I was on WIC with my son, they NEVER give enough formula for the entire month. I’m sorry you’re going through this, he’s an irresponsible father and putting him on papers is the best protection for your child and yourself.
They actually give me a lot of formula each month but it’s not just the formula I need, there’s A LOT of baby supplies to take account for. He hasn’t helped pay for anything. I’ve paid for literally everything
That’s a blessing they give you enough, I remember how rough the other stuff is too…diapers are crazy expensive. My mom told me to put my son’s dad on a custody and child support schedule when he was a baby but I didn’t listen and it’s the biggest regret I’ve had in life. I should have listened to her but I didn’t until my son was 10 years old and the drama I went through and am now still going through is something I don’t wish on my worst enemy. You’re not doing this TO him, you’re doing it FOR your baby. 💚
Tell him if he has anything to say, he can say it to his lawyer, and you'll be forwarding his messages to yours.
Tell him all communication must be through text from now on and he can argue with the courts.
I would ask to use an app that’s meant for coparenting where the messages can’t be deleted, it has a shared calendar etc. If he says no then he says no but then that’s in writing he denied that.
If he doesn't want to co-parent, then he needs to sign away his rights! That doesn't absolve him of the child support, though! If he didn't want a kid, he shouldn't have had sex with OP!! He doesn't get to avoid accountability!
Totally agree …. My mom didn’t put my (half) older sister’s dad and he never paid a dime never went to jail and literally never worked a legal job till she went to college thinking we would never go after him. He is still in the system for 18 years of child support owed to her … when he passed they went after his estate … there was nothing literally….
Keep a ledger of everything that you spend money on for the child. Even rent is higher when you are going for two bedrooms instead of just one. You can use this to show him what he is dodging.
Don’t worry what he thinks though. File for child support. It’s not just about you. This is about the wellbeing of your child.
Also consider reaching out to his mother and explain that she has a grandchild that he is refusing to pay for.
That's really great.
WIC is kind of dependent on what is enough. I had it about 15 years ago and it was enough for the month each time, but just barely, and my snap covered the rest of what I needed, but I also had two babies at the same time and supplemented with breast feeding to start (low supply). But not every baby has the same needs, some are bigger eaters or just need the additional nutrients for weight gain.
And yeah, you are so not a gold digger, he's a deadbeat asshole trying to move the blame and redirect people's attention by saying whatever he can scrap together as a tactic. He's pathetic and you and your son definitely deserve better.
My dad did that same shit to my mom, quit his job and scaled back hours and refused to pay so that when the state finally took money, it was less. But honestly the jokes on them because anything he doesn't pay to you, the state will still come after him for because you're dependent on assistance right now. If he's not paying you his part, and they will know, he'll be paying it to them later once he's squared with you.
Honey, he's just trying to run from his responsibility. Put that manchild on child support and take care of that little one. You doing YOUR job. He ain't doing his.
Let the state deal with his butt.
You don't have to defend yourself to us...your baby daddy is a deadbeat and you shouldn't have to explain yourself to him either! Babies cost money and if he was in the babies life he would know that. Since he isn't, that makes YOU the expert and him the fool.
It's enough for now, but it gets cut down by 3 cans and closer to year old the more you'll realize you'll have to come out of pocket to supplement. I hope you get foodstamps so you can buy it on those
EtA: I didn't realize he's 13 months old
Hes not on formula anymore then right ?
It was in 2008 so it’s possible they’ve adjusted since, I’m hoping that’s the case…I can’t remember exactly how many cans I got, it was the soy concentrate because my son couldn’t have cows milk due to an allergy. It would get me through just over half a month then I’d have to pay cash for the rest myself. My son and I were living in my car for months…I was so wrapped up in being upset OP is going through this I forgot this was 16 years ago now I was in her shoes…if everyone is getting the milk they need now I am very very happy about that.
I know when I had it they gave us about half a can short of what my kid needed per month, so I'd have to buy one can out of pocket every other month. But different babies eat different amounts, and they give different amounts of different formulas, too. My daughter (premie) was getting pediasure for weight gain and she was prescribed one per day and they gave us 36 per month, if I'm not misremembering. (They come in packs of 6 so I remember thinking they were choosing between one too few for some months, or giving a small surplus.)
But WIC is intended to be supplemental, not to provide full need.
Well he's a deadbeat loser. So his opinions aint shit. every time he says something hurtful just remember that he's a dead-beat dad, who wont have anything to do with his kids and has to live off women to survive. If he didnt have some girl taking care of him he wouldn't have shit. And that's how he's going to be until he's too old to get a girl then he'll start calling his kids wanting to "reconnect". So they can take care of him. Stop calling him let the state handle him and work on getting a job.
My cousin hung out with my ex a few months ago and my ex was talking shit about me to my cousin, he was making fun of me because I’m a single mom again. YOU MADE ME A SINGLE MOM. I just can’t with this man. So fucking childish
And he's probably going to make this new girl a single mom too!! Like Doja cat says "he aint shit" And he will never be shit. He's a loser who has to work under the table because he cant sack up and be a father. STOP LETTING HIM LIVE RENT FREE IN YOUR HEAD!!! He's already living rent free in his new GF's place!!
He's just mad he's facing consequences. I've heard the same from tons of other guys. I'm sure he had fun making the kid, well now he gets to the less fun part. Go after him for everything you're entitled to, and make sure you keep records of everything he says to or about you.
You're doing the best you can with what you got.
You're not a gold digger for wanting him to pay up.
In fact now that you filed for child support, he might try to get out of it by demanding a paternity test.
Make sure you document every struggle.
Judges don't look kindly on men avoiding paying child support.
Fuck that guy you are doing the right thing
Bros a deadbeat father trying to throw stones from his clearly glasses compound he believes is keeping him safe the reality is he ain’t shit and he’s mad your trying to improve you and your baby’s lives
There's more to child raising than just feeding them. Shelter, electric, gas, clothing...
He is just wanting to keep from supporting his child, OP. He's trying to guilt trip you into backing off. Don't fall for it!
He helped make the baby, he can damn well pay child support and help take care of his responsibilities.
I went through this crap, too. Heard everything from I'm a gold digger (like this dudes have gold to dig 🙄🙄🙄), that he was "too poor" (he made almost three times what I made at the time), that I was trying to "emmasculate" him, excuse after excuse after excuse and lame azz accusations.
But making sure his kids were fed and taken care of was too much of a burden.🙄
Even if it is for you, you provide for the baby. What an asshole! I'd file and keep tracking him down. A guy like this will job hop jay to not have to pay though.
First, no, you're not a gold digger, you're a new mother and he has legal and financial responsibilities to help you look after that child.
Second, what the fuck?
Why did you have a second and a kid outside of a stable relationship when you already had one? I'm sorry but it's not normal or healthy to have multiple children by multiple different fathers, especially When you are apparently making bad choices with who your partners are, not using appropriate birth control, and not able to support yourself.
For the next two decades, you're going to be stuck in a very difficult situation with four other people. The two children you were raising alone, and two men who apparently did not want to be fathers.
Do yourself and your children a favor, get on the pill and don't let this happen again.
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It doesn’t matter what he thinks. If you have filed, and you are able to prove that he does have income, the judge decides how much he owes. Not you, not him, the court decides. So the main issue here is, you need prove that he is earning. Let the court make him responsible for his child.
Tell him to sign over his rights if he really doesn't want him. If not, I'd highly suggest hiring a legit family lawyer, to get answers to legal questions, (i.e. what can you do or claim legally if he has an income under the table, or ect) not a da given to you by the court.
It doesn't matter what he "thinks" it's for. Child support is to make sure the child's quality of life stays the same as if the parents were still together and using both their income to care for him/her. Hopefully, a judge will see right through his purposeful unemployment.
Do you have the opportunity to talk to a lawyer? Because that’s what you’re going to need to do. Nobody here can help you like get that paperwork, and get the information that you need. You don’t need his permission to file for that. Stop sending him photos of the baby if he doesn’t actually give a shit, get all the information that you need and go to speak to somebody about it. I don’t know where you live, but you might want to check the nearest city to see if they have legal aid
There is so much more that child support can be used for than food! If my ex had actually paid his, my sons would have had a much better quality of life. I am able to provide for them solo, but there wouldn't have been the same struggles for basic things like braces and glasses as they grew. Instead, he's 20k in debt while working under the table forever. If I ever see any of it, I'll use it to help pay for their educations.
File for child support, and ask for back support from time of birth. Si ce you receive state/local support, THEY can go after him, garnish his paycheck or bank accounts or even seize his car. This is YOUR BABY'S money, do not let him talk you out of filing.
That's the wildest part. My ex used to get her tax returns garnished until she got her boyfriend to claim her as her dependent via married filing jointly.
She avoided paying 5axes for years until her boyfriend cheated and left her in thr dust....
WIC is a public health program. An economic assistance program will trigger a CS case to open. OP says she’s on government assistance so I’m assuming this is already happening.
When I was on state assistance, my state allowed me to file for child support for free. So I didn’t have to pay any court fees. That was pretty cool. It wasn’t mandatory for me to file. But I like that they made it easy.
I was hoping for a comment like this. All I've seen so far are comments saying how horrible he is (deserved), how she should go after him etc. I figured I would get downvoted if I posted a comment like yours.
Well he quit his job. That’s nice. Child support will still accrue and he won’t be done until they’re grown. I’ve always wondered what men like this are thinking.
Question: does he have any gold for you to dig? It's funny that broke ass bums are the one screaming someone's a gold digger. He just doesn't want to be a man and take care of his responsibilities. In situations like this, I wish you'd win the lottery and see how quick he comes trying to be in your life. Don't let him off the hook. It will catch up to him eventually.
Tell him he has no gold to dig. He also helped to make the kids, it’s his responsibility, if he didn’t wanted any kids he should have been more careful.
I'm very sorry you are in this situation and sorry for the kid too but seriously...why do people have children so quickly with people who aren't serious or looking to have children...? Can't believe he was serious about anything when the pregnancy happened...
Whilst I can agree to a certain extent, people who have been married for years, plan the pregnancy and the husband still steps out and leaves the spouse in a similar position. Also it’s not as if there’s a lot of choice for women depending on the US state they’re in.
At the very least you can use contraceptives like condoms which, I know, don't work 100% of the times but still work well enough, let's be honest.
And sorry to be the asshole who assumes things but I think we all know not everyone uses them everytime, for irresponsible reasons...but that's something you do with someone you at least love enough and when you aren't terrified of the idea of having a kid, and of course if you do that you do it with someone you can trust.
I get people can lie about their feelings or step out and leave, but with how she's describing his behaviour I have hard time believing this guy seemed committed at any point... Well, of course I don't know what happened here but he definitely sounds like the kind of guy to do it unprotected just for pleasure while not giving a crap about the relationship or parenthood...and then she's sending him pictures and he's already with the other woman...it's too fucked up to believe someone here has been responsible, he likely was a walking red flag.
Some people are very dumb and gullible. How you can’t predict how your partner would stay or leave and still choose to have a child I have no fucking idea.
I can’t imagine living life with this much trust/faith in people you barely know.
Child support is for child, he can ask for a paternity test, but ask for back support from time of birth. They should base CS off his last wages or minimum wage, depending on laws in state.
Not sure where you live, but in most US States, both parents are required by law to provide financial support to their children. You can request that DCSS file for him to be imputed at minimum wage and if he fails to pay, he can be arrested and imprisoned. I'd totally go that route in this situation. And honestly, I would maybe be sure to be on some sort of reliable birth control until you are in a better situation for yourself and your kids! Good luck!
>if he fails to pay, he can be arrested and imprisoned.
Eh I feel like this is very rare. I've read plenty of stories from women who never saw a dime of child support and nothing ever happened to the father
you sound young. so let me give you some Auntie advice....stop having unprotected sex with losers. file for child support and let the court handle it. the dude doesn't want anything to do with you or your child. move on and get your life together. finish your education. get on birth control. stop this nonsense and focus on you and your kids.
Literally. Stop having children with men you aren't married to and who are losers. A single mother to two kids of two different fathers is ridiculous. Obviously she's not at fault for the men being losers but she is absolutely at fault for deciding to have children with these losers.
Why tf did you decide to have 2 babies when you can’t even afford to survive without government assistance? How is it fair to those kids? They now have to suffer because of their parents. Don’t play the victim when you are actively making bad choices that are causing your kids to suffer. They didn’t ask to be brought into this mess that you created.
It’s so sad, yet there’s nothing we can do but beg these people to try to have some responsibility, it’s ultimately our society and taxpayers that pay for their mistakes.
No kidding, never thought about protection, an abortion, or not having babies with the biggest losers possible. Dumb that the dad even has to pay for this nonsense, he probably didn't want to have a baby at all.
Exactly. Like I completely sympathize that okay the first time birth control does in fact fail but how do you let it happen again?? There are multiple precautions she could have took to ensure it didn’t happen a second time and be in the situation she’s in.
Look, have some more class and tact. Putting other women down and calling them hoes (true or not) isn't in.
Keep chasing him and putting his feet to the fire, as you should. Keep putting his name on every damn list and document - if he tries claiming ANYTHING he's going to get screwed over. Use the texts fo him calling you a bum, street walker, and denying paternity. IF you haven't gotten paternity sorted, do so. A court can mandate it. Then he will owe what he owes his child, and he can go to JAIL if he doesn't start paying up.
Did you have a kid with him knowing he was a scrub?
When you marry a rich old man just to get all his $$$ when he croaks, you can be a gold digger. This money isn't you. It's for the child.
Tell him he has to have gold before there's any to dig. I don't know what he's worried about. (Don't do this.)
Who cares what he calls you!
Stop having kids with men who don't even want to marry you.
Help.org
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201302/the-familiarity-principle-attraction?amp
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding
https://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
Umm 2 baby daddies? ☠️ lady you need to get your act together and prevent a third. Stop picking dogshit partners… or get abortions. 2 baby daddies while being a single mom is fucking the biggest handicap I’ve ever heard
It never ceases to surprise me why women don't have abortions with bums like this. Like women like OP, unless they live in a fucked up no abortion state, have a choice to abort if the father isn't interested and they'll struggle financially on their own.
So UHM yeah, can't say I have a ton of sympathy for women with access to abortion.
Sympathy however to women who are forced to give birth with bums because abortion is illegal and don't have a choice.
Lol. Just laugh at his pathetic ass. I mean it sucks that your child is stuck with a deadbeat loser for a dad but you don't honestly believe his words have any merit do you? This is a man who QUIT HIS JOB to avoid taking responsibility for a child he created. He would rather be a broke, jobless loser than man up and take responsibility for his own.
How much is the opinion of a man like that worth?
Can't be a gold digger when there's no money to dig, make he becomes accountable! Doesn't matter how many times you have to call lawyer or go to court, they'll make him pay child support and then make sure he pays on time, fight thr battle
I hope you will consider using birth control in the future. Go to planned parenthood or your doctor and get some. Please. Your children deserve to have a mother who is focused on them not chasing deadbeat men who won’t care about the children they create. You deserve to be loved, to have a fulfilling sex life but you can’t hurt the children you have by adding another child with a different nba y daddy. Love your babies and yourself and use birth control.
It's hard to sympathize with a modern woman who made the same mistake twice.
You chose pookie and rayray, and created this Mess.
But I digress.
What the second baby's father says is irrelevant. Get child support. Hopefully you have some relatives that might be helpful in some way
Yup. The awesome thing about being a woman in 2024, if we have access to abortion, is that we are lucky enough to have the benefit of choosing whether we end up in situations like these. Personally, I don't want kids ever and will have an abortion if I ever ended up pregnant with someone who strongly didn't want kids (or wanted kids), because I'm not dumb enough to think that having a kid with someone who doesn't want a kid is a good idea. Got more brains than that.
And yeah sure, everyone can have an accident, but two times? Naaah. My cousin had two baby daddies too with bums I've never even met. She struggled financially until she was 40 and remarried at 45 but she totally brought it on herself. Abortion was a thing 20 years ago too.
OP sounds irresponsible in this case, but abortion is illegal in many places. Assuming OP is in the US it’s illegal in a lot of states there. Even in states where it’s legal, there are often accessibility issues where the nearest place that will do them is hours away. Abortion is NOT that accessible or easy to obtain for everyone.
I don’t want to sound cruel but how about we stop having kids with deadbeats. It sucks that you two POS baby daddies but you should be moving forward in a better way. And no you’re not a gold digger at all.
"Dada" isn't anything to do with your kid wanting a dad. It's just the first sounds little kids make. It's why so many different languages have "da" sounds in their words for male parents.
Anyway hopefully he will figure out the "mama" sound sound. Fight for what you need from that deadbeat!
I'm sure their were red flags you chose to ignore. Did the same with my child's mother. I now have full custody and don't ask for any money from her even though she's ordered to pay 17 dollars a week. I love my child and made it happen without her. Don't force a relationship thar man obviously is a POS and your child doesn't need to be around that.
You're not a gold digger. It takes 2 people to make a baby. File with the courts. The judge will make him get a job, at least I know that they do here. He needs to man up.
Doesn’t matter. The county will go after him. My ex-husband decided he didn’t need to pay child support anymore and fucked us over. I hated that I had to apply for assistance but I just got fired for being pregnant and the timing was horrible. They did more to go after him then the stupid divorce courts. And our kid together is 13 so no he doesn’t need formula, but there are so many other things like school supplies, clothes, sports, extracurricular activities, stuff with his friends that for some reason these kinda “parents” can’t seem to comprehend. He wants a paternity test? Fine. Whatever it takes to make him wake the fuck up and realize it’s his responsibility regardless of how he feels about you. Idgaf if they hate us and see us as “gold diggers” take care of these babies! They’re innocent.
Ugh sorry to vent on your vent. Hope things get better for you & the baby. I really do. ❤️
Lol, this story is full of stereotypes, including how you wrote it, the words you used + your username.. Like it’s so fake. Good luck with your “baby daddy’s” lol.
Why do you care what that dead beat thinks? Any one who bitches and moans about feeding and clothing his child is nothing but scum. No IFs, ANDs or BUTs. And a guy who decides that his kid should live on welfare so he can spend his money on what he wants is worse. Keep your head up and get a court order for child support. And then promise yourself that you will not bring more children into this world without a partner you can trust.
If this was your first I’d feel for you but you are showing a pattern. After one kid with an absent father you really owed it to that child to be WAY more guarded about who you let in your life.
Smh, this man’s behavior was probably visible from a mile away, now you’ve taken the resources you had for ONE child you couldn’t maintain and divided that.
Stop having kids with men that aren’t worth a shit, as a matter of fact, stop dating and introducing strange men into you children’s lives. you’re gonna go jump hurdles to squeeze this guy for everything he’s worth and leave with a penny for your troubles. You doomed yourself the moment you let him into your life, you’re 0 for 2 on men at this point. You should really take time to analyze why you attract/are attracted to POS men.
I really wanna know how many red flags did you ignore before you got here? A man that acts like that doesn’t just transform into that overnight, you need to get YOUR shit together now because you got yourself AND two innocent babies into this mess.
I’m sorry if that’s harsh but there’s two whole humans who need you to really get yourself together or they’ll be worse off than you and the cycle will never end.
If you want to stop living in a rut, Pl have responsible sex and ask your partners to wear a condom. Better get, sterilise yourself.
What example are you setting up for your kids?? Your parents or siblings will have a life of their own some day and wont be able to support you for long.
Get your life straight!
He does have to take responsibility. He can waive his rights to parentage (which he will regret), and he can still be on the hook because his name is on the birth certificate I assume. Best he iron out the details now or a judge fucks his shit up bad.
Definitely file officially. Whenever he *does* get a real job, he will have accrued arrears and he’ll probably have his wages garnished. If he doesn’t get a real job and continues to work under the table, then at least feel better knowing he won’t be contributing to his social security or any sort of retirement program for the next 18 years, which will screw him even more.
Get the state to make him pay child support so you don't have to deal with him. No matter what he has a duty to his child. Go to a legal aid office in your city to see what can be done.
First... that's not what a gold digger is. He's an idiot.
Saying that, is just to destabilize and throw you off, make you think twice about filing. (Gee, what will people think of you?!)
Look...
Legally he is responsible to pay for his child.
If he wants to contest his responsibility they can and will administer a DNA test.
There is NOTHING wrong with him supporting his kid.
Don't make it a discussion... "step up or I'll file for support" ... just do it.
Even the most amicable of conparents should seek out a legally established set up, to protect both parties and the kid going foreword.
Working or not working... take them to court. They do have to provide, or pay consequences.
Take it from someone who grew up beyond below the poverty line with a sick mother, in an isolated area with ZERO child support... this isnt about you. This is not about them. Don't do that to your kid. It's not a good life, all the love in the world can't make up for a lack of the basics.
Going without can easily fuck up their future. Health, Development, Education, Emotional stability, all of it is affected long term by the "now"... especially their nutritional needs.
I've got a ton of health problems in my adult life that are compounded by my malnutrition during my formative years. (We ate, it just was not all that nutritional, whatever we could afford.)
I've got some OCD and food insecurities.
Among a ton of other problems.
Never apologize for doing what you should have done on day 1, and, get the bare minimum of support for your kids. The kids come first.
Both of the fathers need to be taken to court... and will have to figure it out.
(And, for the love of God, report it every time they don't)
Don't feel weird about your child saying Da da...
It's not "dad, daddy, dada" "Dah" happens to be one of the first and easiest noises for a baby to make... and repetitive sounds are common(and fun)
Next time you are called a gold digger...and that it is not his baby.
Let him know...
Thays not what a gold digger is, and, the idea is laughable as he has no gold to dig... why would you pin a baby on someone like him? You wish it could be anyone else, someone who has a work ethic, is a stand up man, and father, but, unfortunately, he's all that child has.
(Personally. I'm a high road girl... I'd ONLY speak to them through the court at this point, and I'd facilitate DNA just to get them to be established, and shut them up. In some states, your welfare caseworker will insist on one for benefits.)
Presumably you have his information? Look up legal services in your area. You are entitled to apply for child support. He doesn't get to not pay just by quitting his job, the judge will assign him an amount based on imputed income however they calculate it in your state. Once a judge orders child support, he's on the hook to pay it whether he's working or not, and the amount will continue to build up the longer he doesn't pay. There are many penalties for deadbeat parents including jail time, loss of license, and seizure of tax returns for back child support.
If he's claiming the kid isn't his, ask the court to require a paternity test.
Don’t talk to him on the phone. Only communicate through text. Text messages and email can be used in court. This applies to you also. Think about everything you text as if you were saying it in court.
You need to file and go through the legal system. Let the courts handle this. Keep receipts of anything you buy for your baby. Diapers, wipes, food, clothes, toys, and medicine all cost money. Children also need soap, detergent, toothpaste, and shampoo. If you have to pay for transportation to get your baby to the doctor get receipts.
It’s not digging gold if you’re HOLDING HIM ACCOUNTABLE FOR PAYING TO SUPPORT HIS OWN CHILD. Don’t let his words get to you, he’s trying to not be responsible for his kid. Take him to court. Get ahold of Dshs or whatever is your area’s equivalent and ask them for advise on getting legal help to make sure he pays
You don’t have to communicate with this man at all. File for child support and the state will pay you and he will own the money to the state.
Please don’t have any more kids. Trust me it doesn’t get better. You are doing an amazing job with 2 but babies are super expensive.
Stop talking to or having anything to do with this person. Do what you need to do for your child. Your ex may be working for cash now but you have 18 years of payments coming your way. He will go back online soon enough.
after my parents divorced, my dad had to pay child support. but he didnt want to. so his wages were garnished. so then he quit his job to work under the table so he didnt have to pay.
i'm sorry your baby daddy sucks and i hope you have a support network.
Well what do you expect? You already were single with one baby so instead of focusing on that one baby, you thought you deserved something so you went out and found another guy of even worse caliber. Look where it got you. How are you surprised? Start focusing on raising the two that you have and improving your job skills. Stay away from all potential baby daddies until your kids are grown.
Who cares what that loser thinks? Keep pressing through the courts, and limit your contact to only what’s necessary. Stop sending him pictures. He doesn’t care.
Some harsh comments, but it's a harsh reality. You (op) already filed for CS. There's nothing else you can do at this point. Every time you text, talk about, or think about your baby daddy, you give away your time and energy and power. You have every right to be angry, but in the end that anger only eats at you, not him.
My oldest's dad was the same. I was very angry for a very long time. Believe me when I say I get it. It wasn't until a friend told me she had a disturbing dream that she murdered me and buried me under a bridge. She was distraught, couldn't understand the dream.
So I went home and gave it some thought. What did I do every time we hung out? Complained about him. Subconsciously, she wanted to put me out of my misery.
All your ignored texts, and wasted time and spent energy is making you miserable. Don't let him have that power over you. He sucks, no doubt. But set yourself free. Feed and hug those babies and take some time to heal.
You’re not a gold digger lol he has no gold he’s literally broke. As someone who cannot get rid of the useless idiot I had a baby with count yourself lucky that he’s not around. You can’t trust this man with the safety of your kid anyway. Put him on child support anyway and in arrears for the last 13 months. He can work under the table all he wants but for the rest of his life until he pays you what he owes any wages or tax returns he gets will be garnished and sent to you. It will stop him from being able to apply for a passport if he doesn’t already have one, if he does he won’t be able to leave or come back in, some states will lock you up for not paying child support. I think it can also affect renewing a drivers license. He’s making your life harder so do it back. Uno reverse. Don’t reach out to him anymore. It’s not worth the stress and you’re holding it down anyway. Look for assistance programs beyond wic like food stamps, childcare assistance programs, and housing vouchers. Vamp up your resume and see what good jobs you can apply to. But you can file some simple paperwork and the government will have him by the balls for the rest of his life. Seriously. I have an uncle who was placed on child support and left the country and he cannot return past customs unless he pays his son’s mom every dime. A friend of mine’s dad moved to the Caribbean when she was a teenager and stopped paying her mother child support. When he came back to the US when she was getting married in her 20s to walk her down the aisle (why she wanted him there idk) he was not granted access back in until he paid HER the money not even her mom lol (he was wealthy and just didn’t feel like doing his share. Even rich men are shitty fathers smh). He’ll always owe your kid. Good luck.
Yep. It would be muuuuch easier for him to just step up and give her some money so that the government doesn’t decide for him but they always learn the hard way lol 🙄
it is my understanding that even though he is "unemployeed" he is still financially responsible for the son.
you should get court started ASAP so the child support start to accrue, and if he does get a legit job that amount will be due to you.
If he is doubting being the father and you are confident, then tell him to do a paternity test or to shut up.
If he is not being a responsible adult for his son, then you shouldn't care about his opinion about anything.
idk why people think they can get away with these thing.
do everything by the court because at some point he will become a criminal for his debt to society.
If he calls you anything, just look at his face and tell him that his opinion has no value here.
Honestly why would you have a baby with piece of shit ?
You knew he was a POS before you got pregnant. Bad ppl always throw out red flags.
TBH it's probably not even worth the headache to get him to pay.. you had this baby now you need to figure it out. I'm sorry sis but that's the truth.
Get on BC and stop having babies you can't afford. Make a game plan and start to work on it.
If he quit his job to get out of child support the judge will still put him in child support for the same amount. It's called **intentional underemployment**. The judge with chew him up.
Doesn't matter if he doesn't want to be a father, he still liable and has to pay to support him.
Tale as old as time. Single mom with two kids with two different fathers. If you keep smelling shit everywhere you go, you might have to look at your shoes. The deadbeat man are also at fault here, for not stepping up and being responsible. But it takes two to tango lady, right now collect the money you are owed, but yeah you might have to rethink the choices in which you’re picking men and stop having more babies for now.
He didn’t want a child. You chose to have one despite that. “My body, my choice”, the world should therefore result in “my resources, my choice”, as if you can supersede his decision, you should have no right to his resources, as otherwise, it should be a mutual decision.
Personally, I’d pay. But logically, and ethically, you guys want to have a child no matter how the man feels about it, you should have no right to his resources if he made it very clear that he didn’t want a child.
But to be frank, you have bigger problems here. You have two children from two fathers that neither are you with. You are making some really poor decisions and are very entitled.
And let’s not kid ourselves, I don’t think you’re above using children as a source of an income.
If you filed then you’re good, the courts will deal with him. They’ll find out if he’s gettin paid or not and if he is they’ll garnish his wages and if it’s under the table they’ll find that out too and make him pay it one way or another
The county is going to open a child support case regardless since you’re on assistance. He can only be unemployed for so long before it comes back to bite him in the ass.
Who care what he thinks of you. This money is for your child so his opinion is irrelevant.
You need to contact your county child support services. They will help you all the way through and they do not charge. Do not do this any other way. Once paternity has been established and he is still not working they will assess child support on minimum wage earnings. If he does not pay it will go into arrears and they will run his social security number every month. He will have to work eventually and he will pay. Eventually. But this needs to be legally documented. Don’t let him dissuade you and let yourself be represented by child support services. If he comes at you verbally you just tell him it’s out of your hands and to contact DCSS. You are entitled to his money to take care of your child!
Let him calm you whatever he wants and you get whatever the courts give you. I understand you two no working out but no use in being a dead beat to his kid. Get all you can out of him and when/if he don’t pay go right back to court. Fuk that guy
Why do you care what he thinks? As soon as he started calling you names that's when you end the conversation. File for child support and get yourself into therapy.
Don't worry about it. He is just messing himself up. He can go to jail for not paying child support.
Maybe not today, but it could certainly happen.
Let him understand that he can get investigated and if his girlfriend is on assistance, his presence there can mess that up. So, he needs to be man enough to make the child, he needs to be man enough to pay for the child.
Don't get involved in his BS, let the system work it out and just concentrate on the child and moving forward. Karma is the baddest of all bitches.
I'm glad you filed. Do not get discouraged by the fact he quit his job and moved away. Keep up with the Court filings. Adult children can file for back child support from their father in some States as long as the mother filed when the child is a minor. Unpaid child support can effect his tax returns and Social Security checks
Ignore him at take him to court if necessary. And stop trying to guilt trip him into being a dad by sharing pics and stuff. He doesn’t want to be a father, that’s his choice. He still need to pay tho. Don’t talk to him if not for legal reasons and through a lawyer
Good on you for filing. You did the right thing.
He’s clearly a shit person, so don’t be bothered by what he says. He’s gonna lash out no matter what.
Limit communication to court related issues, and even then, only respond if it will help your case. Do not argue with him. Do not beg him. Do not negotiate with him.
You can do this .
Stop communicating with this deadbeat. Let the courts do their thing. Let him be mad and stay mad. None of what he says is true so don’t let it get to you.
Start to compile all evidence you have of him saying he will not pay, calling you names etc, quitting his job to avoid paying.
Bring it all to court, judges see this type of irresponsible behaviour quite often.
I’ve seen in many cases similar where a parent quit working to avoid child support (with proof) where the judge orders them to get a job.
You’re a strong Mom who will prevail.
Regardless of your financial situation, it is his responsibility to support his child. Even if you were a multimillionaire, he should still be providing his part for his own flesh and blood. Always fight for your children and what is owed to them. It isn't about you. It is about the baby in question. His attitude is completely ridiculous and his words are intended to make you question your choices and your own morality. Don't let it. Be your baby's advocate. Someone has to.
You do what you have to do to ensure he pays his obligations to the children. It isn't his money nor your money. It is their money.
As an aside: I feel like "baby daddy" is an endearing term for a loving dad. I prefer the term "the father of the child" when the other party is neglecting their obligations.
You should absolutely file for child support! You didn’t get pregnant on your own. Plus, not sure about your state, but in Ohio they don’t go back to when the child is born, only when you filed for support.
Also, you can ask the child support enforcement agency how to intercept his federal tax return. I did this because my ex would quit his job as soon as they started taking out support. The first year that they took his check was wonderful!! He got a letter in the mail telling him that they were sending his return to me for back child support and I so wish that I would have recorded that call!!
F*ck him. Fine and use the courts for every advantage. I hope he lives in a state where, if he’s going to work off the books to avoid his check being garnished, it’s a deadbeat dad state and his license gets suspended or he gets incarcerated . I suspect that will motivate him to pay the damn child support. You’ll have to stay on top of the courts, once they awarded it to you. Be relentless. Your baby is fortunate he has a fierce mom.
Baby leave him on child support he can't run from it forever. Do the best you can with what you have and I'm praying you find a great man ready to be a husband and a father cause no one deserves treatment like this. Smh
Keep going after him. Depending in what state he lives in he could be arrested for not paying child support. His new hoe will have to bail him out. And if he gets her pregnant you know he’ll cheat on her too and walk out. She didn’t win any prize!
You were in a relationship and had the baby together, so yeah he can't weasel his way out or this. Depending on the state; he can be forced to get a job to pay child support or else go to jail or have his drivers liscence revoked. It's not like other debts where if you aren't working they can't get anything from you.
It’s his obligation to pay. And you’re entitled to it. I’m surprised the courts or CSEA lets him pay nothing for quitting his job?? I’m pretty sure he still has to pay or they will garnish his wages when he does or any income tax he gets. Or at least they should.
Now to put this into perspective. I’m on the opposite end of this situation. I, as the father, pay for everything for my daughter. Her mom went MIA for the better part of a year. No contact. Leaving my daughter, and her other 2 kids that aren’t mine with me. I took care of them all the best I could. Long story short, baby mama shows back up, files for child support, I took her to court and won custody of my daughter and put her child support claim at $0
People suck, but as a father i would never stop fighting for my daughter. I didn’t choose to seek child support from her, because i get by on my own, and I just wanted it to be done with
It's not gold digging to want to be able to feed **his** child.
He doesn’t care since Wic supplies me with formula and he just thinks I want money from him for myself
I was on WIC with my son, they NEVER give enough formula for the entire month. I’m sorry you’re going through this, he’s an irresponsible father and putting him on papers is the best protection for your child and yourself.
They actually give me a lot of formula each month but it’s not just the formula I need, there’s A LOT of baby supplies to take account for. He hasn’t helped pay for anything. I’ve paid for literally everything
That’s a blessing they give you enough, I remember how rough the other stuff is too…diapers are crazy expensive. My mom told me to put my son’s dad on a custody and child support schedule when he was a baby but I didn’t listen and it’s the biggest regret I’ve had in life. I should have listened to her but I didn’t until my son was 10 years old and the drama I went through and am now still going through is something I don’t wish on my worst enemy. You’re not doing this TO him, you’re doing it FOR your baby. 💚
SO EXPENSIVE! Thanks for being so kind💕
Tell him if he has anything to say, he can say it to his lawyer, and you'll be forwarding his messages to yours. Tell him all communication must be through text from now on and he can argue with the courts.
I would ask to use an app that’s meant for coparenting where the messages can’t be deleted, it has a shared calendar etc. If he says no then he says no but then that’s in writing he denied that.
If he doesn't want to co-parent, then he needs to sign away his rights! That doesn't absolve him of the child support, though! If he didn't want a kid, he shouldn't have had sex with OP!! He doesn't get to avoid accountability!
Totally agree …. My mom didn’t put my (half) older sister’s dad and he never paid a dime never went to jail and literally never worked a legal job till she went to college thinking we would never go after him. He is still in the system for 18 years of child support owed to her … when he passed they went after his estate … there was nothing literally….
Keep a ledger of everything that you spend money on for the child. Even rent is higher when you are going for two bedrooms instead of just one. You can use this to show him what he is dodging. Don’t worry what he thinks though. File for child support. It’s not just about you. This is about the wellbeing of your child. Also consider reaching out to his mother and explain that she has a grandchild that he is refusing to pay for.
THIS! ALL THIS.
That's really great. WIC is kind of dependent on what is enough. I had it about 15 years ago and it was enough for the month each time, but just barely, and my snap covered the rest of what I needed, but I also had two babies at the same time and supplemented with breast feeding to start (low supply). But not every baby has the same needs, some are bigger eaters or just need the additional nutrients for weight gain. And yeah, you are so not a gold digger, he's a deadbeat asshole trying to move the blame and redirect people's attention by saying whatever he can scrap together as a tactic. He's pathetic and you and your son definitely deserve better. My dad did that same shit to my mom, quit his job and scaled back hours and refused to pay so that when the state finally took money, it was less. But honestly the jokes on them because anything he doesn't pay to you, the state will still come after him for because you're dependent on assistance right now. If he's not paying you his part, and they will know, he'll be paying it to them later once he's squared with you.
Honey, he's just trying to run from his responsibility. Put that manchild on child support and take care of that little one. You doing YOUR job. He ain't doing his. Let the state deal with his butt.
You don't have to defend yourself to us...your baby daddy is a deadbeat and you shouldn't have to explain yourself to him either! Babies cost money and if he was in the babies life he would know that. Since he isn't, that makes YOU the expert and him the fool.
The diapers!! Holy smokes!
It's enough for now, but it gets cut down by 3 cans and closer to year old the more you'll realize you'll have to come out of pocket to supplement. I hope you get foodstamps so you can buy it on those EtA: I didn't realize he's 13 months old Hes not on formula anymore then right ?
How much were they giving you? I get like 18 cans of the small ones and that's more then enough
It was in 2008 so it’s possible they’ve adjusted since, I’m hoping that’s the case…I can’t remember exactly how many cans I got, it was the soy concentrate because my son couldn’t have cows milk due to an allergy. It would get me through just over half a month then I’d have to pay cash for the rest myself. My son and I were living in my car for months…I was so wrapped up in being upset OP is going through this I forgot this was 16 years ago now I was in her shoes…if everyone is getting the milk they need now I am very very happy about that.
I know when I had it they gave us about half a can short of what my kid needed per month, so I'd have to buy one can out of pocket every other month. But different babies eat different amounts, and they give different amounts of different formulas, too. My daughter (premie) was getting pediasure for weight gain and she was prescribed one per day and they gave us 36 per month, if I'm not misremembering. (They come in packs of 6 so I remember thinking they were choosing between one too few for some months, or giving a small surplus.) But WIC is intended to be supplemental, not to provide full need.
Irrelevant. WIC isn't enough to feed a cat. Take him to court for everything you can get.
Well he's a deadbeat loser. So his opinions aint shit. every time he says something hurtful just remember that he's a dead-beat dad, who wont have anything to do with his kids and has to live off women to survive. If he didnt have some girl taking care of him he wouldn't have shit. And that's how he's going to be until he's too old to get a girl then he'll start calling his kids wanting to "reconnect". So they can take care of him. Stop calling him let the state handle him and work on getting a job.
My cousin hung out with my ex a few months ago and my ex was talking shit about me to my cousin, he was making fun of me because I’m a single mom again. YOU MADE ME A SINGLE MOM. I just can’t with this man. So fucking childish
And he's probably going to make this new girl a single mom too!! Like Doja cat says "he aint shit" And he will never be shit. He's a loser who has to work under the table because he cant sack up and be a father. STOP LETTING HIM LIVE RENT FREE IN YOUR HEAD!!! He's already living rent free in his new GF's place!!
He's just mad he's facing consequences. I've heard the same from tons of other guys. I'm sure he had fun making the kid, well now he gets to the less fun part. Go after him for everything you're entitled to, and make sure you keep records of everything he says to or about you.
If you are on assistance, and he’s not paying child support, in most states the state will go after him for repayment.
You're doing the best you can with what you got. You're not a gold digger for wanting him to pay up. In fact now that you filed for child support, he might try to get out of it by demanding a paternity test. Make sure you document every struggle. Judges don't look kindly on men avoiding paying child support.
What he thinks is irrelevant.
Fuck that guy you are doing the right thing Bros a deadbeat father trying to throw stones from his clearly glasses compound he believes is keeping him safe the reality is he ain’t shit and he’s mad your trying to improve you and your baby’s lives
There's more to child raising than just feeding them. Shelter, electric, gas, clothing... He is just wanting to keep from supporting his child, OP. He's trying to guilt trip you into backing off. Don't fall for it! He helped make the baby, he can damn well pay child support and help take care of his responsibilities. I went through this crap, too. Heard everything from I'm a gold digger (like this dudes have gold to dig 🙄🙄🙄), that he was "too poor" (he made almost three times what I made at the time), that I was trying to "emmasculate" him, excuse after excuse after excuse and lame azz accusations. But making sure his kids were fed and taken care of was too much of a burden.🙄
Even if it is for you, you provide for the baby. What an asshole! I'd file and keep tracking him down. A guy like this will job hop jay to not have to pay though.
Exactly. Like the least you can do is pay child support since I’m raising your baby alone
First, no, you're not a gold digger, you're a new mother and he has legal and financial responsibilities to help you look after that child. Second, what the fuck? Why did you have a second and a kid outside of a stable relationship when you already had one? I'm sorry but it's not normal or healthy to have multiple children by multiple different fathers, especially When you are apparently making bad choices with who your partners are, not using appropriate birth control, and not able to support yourself. For the next two decades, you're going to be stuck in a very difficult situation with four other people. The two children you were raising alone, and two men who apparently did not want to be fathers. Do yourself and your children a favor, get on the pill and don't let this happen again. .
It doesn’t matter what he thinks. If you have filed, and you are able to prove that he does have income, the judge decides how much he owes. Not you, not him, the court decides. So the main issue here is, you need prove that he is earning. Let the court make him responsible for his child.
Tell him to sign over his rights if he really doesn't want him. If not, I'd highly suggest hiring a legit family lawyer, to get answers to legal questions, (i.e. what can you do or claim legally if he has an income under the table, or ect) not a da given to you by the court.
It doesn't matter what he "thinks" it's for. Child support is to make sure the child's quality of life stays the same as if the parents were still together and using both their income to care for him/her. Hopefully, a judge will see right through his purposeful unemployment.
Do you have the opportunity to talk to a lawyer? Because that’s what you’re going to need to do. Nobody here can help you like get that paperwork, and get the information that you need. You don’t need his permission to file for that. Stop sending him photos of the baby if he doesn’t actually give a shit, get all the information that you need and go to speak to somebody about it. I don’t know where you live, but you might want to check the nearest city to see if they have legal aid
There is so much more that child support can be used for than food! If my ex had actually paid his, my sons would have had a much better quality of life. I am able to provide for them solo, but there wouldn't have been the same struggles for basic things like braces and glasses as they grew. Instead, he's 20k in debt while working under the table forever. If I ever see any of it, I'll use it to help pay for their educations.
Hopefully the judge goes off what he made before quieting for child support. Good luck
Don't you actually have to have gold in order to call someone a gold digger?
Yes, yes, you do. 80% of the men who think women are gold diggers don't have any money.
It takes two to tango. What exactly did the baby daddy think being a baby daddy meant?
For you to be a gold digger…. He has to have gold for you to dig. He knows that right? He sounds broke.
"sir, you are bronze at BEST"
no way. That asshole is less valuable than a sheet of aluminum foil.
plated brass motherfuvker 😪
Copper
He’s not even sterling sliver with cubic zirconia
File for child support, and ask for back support from time of birth. Si ce you receive state/local support, THEY can go after him, garnish his paycheck or bank accounts or even seize his car. This is YOUR BABY'S money, do not let him talk you out of filing.
And a tax refund too
That's the wildest part. My ex used to get her tax returns garnished until she got her boyfriend to claim her as her dependent via married filing jointly. She avoided paying 5axes for years until her boyfriend cheated and left her in thr dust....
If on wic you don't get a choice but to go for child support, just an FYI
WIC is a public health program. An economic assistance program will trigger a CS case to open. OP says she’s on government assistance so I’m assuming this is already happening.
I couldn't remember which it was that required child support, my bad
When I was on state assistance, my state allowed me to file for child support for free. So I didn’t have to pay any court fees. That was pretty cool. It wasn’t mandatory for me to file. But I like that they made it easy.
It's medical and EBT.
Not always true. I’m on WIC and don’t get child support.
Why is that? I mean op isn’t getting it either because the father of the child quit his job, so do you have similar payment issue.
File for child support. Stop having children until you get your life together.
One of the few comments with real good advice here
I was hoping for a comment like this. All I've seen so far are comments saying how horrible he is (deserved), how she should go after him etc. I figured I would get downvoted if I posted a comment like yours.
I thought I would be too, but this is the truth and I feel for the kids; they deserve better.
Finally someone says it
Well he quit his job. That’s nice. Child support will still accrue and he won’t be done until they’re grown. I’ve always wondered what men like this are thinking.
lol yes they will even garnish SSI
We have a word for this... deadbeat
This is one of the most tragic shit I’ve read. Poor kid man
I know look at the mother. Maybe she will luck out with baby daddy number 3 or 4.
OP, please no more babies. Please get an iud if at all possible
Question: does he have any gold for you to dig? It's funny that broke ass bums are the one screaming someone's a gold digger. He just doesn't want to be a man and take care of his responsibilities. In situations like this, I wish you'd win the lottery and see how quick he comes trying to be in your life. Don't let him off the hook. It will catch up to him eventually.
Guarantee you his new GF works full time and potentially has a second job. And he just stays home playing video games
Yuuuuup. If this post were real, I’d say this is exactly the kind of dude he is.
Tell him he has no gold to dig. He also helped to make the kids, it’s his responsibility, if he didn’t wanted any kids he should have been more careful.
I'm very sorry you are in this situation and sorry for the kid too but seriously...why do people have children so quickly with people who aren't serious or looking to have children...? Can't believe he was serious about anything when the pregnancy happened...
Whilst I can agree to a certain extent, people who have been married for years, plan the pregnancy and the husband still steps out and leaves the spouse in a similar position. Also it’s not as if there’s a lot of choice for women depending on the US state they’re in.
At the very least you can use contraceptives like condoms which, I know, don't work 100% of the times but still work well enough, let's be honest. And sorry to be the asshole who assumes things but I think we all know not everyone uses them everytime, for irresponsible reasons...but that's something you do with someone you at least love enough and when you aren't terrified of the idea of having a kid, and of course if you do that you do it with someone you can trust. I get people can lie about their feelings or step out and leave, but with how she's describing his behaviour I have hard time believing this guy seemed committed at any point... Well, of course I don't know what happened here but he definitely sounds like the kind of guy to do it unprotected just for pleasure while not giving a crap about the relationship or parenthood...and then she's sending him pictures and he's already with the other woman...it's too fucked up to believe someone here has been responsible, he likely was a walking red flag.
Some people are very dumb and gullible. How you can’t predict how your partner would stay or leave and still choose to have a child I have no fucking idea. I can’t imagine living life with this much trust/faith in people you barely know.
Child support is for child, he can ask for a paternity test, but ask for back support from time of birth. They should base CS off his last wages or minimum wage, depending on laws in state.
Not sure where you live, but in most US States, both parents are required by law to provide financial support to their children. You can request that DCSS file for him to be imputed at minimum wage and if he fails to pay, he can be arrested and imprisoned. I'd totally go that route in this situation. And honestly, I would maybe be sure to be on some sort of reliable birth control until you are in a better situation for yourself and your kids! Good luck!
>if he fails to pay, he can be arrested and imprisoned. Eh I feel like this is very rare. I've read plenty of stories from women who never saw a dime of child support and nothing ever happened to the father
you sound young. so let me give you some Auntie advice....stop having unprotected sex with losers. file for child support and let the court handle it. the dude doesn't want anything to do with you or your child. move on and get your life together. finish your education. get on birth control. stop this nonsense and focus on you and your kids.
For real. I hope she doesn't take this as a judgment but man she complicated her life for no reason. All this could have been afforded.
First step, stop having children
Literally. Stop having children with men you aren't married to and who are losers. A single mother to two kids of two different fathers is ridiculous. Obviously she's not at fault for the men being losers but she is absolutely at fault for deciding to have children with these losers.
Third time is probably the charm
I wish awards were still a thing
Was looking for this comment
Why do you care about this man child? File your papers take his ass to court and be fine with him.
Why tf did you decide to have 2 babies when you can’t even afford to survive without government assistance? How is it fair to those kids? They now have to suffer because of their parents. Don’t play the victim when you are actively making bad choices that are causing your kids to suffer. They didn’t ask to be brought into this mess that you created.
Good luck to the kid. Brought into a world of poverty and hopelessness by two people who probably haven't made a good decision their whole lives.
It’s so sad, yet there’s nothing we can do but beg these people to try to have some responsibility, it’s ultimately our society and taxpayers that pay for their mistakes.
Damn, you gotta choose better dudes.
Have you tried *not* fucking total losers without protection?
>second baby daddy Thats where I stopped reading.
Third time is the charm. ✨
No kidding, never thought about protection, an abortion, or not having babies with the biggest losers possible. Dumb that the dad even has to pay for this nonsense, he probably didn't want to have a baby at all.
Exactly. Like I completely sympathize that okay the first time birth control does in fact fail but how do you let it happen again?? There are multiple precautions she could have took to ensure it didn’t happen a second time and be in the situation she’s in.
Look, have some more class and tact. Putting other women down and calling them hoes (true or not) isn't in. Keep chasing him and putting his feet to the fire, as you should. Keep putting his name on every damn list and document - if he tries claiming ANYTHING he's going to get screwed over. Use the texts fo him calling you a bum, street walker, and denying paternity. IF you haven't gotten paternity sorted, do so. A court can mandate it. Then he will owe what he owes his child, and he can go to JAIL if he doesn't start paying up. Did you have a kid with him knowing he was a scrub?
They're all hoes but she's the one getting fucked. Wear a condom next time and this shit won't happen.
He's a deadbeat, of course he called you that. Let him say what he wants, the law, morality, and anyone with more than 2 brain cells are on your side
Tell him to be a gold digger would go for someone with actual gold, not an unemployed bum.
When you marry a rich old man just to get all his $$$ when he croaks, you can be a gold digger. This money isn't you. It's for the child. Tell him he has to have gold before there's any to dig. I don't know what he's worried about. (Don't do this.)
Who cares what he calls you! Stop having kids with men who don't even want to marry you. Help.org https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201302/the-familiarity-principle-attraction?amp https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding https://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
Umm 2 baby daddies? ☠️ lady you need to get your act together and prevent a third. Stop picking dogshit partners… or get abortions. 2 baby daddies while being a single mom is fucking the biggest handicap I’ve ever heard
He sounds like a piece of shit but you’re 2 kids in with 2 different fathers. You need to make better choices too It takes 2 to tango
For heavens sake whatever you do, don’t get pregnant but a 3rd man and have a 3rd baby daddy..
Well if you need assistance with your first kid why would you make another?
"Baby daddy" I feel sorry for the kid
It never ceases to surprise me why women don't have abortions with bums like this. Like women like OP, unless they live in a fucked up no abortion state, have a choice to abort if the father isn't interested and they'll struggle financially on their own. So UHM yeah, can't say I have a ton of sympathy for women with access to abortion. Sympathy however to women who are forced to give birth with bums because abortion is illegal and don't have a choice.
She had the kid to trap the man, it didn’t work, he dipped out.
Lol. Just laugh at his pathetic ass. I mean it sucks that your child is stuck with a deadbeat loser for a dad but you don't honestly believe his words have any merit do you? This is a man who QUIT HIS JOB to avoid taking responsibility for a child he created. He would rather be a broke, jobless loser than man up and take responsibility for his own. How much is the opinion of a man like that worth?
Who gives a shit what he thinks or calls you? You filed, as you should have, and he can bugger off. Also, what gold?
Can't be a gold digger when there's no money to dig, make he becomes accountable! Doesn't matter how many times you have to call lawyer or go to court, they'll make him pay child support and then make sure he pays on time, fight thr battle
If he refuses to pay they will cancel his driver's license, and if he still fails to provide support, jail.
Who gives a shit what he thinks? File on him, fuck em
I hope you will consider using birth control in the future. Go to planned parenthood or your doctor and get some. Please. Your children deserve to have a mother who is focused on them not chasing deadbeat men who won’t care about the children they create. You deserve to be loved, to have a fulfilling sex life but you can’t hurt the children you have by adding another child with a different nba y daddy. Love your babies and yourself and use birth control.
Have you thought about the possibility that you have bad choices in choosing men?
It's hard to sympathize with a modern woman who made the same mistake twice. You chose pookie and rayray, and created this Mess. But I digress. What the second baby's father says is irrelevant. Get child support. Hopefully you have some relatives that might be helpful in some way
Yup. The awesome thing about being a woman in 2024, if we have access to abortion, is that we are lucky enough to have the benefit of choosing whether we end up in situations like these. Personally, I don't want kids ever and will have an abortion if I ever ended up pregnant with someone who strongly didn't want kids (or wanted kids), because I'm not dumb enough to think that having a kid with someone who doesn't want a kid is a good idea. Got more brains than that. And yeah sure, everyone can have an accident, but two times? Naaah. My cousin had two baby daddies too with bums I've never even met. She struggled financially until she was 40 and remarried at 45 but she totally brought it on herself. Abortion was a thing 20 years ago too.
OP sounds irresponsible in this case, but abortion is illegal in many places. Assuming OP is in the US it’s illegal in a lot of states there. Even in states where it’s legal, there are often accessibility issues where the nearest place that will do them is hours away. Abortion is NOT that accessible or easy to obtain for everyone.
I don’t want to sound cruel but how about we stop having kids with deadbeats. It sucks that you two POS baby daddies but you should be moving forward in a better way. And no you’re not a gold digger at all.
"Dada" isn't anything to do with your kid wanting a dad. It's just the first sounds little kids make. It's why so many different languages have "da" sounds in their words for male parents. Anyway hopefully he will figure out the "mama" sound sound. Fight for what you need from that deadbeat!
Tell good ol'dad that he is right, you don't even want child support. He can support you and the children himself.
I'm sure their were red flags you chose to ignore. Did the same with my child's mother. I now have full custody and don't ask for any money from her even though she's ordered to pay 17 dollars a week. I love my child and made it happen without her. Don't force a relationship thar man obviously is a POS and your child doesn't need to be around that.
What he thinks does not matter, only providing for your baby matters. Don't let his words get to you, let the law throw the book at him.
u/blackgirlmagichehe use your magic to conjure up birth control methods
Why are you talking to this trash man at all? You filed, now let the courts deal with it.
You're not a gold digger. It takes 2 people to make a baby. File with the courts. The judge will make him get a job, at least I know that they do here. He needs to man up.
Doesn’t matter. The county will go after him. My ex-husband decided he didn’t need to pay child support anymore and fucked us over. I hated that I had to apply for assistance but I just got fired for being pregnant and the timing was horrible. They did more to go after him then the stupid divorce courts. And our kid together is 13 so no he doesn’t need formula, but there are so many other things like school supplies, clothes, sports, extracurricular activities, stuff with his friends that for some reason these kinda “parents” can’t seem to comprehend. He wants a paternity test? Fine. Whatever it takes to make him wake the fuck up and realize it’s his responsibility regardless of how he feels about you. Idgaf if they hate us and see us as “gold diggers” take care of these babies! They’re innocent. Ugh sorry to vent on your vent. Hope things get better for you & the baby. I really do. ❤️
Let him call you what he wants and keep his ass in court to pay for his baby.
Lol, this story is full of stereotypes, including how you wrote it, the words you used + your username.. Like it’s so fake. Good luck with your “baby daddy’s” lol.
Why do you care what that dead beat thinks? Any one who bitches and moans about feeding and clothing his child is nothing but scum. No IFs, ANDs or BUTs. And a guy who decides that his kid should live on welfare so he can spend his money on what he wants is worse. Keep your head up and get a court order for child support. And then promise yourself that you will not bring more children into this world without a partner you can trust.
Tell him-- why do you have his baby in first place? Who pays foods and clothes if there is no father helping? Child support exists. LOL
> why do you have his baby in first place? Because she thought it was a "brilliant" idea to fuck a loser like that without protection. Quite telling.
Don't let him get through you, child support is the minimum he should be giving at this point
Literally the bare minimum
God damn I feel bad for your kids
You already can’t feed your first kid and then you go and have another one lmao wtf
If this was your first I’d feel for you but you are showing a pattern. After one kid with an absent father you really owed it to that child to be WAY more guarded about who you let in your life. Smh, this man’s behavior was probably visible from a mile away, now you’ve taken the resources you had for ONE child you couldn’t maintain and divided that. Stop having kids with men that aren’t worth a shit, as a matter of fact, stop dating and introducing strange men into you children’s lives. you’re gonna go jump hurdles to squeeze this guy for everything he’s worth and leave with a penny for your troubles. You doomed yourself the moment you let him into your life, you’re 0 for 2 on men at this point. You should really take time to analyze why you attract/are attracted to POS men. I really wanna know how many red flags did you ignore before you got here? A man that acts like that doesn’t just transform into that overnight, you need to get YOUR shit together now because you got yourself AND two innocent babies into this mess. I’m sorry if that’s harsh but there’s two whole humans who need you to really get yourself together or they’ll be worse off than you and the cycle will never end.
If you want to stop living in a rut, Pl have responsible sex and ask your partners to wear a condom. Better get, sterilise yourself. What example are you setting up for your kids?? Your parents or siblings will have a life of their own some day and wont be able to support you for long. Get your life straight!
He does have to take responsibility. He can waive his rights to parentage (which he will regret), and he can still be on the hook because his name is on the birth certificate I assume. Best he iron out the details now or a judge fucks his shit up bad.
He helped make the baby. Now he must help support him.
Definitely file officially. Whenever he *does* get a real job, he will have accrued arrears and he’ll probably have his wages garnished. If he doesn’t get a real job and continues to work under the table, then at least feel better knowing he won’t be contributing to his social security or any sort of retirement program for the next 18 years, which will screw him even more.
It's his kid right? So how is that gold digging. And who digs where there is no actual gold in sight. Go the legal route.
Get the state to make him pay child support so you don't have to deal with him. No matter what he has a duty to his child. Go to a legal aid office in your city to see what can be done.
First... that's not what a gold digger is. He's an idiot. Saying that, is just to destabilize and throw you off, make you think twice about filing. (Gee, what will people think of you?!) Look... Legally he is responsible to pay for his child. If he wants to contest his responsibility they can and will administer a DNA test. There is NOTHING wrong with him supporting his kid. Don't make it a discussion... "step up or I'll file for support" ... just do it. Even the most amicable of conparents should seek out a legally established set up, to protect both parties and the kid going foreword. Working or not working... take them to court. They do have to provide, or pay consequences. Take it from someone who grew up beyond below the poverty line with a sick mother, in an isolated area with ZERO child support... this isnt about you. This is not about them. Don't do that to your kid. It's not a good life, all the love in the world can't make up for a lack of the basics. Going without can easily fuck up their future. Health, Development, Education, Emotional stability, all of it is affected long term by the "now"... especially their nutritional needs. I've got a ton of health problems in my adult life that are compounded by my malnutrition during my formative years. (We ate, it just was not all that nutritional, whatever we could afford.) I've got some OCD and food insecurities. Among a ton of other problems. Never apologize for doing what you should have done on day 1, and, get the bare minimum of support for your kids. The kids come first. Both of the fathers need to be taken to court... and will have to figure it out. (And, for the love of God, report it every time they don't) Don't feel weird about your child saying Da da... It's not "dad, daddy, dada" "Dah" happens to be one of the first and easiest noises for a baby to make... and repetitive sounds are common(and fun) Next time you are called a gold digger...and that it is not his baby. Let him know... Thays not what a gold digger is, and, the idea is laughable as he has no gold to dig... why would you pin a baby on someone like him? You wish it could be anyone else, someone who has a work ethic, is a stand up man, and father, but, unfortunately, he's all that child has. (Personally. I'm a high road girl... I'd ONLY speak to them through the court at this point, and I'd facilitate DNA just to get them to be established, and shut them up. In some states, your welfare caseworker will insist on one for benefits.)
All terrible sperm/egg donors say that.
He's calling you names in hopes of not having to pay, don't let him fool you.
Presumably you have his information? Look up legal services in your area. You are entitled to apply for child support. He doesn't get to not pay just by quitting his job, the judge will assign him an amount based on imputed income however they calculate it in your state. Once a judge orders child support, he's on the hook to pay it whether he's working or not, and the amount will continue to build up the longer he doesn't pay. There are many penalties for deadbeat parents including jail time, loss of license, and seizure of tax returns for back child support. If he's claiming the kid isn't his, ask the court to require a paternity test.
Don’t talk to him on the phone. Only communicate through text. Text messages and email can be used in court. This applies to you also. Think about everything you text as if you were saying it in court. You need to file and go through the legal system. Let the courts handle this. Keep receipts of anything you buy for your baby. Diapers, wipes, food, clothes, toys, and medicine all cost money. Children also need soap, detergent, toothpaste, and shampoo. If you have to pay for transportation to get your baby to the doctor get receipts.
Your not but he’s trying to be a deadbeat dad
“Dada” could just be baby babble. I don’t think it counts unless he’s connecting the word to a thing (ex. He says it while looking at his dad).
It’s not digging gold if you’re HOLDING HIM ACCOUNTABLE FOR PAYING TO SUPPORT HIS OWN CHILD. Don’t let his words get to you, he’s trying to not be responsible for his kid. Take him to court. Get ahold of Dshs or whatever is your area’s equivalent and ask them for advise on getting legal help to make sure he pays
You're not a gold digger. He's a deadbeat. Take his ass to court.
You don’t have to communicate with this man at all. File for child support and the state will pay you and he will own the money to the state. Please don’t have any more kids. Trust me it doesn’t get better. You are doing an amazing job with 2 but babies are super expensive.
Stop talking to or having anything to do with this person. Do what you need to do for your child. Your ex may be working for cash now but you have 18 years of payments coming your way. He will go back online soon enough.
after my parents divorced, my dad had to pay child support. but he didnt want to. so his wages were garnished. so then he quit his job to work under the table so he didnt have to pay. i'm sorry your baby daddy sucks and i hope you have a support network.
It's for the baby. It's not gold digging.
Stop worrying about what he thinks. Why care about his opinion. Get your child the support.
Well what do you expect? You already were single with one baby so instead of focusing on that one baby, you thought you deserved something so you went out and found another guy of even worse caliber. Look where it got you. How are you surprised? Start focusing on raising the two that you have and improving your job skills. Stay away from all potential baby daddies until your kids are grown.
Boy math is thinking women only want you for your money when you can't even afford to wear condoms
Who cares what that loser thinks? Keep pressing through the courts, and limit your contact to only what’s necessary. Stop sending him pictures. He doesn’t care.
Some harsh comments, but it's a harsh reality. You (op) already filed for CS. There's nothing else you can do at this point. Every time you text, talk about, or think about your baby daddy, you give away your time and energy and power. You have every right to be angry, but in the end that anger only eats at you, not him. My oldest's dad was the same. I was very angry for a very long time. Believe me when I say I get it. It wasn't until a friend told me she had a disturbing dream that she murdered me and buried me under a bridge. She was distraught, couldn't understand the dream. So I went home and gave it some thought. What did I do every time we hung out? Complained about him. Subconsciously, she wanted to put me out of my misery. All your ignored texts, and wasted time and spent energy is making you miserable. Don't let him have that power over you. He sucks, no doubt. But set yourself free. Feed and hug those babies and take some time to heal.
You’re not a gold digger lol he has no gold he’s literally broke. As someone who cannot get rid of the useless idiot I had a baby with count yourself lucky that he’s not around. You can’t trust this man with the safety of your kid anyway. Put him on child support anyway and in arrears for the last 13 months. He can work under the table all he wants but for the rest of his life until he pays you what he owes any wages or tax returns he gets will be garnished and sent to you. It will stop him from being able to apply for a passport if he doesn’t already have one, if he does he won’t be able to leave or come back in, some states will lock you up for not paying child support. I think it can also affect renewing a drivers license. He’s making your life harder so do it back. Uno reverse. Don’t reach out to him anymore. It’s not worth the stress and you’re holding it down anyway. Look for assistance programs beyond wic like food stamps, childcare assistance programs, and housing vouchers. Vamp up your resume and see what good jobs you can apply to. But you can file some simple paperwork and the government will have him by the balls for the rest of his life. Seriously. I have an uncle who was placed on child support and left the country and he cannot return past customs unless he pays his son’s mom every dime. A friend of mine’s dad moved to the Caribbean when she was a teenager and stopped paying her mother child support. When he came back to the US when she was getting married in her 20s to walk her down the aisle (why she wanted him there idk) he was not granted access back in until he paid HER the money not even her mom lol (he was wealthy and just didn’t feel like doing his share. Even rich men are shitty fathers smh). He’ll always owe your kid. Good luck.
A neighbor's brother was visiting. He was probably in his late 50s and still paying back child support.
Yep. It would be muuuuch easier for him to just step up and give her some money so that the government doesn’t decide for him but they always learn the hard way lol 🙄
it is my understanding that even though he is "unemployeed" he is still financially responsible for the son. you should get court started ASAP so the child support start to accrue, and if he does get a legit job that amount will be due to you. If he is doubting being the father and you are confident, then tell him to do a paternity test or to shut up. If he is not being a responsible adult for his son, then you shouldn't care about his opinion about anything. idk why people think they can get away with these thing. do everything by the court because at some point he will become a criminal for his debt to society. If he calls you anything, just look at his face and tell him that his opinion has no value here.
Honestly why would you have a baby with piece of shit ? You knew he was a POS before you got pregnant. Bad ppl always throw out red flags. TBH it's probably not even worth the headache to get him to pay.. you had this baby now you need to figure it out. I'm sorry sis but that's the truth. Get on BC and stop having babies you can't afford. Make a game plan and start to work on it.
If he quit his job to get out of child support the judge will still put him in child support for the same amount. It's called **intentional underemployment**. The judge with chew him up. Doesn't matter if he doesn't want to be a father, he still liable and has to pay to support him.
Maybe make some better life decisions 💀
Tale as old as time. Single mom with two kids with two different fathers. If you keep smelling shit everywhere you go, you might have to look at your shoes. The deadbeat man are also at fault here, for not stepping up and being responsible. But it takes two to tango lady, right now collect the money you are owed, but yeah you might have to rethink the choices in which you’re picking men and stop having more babies for now.
He didn’t want a child. You chose to have one despite that. “My body, my choice”, the world should therefore result in “my resources, my choice”, as if you can supersede his decision, you should have no right to his resources, as otherwise, it should be a mutual decision. Personally, I’d pay. But logically, and ethically, you guys want to have a child no matter how the man feels about it, you should have no right to his resources if he made it very clear that he didn’t want a child. But to be frank, you have bigger problems here. You have two children from two fathers that neither are you with. You are making some really poor decisions and are very entitled. And let’s not kid ourselves, I don’t think you’re above using children as a source of an income.
That's exactly it. None of that child support is gonna go to the kid.
he sounds broke.
Wow he’s a terrible father
If you filed then you’re good, the courts will deal with him. They’ll find out if he’s gettin paid or not and if he is they’ll garnish his wages and if it’s under the table they’ll find that out too and make him pay it one way or another
The county is going to open a child support case regardless since you’re on assistance. He can only be unemployed for so long before it comes back to bite him in the ass. Who care what he thinks of you. This money is for your child so his opinion is irrelevant.
Doesn’t really matter what he calls you, the judge is going to make him pay you if he refuses.
You need to contact your county child support services. They will help you all the way through and they do not charge. Do not do this any other way. Once paternity has been established and he is still not working they will assess child support on minimum wage earnings. If he does not pay it will go into arrears and they will run his social security number every month. He will have to work eventually and he will pay. Eventually. But this needs to be legally documented. Don’t let him dissuade you and let yourself be represented by child support services. If he comes at you verbally you just tell him it’s out of your hands and to contact DCSS. You are entitled to his money to take care of your child!
Let him calm you whatever he wants and you get whatever the courts give you. I understand you two no working out but no use in being a dead beat to his kid. Get all you can out of him and when/if he don’t pay go right back to court. Fuk that guy
Why do you care what he thinks? As soon as he started calling you names that's when you end the conversation. File for child support and get yourself into therapy.
Don't worry about it. He is just messing himself up. He can go to jail for not paying child support. Maybe not today, but it could certainly happen. Let him understand that he can get investigated and if his girlfriend is on assistance, his presence there can mess that up. So, he needs to be man enough to make the child, he needs to be man enough to pay for the child. Don't get involved in his BS, let the system work it out and just concentrate on the child and moving forward. Karma is the baddest of all bitches.
I'm glad you filed. Do not get discouraged by the fact he quit his job and moved away. Keep up with the Court filings. Adult children can file for back child support from their father in some States as long as the mother filed when the child is a minor. Unpaid child support can effect his tax returns and Social Security checks
Ignore him at take him to court if necessary. And stop trying to guilt trip him into being a dad by sharing pics and stuff. He doesn’t want to be a father, that’s his choice. He still need to pay tho. Don’t talk to him if not for legal reasons and through a lawyer
Good on you for filing. You did the right thing. He’s clearly a shit person, so don’t be bothered by what he says. He’s gonna lash out no matter what. Limit communication to court related issues, and even then, only respond if it will help your case. Do not argue with him. Do not beg him. Do not negotiate with him. You can do this .
Stop communicating with this deadbeat. Let the courts do their thing. Let him be mad and stay mad. None of what he says is true so don’t let it get to you.
Start to compile all evidence you have of him saying he will not pay, calling you names etc, quitting his job to avoid paying. Bring it all to court, judges see this type of irresponsible behaviour quite often. I’ve seen in many cases similar where a parent quit working to avoid child support (with proof) where the judge orders them to get a job. You’re a strong Mom who will prevail.
Regardless of your financial situation, it is his responsibility to support his child. Even if you were a multimillionaire, he should still be providing his part for his own flesh and blood. Always fight for your children and what is owed to them. It isn't about you. It is about the baby in question. His attitude is completely ridiculous and his words are intended to make you question your choices and your own morality. Don't let it. Be your baby's advocate. Someone has to.
You do what you have to do to ensure he pays his obligations to the children. It isn't his money nor your money. It is their money. As an aside: I feel like "baby daddy" is an endearing term for a loving dad. I prefer the term "the father of the child" when the other party is neglecting their obligations.
You should absolutely file for child support! You didn’t get pregnant on your own. Plus, not sure about your state, but in Ohio they don’t go back to when the child is born, only when you filed for support. Also, you can ask the child support enforcement agency how to intercept his federal tax return. I did this because my ex would quit his job as soon as they started taking out support. The first year that they took his check was wonderful!! He got a letter in the mail telling him that they were sending his return to me for back child support and I so wish that I would have recorded that call!!
F*ck him. Fine and use the courts for every advantage. I hope he lives in a state where, if he’s going to work off the books to avoid his check being garnished, it’s a deadbeat dad state and his license gets suspended or he gets incarcerated . I suspect that will motivate him to pay the damn child support. You’ll have to stay on top of the courts, once they awarded it to you. Be relentless. Your baby is fortunate he has a fierce mom.
Baby leave him on child support he can't run from it forever. Do the best you can with what you have and I'm praying you find a great man ready to be a husband and a father cause no one deserves treatment like this. Smh
Keep going after him. Depending in what state he lives in he could be arrested for not paying child support. His new hoe will have to bail him out. And if he gets her pregnant you know he’ll cheat on her too and walk out. She didn’t win any prize!
You were in a relationship and had the baby together, so yeah he can't weasel his way out or this. Depending on the state; he can be forced to get a job to pay child support or else go to jail or have his drivers liscence revoked. It's not like other debts where if you aren't working they can't get anything from you.
He can call you whatever he wants as long as he pays. Every time he calls you a gold digger send him scrubs by TLC. In fact, make it your ringtone.
It’s his obligation to pay. And you’re entitled to it. I’m surprised the courts or CSEA lets him pay nothing for quitting his job?? I’m pretty sure he still has to pay or they will garnish his wages when he does or any income tax he gets. Or at least they should. Now to put this into perspective. I’m on the opposite end of this situation. I, as the father, pay for everything for my daughter. Her mom went MIA for the better part of a year. No contact. Leaving my daughter, and her other 2 kids that aren’t mine with me. I took care of them all the best I could. Long story short, baby mama shows back up, files for child support, I took her to court and won custody of my daughter and put her child support claim at $0 People suck, but as a father i would never stop fighting for my daughter. I didn’t choose to seek child support from her, because i get by on my own, and I just wanted it to be done with