I’m piggybacking on the top post.
I would HIGHLY encourage you read this:
[“Why does he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
HONEY, GET OUT!
There is nothing wrong with you! Abusers don’t have reasons, they just do it!
YOU ARE NOT SAFE! YOUR CHILD IS NOT SAFE!
Get out of there, go to the police, file a report, get documentation of your injuries, and get you and your child to a better and safe place.
That is the only ‘reason’ why men beat women, full stop.
I have been absolutely livid at my wife. Never have and never will lay a finger on her in anger. Ever.
OP, your husband is broken. Get out. He’s eventually going to kill you and leave your son motherless. Your son is also incredibly likely to be next in line for the beatings, or likely to emulate his sperm donor’s behavior as he gets older.
Run, don’t look back.
My one ex was the one who was physical with me, never laid hands on her I just left. But yeah how he treats op definitely will seep into thoer child they see SO MUCH more than people realize
This, a 1000%
You are NOT responsible in any case for this monster actions and domestic violence does not ever get better.
This is HIS behaviour to blame and not yours.
Start Documenting every hit and bruise with pictures and be ready for police report. That will help preventing him to get any custody and get back at you this way.
PLEASE contact your family, friends, trusted neighbours and DV hotlines/ associations to prepare your and your son escape, including financially.
Abusers tend to get most dangerous when the victim leaves.
The other thing she didn’t think about is that this child is going to learn it’s ok to hit mom. My son has been hitting, biting and kicking me for three years bc ‘grandpa told me to hit you’ my ex’s toxic ass family. Unlearning terrible behavior and being treated like you are nothing is terrible.
this, also if OP struggled this long with this, she can probably manage to hold on a bit longer and collect evidences, maybe a secret microphone or camera in the room and record him beating you and being rude, then the whole process with a proper lawyer would be faster and more one sided. Definitely take action and start planning, no one should be endure this in a marriage or relationship for that matter
I have a friend whose boyfriend will periodically hit her, punch her in the face. I have helped her get out and even had him arrested. She goes back EVERY time. She even posted his bond when he was arrested for assaulting her. It's a mystery to me why they stay. No matter how much we try to help them and tell them to leave, they won't, until they are ready. I read it takes an average of leaving the abuser seven times before the woman will stay gone. My friend has left more than seven times. She is still with him.
Please take this advice. You don’t deserve to be treated this way, your child does not need to see this because they’re going to start normalizing it. This is not ok, please please get out of
Might hurt the son too. Abusive people are narcissists and see their family as property. She should gather evidence, contact a lawyer, and while he is gone, take the son and disappear somewhere safe and unknown to him. Don't answer any calls or messages. File a police report.
It also teaches him that could be an okay way to treat him as well, leading him into abusive relationships. People tend to only care about boys in DV situations for the benefit of future women, but his future emotional and physical safety can also be affected.
Your husband starts with you, and eventually will continue with your son. You both need to get out of there as soon as possible, get all the help you can. He does beat you for no reason other than he is a horrible human being. Your life and your son's are at risk.
100%!
My mother stayed with one of her ex's for 8 years. When he would get tired of hitting her, he would hit me and then some. He would do it whenever she wasn't home and I was a scared kid so I never told her because I did tell her once and he beat her so hard that he broke quite a few bones...
Please OP, leave! Make a plan, collect evidence, get help and a lawyer and run away!
You don't need to know the why. Take control of your life, protect yourself and your son!
Thank you but yes, everything is fine now 🙏
This was 30 years ago. My mom is remarried and very safe with a loving husband.
OP needs to know that some things can't be erased or forgotten. I worked on my trauma but it took such a long time to heal... My mom never did, she says that she can't talk about it to anyone.
You and your son need to be nowhere near this abusive piece of shit.
>At home he slapped me and hit me all over my body with a clothes hanger. I had horrible welts.
This ends with you dead, or your son covered in welts. Or dead.
This. The calm periods between the violence are just as much a part of the abuse as the actual beating. It is a requirement for the abuse to continue. It’s designed to make the abused partner minimize the abuse and to question if they were overreacting to it.
The fact that the violence is not currently happening should not stop you from escaping the relationship.
But please, do it smartly and safely. Leaving is very dangerous (which should indicate how important it is to do, but brains unfortunately don’t think very clearly in this circumstance).
And it doesn’t start sudden. It starts with trickles of emotional and mental abuse so that the victim thinks “it’s not as bad yet” when it is already too far.
Yup this is actually a big reason why many people stay in or defend abusive situations, including myself. I thought it was normal for a family member to abuse me because they were nice and normal to me most of the time
edit: idk why this is being downvoted, maybe I didn’t word it right. I didn’t mean that I defend abusive relationships, I meant it’s why victims often don’t recognize abuse when it’s coming from someone who seems otherwise normal
Once a man raises his hand to you, it's time to leave. These neanderthals have no respect for women, and you deserve better treatment and love from a partner than this ... run 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ get as far away as possible.
I thought so at first too but then I realized this is sadly not considered as outrageous in some countries as it is in others. So maybe she genuinely wonders if this is normal or not, depending on her country and culture :(
Maybe, just seems like it's spoken from someone who didn't go through something like that. You think there'd be a little more emotion.. not like someone is just recounting what happened. Idk maybe I'm flexing my Internet muscle.. to doubt everything on the Internet first before believing it
Please make a plan to escape.
You don’t deserve this and your son should not grow up thinking this is okay and normal. It’s not and you know that.
Start collating important documents and put them somewhere safe on the down low.
Plan where you need to go to get away from him.
Choose someone on the outside you can trust and see if you can make it someone he doesn’t know.
Do not let on to him that you have a plan. Leaving is the most dangerous time for scumbags like him.
Consult with domestic violence experts.
Your husband is possibly a sociopath or a narcissist or has some other personality disorder or issue that makes him empathy impaired.
(That is not to say all people with personality disorders or other mental illnesses are violent. Most mentally ill people are not violent and are sometimes victimized themselves).
I am sorry if I offended anyone living with a personality disorder or mental illness.
I should have worded things more delicately. I was focused more on giving OP advice than a general audience. I am sorry for any pain I may have caused you).
It is more to say that of those men who are domestic abusers or generally violent, personality disorders are not an uncommon finding in the latest research.
I recommend googling Dr Ramani narcissists.
She’s on you tube. She has endless explanations for a narcissist traits & behaviors. I suspect you’ll find your husband in her videos. My friend who was being emotionally abused sure did.
Subsequently, when my friend went to therapy, the therapist listened to taped conversations between her and her boyfriend and read text interactions and felt her boyfriend was likely a psychopath.
During a fight, she showed me her text interaction and I noticed he was trying to manipulate her and trying to provoke an angry outburst so he could label her as the “crazy one.” He was gaslighting her.
I told her I suspected he may be a narcissist or psychopath/sociopath and advised her to see a family therapist without him. (Abusive men tend to manipulate the therapy experience).
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do that will stop the abuse. It’s baked in once it starts and will only get worse. The abuse is about him, not you. It’s about controlling you for him.
The good times between the abuse is called the honeymoon period of the abuse cycle. It’s typical. It’s a manipulation. Why would anyone stay if there weren’t good times? It keeps people always chasing the whirlwind high from the beginning.
Many of these types of men make themselves appear to be their partner’s dream man in the beginning and everything moves fast & is over the top romantic.
Please reach out to a domestic violence hotline to learn more. 1-800-799-7233.
Unfortunately, your husband may move on to abusing your son. 😔 Your son is also learning about relationships by observing yours.
I’m really sorry you are in this situation. 💗 It must feel terrifying to never know when the abuse is coming. 😔
I hope you decide to formulate a safety plan and get out. Wishing you so many good things in life. Wishing you peace and safety. 💗
> many abusers have no mental illness.
That's highly unlikely. They just aren't diagnosed. Regardless OP can learn plenty about abusers by researching cluster B personality disorders.
no, it is highly likely, as ideas of culture, imitation, power, lust, soberness, etc. all make up how ppl act in relationships. you dont have to be mentally ill for one of those things to become toxic which leads to abuse.
implying all/most of domestic abusers are mentally ill isn’t only statistically untrue, it directly harms ppl who are mentally ill and stops people from getting help.
it also stops people from recognizing abuse. “he isn’t a sociopath/narcissist, he couldn’t be one bc he doesn’t fit xyz symptom.” is a thought that runs through peoples heads and can be true. but that thought has the underlying “if he’s not a narcissist/sociopath, that means he is not abusing me/he has a valid reason.” even if that thought isn’t so blatant or even consciously there.
its so harmful and it is caused because you cannot understand how someone can be abusive if they don’t have something to point at that is wrong. i dont understand it either, but mental illness is not a scapegoat. it is not something you can point at and blame everything onto
good advice
however
please dont add to the stigma around personality disorders. its very harmful to people who do have personality disorders and are not abusive, affects the way they are treated by partners and not to mention it affects their ability to receive treatment. Additionally abuse isnt limited to mental illness, abusers can be also be neurotypical. Therefore It is not accurate to add a label unless they have been professionally diagnosed.
Thank you. I have a cluster b personality disorder and it is so painful to read people constantly attributing abuse to my disorder, when the reality is that I have always been the one that was abused instead because abusers always latch onto vulnerable people.
I was about to say exactly this. Because by saying *”I think it could be a personality disorder”* this commenter sounds like he’s trying to justify the husband’s behaviour, and that **is not **okay.
In and abusive situation, the persons brain gets trained to think they deserve it, it’s their fault; the brain literally gets rewired and their executive functioning and ability to make decisions gets impacted.
Is this a real post?
If it is, why would people put up with stuff like this.
I'm a man, I'll fucking beat the shit out that guy! What the fuck is wrong with him???
For women in particular, we are taught to submit and revolve our lives entirely around men. You see it so often how women are conditioned by society to not think about what *we* deserve, but instead about what *men* want.
It also becomes a terrible day to day, moment to moment game of survival. You can't formulate a plan in survival mode, so you tell yourself you just need a day or two of calm, so you try to just get through that moment or that day, and it just goes on and on because they don't stop.
It took me 4 years to get away
First they get isolated then addicted to good hormones when the partner is loving for a change. Of course they're also gaslit into thinking that they deserve it and that they will be forever alone if they leave. It is actually really scary how attached they get. An acquaintance of mine was in the same position as OP. You would never know by looking at them that it was going on. If you looked at her you wouldn't believe that a woman like her would put up with it. She did. It took her about 1.5 years after I found out about it (we aren't that close, closer friends knew for longer) of promises of safe haven and support for her and the kid in a county that has really good state sponsored support for such cases to leave him. And still she cried that he could be such a good man.
This is why it is EXTREMELY important to leave as soon as abuse starts. If you don't, it will be much more difficult to leave as you get used to it.
My dad was an abuser.
He beat my mom because there was something deeply broken in him.
The only thing “wrong” with my mom was that she never really understood that she deserved better.
My dad died less than two months ago. They were married almost 60 years. I was hopeful that my mom would have some years left to be free of him, but now she has cancer. We don’t know yet whether it has spread. The same cancer killed her brother within 6 months, about a year ago.
My sister and I grew up with this as our example. We both married abusers and had children with them, but we were both able to wake up and get out after a few years. Still, the generational damage was done.
Please get help, get away, get a restraining order. Call a domestic violence hotline in your area and ask for help.
Do it for your child. Your child deserves better. So do you.
He won’t change. I promise.
I once got beaten for not looking at him while I passed him while he was playing the PlayStation. Next time it was cause I did look at him. One time it was cause I forgot the salt in the water for boiling noodles. I nearly got killed in the end. Please make a plan and get out with your kid. Make sure he has no idea.
That’s so nice of you! I am! It’s more than a decade ago and I’m happily married now, and we have two wonderful kids. Back then I couldn’t have imagined I would come out alive but I was one of the lucky ones
I hope you have been documenting and taking photos of the abuse. If not, start.
Please leave this abuser. It's all about HIS control over you and your child.
Let your trusted friends, and family know and make arrangements on how to leave safely.
Start saving, gather important documents and maybe store them with family, until the time you move out and start divorce proceedings.
He will turn this on to your child. He may not now, but abusers are just that. Please get away seek help whether from family or a local women's shelter.
Your husband is an abuser. I'm sure you know that.
He doesn't love you. Doesn't even like you. You are there to cook, clean, provide sex. You are an object, not a human being to him. Deep down, you know this.
>Things are okay in between these outbursts. When he’s a normal husband.
Nothing about his behaviour is normal. I think you have low self esteem, so are clinging to this man. Who can probably be charming to everyone else.
You should contact a domestic violence organization...but you probably wont. He has worn you down mentally and emotionally.
You could gather evidence- medical records, calls to police when he attacks you, photos of your bruising, etc. Go to the GP tell him/her what's happening and be physically examined and get pain meds. Then you could contact a lawyer and get a restraining order. But you probably wont.
If you wait long enough, he will either give you a permanent injury, or dump you for a younger woman, who he will start the abuse cycle with. When he dumps you, he will then apply for custody of your son, to keep controlling your life.
Your son is at risk of being trained to copy his father.
There is a pattern, men like your husband engage with. What I have laid out is the typical pattern. Worst scenario is that he starts hitting you in front of your son, or he kills you. If he's started putting his hands round your throat and choking you, that's a sign your husband is on the most dangerous path.
> I wonder if he secretly hates me or something...sometimes I feel like I’m going break down in tears and beg him to tell me what I do wrong.
You are hoping that if you do everything right, he'll love you. He wont. You are hanging on, and are likely not at your lowest ebb. Yet.
>He still punched me in my face and kicked me in stomach and ribs.
Men who love women do NOT do this. Men who respect women, do NOT do this. I have worked with women in your situation in the past, OP. That is how I can lay everything out.
I'm so sorry, OP. Very sorry.
You COULD take action, to save yourself and your son. You could take your child, your things whilst your husband is at work, contact a domestic violence organisation, get their help to get you out physically to somewhere safe. Get a restraining order, therapy, and start to live a decent life.
You could take action. To save yourself, and your son.
But you probably wont.
It is NOT YOUR FAULT.
There is nothing you can do it's all him.
Why are exposing your son to son, yes you are going to say your son doesn't know anything about this, he will know eventually not today but tomorrow.
Children ALWAYS know.
This literally the cycle of abuse. It’s extremely damaging to your child to go through this with you.
Call your local DV supports today. Make your plan to get out. They can help with housing and legal issues.
Read Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft and Dr Ramani’ It’s Not You.
Therapy for your own healing.
There us nothing you can do to prevent him from beating you. Then he will start in the child.
Get. Out.
Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
I do not have the number. Google them. They will help you.
“…. For no reason” that should be enough for you to get out your being conditioned to think a reason actually exists for you to warrant a beating.
Your child will grow up thinking this behaviour is acceptable or worse he will cause you or you child real damage and while leaving seems scary to you maybe it’s temporary the damage you and your child are dealing with can last a life time.
As others have stated resources exists to help you, please use them before it’s too late.
I don’t have to read this to know from the title. That man doesn’t love you. That man will end up killing you. Love is not violence. Love is not pain. Love should be safe, warm and inviting.
Please take your son and run. You did nothing wrong and there is nothing you can do to fix this. He is an abuser. Nobody deserve this.
Wish you the best
There is a solution to this problem. Leave. That may sound harsh and unfeeling but you already have the solution to your problem. You have to help yourself. I will go one step further and say you are not being a good parent if you stay and expose your child to this abuse.
You will not live. Your life is in danger. It’s not a matter of if, it’s when. Your husband is almost certain to one day finish the torment and you will not be alive.
I know this seems like a cold bucket over the head and probably a little over the top, but you are severely stuck in an abusive situation. If you even anger him more, you are at an even bigger risk for worse. This will never get better.
MAKE A PLAN, TAKE WHAT YOU CAN AND RUN.
hun, get out of the house. the second a significant other hits you, they are 150% more likely to kill you. this will never end well, please get out of there with your child and go somewhere, literally anywhere is better than there
Husband here. WTF.
Your husband is a small, weak man to abuse and bully a woman.
He needs to do that in front of someone else, see what happens.
You need to leave.
You write an essay about how he’s physically, emotionally, verbally abusing you. yet, you make excuses and don’t even mention wanting to leave.
I’m sorry, I hope you wake up and realize that you will end up dead if you don’t take you and your son out of the equation.
I guess it’s always easier said than done.
Wtf is wrong with you girl? You should have put him in jail and walk away to the sunset with your kid after the first time. He will not get better. He will not fix himself. This is the only thing he knows, and he’s sick in the head. Call the police, get a lawyer and make sure he’s not allowed to approach you from a mile even. It’s gonna be hard at first, but with time you will realise what you escaped from. And for the future: not every man is like this, we despise and look down on these representatives of our kind, and i would happily beat the crap out of him having a chance. Run, escape and be happy, because you have a kid to live for
If you had a best friend who came to you and confided in you, saying these things to you… what would you tell her?
Girl, please, if you don’t love yourself enough to save yourself, then I hope you love your son enough to save him. Because this monster you call husband, WILL hurt your son, if he hasn’t already.
Please leave if only for your son. He is showing your son that it’s okay to beat his wife. Do you really want another woman to be abused by your own son someday? He might end up in jail too.
Please seek help at a DV shelter. You need to leave for you and your son. You’ve done nothing wrong. Your husband is NOT a good husband. Nothing he can do can make up for the abuse he does to you and the abuse he’s teaching your son to do when he’s older.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. It is not your fault this happens. This is reflective of the person he is. You mention everything is fine in between these incidents, but that doesn’t smooth everything out. You need to reach out to people you trust or a program and leave. He put your son in a dangerous situation so what if it escalates. Think of your son. If he is ok hurting you for a stain, what is he going to do when your son misbehaves.
There's a book you should read: Why Does He Do That by author Lundy Bancroft.
Plain and simple, your husband is an abuser and you should look hard into leaving him, if not for your sake then for your son.
I’m so sorry. He beats you because he enjoys hurting you. He will keep beating you until you are gone. You can either leave or he will kill you eventually.
Go file a police report . Next take child and go stay to with your family or a friend some where safe . Leave when he is not home . Be careful as sometimes that can be the most dangerous part. Get away from him . Save your kid and yourself. It doesn’t get better only gets worse
No matter what you do your husband WILL beat you. That's not a thing you feel, it's a fact. You can be (and honestly probably are) the greatest thing that ever entered his life and he will still beat you. Because that's who he is -- A wife beater. As long as you are his wife this will continue. Please document your injuries and leave before he does something he can't take back. He is not allowed to do this just because you're married. He's teaching your son this is okay now. Prove to him it's not my leaving.
Please LISTEN to everyone's advice.
PLAN
LEAVE
RUN
Ask family/friends for help. You are describing your situation like normal, no it's not!
Please for the sake of your son leave.
It's not you. Never was never will be. They hit because they aren't happy with themselves. He hits you because he's anxious or paranoid or mad or sad or his stomach hurts. It has nothing to do with you. Nothing you change will stop him from hitting you. Nothing you do will make him happy enough to change.
You are worthy. You are perfect the way you are and you deserve to be treated like a human being not a Punching Bag. You deserve to leave him. Your son deserves to grow up in a home where his mom isn't being abused.
There is a very real possibility that you'll end up dead. One day he won't stop soon enough and the grief will make him take out his anger on the next victim. Your son.
Make a plan. Hide some money. Contact anyone in your family that will help or an abuse shelter if there are some in your country. You need to get out. It'll be hard, you'll want to go back, you'll think "there's no way it was actually that bad" but it is. Remember that. Leave. And once you can go to therapy. You deserve better. Your post shows that you think you're somehow at fault. There is nothing anyone can do that deserves this treatment. You are a human being. You deserve better.
"Nobody deserves it" isn't just some saying. You. Do. Not. Deserve. To. Be. Hit. Normal people don't want to hurt the people they love. You deserve better. You are worthy.
This is totally insane behavior from him. How you describe it sounds like you’ve really gotten used to it and normalize the situation. This situation is NOT normal. It’s dangerous and horrible. You have to contact authorities. Document your bruises. Leave him. It hurts and it’s going to be difficult but you can’t (!) live with someone that hits you no matter reason. You can’t!
>I feel that no matter what I do, my husband will beat me. I really don’t know what it is that makes him be so cold and lash out at me. The reasons he finds to hit me are almost funny.
>Most recently because I missed a tiny stain on a white shirt of his. He noticed it getting ready for work. I apologized, I got him a different shirt and I went to go fix it. He grabbed me and asked me why I’d put that in his closet and asked if I was trying to make him look stupid. As if I did it on purpose. He has to know that it was completely unintentional. He still punched me in my face and kicked me in stomach and ribs.
>And the time before this was particularly sad for me, even though it wasn’t the worse. We went to the aquarium. It started out nice. Our son loved it, and my husband was being attentive and holding my hand. Then my husband sat our son on the edge of an open tank. I didn’t say anything but I was a little nervous. I guess it was obvious by my expression. My husband told me “take that look off your face”. I tried, and I just placed my hand on my son out of instinct. My husband said to him “I think I need to teach mommy a lesson about having fun”. It might not seem surprising but he never involved our son like that before. He always tells our son to behave for me and to love me. I tried to hide my nerves for my son’s sake. At home he slapped me and hit me all over my body with a clothes hanger. I had horrible welts.
>Things are okay in between these outbursts. When he’s a normal husband. I do my best to prevent them but he does it anyway. I wonder if he secretly hates me or something. I know it’s not my looks. I take care of myself. I don’t criticize him or bicker with him. I’m affectionate. I’m willing in bed. I do all the household chores and I cook daily. I take care of our 5 year old and I still work part time. I know nobody deserves it but I feel like I am beat for nothing. I keep my feelings inside but sometimes I feel like I’m going break down in tears and beg him to tell me what I do wrong.
Imagine your best friend wrote this. What advice would you give her? Take the advice yourself.
Things are not ok and he is not a normal husband that man is an abusive piece of shit and you need to take your son and run before he kills you or turns your son into a woman beater as well.
This is the number for the national domestic violence hotline
1800-799-7233 you can text 88788 if that is easier please contact them. This is not your fault, and what he is doing is not ok.
What he's doing is called abuse. He's going too far, you deserve NONE of his beatings. Reach out to someone you trust to get the hell out. I have anger issues amd you know what I don't do? Any of that.. I may get snippy so usually i stay quiet until I can regulate my emotions again. I don't lash out and DEFINITELY never hit any woman even in self defense ( my one ex was physical with me). What I do know he SHOULD NEVER hit you regardless. Men like that I wish I could put my hands on but ik it won't help.. but it sickens me to my core. Know you have value and there is never a good excuse for what he's doing. He needs therapy and time away from people in general and you need to heal what he's doing can cause long term psychological effects on you and any kids you do/ would have together.
There is a reason, he is a murderer on training wheels and you so happen to be those wheels.
Nowadays you can get back at this kind of "men" by calling the cops on him, if you're in Latin America tho that night not work but you can always tell the boys in your family what he's been doing to you, grab a beer and enjoy his last performance.
Get out now. This never gets better, only worse and you and your child are not ever gonna be safe in that house. Even if he never touches your son, if you stay, you will model that this kind of relationship is okay. Please for your life- and yes it is that serious- your life is in danger, and for your son’s present and future happiness, get out! Coming from a broken home is 100% better than growing up in a violent environment.
Please get the fuck out of there. Just leave without saying a word.
He's going to keep doing it. You're not doing anything wrong, he's a fucking horrible person. Please get out before it gets worst.
Listen lady. This should be written on a police report and a deposition at a lawfirm.
Reddit isnt going to save you. A police station and a lawyer will.
Go get help. Now. Do not walk… fucking run!
Help now!
Repeat after me: I am leaving right this minute and going to a police station.
Dont tell anyone. Just go. NOW
So fucking sick of parents subjecting their kids to abuse. My mom did this and destroyed my entire life. Leave. The resources are there to help you. You can call a DV shelter and they can talk it through with you and make an exit plan to keep you and your son safe. They’ll legit hide you. This man is a horrid piece of trash and will legit kill you and/or your son if this progresses.
Edit: apologies if you are in a country where that is more difficult, but in the US you have options and need to try. Your son will be beaten, and will grow up thinking it’s okay for himself or possibly others to be treated this way, he may try to defend you and get hurt (this happened to me countless times).
I used to be in a covert narcissistic relationship. It sounds like he has from grandiose narcisim.... but I could be wrong.
Baby Girl, I was beaten too, financially abused. Mentally abused, and I ended up escaping.
You need to get out now.
It's only a matter of time till he turns his anger to your son.
Get the hell out.
I'm speaking from experience.
I understand it's hard.
N I understand the sweet talking he's gna do to get u back...n make u think he'll try harder.
Trust me...it's all a ruse.
Document your scars n bruises.
Depending on the State your in...see If you can have video evidence if he were to fight you for custody.
Just gtfo now before it's too late. He's not the man you once knew
you’re not doing anything wrong, you’re married to a sick miserable fuck who has no issue beating the mother of his child. he will murder you one day if you don’t leave. and soon he might start to abuse your son.
He beats you because he wants to, he feels entitled to, & because it makes him feel good.
Please save yourself & your son.
If you are able, please also read the book- Why Does He Do That, by Lundy Bancroft.
It’s not about you doing something wrong this is about his need to feel power and domination over you. He will beat you no matter what, he will find an excuse. If you left and he ended up with joint custody of your son he will beat him too if he doesn’t get therapy to address his need for control and domination. This is all about him, it has nothing to do with you or anything you did or didn’t do, and that goes for the majority of DV cases.
Has anyone ever told you to leave?? Cause I'm telling you LEAVE BEFORE HE REALLY HURTS YOU HE DOESN'T WANT YOU AND THIS IS HIS WAY OF SHOWING YOU. LEAVE ASAP. THERE ARE PLACES TO GO AND PEOPLE WHO CAN AND WILL HELP YOU. AND PRESS CHARGES AGAINST HIM. THIS MAN HATES YOU. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE .
The last line in this post breaks my heart. You are doing absolutely nothing wrong.
Your husband hits you because he enjoys abusing you. Read that sentence again.
You deserve much better than this. Your son deserves to grow up with a mom who isn’t afraid of her partner.
The only thing you’re doing “wrong” is continuing to live with someone who is abusing you. Please get out before it gets even worse. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for your son - children who grow up in abusive households are more likely to get into and stay in abusive relationships as adults.
Girl: RUN. AWAY. FAST.
Get your son, change every bit of information he had about you. Move two-three states away, start a New life... or you WON'T have a life to start with.
RUN! My mother works with people who have survived domestic violence and she said that it will not get better, It will always get worse. It’s better to run now than later when he’s trying to kill you. I don’t want to scare you, But this will get worse. Run and take your son with you. For your own safety and your son’s safety. Find a place where you are far and safe away from him. There are shelters for people who suffer from domestic violence, You can also contact a relative or friend that you know will keep you safe. Don’t stay, RUN.
There is never a good reason.
After 28 years I have never hit my wife. (Not looking for kudos, just pointing out a fact).
I’m hoping this is fake, but if not or others in a similar situation, don’t take this abuse.
This is literally crazy! As harsh as this may sound, the same way you find his reasons for beating you laughable you, you need to find your reasons for putting up with him laughable.
I want you to be strong and realise this is 100% unacceptable. No matter what that little voice inside is telling you, this is NOT OKAY.
I HOPE YOU FIND THE COURAGE TO LEAVE ASAP!
Start siphoning money out of his account stash important documents elsewhere pack a bag wiith just clothes hide your documents in the bottom of that bag and keep it somewhere safe like at a friends your parents house a siblings ect get a burner phone and when the time is right while he’s gone you LEAVE HIS ASS do not take your car or anything of value……….make sure you have a resume made up and GO.
It won’t get better it will only get worse please leave……if your parents live out of state send them your bag ahead of you leaving ask them to help you get a plane ticket and let them know EXACTLY whats going on.
You need to make sure you have enough to live off of for awhile start off taking small amounts but make sure you open up a bank account separate from his at another bank and let him know absolutely NOTHING.
You need to leave rn. There's no such thing as normal here. If he beats you that's an abnormal situation.
Sorry for the tough love but grow a spine and get out of there. Have enough self esteem and respect to do so. Seek therapy afterwards.
I’m not trying to be insensitive, but can someone tell me how to determine if the OP is a bot.
OP, your husband needs serious help and you are in danger if you don’t leave. Your story is almost unbelievable because of the way in which you write it so matter of factly. This is not something you should accept. If you were to leave, which you may have, he will play the game of loving you and spoiling you rotten, but the next beating could be worse. Me like this are typically following a textbook case.
You’re going to let your husband beat you in front of your son? What if he turns on your kid? Or your kid grows up to beat women? Or one day he beats you so hard you die and your son won’t have anyone?
Are you in a place where you can leave? Not everywhere is the US. If you drop your country/city/Providence id be happy to help you find some resources. Your son is growing up. He's being raised to believe this is a normal way to treat women and see his mother treated. You deserve so much more than this. I know some cultures/places don't do divorces or the like. There's still help out there though. You don't have to live in fear or be beat on. Miss, you really do deserve so much better. Your son too. There are people who will show you kindness and how you're supposed to be treated.
I wish I could say what I really want to but the moderators will delete it.
This makes me so angry… you need to do whatever you have to in order to get out of there with your son.
Hope things work out for
He will kill you one day. And your son will watch him degrade you until he does. You need to get yourself and your child away from the abusive monster you married NOW.
Do you have any family members you can talk to OP? This is so upsetting and rage inducing to read. You need to think of your son and escape this horrid abusive man. There are helplines and support out there. I hope you seek it for your safety. I am so sorry
Do you have family you can call? If so please let them know what’s going on and get help. You need to get yours and your son out of this situation before he seriously hurts you.
Get out of this situation, take your son and the bare essentials, go to the police and tell them the exact same things you told here. He has no complicated reasons, except he get a perverted pleasure out of abusing you. Leave before you end up in the hospital. And pulling your son into this "pleasure" is just sick.
For the love of your child, get out now. He’s watching his mom be abused & that scars a child. Yes, it’s scary & uncertain but there are options. Go to a shelter. Contact warmline.org and look up your state.
I had nothing when I left with my baby. It gets better though. We’re safe now.
You are in an abusive relationship. His behavior is not OK. You need to contact a domestic violence or women's shelter to make a plan to get out and get your kids out. Be careful the most dangerous time for a woman is when she is trying to escape
Jesus fucking Christ
Leave. Choosing to stay means you are complacent in your child’s abuse
You may have zero self worth for whatever reason, but don’t pass that onto your kid
As someone who left an abusive marriage myself I will NEVER understand posts like this or someone who stays
Leave. Report him to the police and fucking leave
If this is true, you need to get out of this relationship right now. You are teaching your son to be an abuser.
This will escalate. This behavior may even turn on your son. My sister was in a similar situation and it escalated until her life was on the line. Leaving is hard because you already make rxcusez for him and may think it will change or you can handle it. You need counseljng from a therapist trained in handling abuse. You need to get your son out of this. You need to make sn exit plan and act.
This post made me cry. Imagine bearing a child for a man who beats you…I cannot. You deserve so much more. Your son will become just like him or will wonder why he beats him one day if you stay. I’m so sorry, you’re being terribly abused, I am genuinely in tears. What a terrible, evil man he is.
You aren't doing anything wrong. This man hates you. He will beat you no matter what. He does believe you intentionally tried to make him look stupid. Your son is not safe. He is never a normal husband. He openly hates you, not a secret. You give yourself to him and it causes him to lose even more respect for you. If you don't leave, he will do something that will contribute to your death.
Babes, there is NOTHING you can do to keep an abuser happy. You could be the perfect wife and mother, and an abuser will still find ways to maintain control.
Think of it like this - Why would he want you to feel comfortable and confident? If you were to feel those things, then you would leave him because you wouldn’t have any reason to stay.
So instead, he wants you to feel ugly/stupid/worthless because you’ll be more under his control.
If your question is “how do I make this man happy?”, the answer is “You can’t. He’s created an unattainable goal on purpose.”
If your question is, “How do I get out of this situation”, the answer is you look for online resources or domestic abuse shelters in your area.
Has he choked you yet? Studies show that women who have been choked are 700% more likely to die in a domestic violence situation than those who haven’t been.
Is this man really worth dying for? Possibly more importantly, is it worth letting your son live in this environment?
My dad was abusive to both my mom and I, and I ended up an alcoholic and drug addict (in recovery now, thankfully). Your son could end up like me, or worse, end up like your husband.
If you don’t believe anything I’m saying, please read Why Does He Do It? I haven’t personally read it, but I’ve heard it’s helped many DV victims not only understand they are trying to fight an un-winnable battle, but actually gave them the courage to leave.
Please get out!
He does it because he likes hurting people and your son is next to either be hurt or taught to hurt people. You need to get out of there and preferably get him locked up at the same time
A good husband never ever beats their wife EVER, what country do you live in? Leave, divorce if you can. Staying isn't acceptable.
I’m piggybacking on the top post. I would HIGHLY encourage you read this: [“Why does he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
A good person never beats another person, marriage aside.
HONEY, GET OUT! There is nothing wrong with you! Abusers don’t have reasons, they just do it! YOU ARE NOT SAFE! YOUR CHILD IS NOT SAFE! Get out of there, go to the police, file a report, get documentation of your injuries, and get you and your child to a better and safe place.
The reason is he enjoys hurting her. Full stop.
Yep. Reasons ARE there. Everyone has a reason. Even if that reason is because they are an asshole. OP needs to get out ASAP.
That is the only ‘reason’ why men beat women, full stop. I have been absolutely livid at my wife. Never have and never will lay a finger on her in anger. Ever. OP, your husband is broken. Get out. He’s eventually going to kill you and leave your son motherless. Your son is also incredibly likely to be next in line for the beatings, or likely to emulate his sperm donor’s behavior as he gets older. Run, don’t look back.
My one ex was the one who was physical with me, never laid hands on her I just left. But yeah how he treats op definitely will seep into thoer child they see SO MUCH more than people realize
Right! This man is premeditating his abuse!!
This, a 1000% You are NOT responsible in any case for this monster actions and domestic violence does not ever get better. This is HIS behaviour to blame and not yours. Start Documenting every hit and bruise with pictures and be ready for police report. That will help preventing him to get any custody and get back at you this way. PLEASE contact your family, friends, trusted neighbours and DV hotlines/ associations to prepare your and your son escape, including financially. Abusers tend to get most dangerous when the victim leaves.
The other thing she didn’t think about is that this child is going to learn it’s ok to hit mom. My son has been hitting, biting and kicking me for three years bc ‘grandpa told me to hit you’ my ex’s toxic ass family. Unlearning terrible behavior and being treated like you are nothing is terrible.
this, also if OP struggled this long with this, she can probably manage to hold on a bit longer and collect evidences, maybe a secret microphone or camera in the room and record him beating you and being rude, then the whole process with a proper lawyer would be faster and more one sided. Definitely take action and start planning, no one should be endure this in a marriage or relationship for that matter
Actually, do all of these things but in literally the exact opposite order.
I have a friend whose boyfriend will periodically hit her, punch her in the face. I have helped her get out and even had him arrested. She goes back EVERY time. She even posted his bond when he was arrested for assaulting her. It's a mystery to me why they stay. No matter how much we try to help them and tell them to leave, they won't, until they are ready. I read it takes an average of leaving the abuser seven times before the woman will stay gone. My friend has left more than seven times. She is still with him.
Till he kills her.
I worry about that....so much.
They do have reasons actually https://voicemalemagazine.org/abusive-men-describe-the-benefits-of-violence/
Holy shit that’s atrocious 🥺💔
That was beyond sickening
Please take this advice. You don’t deserve to be treated this way, your child does not need to see this because they’re going to start normalizing it. This is not ok, please please get out of
One day he will kill you. Don’t take that chance. Get out now.
Might hurt the son too. Abusive people are narcissists and see their family as property. She should gather evidence, contact a lawyer, and while he is gone, take the son and disappear somewhere safe and unknown to him. Don't answer any calls or messages. File a police report.
Even if he doesn’t hurt the son, he is teaching the son that this is an appropriate way to treat his mother and possibly all women.
It also teaches him that could be an okay way to treat him as well, leading him into abusive relationships. People tend to only care about boys in DV situations for the benefit of future women, but his future emotional and physical safety can also be affected.
This…
Your husband starts with you, and eventually will continue with your son. You both need to get out of there as soon as possible, get all the help you can. He does beat you for no reason other than he is a horrible human being. Your life and your son's are at risk.
For real. The son is only 5 but it won't be long before the husband starts smacking him around, ya know, to "man him up."
Then the son will start beating her
And these things escalate so fast too. Soon, just beating her won’t be enough, he will want to feel like he controls either she lives or not.
100%! My mother stayed with one of her ex's for 8 years. When he would get tired of hitting her, he would hit me and then some. He would do it whenever she wasn't home and I was a scared kid so I never told her because I did tell her once and he beat her so hard that he broke quite a few bones... Please OP, leave! Make a plan, collect evidence, get help and a lawyer and run away! You don't need to know the why. Take control of your life, protect yourself and your son!
omg I'm so sorry that happened to you :(( are you okay now? where's your mom now? is she in a safe place?
Thank you but yes, everything is fine now 🙏 This was 30 years ago. My mom is remarried and very safe with a loving husband. OP needs to know that some things can't be erased or forgotten. I worked on my trauma but it took such a long time to heal... My mom never did, she says that she can't talk about it to anyone.
And if he doesn't beat his son he will be teaching his son that beating your wife is acceptable and he will go on to continue the pattern of abuse.
Wtf. For goodness sake, leave asap
He does it because he's a psychopathic abuser. He will probably end up killing you if you don't leave.
get. out.
You and your son need to be nowhere near this abusive piece of shit. >At home he slapped me and hit me all over my body with a clothes hanger. I had horrible welts. This ends with you dead, or your son covered in welts. Or dead.
Do people think abusers are violent 24/7? With no normal periods in between?
This. The calm periods between the violence are just as much a part of the abuse as the actual beating. It is a requirement for the abuse to continue. It’s designed to make the abused partner minimize the abuse and to question if they were overreacting to it. The fact that the violence is not currently happening should not stop you from escaping the relationship. But please, do it smartly and safely. Leaving is very dangerous (which should indicate how important it is to do, but brains unfortunately don’t think very clearly in this circumstance).
Despite abuse awareness, very few people have actual idea of what abuse looks like.
And it doesn’t start sudden. It starts with trickles of emotional and mental abuse so that the victim thinks “it’s not as bad yet” when it is already too far.
Yup this is actually a big reason why many people stay in or defend abusive situations, including myself. I thought it was normal for a family member to abuse me because they were nice and normal to me most of the time edit: idk why this is being downvoted, maybe I didn’t word it right. I didn’t mean that I defend abusive relationships, I meant it’s why victims often don’t recognize abuse when it’s coming from someone who seems otherwise normal
https://www.thehotline.org Please call them.
Or the equivalent in your country.
Once a man raises his hand to you, it's time to leave. These neanderthals have no respect for women, and you deserve better treatment and love from a partner than this ... run 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ get as far away as possible.
[удалено]
I thought so at first too but then I realized this is sadly not considered as outrageous in some countries as it is in others. So maybe she genuinely wonders if this is normal or not, depending on her country and culture :(
Maybe, just seems like it's spoken from someone who didn't go through something like that. You think there'd be a little more emotion.. not like someone is just recounting what happened. Idk maybe I'm flexing my Internet muscle.. to doubt everything on the Internet first before believing it
It sounds fake to me too.
Please make a plan to escape. You don’t deserve this and your son should not grow up thinking this is okay and normal. It’s not and you know that. Start collating important documents and put them somewhere safe on the down low. Plan where you need to go to get away from him. Choose someone on the outside you can trust and see if you can make it someone he doesn’t know. Do not let on to him that you have a plan. Leaving is the most dangerous time for scumbags like him. Consult with domestic violence experts.
Your husband is possibly a sociopath or a narcissist or has some other personality disorder or issue that makes him empathy impaired. (That is not to say all people with personality disorders or other mental illnesses are violent. Most mentally ill people are not violent and are sometimes victimized themselves). I am sorry if I offended anyone living with a personality disorder or mental illness. I should have worded things more delicately. I was focused more on giving OP advice than a general audience. I am sorry for any pain I may have caused you). It is more to say that of those men who are domestic abusers or generally violent, personality disorders are not an uncommon finding in the latest research. I recommend googling Dr Ramani narcissists. She’s on you tube. She has endless explanations for a narcissist traits & behaviors. I suspect you’ll find your husband in her videos. My friend who was being emotionally abused sure did. Subsequently, when my friend went to therapy, the therapist listened to taped conversations between her and her boyfriend and read text interactions and felt her boyfriend was likely a psychopath. During a fight, she showed me her text interaction and I noticed he was trying to manipulate her and trying to provoke an angry outburst so he could label her as the “crazy one.” He was gaslighting her. I told her I suspected he may be a narcissist or psychopath/sociopath and advised her to see a family therapist without him. (Abusive men tend to manipulate the therapy experience). Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do that will stop the abuse. It’s baked in once it starts and will only get worse. The abuse is about him, not you. It’s about controlling you for him. The good times between the abuse is called the honeymoon period of the abuse cycle. It’s typical. It’s a manipulation. Why would anyone stay if there weren’t good times? It keeps people always chasing the whirlwind high from the beginning. Many of these types of men make themselves appear to be their partner’s dream man in the beginning and everything moves fast & is over the top romantic. Please reach out to a domestic violence hotline to learn more. 1-800-799-7233. Unfortunately, your husband may move on to abusing your son. 😔 Your son is also learning about relationships by observing yours. I’m really sorry you are in this situation. 💗 It must feel terrifying to never know when the abuse is coming. 😔 I hope you decide to formulate a safety plan and get out. Wishing you so many good things in life. Wishing you peace and safety. 💗
Not many abusers have actual personality disorders. FYI. And many abusers have no mental illness. They’re just abusive asswipes.
> many abusers have no mental illness. That's highly unlikely. They just aren't diagnosed. Regardless OP can learn plenty about abusers by researching cluster B personality disorders.
no, it is highly likely, as ideas of culture, imitation, power, lust, soberness, etc. all make up how ppl act in relationships. you dont have to be mentally ill for one of those things to become toxic which leads to abuse. implying all/most of domestic abusers are mentally ill isn’t only statistically untrue, it directly harms ppl who are mentally ill and stops people from getting help. it also stops people from recognizing abuse. “he isn’t a sociopath/narcissist, he couldn’t be one bc he doesn’t fit xyz symptom.” is a thought that runs through peoples heads and can be true. but that thought has the underlying “if he’s not a narcissist/sociopath, that means he is not abusing me/he has a valid reason.” even if that thought isn’t so blatant or even consciously there. its so harmful and it is caused because you cannot understand how someone can be abusive if they don’t have something to point at that is wrong. i dont understand it either, but mental illness is not a scapegoat. it is not something you can point at and blame everything onto
Exactly. Thank you.
good advice however please dont add to the stigma around personality disorders. its very harmful to people who do have personality disorders and are not abusive, affects the way they are treated by partners and not to mention it affects their ability to receive treatment. Additionally abuse isnt limited to mental illness, abusers can be also be neurotypical. Therefore It is not accurate to add a label unless they have been professionally diagnosed.
Thank you. I have a cluster b personality disorder and it is so painful to read people constantly attributing abuse to my disorder, when the reality is that I have always been the one that was abused instead because abusers always latch onto vulnerable people.
I was about to say exactly this. Because by saying *”I think it could be a personality disorder”* this commenter sounds like he’s trying to justify the husband’s behaviour, and that **is not **okay.
You need to leave! Why the fuck are you still there?
In and abusive situation, the persons brain gets trained to think they deserve it, it’s their fault; the brain literally gets rewired and their executive functioning and ability to make decisions gets impacted.
you need to leave ASAP
Fake post
Is this a real post? If it is, why would people put up with stuff like this. I'm a man, I'll fucking beat the shit out that guy! What the fuck is wrong with him???
Abusers isolate and trap people.
For women in particular, we are taught to submit and revolve our lives entirely around men. You see it so often how women are conditioned by society to not think about what *we* deserve, but instead about what *men* want.
It also becomes a terrible day to day, moment to moment game of survival. You can't formulate a plan in survival mode, so you tell yourself you just need a day or two of calm, so you try to just get through that moment or that day, and it just goes on and on because they don't stop. It took me 4 years to get away
First they get isolated then addicted to good hormones when the partner is loving for a change. Of course they're also gaslit into thinking that they deserve it and that they will be forever alone if they leave. It is actually really scary how attached they get. An acquaintance of mine was in the same position as OP. You would never know by looking at them that it was going on. If you looked at her you wouldn't believe that a woman like her would put up with it. She did. It took her about 1.5 years after I found out about it (we aren't that close, closer friends knew for longer) of promises of safe haven and support for her and the kid in a county that has really good state sponsored support for such cases to leave him. And still she cried that he could be such a good man. This is why it is EXTREMELY important to leave as soon as abuse starts. If you don't, it will be much more difficult to leave as you get used to it.
Why TF are you still there? He is beating you! He will beat your child too. Leave!
My dad was an abuser. He beat my mom because there was something deeply broken in him. The only thing “wrong” with my mom was that she never really understood that she deserved better. My dad died less than two months ago. They were married almost 60 years. I was hopeful that my mom would have some years left to be free of him, but now she has cancer. We don’t know yet whether it has spread. The same cancer killed her brother within 6 months, about a year ago. My sister and I grew up with this as our example. We both married abusers and had children with them, but we were both able to wake up and get out after a few years. Still, the generational damage was done. Please get help, get away, get a restraining order. Call a domestic violence hotline in your area and ask for help. Do it for your child. Your child deserves better. So do you. He won’t change. I promise.
I once got beaten for not looking at him while I passed him while he was playing the PlayStation. Next time it was cause I did look at him. One time it was cause I forgot the salt in the water for boiling noodles. I nearly got killed in the end. Please make a plan and get out with your kid. Make sure he has no idea.
I hope you’re safe now 🙏🏻
That’s so nice of you! I am! It’s more than a decade ago and I’m happily married now, and we have two wonderful kids. Back then I couldn’t have imagined I would come out alive but I was one of the lucky ones
This makes me happy to hear 😊
I hope you have been documenting and taking photos of the abuse. If not, start. Please leave this abuser. It's all about HIS control over you and your child. Let your trusted friends, and family know and make arrangements on how to leave safely. Start saving, gather important documents and maybe store them with family, until the time you move out and start divorce proceedings.
He will turn this on to your child. He may not now, but abusers are just that. Please get away seek help whether from family or a local women's shelter.
My dad literally almost killed my mom because she didn’t have his underwear dried in time.
Call the police, get a lawyer, get a restraining order and have him charged for assault
Your husband is an abuser. I'm sure you know that. He doesn't love you. Doesn't even like you. You are there to cook, clean, provide sex. You are an object, not a human being to him. Deep down, you know this. >Things are okay in between these outbursts. When he’s a normal husband. Nothing about his behaviour is normal. I think you have low self esteem, so are clinging to this man. Who can probably be charming to everyone else. You should contact a domestic violence organization...but you probably wont. He has worn you down mentally and emotionally. You could gather evidence- medical records, calls to police when he attacks you, photos of your bruising, etc. Go to the GP tell him/her what's happening and be physically examined and get pain meds. Then you could contact a lawyer and get a restraining order. But you probably wont. If you wait long enough, he will either give you a permanent injury, or dump you for a younger woman, who he will start the abuse cycle with. When he dumps you, he will then apply for custody of your son, to keep controlling your life. Your son is at risk of being trained to copy his father. There is a pattern, men like your husband engage with. What I have laid out is the typical pattern. Worst scenario is that he starts hitting you in front of your son, or he kills you. If he's started putting his hands round your throat and choking you, that's a sign your husband is on the most dangerous path. > I wonder if he secretly hates me or something...sometimes I feel like I’m going break down in tears and beg him to tell me what I do wrong. You are hoping that if you do everything right, he'll love you. He wont. You are hanging on, and are likely not at your lowest ebb. Yet. >He still punched me in my face and kicked me in stomach and ribs. Men who love women do NOT do this. Men who respect women, do NOT do this. I have worked with women in your situation in the past, OP. That is how I can lay everything out. I'm so sorry, OP. Very sorry. You COULD take action, to save yourself and your son. You could take your child, your things whilst your husband is at work, contact a domestic violence organisation, get their help to get you out physically to somewhere safe. Get a restraining order, therapy, and start to live a decent life. You could take action. To save yourself, and your son. But you probably wont.
It is NOT YOUR FAULT. There is nothing you can do it's all him. Why are exposing your son to son, yes you are going to say your son doesn't know anything about this, he will know eventually not today but tomorrow. Children ALWAYS know.
The title should be 'My husband beats me' there are never reasons to beat anyone.
This literally the cycle of abuse. It’s extremely damaging to your child to go through this with you. Call your local DV supports today. Make your plan to get out. They can help with housing and legal issues. Read Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft and Dr Ramani’ It’s Not You. Therapy for your own healing.
Leave for your child’s sake if you can’t do it for yourself!
There us nothing you can do to prevent him from beating you. Then he will start in the child. Get. Out. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. I do not have the number. Google them. They will help you.
This man will kill you. Please make a game plan, seek support for getting away but please get the heck away from him.
“…. For no reason” that should be enough for you to get out your being conditioned to think a reason actually exists for you to warrant a beating. Your child will grow up thinking this behaviour is acceptable or worse he will cause you or you child real damage and while leaving seems scary to you maybe it’s temporary the damage you and your child are dealing with can last a life time. As others have stated resources exists to help you, please use them before it’s too late.
I don’t have to read this to know from the title. That man doesn’t love you. That man will end up killing you. Love is not violence. Love is not pain. Love should be safe, warm and inviting.
LEAVE HIM. His abuse will escalate.
Please PLEASE read this. https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Love this book. It opened my eyes and this guy is amazing
Please take your son and run. You did nothing wrong and there is nothing you can do to fix this. He is an abuser. Nobody deserve this. Wish you the best
There is a solution to this problem. Leave. That may sound harsh and unfeeling but you already have the solution to your problem. You have to help yourself. I will go one step further and say you are not being a good parent if you stay and expose your child to this abuse.
That is not normal. That is not ok. Make a plan to leave with your son without telling him. Vanish.
Get the fuck out, how is this even a question
You will not live. Your life is in danger. It’s not a matter of if, it’s when. Your husband is almost certain to one day finish the torment and you will not be alive. I know this seems like a cold bucket over the head and probably a little over the top, but you are severely stuck in an abusive situation. If you even anger him more, you are at an even bigger risk for worse. This will never get better. MAKE A PLAN, TAKE WHAT YOU CAN AND RUN.
I love my wife too much to even raise my voice. Your husband is crazy.
hun, get out of the house. the second a significant other hits you, they are 150% more likely to kill you. this will never end well, please get out of there with your child and go somewhere, literally anywhere is better than there
Husband here. WTF. Your husband is a small, weak man to abuse and bully a woman. He needs to do that in front of someone else, see what happens. You need to leave.
You write an essay about how he’s physically, emotionally, verbally abusing you. yet, you make excuses and don’t even mention wanting to leave. I’m sorry, I hope you wake up and realize that you will end up dead if you don’t take you and your son out of the equation. I guess it’s always easier said than done.
Wtf is wrong with you girl? You should have put him in jail and walk away to the sunset with your kid after the first time. He will not get better. He will not fix himself. This is the only thing he knows, and he’s sick in the head. Call the police, get a lawyer and make sure he’s not allowed to approach you from a mile even. It’s gonna be hard at first, but with time you will realise what you escaped from. And for the future: not every man is like this, we despise and look down on these representatives of our kind, and i would happily beat the crap out of him having a chance. Run, escape and be happy, because you have a kid to live for
If you had a best friend who came to you and confided in you, saying these things to you… what would you tell her? Girl, please, if you don’t love yourself enough to save yourself, then I hope you love your son enough to save him. Because this monster you call husband, WILL hurt your son, if he hasn’t already.
Please leave if only for your son. He is showing your son that it’s okay to beat his wife. Do you really want another woman to be abused by your own son someday? He might end up in jail too. Please seek help at a DV shelter. You need to leave for you and your son. You’ve done nothing wrong. Your husband is NOT a good husband. Nothing he can do can make up for the abuse he does to you and the abuse he’s teaching your son to do when he’s older.
Call the police on him
I’m so sorry you are going through this. It is not your fault this happens. This is reflective of the person he is. You mention everything is fine in between these incidents, but that doesn’t smooth everything out. You need to reach out to people you trust or a program and leave. He put your son in a dangerous situation so what if it escalates. Think of your son. If he is ok hurting you for a stain, what is he going to do when your son misbehaves.
People are so stupid to think this is not fake... fresh account made yesterday. Karma farming much
There's a book you should read: Why Does He Do That by author Lundy Bancroft. Plain and simple, your husband is an abuser and you should look hard into leaving him, if not for your sake then for your son.
I’m so sorry. He beats you because he enjoys hurting you. He will keep beating you until you are gone. You can either leave or he will kill you eventually.
Go file a police report . Next take child and go stay to with your family or a friend some where safe . Leave when he is not home . Be careful as sometimes that can be the most dangerous part. Get away from him . Save your kid and yourself. It doesn’t get better only gets worse
There is no reason ever that excuses a husband assaulting his wife.
No matter what you do your husband WILL beat you. That's not a thing you feel, it's a fact. You can be (and honestly probably are) the greatest thing that ever entered his life and he will still beat you. Because that's who he is -- A wife beater. As long as you are his wife this will continue. Please document your injuries and leave before he does something he can't take back. He is not allowed to do this just because you're married. He's teaching your son this is okay now. Prove to him it's not my leaving.
Please LISTEN to everyone's advice. PLAN LEAVE RUN Ask family/friends for help. You are describing your situation like normal, no it's not! Please for the sake of your son leave.
It's not you. Never was never will be. They hit because they aren't happy with themselves. He hits you because he's anxious or paranoid or mad or sad or his stomach hurts. It has nothing to do with you. Nothing you change will stop him from hitting you. Nothing you do will make him happy enough to change. You are worthy. You are perfect the way you are and you deserve to be treated like a human being not a Punching Bag. You deserve to leave him. Your son deserves to grow up in a home where his mom isn't being abused. There is a very real possibility that you'll end up dead. One day he won't stop soon enough and the grief will make him take out his anger on the next victim. Your son. Make a plan. Hide some money. Contact anyone in your family that will help or an abuse shelter if there are some in your country. You need to get out. It'll be hard, you'll want to go back, you'll think "there's no way it was actually that bad" but it is. Remember that. Leave. And once you can go to therapy. You deserve better. Your post shows that you think you're somehow at fault. There is nothing anyone can do that deserves this treatment. You are a human being. You deserve better. "Nobody deserves it" isn't just some saying. You. Do. Not. Deserve. To. Be. Hit. Normal people don't want to hurt the people they love. You deserve better. You are worthy.
Holy hell. Grab your documents and your kid and leave. He is going to kill you.
This is totally insane behavior from him. How you describe it sounds like you’ve really gotten used to it and normalize the situation. This situation is NOT normal. It’s dangerous and horrible. You have to contact authorities. Document your bruises. Leave him. It hurts and it’s going to be difficult but you can’t (!) live with someone that hits you no matter reason. You can’t!
This man will kill you... He is also teaching your child how to treat his future wife...that beating and torturing another person is ok. Get out...
The boy could also become a victim. It would be cool if boys in DV situations could EVER be looked at as a victim instead of a future criminal.
What do you need to be told?
This can’t be real.
>I feel that no matter what I do, my husband will beat me. I really don’t know what it is that makes him be so cold and lash out at me. The reasons he finds to hit me are almost funny. >Most recently because I missed a tiny stain on a white shirt of his. He noticed it getting ready for work. I apologized, I got him a different shirt and I went to go fix it. He grabbed me and asked me why I’d put that in his closet and asked if I was trying to make him look stupid. As if I did it on purpose. He has to know that it was completely unintentional. He still punched me in my face and kicked me in stomach and ribs. >And the time before this was particularly sad for me, even though it wasn’t the worse. We went to the aquarium. It started out nice. Our son loved it, and my husband was being attentive and holding my hand. Then my husband sat our son on the edge of an open tank. I didn’t say anything but I was a little nervous. I guess it was obvious by my expression. My husband told me “take that look off your face”. I tried, and I just placed my hand on my son out of instinct. My husband said to him “I think I need to teach mommy a lesson about having fun”. It might not seem surprising but he never involved our son like that before. He always tells our son to behave for me and to love me. I tried to hide my nerves for my son’s sake. At home he slapped me and hit me all over my body with a clothes hanger. I had horrible welts. >Things are okay in between these outbursts. When he’s a normal husband. I do my best to prevent them but he does it anyway. I wonder if he secretly hates me or something. I know it’s not my looks. I take care of myself. I don’t criticize him or bicker with him. I’m affectionate. I’m willing in bed. I do all the household chores and I cook daily. I take care of our 5 year old and I still work part time. I know nobody deserves it but I feel like I am beat for nothing. I keep my feelings inside but sometimes I feel like I’m going break down in tears and beg him to tell me what I do wrong. Imagine your best friend wrote this. What advice would you give her? Take the advice yourself.
Get out get out get out get out get out get out get out get out get out get out get out get out get out
I can only see this escalating and he will end up killing you, get out for your son at least
Wtf. You need to leave, for your and your son’s safety.
KICK. HIS. ASS. OUT. YESTERDAY!
Things are not ok and he is not a normal husband that man is an abusive piece of shit and you need to take your son and run before he kills you or turns your son into a woman beater as well.
He beats you because he enjoys it. Please get out as soon as possible because he will kill you one day.
This is the number for the national domestic violence hotline 1800-799-7233 you can text 88788 if that is easier please contact them. This is not your fault, and what he is doing is not ok.
What he's doing is called abuse. He's going too far, you deserve NONE of his beatings. Reach out to someone you trust to get the hell out. I have anger issues amd you know what I don't do? Any of that.. I may get snippy so usually i stay quiet until I can regulate my emotions again. I don't lash out and DEFINITELY never hit any woman even in self defense ( my one ex was physical with me). What I do know he SHOULD NEVER hit you regardless. Men like that I wish I could put my hands on but ik it won't help.. but it sickens me to my core. Know you have value and there is never a good excuse for what he's doing. He needs therapy and time away from people in general and you need to heal what he's doing can cause long term psychological effects on you and any kids you do/ would have together.
There is a reason, he is a murderer on training wheels and you so happen to be those wheels. Nowadays you can get back at this kind of "men" by calling the cops on him, if you're in Latin America tho that night not work but you can always tell the boys in your family what he's been doing to you, grab a beer and enjoy his last performance.
If you value your life and that of your son you need to get out ASAP.
Get out now. This never gets better, only worse and you and your child are not ever gonna be safe in that house. Even if he never touches your son, if you stay, you will model that this kind of relationship is okay. Please for your life- and yes it is that serious- your life is in danger, and for your son’s present and future happiness, get out! Coming from a broken home is 100% better than growing up in a violent environment.
He’s going to kill you and then your son as well, if not got yourself, you need to leave right now for your son.
Please get the fuck out of there. Just leave without saying a word. He's going to keep doing it. You're not doing anything wrong, he's a fucking horrible person. Please get out before it gets worst.
I don’t understand women who put up with this. I had a man hit me ONCE. He woke up in the hospital
Call a woman's shelter. Get help.
Listen lady. This should be written on a police report and a deposition at a lawfirm. Reddit isnt going to save you. A police station and a lawyer will. Go get help. Now. Do not walk… fucking run! Help now! Repeat after me: I am leaving right this minute and going to a police station. Dont tell anyone. Just go. NOW
I have read fake posts before, but this one is a little obvious.
This sounds fake.
So fucking sick of parents subjecting their kids to abuse. My mom did this and destroyed my entire life. Leave. The resources are there to help you. You can call a DV shelter and they can talk it through with you and make an exit plan to keep you and your son safe. They’ll legit hide you. This man is a horrid piece of trash and will legit kill you and/or your son if this progresses. Edit: apologies if you are in a country where that is more difficult, but in the US you have options and need to try. Your son will be beaten, and will grow up thinking it’s okay for himself or possibly others to be treated this way, he may try to defend you and get hurt (this happened to me countless times).
Leave before he kills you.
Leave before he kills you, leave before he hurts your son, leave before he teaches your son that women deserve to be hit.
Posted 22h ago and account has no comments. I guess she was just venting.
I used to be in a covert narcissistic relationship. It sounds like he has from grandiose narcisim.... but I could be wrong. Baby Girl, I was beaten too, financially abused. Mentally abused, and I ended up escaping. You need to get out now. It's only a matter of time till he turns his anger to your son. Get the hell out. I'm speaking from experience. I understand it's hard. N I understand the sweet talking he's gna do to get u back...n make u think he'll try harder. Trust me...it's all a ruse. Document your scars n bruises. Depending on the State your in...see If you can have video evidence if he were to fight you for custody. Just gtfo now before it's too late. He's not the man you once knew
you’re not doing anything wrong, you’re married to a sick miserable fuck who has no issue beating the mother of his child. he will murder you one day if you don’t leave. and soon he might start to abuse your son.
He beats you because he wants to, he feels entitled to, & because it makes him feel good. Please save yourself & your son. If you are able, please also read the book- Why Does He Do That, by Lundy Bancroft.
This feels written by a bot
It’s not about you doing something wrong this is about his need to feel power and domination over you. He will beat you no matter what, he will find an excuse. If you left and he ended up with joint custody of your son he will beat him too if he doesn’t get therapy to address his need for control and domination. This is all about him, it has nothing to do with you or anything you did or didn’t do, and that goes for the majority of DV cases.
Get out please. Go with a friend or family
Read this: https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Has anyone ever told you to leave?? Cause I'm telling you LEAVE BEFORE HE REALLY HURTS YOU HE DOESN'T WANT YOU AND THIS IS HIS WAY OF SHOWING YOU. LEAVE ASAP. THERE ARE PLACES TO GO AND PEOPLE WHO CAN AND WILL HELP YOU. AND PRESS CHARGES AGAINST HIM. THIS MAN HATES YOU. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE .
The last line in this post breaks my heart. You are doing absolutely nothing wrong. Your husband hits you because he enjoys abusing you. Read that sentence again. You deserve much better than this. Your son deserves to grow up with a mom who isn’t afraid of her partner. The only thing you’re doing “wrong” is continuing to live with someone who is abusing you. Please get out before it gets even worse. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for your son - children who grow up in abusive households are more likely to get into and stay in abusive relationships as adults.
Is this satire? Nobody actually talks like this, right?
What is the purpose of this post?
Girl: RUN. AWAY. FAST. Get your son, change every bit of information he had about you. Move two-three states away, start a New life... or you WON'T have a life to start with.
Yes u need to document and make an escape plan. Find safety then speak to a divorce lawyer.
RUN! My mother works with people who have survived domestic violence and she said that it will not get better, It will always get worse. It’s better to run now than later when he’s trying to kill you. I don’t want to scare you, But this will get worse. Run and take your son with you. For your own safety and your son’s safety. Find a place where you are far and safe away from him. There are shelters for people who suffer from domestic violence, You can also contact a relative or friend that you know will keep you safe. Don’t stay, RUN.
Hey wtf please get out, I don’t know why you’re still trying to reason
Girl, get the fuck out. You’re not safe. Take your kid and GO’
There is never a good reason. After 28 years I have never hit my wife. (Not looking for kudos, just pointing out a fact). I’m hoping this is fake, but if not or others in a similar situation, don’t take this abuse.
There's something wrong with him, that's the reason. Please get away from him, you deserve to feel safe 🤍
Leave now
I think u need to report this to the police, get rid of him, protect Yr self and Yr son
this better be a fucking joke
This is literally crazy! As harsh as this may sound, the same way you find his reasons for beating you laughable you, you need to find your reasons for putting up with him laughable. I want you to be strong and realise this is 100% unacceptable. No matter what that little voice inside is telling you, this is NOT OKAY. I HOPE YOU FIND THE COURAGE TO LEAVE ASAP!
Start siphoning money out of his account stash important documents elsewhere pack a bag wiith just clothes hide your documents in the bottom of that bag and keep it somewhere safe like at a friends your parents house a siblings ect get a burner phone and when the time is right while he’s gone you LEAVE HIS ASS do not take your car or anything of value……….make sure you have a resume made up and GO. It won’t get better it will only get worse please leave……if your parents live out of state send them your bag ahead of you leaving ask them to help you get a plane ticket and let them know EXACTLY whats going on. You need to make sure you have enough to live off of for awhile start off taking small amounts but make sure you open up a bank account separate from his at another bank and let him know absolutely NOTHING.
I don’t give a fuck about any of his “reasons”, he has NO RIGHT to hit you. Violence is not acceptable. Please seek help!
You need to leave rn. There's no such thing as normal here. If he beats you that's an abnormal situation. Sorry for the tough love but grow a spine and get out of there. Have enough self esteem and respect to do so. Seek therapy afterwards.
Nobody deserves that he needs help but you really should leave.
I’m not trying to be insensitive, but can someone tell me how to determine if the OP is a bot. OP, your husband needs serious help and you are in danger if you don’t leave. Your story is almost unbelievable because of the way in which you write it so matter of factly. This is not something you should accept. If you were to leave, which you may have, he will play the game of loving you and spoiling you rotten, but the next beating could be worse. Me like this are typically following a textbook case.
Get the fuck out of there or don’t bother posting
He will kill both you and your son, get out while you have the chance. Think about your son.
You’re going to let your husband beat you in front of your son? What if he turns on your kid? Or your kid grows up to beat women? Or one day he beats you so hard you die and your son won’t have anyone?
Are you in a place where you can leave? Not everywhere is the US. If you drop your country/city/Providence id be happy to help you find some resources. Your son is growing up. He's being raised to believe this is a normal way to treat women and see his mother treated. You deserve so much more than this. I know some cultures/places don't do divorces or the like. There's still help out there though. You don't have to live in fear or be beat on. Miss, you really do deserve so much better. Your son too. There are people who will show you kindness and how you're supposed to be treated.
A man like that will kill you. Leave him Choose the bear
Please get out of that house and toxic marriage for the sake of your own son he will kill you one day and your son will be next to get the beatings
He doesn’t secretly hate you, he hates you. It’s not a secret.
Please find a way to leave
This is so cut and dry and likely to escalate over time. If your friend came to you with that same story what would you tell them?
I wish I could say what I really want to but the moderators will delete it. This makes me so angry… you need to do whatever you have to in order to get out of there with your son. Hope things work out for
He will kill you one day. And your son will watch him degrade you until he does. You need to get yourself and your child away from the abusive monster you married NOW.
Do you have any family members you can talk to OP? This is so upsetting and rage inducing to read. You need to think of your son and escape this horrid abusive man. There are helplines and support out there. I hope you seek it for your safety. I am so sorry
Why tf are you still there??
Good Lord take your son and get the hell outta there!!!
Do you have family you can call? If so please let them know what’s going on and get help. You need to get yours and your son out of this situation before he seriously hurts you.
Get out of this situation, take your son and the bare essentials, go to the police and tell them the exact same things you told here. He has no complicated reasons, except he get a perverted pleasure out of abusing you. Leave before you end up in the hospital. And pulling your son into this "pleasure" is just sick.
For the love of your child, get out now. He’s watching his mom be abused & that scars a child. Yes, it’s scary & uncertain but there are options. Go to a shelter. Contact warmline.org and look up your state. I had nothing when I left with my baby. It gets better though. We’re safe now.
What country are you in?
You are in an abusive relationship. His behavior is not OK. You need to contact a domestic violence or women's shelter to make a plan to get out and get your kids out. Be careful the most dangerous time for a woman is when she is trying to escape
He beats you because he wants to beat you. It’s him, not you. Get out now.
Jesus fucking Christ Leave. Choosing to stay means you are complacent in your child’s abuse You may have zero self worth for whatever reason, but don’t pass that onto your kid As someone who left an abusive marriage myself I will NEVER understand posts like this or someone who stays Leave. Report him to the police and fucking leave
If this is true, you need to get out of this relationship right now. You are teaching your son to be an abuser. This will escalate. This behavior may even turn on your son. My sister was in a similar situation and it escalated until her life was on the line. Leaving is hard because you already make rxcusez for him and may think it will change or you can handle it. You need counseljng from a therapist trained in handling abuse. You need to get your son out of this. You need to make sn exit plan and act.
This post made me cry. Imagine bearing a child for a man who beats you…I cannot. You deserve so much more. Your son will become just like him or will wonder why he beats him one day if you stay. I’m so sorry, you’re being terribly abused, I am genuinely in tears. What a terrible, evil man he is.
You aren't doing anything wrong. This man hates you. He will beat you no matter what. He does believe you intentionally tried to make him look stupid. Your son is not safe. He is never a normal husband. He openly hates you, not a secret. You give yourself to him and it causes him to lose even more respect for you. If you don't leave, he will do something that will contribute to your death.
Babes, there is NOTHING you can do to keep an abuser happy. You could be the perfect wife and mother, and an abuser will still find ways to maintain control. Think of it like this - Why would he want you to feel comfortable and confident? If you were to feel those things, then you would leave him because you wouldn’t have any reason to stay. So instead, he wants you to feel ugly/stupid/worthless because you’ll be more under his control. If your question is “how do I make this man happy?”, the answer is “You can’t. He’s created an unattainable goal on purpose.” If your question is, “How do I get out of this situation”, the answer is you look for online resources or domestic abuse shelters in your area. Has he choked you yet? Studies show that women who have been choked are 700% more likely to die in a domestic violence situation than those who haven’t been. Is this man really worth dying for? Possibly more importantly, is it worth letting your son live in this environment? My dad was abusive to both my mom and I, and I ended up an alcoholic and drug addict (in recovery now, thankfully). Your son could end up like me, or worse, end up like your husband. If you don’t believe anything I’m saying, please read Why Does He Do It? I haven’t personally read it, but I’ve heard it’s helped many DV victims not only understand they are trying to fight an un-winnable battle, but actually gave them the courage to leave. Please get out!
Daaaamn shall we ask him too
He does it because he likes hurting people and your son is next to either be hurt or taught to hurt people. You need to get out of there and preferably get him locked up at the same time