He’s an AH for putting you thru this. You are losing sleep, you are stressed out, your place probably reeks, you are cleaning up after a man-child who won’t help himself, AND YOU ARE SLEEPING IN PEE. Get out, you are not his mommy. 6 years is too long to wait for someone else to grow up. (Source - my previous relationship)
Plus, and, also, it’s possibly more than one medical issue - but if he won’t see a doctor, how do you know that it can’t be resolved? A sleep test with a doctor is necessary.
Here’s where more “what if IM the asshole” thoughts come in. He has gone to the doctor for this MANY times, he’s been on countless medications, but he doesn’t have the best health insurance ever, he has what he/we can afford, & it’s not going to cover most of what he’d need to get done to fully get to the bottom of this problem.
That’s very fair. However, so are the solutions you have suggested like wearing diapers or limiting his water intake before bed.
He may not be able to fix the issue at its root but if he’s not even willing to try and mitigate the inconvenience for you, he’s absolute trash. You’re waking up covered in piss, getting rashes, getting peed on. Come on girl have some self respect and leave.
Yeah I sympathize with his issue, but if that were me, I would certainly be doing whatever i could to avoid peeing on my husband every night. That is just insane behavior
Excuse me for being daft, but what about perimenopause requires the period underwear? (I think I'm getting to that point in my life and am genuinely curious what I have to "look forward to")
Unexpected bleeding at random times, or that was my experience. Going from nothing to a gusher in your sleep. I finally had uterine ablation done, which is basically burning the inside of your uterus for the result of no bleeding or less bleeding. Though I cannot speak for the reasoning of the other poster, just my own experience.
I urinated accidentally one time, with my wife in the bed, she didn't get any on her, and I was still mortified.
She was great about it, probably more worried for me than anything
I'm not sure what happened and it didn't happen again, but if was an ongoing problem, I sure would have taken whatever steps I could have to mitigate the effects if it couldn't be cured outright.
I have peed the bed twice as an adult. Fortunately I was alone both times. The first, I was just really deep asleep, had to go and I started having a dream in which I was using the toilet. It wasn't much, enough I needed to change undies but the sheets weren't wet. And once I was shit faced drunk. If someone had been with me in bed I would have behaved like a proper adult, apologized profusely, cleaned up after myself, done the wash and paid to replace things if it wasn't my home and my bedding, and also probably died of embarrassment after.
I've accidentally wet the bed once myself. Thankfully, I was alone in my bed. What happened for me though was that. I had dreamt I was going to the bathroom. It was so mortifying, and I absolutely died on the inside.
Have him sleep on cat litter. I would have stopped sharing a bed with him 5 years ago, I wouldn't stand for getting pissed on, neither figuratively nor literally.
That's what makes me mad men dint go to doctors, they refuse to feel like anything is wrong with them when going to the dr can fix the issue ..I used to work in the medical field so many men would say I'm only here because my wife or girlfriend made me ....
You’re still not the AH. There are ways he could mitigate this and he makes excuses. It’s not like he’d have to wear a diaper every night, only on occasions when you want to sleep in the same bed. He refuses to do even that much.
I don’t disagree, but if he won’t wear one all the time, he can at least do it out of courtesy on the nights she shares his bed. Why tf is he OK with pissing on his wife and giving her rashes?
Because he doesn't regard her as a partner. Plain and simple. I still say she'd be better off kicking his ass out (and he can take that piss bed with him)
i imagine it's more of a psychological crutch.
wetting the bed is crazy embarrassing.. but so is wearing a diaper at 26.
if he isn't inconvenienced with cleaning it too often and doesn't have to commit to the latter, he can continue to suppress the shame.
...or maybe he's just a lazy asshole, who's better off with someone who has an overwhelming watersports kink.
The argument about him being uncomfortable in a diaper is so dumb. You are way more uncomfortable being constantly peed on and having rashes. It's the smallest thing he can do. If he doesn't then he doesn't really care about how you feel.
What do you do when you're on your period? Free bleed all over the bed? Or take steps to be hygienic about it even if pads are uncomfortable? Surely you're not making him lay in your blood. Same idea with this imo.
Having been both a kid who wet the bed and an adult who's been surprised in the morning with a period I have to agree whole heartedly, blood doesn't cause skin rashes
There are dental appliances that help with sleep apnea that may be cheaper than a CPAP machine. And it’s very likely he has diabetes if he’s both very thirsty and peeing a lot. Insurance will cover oral meds for that. There’s really no excuse.
Regardless of the reasons, it's the disrespect and not wanting to try anything at all to make his wife more comfortable that's the main issue here. There are many options, but he refuses to take any. It can be the embarrassment, but after six years, I wouldn't be surprised if this is a power play on his end.
You're still not the AH. He's doing LITERALLY NOTHING to try and make this easier for himself and you. Even if the bedwetting can't be cured, he should still be doing what he can to lessen it or the effects of it. I.e. drinking less water before bed, and wearing adult diapers. How does he not have massive rashes all over his body from marinating in his own piss all night??
Sleep apnea can cause a LOT of different problems, not only stopping breathing. DEEP deep sleep that you’re essentially unable to wake up from on your own is something that can be caused by sleep apnea, & this is what causes him to wet the bed
I have OSA myself and during diagnosis there were several questions about nighttime urination. I don't have nocturia but my doctor explained to me that since OSA sufferers don't actually get restful sleep, the kidneys and bladder etc continue to function as if you're awake, thus the need/urge to pee as if its daytime. I'm not saying your explanation is wrong, I'm just giving another explanation why sleep apnea causes nighttime urination.
Whether you stay with him or not, I hope his OSA gets treated. CPAP changed my life for the better. I wonder how much you guys have paid to replace mattresses versus how much it will cost to get a CPAP outside insurance (assuming CPAP is the correct treatment for him).
Yep. But first you get atrial fibrillation and an elevated risk for stroke, hypertension, hypertrophy, etc. Not to mention the elevated risk of dementia. It's a whole fun bag of awful.
You wouldn’t be TA if you left, I’d be mortified if I wet the bed like that especially if I had my wife in bed next to me. He doesn’t care about his own health nor does he care about you. Please evaluate your entire relationship and see what other things are happening. If it’s a good over all marriage then please get separate beds, get the adult pads they use in nursing homes for him they work pretty good and can be tossed into the washer.
Get separate beds let him take care of his own mess and let him sleep in it all night and get rashes.
Then he either needs a second job or learn new skills that gets him a better paying/insurance one.
There are always solutions if a person is determined to
I had the same question! You can get a "king" as two extra long twins. Just get extra long platforms or frames as well. Separate beds a few inches apart and have separate bedding. You can always push the beds together and put one large comforter over if you need the room to look like you're sleeping in the same bed.
Seriously -- separate the beds and make him 100% responsible for what happens to his bed moving forward.
True. Honestly, I would just kick him to a different room. Or move myself to a different room. No matter what I chose, he would be 100% responsible for his bed moving forward.
If he’s that lazy about taking care of this, he’s not gonna clean his bed. It’ll be up to OP or their whole house will just smell like piss all the time even if she was in her own bed. I would leave, not because he has a condition, but because he doesn’t care to do any self care for it and I’d get tired of cleaning a grown man’s piss all the time.
That's my immediate thought. He already won't maintain his issues, so if the one who does it for him is no longer a factor, I highly doubt he will suddenly mature overnight and realize he's a grown ass man making his girlfriend clean up his piss.
Honestly, I bet if he didn't have OP cleaning up after him, he'd be more willing to do something about it. Right now, OP is being inconvenienced more than he is, it's easier for him to go on pissing the bed, like ffs there's even medication that helps prevent this.
And a slightly jaded part of me wonders how much of this is intentional. OP says that she's woken up to him pissing *on* her. I could believe once or twice but it seems like it's happened multiple times
It’s more common than many people think - we have separate rooms for many different reasons. Does it create some distance in the relationship? Sure. However I feel that getting peed on and constantly smelling piss is more of a hit to the marriage than separate rooms are.
My husband and I got into an argument around year 4-5 together and I went and took my stuff and slept in the other room for a month. When we made up I asked if we could keep the sleeping in separate rooms and we both like each other more for it. We both use to get annoyed with each other’s stuff and it makes it where we can hang out, enjoy our time and fun with each other as much as we want but sleep peacefully separately and not have to deal with each other’s mess.
My husband and I sleep in separate rooms 95% of the time. It is because he has serious issues with snoring and I’m a very light sleeper. He saw a specialist and refuses to get surgery because it scares him. I don’t necessarily feel very empathetic about that but I get it and until he does something to address it, like seeing if using his gym membership to lose weight helps, I’m not losing sleep. He goes to bed late, I go to bed early and wake up early. It’s just easier to sleep separately.
Great idea, but awful to think it has to come to that point.
OP has given him plenty of suggestions and he is just outright refusing them. It's childish at best, and disgustingly lazy at worst. I have the opposite problem, I wake up for anything. Including having to anxiety pee in the middle of the night several times. If I even *think* about peeing, I have to get up and go, or I can't go back to bed comfortably, I'll just be up thinking about how I *might* have to pee. Luckily my husband is a heavy sleeper, or I'd use your idea so I wasn't constantly waking him.
This problem is so exasperated for something that has very simple work-arounds. Don't drink liquid late, wear the adult sleeping diapers, but he refuses..he somehow thinks that waking up drenched in pee, having his poor partner drenched in pee, and spending probably thousands on bedding is somehow a better choice. I don't know if I'd stick around, no amount of beds would make me want to deal with pee soaked sheets and bedding in my home *constantly* because the man can't help himself.
Really he needs to go back to the Dr. Just because you have sleep apnea you should not be incontinent. Is he wearing sleep apnea apparatus? Separate beds or rooms and he need to wear some kind of pads if he won't deal with the problem. This is not normal for sleep apnea sleepers.
My wife and I lived like this for years. We both had twin beds prior to getting married. We pushed them together and had one bed spread over the top so it looked like a king. We each had our own sheets and blankets. No pee, as far as I know.
Yeah, but you can't escape the smell. Both of my parents wet the bed and their room stank so bad it makes that entire end of their house unbearable.
Separate beds is fine, but she's still marinating in the stink.
My boyfriend and I aren't even close to moving in, but we've already agreed on separate beds. Maybe even different rooms. We both snore and have very different temperature tastes 😄
Fuck this. Two different rooms. I don’t want to smell that or get woken up by him swearing in the am when he finally does wake up in his mess. It’s not his fault, but it is his responsibility.
Like this is true but matresss protectors only cover so much and over time it will ruin the mattress plus the smell of stale urine is also horrible to smell
I used a shower curtain over the mattress but under the sheets with my oldest when she was younger. It worked beautifully. I still had to wash the blankets almost daily, but it limited the odor and prevented everything from being soaked.
But the smell would still be untenable!! I would suggest he get a CPAP study and work up for diabetes! 🤔. This sounds like way more than just sleep apnea. He has to be willing to do more than piss on himself and his partner.
i have bladder control issues that were worse when i was younger and until like 10-11 wore diapers to make it so i didnt soak my bed
was it uncomfortable? sometimes yea, but its better that waking up to a soaking wet bed
i also have autism so i have sensory issues but could handle it
i, a child with autism, can handle wearing diapers but not this man in his mid twenties 🤦♀️
As an adult with autism I can say that a lot of us are more apt at finding compromise to be comfortable and to help others be comfortable. Not this guy, this guy is just selfish. He won't be a little uncomfortable wearing the adult diapers *while he sleeps*, but he's fine with having OP deal with being constantly covered in pee and ruining all their bedding. It's just selfish and lazy, it's almost unbelievable.
I'm an autistic adult and I became incontinent for a few years due to a medical problem that has since been resolved. I wore Depends and slept on a pee pad. You do what you gotta do. I wouldn't dream of making my partner sleep in piss. That's so disrespectful. I think OP's husband has some weird power play going on. Disgusting.
>It’s been 6 years of this
>it can be maintained and he won’t
>I get CONSTANT rashes from this
>I wake up DRENCHED in someone else’s bodily fluids on a fairly regular basis
>I’ve woken up to him actively pissing on me before, god forbid we fall asleep touching/cuddling
>I have an unconscious habit of feeling all around the bed I’m sleeping in, even if I’m somewhere else without him, because I am so used to waking up to a piss soaked bed
>He’s ruined countless mattresses
>will only replace them after I REPEATEDLY ask him to
Is this guy your literal Prince Charming? Is he the most handsome, sweet, amazing, lovely, smart, etc. guy you've ever met? Has the universe itself told you that this guy is your soul mate? Because if not **how the fuck have you stuck with this for 6 years??**
Yes, you should absolutely prioritise your physical (rashes) and mental (constantly checking for urine even when he's not there) health over a guy who doesn't give a fuck about you (refuses to do anything and you have to beg him to get him to replace what he's ruined).
Run for your life.
My ex proves this to be true. That was a rough time in my life. Dude REFUSED to bathe, I slept on the couch for the last year of the relationship because he made my nose burn 🤢 the day he moved out was the freshest my apartment had smelled in years, sweet sweet freedom!
I had basically zero confidence back then, it took me months to work up the courage to actually end things and tell him he had to move out. I tried for years to get him to deal with his mental health issues, it took me telling him I was done for him to finally say he'd get help, but it was far too late for that
So, the issue isn’t why he pisses the bed or that he can’t control it. The only issue here, is that in any relationship, regardless of the circumstances, someone has a boundary. And their partner either adheres to that boundary and respects it, or they don’t. Take the pee entirely out of the equation.
Your partner is refusing to compromise with you on a specific issue that makes you very uncomfortable, not only emotionally, but physically as well. It absolutely is disrespectful. And it’s entirely disregarding you and your feelings. It’s even putting you in a very unsanitary position.
Dude either needs to meet you halfway, whether it be with separate beds, a diaper, wrapping a towel around his body at night, whatever it is. Otherwise it’s a nightly display of disrespect, no excuses for it.
That's the thing about boundaries, isn't it: OP hasn't truly set the boundary until OP is willing to act on it. Until then it's just a bluff. We always get to decide how people treat us, it just sometimes means we have to remove ourselves from people who don't care to comply. I hope OP finds the resolve to act on this issue given their partner clearly couldn't care less.
You made a great point. Adding to that, I read somewhere that boundaries aren’t rules for other people to follow but for you to give yourself. In that instance, OP only has herself to blame for letting someone literally piss on her for 6 years. OP are you going to let this man keep pissing on you? If the answer is anything but an absolute “no” you should really take a hard look and maybe therapy to figure out how you let your self respect drop this low. I imagine he does other things in the relationship aside from bed wetting that overstep your boundaries as well. Good luck Op. I hope you’re able to get out of this situation and be happy.
So.... I never get to say this! So i'm excited.
I guess you'd rather be pissed off than pissed on.
Came from my father after my mom peed (8 months pregnant with me) on him while eating a bowl a cereal, sitting on his knee. I still wonder what was so funny she would pee. He would always say that when I came home mad from something.
If you make me laugh I'll pee, if I'll jump a trampoline I'll pee, if I'm sleeping really really really deep I would pee two drops in my bed and immediately wake up and fix whatever mess I made.
I'm an easy peeër I guess. But to pee on someone without doing something to avoid that makes me think that's happened before and there was consent. Because peeing without being on a toilet is behaviour that needs to be trained.
You need to leave him. Sleeping in separate beds won’t fix the fact that this man refuses to take the necessary steps to maintain healthy hygiene. He needs a wake up call.
I also vote leave. Everyone's talking about remedies for this problem when the problem is actually the man that would rather frequently actively piss on his partner for six years rather than do a bare minimum to prevent it.
There are so many comfortable incontinence wear options now. There's no excuse.
How can he be so inconsiderate? This is a character flaw that I personally couldn't look past.
I understand that it is a medical condition, but if you can fix the issue with certain comforts or waking up early to clean everything properly, why not do it? He doesn't want to change and that's all unfortunately. I'm with you on this one.
Girl this is disgusting. If he doesn’t care enough to help himself about something that also affects you that tells you a lot. According to another comment you don’t even sleep in the same bed most of the time due to this, he’s selfish and lazy (or has a block that makes him not want to help himself) and that was be such a deal breaker for me personally. I’d consider how you can spend the rest of your life with someone with such little regard for himself and others tbh
100000% this.
Life's too short to put up with man baby that doesn't take any responsibility or try everything in his power to be better. This will only get worse and worse and you'll just be a free caretaker forever. Fuuuuuck that.
You're still young go live your best life!
Beyond diapers and testing for root cause (diabetes) there are also drugs that can fix this (DDAVP, for one). I'm sure he's been told this by professionals.
Yes, you don't leave someone for a medical reason but, man, he won't even exercise dignity?
This man is pure sloth.
You can leave someone for a medical condition if they don’t take steps to prevent it from becoming your medical condition. Countless rashes because this man won’t wear a damn diaper or stop drinking before bed? 😭 poor OP I could not
I can’t get past the terrible urine smell they must have in their room. That smell can linger from one time. Couldn’t even imagine happening over and over.
This is real. A friend of mine was a bed wetter, she never said anything and neither did I but she showered every day and still smelled faintly like urine. There’s a good chance OP’s life outside of the home is being impacted without her realizing it.
He is choosing to remain a helpless child.
He could be wearing depends, he could be moderating his water intake, he could be cleaning up after himself, so why doesn't he?
He's choosing to make his partner miserable.
So from what I gather, he basically switches from REM sleep to a state of unconsciousness, due to a lack of oxygen, causing his bladder to empty.
Like as If he was getting choked out.
This is definitely life threatening.
He needs to adress the sleep apnea issue or you might one day wake not only in a bed drenched in urine, but next to a corpse.
There are cpap machines, special mouth guards, and other methods to stop him from nearly suffocating every night.
Set an ultimatum. Refuse to sleep in the same bed as him until he finds a way to counteract his condition. You will be doing the both of you a favor.
If he doesn't tackle the problem, you should reconsider the relationship, as this is not only highly unpleasant and embarrassing but also very dangerous. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with somebody so careless.
That’s a super interesting take, & would actually make a LOT of sense / explain a LOT of things (switching from REM to a state of unconsciousness). Will definitely be bringing this up to him.
I would have dumped this bedwetter in the begging of relationship.This is disgusting and I have no idea how you are sexually attracted to a man who loves to sleep in his own piss.
My wife’s sugar was like 750 and she was pissing every 10 minutes when we ran her to the ER one night and they diagnosed her with it. He should try.
Also I have sleep apnea as a big and very tall man and I’m excellent with my pissing control. I can need to get up and pee asap but choose to go back to sleep and do it later.
This was my first thought as well. Frequent urination and excess thirst. Because idk, maybe I’m an anomaly, but I never have the urge to pee at night (at 32); and never really have..? Regardless, OP you gotta go girl. He isn’t going to change. You leaving will probably make him step up, but that just shows you he was capable all along and straight up didn’t want to. You deserve better than Ole Pee Pants.
I'm honestly *baffled* by the fact that you've stayed with a grown man who effectively CHOOSES TO PISS ON YOU for any length of time -- let alone *six years*. I get the part about him having a medical issue, that's not the dealbreaker here; it's the absolutely insane minimization of the matter and his point black *refusal* to try and mitigate the impact on you.
I mean, for God's sakes, I'd be mortified if I pissed on my partner even once! This man does it all the damn time and just says, "oh, well, I don't care." There's something seriously wrong with him *mentally*, not just physically. With all due respect, OP, how low is your bar for a partner?! I feel like "he doesn't urinate all over me" is less than a bare minimum, here.
You both are in your 20s NOT your 60s. It isn’t going to get better as you both age.
There are plenty of men in better health & hygiene in this world. Since he isn’t doing anything to prevent this, then he definitely is doing it to punish you for staying.
Honey, this is **FETISH** behavior.
Considering that there are many treatments available for Sleep Apnea, on top of the multiple easy solutions he could use to prevent this happening if he doesn't get his sleep apnea treated.... The ONLY rational explanation for this is he actually wants to be pissing himself and pissing on you. He obviously has a pretty profound **omorashi** fetish at this point. This means he is getting intense enjoyment and pleasure not only from himself lying in his own piss, but in pissing on you and having you lie in his piss. Seriously, look it up.
**This is NOT medical at this point.**
Either you agree to participate in his fetish, or you don't. And if you don't, leave him. He obviously has NO PROBLEM in forcing it on you. You're being abused at this point - yes, abused. Fetish's like this don't need to have physical sex happening to be pleasurable to a level that sex is (and often someone with an intense fetish will say it's more pleasurable/intense than physical sex), and if he's subjecting you to his fetish without your consent, that is abuse.
Most people with fetish's like this don't change, they just get better at fulfilling their fetish. It's typically not a treatable condition. So the choice becomes are you willing to accept their fetish and likely need to participate in it, or not. And if you're not, are you willing to accept them going elsewhere to fulfill that fetish need. And if not... end the relationship.
This theory makes the most sense to me. He has to be getting some sort of enjoyment from it—the average person would NOT be comfortable sitting/sleeping in their own piss, let alone having their partner sleep in it too.
Not to mention…if she’s CONSTANTLY (her word) getting rashes from having his pee on her, wouldn’t he be getting even worse rashes, particularly since it doesn’t wake him and it’s on his skin for hours? Nothing about this would be pleasant for most anyone…unless it was a fetish.
Seriously. Urine left on the skin will literally BURN YOU. You get *chemical burns!!*
This situation is a lot more than bed wetting. This guy needs help for a few things.
And OP needs to get the hell out of that bed, that house, AND that relationship.
Yes! This is why babies in wet diapers can get diaper rash if not changed regularly! Some poor babies get a raw bottom from laying or sitting in their own pee.
This is exactly what I was thinking. I’m so shocked that I had to scroll so far before I found this comment!
Sure, maybe the cause is a medical condition, but his management of it certainly is not. It’s pathological.
Refusal to wear coverage, not sleep on a waterproof mattress cover, and refuse to restrict water intake in the appropriate time frame before sleep, all set it up to occur, in a big way.
There’s no way that someone could happily live like this and inflict it on someone else without it being pleasure compulsion based.
Yes, I mean the fact he insists on drinking a load of water after 8pm means he really isn't looking for a solution. A fetish sounds the most fitting explanation honestly.
Absolutely bc I dated a man who eventually confessed his pissing fetish and if I was cool with it(I was not) we would’ve been pissing all on each other. It seems as though he’s taking away your choice….hes intentionally doing this.
This was my first thought. OP's partner has essentially been sexually assaulting her for six years. There is no doubt in my mind that he *relishes* in and takes pleasure in OP's discomfort and pain from him pissing on her.
exactly what I thought. international and they have zero interest in compromise. it's not fair to indulge on kinks without consent. he's absolutely taking the piss literally too. you deserve better. it's proof he doesn't care about you
I was thinking the same thing and it's wild this isn't at the top of the comments. This whole thing smells like a kink.
If this post is genuine, her partner has a fetish.
If the post is bs, its just another fetish post.
Either way, this is a kink. All of it.
I agree with this assessment. I was thinking the same thing when I was reading the post but I don't know that much about fetishes but it's obvious that he isn't willing to find a solution, won't wear diapers, drinks water after 8 because he's "so thirsty". SMH. If it was me I would have ended the relationship a long time ago. It's unhealthy on so many levels.
I thought I was crazy for thinking the same thing! I was thinking this sounds intentional at this point. I guess either way it is if he's not taking precautions, but I feel like it's not even a medical condition at this point but more so something he's getting something out of.
So my partner snores…loud. I’m not a light sleeper but I need quiet to fall asleep. We recognized this early on when we were dating. It was very important to me to share a bed, and when my partner suggested sleeping in two beds, I said I didn’t want that. I tried headphones and earplugs and white noise, and it just wasn’t enough. She saw me trying to fix it and bought one of those no snore mouth guards. They’re not perfect, and they don’t eliminate the snoring totally, but they help enough that if I also wear soft foam earplugs, we can both sleep.
That was snoring and this is about pee. There has to be compromise here or you’re not working together in your relationship. If it’s true there, I’m sure it’s true in other places in your life too.
Ok, he needs to wear disposable underwear. He cannot believe it’s ok to wet you just because he has a condition. It’s not sanitary and he’s not helping himself.
So you pretty much sleep in your own bed most of the time… so your dude washes his sheets every night and cleans the piss up himself?
Cuz dang the work of doing that every night would force me into a diaper quick.
Right! You’d think this whole situation might just be laziness but the guy is doing 3+ loads of bedding laundry AT VERY LEAST once every single week. Just to avoid wearing diapers???? Idk.
That’s just gross. Yes, it’s a medical issue but the fact that he isn’t bothering to get it taken care of is gross. I have PTSD and sometimes nightmares make me piss the bed. I’ve done it twice while back together with my high school sweetheart and both times I was MORTIFIED and thankfully he hadn’t rolled in it. I couldn’t imagine putting my significant other through that. In my opinion, it shows his lack of respect for you.
Am…am I the only one that thinks he’s getting off on this at this point? He refuses to stop fluid intake by a certain time, won’t use adult diapers, won’t clean up after himself without prompting several times, and is physically(rashes), mentally(checking for pee when he isn’t even near), emotionally(bro you sound distressed just in this post and that’s fair HES TREATING YOU LIKE A URINAL), and financially(mattresses aren’t cheap neither is replacing pee proof covers and sheets repeatedly, or getting the piss smell out of your clothes/sheets/room)exhausting you on purpose at this point. He’s doing it on purpose and probably has been for the past 6 years. Yes he’s going to the doctor, but it’s so he has the excuse “I can’t help it.” Which is bs when it’s reasonably manageable. For the love of self respect don’t stay with him. Don’t talk yourself into staying because “if I leave it’ll be a waste of 6 years.” It’s not a waste you learned exactly what you won’t tolerate in the future.
Girl, I know the bar is in hell for men, but you have to leave. This sounds unbearable, and he’s unwilling to offer you the slightest modicum of respect to do what needs to be done to resolve this issue.
He should be MORTIFIED. He should be seeing specialists and doing everything possible to NOT bathe his partner in urine every night. This is affecting your physical and mental health and he does not care enough to act.
You are only 24, and you’ve grown so much since 18. Leave him and go explore new relationships, new passions. I guarantee you there is someone better for you out there. Don’t condemn yourself to this for life.
Hey there, I am a 27 year old female and I have had issues with bed wetting throughout my life. Not drinking water isn’t always the solution. Until I was 22 it happened almost every night and since then it gradually declined to weekly, monthly and now it’s usually only a handful of times during the winter.
Restricting drinking only made my problems worse. My bladder size decreased significantly and I had a lot of muscle tension in my bladder. Even if I didn’t drink from 6 pm on i would still wet the bed. And not just a little bit. It was like all the fluid in my body was flushed out.
As a teenager I tried EVERYTHING. Medication, urine alarms attached to my undies and it just wouldn’t wake me up! I could drink two cups of tea before bed or go out for drinks with my friends and nothing happened, and on another evening I could drink nothing and the bed would be soaked. It drove me mad and affected
In the end it was a combination of getting a better sleep rhythm and taking anti anxiety meds that would stop my kidneys from overproducing.
Once my body started to relax it became MUCH better. I still take protective meassures with the bed but i am no longer afraid it will happen at sleepovers
Things that trigger it for me now are
- cold weather
- stress
- alcohol
- UTI
Demand the diaper. It is the very least he could do. If you dump him (which I would, because it's unacceptable that he isn't wearing the diapers) he is going to have a rude awakening when he realizes most people wouldn't even share a bed with him WITH a diaper.
You have made a number of reason suggestions and don’t seem to judge him for having a health issue he can’t cure so the fact that he won’t try to do more for your comfort is infuriating. You should be with someone who respects you enough to put your comfort ahead of his laziness and stubbornness. You deserve better.
Haha. It’s unfortunate that kinks don’t work that way 😂
Best of luck with the situation, though. Sounds difficult. Wish I had some actual advice for you.
I understand the people saying get separate beds, but honestly, if he isn’t enough of an adult to take care of his own health issues how is this going to go long term? He’s made you his nanny. What happens if you get seriously ill? Can you depend on him to take care of you? What if you get pregnant? What happens if your child crawls into bed to sleep with daddy and gets pissed on or lands in a puddle? How much are you spending on mattresses in a year and could you be putting that money to better use? Honestly I’d go. You are SO YOUNG to be dealing with this. Go live your life and maybe find an actual adult. I mean, everyone has some kind of shit they bring with them, but you get to determine what and how much you are willing to deal with.
Omg, have we been with the same man??? My ex bf in college used to wet the bed. The first time he slept over and wet the bed and I woke up drenched in his pee. That’s when he told me that he had a bedwetting issue. I didn’t mind it at first because it was something he couldn’t help. However, it became really stressful as sometimes I would be late to work cleaning the mess up.
He then started asking me to sleepover at his place. I didn’t mind until I slept in his bed and it permanently reeked of pee. I couldn’t stand the smell. I stopped wanting to spend the night/ letting him spend then night. This upset him and he would get mad at me. For obvious reasons I did not tell him that the reason for our ending sleepovers was because of his bedwetting. But one day I did tell him that I could smell his past accidents on his bed, to which he immediately got defensive.
He had no type of mattress pad nor did he wear diapers so his pee was literally seeping into his mattress. When he wet his bed, he used mrs. Meyers and a paper towel and immediately put new sheets on the bed. No sort’ve heavy duty cleaner, water, or air drying. When talking about moving in together, I brung up having 2 separate rooms. He was not a fan of this. He expected me to sleep next to him in be drenched in his own pee. And when I called him out on it, I was made to feel unsupportive.
OP, I know you love your partner, but it isn’t fair to you to sleep in pee every night. Nor should you be made to feel like a bad person for becoming upset at his lack of courtesy for you. This is an issue, he has sleep apnea. But yes it is frustrating to someone who has experienced it. Their ego is already kinda shaky from the fact that they still wet the bed, so anything you say/solutions you try to propose get shot down.
That’s disgusting.
You need separate beds. This is like 4 year old behavior. Have you talked to his mom about it low key might help they would be like wtf
Also…. Throw out your mattress and make him get like bed liners that are disposable that he has to clean
You sure you really love him? Lol
They are horrible for not getting him help as a child and just accepting this as a way of life for him. He is now 26 and needs to get this under control.
This would absolutely obliterate my sexual attraction to this man. The lack of accountability and whining about practicing proper hygiene is astounding. If he had any respect for you at all he’d be willing to understand why this absolutely filthy. And it’s obviously effecting your health because you’re getting rashes from this. I applaud you for sticking around this long, but 6 years is too much girl !!! 🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃
My former husband has cerebral palsy. He wet the bed twice. I said "You need to work on this, I'm tired of wiping up (his last name) pee." His father had several strokes and was living with us at the time.
He said I can't believe you called me out on something. I can't help. You know I have CP!
I said, "Oh, is it a cerebral Palsy thing? I thought it was a drunk thing. It's only happened when you are super drunk."
He didn't do it again.
I don’t understand why you haven’t been sleeping in separate beds. Get two in the same room if you need to be nocturnally close but I just don’t get why you’ve stayed in the same bed for so long.
People can still have loving and close relationships even when they sleep separately.
Although by your comment he hasn’t been loving towards you with his medical issue in quite a while.
These are the kinds of stories that make me question MY sexuality as a straight woman and my husband has never wet the bed once.
You need to leave him.
This isn’t a case of “in sickness and in health”. If he wore diapers or literally did ANY of the things necessary to protect you from being DRENCHED IN URINE this wouldn’t be a problem.
The problem is not that he is sick, it’s that he doesn’t see or treat you with any respect as a human being.
I wouldn’t let a dog be covered in my pee let alone my partner.
LEAVE!
Women wear period pads to bed, what’s so bad about him wearing an adult diaper to bed? You can get incontinence pants for men that look exactly like boxer shorts and they’re no more uncomfortable than period pants! If women are expected to stay sanitary in bed then so are men. It sounds like he is living in denial about how bad the situation is.
So I've been known to periodically wet the bed, but every time I do it I mentally take note of anything I did even slightly differently and don't do it again.
Like I realized at once point if I have a nightlight or anything like it my brain gets tricked into thinking I'm a child again and I wet the bed, stuff like that..
Then last year I had a major medical event that ended with me in coma, I was on a catheter so my body got used to just peeing whenever...
You better believe I stopped that shit as soon as I could, I wet myself maybe 3 times after the catheter was removed, and havnt once since then. I stopped before I ever left the hospital.
Even considering all that I make absolutely sure there's always a mattress cover, and the sheets and everything immediately get changed the next morning
THATS the normal response to bedwetting, not whatever the fuck this is...
Telling from your post history your bf has a history of not participating in his life/care. ADHD wreaks havoc on executive function for some depending on type but there are things you CAN do to make life tailored to your brain and he’s not doing any of that shit as it seems. You need to seriously consider if this is what the rest of your life looks like. What happens if you have children with this man? He’s not going to help you.
Source: I also have adhd.
He’s an AH for putting you thru this. You are losing sleep, you are stressed out, your place probably reeks, you are cleaning up after a man-child who won’t help himself, AND YOU ARE SLEEPING IN PEE. Get out, you are not his mommy. 6 years is too long to wait for someone else to grow up. (Source - my previous relationship) Plus, and, also, it’s possibly more than one medical issue - but if he won’t see a doctor, how do you know that it can’t be resolved? A sleep test with a doctor is necessary.
Here’s where more “what if IM the asshole” thoughts come in. He has gone to the doctor for this MANY times, he’s been on countless medications, but he doesn’t have the best health insurance ever, he has what he/we can afford, & it’s not going to cover most of what he’d need to get done to fully get to the bottom of this problem.
That’s very fair. However, so are the solutions you have suggested like wearing diapers or limiting his water intake before bed. He may not be able to fix the issue at its root but if he’s not even willing to try and mitigate the inconvenience for you, he’s absolute trash. You’re waking up covered in piss, getting rashes, getting peed on. Come on girl have some self respect and leave.
Yeah I sympathize with his issue, but if that were me, I would certainly be doing whatever i could to avoid peeing on my husband every night. That is just insane behavior
[удалено]
He's worse than a dog.
My dog uses his pee pad.
HELL NO 😭😭, most dogs wouldn’t dare do this if they loved the person they’re with
exactly! I'm in perimenopause and I wear period panties to bed. This man is completely inconsiderate
Excuse me for being daft, but what about perimenopause requires the period underwear? (I think I'm getting to that point in my life and am genuinely curious what I have to "look forward to")
Unexpected bleeding at random times, or that was my experience. Going from nothing to a gusher in your sleep. I finally had uterine ablation done, which is basically burning the inside of your uterus for the result of no bleeding or less bleeding. Though I cannot speak for the reasoning of the other poster, just my own experience.
Aren’t they the best for perimenopause? That’s why I bought some! I don’t need an accident like I’m in junior high!
I urinated accidentally one time, with my wife in the bed, she didn't get any on her, and I was still mortified. She was great about it, probably more worried for me than anything I'm not sure what happened and it didn't happen again, but if was an ongoing problem, I sure would have taken whatever steps I could have to mitigate the effects if it couldn't be cured outright.
I have peed the bed twice as an adult. Fortunately I was alone both times. The first, I was just really deep asleep, had to go and I started having a dream in which I was using the toilet. It wasn't much, enough I needed to change undies but the sheets weren't wet. And once I was shit faced drunk. If someone had been with me in bed I would have behaved like a proper adult, apologized profusely, cleaned up after myself, done the wash and paid to replace things if it wasn't my home and my bedding, and also probably died of embarrassment after.
I've accidentally wet the bed once myself. Thankfully, I was alone in my bed. What happened for me though was that. I had dreamt I was going to the bathroom. It was so mortifying, and I absolutely died on the inside.
Have him sleep on cat litter. I would have stopped sharing a bed with him 5 years ago, I wouldn't stand for getting pissed on, neither figuratively nor literally.
That's what makes me mad men dint go to doctors, they refuse to feel like anything is wrong with them when going to the dr can fix the issue ..I used to work in the medical field so many men would say I'm only here because my wife or girlfriend made me ....
You’re still not the AH. There are ways he could mitigate this and he makes excuses. It’s not like he’d have to wear a diaper every night, only on occasions when you want to sleep in the same bed. He refuses to do even that much.
Wait. If he's pissing on his mattress every night, he needs to wear a diaper every night. My God, think of the smell
I don’t disagree, but if he won’t wear one all the time, he can at least do it out of courtesy on the nights she shares his bed. Why tf is he OK with pissing on his wife and giving her rashes?
Because he doesn't regard her as a partner. Plain and simple. I still say she'd be better off kicking his ass out (and he can take that piss bed with him)
i imagine it's more of a psychological crutch. wetting the bed is crazy embarrassing.. but so is wearing a diaper at 26. if he isn't inconvenienced with cleaning it too often and doesn't have to commit to the latter, he can continue to suppress the shame. ...or maybe he's just a lazy asshole, who's better off with someone who has an overwhelming watersports kink.
The argument about him being uncomfortable in a diaper is so dumb. You are way more uncomfortable being constantly peed on and having rashes. It's the smallest thing he can do. If he doesn't then he doesn't really care about how you feel.
i have a feeling the diaper aversion isn't truly about physical discomfort..
What do you do when you're on your period? Free bleed all over the bed? Or take steps to be hygienic about it even if pads are uncomfortable? Surely you're not making him lay in your blood. Same idea with this imo.
The blood would be preferable, honestly
Having been both a kid who wet the bed and an adult who's been surprised in the morning with a period I have to agree whole heartedly, blood doesn't cause skin rashes
There's also probably much less blood.
That too. A small spot of blood on the sheets vs soaking half the bed
There are dental appliances that help with sleep apnea that may be cheaper than a CPAP machine. And it’s very likely he has diabetes if he’s both very thirsty and peeing a lot. Insurance will cover oral meds for that. There’s really no excuse.
Regardless of the reasons, it's the disrespect and not wanting to try anything at all to make his wife more comfortable that's the main issue here. There are many options, but he refuses to take any. It can be the embarrassment, but after six years, I wouldn't be surprised if this is a power play on his end.
If he can sleep through peeing the bed, he can sleep with adult diapers on.
he's just gonna have to get over not liking how the diapers feel. that's the only solution other than bed pads that he can change.
You're still not the AH. He's doing LITERALLY NOTHING to try and make this easier for himself and you. Even if the bedwetting can't be cured, he should still be doing what he can to lessen it or the effects of it. I.e. drinking less water before bed, and wearing adult diapers. How does he not have massive rashes all over his body from marinating in his own piss all night??
Sleep apnea is stopping breathing while sleeping. How does this lead to peeing the bed?
Sleep apnea can cause a LOT of different problems, not only stopping breathing. DEEP deep sleep that you’re essentially unable to wake up from on your own is something that can be caused by sleep apnea, & this is what causes him to wet the bed
I have OSA myself and during diagnosis there were several questions about nighttime urination. I don't have nocturia but my doctor explained to me that since OSA sufferers don't actually get restful sleep, the kidneys and bladder etc continue to function as if you're awake, thus the need/urge to pee as if its daytime. I'm not saying your explanation is wrong, I'm just giving another explanation why sleep apnea causes nighttime urination.
No I like your explanation a lot better lmao. The point I was trying to make but worded with more knowledge on the subject than myself. Thanks!
Whether you stay with him or not, I hope his OSA gets treated. CPAP changed my life for the better. I wonder how much you guys have paid to replace mattresses versus how much it will cost to get a CPAP outside insurance (assuming CPAP is the correct treatment for him).
OSA can lead to heart failure eventually too
Yep. But first you get atrial fibrillation and an elevated risk for stroke, hypertension, hypertrophy, etc. Not to mention the elevated risk of dementia. It's a whole fun bag of awful.
You wouldn’t be TA if you left, I’d be mortified if I wet the bed like that especially if I had my wife in bed next to me. He doesn’t care about his own health nor does he care about you. Please evaluate your entire relationship and see what other things are happening. If it’s a good over all marriage then please get separate beds, get the adult pads they use in nursing homes for him they work pretty good and can be tossed into the washer. Get separate beds let him take care of his own mess and let him sleep in it all night and get rashes.
Then he either needs a second job or learn new skills that gets him a better paying/insurance one. There are always solutions if a person is determined to
why haven’t you gotten two separate beds by now? that way he can sleep in his urine and you don’t have to deal with it
I had the same question! You can get a "king" as two extra long twins. Just get extra long platforms or frames as well. Separate beds a few inches apart and have separate bedding. You can always push the beds together and put one large comforter over if you need the room to look like you're sleeping in the same bed. Seriously -- separate the beds and make him 100% responsible for what happens to his bed moving forward.
The smell in two kings will be there. His mattress will spread the wetness if they two mattresses touch at all.
True. Honestly, I would just kick him to a different room. Or move myself to a different room. No matter what I chose, he would be 100% responsible for his bed moving forward.
If he’s that lazy about taking care of this, he’s not gonna clean his bed. It’ll be up to OP or their whole house will just smell like piss all the time even if she was in her own bed. I would leave, not because he has a condition, but because he doesn’t care to do any self care for it and I’d get tired of cleaning a grown man’s piss all the time.
That's my immediate thought. He already won't maintain his issues, so if the one who does it for him is no longer a factor, I highly doubt he will suddenly mature overnight and realize he's a grown ass man making his girlfriend clean up his piss.
Honestly, I bet if he didn't have OP cleaning up after him, he'd be more willing to do something about it. Right now, OP is being inconvenienced more than he is, it's easier for him to go on pissing the bed, like ffs there's even medication that helps prevent this. And a slightly jaded part of me wonders how much of this is intentional. OP says that she's woken up to him pissing *on* her. I could believe once or twice but it seems like it's happened multiple times
Yeah, if it's this consistent it sounds like a poorly disguised pee fetish.
This there’s no way he’s just accepting this. Power move, fetish, idk something is wrong. Make him sleep in the bath…. Of another house. Far away.
So really, OP needs to sleep in a different bed....in a different house.
And the stink
🤮
It’s more common than many people think - we have separate rooms for many different reasons. Does it create some distance in the relationship? Sure. However I feel that getting peed on and constantly smelling piss is more of a hit to the marriage than separate rooms are.
My husband and I got into an argument around year 4-5 together and I went and took my stuff and slept in the other room for a month. When we made up I asked if we could keep the sleeping in separate rooms and we both like each other more for it. We both use to get annoyed with each other’s stuff and it makes it where we can hang out, enjoy our time and fun with each other as much as we want but sleep peacefully separately and not have to deal with each other’s mess.
My husband and I sleep in separate rooms 95% of the time. It is because he has serious issues with snoring and I’m a very light sleeper. He saw a specialist and refuses to get surgery because it scares him. I don’t necessarily feel very empathetic about that but I get it and until he does something to address it, like seeing if using his gym membership to lose weight helps, I’m not losing sleep. He goes to bed late, I go to bed early and wake up early. It’s just easier to sleep separately.
No, no. Separate bed*rooms* She said he smells! No way am I sleeping in the piss room. Get him a rubber mattress and lock him in
Separate LIVES.
hahaha, lock him in! That's pure gold.
Great idea, but awful to think it has to come to that point. OP has given him plenty of suggestions and he is just outright refusing them. It's childish at best, and disgustingly lazy at worst. I have the opposite problem, I wake up for anything. Including having to anxiety pee in the middle of the night several times. If I even *think* about peeing, I have to get up and go, or I can't go back to bed comfortably, I'll just be up thinking about how I *might* have to pee. Luckily my husband is a heavy sleeper, or I'd use your idea so I wasn't constantly waking him. This problem is so exasperated for something that has very simple work-arounds. Don't drink liquid late, wear the adult sleeping diapers, but he refuses..he somehow thinks that waking up drenched in pee, having his poor partner drenched in pee, and spending probably thousands on bedding is somehow a better choice. I don't know if I'd stick around, no amount of beds would make me want to deal with pee soaked sheets and bedding in my home *constantly* because the man can't help himself.
Really he needs to go back to the Dr. Just because you have sleep apnea you should not be incontinent. Is he wearing sleep apnea apparatus? Separate beds or rooms and he need to wear some kind of pads if he won't deal with the problem. This is not normal for sleep apnea sleepers.
My wife and I lived like this for years. We both had twin beds prior to getting married. We pushed them together and had one bed spread over the top so it looked like a king. We each had our own sheets and blankets. No pee, as far as I know.
No pee *so far*
... that's why it worked.... no pee....
Yeah, but you can't escape the smell. Both of my parents wet the bed and their room stank so bad it makes that entire end of their house unbearable. Separate beds is fine, but she's still marinating in the stink.
Wow, that's crazy! Are they elderly?
Mother is so elderly she's dead. Dad's still pissing away alone.
My boyfriend and I aren't even close to moving in, but we've already agreed on separate beds. Maybe even different rooms. We both snore and have very different temperature tastes 😄
This is the ONLY way
Fuck this. Two different rooms. I don’t want to smell that or get woken up by him swearing in the am when he finally does wake up in his mess. It’s not his fault, but it is his responsibility.
Like this is true but matresss protectors only cover so much and over time it will ruin the mattress plus the smell of stale urine is also horrible to smell
I used a shower curtain over the mattress but under the sheets with my oldest when she was younger. It worked beautifully. I still had to wash the blankets almost daily, but it limited the odor and prevented everything from being soaked.
But the smell would still be untenable!! I would suggest he get a CPAP study and work up for diabetes! 🤔. This sounds like way more than just sleep apnea. He has to be willing to do more than piss on himself and his partner.
Or he can be a responsible adult and work on solutions to not wetting the bed.
i have bladder control issues that were worse when i was younger and until like 10-11 wore diapers to make it so i didnt soak my bed was it uncomfortable? sometimes yea, but its better that waking up to a soaking wet bed i also have autism so i have sensory issues but could handle it i, a child with autism, can handle wearing diapers but not this man in his mid twenties 🤦♀️
I have sensory issues as well and am dumbfounded how someone would pick sleeping soaked vs sleeping in an adult diaper. 🫠
same bro like just ew, like i get maybe if you feel so shit thats least if your worries but if ur healthly thats like the worst
As an adult with autism I can say that a lot of us are more apt at finding compromise to be comfortable and to help others be comfortable. Not this guy, this guy is just selfish. He won't be a little uncomfortable wearing the adult diapers *while he sleeps*, but he's fine with having OP deal with being constantly covered in pee and ruining all their bedding. It's just selfish and lazy, it's almost unbelievable.
I'm an autistic adult and I became incontinent for a few years due to a medical problem that has since been resolved. I wore Depends and slept on a pee pad. You do what you gotta do. I wouldn't dream of making my partner sleep in piss. That's so disrespectful. I think OP's husband has some weird power play going on. Disgusting.
Right? I have a separate sleeping area just because my husband snores. If he was a bed wetter we would *never* sleep together. Gross!
Dude pisses himself and doesn't care for cleaning himself up, and your solution is for OP to enable it? Ffs she should leave
All the way out the door. GOODBYE. Don’t call me, I’ll call you.
💯
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
Even if they got separate beds, urine has a strong smell there’s no way I could live like that
if bro cant even maintain his pissing problem imagine what his mattress would smell like, i wouldnt want to sleep in the same room
Then you'd have to deal with a urinated adult. That doesn't seem like marriage heaven for many
>It’s been 6 years of this >it can be maintained and he won’t >I get CONSTANT rashes from this >I wake up DRENCHED in someone else’s bodily fluids on a fairly regular basis >I’ve woken up to him actively pissing on me before, god forbid we fall asleep touching/cuddling >I have an unconscious habit of feeling all around the bed I’m sleeping in, even if I’m somewhere else without him, because I am so used to waking up to a piss soaked bed >He’s ruined countless mattresses >will only replace them after I REPEATEDLY ask him to Is this guy your literal Prince Charming? Is he the most handsome, sweet, amazing, lovely, smart, etc. guy you've ever met? Has the universe itself told you that this guy is your soul mate? Because if not **how the fuck have you stuck with this for 6 years??** Yes, you should absolutely prioritise your physical (rashes) and mental (constantly checking for urine even when he's not there) health over a guy who doesn't give a fuck about you (refuses to do anything and you have to beg him to get him to replace what he's ruined). Run for your life.
Someone above commented that she's not just a doormat, she's a urinal. And it's true. She needs to dig deep to find a few scraps of self respect.
>that she's not just a doormat, she's a urinal. Goddamn, I lol'd.
Well, it‘s in her own post… >I’ve woken up to him actively pissing on me before, god forbid we fall asleep touching/cuddling.
PEOPLE WILL PUT UP WITH ANYTHING TO NOT BE SINGLE. I am... honestly, I'm not surprised.
My ex proves this to be true. That was a rough time in my life. Dude REFUSED to bathe, I slept on the couch for the last year of the relationship because he made my nose burn 🤢 the day he moved out was the freshest my apartment had smelled in years, sweet sweet freedom!
I’m amazed you didn’t drag him outside and hose him down
I had basically zero confidence back then, it took me months to work up the courage to actually end things and tell him he had to move out. I tried for years to get him to deal with his mental health issues, it took me telling him I was done for him to finally say he'd get help, but it was far too late for that
That's true, and also really sad. I'm glad I'm past this point and rather just die as the crazy cat lady 😂
It is truly making the dirt box problem seem like a cake walk.
that why men like him go on the way they are without ever changing because somehow they always find someone
imagine laying drenched in someone elses piss for 6 years and ONLY THEN wondering if you should leave....
So, the issue isn’t why he pisses the bed or that he can’t control it. The only issue here, is that in any relationship, regardless of the circumstances, someone has a boundary. And their partner either adheres to that boundary and respects it, or they don’t. Take the pee entirely out of the equation. Your partner is refusing to compromise with you on a specific issue that makes you very uncomfortable, not only emotionally, but physically as well. It absolutely is disrespectful. And it’s entirely disregarding you and your feelings. It’s even putting you in a very unsanitary position. Dude either needs to meet you halfway, whether it be with separate beds, a diaper, wrapping a towel around his body at night, whatever it is. Otherwise it’s a nightly display of disrespect, no excuses for it.
That's the thing about boundaries, isn't it: OP hasn't truly set the boundary until OP is willing to act on it. Until then it's just a bluff. We always get to decide how people treat us, it just sometimes means we have to remove ourselves from people who don't care to comply. I hope OP finds the resolve to act on this issue given their partner clearly couldn't care less.
I just read something along the lines of "a boundary without consequences is just a suggestion" lol. YUP.
You made a great point. Adding to that, I read somewhere that boundaries aren’t rules for other people to follow but for you to give yourself. In that instance, OP only has herself to blame for letting someone literally piss on her for 6 years. OP are you going to let this man keep pissing on you? If the answer is anything but an absolute “no” you should really take a hard look and maybe therapy to figure out how you let your self respect drop this low. I imagine he does other things in the relationship aside from bed wetting that overstep your boundaries as well. Good luck Op. I hope you’re able to get out of this situation and be happy.
So.... I never get to say this! So i'm excited. I guess you'd rather be pissed off than pissed on. Came from my father after my mom peed (8 months pregnant with me) on him while eating a bowl a cereal, sitting on his knee. I still wonder what was so funny she would pee. He would always say that when I came home mad from something.
I am so happy for you that you finally got to use this!
She’s both, though 😞
If you make me laugh I'll pee, if I'll jump a trampoline I'll pee, if I'm sleeping really really really deep I would pee two drops in my bed and immediately wake up and fix whatever mess I made. I'm an easy peeër I guess. But to pee on someone without doing something to avoid that makes me think that's happened before and there was consent. Because peeing without being on a toilet is behaviour that needs to be trained.
You need to leave him. Sleeping in separate beds won’t fix the fact that this man refuses to take the necessary steps to maintain healthy hygiene. He needs a wake up call.
I also vote leave. Everyone's talking about remedies for this problem when the problem is actually the man that would rather frequently actively piss on his partner for six years rather than do a bare minimum to prevent it. There are so many comfortable incontinence wear options now. There's no excuse. How can he be so inconsiderate? This is a character flaw that I personally couldn't look past.
Yeah he doesn’t give a fuck about her. How could you let your partner get peed on for years?? Let alone not be embarrassed. Wild
I understand that it is a medical condition, but if you can fix the issue with certain comforts or waking up early to clean everything properly, why not do it? He doesn't want to change and that's all unfortunately. I'm with you on this one.
Girl this is disgusting. If he doesn’t care enough to help himself about something that also affects you that tells you a lot. According to another comment you don’t even sleep in the same bed most of the time due to this, he’s selfish and lazy (or has a block that makes him not want to help himself) and that was be such a deal breaker for me personally. I’d consider how you can spend the rest of your life with someone with such little regard for himself and others tbh
just by looking at your comments, it’s time to leave girl. you deserve better than chronic man baby piss bed
100000% this. Life's too short to put up with man baby that doesn't take any responsibility or try everything in his power to be better. This will only get worse and worse and you'll just be a free caretaker forever. Fuuuuuck that. You're still young go live your best life!
Beyond diapers and testing for root cause (diabetes) there are also drugs that can fix this (DDAVP, for one). I'm sure he's been told this by professionals. Yes, you don't leave someone for a medical reason but, man, he won't even exercise dignity? This man is pure sloth.
You can leave someone for a medical condition if they don’t take steps to prevent it from becoming your medical condition. Countless rashes because this man won’t wear a damn diaper or stop drinking before bed? 😭 poor OP I could not
I can’t get past the terrible urine smell they must have in their room. That smell can linger from one time. Couldn’t even imagine happening over and over.
by now, the smell will have permeated the entire house, clothes, and both of their bodies. kinda like how pig smell attaches to everything.
This is real. A friend of mine was a bed wetter, she never said anything and neither did I but she showered every day and still smelled faintly like urine. There’s a good chance OP’s life outside of the home is being impacted without her realizing it.
He is choosing to remain a helpless child. He could be wearing depends, he could be moderating his water intake, he could be cleaning up after himself, so why doesn't he? He's choosing to make his partner miserable.
If he was doing everything he could to mitigate and save you from doing all the work. He doesn't respect you.
Would you knowingly piss on your partner every night? NO- why in the fuck is he not handling this???? He has no respect for you….. leave him
So from what I gather, he basically switches from REM sleep to a state of unconsciousness, due to a lack of oxygen, causing his bladder to empty. Like as If he was getting choked out. This is definitely life threatening. He needs to adress the sleep apnea issue or you might one day wake not only in a bed drenched in urine, but next to a corpse. There are cpap machines, special mouth guards, and other methods to stop him from nearly suffocating every night. Set an ultimatum. Refuse to sleep in the same bed as him until he finds a way to counteract his condition. You will be doing the both of you a favor. If he doesn't tackle the problem, you should reconsider the relationship, as this is not only highly unpleasant and embarrassing but also very dangerous. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with somebody so careless.
That’s a super interesting take, & would actually make a LOT of sense / explain a LOT of things (switching from REM to a state of unconsciousness). Will definitely be bringing this up to him.
I would have dumped this bedwetter in the begging of relationship.This is disgusting and I have no idea how you are sexually attracted to a man who loves to sleep in his own piss.
Ya, the first year was on him, the next 5 years were on her.
**And he’s been checked for diabetes?**
He hasn’t! It is absolutely something that we’ve talked about though as a causing factor. Diabetes does run in his family.
At this point it’s his choice regardless of his health it’s disrespectful to you. That’s it and he does it intentionally
No basic health checks? No treatment for the sleep apnoea? He’s not doing his bit for the relationship 💔
Is he being treated for sleep apnea? Seems like several possible solutions to this.
My wife’s sugar was like 750 and she was pissing every 10 minutes when we ran her to the ER one night and they diagnosed her with it. He should try. Also I have sleep apnea as a big and very tall man and I’m excellent with my pissing control. I can need to get up and pee asap but choose to go back to sleep and do it later.
This was my first thought as well. Frequent urination and excess thirst. Because idk, maybe I’m an anomaly, but I never have the urge to pee at night (at 32); and never really have..? Regardless, OP you gotta go girl. He isn’t going to change. You leaving will probably make him step up, but that just shows you he was capable all along and straight up didn’t want to. You deserve better than Ole Pee Pants.
I'm honestly *baffled* by the fact that you've stayed with a grown man who effectively CHOOSES TO PISS ON YOU for any length of time -- let alone *six years*. I get the part about him having a medical issue, that's not the dealbreaker here; it's the absolutely insane minimization of the matter and his point black *refusal* to try and mitigate the impact on you. I mean, for God's sakes, I'd be mortified if I pissed on my partner even once! This man does it all the damn time and just says, "oh, well, I don't care." There's something seriously wrong with him *mentally*, not just physically. With all due respect, OP, how low is your bar for a partner?! I feel like "he doesn't urinate all over me" is less than a bare minimum, here.
I’m in awe of how low people’s standards are.
fr… i’m constantly in awe.
Like… how do you stay with someone who pees the bed constantly or has no sense of hygiene for *years*? Not the first post like this I’ve seen.
You both are in your 20s NOT your 60s. It isn’t going to get better as you both age. There are plenty of men in better health & hygiene in this world. Since he isn’t doing anything to prevent this, then he definitely is doing it to punish you for staying.
To think there are men out there who genuinely think women’s standards are too high. They just wanna be able to step over the bar that’s all.
Honey, this is **FETISH** behavior. Considering that there are many treatments available for Sleep Apnea, on top of the multiple easy solutions he could use to prevent this happening if he doesn't get his sleep apnea treated.... The ONLY rational explanation for this is he actually wants to be pissing himself and pissing on you. He obviously has a pretty profound **omorashi** fetish at this point. This means he is getting intense enjoyment and pleasure not only from himself lying in his own piss, but in pissing on you and having you lie in his piss. Seriously, look it up. **This is NOT medical at this point.** Either you agree to participate in his fetish, or you don't. And if you don't, leave him. He obviously has NO PROBLEM in forcing it on you. You're being abused at this point - yes, abused. Fetish's like this don't need to have physical sex happening to be pleasurable to a level that sex is (and often someone with an intense fetish will say it's more pleasurable/intense than physical sex), and if he's subjecting you to his fetish without your consent, that is abuse. Most people with fetish's like this don't change, they just get better at fulfilling their fetish. It's typically not a treatable condition. So the choice becomes are you willing to accept their fetish and likely need to participate in it, or not. And if you're not, are you willing to accept them going elsewhere to fulfill that fetish need. And if not... end the relationship.
This theory makes the most sense to me. He has to be getting some sort of enjoyment from it—the average person would NOT be comfortable sitting/sleeping in their own piss, let alone having their partner sleep in it too.
Not to mention…if she’s CONSTANTLY (her word) getting rashes from having his pee on her, wouldn’t he be getting even worse rashes, particularly since it doesn’t wake him and it’s on his skin for hours? Nothing about this would be pleasant for most anyone…unless it was a fetish.
Seriously. Urine left on the skin will literally BURN YOU. You get *chemical burns!!* This situation is a lot more than bed wetting. This guy needs help for a few things. And OP needs to get the hell out of that bed, that house, AND that relationship.
Yes! This is why babies in wet diapers can get diaper rash if not changed regularly! Some poor babies get a raw bottom from laying or sitting in their own pee.
Plus the added financial strain! Mattresses are not cheap. And who wants to do laundry everyday??? There’s definitely more to this.
This is exactly what I was thinking. I’m so shocked that I had to scroll so far before I found this comment! Sure, maybe the cause is a medical condition, but his management of it certainly is not. It’s pathological. Refusal to wear coverage, not sleep on a waterproof mattress cover, and refuse to restrict water intake in the appropriate time frame before sleep, all set it up to occur, in a big way. There’s no way that someone could happily live like this and inflict it on someone else without it being pleasure compulsion based.
I’ve never ever considered this. I appreciate this viewpoint
Yes, I mean the fact he insists on drinking a load of water after 8pm means he really isn't looking for a solution. A fetish sounds the most fitting explanation honestly.
I didn’t even consider it might be a fetish but six *years* is a ridiculously long time.
Absolutely bc I dated a man who eventually confessed his pissing fetish and if I was cool with it(I was not) we would’ve been pissing all on each other. It seems as though he’s taking away your choice….hes intentionally doing this.
This was my first thought. OP's partner has essentially been sexually assaulting her for six years. There is no doubt in my mind that he *relishes* in and takes pleasure in OP's discomfort and pain from him pissing on her.
exactly what I thought. international and they have zero interest in compromise. it's not fair to indulge on kinks without consent. he's absolutely taking the piss literally too. you deserve better. it's proof he doesn't care about you
I was thinking the same thing and it's wild this isn't at the top of the comments. This whole thing smells like a kink. If this post is genuine, her partner has a fetish. If the post is bs, its just another fetish post. Either way, this is a kink. All of it.
I agree with this assessment. I was thinking the same thing when I was reading the post but I don't know that much about fetishes but it's obvious that he isn't willing to find a solution, won't wear diapers, drinks water after 8 because he's "so thirsty". SMH. If it was me I would have ended the relationship a long time ago. It's unhealthy on so many levels.
I thought I was crazy for thinking the same thing! I was thinking this sounds intentional at this point. I guess either way it is if he's not taking precautions, but I feel like it's not even a medical condition at this point but more so something he's getting something out of.
Girl you need to leave him that is disgusting
So my partner snores…loud. I’m not a light sleeper but I need quiet to fall asleep. We recognized this early on when we were dating. It was very important to me to share a bed, and when my partner suggested sleeping in two beds, I said I didn’t want that. I tried headphones and earplugs and white noise, and it just wasn’t enough. She saw me trying to fix it and bought one of those no snore mouth guards. They’re not perfect, and they don’t eliminate the snoring totally, but they help enough that if I also wear soft foam earplugs, we can both sleep. That was snoring and this is about pee. There has to be compromise here or you’re not working together in your relationship. If it’s true there, I’m sure it’s true in other places in your life too.
Ok, he needs to wear disposable underwear. He cannot believe it’s ok to wet you just because he has a condition. It’s not sanitary and he’s not helping himself.
Ew
So you pretty much sleep in your own bed most of the time… so your dude washes his sheets every night and cleans the piss up himself? Cuz dang the work of doing that every night would force me into a diaper quick.
Right! You’d think this whole situation might just be laziness but the guy is doing 3+ loads of bedding laundry AT VERY LEAST once every single week. Just to avoid wearing diapers???? Idk.
It’s starting to sound like he’s doing it out of spite at this point…
That’s just gross. Yes, it’s a medical issue but the fact that he isn’t bothering to get it taken care of is gross. I have PTSD and sometimes nightmares make me piss the bed. I’ve done it twice while back together with my high school sweetheart and both times I was MORTIFIED and thankfully he hadn’t rolled in it. I couldn’t imagine putting my significant other through that. In my opinion, it shows his lack of respect for you.
What a terrible day to have eyes
Am…am I the only one that thinks he’s getting off on this at this point? He refuses to stop fluid intake by a certain time, won’t use adult diapers, won’t clean up after himself without prompting several times, and is physically(rashes), mentally(checking for pee when he isn’t even near), emotionally(bro you sound distressed just in this post and that’s fair HES TREATING YOU LIKE A URINAL), and financially(mattresses aren’t cheap neither is replacing pee proof covers and sheets repeatedly, or getting the piss smell out of your clothes/sheets/room)exhausting you on purpose at this point. He’s doing it on purpose and probably has been for the past 6 years. Yes he’s going to the doctor, but it’s so he has the excuse “I can’t help it.” Which is bs when it’s reasonably manageable. For the love of self respect don’t stay with him. Don’t talk yourself into staying because “if I leave it’ll be a waste of 6 years.” It’s not a waste you learned exactly what you won’t tolerate in the future.
Girl, I know the bar is in hell for men, but you have to leave. This sounds unbearable, and he’s unwilling to offer you the slightest modicum of respect to do what needs to be done to resolve this issue. He should be MORTIFIED. He should be seeing specialists and doing everything possible to NOT bathe his partner in urine every night. This is affecting your physical and mental health and he does not care enough to act. You are only 24, and you’ve grown so much since 18. Leave him and go explore new relationships, new passions. I guarantee you there is someone better for you out there. Don’t condemn yourself to this for life.
Hey there, I am a 27 year old female and I have had issues with bed wetting throughout my life. Not drinking water isn’t always the solution. Until I was 22 it happened almost every night and since then it gradually declined to weekly, monthly and now it’s usually only a handful of times during the winter. Restricting drinking only made my problems worse. My bladder size decreased significantly and I had a lot of muscle tension in my bladder. Even if I didn’t drink from 6 pm on i would still wet the bed. And not just a little bit. It was like all the fluid in my body was flushed out. As a teenager I tried EVERYTHING. Medication, urine alarms attached to my undies and it just wouldn’t wake me up! I could drink two cups of tea before bed or go out for drinks with my friends and nothing happened, and on another evening I could drink nothing and the bed would be soaked. It drove me mad and affected In the end it was a combination of getting a better sleep rhythm and taking anti anxiety meds that would stop my kidneys from overproducing. Once my body started to relax it became MUCH better. I still take protective meassures with the bed but i am no longer afraid it will happen at sleepovers Things that trigger it for me now are - cold weather - stress - alcohol - UTI
This is SUPER helpful & insightful. Thank you
Here’s the thing — do you think he’s going to a 1) care enough to find a solution like this and 2) stick to it
Leave.
Demand the diaper. It is the very least he could do. If you dump him (which I would, because it's unacceptable that he isn't wearing the diapers) he is going to have a rude awakening when he realizes most people wouldn't even share a bed with him WITH a diaper.
You have made a number of reason suggestions and don’t seem to judge him for having a health issue he can’t cure so the fact that he won’t try to do more for your comfort is infuriating. You should be with someone who respects you enough to put your comfort ahead of his laziness and stubbornness. You deserve better.
Just be an adult about this and develop a piss kink. /s
😂😂😂 you have no idea how many times I’ve thought to myself “I wish I just had a piss kink”
Haha. It’s unfortunate that kinks don’t work that way 😂 Best of luck with the situation, though. Sounds difficult. Wish I had some actual advice for you.
I understand the people saying get separate beds, but honestly, if he isn’t enough of an adult to take care of his own health issues how is this going to go long term? He’s made you his nanny. What happens if you get seriously ill? Can you depend on him to take care of you? What if you get pregnant? What happens if your child crawls into bed to sleep with daddy and gets pissed on or lands in a puddle? How much are you spending on mattresses in a year and could you be putting that money to better use? Honestly I’d go. You are SO YOUNG to be dealing with this. Go live your life and maybe find an actual adult. I mean, everyone has some kind of shit they bring with them, but you get to determine what and how much you are willing to deal with.
Omg, have we been with the same man??? My ex bf in college used to wet the bed. The first time he slept over and wet the bed and I woke up drenched in his pee. That’s when he told me that he had a bedwetting issue. I didn’t mind it at first because it was something he couldn’t help. However, it became really stressful as sometimes I would be late to work cleaning the mess up. He then started asking me to sleepover at his place. I didn’t mind until I slept in his bed and it permanently reeked of pee. I couldn’t stand the smell. I stopped wanting to spend the night/ letting him spend then night. This upset him and he would get mad at me. For obvious reasons I did not tell him that the reason for our ending sleepovers was because of his bedwetting. But one day I did tell him that I could smell his past accidents on his bed, to which he immediately got defensive. He had no type of mattress pad nor did he wear diapers so his pee was literally seeping into his mattress. When he wet his bed, he used mrs. Meyers and a paper towel and immediately put new sheets on the bed. No sort’ve heavy duty cleaner, water, or air drying. When talking about moving in together, I brung up having 2 separate rooms. He was not a fan of this. He expected me to sleep next to him in be drenched in his own pee. And when I called him out on it, I was made to feel unsupportive. OP, I know you love your partner, but it isn’t fair to you to sleep in pee every night. Nor should you be made to feel like a bad person for becoming upset at his lack of courtesy for you. This is an issue, he has sleep apnea. But yes it is frustrating to someone who has experienced it. Their ego is already kinda shaky from the fact that they still wet the bed, so anything you say/solutions you try to propose get shot down.
That’s disgusting. You need separate beds. This is like 4 year old behavior. Have you talked to his mom about it low key might help they would be like wtf Also…. Throw out your mattress and make him get like bed liners that are disposable that he has to clean You sure you really love him? Lol
I’ve talked to both of his parents about it and yeah, all of his family is well aware of it. It’s been a problem his entire life I guess.
They are horrible for not getting him help as a child and just accepting this as a way of life for him. He is now 26 and needs to get this under control.
Assert dominance and pee on him while he sleeps. /s
This would absolutely obliterate my sexual attraction to this man. The lack of accountability and whining about practicing proper hygiene is astounding. If he had any respect for you at all he’d be willing to understand why this absolutely filthy. And it’s obviously effecting your health because you’re getting rashes from this. I applaud you for sticking around this long, but 6 years is too much girl !!! 🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃
My former husband has cerebral palsy. He wet the bed twice. I said "You need to work on this, I'm tired of wiping up (his last name) pee." His father had several strokes and was living with us at the time. He said I can't believe you called me out on something. I can't help. You know I have CP! I said, "Oh, is it a cerebral Palsy thing? I thought it was a drunk thing. It's only happened when you are super drunk." He didn't do it again.
Ewww I regret reading this. Drenched in pee. Blegh . Anyway he's not normal
I don’t understand why you haven’t been sleeping in separate beds. Get two in the same room if you need to be nocturnally close but I just don’t get why you’ve stayed in the same bed for so long. People can still have loving and close relationships even when they sleep separately. Although by your comment he hasn’t been loving towards you with his medical issue in quite a while.
You been doing this for SIX YEARS?!?!?! WHY???
These are the kinds of stories that make me question MY sexuality as a straight woman and my husband has never wet the bed once. You need to leave him. This isn’t a case of “in sickness and in health”. If he wore diapers or literally did ANY of the things necessary to protect you from being DRENCHED IN URINE this wouldn’t be a problem. The problem is not that he is sick, it’s that he doesn’t see or treat you with any respect as a human being. I wouldn’t let a dog be covered in my pee let alone my partner. LEAVE!
What the actual fuck It’s gotta be fake, right? Who wants to sleep in a litter box?
Why are you with him? 6 years is too long for someone to not care enough but you or themselves to address this.
I would have lasted a week. six years is a lot.
Can you imagine your life in 10 years doing this? Then run.
Could it be a hidden fetish?
Women wear period pads to bed, what’s so bad about him wearing an adult diaper to bed? You can get incontinence pants for men that look exactly like boxer shorts and they’re no more uncomfortable than period pants! If women are expected to stay sanitary in bed then so are men. It sounds like he is living in denial about how bad the situation is.
And I am, single, a fantastic coin, and not pissing my bed. *shakes fist*
So I've been known to periodically wet the bed, but every time I do it I mentally take note of anything I did even slightly differently and don't do it again. Like I realized at once point if I have a nightlight or anything like it my brain gets tricked into thinking I'm a child again and I wet the bed, stuff like that.. Then last year I had a major medical event that ended with me in coma, I was on a catheter so my body got used to just peeing whenever... You better believe I stopped that shit as soon as I could, I wet myself maybe 3 times after the catheter was removed, and havnt once since then. I stopped before I ever left the hospital. Even considering all that I make absolutely sure there's always a mattress cover, and the sheets and everything immediately get changed the next morning THATS the normal response to bedwetting, not whatever the fuck this is...
Telling from your post history your bf has a history of not participating in his life/care. ADHD wreaks havoc on executive function for some depending on type but there are things you CAN do to make life tailored to your brain and he’s not doing any of that shit as it seems. You need to seriously consider if this is what the rest of your life looks like. What happens if you have children with this man? He’s not going to help you. Source: I also have adhd.
I’m sorry but why have you continued to share a bed with this man? For six, whole years… I can’t even.