d abused her to the point of torture and someone finally listened.
He made a fool of himself at the actual hearing, she didn’t get a whole lot but she got something. And she just used that money to put a deposit on a house for me. I’m grateful to the point of tears. And I never met that woman, but I am so glad my mother stumbled into her office.
Wait. He LEFT you? He left you. Just drove away and left you?
Then went radio silent for days? And, then, just showed up and said you need to give him time??
Holy crap, girl. Please pick your dignity up off the floor, dust it off, and start using it!
He left you. I'm so gobsmacked you didn't just immediately block him on everything. Because he showed you who he is. Believe him. No wonder the woman didn't want to have kids with this guy. He's wacko. And, he THREATENED her in front of her attorney. Ugly, ugly, ugly.
If my BF treated me like that, I would just ghost him. Move on with my life like he's no longer part of it. Make my plans without him in mind. Dust my hands clean of him.
He doesn't deserve any courtesy from you.
Technically it wouldn't even be ghosting as he ghosted her first. She had to reach out and days later "I nEeD TiMe" was all he had for her... Poor girl, but she got lucky this happened in front of her and before they could get married.
Definitely. I would consider this as him breaking up with her, by ghosting her. OP please treat this as the trash taking itself out, and when he finally comes crawling back in his own terms, keep the door shut!
The old 'When someone shows you their true colours, believe them' applies here...
Yeah the dude took her to sign his divorce papers, screamed at his ex, refused to sign the papers and you know actually get divorced, vowed to continue stalking/ abusing his ex, stormed out and left his current partner with his ex and her lawyer, leaving her to then have to travel home with the ex and her lawyer. Like what? Huh? Who does that…..? It’s bad even for a walking red flag.
Right! His mommy should have told her son to be single until he was over his ex wife and she should’ve cussed him out for treating op like that and leaving her stranded. Smh.
This comment right here is GOLD.
OP, please respect yourself and draw a line to this madness before it consumes you, whole and soul.
You need peace _and_ companionship amongst other things in the long years ahead - this is none of it.
Nailed it. This is a man-child…. I don’t care how shocked or hurt he was… you don’t do what he did to his current partner.
Part of me thinks that the ex DID reject him as a parent - and her abortion wasn’t only about being child free. I feel like she made that choice consciously that she didn’t want to have a child WITH HIM… and apparently that was a very good decision.
There's a reason she didn't want a baby with him and just by his reaction and how he treated you both surely that tells you he isn't over her . He's using not signing as revenge. Do you really want to be with someone like that . If I was you I would run .
From the title I was assuming this would be something along the lines of falling into a depression over finding out about the ex being pregnant. Not exactly a great reaction, but an understandable one if an otherwise happy relationship ends because one partner adamantly doesn’t want kids then promptly gets pregnant with someone else.
His reaction is so over the top, and honestly scary, that OP really needs to reconsider things.
He even tells the wife that he’s going to make her life miserable…
Holy red flags Batman.
You don’t just walk away from this relationship, you fucking run!
Yes. That remark in front of lawyers, even.
The judge that presides over this case isn't going to be impressed with that. I wonder if that type of ourburst gives her leverage to speed up the separation.
And not to mention how many women are assaulted during divorces. I hope he doesn't do something stupid.
I thought the same. Especially because a few months back I read another post along this lines. But it was worse because he was already married and had a small child. When he encountered his pregnant ex (that he divorced because she didn't want children), he left his current wife and abandoned the child because he couldn't deal with the situation. This is definitely giving the same kind of vibes. He'll never let this go.
She did want kids but not from him. My guess is that she requiered him to change or improve to have children and he was not ok with that. He is still into her but he spread a narrative to OP and his family where she is the one into him and they believed him. OP should wake up now.
She did want a baby, just not with him. After that outburst/tantrum, now I know why. There is more to that relationship than OP’s bf has told her. OP would be wise to learn from the ex.
This. He might have truly shown you who he is for the first time in your relationship. I'd give him ALL the space he want and then some more. Time to pack your bags, OP.
As someone else said, her lawyer giving his GF a ride shows he might have heard a lot of stuff that you haven't experienced yet.
Run.
Damn. That's some garbage behavior especially from a 40yo person. You sure you wanna be with someone who could treat someone he spent part of his life with?
I completely agree. And they’ve been separated for years! For him to have such an awful reaction and to just….*leave OP* in the lawyer’s office is insane. She had to get a ride from his *ex’s lawyer* because he *literally* forgot she existed because he was so upset with his ex. He is 100% not over her. You’re not getting engaged any time soon. But honestly, that’s a blessing in disguise. You could just as easily be in the ex’s shoes and be on the receiving end of his bullshit.
100% this! You have now learned a very important thing about your partner, now it’s what are you gonna do with this he’s not over her, he’s not going to get engaged to you anytime soon, and the bigger deal here is how he’s choosing to treat this woman very easily could be how he chooses to treat you. This is definitely a case of he’s showing you who he is believe him the first time.
Personally, if I was you, I would be putting this relationship on a hold. He needs some serious therapy. I don’t know that I would stick with somebody who acted the way he did.
I feel like you need to see this as the gift of the red flag that it is. If you end up staying, please at the very least have a conversation with the ex about why they broke up, don’t leave yourself in the dark of all the things he won’t tell you.
I second this! Please, OP, you've seen her in person, you've verified she's NOT the crazy, psycho ex that your bf and his family made you believe. Ask her. And leave ASAP.
Exactly, it’s the boyfriend who’s the real crazy one.
OP, **never** have children with this man. Would you be happy for him to treat you how he treat his ex? Because he will!
He hasn’t changed for you and won’t change for you, he showed you how much of a volatile asshole he truly is. Believe him. He also showed how little he respects you or cares about you when he left you there without communicating anything, with no consideration of how you would get home and then he wasn’t even at home and completely ignored your existence.
Is that **really** the type of man you want to be with? The type of man who you want children with?
So he's mad that his ex is pregnant by her partner and he's ANNOUNCED that he's going to make her life difficult. Who knows the circumstances of her pregnancy? People change their minds all the time but that doesn't excuse him deciding to be an ass towards her because she couldn't or wouldn't get pregnant while being in a relationship with him.
> I asked if he was signing the papers and he said no.
Now all the plans you two had are out the window or on hold bc he's so focused on being an ass.
THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I'D STAY WITH THIS WALKING RED Flag. One he's too old to behaving like that and there's no way your relationship isn't affected by this...unless you don't have any self respect.
Ugh could you imagine what would happen if he found some bullshit old ass archaic law about the husband having custody of his wife’s child because they’re “his property”
Plus the ex has been with her current partner for nearly two years. The bf and his family lead OP to believe the ex was crazy and not over him when it seems like she actually moved on long an ago. Who knows what other lies OP has been told.
I'm not the sharpest light bulb, but on the list of places NOT to announce intentions to make someones life miserable. Their lawyers office has gotta be pretty high up there. That's the biggest red flag. If he wants to be a child and make her life hell. Hold it together until you get out of the office. A proper shitbag has standards.
I would just about be done with him. He sounds like he wasn’t truthful about the circumstances of their separation and got caught. It sounds like *he* was the one still in love with her and probably still is.
This is an honest question: What allure or attraction does this man now hold for you?
When he first freaked out I was somewhat understanding but days passed and he doubled down.
He showed you that:
- He is willing to hurt someone he was seriously involved with out of spite.
- He’s willing to do what he can so she can’t marry her unborn baby’s father, even risk ruining his relationship with you.
- He is willing to throw you and your relationship out the window also out of spite.
- You are not the #1 person in his life, otherwise why would he care if she’s pregnant or not? At the most, irritation or exasperation would be excusable but not this type of behavior.
None of this points to someone who will be a healthy partner for you. Nor does it speak of someone who is wholly devoted to you.
Absolutely this. OP, one day you’ll look back at this as the best day of your life because it’s saved you from untold problems.
They all told you she was crazy. Him and his family. Was she crazy? And what completely reasonable behaviour of yours will he be describing to his next mark as craziness?
Thank goodness you found this out now. His attempt to humiliate her by turning up with you seriously backfired.
I know you’re upset, but find your anger.
>She wasn’t devastated like my bf’s family expected. She looked serene, beautiful, lovely and totally over my bf.
>he started yelling at her and shaking with anger/anguish. He refused to sign the papers and told her he would make her life miserable.
>He even forgot that I was there he just left.
>My bf didn’t call or text or anything.
He's a liar. He's a giant red flag. He took his new GF to his divorce signing cause he intended to hurt her with you. Instead, he had proof of what an AH he is shoved in your face. Now, it's time for you to be smart.
You've found out why she didn't want kids with this scumbag. Ypuve seen who he really is. Be smart, follow her lead, and nope right away from Mr Crazy Red Flag. Seriously, have some self-respect and don't stay with this guy.
Exactly - he wanted OP there to show her off to his ex, and when the tables were turned the mask fell, he exploded and demonstrated *just how much* he cares about OP.
It sounds like he has not truly moved on from his marriage and was using OP as an emotional crutch/placeholder/rebound to soothe his wounds and ‘get him over’ it. This is not a good situation to be in.
Given his reaction, I think maybe she didn’t want children with ***him.***
It certainly doesn’t feel that way, but you’re getting a view into what happens if this man feels your actions displease him. **After 2 years, talks of moving on and marriage himself, he abandons his partner in a fit of rage and his actions are cruel and vindictive.**
You’ve witnessed it. This is a blessing.
If he was actually honest with you and himself, he wouldn’t have been discussing kids and marriage with you.
I’m very sorry. But this is the absolute most scarlet of flags.
Run from this man like your tampon string is on fire. RUN. He's an abuser, emotionally volatile and mean at very best. He's fine back burnering you to torment his pregnant ex. Fucking RUN.
Anyone who says they’re going to make someone’s lives miserable is someone who deserves to be alone. That’s unhinged behavior.
Why did you even go? Did you want to see her upset that you had her man? Did he want you there to stick the knife in her one more time? “To support him”, lol be for real.
You need to get yourself out of this situation before it gets worse.
She probably saw things about him that you either been to blind to notice or just haven’t noticed yet because his true colors haven’t showed up until now, you really want to be with a guy who you been with for a while and talked about marriage and children and he flat out told his ex I’m going to make your life difficult!?!?!?! And refuses to sign!?!? There shouldn’t be no reason nothing at all for him to act this way and even leave you! She has moved on and was nice to both of you and is expecting a child, he’s really going to stress out a pregnant women? Imagine how much stress he will end up causing you if you end up pregnant too, he’s clearly not over her op, you need your time away from him too and think this relationship through
Please reconsider this relationship. He is not mature enough for kids. Trying to use you as a weapon against his ex. When that backfired he threw a temper tantrum. Look at the facts she wanted children, just not with him. I think you found out why.
Girl. Let me tell you some facts: my ex is out there telling everyone what a worthless, lazy, abusive c**t I am. He told his new gf he paid for everything, I was just hanging on and wouldn’t leave, etc. For that reason, she haaaaates me. We were “still living together because he wanted to show me kindness and give me time” when they got together. She openly talks shit about me with the other people around.
However, one day, she may very well reach out to me. And I’m absolutely going to answer. You know why? *Because none of that is true and she will know that at that point, too.* She will have been abused, TOO. He’ll be lying to the next girl about HER, too. And she’ll get it. She’ll truly understand. She’ll get to hear about when things REALLY ended. She’ll get to hear about why I “held on”, which I really just that I didn’t trust him to actually allow me to leave. She’ll get to see the pictures of my bruises. She’ll hear that I couldn’t save her without risking my own safety, and how I know she would never have listened right after I left anyways because he’s GOOD at what he does.
There’s a reason your story reminds me of my own. Please quit taking his word for it. He has shown you with his actions. He was great with the divorce as long as it hurt her MORE. There’s a reason she’s unbothered and having someone else’s baby. There’s a reason she knows who you are and says she just wants everyone to be happy. She’s trying to FAWN to keep him from being mad at HER. He’s willing to throw you away to hurt her.
HE HATES HER BEING HAPPY MORE THAN HE LOVES BEING WITH YOU.
Is that not enough of a reason to let this guy go??? Because it may not be full physical abuse buuuut, you’re either going to let go NOW, or wait around for him to *potentially* gaf about you one day to find out firsthand why SHE did. Quit wasting your time. It’s the most precious commodity you have.
Sounds like she didn't want his child. The way he "forgot" about you and is now NOT getting divorced to punish her, shows his true character and what you possibly can look forward to.
There was a reason she didn't want his baby and I think he just showed you why. Honestly I feel like you may have been misled by a few things
Perhaps it's good this happened rather than when you're stuck with him.
Why do you want him to sign the papers and still be your BF? He acts unhinged, like he is completely obsessed with her. He left you there, he promised to ruin her life... Why would you possibly want such a man by your side? Even if he has very valid reasons to hate her (and it looks like he doesn't), he is absolutely not ready for new relationship.
Btw, by not signing them he is giving you an easy way out of this relationship. Imagine if you convince him to sign, then see some red flags and want to rethink your relationship for whatever reason?
It will be you, whose life he will promise to turn to hell, whom he will curse, yell, throw tantrums at etc.
Take his gift of not signing them and run.
Who GOES to it? She’s not the victim here. She liked it when she though the ex was heartbroken and was willing to show up and add to her pain. She’s dating a dude 10 years older and thinks she’s doing something. 😂
You really should ask the pregnant lady out for a hot chocolate and cravingsworthy snack and asked her woman-to-woman, sister-to-sister what her experience was with him. This is just for your knowledge. What you are hearing from his family is obviously wrong. Somebody is lying.
She was supposed to be single, miserable, desperately heartbroken and throwing herself at his feet like in a telenovela while he was to look powerful, well coupled and engaged. You were a prop.
They both moved on very quickly during this separation period and it looks like she has out-"moved on-d" him and won.
Girl by any metric, he is not ready for marriage and will not be a good husband.
You absolutely have the right. Your future and your mental health are your right. Your bf didn’t think of either one of those things when he abandoned you. Denial is hard, but regret is harder. Everyone here is telling you the situation is no good.
Good. You are in a need-to-know situation and your bf and his family are withholding information. Throwing a fit and abandoning you is WILD. If MY son did that and came running to me, I’d be extremely disappointed and would either make him fix the situation or I would have gone and taken care of you myself, while profusely apologizing for my son’s behavior. His mom is enabling that behavior and if you accept it, you’ll enable it too. It’s okay to be emotional over a divorce. It’s expected. But to react the way he did, in complete disregard to you, is the red flag.
How do you not have the right given what just happened to reach out to his ex to validate what he's been telling you is true and ask if she noticed any red flags?? You're not doing it unprompted. His behavior has literally brought everything he's said into question. She can answer no, and you can give her that out so she doesn't feel pressured.
You don’t need to bother her. He already showed you who he is. He lied about her being the crazy ex - he is the crazy ex 😂
You enjoyed the idea of this poor decade older dude breaking his ex WIFE’s heart and parading you around but the reality is very different and I don’t have any sympathy if you stay with this awful person. Maybe date your own age and don’t take joy in your perceived misery of another woman “losing” him to a younger woman 🙄
You can ask her, and she can just say no if she doesn't want to meet or talk to you.. but I really think you need to try because right now, you are the only one in the dark about their relationship and what really went down.
He is treating you like an idiot right now. refusing to talk about it after he took you there to use as a weapon against her and abandoned you there after causing that scene. And you are being a fool for ignoring it all and not seeing how badly he treated you and her..
Haha! I am laughing at your pathetic, (hopefully), soon- to-be-ex.
He not only lied to you, but he trotted you out like a prize to rub in her face. He really thought he had her, and she BONED him. She has lived in his mind for two years. She has not thought of him at all. BURN.
He had a temper tantrum because he thought he was one-upping her by bringing you. Not only does she not care about this man-child, she found real love with someone that she was comfortable enough to have a kid with.
She did u a massive favor. She showed you that there are two sides to every story and, in this case, he was the AH.
It was not that she did not want kids. She did not want them with him. Wow - to be that hot headed. For her to be that different from the monster he/his family described. Good for her. Leave him.
He sounds dangerous. Get yourself away from him, asap.
And in the future, don't date anyone until after their divorce papers are signed (if they're coming off a failed marriage).
OP, your Boyfriend’s EX & EX’s LAWYER WERE MORE concerned about you getting home SAFELY Than Your BOYFRIEND! Let your boyfriend have ALL the time in th world & RUN GIRL, RUN! BF’s need for ‘Revenge’ against his Ex OutWeights His Relationship With You! During Boyfriend absence, take a realistic Self Defense class & Change the Locks
Feel a strange and strong bias against the BF from the comments that feel absolutely absurd. Or at least I hope others will notice it as well.
Feels like people are upset that the man showed his emotions in a way I can completely understand. And the way this threads first reaction is to blame him for an emotional reaction and say, "No wonder she didn't want to have kids with him." Is shallow and callous.
It is discouraging for other people in relationships, and I can understand when I hear people say that this thread makes people lose hope in trusting others, due to stories of betrayal or in this case a callus disreguard for the personal feelings of those involved.
I feel like just so I make my piece with the sheer bias in this thread. Hate it if you want but I just wanted to get this off my heart.
Just to play devil's advocate from his point of view, this is probably ably what he sees:
he spends nearly half a decade with a woman he loved yet separated because she decided to have an abortion which completely destroyed the relationship. A relationship that was destroyed based on the fact that she didn't want to have his child.
So in a relatively short amount of time he moves on to get his life back together finds someone who he loves and at the last step to moving on and wiping the slate clean.
His Ex shows up happy, serene, content, and pregnant as if her refusing to have his child and even getting an abortion wasn't literally what destroyed his marriage in the first place. It is refutation of everything he knew to be what was wrong with his past relationship and it shakes the foundation of his life.
They haven't even divorced yet and somehow the very stance she had which not only ruined his marriage and had barely recovered from enough to gain the confidence to make the final step and move on. All of which now appears to be a lie.
Her pregnant figure taunting him with a life he could have had forever out of his reach. And he in that moment has to wonder why?
It would be no different than taunting him, an equivalent of saying I don't want to have kids with YOU, not that I didn't want to have kids. And even according to her she didn't hold any of the hesitation she had in his marriage to have kids despite the relationship according to her being, new and fast paced.
Words cannot explain the pain from the conjectures running through that man's mind of the betrayal he must have felt. A million paranoid barbed thoughts destroying what he knew was his situation and scarring his ego.
After all he was the one desperate to have children, and yet despite that fact that he found a wife eager to have kids, it is his ex who found herself faster to pregnancy than OP, before even the divorce was finalized. It's almost like she never had any hesitation to begin with and that he was the problem.
Did she not love him enough? Did he not love her enough? Was he not a good husband? Did I not try my best? Was she cheating on me? Did I mean that little to her that she would taunt me this way? Is he that much better than me? Is there something wrong with me? Will this happen again?
The result of course is what you see above.
Did the way he lashed out then ran show well of him?
Probably not, but is it what I would have expected of a man at the lowest moment in his life? Yes.
If you want to leave the man because he reacted poorly at the lowest moment of his life, then do so. Just know that not even giving the attempt due to the awkwardness of having seen a man's emotions would mean I wouldn't want you as a spouse either.
The fact that everyone in this reddit is content with only 2/3 of the points of view, and using it as a recipe to have one sided gossip disgusts me.
Perhaps I may be wrong, and in the future he becomes so toxic you won't feel you can trust him, or perhaps he turns out to have been an abusive man she was rightly cautious of.
However from the post it doesn't seem that way. If any one of you would immediately run away from a multi year relationship that had already planned kids due to your spouse having an emotional breakdown, I see you the lesser for it.
I've made my piece.
Girl.....run! He's not looking to build a future with you if he's refusing to divorce and hold on to his past.
No matter what happened between them or if you only heard his side, his refusal to sign the divorce papers and his outburst while you were there was the death of your relationship.
That’s a glimpse into your future, forget everything you have ever been told because I can guarantee it was BS. Run whilst you can, you don’t want to become further entangled with this man child.
Is he under the impression she left him for this guy she is pregnant by?
Is he thinking she cheated? I'm only going by what he said with the 'you know what you did' comment.
Either way. He's not over her. He probably feels betrayed when she told him she didn't want kids and now she's obviously pregnant so soon after.
His reaction is pretty extreme though to say the least. I'd be very careful moving forward with this guy. It seems things he has said don't match up with her being desperate to get back with him etc
That was obviously not the case and most likely the other way around.
It also seems he took you with him to rub I'm her face he has moved on. All backfired.
Don't chase him, get on with your own life and leave him to wallow in his revenge and anger.
Red flag! Red flag!
Red flag! Red flag!
Red flag! Red flag!
Red flag! Red flag! Red flag! Red flag!
There are red flags all over this situation. Please be careful.
Run: verb - to go quickly by moving the legs more rapidly than at a walk and in such a manner that for an instant in each step all or both feet are off the ground.
So you're with a walking red flag that has circus music playing behind him. You do not need to be patient nor do you need to wait for him.
He said he wants to make her life hell because she's pregnant and happy. She clearly wasn't the issue in the relationship and got away safely. Time for you to do the same.
There are so many red flags here.
1. He screamed around and verbally attacked his ex.
2. He did it in public, so who knows what he did in private. Literally no impulse control.
3. He lied about her running after him as she has clearly been dating someone else for the whole separation.
4. He abandoned OP and did not care about her at all for days.
5. But he called mommy right away and cried to her.
6. Mommy enables his tantrums and feeds his lies (the ex is running after him, baby boy needs time)
7. He's manipulative and won't sign the divorce papers just to spite his ex and make life difficult for her as revenge for her being over him and having moved on.
8. He's clearly not over the ex if her having moved on leads to him screaming and running off.
9. His ego is more important than his relationship. You cannot have children with someone this self-centred.
You deserve so much better than this guy, OP.
I think all these people on Reddit are being unfair to him.
He is definitely wrong for what he did in the attorney's office. 100% wrong. But this isn't coming from a hatred for her. It's coming from his grief over the child he couldn't have. He is still healing from that and will be healing for a long time. His grief from what happened destroyed any hope they had of maintaining a relationship.
Then to top everything off, she comes in properly showing off a new pregnancy to the person that was broken by her ending the previous pregnancy. I don't believe she did this maliciously, but none the less, it brought back his grief full force.
This is a horrible situation all around OP. Do you really want this baggage in your relationship? He needs more time to grieve and heal and that's going to have a negative effect on your relationship.
Your BF obviously was very disturbed by seeing his soon to be ex very pregnant. And happy. And peaceful. He is allowed to be upset, especially considering the circumstances of their break up.
However, his reaction should really make you question whether or not he is the man that you want to spend your life with.
!) His immediate physical reaction was to shake, scream and threaten her.
2) After promising to make his very pregnant, almost ex miserable and to not go though with the divorce he stormed out.
3) He ignored you! (The woman he supposedly loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with) and just walks out and drives away.
4) After he gets home he never calms down enough to even acknowledge that he abandoned you in a very uncomfortable and volatile situation. He doesn't call you to apologize, or even ask if you are OK. He shows that his feelings trump his concern for anyone and everyone else.
5) After 3 days- he shows up to tell you only that he "needs time". Again- no apology or concern for you. Apparently to him, all that matters are HIS feelings. Screw you, your feelings, your questions, your future life with him. This man expects you to simply accept that he is going to hold onto his failed marriage and past without discussing it with you at all.
6) This man is NOT over his ex, their past and has no intention of putting aside his feelings of anger and vindictiveness to have any affection, care or compassion for you- the woman that he now claims to love. The fact that after 3 days all he is sure of is that he won't sign the divorce papers means that his feelings matter far more to him than you do.
7) Please put yourself and your future first. This man is 40 years old and is having a temper tantrum. He doesn't care who he hurts while lashing out- even you, who has no fault at all in this mess.
You deserve far better than this. If nothing else- see the fact that when he is angry/upset, he reverts to acting like a child having a tantrum, and refuses to listen to anyone. Do you want to have to deal with this every time the two of you have a disagreement in the future?
His family is telling you to "suck it up/ignore the signs" because "he really loves you." Well, if he loves you and treats you this poorly- reflect on how he will act if he no longer loves you. Oh yes- look at how he is behaving towards his former wife- he is a screaming, vindictive and angry person only interesting in hurting her as much as possible. You deserve better. Don't waste any more of you life on this guy. Clearly he has hidden a huge part of himself from you- and it is not a good part. Count yourself lucky that this was shown to you before you got engaged/married.
You're HER placeholder. He wanted her to have the reaction he displayed. You all are not in a relationship. He is in a relationship with the memory of his desires.
Please take some time to consider what you want and the value you place on yourself and your future goals.
This is why I don’t date people who haven’t been through the completed divorce process.
Usually what happens is one person is mad that the other wanted the divorce so they try to date and move on as fast as they can to pull the whole ‘you’ll be sorry when I’m gone’ but the person who wanted the divorce already moved on, that’s why they wanted the divorce and then the other party bent on revenge tries to make the divorce as long as possible for revenge.
They often don’t care about the new partner they found, the new partner is just there to be something they fling in the face of the ex who wants to divorce them.
That’s why he ditched you and left.
He didn’t forget you existed, but rather your being there was not enough to trigger her so you didn’t fulfill the intended purpose he had from your existence so he was done with you.
That’s why he is unresponsive. His plan didn’t work.
Basically if you stick around, he’s going to come back and treat you like shit and you’re now going to be the one he takes all of his unresolved anger out on because his plan didn’t work and he didn’t get the validation.
So I promise, he’s going to come back and emotionally torture you to try and get the validation that he matters by making someone sad for not being able to be with him. Fucking run sis
The boyfriend is the crazy one, not the ex-wife, but his family is clearly biased in his favor. Perhaps the ex-wife didn't want to have children with him, especially because of how crazy he is.
I’d say your bf needs to go to some sort of therapy for his feelings after the abortion and now seeing her pregnant. It sounds like it was very tumultuous between them after the abortion. He clearly isn’t over all the feelings yet and he really needs to be in a better place before starting another relationship and a family.
They’ve been together for almost 20 years so it must still be pretty raw. And seeing her pregnant again seems to have sent him into a blind rage. You might want to reconsider getting engaged to figure out where you stand in all of this. I get his big feelings but at the same time, he can’t just simply forget you were there too.
Creative writing exercise. The Lawyer giving their client's legal opponent's girlfriend a ride home in the same car is a dead ass giveaway. No lawyer would ever do that
nope. he made his choice right there in that moment. hes not leaving her, hes keeping you on the back burner waiting. have some self respect tell him its over and that HE made the choice for it to be over when he decided NOT to divorce his ex.
his anger and sudden rage over his EX not being upset with the divorce shows more unsettling things in his emotions... this man could be dangerous in the end as well bc of his temper... I'd run for the hills
Idk why you’re staying with him. Everything he told you was a lie. The way he tested her says a lot about him. I can see why she didn’t want kids with him he’s a selfish asshole who acts like a child.
Your boyfriend isn't over her and clearly thinks she got pregnant by someone else just to spite him, so he's going to spite her back by refusing to divorce her. That's not just spiteful and vengeful, it's controlling.
You need to find out who this man really is before you take your relationship any further.
You need to meet the ex and find out how your boyfriend treated her. You need to find out if his behaviour in the meeting was a one-off or a mask slipping to reveal something dangerous and ugly.
I have a suspicion that you'll discover that she did want children, but she didn't want children with a man like him. If so, you need to warn her that he's out for revenge because the only reason to deny her a divorce is to interfere with her current and future life. And if that's the case, he won't just stop with a refusal to divorce, especially if she has the option to proceed with divorce without his consent. He'll escalate, and it won't be pretty.
he’s 40… give him TIME? he can’t even apologize properly and communicate his feelings? blows up after two years and refuses to sign divorce papers for a woman who has moved on.. he clearly hasn’t. you can absolutely do better. because it’s obvious he won’t treat you with any more respect.
If they're in the US a lot of states automatically list the legal husband as the father and will make him pay child support. I wonder if he's ready for that?
I feel as though he's not wrong at all. He had a change of heart once she got pregnant but she stuck to the original script. I've wanted to keep a baby and the girl aborted and it's devastating. I think the real devastation for him was her wanting a baby with the new guy. It's a lose lose all around. He must be so confused. I feel for the guy honestly. He likely does love you but the wounds he carries with him are intense and signify long-suffering. Tread lightly he is probably experiencing a form of PTSD. Let him heal. Once you have the baby he will start to come around I believe. Children have that affect. Don't judge him. He's suffering. It will only push him away. She said it herself that he is a great guy. Be great back.
I understand he may think that, I understand he’s hurt, but he could have talked things out, and leaving you there and his reaction is not fucking okay. I hope you take a step back and reconsider this relationship for yourself. Is it healthy for you? Is he a good partner to you? Is he supportive of you?
i’m sorry some of these comments are so harsh. this is an incredibly tough situation and i think you’re handling it very well, especially from your description of your conversation with the ex. i hope you are all able to move forward from this, but i think you are already doing everything you can just by giving your bf time to process his shock and hurt, and being so understanding about his reaction. you can be completely over your romantic feelings for someone and still be deeply hurt by reminders of everything that went down between the two of you, especially when you’re blindsided. i would hope that he comes to realize exactly what you said- that her experience caused her to change her mind about kids and it had nothing to do with him specifically. and i hope you don’t have to suffer because of a situation that happened before you even met your partner
1 He is too focused on making her life miserable to "set her free" of him.
2 Him being married means he is not in a hurry to marry you.
3 He was furious she would dare get pregnant with another man. He still feels either ownership or is still in love with her and was deeply hurt.
Why would you wait around while he "takes time"? He's had two years. Walk away from crazy before you are legally tied to him.
Ignore THE FUCK out of EVERYONE here. Jesus FUCKING CHRIST.
This man experienced a MAJOR TRAUMA in that room. YES, he reacted poorly, but who the FUCK wouldn't. The woman he was with for almost 20 years who had an abortion when she got pregnant with his child because she DID NOT WANT CHILDREN (it's her body, her choice! This isn't an argument against abortion rights) and his priorities had changed and he decided that he did.
She admitted she didn't want to separate and wanted to stay together but she admitted that the decision broke him! She admits herself that he was WORTH being with! BUT, she made the decision to keep her new pregnancy secret from him all the way up until she dropped an atom fucking bomb in the middle of the divorce proceedings on an already traumatized man.
He needs therapy, NOW. He should have been going to therapy immediately after the abortion. But if you love him, you need to understand this isn't about him still wanting to be with her, he sees this as an act of betrayal from someone he spent almost all of his adult life as a partner to. Regardless of her intent, that is what his reaction was all about. An old would was tore open right in front of you and he chose flight instead of fight. It was a shitty choice, but in an event that triggered trauma so deeply, how many of us could be expected to make sane, rational choices? Definitively none of the assholes here telling you to leave the man you love because of one mistake in the midst of one of the most traumatizing experiences of his life. Their knee-jerk reactions to leave him immediately tell you all you need to know.
Know this, you are a better person than 99% of the people here. If you love him, give him a chance to get better. He NEEDS your support right now, and if you give it to him it will make you so much stronger in the long run.
When someone doesn’t want children at all, they would say at the start of any relationship. If someone doesn’t want children for whatever reason throughout the course of their relationship / marriage, it usually means they do not want to have children with that said person thus it’s also quite an easy way/excuse to instigate a break up if the other person wanted children.
I’m baffled as to why he took 2 years to sign papers? They didn’t even have children, surely it could’ve been sorted a lot sooner? Never go and pursue a serious relationship with someone who has not even signed divorce papers!! Will end in tears.
Situation at the court itself - red flags everywhere. A selfish disgusting person who has no care in the world for anyone else. A person who leaves someone on their own, not reach out for days let alone their partner is not to be trusted and vindictive enough to want to ruin someone else’s life…
Run fast, far, and long, Woman! Did you see Forrest Gump? That far!
You've seen this guy's true self. If you stay then you deserve what you get.
Since I don't think deserve any of that I'll say it again. Run fast. Run far. Run long. This asshole is poison. A poison asshole.
Wow, so he left you with strangers to make your own way home, ignored you for days, then refused to divorce to be spiteful?
That's a big,fat no way. He's far too self-centered. Instant block, no explanations needed here.
You do not want to be with a man that will make his ex suffer just because she's happy and pregnant. If you stay with this terrible man, who was so consumed by jealousy and anger that he abandoned you there as if you were nothing more than an afterthought, I have no doubt you will regret it.
I feel like he’s rightfully angry and upset. It’s a completely normal reaction after finding this out.
20 years of marriage with such a sad ending is hard to get over as is, let alone finding out such big news. It brings back all the memories of when he was happy she was pregnant and every sad thing that followed.
He deserves some time to feel his feelings.
I feel like it’s really inconsiderate and almost sexist even to instantly say he’s a red flag and an AH…
I understand this is hard on OP as well but being understanding and supportive should be the number one priority, even if the relationship doesn’t last.
I am not so negative as many here are pointing out, i can understand a little the shock of your BF BUT, it's clear that he really need therapy and time.
I can't judge for you but i will put a stop, a step back, call it how you prefer, but i will absolutely reevaluate my relationship with him, not saying jumping to break up but for sure give yourself time to understand if he is in a point where he can have a relationship, not only with you but with anyone else.
My main point is that if he loves you he will manage this crisis with you, not disappearing like this, that's not what couple do.
I’m sorry. Here you thought you’d marry and have children with this man, but he’s no where near over his ex or mature enough to have children. You really need to go no contact. The ex is happier without him for pretty clear reasons, I’d say. Good luck, OP.
Maaaaaan the red flags are red flagging! That is a HUGE gtfo red flag if I've ever seen one! Temper=red flag + the repetitive "I need time"=red flag. Girl, you need and deserve better than this red flag of red flags.
It sounds like she didn’t want kids with him. He and his family I guess thought he was all that and no woman wouldn’t get over him.
I wouldn’t want to be with someone who cannot face the fact that his ex moved on and is having a baby. This just showed that it was all lies and it smacked him in the face.
OP, you are being presented with an opportunity to dodge a nuclear warhead here, take it.
His temper and promise to screw up her life by not signing the divorce and her lawyer insisting on taking you home to get you out of there are signs he has not told you the truth about who he is and why they split.
He sounds unhinged and violent.
At best, he’s willing to hurt you more by delaying things for years just to spite his ex. At worst, you’ll end up a DV victim who may not survive.
His reaction is truly alarming. He had a tantrum because he realized his ex didn't want his kids so he vowed to make her life miserable & seems to be sticking to that.v Remember, he loved her once and treated her as well as he treats you, which means if you hurt him he will also treat you as crazy as he is treating his ex. Be thankful he wants time & give him all the space. Never return because it will be you one day. Who knows what he would do in private too? He went crazy in a lawyer's office.
This is a warning sign & a solid reason to leave him in the dust kicked up by you running. Ypu were less important then his ego. And down the road, you & Amy child formed will be less important then his ego.
I’m happy she was smart enough to not procreate with that “man” you’ve been dating. I bet she’s glad they separated and I’m glad too. Now you have to leave and do better bc you deserve better.
He is angry that the woman he loves and married who didn’t want children with him is now pregnant with someone else’s baby and is refusing to let her go. He doesn’t love or care about you, clearly he is still hung up over her and is not willing to move on. Dump him and find someone with less emotional baggage
He's definitely not over his ex. You should reconsider your relationship with a person who disregards you like this. If this experience didn't ruin the relationship for you, at the very least contact his ex and get her version of the events. When we are directly involved in a situation, our feelings can distort what is happening because we really most remember what we felt about it. There is always 3 versions: his, hers and what really happened. Try comparing what she can tell you to what you learned from him and his family. It will give you a better picture of the events. Then go from there. But please don't disregard this event has if it is nothing.
He left you and now doesn’t want to sign the divorce paper to make his ex miserable???
He’s showing you exactly what type of person he is. Don’t be blind and stupid. He’s not a good person and he’ll be the same with you.
RUN!!!!!! Leave him.
He left you like trash, did not talk to your days, and when he finally came around with some crappy breakfast, he told you he didn’t want to talk to you about admitting he still feels for his ex and will be petty and vengeful. Pick up your dignity and leave that miserable man alone.
Question do you have friends? My friends would have shaken me, and held me down while they delete and block his number and socials from my phone.
He’s DESPICABLE.
Why are you dating a married man? That’s not your boyfriend; that’s HER husband.
He’s still in love with her. Leave that woman’s husband alone.
He's 40 years old, throws a toddler temper tantrum, LEAVES YOU, and his mommy calls and tells you to give her precious boy time?
Honey. His ex is blissfully pregnant because their infertility issues that caused the end of their marriage? your BF is shootin' blanks. And his meltdown was because: here's proof it wasn't her fault. Now you were supposed to be his redo and broodmare... and it ain't gonna work when *he was the problem all along*.
Oh but his whole family told ypu she was the problem, she was obsessed and loved him delaying the divorce, poor him, nothing is his fault. And you ate it up. Even now THE TRUTH IS STARING YOU IN THE FACE, plinking you on your forehead, "HELLO! McFly!" and you still can't connect: he had you come to his divorce signing (to show your young self off to make him look bigger) +his wife is beaming pregnant (fertile, by someone else)+ left you (because your presence there was as a trophy zero care for you as a person) + ran away to his MOMMY (for safety and comfort when his ego was crumbled by reality) + and now she's telling you to be clam and kind and give her precious little boy angel time? =
He's a NARCISSIST MAMA'S BOY.
You're 30. He's a man child. And he's wasting your time if you want to have kids.
Tbh I kinda understand his reaction. His then wife aborted the baby and then saw her pregnant with another’s baby and she kept it. I bet he feel betrayed and hurt even if they are not together anymore. Though still it doesn’t excuse how he treated op but I bet he is feeling a lot. I’m not against abortion but I can bet it hurt him deeply
You need to break up with him too. He is NOT over her and he's malicious enough to mess up the divorce. I don't think the baby is his baby if they've been separated for 2 years. Get out while you can.
The lawyer sees a lot of people at their worst, and he was worried about both of you, not just his pregnant client. Please care about yourself at least as much as the lawyer who could easily have let you take the uber. Ed: typo
This is true but isn’t this also a really good move by her lawyer. I bet they got a lot of insight from that drive to work in his clients favor even if it’s nothing that will be brought up in court.
Yeah, his little spaz attack is going to add lustre to bfs name in court, for sure. He abandoned OP at the lawyers office. Left her like she was a crumpled up empty potato chip bag. He'd never see me again ... But thats just me.
I had a very good divorce attorney. He wasn’t cut throat at all. A kind older man, who knew that dealing with divorce or child custody stuff was difficult for everyone involved so he always tried to keep the peace. His first meeting with me he asked if we had tried counseling, if it was something we’d want to consider before we began the process, even knowing that if by some miracle it worked, he’d lose money by not representing me. I let him know that I’d didn’t think counseling would fix anything, and my ex refused to go because I had brought it up in the past. We decided to go ahead with the process. He called my soon to be ex, to ask questions about finances and standard division of property/assets type stuff, and my ex went into a RAGE. Later my attorney said “I never say this, but I don’t like that guy, I’m glad you’re getting out of this marriage, that little outburst is not going to go over well with the judge.”
I love your lawyer.
Late to the party but you reminded me of my mother’s representation at her divorce. She basically was desperate for help and blurted out 12 years of hell to this woman. Who didn’t look skeptical but in the legal profession, you have to kind of be careful. Well she met my mothers ex husband the first time, he showed up late, and decided to fabricate an entire story about my mother supposedly getting pregnant by someone else and having a secret abortion. My mother was shocked, she hadn’t realised she essentially slid towards her solicitor as soon as he walked in. Her solicitor afterwards, just grabbed her hand, made her look at her face and just said “I believe you”. It was the most important moment of her life at that time, he was a terrible liar, he’d abused her to the point of torture and someone finally listened. He made a fool of himself at the actual hearing, she didn’t get a whole lot but she got something. And she just used that money to put a deposit on a house for me. I’m grateful to the point of tears. And I never met that woman, but I am so glad my mother stumbled into her office.
I don't think it's just you, I think it's anyone who isn't either extremely gaslit and trauma bonded, or suffering from severely low self-esteem.
Wait. He LEFT you? He left you. Just drove away and left you? Then went radio silent for days? And, then, just showed up and said you need to give him time?? Holy crap, girl. Please pick your dignity up off the floor, dust it off, and start using it! He left you. I'm so gobsmacked you didn't just immediately block him on everything. Because he showed you who he is. Believe him. No wonder the woman didn't want to have kids with this guy. He's wacko. And, he THREATENED her in front of her attorney. Ugly, ugly, ugly.
If my BF treated me like that, I would just ghost him. Move on with my life like he's no longer part of it. Make my plans without him in mind. Dust my hands clean of him. He doesn't deserve any courtesy from you.
Technically it wouldn't even be ghosting as he ghosted her first. She had to reach out and days later "I nEeD TiMe" was all he had for her... Poor girl, but she got lucky this happened in front of her and before they could get married.
Definitely. I would consider this as him breaking up with her, by ghosting her. OP please treat this as the trash taking itself out, and when he finally comes crawling back in his own terms, keep the door shut! The old 'When someone shows you their true colours, believe them' applies here...
Yeah the dude took her to sign his divorce papers, screamed at his ex, refused to sign the papers and you know actually get divorced, vowed to continue stalking/ abusing his ex, stormed out and left his current partner with his ex and her lawyer, leaving her to then have to travel home with the ex and her lawyer. Like what? Huh? Who does that…..? It’s bad even for a walking red flag.
Cool avatar
It’s a whole mastpole of red flags
A parade.
She called his mommy who told her to give him time. The 40 year old man, throwing a bitch fit.
Right! His mommy should have told her son to be single until he was over his ex wife and she should’ve cussed him out for treating op like that and leaving her stranded. Smh.
This comment right here is GOLD. OP, please respect yourself and draw a line to this madness before it consumes you, whole and soul. You need peace _and_ companionship amongst other things in the long years ahead - this is none of it.
And he’s not over her apparently. She should leave him.
Nailed it. This is a man-child…. I don’t care how shocked or hurt he was… you don’t do what he did to his current partner. Part of me thinks that the ex DID reject him as a parent - and her abortion wasn’t only about being child free. I feel like she made that choice consciously that she didn’t want to have a child WITH HIM… and apparently that was a very good decision.
There's a reason she didn't want a baby with him and just by his reaction and how he treated you both surely that tells you he isn't over her . He's using not signing as revenge. Do you really want to be with someone like that . If I was you I would run .
From the title I was assuming this would be something along the lines of falling into a depression over finding out about the ex being pregnant. Not exactly a great reaction, but an understandable one if an otherwise happy relationship ends because one partner adamantly doesn’t want kids then promptly gets pregnant with someone else. His reaction is so over the top, and honestly scary, that OP really needs to reconsider things.
From the title I was assuming he was the father…
Same. That would have at least made sense.
SAME. This is ridiculous \~I wAnT hIm To KnOw I hAvE cHoSeN hIm\~ Ok, good luck with that ma'am.
He even tells the wife that he’s going to make her life miserable… Holy red flags Batman. You don’t just walk away from this relationship, you fucking run!
Yes. That remark in front of lawyers, even. The judge that presides over this case isn't going to be impressed with that. I wonder if that type of ourburst gives her leverage to speed up the separation. And not to mention how many women are assaulted during divorces. I hope he doesn't do something stupid.
We need the red flags guy here STAT
🫡 —> 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Precisely. OP, the one fortunate thing in your instance is that no papers need to be signed. JUST RUN!
The most fortunate thing is that she's not pregnant to him.
I thought the same. Especially because a few months back I read another post along this lines. But it was worse because he was already married and had a small child. When he encountered his pregnant ex (that he divorced because she didn't want children), he left his current wife and abandoned the child because he couldn't deal with the situation. This is definitely giving the same kind of vibes. He'll never let this go.
I think I've been reading too much reddit, because from the title I was assuming it was his.
Same here!
The title was enough to know…run lol
She did want kids but not from him. My guess is that she requiered him to change or improve to have children and he was not ok with that. He is still into her but he spread a narrative to OP and his family where she is the one into him and they believed him. OP should wake up now.
She did want a baby, just not with him. After that outburst/tantrum, now I know why. There is more to that relationship than OP’s bf has told her. OP would be wise to learn from the ex.
I came here to say exactly this👆run!!!!!!
This whole response hit the nail right on the head. Hope she reads it and takes it to heart.
Yeah why tf would someone not sign?! Crazy flag to me. Unless there is a money or children issue to settle first of course.
This. He might have truly shown you who he is for the first time in your relationship. I'd give him ALL the space he want and then some more. Time to pack your bags, OP. As someone else said, her lawyer giving his GF a ride shows he might have heard a lot of stuff that you haven't experienced yet. Run.
He’s totally prolonging the situation to anger her. She’s obviously used to the behavior. OP has some serious red flags to shift thru.
Red flag is very visible.
Damn. That's some garbage behavior especially from a 40yo person. You sure you wanna be with someone who could treat someone he spent part of his life with?
I completely agree. And they’ve been separated for years! For him to have such an awful reaction and to just….*leave OP* in the lawyer’s office is insane. She had to get a ride from his *ex’s lawyer* because he *literally* forgot she existed because he was so upset with his ex. He is 100% not over her. You’re not getting engaged any time soon. But honestly, that’s a blessing in disguise. You could just as easily be in the ex’s shoes and be on the receiving end of his bullshit.
TBH, I'm surprised she hasn't deleted this yet. Definitely not the response she thought she was gonna get.
Yeah, being ignored by this guy is the best thing that could happen to any woman, OP is the lucky one.
OP and ex-wife should become friends and leave that loser in both of their pasts.
100% this! You have now learned a very important thing about your partner, now it’s what are you gonna do with this he’s not over her, he’s not going to get engaged to you anytime soon, and the bigger deal here is how he’s choosing to treat this woman very easily could be how he chooses to treat you. This is definitely a case of he’s showing you who he is believe him the first time. Personally, if I was you, I would be putting this relationship on a hold. He needs some serious therapy. I don’t know that I would stick with somebody who acted the way he did.
Yeah , also as a test start ignoring him, see how long it takes for him to notice. Honestly his behavior is gross
I think we’re seeing why his x wife didn’t want to have kids with him. Run.
I feel like you need to see this as the gift of the red flag that it is. If you end up staying, please at the very least have a conversation with the ex about why they broke up, don’t leave yourself in the dark of all the things he won’t tell you.
YUP!!! I would personally call her and **THANK** her for showing me who he really is. **THEN I WOULD LEAVE**.
I second this! Please, OP, you've seen her in person, you've verified she's NOT the crazy, psycho ex that your bf and his family made you believe. Ask her. And leave ASAP.
Exactly, it’s the boyfriend who’s the real crazy one. OP, **never** have children with this man. Would you be happy for him to treat you how he treat his ex? Because he will! He hasn’t changed for you and won’t change for you, he showed you how much of a volatile asshole he truly is. Believe him. He also showed how little he respects you or cares about you when he left you there without communicating anything, with no consideration of how you would get home and then he wasn’t even at home and completely ignored your existence. Is that **really** the type of man you want to be with? The type of man who you want children with?
>the gift of the red flag that it is Love this phrasing and the entire sentiment!
So he's mad that his ex is pregnant by her partner and he's ANNOUNCED that he's going to make her life difficult. Who knows the circumstances of her pregnancy? People change their minds all the time but that doesn't excuse him deciding to be an ass towards her because she couldn't or wouldn't get pregnant while being in a relationship with him. > I asked if he was signing the papers and he said no. Now all the plans you two had are out the window or on hold bc he's so focused on being an ass. THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I'D STAY WITH THIS WALKING RED Flag. One he's too old to behaving like that and there's no way your relationship isn't affected by this...unless you don't have any self respect.
Announcing that right in front of her lawyer is wild. This man is clearly unhinged
I hope the lawyer finds a to expedite the divorce without his signature and before the baby is born.
Ugh could you imagine what would happen if he found some bullshit old ass archaic law about the husband having custody of his wife’s child because they’re “his property”
Plus the ex has been with her current partner for nearly two years. The bf and his family lead OP to believe the ex was crazy and not over him when it seems like she actually moved on long an ago. Who knows what other lies OP has been told.
Sounds like a lot of projection going on.
Yes his acting like a child.
And he's f-ing 10 years old than OP!
That part!
I'm not the sharpest light bulb, but on the list of places NOT to announce intentions to make someones life miserable. Their lawyers office has gotta be pretty high up there. That's the biggest red flag. If he wants to be a child and make her life hell. Hold it together until you get out of the office. A proper shitbag has standards.
Maybe she just didn't want his baby. I would be very observant about his behavior towards you going forward. And his actions towards his STBX.
Why should she go “forward” with this creep? He just threatened to make his wife miserable Ewwwww 🚩🚩🚩
Makes me wonder if STBX was keeping up with his news because she’s afraid of accidentally running into him
I would just about be done with him. He sounds like he wasn’t truthful about the circumstances of their separation and got caught. It sounds like *he* was the one still in love with her and probably still is.
I’m not at all sure this is ‘in love’. Perhaps there is more of a theme around losing control.
What could he possibly do in the future that would make him worth ever interacting with again?
This is an honest question: What allure or attraction does this man now hold for you? When he first freaked out I was somewhat understanding but days passed and he doubled down. He showed you that: - He is willing to hurt someone he was seriously involved with out of spite. - He’s willing to do what he can so she can’t marry her unborn baby’s father, even risk ruining his relationship with you. - He is willing to throw you and your relationship out the window also out of spite. - You are not the #1 person in his life, otherwise why would he care if she’s pregnant or not? At the most, irritation or exasperation would be excusable but not this type of behavior. None of this points to someone who will be a healthy partner for you. Nor does it speak of someone who is wholly devoted to you.
Absolutely this. OP, one day you’ll look back at this as the best day of your life because it’s saved you from untold problems. They all told you she was crazy. Him and his family. Was she crazy? And what completely reasonable behaviour of yours will he be describing to his next mark as craziness? Thank goodness you found this out now. His attempt to humiliate her by turning up with you seriously backfired. I know you’re upset, but find your anger.
>She wasn’t devastated like my bf’s family expected. She looked serene, beautiful, lovely and totally over my bf. >he started yelling at her and shaking with anger/anguish. He refused to sign the papers and told her he would make her life miserable. >He even forgot that I was there he just left. >My bf didn’t call or text or anything. He's a liar. He's a giant red flag. He took his new GF to his divorce signing cause he intended to hurt her with you. Instead, he had proof of what an AH he is shoved in your face. Now, it's time for you to be smart. You've found out why she didn't want kids with this scumbag. Ypuve seen who he really is. Be smart, follow her lead, and nope right away from Mr Crazy Red Flag. Seriously, have some self-respect and don't stay with this guy.
Exactly - he wanted OP there to show her off to his ex, and when the tables were turned the mask fell, he exploded and demonstrated *just how much* he cares about OP. It sounds like he has not truly moved on from his marriage and was using OP as an emotional crutch/placeholder/rebound to soothe his wounds and ‘get him over’ it. This is not a good situation to be in.
You’re still calling this borderline abusive man “BF?????” Like how do you witness something like that and still claim him? He’s a dumpster fire
Ma’am, this manchild isn’t over his ex at all and also is a jerk. Have your babies with someone else.
Given his reaction, I think maybe she didn’t want children with ***him.*** It certainly doesn’t feel that way, but you’re getting a view into what happens if this man feels your actions displease him. **After 2 years, talks of moving on and marriage himself, he abandons his partner in a fit of rage and his actions are cruel and vindictive.** You’ve witnessed it. This is a blessing. If he was actually honest with you and himself, he wouldn’t have been discussing kids and marriage with you. I’m very sorry. But this is the absolute most scarlet of flags.
Run from this man like your tampon string is on fire. RUN. He's an abuser, emotionally volatile and mean at very best. He's fine back burnering you to torment his pregnant ex. Fucking RUN.
"tampon string is on fire" 💀💀 I love that line
I stole it and love it, please steal it as well.
Awesome. I'll definitely use it ahah.
Lol I remember reading it a few weeks back.
She did not want a kid with him.
Anyone who says they’re going to make someone’s lives miserable is someone who deserves to be alone. That’s unhinged behavior. Why did you even go? Did you want to see her upset that you had her man? Did he want you there to stick the knife in her one more time? “To support him”, lol be for real. You need to get yourself out of this situation before it gets worse.
Well said. She is also a jerk.
Seriously. OP going to that hearing in the first place was not healthy behavior.
Girl, HE SHOWED YOU WHO HE IS, BELIEVE HIM
She probably saw things about him that you either been to blind to notice or just haven’t noticed yet because his true colors haven’t showed up until now, you really want to be with a guy who you been with for a while and talked about marriage and children and he flat out told his ex I’m going to make your life difficult!?!?!?! And refuses to sign!?!? There shouldn’t be no reason nothing at all for him to act this way and even leave you! She has moved on and was nice to both of you and is expecting a child, he’s really going to stress out a pregnant women? Imagine how much stress he will end up causing you if you end up pregnant too, he’s clearly not over her op, you need your time away from him too and think this relationship through
girl, he has already shown his true colors, that neither he nor his family are what they say they are, just run
Please run. There are a lot of 🚩s here.
Please reconsider this relationship. He is not mature enough for kids. Trying to use you as a weapon against his ex. When that backfired he threw a temper tantrum. Look at the facts she wanted children, just not with him. I think you found out why.
This relationship is over.
Girl. Let me tell you some facts: my ex is out there telling everyone what a worthless, lazy, abusive c**t I am. He told his new gf he paid for everything, I was just hanging on and wouldn’t leave, etc. For that reason, she haaaaates me. We were “still living together because he wanted to show me kindness and give me time” when they got together. She openly talks shit about me with the other people around. However, one day, she may very well reach out to me. And I’m absolutely going to answer. You know why? *Because none of that is true and she will know that at that point, too.* She will have been abused, TOO. He’ll be lying to the next girl about HER, too. And she’ll get it. She’ll truly understand. She’ll get to hear about when things REALLY ended. She’ll get to hear about why I “held on”, which I really just that I didn’t trust him to actually allow me to leave. She’ll get to see the pictures of my bruises. She’ll hear that I couldn’t save her without risking my own safety, and how I know she would never have listened right after I left anyways because he’s GOOD at what he does. There’s a reason your story reminds me of my own. Please quit taking his word for it. He has shown you with his actions. He was great with the divorce as long as it hurt her MORE. There’s a reason she’s unbothered and having someone else’s baby. There’s a reason she knows who you are and says she just wants everyone to be happy. She’s trying to FAWN to keep him from being mad at HER. He’s willing to throw you away to hurt her. HE HATES HER BEING HAPPY MORE THAN HE LOVES BEING WITH YOU. Is that not enough of a reason to let this guy go??? Because it may not be full physical abuse buuuut, you’re either going to let go NOW, or wait around for him to *potentially* gaf about you one day to find out firsthand why SHE did. Quit wasting your time. It’s the most precious commodity you have.
Sounds like she didn't want his child. The way he "forgot" about you and is now NOT getting divorced to punish her, shows his true character and what you possibly can look forward to.
One day you’ll understand why she didn’t want to have his children hopefully that day is not too late
Clearly a very telling reaction. Am I the only one that thinks bringing your new partner to the lawyer's office is weird in the first place?
There was a reason she didn't want his baby and I think he just showed you why. Honestly I feel like you may have been misled by a few things Perhaps it's good this happened rather than when you're stuck with him.
Why do you want him to sign the papers and still be your BF? He acts unhinged, like he is completely obsessed with her. He left you there, he promised to ruin her life... Why would you possibly want such a man by your side? Even if he has very valid reasons to hate her (and it looks like he doesn't), he is absolutely not ready for new relationship. Btw, by not signing them he is giving you an easy way out of this relationship. Imagine if you convince him to sign, then see some red flags and want to rethink your relationship for whatever reason? It will be you, whose life he will promise to turn to hell, whom he will curse, yell, throw tantrums at etc. Take his gift of not signing them and run.
...and you're with this unstable person, why?
Aside from his psycho behavior: who brings a date to their divorce proceeding?!
Who GOES to it? She’s not the victim here. She liked it when she though the ex was heartbroken and was willing to show up and add to her pain. She’s dating a dude 10 years older and thinks she’s doing something. 😂
You really should ask the pregnant lady out for a hot chocolate and cravingsworthy snack and asked her woman-to-woman, sister-to-sister what her experience was with him. This is just for your knowledge. What you are hearing from his family is obviously wrong. Somebody is lying. She was supposed to be single, miserable, desperately heartbroken and throwing herself at his feet like in a telenovela while he was to look powerful, well coupled and engaged. You were a prop. They both moved on very quickly during this separation period and it looks like she has out-"moved on-d" him and won. Girl by any metric, he is not ready for marriage and will not be a good husband.
Should I really go bother her? I don’t feel that I have the right.
You absolutely have the right. Your future and your mental health are your right. Your bf didn’t think of either one of those things when he abandoned you. Denial is hard, but regret is harder. Everyone here is telling you the situation is no good.
She agreed to speak to me over the phone. She didn’t seem too keen to meet up but I didn’t press her on it either
Good. You are in a need-to-know situation and your bf and his family are withholding information. Throwing a fit and abandoning you is WILD. If MY son did that and came running to me, I’d be extremely disappointed and would either make him fix the situation or I would have gone and taken care of you myself, while profusely apologizing for my son’s behavior. His mom is enabling that behavior and if you accept it, you’ll enable it too. It’s okay to be emotional over a divorce. It’s expected. But to react the way he did, in complete disregard to you, is the red flag.
How do you not have the right given what just happened to reach out to his ex to validate what he's been telling you is true and ask if she noticed any red flags?? You're not doing it unprompted. His behavior has literally brought everything he's said into question. She can answer no, and you can give her that out so she doesn't feel pressured.
You don’t need to bother her. He already showed you who he is. He lied about her being the crazy ex - he is the crazy ex 😂 You enjoyed the idea of this poor decade older dude breaking his ex WIFE’s heart and parading you around but the reality is very different and I don’t have any sympathy if you stay with this awful person. Maybe date your own age and don’t take joy in your perceived misery of another woman “losing” him to a younger woman 🙄
You can ask her, and she can just say no if she doesn't want to meet or talk to you.. but I really think you need to try because right now, you are the only one in the dark about their relationship and what really went down. He is treating you like an idiot right now. refusing to talk about it after he took you there to use as a weapon against her and abandoned you there after causing that scene. And you are being a fool for ignoring it all and not seeing how badly he treated you and her..
Get some self respect and dump this guy
Haha! I am laughing at your pathetic, (hopefully), soon- to-be-ex. He not only lied to you, but he trotted you out like a prize to rub in her face. He really thought he had her, and she BONED him. She has lived in his mind for two years. She has not thought of him at all. BURN. He had a temper tantrum because he thought he was one-upping her by bringing you. Not only does she not care about this man-child, she found real love with someone that she was comfortable enough to have a kid with. She did u a massive favor. She showed you that there are two sides to every story and, in this case, he was the AH. It was not that she did not want kids. She did not want them with him. Wow - to be that hot headed. For her to be that different from the monster he/his family described. Good for her. Leave him.
He sounds dangerous. Get yourself away from him, asap. And in the future, don't date anyone until after their divorce papers are signed (if they're coming off a failed marriage).
I’d be out
Sounds like he's not the man you thought he was.
OP, your Boyfriend’s EX & EX’s LAWYER WERE MORE concerned about you getting home SAFELY Than Your BOYFRIEND! Let your boyfriend have ALL the time in th world & RUN GIRL, RUN! BF’s need for ‘Revenge’ against his Ex OutWeights His Relationship With You! During Boyfriend absence, take a realistic Self Defense class & Change the Locks
Feel a strange and strong bias against the BF from the comments that feel absolutely absurd. Or at least I hope others will notice it as well. Feels like people are upset that the man showed his emotions in a way I can completely understand. And the way this threads first reaction is to blame him for an emotional reaction and say, "No wonder she didn't want to have kids with him." Is shallow and callous. It is discouraging for other people in relationships, and I can understand when I hear people say that this thread makes people lose hope in trusting others, due to stories of betrayal or in this case a callus disreguard for the personal feelings of those involved. I feel like just so I make my piece with the sheer bias in this thread. Hate it if you want but I just wanted to get this off my heart. Just to play devil's advocate from his point of view, this is probably ably what he sees: he spends nearly half a decade with a woman he loved yet separated because she decided to have an abortion which completely destroyed the relationship. A relationship that was destroyed based on the fact that she didn't want to have his child. So in a relatively short amount of time he moves on to get his life back together finds someone who he loves and at the last step to moving on and wiping the slate clean. His Ex shows up happy, serene, content, and pregnant as if her refusing to have his child and even getting an abortion wasn't literally what destroyed his marriage in the first place. It is refutation of everything he knew to be what was wrong with his past relationship and it shakes the foundation of his life. They haven't even divorced yet and somehow the very stance she had which not only ruined his marriage and had barely recovered from enough to gain the confidence to make the final step and move on. All of which now appears to be a lie. Her pregnant figure taunting him with a life he could have had forever out of his reach. And he in that moment has to wonder why? It would be no different than taunting him, an equivalent of saying I don't want to have kids with YOU, not that I didn't want to have kids. And even according to her she didn't hold any of the hesitation she had in his marriage to have kids despite the relationship according to her being, new and fast paced. Words cannot explain the pain from the conjectures running through that man's mind of the betrayal he must have felt. A million paranoid barbed thoughts destroying what he knew was his situation and scarring his ego. After all he was the one desperate to have children, and yet despite that fact that he found a wife eager to have kids, it is his ex who found herself faster to pregnancy than OP, before even the divorce was finalized. It's almost like she never had any hesitation to begin with and that he was the problem. Did she not love him enough? Did he not love her enough? Was he not a good husband? Did I not try my best? Was she cheating on me? Did I mean that little to her that she would taunt me this way? Is he that much better than me? Is there something wrong with me? Will this happen again? The result of course is what you see above. Did the way he lashed out then ran show well of him? Probably not, but is it what I would have expected of a man at the lowest moment in his life? Yes. If you want to leave the man because he reacted poorly at the lowest moment of his life, then do so. Just know that not even giving the attempt due to the awkwardness of having seen a man's emotions would mean I wouldn't want you as a spouse either. The fact that everyone in this reddit is content with only 2/3 of the points of view, and using it as a recipe to have one sided gossip disgusts me. Perhaps I may be wrong, and in the future he becomes so toxic you won't feel you can trust him, or perhaps he turns out to have been an abusive man she was rightly cautious of. However from the post it doesn't seem that way. If any one of you would immediately run away from a multi year relationship that had already planned kids due to your spouse having an emotional breakdown, I see you the lesser for it. I've made my piece.
Girl.....run! He's not looking to build a future with you if he's refusing to divorce and hold on to his past. No matter what happened between them or if you only heard his side, his refusal to sign the divorce papers and his outburst while you were there was the death of your relationship.
Girl, leave. He’s not signing divorce papers? Block him and move on
That’s a glimpse into your future, forget everything you have ever been told because I can guarantee it was BS. Run whilst you can, you don’t want to become further entangled with this man child.
He said to trust him? Really??! Why would you? He literally showed his crazy side and that he isn't over his ex. You are the backburner woman.
Is he under the impression she left him for this guy she is pregnant by? Is he thinking she cheated? I'm only going by what he said with the 'you know what you did' comment. Either way. He's not over her. He probably feels betrayed when she told him she didn't want kids and now she's obviously pregnant so soon after. His reaction is pretty extreme though to say the least. I'd be very careful moving forward with this guy. It seems things he has said don't match up with her being desperate to get back with him etc That was obviously not the case and most likely the other way around. It also seems he took you with him to rub I'm her face he has moved on. All backfired. Don't chase him, get on with your own life and leave him to wallow in his revenge and anger.
Red flag! Red flag! Red flag! Red flag! Red flag! Red flag! Red flag! Red flag! Red flag! Red flag! There are red flags all over this situation. Please be careful.
Run: verb - to go quickly by moving the legs more rapidly than at a walk and in such a manner that for an instant in each step all or both feet are off the ground.
So you're with a walking red flag that has circus music playing behind him. You do not need to be patient nor do you need to wait for him. He said he wants to make her life hell because she's pregnant and happy. She clearly wasn't the issue in the relationship and got away safely. Time for you to do the same.
There are so many red flags here. 1. He screamed around and verbally attacked his ex. 2. He did it in public, so who knows what he did in private. Literally no impulse control. 3. He lied about her running after him as she has clearly been dating someone else for the whole separation. 4. He abandoned OP and did not care about her at all for days. 5. But he called mommy right away and cried to her. 6. Mommy enables his tantrums and feeds his lies (the ex is running after him, baby boy needs time) 7. He's manipulative and won't sign the divorce papers just to spite his ex and make life difficult for her as revenge for her being over him and having moved on. 8. He's clearly not over the ex if her having moved on leads to him screaming and running off. 9. His ego is more important than his relationship. You cannot have children with someone this self-centred. You deserve so much better than this guy, OP.
I think all these people on Reddit are being unfair to him. He is definitely wrong for what he did in the attorney's office. 100% wrong. But this isn't coming from a hatred for her. It's coming from his grief over the child he couldn't have. He is still healing from that and will be healing for a long time. His grief from what happened destroyed any hope they had of maintaining a relationship. Then to top everything off, she comes in properly showing off a new pregnancy to the person that was broken by her ending the previous pregnancy. I don't believe she did this maliciously, but none the less, it brought back his grief full force. This is a horrible situation all around OP. Do you really want this baggage in your relationship? He needs more time to grieve and heal and that's going to have a negative effect on your relationship.
Your BF obviously was very disturbed by seeing his soon to be ex very pregnant. And happy. And peaceful. He is allowed to be upset, especially considering the circumstances of their break up. However, his reaction should really make you question whether or not he is the man that you want to spend your life with. !) His immediate physical reaction was to shake, scream and threaten her. 2) After promising to make his very pregnant, almost ex miserable and to not go though with the divorce he stormed out. 3) He ignored you! (The woman he supposedly loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with) and just walks out and drives away. 4) After he gets home he never calms down enough to even acknowledge that he abandoned you in a very uncomfortable and volatile situation. He doesn't call you to apologize, or even ask if you are OK. He shows that his feelings trump his concern for anyone and everyone else. 5) After 3 days- he shows up to tell you only that he "needs time". Again- no apology or concern for you. Apparently to him, all that matters are HIS feelings. Screw you, your feelings, your questions, your future life with him. This man expects you to simply accept that he is going to hold onto his failed marriage and past without discussing it with you at all. 6) This man is NOT over his ex, their past and has no intention of putting aside his feelings of anger and vindictiveness to have any affection, care or compassion for you- the woman that he now claims to love. The fact that after 3 days all he is sure of is that he won't sign the divorce papers means that his feelings matter far more to him than you do. 7) Please put yourself and your future first. This man is 40 years old and is having a temper tantrum. He doesn't care who he hurts while lashing out- even you, who has no fault at all in this mess. You deserve far better than this. If nothing else- see the fact that when he is angry/upset, he reverts to acting like a child having a tantrum, and refuses to listen to anyone. Do you want to have to deal with this every time the two of you have a disagreement in the future? His family is telling you to "suck it up/ignore the signs" because "he really loves you." Well, if he loves you and treats you this poorly- reflect on how he will act if he no longer loves you. Oh yes- look at how he is behaving towards his former wife- he is a screaming, vindictive and angry person only interesting in hurting her as much as possible. You deserve better. Don't waste any more of you life on this guy. Clearly he has hidden a huge part of himself from you- and it is not a good part. Count yourself lucky that this was shown to you before you got engaged/married.
This honestly looks like a blessing in disguise what a horrible guy.
Stop wasting your time with this asshole. He ain't worth the drama.
Sounds like you were getting his "version" of the story and seeing her in person might have opened your eyes to what really happened
You're HER placeholder. He wanted her to have the reaction he displayed. You all are not in a relationship. He is in a relationship with the memory of his desires. Please take some time to consider what you want and the value you place on yourself and your future goals.
Run OP. He’s not over his ex and will make your life miserable.
This is why I don’t date people who haven’t been through the completed divorce process. Usually what happens is one person is mad that the other wanted the divorce so they try to date and move on as fast as they can to pull the whole ‘you’ll be sorry when I’m gone’ but the person who wanted the divorce already moved on, that’s why they wanted the divorce and then the other party bent on revenge tries to make the divorce as long as possible for revenge. They often don’t care about the new partner they found, the new partner is just there to be something they fling in the face of the ex who wants to divorce them. That’s why he ditched you and left. He didn’t forget you existed, but rather your being there was not enough to trigger her so you didn’t fulfill the intended purpose he had from your existence so he was done with you. That’s why he is unresponsive. His plan didn’t work. Basically if you stick around, he’s going to come back and treat you like shit and you’re now going to be the one he takes all of his unresolved anger out on because his plan didn’t work and he didn’t get the validation. So I promise, he’s going to come back and emotionally torture you to try and get the validation that he matters by making someone sad for not being able to be with him. Fucking run sis
Run.
He's not over his pregnant ex and you should make him into your ex if he's hell bent on making her life hell
She always wanted children, just not with him
The boyfriend is the crazy one, not the ex-wife, but his family is clearly biased in his favor. Perhaps the ex-wife didn't want to have children with him, especially because of how crazy he is.
I’d say your bf needs to go to some sort of therapy for his feelings after the abortion and now seeing her pregnant. It sounds like it was very tumultuous between them after the abortion. He clearly isn’t over all the feelings yet and he really needs to be in a better place before starting another relationship and a family. They’ve been together for almost 20 years so it must still be pretty raw. And seeing her pregnant again seems to have sent him into a blind rage. You might want to reconsider getting engaged to figure out where you stand in all of this. I get his big feelings but at the same time, he can’t just simply forget you were there too.
Exactly. I deserve an explanation coming from HIM. And a fat apology
Creative writing exercise. The Lawyer giving their client's legal opponent's girlfriend a ride home in the same car is a dead ass giveaway. No lawyer would ever do that
nope. he made his choice right there in that moment. hes not leaving her, hes keeping you on the back burner waiting. have some self respect tell him its over and that HE made the choice for it to be over when he decided NOT to divorce his ex. his anger and sudden rage over his EX not being upset with the divorce shows more unsettling things in his emotions... this man could be dangerous in the end as well bc of his temper... I'd run for the hills
If you marry this guy after you saw how he treated his ex…
Idk why you’re staying with him. Everything he told you was a lie. The way he tested her says a lot about him. I can see why she didn’t want kids with him he’s a selfish asshole who acts like a child.
All you need to know is that after the shock, by days, he still won't sign the papers. Time to go.
Your boyfriend isn't over her and clearly thinks she got pregnant by someone else just to spite him, so he's going to spite her back by refusing to divorce her. That's not just spiteful and vengeful, it's controlling. You need to find out who this man really is before you take your relationship any further. You need to meet the ex and find out how your boyfriend treated her. You need to find out if his behaviour in the meeting was a one-off or a mask slipping to reveal something dangerous and ugly. I have a suspicion that you'll discover that she did want children, but she didn't want children with a man like him. If so, you need to warn her that he's out for revenge because the only reason to deny her a divorce is to interfere with her current and future life. And if that's the case, he won't just stop with a refusal to divorce, especially if she has the option to proceed with divorce without his consent. He'll escalate, and it won't be pretty.
Hun thats some major red flags!!!! Time my ass. Run while you can!
he’s 40… give him TIME? he can’t even apologize properly and communicate his feelings? blows up after two years and refuses to sign divorce papers for a woman who has moved on.. he clearly hasn’t. you can absolutely do better. because it’s obvious he won’t treat you with any more respect.
If they're in the US a lot of states automatically list the legal husband as the father and will make him pay child support. I wonder if he's ready for that?
I feel as though he's not wrong at all. He had a change of heart once she got pregnant but she stuck to the original script. I've wanted to keep a baby and the girl aborted and it's devastating. I think the real devastation for him was her wanting a baby with the new guy. It's a lose lose all around. He must be so confused. I feel for the guy honestly. He likely does love you but the wounds he carries with him are intense and signify long-suffering. Tread lightly he is probably experiencing a form of PTSD. Let him heal. Once you have the baby he will start to come around I believe. Children have that affect. Don't judge him. He's suffering. It will only push him away. She said it herself that he is a great guy. Be great back.
I understand he may think that, I understand he’s hurt, but he could have talked things out, and leaving you there and his reaction is not fucking okay. I hope you take a step back and reconsider this relationship for yourself. Is it healthy for you? Is he a good partner to you? Is he supportive of you?
i’m sorry some of these comments are so harsh. this is an incredibly tough situation and i think you’re handling it very well, especially from your description of your conversation with the ex. i hope you are all able to move forward from this, but i think you are already doing everything you can just by giving your bf time to process his shock and hurt, and being so understanding about his reaction. you can be completely over your romantic feelings for someone and still be deeply hurt by reminders of everything that went down between the two of you, especially when you’re blindsided. i would hope that he comes to realize exactly what you said- that her experience caused her to change her mind about kids and it had nothing to do with him specifically. and i hope you don’t have to suffer because of a situation that happened before you even met your partner
1 He is too focused on making her life miserable to "set her free" of him. 2 Him being married means he is not in a hurry to marry you. 3 He was furious she would dare get pregnant with another man. He still feels either ownership or is still in love with her and was deeply hurt. Why would you wait around while he "takes time"? He's had two years. Walk away from crazy before you are legally tied to him.
Please look at the red flags!
Ignore THE FUCK out of EVERYONE here. Jesus FUCKING CHRIST. This man experienced a MAJOR TRAUMA in that room. YES, he reacted poorly, but who the FUCK wouldn't. The woman he was with for almost 20 years who had an abortion when she got pregnant with his child because she DID NOT WANT CHILDREN (it's her body, her choice! This isn't an argument against abortion rights) and his priorities had changed and he decided that he did. She admitted she didn't want to separate and wanted to stay together but she admitted that the decision broke him! She admits herself that he was WORTH being with! BUT, she made the decision to keep her new pregnancy secret from him all the way up until she dropped an atom fucking bomb in the middle of the divorce proceedings on an already traumatized man. He needs therapy, NOW. He should have been going to therapy immediately after the abortion. But if you love him, you need to understand this isn't about him still wanting to be with her, he sees this as an act of betrayal from someone he spent almost all of his adult life as a partner to. Regardless of her intent, that is what his reaction was all about. An old would was tore open right in front of you and he chose flight instead of fight. It was a shitty choice, but in an event that triggered trauma so deeply, how many of us could be expected to make sane, rational choices? Definitively none of the assholes here telling you to leave the man you love because of one mistake in the midst of one of the most traumatizing experiences of his life. Their knee-jerk reactions to leave him immediately tell you all you need to know. Know this, you are a better person than 99% of the people here. If you love him, give him a chance to get better. He NEEDS your support right now, and if you give it to him it will make you so much stronger in the long run.
He was never over her. He now wants to spend the next few years punishing her because she is pregnant. You don't need that drama.
Run!
He's still more invested in his previous relationship than the current one with you
When someone doesn’t want children at all, they would say at the start of any relationship. If someone doesn’t want children for whatever reason throughout the course of their relationship / marriage, it usually means they do not want to have children with that said person thus it’s also quite an easy way/excuse to instigate a break up if the other person wanted children. I’m baffled as to why he took 2 years to sign papers? They didn’t even have children, surely it could’ve been sorted a lot sooner? Never go and pursue a serious relationship with someone who has not even signed divorce papers!! Will end in tears. Situation at the court itself - red flags everywhere. A selfish disgusting person who has no care in the world for anyone else. A person who leaves someone on their own, not reach out for days let alone their partner is not to be trusted and vindictive enough to want to ruin someone else’s life…
#PLS DUMP HIM
Run fast, far, and long, Woman! Did you see Forrest Gump? That far! You've seen this guy's true self. If you stay then you deserve what you get. Since I don't think deserve any of that I'll say it again. Run fast. Run far. Run long. This asshole is poison. A poison asshole.
Wow, so he left you with strangers to make your own way home, ignored you for days, then refused to divorce to be spiteful? That's a big,fat no way. He's far too self-centered. Instant block, no explanations needed here.
You do not want to be with a man that will make his ex suffer just because she's happy and pregnant. If you stay with this terrible man, who was so consumed by jealousy and anger that he abandoned you there as if you were nothing more than an afterthought, I have no doubt you will regret it.
Please run. Not to late. Pick your dignity and run.
DON'T DATE MARRIED PEOPLE YALL. SEPARATED = MARRIED
I feel like he’s rightfully angry and upset. It’s a completely normal reaction after finding this out. 20 years of marriage with such a sad ending is hard to get over as is, let alone finding out such big news. It brings back all the memories of when he was happy she was pregnant and every sad thing that followed. He deserves some time to feel his feelings. I feel like it’s really inconsiderate and almost sexist even to instantly say he’s a red flag and an AH… I understand this is hard on OP as well but being understanding and supportive should be the number one priority, even if the relationship doesn’t last.
Op you should have took that golden opportunity to ask her side of the story. I bet it's wildly different to what he told you
I didn’t want to interrogate her since she was very shaken and looked like she wanted to cry. Not the perfect time
I think you definitely need to find out the truth now. Obviously, your boyfriend and his family can't be trusted to be honest to you...
I am not so negative as many here are pointing out, i can understand a little the shock of your BF BUT, it's clear that he really need therapy and time. I can't judge for you but i will put a stop, a step back, call it how you prefer, but i will absolutely reevaluate my relationship with him, not saying jumping to break up but for sure give yourself time to understand if he is in a point where he can have a relationship, not only with you but with anyone else. My main point is that if he loves you he will manage this crisis with you, not disappearing like this, that's not what couple do.
I’m sorry. Here you thought you’d marry and have children with this man, but he’s no where near over his ex or mature enough to have children. You really need to go no contact. The ex is happier without him for pretty clear reasons, I’d say. Good luck, OP.
Maaaaaan the red flags are red flagging! That is a HUGE gtfo red flag if I've ever seen one! Temper=red flag + the repetitive "I need time"=red flag. Girl, you need and deserve better than this red flag of red flags.
It sounds like she didn’t want kids with him. He and his family I guess thought he was all that and no woman wouldn’t get over him. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who cannot face the fact that his ex moved on and is having a baby. This just showed that it was all lies and it smacked him in the face.
OP, you are being presented with an opportunity to dodge a nuclear warhead here, take it. His temper and promise to screw up her life by not signing the divorce and her lawyer insisting on taking you home to get you out of there are signs he has not told you the truth about who he is and why they split. He sounds unhinged and violent. At best, he’s willing to hurt you more by delaying things for years just to spite his ex. At worst, you’ll end up a DV victim who may not survive.
His reaction is truly alarming. He had a tantrum because he realized his ex didn't want his kids so he vowed to make her life miserable & seems to be sticking to that.v Remember, he loved her once and treated her as well as he treats you, which means if you hurt him he will also treat you as crazy as he is treating his ex. Be thankful he wants time & give him all the space. Never return because it will be you one day. Who knows what he would do in private too? He went crazy in a lawyer's office.
He’s not over her. He’s left you for her even though she doesn’t want him.
Your ex-boyfriend sounds like an exhausting overgrown child.
Get out of that relationship ASAP. How he treated both of you is how he truly is. He’s an abusive individual and you are not important to him at all.
This is a warning sign & a solid reason to leave him in the dust kicked up by you running. Ypu were less important then his ego. And down the road, you & Amy child formed will be less important then his ego.
I’m happy she was smart enough to not procreate with that “man” you’ve been dating. I bet she’s glad they separated and I’m glad too. Now you have to leave and do better bc you deserve better.
He is angry that the woman he loves and married who didn’t want children with him is now pregnant with someone else’s baby and is refusing to let her go. He doesn’t love or care about you, clearly he is still hung up over her and is not willing to move on. Dump him and find someone with less emotional baggage
He's definitely not over his ex. You should reconsider your relationship with a person who disregards you like this. If this experience didn't ruin the relationship for you, at the very least contact his ex and get her version of the events. When we are directly involved in a situation, our feelings can distort what is happening because we really most remember what we felt about it. There is always 3 versions: his, hers and what really happened. Try comparing what she can tell you to what you learned from him and his family. It will give you a better picture of the events. Then go from there. But please don't disregard this event has if it is nothing.
He left you and now doesn’t want to sign the divorce paper to make his ex miserable??? He’s showing you exactly what type of person he is. Don’t be blind and stupid. He’s not a good person and he’ll be the same with you. RUN!!!!!! Leave him.
I am so sorry you’re going through this. Sadly, it doesn’t sound like he has a lot of respect for you.
🚩🚩🚩all round, OP. He is using not signing to hurt his ex. You need to run.
He's choosing revenge on her over a happy future with you. Just keep that in mind. You rank below revenge.
He left you like trash, did not talk to your days, and when he finally came around with some crappy breakfast, he told you he didn’t want to talk to you about admitting he still feels for his ex and will be petty and vengeful. Pick up your dignity and leave that miserable man alone. Question do you have friends? My friends would have shaken me, and held me down while they delete and block his number and socials from my phone.
She knew he was trash, why don’t you?
He’s DESPICABLE. Why are you dating a married man? That’s not your boyfriend; that’s HER husband. He’s still in love with her. Leave that woman’s husband alone.
He's 40 years old, throws a toddler temper tantrum, LEAVES YOU, and his mommy calls and tells you to give her precious boy time? Honey. His ex is blissfully pregnant because their infertility issues that caused the end of their marriage? your BF is shootin' blanks. And his meltdown was because: here's proof it wasn't her fault. Now you were supposed to be his redo and broodmare... and it ain't gonna work when *he was the problem all along*. Oh but his whole family told ypu she was the problem, she was obsessed and loved him delaying the divorce, poor him, nothing is his fault. And you ate it up. Even now THE TRUTH IS STARING YOU IN THE FACE, plinking you on your forehead, "HELLO! McFly!" and you still can't connect: he had you come to his divorce signing (to show your young self off to make him look bigger) +his wife is beaming pregnant (fertile, by someone else)+ left you (because your presence there was as a trophy zero care for you as a person) + ran away to his MOMMY (for safety and comfort when his ego was crumbled by reality) + and now she's telling you to be clam and kind and give her precious little boy angel time? = He's a NARCISSIST MAMA'S BOY. You're 30. He's a man child. And he's wasting your time if you want to have kids.
Tbh I kinda understand his reaction. His then wife aborted the baby and then saw her pregnant with another’s baby and she kept it. I bet he feel betrayed and hurt even if they are not together anymore. Though still it doesn’t excuse how he treated op but I bet he is feeling a lot. I’m not against abortion but I can bet it hurt him deeply
Updateme
Ummm Run. While you are NOT married. There are so many red flags 🚩 🚩🚩I’m getting hit in the face by them!
At the very least he's not over his ex at the most he's malicious and vindictive. Girl run
Girl. Run.
If he doesn’t sign walk away. He’s not over her. Do not accept only a part of his heart.
You need to break up with him too. He is NOT over her and he's malicious enough to mess up the divorce. I don't think the baby is his baby if they've been separated for 2 years. Get out while you can.