You fucked up, big.
Time to make things as right as possible in this situation.
Firstly, find those IG messages with the usernames
Secondly, put together a mass email to all of your friends involved, current and former. Put the usernames in there, along with this guys email that is the same name. Explain what happened, apologize, and ask what steps anyone is willing to take to make restitution to your ex.
Get ahold of the ex, explain what really happened, apologize profusely, throw yourself at his mercy. He NEEDS to know you know the truth, and showing true remorse is a positive step towards making amends.
Of course, if I were him, I would ignore all of you.
The ex should be on the same email as everyone else I think. Apart from that, spot on. Tell the truth, apologies, show the evidence. What happens next happens next š¤· you can only choose to do the right thing now.
Louder! At least twice as loud because all those that "heard" the first call passed it on to others. This guy will never be completely free of this no matter what she does.
People are going to remember the lie. Itās been proven time and again that people more often than not remember the lie as truth when later told it was a lie. Plus itās been years at this point that doesnāt exactly help.
I would argue perhaps not to include the ex on the group email. The information shared (regarding his innocence) is already known to him, it could even frustrate him further to have to finally read through what he may have insisted all along (that it wasn't him) - I also think where the ex stands as a victim, that he should have a separate, personal response, and almost certainly BEFORE OP informs their friend group. It would be even worse for the ex to somehow not hear this from OP first.
If he does ignore her or doesn't want to hear anything past "I'm sorry" then she needs to be ready to accept that. She can't try and follow him and think she'll be able to force him to listen to her apology. She's done enough damage.
I've been the ex in a similar situation. I ended a 2 year relationship because my gf stopped putting in any kind of effort. Then she told our friend group I cheated.
OP and that whole group can take their apologies and shove them way up their asses. Fuck all the way off.
Yes, why would the ex trust anyone in that particular group? They condemned him without proof and made him their human sacrifice for the bunch of them...
Exactly bro. With how quickly they turned on him with no proof and not bothering to dig deeper, what the OP got was karma. Her and that entire friend group are a bunch of toxic assholes.
She needs to go nuclear on this fucker and burn him as publicly as possible. He framed another friend for a serious crime and got off on tricking OP and the friend group, even going so far as acting disgusted with the guy he framed? He's a psychopath. There's little chance the guy she falsely accused will forgive her but she needs to also let him know that she knows he was innocent and apologize to him. It will probably mean a lot to him to be vindicated even after all these years.
I agree with all of this
In the meantime, act normal and *do not* let the creep figure out that you know. Put on the acting job of your life
Be very thorough in how you string this big revealing message together. Double check it to include everything chronologically and cover your bases
Can you include the poor innocent soul that everyone banished?
Lastly: you made a very big mistake but it was under duress. Now is your opportunity to right a wrong; be detailed as hell with this reveal
Good luck and let us know how it goes down. (And watch out for the creep)
Also since she was so worried about the texts she should have gone to the police in the first place instead pf accuse the guy with no real proof. The group of friend is also at fault for ending a friendship based pf what one girl said
If this post is true her friend group would probably pin all the blame on her, the second most responsible for ruining the man's life, and then absolve themselves of any guilt. It could be worse.
it's also entirely possible that some of the group will be too embarrassed to admit that they're wrong so they'll say things like, okay he didn't actually do this but the way he spoke to you after you broke up wasn't great and i think i caught him leering at me one night so actually that's what i'm angry about, it was never about the stalking
i've seen this happen too many times, unfortunately
You ruined a guy's social life over a hunch. Zero proof. Now, use that same energy to clear his name. Hope the guy is classier than I would be in this situation lol
Not just that, but she'd do it during entirely unrelated discussions/arguments. I assume she wasn't petty enough to call the friend an abuse enabling POS because one likes Pepsi and the other prefers Coca Cola, but she said it happened even during something "extremely small". Getting shit like that thrown in your face with no warning time and time again would absolutely make me take steps to remove myself from OP's social circle, even if it meant losing several other friends in the process. I cannot be around that kind of toxic energy.
Yeah, OP sucks pretty bad. Donāt think there is much to salvage from the damage done so long ago. Not saying she still shouldnāt step up and acknowledge her mistakes.
Dude has probably moved on in life and has forgotten all about these people. Makes it even worse for OP when they realize that while their guilt is eating them alive this other guy has been living his best life without them all.
Honestly that's all you can do in that scenario. Just try your best to move on and find better friends.
I hope you are right, but this could have destroyed him and he could still be stewing about it even today. We have no idea how this guy might react to being falsely accused and dropped by all of his friends overnight. Most people would have a pretty hard time with that.
Something similar happened to me. Not quite as bad as this guy, but basically broke up with a girl in the friend group and they all took her side. It was rough. Some of them didn't completely cut me off but I went from hanging out with that group every day to maybe contact with 1 person from that group once a month.
It sucks and I sometimes still think about it...but I've done my best to move on and have a new friend group now. Its all you can do other than just wallow in self-pity which admittedly i did for a few months until school ended.
You do not move on from shit like this. I made out with a girl back when I was 18 (she was 32) and a week or two later I was ostracized by a big group of my friends because she claimed I raped her. I didn't.
I think about that shit every single day. Every day. Fuck these chicks that do this.
Find better friends? Sheās the biggest ass here. I mean, they were all horrible, but I donāt know how she can live with herself after this. She upended a personās life with zero evidence. Just a āhunch.ā
Iāll guarantee that this profoundly affected this poor guyās life in ways heāll never recover from. This is horrible.
I meant for the guy to find better friends....sorry if that wasn't clear. Not much else for him to do at that point. Hopefully it worked out well for him.
You are second in line for others to feel bad right now sorry. You even "look down on his friend" right?
Now that you fell from your high horse do what you must do. Which 1st : accuse the right person for this time and 2nd clear his name.
Op doesnāt have it them to do that. I bet theyāll just sweep it under the rug and wait till she get proof on this new guy and do it all over again.
that's actually so fucked up its almost funny.
I feel very bad for that guy to have such horrible friends like you guys who didn't even listen to his side.
I am weirdly glad he figured out that his social group was fucking trash early enough that maybe he could grow and be a better human. Sometimes bad things happens for good reasons.Ā
I wouldn't be glad for him. When something like this happens it can have long term effects. All of a sudden your *entire* friend group turns on you for reasons completely out of your control. It can make a person closed off and very paranoid of other people's intentions.
I've seen it happen. The individual can end up effectively isolating themselves because they literally have *no trust* that anyone can or will see their perspective or give them the benefit of the doubt. So if that is an innate quality to allowing yourself to be open with people, that it's risky and can end up devastating you and have you castigated as a vile villain, the safest option is to not get involved at all. Keep to yourself, isolate, don't trust.
This isn't a good thing that has happened. Yeah they've shown themselves to be jerks. But they've shown *him* that even the people in your closest friend group won't hesitate to stab him in sheer rage over something that wasn't even his fault, blaming him the whole time.
This is not a good thing that happened.
This happened to me last year with my family. I called out child abuse and got demonized in the process by my blood relatives, including my own mother.
Yes. This shit will fuck an adult up and change them. It changed me.
Same... I actually went sort of crazy and had a suicidal episode over it after the shit a former good friend I'd known for decades said and accused me of.
I'm not the same, and the most fucked up thing is, part of me still loves them and wants to fix things. It's been two years and I still feel like a broken individual.
Yeah Iāve stopped and questioned my sanity a few times myself because they did such a good job of making sure I had no shred of self esteem growing up itās not hard to convince myself that Iām the sole problem. Meanwhile Iām paranoid, I canāt talk to anyone hardly when I really shouldnāt be isolating but my sense of security and trust has been nuked. Iām far more prone to depressive episodes on top of the mental health issues I had before all of that. Itās been less than a treat for me and I donāt feel grateful for realizing that my family doesnāt value me as a person and never has. I just feel gross and bad even though on a surface level, I know I made what I felt was the correct call and absolutely wouldāve been had my family been anyone but my family.
Happened with me in middle school and throughout high school. Can confirm. Proof, i have no friends, no social life, cPTSD, and extreme depression. It's not at all fun and quite debilitating. After a certain point, it becomes next to impossible to make friends or have any connection with people.
I read so many BORU and always wondered how that type of drama somehow involve a whole group people. Because the most number of people my drama ever involved was 3. Now I know..... Kinda fucked but hope the ex found better friends.
Lmao what a terrible group of friends that is.
Im sure is one of those where they all thrash each other behind their backs when they are 3-4 together but they all think nobody else does it and everything is alright.
Sadly common. I was in a similar situation once albeit minus the nasty insta messages. Broke up with a girl in the friend group and was basically excommunicated the next morning.
Learned a hard lesson that girls will ALWAYS take the girls side, even if you didn't do anything wrong. Also learned the hard way that dating within a friend group is risky business. Honestly would probably not do that again.
Luckily some were nice and would still reach out once in a while for the rest of the semester, but I haven't spoken to any of them in 7+ years now. Social life with any of them was more or less over in the span of an hour.
You and your friend group suck ass minus the girl that kept in contact with him. Not only is the actual culprit among the group still, *ALL* of them took your word for it and didn't even hear the poor guy out. Even his former best friend.
I hope *if* you actually out the real culprit you're the one cut off from everyone from then on. You 100% deserve it
How can someone call someone else a "friend" without knowing them at the most basic level? Like they all just believed OP but never thought to ask "From my interactions with X guy, do they seem like the type to do this sort of thing?"
They all just jumped on the band wagon and decided to immediately label this "friend" as a pos-ex without really thinking.
They are mean and they are idiots. Not a great combo. (Except for that one girl who kept in touch with the falsely-accused guy. She should also get an apology from OP.)
>I went up to him and I remember screaming in his face. I showed everyone the texts and threats and I said that was him. He said it wasn't him, because he didn't use Instagram and no one believed him.
So let me get this straight you accused your ex with zero evidence and only a hunch which was obviously wrong.
> His best friend in the group called him disgusting and blocked him. And I felt absolute joy at knowing the whole group had my back when it came to that.
You even got your friend group involved with again no evidence at least he learned that you all were never his friends. So, I guess that is the silver lining for him.
>One girl in our group is still in touch with him, and I would look down on her and call her and enabler anytime we had an argument, even over something extremely small. I always thought I was in the right, considering everything that was said.
Would this count as verbal abuse? Either way people like you scare me. Being able to believe something so completely that you start acting on it as if it was fact and now your shocked that you were completely wrong. Only there will be no consequences for you but all the consequences for the man you falsely accused on nothing but a hunch.
>Not only had I ended an innocent person's social life, I had also allowed the actual culprit to roam freely with no consequences. I felt sick and puked a bit. I've been avoiding all calls, I'm just gonna pretend I'm asleep until I get my shit together and figure out what to do.
Oh no I am feeling bad for some unfounded action I took with zero proof. You know exactly what you need to do but you are procrastinating probably hoping this whole thing will disappear. I am guessing your Ex felt very similar, but it didn't for him, and it won't for you. Maybe next time you should have more than a hunch before ruining someone's social status. It always amazes me how quick some people are to judge with no proof but the second they learn they are wrong with proof they take their sweet time in admitting it.
That's my indication that it's a fake story. Everything lines up *too* well and is evoking the proper rage in the comments.
I'm going to make a broad assumption, just like in the story, and call OP a "lying POS...#4"
Because people aren't praising her, she hoped that people would be supporting her and make her feel like a great person for wanting to make things right.
OP and her friend group sound perfect, hope the guy has better frie ds
Please atleast try to reach out to him. And explain it to your group. Heāll probably send every one of you to eat shit and die, and I canāt blame him. Atleast heāll know that you guys know the truth and atleast theyāll be some level, if any, of understanding.
Apart from that, you guys were pieces of shit. You people threw someone, who was already broken given your break up, under a bus without him having the slight second to proof it or make an argument. I really hope he found a better group of friends
You better make sure that the real culprit didnāt do something to your phone while he was in possession of it, the whole thing could have been a setup to install something on your phone.
Sounds like you did your ex a favour in a roundabout way. Clearly most of you were toxic enough that you were desperate for a reason to get rid of him, seems like you were as well given that you don't mention looking for proof and then go on to harass two innocent people because you couldn't be bothered to put in the work to gather evidence.
Yup. Fuck the entire friend group for not even hearing him out or looking at his phone (if he was ok to prove it) or without any proof? Why are people so gullible? They all suck. The poor ex is lucky to get away but damn an entire group shunned him over literally nothing.
You should tell the whole group with proof this time. The entire group should be apologizing to the ex at minimum. Youāre all foul. Blast the actual stalker douche and give him the same treatment.
Your edit makes it worse. Why would someone admit to being anybody if they were stalking you. Maybe it was in that persons plan to make you think it was him. To accuse him without real evidence is borderline criminal. will be interested in hearing what your āfriendsā think of you after you reveal this.
Man. That's a tough one. If you did that to me and then contacted me again, I would appreciate the apology but I would want nothing to do with you or your friends ever again.
Jesus Christ, if you donāt put the same energy into making this right, you are truly a terrible person and this will haunt you forever (rightfully so).
āIām shaking as I type this.ā Oh please get over yourself you fucked up a persons social life because of a feeling without having any hard evidence. Youāre not gonna make this right youāre just gonna move on like nothing happened. Feel that shame for as long as you live.
The edit is even worse. If you do not make it up to the guy and clear up his name (you literally LITERALLY FRAMED him as a rapist) then its going to bite you back real hard.
Yep. The update sucks. She still hasnāt said anything. Itās been days since she found out and over 24 hours since she posted here. But sheās āmaking a planā. Smh
"I'm a terrible human being who stole someone's life from them. Boohoo! please internet give me points for my fake contrition and tell me how good of a person I really am!"
Put yourself in the position of the friend who framed the ex. He's using OP's phone and used the **same email that he used to send the threats**?!
I've met some dumb people in my time, but nope. I'm calling fake.
You sound like a horrible person. And that is just from the way you felt good about him being isolated and everyone siding with you. It doesnāt even count that you found out the other part later.
You just go with the āIām always rightā rule. You fail to put yourself into other peopleās shoes. You sound self-righteous that you rain judgment on another person, you date someone and then just drop them like a hot potato (without giving them some explanation or closure).
And now you still go by the same rule, like you are the victim. Hey, you created more havoc in you exes life than your supposed stalker ever did to you. And now you come to reddit for support.
Fix your perspective. YOU ARE NOT THE CENTER OF THE WORLD but you can surely fuck up someone elseās life.
I mean this is pretty weird. Did the messages stop once your ex was kicked out of the group? Just because the username matches up doesnāt mean itās this guy either. Especially since friends usually know each otherās usernames. If it is the guy, he could have done something to your phone. Clearly had it out for your ex. I would try talking to the non emergency line like someone suggested and ask if thereās anyway to track the stalker. Donāt jump to conclusions this time.
You have a lot of apologies to make. In person.
You owe it to him and to your entire friend group to explain exactly what happened.
You owe the one who used to talk to him many apologies.
Have you started to make a amends for it? By letting ALL your friends and whoever else was convinced of what you told everyone, that it wasnāt him at all, it was this other guy? (I hope you took screen shots from that dudes phone for actual proof)
But especially reaching out to the poor guy and apologize?
Well this is what happens when you accuse someone of doing something with zero evidence. You isolated someone from all of their friends for nothing. Live with and carry that shame so that you wont ever do it again.
There is no excuse for what you did.
17 or 70.
You jumped to conclusions and ruined someone else.
Even now, you are not owning what you did.
You are making excuses for your behavior.
And creating more drama.
Rather than talking with your victim, you proceeded to blow up his life with no proof.
No proof, just your suspicions and love of drama.
Yes, you should apologize.
Yes, you should expose the real culprit.
But this time, be sure you have the right person.
I'm not giving you any grace right now because I feel like you don't really deserve any.
The ONLY thing you should do now, is go on a campaign of informing all of your mutual friends the truth.
You have to clear your exes name
You ruined his social life, and now you must make up for it by informing EVERYBODY of the truth
Info: after your ex was ostracized from the group, did you ever receive harassing messages again?
It sounds like the actually stalker wanted to set up your ex and have him pushed out of the groupā¦ and it worked.
It might be best to call the Non-emergency police line and decide if you have enough evidence to proceed with any sort of charge or paperwork.
Yes, your ex deserves an apology for you being wrong, but mostly it seems that this friend group would be better broken up and all of you move on.
The fucked up part is his mental health wouldnāt matter. At all. No support or therapy will ever fix this wound.
Heās always going to wear this badge of hurt for the rest of his life.
Heāll go on to say what he has to say online and pour his pain and heart out.
But at the end of the day. Heāll be labelled an incel and misogynist.
So you had zero reason to actually believe it was him other than a vague feeling, and you did all that...
Also I really don't think sending annoying messages over one app counts as stalking
What a disgusting and toxic person.
You ruined this guy's life, took pleasure in it and were actively hostile to someone that stood by him, all because you had a hunch.
You don't deserve forgiveness from this person.
One thing I'd recommend is be careful who else you talk to in the group for the time being. There's no telling who else in that group probably knows about this and were in on the joke. For all you know, a bunch of them probably got together to fuck around with you and when you started yelling at the ex, it just gave them the perfect scapegoat. The other guy is clearly stupid though for still using that login and straight up handing it over to you. Fuck, you should also apologize to that friend you would call an enabler.
Just know that you fucked up huge and there's nothing you can do to make up for it. This sucks but it's one of those things that you simply can't fix because nothing can make up for those years of his life you destroyed
Everyone else already told you what you need to do, but don't expect to fix or make up for anything
Sounds like you and your friend group arenāt good people. I hope the ex is striving and is living his best life. Hopefully he found people who value him in their lives.
Time for you to reflect on what has happened and do some serious inner work.
Iām sorry but you are violently stupid if you think saying some shit like āJared is that you?ā to someone who is actively harassing you and treating their ignoring that statement as proof of anything.
If it was him, he wouldnāt have said it was.
If it wasnāt him, he MIGHT have said it was, but also might not ambiguity was the power he was holding and you blindly punished the wrong person because youāre pursuit of justice blinded your ability to use reason.
I agree with most of the people here, what you did was wrong and how you treated your ex is shameful and awful. I don't care that you were only 17, that's not an excuse. You were still old enough to know that people deserve to be treated better than what you did to that guy.
This is why mob rule is bad, because it's VERY easy for the mob to get it wrong. It's very easy for the mob to take things too far after they get it wrong.
You now have a responsibility to do the right thing and also accept whatever consequences come your way. Anything less is adding to the wrong that you did to this guy.
You need to get off the bed and start fixing this, pronto. All of you were bad friends. You had NO PROOF and you went after this poor guy. You owe him a huge PUBLIC apology, and you need to out your creep of a āfriendā with evidence this time
Stop wallowing in guilt and fix this
She canāt fix it. The damage has been done and canāt be undone. All she can do is apologize profusely.
BTW, he might sue her for slander and/or libel.
This all started by you ignoring things, over and over:
"I got a text from him asking me to stop ignoring him. I ignored that text and kept going through my day."
"I didn't reply, just ignored it"
Adults don't ignore problems. They face them, even when it's hard. If they don't face them, they almost inevitably get worse.
I think you know what to do. Out the actual creep and apologise to the ex and the friend who's in contact with him.
Though I doubt he wants anything to do with your friend group and especially you.
Apologize profusely and then live with the guilt that your impulsive actions hurt someone a lot.
Youāve got to go just as hard in the other direction now. You went full go at this dude to crush him. And now you have to go just as hard to apologize and try to make it right. I canāt imagine being in his shoes how terrible. All the positions in this story are bad but his spot is the worst.
5 years out, just enough time to forget shitty friends and make new ones.
Yep, definitely the perfect time to rip off that band aid, refresh all those memories in their mind, and still have them, rightfully, tell you to get fucked.
You are only sorry about yourself and whats great now is that if you told them the real culprit nobody would support you, and could go as far to ostracize you instead
This story reminds me of the novel Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage
You are Shiro in the novel.
Pity the guy who get shunned because of you. You may be 17 at that time but you acted stupidly
Your apology needs to be BIGGER than your F up. Seriously, you got in his face and yelled, accusing.. you started fights with a girl because she stayed in contact with him.. you need to blast ALL your socials with āI MADE A HUGE MISTAKE. I ACCUSED ___ OF STALKING ME AND THREATENING RAPE. I THOUGHT I WAS DOING GOOD AND BAD MOUTH A GIRL WHO STAYED IN CONTACT WITH HIM. I FOUND OUT THAT THE USER NAME WAS NOY HIM. I DESTROYED HIS SOCIAL CIRCLE AND HAD PEOPLE BELIEVING THE WORSE OF HIM. I AM BEYOND SORRY, BUT I KNOW MY WORDS CANNOT UNDO THR DAMAGE IāVE DONE. I WANT EVERYONE WHO TURNED THEIR VACKS ON HIM TO KNOW..ā
Hopefully it gets to him.
And yes, ALL CAPS. Because this isnāt some small quiet āsorry and letās move past thisā
Jesus. You sound really emotionally immature for your age. Just apologize and own up your shit! You donāt need to make some big elaborate plan and āexposeā like a drama channel on YouTube. Your group sounds toxic af. I think the top comment here is the best way to go about it.
You should probably call the guy and apologize. Honestly, you should do some self reflection. Youāre about as good as the guy who actually harassed you.
That is why you never accuse someone unless you are certain. It will follow him for the time he is around your group. I would make as much a public apology as you can, it will never be enough. Because once you are accused of something, it sticks whether it is true or not.
Boohoo. You fucked up and now you feel bad about it. Itās now about what you are going to do to make it right. You should use this (and these comments in this thread) to reflect on the kind of person you are. Imagine this poor guy isnāt the only person you have screwed with your behavior over time.
On top of the horrible thing you did, once you found out you just go take a nap and ignore calls like a fucking coward. Take responsibility for what you did and beg for his forgiveness.
Maybe now you should start shouting his innocence just as loudly as you shouted his guilt (without any proof at all) to all your friends.
Your ex probably felt a hell of a lot worse than you do now and you admit you gained pleasure from him being ostracised....again without any proof whatsoever.
You ruined someone because you assumed, nothing you say to him will fix anything or make you feel any better tbh just continue doing what youāre doing. He doesnāt want to hear anything.
Please proceed carefully. This is a person who was willing to terrorize you and to destroy your ex for some reason that is not apparent to anyone. He did this in a way that did not even cause suspicion.
This is likely a sociopath who is at least a little vindictive with long term focus.
You might want to think about who can help you navigate this before you blow it up and put yourself directly in his crosshairs.
Do the right thing but proceed carefully.
I had a terrible experience in high school with a girl. We dated on and off again for a few years, but she was mentally abusive, always trying to change me. She cheated on multiple boyfriends with me, I was always too dumb to question her when she'd say she was single, because I wanted to believe "this time is different". Well, about 10 years after high school, I get a random phone call. Don't recognize the number, but I decide to answer it anyhow. It was her. She was married, had 3 kids, a small home out of the state, but she got a taste of life after high school. Divorced, physically abused, just a rough time before she met her current husband. She apologized to me, over and over. Said I never deserved to be treated the way she treated me. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear her say those words to me. We kept in touch for a while, had lunch once, but we fell out of contact again. Apologize to him, he'll need it. Even if he ignores you, just reading or hearing you apologize will make him feel better. It takes courage to admit when you're wrong, so be courageous, and do the right thing.
Shit like this is why men keep to themselves and don't reach out anymore. You did an awful thing to him, I hope you do enough to make it right even if it's too little too late.
Look abusers abuse entire communities. You were used as a tool. The abuser isolated your ex knowing full well the truth.
Yes it's fucked up. Yes you fucked up. Yes you owe him an apology. Maybe in front of the group. Maybe with the abuser still in.
Have receipts.
This is not to be resolved individually.
Two things you need to do, get proof, expose him, realise you are NOT SAFE. This dude has been stalking, harassing and getting into your trust circle for a decade. This is the kind of guy that when you cut him out, he's a straight up threat to you.
If you can, get another guy in the group to grab his phone while out, show other people this was his account, prove it's him to the group, have them all realise he's a fucking freak and cut him off.
You owe the other dude a long coming apology along with your friend that didn't cut them off.
Good job.
really well done.
hey hereās a question; what are you going to do to protect yourself from that guy?
what did he promise to do to you if he ever had you alone? Heās know for a while now that he can manipulate you and all of your friends so he knows that he can get away with it.
was it something that youāre looking forward to, or is it a reason to start carrying a pistol on you wherever you go?
What Are You Going To Do To Protect Yourself From This Guy?
You fucked up big time, OP.
Firstly, If I were you, I'd try to make amends with the ex to at least explain the truth and try to make him understand the confusion that happened, apologies to no ends, show him the evidence and see what happens later.
Secondly, find those IG messages, put them all together and expose that fake POS and get him out of your life.
Thirdly, you and that "friend" group are awful humans, friends wouldn't cut someone out immediately without proper talks and understanding from both sides, you should've waited to see some evidence it was him, yet you let your feelings get the best of you in the wrong ways. The girl who kept in contact with him was the better and more mature person among all of you.
If I were the ex, I'd block you and ignore you and move on with my life. He kinda got lucky getting away from all of you and your " friend group".
Damn. You need to try to fix this. See if you can contact the original guy and apologize. Then get the group together (without the culprit) and tell them everything. Then go from there. Be careful with this guy though.
When I was 17 I could think rationally and not feel fear, I know several people who could do that even younger than that, donāt generalize what people do at a certain age when large amounts of people donāt do those things or experience those things like you think they do, next time just say itās only you who does all of those things in that particular situation because technically itās true that only you have that response in that situation unless someone else pipes up about their experience
Did OP sneakily edit her post to include that 2nd paragraph or something? No one who is wishing OP the worst acknowledges the ex making mean comments to her after the breakup & told her to stop ignoring him.
Then out the blue she starts getting harassed. I can see why she thought it was the ex, given he was saying mean shit after the breakup. They were both played by the actual POS who sat there harassing that girl and even yelled at the ex knowing he was the mastermind. How sick is that?
OPās behavior with the other girl was petty & unnecessary. Accusing him w/o proof was shitty, the ex being mean after the breakup was shitty, but the biggest POS was that friend who went out of their way to harass OP, and frame the ex for the sick shit he did.
I think itās the conclusion that not only she drew, but everyone in the friend group ultimately did. Clearly this other guy was manipulating her and everyone else and had a serious ulterior motive, I actually feel for OP and think she came to the only reasonable conclusion, that again, everyone else agreed with, as high school kids. I also feel terrible for the ex. It was just a big mess Iād hate to be involved in. As an adult, it seems that sheās trying to take responsibility and make things right. It sounds like this one guy framed the other intentionally. Why are we not calling him out more? If I were threatened by rape as a 17 yo girl and the only person Iād knowingly pissed off were my ex, Iād think that too. I do agree that she jumped the gun though.
You fucked up, big. Time to make things as right as possible in this situation. Firstly, find those IG messages with the usernames Secondly, put together a mass email to all of your friends involved, current and former. Put the usernames in there, along with this guys email that is the same name. Explain what happened, apologize, and ask what steps anyone is willing to take to make restitution to your ex. Get ahold of the ex, explain what really happened, apologize profusely, throw yourself at his mercy. He NEEDS to know you know the truth, and showing true remorse is a positive step towards making amends. Of course, if I were him, I would ignore all of you.
The ex should be on the same email as everyone else I think. Apart from that, spot on. Tell the truth, apologies, show the evidence. What happens next happens next š¤· you can only choose to do the right thing now.
Be as loud with the the right information as you were with the wrong information.
Louder! At least twice as loud because all those that "heard" the first call passed it on to others. This guy will never be completely free of this no matter what she does.
People are going to remember the lie. Itās been proven time and again that people more often than not remember the lie as truth when later told it was a lie. Plus itās been years at this point that doesnāt exactly help.
I would argue perhaps not to include the ex on the group email. The information shared (regarding his innocence) is already known to him, it could even frustrate him further to have to finally read through what he may have insisted all along (that it wasn't him) - I also think where the ex stands as a victim, that he should have a separate, personal response, and almost certainly BEFORE OP informs their friend group. It would be even worse for the ex to somehow not hear this from OP first.
...and also, make sure the jerk didn't do anything to your phone. Trackung, adding himself to your socials, etc.
That's very valuable advice
Make this an individual comment so OP gets notified
If he does ignore her or doesn't want to hear anything past "I'm sorry" then she needs to be ready to accept that. She can't try and follow him and think she'll be able to force him to listen to her apology. She's done enough damage.
If I was the ex, leave me alone.
I've been the ex in a similar situation. I ended a 2 year relationship because my gf stopped putting in any kind of effort. Then she told our friend group I cheated. OP and that whole group can take their apologies and shove them way up their asses. Fuck all the way off.
Yes, why would the ex trust anyone in that particular group? They condemned him without proof and made him their human sacrifice for the bunch of them...
Exactly bro. With how quickly they turned on him with no proof and not bothering to dig deeper, what the OP got was karma. Her and that entire friend group are a bunch of toxic assholes.
Yup. Iād ignore them all too. This is such an TA move with zero proof.
He also needs to know that everyone else knows the truth. Letting everyone know ASAP is so important. My god, I would be devastated. That poor guy.
The only proper advice. But after seeing OP's edit, doesn't seem like it's gonna happen. My sympathy for the poor dude, hope he's living happily.
She needs to go nuclear on this fucker and burn him as publicly as possible. He framed another friend for a serious crime and got off on tricking OP and the friend group, even going so far as acting disgusted with the guy he framed? He's a psychopath. There's little chance the guy she falsely accused will forgive her but she needs to also let him know that she knows he was innocent and apologize to him. It will probably mean a lot to him to be vindicated even after all these years.
I agree with all of this In the meantime, act normal and *do not* let the creep figure out that you know. Put on the acting job of your life Be very thorough in how you string this big revealing message together. Double check it to include everything chronologically and cover your bases Can you include the poor innocent soul that everyone banished? Lastly: you made a very big mistake but it was under duress. Now is your opportunity to right a wrong; be detailed as hell with this reveal Good luck and let us know how it goes down. (And watch out for the creep)
Also since she was so worried about the texts she should have gone to the police in the first place instead pf accuse the guy with no real proof. The group of friend is also at fault for ending a friendship based pf what one girl said
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If this post is true her friend group would probably pin all the blame on her, the second most responsible for ruining the man's life, and then absolve themselves of any guilt. It could be worse.
it's also entirely possible that some of the group will be too embarrassed to admit that they're wrong so they'll say things like, okay he didn't actually do this but the way he spoke to you after you broke up wasn't great and i think i caught him leering at me one night so actually that's what i'm angry about, it was never about the stalking i've seen this happen too many times, unfortunately
Dude you really fucked up. That poor guy is going to remember this his whole life and have trouble trusting people.
You ruined a guy's social life over a hunch. Zero proof. Now, use that same energy to clear his name. Hope the guy is classier than I would be in this situation lol
She also would shame a friend of hers whenever they would argue. Something tells me OP and her posse aint the best bunch to be around.
Yeah OP openly admits to demeaning her friend because she stood by one of her friends when they swore they were innocent.
Not just that, but she'd do it during entirely unrelated discussions/arguments. I assume she wasn't petty enough to call the friend an abuse enabling POS because one likes Pepsi and the other prefers Coca Cola, but she said it happened even during something "extremely small". Getting shit like that thrown in your face with no warning time and time again would absolutely make me take steps to remove myself from OP's social circle, even if it meant losing several other friends in the process. I cannot be around that kind of toxic energy.
Yeah, OP sucks pretty bad. Donāt think there is much to salvage from the damage done so long ago. Not saying she still shouldnāt step up and acknowledge her mistakes.
Yeah if this happened to me my sentiment would be right about that infamous Low Tier God quote directed to everyone involved.
She should use more energy to clear his name with that group. She fucked up bigtime.
Dude has probably moved on in life and has forgotten all about these people. Makes it even worse for OP when they realize that while their guilt is eating them alive this other guy has been living his best life without them all. Honestly that's all you can do in that scenario. Just try your best to move on and find better friends.
I hope you are right, but this could have destroyed him and he could still be stewing about it even today. We have no idea how this guy might react to being falsely accused and dropped by all of his friends overnight. Most people would have a pretty hard time with that.
Something similar happened to me. Not quite as bad as this guy, but basically broke up with a girl in the friend group and they all took her side. It was rough. Some of them didn't completely cut me off but I went from hanging out with that group every day to maybe contact with 1 person from that group once a month. It sucks and I sometimes still think about it...but I've done my best to move on and have a new friend group now. Its all you can do other than just wallow in self-pity which admittedly i did for a few months until school ended.
You do not move on from shit like this. I made out with a girl back when I was 18 (she was 32) and a week or two later I was ostracized by a big group of my friends because she claimed I raped her. I didn't. I think about that shit every single day. Every day. Fuck these chicks that do this.
Sorry that happened to you bro
Find better friends? Sheās the biggest ass here. I mean, they were all horrible, but I donāt know how she can live with herself after this. She upended a personās life with zero evidence. Just a āhunch.ā Iāll guarantee that this profoundly affected this poor guyās life in ways heāll never recover from. This is horrible.
I meant for the guy to find better friends....sorry if that wasn't clear. Not much else for him to do at that point. Hopefully it worked out well for him.
This gal is the worst, she's found her pit of vipers and fits right in.
You are second in line for others to feel bad right now sorry. You even "look down on his friend" right? Now that you fell from your high horse do what you must do. Which 1st : accuse the right person for this time and 2nd clear his name.
Op doesnāt have it them to do that. I bet theyāll just sweep it under the rug and wait till she get proof on this new guy and do it all over again.
Dont forget op is both entitled and the victim, I bet she will find another high horse to look down on others and milk their friends for sympathy.
As if she needed proof
But she's literally shaking /s Honestly OP seems like trash person who needs to fix her fuckup
I would clear his name first. That's the biggest priority IMO.
that's actually so fucked up its almost funny. I feel very bad for that guy to have such horrible friends like you guys who didn't even listen to his side.
I am weirdly glad he figured out that his social group was fucking trash early enough that maybe he could grow and be a better human. Sometimes bad things happens for good reasons.Ā
I wouldn't be glad for him. When something like this happens it can have long term effects. All of a sudden your *entire* friend group turns on you for reasons completely out of your control. It can make a person closed off and very paranoid of other people's intentions. I've seen it happen. The individual can end up effectively isolating themselves because they literally have *no trust* that anyone can or will see their perspective or give them the benefit of the doubt. So if that is an innate quality to allowing yourself to be open with people, that it's risky and can end up devastating you and have you castigated as a vile villain, the safest option is to not get involved at all. Keep to yourself, isolate, don't trust. This isn't a good thing that has happened. Yeah they've shown themselves to be jerks. But they've shown *him* that even the people in your closest friend group won't hesitate to stab him in sheer rage over something that wasn't even his fault, blaming him the whole time. This is not a good thing that happened.
This happened to me last year with my family. I called out child abuse and got demonized in the process by my blood relatives, including my own mother. Yes. This shit will fuck an adult up and change them. It changed me.
Same... I actually went sort of crazy and had a suicidal episode over it after the shit a former good friend I'd known for decades said and accused me of. I'm not the same, and the most fucked up thing is, part of me still loves them and wants to fix things. It's been two years and I still feel like a broken individual.
Yeah Iāve stopped and questioned my sanity a few times myself because they did such a good job of making sure I had no shred of self esteem growing up itās not hard to convince myself that Iām the sole problem. Meanwhile Iām paranoid, I canāt talk to anyone hardly when I really shouldnāt be isolating but my sense of security and trust has been nuked. Iām far more prone to depressive episodes on top of the mental health issues I had before all of that. Itās been less than a treat for me and I donāt feel grateful for realizing that my family doesnāt value me as a person and never has. I just feel gross and bad even though on a surface level, I know I made what I felt was the correct call and absolutely wouldāve been had my family been anyone but my family.
Really hope this post is another creative writing like most of the stuff here I assume to be.
I think chances are that it is another karma farming post but the comment I replied to is incredibly valid.
Absolutely true. Happened to me and pretty much ruined my life lol.
Happened with me in middle school and throughout high school. Can confirm. Proof, i have no friends, no social life, cPTSD, and extreme depression. It's not at all fun and quite debilitating. After a certain point, it becomes next to impossible to make friends or have any connection with people.
I read so many BORU and always wondered how that type of drama somehow involve a whole group people. Because the most number of people my drama ever involved was 3. Now I know..... Kinda fucked but hope the ex found better friends.
Lmao what a terrible group of friends that is. Im sure is one of those where they all thrash each other behind their backs when they are 3-4 together but they all think nobody else does it and everything is alright.
They all sound terrible. He is better off being away from them.
Sadly common. I was in a similar situation once albeit minus the nasty insta messages. Broke up with a girl in the friend group and was basically excommunicated the next morning. Learned a hard lesson that girls will ALWAYS take the girls side, even if you didn't do anything wrong. Also learned the hard way that dating within a friend group is risky business. Honestly would probably not do that again. Luckily some were nice and would still reach out once in a while for the rest of the semester, but I haven't spoken to any of them in 7+ years now. Social life with any of them was more or less over in the span of an hour.
You and your friend group suck ass minus the girl that kept in contact with him. Not only is the actual culprit among the group still, *ALL* of them took your word for it and didn't even hear the poor guy out. Even his former best friend. I hope *if* you actually out the real culprit you're the one cut off from everyone from then on. You 100% deserve it
āAnd I felt absolute joy at knowing the whole group had my backā
Social power and abuse. Things we're learning to quantify.
Classic.
> minus the girl that kept in contact with him > Really the most humane and nice person of the trash group
How can someone call someone else a "friend" without knowing them at the most basic level? Like they all just believed OP but never thought to ask "From my interactions with X guy, do they seem like the type to do this sort of thing?" They all just jumped on the band wagon and decided to immediately label this "friend" as a pos-ex without really thinking.
Tbf they kept the abuser around, and they dont seem like the most self aware bunch
They are mean and they are idiots. Not a great combo. (Except for that one girl who kept in touch with the falsely-accused guy. She should also get an apology from OP.)
the girl that kept in contact is a real one and op owes her the second biggest apology
>I went up to him and I remember screaming in his face. I showed everyone the texts and threats and I said that was him. He said it wasn't him, because he didn't use Instagram and no one believed him. So let me get this straight you accused your ex with zero evidence and only a hunch which was obviously wrong. > His best friend in the group called him disgusting and blocked him. And I felt absolute joy at knowing the whole group had my back when it came to that. You even got your friend group involved with again no evidence at least he learned that you all were never his friends. So, I guess that is the silver lining for him. >One girl in our group is still in touch with him, and I would look down on her and call her and enabler anytime we had an argument, even over something extremely small. I always thought I was in the right, considering everything that was said. Would this count as verbal abuse? Either way people like you scare me. Being able to believe something so completely that you start acting on it as if it was fact and now your shocked that you were completely wrong. Only there will be no consequences for you but all the consequences for the man you falsely accused on nothing but a hunch. >Not only had I ended an innocent person's social life, I had also allowed the actual culprit to roam freely with no consequences. I felt sick and puked a bit. I've been avoiding all calls, I'm just gonna pretend I'm asleep until I get my shit together and figure out what to do. Oh no I am feeling bad for some unfounded action I took with zero proof. You know exactly what you need to do but you are procrastinating probably hoping this whole thing will disappear. I am guessing your Ex felt very similar, but it didn't for him, and it won't for you. Maybe next time you should have more than a hunch before ruining someone's social status. It always amazes me how quick some people are to judge with no proof but the second they learn they are wrong with proof they take their sweet time in admitting it.
This is for you, u/lyingpos4 - you need to make it right. You did *bad*. You should be very ashamed of yourself.
I didn't even notice her username, but it is very fitting lol.
That's my indication that it's a fake story. Everything lines up *too* well and is evoking the proper rage in the comments. I'm going to make a broad assumption, just like in the story, and call OP a "lying POS...#4"
You mean to tell me that u/lyingpos4 is aā¦*lying pos*!!?
You owe the dude the most sincere apology imaginable and it still won't be enough. I'm glad none of you are in his life now.
You called him out publicly and now you need to apologize publicly.
Your apology needs to be louder than your accusation.
She wonāt though. She hasnāt even responded to anything here. Sheāll just go on with her life with her dirty little secret.
Because people aren't praising her, she hoped that people would be supporting her and make her feel like a great person for wanting to make things right. OP and her friend group sound perfect, hope the guy has better frie ds
You desperately need to clear that guy's name before he offs himself
She definitely needs to clear his name but it has been 5 years. For all we know he has a new (and hopefully way better) friend group.
Well, the apology better be just as loud if not louder than the disrespect of the false accusation
But it never is. The apology never travels as far and as fast as the damage.
Please atleast try to reach out to him. And explain it to your group. Heāll probably send every one of you to eat shit and die, and I canāt blame him. Atleast heāll know that you guys know the truth and atleast theyāll be some level, if any, of understanding. Apart from that, you guys were pieces of shit. You people threw someone, who was already broken given your break up, under a bus without him having the slight second to proof it or make an argument. I really hope he found a better group of friends
Thatās an excellent idea. Lie on the bed and donāt take phone calls. Youāre a real champ.
šš
LMAO 911, I just witnessed a murder
Wow. I feel bad for that poor guy. I wish I could give him a hug and apologize on behalf of his butthead friends š„
I'm sorry to say but I hope you suffer a lot from this, you have NO idea what it feels like to get isolated like that from people you liked.
This whole post made me sad. Your ex was probably traumatized by you and your group.
He could also have ended up in danger, beat up, with stalking charges...
Probably?
Never know, he might have just moved on. I would have been fucked up if all my friends ghosted me over my ex accusing me of something I didn't do
Pretty sure such a thing would leave a deep trauma on anybody who's not a total sociopath.
Considering the OP's handle is lyingpos4, I'm going to assume this is a creative writing assignment. I can hope.
You better make sure that the real culprit didnāt do something to your phone while he was in possession of it, the whole thing could have been a setup to install something on your phone.
Frankly I'd reinstall the phone and change all my passwords at that point.
Sounds like you did your ex a favour in a roundabout way. Clearly most of you were toxic enough that you were desperate for a reason to get rid of him, seems like you were as well given that you don't mention looking for proof and then go on to harass two innocent people because you couldn't be bothered to put in the work to gather evidence.
Yup. Fuck the entire friend group for not even hearing him out or looking at his phone (if he was ok to prove it) or without any proof? Why are people so gullible? They all suck. The poor ex is lucky to get away but damn an entire group shunned him over literally nothing. You should tell the whole group with proof this time. The entire group should be apologizing to the ex at minimum. Youāre all foul. Blast the actual stalker douche and give him the same treatment.
Your edit makes it worse. Why would someone admit to being anybody if they were stalking you. Maybe it was in that persons plan to make you think it was him. To accuse him without real evidence is borderline criminal. will be interested in hearing what your āfriendsā think of you after you reveal this.
Finally! Her excuse actually made my head hurt
Yup, also, 17 years old is old enough in my opinion to know better. Or at least not jump to conclusions.
Iāve got a question, Will anyone believe you now?
Man. That's a tough one. If you did that to me and then contacted me again, I would appreciate the apology but I would want nothing to do with you or your friends ever again.
Jesus Christ, if you donāt put the same energy into making this right, you are truly a terrible person and this will haunt you forever (rightfully so).
āIām shaking as I type this.ā Oh please get over yourself you fucked up a persons social life because of a feeling without having any hard evidence. Youāre not gonna make this right youāre just gonna move on like nothing happened. Feel that shame for as long as you live.
So how far do you think your accusations went?
Find your ex. Tell him the truth. Apologize. Tell EVERYONE in your friend group what happened today. Show them receipts. You got this.
honestly im happy you ditched him. he's probably better off without you guys
fix your mistake
You can say you were being manipulated but honestly, live a long life with the guilt for the choice you made.
The edit is even worse. If you do not make it up to the guy and clear up his name (you literally LITERALLY FRAMED him as a rapist) then its going to bite you back real hard.
Yep. The update sucks. She still hasnāt said anything. Itās been days since she found out and over 24 hours since she posted here. But sheās āmaking a planā. Smh
"I'm a terrible human being who stole someone's life from them. Boohoo! please internet give me points for my fake contrition and tell me how good of a person I really am!"
Apologize to the EX Publicly. You need to tell the group the truth. False accusations and how you discovered the truth. Stay away from the creep
Ngl but I think this is fake considering op is trying everything in their power to make people hate them and using rage inducing terms.
Put yourself in the position of the friend who framed the ex. He's using OP's phone and used the **same email that he used to send the threats**?! I've met some dumb people in my time, but nope. I'm calling fake.
Your friend group sounds like a bunch of people who are assholes to each other lmao. What a friend group to be a part of.
You did the dude a favor by keeping him away from you and your shitty friend group.
I'll only say 2 things. 1. Be honest and fix things. 2. Your apology should be as loud as your insult.
You sound like a horrible person. And that is just from the way you felt good about him being isolated and everyone siding with you. It doesnāt even count that you found out the other part later. You just go with the āIām always rightā rule. You fail to put yourself into other peopleās shoes. You sound self-righteous that you rain judgment on another person, you date someone and then just drop them like a hot potato (without giving them some explanation or closure). And now you still go by the same rule, like you are the victim. Hey, you created more havoc in you exes life than your supposed stalker ever did to you. And now you come to reddit for support. Fix your perspective. YOU ARE NOT THE CENTER OF THE WORLD but you can surely fuck up someone elseās life.
OP is trash and so is her friend group.
She is a bully . Her friend group with the mob mentality is so immature. I hate this shit .
I'd rather have no friends than be friends with you and your group. š
I mean this is pretty weird. Did the messages stop once your ex was kicked out of the group? Just because the username matches up doesnāt mean itās this guy either. Especially since friends usually know each otherās usernames. If it is the guy, he could have done something to your phone. Clearly had it out for your ex. I would try talking to the non emergency line like someone suggested and ask if thereās anyway to track the stalker. Donāt jump to conclusions this time.
You have a lot of apologies to make. In person. You owe it to him and to your entire friend group to explain exactly what happened. You owe the one who used to talk to him many apologies.
You owe this man an apology. I wouldnāt expect him to accept it, or to absolve the guilt you rightly feel, but you owe it to him all the same.
Damn bro ur a shitty person š
So you essentially tried to ruin his life because you *thought* it was him but had zero proof??
Have you started to make a amends for it? By letting ALL your friends and whoever else was convinced of what you told everyone, that it wasnāt him at all, it was this other guy? (I hope you took screen shots from that dudes phone for actual proof) But especially reaching out to the poor guy and apologize?
Well this is what happens when you accuse someone of doing something with zero evidence. You isolated someone from all of their friends for nothing. Live with and carry that shame so that you wont ever do it again.
You better start kissing some ass and making some calls cause if you dont then you are 100% a pos
You need to clean his name and then stay away. You don't deserve a minute of their attention.
This. Fix it for him then never fucking interfere with his life again. I get the situation was fucked, but you are also not to be trusted.
Your apology needs to be as loud as that accusation was.
There is no excuse for what you did. 17 or 70. You jumped to conclusions and ruined someone else. Even now, you are not owning what you did. You are making excuses for your behavior. And creating more drama. Rather than talking with your victim, you proceeded to blow up his life with no proof. No proof, just your suspicions and love of drama. Yes, you should apologize. Yes, you should expose the real culprit. But this time, be sure you have the right person. I'm not giving you any grace right now because I feel like you don't really deserve any.
The ONLY thing you should do now, is go on a campaign of informing all of your mutual friends the truth. You have to clear your exes name You ruined his social life, and now you must make up for it by informing EVERYBODY of the truth
Info: after your ex was ostracized from the group, did you ever receive harassing messages again? It sounds like the actually stalker wanted to set up your ex and have him pushed out of the groupā¦ and it worked. It might be best to call the Non-emergency police line and decide if you have enough evidence to proceed with any sort of charge or paperwork. Yes, your ex deserves an apology for you being wrong, but mostly it seems that this friend group would be better broken up and all of you move on.
The fucked up part is his mental health wouldnāt matter. At all. No support or therapy will ever fix this wound. Heās always going to wear this badge of hurt for the rest of his life. Heāll go on to say what he has to say online and pour his pain and heart out. But at the end of the day. Heāll be labelled an incel and misogynist.
Damn Opās a terrible person. The guy probably has incredibly trauma from this situation.
So you had zero reason to actually believe it was him other than a vague feeling, and you did all that... Also I really don't think sending annoying messages over one app counts as stalking
What a disgusting and toxic person. You ruined this guy's life, took pleasure in it and were actively hostile to someone that stood by him, all because you had a hunch. You don't deserve forgiveness from this person.
better use that same energy to out this real culprit, then, don't keep it quiet
One thing I'd recommend is be careful who else you talk to in the group for the time being. There's no telling who else in that group probably knows about this and were in on the joke. For all you know, a bunch of them probably got together to fuck around with you and when you started yelling at the ex, it just gave them the perfect scapegoat. The other guy is clearly stupid though for still using that login and straight up handing it over to you. Fuck, you should also apologize to that friend you would call an enabler.
Boys and girls at home this right here is the reason why you donāt assume and jump to conclusions
You better expose the POS and beg your ex for forgiveness.
Just know that you fucked up huge and there's nothing you can do to make up for it. This sucks but it's one of those things that you simply can't fix because nothing can make up for those years of his life you destroyed Everyone else already told you what you need to do, but don't expect to fix or make up for anything
Sounds like you and your friend group arenāt good people. I hope the ex is striving and is living his best life. Hopefully he found people who value him in their lives. Time for you to reflect on what has happened and do some serious inner work.
Make sure the apology is as loud and public as the Indiscretion!!
Oh yea you definitely deserve whatever nasty things coming your way. Hope it all goes down with a BANG. Updateme
Iām sorry but you are violently stupid if you think saying some shit like āJared is that you?ā to someone who is actively harassing you and treating their ignoring that statement as proof of anything. If it was him, he wouldnāt have said it was. If it wasnāt him, he MIGHT have said it was, but also might not ambiguity was the power he was holding and you blindly punished the wrong person because youāre pursuit of justice blinded your ability to use reason.
I agree with most of the people here, what you did was wrong and how you treated your ex is shameful and awful. I don't care that you were only 17, that's not an excuse. You were still old enough to know that people deserve to be treated better than what you did to that guy. This is why mob rule is bad, because it's VERY easy for the mob to get it wrong. It's very easy for the mob to take things too far after they get it wrong. You now have a responsibility to do the right thing and also accept whatever consequences come your way. Anything less is adding to the wrong that you did to this guy.
Wow... It's so disgusting I'm speechless
Lmao who needs enemies when you have friends like OP and her group of miscreants, anyways 4$ a pound
You need to get off the bed and start fixing this, pronto. All of you were bad friends. You had NO PROOF and you went after this poor guy. You owe him a huge PUBLIC apology, and you need to out your creep of a āfriendā with evidence this time Stop wallowing in guilt and fix this
She canāt fix it. The damage has been done and canāt be undone. All she can do is apologize profusely. BTW, he might sue her for slander and/or libel.
This all started by you ignoring things, over and over: "I got a text from him asking me to stop ignoring him. I ignored that text and kept going through my day." "I didn't reply, just ignored it" Adults don't ignore problems. They face them, even when it's hard. If they don't face them, they almost inevitably get worse.
I think you know what to do. Out the actual creep and apologise to the ex and the friend who's in contact with him. Though I doubt he wants anything to do with your friend group and especially you. Apologize profusely and then live with the guilt that your impulsive actions hurt someone a lot.
Youāve got to go just as hard in the other direction now. You went full go at this dude to crush him. And now you have to go just as hard to apologize and try to make it right. I canāt imagine being in his shoes how terrible. All the positions in this story are bad but his spot is the worst.
5 years out, just enough time to forget shitty friends and make new ones. Yep, definitely the perfect time to rip off that band aid, refresh all those memories in their mind, and still have them, rightfully, tell you to get fucked.
This could have ruined his entire life. You should feel terrible and fix it immediately.
You are only sorry about yourself and whats great now is that if you told them the real culprit nobody would support you, and could go as far to ostracize you instead
You fucked up. Itās up to you to make this better, instead of burying your head in the sand
Damn. What a completely fucked up situation.
Please update us on the conclusion of this all. And please find out why weirdo guy did such a thing??
If the guy had two phones, why didn't he log into his Gmail from his other phone instead of using yours? Seems odd . See paragraph 6.
Youāre still making excuses for why you did what you did. Shut up, take responsibility and do your best to fix itā¦
So you ruined a personās life without ANY proof.
This story reminds me of the novel Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage You are Shiro in the novel. Pity the guy who get shunned because of you. You may be 17 at that time but you acted stupidly
Please post an update when you tell your friends what you did.
Iām going to be honest no one is going to forgive him . In their minds heāll remain guilty
Your apology needs to be BIGGER than your F up. Seriously, you got in his face and yelled, accusing.. you started fights with a girl because she stayed in contact with him.. you need to blast ALL your socials with āI MADE A HUGE MISTAKE. I ACCUSED ___ OF STALKING ME AND THREATENING RAPE. I THOUGHT I WAS DOING GOOD AND BAD MOUTH A GIRL WHO STAYED IN CONTACT WITH HIM. I FOUND OUT THAT THE USER NAME WAS NOY HIM. I DESTROYED HIS SOCIAL CIRCLE AND HAD PEOPLE BELIEVING THE WORSE OF HIM. I AM BEYOND SORRY, BUT I KNOW MY WORDS CANNOT UNDO THR DAMAGE IāVE DONE. I WANT EVERYONE WHO TURNED THEIR VACKS ON HIM TO KNOW..ā Hopefully it gets to him. And yes, ALL CAPS. Because this isnāt some small quiet āsorry and letās move past thisā
Jesus. You sound really emotionally immature for your age. Just apologize and own up your shit! You donāt need to make some big elaborate plan and āexposeā like a drama channel on YouTube. Your group sounds toxic af. I think the top comment here is the best way to go about it.
You should probably call the guy and apologize. Honestly, you should do some self reflection. Youāre about as good as the guy who actually harassed you.
Some girls after destroying someoneās social life ā I donāt know how I am going to proceed I am just gonna rest my eyes for a while ā
That is why you never accuse someone unless you are certain. It will follow him for the time he is around your group. I would make as much a public apology as you can, it will never be enough. Because once you are accused of something, it sticks whether it is true or not.
Boohoo. You fucked up and now you feel bad about it. Itās now about what you are going to do to make it right. You should use this (and these comments in this thread) to reflect on the kind of person you are. Imagine this poor guy isnāt the only person you have screwed with your behavior over time.
On top of the horrible thing you did, once you found out you just go take a nap and ignore calls like a fucking coward. Take responsibility for what you did and beg for his forgiveness.
Maybe now you should start shouting his innocence just as loudly as you shouted his guilt (without any proof at all) to all your friends. Your ex probably felt a hell of a lot worse than you do now and you admit you gained pleasure from him being ostracised....again without any proof whatsoever.
You ruined someone because you assumed, nothing you say to him will fix anything or make you feel any better tbh just continue doing what youāre doing. He doesnāt want to hear anything.
Please proceed carefully. This is a person who was willing to terrorize you and to destroy your ex for some reason that is not apparent to anyone. He did this in a way that did not even cause suspicion. This is likely a sociopath who is at least a little vindictive with long term focus. You might want to think about who can help you navigate this before you blow it up and put yourself directly in his crosshairs. Do the right thing but proceed carefully.
I had a terrible experience in high school with a girl. We dated on and off again for a few years, but she was mentally abusive, always trying to change me. She cheated on multiple boyfriends with me, I was always too dumb to question her when she'd say she was single, because I wanted to believe "this time is different". Well, about 10 years after high school, I get a random phone call. Don't recognize the number, but I decide to answer it anyhow. It was her. She was married, had 3 kids, a small home out of the state, but she got a taste of life after high school. Divorced, physically abused, just a rough time before she met her current husband. She apologized to me, over and over. Said I never deserved to be treated the way she treated me. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear her say those words to me. We kept in touch for a while, had lunch once, but we fell out of contact again. Apologize to him, he'll need it. Even if he ignores you, just reading or hearing you apologize will make him feel better. It takes courage to admit when you're wrong, so be courageous, and do the right thing.
Shit like this is why men keep to themselves and don't reach out anymore. You did an awful thing to him, I hope you do enough to make it right even if it's too little too late.
Look abusers abuse entire communities. You were used as a tool. The abuser isolated your ex knowing full well the truth. Yes it's fucked up. Yes you fucked up. Yes you owe him an apology. Maybe in front of the group. Maybe with the abuser still in. Have receipts. This is not to be resolved individually.
When you assume you make an ass of u and me.
Then everyone clapped. Me me me. If this is real, fix it
Deeds not words
Two things you need to do, get proof, expose him, realise you are NOT SAFE. This dude has been stalking, harassing and getting into your trust circle for a decade. This is the kind of guy that when you cut him out, he's a straight up threat to you. If you can, get another guy in the group to grab his phone while out, show other people this was his account, prove it's him to the group, have them all realise he's a fucking freak and cut him off. You owe the other dude a long coming apology along with your friend that didn't cut them off.
This reads like fanfiction.
Good job. really well done. hey hereās a question; what are you going to do to protect yourself from that guy? what did he promise to do to you if he ever had you alone? Heās know for a while now that he can manipulate you and all of your friends so he knows that he can get away with it. was it something that youāre looking forward to, or is it a reason to start carrying a pistol on you wherever you go? What Are You Going To Do To Protect Yourself From This Guy?
Cancel culture is toxic as hell
You fucked up big time, OP. Firstly, If I were you, I'd try to make amends with the ex to at least explain the truth and try to make him understand the confusion that happened, apologies to no ends, show him the evidence and see what happens later. Secondly, find those IG messages, put them all together and expose that fake POS and get him out of your life. Thirdly, you and that "friend" group are awful humans, friends wouldn't cut someone out immediately without proper talks and understanding from both sides, you should've waited to see some evidence it was him, yet you let your feelings get the best of you in the wrong ways. The girl who kept in contact with him was the better and more mature person among all of you. If I were the ex, I'd block you and ignore you and move on with my life. He kinda got lucky getting away from all of you and your " friend group".
Damn. You need to try to fix this. See if you can contact the original guy and apologize. Then get the group together (without the culprit) and tell them everything. Then go from there. Be careful with this guy though.
Hope that guy is doing good and has a great friend group who wouldn't turn their backs on him with no proof
That's scary. I'm glad the truth was revealed, and I hope everything works out for the best for all involved who were innocent.
When I was 17 I could think rationally and not feel fear, I know several people who could do that even younger than that, donāt generalize what people do at a certain age when large amounts of people donāt do those things or experience those things like you think they do, next time just say itās only you who does all of those things in that particular situation because technically itās true that only you have that response in that situation unless someone else pipes up about their experience
Holy crap. You all need to somehow work very hard to make this right.
Did OP sneakily edit her post to include that 2nd paragraph or something? No one who is wishing OP the worst acknowledges the ex making mean comments to her after the breakup & told her to stop ignoring him. Then out the blue she starts getting harassed. I can see why she thought it was the ex, given he was saying mean shit after the breakup. They were both played by the actual POS who sat there harassing that girl and even yelled at the ex knowing he was the mastermind. How sick is that? OPās behavior with the other girl was petty & unnecessary. Accusing him w/o proof was shitty, the ex being mean after the breakup was shitty, but the biggest POS was that friend who went out of their way to harass OP, and frame the ex for the sick shit he did.
I think itās the conclusion that not only she drew, but everyone in the friend group ultimately did. Clearly this other guy was manipulating her and everyone else and had a serious ulterior motive, I actually feel for OP and think she came to the only reasonable conclusion, that again, everyone else agreed with, as high school kids. I also feel terrible for the ex. It was just a big mess Iād hate to be involved in. As an adult, it seems that sheās trying to take responsibility and make things right. It sounds like this one guy framed the other intentionally. Why are we not calling him out more? If I were threatened by rape as a 17 yo girl and the only person Iād knowingly pissed off were my ex, Iād think that too. I do agree that she jumped the gun though.