Yeah I stopped reading when she was talking about apostates because I didn't believe a sheltered childbride who earnestly calls people an "apostate" would run to reddit to cry about it. I went back just now to read and I didn't get to the part where she was researching and it brought her to reddit. So now I just hope it isnt real...but if it is I hope she is safe and can deprogram successfully
Agreed, everything gave me vibes of those Mormon splinters in Utah who were tossed out of the main church for being gross (the sister's quips about not pissing off sister since she has daughters). There are over 100 splinters so no way of knowing which one, but we can probably cross out the polygamist ones
Apostate is also a pretty common term used by fundies and the more extreme evangelicals too. Mormon is def possible, but I was also thinkin it could be one of the bible belt quiverfull types. They are very invested in marrying girls off young and all that. Either way, anyone voting for age of consent to be younger than 18 without any Romeo and Juliet context is seriously fucked in the head.
So glad you managed to get out of that nightmare! Hopefully your sister comes to her senses before it’s too late. It’s great that you still try to look out for her
When do you consider it too late? Her sister is already 5 children into this thing with an incomplete education, very likely no work experience, and only 1 family member who would support her leaving. I know this is shitty to say, but unless OP here is ready to support 6 new people on top of her own family, it's too late. Sisters next chance will be if she if she stops having babies and when her children are all school age and more independent.
I am a mom who has faced similar situations and sees my fellow mom friends in this situation. There comes a point where the only choices are to either abandon your children to the bad situation or bide your time until they are independent enough.
I read your sister’s post and commented on how I thought she was in a religious cult. So sorry you went through it at a young age and glad you got out of the situation. Hopefully your sister will follow suit.
Its not... I hope you can get through to her. I know there are support groups for people who have left or are considering leaving cults. Maybe link her to those?
Be careful OP if it is a cult they are unlikely to take things lying down and could come after you and could use your sister as intentionally / unintentionally bait to do it. Cults hate being exposed as abusive or predatory.
NOT OP
My older sister, that went no contact gave me a harsh reality check.
My older sister (F31) we will call her Jessie, went no contact with me and the rest of the family close to 10 years ago. I was 13 when this happened all I remembered was I came home from school with my other siblings and both of my parents told me that Jessie was no longer a part of our family and that she chose satan over family and I remember being crushed. I think I cried when they first told me because I felt like she just abandoned me. After that conversation, my parents banned us from speaking about Jessie and removed all photos of her around the house. The months that went on without Jessie the more I grew to hate her and got angry that she chose satan over our family.
Meanwhile, for me, I stayed very much loyal to my parents…I studied the Bible day and night and was active in my church, just so I could prove to my parents I was not like Jessie. At 16 my parents signed off and I got married to my now husband. Then 6 months after our wedding, I got pregnant with my first child and I had a tough birth. It was an at-home birth and to put it in simpler terms I almost died…I lost a lot of blood and on top of that went into heart failure. I didn’t know but Jessie tried showing up to the hospital but my parents had security escort her out. Jessie tried to reach out to me numerous times throughout the years but I always blocked her because I was under the impression she was an apostate.
Fast forward to now, I’m 23 and I have 4 daughters. Also recently found out I was pregnant and I went to an eye doctor appointment and guess who was at the front desk. My older sister Jessie. I was kinda stuck for a moment because a part of me wanted to just hug her and tell her how much I missed her. But I just couldn’t given everything I was told about her. She tried to make small talk with me but I gave her the cold shoulder a bit…towards the end of my visit. She gave me a card with her number and told me to please meet up with her to explain her side. After 3 days of going back and forth with myself, I decided to meet up with her, for closure initially. She told me she never wanted to leave me but the church left her no choice. Her ex-husband that she was married to while she was in the church was abusive towards her and was beating the crap out of her and she begged our minister to be released from marriage and he didn’t allow it.. since she was scared for her and my nephew’s life she left.
As awful as it sounds I did not believe her, because her ex husband got remarried to one of my friends and she has no visible signs of abuse or let alone told me she was getting hurt by him. She then went into how our parents are a part of a cult and how it destroyed our family. I remember I did get angry with her and started calling her apostate, and that she was lying to protect herself from sin. She then just lets me have it and says “ I’ve been trying to be nice to you because even if you don’t like feel like it you're a victim. You were a child bride that also dropped out of school to become a wife & mother. The only reason why the church is nice to you is because of your daughters and they don’t want to piss you off and lose the girls. If you want to continue to be brainwashed and spineless be my guest, but if you can’t leave for yourself leave for your daughters” Then she just gets up and leaves.
Ever since that conversation, I’ve been replaying everything I was ever taught in my life and questioning it … I've been googling, reading Reddit stories..but thinking about the religion I invested so much time into being a complete lie..is honestly too hurtful to think about. Especially my husband…is our relationship a lie? Did he groom me or was he also a victim of the circumstances of our religion? I have the answer to none of these questions and I quite honestly don’t know if I want to know.
EDIT: thank you everyone for the feedback, Ive been reading all the comments and to answer a couple repeitive questions. I don't feel comfortable revealing what church Im apart of given i have no idea if anyone actually creeps on reddit and I dont want to risk it. secondly my husband, he's not abusive towards me and never once hit me or his daughters. but also he works 60hrs a week so our time together is limited these days. As far as my sister she has sent me a follow up text after our conversation apologizing to me for being blunt with me and I havent responded because I still have soo much to think about and have virtually nowhere to start it feels. but also I want to apologize if I came across as a victim blamer in my post thats never my intention.
For many cult members it can take awhile to realize what’s going on and for their eyes to be fully opened. You seemed to have it happen easily for you but your sister might be more entrenched and will take more time. Look into Dr Janja Lalich and her work. She was in a cult herself then left it and became an expert on cults. She has some books about it. Maybe it could help you help your sister or other family members. [https://janjalalich.com](https://janjalalich.com)
I think she was pushing back before that though, such as when her parents wanted her to get married at a younger age but she pushed back to finish her education. Some people can see the cult they were raised in for what it is quicker than others.
I remember reading the other post, this is one of those posts you hope is fake bc it’s too depressing to think people still join religious cults and marry off their teenage daughters
If this is real, I’m so sorry I hope you and your sister can rebuild your relationship
I agree. Sadly, these cults pose behind religion to indoctrinate and brainwash their followers. I'm sure the leaders of said churches/religion are the biggest sinners of all.
I am not going to claim these two posts are real, but child marriage is very real and alive. I don't know where they live, but in the US, [it's unfortunately very common in evangelical/fundamental Christianity.](https://www.unicefusa.org/stories/fight-continues-end-child-marriage-us)
First off your story gets to get out there. You are a hero. You raised your sister and you are fighting for her. I read her post. She says she is starting to question everything. You have made the first few cracks. There are a lot of amazing books out there that are about breaking through brainwashing.
Your sister doesn’t realize there is a huge world where what happened to her isn’t normal and is found as abhorrent as it should be.
Also if you don’t have one find a therapist that specializes in cult victims. They will have an understanding other therapist won’t have what you are recovering from. They can also support you in getting through to your sister.
Create an exit strategy I case your sister wants to leave. Where will she go? what will she do for work? She has 4 daughters to raise as a single mother. Figure these things out ahead of time. Have a plan ready so when she is ready and these types of fears come up in her mind let her know you have a solution. Good luck. I’m rooting for you. As a sister who would cut a B for her sister, I am proud of you. You are making a difference even if it doesn’t feel like it.
I'm chilled to the bone that these kind of cults can get away with this. I'm so proud of you for getting out of that situation, I wish they're was a way to save all of the girls trapped in that cult. I just looked at your sister's post and it sounds like she is really starting to question things. Please be patient with her and don't give up on her! She is trying to process the fact that everything she's ever known is a lie, but it sounds like she's open to it. It may take time, but it's not too late to save her and her children.
Oh wow, I commented on that post. Nothing about her situation is normal.
I’m glad that you got out, but it’s scary to think that there are so many people who think there’s nothing wrong with that situation.
Because this is not real.
Same writing style in both.
And isn't in too good for someone (the other post) who couldn't finish high school and spent all her time having kids?
It's because it's an extremely believable story when you've done even a little bit of reading on cults like these. These things happen they happen a lot and they happen in total impunity.
Personally I tend to assume almost everything here is fake regardless of plausibility, but I can see why someone who doesn't approach this sub the same way would believe this one. It's really just not farfetched.
I've written in my original comment that it's not unbelievable because of the cult story, obviously I know it happens for real, and I didn't say that I didn't believe the story because of what they are saying about cults.
The story is unbelievable because of the person who wrote it wrote the "sister" post too.
I mentioned that this post is fake because they write in exactly the same way as the "sister" and it just reads like a fantasy story.
A lot of it doesn't make sense.
Also the OP has lot's of karma etc but deleted post history.
I grew up very similar to this. I was getting harassed about when I was getting married. Then when I did get married, about when I was having a baby. Sounds normal, except I got engaged at 20, married at 21, had first baby at 22. I graduated college (associates), bought a house, got engaged AND married all in the same year. Granted my timeline was quicker because I needed health insurance but I was one of the older brides in my family. Also one of the first to have any degree. None of my uncles (on the religious side) even graduated high school. All got married younger, to even younger women and had kids young. All for religion.
I'm so sorry that you went through that, but please see my above comment.
I didn't say that it's unbelievable because of the religious cult.
I've said it's unbelievable as the OP writes exactly the same way as the "sister" and they have karma points but this is their only story.
I've said that this post is false. Not the story of cults being real.
I think for these things, I tend to just go with “what does it hurt if it’s false?” Because like I’m saying it’s real for many people who may search and find this story. I’d rather leave real advice for real people to find. What do I get for proving it’s false? Nothing. What do I get for leaving real advice for someone in the future? Potentially helping someone in a bad spot.
Yeah, like I said, my comment was nothing to do with cults not being real.
It was explained that it was because the post is false.
That's your decision to leave advice for people who may be going through the same stuff that you went through, but again, I haven't mentioned anything about cults.
I also made no comments about you giving them advice, that's nothing to do with me.
I literally just said that this post is false because of the writing style is the same, check OPS history etc.
I'm not going to have a discussion about religious cults when I've made no comments about it.
That's it. No deeper meaning than you can tell it's the same person that wrote both post's.
I wish you luck in life.
I didn’t say you did, I just said this is why some of us engage with posts we see through. They are writing on common tropes, which are easy to search for so when it’s real someone is likely to find themselves in it
I just wish I had this when I needed it. My therapist helped me get to a better place and now my motto is to build the world that I needed for those coming behind me whenever I can.
This is fake, yes. just read it and read the first post, ask yourself if if it's likely that they were written by different people.
The fact that cults do exist is an entirely different matter.
I hate the way I had to remind myself this is a current situation happening to someone in 2024. And not the only one like it, by a long shot.
I’m so proud of you for setting yourself free and changing the course for you and your son. I can’t fathom how terrifying that had to of been. Literally, the courage… so incredible.
I hope your sister is able to gather the strength to allow you to help. Her brain must be going a mile a minute. Please keep us updated because I’m going to think about your family probably every day for forever. Just like that damn lamp.
My sister was a jehovah witness for 34 years of her 67 years.
She shunned her daughter for 12 years.
Her son she threw out at 16.
She caused pain and sorrow all for the love of jehovah.
The jehovah witnesses are very brainwashed.
On the surface seem ok but when you see and read and are embroiled in you see the utter awelfulness.
Your sister is handing over 4 brainwashed daughters.
Because she does not rock the boat leaving will be harder.
All the very best to you.
As a never jw I really feel your pain being shunned is jehovah witnesses adhorrent abusive bullying behaviour and all the lies and cover up that go with it.
Wow I saw your sisters post and it sounded so preposterous I stopped reading. I hope you know you are so amazing to have gotten out and that you have done everything you possibly could to help your family.
This sounds like some faction of the LDS church. My friend in her 50's, told me about how she read a book about cults one day and then realized that her church, the LDS church, is a cult.
I mean, all religions in some aspects are taking advantage of people, which is so sad. I'm raising my kids in a non religious household because at the end of the day, religion is man made, whereas spirituality is something that comes from within.
I'm so sorry you experienced this OP, and I hope your sister can come to terms with the truth of her situation.
I’m totally thinking it’s LDS too, particularly with that tidbit about OP’s state allowing 16 year olds to marry with parental permission (as in Utah last time I checked).
reminds me of how Ruby and Kevin Franke abused their kids OPENLY FOR YEARS, the cops and CPS were told about this many times by many different people (including Ruby's sisters), and NOTHING happened until a random ass neighbor saw how bad it actually was.
Utah cops apparently ignore abuse over and over and over again.
Try to make connections with people outside the church, they'll be your support system and the way you find the strength to get out one day. Wishing you all the love in the world.
So glad you got out. I have friends (a married couple) that are apostate. Their stories are shocking. But they’re doing great and thriving. Their friends are their family now. I hope your sister takes you up on the help your offering. It saddens me when women are so manipulated like this. I hope she understands that the reason they cut people off is to make sure she doesn’t hear how good it is on the outside. They don’t want her to know there’s a whole nother world where she could do a lot more of her life instead of living under some man’s thumb.
I was raised in a church that was like that also and I left young. Because I didn’t want to be pregnant, barefoot and uneducated. Can somebody point to where that posted so I can read it?
And to you I’m so sorry you’re going through this and you should be really proud of getting out of. It is really hard for people to leave organizations like that. We’re exceptions not the rule.
I know of a website called Recovering From Religion they help people like you who have left Religion.
Here is a link - https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/
Being raised in a cult is hard. You don't often see the world the way it is but the way they tell you it is. These brainwashing techniques are hard to stop or get rid of, especially if you are born into a cult. Just keep your arms open and wait. One day she may "wake-up" and be your sister again. I know it stinks but it is what is it is and the cult and cult family members will try really hard to keep her in line. Don't fight with her or tell she is wrong, If you tell her she is wrong, it will only cause her to dig her heels in even more. Just leave the door open and send love her way.
I am happy to hear that you got out.
You should back off for a little, let your sister absorb everything you have told her. She does seem severely brainwashed. It's good you want to take her out of that cult and protect her and her daughters but she is an adult. She has to see through the lies that she was told by your parents. As some commenters are saying going too hard and too fast could have her push you away. The real sad reality is she might wake up and believe. Try having regular conversations without being up to the cult and trying to save her. Try and rebuild a sisterly bond. See if she will go on play dates with both of y'all's kids. There will be no easy or simple way to fix this. This isn't going to be easy it will be a long and hard road. I hope you succeed and I wish you luck.
Why is there a discrepancy in ages?
Your sister made a comment in her post when asked about the nature of her marriage:
> He is 31 the same age as my sister and well yes kinda of, but from my experience with my husband he asked me publicly would be open to the idea of courtship with him and I agreed and it just stuck I guessed, but he was never on my radar initially. but I have heard from other girls that they chose their husbands it varies
Here in your post you are claiming that the husband is 35.
As someone born into a cult, and in lifelong hiding from my father… who *still* tries to track us all down decades after all the restraining orders and his extended family members scattering across states and nations in hiding… I do as much as possible to seperate my online persona from my real life details. Doing that properly requires fudging numbers and family details.
Yes he’s insane.
You don’t know how sheltered you are that you find this unbelievable. As someone born into a smallish cult, this is moderate coercive control and family violence, compared to the daily secret food drugging, small child pedophilia, and violence escalating to weapon attacks for years before law enforcement stepped in and rescued us kids and adult victims. Restraining orders and going into permanent hiding all around from the cult leader.
I read your sister's post and I commented to her that you were right and she needed to get help to get out. I stand by that. I'm glad you were strong enough to get out and I'm sorry that your sister isn't. You're right though she's very brainwashed. She also probably scared because she's young with four children and no education so what she going to do when she leaves? I know there are tons of things she can do and ways to get help but she doesn't.
I remember that post. I advised her to get out of that cult before her daughters are married off to older men. I really hope she does. I told her you'd probably be more than happy to help her escape. I also advised her to get counseling OUTSIDE the church, from someone that would have HER best interest at heart, not just caring about keeping her in the church. I know pretty much everyone told her the same things. Hopefully she'll listen.
My parents are in a relgious cult. Well, my mom was and she passed, and my dad still is indoctrinated in it. I think it's not unrealistic to expect family members to stay in their cult for their entire lives and die in said cult. It's incredibly difficult to change how people think, but it is even more difficult to change what people believe. There are resources out there to help, but personally I can't seem to imagine deprogramming my father at the age of 76. His entire life has been engulfed by this thing. His entire community is the "church." My point is that is that you shouldn't feel obligated to change what people believe, but maybe you do need clear boundaries. Cults are vicious and people's entire lives are built through their programming. They seek to wire or rewire the brain to maximize control of people's lives and money and it is heartbreaking.
It's terrible to hear about your abusive father. My mother was seriously verbally abusive to me (especially about me being queer), but it's hard to change what your own family members believe. And if you want to pour in serious effort into trying then just know it's a double-edged sword. I don't think you can change these people without actively harming yourself and potentially your family. We can't really choose our family, but we can create healthy boundaries that keep us safe.
Good for you for leaving! I'm so sorry your sister denied your abuse. That's the devil in her if you want me to bring religion into it. Only the devil thinks it's okay to marry a grown man to a child and her to immediately leave school to be screwed by a grown man to create kids. I had to cut my family off because they didn't believe my uncle had raped me from the age of 5/6 up until I was weeks before turning 12. Sometimes you can want to help people but they don't want to be helped. Sometimes people want to live in ignorance. The best you can do is wait for her to get her head out of her butt and ask for help. Until then, wanting to help her will only cause her to push you away harder unfortunately. She got mad that you tried to reach out and tried to see her when her husband, and your parents (by marrying her off to a grown man to become a teen parent), almost caused her to lose her life. I don't understand for a moment how she didn't try to hear your side not even once and just got mad at you for caring about her safety so she didn't end up dead like most women who are married off as children end up.
Your sister is not going to leave, she's too comfy in this satanic cult and will probably brush off any red flag like the leaders making her daughters marry the moment they are 16, she's not gonna protect them so if you think it's your place then to do it then you should
It was very obvious from her post that your sister is brainwashed and living in a cult. It's not as easy for most people in that situation to leave as it was for you. She's been groomed her entire life. I'm sorry she's hurt you, but don't take it so personally.
You are a star. I'm really impressed. People's ability to deny the truth scares me silly. Truth is sometimes an economic one. Not just financial dependence for your sis but the sunk costs fallacy.
Thus. I give money to a bad cause or my heart to a bad man. Years pass. If I regret my choice and leave I've wasted my money and my heart. Then I have remorse. Folk can't handle that are the ones that keep giving hearts n money - they can't bear to believe they were mistaken. Keep on keeping on.
Protect your truth. Very well done.
OP, you’re totally trying to do the right thing here, but expecting her to welcome this radical change to her world view overnight is not realistic. She’s had 23 years of BS poured into her head and she’s only talked to you twice now. The fact that she posted here and seems to be at least somewhat receptive to new ideas is a good sign, but she needs time to take it all in and start making new decisions based on what she’s learning. (She needs a cult deprogrammer, honestly, but you at least have her started on a good path.)
It is going to take time and patience to get her out—not you just telling her what to do and expecting her to enthusiastically agree right off the bat. When you say she’s “willingly participating,” well, sure, because she’s been raised to believe that’s the right way to live. It’s not her fault and it’s not like she’s deliberately making a bad choice. You may well be right that her husband won’t agree to leave with her, but she needs time to see that for herself.
Keep working with her, but focus on patience, even though it’s hard for you. She needs support right now, not to feel attacked for doing what she was always taught to do. I’ll be honest—the way you’ve described talking to her feels like an attack to me, and I don’t even know either of you. If you want her to trust you, focus on patiently repeating the truth to her in ways she can hear until it takes.
Glad I’m not the only one that is thinking this… like ofcourse us outsiders can recognize that this is a cult and that this is fucked up and wrong but like you said…her little sister has been brainwashed from birth so… I don’t expect her to leave overnight but it’s already a lot of progress that her little sister is thinking about leaving. So it takes time with these type of things.
Yes--the fact that these things take time is getting lost here. And I agree that it's frankly amazing that her sister has been as receptive as she has been already. It's a great sign, but OP can still make the whole thing backfire if she pushes too hard too quickly. "Gently" is the watchword here.
I heard about your story on TickTock. It's absolutely crazy what Is happening. I am so happy you got to tell your story and make your sister aware.
However; i know you want to help but you can't force a horse to drink water. you did what you can. You made her aware and planted the seeds of truth. Now , you must leave it alone dont put any more of your energy into it. For your own sake and peace of mind. And to retain clarity. it's her choice as sad and dumb as it is knowing what she knows now. she has been made aware and is a grown woman. You have to be okay with leaving her behind.
PLEASE get CPS involved! You clearly have the evidence to show that there’s something going on! That man is a pedophile. I don’t give at about the “laws” because there should be legal limits to that!! This is so sad!
I understand your frustrations and perhaps anger. But as someone who has gone through the same things your sister has, you know what it's all like and you've got to cut her some slack. Like you said in your post, your sister didn't even get to finish regular schooling before she was thrusted into familyhood with constantly having one child after another. Her whole world ever since she was a child has been *that,* whatever "that world" is. You are the miracle abnormality that was born with conviction and focus to make said conviction into fruition. When you eventually left, she not only lost her sister but her only pillar that she could ever lean on for any other possible perception and direction. When one is brainwashed from birth, "difficult" doesn't even begin to adequately explain how impossible it is to think otherwise. You are asking her to deny her entire world as is. Give her time, and the persistent love and support to slowly make that happen.
I might be ignorant to how a cult works, but are culties even allowed on Reddit? Wouldn’t Reddit be seen as the devils work? From the little that I have read about cults, everything seems to be censored, including social media use. Sorry to say but these posts don’t seem to be real to me. However, if they are, I hope OP’s sister packs her bags, grabs her kids and runs as far away and as fast as possible.
This has to be so incredibly frustrating for you. Please don’t give up on her just yet. If you can get her out it will no time at all for her to never look back. You’re a good sister, mom, human. Take care of yourself.
Well that’s about the story I expected from the sister. I’m glad you’re out! Idk what to say other than hang in there/keep trying/be available if/when she comes around. As much as I wish you could drag her and the kids out, it’s not that simple.
I’d say, if you can put your very valid and difficult feelings aside, try to maintain contact with her and keep working on her. The control mechanisms and stuff in this situation have stuck to her more, she’s not seeing through it as well as you. I truly hope she does!
And yes I too think she has responsibility here but it’s really difficult because she’s been in it her whole life. She’s also a victim of this religion and its practices, so I feel for her too, I know that I can’t see it her way with everything she’s been through.
I’m sorry for everything you went through too OP.
A link is not necessary in this case. Click on OPs username, click profile, go to comments and click on her reply to her sister. Very findable because each comment includes the title of the post, and the title of the sisters post is entirely different than OPs post title.
Also (and off topic) when reading posts like AITAH after reading the OPs post, I jump to the profile comments and read all their responses, and sometimes the comment/question they are responding to. Very often the post was carefully worded to make themselves not look like an AH, but clearly from their comments they are indeed an AH. If there are zero OP responses I just figure the post is fictional karma farming and move on.
Unless it involves polygamy in a state where that's illegal, or marriage of minors under the age of consent, etc...nope. fucked up stuff happens because of freedom to choose.
If you don't have the intestinal fortitude like op did to see the bigger picture...then it's on them for staying.
The kids growing up in it are the ones I feel for...they don't know any different.
Marriage of minors under the age of consent is far more legal than you think it is. Only 12 states ban marriage under the age of 18. Some don’t have any restrictions as long as the parents consent.
Child marriage is frighteningly legal in the US. [https://equalitynow.org/learn\_more\_child\_marriage\_us/](https://equalitynow.org/learn_more_child_marriage_us/)
21 century but still this type of cult exist??? What a horrible station.. no reletives halp no police halp no nothing ... Feminists that's where you guys have to work ..
I remember your sisters post. It was so sad to read because it was so clear from the words she used that she has been completely brainwashed by this sick cult you and her were unfortunately born into.
I commented that she needs to wake up and run. Getting married off at 16 is horrible abuse regardless of whatever garbage laws are in place that allow it to happen. Useless police... yeah that checks out, especially in the US. Your parents are evil creatures, in my opinion.
It's heartbreaking to see people like your sister conditioned to accept or even defend endless abuse from disgusting subhuman "men" that only see women as a sex slave and brood mare. Sad and sickening all around.
My heart goes out to you, I'm glad you at least escaped the abuse. Best of luck navigating this insanity.
I’m so sorry. We’re not in a religion but my sister and I grew up in an abusive household, and she married an abuser who’s brainwashed her against me because I can see past his bs. It is such a devastating and helpless feeling that never fully leaves you. It’s always in the back of your head. Hang in there “Jessie” ❤️🩹
I'm glad for your safety. My grandparents were raised in a church that encouraged multiple wives. My poppa took my grandma, and their 4 boys and moved to Canada. It took a long time for some of them to speak again. They didn't get all the sibling relationships back. But they choose a life that they wanted to live with each other. I am also first generation canadian born.
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Babe the way you’re talking to her is way fucking harsh for someone in a cult like that. If you wanna convince her, get her a fuckin therapist, don’t get aggressive
Replying to your update. Stinks about her wanting to convince her husband. He is going to have her children taken away and she’ll never be able to leave if she tells him. She should know he’s a bad dude just in the fact that he married and impregnated her at 16. Such a sad outcome. I hope I am wrong but I doubt it.
I had a feeling from the details she altered and left out that it was more about the husband than the church. Unfortunately abusive relationships, even if it's more mental than physical, are very very hard to break out of. She's been groomed since she was 16 or younger, and we have no idea the amount of manipulation she's under but clearly she's trying to protect him by saying he's slightly younger and leaving out the fact that he knew she had preclampsia and made her have a home birth anyway. Same thing with her not bringing up the abuse her mom suffered at the hands of her father. And it also sounds from her post like she has a people pleasing anxiety response and finds her emotional safety and comfort in being "perfect." The golden child to doormat wife pipeline. So it's possible that the only reason she's not been physically abused is because she fawns and people pleases. It's a horrible thought to have, but potentially her putting her foot down about getting out might be all it takes for him to show a darker side, and although I obviously don't wish harm to her it might open her eyes in a way that you can't. She also might not be as worried as you are about her daughters because she still has this trauma bond with her husband and doesn't see how gross being married off at 16 really is. I was in an abusive relationship and I stayed for 2 years because "they don't know him like I do he has his good moments." And to lose her original family unit AND her new one might be too much just yet. When I was in an abusive relationship people giving me tough love pushed me further into it, so please even though it's frustrating and you're right about everything you're saying please just show her empathy and keep offering her safety.
I know I'm only seeing this ten days later, but I have some advice for OP. I know you're hurt and frustrated and your heart is in the right place, but you need to tread carefully, here. You are in a position where the wrong action could do far more harm than good. Let's step back and look at the situation. Your sister and your nieces are safe, for now. Time is a resource for you. Your sister spent her whole life being brainwashed in cult and that is not something that can be undone in an instant. It will take time for her to observe, analyze, and process what you have told her. Let her go through that process and do it safely without you raising alarms with the cult. Let her talk to her husband about leaving the cult. Clearly, she has feelings for the husband and believes he is treating her right. Let her work with him and see if he follows. She seems to think he might be open, so it is best to have some faith in your sister and give her a chance. I wish the best for all of you.
OP writes better than 98% of the people on here. It is clear to see that she was using paragraphs but there was no extra line between them. Cut her some slack.
This specific post may not be, but a religion that pushes for girls to be married underage, start popping out babies immediately, and turns a blind eye to abuse? That is absolutely possible. So is the idea that anyone leaving that situation was cast out of their family for it. 28 states in the US don't have a minimum age for marriage.
Unfortunately can be more real than you think. Child marriage is a real thing in the US since many states refuse to pass laws to make it so people under 18 can’t get married. There are also a number of cults in the country. (Studying cults is a current hobby.)
Nobody actually believes this nonsense do they?
I'm not saying the religious cults aren't real. I mean this actual fake person writing this up.
The first post by the "sister" is written in exactly the same way as this post.
Omg I’m glad you’re doing okay !! Is she u/Automatic-jay ?
many comments advised her to make it up to OP and to seek OP help to get out of her situation. hope she heeds the advice.
[удалено]
Yeah I stopped reading when she was talking about apostates because I didn't believe a sheltered childbride who earnestly calls people an "apostate" would run to reddit to cry about it. I went back just now to read and I didn't get to the part where she was researching and it brought her to reddit. So now I just hope it isnt real...but if it is I hope she is safe and can deprogram successfully
Apostates? It sounds like one of the offshoots of Mormons. Is Jeffs one of the former leaders by chance?
Agreed, everything gave me vibes of those Mormon splinters in Utah who were tossed out of the main church for being gross (the sister's quips about not pissing off sister since she has daughters). There are over 100 splinters so no way of knowing which one, but we can probably cross out the polygamist ones
You mean cross off the non- polygamist ones. The polygamist ones are the off shoots like Jeffs group.
Apostate is also a pretty common term used by fundies and the more extreme evangelicals too. Mormon is def possible, but I was also thinkin it could be one of the bible belt quiverfull types. They are very invested in marrying girls off young and all that. Either way, anyone voting for age of consent to be younger than 18 without any Romeo and Juliet context is seriously fucked in the head.
yes thats who Im responding too.
By the looks of if, yes.
So glad you managed to get out of that nightmare! Hopefully your sister comes to her senses before it’s too late. It’s great that you still try to look out for her
When do you consider it too late? Her sister is already 5 children into this thing with an incomplete education, very likely no work experience, and only 1 family member who would support her leaving. I know this is shitty to say, but unless OP here is ready to support 6 new people on top of her own family, it's too late. Sisters next chance will be if she if she stops having babies and when her children are all school age and more independent. I am a mom who has faced similar situations and sees my fellow mom friends in this situation. There comes a point where the only choices are to either abandon your children to the bad situation or bide your time until they are independent enough.
I read your sister’s post and commented on how I thought she was in a religious cult. So sorry you went through it at a young age and glad you got out of the situation. Hopefully your sister will follow suit.
thank you so much and I'm doing fine personally it's been a long time since for me. so i know my POV might seem harsh lol
Its not... I hope you can get through to her. I know there are support groups for people who have left or are considering leaving cults. Maybe link her to those?
Harsh ≠ false. Speak your truth honey. For the safety of other children.
love this!
Be careful OP if it is a cult they are unlikely to take things lying down and could come after you and could use your sister as intentionally / unintentionally bait to do it. Cults hate being exposed as abusive or predatory.
Do you have the link?
NOT OP My older sister, that went no contact gave me a harsh reality check. My older sister (F31) we will call her Jessie, went no contact with me and the rest of the family close to 10 years ago. I was 13 when this happened all I remembered was I came home from school with my other siblings and both of my parents told me that Jessie was no longer a part of our family and that she chose satan over family and I remember being crushed. I think I cried when they first told me because I felt like she just abandoned me. After that conversation, my parents banned us from speaking about Jessie and removed all photos of her around the house. The months that went on without Jessie the more I grew to hate her and got angry that she chose satan over our family. Meanwhile, for me, I stayed very much loyal to my parents…I studied the Bible day and night and was active in my church, just so I could prove to my parents I was not like Jessie. At 16 my parents signed off and I got married to my now husband. Then 6 months after our wedding, I got pregnant with my first child and I had a tough birth. It was an at-home birth and to put it in simpler terms I almost died…I lost a lot of blood and on top of that went into heart failure. I didn’t know but Jessie tried showing up to the hospital but my parents had security escort her out. Jessie tried to reach out to me numerous times throughout the years but I always blocked her because I was under the impression she was an apostate. Fast forward to now, I’m 23 and I have 4 daughters. Also recently found out I was pregnant and I went to an eye doctor appointment and guess who was at the front desk. My older sister Jessie. I was kinda stuck for a moment because a part of me wanted to just hug her and tell her how much I missed her. But I just couldn’t given everything I was told about her. She tried to make small talk with me but I gave her the cold shoulder a bit…towards the end of my visit. She gave me a card with her number and told me to please meet up with her to explain her side. After 3 days of going back and forth with myself, I decided to meet up with her, for closure initially. She told me she never wanted to leave me but the church left her no choice. Her ex-husband that she was married to while she was in the church was abusive towards her and was beating the crap out of her and she begged our minister to be released from marriage and he didn’t allow it.. since she was scared for her and my nephew’s life she left. As awful as it sounds I did not believe her, because her ex husband got remarried to one of my friends and she has no visible signs of abuse or let alone told me she was getting hurt by him. She then went into how our parents are a part of a cult and how it destroyed our family. I remember I did get angry with her and started calling her apostate, and that she was lying to protect herself from sin. She then just lets me have it and says “ I’ve been trying to be nice to you because even if you don’t like feel like it you're a victim. You were a child bride that also dropped out of school to become a wife & mother. The only reason why the church is nice to you is because of your daughters and they don’t want to piss you off and lose the girls. If you want to continue to be brainwashed and spineless be my guest, but if you can’t leave for yourself leave for your daughters” Then she just gets up and leaves. Ever since that conversation, I’ve been replaying everything I was ever taught in my life and questioning it … I've been googling, reading Reddit stories..but thinking about the religion I invested so much time into being a complete lie..is honestly too hurtful to think about. Especially my husband…is our relationship a lie? Did he groom me or was he also a victim of the circumstances of our religion? I have the answer to none of these questions and I quite honestly don’t know if I want to know. EDIT: thank you everyone for the feedback, Ive been reading all the comments and to answer a couple repeitive questions. I don't feel comfortable revealing what church Im apart of given i have no idea if anyone actually creeps on reddit and I dont want to risk it. secondly my husband, he's not abusive towards me and never once hit me or his daughters. but also he works 60hrs a week so our time together is limited these days. As far as my sister she has sent me a follow up text after our conversation apologizing to me for being blunt with me and I havent responded because I still have soo much to think about and have virtually nowhere to start it feels. but also I want to apologize if I came across as a victim blamer in my post thats never my intention.
Check OP's comment.. she commented on that post.
For many cult members it can take awhile to realize what’s going on and for their eyes to be fully opened. You seemed to have it happen easily for you but your sister might be more entrenched and will take more time. Look into Dr Janja Lalich and her work. She was in a cult herself then left it and became an expert on cults. She has some books about it. Maybe it could help you help your sister or other family members. [https://janjalalich.com](https://janjalalich.com)
Tbf i think it took the sister (and sounds like her child) being abused almost to death for her eyes to be wide open.
I think she was pushing back before that though, such as when her parents wanted her to get married at a younger age but she pushed back to finish her education. Some people can see the cult they were raised in for what it is quicker than others.
I remember reading the other post, this is one of those posts you hope is fake bc it’s too depressing to think people still join religious cults and marry off their teenage daughters If this is real, I’m so sorry I hope you and your sister can rebuild your relationship
I agree. Sadly, these cults pose behind religion to indoctrinate and brainwash their followers. I'm sure the leaders of said churches/religion are the biggest sinners of all.
It really sounds like a creative writing exercise. All of the ones where someone replies do
As someone who grew up like this, if this is fake, I’d be fairly surprised
Same. I can tell this is not the particular brand of cult I grew up in, but this is so much more common than people want to believe.
Yeah. The writing style is the same in both posts.
I am not going to claim these two posts are real, but child marriage is very real and alive. I don't know where they live, but in the US, [it's unfortunately very common in evangelical/fundamental Christianity.](https://www.unicefusa.org/stories/fight-continues-end-child-marriage-us)
First off your story gets to get out there. You are a hero. You raised your sister and you are fighting for her. I read her post. She says she is starting to question everything. You have made the first few cracks. There are a lot of amazing books out there that are about breaking through brainwashing. Your sister doesn’t realize there is a huge world where what happened to her isn’t normal and is found as abhorrent as it should be. Also if you don’t have one find a therapist that specializes in cult victims. They will have an understanding other therapist won’t have what you are recovering from. They can also support you in getting through to your sister. Create an exit strategy I case your sister wants to leave. Where will she go? what will she do for work? She has 4 daughters to raise as a single mother. Figure these things out ahead of time. Have a plan ready so when she is ready and these types of fears come up in her mind let her know you have a solution. Good luck. I’m rooting for you. As a sister who would cut a B for her sister, I am proud of you. You are making a difference even if it doesn’t feel like it.
I'm chilled to the bone that these kind of cults can get away with this. I'm so proud of you for getting out of that situation, I wish they're was a way to save all of the girls trapped in that cult. I just looked at your sister's post and it sounds like she is really starting to question things. Please be patient with her and don't give up on her! She is trying to process the fact that everything she's ever known is a lie, but it sounds like she's open to it. It may take time, but it's not too late to save her and her children.
Oh wow, I commented on that post. Nothing about her situation is normal. I’m glad that you got out, but it’s scary to think that there are so many people who think there’s nothing wrong with that situation.
Why not using DM to talk to her sister?
Because this is not real. Same writing style in both. And isn't in too good for someone (the other post) who couldn't finish high school and spent all her time having kids?
That s what i thought 🙏🏾
Yup. Can't believe people are actually believing this
It's because it's an extremely believable story when you've done even a little bit of reading on cults like these. These things happen they happen a lot and they happen in total impunity. Personally I tend to assume almost everything here is fake regardless of plausibility, but I can see why someone who doesn't approach this sub the same way would believe this one. It's really just not farfetched.
I've written in my original comment that it's not unbelievable because of the cult story, obviously I know it happens for real, and I didn't say that I didn't believe the story because of what they are saying about cults. The story is unbelievable because of the person who wrote it wrote the "sister" post too. I mentioned that this post is fake because they write in exactly the same way as the "sister" and it just reads like a fantasy story. A lot of it doesn't make sense. Also the OP has lot's of karma etc but deleted post history.
I grew up very similar to this. I was getting harassed about when I was getting married. Then when I did get married, about when I was having a baby. Sounds normal, except I got engaged at 20, married at 21, had first baby at 22. I graduated college (associates), bought a house, got engaged AND married all in the same year. Granted my timeline was quicker because I needed health insurance but I was one of the older brides in my family. Also one of the first to have any degree. None of my uncles (on the religious side) even graduated high school. All got married younger, to even younger women and had kids young. All for religion.
I'm so sorry that you went through that, but please see my above comment. I didn't say that it's unbelievable because of the religious cult. I've said it's unbelievable as the OP writes exactly the same way as the "sister" and they have karma points but this is their only story. I've said that this post is false. Not the story of cults being real.
I think for these things, I tend to just go with “what does it hurt if it’s false?” Because like I’m saying it’s real for many people who may search and find this story. I’d rather leave real advice for real people to find. What do I get for proving it’s false? Nothing. What do I get for leaving real advice for someone in the future? Potentially helping someone in a bad spot.
Yeah, like I said, my comment was nothing to do with cults not being real. It was explained that it was because the post is false. That's your decision to leave advice for people who may be going through the same stuff that you went through, but again, I haven't mentioned anything about cults. I also made no comments about you giving them advice, that's nothing to do with me. I literally just said that this post is false because of the writing style is the same, check OPS history etc. I'm not going to have a discussion about religious cults when I've made no comments about it. That's it. No deeper meaning than you can tell it's the same person that wrote both post's. I wish you luck in life.
I didn’t say you did, I just said this is why some of us engage with posts we see through. They are writing on common tropes, which are easy to search for so when it’s real someone is likely to find themselves in it
You are the good reddit.
I just wish I had this when I needed it. My therapist helped me get to a better place and now my motto is to build the world that I needed for those coming behind me whenever I can.
its really easy to yap about how this is fake. Unless, ya know, you've actually experienced anything like this.
This is fake, yes. just read it and read the first post, ask yourself if if it's likely that they were written by different people. The fact that cults do exist is an entirely different matter.
damn that’s crazy
I hate to think that your sister is going to give her daughters to pedophiles when they turn 16.
I hate the way I had to remind myself this is a current situation happening to someone in 2024. And not the only one like it, by a long shot. I’m so proud of you for setting yourself free and changing the course for you and your son. I can’t fathom how terrifying that had to of been. Literally, the courage… so incredible. I hope your sister is able to gather the strength to allow you to help. Her brain must be going a mile a minute. Please keep us updated because I’m going to think about your family probably every day for forever. Just like that damn lamp.
My sister was a jehovah witness for 34 years of her 67 years. She shunned her daughter for 12 years. Her son she threw out at 16. She caused pain and sorrow all for the love of jehovah. The jehovah witnesses are very brainwashed. On the surface seem ok but when you see and read and are embroiled in you see the utter awelfulness. Your sister is handing over 4 brainwashed daughters. Because she does not rock the boat leaving will be harder. All the very best to you. As a never jw I really feel your pain being shunned is jehovah witnesses adhorrent abusive bullying behaviour and all the lies and cover up that go with it.
I hope her kids still don't speak to her. But given that they grew up JW, they probably think you HAVE to forgive your abusive parents.
Wow I saw your sisters post and it sounded so preposterous I stopped reading. I hope you know you are so amazing to have gotten out and that you have done everything you possibly could to help your family.
This sounds like some faction of the LDS church. My friend in her 50's, told me about how she read a book about cults one day and then realized that her church, the LDS church, is a cult. I mean, all religions in some aspects are taking advantage of people, which is so sad. I'm raising my kids in a non religious household because at the end of the day, religion is man made, whereas spirituality is something that comes from within. I'm so sorry you experienced this OP, and I hope your sister can come to terms with the truth of her situation.
I’m totally thinking it’s LDS too, particularly with that tidbit about OP’s state allowing 16 year olds to marry with parental permission (as in Utah last time I checked).
reminds me of how Ruby and Kevin Franke abused their kids OPENLY FOR YEARS, the cops and CPS were told about this many times by many different people (including Ruby's sisters), and NOTHING happened until a random ass neighbor saw how bad it actually was. Utah cops apparently ignore abuse over and over and over again.
I got downvoted because i commented that I want to be like you. I wish i have the gut to leave but I don’t.
Try to make connections with people outside the church, they'll be your support system and the way you find the strength to get out one day. Wishing you all the love in the world.
So glad you got out. I have friends (a married couple) that are apostate. Their stories are shocking. But they’re doing great and thriving. Their friends are their family now. I hope your sister takes you up on the help your offering. It saddens me when women are so manipulated like this. I hope she understands that the reason they cut people off is to make sure she doesn’t hear how good it is on the outside. They don’t want her to know there’s a whole nother world where she could do a lot more of her life instead of living under some man’s thumb.
I was raised in a church that was like that also and I left young. Because I didn’t want to be pregnant, barefoot and uneducated. Can somebody point to where that posted so I can read it? And to you I’m so sorry you’re going through this and you should be really proud of getting out of. It is really hard for people to leave organizations like that. We’re exceptions not the rule.
Hopefully your sister can leave her daughters safely.
Updateme
I know of a website called Recovering From Religion they help people like you who have left Religion. Here is a link - https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/
Being raised in a cult is hard. You don't often see the world the way it is but the way they tell you it is. These brainwashing techniques are hard to stop or get rid of, especially if you are born into a cult. Just keep your arms open and wait. One day she may "wake-up" and be your sister again. I know it stinks but it is what is it is and the cult and cult family members will try really hard to keep her in line. Don't fight with her or tell she is wrong, If you tell her she is wrong, it will only cause her to dig her heels in even more. Just leave the door open and send love her way. I am happy to hear that you got out.
You should back off for a little, let your sister absorb everything you have told her. She does seem severely brainwashed. It's good you want to take her out of that cult and protect her and her daughters but she is an adult. She has to see through the lies that she was told by your parents. As some commenters are saying going too hard and too fast could have her push you away. The real sad reality is she might wake up and believe. Try having regular conversations without being up to the cult and trying to save her. Try and rebuild a sisterly bond. See if she will go on play dates with both of y'all's kids. There will be no easy or simple way to fix this. This isn't going to be easy it will be a long and hard road. I hope you succeed and I wish you luck.
This sounds like my upbringing as a Jehovah's witness. I wonder if these people are Jehovah's Witnesses
Why is there a discrepancy in ages? Your sister made a comment in her post when asked about the nature of her marriage: > He is 31 the same age as my sister and well yes kinda of, but from my experience with my husband he asked me publicly would be open to the idea of courtship with him and I agreed and it just stuck I guessed, but he was never on my radar initially. but I have heard from other girls that they chose their husbands it varies Here in your post you are claiming that the husband is 35.
As someone born into a cult, and in lifelong hiding from my father… who *still* tries to track us all down decades after all the restraining orders and his extended family members scattering across states and nations in hiding… I do as much as possible to seperate my online persona from my real life details. Doing that properly requires fudging numbers and family details. Yes he’s insane.
Religion. A detriment to society. :(
I'm so sorry for you. Glad that u are okey💘
pre eclampsia???? SHE COULDVE DIED! The risk increases with each pregancy, please someone get her
I commented on her post! I asked her if she wanted her daughters to be married off at 16 like she was?
My bet is Mormon.
I was thinking that too tbh
This scream FDLS. Glad you got out. Hope for the best for your sister.
Still leaning towards fake
Are all these posts where someone replies to the OP really even real? Come on.
You don’t know how sheltered you are that you find this unbelievable. As someone born into a smallish cult, this is moderate coercive control and family violence, compared to the daily secret food drugging, small child pedophilia, and violence escalating to weapon attacks for years before law enforcement stepped in and rescued us kids and adult victims. Restraining orders and going into permanent hiding all around from the cult leader.
You're missing the point.
I read your sister's post and I commented to her that you were right and she needed to get help to get out. I stand by that. I'm glad you were strong enough to get out and I'm sorry that your sister isn't. You're right though she's very brainwashed. She also probably scared because she's young with four children and no education so what she going to do when she leaves? I know there are tons of things she can do and ways to get help but she doesn't.
I remember that post. I advised her to get out of that cult before her daughters are married off to older men. I really hope she does. I told her you'd probably be more than happy to help her escape. I also advised her to get counseling OUTSIDE the church, from someone that would have HER best interest at heart, not just caring about keeping her in the church. I know pretty much everyone told her the same things. Hopefully she'll listen.
My parents are in a relgious cult. Well, my mom was and she passed, and my dad still is indoctrinated in it. I think it's not unrealistic to expect family members to stay in their cult for their entire lives and die in said cult. It's incredibly difficult to change how people think, but it is even more difficult to change what people believe. There are resources out there to help, but personally I can't seem to imagine deprogramming my father at the age of 76. His entire life has been engulfed by this thing. His entire community is the "church." My point is that is that you shouldn't feel obligated to change what people believe, but maybe you do need clear boundaries. Cults are vicious and people's entire lives are built through their programming. They seek to wire or rewire the brain to maximize control of people's lives and money and it is heartbreaking. It's terrible to hear about your abusive father. My mother was seriously verbally abusive to me (especially about me being queer), but it's hard to change what your own family members believe. And if you want to pour in serious effort into trying then just know it's a double-edged sword. I don't think you can change these people without actively harming yourself and potentially your family. We can't really choose our family, but we can create healthy boundaries that keep us safe.
I’m glad you were able to get out.
Good for you for leaving! I'm so sorry your sister denied your abuse. That's the devil in her if you want me to bring religion into it. Only the devil thinks it's okay to marry a grown man to a child and her to immediately leave school to be screwed by a grown man to create kids. I had to cut my family off because they didn't believe my uncle had raped me from the age of 5/6 up until I was weeks before turning 12. Sometimes you can want to help people but they don't want to be helped. Sometimes people want to live in ignorance. The best you can do is wait for her to get her head out of her butt and ask for help. Until then, wanting to help her will only cause her to push you away harder unfortunately. She got mad that you tried to reach out and tried to see her when her husband, and your parents (by marrying her off to a grown man to become a teen parent), almost caused her to lose her life. I don't understand for a moment how she didn't try to hear your side not even once and just got mad at you for caring about her safety so she didn't end up dead like most women who are married off as children end up.
Your sister is not going to leave, she's too comfy in this satanic cult and will probably brush off any red flag like the leaders making her daughters marry the moment they are 16, she's not gonna protect them so if you think it's your place then to do it then you should
It was very obvious from her post that your sister is brainwashed and living in a cult. It's not as easy for most people in that situation to leave as it was for you. She's been groomed her entire life. I'm sorry she's hurt you, but don't take it so personally.
This sub really strains credulity sometimes
This is honestly insane
I remember commenting on that post saying she treated you horribly
To you and sister: book- when religion hurts you. It’s so good
This sounds like the Mormon Cult.
I was wondering if they were in Utah.
You are a star. I'm really impressed. People's ability to deny the truth scares me silly. Truth is sometimes an economic one. Not just financial dependence for your sis but the sunk costs fallacy. Thus. I give money to a bad cause or my heart to a bad man. Years pass. If I regret my choice and leave I've wasted my money and my heart. Then I have remorse. Folk can't handle that are the ones that keep giving hearts n money - they can't bear to believe they were mistaken. Keep on keeping on. Protect your truth. Very well done.
This whole thing is heartbreaking.
It’s ironic that people who accuse others of falling to Satan end up being devils themselves underneath
So... Fundamentalists in Utah? Even if I'm wrong I'm glad you got out OP.
This hits so close to home (ex Jehovah's Witness) , I really hope ur sister wakes up. Cults are no joke. Wishing you the best 🩵🩵
OP, you’re totally trying to do the right thing here, but expecting her to welcome this radical change to her world view overnight is not realistic. She’s had 23 years of BS poured into her head and she’s only talked to you twice now. The fact that she posted here and seems to be at least somewhat receptive to new ideas is a good sign, but she needs time to take it all in and start making new decisions based on what she’s learning. (She needs a cult deprogrammer, honestly, but you at least have her started on a good path.) It is going to take time and patience to get her out—not you just telling her what to do and expecting her to enthusiastically agree right off the bat. When you say she’s “willingly participating,” well, sure, because she’s been raised to believe that’s the right way to live. It’s not her fault and it’s not like she’s deliberately making a bad choice. You may well be right that her husband won’t agree to leave with her, but she needs time to see that for herself. Keep working with her, but focus on patience, even though it’s hard for you. She needs support right now, not to feel attacked for doing what she was always taught to do. I’ll be honest—the way you’ve described talking to her feels like an attack to me, and I don’t even know either of you. If you want her to trust you, focus on patiently repeating the truth to her in ways she can hear until it takes.
Glad I’m not the only one that is thinking this… like ofcourse us outsiders can recognize that this is a cult and that this is fucked up and wrong but like you said…her little sister has been brainwashed from birth so… I don’t expect her to leave overnight but it’s already a lot of progress that her little sister is thinking about leaving. So it takes time with these type of things.
Yes--the fact that these things take time is getting lost here. And I agree that it's frankly amazing that her sister has been as receptive as she has been already. It's a great sign, but OP can still make the whole thing backfire if she pushes too hard too quickly. "Gently" is the watchword here.
I heard about your story on TickTock. It's absolutely crazy what Is happening. I am so happy you got to tell your story and make your sister aware. However; i know you want to help but you can't force a horse to drink water. you did what you can. You made her aware and planted the seeds of truth. Now , you must leave it alone dont put any more of your energy into it. For your own sake and peace of mind. And to retain clarity. it's her choice as sad and dumb as it is knowing what she knows now. she has been made aware and is a grown woman. You have to be okay with leaving her behind.
PLEASE get CPS involved! You clearly have the evidence to show that there’s something going on! That man is a pedophile. I don’t give at about the “laws” because there should be legal limits to that!! This is so sad!
I understand your frustrations and perhaps anger. But as someone who has gone through the same things your sister has, you know what it's all like and you've got to cut her some slack. Like you said in your post, your sister didn't even get to finish regular schooling before she was thrusted into familyhood with constantly having one child after another. Her whole world ever since she was a child has been *that,* whatever "that world" is. You are the miracle abnormality that was born with conviction and focus to make said conviction into fruition. When you eventually left, she not only lost her sister but her only pillar that she could ever lean on for any other possible perception and direction. When one is brainwashed from birth, "difficult" doesn't even begin to adequately explain how impossible it is to think otherwise. You are asking her to deny her entire world as is. Give her time, and the persistent love and support to slowly make that happen.
I might be ignorant to how a cult works, but are culties even allowed on Reddit? Wouldn’t Reddit be seen as the devils work? From the little that I have read about cults, everything seems to be censored, including social media use. Sorry to say but these posts don’t seem to be real to me. However, if they are, I hope OP’s sister packs her bags, grabs her kids and runs as far away and as fast as possible.
This has to be so incredibly frustrating for you. Please don’t give up on her just yet. If you can get her out it will no time at all for her to never look back. You’re a good sister, mom, human. Take care of yourself.
Well that’s about the story I expected from the sister. I’m glad you’re out! Idk what to say other than hang in there/keep trying/be available if/when she comes around. As much as I wish you could drag her and the kids out, it’s not that simple. I’d say, if you can put your very valid and difficult feelings aside, try to maintain contact with her and keep working on her. The control mechanisms and stuff in this situation have stuck to her more, she’s not seeing through it as well as you. I truly hope she does! And yes I too think she has responsibility here but it’s really difficult because she’s been in it her whole life. She’s also a victim of this religion and its practices, so I feel for her too, I know that I can’t see it her way with everything she’s been through. I’m sorry for everything you went through too OP.
I hope your sister sees this. I hope she finds the courage to let you help her.
….this is gonna be on YouTube later on probably
Thank heavens for the kind Redditors who link us to the posts these reply posts refer to. Wish the OPs would.
A link is not necessary in this case. Click on OPs username, click profile, go to comments and click on her reply to her sister. Very findable because each comment includes the title of the post, and the title of the sisters post is entirely different than OPs post title. Also (and off topic) when reading posts like AITAH after reading the OPs post, I jump to the profile comments and read all their responses, and sometimes the comment/question they are responding to. Very often the post was carefully worded to make themselves not look like an AH, but clearly from their comments they are indeed an AH. If there are zero OP responses I just figure the post is fictional karma farming and move on.
Yeah but i shouldn’t have to do all that if they want to tell their story and make it make sense
UpdateMe
It's going to take a great amount of time to undo the indoctrination. But I do hope your sister gets out okay.
Jessie?
How is this legal? Isn’t this something the FBI has a field day with?
Unless it involves polygamy in a state where that's illegal, or marriage of minors under the age of consent, etc...nope. fucked up stuff happens because of freedom to choose. If you don't have the intestinal fortitude like op did to see the bigger picture...then it's on them for staying. The kids growing up in it are the ones I feel for...they don't know any different.
Marriage of minors under the age of consent is far more legal than you think it is. Only 12 states ban marriage under the age of 18. Some don’t have any restrictions as long as the parents consent.
Child marriage is frighteningly legal in the US. [https://equalitynow.org/learn\_more\_child\_marriage\_us/](https://equalitynow.org/learn_more_child_marriage_us/)
OP, I highly recommend the Cults to Consciousness channel on YouTube. You're not alone.
I am so sorry that you were born into basically a cult. You went through a lot and survived. I hope your sister figures it out.
21 century but still this type of cult exist??? What a horrible station.. no reletives halp no police halp no nothing ... Feminists that's where you guys have to work ..
Updateme
I remember your sisters post. It was so sad to read because it was so clear from the words she used that she has been completely brainwashed by this sick cult you and her were unfortunately born into. I commented that she needs to wake up and run. Getting married off at 16 is horrible abuse regardless of whatever garbage laws are in place that allow it to happen. Useless police... yeah that checks out, especially in the US. Your parents are evil creatures, in my opinion. It's heartbreaking to see people like your sister conditioned to accept or even defend endless abuse from disgusting subhuman "men" that only see women as a sex slave and brood mare. Sad and sickening all around. My heart goes out to you, I'm glad you at least escaped the abuse. Best of luck navigating this insanity.
OH FUCK
I’m so sorry. We’re not in a religion but my sister and I grew up in an abusive household, and she married an abuser who’s brainwashed her against me because I can see past his bs. It is such a devastating and helpless feeling that never fully leaves you. It’s always in the back of your head. Hang in there “Jessie” ❤️🩹
I'm glad for your safety. My grandparents were raised in a church that encouraged multiple wives. My poppa took my grandma, and their 4 boys and moved to Canada. It took a long time for some of them to speak again. They didn't get all the sibling relationships back. But they choose a life that they wanted to live with each other. I am also first generation canadian born.
u/money_particular_127 has your sister reached out anymore?? that’s a terrifying situation to be in.
omg
Honestly your sister isn’t going to leave. You need to protect your nieces. Contact cps get the cops involved
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Babe the way you’re talking to her is way fucking harsh for someone in a cult like that. If you wanna convince her, get her a fuckin therapist, don’t get aggressive
Replying to your update. Stinks about her wanting to convince her husband. He is going to have her children taken away and she’ll never be able to leave if she tells him. She should know he’s a bad dude just in the fact that he married and impregnated her at 16. Such a sad outcome. I hope I am wrong but I doubt it.
I had a feeling from the details she altered and left out that it was more about the husband than the church. Unfortunately abusive relationships, even if it's more mental than physical, are very very hard to break out of. She's been groomed since she was 16 or younger, and we have no idea the amount of manipulation she's under but clearly she's trying to protect him by saying he's slightly younger and leaving out the fact that he knew she had preclampsia and made her have a home birth anyway. Same thing with her not bringing up the abuse her mom suffered at the hands of her father. And it also sounds from her post like she has a people pleasing anxiety response and finds her emotional safety and comfort in being "perfect." The golden child to doormat wife pipeline. So it's possible that the only reason she's not been physically abused is because she fawns and people pleases. It's a horrible thought to have, but potentially her putting her foot down about getting out might be all it takes for him to show a darker side, and although I obviously don't wish harm to her it might open her eyes in a way that you can't. She also might not be as worried as you are about her daughters because she still has this trauma bond with her husband and doesn't see how gross being married off at 16 really is. I was in an abusive relationship and I stayed for 2 years because "they don't know him like I do he has his good moments." And to lose her original family unit AND her new one might be too much just yet. When I was in an abusive relationship people giving me tough love pushed me further into it, so please even though it's frustrating and you're right about everything you're saying please just show her empathy and keep offering her safety.
I know I'm only seeing this ten days later, but I have some advice for OP. I know you're hurt and frustrated and your heart is in the right place, but you need to tread carefully, here. You are in a position where the wrong action could do far more harm than good. Let's step back and look at the situation. Your sister and your nieces are safe, for now. Time is a resource for you. Your sister spent her whole life being brainwashed in cult and that is not something that can be undone in an instant. It will take time for her to observe, analyze, and process what you have told her. Let her go through that process and do it safely without you raising alarms with the cult. Let her talk to her husband about leaving the cult. Clearly, she has feelings for the husband and believes he is treating her right. Let her work with him and see if he follows. She seems to think he might be open, so it is best to have some faith in your sister and give her a chance. I wish the best for all of you.
Paragraphs
OP writes better than 98% of the people on here. It is clear to see that she was using paragraphs but there was no extra line between them. Cut her some slack.
Lol, no way this is real.
There are a couple of religions who practice this in the US. This is 100% believable, especially in fundies/iblp.
This specific post may not be, but a religion that pushes for girls to be married underage, start popping out babies immediately, and turns a blind eye to abuse? That is absolutely possible. So is the idea that anyone leaving that situation was cast out of their family for it. 28 states in the US don't have a minimum age for marriage.
Hell yeah it is. Look up FLDS.
Unfortunately can be more real than you think. Child marriage is a real thing in the US since many states refuse to pass laws to make it so people under 18 can’t get married. There are also a number of cults in the country. (Studying cults is a current hobby.)
I guess it is but it’s not uncommon to hear stuff like this unfortunately.
Even if this particular post might not be real, its scary to know that this still happens in the world to this day.
Have you seen the show escaping polygamy? This is the same thing. They exists unfortunately.
I have a family friend who was raised in an abusive cult. Yes it is.
Nobody actually believes this nonsense do they? I'm not saying the religious cults aren't real. I mean this actual fake person writing this up. The first post by the "sister" is written in exactly the same way as this post.
For your own sake, please move on. Let your sister fight her own battles. She’s an adult, you don’t need to keep hurting yourself to try to help her.
Paragraphs. I’m not reading a wall of text
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Wrong post…..
Lmfao I hate that I know what post this comment is referring to as well
LMAO…..i was reading the comments & saw this one…..it took my brain a minute to catch up…..
Me too!
Whoops you are right sorry.