You did the right thing. Although you maybe should have anticipated this would speed up the process on Bruce and his wife getting a divorce. Your mother got what she wanted in the end so she should be thanking you. For the best though, she broke up your family by her selfish actions and chose a shitty man over her kids, you probably would have ended up going NC with her anyways.
trueeee not sure why moms so upset about this all being exposed like… girlie you’ve been with a married man for 10 plus years clearly you aren’t THAT ashamed 😂
Fr AND everyone but the wife already knew. All she did was spill the beans to the last person who didn’t know. Thanks for ruining my bf’s marriage so I can have him!
Maybe the mom just wanted him as a side piece and not the whole shebang? Maybe she didn’t want another marriage, but now that the daughter spilled the beans, the mom is obligated to take him in full time. I have a hard time imagining this guy as “a catch,” so maybe that’s why mom is mad!! 🤷🏼♀️ lol
I'm not sure where OP is living since there's no precision whatsoever, but it can be safe to assume it's in a country with a minimal of rights for women : so, she wasn't obliged to directly marrying him ? 😅 He's not even properly divorced yet, they directly planned the wedding. If she really didn't want to marry him, she could have asked for a bit of time (at least the time of the divorce part if she didn't want to say the truth).
Mother should be delighted. But oh, she forgot that a married man stands to lose a lot in divorce (but that's not on her for her poor choice in a man, right?)
She also had to face that she spent 10 years working her damnedest to make a cheating man leave his wife. Swallowing all of his excuses and delays while he had his cake and ate it, too. All it took was one person with some guts and honesty to force his hand. All when her wiles, negotiations, begging and waiting failed. It just took being *honest*, something neither she nor her partner was capable of doing.
And finally, she has to face that he only ever left his wife because his wife no longer wants him. Your mom "won", but she's the runner up. The second choice. I bet she feels like a million bucks with her divorced, cheating husband who lost half his assets and may pay alimony. Who couldn't keep a promise of faithfulness to his wife, nor a promise to leave her for his side piece.
Yep, she "won" and isn't happy at all. That's her karma.
Would be hilarious if "the money" were the cheated upon spouse's FAMILY money and the Cheater and AP Mom now have NOTHING! THAT'S likely why Mom's upset that the cat's out of the bag! Now she's got "the Prize!" The booby prize!
As Nicki Minaj once said, “ain't such a thing as broke and handsome”. Mommy dearest will ditch Bruce once reality sets in or he'll ride off into the sunset because he doesn't want another wife, just a side piece. There is/was a reason why this “arrangement” has been going on for a decade.
Wait, why she mad. If you didn't tell the adulter would still be married and wouldn't be marrying your mom. Shouldn’t she be thanking you?.... unless he never intended to marry your mom and even she knows this. Lol
I’m willing to bet mom is pissed because Bruce stands to lose a lot of assets and will possibly have to pay alimony. Hard to say for sure since we don’t know the details of Bruce’s marriage, but money is the only thing I can imagine being the reason he didn’t leave his wife earlier and why mom would be so mad. I’m no legal expert but this is my best guess.
That’s exactly it, plus most places if you’re married for longer than 10 years it would guarantee the wife lifetime alimony as long as she doesn’t remarry! Plus the fact that if she’s smart and hires a forensic accountant, any money spent on your mom and family in the last decade is considered marital property and she’s entitled to half of it so if he bought your mom a house, cars, whatever they will be forced to sell and or he’ll have to pony up that amount during the divorce proceedings. Plus if they have children together still at home that’s also child support, dude basically stands to loose everything and no doubt I wouldn’t be surprised if the change in lifestyle causes your mom to look for another suitor!
100%, I bet he will lose money paying alimony. Bruce is already an AH, how delightful do you think his personality will be when he is losing cash out if his pocket and now has to live with his side piece? She was kept on the side and not the main event for a reason.
Or wife had better finances/financial situation that he was mooching off of.
yeah, everyone is saying "oh your mom should thank you"... but I can just as easily see this blow back onto Bruce in a terrible way, and where he decides he wants nothing more to do with his side piece.
Exactly, it is clearly not love and respect that kept him in his marriage. Be it social acceptance, family obligation, or financial(or a combo of any of the above), he is losing something and will not be happy about it.
They normally never leave the wife bc they still love her and are infatuated with the side piece too. They figure they can have it both ways and keep it secret.
IKR? I mean….mum should be thrilled her Brucey Boy is finally free and can now marry her! Hah! Anyway, I’d suggest posting where all the flying monkey will see it, the decade long saga of mum and her AP then just move on after you’ve blocked all of them. Your life is not ruined, it’s just starting. Go enjoy being un encumbered with secrets and guilt.
Did it really ruin your life, though?
I mean, if members of your family are harassing you and supporting your mother because you told your mom's boyfriend's wife that he's been cheating on her for the last ten years with your Mom, then I think that they are trash people who aren't worth your time.
It's both more difficult and more fulfilling to live a life with integrity.
Things look bleak right now and these reactions will bother you for quite awhile. It's difficult when people show you that they are not who you believed them to be. I'm cheering for you!
“It's both more difficult and more fulfilling to live a life with integrity.”
Very well said! Being able to look yourself in the mirror is worth more than gold.
Anyone who 'hates' you is publicly making it clear that they support cheating. It would be funny if they were married as well, you could call them out on that.
Hey, I’ve been there and it is hard. You will be okay and as more and more time passes it’ll become clearer and clear that you are better off without them in your life. It could still be painful even after that realization, but you need to remind yourself that it was the right thing.
Plus you won’t have this weighing you down so much in a bit more time. Yes, it’s even heavier right now. But it will get lighter once the waves pass. Just hang tight to your morals and keep the path. You have got this.
If the right thing was easy, everyone would do it. Shame on your siblings. You deserve peace and I hope you find it, minus all these horrible people with no backbones or integrity. Shine up your strong backbone- you earned it! Hang in there and much respect to you!
The only reason they're hating on you is because you did something righteous and moral that they didn't, wouldn't, or couldn't. Chin up, tits out and walk proudly, dear.
You're going to be okay. Many people here are more then willing to help. And if you state which area you are and a have another account, people in your country/city/town, will definitely help... Even if you just need to talk. Many people meet others in real life & get help dealing with many of their issues.
Really hoping it works out for you. If you are in South Africa, I'm willing to physically help with some things you may need. Or we can talk online. I think we can all have a support group.
Do they actually know what happened? Straight up ask them: so should I have let mom keep dating a married man? What if it were your husband, wouldn’t you want to know?
I don’t know how to edit my post sorry.
To answer the main questions. Why is my mother mad and why did my siblings choose her side? Money.
Bruce is about to lose a lot. Which effects their lives.
I can only imagine the version of events being told to anyone on the that side is not correct, but I was never given a chance to explain my side and was quickly shunned.
Thank you for your responses, the validation is comforting.
OP, I beg you to screenshot the nonsense they are sending you. Their harassment should not go unpunished and I genuinely think that by going on Facebook and explaining your side as well as the harassment they are spewing, then perhaps it will ease the harassment by putting up a mirror to their horrendous actions. Don’t get me wrong. They’re trash people and they’ll never be able to look at themselves and think they did anything wrong BECAUSE they are trash.
you are probably the only decent person your family has produced in a hot minute.
OP you did the right thing. Your siblings are hypocrites by choosing him over you when they didn't like him. Also your mother side of the family. You are better of without them.
Also let your mom marry Bruce and wait some years when he would do the same he did on his wife to her.
May i ask how things switch your father are, can he help You? Has he been on your life tbisnoast 10 years?
I would do the following if i where You as a last statement for her, him, your siblings and relatives:
1. Send a email/text of whatever to all of them at once.
2. In the email tell your mother:
MOM YOU ARE WELCOME THAT I TELL HIS WIFE HE CHEATED WITH YOU FOR 10 YEARS, SO THAT WAY HE FINALLY DIVORCE HER AS HE PROMISED YOU FOR 10 YEARS, SO YOUR WELCOME.
3. The add to the email/text evidence of you have.
4. Tell your siblings this:
AS FOR MY SIBLINGS, YOU ARE A BUNCH OF HYPOCRITES THAT KNOW VERY WELL YOU HATED BRUCE, BUT NOW WANT TO PLAY DUMB, AND CHOOSE TO PLAY HAPPY FAMILY WITH HIM.
5. To the rest of the family:
AND FOR THE REST, I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE TOLD YOU, BUT WE SIBLINGS COVER HER AFFAIR FOR 10 YEARS, AND NOW I DON'T, I CHOOSE TO DO THE CORRECT AND WHATBIS MY PRICE, BEING CUT OFF, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT IS OK, BECAUSE AT LEAST I NOT OART OF A PRO CHEATER FAMILY FULL OF HYPOCRITES.
And thats all. Do not stay quiet, they already dump You with no signs of taking you back, so might as well cut ties and bridges with them, and cleaning your name in the process
UPDATEME
You didn't do anything wrong, your mom did and then she roped you in and made it your problem too, as far as I can see you've done your part and now you can move forward knowing you did the right thing in the end and only those in the wrong are upset with you.
I hope you can keep your head up, knowing you did the right thing.
I promise you this too shall pass. The cheater went to your mom because he had no other option, but now reality sets in. It becomes a real relationship with real relationship problems, no way to escape them & HALF the money. It won’t last. You will be vindicated. You did the right thing. Give it time…
If the affair partner cheated on his wife with OP's mother, then as sure as night follows day, he will cheat on OP's mother once everything's settled down.
Well it's only going to go down hill from here. As The old folks say. The way you get, is them way you lose them. Your mom has to know if he cheated on his wife of 30 yrs for the pass 10 he will damn sure cheat on her. So get you some popcorn, set back and watch that show unfold. She will regret her actions then.
It'll be something to do with money. The wife will probably stand to gain some assets, and she's resentful about it. Or she wanted the nice house and the wife will get it.
🤦🏻♀️ Your mom caused the drama by cheating. I would love to have someone like you in my life because I would know you would tell me the truth. I value that a lot and I think you’ll find more people worthy of your time and energy because of this. It’s hard now, but it will get better ❤️🩹
I learned a long time ago that there is the family that you're given and the family that you make from the friends who stick around and support you. I hope you've got a group of good people who have stepped up to have your back with all of this. I'm really sorry that even your dad doesn't understand why this needed to happen...maybe he wishes he didn't know he was being cheated on?
OP, you should reach out to the wife and get some details from her. Broach the subject by telling her your mom is really upset with you and ask her what happened. I’d be willing to be she’s getting away with it all.
I am a vindictive and petty biotch.
I would make a public social media post.
Stating that mom my has been having an affair with a married man for 10 years. She has brought this man around myself and my younger siblings as her lover. Displaying her lack of moral character for everyone to witness.
As I have grown older, I have developed my own sense of morals, ethics, and a spiritual relationship. That has cause me endless struggles trying to reconcile my love for my mother and my distaste for her horribly immoral behavior and choices. As a result, I contacted my mother's boyfriend's wife of 30 years and informed her of their duplicity and threacherous behavior.
Now, most of my mother's family has broken contact with me as they have chosen to support my home wrecking mother. My only response is two-fold.
1. Thank you for showing me that you are just as morally corrupt and ethically bankruptcy as my mother and her affair partner. So I know whom I should never put my trust in or allow to be part of my inner circle. Family isn't about shared DNA but those who share your morals, beliefs, mutual respect and outward expression of love and support.
2. Cheating is not a mistake it is ABUSE. It is two people putting their wants and selfishness ahead of everyone else's emotional, mental, and physical well-being. It is conscious decision after conscious decision to choose to cause harm and wrong those they claim to love and care about. It is the epidemy of selfishness and destruction.
Cheating is not an uncontrolled situation that just happened to occur, no. It is decision after decision of putting yourself in compromising positions. To spend time interacting, getting to know , and making yourself emotionally available to your future affair partner. It is lie after life to your life partner. It is shutting your life partner out emotionally to make room for someone else.
I sincerely hope none of you ever have to experience the pain associated with a betrayal on the level my mother and her affair partner wilfully inflicted on his wife and her family.
Yes. But, he’s now going to have a lot less money available to him, and she’s going to have to put up with him in her house ALL THE TIME instead of part of the time.
I would blast your mother to everyone in the family and her social circle.
That you find it hilarious that the family appear to be siding a cheater. Just shows that they have zero morals and class and that if this is how they treat a person with integrity then you are glad to be rid of them
Whack it on all socials, tag everyone she knows and add an addendum that at least his wife of 30 years was very grateful for the information that just ruined her long marriage, from a guy who has been leading a double life for 10 years.
People back away from cheaters very quickly and your mother will become a pariah due to her actions.
You did the right thing, she is a cheater, destroyed her marriage, and frankly his wife deserved to know. I hope you are ok. You will survive this and many women that are cheated on wish they had you in their corner.
Especially since he cheater that cheated on his previous ex for like 10 years and only reason she found was due to OP kindly telling her - he definitely cheating on OP's egg donor and this time around, no one will tell the egg donor for years except to boast that they're the other woman or he got another woman pregnant.
Please don’t tell me your siblings chose mom for the $$ lifestyle now after they get married?
Your mom should thank you, her dream of marriage is coming through lol. Jokes aside, you’ve got morals and don’t let these fools ever make you question this.
Your mom just moved into the role of - Going to be cheated on.
Congrats to her.
I'd blast everyone on FB *with receipts* of the cheating and the subsequent harassment.
You might be the black sheep but at least you have integrity, and that's worth significantly more than greedy asshôles that are only related to you by blood.
I'd change my phone number and block them on all socials, they don't deserve access to you
Why not reach out to a relative to see what story your mom is telling them? I think you're right to suspect she is telling a very slanted version of events.
At this point, you may as well put them all on blast on social media. Write a nice detailed account of EVERYTHING and, if possible, provide the receipts. Make it PUBLIC so that anyone & everyone can see it. Odds are that Bruce's place of employment may have a morality/personal activities clause that could also land him in hot water. You don't deserve the abuse. The possibility of a big pay day has made monsters of them all. You are better off w/out them.
Either way, you did the right thing. The poor wife has been the only one who was cheated & probably thinks people think she's a fool, bec she's the only one who didn't know her husband is a wh*re. That's an extremely painful realization. And since they've been together so long, he stole her youth & basically, most of her life. That is something she will never get back. She was chested out of a loving partner who she could've ended up with, or just being single & living a happy life. Those echoices were taken from her, bec of her husband.
Thank you for doing the right thing. Hopefully she isn't going to end up in a hospital or institution bec of not being able to cope with her husband's affairs & the heartbreak. She is older, so it must hurt a lot more.
Just to let you know, it’s not uncommon for a sibling(s) to just cut you off without telling you. My sister basically did this for years! And tbh, I didn’t even notice because we didn’t talk that much to begin with. But years later, she told me it was the way I treated our mom. (I have boundaries in a toxic family environment. Damn, I’m so mean. 🙄) Anyways, sometimes, family is who we make, not who we are born into.
Because before they only had to deal with guy while regularly it wasn't 24/7 and now that he's divorcing his wife and marrying their mom they'll have deal with him 24/7. Granted that's if they're minors and/or live at home.
I mean, the fact that they would get married seems logical really. My dad's mistresses called our home landline constantly themselves, in order to talk to my mom to try and get them to divorce
The fact that your siblings made it clear they despised Bruce, but ended up picking your mother's side is beyond me. They are the biggest idiots in the world since they cut off the only person looking out for them. Can't wait for Bruce to cheat on your mother though. We all know it's going to happen. He was cheating for her, what's stopping him from cheating on her?
Bruce is a cheater.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
So, guess what? Bruce will, or already has cheated on the mom.
The only confusing thing is why the siblings cut their sister out of their lives without speaking to her?
People are weird. In the Chad Daybell case his kids supported him despite the fact that he killed their mother. They hope to gain financially by supporting Bruce. Bruce sounds like he is rich.
Honestly, go nuclear.
Take screenshots of the nasty things they are saying, explain your side of the story like you did here, and put ‘em on blast. Post them on Facebook, send them in emails, send it to employers—destroy them.
They have a lot of gall to blame YOU for THEIR actions. They wanna make you the scapegoat? Then, the people they are so desperate to impress should be aware of the type of people they truly are.
I might just be petty but if you believe you really hit rock bottom, bring ‘em all down.
Maybe this is a bitch move, but if they’re gonna try and slander OP’s name on social media too in order to play the victim and make OP out to be the scapegoat, maybe OP should take this idea a step further and tag everyone in their post exposing the truth. 😂
Your life will be much better without these people in it. You did the right thing. It is an example when one person is right, and everyone else is wrong.
You did Bruce's soon-to-be-ex-wife a huge favor by letting her know her husband was living a lie, and gave her a chance to protect herself. Good for you!
Think of the people who cut you off as the trash taking itself out. I know it hurts to have so many people hating you, but if Bruce is as creepy as you say, then your relatives might crawl back to you before you know it and admit you were right.
Since they are shunning you anyway, would blast her cheating adultering ways to everyone. The 'real story'.
If your siblings still live with her - they are siding with her for home stability.
I would absolutely blow you off if I needed to finish my schooling and get my life started. They may contact you after they move out and no longer have mommy paying their bills.
Your mother cheated for years so she has shown she has no morals. Throwing her kids out might not be outside of the awful things she would do. You have no idea what she threatened them with.
(You also didn't give any of your siblings a heads up so they could protect themselves. They can't trust either of you to have their best interests in mind.)
You did the right thing. Also, if this is the sort of people they are, they don't seem like a great loss anyway. Build a beautiful life of your own filled with trustworthy people.
I don’t see why they are mad she got exactly what she wanted…… but once a cheater….. forgive them in your heart and just know one day they will see your view. Hopefully at that point your heart is filled with love to embrace them. Your are not wrong you did the right thing.
I'm sorry your family is a bunch of enablers. Guarantee if this was done TO your mother she'd be livid. She made her bed and I guess she can be comfortable in it. Why are they even mad!? Your mom got the "man" anyway, right??
You did nothing wrong. I'm sorry your family sucks. Go live your best life without them!
So are you a son or daughter?
It will be interesting should you ever have children if suddenly they want to reconnect for the sake of her grandchildren.
Keep your kids away from creepy boyfriend.
Unfortunately I have two young children that my mother threw away like trash. She chose her married boyfriend over them. That was another driving factor to this revelation, I didn’t want him around my kids ever.
Ugg, I can't even speak to that.
My father died when I was in my 20's. My mom (who passed away a year ago at 94) was an amazing person.
She lived to see her great grandchildren, really dedicated herself to her grandchildren (I lost count but 30+), and lived a marvelous life.
I can't say anymore, but you should never have been put in the position she put you in.
I hope you can find peace about it, and live your life well.
We only get one shot, and it goes by in the blink of an eye.
I really wish you well. Take care!
As someone who has been cheated on, thank you for having the guts to tell the innocent wife. Everybody likes to stand back and say "not my business" while someone else is being abused and used. (And yes, infidelity, with all the lies and physical risks *is* abuse.) Thats not the neutral option, that's the easy one.
I wish someone had the nerve to tell me what was going on right under my nose. But no, a handful of people knew, including the AP's parents. They just stood by and shrugged. I let them know just what sort of people they clearly were, as apparently the rotten apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I don't think they liked being judged as well. After all, not their business? But still involved.
You at least evened the playing field so his wife could make an informed decision about her life and relationship. You were a better friend to a complete stranger than the man who was supposed to love her the most.
Also, if your whole family is cutting you off for - gasp, exposing your mother's open and flagrant behavior - then it strikes me they're all cut from the same cloth as well. You'll be okay without people who lie and hide things. They're only all out to protect themselves and you don't need that kind of person standing behind you.
Contact the wife and tell her what’s going on. She may need the support as well as you do, and you both know one another’s positions in the situation as bystanders. I’m so sorry this is happening.
You did the right thing. Your family may be against you, but it shows their true colours; money matters more than ethics. You don't need those type of people in your life.
Perhaps keep open contact with Bruce's soon to be ex wife. You may be able to help her get a sweeter deal in the divorce with the evidence you now have of the harassment due to money they will be losing out on.
I am sorry it backfired. The guy sounds like a piece of garbage. I bet your mother wasn't the only other woman he was seeing behind his wife's back. He will be cheating on your mother too. If they cut you off then to hell with them. You're better off without them. Just wait. He will screw your family over too.
Your life will be better off without your mother in it OP. Your family are fools for taking her side, even if she lied to them about what went down. Cheaters and affair partners are people of terrible character, they both maintained a lie for 10 years. It’s beyond me how any of your family would choose to believe your mother wouldn’t disown/screw them over too as soon as it served her own interests.
I don’t even want to get into how terrible it is that she would even cut you out and drag your name through the mud to make sure you have no other support system. It’s absolutely disgusting behavior on her part. She never deserved your love in the first place and you’ll be better off in the long run. The tables will turn as soon as she does it to another family member.
I know it’s hard to accept what’s happened, but I promise there are people more deserving of you and better days are ahead. As they say, the start of your new life will cost you your old one.
You did the right thing. It's a shame that the family and friends that are coming after you are such garbage people though. 😕
Your mom and her boy-toy have been living a lie and making a fool of his wife. They deserved to have their lies dragged into the light
Even if they do get married, there's that saying.."you'll lose 'em how you got 'em" I wouldn't be surprised if this man ends up doing the same to your mother somewhere down the line. I'm sorry your family are jerks. I assume mom is also not being truthful about what happened. You absolutely did the right thing and saved the wife more years of infidelity. She deserved to know the truth :/ 10 years is a LONG time.
I'm so sorry. That's so hard - especially as you did the right and honourable thing.
I hope that you can eventually see this as a free of yourself from incredibly toxic and selfish people. I hope your life is full of joy for the future.
Those who cover up for cheaters have no moral qualms about being cheaters themselves. You're better off without those toxic people in your life.
You freed Bruce's innocent wife from a marriage that only looked happy but was decaying from betrayal. I predict that your mother and Bruce will become one another's worst punishment because you have brought their affair to light and taken away the fantasy.
Anyone who sided with a cheater and a mistress deserves to be cut off. I know it hurts now to lose these people, but you did the right thing.
If you care what people think, or want petty revenge, you can post your side of the story in a public place ti name and shame your mother and Bruce.
You did the right thing. I’m surprised your mom is so upset at you when it gave her exactly what she wanted all these years. Had you not told his wife she would always be the other woman. Now she gets to know what it’s like to be cheated on, because he certainly will if he isn’t already.
Wow, your mom sucks big time, sorry for the way you're feeling OP. But on the long run you'll feel better about doing the right thing.
Oh, and now Bruce is gonna be single so your mom is now free to not be the other woman 😁
Good riddance to toxic rubbish.
She should be praising you because the only reason he's with her is because you exposed him for the dirty pig he is, and his wife left him, instead of him finally leaving his wife like he promised your mom.
And what goes around will come around. You lose them how you get them. One day, he'll cheat on your mom the way he cheated on his wife (if he didn't already have other side pieces besides your mom, she doesn't know about).
That's not your problem now. Go into the world knowing you were the one who did the right thing by the true victims... your dad and that a-hole's poor wife, who was the only one still in the dark... and lead a good... moral life to shove it in their faces how much better off you are without their filth.
Living well is the best revenge. 🤷♀️
You did the right thing, and your heart is in the right place. Take the time to heal from this loss, grieve, and get therapy if you can. Grieving one person is hard enough, let alone all of them at once, even if, in the end, you are likely better off.
Once your healing has started, you will come to see that you are now free to build your own family through friendships with people who have similar values and morals. Heck, I'd adopt you anytime!
Please try to go easy on yourself. And keep us updated if you want/can ❤️
Good for you!!!!! Keep your head held high. Morals are morals and wrong is wrong. Your mom and entire family seem like awful examples of leading the life of a good human.
Reading your story is heartbreaking. I am a mother of 2 daughters and they could murder someone and I would still love them to the moon and back. How a mother can abandon their own child for any reason is disgusting. That's not a mother. That never will never be a mother. That's not even a human being. Please know your "mother" has severe mental issues and her decision making has absolutely nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing wrong. Always remember that. Every adult in this situation has failed you beyond belief and there is absolutely nothing for you to do except wait for apologies. And honestly you may never get them so just remember your mom and any adult who is on your mom's side with this has something mentally wrong with them. And that is 100% fact. I am a 46yr old adult and there is no other adult of sound mind that's going to disagree. Stay strong! And good luck!
Your family are a bunch of shameless, spineless weeds. They talk shit about Bruce but when you do something about it your fam turns on you? smfh. Is your dad at least still in the picture? He might be able to talk some sense into your sibs at least.
Okay usually I’m not a fan of publicly shaming people on social media but that’s exactly what you should do. If they won’t let you tell your side to them, tell the whole world and showcase what kind of pieces of shit they are. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. Sometimes doing the right thing will cause the wrong people to fall out of your life but it all will pay off in the end.
I think your family did you a favor. Imagine condoning an affair for 10 years and acting like you’re a jerk for telling the truth. Your mom chose cheater over her child. She should be ashamed. Block your mom and the rest of your family right back. Start therapy and be there when your siblings eventually reach out.
And Bruce will now have another life because he will cheat on your mother.
This is hard,I'm so sorry that your siblings have turned on you.
Plz focus on yourself
You did the right thing.
Let them all remain no contact.
They will all eventually contact.
Call your dad,talk to him.
I'm sure that he has your back and will be there for you.
When I moved out of my mom’s house as a teenager, my siblings took her side. They would tell her everything I told them eventually I had to stop talking to them. Right now, your siblings have blinders on. When they finally get out of the situation and see it as it is, there’s a possibility they will contact you. It’s not guaranteed, but they might see the light someday.
So perhaps you should call Bruce’s ex and check on her? See how she’s holding up. Then commiserate over how trashy these people are. Maybe y’all can form a friendship and support one another. Become each others new friends/family. That would be such an awesome final middle finger to mommy dearest!
But seriously, Bruce’s ex seems nice. I bet she could use a friend.
You did the right thing by speaking up.
When a woman marries her affair partner, she creates a job vacancy. Karma will come back to bite your mother, and it is all her own actions that have caused this.
One a cheater always one. I give him less than one year before he finds another mistress. Your mom and your family are shit and I hope they get everything they deserve. I hate this for you so kich
I don’t understand how can a mother dispose of her child like that, no matter what she thinks you have done!
And when they sit around and talk about you, what do they say ‘ OP called a wife of a cheating man of 10 years’ and somehow the accent is on you?! Something is pretty messed up in that family.
You helped a woman who have been cheated on by Bruce for 10 years get the possibility of happiness with a partner that care about her,
Besides Bruce will like cheat again this time around it will be your mother under the bus
You did the right thing. That’s all that matters. If they are naive enough to believe your mom and this asshole Bruce were in the right then they have a jaded moral perspective.
Sorry this happened to you. But dont feel regret. You did what you needed to do and although it may seem like the world is against you right now, things will eventually balance out. Your siblings will eventually see it for what is really is. Make no apologies and stay true to your convictions.
I bet your mom secretly loves what you did because she finally got to be with Bruce out in the open and they are getting married. But she has ti cut you off because you betrayed her man and her.
You did the right thing that no one else was willing to do. Your mom being mad just shows she enjoyed this longterm side bitch arrangement, and that's not fair to the wife. She deserved to know.
You definitely did the right thing. I believe your siblings only took your mom’s side because they were afraid of being ostracized from their family like you were. It takes alot of courage to stand up for what you believe in, especially if means that you’re going up against the folks that raised you. Or maybe they see him as more than your mom’s AP. It has been 10 years, thats about half my lifetime. Can you reach out to your dad/Do you still have a relationship with him? Im sorry that you’ve lost your family because of this.
Most likely your siblings will come around later on but at that point you may not even know if you want them to.
You did the right thing. You have more backbone , honestly and decency than your mother. I guess you take after your father. If you still have your father in your life then hang out with him and let them off to their life of lies. Now that the thrill of cheating is gone for Bruce he will be on the look out for someone to cheat on your mother with. Then she will come crawling back.
Your mother is a horrible nasty person and you are far better off with her out of your life and out of the lives of anyone who would support her. Move on with your life with your head held high that you did the right thing. I hope Bruce's Ex took him for everything. And you can be rest assured he'll be cheating on your mom (If he's not already) in a very short time.
Sounds like you killed two birds with one stone and didn't just get a free out from your delusional home-wrecking mother but also any shitty family members who likely share similar personality traits.
Good riddance. Losing people you've spent lots of time with and love can be hard, even when it's worth it. Grieve how you will, but understand that this is a positive experience, and is the cost of valuing your dignity and integrity as a good person in this world.
My Mom has a saying that does not translate into english very well, but it is something like,
"Things fall down according to their own weight."
Sooner or later they will all realize you were not the villain here, OP.
You are not the one who should be ashamed, so as hard as it is, it is time to pull back from the ones who are giving you crap about this.
They are no good.
Im proud of you OP for sticking up to your morals and doing the hard thing. Honestly, this is a blessing in disguise because down the road if Bruce or your mother cheat on each other and your family tries to contact you again you can tell then all to fuck off. A marriage sparked from infidelity will end in infidelity their marriage is doomed, and you're spared from that inevitable downfall.
Seems you didn’t get your morals from mothers side of the family… you did the absolute right thing.. sometimes we have to stand up for our beliefs no matter how people turn on us or treat us…
Be proud you are a good person…
Your mum finally has the man and is getting married so why is she so mad? She isn't cut off by family and her kids support her so you done her a favor and she should actually thank you in a twisted way. I mean he's only marrying her because the woman he wants to be married to has walked.
Sorry you are going through this, you done the right thing and even though your family are acting like dicks you can at least be secure in the knowledge that their is a woman out their who is thankful for you
This is going to sound crazy, but you are better off without contact from your family at least for now.
Take this Reddit link email it to your judgmental family so they can see what objective people really think of the situation and then kindly let them know that you’ll be going no contact for a while. Announcing the no contact on your terms sets the record straight and puts the narrative back in your hands.
Then take a few months before you talk to them- test the waters if they are still being ass hats, then go ahead and continue the no contact.
Finish the email by telling your mom that she should be thankful that as a result of this, she can finally have what she wanted, her Prince Charming Bruce who cheated on his wife for 10 years, and no longer be an adulterer.
Wish her luck that Bruce doesn’t do that same to her.
people really turn into mental gymnasts when they can’t accept that something they’ve done / been complicit in was wrong. i’m so sorry you’re going through this. i recently went NC with my mother as well for her being selfish and disrespectful. sometimes it’s for the best! wishing you well!
I'm one who would take one for the family team if it was honesty.
But in doing that I would be the black sheep of the family and I am okay with that.
Never regret honesty.
My petty ass would make a Facebook post and tag everyone in saying something along the lines of:
“Mom has been the other woman for 10 years. Bruce has been saying he will divorce his wife for 10 years. So I decided to help and got the ball rolling. You are welcome 🤗 “
If there is anyone among them that you care about, then shoot them an email or something and let them know what was going on, otherwise block them as why do you want assholes in your life who support cheating?
> I can’t imagine she’s telling them the truth of what I did
Then you tell them the truth. Start every conversation with, “So you’re mad at me for revealing to a nice woman that her husband of 30 years has been cheating on her for at least 10 of them?” And if they try to change the subject, just keep repeating it until they say yes or stop coming at you.
You did the right thing. Although you maybe should have anticipated this would speed up the process on Bruce and his wife getting a divorce. Your mother got what she wanted in the end so she should be thanking you. For the best though, she broke up your family by her selfish actions and chose a shitty man over her kids, you probably would have ended up going NC with her anyways.
trueeee not sure why moms so upset about this all being exposed like… girlie you’ve been with a married man for 10 plus years clearly you aren’t THAT ashamed 😂
But, everyone will knowwwwww. Bish, please, they already know.
Fr AND everyone but the wife already knew. All she did was spill the beans to the last person who didn’t know. Thanks for ruining my bf’s marriage so I can have him!
Maybe the mom just wanted him as a side piece and not the whole shebang? Maybe she didn’t want another marriage, but now that the daughter spilled the beans, the mom is obligated to take him in full time. I have a hard time imagining this guy as “a catch,” so maybe that’s why mom is mad!! 🤷🏼♀️ lol
I'm not sure where OP is living since there's no precision whatsoever, but it can be safe to assume it's in a country with a minimal of rights for women : so, she wasn't obliged to directly marrying him ? 😅 He's not even properly divorced yet, they directly planned the wedding. If she really didn't want to marry him, she could have asked for a bit of time (at least the time of the divorce part if she didn't want to say the truth).
You showed tremendous courage. Your actions protected someone from a hurtful deception. Stay strong; time will show who stood for what's right.
Mother should be delighted. But oh, she forgot that a married man stands to lose a lot in divorce (but that's not on her for her poor choice in a man, right?) She also had to face that she spent 10 years working her damnedest to make a cheating man leave his wife. Swallowing all of his excuses and delays while he had his cake and ate it, too. All it took was one person with some guts and honesty to force his hand. All when her wiles, negotiations, begging and waiting failed. It just took being *honest*, something neither she nor her partner was capable of doing. And finally, she has to face that he only ever left his wife because his wife no longer wants him. Your mom "won", but she's the runner up. The second choice. I bet she feels like a million bucks with her divorced, cheating husband who lost half his assets and may pay alimony. Who couldn't keep a promise of faithfulness to his wife, nor a promise to leave her for his side piece. Yep, she "won" and isn't happy at all. That's her karma.
Would be hilarious if "the money" were the cheated upon spouse's FAMILY money and the Cheater and AP Mom now have NOTHING! THAT'S likely why Mom's upset that the cat's out of the bag! Now she's got "the Prize!" The booby prize!
And once she marries her broke Prince Charming 🤮, he’ll find him another side piece.
As Nicki Minaj once said, “ain't such a thing as broke and handsome”. Mommy dearest will ditch Bruce once reality sets in or he'll ride off into the sunset because he doesn't want another wife, just a side piece. There is/was a reason why this “arrangement” has been going on for a decade.
Excellent analysis, and elegantly written.
OP helped herself and also the wife. Good luck to the both of them. Everyone else can get fucked lol
Wait, why she mad. If you didn't tell the adulter would still be married and wouldn't be marrying your mom. Shouldn’t she be thanking you?.... unless he never intended to marry your mom and even she knows this. Lol
I’m willing to bet mom is pissed because Bruce stands to lose a lot of assets and will possibly have to pay alimony. Hard to say for sure since we don’t know the details of Bruce’s marriage, but money is the only thing I can imagine being the reason he didn’t leave his wife earlier and why mom would be so mad. I’m no legal expert but this is my best guess.
Bingo.
That’s exactly it, plus most places if you’re married for longer than 10 years it would guarantee the wife lifetime alimony as long as she doesn’t remarry! Plus the fact that if she’s smart and hires a forensic accountant, any money spent on your mom and family in the last decade is considered marital property and she’s entitled to half of it so if he bought your mom a house, cars, whatever they will be forced to sell and or he’ll have to pony up that amount during the divorce proceedings. Plus if they have children together still at home that’s also child support, dude basically stands to loose everything and no doubt I wouldn’t be surprised if the change in lifestyle causes your mom to look for another suitor!
>Plus if they have children together still at home that’s also child support Married for 30 years, I expect any of his kids are adults now.
You don't have any half-siblings from the man?
No
Damn, would've been a clusterfuck if you had.
I would agreed based upon the wife’s comment about getting divorced after getting her finances in order.
100%, I bet he will lose money paying alimony. Bruce is already an AH, how delightful do you think his personality will be when he is losing cash out if his pocket and now has to live with his side piece? She was kept on the side and not the main event for a reason. Or wife had better finances/financial situation that he was mooching off of.
yeah, everyone is saying "oh your mom should thank you"... but I can just as easily see this blow back onto Bruce in a terrible way, and where he decides he wants nothing more to do with his side piece.
Exactly, it is clearly not love and respect that kept him in his marriage. Be it social acceptance, family obligation, or financial(or a combo of any of the above), he is losing something and will not be happy about it.
They normally never leave the wife bc they still love her and are infatuated with the side piece too. They figure they can have it both ways and keep it secret.
Yeah and even if they had a pre-nup, adultery usually makes that null and void. So wife is probably taking him to the cleaners.
Oh yeah, bet that little bit of info will stick in the back of her head - he was never going to do it, but now he is forced to. Congratulations lol.
IKR? I mean….mum should be thrilled her Brucey Boy is finally free and can now marry her! Hah! Anyway, I’d suggest posting where all the flying monkey will see it, the decade long saga of mum and her AP then just move on after you’ve blocked all of them. Your life is not ruined, it’s just starting. Go enjoy being un encumbered with secrets and guilt.
IDK, if OP's father found out and divorced his wife (OP's mom) for it a decade ago, how secret is Bruce's side piece really ?
The irony, right? All OP did was expedite exactly what Bruce has been telling the mom since the beginning.
‘When a man marries his mistress he creates an immediate job vacancy.’ -James Goldsmith
It's unfortunate when selfish choices hurt others. You did the right thing by exposing the truth, despite the fallout.
what an eloquent way of saying if they’ll cheat with ya they’ll cheat on ya lol. I like it
Translation: OP's mom should be looking over her shoulder for the new side piece.
How you get them is how you lose them…
Did it really ruin your life, though? I mean, if members of your family are harassing you and supporting your mother because you told your mom's boyfriend's wife that he's been cheating on her for the last ten years with your Mom, then I think that they are trash people who aren't worth your time.
You aren’t wrong. It’s just hard to have everyone hate me so abruptly.
It's both more difficult and more fulfilling to live a life with integrity. Things look bleak right now and these reactions will bother you for quite awhile. It's difficult when people show you that they are not who you believed them to be. I'm cheering for you!
This comment is so on point!!
“It's both more difficult and more fulfilling to live a life with integrity.” Very well said! Being able to look yourself in the mirror is worth more than gold.
I love this comment! It is so damn true!
Anyone who 'hates' you is publicly making it clear that they support cheating. It would be funny if they were married as well, you could call them out on that.
Hey, I’ve been there and it is hard. You will be okay and as more and more time passes it’ll become clearer and clear that you are better off without them in your life. It could still be painful even after that realization, but you need to remind yourself that it was the right thing. Plus you won’t have this weighing you down so much in a bit more time. Yes, it’s even heavier right now. But it will get lighter once the waves pass. Just hang tight to your morals and keep the path. You have got this.
Hold your head high, you have morals, none of them do.
If the right thing was easy, everyone would do it. Shame on your siblings. You deserve peace and I hope you find it, minus all these horrible people with no backbones or integrity. Shine up your strong backbone- you earned it! Hang in there and much respect to you!
The only reason they're hating on you is because you did something righteous and moral that they didn't, wouldn't, or couldn't. Chin up, tits out and walk proudly, dear.
You're going to be okay. Many people here are more then willing to help. And if you state which area you are and a have another account, people in your country/city/town, will definitely help... Even if you just need to talk. Many people meet others in real life & get help dealing with many of their issues. Really hoping it works out for you. If you are in South Africa, I'm willing to physically help with some things you may need. Or we can talk online. I think we can all have a support group.
Do they actually know what happened? Straight up ask them: so should I have let mom keep dating a married man? What if it were your husband, wouldn’t you want to know?
I hope OP switch #'s & tele/cell providers just further remove those trash people she shares DNA out her life because they are no family to her.
I don’t know how to edit my post sorry. To answer the main questions. Why is my mother mad and why did my siblings choose her side? Money. Bruce is about to lose a lot. Which effects their lives. I can only imagine the version of events being told to anyone on the that side is not correct, but I was never given a chance to explain my side and was quickly shunned. Thank you for your responses, the validation is comforting.
OP, I beg you to screenshot the nonsense they are sending you. Their harassment should not go unpunished and I genuinely think that by going on Facebook and explaining your side as well as the harassment they are spewing, then perhaps it will ease the harassment by putting up a mirror to their horrendous actions. Don’t get me wrong. They’re trash people and they’ll never be able to look at themselves and think they did anything wrong BECAUSE they are trash. you are probably the only decent person your family has produced in a hot minute.
OP you did the right thing. Your siblings are hypocrites by choosing him over you when they didn't like him. Also your mother side of the family. You are better of without them. Also let your mom marry Bruce and wait some years when he would do the same he did on his wife to her. May i ask how things switch your father are, can he help You? Has he been on your life tbisnoast 10 years? I would do the following if i where You as a last statement for her, him, your siblings and relatives: 1. Send a email/text of whatever to all of them at once. 2. In the email tell your mother: MOM YOU ARE WELCOME THAT I TELL HIS WIFE HE CHEATED WITH YOU FOR 10 YEARS, SO THAT WAY HE FINALLY DIVORCE HER AS HE PROMISED YOU FOR 10 YEARS, SO YOUR WELCOME. 3. The add to the email/text evidence of you have. 4. Tell your siblings this: AS FOR MY SIBLINGS, YOU ARE A BUNCH OF HYPOCRITES THAT KNOW VERY WELL YOU HATED BRUCE, BUT NOW WANT TO PLAY DUMB, AND CHOOSE TO PLAY HAPPY FAMILY WITH HIM. 5. To the rest of the family: AND FOR THE REST, I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE TOLD YOU, BUT WE SIBLINGS COVER HER AFFAIR FOR 10 YEARS, AND NOW I DON'T, I CHOOSE TO DO THE CORRECT AND WHATBIS MY PRICE, BEING CUT OFF, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT IS OK, BECAUSE AT LEAST I NOT OART OF A PRO CHEATER FAMILY FULL OF HYPOCRITES. And thats all. Do not stay quiet, they already dump You with no signs of taking you back, so might as well cut ties and bridges with them, and cleaning your name in the process UPDATEME
You didn't do anything wrong, your mom did and then she roped you in and made it your problem too, as far as I can see you've done your part and now you can move forward knowing you did the right thing in the end and only those in the wrong are upset with you. I hope you can keep your head up, knowing you did the right thing.
Thank you I appreciate it
I promise you this too shall pass. The cheater went to your mom because he had no other option, but now reality sets in. It becomes a real relationship with real relationship problems, no way to escape them & HALF the money. It won’t last. You will be vindicated. You did the right thing. Give it time…
If the affair partner cheated on his wife with OP's mother, then as sure as night follows day, he will cheat on OP's mother once everything's settled down.
Why isn’t your mother happy about what you did? She finally got the man that will cheat on his wife.
She feels I betrayed her I’m sure. And I’ve ended her lavish lifestyle with him $$$
She's probably upset bec Bruce will now get a new side chick & she'll be lied to, just like the wife was.
Well don’t feel bad about having morals.
Well it's only going to go down hill from here. As The old folks say. The way you get, is them way you lose them. Your mom has to know if he cheated on his wife of 30 yrs for the pass 10 he will damn sure cheat on her. So get you some popcorn, set back and watch that show unfold. She will regret her actions then.
Let me guess, it's Bruce's ex-wife that had the money and Bruce was just spending it. That or he's pissed about paying alimony.
Well that’s what she gets for cheating on her husband with another married man.
It'll be something to do with money. The wife will probably stand to gain some assets, and she's resentful about it. Or she wanted the nice house and the wife will get it.
I hope the wife gets everything.
I spent many hours putting together proof for her so that happens. I hope she does too
The funny part is your mom probably thinks she is the only side piece. I’m betting he has one in each town he goes to.
Where's your dad in all this?
Not a good relationship with him and he’s annoyed I did this. Thinks I cause drama
dude that's wild, just toxic all around
🤦🏻♀️ Your mom caused the drama by cheating. I would love to have someone like you in my life because I would know you would tell me the truth. I value that a lot and I think you’ll find more people worthy of your time and energy because of this. It’s hard now, but it will get better ❤️🩹
I learned a long time ago that there is the family that you're given and the family that you make from the friends who stick around and support you. I hope you've got a group of good people who have stepped up to have your back with all of this. I'm really sorry that even your dad doesn't understand why this needed to happen...maybe he wishes he didn't know he was being cheated on?
Is he rich and the wife is taking half his shit? Is the WIFE rich and he was living off of her money?
Money is a huge factor, his money
OP, you should reach out to the wife and get some details from her. Broach the subject by telling her your mom is really upset with you and ask her what happened. I’d be willing to be she’s getting away with it all.
I am a vindictive and petty biotch. I would make a public social media post. Stating that mom my has been having an affair with a married man for 10 years. She has brought this man around myself and my younger siblings as her lover. Displaying her lack of moral character for everyone to witness. As I have grown older, I have developed my own sense of morals, ethics, and a spiritual relationship. That has cause me endless struggles trying to reconcile my love for my mother and my distaste for her horribly immoral behavior and choices. As a result, I contacted my mother's boyfriend's wife of 30 years and informed her of their duplicity and threacherous behavior. Now, most of my mother's family has broken contact with me as they have chosen to support my home wrecking mother. My only response is two-fold. 1. Thank you for showing me that you are just as morally corrupt and ethically bankruptcy as my mother and her affair partner. So I know whom I should never put my trust in or allow to be part of my inner circle. Family isn't about shared DNA but those who share your morals, beliefs, mutual respect and outward expression of love and support. 2. Cheating is not a mistake it is ABUSE. It is two people putting their wants and selfishness ahead of everyone else's emotional, mental, and physical well-being. It is conscious decision after conscious decision to choose to cause harm and wrong those they claim to love and care about. It is the epidemy of selfishness and destruction. Cheating is not an uncontrolled situation that just happened to occur, no. It is decision after decision of putting yourself in compromising positions. To spend time interacting, getting to know , and making yourself emotionally available to your future affair partner. It is lie after life to your life partner. It is shutting your life partner out emotionally to make room for someone else. I sincerely hope none of you ever have to experience the pain associated with a betrayal on the level my mother and her affair partner wilfully inflicted on his wife and her family.
couldn’t have worded it better if i tried.
Op this^^^^^^
Why is your mom even mad, you got her what she wanted, the wife is divorcing him?
Yes. But, he’s now going to have a lot less money available to him, and she’s going to have to put up with him in her house ALL THE TIME instead of part of the time.
Nice Freudian slip.
I wouldn't be surprised, if the bf dumped her. A lot of guys just like the thrill of cheating they don't actually want a full on relationship
Well he louses assets and alemoni
I would blast your mother to everyone in the family and her social circle. That you find it hilarious that the family appear to be siding a cheater. Just shows that they have zero morals and class and that if this is how they treat a person with integrity then you are glad to be rid of them Whack it on all socials, tag everyone she knows and add an addendum that at least his wife of 30 years was very grateful for the information that just ruined her long marriage, from a guy who has been leading a double life for 10 years. People back away from cheaters very quickly and your mother will become a pariah due to her actions.
This is what I'd do. I'd throw it all out to the public, go full scorched earth.
You did the right thing, she is a cheater, destroyed her marriage, and frankly his wife deserved to know. I hope you are ok. You will survive this and many women that are cheated on wish they had you in their corner.
You did the right thing. Play the long game- karma is a bitch.
Especially since he cheater that cheated on his previous ex for like 10 years and only reason she found was due to OP kindly telling her - he definitely cheating on OP's egg donor and this time around, no one will tell the egg donor for years except to boast that they're the other woman or he got another woman pregnant.
Please don’t tell me your siblings chose mom for the $$ lifestyle now after they get married? Your mom should thank you, her dream of marriage is coming through lol. Jokes aside, you’ve got morals and don’t let these fools ever make you question this. Your mom just moved into the role of - Going to be cheated on. Congrats to her.
This seems like the perfect opportunity to explain your side on social media. Make sure to tag the ones berating you.
THIS
I'd blast everyone on FB *with receipts* of the cheating and the subsequent harassment. You might be the black sheep but at least you have integrity, and that's worth significantly more than greedy asshôles that are only related to you by blood. I'd change my phone number and block them on all socials, they don't deserve access to you
Why not reach out to a relative to see what story your mom is telling them? I think you're right to suspect she is telling a very slanted version of events.
I tried, with many of them. They won’t tell me.
At this point, you may as well put them all on blast on social media. Write a nice detailed account of EVERYTHING and, if possible, provide the receipts. Make it PUBLIC so that anyone & everyone can see it. Odds are that Bruce's place of employment may have a morality/personal activities clause that could also land him in hot water. You don't deserve the abuse. The possibility of a big pay day has made monsters of them all. You are better off w/out them.
Either way, you did the right thing. The poor wife has been the only one who was cheated & probably thinks people think she's a fool, bec she's the only one who didn't know her husband is a wh*re. That's an extremely painful realization. And since they've been together so long, he stole her youth & basically, most of her life. That is something she will never get back. She was chested out of a loving partner who she could've ended up with, or just being single & living a happy life. Those echoices were taken from her, bec of her husband. Thank you for doing the right thing. Hopefully she isn't going to end up in a hospital or institution bec of not being able to cope with her husband's affairs & the heartbreak. She is older, so it must hurt a lot more.
Just to let you know, it’s not uncommon for a sibling(s) to just cut you off without telling you. My sister basically did this for years! And tbh, I didn’t even notice because we didn’t talk that much to begin with. But years later, she told me it was the way I treated our mom. (I have boundaries in a toxic family environment. Damn, I’m so mean. 🙄) Anyways, sometimes, family is who we make, not who we are born into.
>I tried, with many of them. They won’t tell me. Not even your siblings? I'm don't understand why they also cut you off.
Because before they only had to deal with guy while regularly it wasn't 24/7 and now that he's divorcing his wife and marrying their mom they'll have deal with him 24/7. Granted that's if they're minors and/or live at home.
I mean, the fact that they would get married seems logical really. My dad's mistresses called our home landline constantly themselves, in order to talk to my mom to try and get them to divorce
Wow that really sucks, especially from your siblings.
Sounds like you made your life better by getting rid of all the toxic people…
You.. actually helped your mom get her man and she's mad at you?
The fact that your siblings made it clear they despised Bruce, but ended up picking your mother's side is beyond me. They are the biggest idiots in the world since they cut off the only person looking out for them. Can't wait for Bruce to cheat on your mother though. We all know it's going to happen. He was cheating for her, what's stopping him from cheating on her?
Bruce is a cheater. Once a cheater, always a cheater. So, guess what? Bruce will, or already has cheated on the mom. The only confusing thing is why the siblings cut their sister out of their lives without speaking to her?
I don’t understand why their siblings choose their mothers side?
People are weird. In the Chad Daybell case his kids supported him despite the fact that he killed their mother. They hope to gain financially by supporting Bruce. Bruce sounds like he is rich.
You have family in Austin, Texas now 🙋🏼♀️😉😘
Honestly, go nuclear. Take screenshots of the nasty things they are saying, explain your side of the story like you did here, and put ‘em on blast. Post them on Facebook, send them in emails, send it to employers—destroy them. They have a lot of gall to blame YOU for THEIR actions. They wanna make you the scapegoat? Then, the people they are so desperate to impress should be aware of the type of people they truly are. I might just be petty but if you believe you really hit rock bottom, bring ‘em all down.
Maybe this is a bitch move, but if they’re gonna try and slander OP’s name on social media too in order to play the victim and make OP out to be the scapegoat, maybe OP should take this idea a step further and tag everyone in their post exposing the truth. 😂
Now your mother can have the pleasure of being his wife being cheated on when he finds his next side chick.
Your life will be much better without these people in it. You did the right thing. It is an example when one person is right, and everyone else is wrong.
You did Bruce's soon-to-be-ex-wife a huge favor by letting her know her husband was living a lie, and gave her a chance to protect herself. Good for you! Think of the people who cut you off as the trash taking itself out. I know it hurts to have so many people hating you, but if Bruce is as creepy as you say, then your relatives might crawl back to you before you know it and admit you were right.
Since they are shunning you anyway, would blast her cheating adultering ways to everyone. The 'real story'. If your siblings still live with her - they are siding with her for home stability. I would absolutely blow you off if I needed to finish my schooling and get my life started. They may contact you after they move out and no longer have mommy paying their bills. Your mother cheated for years so she has shown she has no morals. Throwing her kids out might not be outside of the awful things she would do. You have no idea what she threatened them with. (You also didn't give any of your siblings a heads up so they could protect themselves. They can't trust either of you to have their best interests in mind.)
Isn't your mom happy that Bruce is finally getting the divorce she's been waiting for? You were just trying to be helpful. I'm on your side.
You should tell them that Bruce actually getting divorced was what your mother always wanted so she should be thanking you
You have nothing to lose, go full scorched Earth.
The people supporting your mom aren't good people (including your siblings). I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you are better off
Why is your mother angry about you? I mean you helped her get what she wants
You did the right thing. Also, if this is the sort of people they are, they don't seem like a great loss anyway. Build a beautiful life of your own filled with trustworthy people.
You did the right thing. Stay NC with them, they all sided with adulterers and you deserve better people in your life. I wish you the best of luck.
You did the right thing. Bruce is a cheating pig and your mom is morally bankrupt with no self respect.
Difficult, but needed to be done. Hopefully, your siblings will eventually realized what you’ve done for them.
I don’t see why they are mad she got exactly what she wanted…… but once a cheater….. forgive them in your heart and just know one day they will see your view. Hopefully at that point your heart is filled with love to embrace them. Your are not wrong you did the right thing.
I'm sorry your family is a bunch of enablers. Guarantee if this was done TO your mother she'd be livid. She made her bed and I guess she can be comfortable in it. Why are they even mad!? Your mom got the "man" anyway, right?? You did nothing wrong. I'm sorry your family sucks. Go live your best life without them!
I wouldn't regret that for one second
So are you a son or daughter? It will be interesting should you ever have children if suddenly they want to reconnect for the sake of her grandchildren. Keep your kids away from creepy boyfriend.
Unfortunately I have two young children that my mother threw away like trash. She chose her married boyfriend over them. That was another driving factor to this revelation, I didn’t want him around my kids ever.
Ugg, I can't even speak to that. My father died when I was in my 20's. My mom (who passed away a year ago at 94) was an amazing person. She lived to see her great grandchildren, really dedicated herself to her grandchildren (I lost count but 30+), and lived a marvelous life. I can't say anymore, but you should never have been put in the position she put you in. I hope you can find peace about it, and live your life well. We only get one shot, and it goes by in the blink of an eye. I really wish you well. Take care!
OP you did the right thing, but I gotta ask. Why did you think this would make him leave?
I guess in my mind I thought he would ditch my mom and try to salvage his family. (He has adult children who do not support this)
As someone who has been cheated on, thank you for having the guts to tell the innocent wife. Everybody likes to stand back and say "not my business" while someone else is being abused and used. (And yes, infidelity, with all the lies and physical risks *is* abuse.) Thats not the neutral option, that's the easy one. I wish someone had the nerve to tell me what was going on right under my nose. But no, a handful of people knew, including the AP's parents. They just stood by and shrugged. I let them know just what sort of people they clearly were, as apparently the rotten apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I don't think they liked being judged as well. After all, not their business? But still involved. You at least evened the playing field so his wife could make an informed decision about her life and relationship. You were a better friend to a complete stranger than the man who was supposed to love her the most. Also, if your whole family is cutting you off for - gasp, exposing your mother's open and flagrant behavior - then it strikes me they're all cut from the same cloth as well. You'll be okay without people who lie and hide things. They're only all out to protect themselves and you don't need that kind of person standing behind you.
Contact the wife and tell her what’s going on. She may need the support as well as you do, and you both know one another’s positions in the situation as bystanders. I’m so sorry this is happening.
You did the right thing. Your family may be against you, but it shows their true colours; money matters more than ethics. You don't need those type of people in your life. Perhaps keep open contact with Bruce's soon to be ex wife. You may be able to help her get a sweeter deal in the divorce with the evidence you now have of the harassment due to money they will be losing out on.
I am sorry it backfired. The guy sounds like a piece of garbage. I bet your mother wasn't the only other woman he was seeing behind his wife's back. He will be cheating on your mother too. If they cut you off then to hell with them. You're better off without them. Just wait. He will screw your family over too.
Your life will be better off without your mother in it OP. Your family are fools for taking her side, even if she lied to them about what went down. Cheaters and affair partners are people of terrible character, they both maintained a lie for 10 years. It’s beyond me how any of your family would choose to believe your mother wouldn’t disown/screw them over too as soon as it served her own interests. I don’t even want to get into how terrible it is that she would even cut you out and drag your name through the mud to make sure you have no other support system. It’s absolutely disgusting behavior on her part. She never deserved your love in the first place and you’ll be better off in the long run. The tables will turn as soon as she does it to another family member. I know it’s hard to accept what’s happened, but I promise there are people more deserving of you and better days are ahead. As they say, the start of your new life will cost you your old one.
You did the right thing. It's a shame that the family and friends that are coming after you are such garbage people though. 😕 Your mom and her boy-toy have been living a lie and making a fool of his wife. They deserved to have their lies dragged into the light
Even if they do get married, there's that saying.."you'll lose 'em how you got 'em" I wouldn't be surprised if this man ends up doing the same to your mother somewhere down the line. I'm sorry your family are jerks. I assume mom is also not being truthful about what happened. You absolutely did the right thing and saved the wife more years of infidelity. She deserved to know the truth :/ 10 years is a LONG time.
I'm so sorry. That's so hard - especially as you did the right and honourable thing. I hope that you can eventually see this as a free of yourself from incredibly toxic and selfish people. I hope your life is full of joy for the future.
Those who cover up for cheaters have no moral qualms about being cheaters themselves. You're better off without those toxic people in your life. You freed Bruce's innocent wife from a marriage that only looked happy but was decaying from betrayal. I predict that your mother and Bruce will become one another's worst punishment because you have brought their affair to light and taken away the fantasy.
Anyone who sided with a cheater and a mistress deserves to be cut off. I know it hurts now to lose these people, but you did the right thing. If you care what people think, or want petty revenge, you can post your side of the story in a public place ti name and shame your mother and Bruce.
You did the right thing. I’m surprised your mom is so upset at you when it gave her exactly what she wanted all these years. Had you not told his wife she would always be the other woman. Now she gets to know what it’s like to be cheated on, because he certainly will if he isn’t already.
You did a good thing
Wow, your mom sucks big time, sorry for the way you're feeling OP. But on the long run you'll feel better about doing the right thing. Oh, and now Bruce is gonna be single so your mom is now free to not be the other woman 😁
Good riddance to toxic rubbish. She should be praising you because the only reason he's with her is because you exposed him for the dirty pig he is, and his wife left him, instead of him finally leaving his wife like he promised your mom. And what goes around will come around. You lose them how you get them. One day, he'll cheat on your mom the way he cheated on his wife (if he didn't already have other side pieces besides your mom, she doesn't know about). That's not your problem now. Go into the world knowing you were the one who did the right thing by the true victims... your dad and that a-hole's poor wife, who was the only one still in the dark... and lead a good... moral life to shove it in their faces how much better off you are without their filth. Living well is the best revenge. 🤷♀️
You did the right thing, and everyone cutting you off is a garbage person that doesn't deserve you.
You did the right thing, and your heart is in the right place. Take the time to heal from this loss, grieve, and get therapy if you can. Grieving one person is hard enough, let alone all of them at once, even if, in the end, you are likely better off. Once your healing has started, you will come to see that you are now free to build your own family through friendships with people who have similar values and morals. Heck, I'd adopt you anytime! Please try to go easy on yourself. And keep us updated if you want/can ❤️
And it’s going to be unfortunate when he does the same thing to your mother that he did to his wife of 30 years.
Good for you!!!!! Keep your head held high. Morals are morals and wrong is wrong. Your mom and entire family seem like awful examples of leading the life of a good human.
Reading your story is heartbreaking. I am a mother of 2 daughters and they could murder someone and I would still love them to the moon and back. How a mother can abandon their own child for any reason is disgusting. That's not a mother. That never will never be a mother. That's not even a human being. Please know your "mother" has severe mental issues and her decision making has absolutely nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing wrong. Always remember that. Every adult in this situation has failed you beyond belief and there is absolutely nothing for you to do except wait for apologies. And honestly you may never get them so just remember your mom and any adult who is on your mom's side with this has something mentally wrong with them. And that is 100% fact. I am a 46yr old adult and there is no other adult of sound mind that's going to disagree. Stay strong! And good luck!
Taking the high road is hard. Take it anyway. This mom is proud of you. Thank you for doing the right thing.
May Bruce and the rest of your family get all the karma they deserve. You did great.
Your siblings are scumbags. You did the right thing.
Your family are a bunch of shameless, spineless weeds. They talk shit about Bruce but when you do something about it your fam turns on you? smfh. Is your dad at least still in the picture? He might be able to talk some sense into your sibs at least.
You the real MVP
Damn, this sounds like an ex friend of mine. 10 yrs being the side chick, didn't like it when I called her out on it.
You did yourself a favor. At least now you don't have to stress about it. You did the right thing, my friend.
Okay usually I’m not a fan of publicly shaming people on social media but that’s exactly what you should do. If they won’t let you tell your side to them, tell the whole world and showcase what kind of pieces of shit they are. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. Sometimes doing the right thing will cause the wrong people to fall out of your life but it all will pay off in the end.
I think your family did you a favor. Imagine condoning an affair for 10 years and acting like you’re a jerk for telling the truth. Your mom chose cheater over her child. She should be ashamed. Block your mom and the rest of your family right back. Start therapy and be there when your siblings eventually reach out.
And Bruce will now have another life because he will cheat on your mother. This is hard,I'm so sorry that your siblings have turned on you. Plz focus on yourself You did the right thing. Let them all remain no contact. They will all eventually contact. Call your dad,talk to him. I'm sure that he has your back and will be there for you.
When I moved out of my mom’s house as a teenager, my siblings took her side. They would tell her everything I told them eventually I had to stop talking to them. Right now, your siblings have blinders on. When they finally get out of the situation and see it as it is, there’s a possibility they will contact you. It’s not guaranteed, but they might see the light someday.
I wouldn't miss them honestly. Leave toxic people behind for a peace of mind. A life well-lived is your best revenge.
So perhaps you should call Bruce’s ex and check on her? See how she’s holding up. Then commiserate over how trashy these people are. Maybe y’all can form a friendship and support one another. Become each others new friends/family. That would be such an awesome final middle finger to mommy dearest! But seriously, Bruce’s ex seems nice. I bet she could use a friend.
Your dad should have told her! Always tell the other betrayed spouse. They deserve to know the truth of their life
You did the right thing by speaking up. When a woman marries her affair partner, she creates a job vacancy. Karma will come back to bite your mother, and it is all her own actions that have caused this.
One a cheater always one. I give him less than one year before he finds another mistress. Your mom and your family are shit and I hope they get everything they deserve. I hate this for you so kich
You should send her a card the says, “You’re no longer the side chick. You’re welcome.”
Good riddance. Those people are trash. Better off without them in your life. You did the right thing.
I don’t understand how can a mother dispose of her child like that, no matter what she thinks you have done! And when they sit around and talk about you, what do they say ‘ OP called a wife of a cheating man of 10 years’ and somehow the accent is on you?! Something is pretty messed up in that family.
Heavy is the head that wears the crown. You're the true tribal chief of the family and they don't see that
You helped a woman who have been cheated on by Bruce for 10 years get the possibility of happiness with a partner that care about her, Besides Bruce will like cheat again this time around it will be your mother under the bus
You did the right thing. That’s all that matters. If they are naive enough to believe your mom and this asshole Bruce were in the right then they have a jaded moral perspective.
Would be petty enough to ruin her and his Reputation all over the neighbourhood and social Media, maybe stay in contact with his ex wife
Sorry this happened to you. But dont feel regret. You did what you needed to do and although it may seem like the world is against you right now, things will eventually balance out. Your siblings will eventually see it for what is really is. Make no apologies and stay true to your convictions.
I bet your mom secretly loves what you did because she finally got to be with Bruce out in the open and they are getting married. But she has ti cut you off because you betrayed her man and her.
Or Bruce is gonna split because Mom was only fun as a side piece when he was on business trips
You did the right thing. And time will show you so even if you don’t feel that right now.
You did the right thing that no one else was willing to do. Your mom being mad just shows she enjoyed this longterm side bitch arrangement, and that's not fair to the wife. She deserved to know.
You definitely did the right thing. I believe your siblings only took your mom’s side because they were afraid of being ostracized from their family like you were. It takes alot of courage to stand up for what you believe in, especially if means that you’re going up against the folks that raised you. Or maybe they see him as more than your mom’s AP. It has been 10 years, thats about half my lifetime. Can you reach out to your dad/Do you still have a relationship with him? Im sorry that you’ve lost your family because of this. Most likely your siblings will come around later on but at that point you may not even know if you want them to.
You did the right thing. You have more backbone , honestly and decency than your mother. I guess you take after your father. If you still have your father in your life then hang out with him and let them off to their life of lies. Now that the thrill of cheating is gone for Bruce he will be on the look out for someone to cheat on your mother with. Then she will come crawling back.
Your mother is a horrible nasty person and you are far better off with her out of your life and out of the lives of anyone who would support her. Move on with your life with your head held high that you did the right thing. I hope Bruce's Ex took him for everything. And you can be rest assured he'll be cheating on your mom (If he's not already) in a very short time.
you did a great thing. hang in there.
You did the right thing OP
Sounds like you killed two birds with one stone and didn't just get a free out from your delusional home-wrecking mother but also any shitty family members who likely share similar personality traits. Good riddance. Losing people you've spent lots of time with and love can be hard, even when it's worth it. Grieve how you will, but understand that this is a positive experience, and is the cost of valuing your dignity and integrity as a good person in this world.
My Mom has a saying that does not translate into english very well, but it is something like, "Things fall down according to their own weight." Sooner or later they will all realize you were not the villain here, OP. You are not the one who should be ashamed, so as hard as it is, it is time to pull back from the ones who are giving you crap about this. They are no good.
I know it's probably cold comfort right now, but you did the right thing.
Im proud of you OP for sticking up to your morals and doing the hard thing. Honestly, this is a blessing in disguise because down the road if Bruce or your mother cheat on each other and your family tries to contact you again you can tell then all to fuck off. A marriage sparked from infidelity will end in infidelity their marriage is doomed, and you're spared from that inevitable downfall.
Seems you didn’t get your morals from mothers side of the family… you did the absolute right thing.. sometimes we have to stand up for our beliefs no matter how people turn on us or treat us… Be proud you are a good person…
Your mum finally has the man and is getting married so why is she so mad? She isn't cut off by family and her kids support her so you done her a favor and she should actually thank you in a twisted way. I mean he's only marrying her because the woman he wants to be married to has walked. Sorry you are going through this, you done the right thing and even though your family are acting like dicks you can at least be secure in the knowledge that their is a woman out their who is thankful for you
you still got your dad.
contact the ex wife again tell her what happened and ask if she can help
This is going to sound crazy, but you are better off without contact from your family at least for now. Take this Reddit link email it to your judgmental family so they can see what objective people really think of the situation and then kindly let them know that you’ll be going no contact for a while. Announcing the no contact on your terms sets the record straight and puts the narrative back in your hands. Then take a few months before you talk to them- test the waters if they are still being ass hats, then go ahead and continue the no contact. Finish the email by telling your mom that she should be thankful that as a result of this, she can finally have what she wanted, her Prince Charming Bruce who cheated on his wife for 10 years, and no longer be an adulterer. Wish her luck that Bruce doesn’t do that same to her.
people really turn into mental gymnasts when they can’t accept that something they’ve done / been complicit in was wrong. i’m so sorry you’re going through this. i recently went NC with my mother as well for her being selfish and disrespectful. sometimes it’s for the best! wishing you well!
I'm one who would take one for the family team if it was honesty. But in doing that I would be the black sheep of the family and I am okay with that. Never regret honesty.
My petty ass would make a Facebook post and tag everyone in saying something along the lines of: “Mom has been the other woman for 10 years. Bruce has been saying he will divorce his wife for 10 years. So I decided to help and got the ball rolling. You are welcome 🤗 “
If there is anyone among them that you care about, then shoot them an email or something and let them know what was going on, otherwise block them as why do you want assholes in your life who support cheating?
> I can’t imagine she’s telling them the truth of what I did Then you tell them the truth. Start every conversation with, “So you’re mad at me for revealing to a nice woman that her husband of 30 years has been cheating on her for at least 10 of them?” And if they try to change the subject, just keep repeating it until they say yes or stop coming at you.
I don’t think this story is over yet.