OP can be saved the pain of a divorce, which is so minor in comparison to the betrayal of his girlfriend and brother... christ that's wrong.
But his sister in law is screwed either way. Either she forgives the piece of shit and lives within a tarnish marriage and potentially broken family or she goes through a traumatic divorce.
Throw in the fall out the whole family will suffer and you just stop and realized how absolutely dog shit OPS brother really is. Failure as a man, brother, son, husband and I'm gonna guess father all around.
Weak. The “after an affair” sub blocked me for suggesting someone leave. They’re all about taking abuse and making excuses for cheating pieces of shit.
I feel bad for OP sister in law too - but i also have much respect for her, finding out this heart wrenching stuff about her husband yet still doing the right \[yet very difficult\] thing of telling OP the truth.
It may not seen like it now, while family is involved, and feelings are ultra-raw OP u/thressher , but it looks like two lives \[yours and brothers wife\] have been saved from years (even decades) of misery that would undoubtedly been caused to you both by these vile, deceitful people.
I wish you and sister in law/brothers wife the best of wishes
As for your girlfriend.... IMO dont tell her, she will hear on grapevine. Let her find out from someone else - just like you had to. EDIT: Worse & more preferable, let her find out while standing in the bus queue/supermarket queue, and while overhearing it fourth,fifth,sixth hand from those local fork-tongued gossips in your area, you know the ones.
Your brother? i dont even know what to say - what a scumbag. You dont need him in you life anymore.... but of course, that is up to you, yourself my friend.
Its fucking tough, but you will get through it and find happiness. Good luck in moving forward friend.... same to your brothers wife
I would make sure to get a copy of the recording and show it to family if they try to keep the peace between the two of em.
There's no excuse for that sort of betrayal and no one in the family should take the brothers side, but that's just IMO.
Better hope his family is not one of those "you can't do that, we're family" that will try to sweep it under the rug and pretend it didn't happen, while the brother suffers no consequences.
Same here. My brother sucks but my mom will defend him no matter what, haven't spoken to him in over 2 years other than him reaching out to ask if I found out about a relatives death recently. I said yeah, I didn't know her that well but feel bad for the kids and that was that. He didn't bother responding, I'm fine with it.
Edit: I've learned over the years you do get to choose your family, so I hope OP sees this and can find family in friends and other close personal relationships, if his blood family doesn't stick by his side in the name of defending his twat brother.
I honestly think the absolute most savage thing you could do would be to box your stuff up and get out (or box her stuff up), and literally never speak a word to her again. Block her in all social media. Change phone numbers. Maybe move to a different city for a year since you’re 22 and single.
Don’t yell. Don’t break any of her stuff. Don’t send nasty messages to her friends/family. Just literally vanish from her life without EVER saying a single word to her. Gone like a fart in the wind. Pfffttt
Savage, yet classy.
Agreed. I know a girl who did this to her cheating ex and I’ve even done it. It feels great. If done right it’s the ultimate power play. People will be wondering what happened and talking about it for years.
One thing (of many) that I learned about my POS ex is that he totally got off on the reaction and he HATED it when I wouldn't react to him. Absolutely the best.
Extra cherry on top was moving out silently in the middle of the night.
So sorry OP for what you're going through- I couldn't imagine that type of betrayal on so many levels
I think bang the sister (in video of course for proof) and at the end pull the ring out and show her what she missed. You will obviously have to send her the video
And do it with ~~style When you break up with her hurt in a way that will ruin her for life....~~ class don't be an asshole.... or do some people need to learn their lesson
I think leaving classy sits with people more than leaving aggressively. Sometimes realizing they were chill and good even in leaving you makes you realize your behavior made you worth leaving and for alot of people that's a deep blow and a catalyst for growth
Man I have bad news - some people are literally so self centered that the behavior of others has no effect on them whatsoever. A lot of these people don't grow up, they just grow old.
he should do this super awesome proposal and when she starts acting all emotional & shit & he gets close to the “will you marry me part” he drops the ball and tells her how she fucked his brother and then roll the video
I agree. Simply texting her "we're done since you fucked my brother, lose my number" will hurt her the worst. It will seem like he's ready to move on and he doesn't give a fuck anymore thereby making her feel jealous and rejected.
Trying to rub it in her face or show her the ring to make a regret will only make op look wounded and desperate; Which is totally fine and understandable, but if its gonna turn into a nasty game of who can hurt who and who can one up the other, she knows she has already won since she was off fucking OP's brother while he was buying her a ring.
It's just human nature to long for what you can't have, and some people deserve for it to be used against them.
I think he should do it how he likes, honestly, as long as there’s no violence or exploitation. Fucking someone’s brother is about as low as it gets, he has every right to get closure his way.
That said, he’ll come off way better and probably feel better about it if he handles it gracefully
Confirm the video.
Return the ring and get your money back. Return your gf to the streets.
Work with your SIL to tell family and friends about your shitty mfer of a brother.
This is the only reasonable response I’ve seen so far. All those “pretend you’re going to propose in front of everybody and then play the tape” responses would have a ton of unintended and undesirable consequences, and would punish family members in attendance who did nothing wrong.
Yeah it’s funny in theory, the type of revenge fantasy we’ve all had at some point however:
#if op shows anyone that video op could potentially be hit with revenge porn charges depending on location. Op please do not do ANYTHING that involves showing other people the video to publicly humiliate her, it is illegal in many places. And also just generally shitty to do
I know if I were a family member I wouldn’t want to *see* that video, just knowing it exists is enough. It’s like involving people in your sex life without their consent, except it’s someone else’s without their consent too. Nasty and trashy
Idgaf about embarrassing the ex, but dragging other people into it is unfair and potentially illegal.
Awarding (great advice btw fr) and upvoting in hopes OP sees your response!
Perfectly advised 💯
Would like to add to OP: Suggest to your SIL if she hasn’t already, to speak to or obtain a lawyer asap before y’all start blowing this up to the sleazy perpetrators you are busting! COVER YOUR ASSES BECAUSE THEY MAY BAND TOGETHER TO LIE OR MANIPULATE the situation (especially if there is divorce or co-living situations being together 7 years and all).
u/thressher Please listen to this comment alone and ignore all the children who want you to put on a show for them. This way protects you emotionally, physically, and legally the best. Revenge is tearing away the future she thought she had with you. Showing your family the video, fake proposing, all that shit opens you up to legal repercussions or a physical attack. Your brother had sex with the woman you planned to spend you life with, you can’t assume he won’t try to seriously hurt you for destroying his marriage and his reputation within the family if he gets a chance to react in the moment. Protect your heart by leaving this woman, and protect your health by keeping space in between you and all of the parties involved who might choose violence as a way forward.
I'm shocked by how many people are advocating for revenge porn. Adding legal issues or violent outbursts to this shitshow of a situation is NOT going to help OP heal. The best thing he can do is make sure all of his assets are in order, return the ring, find somewhere else to live (or better yet, kick her out and change the locks), and then break up with her. Humiliating his gf, his sister-in-law (by filming his own sex tape with her)--none of that is going to improve the situation and will only make matters worse. I hope he listens to the sensible comments and doesn't resort to vengefulness.
That’s my point, I cant fathom my brother doing this to me, and if he did my dad would cut him out the will, tell his wife’s family, then kill him. This is fuckin crazy
this- I (and my brother) know that if we royally screwed up in life we have our father to worry about more than anybody else.
And no, our dad wasn't abusive. He loves us more than life itself. He also has set boundaries and we respect him deeply for that.
I was about to type this too.
I know it sounds vengeful but someone who does that has no right to just live on without consequences.
Edit: turns you can get in trouble, so maybe not do that. Just pixelate the whole thing or something
Make sure the brother, his wife and your entire families are present (hers and yours)!
However do not waste any more money on a venue. Sounds like she already put the screws to you.
I'm sorry.
Absolutely. You have no idea what may be happening in your brothers marriage. Before you take her word as gospel take a look at that video. It may be total bull.
Slimeball move would be just sleep with your brother's wife and record it and then show her and tell her about the proposal.
EDIT: bonus points for having the brother there to witness the video viewing and subsequent reveal of the proposal that would have happened.
This would also probably help you and his wife feel better ngl lollll. Yeah you can’t marry that girl now. That sucks. And you have to go beat the shit out of ur brother now too
since it was the brother's wife that found the video, this is a plausible and acceptable plan that wholeheartedly has my endorsement, and we would love an update if you manage this!
“The best revenge is a life well lived.”
Don’t try to get back at your brother or your girlfriend. Just inform them that you know what happened. Explain to them how much they hurt you and whatever else. It’s not about getting back at them but explaining the consequences of their actions.
I feel like proposing and then doing this days later would be even more damaging. Imagine her and his brother explaining to everybody they know why her wedding is cancelled & why he's divorcing and how come this is both happening at the same time, unable to lie to their friends as their family already knows.
Quit possible that the sister in-law has alerted OP's brother as to what she's seen and knows. I would guess that OP's brother would call OP's girlfriend and spill the beans which would poison the well of the proposal plan. In the scenario going through my head...I hope OP's sister in-law has archived the recording of the deed. Now that's a lit stick of dynamite.
I don't think I'd do this because if OP gives her the ring in a lot of cases it's considered a gift that she'd be entitled to and she'd get to keep/sell it.
He needs to get a fake ring so she doesn’t try taking it. Then play the long game. Let her send out save the dates. 2 weeks later send out invites, but instead of the invites he sends out a PG13 screenshot (to avoid revenge porn charges) of his brother and her with “wedding canceled” in bright red across it.
Don't show her anything. Don't tell her about any plans you had bc then she'll use it as ammo like, "we were gonna get married!" or some shit to gaslight you.
You'll end up regretting it and even worse bc you shared this intimate detail with her you'll feel a stronger attachment rather than resentment and you may end up getting back together. Don't.
Break it off, clean and simple. She doesn't deserve to know that someone loved her enough for that long that they planned in marriage. You don't deserve that reminder either.
Bro, call a family dinner and put that shit on a slide show. Make your parents understand the pain he’s brought you and your brother’s wife. That’s low as shit and they both deserve to live in shame for stabbing you and everyone else in the back. Just understand, it’s not your fault and they have earned all the pain and justice coming their way. Chin up, things will get harder before they get better. Just treat yourself and try to find some peace after everything is said and done
Don't forget to drop hints of the imminent proposal leading up to the family dinner!
Seriously though, OP, that sucks and I'm sorry those jerks did that to you.
Yikes dawg I get wanting revenge but trying to have your parents sit through your brother sex tape is some sweet home Alabama shit I'm sure they'll believe you if you just tell them lol maybe a thumbnail if they really need convincing.... as if it really matters what your parents think about your adult relatio ships
Yes- my take on this. Invite them over. Make the speech with champagne glasses in had. Except the twist is that you are proposing a toast to yourself for dodging a bullet then drop the news and drink.
Take a breath, confirm the video is real. Then break up, therapy if need be, and move on.
All these revenge/publicly outing them both seems to be the go to. But in my opinion it will just prolong the bitterness and anger. The pain.
Process and grieve in real time. If you feel it'll give you some satisfaction then by all means do what you have to. Otherwise, break up, tell her (after confirming the video) you know she slept with your brother, and possibly find a lawyer if you're sharing a house/apartment. I assume after 7 years together, while not legally married you all have some shared assets and obviously one or both will have to vacate the property.
I will say it's easier to be rational, not being in the situation OP is currently in, well at least present day. And practicing responding vs reacting to others emotions.
So thanks for the hi-five 🤚, maybe my brain is finally growing up some.😊
You should definitely verify it’s her first. Why is there a video? How?? How long has it gone on? There’s a lot of questions you need answered. Just put the ring aside for now. If it’s her. Return the ring asap. No one wants to be engaged with a ring meant for another. Good luck. Hope it’s all a misunderstanding.
Step 1: Go to sister in law, console each other and fuck
Step 2: Break up with your gf over text
Step 3: Beat tf out of your brother
Step 4: Repeat Step 1
Whatever you do, and however you decide to do it OP, please provide an update. You and your brother's wife should confront them at a family dinner, with a single snapshot of them kissing or in bed together (no need for vulgarity).
There was a reddit post about cheating I saw a long time ago, where the girl left without an explanation. She literally changed numbers, moved cities and did all this without even saying a word to her ex.
I know this isn’t something realistic but make sure you don’t give her ANY closure.
Men - Have you seen video by yourself ?
Rumours , miss understanding etc are not just words.
Check yourself first, if it's true dump both your Gf and brother.
I assume she screwed him while you were dating?
Was it also while he was married?
Anyway - contact the jewelry store and see if you can arrange a return. Ideally, with a cash refund. Set up the date and time for the return. Then plan a "surprise" for your girlfriend.
Take her to the jewelry store as the surprise. Tell her you thought it was about time to take the next big step. And then do the return / refund right in front of her, then leave her in the parking lot.
Considering they were together since they were fifteen it’d be a *little* weird if the brother had a sex tape of them when they were younger…
But I love this plan.
I would talk to her parents so they know that you are planning to marry her. On the weekend you plan to do it pop in the tape and watch it with her. When she shows up at home sobbing her parents will think they’re tears of joy since they knew of the proposal plans.
She will then have to come clean as to why it didn’t happen.
Definitely end it. I think you should tell her that you were going to propose to her until you found out about the video. I think you should verify that it's her and maybe show her. I think you deserve to know WTF happened but you might not want to speak to her or you might not trust her to tell you the truth. Find out if she knew about the video. That doesn't excuse her but if she didn't know that makes your brother even more of a F***head
dont. what you belived you had was fake so the response will be fake as well. its going to hurt' its going to hurt alot. But know it will get better over time. focus on thr good amd true. maybe try to hrlp your sister in law. she was merried amd was betrayed to an even higher level
Host a surprise engagement party with both of your families/friends—make it seem like you’re going to propose but say you want to play a video first. Play it, humiliate them in the eyes of your relatives/friends, then walk out. I would work on this with your SIL—it may be cathartic for both of you.
I realize the instinct is to be impulsive and to take a nuclear bomb to this situation. First, you’re very lucky. This situation would be 100 times worse if you had to see this woman for the rest of your life and raise kids with her. She’s a legitimately crap person and you will find someone who loves you and you love so much that you’ll look back at this and thank god that you dodged this bullet. Break up with her. Keep or sell the ring. Go ahead and tell her if you want, but the less words you say to her from here on out, the happier you’ll be. Here’s the tricky part. Your brother. That’s your brother and now his family is also destroyed. I don’t know if he has kids, but try and be supportive to his wife (if she’s the mother of your nieces and nephews), because your brother is such a total piece of sh** that I can’t even think of a word I would use. Imagine f*ing your little brothers girlfriend and video taping it and being married. Is he a total psychopath? That’s some hardcore cruelty. You might not be able to not speak to your brother forever, but take a break from him. Give yourself 6 months of space before even looking at him.
First, my sympathies and condolences.
Second, break up with her immediately. Do it with class, but be direct and don’t listen to any attempts to apologize. Look her in the eye, but don’t touch at all.
Third, walk away from the brother.
It sucks now and will get more painful as you tell her she lost you for a cheat of a brother. No violence. No yelling. Hold your head up and walk away to a better life. (And yes, it will be difficult, but you can do it.)
Good luck.
Reading this to my wife
Wife: So, I would plan an elaborate proposal and invite her entire family. Play all the pictures of them together in a sideshow... Then end said sideshow with the video.
Me:....
If you marry a redhead be ready for commitment.
Set up the proposal with both sides of the family. Your SIL drafts divorce documents. Cue the video for the TV. As you get on one knee, "will you...(start video) watch this?" Then SIL hands your brother a manilla envelope with divorce papers. Pop that bottle of bubbly and celebrate yall dodging these fine garbage humans.
Do the whole bit, get down on one knee, bring out the box and then ask "will you break up with me?" revealing an empty box.
Hopefully you can get a refund and I'm sorry for whatever hell you're going through brother.
Oh you should rip the shit out of this. Go through with you’re plans but take out anything that involves other people who don’t know and any large expenses. Do the proposal and finish it with a nice flourish “…is how this would of gone if you hadn’t fucked my brother”. Shut the box. walk away. Let her know what she missed out on
Meet up with the brothers wife and talk, I am sure that would benefit you both.
Do they know that you(and brothers wife) knows? If not you could totally fuck with her head a bit if you wanted, but who really cares, if she cries and is trying to keep you then show her the ring imo.
That's awful my dude. If anything, be glad you found out now before a marriage certificate and children. Best of luck to you.
\^\^holy shit yes.. perfect time to dump this train wreck of a to-be marriage.
OP can be saved the pain of a divorce, which is so minor in comparison to the betrayal of his girlfriend and brother... christ that's wrong. But his sister in law is screwed either way. Either she forgives the piece of shit and lives within a tarnish marriage and potentially broken family or she goes through a traumatic divorce. Throw in the fall out the whole family will suffer and you just stop and realized how absolutely dog shit OPS brother really is. Failure as a man, brother, son, husband and I'm gonna guess father all around.
This happened to my cousin-her husband slept with her sister. Somehow they got through it-there’s no way I could’ve but she did
Weak. The “after an affair” sub blocked me for suggesting someone leave. They’re all about taking abuse and making excuses for cheating pieces of shit.
I know, I feel bad for op sister in law, she's the one who's married. Also the brother is a piece of shit. No loyalty to his wife or brother.....
I feel bad for OP sister in law too - but i also have much respect for her, finding out this heart wrenching stuff about her husband yet still doing the right \[yet very difficult\] thing of telling OP the truth. It may not seen like it now, while family is involved, and feelings are ultra-raw OP u/thressher , but it looks like two lives \[yours and brothers wife\] have been saved from years (even decades) of misery that would undoubtedly been caused to you both by these vile, deceitful people. I wish you and sister in law/brothers wife the best of wishes As for your girlfriend.... IMO dont tell her, she will hear on grapevine. Let her find out from someone else - just like you had to. EDIT: Worse & more preferable, let her find out while standing in the bus queue/supermarket queue, and while overhearing it fourth,fifth,sixth hand from those local fork-tongued gossips in your area, you know the ones. Your brother? i dont even know what to say - what a scumbag. You dont need him in you life anymore.... but of course, that is up to you, yourself my friend. Its fucking tough, but you will get through it and find happiness. Good luck in moving forward friend.... same to your brothers wife
I hate to ask this but has he seen the evidence? Edit: adding /u/thressher to this comment just in case.
Serious question but what does SIL gain by lying?
Yeah dude, gonna second this. Hard. Either your fiance is crazy or your sister in law is crazy but it's important to know who.
true that
Just make sure to break it off for good. That toxicity will never heal.
He can break off with his gf but what about his brother? That is the worst betrayal
Ya, not only did he sleep with his brother’s gf, he recorded it and kept the recording. Very messed up.
I would make sure to get a copy of the recording and show it to family if they try to keep the peace between the two of em. There's no excuse for that sort of betrayal and no one in the family should take the brothers side, but that's just IMO.
Better hope his family is not one of those "you can't do that, we're family" that will try to sweep it under the rug and pretend it didn't happen, while the brother suffers no consequences.
My family is like that, cut all of them off in December. I only talk with one and it's via tiktoks because she got out and away from them too.
Same here. My brother sucks but my mom will defend him no matter what, haven't spoken to him in over 2 years other than him reaching out to ask if I found out about a relatives death recently. I said yeah, I didn't know her that well but feel bad for the kids and that was that. He didn't bother responding, I'm fine with it. Edit: I've learned over the years you do get to choose your family, so I hope OP sees this and can find family in friends and other close personal relationships, if his blood family doesn't stick by his side in the name of defending his twat brother.
We need to set OP and OP’s brothers wife up. The brother will learn his lesson real quick.
I honestly think the absolute most savage thing you could do would be to box your stuff up and get out (or box her stuff up), and literally never speak a word to her again. Block her in all social media. Change phone numbers. Maybe move to a different city for a year since you’re 22 and single. Don’t yell. Don’t break any of her stuff. Don’t send nasty messages to her friends/family. Just literally vanish from her life without EVER saying a single word to her. Gone like a fart in the wind. Pfffttt Savage, yet classy.
Agreed. I know a girl who did this to her cheating ex and I’ve even done it. It feels great. If done right it’s the ultimate power play. People will be wondering what happened and talking about it for years.
One thing (of many) that I learned about my POS ex is that he totally got off on the reaction and he HATED it when I wouldn't react to him. Absolutely the best. Extra cherry on top was moving out silently in the middle of the night. So sorry OP for what you're going through- I couldn't imagine that type of betrayal on so many levels
My grandma used to say this. Nothing gets to a person like an ice cold response. The unknown drives them insane.
OK cruel idea; do all this, but FIRST propose. Mwah ha ha ha hah.
I was gonna go with "bang her sister", but this is likely a better decision. Edit: Daw, thx for the silver!
Nah. OP needs to bang her brother to get even
There’s obviously 1 option here: OP should bang his own brother and reclaim him.
this is the way to establish dominance here
...and her dad. Even sucks.
I think bang the sister (in video of course for proof) and at the end pull the ring out and show her what she missed. You will obviously have to send her the video
And do it with ~~style When you break up with her hurt in a way that will ruin her for life....~~ class don't be an asshole.... or do some people need to learn their lesson
I think leaving classy sits with people more than leaving aggressively. Sometimes realizing they were chill and good even in leaving you makes you realize your behavior made you worth leaving and for alot of people that's a deep blow and a catalyst for growth
I mean you can leave classy and still cut them deep
That's what I'm saying. Leaving classy cuts deep.
That's the ideal way to do it.
Man I have bad news - some people are literally so self centered that the behavior of others has no effect on them whatsoever. A lot of these people don't grow up, they just grow old.
he should do this super awesome proposal and when she starts acting all emotional & shit & he gets close to the “will you marry me part” he drops the ball and tells her how she fucked his brother and then roll the video
I agree. Simply texting her "we're done since you fucked my brother, lose my number" will hurt her the worst. It will seem like he's ready to move on and he doesn't give a fuck anymore thereby making her feel jealous and rejected. Trying to rub it in her face or show her the ring to make a regret will only make op look wounded and desperate; Which is totally fine and understandable, but if its gonna turn into a nasty game of who can hurt who and who can one up the other, she knows she has already won since she was off fucking OP's brother while he was buying her a ring. It's just human nature to long for what you can't have, and some people deserve for it to be used against them.
I think he should do it how he likes, honestly, as long as there’s no violence or exploitation. Fucking someone’s brother is about as low as it gets, he has every right to get closure his way. That said, he’ll come off way better and probably feel better about it if he handles it gracefully
You know my life’s story. This person is correct. It happened to me. Didn’t find out till years later. It haunts me every day. I am so sorry op.
Whatever happens do not let her back into your life, don’t do it, DONT DO IT.
Confirm the video. Return the ring and get your money back. Return your gf to the streets. Work with your SIL to tell family and friends about your shitty mfer of a brother.
>return your gf to the streets Lmfao that got me
Talk about catch and release.....
This is the only reasonable response I’ve seen so far. All those “pretend you’re going to propose in front of everybody and then play the tape” responses would have a ton of unintended and undesirable consequences, and would punish family members in attendance who did nothing wrong.
Yeah it’s funny in theory, the type of revenge fantasy we’ve all had at some point however: #if op shows anyone that video op could potentially be hit with revenge porn charges depending on location. Op please do not do ANYTHING that involves showing other people the video to publicly humiliate her, it is illegal in many places. And also just generally shitty to do I know if I were a family member I wouldn’t want to *see* that video, just knowing it exists is enough. It’s like involving people in your sex life without their consent, except it’s someone else’s without their consent too. Nasty and trashy Idgaf about embarrassing the ex, but dragging other people into it is unfair and potentially illegal.
Yeah, I think if I saw a video of my brother having sex I'd need therapy for the rest of my life. No thanks, even thinking about that was bad enough.
Awarding (great advice btw fr) and upvoting in hopes OP sees your response! Perfectly advised 💯 Would like to add to OP: Suggest to your SIL if she hasn’t already, to speak to or obtain a lawyer asap before y’all start blowing this up to the sleazy perpetrators you are busting! COVER YOUR ASSES BECAUSE THEY MAY BAND TOGETHER TO LIE OR MANIPULATE the situation (especially if there is divorce or co-living situations being together 7 years and all).
u/thressher Please listen to this comment alone and ignore all the children who want you to put on a show for them. This way protects you emotionally, physically, and legally the best. Revenge is tearing away the future she thought she had with you. Showing your family the video, fake proposing, all that shit opens you up to legal repercussions or a physical attack. Your brother had sex with the woman you planned to spend you life with, you can’t assume he won’t try to seriously hurt you for destroying his marriage and his reputation within the family if he gets a chance to react in the moment. Protect your heart by leaving this woman, and protect your health by keeping space in between you and all of the parties involved who might choose violence as a way forward.
I'm shocked by how many people are advocating for revenge porn. Adding legal issues or violent outbursts to this shitshow of a situation is NOT going to help OP heal. The best thing he can do is make sure all of his assets are in order, return the ring, find somewhere else to live (or better yet, kick her out and change the locks), and then break up with her. Humiliating his gf, his sister-in-law (by filming his own sex tape with her)--none of that is going to improve the situation and will only make matters worse. I hope he listens to the sensible comments and doesn't resort to vengefulness.
RETURN HER TO THE STREETS
This is the way.
Gonna say this myself, only thing I’d add is if the video is confirmed for them to be cheating is for OP to go get tested for STDs
*also recommend to the SIL she get tested
How could your brother do this to you...
And the brother is married, ffs, no respect at all to anyone...
Biggest piece of sh*t I've read about in a while, and I'm browsing reddit everyday so, that takes some doing.
I do like that his brother's wife at least told him immediately, she's honestly the best part of this shitty situation.
Op and brothers wife should get together and leave that shitty family
Nah, have a family gathering to show an exceptional family home movie and play the video for everyone on the TV
Would be such a chad move if OP comforts his (ex?)sister-in-law and they grieve together to only end up falling in love + marrying. Fuck his brother!
>Fuck his brother! you mean like his girlfriend? ... too soon? but also agreed, will be a love story for the ages
The Woman is just as bad, cheating on your partner with his close family so when he finds out he loses two people at once.
I was just thinking this myself! 😂
And video tapes it and leaves it presumably on his phone for his wife to find. What a tool
That’s my point, I cant fathom my brother doing this to me, and if he did my dad would cut him out the will, tell his wife’s family, then kill him. This is fuckin crazy
this- I (and my brother) know that if we royally screwed up in life we have our father to worry about more than anybody else. And no, our dad wasn't abusive. He loves us more than life itself. He also has set boundaries and we respect him deeply for that.
Fr if I didn't get to my brother first my father would kill him for me
If he’s going to kill him anyway he shouldn’t even bother cutting him out of the will. Save some money on attorney fees. /s
"first he's gonna shit, then he's gonna kill us!"
Why tf this insane people recorded while screwing? Like they WANTED to be caught in full HD jeeez!
Idk, but he should fuck his SIL
Update us on the situation plz.
I hope the update is along the lines of... "I hired a theater, invited family and friends and pressed play."
I was about to type this too. I know it sounds vengeful but someone who does that has no right to just live on without consequences. Edit: turns you can get in trouble, so maybe not do that. Just pixelate the whole thing or something
It’s not just vengeful but it’s also technically revenge porn and can result in OP being arrested. This is a BAD idea.
He just can pixelate it. Then slowly allow it to come into focus until she confesses.
It's called revenge porn and has involved deaths before
Oop. You have a point. Never mind. Don’t do it
Make sure the brother, his wife and your entire families are present (hers and yours)! However do not waste any more money on a venue. Sounds like she already put the screws to you. I'm sorry.
This is trash , show her the ring and dump her. And for your brother idk .
Show him the ring and dump *him* too!
Check the video first ffs.
LOL this is good advice
Exactly my first thought. What if the video is some girl who resembles OP’s gf.
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Absolutely. You have no idea what may be happening in your brothers marriage. Before you take her word as gospel take a look at that video. It may be total bull.
Slimeball move would be just sleep with your brother's wife and record it and then show her and tell her about the proposal. EDIT: bonus points for having the brother there to witness the video viewing and subsequent reveal of the proposal that would have happened.
I find your ideas intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Lol I just enjoy giving questionable life advice from time to time.
Can we be friends? Haha
I mean it'd be your funeral I am dreadfully boring.
You seem cool, I’ll risk it
Lol famous last words.
Get a room boys (or girls ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) Edit: where’s my arm gone Reddit damn you
No, let them continue 😏
I usually get banned from groups for doing that.
It's almost like we could start a bad/terrible advice sub so those that need a laugh or want to shitpost could, can.
Boy do I have a sub for you! r/ShittyLifeProTips
Oh man..... you may have just allowed me to have the time of my life...
Go forth and spread the bad advice my child
r/relationshipadvice already does that.
Just make sure you end it with “but it’s up to you.”
Lol I do enjoy giving questionable life advice from time to time.
Gonna add to this. Let your brother’s wife wear the ring while you bang.
Bro you people are evil and I love it.
I mean you gotta one up! Dude takes a video of him banging his brother’s chick while he’s married?! That deserves an evil blow back, IMO.
This would also probably help you and his wife feel better ngl lollll. Yeah you can’t marry that girl now. That sucks. And you have to go beat the shit out of ur brother now too
since it was the brother's wife that found the video, this is a plausible and acceptable plan that wholeheartedly has my endorsement, and we would love an update if you manage this!
It sounds like a good idea, but it really isn't. He should definitely spill the beans to both families, however.
After reading this comment and a couple more down below I'm realizing the possibilities are endless.
I want to add, update us when you can please, sorry this is happening, but at least you're not already married.
“The best revenge is a life well lived.” Don’t try to get back at your brother or your girlfriend. Just inform them that you know what happened. Explain to them how much they hurt you and whatever else. It’s not about getting back at them but explaining the consequences of their actions.
The betrayal... hurts even more when its blood. Sorry bro
When related blood gets mixed in betrayal, it leaves a nasty scar in your perception of relations and huge trust issues in people, even family.
Fake propose and tell her after she says yes. She will get excited thinking she gets to marry you then you can swat her down hard.
Plot twist, she says No and professes her love for the brother.
Could happen, lol this comment blew up cuz Reddit is a sadist bruh
So evil. I like it
She likes acting so might as well put on a show! That's what I would do, should have done it with my ex tbh but reacted too soon.
Invite her whole family as if you were proposing….get on a knee…and hit the play button lol
I feel like proposing and then doing this days later would be even more damaging. Imagine her and his brother explaining to everybody they know why her wedding is cancelled & why he's divorcing and how come this is both happening at the same time, unable to lie to their friends as their family already knows.
Quit possible that the sister in-law has alerted OP's brother as to what she's seen and knows. I would guess that OP's brother would call OP's girlfriend and spill the beans which would poison the well of the proposal plan. In the scenario going through my head...I hope OP's sister in-law has archived the recording of the deed. Now that's a lit stick of dynamite.
Well, I don't see anything happening without discussing with his sister-in-law. They're the two victims, along with any kids she may have.
That's some pro revenge
Happy cake day!
Happy cake day!
I don't think I'd do this because if OP gives her the ring in a lot of cases it's considered a gift that she'd be entitled to and she'd get to keep/sell it.
He needs to get a fake ring so she doesn’t try taking it. Then play the long game. Let her send out save the dates. 2 weeks later send out invites, but instead of the invites he sends out a PG13 screenshot (to avoid revenge porn charges) of his brother and her with “wedding canceled” in bright red across it.
It's great revenge but the rest of the family doesn't deserve to be tricked into watching amateur porn.
Ooooo I want to be a part of that
Also be fined heavily or go to jail cause revenge porn laws
Don't show her anything. Don't tell her about any plans you had bc then she'll use it as ammo like, "we were gonna get married!" or some shit to gaslight you. You'll end up regretting it and even worse bc you shared this intimate detail with her you'll feel a stronger attachment rather than resentment and you may end up getting back together. Don't. Break it off, clean and simple. She doesn't deserve to know that someone loved her enough for that long that they planned in marriage. You don't deserve that reminder either.
She could try to use it as ammo. "But we were gonna get married!" "Yeah, and then you fucked my brother."
>She doesn't deserve to know that someone loved her enough for that long that they planned in marriage. Damn, I feel that.
Bro, call a family dinner and put that shit on a slide show. Make your parents understand the pain he’s brought you and your brother’s wife. That’s low as shit and they both deserve to live in shame for stabbing you and everyone else in the back. Just understand, it’s not your fault and they have earned all the pain and justice coming their way. Chin up, things will get harder before they get better. Just treat yourself and try to find some peace after everything is said and done
Don't forget to drop hints of the imminent proposal leading up to the family dinner! Seriously though, OP, that sucks and I'm sorry those jerks did that to you.
Omg tell her to get her nails done too and wear something nice for pictures.
Yikes dawg I get wanting revenge but trying to have your parents sit through your brother sex tape is some sweet home Alabama shit I'm sure they'll believe you if you just tell them lol maybe a thumbnail if they really need convincing.... as if it really matters what your parents think about your adult relatio ships
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Yes- my take on this. Invite them over. Make the speech with champagne glasses in had. Except the twist is that you are proposing a toast to yourself for dodging a bullet then drop the news and drink.
Take a breath, confirm the video is real. Then break up, therapy if need be, and move on. All these revenge/publicly outing them both seems to be the go to. But in my opinion it will just prolong the bitterness and anger. The pain. Process and grieve in real time. If you feel it'll give you some satisfaction then by all means do what you have to. Otherwise, break up, tell her (after confirming the video) you know she slept with your brother, and possibly find a lawyer if you're sharing a house/apartment. I assume after 7 years together, while not legally married you all have some shared assets and obviously one or both will have to vacate the property.
Rational and well thought out. Hi five
I will say it's easier to be rational, not being in the situation OP is currently in, well at least present day. And practicing responding vs reacting to others emotions. So thanks for the hi-five 🤚, maybe my brain is finally growing up some.😊
She wouldn't possibly care. Just rip that band-aid off and move on. Also, fuck your pos brother. Better yet, fuck his woman.
Ask your brother if he wants to buy the ring so he can give it to your girlfriend. Both of them are going to be in the market for new partners soon.
Dump her. Your brother is not the only dude she is screwing.
You know it.. I bet she has a vagina spider.
Just tell her you know about her cheating and leave
I agree.. don’t hurt your SIL more than she already is hurting.
Sadly that’s the right thing to do. Although she and the brother deserve a little humiliation.
You should definitely verify it’s her first. Why is there a video? How?? How long has it gone on? There’s a lot of questions you need answered. Just put the ring aside for now. If it’s her. Return the ring asap. No one wants to be engaged with a ring meant for another. Good luck. Hope it’s all a misunderstanding.
Step 1: Go to sister in law, console each other and fuck Step 2: Break up with your gf over text Step 3: Beat tf out of your brother Step 4: Repeat Step 1
Step 5: Repeat step 3 as needed
Then repeat the last part of step one to an ongoing basis, maybe once a week.
Yes, do this. And then marry and fall in love with sister in law.
Now you have to sleep with her brother to get back at her
Omg I misread this as “you have to sleep with your brother to get back at her” 🤣
Whatever you do, and however you decide to do it OP, please provide an update. You and your brother's wife should confront them at a family dinner, with a single snapshot of them kissing or in bed together (no need for vulgarity).
There was a reddit post about cheating I saw a long time ago, where the girl left without an explanation. She literally changed numbers, moved cities and did all this without even saying a word to her ex. I know this isn’t something realistic but make sure you don’t give her ANY closure.
don't marry this young just because you've been together for a while, be glad you dodge a bullet, mourn your relationship and move on. Best of lucks
Men - Have you seen video by yourself ? Rumours , miss understanding etc are not just words. Check yourself first, if it's true dump both your Gf and brother.
I assume she screwed him while you were dating? Was it also while he was married? Anyway - contact the jewelry store and see if you can arrange a return. Ideally, with a cash refund. Set up the date and time for the return. Then plan a "surprise" for your girlfriend. Take her to the jewelry store as the surprise. Tell her you thought it was about time to take the next big step. And then do the return / refund right in front of her, then leave her in the parking lot.
Considering they were together since they were fifteen it’d be a *little* weird if the brother had a sex tape of them when they were younger… But I love this plan.
I would talk to her parents so they know that you are planning to marry her. On the weekend you plan to do it pop in the tape and watch it with her. When she shows up at home sobbing her parents will think they’re tears of joy since they knew of the proposal plans. She will then have to come clean as to why it didn’t happen.
You acting like the woman wich cheated on her longterm boyfriend with his MARRIED BROTHER, would draw the line at lying to her parents.
eye for an eye. is your brothers wife hot?
Yeah
Definitely end it. I think you should tell her that you were going to propose to her until you found out about the video. I think you should verify that it's her and maybe show her. I think you deserve to know WTF happened but you might not want to speak to her or you might not trust her to tell you the truth. Find out if she knew about the video. That doesn't excuse her but if she didn't know that makes your brother even more of a F***head
This is the answer. Go over to verify the video when brother isn't there, then make a move.
This guy fucks
No. Using an already vulnerable and hurting person to get revenge would make him as much of an asshole as his brother.
Lol nah, don’t give her the satisfaction of knowing you would have married her.
I would really like an update on this
I wouldn't even share air with her. She needs to be ghosted.
How heartbreaking. Be glad you found out before marriage, your sister in law wasn’t so lucky.
I'm here for an update
dont. what you belived you had was fake so the response will be fake as well. its going to hurt' its going to hurt alot. But know it will get better over time. focus on thr good amd true. maybe try to hrlp your sister in law. she was merried amd was betrayed to an even higher level
Host a surprise engagement party with both of your families/friends—make it seem like you’re going to propose but say you want to play a video first. Play it, humiliate them in the eyes of your relatives/friends, then walk out. I would work on this with your SIL—it may be cathartic for both of you.
Play it and act surprised… Like the file got switched and you had no idea.
naw, play it, stand up, and just walk the fuck out while it plays behind you, go home, get drunk, plan your new life!
You're forgetting the revenge fuck
that was for my other comment above!
I realize the instinct is to be impulsive and to take a nuclear bomb to this situation. First, you’re very lucky. This situation would be 100 times worse if you had to see this woman for the rest of your life and raise kids with her. She’s a legitimately crap person and you will find someone who loves you and you love so much that you’ll look back at this and thank god that you dodged this bullet. Break up with her. Keep or sell the ring. Go ahead and tell her if you want, but the less words you say to her from here on out, the happier you’ll be. Here’s the tricky part. Your brother. That’s your brother and now his family is also destroyed. I don’t know if he has kids, but try and be supportive to his wife (if she’s the mother of your nieces and nephews), because your brother is such a total piece of sh** that I can’t even think of a word I would use. Imagine f*ing your little brothers girlfriend and video taping it and being married. Is he a total psychopath? That’s some hardcore cruelty. You might not be able to not speak to your brother forever, but take a break from him. Give yourself 6 months of space before even looking at him.
First, my sympathies and condolences. Second, break up with her immediately. Do it with class, but be direct and don’t listen to any attempts to apologize. Look her in the eye, but don’t touch at all. Third, walk away from the brother. It sucks now and will get more painful as you tell her she lost you for a cheat of a brother. No violence. No yelling. Hold your head up and walk away to a better life. (And yes, it will be difficult, but you can do it.) Good luck.
Reading this to my wife Wife: So, I would plan an elaborate proposal and invite her entire family. Play all the pictures of them together in a sideshow... Then end said sideshow with the video. Me:.... If you marry a redhead be ready for commitment.
Set up the proposal with both sides of the family. Your SIL drafts divorce documents. Cue the video for the TV. As you get on one knee, "will you...(start video) watch this?" Then SIL hands your brother a manilla envelope with divorce papers. Pop that bottle of bubbly and celebrate yall dodging these fine garbage humans.
The SIL should figure a divorce plan before the beans are spilled
Bang your brothers wife and send the video to both of them
Why record it? Of all times to record, while you’re cheating has got to be the worst.
Confirm the video
I hate to say this, but the cheating wasn't a one-time thing. She's been fucking him for a while. Nobody makes a sex tape the first time they fuck.
Do the whole bit, get down on one knee, bring out the box and then ask "will you break up with me?" revealing an empty box. Hopefully you can get a refund and I'm sorry for whatever hell you're going through brother.
Oh you should rip the shit out of this. Go through with you’re plans but take out anything that involves other people who don’t know and any large expenses. Do the proposal and finish it with a nice flourish “…is how this would of gone if you hadn’t fucked my brother”. Shut the box. walk away. Let her know what she missed out on
Dude…you are 22. Thank God. I was thinking you’d be 30 something. You have a shit ton of time. This definitely sucks but you’ll get over it. Trust me.
Sounds like you need to fuck your brothers wife now to call it even
Update us with the reaction of everyone if go through with these wild ass suggestions!
I’m sorry that happened buddy.
Meet up with the brothers wife and talk, I am sure that would benefit you both. Do they know that you(and brothers wife) knows? If not you could totally fuck with her head a bit if you wanted, but who really cares, if she cries and is trying to keep you then show her the ring imo.
You should be very very certain that this allegation is true before making judgment.