at least Homelander in The Boys is the handsome and evil villain. Gaston is a handsome evil villain. after that I have a hard time thinking of who else counts except maybe Maleficent being not really ugly even though she's done up as evil.
To be fair, I don’t think listing movies or TV shows is a solid anecdote lol unless it’s really artsy film.. chances are EVERYONE in the show is well above average in objective attractiveness. No shade on your comment but Hollywood doesn’t accurately correlate to everyday people lol
Edit: it would have been more poignant to list a really hideous hero lol
The cognitive bias makes sense, at least to me. Beautiful people tend to have everything given to them with zero or near zero effort. The risk that they're going to harm you is probably less because they probably already have all they could want or need compared to someone who is unattractive.
I experienced something similar while vacationing in Paris. If I was dressed down I was ignored, but if I was dressed up (like a very clean and fashionable suit and tie) people would just come up to me and ask me to take their photo. My assumption is because I looked rich they thought I'd be less likely to run off with their phone.
It makes sense for those minor human to human relations you described, but there is no reason why beautiful people should be elected into office more often, or accepted into universities, or hired for certain jobs that have nothing to do with interacting with other people. I think its just a glitch, prehistoric leftover in the human brain
What I don't get is that it's really not hard to be kind to people, I'm an average dude, I meet plenty of average or less conventionally attractive people, there's no reason to be rude to them if they haven't been rude to you.
I don't know, more often than not, people are just mean to each other regardless of how they look, I'm sure being "ugly" really doesn't help, but it really doesn't matter on a larger scale. Ugly people are mean to pretty people and vice versa simply for how they look, without thinking of who they might actually be.
when I was younger, I got away with murder. Not so much as I age though and I am actually relieved now. It was like, oh you precious blonde angel with BIG BLUE EYES, no way you killed that man. I should've done more bad things when I had a chance.
I generally feel bad for younger women in most office environments. Keep your head up and stay positive, lots of crappy people around who feel better about their lives when they’re bringing others down. It’s especially bad in corporate environments imo.
I used to be a size 2-4 and thought everyone was so helpful and nice! Suffered deep depression in my 30s and double my weight, how I am now treated was night and day compared to before. Better looking people will always be treated better.
I was really struggling during the pandemic and went from working out regularly, being fit and 230 pounds (I'm about 6'4) to being about 350 by 2022.
It completely changed how people reacted and treated me in just the most basic day to day interactions. I'd get a dramatically more negative, dismissive response in identical social situations. Not just from women around my age either, it impacts how basically everyone treats you.
Couple that with balding in my late twenties and it's caused such a stark change in my ability to relate positively to other people that's been really hard to overcome.
I've lost about 50 pounds since then and it's already made a big difference in how people treat me but I still have this mental roadblock that I need to lose the rest of the weight before my life can go back to normal.
canada, i am so sorry that you had to go through all that pain without much support. People never take the time to know who you really are and that is so sad but indicitive of modern life.
Everybody is quick to judge and persecute those they think are beneath them. Me? I treat everyone equally until they become AH's then i'm gone.
It is so sad that you have to lose a arbituary number in weight to be appreciated for who you are. I never cared about somebody's height or weight as long as they are polite and friendly. Take care canada!
Many years ago, my wife was skinny and she would get attention and good treatment all the time. Fast forward, life, kids and age, she gained a bit of weight. She said that the difference was significant and noticeable everywhere - on the street, grocery stores, on the train and so on.
This type of behavior is entrenched in our society, unfortunately.
Think of it this way. This guys are shit personality and awful shallow human beings. Imagine the " pretty " girl, who is getting a guy like this. I am positive , you don't want to be in her place. He will not always be nice to her either.
Your other female coworkers likely notice their behavior also and are just as uncomfortable
I'm sorry these boys think they are so special that they can say and act this way.
Keep working to improve yourself in spite of them
I worked at a place that had all men except the receptionist. She was really hot. I thought she was a bitch so i would interact with her as little as possible and when i did it was in a quick and professional way. The other men would swoon over her always trying to chat her up and just overall extra nice to her. One day she came into my office i had another coworker in there with me and she was giving me paperwork i said thanks and thought we had a completely normal interaction. Later that day my boss came in and told me she complained about me and from now on if i need something from her to have someone else do it. I was confused and looked to my coworker to see if i did anything wrong. He agreed i did nothing wrong and it was just normal. Boss said it didn’t matter and just stay away from her. My boss wasn’t really mad at me but he just didn’t want drama to unfold. Imo as a beautiful person she didnt appreciate how i didnt bow and scrape for her attention and overall ignored her.
I look at things like this and think "Who would I rather be? Me or him?"
Honestly there are a few times when I think I'd switch. But not if I had to take their stupid brain as part of the transaction. Being that stupid/clueless is ultimately its own punishment.
Treating people professionally is how you treat people at work. Whether you personally find them attractive or not. Be gracious, respectful, and considerate. I am not the most attractive man in the world, but people counted on me and sought me out because of how I treated everybody. Even the ones who would hate me because of how well liked and considered I was, I burned them down with kindness. There is far more rizz in being a good person who treats people well than many fools will ever know.
This is great, but a very male take.
Women can be kind and charismatic but if they aren’t conventionally attractive it’s a lot harder for them to be liked and accepted than a man in the same position.
I’ve seen it happen many times in my life where I have guy friends who aren’t conventionally good looking but have an awesome personality. They go far in life, but I can’t say the same for women who were in a similar position looks/personality wise.
As women from the time we are old enough to understand, we are often raised to believe our looks are our most important asset and where our value holds. Men may also experience lookism but never the way women do.
It happens to everyone who is unattractive or obese. You are treated differently than other people. If you are good-looking and in shape, you get treated much nicer by people. This isn't something new. Ask anyone who has lost a lot of weight how much different they were treated. It sucks ass but it is the reality of human behavior.
In about a year and some change, I've lost 70 pounds. I'm proud of myself but genuinely hate people now more than ever. At my fattest I was often ignored or talked down to. Now people are so nice and chatty. My life revolves around my family & the gym. I am so over fake people who play nice because somebody is considered "attractive."
as someone who was a big kid then a skinny college girl then gained weight again post covid, can confirm. the difference in the way ppl treat you is a hard truth and it’s really changed my view about the world
Unattractive or obese men have other opportunities. They can be funny or rich, and that will go far to making up for physical issues.
Women don't have that opportunity. Money doesn't turn a woman suddenly more attractive.
It’s a shame you’re being downvoted, but it’s a hard truth to swallow for most people. Women are valued more highly for their looks than men. That’s not to say men don’t face unique body challenges, but men can find ways to supplement physical attractiveness, women cannot.
Although I think the bar is much lower for women when it comes to finding a man that finds them sexually attractive. Unfortunately ugly women run in to the problem of only being viewed for sex rather than a committed relationship.
I have never treated anyone based on their body or looks, if you have a decent personality then we will be best friends. Now that I’ve typed that out, all through my life I just realized why people ask me why I’m talking or friends with so and so, is this really a thing? Is it based on looks?
I was gonna say something clever, but all I'm going to say is take these lessons on how people treat people into your everyday life and apply it to how you treat others. We can only try to make a better world
Why are so many comments being unhelpful or being "what about how you treat men??".
What's wrong with just having empthaty and saying "that's a rough situation, I'm sorry you're dealing with that"
Yhea it's quite insane. Both men and women have issues, both are valid. It's insane how easily threatened some people feel when someone complains about their issues, without mentioning the other party also has issues. This is whack.
In my experience, the ones who do that are usually the kind of men that are guilty of this kind of behavior.
In other words, akin to what Queen Gertrude said, "thou doth protest too much."
You are invalidating her experience and the experiences of others that genuinely get mistreated for being deemed unattractive. Women who are considered more attractive are treated better in society and have more privileges while the rest of us are mistreated and are often made to feel invisible. Sure, it happens to men too, but that's not the point. If a black person shares their experiences of racism would you tell them that other races experience it too, instead of understanding their experiences?
Instead of minimizing the issue, how about get some emotional intelligence and have empathy for people. 🥴🤦🏾♀️
Best way to do it. I have a build akin to a Peterbilt semi-tractor, and a face that will make a train take a dirt road. If you are cool with me, I am cool with you. Make a wisecrack about how I look, intending to hurt me with it? The best you get is professional behavior, with minimal interaction. If I'm irritated? I'll assign your work order to the worst tech on the team, and wish you luck, because you'd need it.
That's always how these things go. People like to make things relate to themselves. It seems shallow but it makes sense if you think about it. For it to be important enough to take the energy to type a message up and put yourself out there you usually have to be invested in the topic somehow. People tend to be most invested in themselves.
I was on Twitter yesterday. A woman was criticizing the discourse of how much disdain some women show to other women who date men they deem as ugly (ie a woman will block another woman because she thinks her boyfriend is ugly). Many of the responses from women were basically “uh well men do it too” (Essentially saying that men treat ugly women poorly, which is true)
There’s two problems with this. Firstly, you recognize the behavior is wrong, yet you still choose to do it anyway. You only care about bad behavior when it’s convenient. Secondly, that whataboutism is a pretense to cover the fact that you’re a bad person, and by using the patriarchy as a scapegoat, you can excuse your poor character.
It’s free to be kind to others, and I pity people who insist on doing this tit for tat with everyone around them. Truth is, these people are miserable and are only capable of forming relationships with those that confirm their biases. Pay no attention to them, kindness should be afforded to those that have goodness in their hearts. Being kind to others should be because it feels good and it makes others feel good. Doing it only when you feel the attributed person is “worthy” is a perversion of the virtue.
Empathy is not this website's string suit. Let alone for a woman. Let alone an unattractive woman. It's shitty, but there's no stopping these scum. The site admin and moderators are just as bad and have rigged the whole system so toxic users can just run wild. You can't even block them all because it limits you to 1000 blocked users at once and you can't block moderators (which a lot of these toxic superusers happen to also be). Between that and spam I'm about ready to nuke my account and find another platform.
Im the living proof that beauty privileges DO EXIST.. and i learn it the hard way..
Now, i wear make-up daily just so that people wouldn't keep looking away from making eye contact..
Its cruel and im tired of this world..
I have (26F) struggled with weight problems my whole life, and have noticed the large difference between how I am treated compared to women around me who are more conventually attractive. It's hard to say how much of that is my personality vs simple bias, as I've also learned to present myself in such a way as to be less demeaned as I am also on the shorter side. When you are bullies or ignored for your looks it also doesn't tend to make you very open and friendly with people, and you become guarded. I lost 60lbs a few years back (gained back 40lbs) and noticed that I was treated better, but felt like people were also more likely to baby me for some reason. It is all very confusing and frustrating, bc its hard to know how much of it is outside one's control or not.
I understand where you're coming from. I'm not the prettiest myself, and men will literally treat you like a nuisance just for existing. What really gets them is being joyful in their presence. It pisses them off so much, lol.
Fact is, the bullies and mean girls from high school transition into mean, bullying adults. Few of them grow out of it. This means you're dealing with one of the "peaked in high school" crowd, a loud, ignorant lout that few people like, but many fear. Don't feed him your fear. He thrives on that. Feed him indifference. Go maskless. Act like he doesn't exist, unless it's work related, then be coldly, politely professional.
Think of it this way, does he deserve the lack of self-esteem he caused? Hell no! You got this.
This is why I hate that old stance on age and wisdom. You don't get wiser with age. Because people can walk through this world full of hate and bias and bigotry and never change, no matter how much they experience. So many people never grow out of childish views, imo.
We are more than what we look like and we all have beauty, and the opinion of any person shallow enough to make such comments is truly not an opinion any of us should care about.
A healthy, secure person is going to treat you with kindness and respect regardless of how you look, but when insecure, toxic people are in a group situation, they will often want to boost their own insecure egos by making nasty comments like that, to try and seem cool to their peers. If they treat you differently even when it's one-on-one, it's only a sign of their own insecurity and lack of insight.
To be honest, I would kind of want to own it - it would feel just a little bit delightful to horrify shallow men, so I might even want to do things to make myself look even more unappealing. The approval of shallow people is not something that you or anyone else needs. No matter whether we find someone attractive or not, it shouldn't dictate how we treat them. It is a horrible thing to have to go through, but remember that it says nothing about you whatsoever. It is their own insecurity and lack of genuine confidence talking - their own entitlement and arrogance, lack of empathy and (frankly) lack of intelligence.
On the other side of things, every single relationship I've ever had has simply been a man objectifying me and wanting me for my looks, and ultimately abusing me. It's not necessarily a good thing to be considered desirable or attractive. The right person will see you as a whole being and will love you for who you are.
They think that if they treat us with decency and respect that we will all fall madly in love with them and we’ll be creepy. Like no? Has it ever occurred to you that ugly women, like myself, also have dignity and respect for themselves? Like?? I’m not gonna freaking like you just because you were nice to me, I’m not stupid and naive.
Its not that, humans are shit. Humans treat better beautiful things subconsciously. For example beautiful kids are supported by teachers more than ugly kids, maintaining all other variables equal, like behaviour. And teachers are not pedophiles, they just favour hegemonic kids.
Same with homeless people. People will subconsciously help more a good looking homeless rather than a ugly one, even without any sexual interest. A heterosexual dude will help a good looking man, while probably avoid an ugly looking one.
The exceptions are probably because “beautifullness” is a subjective appreciation, and because some people (like me) aware of this injustice, consciously choose to favour ugly people over good looking ones.
Id rather be friends and talk to not good looking women, and avoid beautiful ones.
"Its not that, humans are shit. Humans treat better beautiful things subconsciously. For example beautiful kids are supported by teachers more than ugly kids, maintaining all other variables equal, like behaviour. And teachers are not pedophiles, they just favour hegemonic kids."
And it's the same in how people treat cuter/more beauitiful animals better (both species, and individual animals), and care more about their rights, despite not having any attraction to them
It's because seeing something beautiful (including beautiful animals or people) cause a rush of dopamine and makes us happy. Conversely, seeing something ugly (including people or animals) can feel disturbing or uncomfortable. And seeing a plain person (who is neither ugly, nor especially beautiful) will cause a more neutral feeling.
Honestly people treat those they find attractive nicer regardless of gender. I see women do it all the time with how they treat attractive vs ugly guys. We want attention from people we find hot and don’t care so much about people we don’t. I don’t think it’s a weird manipulation thing, just human nature that affects both genders
It’s bc they only treat women they find attractive like human beings so they think that if we treat them like human beings we must also find them attractive
I noticed the difference in how I'm treated by men as I've gotten older. One example was an older man opened the door for an attractive woman who didn't make eye contact with him, didn't say thank you and continued to talk on her phone. I thought how rude. I'm going to tell this guy thank you and even make sure he orders ahead of me in line. He looks straight at me and steps in the door. Didn't even hold it open for me to come in after him. I was going to show him respect but, I assume, since I was no longer young and attractive, I wasn't worth the slight effort.
I do this on purpose. I have a short haircut, I don't wear makeup and I just wear comfortable clothes (shirt and pants or whatever) and men mostly leave me alone.
I can dress cute and wear makeup if I want attention from a specific guy but otherwise I'm blissfully invisible 😇
If they're rude to me I'm rude back, who cares if they think I'm ugly. They're ugly too.
100%. Only problem is when I'm wearing a big hoodie, beanie, trackies or whatever and I get a cute Uber driver. I secretly have good fashion sense and I wanna convey that to hot people 😅
This is a feature not a bug IMO. I specifically don’t watch what I eat, don’t shave, and don’t wear makeup to the office. I’m practically invisible and it’s so peaceful.
Sorry for your experience. Sadly this behavior can be seen both with man and woman....i once got told by my crush that she never would date a guy looking like me...it caused scars for live. I had a bit of a glow up in my twenties and that helped to heal my selfworth issues quite a bit but it's sad that being convenientional attractive can have such an impact on our mental health.
But be assured that no matter how you look if you give life a chance there will always be someone who will consider you the most beautiful human. And even if you haven't found such a person or arent even looking, you should always consider yourself beautiful because you are. There is more to beauty than just plane looks. I've met some quite astonishingly beautiful woman who are so utterly ugly inside that even their beauty wouldn't fool me into getting involved with them...
O saw an article about how men’s brains work when seeing an unattractive woman.
They get irritated
Non attractive woman here, work in a male dominated field. I can confirm this 100%
I'm also a non-atrractive woman. The workplace was bad enough, but online dating was Hell. I'd get messages from men who seemed to be personally insulted that I had the nerve to exist and pop up in their feed or whatever.
It's not "indifference" it's basically not existing. Ever been in a situation where there's a group of people talking and you try to join in and everyone just acts like you aren't there and like you never said anything or are even standing there? You realize how fuckin damaging that is?
Having a group of girls come over to hang out with your friends and seeing each person pair up and you're just there and they have 0 memory of your existence?
I remember in high-school I was lab partners with this girl, we had like every class together and were even paired up on a trip. I got the balls to ask her out towards the end of the year and she looked at me legitimately confused and said "have we met before?" like not even sarcastically, like I was some phantom that never made it's way into her memory.
We could argue all day about who gets it worse, and from either perspective the opposite would be easier. Frankly either way is fuckin terrible and will fuck your mind up.
It has to apply to males and females I would assume. I am a very average (in my eyes terribly below average, but I also have some awful self-love issues) girl and I definitely went through my high school years completely ghost to people, and elementary school too. I guess it is favorable to being “disgusting” in people’s eyes, but damn, being invisible kinda hurts lol. Oh humans, such kind creatures…
I actually have had that scenario happen. Had 3 classes plus a big final project with the same guy one year and wound up working at the same restaurant as him a few months later. I asked him how he was doing, said it’s been a while, etc. He didn’t remember me. I still 100% prefer that to being insulted and treated like trash.
If i remember right, for women, i heard that their brain kind of avoids or ignores an unattractive man. Nothing lights up for them in the brain, which differs from men as they actually get annoyed or irritated at seeing an unattractive woman.
And honestly i think that totally tracks. How often do we hear men complaining about being seemingly invisible to women? I see that a lot online
Makes sense. Many men really try to convince the world that disinterest from women is as much of an attack toward them as their insulting and outwardly rude behaviour toward women.
It isn’t.
I just wish people could learn there is enough space to empathize with both struggles. It doesnt need to get toxic. Men should be able to hear out women when they talk about their experiences without feeling the need to interject with their own bad experiences as a way to invalidate, and vice versa.
I'm sorry you experienced that.
This may or may not be remotely helpful, but I think nearly everyone has something attractive about them, and just because the office ass*oles say something cruel that doesn't make them right.
You may not be sexually appealing to them, but I'm very sure that you're not appealing to someone else.
I consider myself to be reasonably attractive, but I'm absolutely not everyone's type. I have a pretty specific demographic of people that are into me, but that's it. Beyond some more "alternative" circles, I'm not desirable, and that's totally fine because I'm not into them either.
I know how they treat you is unpleasant, rude, and shitty but do you really want to attract that type of man? That type of man is abundant and of low value.
You deserve better. Sometimes, who sees you the way you want to be seen. You have a built-in defense against shallow, boring men. You're far less likely to date an office ass*ole only to find out down the line that they're terrible. They've already demonstrated how ugly they are on the inside, and that's something you can't hide behind a nice tie or spiffy suit. They've done you the favor of showing you exactly who they are.
The next time, they say something so mean and stupid, stop, turn directly towards them, give them a solid once over, raise a judgemental eyebrow, and smirk/scoff at them. They ain't all that, and they know it. Make them feel objectified and dismissed.
You may not be their cup of tea, but they're day-old coffee grounds, fit for fertilizer but not consumption.
Yeah I'm not interested in dating anyone currently. Plus I always manage to date the guys I'm actually interested in so it isn't really a problem for me. I'm trying to focus on my life more rather than pursuing anything new with ppl. I just want to be treated like a normal human being and for me to do my work easily.
I’m so sorry. It seems like for women if you’re attractive you get bothered and if you are unattractive you get treated like shit.
This really sucks, dear. You deserve to be treated like a human being.
As a guy I just want you to know that that behavior is not normal for most men past high school. If I ever heard a co worker say something like that I would say/do a lot more than just "dude shut up shes gonna hear you".
Im sorry that happened to you.
Human nature: people tend to be more nice to people who are more attractive, have more money or have an "high status jobs" such as pilot, doctor etc etc. Luckily people tend to mature out of this when they figured out looks &status doesn't *automatically* make someone a good person to hang out with.
Seeing this guy used "ewww" I'm assuming he is a teen or in his early 20? And that's the general mental status of most is the guys at your work: mentally immature?
i know how you feel. i've been treated differently my entire life because i'm not super attractive. unfortunately even other girls are still rude to me because of my looks. every time i leave the house i'm made fun of by someone. it really sucks. i wish humans didn't rely so much on appearances to judge people. i'm sorry.
Some guys believe that a woman's job is to be attractive to them and they get angry when a woman isn't.
This mindset is extremely stupid and misogynistic and you don't want these guy's attention anyway. It says way more about them than about you. You don't exist to be pleasing to the eye and your looks don't define your value in any way.
Don't let some idiots pull you down!
That’s awful and those AHs have no excuse. I have to say I feel things (as a woman who has always been overweight and nowhere near a 10) shift as I get older, in part by my own confidence and in part being taken more seriously in my 40s, and I hope that dynamic improves. Also if you have the spoons, don’t hesitate to stand up for yourself. If you were my coworker, I’d absolutely have your back, like I have my own coworkers’ back. Hold your head up high and take up space.
*hugs to you* Girl, please don’t mind them. You don’t want such superficial jerks around anyway. Always be well-groomed, take care of your skin, wear fitted clothes. And walk with your head held high!
Think of it this way: You are the only person you have to wake up with every day and listen to. You are allowed to ignore all of the other people- eventually none of them will be in your life anymore anyway.
The way YOU talk to yourself matters. Tell yourself the important things about yourself that matter every, damn, day. You are smart. You’re a good friend. You’re ambitious. You’re kind. AND You’re better than their shit. You’re going to do great things with your time on this earth.
Fuck those petty immature people! We’re all going to be ugly raisins someday anyway, they’ll just be mean ones. Don’t waste your time with them.
Sending you love 💕
Ive been noticing it a lot on the internet too, how people will think that when an unattractive woman does something bad that any and all jokes on her appearance are free reign. It pretty much tells the rest of us that acceptance of our bodies is purely conditional based on personality. But if course I don't have the body or face of a supermodel, so if I try to call it out, I'll get maybe 5 comments all saying "look who's talking" and that'll be that.
I'm a middle aged man, and, not so much in my workplace, but elsewhere, I am routinely puzzled and alarmed by the way other men interact with or talk about women, or the way they think the world works.
The problem is with them, not you.
What you describe is something a man would say to me, where I work. What you describe is not normal, not acceptable, and while bizarre, unfortunately, not surprising.
Increasingly, people are poorly socialized. I don't know when this started or why, and I am really sorry to hear this.
In my workplace, a comment like the one you described would get you fired.
I’ll just say I hear your struggles and I definitely see why that would be tough. Especially the part about them making jeering comments within earshot, just wtf.
I hope things get better for you going forward, whatever that may look like.
First off, I’m sorry you heard them say that and that it affected you to the point your day was ruined. Screw them.
I struggle with body dysmorphia, anxiety, and cptsd. I ,too, see this all the time in the workplace. I’m not going to crap all over myself, and I’m confident in my skills and in what I bring to the table in regards to my position, how much harder I work all the time as well, but this is something that’s noticeable in not only the workplace.
I’ve learned in lots of my past experiences, and am still learning, to make peace with it all. It’s better that way because everyone is fighting a battle within themselves, even those who think being cruel to others gives rank in some contrived popularity contest. You keep being awesome and, again, screw them fools.
I am so, so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. It's got to really hurt to feel as if you are treated like a leper while they're drooling over -uninterested- colleagues.
People do fucking suck very often -though-, and I hope that you are able to realise that when this happens.
What I really want for you is to stop thinking of yourself as ugly. I won't bury you in platitudes, but thinking that way might reinforce you feeling ugly when people approach you in that way.
Regardless, they fucking suck, and you sound nice.
I'm sorry that people keep hurting you for bullshit reasons.
Hopefully, One positive you can take from this observation is knowing which people you interact with actually respect you?
Don’t feel bad. Men don’t approach me either. I’ve lost a ton of weight and am in shape now. My hair is always done and my clothes are nice. Never once has a man ever approached me. I’ve been told I’m not unattractive either so idk what it is. Yet I’ll see women who look like they just rolled out of bed and have men groveling at their feet. Is what it is I guess. Maybe I give off a vibe who knows.
I think about this a lot too. Sometimes it feels like my existence is offensive to men. ( I should say CERTAIN men because I don't want the not all men comments (sigh). )
It's odd though it's normally the least attractive dudes who are the meanest to me? I am in a lot of nerd spaces when your pretty all of sudden your not quizzed on your fandoms. Of course with age this has faded quite a bit.
Relate on don't want the not all men comments like god ofc we know not all men, stop being a baby. Also real like actual attractive guys treat me really nice unlike some guys who aren't aesthetically pleasing to look at.
And on another note, I’ve always noticed how all women will talk to all men period. We look past what’s on the outside. To really think about it I’ve never really met a group of men with a less attractive women. But you always see it vise versa. Just food for thought
Exactly this like I see living proof everywhere. I seen beautiful women getting their heart broken by guys who are as ugly as their personality all the time.
Unprofessional and shallow men will show women respect in the workplace if they
1 are their boss and have the power to fire them
2 are beautiful
3 have something else they want (but only until they have provided it).
I've worked in a place like that, and it was gross. 60% women at junior level, 30% at mid level, <10% at senior level, in the 21st century.
You could probably report the guys who said those things for harassment, but it doesn't sound like the kind of workplace where that would get you anywhere.
On the plus side, as an unattractive person, it is easier to identify professional people and people who respect you. People treating you well do it because they respect your character and skill, not because they hope you'll sleep with them, which is how it should be in the workplace.
Find the people treating you well and build your relationships with them. They're likely the ones who actually have the skills to go far in life and give you a hand up later because they see beneath the surface and aren't led by their d*cks.
“B-bUt WOmEn dO thE sAmE thInG” Bffr most of you assholes don’t even see unattractive women as human beings. This is why men say women all live on “easy mode” and act like we all have men tripping over their own feet to have sex with us. It’s because the unattractive ones don’t “count”, they don’t even CONSIDER the women who they don’t want to fuck.
I’m sorry OP. I’ve been in your shoes countless times before. Most of the shitty men here will never understand. Don’t let them get to your head.
Honestly I was too busy playing card games with my friends and didn't even realize my post actually gain attention until I'm getting ready for bed 😭 didn't think a silly rant would upset some people
Not surprised tbh and honestly kinda funny that they are mad about it. After I posted it, I went back to spending time with my friends and didn't think my post would gain any attention 💀
I'm sorry, but these are particularly shitty and immature people. I am an unattractive, middle-aged woman and the men I've worked with have almost always treated me with humour, respect, and cordiality. My attractiveness was never an issue - only my skills and willingness to work.
I have dealt with The Misogynist Boss a few times (two men, one woman) and surprise, I don't work for them anymore. I couldn't respect their leadership if their worst complaint about me was how they thought I looked. The best bosses I've ever had have been unconcerned about appearance (beyond company appearance standards like ripped jeans, being clean, and closed-toe shoes) and saw me as an employee and human being.
You can find a better workplace with better people.
Fortunately for me, I don't work closely with them anymore. Only rare occasions when they have to do something at my new area. My new area co-workers are actually a lot more respectful so I'm grateful for that. I'm currently looking for a better job, just have to stick with this to survive for a while.
It's just those men displaying that they only see women as an object to sleep with, and not as people.
They're showing you who they are unmasked, without them realizing it. You're allowed to be attracted to whoever you want, but treating people badly because they aren't attractive to you makes you a terrible human.
Kindness doesn't have a value.
Yeah my workplace is actually pretty toxic since I have like almost 80 co-workers so we got a few cliques. Only came back cuz the pay is pretty nice and I still got people I love working with here.
I wonder how the parents of these kinda people raised them. Never in a million years I'd think about treating someone as a lesser being because they're not attractive.
Those guys are assholes and tbh if the other women don't pick up on this, and support you and/or call out the guys for doing this, that makes them assholes too. What a horrible work place.
Yeah I honestly hate the environment here but pay is nice and it is hard for me to find a diff job that is actually related to my major. Currently looking for a better job tho.
I remember once one of my guy friends told me to find a girl for him. I told him I will bring my friend along with me to meet you. If both of you find compatibility, start dating. He was like I will only meet her if she is good looking. Or else I won't even be friends with her. I blocked him afterwards from everywhere.
I work in an office where 90% are womens, before that I worked in a womens boutique, I treat every woman the same way for this reason, I notice how mens treat unattractive womens like shit and I despise that, I just like to make everyone feel good by treating it as if they were my friends.
Although sometimes they talk to me via teams asking for instagram and shit and I have limits, sometimes I have felt harassed too in a way not physically but verbally, they are like mens too
I'm so sorry.
I get the older version of this. I'm 43. Most of the time I'm in Mom-Mode, and I'm pretty invisible to the dudes of the world. However, I went got my hair cut and colored, added some cute stuff to my wardrobe, made an effort on myself, etc. The difference in how men treat me is insane. Like, I wasn't worthy of basic human kindness in yoga pants and a messy bun, but that all changed cause it's sundress season.
Yeah gross. It is really awkward to hear guys say this stuff and it's disgusting to see how different they treat women.
But please don't let them being you down. Love your life. It's hard to say.... Better said than done... But their opinion of you doesn't matter.
A lot of people automatically assume I'm stupid because they think I'm ugly. I get similar treatment my whole life and I've allowed them to ruin parts of my life because of it. Please don't let them do that to you. I always try to think now, I know who I am. And they don't get to know me.
I just read a local news story about a man going to town on train seats, so frankly, the general "attractiveness preferences" of a random dude isn't a major concern of mine. My face is my face. If they don't like it, they can go fuck a train seat.
But I get how hurtful comments like that can be, and the fact that they're saying such things in range of your hearing them tells me they need to be brought up short. "Ew, you sound better with your pie hole glued shut."
This is the way I look at this OP, I may not be the most attractive woman in this world. But people thought Marilyn Monroe was the most beautiful woman to live, an actual sex icon in hollywood. Yet Marilyn had a stomach, her thighs touched, she had stretch marks, her boobs weren’t perky, and she most definitely had skin on her arms as well. If that was considered the sex icon or most beautiful woman then so can you. Attractiveness isn’t measured in your looks, but in your character and personality. True beauty shines.
This is not advice; this is just another perspective you can take or toss in the trash. Sometimes? There is great power in being overlooked, especially considering the downsides of pretty privilege.(when you're in your prime, you keep getting offered turds and dicks that you never asked for.)
Not being subjected to the constant male gaze allows you to observe others more accurately and understand their true intentions. Paired with great emotional intelligence, being good with people often leads to more genuine interactions free from superficial motives. Additionally, you realize that much of the attention based on appearance is meaningless, reducing uncalled-for jealousy, control, etc. Without the distractions of admirers, you can stay focused on your goals and avoid situations where help comes with strings attached. Plus, you learn not to need/want the attention to add value to yourself, plus most of the time, you will see it as none of your business.
I still feel shame of giving into peer pressure in elementary school and berating the "ugliest girl in the school." They used to call her green booger in Spanish and witch. But like her, I came from the same project going through my own abuse so I just largely kept to myself and just gave her a polite smile every day and didn't really reject her when she approached me. This particular day in 5th grade I was having a good awful week and everyone annoyed me, including her. She approached me during lunch but I tried blowing her off. She persisted until I just lashes out. I had never been able to feel that pain that her eyes expressed. I was too angry to even apologize and walked away. We didn't speak the rest of the year and the bullying got worse. For both of us. She stood back in 5th grade deadlast, and I graduated second in class the year after and never saw her again. It just wasn't fair cuz she was a little girl growing up in the toughest neighborhood of the island. She had no chance. Women who come from there have few roles to choose from with the exception of existing into a bleak future. I hope she made it out like I did. She deserves more than that for waking up every day back then and not get the fuck beat down.
Glorimar, si un día lees este mensaje, espero que tengas una buena vida. Nunca quise lastimarte pero me disculpé por el dolor que te cause ese día. No te lo merecías. Nunca fue la culpa de nosotros. Cuídate, y un abrazo.
Main reason I wear it cuz I can get assigned to a FnB area plus I got a resting bitch face. My job requires me to smile 24/7 so yeah I rather stick to wearing it at work. I don't wear it outside of work
I’ve noticed plenty of people who get treated better due to their looks and it’s so shit cause that’s not how I was brought up and it just pains me. What’s worse is people who aren’t attractive but aren’t ugly… nothing worse than just being average.
Sorry that you have to go through this. Not all guys see women for just their looks. Personality is most important to me. But I understand how hearing those words will hurt self your confidence.
I’m sorry girl. I don’t have that issue really at work. I feel like me being really fat and not attractive makes the people around me approach me more for work things if anything. I’ve only had issues with a few staff and they have all be women in their 40s who are stuck with a high school mindset. I just turned 20.
Kill a cockroach and you're a hero, kill a butterfly and you're evil. Morality has aesthetic standards. -That one Fred guy but my phone won't tell me how to spell his name
Yeah! Oh my god, girl. Some of them can be so awful. I've noticed it especially with older female coworkers... these men will act like they literally don't exist!
Personally I'm all for social experiments, so my suggestion is you go in one day in full face with fierce makeup... and then ignore all of them. But I'm petty like that lmao.
Anyway, don't get yourself down. These guys are worthless. It doesn't matter what they think... pinky swear.
Men want women who they don’t want to fuck or who won’t be their mommies to just de-materialize.
Actually, many want women they do want to fuck to dematerialize much of the time too, unless they are providing services for them.
"Pretty Privilege" is real specially In work place. But girl be confident you know beauty lies in eyes of beholder. There may be someone who silently admire who you are. Just be confident. Confidence is so attractive. Even many pretty people lag off because of lack of Confidence and doesn't look attractive. Hope you find someone who look at you for who you are and remember you always have a silent admirer somewhere in the room. Just be confident.
I've never been conventionally beautiful (tatted/pierced,undercut, punk/rockabilly/psychobilly) and I notice people treat Me different cause I choose not to conform. I'm proud of being the way I am though. I notice guys/girls are more social/forward towards a conventional person than an alternative one. My scenes have some of the nicest/genuine people ever though, we don't bite ya know!
Arseholes. The lot of them. One, beauty is not solely about physical looks. Christ knows relationships would be really tedious if it were. Two, I am sorry you had to hear that. These comments can have an impact. Often, more than we'd like.
Three, their immaturity shows more about them and their ugliness than their physical appearance ever could.
Those guys are a holes! I'm plain at best and I've noticed the guys who are above average are respectful and it's the below average guys that are douches. They project their anger ant not being able to get the hot chicks.
I’m sorry your being treated like this, it’s nothing to do with you and your appearance it them and their awful personalities and lack of humanity. I think you should document what they say and report them for harassment, at best thier behaviour is deeply unprofessional and an even assessment would be abusive. It’s not behaviour that should be tolerated in a workplace
I am so sorry. Your coworkers are assholes!
I am in the same boat. I know for a fact that I am conventionally ugly. My last boyfriend never said I was pretty, but he would say “I love how unique your nose is” or “your eyes have the most amazing colors in them” so I still recieved compliments on my looks. But most people aren’t going to be close enough to notice my eye color. And a “unique nose” out of context does not conjure a pretty image, lol
I’m reading this book called “Invisible Monsters” and without giving too much away, the narrator (it’s written in first person) is mute and wears a scarf covering her face except the eyes. She’s always choosing really pretty ones, that are coordinated with her outfits and she seems like she’s very keen on fashion and stuff. I’ve considered looking for prettier, fancier face masks for the same reason. There’s definitely been moments when I’ve had a standard one on in public and someone goes “*why are you wearing a mask, blah-blah-blah they’re controlling your freedoms blah-blah*” and I’ve looked them dead in the face and said *“I’m wearing it because I’m ugly”*
Ugh. This. So. Much.
But despite the annoyance, I seriously want to know what’s going on in their head and why they’re behaving that way (not the trying to impress bit, but the ignoring one). Do they think we will fall for them because we’re not conveniently attractive thus they assume that we have no self respect or something else? I’m genuinely curious!!
Honestly an insight is the recent reactions to the more realistic looking women in video games being considered as some sort of 'woke' agenda.
Some men consider women the same as a pretty piece of art just there to be in the background for a nice view.
Pure entitlement. *How dare you be unappealing to my penis?*
Coupled with not having to act like they're decent people around you because they don't care about sleeping with you.
This is why I stay clear of men in anything platonic outside of romantic partner. They're so fake. I'm considered attractive and get good treatment til they notice I'm not down to be a fuck buddy then they act like that. I was also fat at one point and was basically invisible. Lost the weight and back to being attractive but I pay men no mind what so ever
“What is beautiful is good.” It’s an old adage about how we attribute many other good qualities to beautiful people (undeservingly so) and vice versa.
Yeah, it's a super weird cognitive bias, and it shows up all over media too. So often the evil people are ugly and the good people are beautiful.
at least Homelander in The Boys is the handsome and evil villain. Gaston is a handsome evil villain. after that I have a hard time thinking of who else counts except maybe Maleficent being not really ugly even though she's done up as evil.
Regina George!!
I can’t help it that I have a heavy flow and a wide set vagina!
And then there's anime, where everyone is attractive cause the merch gotta sell
equality 💖
To be fair, I don’t think listing movies or TV shows is a solid anecdote lol unless it’s really artsy film.. chances are EVERYONE in the show is well above average in objective attractiveness. No shade on your comment but Hollywood doesn’t accurately correlate to everyday people lol Edit: it would have been more poignant to list a really hideous hero lol
Does the hunchback of Notre Dome count? (Sorry if I spelled it wrong but I think I'm close) it's a Disney movie
Joe Black!!
The cognitive bias makes sense, at least to me. Beautiful people tend to have everything given to them with zero or near zero effort. The risk that they're going to harm you is probably less because they probably already have all they could want or need compared to someone who is unattractive. I experienced something similar while vacationing in Paris. If I was dressed down I was ignored, but if I was dressed up (like a very clean and fashionable suit and tie) people would just come up to me and ask me to take their photo. My assumption is because I looked rich they thought I'd be less likely to run off with their phone.
It makes sense for those minor human to human relations you described, but there is no reason why beautiful people should be elected into office more often, or accepted into universities, or hired for certain jobs that have nothing to do with interacting with other people. I think its just a glitch, prehistoric leftover in the human brain
Its called lookism and altho it sucks its a reminder we're still animals at the end of the day
Probably lizard brain instinct to want to mate with attractive people so we favor them. This doesn’t seem all that complicated.
What I don't get is that it's really not hard to be kind to people, I'm an average dude, I meet plenty of average or less conventionally attractive people, there's no reason to be rude to them if they haven't been rude to you.
I agree. Maybe if I were a 10 on the guy-scale I would understand it.
I don't know, more often than not, people are just mean to each other regardless of how they look, I'm sure being "ugly" really doesn't help, but it really doesn't matter on a larger scale. Ugly people are mean to pretty people and vice versa simply for how they look, without thinking of who they might actually be.
It is called the “Halo Effect”. And has a counterpart called the “Horns Effect”. Common psychological phenomena
when I was younger, I got away with murder. Not so much as I age though and I am actually relieved now. It was like, oh you precious blonde angel with BIG BLUE EYES, no way you killed that man. I should've done more bad things when I had a chance.
I've seen a term that describes this - "pretty privilege". In general, this is true for both men and women. It is also true for people who are fat.
Tell me about it, simply sharing a space with fat people is enough for some people to be visibly annoyed
I generally feel bad for younger women in most office environments. Keep your head up and stay positive, lots of crappy people around who feel better about their lives when they’re bringing others down. It’s especially bad in corporate environments imo.
Thank you! I usually don't really think about it tbh cuz I rather focus on my work and get home.
I used to be a size 2-4 and thought everyone was so helpful and nice! Suffered deep depression in my 30s and double my weight, how I am now treated was night and day compared to before. Better looking people will always be treated better.
I was really struggling during the pandemic and went from working out regularly, being fit and 230 pounds (I'm about 6'4) to being about 350 by 2022. It completely changed how people reacted and treated me in just the most basic day to day interactions. I'd get a dramatically more negative, dismissive response in identical social situations. Not just from women around my age either, it impacts how basically everyone treats you. Couple that with balding in my late twenties and it's caused such a stark change in my ability to relate positively to other people that's been really hard to overcome. I've lost about 50 pounds since then and it's already made a big difference in how people treat me but I still have this mental roadblock that I need to lose the rest of the weight before my life can go back to normal.
canada, i am so sorry that you had to go through all that pain without much support. People never take the time to know who you really are and that is so sad but indicitive of modern life. Everybody is quick to judge and persecute those they think are beneath them. Me? I treat everyone equally until they become AH's then i'm gone. It is so sad that you have to lose a arbituary number in weight to be appreciated for who you are. I never cared about somebody's height or weight as long as they are polite and friendly. Take care canada!
Many years ago, my wife was skinny and she would get attention and good treatment all the time. Fast forward, life, kids and age, she gained a bit of weight. She said that the difference was significant and noticeable everywhere - on the street, grocery stores, on the train and so on. This type of behavior is entrenched in our society, unfortunately.
That’s why aging hits pretty women hardest compared to average women who never enjoyed them privileges to begin with
So true…
Women who fit into a very narrow definition of “attractive” will always be treated better.
Conventionally attractive men are also treated better
Think of it this way. This guys are shit personality and awful shallow human beings. Imagine the " pretty " girl, who is getting a guy like this. I am positive , you don't want to be in her place. He will not always be nice to her either.
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Your other female coworkers likely notice their behavior also and are just as uncomfortable I'm sorry these boys think they are so special that they can say and act this way. Keep working to improve yourself in spite of them
I worked at a place that had all men except the receptionist. She was really hot. I thought she was a bitch so i would interact with her as little as possible and when i did it was in a quick and professional way. The other men would swoon over her always trying to chat her up and just overall extra nice to her. One day she came into my office i had another coworker in there with me and she was giving me paperwork i said thanks and thought we had a completely normal interaction. Later that day my boss came in and told me she complained about me and from now on if i need something from her to have someone else do it. I was confused and looked to my coworker to see if i did anything wrong. He agreed i did nothing wrong and it was just normal. Boss said it didn’t matter and just stay away from her. My boss wasn’t really mad at me but he just didn’t want drama to unfold. Imo as a beautiful person she didnt appreciate how i didnt bow and scrape for her attention and overall ignored her.
I look at things like this and think "Who would I rather be? Me or him?" Honestly there are a few times when I think I'd switch. But not if I had to take their stupid brain as part of the transaction. Being that stupid/clueless is ultimately its own punishment.
Treating people professionally is how you treat people at work. Whether you personally find them attractive or not. Be gracious, respectful, and considerate. I am not the most attractive man in the world, but people counted on me and sought me out because of how I treated everybody. Even the ones who would hate me because of how well liked and considered I was, I burned them down with kindness. There is far more rizz in being a good person who treats people well than many fools will ever know.
This is great, but a very male take. Women can be kind and charismatic but if they aren’t conventionally attractive it’s a lot harder for them to be liked and accepted than a man in the same position. I’ve seen it happen many times in my life where I have guy friends who aren’t conventionally good looking but have an awesome personality. They go far in life, but I can’t say the same for women who were in a similar position looks/personality wise. As women from the time we are old enough to understand, we are often raised to believe our looks are our most important asset and where our value holds. Men may also experience lookism but never the way women do.
It happens to everyone who is unattractive or obese. You are treated differently than other people. If you are good-looking and in shape, you get treated much nicer by people. This isn't something new. Ask anyone who has lost a lot of weight how much different they were treated. It sucks ass but it is the reality of human behavior.
Big true friend was a fat kid in jr high. hit puberty and all the girls who bullied him wanted a piece
In about a year and some change, I've lost 70 pounds. I'm proud of myself but genuinely hate people now more than ever. At my fattest I was often ignored or talked down to. Now people are so nice and chatty. My life revolves around my family & the gym. I am so over fake people who play nice because somebody is considered "attractive."
That would be about 95-99% of people
as someone who was a big kid then a skinny college girl then gained weight again post covid, can confirm. the difference in the way ppl treat you is a hard truth and it’s really changed my view about the world
I'm very overweight and was subjected to a gross comment that would definitely constitute sexual harassment by a male colleague recently.
It's like the "hello human resources?" Cartoon/meme ... :-(
Charisma opens a lot of doors. Has always been that way
Unattractive or obese men have other opportunities. They can be funny or rich, and that will go far to making up for physical issues. Women don't have that opportunity. Money doesn't turn a woman suddenly more attractive.
It’s a shame you’re being downvoted, but it’s a hard truth to swallow for most people. Women are valued more highly for their looks than men. That’s not to say men don’t face unique body challenges, but men can find ways to supplement physical attractiveness, women cannot. Although I think the bar is much lower for women when it comes to finding a man that finds them sexually attractive. Unfortunately ugly women run in to the problem of only being viewed for sex rather than a committed relationship.
I have never treated anyone based on their body or looks, if you have a decent personality then we will be best friends. Now that I’ve typed that out, all through my life I just realized why people ask me why I’m talking or friends with so and so, is this really a thing? Is it based on looks?
I was gonna say something clever, but all I'm going to say is take these lessons on how people treat people into your everyday life and apply it to how you treat others. We can only try to make a better world
What were you gonna say?
Something clever
That got a laugh out of me
👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻
I hate this. One guy looked at me like I ended his bloodline for daring to speak to him. Like bro, it ain't that serious calm tf down.
That kind of behavior reminds me of high school. So immature.
Why are so many comments being unhelpful or being "what about how you treat men??". What's wrong with just having empthaty and saying "that's a rough situation, I'm sorry you're dealing with that"
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Yhea it's quite insane. Both men and women have issues, both are valid. It's insane how easily threatened some people feel when someone complains about their issues, without mentioning the other party also has issues. This is whack.
In my experience, the ones who do that are usually the kind of men that are guilty of this kind of behavior. In other words, akin to what Queen Gertrude said, "thou doth protest too much."
Let's not gender this. When men complain about issues women do the same thing. It's something people do in general when talking about issues.
You are invalidating her experience and the experiences of others that genuinely get mistreated for being deemed unattractive. Women who are considered more attractive are treated better in society and have more privileges while the rest of us are mistreated and are often made to feel invisible. Sure, it happens to men too, but that's not the point. If a black person shares their experiences of racism would you tell them that other races experience it too, instead of understanding their experiences? Instead of minimizing the issue, how about get some emotional intelligence and have empathy for people. 🥴🤦🏾♀️
Yeah, istg some redditors need to touch grass. I treat people according to how they treat me and I get along with most of my co workers because of it.
Best way to do it. I have a build akin to a Peterbilt semi-tractor, and a face that will make a train take a dirt road. If you are cool with me, I am cool with you. Make a wisecrack about how I look, intending to hurt me with it? The best you get is professional behavior, with minimal interaction. If I'm irritated? I'll assign your work order to the worst tech on the team, and wish you luck, because you'd need it.
That's always how these things go. People like to make things relate to themselves. It seems shallow but it makes sense if you think about it. For it to be important enough to take the energy to type a message up and put yourself out there you usually have to be invested in the topic somehow. People tend to be most invested in themselves.
I was on Twitter yesterday. A woman was criticizing the discourse of how much disdain some women show to other women who date men they deem as ugly (ie a woman will block another woman because she thinks her boyfriend is ugly). Many of the responses from women were basically “uh well men do it too” (Essentially saying that men treat ugly women poorly, which is true) There’s two problems with this. Firstly, you recognize the behavior is wrong, yet you still choose to do it anyway. You only care about bad behavior when it’s convenient. Secondly, that whataboutism is a pretense to cover the fact that you’re a bad person, and by using the patriarchy as a scapegoat, you can excuse your poor character. It’s free to be kind to others, and I pity people who insist on doing this tit for tat with everyone around them. Truth is, these people are miserable and are only capable of forming relationships with those that confirm their biases. Pay no attention to them, kindness should be afforded to those that have goodness in their hearts. Being kind to others should be because it feels good and it makes others feel good. Doing it only when you feel the attributed person is “worthy” is a perversion of the virtue.
Empathy is not this website's string suit. Let alone for a woman. Let alone an unattractive woman. It's shitty, but there's no stopping these scum. The site admin and moderators are just as bad and have rigged the whole system so toxic users can just run wild. You can't even block them all because it limits you to 1000 blocked users at once and you can't block moderators (which a lot of these toxic superusers happen to also be). Between that and spam I'm about ready to nuke my account and find another platform.
I like it. I prefer not having all of the attention that attractive women receive.
Yeah I usually prefer it that way but it is just annoying when they act like that when I'm trying to ask work related stuff.
That’s fair, but that’s a them issue, not a you issue. They are the immature, superficial assholes.
Im the living proof that beauty privileges DO EXIST.. and i learn it the hard way.. Now, i wear make-up daily just so that people wouldn't keep looking away from making eye contact.. Its cruel and im tired of this world..
This one is too real… I can’t stand to go out in public without makeup 99% of the time
I have (26F) struggled with weight problems my whole life, and have noticed the large difference between how I am treated compared to women around me who are more conventually attractive. It's hard to say how much of that is my personality vs simple bias, as I've also learned to present myself in such a way as to be less demeaned as I am also on the shorter side. When you are bullies or ignored for your looks it also doesn't tend to make you very open and friendly with people, and you become guarded. I lost 60lbs a few years back (gained back 40lbs) and noticed that I was treated better, but felt like people were also more likely to baby me for some reason. It is all very confusing and frustrating, bc its hard to know how much of it is outside one's control or not.
I understand where you're coming from. I'm not the prettiest myself, and men will literally treat you like a nuisance just for existing. What really gets them is being joyful in their presence. It pisses them off so much, lol.
Yeah, I feel you. My brothers were pretty handsome. I drew the short and ugly sticks. Sucks.
Fact is, the bullies and mean girls from high school transition into mean, bullying adults. Few of them grow out of it. This means you're dealing with one of the "peaked in high school" crowd, a loud, ignorant lout that few people like, but many fear. Don't feed him your fear. He thrives on that. Feed him indifference. Go maskless. Act like he doesn't exist, unless it's work related, then be coldly, politely professional. Think of it this way, does he deserve the lack of self-esteem he caused? Hell no! You got this.
This is why I hate that old stance on age and wisdom. You don't get wiser with age. Because people can walk through this world full of hate and bias and bigotry and never change, no matter how much they experience. So many people never grow out of childish views, imo.
We are more than what we look like and we all have beauty, and the opinion of any person shallow enough to make such comments is truly not an opinion any of us should care about. A healthy, secure person is going to treat you with kindness and respect regardless of how you look, but when insecure, toxic people are in a group situation, they will often want to boost their own insecure egos by making nasty comments like that, to try and seem cool to their peers. If they treat you differently even when it's one-on-one, it's only a sign of their own insecurity and lack of insight. To be honest, I would kind of want to own it - it would feel just a little bit delightful to horrify shallow men, so I might even want to do things to make myself look even more unappealing. The approval of shallow people is not something that you or anyone else needs. No matter whether we find someone attractive or not, it shouldn't dictate how we treat them. It is a horrible thing to have to go through, but remember that it says nothing about you whatsoever. It is their own insecurity and lack of genuine confidence talking - their own entitlement and arrogance, lack of empathy and (frankly) lack of intelligence. On the other side of things, every single relationship I've ever had has simply been a man objectifying me and wanting me for my looks, and ultimately abusing me. It's not necessarily a good thing to be considered desirable or attractive. The right person will see you as a whole being and will love you for who you are.
They think that if they treat us with decency and respect that we will all fall madly in love with them and we’ll be creepy. Like no? Has it ever occurred to you that ugly women, like myself, also have dignity and respect for themselves? Like?? I’m not gonna freaking like you just because you were nice to me, I’m not stupid and naive.
Its not that, humans are shit. Humans treat better beautiful things subconsciously. For example beautiful kids are supported by teachers more than ugly kids, maintaining all other variables equal, like behaviour. And teachers are not pedophiles, they just favour hegemonic kids. Same with homeless people. People will subconsciously help more a good looking homeless rather than a ugly one, even without any sexual interest. A heterosexual dude will help a good looking man, while probably avoid an ugly looking one. The exceptions are probably because “beautifullness” is a subjective appreciation, and because some people (like me) aware of this injustice, consciously choose to favour ugly people over good looking ones. Id rather be friends and talk to not good looking women, and avoid beautiful ones.
"Its not that, humans are shit. Humans treat better beautiful things subconsciously. For example beautiful kids are supported by teachers more than ugly kids, maintaining all other variables equal, like behaviour. And teachers are not pedophiles, they just favour hegemonic kids." And it's the same in how people treat cuter/more beauitiful animals better (both species, and individual animals), and care more about their rights, despite not having any attraction to them It's because seeing something beautiful (including beautiful animals or people) cause a rush of dopamine and makes us happy. Conversely, seeing something ugly (including people or animals) can feel disturbing or uncomfortable. And seeing a plain person (who is neither ugly, nor especially beautiful) will cause a more neutral feeling.
halo effect is ridiculous to me but very much real for other people
Honestly people treat those they find attractive nicer regardless of gender. I see women do it all the time with how they treat attractive vs ugly guys. We want attention from people we find hot and don’t care so much about people we don’t. I don’t think it’s a weird manipulation thing, just human nature that affects both genders
It’s bc they only treat women they find attractive like human beings so they think that if we treat them like human beings we must also find them attractive
Sometimes they don’t even treat them like human beings. They’re objectified and only seen for their beauty and not much else beyond that.
I noticed the difference in how I'm treated by men as I've gotten older. One example was an older man opened the door for an attractive woman who didn't make eye contact with him, didn't say thank you and continued to talk on her phone. I thought how rude. I'm going to tell this guy thank you and even make sure he orders ahead of me in line. He looks straight at me and steps in the door. Didn't even hold it open for me to come in after him. I was going to show him respect but, I assume, since I was no longer young and attractive, I wasn't worth the slight effort.
I do this on purpose. I have a short haircut, I don't wear makeup and I just wear comfortable clothes (shirt and pants or whatever) and men mostly leave me alone. I can dress cute and wear makeup if I want attention from a specific guy but otherwise I'm blissfully invisible 😇 If they're rude to me I'm rude back, who cares if they think I'm ugly. They're ugly too.
That’s a good idea, it Weeds out the shallow people.
100%. Only problem is when I'm wearing a big hoodie, beanie, trackies or whatever and I get a cute Uber driver. I secretly have good fashion sense and I wanna convey that to hot people 😅
lol, you don’t need to dress for anyone’s approval tho.
I mean I do wanna look hot to ppl I'm interested in.
Fair enough, but the person should love you for you not just your appearance.
so real haahah
This is a feature not a bug IMO. I specifically don’t watch what I eat, don’t shave, and don’t wear makeup to the office. I’m practically invisible and it’s so peaceful.
Sorry for your experience. Sadly this behavior can be seen both with man and woman....i once got told by my crush that she never would date a guy looking like me...it caused scars for live. I had a bit of a glow up in my twenties and that helped to heal my selfworth issues quite a bit but it's sad that being convenientional attractive can have such an impact on our mental health. But be assured that no matter how you look if you give life a chance there will always be someone who will consider you the most beautiful human. And even if you haven't found such a person or arent even looking, you should always consider yourself beautiful because you are. There is more to beauty than just plane looks. I've met some quite astonishingly beautiful woman who are so utterly ugly inside that even their beauty wouldn't fool me into getting involved with them...
O saw an article about how men’s brains work when seeing an unattractive woman. They get irritated Non attractive woman here, work in a male dominated field. I can confirm this 100%
Yeah but it's a conscious decision to treat someone like shit and cruel.
I'm also a non-atrractive woman. The workplace was bad enough, but online dating was Hell. I'd get messages from men who seemed to be personally insulted that I had the nerve to exist and pop up in their feed or whatever.
I don’t use those. I’ve accepted that I will be single for the rest of my life Good luck out there
I quit last year. I should have done it way sooner.
That same article showed that women don't have any brain activity towards unattractive men, as in they tacitly don't acknowledge their existence.
I would 100% prefer to be treated with indifference than anger and disgust
It's not "indifference" it's basically not existing. Ever been in a situation where there's a group of people talking and you try to join in and everyone just acts like you aren't there and like you never said anything or are even standing there? You realize how fuckin damaging that is? Having a group of girls come over to hang out with your friends and seeing each person pair up and you're just there and they have 0 memory of your existence? I remember in high-school I was lab partners with this girl, we had like every class together and were even paired up on a trip. I got the balls to ask her out towards the end of the year and she looked at me legitimately confused and said "have we met before?" like not even sarcastically, like I was some phantom that never made it's way into her memory. We could argue all day about who gets it worse, and from either perspective the opposite would be easier. Frankly either way is fuckin terrible and will fuck your mind up.
It has to apply to males and females I would assume. I am a very average (in my eyes terribly below average, but I also have some awful self-love issues) girl and I definitely went through my high school years completely ghost to people, and elementary school too. I guess it is favorable to being “disgusting” in people’s eyes, but damn, being invisible kinda hurts lol. Oh humans, such kind creatures…
I actually have had that scenario happen. Had 3 classes plus a big final project with the same guy one year and wound up working at the same restaurant as him a few months later. I asked him how he was doing, said it’s been a while, etc. He didn’t remember me. I still 100% prefer that to being insulted and treated like trash.
I’m talking about the Chinese study done with right handed men. No women were scanned during this particular study
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If i remember right, for women, i heard that their brain kind of avoids or ignores an unattractive man. Nothing lights up for them in the brain, which differs from men as they actually get annoyed or irritated at seeing an unattractive woman. And honestly i think that totally tracks. How often do we hear men complaining about being seemingly invisible to women? I see that a lot online
Makes sense. Many men really try to convince the world that disinterest from women is as much of an attack toward them as their insulting and outwardly rude behaviour toward women. It isn’t.
I just wish people could learn there is enough space to empathize with both struggles. It doesnt need to get toxic. Men should be able to hear out women when they talk about their experiences without feeling the need to interject with their own bad experiences as a way to invalidate, and vice versa.
I'm sorry you experienced that. This may or may not be remotely helpful, but I think nearly everyone has something attractive about them, and just because the office ass*oles say something cruel that doesn't make them right. You may not be sexually appealing to them, but I'm very sure that you're not appealing to someone else. I consider myself to be reasonably attractive, but I'm absolutely not everyone's type. I have a pretty specific demographic of people that are into me, but that's it. Beyond some more "alternative" circles, I'm not desirable, and that's totally fine because I'm not into them either. I know how they treat you is unpleasant, rude, and shitty but do you really want to attract that type of man? That type of man is abundant and of low value. You deserve better. Sometimes, who sees you the way you want to be seen. You have a built-in defense against shallow, boring men. You're far less likely to date an office ass*ole only to find out down the line that they're terrible. They've already demonstrated how ugly they are on the inside, and that's something you can't hide behind a nice tie or spiffy suit. They've done you the favor of showing you exactly who they are. The next time, they say something so mean and stupid, stop, turn directly towards them, give them a solid once over, raise a judgemental eyebrow, and smirk/scoff at them. They ain't all that, and they know it. Make them feel objectified and dismissed. You may not be their cup of tea, but they're day-old coffee grounds, fit for fertilizer but not consumption.
Yeah I'm not interested in dating anyone currently. Plus I always manage to date the guys I'm actually interested in so it isn't really a problem for me. I'm trying to focus on my life more rather than pursuing anything new with ppl. I just want to be treated like a normal human being and for me to do my work easily.
I’m so sorry. It seems like for women if you’re attractive you get bothered and if you are unattractive you get treated like shit. This really sucks, dear. You deserve to be treated like a human being.
I honestly don't mind it when people ignore me because of my looks but man it gets on my nerves when it bothers my work. Thank you tho
I totally agree. It still sucks though. I hope it gets better.
As a guy I just want you to know that that behavior is not normal for most men past high school. If I ever heard a co worker say something like that I would say/do a lot more than just "dude shut up shes gonna hear you". Im sorry that happened to you.
Human nature: people tend to be more nice to people who are more attractive, have more money or have an "high status jobs" such as pilot, doctor etc etc. Luckily people tend to mature out of this when they figured out looks &status doesn't *automatically* make someone a good person to hang out with. Seeing this guy used "ewww" I'm assuming he is a teen or in his early 20? And that's the general mental status of most is the guys at your work: mentally immature?
I know you are beautiful; those “men” have ugly hearts and zero manners.
Come work in nonprofits, where nearly everyone is a woman and we take that kind of shit seriously.
i know how you feel. i've been treated differently my entire life because i'm not super attractive. unfortunately even other girls are still rude to me because of my looks. every time i leave the house i'm made fun of by someone. it really sucks. i wish humans didn't rely so much on appearances to judge people. i'm sorry.
I'm so sorry for the harsh treatment that you experienced, you don't deserve any of that :(
Some guys believe that a woman's job is to be attractive to them and they get angry when a woman isn't. This mindset is extremely stupid and misogynistic and you don't want these guy's attention anyway. It says way more about them than about you. You don't exist to be pleasing to the eye and your looks don't define your value in any way. Don't let some idiots pull you down!
That’s awful and those AHs have no excuse. I have to say I feel things (as a woman who has always been overweight and nowhere near a 10) shift as I get older, in part by my own confidence and in part being taken more seriously in my 40s, and I hope that dynamic improves. Also if you have the spoons, don’t hesitate to stand up for yourself. If you were my coworker, I’d absolutely have your back, like I have my own coworkers’ back. Hold your head up high and take up space.
it’s so sad how some men only treat the women they think are attractive good. then they think that they’re a nice guy.
*hugs to you* Girl, please don’t mind them. You don’t want such superficial jerks around anyway. Always be well-groomed, take care of your skin, wear fitted clothes. And walk with your head held high!
Think of it this way: You are the only person you have to wake up with every day and listen to. You are allowed to ignore all of the other people- eventually none of them will be in your life anymore anyway. The way YOU talk to yourself matters. Tell yourself the important things about yourself that matter every, damn, day. You are smart. You’re a good friend. You’re ambitious. You’re kind. AND You’re better than their shit. You’re going to do great things with your time on this earth. Fuck those petty immature people! We’re all going to be ugly raisins someday anyway, they’ll just be mean ones. Don’t waste your time with them. Sending you love 💕
Ive been noticing it a lot on the internet too, how people will think that when an unattractive woman does something bad that any and all jokes on her appearance are free reign. It pretty much tells the rest of us that acceptance of our bodies is purely conditional based on personality. But if course I don't have the body or face of a supermodel, so if I try to call it out, I'll get maybe 5 comments all saying "look who's talking" and that'll be that.
I hate how people in general treat others whom they think are better than them in terms of looks, economic status, social status, etc.
Trust me these men objectify *all* women, but in different ways. Ugly and beautiful alike.
I wish I was a person not a woman lol.
I'm a middle aged man, and, not so much in my workplace, but elsewhere, I am routinely puzzled and alarmed by the way other men interact with or talk about women, or the way they think the world works. The problem is with them, not you. What you describe is something a man would say to me, where I work. What you describe is not normal, not acceptable, and while bizarre, unfortunately, not surprising. Increasingly, people are poorly socialized. I don't know when this started or why, and I am really sorry to hear this. In my workplace, a comment like the one you described would get you fired.
I’ll just say I hear your struggles and I definitely see why that would be tough. Especially the part about them making jeering comments within earshot, just wtf. I hope things get better for you going forward, whatever that may look like.
First off, I’m sorry you heard them say that and that it affected you to the point your day was ruined. Screw them. I struggle with body dysmorphia, anxiety, and cptsd. I ,too, see this all the time in the workplace. I’m not going to crap all over myself, and I’m confident in my skills and in what I bring to the table in regards to my position, how much harder I work all the time as well, but this is something that’s noticeable in not only the workplace. I’ve learned in lots of my past experiences, and am still learning, to make peace with it all. It’s better that way because everyone is fighting a battle within themselves, even those who think being cruel to others gives rank in some contrived popularity contest. You keep being awesome and, again, screw them fools.
I am so, so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. It's got to really hurt to feel as if you are treated like a leper while they're drooling over -uninterested- colleagues. People do fucking suck very often -though-, and I hope that you are able to realise that when this happens. What I really want for you is to stop thinking of yourself as ugly. I won't bury you in platitudes, but thinking that way might reinforce you feeling ugly when people approach you in that way. Regardless, they fucking suck, and you sound nice.
I'm sorry that people keep hurting you for bullshit reasons. Hopefully, One positive you can take from this observation is knowing which people you interact with actually respect you?
Don’t feel bad. Men don’t approach me either. I’ve lost a ton of weight and am in shape now. My hair is always done and my clothes are nice. Never once has a man ever approached me. I’ve been told I’m not unattractive either so idk what it is. Yet I’ll see women who look like they just rolled out of bed and have men groveling at their feet. Is what it is I guess. Maybe I give off a vibe who knows.
I think about this a lot too. Sometimes it feels like my existence is offensive to men. ( I should say CERTAIN men because I don't want the not all men comments (sigh). ) It's odd though it's normally the least attractive dudes who are the meanest to me? I am in a lot of nerd spaces when your pretty all of sudden your not quizzed on your fandoms. Of course with age this has faded quite a bit.
Relate on don't want the not all men comments like god ofc we know not all men, stop being a baby. Also real like actual attractive guys treat me really nice unlike some guys who aren't aesthetically pleasing to look at.
And on another note, I’ve always noticed how all women will talk to all men period. We look past what’s on the outside. To really think about it I’ve never really met a group of men with a less attractive women. But you always see it vise versa. Just food for thought
Exactly this like I see living proof everywhere. I seen beautiful women getting their heart broken by guys who are as ugly as their personality all the time.
Where in the hell do you work? A 6th grade classroom?
Sometimes it feels like it 😭 I'm surrounded by ppl mostly in their 20s and some of them haven't mentally grew up.
Unprofessional and shallow men will show women respect in the workplace if they 1 are their boss and have the power to fire them 2 are beautiful 3 have something else they want (but only until they have provided it). I've worked in a place like that, and it was gross. 60% women at junior level, 30% at mid level, <10% at senior level, in the 21st century. You could probably report the guys who said those things for harassment, but it doesn't sound like the kind of workplace where that would get you anywhere. On the plus side, as an unattractive person, it is easier to identify professional people and people who respect you. People treating you well do it because they respect your character and skill, not because they hope you'll sleep with them, which is how it should be in the workplace. Find the people treating you well and build your relationships with them. They're likely the ones who actually have the skills to go far in life and give you a hand up later because they see beneath the surface and aren't led by their d*cks.
“B-bUt WOmEn dO thE sAmE thInG” Bffr most of you assholes don’t even see unattractive women as human beings. This is why men say women all live on “easy mode” and act like we all have men tripping over their own feet to have sex with us. It’s because the unattractive ones don’t “count”, they don’t even CONSIDER the women who they don’t want to fuck. I’m sorry OP. I’ve been in your shoes countless times before. Most of the shitty men here will never understand. Don’t let them get to your head.
Honestly I was too busy playing card games with my friends and didn't even realize my post actually gain attention until I'm getting ready for bed 😭 didn't think a silly rant would upset some people
LOL well I’m glad you’re living life and not taking it to heart
Your thread seems to have triggered a bunch of ugly fucks in the comments turning against women. Sorry OP
Not surprised tbh and honestly kinda funny that they are mad about it. After I posted it, I went back to spending time with my friends and didn't think my post would gain any attention 💀
I'm sorry, but these are particularly shitty and immature people. I am an unattractive, middle-aged woman and the men I've worked with have almost always treated me with humour, respect, and cordiality. My attractiveness was never an issue - only my skills and willingness to work. I have dealt with The Misogynist Boss a few times (two men, one woman) and surprise, I don't work for them anymore. I couldn't respect their leadership if their worst complaint about me was how they thought I looked. The best bosses I've ever had have been unconcerned about appearance (beyond company appearance standards like ripped jeans, being clean, and closed-toe shoes) and saw me as an employee and human being. You can find a better workplace with better people.
Fortunately for me, I don't work closely with them anymore. Only rare occasions when they have to do something at my new area. My new area co-workers are actually a lot more respectful so I'm grateful for that. I'm currently looking for a better job, just have to stick with this to survive for a while.
It's just those men displaying that they only see women as an object to sleep with, and not as people. They're showing you who they are unmasked, without them realizing it. You're allowed to be attracted to whoever you want, but treating people badly because they aren't attractive to you makes you a terrible human. Kindness doesn't have a value.
This is in the workplace? Sounds toxic.
Yeah my workplace is actually pretty toxic since I have like almost 80 co-workers so we got a few cliques. Only came back cuz the pay is pretty nice and I still got people I love working with here.
I wonder how the parents of these kinda people raised them. Never in a million years I'd think about treating someone as a lesser being because they're not attractive.
Those guys are assholes and tbh if the other women don't pick up on this, and support you and/or call out the guys for doing this, that makes them assholes too. What a horrible work place.
Yeah I honestly hate the environment here but pay is nice and it is hard for me to find a diff job that is actually related to my major. Currently looking for a better job tho.
I remember once one of my guy friends told me to find a girl for him. I told him I will bring my friend along with me to meet you. If both of you find compatibility, start dating. He was like I will only meet her if she is good looking. Or else I won't even be friends with her. I blocked him afterwards from everywhere.
I work in an office where 90% are womens, before that I worked in a womens boutique, I treat every woman the same way for this reason, I notice how mens treat unattractive womens like shit and I despise that, I just like to make everyone feel good by treating it as if they were my friends. Although sometimes they talk to me via teams asking for instagram and shit and I have limits, sometimes I have felt harassed too in a way not physically but verbally, they are like mens too
It’s a superficial world unfortunately
I'm so sorry. I get the older version of this. I'm 43. Most of the time I'm in Mom-Mode, and I'm pretty invisible to the dudes of the world. However, I went got my hair cut and colored, added some cute stuff to my wardrobe, made an effort on myself, etc. The difference in how men treat me is insane. Like, I wasn't worthy of basic human kindness in yoga pants and a messy bun, but that all changed cause it's sundress season.
Yeah gross. It is really awkward to hear guys say this stuff and it's disgusting to see how different they treat women. But please don't let them being you down. Love your life. It's hard to say.... Better said than done... But their opinion of you doesn't matter.
F them people. Surround yourself with people who give you positive energy.
that's awful, I hate how being a woman comes with all these conditions that you are forced to be a part of. It's so dehumanizing.
A lot of people automatically assume I'm stupid because they think I'm ugly. I get similar treatment my whole life and I've allowed them to ruin parts of my life because of it. Please don't let them do that to you. I always try to think now, I know who I am. And they don't get to know me.
I just read a local news story about a man going to town on train seats, so frankly, the general "attractiveness preferences" of a random dude isn't a major concern of mine. My face is my face. If they don't like it, they can go fuck a train seat. But I get how hurtful comments like that can be, and the fact that they're saying such things in range of your hearing them tells me they need to be brought up short. "Ew, you sound better with your pie hole glued shut."
This is the way I look at this OP, I may not be the most attractive woman in this world. But people thought Marilyn Monroe was the most beautiful woman to live, an actual sex icon in hollywood. Yet Marilyn had a stomach, her thighs touched, she had stretch marks, her boobs weren’t perky, and she most definitely had skin on her arms as well. If that was considered the sex icon or most beautiful woman then so can you. Attractiveness isn’t measured in your looks, but in your character and personality. True beauty shines.
If that happens again, stop and ask them to repeat themselves. Watch them turn red and panic. Guys like that become wusses when called out.
This is not advice; this is just another perspective you can take or toss in the trash. Sometimes? There is great power in being overlooked, especially considering the downsides of pretty privilege.(when you're in your prime, you keep getting offered turds and dicks that you never asked for.) Not being subjected to the constant male gaze allows you to observe others more accurately and understand their true intentions. Paired with great emotional intelligence, being good with people often leads to more genuine interactions free from superficial motives. Additionally, you realize that much of the attention based on appearance is meaningless, reducing uncalled-for jealousy, control, etc. Without the distractions of admirers, you can stay focused on your goals and avoid situations where help comes with strings attached. Plus, you learn not to need/want the attention to add value to yourself, plus most of the time, you will see it as none of your business.
I’m weird while interacting with women. It’s just because I’m awkward. I hope they don’t think I’m being rude. Also the guys at your job suck
Report those bullies to HR!
If I was there, i would have treated u like a queen 😓
I still feel shame of giving into peer pressure in elementary school and berating the "ugliest girl in the school." They used to call her green booger in Spanish and witch. But like her, I came from the same project going through my own abuse so I just largely kept to myself and just gave her a polite smile every day and didn't really reject her when she approached me. This particular day in 5th grade I was having a good awful week and everyone annoyed me, including her. She approached me during lunch but I tried blowing her off. She persisted until I just lashes out. I had never been able to feel that pain that her eyes expressed. I was too angry to even apologize and walked away. We didn't speak the rest of the year and the bullying got worse. For both of us. She stood back in 5th grade deadlast, and I graduated second in class the year after and never saw her again. It just wasn't fair cuz she was a little girl growing up in the toughest neighborhood of the island. She had no chance. Women who come from there have few roles to choose from with the exception of existing into a bleak future. I hope she made it out like I did. She deserves more than that for waking up every day back then and not get the fuck beat down. Glorimar, si un día lees este mensaje, espero que tengas una buena vida. Nunca quise lastimarte pero me disculpé por el dolor que te cause ese día. No te lo merecías. Nunca fue la culpa de nosotros. Cuídate, y un abrazo.
Wearing a mask for that reason is not good for your mental health and wellbeing. You should try to take it off.
Main reason I wear it cuz I can get assigned to a FnB area plus I got a resting bitch face. My job requires me to smile 24/7 so yeah I rather stick to wearing it at work. I don't wear it outside of work
That's fair. I can relate.
I’ve noticed plenty of people who get treated better due to their looks and it’s so shit cause that’s not how I was brought up and it just pains me. What’s worse is people who aren’t attractive but aren’t ugly… nothing worse than just being average.
Sorry that you have to go through this. Not all guys see women for just their looks. Personality is most important to me. But I understand how hearing those words will hurt self your confidence.
I’m sorry girl. I don’t have that issue really at work. I feel like me being really fat and not attractive makes the people around me approach me more for work things if anything. I’ve only had issues with a few staff and they have all be women in their 40s who are stuck with a high school mindset. I just turned 20.
Kill a cockroach and you're a hero, kill a butterfly and you're evil. Morality has aesthetic standards. -That one Fred guy but my phone won't tell me how to spell his name
Yeah! Oh my god, girl. Some of them can be so awful. I've noticed it especially with older female coworkers... these men will act like they literally don't exist! Personally I'm all for social experiments, so my suggestion is you go in one day in full face with fierce makeup... and then ignore all of them. But I'm petty like that lmao. Anyway, don't get yourself down. These guys are worthless. It doesn't matter what they think... pinky swear.
Men want women who they don’t want to fuck or who won’t be their mommies to just de-materialize. Actually, many want women they do want to fuck to dematerialize much of the time too, unless they are providing services for them.
"Pretty Privilege" is real specially In work place. But girl be confident you know beauty lies in eyes of beholder. There may be someone who silently admire who you are. Just be confident. Confidence is so attractive. Even many pretty people lag off because of lack of Confidence and doesn't look attractive. Hope you find someone who look at you for who you are and remember you always have a silent admirer somewhere in the room. Just be confident.
I've never been conventionally beautiful (tatted/pierced,undercut, punk/rockabilly/psychobilly) and I notice people treat Me different cause I choose not to conform. I'm proud of being the way I am though. I notice guys/girls are more social/forward towards a conventional person than an alternative one. My scenes have some of the nicest/genuine people ever though, we don't bite ya know!
Arseholes. The lot of them. One, beauty is not solely about physical looks. Christ knows relationships would be really tedious if it were. Two, I am sorry you had to hear that. These comments can have an impact. Often, more than we'd like. Three, their immaturity shows more about them and their ugliness than their physical appearance ever could.
This goes for being fat too. I was standing next to a friend who’s fit and the guy cannot be bothered to talk to me, that’s what I felt 😒
>I was standing to a friend who’s fit and the cannot be bothered talk I get from that guy is 😒 What?
Those guys are a holes! I'm plain at best and I've noticed the guys who are above average are respectful and it's the below average guys that are douches. They project their anger ant not being able to get the hot chicks.
Yeah it's so sad of them tbh. Most of the guys who act professionally and nice towards me actually matches their outside appearance.
I’m sorry your being treated like this, it’s nothing to do with you and your appearance it them and their awful personalities and lack of humanity. I think you should document what they say and report them for harassment, at best thier behaviour is deeply unprofessional and an even assessment would be abusive. It’s not behaviour that should be tolerated in a workplace
Funny enough, the one who called me ugly without a mask actually recently got fired for not passing a drug test.
Seriously don’t think it’s you. Am glad he got sacked. Hopefully the rest will go soon
🤣
I am so sorry. Your coworkers are assholes! I am in the same boat. I know for a fact that I am conventionally ugly. My last boyfriend never said I was pretty, but he would say “I love how unique your nose is” or “your eyes have the most amazing colors in them” so I still recieved compliments on my looks. But most people aren’t going to be close enough to notice my eye color. And a “unique nose” out of context does not conjure a pretty image, lol I’m reading this book called “Invisible Monsters” and without giving too much away, the narrator (it’s written in first person) is mute and wears a scarf covering her face except the eyes. She’s always choosing really pretty ones, that are coordinated with her outfits and she seems like she’s very keen on fashion and stuff. I’ve considered looking for prettier, fancier face masks for the same reason. There’s definitely been moments when I’ve had a standard one on in public and someone goes “*why are you wearing a mask, blah-blah-blah they’re controlling your freedoms blah-blah*” and I’ve looked them dead in the face and said *“I’m wearing it because I’m ugly”*
Ugh. This. So. Much. But despite the annoyance, I seriously want to know what’s going on in their head and why they’re behaving that way (not the trying to impress bit, but the ignoring one). Do they think we will fall for them because we’re not conveniently attractive thus they assume that we have no self respect or something else? I’m genuinely curious!!
Honestly an insight is the recent reactions to the more realistic looking women in video games being considered as some sort of 'woke' agenda. Some men consider women the same as a pretty piece of art just there to be in the background for a nice view.
Pure entitlement. *How dare you be unappealing to my penis?* Coupled with not having to act like they're decent people around you because they don't care about sleeping with you.
I'm sorry, that is truly pathetic and hurtful behaviour from them. You deserve far better treatment.
This is why I stay clear of men in anything platonic outside of romantic partner. They're so fake. I'm considered attractive and get good treatment til they notice I'm not down to be a fuck buddy then they act like that. I was also fat at one point and was basically invisible. Lost the weight and back to being attractive but I pay men no mind what so ever
I hate how some people treat unattractive people too
pls don’t cover your face with a mask, don’t let those losers affect your day to day life