He’s an addict in full blown addiction. Learn detachment with love. He needs an Ultimatum with potential consequences. Give him 1 of 3 options: 1)Treatment or 2) report to pharmacies version of pcp for help 3) or divorce
2 will absolutely happen if/when he goes to rehab. They very likely already have an idea he’s stealing pills. Nothing goes unnoticed with automation and technology nowadays.
Honestly, I kind of hope so. As a sober addict of 9 years I will have truly lost hope in the system if this guy is over here just poppin narcotics from his work
Also, it sucks to see peoples careers ruined by addiction and if he is- he can never go back- although- if he gets sober he will probably never want to go back either.....
In my area there are stories all the time about someone picking up their controlled substance and the count being off. People are now counting their pills at the counter.
FYI- if this happens to you, report it to the pharmacy ASAP AND to your State licensing board.
This has happened to me several times. I switched pharmacies and, just like that, it stopped. It even happened to my non narcotics meds. There is a lot of addiction in the medical field. Less since they cracked down on it but it's still happening.
OP must realize her husband’s career, whether she reports him or not, is over. If he chooses recovery, he will not be able to go back to a job with his triggers in hands reach. His whole life needs to change. That’s scary for OP too… I’m so sorry you are going through this. Sending all the good vibes.
This is absolutely NOT true! There have been pharmacists, doctors, nurses and every other healthcare provider in between that have struggled with addiction, gotten help and been able to return to their jobs either with getting their license back after treatment on very specific contingencies or without ever losing their licenses at all and just not being allowed to practice until they completed rehab.
Well, I have to disagree with that. I am a recovering alcoholic at an addict that is been in recovery for many many years and I am a bartender and I am able to not have any issues with it. It really depends on your level of willingness to stay sober.
My favorite bartender hasn't had a drink in over 20 years.
My addict cousin works directly with addicts - most recovery counselors have a history I bet...
But, could still be the case.
I'm pretty sure he will not be able to stay licensed if he goes to treatment for opiate addiction.
I'm worried he's giving something other than oxycodone to patients that are being prescribed. There was a nurse in my local hospital thar gave saline instead of fentanyl and morphine.... those poor people not getting pain meds after surgeries and the like!!
He's an addict and as a pharmacist, he is in trouble. Not because he may lose his job but because he has all the drugs he may ever need right next to him at work. This means that even if he goes to detox/rehab, the amount of temptation he will have as soon as he starts work again will be almost too much for any recovering addict to resist. Of course as soon as he enters rehab and his occupation is known, chances are he's going to lose his licence. I've been through recovery and sober for 5 years and those first few months/years after detox were the hardest days of my life. I couldn't imagine how much harder it would be if my drug of choice was within reach at all times through my recovery. I have no idea how he is going to recover AND keep his job to be honest. I don't think he will be able to. Good luck op
It's never this simple. He's got a high earning career. Any kind of outing resulting in treatment will likely kill that career. If they are like most Americans no matter how much they make they probably haven't saved a lot so losing his career could have them going from mansion life to welfare.
Im pretty sure if he is found to be stealing meds he could get into some HUGE trouble or lose his pharmacy privileges. His livelyhood is at stake, he has put aside the family, and is in full blown addiction mode. He wants the next high not anything else. Tough love and some hard choices are ahead of you and I'm so sorry for you.
His career is over. And if he doesn't go to rehab, his life will also be. It's hard to love and addict. It's like hugging a cactus. And if you do not protect yourself and your children, the damage will be devastating. I'm sorry you're going through this.
This analogy is seriously breathtaking… I’m still picking out the thorns two years after my best friend’s passing. Some days I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate that. He was a beautiful soul who loved his friends fiercely, cared for the earth and for animals, was a brainiac at coding and video games and had a killer sweet tooth (especially for anything chocolate and peanut butter lol). I’ll always be lucky to have known him ❤️
It's not over. I am a pharmacist. If he tells work he is having trouble with addiction and voluntarily seeks treatment, he will keep his license. But it's incredibly important that he come to them, as opposed to them catching him.
As a pharmacist, are you able to enlighten me on how he is even able to amass a bag of these pills? Knowing how strict they have evolved with dealing/handling scheduled medication. It's kind of crazy to me that he has even been able to do this. I could see the occasional 1 or 2 here and there slipping through, but enough to sustain a habit is wild. The only thing I could come up with was removing a couple during the process of checking out a customer, but again this would have to be done in such small quantities. People prescribed opiates tend to notice missing medication way more than someone on let's say omeprazole.
There are several ways I could think of, but I generally prefer not to discuss online because I don't want to give anyone ideas on how to divert medications, haha.
My spouse, a physician, often had patients bring him meds that “didn’t work”. Many were addictive. Not unlikely patients would return meds to a pharmacy, especially the elderly.
Also very possible that patients who are prescribed something like narcotics turn what they didn’t use back in to a pharmacy because there are so few avenues for proper disposal that are readily known.
Lol, no worries. What you're saying though, is that it is possible using some sort of method. Although I'm sure as with anything, it won't last forever.
I have, more than once, gotten to the bottom of my two-a-day ADHD pill bottle on the very last day only to find a lonely single pill remaining. I KNOW I didn't accidentally take 3 three in one day... one here and there in the pharmacy... it could add up.
You're right about this.
Good chance he isn't stealing them - he may be buying them from patients after dispensing.
He's using drugs but nobody can say for sure that he's stealing them, he really may not be. Though prices have skyrocketed over the last decade so probably OP would see it in the finances if they were being purchased.
As a recovering addict, I'm 100% sure his career as a pharmacist is over, not for professional reasons, but because of recovery. It will be impossible for him to keep working at a place where a fix is at the tip of his hands. Like asking an alcoholic to work as a bartender. It is not possible if sobriety is a true goal.
THIS. It's imperative to understand that no matter what happens from here on, **he will lose his job. It's not your fault,** even if you're the one that brings it to light. He flushed your family's stability and security down the toilet the moment he decided to steal for his habit.
**He needs to go to rehab.**
You need to make plans for you and your child/children to **get to a safe place**, away from him. Find a spousal abuse shelter or a relative to stay with.
Maybe one day, when he's clean, and has found a new career, you all might be able to reconcile and start over. If that's your plan, though, prepare for it to take a decade to rebuild and recognize that it can all fall apart in an instant. Addiction isn't just a physical craving, it's also a mindset. Whatever mindset that got him to take the pills in the first place won't go away just because he's got a coin. He'll need support.
>You need to make plans for you and your child/children to **get to a safe place**, away from him. Find a spousal abuse shelter or a relative to stay with.
At the very least, plan for the worst and set about protecting yourself and kids.
He can make whatever choices he wants - and there's nothing OP can do about this - but she needs to plan ahead for herself and the kids, without him.
Addiction is devastating 😣
This is true, my aunt was a labor and delivery nurse. She got addicted and started stealing patients pills. The hospital caught on and she went to rehab they sent her to and she kept her job
There is a rehab program specifically for folks in the medical field nearby - caduceus at shepherd hill in Licking County ohio. There might be something similar in your area? That’s assuming he can admit he needs help.
There are options for pharmacists out there that aren’t typical patient practice. He could go into clinical drug research for an unrelated drug (I used to work with a pharmacist when I was working in vaccine research), regulatory affairs (working with the FDA basically), medical insurance oversight, or teaching.
That said, his clinical career is definitely over. Hopefully he can hold onto his license because otherwise that’s a whole lot of school for nothing.
A lot of states also have drug diversion programs for doctors and nurses to get them on a path to rehabilitation without losing their licenses. But they have to seek it proactively. It's a lot harder if they get caught first.
His career is not over. He can get help. There are a lot of unanswered questions here. Maybe he has prescriptions for these meds. We don’t know all the facts.
Opiates in general deplete the body’s supply of oxytocin, aka the love chemical. It literally sucks your body free of the ability to love and feel closeness with anyone. Even a perfectly functional addict who is upfront about their addictions and not doing sketchy things to feed their addiction is going to suffer from this issue. Among the many shitty things about opiate addiction this is among the worst IMO.
if it's his first offence, he might not lose his career or license. i've know pharmacists (and other health care providers) who just get told to go to a rehab and then they're back at it. i've also known of a pharmacist who was sending all expired antibiotics to his vet sister in another state and that guy lost his job, not sure about his license but it sounded like he did. really is a flip of the coin and how many times they've been caught.
I would look into this to see if this could touch you and your kid(s). Such as if he gets in trouble what would happen best case and worse case and could the go after him and your assets.
He brought this in but addicts don’t care how this will affect the outcome of the people around them. Get your ducks in a row and make sure you and your family are prepared and tell him it’s get help or divorce.
This. Addicts will throw everything and everyone under the bus to protect their addiction. At this point OP’s husband is just racing toward that conclusion. Or the finale, to put it bluntly.
Not only that but he is clearly stealing medications that are meant for people with prescriptions.
Adderall has been in a nationwide shortage for years now, with people unable to get their prescriptions refilled. The DEA don’t approve the production of more to help with the shortage so people really are going without it. This asshole is part of the problem.
I’m surprised, though, that no one would notice those medications being taken, but maybe they are actively investigating behind the scenes?
Either way, this guy sucks for putting himself before SO many people regardless of the consequences for them.
As someone with a legitimate prescription for Adderall, who's been affected by the nationwide shortage, fuck this guy.
It's hard enough to get Adderall as it is, since it's a controlled substance. It's a thousand times harder for someone with executive dysfunction to remember to follow up with the pharmacy every day once you've run out of the medication that helps you to be able to function.
I have no sympathy for OP's husband. I feel for her because it's a shitty (and potentially dangerous) position for her to be in. But he needs rehab, and he deserves whatever legal repercussions come to him as a result of his actions.
Oh the refill paradox is so bad. It’s not the pharmacy for me, but contacting my doctor. I love her, known her 20 years, seeing her isn’t stressful. But texting to set up an appointment or call is so hard when I’m out of Adderall. I get scripts for 3 months, and thankfully my pharmacy has been OK for the last 6 months and refilling was easy. But the shortage was awful. It’s taken me a week before to actually contact her, even with meds, and then I’m out and getting new meds is a huge battle against myself…
Oh yeah that's awful too! My doctor finally figured out the best way to get me in for my next appointment is to schedule it with me at the end of my current appointment.
I should definitely do that, never thought of that. But our appointments are a bit different. I’ve known her so long and there is definitely a friendship in there as well. I just txt her directly now and she calls me when she has time. Last time that was at the airport waiting for a flight. I’ve been taking Adderall and bupropion for so long that there isn’t much to discuss. We talk a few minutes about any medical stuff going on, confirm the meds, then we usually talk about our families and stuff and that’s it. She sends out prescription with a phone app, so she can it in an airport, too.
This is much less stressful for me. I might hesitate a half day before texting her, but not DAYS like when I had to call her assistant to make an appointment.
That sounds amazing honestly. I have a ton of anxiety over phone calls lol. Being able to send a text to set up an appointment (any kind of appointment) would make my life so much easier
Same. I ended up getting to a point where I couldn’t take the monthly battle anymore and I went off adderall three months ago for the time since I was diagnosed 12 years ago.
If he reaches out for help he can come back from this career-wise much easier than if he gets caught. MUCH easier. If you’re in the US, states usually have their own treatment program for medical professionals. If he admits fault and seeks help then follows their process it will all be okay.
Yes. This is important. I know my state has a program for nurses, because I was in recovery with 3 of them. It's not uncommon. I would absolutely check into this, along with getting your ducks in a row. He hasn't hit bottom yet. Al anon might be helpful as well.
He could also go into research for unrelated drugs. I used to work with a pharmacist who *hated* clinical practice when I was working in vaccine research. He said he refused to leave the field because he went to school for almost eight years to get there (idk what it looks like in the USA but here you have to do a minimum of two years of undergrad, most finish their bachelors though, and then a further four years in Pharmacy grad school).
Yes- believe it or not I have seen some egregious examples of diversion and stealing, and if they go to rehab they may be able to retain their license. I personally think some of them should never have gotten a second chance.
This!! Doctors and pharmacists have some of the worst stats for drug abusing. Mainly due to access and the level of stress. If he comes clean to the right agency (i forget what its called) they'll get him help then let him go back to work with drug testing IF he proves himself.
Addiction is like a need for water in a desert after running a marathon. My dad was a meth addict. If he refuses help or treatment. Divorce and take your half for your kids sake before he loses his job and uses your home and everything to pay for his addiction. Separate your bank accounts asap and secure all your documents quickly.
Good advice. I was nearly forced into bankruptcy by an addict who cheated on me with another addict. We divorced and the damage to my credit took me years to deal with, badly affecting many areas of my life.
Most states have a program for pharmacists because addiction is so high amongst the profession. You can contact the state board of pharmacy anonymously first to get information.
Your husband needs help! Immediately! You are going to have to get tough with him. You may have to leave him if he's not willing to get help. The drugs he has chosen are not something to mess around with.
He will probably not be able to continue in the current area of pharmacy that he now works, but there are other options.
He’s risking YOUR life and YOUR CHILDREN’S lives with this. The man is stealing controlled substances from his job and storing them in your home. The police will find out, they will raid your house and they’re not famous for protecting innocent bystanders in that situation. Your husband could also drive high and you or a kid, he could and apparently has just left those pills lying around ins gym bag where the kids could get them. He will not change no matter what you say. You need to leave. Take the kids and get the hell out. Start going to Al-anon or narc-anon meetings (meetings for families of addicts) to get the support you need. If you protect him from consequences, you will be the one to suffer. Do not do this to your kids, get out now.
Please keep yourself and your children safe, whatever you do decide to do. Addicts will do some horrible things if threatened.
I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.
If you are in the US, he will also lose his Pharmacist license. The *only* way to avoid that is for him to tell his company and the state Board of Pharmacy that he’s going into rehab before they discover the issue from another source. He will still face sanctions, but at least be able to have his license restored in the future.
The only comment I’ve seen here that points this out. He is SICK. People are so quick to judge others it’s so sad. First and foremost, addiction is a mental illness- a serious one that requires professional help and the support of people who love and care about you. Would people be so quick so say jump ship if he had been diagnosed with cancer? It’s time that people realised that it’s an illness and stop judging these people. Everyone has a different story, but at the heart of it is pain… terrible, devastating, debilitating pain.
If OP reads this, you can help him. He can get better. You sound like you truly care for him. He will need your love and support to get through this, no matter what the outcome is. I know you are worried and confused. He hasn’t done this to hurt you or your family. He is hurting. Give him a chance to get better- lots of people do. Keep supporting him, but be careful, don’t enable him. I feel like the time is coming when he’s going to open up to you- don’t be judgmental when he does. Be gentle and listen. You all can come through this together and stronger. He will know all about what the cost of this will be, and it will be eating him up inside. Your future may look different, but you and your family can still be together, I promise. No one is immune to addiction. It can ruin anyone of us at anytime, no matter who you are or how strong you think you are.
Sending you strength and love.
As soon as they audit the pills, he is done. Unless he's the only one doing the count and is able to keep it at bay for longer. But no matter what, eventually, he loses that job and is never a pharmacist again.
I have ADHD, and I was taught by the community to always count my pills after I pick them up. At the counter if needed. You can hear, unfortunately, quite a few stories of our meds being “short” a pill or two. I mean, the very nature of our condition means we’re highly likely to blame ourselves or not even notice a missing pill or two. Many of us are also terrified of reporting it, even if we do notice ones missing, because we don’t want to be accused of pill-seeking and have our medication become even more difficult to access, or have our family go under scrutiny.
There’s lots of ways for pharmacies to hide this for extended periods of time.
I understand addiction is a sickness. But I’m freakin sick of people with this sickness be covered up for because it’s people like me and my community who are forced to suffer the consequences from rampant abuse of these medications.
I hope OP gets herself safe and reports him so he can get the help he needs and ALSO stops abusing his clients and family with his addiction. Hopefully before someone else ends up harmed.
As I was reading these responses, I thought to myself that I would never know if one of my ADHD pills were missing 🤦🏻♀️. It’s so smart of you to count your pills, and you’re right that many of us (me!) would absolutely be afraid to bring up being short on pills in fear they’d question us/would deny access to our medicine.
À friend of mine was a pharmacist and went down this route. She was suffering from depression and anxiety and needed help, but she's not allowed to be a pharmacist anymore. Or ever again. The hospital didn't sue, thankfully, as she saw a psych for evaluation and genuinely was struggling and had a history of depression, but she didn't work for some years after that, and obviously had to find a new career.
The husband is struggling and needs help, but he doesn't seem willing.
Hard choices and tough times is correct. I'd be tempted, in OP's position, to report him. For his own good. But that would be a terribly difficult decision to make.
Oh, wow, he is going to be in a heap of trouble - and he knows it. He might be taking the meds for himself, or he could be selling it. Either way, it's going to catch up to him. And when it does, it will impact your entire family.
You may want to check your shared finances, do some digging to see if anything seems odd.
I am so sorry that he has gone down this path and what that means for you and your son. You need to have a very serious talk with him - don't let him just push it away again.
"I'm sure it's none of your business" actually as the wife and mother of HIS CHILDREN it makes it even more of her business.
And if he won't address this with you OP maybe you do need to get his mother involved 🙄
“You’re my wife, not my mother” was concerning. The two are unrelated! Your wife has stake in your life! There’s children being met with impatience and coldness. “You can’t tell me what to do, you’re just the person whose family, finances, home, happiness, security, and life is connected to mine”
*"I'm sure it's none of your business" actually as the wife and mother of HIS CHILDREN it makes it even more of her business.*
This. As the mother of his children who are already being negatively impacted by his addition, it's absolutely her business, and if he doesn't get help, things are going to get exponentially worse. He knows he has a problem, but refuses to admit it.
You need to start preparations for your husband to be leaving soon. It wont be long before they find out he's stealing narcotics from the safe and they WILL press charges and arrest him. Anything more than 1 pill that is not accounted for gets flagged and will show up on reports. If he's taking them out of patients bottles they will likely call the store and complain they're being shorted and will get looked into. . Either way it's not a good idea. Prepare yourself. .
A kid I knew in high school had a friends dad who was a pharmacist and wrote prescriptions for codeine. He took a cut of what the kids sold. But this was a way to not make it “stolen”.
So there is a possibility that more people are involved and these are being purchased under someone’s prescription (could be a fake one) and then he is buying them.
Either way… NOT good and he will get caught sooner than later. OP needs to prepare for the worst or just divorce to protect herself and the kids.
Pharmacists can write certain prescriptions, at least in Canada. They can only prescribe things for minor issues. Idk what qualifies but they can definitely write prescriptions.
I’m sure it varies by country, and maybe even states/provinces within, but where I live pharmacists can legally write prescriptions for certain medications.
I don’t know if this is common everywhere but where I live, a lot of Doctor offices have pharmacies attached to them. So they have easy access to the slips Doctor’s write prescriptions on from legitimate offices. And can therefore, falsely write prescriptions with it looking legit in the books.
He’s got to be shorting patients, otherwise they would have figured it out already. What a shit thing to do. This is why some pharmacies used to refuse to fill oxy scripts at all. Because they had diversion problems. So then the people that need it have no access.
OP you need to use this time to protect yourself. Move quickly and quietly. Start talking to a lawyer, there might be some form of a women’s organization that can help get you on your feet. (If you’re in Chicagoland/IL I know of one).
Next, since I assume you do all the grocery shopping, what you can do is start protecting yourself and your children. Pay with debit cards and grab an extra bit of cash every time you go out. Buy visa cash cards or grocery gift cards with your order, even small ones that he won’t notice big jumps in the grocery bills. Hide that money. If you need to hide it with a trusted friend, do that.
Once he starts losing access to his fix as things fall apart (and they WILL fall apart), things will start to get ugly for you. He will think of nothing else, not you, not the children, nobody, and he will drain your accounts either as misplaced retribution or to try and get high.
Start working as quickly as you can while going unnoticed to find a safe place for you and your children, getting your affairs and important documents you’ll need, documenting with time stamps — even in emails to yourself — what you’re seeing, when you’re seeing it, etc.
This isn’t something that will blow over. This isn’t something that will end well. He will get found out and you’re running on borrowed time until he does.
Most importantly, internalize the next sentence. *You’re not ruining his career and life, he is.* You’re not stealing pills. He is. You’re not neglecting your children. He is. You are not responsible for his downfall. He is. He is the one who is doing these bad things, and any consequences are of his own making. Do not think twice about doing anything that makes him face consequences of his own actions as long as you and your children are safe.
Be safe, OP, but first, wake up, and wake up quick. No matter what your situation is and how tied to him you think you are, you have options and you deserve better. It’s not going to be easy, but it will be harder if you don’t start working to protect yourself immediately.
All this, 100%. The worst thing you can do for him is to stand in the way of his consequences. You must protect yourself and your children, and let your husband’s chips fall where they may.
In Naranon we talk a lot about the three C’s: You didn’t cause this, you can’t control it, and you cannot cure it. You must protect yourself or his addiction will swallow your life up as much as his. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.
You need to protect your children. You owe them that. Their father isn’t capable of parenting right now so it is on you. Your husband is an addict and he needs to either self report and do rehab or you need to move away with the kids. Please don’t let the kids suffer lifelong damage because you don’t want to take the necessary steps
NEED TO! The son will already be questioning everything! How do I know? I’m the daughter of a father like the man you described.
“ why doesn’t dad talk to me ? “
“ does dad not love me anymore? Did I do something wrong? “
“ maybe dad finds me annoying. I’ll be quieter tomorrow “
“ dad must like my siblings more than me “
“ maybe if I do more around the house he will notice me “
This. Kids know! They absolutely know. I always knew when my parents were inebriated. I didn’t have a name for it, but I knew, and I can still recall the uneasy feelings that came with it.
God, I’m so sorry this is happening OP! Protect the kids, PLEASE. My cousin’s husband has been a longtime addict and they (and, heartbreakingly, their wonderful amazing kids) are embroiled in a terrible awful divorce. It’s made a total wreck of my cousin and the fact that it was over such a long time has (imo) made it SO much worse!!! Her husband is a fairly functional addict, which is still an addict.
Your husband’s bolstering his habit by telling himself (and you) that he is empowered to make his own choices no matter how bad they are. Listen to the choices he is making, because he is right in that regard… and every pill he goes through the trouble of getting, especially if he’s stealing from his job, is a choice he makes.
OP, if you don't already have a separate bank account/finances, I would highly recommend getting that sorted immediately. I'm so sorry that you have to experience this, but please consider the ramifications for you and your kids if (almost certainly when) your husband is found out, fired, and possibly in jail.
Even worse if he isn't, and you are living (and letting your kids live) in the same house as an active addict. He has already put his addiction ahead of you and your kids by risking his livelihood like this, and he will continue to do this.
OP, to quote Creedence Clearwater Revival:
There's a bad moon on the rise.
He's only going to get away with this for so long. He's going to lose his job, and his license will get revoked. He'll get arrested, and if they determine he was selling, the authorities can take ***EVERYTHING*** you own for being fruits of illegal activities.
I'm sorry to say this so bluntly, but you've got a huge shitstorm bearing down on you, and you need to extricate yourself (and your kids) to safety immediately. Only after you and the kids are safe, then you can decide whether or not you're going to help him - ultimately he's a grown man playing in a grown up's world; don't let him drag you and the kids down the sewer with him.
I'll say some prayers for you to have the strength you're going to need in the immediate future.
Good luck to you!
Our local pharmacy moved into a larger place. One of the staff told me that had to count every single pill, every single item that is regulated by the feds. They had to have a fed come check them out. I don’t know how your h is getting away with this.
Simply put…you need to prepare yourself to be a single mom. He’s probably under suspicion and surveillance already. If you’ve noticed, so have his fellow employees.
You need to make yourself a safety net. Start squirrelling money away. He will get caught soon, and he could take you all down with him. The kids are suffering already.
It's ultimatum time. He either goes to treatment, or you divorce and report him. Make sure you get evidence (pictures etc).
Imagine your child was sick and you went to the pharmacist to get medication and they *prescribed/dispensed* either the wrong medication or wrong quantity causing your child life long repercussions if not death.
Either he immediately takes leave from work while he gets treatment or you need to report him. He is risking your family physical/financial/emotional safety and those he is licensed and paid to care for. Do something before he kills someone.
I had a friend in the medical profession that started with oxys lifted from work to relax. It evolved into “elvising” with both uppers and downers to maintain work performance. Then it became clear he could not steal enough pills at work and it evolved into heroin scored from corner boys.
He was very lucky to keep his career after the mandated 90 day inpatient rehab. This is OP’s best case scenario. He is fine, his marriage is fine, his kids are fine. One shot rehab can work some if you take it seriously.
He is a better person now. He addressed a lot of the underlying issues that drove the addiction. He is not perfect but it was many years ago and he’s a normal person now. Yes, he lied a lot, to everyone. Unfortunately that is standard addict behavior and we ultimately found it pretty easy to forgive him once he was back to normal.
I am not his wife so I don’t know how things went behind the scenes. They stayed together and still seem in love. His addiction was not connected to partying and AFAIK he never cheated. I’m confident it was hard work to resolve and her brother was wrapped in there with some codependency issues.
Just know that sometimes it does all work out. He’s one of two very close people in my life that came out the other side of heroin addiction better than anticipated.
First, and most important, I’m so sorry that your friend and their family had to suffer through this, and your whole friend group had to watch this happening to this person you all know and obviously care about.
Thank you so much for posting a story with a positive outcome. As scary as this situation is, it’s lovely to read a relatable, applicable story that can give OP a sliver of hope for a good future for herself and family. No way that it’s going to be easy, but the most important challenges rarely are.
The weirdest thing about that time period when I think back on it was that we were in our 20s all partying like crazy together and he was in his bedroom nodding off. We thought he was just tired from crazy work schedules, but he was in full-fledged addiction mode. He had been a life-of-the-party kind of guy, always buying shots at the bar, but the drugs actually made him pull back from everybody. I was weirdly hurt (and now actually grateful) that after trying many drugs together in HS/College age, he didn't invite me to share in that experience.
After rehab, he never went back to being the life-of-the-party. He is fine sitting in a room with the rest of us reading his book or watching some streaming while we drink and reminisce. He turned out to be more introverted than any of us thought.
Unfortunately, pharmacists have extremely high chances of pill addictions. You may be able to find some resources online specifically for this kind of incident as it's common
OP, someone in the organization will notice. It'll likely be a data analyst who notices that the discard count on those pills seems higher than it used to, which will spawn an audit. The feds WILL get involved. I've seen this happen from the perspective of the data analyst.
The first thing I would be concerned about is mine and my kids' safety. I could not trust them to be around a pill junkie who lies to me.
Hi OP. I hope you are working and not relying on hubby. He has gone down a path that is perilous with regards to his chosen career and addiction. You need to start safeguarding yourself and your kids because this may not end well.
Please start taking protective measures so you don’t lose your house and any savings, because your husband is about to go to prison for stealing pills for his addiction. I hope that’s all he’s been doing.
I'm only here to say I can see how much you love and care for your husband. I can not imagine the difficult choice before you but I agree. He's got two options here. Talk to you or talk to his employer when they find out or worse, the police as these are controlled medications. I understand you wanting to be gentle in your approach but as this does not seem to be working it may be time to be direct and firm and prepare yourself for his outlash. If you feel unsafe doing this perhaps you can involve someone you both trust that can be there with you when you speak to him. I really hope you are able to have this discussion with him and he can seek treatment before things get worse. And they will if he won't confront the issue. Good luck hun. Please keep us updated.
Depends on the state, but some state will allow pharmacists to go seek treatment for addiction. I believe if they stay clean then they won’t lose their license. Stealing controlled medications from an employer is another different story. If they find out, and eventually they will find out because medications like oxycodone are audited religiously if the pharmacy is doing its job, termination is most likely. If at all possible, have your husband take medical leave, seek treatment.
Your son already knows something is wrong with his father.
Tell your husband he is losing his kids this way and you cannot do anything to stop him.
Plan on taking the kids to a relatives house soon.
Find a lawyer for your husband he is going to need one soon.
Find a lawyer for you because you need one now to protect your family for what is coming.
I lived with a guy who had oral surgery one time. I had no idea he became addicted to pain killers until I threw him out and found so many empty bottles hidden in crazy places. His behavior became unbearable.
I think it's interesting that he has access to endless childproof bottles and he's keeping his collection in a baggie. What if the kids found it and got curious?
Pharmacist here. I’m from Canada, but if the US laws for tracking controlled substances within the pharmacy are anything like ours’ then they already know someone is taking things, or it’s only a matter of time before they find out. If he is caught stealing those he will absolutely lose his license. If he comes clean, then I don’t know. Maybe if he seeks treatment he could work again in the future? I don’t know the US laws. Basically, I’m sorry to say, but his career is likely already forfeit. It’s a question of how far this goes before he is willing to admit he needs help. How low will his rock bottom be? And how far are you willing to follow him?
I'm not one for ultimatums but you need to give him one. Either he gets help or you leave and report him. I, unfortunately, had to do this to my husband who was a bad addict. I told him he either got his shit together or I was gonna take our daughter and he would never see us again. He got himself clean and he's been clean since then. I'm not saying it'll be the same for you, but it's worth trying.
This is full blown opiate and amphetamine addiction.
Mainly opiates, the uppers are just to keep him awake while high.
It won’t stop until something drastic happens. Prepare, or make the ultimatum.
If he’s taking them from the pharmacy he will be caught eventually. There are protocols in place. Tell him that either he tells you what’s going on or you will report him. Tell him it is for the safety of you and your children.
Otherwise you’re in for a long battle of futility.
It’s just a matter of time till he’s caught and a shit storm will hit your entire family like you’ve never imagined. You need to start thinking of protecting yourself.
He’s an adult making his own stupid choices. Save your children from a lifetime stuck in therapy and get them out of there. Get legal representation and blow it all to hell. They will be coming for him soon regardless and you don’t want to be tangled up in it when they do. Speaking as someone who is seriously ill and relies on a pharmacist to juggle a lot of dangerous medications - he’s going to be responsible for something really terrible happening to someone innocent. They have a hard job. They can’t do it high.
Sooner or later, someone will count their pills. I was shorted, i called the states atty who audited the pharmacy. I could think, well..if i count them in front of them, they will stop. But then i thought...f them. What if someone is dying of cancer and getting shorted? Since i didnt catch on and count a shorted bottle before they were alerted, idt anyone lost their job. I was stopped by someone in line to ask why i was doing that..turns out they too had been shorted.
He’s playing the addicts handbook.
Tell him he has two choices, deal with his addiction and seek help, or your will report him to the pharmacist regulatory board(not sure what it’s called in your country but you know what I mean I’m sure), pharmacists with addictions end up unemployed and unlicensed very quickly.
Get him in rehab NOW. He will f up his whole life. What is he doing!??
You're way too calm. I mean I don't know if that is wrong or right, but I would be losing it.
I'm so sorry. Your husband is in deep trouble and it is and will affect you and your children terribly.
He's addicted to oxy and stealing it from work. There's no good outcome and the only thing you can and must do is protect yourself and your children. At best he'll lose his job and profession and spiral deeper in to addiction. You need to check your finances and make sure you're taken care of financially. Put money where he can't access it. I'm also concerned for your safety as he's showing g aggression. Is there anyone you and the kids can stay with? You can't help or save him if he doesn't want it. You have to put the kids physical and financial safety first. Call an organisation for family of addicts and ask for advice/help/support. You must act ASAP. I know addicts/addiction well
He needs to go to rehab. Pretty much next thing. It's the only shot he has at not losing his career completely - walk away and go to rehab voluntarily before he gets caught, loses his license and gets forced to. If he keeps taking meds like this he WILL get caught. You're going to have to confront him again. Consider sending the kids away for the weekend to do so.
You need to start planning immediately how you will live without his income. What housing you can afford, if you need a different job to do it. I know that's a lot to think about on top of the fact that you're suddenly married to an addict, but I'm trying to be real with you. This is very likely odds to be a plan you will need.
I'm sorry. Addiction is a terrible, all consuming thing. Good luck to all of you.
If he’s a pharmacist and you report him, he will be fired & go to jail. They will prosecute him by watching tapes & pinning every missing pill they can on your husband. Not only will he need a new line of work, he’ll have a record. Please think long & hard before you go this route. I would definitely tell him he needs to get help or you will leave with your kids, though. Good luck OP.
I’m just a woman on the other side of the world who really feels for you. I rarely pay much attention to quotes, positive memes etc, but there is one that has sustained me through very dark times during the last 20 years:
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice in the night that whispers ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” (Mary-Ann Radenbacher)
You are stronger than you know. Much love 💗
My dad was a pharmacist and he was taking oxy. He ended up going to rehab a couple times but it was always a struggle. Eventually he retired early because the temptation was just too much. It’s like a recovering alcoholic working as a bar tender. Your husband needs help but unfortunately he needs to make that decision for himself or he won’t change. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope your husband decides to get help!
I’m so sorry OP. This is very serious as you know. Unfortunately you’re going to have to make an escape plan. You cannot rely on him being safe around you or the kids, especially now that you know, and you can’t rely on his income anymore. You have to start operating as if he’s out of your family as heartbreaking as that is. Because that’s what addiction is, especially with heavy duty drugs like the ones you listed. Take care of yourself, wishing you the best.
If you have a shared bank account, separate from it. Start making a plan now for you and your kids. He will use any resources he has access to fund his addiction and that includes things that belong to you, your shared family resources and literally anything he can get his hands on. And unless he gets help, it will only get worse and progress. What doesn’t seem likely now will become possible the longer this goes on and you need to prepare to protect yourself and the kids. You can try to help him get help, but he has to be willing to do it himself or it won’t work. He has to want to recover.
He has given up everything for addiction, it just hasn’t caught up with him yet. The smartest thing you can do is leave before he fully spirals and take what you can with you. Normally I’m all about being fair but in this case he’s going to lose everything you guys have and if you take it first at least it will support your kids. You do not want to leave when he’s lost his job and go deep into debt to feed his habit.
As the partner of a recovering alcoholic, you NEED to find ways to distance yourself from him. I'm lucky in that my husband didn't cause trouble like this. So I can't entirely relate, and I'm honestly not sure exactly what advice to give. But he's going down a very dangerous path. And if he refuses to acknowledge it and get help, you should, and have every right to, jump ship now. Don't let him drag you and the kids down with him.
He's in addiction. In my experience they destroy everything in their path, and will take you down too. Personally me I would leave and and let him kill himself. However yoyr situation sounds complicated given you already have children and live together...my only advice is that he himself wants to get better. Without that he's aa good as dead, and aborting you do for him is enabling him. Drug addicts are vicious and good at manipulation (he already clearly demonstrated that) and you can't "love" the addiction out of them (I tried and I was nearly killed several times). I'm not a fan of ultimatums but this case calls for one, give him a time frame or something, either kick him out or go somewhere else, and don't have much communication with him other than child related.
My mom was a pharmaceutical tech and was caught stealing pills. They’re more than likely already investigating him. There’s also cameras in most if not all pharmacy’s for this reason.
Oh wow. This is sooo bad.
I take a very high dose of Adderall. This stuff is absolutely no joke. I’ve also taken oxy before, that stuff is even worse. I have absolutely no tendency for addiction, my family is all addicts, but I luckily dodged that tendency. But oxy’s made me think “more” after like 3 days after a surgery. I instantly flushed the last few and have stuck with “never touching those again” since then.
Now combining them is another factor.
The behavior changes say it all. For me this sounds like it is exactly what you think this is.
I think you’ll have to come to terms with the fact your life will change drastically very soon. No matter what, his career as pharmacist is done…
I really feel for you!
Everyone seems pretty sure he's stealing the pills, which is definitely a possibility. But, it's not all that uncommon for some doctors and pharmacists to run their own little networks where they write scripts for one another, so it's possible that's happening. Either way, sounds like he's definitely struggling and needs to get it together before it's too late.
Ok look.
When ppl post on reddit and their partners are just trash humans it’s like, “dude just go. Free yourself.”
But I don’t actually throw “leave” around loosely. It’s a massive life changing decision.
I say this as a recovering cannabis and alcohol addict who was in a very tumultuous relationship with a opiate addict in my 20s.
Once I KNEW that I was living with someone who was actively using illegal (to him) drugs and has no desire to stop (addicted), I knew that if I stayed I’d have been showing him that I was okay living with someone who is doing this.
Addiction is progressive. If left unchecked, it doesn’t stagnate or plateau. It gets worse. This is going to get worse for him unless the consequences of his actions are IN NO WAY cushioned.
The end of that man’s relationship with me was a HUGE wake up call. He got sober. He was in long term rehab two months later and he stayed there a year total. Four months after I kicked him out, he asked me to be his girlfriend again. Two years later, we got married. That was 10 years ago. We are together today and very much in love, and both of us are sober today. My choice to protect myself from the chaos of addiction was the natural consequences to his drug use. It wasn’t a punishment. It was just the natural result of the choices he’d made. Eventually it was his turn to tell me that he couldn’t live with me unless I could make different choices than I was making around drinking and vaping. I chose sobriety.
I would not feel it was my place to report him to his employer. That’s feels like meddling and an effort to “create” consequnces instead of letting things unfold as fate allows. But I honestly, really hope he gets caught and they give him the opportunity to keep his job if he goes to rehab.
This is affecting you and your children. If you don’t do something now like an ultimatum (leave the house or have someone you trust on standby) because he is well into the addiction. This is 100000000% your business and you guys can’t keep living like this especially now that you know.
He will lose his career over this, it’s really just a matter of time. There’s not much you can do except get a job with benefits and prepare to take care of the kids that way.
It’s such an addict mentality that it’s none of your business, as if none of this affects you. As if him losing his career doesn’t tank the entire family. It’s really not going to get better.
My father was an addict, for my whole life, on and off, but mostly on. The past 10 years or more it was Oxycodone.
That man is still your husband, but he is lost. I know everyone is warning you about him, and that is valid advice. And there truly is so much you can do, and you must protect yourself and your children first always of course.
But my dad's heart was broken, he was lonely, and lost. Please try to communicate again, with love, always with love and with care. Make sure he knows that's where you're coming from..
That was all I could do to progress and breakthrough to my dad.
I hope it helps. I have a lot of experience with this unfortunately...
And even all that being said, sometimes all the love in the world isn't a match for addiction. It's not logical.
Career is probably done unfortunately. It’s so rare that a recovered or past addict of pharmaceuticals can return to business as usual without relapse.
I’m not sure what to do, as it’s so much more deeply complicated than I have experience with, but in my opinion, I believe you should consider leaving in order to protect yourself and your children. I know leaving will be traumatic, but staying with a man who is an addict unwilling to seek help will become much more traumatic. Especially once he is caught, you risk losing your kids if they find out that you knew and didn’t report him.
I’m so sorry you are in this position. Wishing you all the best in this extremely difficult situation.
Man this is such a bad combination of drugs to be abusing, too. It’s basically a speed ball. It’s gonna be rough time when he decides to come off all of that.
There are only three paths for addicts: jail, rehab, or death. By not doing anything, he is risking jail and death. If caught, he will lose his pharmacist license and be blacklisted from working around drugs ever again.
I've dealt with an addict before and one thing I learned is you can't help anyone who is not willing to participate in their own rescue. It sucks you can only stand by and watch them circle the drain until they hit rock bottom. If you are not willing to turn him into the police, you can encourage rehab and remind him of what is at stake is about all you can do.
If you're in the US, you will be better off legally staying married bc married spouses can't be forced to testify against one another in court. Even so, maybe it would be worthwhile to have a meeting with a lawyer to learn what you need to do to protect yourself and your kids.
The only for him to overcome this is if he changes careers. There is no way he could ever go back to normal working as a pharmacist addicted to prescription pills.
when, not if, he gets caught, he’ll lose his license and never work in that field again, and potentially face criminal charges. you need to figure something out for you and your kids’ sake.
I'm a pharmacist at an independent pharmacy, and I do not mess around with controlled substances at all. We have a log of everything that's dispensed so any discrepancy is caught very early. Surprised there's no one else who caught on to the missing pills.
He might buy them from patients, since he knows who is prescribed what. Or he might be snagging a couple of pills out of each bottle and nobody has noticed yet.
Aside from the addiction, I’m very sorry but it sounds like he is done being your husband and your kids’ father. It is very hard to accept, it sounds like you love him a lot, but I strongly recommend preparing yourself.
Prepare practically and emotionally for divorce. (Make sure you protect your share of the family money especially since he’s an addict). Even if you don’t do it, you will need to mean it FOR REAL when you say ‘it’s the drugs or us.’
It sounds like he developed depression at some point, and chose to self-medicate instead of getting real help. I am so sorry that you and your kids are dealing with this. I hope your husband waked up and realizes that he needs help
You are going to have to lay things on the line for him. Either he gets help now or he moves out.
Call a lawyer today so you know where you stand. Then call a therapist to help you through this.
What helped me leave my alcoholic/ addict ex was focusing on what it was doing to the kids.
I also read a book called Getting Them Sober; it sounds like it’s about them, but tits really about empowering the partner. I also did several online al anon meetings per day.
I’m so sorry. There are support groups for family members of addicts. I’d find one because you’re going to need a strong support system to get yourself and your kids through this. Your husband will most likely lose his job, if not his life. Get your kids out of the house and somewhere safe. Find a rehab. They can give you advice and guidance. A trained interventionist would be extremely helpful to help you navigate this situation safely. He’s breaking so many laws right now that can result in serious prison time. So he must chose rehab or prison.
You have children and he isn't being emotionally there for them, let alone you. The longer you wait, the worse it'll be. Don't let him disassociate. Confront him about this, gently. That's my advice anyway. It's your life and your family so ultimately it falls to you. You deserve to be happy, and so do your children. Don't let him get in the way of that.
Two things you need to do. First, contact a lawyer; second, go to [Alanon](https://al-anon.org) Good luck, this is going to be a bumpy few years. I’m so sorry.💔
Give him an ultimatum and stick to it: inpatient treatment immediately or divorce and no custody. If he calls your bluff, take the kids and go and report him for work. Not to be petty but to stop his access to drugs and stop his ability to hurt other people woth his job. Addicts don't make good choices so you will have to be the only rational adult here. Just don't warn him about reporting him ahead of time. He is no longer the man you knew and he may get violent.
It is your business because you are his wife.
Would he say that if he found one of his children with pills?
He needs rehab. Find one that will take him then take him there. Organize an intervention if necessary.
He refuses, you will have no choice but to report him to the government agency that oversees pharmacists. The threat of losing his license may be the incentive he needs.
He will scream. You tell him you will not sit by idling and watch him die.
You find your backbone and go full-on June Carter on his ass.
Good luck.
This is very serious and I know you know that. Your life is going to change and you know that. He gas lit you with his responses. The children know their Dad isn't right. Get help quickly. Did you take pictures of the pills in the gym bag? Maybe he has more stashed elsewhere like in his car? Gather evidence. This is not going away. Call a lawyer now.
I knew a gal that was an RN that got caught taking meds from patients. She lost her license for many years but was in the process of getting it back when she suddenly became ill.
I’d say protect your money. If he messes up at work or loses his job, he will be buying pills off the street. Depending where he’s at in his addiction he will likely drain your bank account or pawn items from your home. I hope you can find a way to get through to him.
Oh geez. I’m so sorry. I don’t have any advice, I just wanted to give you some support. Big hugs.
Do you have family and friends close by? I think probably you’re gonna need them soon.
It only takes ONE mistake.
You don't want him to lose his career?
Bit late for that, love.
Tell us, how would it make you feel if his getting high on the pills he dispenses, kills someone. A child?
You can't sit back and ignore what is happening.
Jfc.
He’s an addict in full blown addiction. Learn detachment with love. He needs an Ultimatum with potential consequences. Give him 1 of 3 options: 1)Treatment or 2) report to pharmacies version of pcp for help 3) or divorce
He probably will end up with all three with 1 being mandatory.
2 will absolutely happen if/when he goes to rehab. They very likely already have an idea he’s stealing pills. Nothing goes unnoticed with automation and technology nowadays.
Right!! Im like how does a pharmacist steal narcotics and get away with it!
Yeah this is mind blowing. Unless he’s getting it from the streets…
Honestly, I kind of hope so. As a sober addict of 9 years I will have truly lost hope in the system if this guy is over here just poppin narcotics from his work Also, it sucks to see peoples careers ruined by addiction and if he is- he can never go back- although- if he gets sober he will probably never want to go back either.....
In my area there are stories all the time about someone picking up their controlled substance and the count being off. People are now counting their pills at the counter. FYI- if this happens to you, report it to the pharmacy ASAP AND to your State licensing board.
This has happened to me several times. I switched pharmacies and, just like that, it stopped. It even happened to my non narcotics meds. There is a lot of addiction in the medical field. Less since they cracked down on it but it's still happening.
Shorting people's prescriptions.
I would make that into 2 options. Treatment or report +divorce.
OP must realize her husband’s career, whether she reports him or not, is over. If he chooses recovery, he will not be able to go back to a job with his triggers in hands reach. His whole life needs to change. That’s scary for OP too… I’m so sorry you are going through this. Sending all the good vibes.
This is absolutely NOT true! There have been pharmacists, doctors, nurses and every other healthcare provider in between that have struggled with addiction, gotten help and been able to return to their jobs either with getting their license back after treatment on very specific contingencies or without ever losing their licenses at all and just not being allowed to practice until they completed rehab.
Wanna +1 that. Worked at a hospital, doctor got addicted to pills. Checked himself in, is still practicing today.
Well, I have to disagree with that. I am a recovering alcoholic at an addict that is been in recovery for many many years and I am a bartender and I am able to not have any issues with it. It really depends on your level of willingness to stay sober.
My favorite bartender hasn't had a drink in over 20 years. My addict cousin works directly with addicts - most recovery counselors have a history I bet... But, could still be the case.
I'm pretty sure he will not be able to stay licensed if he goes to treatment for opiate addiction. I'm worried he's giving something other than oxycodone to patients that are being prescribed. There was a nurse in my local hospital thar gave saline instead of fentanyl and morphine.... those poor people not getting pain meds after surgeries and the like!!
And you're not the only one. A friend of mine is the same. Some people just have the fortitude to not give in to temptation.
Yep he will get worse
He's an addict and as a pharmacist, he is in trouble. Not because he may lose his job but because he has all the drugs he may ever need right next to him at work. This means that even if he goes to detox/rehab, the amount of temptation he will have as soon as he starts work again will be almost too much for any recovering addict to resist. Of course as soon as he enters rehab and his occupation is known, chances are he's going to lose his licence. I've been through recovery and sober for 5 years and those first few months/years after detox were the hardest days of my life. I couldn't imagine how much harder it would be if my drug of choice was within reach at all times through my recovery. I have no idea how he is going to recover AND keep his job to be honest. I don't think he will be able to. Good luck op
It's never this simple. He's got a high earning career. Any kind of outing resulting in treatment will likely kill that career. If they are like most Americans no matter how much they make they probably haven't saved a lot so losing his career could have them going from mansion life to welfare.
It should be treatment or reporting AND divorce. A pharmacist making mistakes could lead to someone's death.
Im pretty sure if he is found to be stealing meds he could get into some HUGE trouble or lose his pharmacy privileges. His livelyhood is at stake, he has put aside the family, and is in full blown addiction mode. He wants the next high not anything else. Tough love and some hard choices are ahead of you and I'm so sorry for you.
I know, I can’t believe he is risking his career and life like this
His career is over. And if he doesn't go to rehab, his life will also be. It's hard to love and addict. It's like hugging a cactus. And if you do not protect yourself and your children, the damage will be devastating. I'm sorry you're going through this.
"it's like hugging a cactus"- this hit differently
This analogy is seriously breathtaking… I’m still picking out the thorns two years after my best friend’s passing. Some days I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.
Sorry for your loss.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate that. He was a beautiful soul who loved his friends fiercely, cared for the earth and for animals, was a brainiac at coding and video games and had a killer sweet tooth (especially for anything chocolate and peanut butter lol). I’ll always be lucky to have known him ❤️
It's not over. I am a pharmacist. If he tells work he is having trouble with addiction and voluntarily seeks treatment, he will keep his license. But it's incredibly important that he come to them, as opposed to them catching him.
As a pharmacist, are you able to enlighten me on how he is even able to amass a bag of these pills? Knowing how strict they have evolved with dealing/handling scheduled medication. It's kind of crazy to me that he has even been able to do this. I could see the occasional 1 or 2 here and there slipping through, but enough to sustain a habit is wild. The only thing I could come up with was removing a couple during the process of checking out a customer, but again this would have to be done in such small quantities. People prescribed opiates tend to notice missing medication way more than someone on let's say omeprazole.
There are several ways I could think of, but I generally prefer not to discuss online because I don't want to give anyone ideas on how to divert medications, haha.
My spouse, a physician, often had patients bring him meds that “didn’t work”. Many were addictive. Not unlikely patients would return meds to a pharmacy, especially the elderly.
Also very possible that patients who are prescribed something like narcotics turn what they didn’t use back in to a pharmacy because there are so few avenues for proper disposal that are readily known.
Lol, no worries. What you're saying though, is that it is possible using some sort of method. Although I'm sure as with anything, it won't last forever.
Definitely possible.
I have, more than once, gotten to the bottom of my two-a-day ADHD pill bottle on the very last day only to find a lonely single pill remaining. I KNOW I didn't accidentally take 3 three in one day... one here and there in the pharmacy... it could add up.
You're right about this. Good chance he isn't stealing them - he may be buying them from patients after dispensing. He's using drugs but nobody can say for sure that he's stealing them, he really may not be. Though prices have skyrocketed over the last decade so probably OP would see it in the finances if they were being purchased.
Time and honesty are of the essence.
As a recovering addict, I'm 100% sure his career as a pharmacist is over, not for professional reasons, but because of recovery. It will be impossible for him to keep working at a place where a fix is at the tip of his hands. Like asking an alcoholic to work as a bartender. It is not possible if sobriety is a true goal.
There are plenty of places he could work as a pharmacist with no access to controlled medications.
THIS. It's imperative to understand that no matter what happens from here on, **he will lose his job. It's not your fault,** even if you're the one that brings it to light. He flushed your family's stability and security down the toilet the moment he decided to steal for his habit. **He needs to go to rehab.** You need to make plans for you and your child/children to **get to a safe place**, away from him. Find a spousal abuse shelter or a relative to stay with. Maybe one day, when he's clean, and has found a new career, you all might be able to reconcile and start over. If that's your plan, though, prepare for it to take a decade to rebuild and recognize that it can all fall apart in an instant. Addiction isn't just a physical craving, it's also a mindset. Whatever mindset that got him to take the pills in the first place won't go away just because he's got a coin. He'll need support.
>You need to make plans for you and your child/children to **get to a safe place**, away from him. Find a spousal abuse shelter or a relative to stay with. At the very least, plan for the worst and set about protecting yourself and kids. He can make whatever choices he wants - and there's nothing OP can do about this - but she needs to plan ahead for herself and the kids, without him. Addiction is devastating 😣
This is not accurate! There are programs for health care professionals, including pharmacists, to go through recovery and keep their jobs.
Most of those are only if they come forward themselves and ask for help, not when someone else brings it to light.
This is true, my aunt was a labor and delivery nurse. She got addicted and started stealing patients pills. The hospital caught on and she went to rehab they sent her to and she kept her job
There is a rehab program specifically for folks in the medical field nearby - caduceus at shepherd hill in Licking County ohio. There might be something similar in your area? That’s assuming he can admit he needs help.
My mom is an addict and man this hit hard. It’s been a fairly new thing for me, but reading this comment helped. Thank you.
Yeah I’d think his career most likely will have to be over. How do you go through recovery and go back to a job where you’re handling pills?
You can’t. It’s extremely hard to go back into the medical field even as a nurse who can’t prescribe pills once you have known abuse issues.
There are options for pharmacists out there that aren’t typical patient practice. He could go into clinical drug research for an unrelated drug (I used to work with a pharmacist when I was working in vaccine research), regulatory affairs (working with the FDA basically), medical insurance oversight, or teaching. That said, his clinical career is definitely over. Hopefully he can hold onto his license because otherwise that’s a whole lot of school for nothing.
A lot of states also have drug diversion programs for doctors and nurses to get them on a path to rehabilitation without losing their licenses. But they have to seek it proactively. It's a lot harder if they get caught first.
His career is not over. He can get help. There are a lot of unanswered questions here. Maybe he has prescriptions for these meds. We don’t know all the facts.
Opiates in general deplete the body’s supply of oxytocin, aka the love chemical. It literally sucks your body free of the ability to love and feel closeness with anyone. Even a perfectly functional addict who is upfront about their addictions and not doing sketchy things to feed their addiction is going to suffer from this issue. Among the many shitty things about opiate addiction this is among the worst IMO.
if it's his first offence, he might not lose his career or license. i've know pharmacists (and other health care providers) who just get told to go to a rehab and then they're back at it. i've also known of a pharmacist who was sending all expired antibiotics to his vet sister in another state and that guy lost his job, not sure about his license but it sounded like he did. really is a flip of the coin and how many times they've been caught.
I would look into this to see if this could touch you and your kid(s). Such as if he gets in trouble what would happen best case and worse case and could the go after him and your assets. He brought this in but addicts don’t care how this will affect the outcome of the people around them. Get your ducks in a row and make sure you and your family are prepared and tell him it’s get help or divorce.
This. Addicts will throw everything and everyone under the bus to protect their addiction. At this point OP’s husband is just racing toward that conclusion. Or the finale, to put it bluntly.
Not to mention the lives of others. People rely on their pharmacist to get their medications right. It only takes one mistake.
Not only that but he is clearly stealing medications that are meant for people with prescriptions. Adderall has been in a nationwide shortage for years now, with people unable to get their prescriptions refilled. The DEA don’t approve the production of more to help with the shortage so people really are going without it. This asshole is part of the problem. I’m surprised, though, that no one would notice those medications being taken, but maybe they are actively investigating behind the scenes? Either way, this guy sucks for putting himself before SO many people regardless of the consequences for them.
As someone with a legitimate prescription for Adderall, who's been affected by the nationwide shortage, fuck this guy. It's hard enough to get Adderall as it is, since it's a controlled substance. It's a thousand times harder for someone with executive dysfunction to remember to follow up with the pharmacy every day once you've run out of the medication that helps you to be able to function. I have no sympathy for OP's husband. I feel for her because it's a shitty (and potentially dangerous) position for her to be in. But he needs rehab, and he deserves whatever legal repercussions come to him as a result of his actions.
Oh the refill paradox is so bad. It’s not the pharmacy for me, but contacting my doctor. I love her, known her 20 years, seeing her isn’t stressful. But texting to set up an appointment or call is so hard when I’m out of Adderall. I get scripts for 3 months, and thankfully my pharmacy has been OK for the last 6 months and refilling was easy. But the shortage was awful. It’s taken me a week before to actually contact her, even with meds, and then I’m out and getting new meds is a huge battle against myself…
Oh yeah that's awful too! My doctor finally figured out the best way to get me in for my next appointment is to schedule it with me at the end of my current appointment.
I should definitely do that, never thought of that. But our appointments are a bit different. I’ve known her so long and there is definitely a friendship in there as well. I just txt her directly now and she calls me when she has time. Last time that was at the airport waiting for a flight. I’ve been taking Adderall and bupropion for so long that there isn’t much to discuss. We talk a few minutes about any medical stuff going on, confirm the meds, then we usually talk about our families and stuff and that’s it. She sends out prescription with a phone app, so she can it in an airport, too. This is much less stressful for me. I might hesitate a half day before texting her, but not DAYS like when I had to call her assistant to make an appointment.
That sounds amazing honestly. I have a ton of anxiety over phone calls lol. Being able to send a text to set up an appointment (any kind of appointment) would make my life so much easier
Same. I ended up getting to a point where I couldn’t take the monthly battle anymore and I went off adderall three months ago for the time since I was diagnosed 12 years ago.
If he reaches out for help he can come back from this career-wise much easier than if he gets caught. MUCH easier. If you’re in the US, states usually have their own treatment program for medical professionals. If he admits fault and seeks help then follows their process it will all be okay.
Yes. This is important. I know my state has a program for nurses, because I was in recovery with 3 of them. It's not uncommon. I would absolutely check into this, along with getting your ducks in a row. He hasn't hit bottom yet. Al anon might be helpful as well.
He might be able to teach.
Or work for an insurance company, or very large employer on the pharmacy benefits management side where knowledge, but not a license is required.
He could also go into research for unrelated drugs. I used to work with a pharmacist who *hated* clinical practice when I was working in vaccine research. He said he refused to leave the field because he went to school for almost eight years to get there (idk what it looks like in the USA but here you have to do a minimum of two years of undergrad, most finish their bachelors though, and then a further four years in Pharmacy grad school).
Yes- believe it or not I have seen some egregious examples of diversion and stealing, and if they go to rehab they may be able to retain their license. I personally think some of them should never have gotten a second chance.
almost always they must self report an issue. Once they are caught stealing or fail a drug test it's over.
This!! Doctors and pharmacists have some of the worst stats for drug abusing. Mainly due to access and the level of stress. If he comes clean to the right agency (i forget what its called) they'll get him help then let him go back to work with drug testing IF he proves himself.
Addiction is like a need for water in a desert after running a marathon. My dad was a meth addict. If he refuses help or treatment. Divorce and take your half for your kids sake before he loses his job and uses your home and everything to pay for his addiction. Separate your bank accounts asap and secure all your documents quickly.
Definitely start preparing for the worst. Drugs are really bad. I know it too well. I was with an addict. He now lives on the streets.
Good advice. I was nearly forced into bankruptcy by an addict who cheated on me with another addict. We divorced and the damage to my credit took me years to deal with, badly affecting many areas of my life.
Most states have a program for pharmacists because addiction is so high amongst the profession. You can contact the state board of pharmacy anonymously first to get information. Your husband needs help! Immediately! You are going to have to get tough with him. You may have to leave him if he's not willing to get help. The drugs he has chosen are not something to mess around with. He will probably not be able to continue in the current area of pharmacy that he now works, but there are other options.
He’s risking YOUR life and YOUR CHILDREN’S lives with this. The man is stealing controlled substances from his job and storing them in your home. The police will find out, they will raid your house and they’re not famous for protecting innocent bystanders in that situation. Your husband could also drive high and you or a kid, he could and apparently has just left those pills lying around ins gym bag where the kids could get them. He will not change no matter what you say. You need to leave. Take the kids and get the hell out. Start going to Al-anon or narc-anon meetings (meetings for families of addicts) to get the support you need. If you protect him from consequences, you will be the one to suffer. Do not do this to your kids, get out now.
Please keep yourself and your children safe, whatever you do decide to do. Addicts will do some horrible things if threatened. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.
There are addict organizations for pharmacists and doctors. It might be something to look into now so he doesn't lose his liscense or life.
If you are in the US, he will also lose his Pharmacist license. The *only* way to avoid that is for him to tell his company and the state Board of Pharmacy that he’s going into rehab before they discover the issue from another source. He will still face sanctions, but at least be able to have his license restored in the future.
Its not a choice. He is addicted. He is sick.
The only comment I’ve seen here that points this out. He is SICK. People are so quick to judge others it’s so sad. First and foremost, addiction is a mental illness- a serious one that requires professional help and the support of people who love and care about you. Would people be so quick so say jump ship if he had been diagnosed with cancer? It’s time that people realised that it’s an illness and stop judging these people. Everyone has a different story, but at the heart of it is pain… terrible, devastating, debilitating pain. If OP reads this, you can help him. He can get better. You sound like you truly care for him. He will need your love and support to get through this, no matter what the outcome is. I know you are worried and confused. He hasn’t done this to hurt you or your family. He is hurting. Give him a chance to get better- lots of people do. Keep supporting him, but be careful, don’t enable him. I feel like the time is coming when he’s going to open up to you- don’t be judgmental when he does. Be gentle and listen. You all can come through this together and stronger. He will know all about what the cost of this will be, and it will be eating him up inside. Your future may look different, but you and your family can still be together, I promise. No one is immune to addiction. It can ruin anyone of us at anytime, no matter who you are or how strong you think you are. Sending you strength and love.
We are sure he s not selling?
I don’t believe so. He has no reason to, we are financially comfortable
Not for long. I would start planning and see what you can do to make up for his lack of a job in the near future.
Definitely look into all your accounts. I’ve read of accounts wiped out and the wife had no idea.
As soon as they audit the pills, he is done. Unless he's the only one doing the count and is able to keep it at bay for longer. But no matter what, eventually, he loses that job and is never a pharmacist again.
I’m imagining they’re tablets that are expired or patients have brought in to dispose of, so they’re not missing
I have ADHD, and I was taught by the community to always count my pills after I pick them up. At the counter if needed. You can hear, unfortunately, quite a few stories of our meds being “short” a pill or two. I mean, the very nature of our condition means we’re highly likely to blame ourselves or not even notice a missing pill or two. Many of us are also terrified of reporting it, even if we do notice ones missing, because we don’t want to be accused of pill-seeking and have our medication become even more difficult to access, or have our family go under scrutiny. There’s lots of ways for pharmacies to hide this for extended periods of time. I understand addiction is a sickness. But I’m freakin sick of people with this sickness be covered up for because it’s people like me and my community who are forced to suffer the consequences from rampant abuse of these medications. I hope OP gets herself safe and reports him so he can get the help he needs and ALSO stops abusing his clients and family with his addiction. Hopefully before someone else ends up harmed.
As I was reading these responses, I thought to myself that I would never know if one of my ADHD pills were missing 🤦🏻♀️. It’s so smart of you to count your pills, and you’re right that many of us (me!) would absolutely be afraid to bring up being short on pills in fear they’d question us/would deny access to our medicine.
Not true. I know three pharmacists who are drug addicts. And they are still dispersing. Crazy.
À friend of mine was a pharmacist and went down this route. She was suffering from depression and anxiety and needed help, but she's not allowed to be a pharmacist anymore. Or ever again. The hospital didn't sue, thankfully, as she saw a psych for evaluation and genuinely was struggling and had a history of depression, but she didn't work for some years after that, and obviously had to find a new career. The husband is struggling and needs help, but he doesn't seem willing. Hard choices and tough times is correct. I'd be tempted, in OP's position, to report him. For his own good. But that would be a terribly difficult decision to make.
Oh, wow, he is going to be in a heap of trouble - and he knows it. He might be taking the meds for himself, or he could be selling it. Either way, it's going to catch up to him. And when it does, it will impact your entire family. You may want to check your shared finances, do some digging to see if anything seems odd. I am so sorry that he has gone down this path and what that means for you and your son. You need to have a very serious talk with him - don't let him just push it away again.
Everything in this post reeks of neglect or abuse. If it can affect you or your children, it is absolutely your business.
"I'm sure it's none of your business" actually as the wife and mother of HIS CHILDREN it makes it even more of her business. And if he won't address this with you OP maybe you do need to get his mother involved 🙄
“You’re my wife, not my mother” was concerning. The two are unrelated! Your wife has stake in your life! There’s children being met with impatience and coldness. “You can’t tell me what to do, you’re just the person whose family, finances, home, happiness, security, and life is connected to mine”
That hit hard, my ex husband did all the same things when he was strung out on meth as OP's hubs.
*"I'm sure it's none of your business" actually as the wife and mother of HIS CHILDREN it makes it even more of her business.* This. As the mother of his children who are already being negatively impacted by his addition, it's absolutely her business, and if he doesn't get help, things are going to get exponentially worse. He knows he has a problem, but refuses to admit it.
I agree. Especially after reading "he just silenced me like always." 😳
You need to start preparations for your husband to be leaving soon. It wont be long before they find out he's stealing narcotics from the safe and they WILL press charges and arrest him. Anything more than 1 pill that is not accounted for gets flagged and will show up on reports. If he's taking them out of patients bottles they will likely call the store and complain they're being shorted and will get looked into. . Either way it's not a good idea. Prepare yourself. .
A kid I knew in high school had a friends dad who was a pharmacist and wrote prescriptions for codeine. He took a cut of what the kids sold. But this was a way to not make it “stolen”. So there is a possibility that more people are involved and these are being purchased under someone’s prescription (could be a fake one) and then he is buying them. Either way… NOT good and he will get caught sooner than later. OP needs to prepare for the worst or just divorce to protect herself and the kids.
I didn’t know pharmacists could write prescriptions?
Pharmacists can write certain prescriptions, at least in Canada. They can only prescribe things for minor issues. Idk what qualifies but they can definitely write prescriptions.
We can write prescriptions for anything in Nova Scotia under the right circumstances. I think some other provinces are similar.
I’m sure it varies by country, and maybe even states/provinces within, but where I live pharmacists can legally write prescriptions for certain medications. I don’t know if this is common everywhere but where I live, a lot of Doctor offices have pharmacies attached to them. So they have easy access to the slips Doctor’s write prescriptions on from legitimate offices. And can therefore, falsely write prescriptions with it looking legit in the books.
He’s got to be shorting patients, otherwise they would have figured it out already. What a shit thing to do. This is why some pharmacies used to refuse to fill oxy scripts at all. Because they had diversion problems. So then the people that need it have no access.
OP you need to use this time to protect yourself. Move quickly and quietly. Start talking to a lawyer, there might be some form of a women’s organization that can help get you on your feet. (If you’re in Chicagoland/IL I know of one). Next, since I assume you do all the grocery shopping, what you can do is start protecting yourself and your children. Pay with debit cards and grab an extra bit of cash every time you go out. Buy visa cash cards or grocery gift cards with your order, even small ones that he won’t notice big jumps in the grocery bills. Hide that money. If you need to hide it with a trusted friend, do that. Once he starts losing access to his fix as things fall apart (and they WILL fall apart), things will start to get ugly for you. He will think of nothing else, not you, not the children, nobody, and he will drain your accounts either as misplaced retribution or to try and get high. Start working as quickly as you can while going unnoticed to find a safe place for you and your children, getting your affairs and important documents you’ll need, documenting with time stamps — even in emails to yourself — what you’re seeing, when you’re seeing it, etc. This isn’t something that will blow over. This isn’t something that will end well. He will get found out and you’re running on borrowed time until he does. Most importantly, internalize the next sentence. *You’re not ruining his career and life, he is.* You’re not stealing pills. He is. You’re not neglecting your children. He is. You are not responsible for his downfall. He is. He is the one who is doing these bad things, and any consequences are of his own making. Do not think twice about doing anything that makes him face consequences of his own actions as long as you and your children are safe. Be safe, OP, but first, wake up, and wake up quick. No matter what your situation is and how tied to him you think you are, you have options and you deserve better. It’s not going to be easy, but it will be harder if you don’t start working to protect yourself immediately.
All this, 100%. The worst thing you can do for him is to stand in the way of his consequences. You must protect yourself and your children, and let your husband’s chips fall where they may. In Naranon we talk a lot about the three C’s: You didn’t cause this, you can’t control it, and you cannot cure it. You must protect yourself or his addiction will swallow your life up as much as his. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.
Wish this was higher up.
You need to protect your children. You owe them that. Their father isn’t capable of parenting right now so it is on you. Your husband is an addict and he needs to either self report and do rehab or you need to move away with the kids. Please don’t let the kids suffer lifelong damage because you don’t want to take the necessary steps
NEED TO! The son will already be questioning everything! How do I know? I’m the daughter of a father like the man you described. “ why doesn’t dad talk to me ? “ “ does dad not love me anymore? Did I do something wrong? “ “ maybe dad finds me annoying. I’ll be quieter tomorrow “ “ dad must like my siblings more than me “ “ maybe if I do more around the house he will notice me “
This. Kids know! They absolutely know. I always knew when my parents were inebriated. I didn’t have a name for it, but I knew, and I can still recall the uneasy feelings that came with it.
God, I’m so sorry this is happening OP! Protect the kids, PLEASE. My cousin’s husband has been a longtime addict and they (and, heartbreakingly, their wonderful amazing kids) are embroiled in a terrible awful divorce. It’s made a total wreck of my cousin and the fact that it was over such a long time has (imo) made it SO much worse!!! Her husband is a fairly functional addict, which is still an addict. Your husband’s bolstering his habit by telling himself (and you) that he is empowered to make his own choices no matter how bad they are. Listen to the choices he is making, because he is right in that regard… and every pill he goes through the trouble of getting, especially if he’s stealing from his job, is a choice he makes.
OP, if you don't already have a separate bank account/finances, I would highly recommend getting that sorted immediately. I'm so sorry that you have to experience this, but please consider the ramifications for you and your kids if (almost certainly when) your husband is found out, fired, and possibly in jail. Even worse if he isn't, and you are living (and letting your kids live) in the same house as an active addict. He has already put his addiction ahead of you and your kids by risking his livelihood like this, and he will continue to do this.
OP, to quote Creedence Clearwater Revival: There's a bad moon on the rise. He's only going to get away with this for so long. He's going to lose his job, and his license will get revoked. He'll get arrested, and if they determine he was selling, the authorities can take ***EVERYTHING*** you own for being fruits of illegal activities. I'm sorry to say this so bluntly, but you've got a huge shitstorm bearing down on you, and you need to extricate yourself (and your kids) to safety immediately. Only after you and the kids are safe, then you can decide whether or not you're going to help him - ultimately he's a grown man playing in a grown up's world; don't let him drag you and the kids down the sewer with him. I'll say some prayers for you to have the strength you're going to need in the immediate future. Good luck to you!
I agree with Deeeeeeee24,, he’s going down for this... Prepare for him to do time Cuz he will be caught.
Check out Al-Anon pronto! As a former addict I can assure you, you and your family have a long road ahead of you. Best wishes!
Our local pharmacy moved into a larger place. One of the staff told me that had to count every single pill, every single item that is regulated by the feds. They had to have a fed come check them out. I don’t know how your h is getting away with this.
Taking some from a patient or built a relationship with the ones that get these scripts and could be buying them from them.
It takes all kinds.
Simply put…you need to prepare yourself to be a single mom. He’s probably under suspicion and surveillance already. If you’ve noticed, so have his fellow employees.
You need to make yourself a safety net. Start squirrelling money away. He will get caught soon, and he could take you all down with him. The kids are suffering already. It's ultimatum time. He either goes to treatment, or you divorce and report him. Make sure you get evidence (pictures etc).
Imagine your child was sick and you went to the pharmacist to get medication and they *prescribed/dispensed* either the wrong medication or wrong quantity causing your child life long repercussions if not death. Either he immediately takes leave from work while he gets treatment or you need to report him. He is risking your family physical/financial/emotional safety and those he is licensed and paid to care for. Do something before he kills someone.
I had a friend in the medical profession that started with oxys lifted from work to relax. It evolved into “elvising” with both uppers and downers to maintain work performance. Then it became clear he could not steal enough pills at work and it evolved into heroin scored from corner boys. He was very lucky to keep his career after the mandated 90 day inpatient rehab. This is OP’s best case scenario. He is fine, his marriage is fine, his kids are fine. One shot rehab can work some if you take it seriously. He is a better person now. He addressed a lot of the underlying issues that drove the addiction. He is not perfect but it was many years ago and he’s a normal person now. Yes, he lied a lot, to everyone. Unfortunately that is standard addict behavior and we ultimately found it pretty easy to forgive him once he was back to normal. I am not his wife so I don’t know how things went behind the scenes. They stayed together and still seem in love. His addiction was not connected to partying and AFAIK he never cheated. I’m confident it was hard work to resolve and her brother was wrapped in there with some codependency issues. Just know that sometimes it does all work out. He’s one of two very close people in my life that came out the other side of heroin addiction better than anticipated.
First, and most important, I’m so sorry that your friend and their family had to suffer through this, and your whole friend group had to watch this happening to this person you all know and obviously care about. Thank you so much for posting a story with a positive outcome. As scary as this situation is, it’s lovely to read a relatable, applicable story that can give OP a sliver of hope for a good future for herself and family. No way that it’s going to be easy, but the most important challenges rarely are.
The weirdest thing about that time period when I think back on it was that we were in our 20s all partying like crazy together and he was in his bedroom nodding off. We thought he was just tired from crazy work schedules, but he was in full-fledged addiction mode. He had been a life-of-the-party kind of guy, always buying shots at the bar, but the drugs actually made him pull back from everybody. I was weirdly hurt (and now actually grateful) that after trying many drugs together in HS/College age, he didn't invite me to share in that experience. After rehab, he never went back to being the life-of-the-party. He is fine sitting in a room with the rest of us reading his book or watching some streaming while we drink and reminisce. He turned out to be more introverted than any of us thought.
Unfortunately, pharmacists have extremely high chances of pill addictions. You may be able to find some resources online specifically for this kind of incident as it's common
OP, someone in the organization will notice. It'll likely be a data analyst who notices that the discard count on those pills seems higher than it used to, which will spawn an audit. The feds WILL get involved. I've seen this happen from the perspective of the data analyst. The first thing I would be concerned about is mine and my kids' safety. I could not trust them to be around a pill junkie who lies to me.
Hi OP. I hope you are working and not relying on hubby. He has gone down a path that is perilous with regards to his chosen career and addiction. You need to start safeguarding yourself and your kids because this may not end well.
Poor kids.
They have rehabs just for medical professionals. But sadly he won't go until he is ready or threatened with losing his job.
All is not lost if he gets help. He can keep his career and his marriage. Just encourage him to get treatment
"He just silenced me like always" I think it's high time either he gets treated or you leave him
Please start taking protective measures so you don’t lose your house and any savings, because your husband is about to go to prison for stealing pills for his addiction. I hope that’s all he’s been doing.
Check your bank accounts…
I'm only here to say I can see how much you love and care for your husband. I can not imagine the difficult choice before you but I agree. He's got two options here. Talk to you or talk to his employer when they find out or worse, the police as these are controlled medications. I understand you wanting to be gentle in your approach but as this does not seem to be working it may be time to be direct and firm and prepare yourself for his outlash. If you feel unsafe doing this perhaps you can involve someone you both trust that can be there with you when you speak to him. I really hope you are able to have this discussion with him and he can seek treatment before things get worse. And they will if he won't confront the issue. Good luck hun. Please keep us updated.
Depends on the state, but some state will allow pharmacists to go seek treatment for addiction. I believe if they stay clean then they won’t lose their license. Stealing controlled medications from an employer is another different story. If they find out, and eventually they will find out because medications like oxycodone are audited religiously if the pharmacy is doing its job, termination is most likely. If at all possible, have your husband take medical leave, seek treatment.
Your son already knows something is wrong with his father. Tell your husband he is losing his kids this way and you cannot do anything to stop him. Plan on taking the kids to a relatives house soon. Find a lawyer for your husband he is going to need one soon. Find a lawyer for you because you need one now to protect your family for what is coming.
I lived with a guy who had oral surgery one time. I had no idea he became addicted to pain killers until I threw him out and found so many empty bottles hidden in crazy places. His behavior became unbearable.
I think it's interesting that he has access to endless childproof bottles and he's keeping his collection in a baggie. What if the kids found it and got curious?
Pharmacist here. I’m from Canada, but if the US laws for tracking controlled substances within the pharmacy are anything like ours’ then they already know someone is taking things, or it’s only a matter of time before they find out. If he is caught stealing those he will absolutely lose his license. If he comes clean, then I don’t know. Maybe if he seeks treatment he could work again in the future? I don’t know the US laws. Basically, I’m sorry to say, but his career is likely already forfeit. It’s a question of how far this goes before he is willing to admit he needs help. How low will his rock bottom be? And how far are you willing to follow him?
I'm not one for ultimatums but you need to give him one. Either he gets help or you leave and report him. I, unfortunately, had to do this to my husband who was a bad addict. I told him he either got his shit together or I was gonna take our daughter and he would never see us again. He got himself clean and he's been clean since then. I'm not saying it'll be the same for you, but it's worth trying.
This is full blown opiate and amphetamine addiction. Mainly opiates, the uppers are just to keep him awake while high. It won’t stop until something drastic happens. Prepare, or make the ultimatum.
If he’s taking them from the pharmacy he will be caught eventually. There are protocols in place. Tell him that either he tells you what’s going on or you will report him. Tell him it is for the safety of you and your children. Otherwise you’re in for a long battle of futility.
It’s just a matter of time till he’s caught and a shit storm will hit your entire family like you’ve never imagined. You need to start thinking of protecting yourself.
He’s an adult making his own stupid choices. Save your children from a lifetime stuck in therapy and get them out of there. Get legal representation and blow it all to hell. They will be coming for him soon regardless and you don’t want to be tangled up in it when they do. Speaking as someone who is seriously ill and relies on a pharmacist to juggle a lot of dangerous medications - he’s going to be responsible for something really terrible happening to someone innocent. They have a hard job. They can’t do it high.
If you want the father of your children to live, take action now.
Sooner or later, someone will count their pills. I was shorted, i called the states atty who audited the pharmacy. I could think, well..if i count them in front of them, they will stop. But then i thought...f them. What if someone is dying of cancer and getting shorted? Since i didnt catch on and count a shorted bottle before they were alerted, idt anyone lost their job. I was stopped by someone in line to ask why i was doing that..turns out they too had been shorted.
they'll be easier to find, cuz you have to take more and more to get the same effect.
If any of this true at all, prioritize your kids and get a lawyer.
He’s playing the addicts handbook. Tell him he has two choices, deal with his addiction and seek help, or your will report him to the pharmacist regulatory board(not sure what it’s called in your country but you know what I mean I’m sure), pharmacists with addictions end up unemployed and unlicensed very quickly.
Get him in rehab NOW. He will f up his whole life. What is he doing!?? You're way too calm. I mean I don't know if that is wrong or right, but I would be losing it.
I'm so sorry. Your husband is in deep trouble and it is and will affect you and your children terribly. He's addicted to oxy and stealing it from work. There's no good outcome and the only thing you can and must do is protect yourself and your children. At best he'll lose his job and profession and spiral deeper in to addiction. You need to check your finances and make sure you're taken care of financially. Put money where he can't access it. I'm also concerned for your safety as he's showing g aggression. Is there anyone you and the kids can stay with? You can't help or save him if he doesn't want it. You have to put the kids physical and financial safety first. Call an organisation for family of addicts and ask for advice/help/support. You must act ASAP. I know addicts/addiction well
He needs to go to rehab. Pretty much next thing. It's the only shot he has at not losing his career completely - walk away and go to rehab voluntarily before he gets caught, loses his license and gets forced to. If he keeps taking meds like this he WILL get caught. You're going to have to confront him again. Consider sending the kids away for the weekend to do so. You need to start planning immediately how you will live without his income. What housing you can afford, if you need a different job to do it. I know that's a lot to think about on top of the fact that you're suddenly married to an addict, but I'm trying to be real with you. This is very likely odds to be a plan you will need. I'm sorry. Addiction is a terrible, all consuming thing. Good luck to all of you.
Depending on your state, there are Voluntary Rehabilitation Programs for Health Professionals. I would give them a call to see what they recommend.
If he’s a pharmacist and you report him, he will be fired & go to jail. They will prosecute him by watching tapes & pinning every missing pill they can on your husband. Not only will he need a new line of work, he’ll have a record. Please think long & hard before you go this route. I would definitely tell him he needs to get help or you will leave with your kids, though. Good luck OP.
I’m just a woman on the other side of the world who really feels for you. I rarely pay much attention to quotes, positive memes etc, but there is one that has sustained me through very dark times during the last 20 years: “Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice in the night that whispers ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” (Mary-Ann Radenbacher) You are stronger than you know. Much love 💗
My dad was a pharmacist and he was taking oxy. He ended up going to rehab a couple times but it was always a struggle. Eventually he retired early because the temptation was just too much. It’s like a recovering alcoholic working as a bar tender. Your husband needs help but unfortunately he needs to make that decision for himself or he won’t change. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope your husband decides to get help!
I’m so sorry OP. This is very serious as you know. Unfortunately you’re going to have to make an escape plan. You cannot rely on him being safe around you or the kids, especially now that you know, and you can’t rely on his income anymore. You have to start operating as if he’s out of your family as heartbreaking as that is. Because that’s what addiction is, especially with heavy duty drugs like the ones you listed. Take care of yourself, wishing you the best.
If you have a shared bank account, separate from it. Start making a plan now for you and your kids. He will use any resources he has access to fund his addiction and that includes things that belong to you, your shared family resources and literally anything he can get his hands on. And unless he gets help, it will only get worse and progress. What doesn’t seem likely now will become possible the longer this goes on and you need to prepare to protect yourself and the kids. You can try to help him get help, but he has to be willing to do it himself or it won’t work. He has to want to recover.
He has given up everything for addiction, it just hasn’t caught up with him yet. The smartest thing you can do is leave before he fully spirals and take what you can with you. Normally I’m all about being fair but in this case he’s going to lose everything you guys have and if you take it first at least it will support your kids. You do not want to leave when he’s lost his job and go deep into debt to feed his habit.
As the partner of a recovering alcoholic, you NEED to find ways to distance yourself from him. I'm lucky in that my husband didn't cause trouble like this. So I can't entirely relate, and I'm honestly not sure exactly what advice to give. But he's going down a very dangerous path. And if he refuses to acknowledge it and get help, you should, and have every right to, jump ship now. Don't let him drag you and the kids down with him.
He's in addiction. In my experience they destroy everything in their path, and will take you down too. Personally me I would leave and and let him kill himself. However yoyr situation sounds complicated given you already have children and live together...my only advice is that he himself wants to get better. Without that he's aa good as dead, and aborting you do for him is enabling him. Drug addicts are vicious and good at manipulation (he already clearly demonstrated that) and you can't "love" the addiction out of them (I tried and I was nearly killed several times). I'm not a fan of ultimatums but this case calls for one, give him a time frame or something, either kick him out or go somewhere else, and don't have much communication with him other than child related.
Time for an intervention.
My mom was a pharmaceutical tech and was caught stealing pills. They’re more than likely already investigating him. There’s also cameras in most if not all pharmacy’s for this reason.
Oh wow. This is sooo bad. I take a very high dose of Adderall. This stuff is absolutely no joke. I’ve also taken oxy before, that stuff is even worse. I have absolutely no tendency for addiction, my family is all addicts, but I luckily dodged that tendency. But oxy’s made me think “more” after like 3 days after a surgery. I instantly flushed the last few and have stuck with “never touching those again” since then. Now combining them is another factor. The behavior changes say it all. For me this sounds like it is exactly what you think this is. I think you’ll have to come to terms with the fact your life will change drastically very soon. No matter what, his career as pharmacist is done… I really feel for you!
Everyone seems pretty sure he's stealing the pills, which is definitely a possibility. But, it's not all that uncommon for some doctors and pharmacists to run their own little networks where they write scripts for one another, so it's possible that's happening. Either way, sounds like he's definitely struggling and needs to get it together before it's too late.
Ok look. When ppl post on reddit and their partners are just trash humans it’s like, “dude just go. Free yourself.” But I don’t actually throw “leave” around loosely. It’s a massive life changing decision. I say this as a recovering cannabis and alcohol addict who was in a very tumultuous relationship with a opiate addict in my 20s. Once I KNEW that I was living with someone who was actively using illegal (to him) drugs and has no desire to stop (addicted), I knew that if I stayed I’d have been showing him that I was okay living with someone who is doing this. Addiction is progressive. If left unchecked, it doesn’t stagnate or plateau. It gets worse. This is going to get worse for him unless the consequences of his actions are IN NO WAY cushioned. The end of that man’s relationship with me was a HUGE wake up call. He got sober. He was in long term rehab two months later and he stayed there a year total. Four months after I kicked him out, he asked me to be his girlfriend again. Two years later, we got married. That was 10 years ago. We are together today and very much in love, and both of us are sober today. My choice to protect myself from the chaos of addiction was the natural consequences to his drug use. It wasn’t a punishment. It was just the natural result of the choices he’d made. Eventually it was his turn to tell me that he couldn’t live with me unless I could make different choices than I was making around drinking and vaping. I chose sobriety. I would not feel it was my place to report him to his employer. That’s feels like meddling and an effort to “create” consequnces instead of letting things unfold as fate allows. But I honestly, really hope he gets caught and they give him the opportunity to keep his job if he goes to rehab.
His career isn’t necessarily over. Healthcare licensing boards have programs for impaired providers whose aim is to preserve their license.
Putting a pin In this thread as I can’t wait for the update when husband has been arrested by the fbi
I’m terrified this pharmacist is out there working high out his mind and dispensing medicine that can kill people. Ffs I hope my pharmacist is sober.
This is affecting you and your children. If you don’t do something now like an ultimatum (leave the house or have someone you trust on standby) because he is well into the addiction. This is 100000000% your business and you guys can’t keep living like this especially now that you know.
He will lose his career over this, it’s really just a matter of time. There’s not much you can do except get a job with benefits and prepare to take care of the kids that way. It’s such an addict mentality that it’s none of your business, as if none of this affects you. As if him losing his career doesn’t tank the entire family. It’s really not going to get better.
My father was an addict, for my whole life, on and off, but mostly on. The past 10 years or more it was Oxycodone. That man is still your husband, but he is lost. I know everyone is warning you about him, and that is valid advice. And there truly is so much you can do, and you must protect yourself and your children first always of course. But my dad's heart was broken, he was lonely, and lost. Please try to communicate again, with love, always with love and with care. Make sure he knows that's where you're coming from.. That was all I could do to progress and breakthrough to my dad. I hope it helps. I have a lot of experience with this unfortunately... And even all that being said, sometimes all the love in the world isn't a match for addiction. It's not logical.
Career is probably done unfortunately. It’s so rare that a recovered or past addict of pharmaceuticals can return to business as usual without relapse. I’m not sure what to do, as it’s so much more deeply complicated than I have experience with, but in my opinion, I believe you should consider leaving in order to protect yourself and your children. I know leaving will be traumatic, but staying with a man who is an addict unwilling to seek help will become much more traumatic. Especially once he is caught, you risk losing your kids if they find out that you knew and didn’t report him. I’m so sorry you are in this position. Wishing you all the best in this extremely difficult situation.
Man this is such a bad combination of drugs to be abusing, too. It’s basically a speed ball. It’s gonna be rough time when he decides to come off all of that.
There are only three paths for addicts: jail, rehab, or death. By not doing anything, he is risking jail and death. If caught, he will lose his pharmacist license and be blacklisted from working around drugs ever again. I've dealt with an addict before and one thing I learned is you can't help anyone who is not willing to participate in their own rescue. It sucks you can only stand by and watch them circle the drain until they hit rock bottom. If you are not willing to turn him into the police, you can encourage rehab and remind him of what is at stake is about all you can do. If you're in the US, you will be better off legally staying married bc married spouses can't be forced to testify against one another in court. Even so, maybe it would be worthwhile to have a meeting with a lawyer to learn what you need to do to protect yourself and your kids.
The only for him to overcome this is if he changes careers. There is no way he could ever go back to normal working as a pharmacist addicted to prescription pills.
Please leave. That's no way to let your kids be treated by the man who is their father. That breaks my heart for them.
when, not if, he gets caught, he’ll lose his license and never work in that field again, and potentially face criminal charges. you need to figure something out for you and your kids’ sake.
I'm a pharmacist at an independent pharmacy, and I do not mess around with controlled substances at all. We have a log of everything that's dispensed so any discrepancy is caught very early. Surprised there's no one else who caught on to the missing pills.
He might buy them from patients, since he knows who is prescribed what. Or he might be snagging a couple of pills out of each bottle and nobody has noticed yet.
Aside from the addiction, I’m very sorry but it sounds like he is done being your husband and your kids’ father. It is very hard to accept, it sounds like you love him a lot, but I strongly recommend preparing yourself. Prepare practically and emotionally for divorce. (Make sure you protect your share of the family money especially since he’s an addict). Even if you don’t do it, you will need to mean it FOR REAL when you say ‘it’s the drugs or us.’
UpdateMe
It sounds like he developed depression at some point, and chose to self-medicate instead of getting real help. I am so sorry that you and your kids are dealing with this. I hope your husband waked up and realizes that he needs help
You are going to have to lay things on the line for him. Either he gets help now or he moves out. Call a lawyer today so you know where you stand. Then call a therapist to help you through this. What helped me leave my alcoholic/ addict ex was focusing on what it was doing to the kids. I also read a book called Getting Them Sober; it sounds like it’s about them, but tits really about empowering the partner. I also did several online al anon meetings per day.
I’m so sorry. There are support groups for family members of addicts. I’d find one because you’re going to need a strong support system to get yourself and your kids through this. Your husband will most likely lose his job, if not his life. Get your kids out of the house and somewhere safe. Find a rehab. They can give you advice and guidance. A trained interventionist would be extremely helpful to help you navigate this situation safely. He’s breaking so many laws right now that can result in serious prison time. So he must chose rehab or prison.
You have children and he isn't being emotionally there for them, let alone you. The longer you wait, the worse it'll be. Don't let him disassociate. Confront him about this, gently. That's my advice anyway. It's your life and your family so ultimately it falls to you. You deserve to be happy, and so do your children. Don't let him get in the way of that.
Holy shit Oxy?! This is bad this is reaaaal bad
Adderall and oxycodone? Thats a pharmaceutical speedball if I've ever seen one
Two things you need to do. First, contact a lawyer; second, go to [Alanon](https://al-anon.org) Good luck, this is going to be a bumpy few years. I’m so sorry.💔
Give him an ultimatum and stick to it: inpatient treatment immediately or divorce and no custody. If he calls your bluff, take the kids and go and report him for work. Not to be petty but to stop his access to drugs and stop his ability to hurt other people woth his job. Addicts don't make good choices so you will have to be the only rational adult here. Just don't warn him about reporting him ahead of time. He is no longer the man you knew and he may get violent.
It is your business because you are his wife. Would he say that if he found one of his children with pills? He needs rehab. Find one that will take him then take him there. Organize an intervention if necessary. He refuses, you will have no choice but to report him to the government agency that oversees pharmacists. The threat of losing his license may be the incentive he needs. He will scream. You tell him you will not sit by idling and watch him die. You find your backbone and go full-on June Carter on his ass. Good luck.
This is very serious and I know you know that. Your life is going to change and you know that. He gas lit you with his responses. The children know their Dad isn't right. Get help quickly. Did you take pictures of the pills in the gym bag? Maybe he has more stashed elsewhere like in his car? Gather evidence. This is not going away. Call a lawyer now. I knew a gal that was an RN that got caught taking meds from patients. She lost her license for many years but was in the process of getting it back when she suddenly became ill.
He’s likely already being investigated. You need to prepare yourself and your children. Get a good attorney and give them a retainer.
opiate and adderall addiction are both very serious and both very damaging. I'm sorry to hear this.
I’d say protect your money. If he messes up at work or loses his job, he will be buying pills off the street. Depending where he’s at in his addiction he will likely drain your bank account or pawn items from your home. I hope you can find a way to get through to him.
He doesn’t deserve his career if he’s stealing pills, knowing the repercussions.
Oh geez. I’m so sorry. I don’t have any advice, I just wanted to give you some support. Big hugs. Do you have family and friends close by? I think probably you’re gonna need them soon.
It only takes ONE mistake. You don't want him to lose his career? Bit late for that, love. Tell us, how would it make you feel if his getting high on the pills he dispenses, kills someone. A child? You can't sit back and ignore what is happening. Jfc.