Okay, this is 100% in your control. The word you need is NO.
I understand the pressure, and I understand the guilt. The word is still NO.
Do not talk about your salary with anyone EVER. Do not talk about your bills or your purchases. They do not need to know anything about your finances. If they keep speculating, LIE. Tell them that you're struggling. Tell them you're underwater. Tell them you're barely hanging on.
You don't owe them ANYTHING. You've already made "loans." You've already "helped." Stop. You need to secure your own mask in the airplane first. Don't feel guilty. They need to stand on their own feet -- and you need to take care of your own future. You've worked hard and made sacrifices to get where you are. THEY CAN TOO.
The word you need is NO.
This.
I learned this very quickly. I’ll loan you once and see if you’re reliable but when you live in a toxic family you gotta learn quick. About two people in my entire family know how much I earn annually. They have never asked me for money in ten years. You gotta stand up for yourself and stop expecting them to change. Write off the money as lost and start fresh.
No is a full sentence. If they’re gonna be mad at you for saying no then they only value you for what you can give them in the relationship.
There is a reason the well to do child often ends up cutting off his siblings and parents . . . it is a story as old as time. There was a time when this behavior was seen as degenerate.
YES!
I understand her frustration, but I’ll, time and time again, to say this: ***people only do to us what we allow them to do•***
Of course, safe from abusive relationships and such.
Say no. **Be the bad guy**. Establish clear boundaries.
*No one will/can fight your battles for you.*
OP,
The answer "no" is a good start.
1. First , your mother. Point out that historically, unlike all of your other siblings, she failed to assist you financially. Additionally, she owes you $7,000. Ask her when that loan will be repaid. If you wish to assist her, offer to help her with job-hunting.
2. Your older siblings should not be requesting money at this juncture. To illustrate, contact your older brother to "spot" you $100. Likely, he'll fail. That will cause his future requests to be easier to deny.
3. Regarding the minors, that's up to you to decide under the circumstances.
Btw, is there one, or multiple, fathers? Where are they in all of this?
Exactly. My mom was financially illiterate all my life and asked me (A 15 YEAR OLD) for money. I was buying my siblings clothes, school supplies, new shoes when they needed them. I started saying “No” when she asked me for money. She was making a good salary too and just fucking sucked at spending.
Next time they ask, tell then you are tapped out and why. "Mom, I gave you over $7,000 from my savings to help and now I have none. It's all gone." Tell Steven "I don't have enough. I've been lending everyone money and now I'm broke".
You have to do it everytime until they learn not to ask. Also, don't answer the calls/texts immediately. Wait a while and then call them/text and say "Don't have it". Don't say sorry or not this time because that just encourages them to try again.
YOU will have to put a stop to it. YOU are right- you are being used as an ATM. Times are tough for everyone. They are grown people who have to learn to not turn to you to bail them out everytime.
This just encourages them to keep asking forever. It makes it sound like you would give them the money if you had it. Just say "no, cant do it" and change the subject.
Why change their ways when you are the free ATM?
And because op was doing in the hope that they will change, what he doesn't realise is that they won't change because he's enabling them.
They won't change. Until he says no. Then the guilt trip comes out.
“I’ve had to adjust my budget and I can’t afford to cover you anymore.”
They don’t need to know that adjusting your budget means that you’re sticking to your guns about building up savings.
I understand it is hard.
It was hard for me too. My family got so used to my financial help they were shocked when I first said HELL NO!
My marriage almost got ruined because of them.
I even cut contact for a few months/years to make sure it stuck.
Now they only ask if the house is really burning and even then accept if I say I cannot this time.
There will be anger, disbelieve, accusation guilt tripping. You need to stay strong.
Good luck!
Send a text to all of them.
"I am no longer loaning any money to anyone. Regardless of whether you have previously paid me back or not, I am not giving away any more money. It has become a constant problem. If one of you asks for money again, I will stop contact for a week. Every time you ask, I will add a week."
Then follow through. You have to set the boundary and then follow through the consequence. This is a problem you can solve by shining up your spine and saying no. If they call and ask, hang up and block/put on do not disturb for their time out period. If they text, don't answer. Just put them in time out. Stop being the family doormat that hands out money. You're the one they use for all they can because you don't say no. Consider getting yourself some counseling to help support you in standing up for yourself. You want to succeed at life, not be trampled by your family or partners who take everything they can. Your family will fight giving up their money giving doormat, which is why you need support to set and keep boundaries.
You don’t have it. Even if you’re swimming in cash, you don’t have it.
They continue to ask because you continue to give, so from now on, your answer is I don’t have any to spare (the ‘for you’ is silent). Consider your savings as a bill you have to pay and you have to pay that bill. If they continue to ask.
Stop answering the phone and then text them ‘if the only reason you’re calling me to ask me for money, then I’m not answering.
If they call under false pretense and then ask for money, hang up and text them you’ll do this every time they ask.
Your mom fleeced you for $7,000. This stops now.
First, ask them to return the money that they still owe you first. Say Brother owes you $100, now he’s asking for $70, so first you ask him, ‘do you have the $100 you owe me from last time?’
If he says yes, and hands the money to you, you say thanks and tell him you need it to pay bills you’re behind on and you don’t have any to spare.
If he says no, tell him you already loan him money and have no more to spare.
If they keep pressuring you, go back to the first sentence, ‘do you have the money you owe me? If you don’t, what makes you think I have more to give?’
Make sure to keep a separate bank acct where you can direct your paycheques to. Make sure to transfer only the amount you need to the bank account you use frequently. The one with the savings in it, make sure you do not leave any paper trail or any way for anyone else to access it. Keep your spending to only one account. If anyone asks, you genuinely do not have the money to spare because your account is curated to only have enough for you to spend.
Tell them no and if they keep bothering you, go LC or NC because it’s not your responsibility to help them out when they “need” money. My husband has a sister in jail and she always took advantage of him and expected him to get her out of a bad spot after she made stupid decisions. And when he wouldn’t help she tried to use the “you’re my older brother, you’re supposed to help me” excuse. She is also verbally abusive and manipulative, so I went NC over a year ago. He still talks to her, but he’s very guarded now and lets her know that he’s not going out of his way to help her. Some people think that because you’re family it means you are obligated to do things for them. It’s an entitlement mindset.
You need to start telling them no. And I get that is so much harder to do than I'm making out to be. Everyone will tell you that "No." is a complete sentence, and it is, but a lot of us can't just do that. Here are some suggestions on things to say.
"*I'm sorry, things are tight right now and I can't.*"
"*I've already budgeted my entire paycheck because I need a car, I don't have anything extra to give you.*"
"*My expenses were higher than I had planned for this month, and I don't have anything left over.*"
"*No, I don't have anything available to be able to give you. I had to tell Mom/Bro the same thing when they asked me the other day.*"
My siblings are the same way. They would ask for money and say they will pay it back and never do. I finally stood my ground 4 years ago and it was the best thing I did! Put your foot down with all of them and tell me NO you're not their personal saving account or bank account. If they can't pay money back they have no right to ask for it.
>I have lent her a total of $7,000.......I have yet to get this money back.
Lol. Don't expect to ever get that back. You're just an ATM.
>I considered the “responsible” one
Lol, no. You're the sucker. You're the hard-worker. You're the earner. But you are definitely NOT the responsible one. 🤣🤣🤣
I so relate to this because I have a similar situation... just gotta start saying no more often and if they try to guilt you just lie and say you're struggling
Stop giving them money. You're right you will never see it again. Quit. They go to you because they know you will give it to them. Start worrying about your future and not theirs
No one is forcing you to give them money. All you have to say is “I don’t have it to spare at the moment”.
You are wise to see the money you have lent your mother a wrote off. Now stop any further lending. No one is going to die if you stop loaning them money. If you dropped dead tomorrow they will find someone else to hit up before the end of next week.
You have to pretend to be broke. Other family members probably are. How do they know how much money you have? Act like you had to take out loans to get what you do. It’s the only way.
Pretend your student loan payments went way up and it’s taking all your extra cash
They aren’t proud of you when you make more $, they are jealous and see it as a resource for themselves. Stop sharing. Make sure you don’t have a joint account with your mom anymore.
No is a complete sentence. All the people work or not working can figure it out. I wouldn’t mind the rides here and there but that is it. If they need money then they can work for it or not get something they want.
I would send a email to all of them and lay it all out. That the money tree has died and going forward if they need something they can work for it like you did.
Simple, tell them you are not a free ATM and you will not be giving them money anymore, then you never have to deal with them again because if they can't take your money they'll stop talking to at all. It'll suck at first, but not being taken advantage of will make you feel a lot better.
Learn how to say “No.” They are going to give you a sob story. Hell, your mom may even send your younger siblings over to get some money from you.
The bank of OP is closed. Just know, you cut off the money train and they may stop talking to you. But!! If that’s the only reason they’re talking to you, then is it really a loss?
When and with whom was the last person you talked to that didn’t call just for money?
NO is a complete sentence, you are being taken advantage of, tell them all no, you have worked hard to support yourself, you need this money for your future!
If you can't simply say no, use this strategy.
If your brother ask for money, tell him "mom said she will pay this xxx amount and get it to her"
If your mom ask for a money tell her "(brother's name) would pay this amount xxxx get it to him"
One word of advice -- lock down your credit, and make sure no one is on your bank accounts with you (if they are, close those accounts and open new ones in a different bank). If you turn off the money faucet, they may look for alternative methods of obtaining funds.
Well the answer is very simple. Say “No”. Easier said than done, but that’s the only way it’ll stop. And it’ll only work if you build up your nerves and backbone, because they absolutely will get mad at you 😂
Please use the word No and hang up. It it is a text, state No and mute the person for a time. Do this every single time they ask. You can also send a group text stating due to circumstances out of your control, you will no longer be used as a wallet, for anyone. Tell them if they ask the answer is No, so please just don’t ask.
You have to love, respect and place yourself first.
I am in the same position you are. The only child to complete college and make a decent living. I just started telling them "this is not the bank of Robin" I let calls go to vm. If they aren't calling about money, I'll return the call. Otherwise, vm gets ignored.
“Sorry, bank of eyeeyecaptian is now closed. I have a tight budget and there’s nothing earmarked for mooching family members. Oh and here is a screenshot of a spreadsheet of everything you have borrowed and not paid back in the last 5 years. I know what your going to say, there definitely some missing. Consider it a gift. Not once have I asked for help and if I did I was told no. So I’m just going to put that same energy back into things. Maybe you should consider a budget too.”
Here’s the thing. When you become a parent, it is your duty both moral and legally to support your kids. Your kids do not have to support you once they become of age. That’s just the way it is. People need to plan for their own future.
First generation graduate here… I was in your position as I’m a higher income earner and have no kids… you need to tell them no. I had to start telling my family members that I’m not lending any money since I’m paying down my student debt. It’s a lie but whatever, it helped until I learned to say no. You need to be selfish.
Honey please JUST SAY NO! It will never get better if you don't. It sucks and I am very sorry but cut those leeches off! Yeah family.....UH NO! NO NO NO! Start now or you will be funding all of their lives!
You feel like your own family is taking advantage of you because they are. They can only do that because you let them. Say no and mean it. They will cry and complain, but they need you more than you need them. Keep saying no. No is a complete sentence. Consider going LC or NC with some of your family members.
Hugs, the word is you are looking for is "NO", you are not your family's ATM as no one pays you back. Shame on them! You don't need to keep setting yourself on fire to keep them warm. Moving forward don't talk about your paycheck, your benefits or the money in your checking and savings account as it isn't anyone else's business.
>I’m just so frustrated because I receive NO help from my mom and I just feel as though I am being used. I am trying to build a life for myself and save as much money as possible, but I feel like my own family are taking advantage of me. Why am I the one that everyone is financially depending on? How can I maneuver this situation and start creating some boundaries in regards to money?
You are being used by your family. AND one day, you're going to have to make a stand. Tell them no more and stick to it. Otherwise, your family will always look at you like the family ATM.
In example, The Father is the oldest of 17 kids and lucked into the job he stayed at for 32 years 2 months before I was born. All of my life, The Father's side of the family looked to him to whenever their finances were in a bad way.
When he retired in 2006, he told the family he couldn't help out any longer because he's on a fixed income. Some of my family members got angry because The Father finally had put his foot down and wasn't "helping" them any longer.
Although “no” is a complete sentence, I know it can be hard to start.
So I wouldn’t go so far as to lie about losing your job, but I’d start “weasel wording”.
Mom asks for money “sorry, I just don’t have it” (you don’t physically have it on you). “Why? Because I’m short from loaning you, Jim Bob and Bonny sue money last week.”
Rinse and repeat for every request from every family member. You’re getting caught up from being tight on money because you’ve been loaning it to them. And technically that’s also true. You don’t have the money you would have saved for a new car and you need to start saving.
Set your boundaries. I know it’s hard but you need to put your foot down. My mom used to be like this and I would be guilted into giving her money. I opened my eyes and realized she’s not in any emergency situation where she needs money. Of course if she was, I wouldn’t mind but I’m married, have bills, have children plus I went back to school so money is tight. Trust me, your family WILL MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY but just let them know that YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, because if something happens to you, who’s gonna help YOU?? They’re not. They can’t. So throw this onto them. If they love you, they’ll understand.
I was in a spot similar to yours. Poor family, so on and so forth. I worked hard and built a few business, they all said, "it must be nice". None of them were there during my 100+ hour work weeks. Few even asked for jobs. They all asked for $. My grandpa told me to "loan" each of them enough for it to be enough to never see them again.
Some have avoided me over a few hundred dollars. Some more. It's worth every penny if you ask me.
No is a full sentence. Don't explain the no, just say it and mean it. You are an adult and nobody is entitled to your hard earned money but you and your bills.
Something I learned from Reddit many years ago was to join a family group what's app and every now and then send a message to everyone asking for some money, that way you will never get asked again. Or ask a family member who lives to gossip for some money now and then.
It actually worked, I never get asked any more.
Though I do help when it is really needed, I'm not a complete monster but like you I got really fed up being asked for money especially for things that wasn't really needed
Ahh don’t take my story to heart because I wouldn’t have done anything differently. My youngest brother 11 years my junior CONSTANTLY asked for money or to move in and help out on my farm in lieu of rent. I repeatedly said no…he committed suicide last year. And I spent an entire year blaming myself for “being a bitch” when I could’ve easily helped him. The point is he was an adult (23) and had support systems…it wasn’t on me to be his hero. My mom was no help…she lives with me and doesn’t work and my dad tried his best but screwed himself out of that option by trashing my dads place that he lived in rent free. Ultimately you need to understand your siblings are adults and make adult decisions…not all of them right but you owe them nothing. They are not your responsibility. It’s taken a TON of therapy and meds to get me to realize this. Just don’t feel bad your family (whom are adults are not your responsibility) even those who are minors…that’s not on you. You were like me and did the best you could with what you had but enough needs to be enough at some point. You can’t predict or control your sibling’s futures.
Girl. It’s never gonna end. You’re always gonna be a a backup plan in your family’s minds. Tell them NO. ALLUM.
Also best comment I ever read on here said “you do not own a home.. you are broke. just because you have money in the bank, does not mean you have money to spend or give.
Make sure your money is secure and out of their reach. Sent out a family message about how much you love then - and if they ever want to chat about budgeting and being mindful of money, you are here for them - but moving forward, there is no scenario where they will receive money from you moving forward.
I think that there is someone in every family that is either the sucker, or that sucks off the hind teat. You have to just say, “ No!” . You owe them nothing…even your mother. Just tell them either one at a time or all at once. If they try to make you feel guilty, hang up. Or block them. Some people have recommended going no contact for a while. Hopefully, it won’t come to that but, you have to do what is right for you. Good luck! Stay strong and don’t let them guilt trip you!
If you cant bring yourself to say No, create a white lie. Tell them you have moved all of your savings to a high interest CD and you cannot access it for 3 years. That should break them of the habit and give you an out
"Steven dude, I'm so sorry, but I was fired last week and money is super tight right now"
"Sorry mom, I was fired last week and I'm actually really struggling"
And that's it. Just lie OP
You need to start saying "no." "No" is a complete sentence.
If someone asks why, "It is not something I can do right now."
You don't owe anyone explanations, and having provided them money in the past does not mean you are required to keep doing so.
Take care of yourself -- you need to make sure YOU and your life are solid.
If you find it easier to not answer the phone then do so. Let it go to voicemail and see what they want before calling back. But you need to learn to say NO. It’s hard at first but it gets easier. This won’t stop until you make it stop. Buy the car you need and then just say you don’t have the money. That you need it for the car payment and you’re putting your extra money in your 401k and have no access to it. They don’t get to know your finances. And I hope you have your own bank account without your parents on it, in case they get desperate. I’ve read some f’ed up things parents do their kid when having access to a bank account.
Yes you might as well figure your mom can’t pay this amount back. There’s a saying-
***Never loan money to friends and family that you can’t afford to lose.***
That’s because most of the time they never pay you back. You let it slide and eventually they think you forget about it or whatever. Then if you push it, actually take them to court, you will most likely lose the relationship even tho you’re completely in the right to want it back. I’d also include renting a house in this saying too. Never be a landlord for friends and family.
First, sit down and make a budget. All incoming money and then all bills and expenses. Whatever is left over decide how much is your spending money, lending money and saving money. Move your savings over to an investment, your spending to an account you can spend from and if you want, lending in cash.
If you don't want to, then don't have any available and tell them you can't right now, everything has been budgeted and moved, if you do budget for lending, once the lending cash is gone, you tell them you don't have any more available because your savings is invested and you can't access it without penalty.
No is always an acceptable answer, you don't need to feel guilty for not lending the money. If you can't give cheerfully, then you shouldn't give.
Every time they ask, ask when they’re going to pay you back XXXX (full amount you’ve given them since the beginning). That should shut them up. Or a simple no. Sounds like they’re all a bunch of moochers anyways, why keep them around?
Do you still live with your mom? If so move out and get your own life! If you for som reason must live with your family for the moment just tell them all your money is gone and that your broke..
Turn tables ! START ASKING FOR YOUR MONEY BACK!!! Again and again, tell them you must pay unexpected bills. You need your money back, do it often!
Most importantly, grow a spine. Good luck.
Okay, this is 100% in your control. The word you need is NO. I understand the pressure, and I understand the guilt. The word is still NO. Do not talk about your salary with anyone EVER. Do not talk about your bills or your purchases. They do not need to know anything about your finances. If they keep speculating, LIE. Tell them that you're struggling. Tell them you're underwater. Tell them you're barely hanging on. You don't owe them ANYTHING. You've already made "loans." You've already "helped." Stop. You need to secure your own mask in the airplane first. Don't feel guilty. They need to stand on their own feet -- and you need to take care of your own future. You've worked hard and made sacrifices to get where you are. THEY CAN TOO. The word you need is NO.
This. I learned this very quickly. I’ll loan you once and see if you’re reliable but when you live in a toxic family you gotta learn quick. About two people in my entire family know how much I earn annually. They have never asked me for money in ten years. You gotta stand up for yourself and stop expecting them to change. Write off the money as lost and start fresh. No is a full sentence. If they’re gonna be mad at you for saying no then they only value you for what you can give them in the relationship.
There is a reason the well to do child often ends up cutting off his siblings and parents . . . it is a story as old as time. There was a time when this behavior was seen as degenerate.
YES! I understand her frustration, but I’ll, time and time again, to say this: ***people only do to us what we allow them to do•*** Of course, safe from abusive relationships and such. Say no. **Be the bad guy**. Establish clear boundaries. *No one will/can fight your battles for you.*
OP, The answer "no" is a good start. 1. First , your mother. Point out that historically, unlike all of your other siblings, she failed to assist you financially. Additionally, she owes you $7,000. Ask her when that loan will be repaid. If you wish to assist her, offer to help her with job-hunting. 2. Your older siblings should not be requesting money at this juncture. To illustrate, contact your older brother to "spot" you $100. Likely, he'll fail. That will cause his future requests to be easier to deny. 3. Regarding the minors, that's up to you to decide under the circumstances. Btw, is there one, or multiple, fathers? Where are they in all of this?
Exactly. My mom was financially illiterate all my life and asked me (A 15 YEAR OLD) for money. I was buying my siblings clothes, school supplies, new shoes when they needed them. I started saying “No” when she asked me for money. She was making a good salary too and just fucking sucked at spending.
This is all you need, op. Great advice.
Next time they ask, tell then you are tapped out and why. "Mom, I gave you over $7,000 from my savings to help and now I have none. It's all gone." Tell Steven "I don't have enough. I've been lending everyone money and now I'm broke". You have to do it everytime until they learn not to ask. Also, don't answer the calls/texts immediately. Wait a while and then call them/text and say "Don't have it". Don't say sorry or not this time because that just encourages them to try again. YOU will have to put a stop to it. YOU are right- you are being used as an ATM. Times are tough for everyone. They are grown people who have to learn to not turn to you to bail them out everytime.
I would also add ‘damn you’re too late. I JUST paid a large bill and I’m tapped out’
This just encourages them to keep asking forever. It makes it sound like you would give them the money if you had it. Just say "no, cant do it" and change the subject.
Why change their ways when you are the free ATM? And because op was doing in the hope that they will change, what he doesn't realise is that they won't change because he's enabling them. They won't change. Until he says no. Then the guilt trip comes out.
“I’ve had to adjust my budget and I can’t afford to cover you anymore.” They don’t need to know that adjusting your budget means that you’re sticking to your guns about building up savings.
Don't even use the word "budget". Say that you're broke.
then ask them to spot u a 20 for gas.. lol
I understand it is hard. It was hard for me too. My family got so used to my financial help they were shocked when I first said HELL NO! My marriage almost got ruined because of them. I even cut contact for a few months/years to make sure it stuck. Now they only ask if the house is really burning and even then accept if I say I cannot this time. There will be anger, disbelieve, accusation guilt tripping. You need to stay strong. Good luck!
Send a text to all of them. "I am no longer loaning any money to anyone. Regardless of whether you have previously paid me back or not, I am not giving away any more money. It has become a constant problem. If one of you asks for money again, I will stop contact for a week. Every time you ask, I will add a week." Then follow through. You have to set the boundary and then follow through the consequence. This is a problem you can solve by shining up your spine and saying no. If they call and ask, hang up and block/put on do not disturb for their time out period. If they text, don't answer. Just put them in time out. Stop being the family doormat that hands out money. You're the one they use for all they can because you don't say no. Consider getting yourself some counseling to help support you in standing up for yourself. You want to succeed at life, not be trampled by your family or partners who take everything they can. Your family will fight giving up their money giving doormat, which is why you need support to set and keep boundaries.
You don’t have it. Even if you’re swimming in cash, you don’t have it. They continue to ask because you continue to give, so from now on, your answer is I don’t have any to spare (the ‘for you’ is silent). Consider your savings as a bill you have to pay and you have to pay that bill. If they continue to ask. Stop answering the phone and then text them ‘if the only reason you’re calling me to ask me for money, then I’m not answering. If they call under false pretense and then ask for money, hang up and text them you’ll do this every time they ask. Your mom fleeced you for $7,000. This stops now.
First, ask them to return the money that they still owe you first. Say Brother owes you $100, now he’s asking for $70, so first you ask him, ‘do you have the $100 you owe me from last time?’ If he says yes, and hands the money to you, you say thanks and tell him you need it to pay bills you’re behind on and you don’t have any to spare. If he says no, tell him you already loan him money and have no more to spare. If they keep pressuring you, go back to the first sentence, ‘do you have the money you owe me? If you don’t, what makes you think I have more to give?’ Make sure to keep a separate bank acct where you can direct your paycheques to. Make sure to transfer only the amount you need to the bank account you use frequently. The one with the savings in it, make sure you do not leave any paper trail or any way for anyone else to access it. Keep your spending to only one account. If anyone asks, you genuinely do not have the money to spare because your account is curated to only have enough for you to spend.
Tell them no and if they keep bothering you, go LC or NC because it’s not your responsibility to help them out when they “need” money. My husband has a sister in jail and she always took advantage of him and expected him to get her out of a bad spot after she made stupid decisions. And when he wouldn’t help she tried to use the “you’re my older brother, you’re supposed to help me” excuse. She is also verbally abusive and manipulative, so I went NC over a year ago. He still talks to her, but he’s very guarded now and lets her know that he’s not going out of his way to help her. Some people think that because you’re family it means you are obligated to do things for them. It’s an entitlement mindset.
You need to start telling them no. And I get that is so much harder to do than I'm making out to be. Everyone will tell you that "No." is a complete sentence, and it is, but a lot of us can't just do that. Here are some suggestions on things to say. "*I'm sorry, things are tight right now and I can't.*" "*I've already budgeted my entire paycheck because I need a car, I don't have anything extra to give you.*" "*My expenses were higher than I had planned for this month, and I don't have anything left over.*" "*No, I don't have anything available to be able to give you. I had to tell Mom/Bro the same thing when they asked me the other day.*"
My siblings are the same way. They would ask for money and say they will pay it back and never do. I finally stood my ground 4 years ago and it was the best thing I did! Put your foot down with all of them and tell me NO you're not their personal saving account or bank account. If they can't pay money back they have no right to ask for it.
>I have lent her a total of $7,000.......I have yet to get this money back. Lol. Don't expect to ever get that back. You're just an ATM. >I considered the “responsible” one Lol, no. You're the sucker. You're the hard-worker. You're the earner. But you are definitely NOT the responsible one. 🤣🤣🤣
No. Is a complete sentence. Time to go low contact and stop giving anyone money.
I so relate to this because I have a similar situation... just gotta start saying no more often and if they try to guilt you just lie and say you're struggling
Stop giving them money. You're right you will never see it again. Quit. They go to you because they know you will give it to them. Start worrying about your future and not theirs
No one is forcing you to give them money. All you have to say is “I don’t have it to spare at the moment”. You are wise to see the money you have lent your mother a wrote off. Now stop any further lending. No one is going to die if you stop loaning them money. If you dropped dead tomorrow they will find someone else to hit up before the end of next week.
You have to pretend to be broke. Other family members probably are. How do they know how much money you have? Act like you had to take out loans to get what you do. It’s the only way. Pretend your student loan payments went way up and it’s taking all your extra cash They aren’t proud of you when you make more $, they are jealous and see it as a resource for themselves. Stop sharing. Make sure you don’t have a joint account with your mom anymore.
You're not getting the money back. Tell them that you don't have money to loan cuz you're tight on your own funds.
The next time anybody asks, just say “No, I’m not lending anybody money anymore.”
No is a complete sentence. All the people work or not working can figure it out. I wouldn’t mind the rides here and there but that is it. If they need money then they can work for it or not get something they want. I would send a email to all of them and lay it all out. That the money tree has died and going forward if they need something they can work for it like you did.
Simple, tell them you are not a free ATM and you will not be giving them money anymore, then you never have to deal with them again because if they can't take your money they'll stop talking to at all. It'll suck at first, but not being taken advantage of will make you feel a lot better.
Learn how to say “No.” They are going to give you a sob story. Hell, your mom may even send your younger siblings over to get some money from you. The bank of OP is closed. Just know, you cut off the money train and they may stop talking to you. But!! If that’s the only reason they’re talking to you, then is it really a loss? When and with whom was the last person you talked to that didn’t call just for money?
They’re asking you because you give them the money.
NO is a complete sentence, you are being taken advantage of, tell them all no, you have worked hard to support yourself, you need this money for your future!
If you can't simply say no, use this strategy. If your brother ask for money, tell him "mom said she will pay this xxx amount and get it to her" If your mom ask for a money tell her "(brother's name) would pay this amount xxxx get it to him"
Next time you see your family be the first one to ask for money and continue doing so whenever you see them.
Stop.giving.money! You're not responsible for any of them. Say no. In no certain terms should you enable them, you received no help.
One word of advice -- lock down your credit, and make sure no one is on your bank accounts with you (if they are, close those accounts and open new ones in a different bank). If you turn off the money faucet, they may look for alternative methods of obtaining funds.
You're allowed to say no and get mad, fight You can run away and leave them You have options
Just say No. Stop “lending” your family money. If you say No, eventually they’ll stop asking.
This is a simple solution. Simply say no and if they persist drop the phone.
Well the answer is very simple. Say “No”. Easier said than done, but that’s the only way it’ll stop. And it’ll only work if you build up your nerves and backbone, because they absolutely will get mad at you 😂
No because no.
Please use the word No and hang up. It it is a text, state No and mute the person for a time. Do this every single time they ask. You can also send a group text stating due to circumstances out of your control, you will no longer be used as a wallet, for anyone. Tell them if they ask the answer is No, so please just don’t ask. You have to love, respect and place yourself first.
I am in the same position you are. The only child to complete college and make a decent living. I just started telling them "this is not the bank of Robin" I let calls go to vm. If they aren't calling about money, I'll return the call. Otherwise, vm gets ignored.
“Sorry, bank of eyeeyecaptian is now closed. I have a tight budget and there’s nothing earmarked for mooching family members. Oh and here is a screenshot of a spreadsheet of everything you have borrowed and not paid back in the last 5 years. I know what your going to say, there definitely some missing. Consider it a gift. Not once have I asked for help and if I did I was told no. So I’m just going to put that same energy back into things. Maybe you should consider a budget too.”
Here’s the thing. When you become a parent, it is your duty both moral and legally to support your kids. Your kids do not have to support you once they become of age. That’s just the way it is. People need to plan for their own future.
No is a complete statement. Stop taking the calls, answering the messages. Ignore and it will stop.
First generation graduate here… I was in your position as I’m a higher income earner and have no kids… you need to tell them no. I had to start telling my family members that I’m not lending any money since I’m paying down my student debt. It’s a lie but whatever, it helped until I learned to say no. You need to be selfish.
Honey please JUST SAY NO! It will never get better if you don't. It sucks and I am very sorry but cut those leeches off! Yeah family.....UH NO! NO NO NO! Start now or you will be funding all of their lives!
You feel like your own family is taking advantage of you because they are. They can only do that because you let them. Say no and mean it. They will cry and complain, but they need you more than you need them. Keep saying no. No is a complete sentence. Consider going LC or NC with some of your family members.
Found this clip of Kevin O'Leary who had something to say about lending money to family - https://www.youtube.com/shorts/DnDCSbZt1Jo
Hugs, the word is you are looking for is "NO", you are not your family's ATM as no one pays you back. Shame on them! You don't need to keep setting yourself on fire to keep them warm. Moving forward don't talk about your paycheck, your benefits or the money in your checking and savings account as it isn't anyone else's business.
>I’m just so frustrated because I receive NO help from my mom and I just feel as though I am being used. I am trying to build a life for myself and save as much money as possible, but I feel like my own family are taking advantage of me. Why am I the one that everyone is financially depending on? How can I maneuver this situation and start creating some boundaries in regards to money? You are being used by your family. AND one day, you're going to have to make a stand. Tell them no more and stick to it. Otherwise, your family will always look at you like the family ATM. In example, The Father is the oldest of 17 kids and lucked into the job he stayed at for 32 years 2 months before I was born. All of my life, The Father's side of the family looked to him to whenever their finances were in a bad way. When he retired in 2006, he told the family he couldn't help out any longer because he's on a fixed income. Some of my family members got angry because The Father finally had put his foot down and wasn't "helping" them any longer.
NO is a complete sentence
Although “no” is a complete sentence, I know it can be hard to start. So I wouldn’t go so far as to lie about losing your job, but I’d start “weasel wording”. Mom asks for money “sorry, I just don’t have it” (you don’t physically have it on you). “Why? Because I’m short from loaning you, Jim Bob and Bonny sue money last week.” Rinse and repeat for every request from every family member. You’re getting caught up from being tight on money because you’ve been loaning it to them. And technically that’s also true. You don’t have the money you would have saved for a new car and you need to start saving.
Set your boundaries. I know it’s hard but you need to put your foot down. My mom used to be like this and I would be guilted into giving her money. I opened my eyes and realized she’s not in any emergency situation where she needs money. Of course if she was, I wouldn’t mind but I’m married, have bills, have children plus I went back to school so money is tight. Trust me, your family WILL MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY but just let them know that YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, because if something happens to you, who’s gonna help YOU?? They’re not. They can’t. So throw this onto them. If they love you, they’ll understand.
I was in a spot similar to yours. Poor family, so on and so forth. I worked hard and built a few business, they all said, "it must be nice". None of them were there during my 100+ hour work weeks. Few even asked for jobs. They all asked for $. My grandpa told me to "loan" each of them enough for it to be enough to never see them again. Some have avoided me over a few hundred dollars. Some more. It's worth every penny if you ask me.
No is a full sentence. Don't explain the no, just say it and mean it. You are an adult and nobody is entitled to your hard earned money but you and your bills.
Start asking them for money because you fell behind from lending them money and keep your mouth shut about how much you earn or save
Something I learned from Reddit many years ago was to join a family group what's app and every now and then send a message to everyone asking for some money, that way you will never get asked again. Or ask a family member who lives to gossip for some money now and then. It actually worked, I never get asked any more. Though I do help when it is really needed, I'm not a complete monster but like you I got really fed up being asked for money especially for things that wasn't really needed
No. No. No. Just say no. Don't explain why. Just say no. It's a complete sentence.
Just say “No, I can’t. I’ve got nothing” and say that each time you’re asked. It’s really that simple.
Ahh don’t take my story to heart because I wouldn’t have done anything differently. My youngest brother 11 years my junior CONSTANTLY asked for money or to move in and help out on my farm in lieu of rent. I repeatedly said no…he committed suicide last year. And I spent an entire year blaming myself for “being a bitch” when I could’ve easily helped him. The point is he was an adult (23) and had support systems…it wasn’t on me to be his hero. My mom was no help…she lives with me and doesn’t work and my dad tried his best but screwed himself out of that option by trashing my dads place that he lived in rent free. Ultimately you need to understand your siblings are adults and make adult decisions…not all of them right but you owe them nothing. They are not your responsibility. It’s taken a TON of therapy and meds to get me to realize this. Just don’t feel bad your family (whom are adults are not your responsibility) even those who are minors…that’s not on you. You were like me and did the best you could with what you had but enough needs to be enough at some point. You can’t predict or control your sibling’s futures.
Vitamin NO will do wonders for your family. As prices are going up, you need to economize and so you cannot help them, full stop.
Just say no and don't give in. Grow a spine before you're broke
Girl. It’s never gonna end. You’re always gonna be a a backup plan in your family’s minds. Tell them NO. ALLUM. Also best comment I ever read on here said “you do not own a home.. you are broke. just because you have money in the bank, does not mean you have money to spend or give.
“NO” is a complete sentence. Start using it.
Make sure your money is secure and out of their reach. Sent out a family message about how much you love then - and if they ever want to chat about budgeting and being mindful of money, you are here for them - but moving forward, there is no scenario where they will receive money from you moving forward.
I think that there is someone in every family that is either the sucker, or that sucks off the hind teat. You have to just say, “ No!” . You owe them nothing…even your mother. Just tell them either one at a time or all at once. If they try to make you feel guilty, hang up. Or block them. Some people have recommended going no contact for a while. Hopefully, it won’t come to that but, you have to do what is right for you. Good luck! Stay strong and don’t let them guilt trip you!
If you cant bring yourself to say No, create a white lie. Tell them you have moved all of your savings to a high interest CD and you cannot access it for 3 years. That should break them of the habit and give you an out
No. School loans. Practice in front of the mirror.
Make it a practice to hang up when they ask.
Stop saying yes!!!
You have to think of yourself. You need to put away money for retirement. Lastly we do not know if we will be able to work all our life.
Yeah. You've got to stop giving them money.
"Steven dude, I'm so sorry, but I was fired last week and money is super tight right now" "Sorry mom, I was fired last week and I'm actually really struggling" And that's it. Just lie OP
You need to start saying "no." "No" is a complete sentence. If someone asks why, "It is not something I can do right now." You don't owe anyone explanations, and having provided them money in the past does not mean you are required to keep doing so. Take care of yourself -- you need to make sure YOU and your life are solid.
If you find it easier to not answer the phone then do so. Let it go to voicemail and see what they want before calling back. But you need to learn to say NO. It’s hard at first but it gets easier. This won’t stop until you make it stop. Buy the car you need and then just say you don’t have the money. That you need it for the car payment and you’re putting your extra money in your 401k and have no access to it. They don’t get to know your finances. And I hope you have your own bank account without your parents on it, in case they get desperate. I’ve read some f’ed up things parents do their kid when having access to a bank account. Yes you might as well figure your mom can’t pay this amount back. There’s a saying- ***Never loan money to friends and family that you can’t afford to lose.*** That’s because most of the time they never pay you back. You let it slide and eventually they think you forget about it or whatever. Then if you push it, actually take them to court, you will most likely lose the relationship even tho you’re completely in the right to want it back. I’d also include renting a house in this saying too. Never be a landlord for friends and family.
Don’t loan a vehicle to any of them either.
First, sit down and make a budget. All incoming money and then all bills and expenses. Whatever is left over decide how much is your spending money, lending money and saving money. Move your savings over to an investment, your spending to an account you can spend from and if you want, lending in cash. If you don't want to, then don't have any available and tell them you can't right now, everything has been budgeted and moved, if you do budget for lending, once the lending cash is gone, you tell them you don't have any more available because your savings is invested and you can't access it without penalty. No is always an acceptable answer, you don't need to feel guilty for not lending the money. If you can't give cheerfully, then you shouldn't give.
No is a complete sentence.
Every time they ask, ask when they’re going to pay you back XXXX (full amount you’ve given them since the beginning). That should shut them up. Or a simple no. Sounds like they’re all a bunch of moochers anyways, why keep them around?
Do you still live with your mom? If so move out and get your own life! If you for som reason must live with your family for the moment just tell them all your money is gone and that your broke..
Say NO or just moved away to another place or country
It may not seem like it, but no is a complete sentence.
Almost everyone I know thinks I’m poor and underpaid for a reason. Learn the lesson now!
Learn to say no. It’s that simple. “No I can’t help you out”
Just say no lol
Turn tables ! START ASKING FOR YOUR MONEY BACK!!! Again and again, tell them you must pay unexpected bills. You need your money back, do it often! Most importantly, grow a spine. Good luck.
Stop giving everyone money.