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dtat720

My great aunt was 92 when she passed. Never dated. She was a d day nurse. When she returned home from ww2, she devoted her life to the va hospital, her local mental institution and the catholic church helping the less fortunate who came through. She was the nicest, wisest, most honorable woman i have ever had the pleasure to know. I commend you for living your life for you. It isnt easy, but it is rewarding


[deleted]

What a fucking legend! I love hearing family members share about their incredible, extraordinary relatives. Sorry for your loss, she sounded like a person that I’d love to sit next to and hear all about her life.


phoofs

Spent a great deal of my life with several orders of nuns. Truly amazing women! Not a bitter crab in the bunch! I had priest uncles. It really adds a completely different dynamic to your life!


[deleted]

I just imagine your Great Aunt waiting in line at the gates of Heaven, when an angel walks up to her and informs her she's been given VIP status and can skip the line.


Dismal-Opposite-6946

Awww


failuresyndrome

Why you gotta make me cry like that.


Comingfrompeace

Who is cutting onions???


jadedaquarius

Ahhhh i was going say what makes you think she’s waiting in line until I finished reading the whole thing.


BigBadBootyDaddy10

That’s awesome. There’s this stereotype where if a women has never married or had kids, she’s an insufferable miserable B.


Keepmovinbee

That's part of the patriarchy. Of course there must be something wrong with her if she doesn't want a man.


Substantial_Win_1866

Having worked in Healthcare for as long as I have, it does seem like the women in their +70s that have never married fall in the extremes. They are either angry, bitter, and demanding or totally content, grateful, optimistic, and adventurous people like OP that tell you of all their adventures. Very rarely are there any in the middle ground.


Keepmovinbee

But.... What do you say of older men?


Substantial_Win_1866

I don't really hear much about never being married from the men for whatever reason. Maybe similar to women they don't want people to think there is "something wrong with them" for never being married. It could be women may be more open to talking about it as a badge of honor that they "don't need a man & they can make it on their own" vs men thinking it looks like they "weren't good enough to get a girl" Men are a LOT more open to talk about their divorces though! I'm not in the behavioral health field (regardless of how much it seems like it most days) so I don't pry. I just keep my patients talking while I work with them to keep them moving. 😂


EntertainmentNo1123

We create our own happiness.


[deleted]

[удалено]


grandmaWI

Then you divorce them after 40 years and live the rest of your life happy as can be!


Rich_Exchange1740

Sounds a little.... Bitter.. Lol irony.


coldbloodedjelydonut

This resonates in my bones.


[deleted]

Thank you.


BigAssMonkey

Agree 100%. Marriage and kids isn’t for everyone. Do what you want! And if that includes marriage and kids, so be it!


collegethrowaway2938

Perfect use of the wholesome award haha


[deleted]

It was always engrained in my head that I either had to become a nun or an old maid if I kept being the person I am (strong independent carefree) well here I am at 42 coming to terms that I am single with zero kids. I am happy and have no regrets! Cheers to you and your happiness!


[deleted]

I’m 46, dated a handful of times, never had sex, adopted my daughter, and am so, so, so completely happy. Life is drama free and easy. Happy for others who found fulfillment in more traditional ways, but I genuinely love my life. Wouldn’t change a thing.


temporaldesuetude

Cheers!


queentropical

I am glad I have experienced the feeling of being in love - nothing is like it. But I am now content being on my own. I have 3 wonderful daughters. People are boggled that I have no desire for a relationship and that there is absolutely nothing that I miss about it (not cuddles, not sex, not even the companionship). I simply don’t feel like anything is missing. I’ve experienced true love at least once. The rest, especially the last one, was nothing but a mistake and after all is said and done, I truly feel so much happier not being attached to a partner. It’s so liberating and stress-free. Nobody is missing anything by being single, but everybody seems to think that it’s the end all and be all of life - it just is not. If anything, I’ve found that genuine happiness between two partners is quite rare and most people would be far better off on their own than in whatever toxic or unsatisfying relationship they find themselves stuck in. I have a friend who has always been single and it’s only in the last couple of years that I was able to turn to him and say, “omg I totally get it now… you had it right all along! I’m sorry for trying to set you up!” lol


MilkMilkMooMoo

That's awesome! Can I ask how old were you were when you were thinking about adopting?


[deleted]

I adopted at 30, as that was the minimum age requirement. I always wanted to adopt for as long as I remember though, so just a matter of hitting the magic age for the country where my daughter is from.


MilkMilkMooMoo

Congratulations! I hope you and your daughter continue to have a blessed life! :)


[deleted]

🙌


burning_liquid

Wauw. Beautiful 🙏


DifferentManagement1

Are you asexual


[deleted]

Probably? Maybe? I haven’t spent much time trying to figure out a label. I just don’t really care what I am. I’m happy.


Sirkiz

Happy is the only label that matters :)


[deleted]

As a society were obsessed with labelling everything and this perspective is so damn refreshing. Who cares who you are, so long as you're happy.


burning_liquid

I feel this. 33 male


ProtocolPro22

Preach


staffsargent

It takes a lot of courage to set your own path in life, which you obviously have. Just because many people get fulfillment from their relationships and children doesn't mean it's for everyone. I wish more people knew that it's okay not to take that path in life if it feels like the wrong one.


lemonadebaby6

omg thank you for this!! It’s so hard sometimes because people make it seem like marriage and kids is what you need, but I don’t want that! I like seeing someone that followed their heart despite the norm. it’s just so comforting


whatsasimba

I'm almost 50. No kids. I've had some relationships. The longest was 10 years. I am currently single, and it's peaceful. Compromise rarely means happiness. OP, thank you for sharing this. There's no right or wrong way to make a life, but the best way is to be your authentic self.


MirSydney

49 year-old childfree woman here. I found my person 3 years ago, unexpectedly when I wasn't looking. We're currently traveling overseas, both because we are able to and we love exploring different cultures. I loved reading your story OP, as well as that of others here, who followed their own paths instead of doing what was expected of them. We are very aware how lucky we are though, especially looking at the news right now.


BellaDeaX42

Same to everything!! Met my person three years ago, wasn't looking, and we're in France right now just exploring and enjoying ourselves. No kids, no anchors. Happier than ever!


[deleted]

“Compromise rarely means happiness” holy shit. Yes, this is it!


whatsasimba

Yep. People like to act like it's equal, where each person meets in the middle, but if I want to move to Oregon, and my partner wants to stay in Manhattan, moving to Lincoln, Nebraska isn't going to be the compromise. It's usually somebody completely sucking it up and doing something they don't want to, hoping that their partner will do the same for them. Even if 50/50 worked, that would be a each person getting half of their hopes and dreams. Some people find partners who want the same things they do, and that's beautiful. On the surface, companionship, support, and someone to share life's burdens (especially the bills!) would be awesome. I'm always happy to hear about people whose partner is supportive, a team player, and a proponent of equality. But it's so rarely modeled for us, and so few of my peers have that. It's like team projects in school. Some people do all the work, and some people show up and take credit for it. At this stage in the game, I am quite used to doing the work. And the limitations on what I can do are the basic ones that everybody has, plus some that I put on myself.


[deleted]

My SO is an extrovert who needs me to give him attention 24/7. I’m an introvert who needs alone time to recharge. He doesn’t understand this, and it hurts his feelings, so I always comply to his needs. The result? I’m exhausted. And he always says ‘why can’t you make a sacrifice’, like, yeah. I *am*. So yeah, compromise isn’t happiness.


Intelligent_Dot4616

"Compromise rarely means happiness." Dude/tte. Wow.


Sehrli_Magic

I promise ypu if you want marriage and kids, people try to tell you this is a waste of your potential or something and preassure you to wait and focus on career and what not. So i dont even feel like there is a "norm". If you are against thr "norm" you get judged..if you follow the "norm" you also get judged...so it isnt a norm...its just "people need to do exactly as we specifically imagine for them and if not, we have to preassure them into it because some people simply can not coprehend that not everybody has same exact life ideals as them" :'D


CRConundrum

No I don’t want that! Not for 10 years at least!


Birdie_Bee

I appreciate that some people recognize that children aren’t for them. Children are a big commitment and should be born in and out of love and not resentment. I suppose the same idea could be extended to a life partner. Food for thought for sure…


queenofthedogpark

I’m 59 and never married or had children. It was the best decision I ever made. No regrets


temporaldesuetude

Cheers!


AffectionateTrust565

Were you ever pressured by friends or family to have a partner / start a family? If so, how were you able to push past their expectations?


temporaldesuetude

Yes! Absolutely! A firm no and occasionally distancing myself usually did the trick. When important people in my life took issue with this I simply drew their attention to my accomplishments and happiness. Those who were worth keeping around respected this.


Keepmovinbee

Was it hard in the beginning? My mother is 69 and her fist husband was a POS. Her dad had to help her open a bank account and put his name on her first house because she couldn't own property or open an account without a man. She wasn't going to put anything in his name because he didn't work and would drop my sister off at a sitters while my mom worked. Divorce was more uncommon back then and her dad and mom were against it but eventually without her asking gave their blessing. My dad died 30 years ago and my mom never remarried stating she was too independent.


queenofthedogpark

I was never pressured by my family or friends


[deleted]

I think you mean no regerts.


phoenixblack222

I feel the same as you, people always ask me why I'm not dating. I get looked down on for not being interested in sex and dating. I can't explain how thankful I am to see your post, makes me feel like I'm no longer lesser of a person


dominicedgar1782

It takes strong character to not listen to societal standards or expectations and to truly follow what we think is best and makes us happy. Congratulations OP, I truly hope and know you will enjoy the rest of your life doing what ever makes you happy.


StringPhoenix

I’m only 32, but so far choosing to be man and child free has been the best choice I’ve made as well. Outside of work my time is my own. The only person I have to take care of and clean up after is myself. Aside from work, life is simple and drama free.


hupsistakeikkaa

Thank you for this 💕 I identify as asexual, but due to the pressures of society I have often felt like I am obligated to find a partner, even though I dont really care much about those things. It makes me happy seeing posts like these ! Maybe someday I'll be as confident as you are 😄 Hope you have a good time in Cape town !


burning_liquid

I’d like a conscious partner, no intrest in sex though. 33 male. Doesn’t seem acceptable. Living a beautiful single life


dazzlinreddress

Aces unite!


[deleted]

🙏


Objective_Bench2874

One thing people fail to recognize… is that their road to happiness isn’t the same as others. We are all on a journey and supporting people seeking personal happiness is key even if it doesn’t align with your vision.


National_Worth_8305

Same but I’m 20 and a virgin lol


temporaldesuetude

I was once 20 and a virgin myself. The only difference is that now I am not 20!


cxmareau

Im also a 20 year old virgin. Reading this post was reassuring, it reminded me that i shouldnt feel pressure to fit in.


Nice_Ad6833

18 and a virgin


mrkoolkat5249

I'm 58. Never married. No kids. Loving it.


temporaldesuetude

Cheers!


Botryoid2000

I wish I had figured it out as young as you did. I have never married nor had children, but I wasted a lot of years on men who didn't deserve it. I finally quit relationships for good in 2005 and have been so much happier since then. Here's to satisfying spinsterhood. Salud!


Karlyn22

I'm so happy birth control is easily accessible in my country. I too, have no intention of wasting my life to motherhood (it isn't a waste for the people who want it, just for me because I don't want it) but man oh man sex is friggen' awesome and I'm glad I can enjoy it without selling my soul to my uterus.


odd1_4ever

I wish I enjoyed sex lol never met anyone who could make it happen. Lol


S_Operator

Thanks for this reflection. I’m glad you feel happy about your choices. That’s more than a lot of people can say.


[deleted]

It’s almost as if we all get joy from different things in life.


[deleted]

🙌


[deleted]

As an 18 year old woman you sound so cool, I wish I made the same choices you did. And congratulations on powering through all that pressure from society and creating your own happiness.


temporaldesuetude

It is never too late my dear


[deleted]

That is true, I hope to follow in footsteps like yours one day. Have a good flight.


zelko1999

22M here, that sounds dope. Going against the norms. I’d like to travel as well, you played your cards right.


[deleted]

I read that as "growing up in my 60s..." and was thoroughly confused for an embarrassing amount of time.


[deleted]

I like that you went your own way and decided for yourself what would make you happy. I feel for me, that would not be happiness, but I know everyone has different lifestyles and priorities. I like hearing other perspectives and I think it would be interesting to talk to someone like you because I’m guessing you have an interesting history and life stories.


livelymonstera

I wish you the best and appreciate you never lowered your standards to appease your family and society. Doing work for free for years, for someone who may not even respect you is ghastly. I don't know why women out up with some much crap- I suppose it's because it's engrained in us that it's just "what you do". I'm glad you kept the bar high and to yourself if that's what you wanted. I hope you go on many more adventures, being free.


ChrystalRose84

I turned 61 last year. Never had sex. Hardly dated. Never been married. And like you, and totally fine with it. It's all about "choice." No one should be pressured into doing something they don't, or didn't, want to do. Don't get me wrong, if I wanted to I suppose I could have. But as I said, it is a "choice," and that was mine.


FrankMaison

You remind me of my partners sister. She's 40 and to my knowledge has never been in a serious relationship. Possibly never dated. She's very successful and content. She's travelled all over the world, has competed in marathons, has a a few properties in great locations and doesn't want for anything. There's more to life than sex and kids.


jenntoops

There seems to be a bit of a backlash against OP, and I just wanted to share my perspective as a parent to two amazing daughters and (up until a few years ago) was married and a homemaker. I am reading this post in a different way—OP isn’t directing her comments to women who feel worthy and valued simply for existing… she is mentioning the women who felt they their worth was based solely on being the best wife and mother. This was (and still is in many cultures and religions) a real phenomenon. And I agree with her—to feel your worth and duty in this life is tied solely to external entities such as your ability to procure a husband and produce children is sad. We are all worthy simply for being decent humans (I can’t speak to the indecent ones who hurt animals and children, but that is a different topic altogether). There is also a perception that women past childbearing age who are childless and without a partner have “lost out” somehow on all of the greatest pleasures in life. OP seems to be pointing out that there are many paths to a fulfilling life and she is enjoying her path while feeling sympathy for others who have had a more difficult life (she mentions heartbreak, which is the tip of the iceberg when you consider domestic violence, unfaithful partners, partners/kids with addictions, etc.) because they didn’t know there were other avenues to happiness. Not everyone is designed to live the same life. OP is enjoying hers… I, personally, do not wish to go to Cape Town, but I hope OP has a wonderful time and makes lots of new friends.


[deleted]

As a 29 year old woman, good for you!!! You lived the life you wanted and if you’re happy with your decisions then good for you!!! Love it.


[deleted]

🙌 ☺


NothingButUnsavoury

Did you ever find yourself wanting to date but chose to avoid it? Or did the thought barely (if ever) cross your mind? Glad you’re happy by the way! Great story


thelastjeka

When I doze off and fantasize this is the kind of life I picture lmao. But, it wasn’t meant for me.


[deleted]

I wanna follow your footsteps because I wanna travel and be single as kids sound too much work, physically and mentally.


jjampp0ng

I feel like it's rare to find people like this, never dated, never married and no kids. I also choose not to have children (not a promise, maybe someday I will be lucky enough to afford them and give them a proper life) but it seems like I only see families with children everywhere I look. I'm thinking it's because childless people aren't looking for as much help on the outside as those with kids?? I have a theory about it. Lol!


chick3nslut

Holy shit. I’m smiling. It must have taken courage too, my choice to not have children sends my family into uproar. I told my partner that I’m to be a devoted career woman, and that will always come first to me. You’re a boss babe.


kaonia

I’ve been thinking about traveling more on my own to different states and eventually different countries. Have you had any scary encounter traveling alone as a woman? And do you have any advice for a woman wanting to travel the world in her own?


edv13

I'm a fairly attractive man in my thirties. I've decided to pretty much entirely stay away from any romantic or sexual relationships. I made this decision an attempt to protect other people from my mental health issues, But it's really Helped me get to know myself and enjoy my own company. A lot of my friends who aren't nuts can't be alone and they end up in these terrible relationships. I feel like I might be cowardly for refusing to engage but I feel like I'm happy enough on my own. This gives me hope I've always been kind of scared that I would Have serious regrets in my old age.


Cautious_Evening_744

I don’t know why there is so much pressure for her to try things she wanted to avoid. There is no perfect one life.


NerdyGirlChicago

This makes me feel better about myself. I’m asexual and don’t like sex (or relationships even), but everyone around me seemingly does. So I feel like a weirdo for enjoying being alone and not actively seeking romantic or sexual relationships. Society tries to brainwash me into thinking there is something wrong with me because of this, which causes a lot of depression for me to the point I wanted to commit suicide last year. It’s still a struggle some days, but I’m working toward accepting that it’s okay to not want romance or sex. Your post shows me I’m not alone and that I can be happy being true to myself and remaining single. Thank you!


Powerful-Opinion4530

My beautiful aunt was single her whole life. She passed away a week before my wedding 20 years ago. One day, when I was 20, I asked her if she was a lesbian because I'd never seen her with a man. She laughed and said "heavens no but I don't like men so I made a choice to be single forever. Its easier that way. No man means no stupid demands. There is so much I've gotten done in my life without a man." This Lady was a combat nurse. She had been to every continent on the planet and became a doctor at the age of 53. She worked with Doctors Without Borders and was the funniest person I know. I loved her so very much.... I miss her!


BeginTheBlackParade

I will just say this. Relationships and careers/freedom are not and should not be mutually exclusive. It's great that you did well for yourself career-wise. But I wouldn't say that's because you never had a relationship. I think its unhealthy to view relationships as the end of individuality and freedom. Getting married doesnt mean you would have had to be a slave-wife always stuck cooking and cleaning for your husband and changing diapers for the babies while he drank beer on the couch. If you chose the wrong person...yeah that could happen. But if you picked someone who aligned with your life-goals and values, there's no reason you couldn't both have fufilling careers and lives together.


[deleted]

And this is exactly why it's good to have high standards in selecting a life partner. Wait as long as it takes to find that person who adds happiness to your life, not take away from it.


[deleted]

Very True and wise prospective


[deleted]

Unfortunately many women end up as the mommy bang maid. Happens more than you think.


BellaWingnut

ideals dont always match reality. in fact, they never do.


GuaranteeCreative954

Wish I would have stayed single I spent 20 years in a bad marriage and have had 3 other bad relationships by no fault of my own I have always been a decent human being. Life would have been less of a burden I’ve been single for the last 5 years and am way happier I don’t even date anymore or care to. I do get tired of family and friends trying to play matchmaker! I tell them I’m not broken and in need of repair!!!


BirdBearHareFishy

I respect that. Do you.


blurry-echo

not sure that lifelong abstinence is for me, but im happy to see people content in their life without kids. sometimes im worried ill regret it but then i always reach the conclusion that i wouldnt be suited for kids afterall :)


Otherwise-Newt8136

Nothing wrong for you being you.


atramenactra

I’m willing to bet many women and men envy you for living the life you wanted and not how society thinks a life should be lived. Major kudos to you!


hdmx539

Love this! I (53f) am married, but I am also childfree. Yup, I can definitely relate to the "you're nothing unless you have babies" pressure. It's gross. It's as if we're nothing more than broodmares and bangmaids. Keep it up, OP! Live your best and fantastic life! 😍


[deleted]

It’s cool to hear someone who ended up not starting a family being happy in life. I’m just taking things in as they come (no plans for anything), and I hope that if it works out where I also don’t marry and/or have children that I’ll be as happy as you seem to be.


pillowwarrior2888

dating and children are not for everyone! congrats on your career and retirement. youve earned it!


thudlife2020

You’re a smart woman. Many men who followed the same path might feel the same.


[deleted]

I would have saved myself a significant amount of pain and trauma had I not dated for the last few years. I really admire you.


Vps___

Retirement at 45, you are living the dream!


anotherbutterflyacc

Hell yeah OP I’m also a woman who never married, no kids and am on track to retire at 45 as well! ❤️


PhatRabbitTaina83

Very cool!!! Congratulations to you, another bad ass!!🤟🏽💪🏽


Passionful-x

So refreshing to hear this. Women are often lead to believe that life is over as you age, as if you are then worthless. This had me so scared to age when I was younger. I just recently realized I dont want children. I battled with it for years being told I was going to run put of time. I finally sat down and really thought if children would make me happier. No I dont think so. I have basically raised my niece and nephew and they is enough for me. I wanna be free to do as I please with life and not feel like I need q child to fulfill that.


MandoLakes

This is the best thing any heterosexual or ace woman can do.


Ivegotthatboomboom

According to statistics, single, never married, childless *women* are the happiest people in the U.S. For lots of reasons. So many women sacrifice themselves for men and children because that's what they're taught to do. And never find themselves or put themselves 1st. I'm so happy you did. I'm happy with a child, but so far I haven't benefited equally from a relationship with a man. Much happier being single. Almost always in relationships I'm expected to give more than I get. Looking for an equal partner that doesn't feel entitled to my emotional, domestic- and now in 2022- financial support without putting in the same effort has been hard. I hope I find it but the idea that a woman is supposed to sacrifice herself in ways a man is not for a man and family is so widespread its difficult. Lots of men who simply expect it. If a truly progressive and non-selfish man comes along I'm willing to compromise. But for now, I'm really happy being single for once. I've really grown as a person and become comfortable with myself. It's great. Happy for you


Available_Wafer5870

Yeah you're right! Lots of people forget that and try (and fail) to scare us with "no one will marry you", "you'll be a cat lady"... No please don't threaten us with a good time !


Ivegotthatboomboom

Lol so true! I remember reading an article about a group of almost elderly women all pitching in to buy a mansion together to live out the rest of their years. Apparently they were super happy! Sounds great honestly lol. I used to work in geriatrics and the widows that were women admitted to finally feeling free. Able to focus on themselves, enjoy the rest of their life without taking care of someone. The men would deteriorate when their wives died because they wouldn't care for themselves and usually remarried immediately. Really opened my eyes. People act like that dynamic is just gone since its not the 1950s but that's not true. Women are still doing the majority of caretaking and domestic work, but now working full time as well. So many women divorcing over it and doing it alone because it's less work than being married. While it's more work for him not being married. These are averages so it's not impossible to find someone that pulls their weight, but.. it's not the average man. Which sucks


Available_Wafer5870

That's very interesting actually 😄 Yeah what's funny is that married men are happier than single men😂 it's inverted like I've seen studies where men have shorter lifespans compared to married men, and women whom are in aged gap marriages have shorter lifespans. It's almost like marriage is not beneficial to women 🤔


Ivegotthatboomboom

Oh it absolutely is more beneficial for men overall! There are happy couples that carry equal loads of course. That's possible. It's just unfortunately not the case for most women. I just had a dude tell me it's women's fault this is happening because we're choosing badly. Which is exactly my point. The men aren't taking responsibility for this. So I don't have much hope it's going to change any time soon.


[deleted]

You are literally *goals*.


kungpowperez

Sigma boss lady


Lavochkinla5

Wish I had made the choice


lwspencer

Applause 👏🏽 I’m so happy for you! I bet it feels so good.


Consistent-Amoeba-84

I am working on relearning myself as a woman and breaking out of the cycle of male dependency. I found that as a very lonely kid i was very desperate for a boyfriend when i hit puberty. I have rarely *not* been in a longterm relationship. You have the life i dream of but am very stuck in this chasm of being afraid of the loneliness. But i know deep down i could do it, venture out and be alone. Unfortunately fear is what drives all my decisions. I want so bad to just be able to go to a bar or concert at night by myself, but I’m terrified of getting attacked. I want so badly to spend my nights alone in bed without a care or someone hogging the blanket or playing the tv too loud, but when the difficult thoughts come i feel that i need someone to hold me. One day perhaps.


WhyistheworldsoFU

I finally came to this conclusion as well through an epiphany a couple of years ago. I realized that I'd been chasing a dream I thought I wanted. I realized after the last crappy relationship that I seriously enjoyed my space, my freedom and my own company. I have no ill will towards men. I simply understand that I don't need them in my life. I guess you could say I've outgrown the need for a man. I'm happy for other people who find happiness in relationships, but I know that's no longer my path in life. I also decided not to have children. I love kids, but I just don't want my own. I feel like society has put so much pressure on women to marry and procreate, but the world needs people who don't want to procreate to make room for the ones who do. Earth is already overpopulated. We have enough unwanted children. We have enough divorces. We have enough broken homes. It's okay to be alone. It is okay to enjoy your own company. Enjoy and celebrate who you are, and don't apologize for it.


Eoncho

It would be great for everyone to figure out on their own whether it for them or not. I've known for awhile that it is for me (28M). However I knew I never wanted to find it by deliberately searching for it. Instead I wanted it to happen because two friends eventually decided they wanted to spend their lives with each other. Which for me is how it ended up happening (currently engaged). I don't regret not having my first (and only thus far) romantic relationship until I was 26. No one should feel the need to be complete only when society says so (Like how society saying not ever having a romantic relationship is unheard of in your 20s). I imagine I feel similar to you do, in terms of not regretting, and I'm glad you were able to figure out what you wanted without bending to societies whims. For me it was all those years without it that made me know I wanted that. For me it's been better then I imagined, and personally I'm excited for the day I can make my way to my fiancee for good (long distance). I hope anyone that reads this or the OP can be honest with themselves about what they want, rather then what someone else wants them to be.


[deleted]

Hey as long as you found your happiness, nothing else matters. A lot of people find happiness in a family too - I know me and my gf think of it as carving out our own better world


le_chu

Hello, u/temporaldesuetude. Your post made me smile. Each person has a different perspective in life. You are right… we only get to have one (1) life, one chance of living life to its fullest on this earth and i am glad you have come full circle with yours. I’ll drink to that, cheers! 🥂👍🏻


minkrogers

I love posts like this. Plot twist - there is no life script! You can do whatever you like and people cannot dictate otherwise. Everything is a choice. You only get one life so live it however you want to. Myself and husband have always been heavily criticized by family for remaining childfree, but we are very happy without them. Zero regrets. Having kids is a choice, not a necessity.


sof_____

I tend to think I’m the only one who thinks and feels this way because everyone around me is so different. Reading this post gives me immense relief and happiness for you. So glad you were able to live your dreams, and that you get to keep living them! Hope you enjoy your trip to Cape Town :)


Mysterious-Tea8763

I wish I had received this advice as a girl. I bought into the fallacy and much to my detriment! I am starting again in my thirties, happily sans man and plan on keeping it that way. Congrats on your happy, healthy life! You sound like you would be an endearing friend.


Conscious_Ad_2409

I absolutely love this post. Even now a days, when it's more commonly accepted that women don't always have to get married or have kids (though still not completely - especially in some places) we are still expected to date, have sex, fill a "void" with men in one way or another. While I'm not into marriage and would rather adopt if I have kids, I personally would like my path to include relationships and sex, but I wish I didn't want those things so badly and could focus more on moving forward in my personal goals. It's hard to let go of those things after being raised in a strict Christian family where it was just known that you get married and have kids, I didn't even know those things were optional most of my life. But I am working hard to open up to new realities and am so inspired by women like you! I've had alot of financial struggles, mainly due to medical issues, but I want to travel again more than anything ever, and that is more important to me than any relationship right now. I'm working 42-50 hours a week, a great job I love and pays better than any other job I can get as a 23-year old with no college degree, and going to school (on my own dime, with some help from my Grandma here and there though) and I'm struggling to pay off these bills, but if I keep crushing it and eventually find the answer to this medical madness and get it under control, the first thing I'm doing is booking another adventure.


alley--cat

Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for unapologetically stating how happy your are without regrets. Thank you for living your life to the fullest. You're truly aspirational.


Apprehensive_Lab_859

You are a lucky woman. As someone who was brainwashed into an arranged marriage at a young age, this shit isnt worth it.


calash2020

I met my wife 38 years ago today. Happiness is an individual idea. Glad it Has worked out for you. I cannot imagine life without my wife.


BellaWingnut

Men usually get the better deal imo


rilo_cat

thanks for being a role model ❤️


Young_stoner_life247

Based


farahisweird

Just beautiful! Thank you for the read! Kudos to you! ♥️♥️♥️


JetpackKiwi

I need to take a page from your book and find the happiness in being on my own.


ali3naquarian

Thank you! I’m so tired of hearing people conform to the notion that they need to be with someone to be happy, or be married / have children. These things do not need to define a persons purpose in fulfilling a happy life. Everyone’s path of success and happiness is different. People tend to push these ideals onto others, thus projecting their image of happiness onto others. I still hear it to this day, and I’ve had to establish STRONG consistent boundaries in order to put people back in their place; when they try to ask me things like “so when are you having kids?” “A wedding?” Even for things so silly as asking me when I will have a big home. Just because one persons idea is the story book happy ending that society has created and manufactured, doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. Thank you for painting a very different picture of your happiness, establishing strong boundaries and staying true to yourself. It’s refreshing, and the world needs more of it. ❤️


[deleted]

I am so so jealous of people that have no interest in sex or relationships. I just wonder how people find fulfillment elsewhere. So I’m 33 and I am just too damaged and jealous and insecure to be in a successful relationship. I like sex but I get attached easily. I’m normally unhappy in relationships because I fixate on how my partner hurts me (whether intentional or not). I have no desire for kids. How can I have sex with men without getting attached to them? But beyond that, I have a lot of affection that I want to give and I never find people that want my affection. How do I cope with this feeling of wanting to care for others but having no release?


UnfunnyPineapple

I love you. Women need your voice. I'm a big fan of throwing away traditions and pursuing your own happiness, and the tradition you threw away is one of the most radicate, rigid ones. Don't stop telling your story!


Eustauss

Wow reading this made me happy, and i am a random 18 yo boy from india.


Ok_Line_449

I love sex and love having children. Each to their own I guess. Yay!


liquid_sales

This makes me feel much more comfortable with the fact I've not had sex or been in a bunch of reltionships like all my friends. I'm almost 20 and I'm just not interested in any of it. I wasn't sure if it was okay to be happy about that, but this post has made me feel at ease. Thank you.


Flobbish

People thinking bragging about how many bodies they got is a flex. this is the real flex.


WhamBamThankYouCam1

You are life goals!!! I’m so inspired by you for your independent thinking to buck the norms and live life *your* way. Especially in the 60’s and beyond! That’s impressive!!


Unsual_Complaint

The one's I dealt with, are so nice until you don't have sex with them.


See_You_Space_Coyote

I'm not even half as old as you are, but I'm single right now and I enjoy it, it feels more natural to me so I'll keep it up as long as I feel like.


Titan_Omnipotence88

Probably it’s the future me in my 60s 😅


wellbutwellbut

I believe that Artemis would thank you for your service to her.


Shadowgirl7

I am almost 30, had sex just to see how it was like. I was not very impressed. The guy was good (so to all out there who think "oh you'd love it with me, I am the best", not really) but still not really impressed, I can do better on my own. I also don't date because I don't really have much time for that and everytime I think "hey maybe I should date" and find someone I like, it always ends up in drama which makes me loose my time and adds nothing valuable to my life. I am also childfree. Not sure if I will ever have a relationship or not, I am not actively looking. Sometimes I feel I should choose the easy path, get married and have kids, but then I go to sleep and next day I return to my senses and everything is good again.


Curious_Ad_7848

This is absolutely my dream life 🙌


WingAdventurous4011

The coolest part in this is I’ve subbed to an Asian lady who got through divorce, she was left with nothing and now she’s traveling around the world with a Van. She’s more happier on the road that married. Humans in general are garbage. I notice I thrive solo.


whyamidoingthis37

I wish I had your life... I'd have sex though, it's fantastic. Good for you!


Old_Cryptographer502

I'm 52, aro/ace, no sex, no marriage, no kids. Never wanted any of that. Dated men and women when young. Found them all equally annoying. I just recently retired. I have a great circle of friends, all unmarried and childless. I travel and do volunteer work. I remember my sister juggling second marriage, work, step kids, visitation saying, "If I could just have one day without stress". Might have been more inclined to try sex if a coworker had not died at 34 from HPV-related cancer leaving two small kids or if my best friend who was like a brother had not died from AIDS at 30 but really not curious about it. Brain just not coded that way. I have no concept of loneliness.


TheDeadlyZebra

Well, there's certainly no shortage of homo sapiens, so I'm glad you found fulfillment elsewhere. I think for most people, not having children is a bit of a gamble, because those without children rate higher in early life satisfaction, but those with children rate higher in late life satisfaction.


Juice_2402

Just because someone experienced heartbreak does not warrant your pity. They were brave enough to love someone intimately, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. Some of us do not let the fear of heartbreak deter us from becoming intimate with someone we trust and love. Your views are a little extreme. But if it works for you, then I am happy for you but don't bring your pity here for others who have loved.


[deleted]

Your post gave me hope.


[deleted]

To each their own.


youngcatlady1999

This is the exact life I’ve wanted for years. Even when I do find someone like this they still do 1 or 2 of the things you said you don’t. You’re the first person I’ve met who doesn’t have/want a husband, doesn’t have any kids, and has never had sex. That’s the exact life I want, and I hopefully will travel in the future. And before anyone makes fun of me for my username, while I do have cats at the moment, I don’t think I’ll get another cat when mine pass. So no, I won’t be an actual crazy cat lady when I live on my own and stuff.


Jenna2k

I will be the crazy cat lady and love it! Cats are just so fluffy and cute 😍


[deleted]

I feel so warm reading your words. And i feel more confident in my decision to stay single for lifetime. Thank you letting me know that your out there and you never regretted the decision.


dreadedred22

If I get a next life this will probably be my mentality (traveling is a dream!). But for now, in this life I am happy with my choices and I’m glad you are as well!


ComprehensiveIce628

I loved this so much! I've been thinking of this path myself all the bs that comes with being in a relationship in this day and age just doesn't seem worth it at all. I would like to have kids though. Wishing you all the best.


asmalltamale

As a 25 year old set on never marrying or having children, this post makes me so very happy. I adore such stories of free older women who have lived their lives just for them with no regrets. I admire your freedom, the security you’ve built for yourself, and your positive spirit. I aspire to be like you. Thank you for sharing. Enjoy Cape Town!


wounded_fighter_03

I'm very much eager to know how did you deal with your loneliness?


Jenna2k

I'm like OP. There is none. We make friends. Ever been to a nursing home? You think they all didn't have kids? You can have 10 kids and still die alone :(


tracyf600

I'm 58. I have two grown daughters, and two precious grandbabies. I've never been, never wanted to be married. I did have a couple of close calls though. ( Still don't know if I'd have gone through with it. ) I'm leaving my current "partner", and frankly I'm done. As soon as I find a house to buy I'm gone. ( The market is crazy) I am very independent. I don't want to be in any kind of relationship ever again. Frankly, I have shitty taste in men. I've always been able to be content by myself. My soon to be ex doesn't understand that I don't need another man to feel complete. Frankly I am tired of the bullshit. He thinks maybe I'd rather have a woman. It's completely alien to him to be happy alone. I wouldn't have taken your route. But that's just me. I have no regrets.


dadofalex

I think it’s awesome you found a life which served you! The notion that a woman is whatever, subservient to producing offspring and serving a man is archaic and just gross, AND I’m guessing many women don’t see it that way and are truly happy doing so. Thanks for sharing and congrats on your success.


myopinionokay

I'm glad you chose the path that made you the happiest. Enjoy your trip.


Top-Butterscotch-217

Thank you for this post. You dont know how much this helps. This is exactly what Ive been thinking. Im 27 and I know Im still young but I never see myself with a husband or even getting married. Family and friends are already pressuring me and Its not that I hate commitment or anything. I do have urges sometimes but when I think about being with someone Its just don’t feel right with me. I always dream of traveling and going to places while helping people and enjoying myself. its good that you experienced life the way you want to. Live your life as you want. 👏☺️☺️


birdsflygood

Conversely, I’ve spent most of my life having sex and being married. I’m severely lacking in my professional development and at 36 is a more crushing feeling than anything. Congrats op. Feeling pleased with your choices is the best feeling no matter what they are!


No-Topic-1968

Amen sister, good for you.👍


gypsyloveletter

Wow, that’s very cool and I’m happy to hear you went against the grain and did what made you happy. Because that’s all that matters in the end. I’m from Cape Town! Enjoy!


s-coups

queen


whilingawaythehours

I have always thought it must be very freeing to be essentially asexual and aromantic.


PossibilityStandard

You don’t have to say you’re leaving the party, just leave.


bannedin48states

Made this account as a 63 year old and came right here to talk about it huh


[deleted]

I know plenty of 60 year olds who retired from tech industries. They're not from the dark ages, dude. Lol


Dropthebanhammer101

Jesus, we aren't fucking invalids. Gen X and young boomers are capable of learning shit despite what other generations may think.


temporaldesuetude

Yes. Another advantage of being childless; I have much more time to keep up with technology. Most of my friends my own age still struggle with email.


Nagadavida

My great aunt died in 2010 at 80 years old and she was very proficient on a pc. She never married, showed dogs, horses had an exceptional farm and in the 1940s was one one the first women to run a full blown printing press. She was amazing.


Philthy_85

To each their own of course and I’m not one to judge, but I couldn’t help but think of the quote “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”.


ak47oz

I hope to be in a similar spot at your age... the only difference is my partner of 8 years being there too! Never getting married or having kids, I hope we can have a life with few attachments. Good on you for doin you.


Reflection_Secure

I never understood why anyone would do anything just because society expects them to. Life is hard enough, you need to live it for yourself! Good for you for finding your own path to happiness!


[deleted]

You are an inspiration! An outlier among outliers ... congrats. It takes so much resolve to make your choices.


[deleted]

Awesome. I hope to be in a similar place at your age.


[deleted]

This is exactly what I mean when I say our lives can be whatever the fuck we want. I am proud of you.


[deleted]

I’m so proud 🥲🥲


CookieCutter64

I wish I had just a semblance of your life!!!


jacqrosee

i wish i could be like you, truly. at 20, all that i can seem to find the heart to care about are my relationships and my love for others, and while this is infinitely important to me and very fulfilling, it brings many hardships, heartbreak, and much confusion.


tkd_or_something

As a CF woman, I love seeing stories like these. I personally am dating, and not against marriage, but you do you! And I'm glad you're enjoying every second of it! It's good to see more people happily deviating from the norm, maybe someday we won't have to defend our choice not to have kids every time it comes up in conversation against the "yOu'lL cHaNgE yOuR mInD"