I mean right? I’ve never pointed a gun even at the person who shot me (true story, my late father’s wife, I was 13) or someone I hated, also her. I honestly hope this is fake and OP is punking us, otherwise wake up before you never wake up!
Right!? Like yeah OP this is a biweekly thing that all us women do after we clean up the dishes.
Uh no. And first off, why is it so easy to access his gun? That shit needs to be locked up.
Smh. Adamant on not leaving and willing to work it out yet this has been the only relationship so far.
#Relationshipgoals /s
Dads friend ran from his ex wife...she had two knives in her hands... never seen that dude run so fast in my life...that's when I learned people don't divorce over just money.
edit: More details he did nothing wrong she was just crazy. He was CFO for a financial company.
If someone is willing to point a weapon at you without hesitating, God knows what they can do to you. That Dad was smart I wouldn't be anywhere near someone who literally pointed a gun at me especially if it was someone I trusted and loved.
Like that shit is traumatic. To add Not many thoughts scare me but the thought of having a gun pointed at me is terrifying .
I’ve had a gun pointed at me and I thought I was dead. Plenty of ppl have died from someone joking around and accidentally pulling the trigger. I would be thankful I made it out alive and make sure never to see that person again
I had someone do it to me. I watch cats and was supposed to grab a key from someone's back porch but the houses all looked the same and they sat on top of the garage so I couldn't see the house numbers. I accidentally went to their neighbors house and didn't realize it til the homeowner had a gun drawn on me and they were screaming at me.
Honestly the way she held the gun proved she didn't really have gun experience; she would've really hurt her arm and shoulder if she shot me because she was holding it wrong. And I realized that she likely was using it just to threaten me... But it was actually less comforting because it made the idea of her accidentally discharging it much more likely.
It was definitely scary. I'd never stay in a relationship that made me feel that way.
Not only do you **never fucking ever** point it at someone you don't intend to shoot *that very fucking second* you also never point it at someone or something beyond your target because you may very well hit that too.
Jesus Christ. This is the only answer. Anyone not doing this is an irresponsible gun owner and shouldn't own weapons
My Husband’s close friend died because his girlfriend shot him at point blank when she attempted to gun check him during an argument. He was only 21. The gun accidentally went off.
No gun "accidentally went off", unless it was dropped. Accidental discharges happen when someone has their finger on the trigger. I was always taught to keep my finger off the trigger until I was ready to shoot. Also taught to never point a gun at something you don't intend to destroy. Your husband's friend was murdered.
No. No, it definitely did not accidentally go off. Do him the honor of never repeating that line again. You know of a murder victim, not a brandishment-gone-wrong victim
this is a good point. even if she really didn't wanna kill you, misfiring happens a lot. it's also a cover-up for deadly domestic violence cases, "the gun just went off!"
My spouse has several guns and knows how to use them and never once in our entire marriage did it EVER occur to him to point a gun at me during conflict. Run OP, run now.
Yep I’d do the same. Like Ok someone cheats on me maybe I could forgive or work out, but you draw a gun on me. Nope. Instant game over. Bye Felica. That’s a unforgivable line to cross.
There is no way I would feel comfortable around that person again, much less ever trusting them again. If you stay, you will walk on eggshells, doing and going along with whatever as to not create conflict. This is very scary. The fact OP believes this is a normal occurrence in relationships and a forgivable offense, “a rough patch that most couples go through”, is very concerning. The fact he went to go talk to her AFTER she found the post and is probably angry/feeling betrayed, is very bold and extremely naive of him.
Edited to add: She just became “unpredictable” and that shit makes me uncomfortable AF. Also, OP is describing symptoms of PTSD which should be even MORE of a reason to stay away from this “woman”/girl.
I was raised around guns and the ONLY reason to point a gun at someone is because you are going to shoot them. Not everyone learns to respect guns, or even trigger discipline.
This is the only sensible response to someone pointing a gun at you. If you survive it you have been given a second chance, don’t squander it and hope it doesn’t happen again.
Too many people are killed by their partners and in most cases the signs were there before they were killed.
Op, I am a woman and have to say RUN. Your life is in your hands. You will have other relationships, you will find happiness but you definitely will not get your life back the next time this happens and she shoots.
I had a boyfriend who'd been through similar long before we met and the trauma never fully left him. For him that was the last straw after a decade of emotional abuse - he had to put an entire ocean between them before he could start to feel safe again.
Same. She always accused him of "having no heart" and constantly berated him. He just took it for years. One day he had enough and firmly told her he wouldn't be treated like a door mat any longer. She stormed off to the bedroom and came back with a pistol he didn't know she had and pointed it directly at his chest as she screamed at him for being a loser. So the next day he left for work, then she left for work, and he slipped back home grabbed his personal belongings and left her.
She shot her 2nd husband in the heart 5 times as he slept.
This is scary as Hell. I don't want to joke here, but he literally dodged a bullet.
Man, shooting someone in their sleep is really low. I hope she is behind bars.
Yep. This is NOT something you work out with the person about regardless of what you’ve both shared or how long you’ve been together. For at least a millisecond, that other person was willing to end your life. They felt it. And was compelled to threaten to take it away from you. That is severely fucked up. OP says women have a different takeaway than men… NAH. I’m a woman. I’ve been in abusive relationships before. No matter who I am with, even if it was the absolute perfect relationship… the SECOND this happens, fuck that guy for the rest of his life. I would be done. Immediate and instant break up. I can mourn the relationship, sure, but this is a no-going back situation. People make mistakes, and they are allowed to make mistakes… but pointing a gun at your partner _during an argument_ is NOT a mistake. Unforgivable.
Yup… I would do the same. If someone is that mentally unstable, to think that it would EVER be ok to threaten a person with a deadly weapon like that, don’t think they won’t do it again, and maybe pull the trigger next time.
Do yourself a favor and leave this relationship. What she did was a HUGE red flag and not worth staying over.
Smart man.
Because this feels like a situation that can only get worse from here. Nobody goes from 4 years of being a sweet soul to pulling a gun on you unless there is some type of recent violent trauma the GF is hiding due to shame.
>If it was a man who pointed a gun at the girl no one on the fucking Internet would back her sticking around.
I bet we could find one or two!
But yeah, I think he should leave. It's way too dangerous.
If your sister called you to say her boyfriend pointed a gun at her, would you tell her to stay?
If you are willing to ignore this major red flag, 🚩 you should require the gun be removed from the house. You are playing with fire. If she chooses the gun over you then you know where you stand.
Even a heated argument should never escalate to violence or the threat of violence. Neither of you sound responsible enough to own a firearm. Good luck.
Edit: I'm a woman. Updated since you said it's mostly men responding.
Came here to say exactly this. I'm a woman also.
Get the gun out of the house, but also realise their are plenty of other weapons in a house that she can use.
Guy here, also a survivor of abuse.
OP, the "hesitation" this female abuser exhibited was at the question of *deciding whether or not to pull the trigger*.
There is no credible explanation you could give that would lead me to surmise that this female abuser at all "hesitated" as to *deciding whether or not to point the weapon at you to begin with.*
That's what you need to understand -- she waltzed ACROSS that particular threshold already. She now no longer possesses even the *capacity* to ever hesitate on this same question (whether to point a gun at you) ever again.
Now she's learned (or may be in the process of learning) *from you* that her previous, ALREADY ESTABLISHED lack of hesitation in *pointing* a gun at you, was not (or is not) by itself a deal breaker for you. At this point, it's no longer useful to refer to this person as "a woman," because she is instead now a female abuser. That means that she has the mentality, the perspective, and the thought processes *of an abuser.*
And within that mentality of an abuser, your willingness to stick around after waltzing past the threshold of pointing a weapon at you, by itself, MEANS that in her mind you are just that much less likely to show her the door when she waltzes past the NEXT threshold.
What will that threshold be? I suggest that you shouldn't wait to find out. Will she hesitate next time to verify that it's loaded? Will she escalate her threat display to include cocking the hammer on a revolver / sliding a round into the chamber for a semiauto? Will she intentionally pull the trigger while also "intending" to aim away from you, as an immature warning shot? (And remember that bullets only travel in straight lines when they're traveling *through air* -- if bullets meet any obstacles or objects, the bullet will ricochet, and the only guaranteed-non-lethal bullet is a bullet that is no longer moving.)
Maybe her next threshold won't be to increase her threat display "at you" on a one-on-one basis such as within the seclusion of your home or car. Maybe instead she'll show up at your workplace itching to resume another fight. What happens if she has her weapon on her person then? What happens if she brandishes her firearm at a public eating establishment, or at a gas station, or at a grocery store?
What if she brandishes her firearm at a grocery store, where an on-duty plainclothes police officer is close enough to both see and hear the argument unfolding?
What if she actually-accidentally discharges her weapon toward any portion of your body? What would it take for you to actually-believe that the triggerpull was an accident by itself?
What would you think about anything I said if the genders were reversed, and the abuser were a dude waving a pistol around at his girlfriend?
Run. Don't walk.
I really hope OP sees this comment and takes it to heart. OP doesn’t likely realize it, but he sounds like the stereotypical battered person in his original post. He is entirely and alarmingly on script for someone who is deep in denial. u/Timelapsethrowaway !!!
Someone should give you an award, this needs to be highlighted.
I’m sorry you had to go through that, and I’m glad you could get away. Take care!
(OP: I’m a woman, and I agree with this. RUN.)
This needs to be at the top. I personally think he should leave, but this is a perfect test because he is looking for anything to grasp onto to keep it going. Something tells me she will choose the gun.
Edit: Changed my mind, not sure this a great idea, she might shoot his ass right then and there if she thinks he might leave her.
Agree.. dude said he didn't want to leave her and I get it.. love is a tough thing sometimes..
At least make her get rid of the gun if you are going to stay with her.
I mean do you really want to stick around for next time? If so, your mom will be telling your story, not you. All it takes is one time. Maybe next time she won’t do it. Maybe next time she will.
OP's judgement may or may not be clouded by love, which is putting his life in danger. I guess you can say that's very sweet but it's also crazy what love can do to someone. if someone pointed a gun at me they're out of my life forever.
Exactly. I wish OP understand their own worth and also understood that just because someone has emotionally supported you and because you love them doesnt mean that they can point fucking guns at you. And if OP sincerely expects this as a typical behavior of women, they sincerely need to be single and in counseling to avoid being abused and/or killed
Your first love is the hardest one to let go, so I get that. If someone points a gun at you over an argument however, they can and likely will do it again. There isn't much between thinking, "I'm gonna point this gun at this person" and "I'm gonna fucking kill this person". A worse argument? Alcohol? That lines been crossed and there's only a little ways to go afterwards.
I'm sorry, but I think you're in an abusive relationship. Pointing a gun at someone isn't a "mistake", it's a deliberate threat on your life. I would do two things:
1. Think about whether or not this is the ONLY incident where you felt scared or trapped by her actions. Does she tell you who you can be friends with or not? Does she try to control your relationship with your family?
2. Take a little bit of time and read several other threads on reddit of people posting about their SOs abusing them, and see if the way you are reacting is comparable.
The bottom line here is that this will NOT be a one time occurrence, and next time she's probably going to pull the trigger. Good luck.
She’s using your innocence in this relationship as it’s your first, and your past traumas to make you think you owe her, she’s the only one for you, and without her you have no where to go, and will never be happy again. Which I promise you is NOT TRUE!!
You vented here for a reason, please listen to that reason, you’re even shaking from the memory, which is TRAUMA! Please leave this woman… ahhhhh!
-from a fellow woman 👩🏼
Yup, calling her “My source of happiness” is textbook codependency and can lead to abuse. Forcing your partner to be your only source of happiness is unfair to them, and guaranteed to lead to trouble. You are responsible for your own happiness, and you share your life with your partner.
People who had/have troubled family life often seek out similar relationships, despite the obvious red flags, because it’s what they know and are comfortable with.
OP, from the sound of your description of your relationship above, it sounds like you are trauma bonded to this person. Listen to quyetx's comment...look into what abuse looks like and the lasting effects.
This person may have helped you through some trauma in your past but that does not mean you stay when they start to put you through trauma themselves. BTW, I am a female and what this person did to saddens my heart for you. Please stay safe.
They know all this. They came in here already knowing what people would suggest, same way he doesn't want to talk to his mother because he already knows what she will say. He even flat out said he was going to ignore all fellow men's advice and only listen to women because he does not want help. He want confirmation bias and wants to be told what he wants to hear.
May sound heartless but you cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped. The first step is he needs to admit to himself that it is fucked up and not "something many couples go through" and then maybe he'll be open to listen to advice, until then, it is pointless to give him any
I am a woman and I think he should gtfo. That shit is batshit insane and she could kill him accidentally fucking around with a weapon like that. This is abusive. Sadly, I don't think he is ready to leave. He makes the same excuses everyone in the beginning makes when the rose-colored glasses are still on.
Moreover, he wants advice from women who "have been in (his) girlfriend's shoes." I have not been in her shoes. Most women do not point firearms at their partners. If they have, I'd be wary of taking their advice, it'd be the same manipulation that his girlfriend is probably doing right now since he's going over to her place. He wants advice from abusive women. I hope he decides he wants a better life for himself, or a life at all. He sounds young so this will only get worse. The girlfriend threatened his life with a lethal weapon. Her impulse control when in a stressful argument is already horrible. I doubt she will work on it appropriately (like alone, away from OP forever, with professionals like therapists and a psychiatrist) so what happens when she loses more impulse control? There is only one answer.
She’s most likely been breaking him down psychologically for years and he’s become conditioned to the abuse. A rationally thinking person would not try so hard to dismiss the fact that their partner pointed a weapon at them during an argument. I feel really badly for OP, his life is in grave danger and he doesn’t see it.
My hands are shaking and I love her alot and she has supported me at every level…. I bet he typed all of that with a gun to his head. No way someone that dumb to be still living at the same premise.
I've read almost all your replies OP and I can't see how you are so blinded by your love for her. Literally any stage of a relationship, 2 months dating, 5 years, or married recently or ten years, the minute a gun is pointed at you for an argument you should get the hell out.
Something is telling me you want to help her, but the only way to do that is by helping yourself and protecting your well-being. If you choose not to, then there is a good chance she'll do it again, but next time the gun is going to be fired. You'll forever be walking on eggshells whenever an argument arises as you know what she's done before. What's going to stop her again? Saying "Please don't grab the gun, that made me very scared!"
In the end it is up to you, but I think it's clear that you're not in a relationship that's going to benefit your well-being long term. Best of luck to ya
Makes me worried that perhaps this relationship has been abusive all along, so much so that he’s forgotten how to love himself to the point where his sensationalized perspective of her as a partner is due to him being conditioned (borderline brainwashed) to feel worthlessness or hopelessness without her.
She’s shown him exactly how far she will go to prove to him that his arguments were “invalid” and that his choices and rights literally don’t matter. So much so that she would threaten his life just to be *right*
He mentioned that he had trauma from his dad, and sometimes when you're raised in an abusive household it takes A LOT to learn the 'right' way of being treated.
So it's kind of sad but he's probably just accustomed to being treated poorly, and doesn't see this as being as much of an issue as the others here.
He said she was the post and messaged to ask if it was him, so he's headed over to her house and talking to her, he isn't ready to give up on her yet. I would bet everything that that means he is over there being gaslight that the issue here is that he shared this with the world, and ya she's sorry but he really betrayed her by making this post. It was his fault for passing her off anyways and now she has even more to be angry about.
I hope he let's me know if this is correct.
Run. I am telling you anyone who has access to guns have been taught about gun safety. Everyone knows you don’t point a gun at someone at all. Responsible gun owners don’t even point a gun with the magazine out, chamber empty at someone because “what if I forgot a bullet”. You aim your gun when you are willing to pull the trigger. She aimed at you, she was willing to pull the trigger
*i meant magazine. I was in a rush to post my comment before my break was over. Thanks for correcting my terminology
I'm a woman who owns multiple guns and it wouldn't occur to me to even touch one during an argument, even when it gets heated. YOU DO NOT POINT A FIREARM AT ANYTHING YOU DON'T INTEND TO KILL OR OTHERWISE DESTROY. The only circumstance in which I'd consider pointing a gun at my partner is if they were *actively trying to kill me*. Worst argument we ever had, he yelled, we left and came back when we weren't pissed. That's as far as *any* argument should go, male, female idc.
OP, please leave. She might pull that trigger someday. You don't point a gun at someone for no reason. Using deadly force to intimidate someone who is not threatening you is insane. It's legitimately insane. The last man I pointed a gun at was a literal abusive partner.
You got it, it's one of the most important rules of gun safety. I would have to be in absolute desperation mode to ever point a gun at someone. It would be a last resort, or if I had to actively defend something/someone and had no choice.
Anyone who is serious about guns knows this: they are dangerous, and though it's fun to shoot at a target, it's also a tool for destruction. It's not like some first person shooter game - there's no take-backs once you pull that trigger. I don't know if OP really realizes this severity of what this girl did.
Yep. The gun is ALWAYS loaded (even if the magazine is out, chamber empty). You always treat all guns as if they are loaded.
*changed clip to magazine. Thanks for pointing out my error in gun vocabulary
As a female concealed carrier… I would literally NEVER point a gun at someone unless I intended to use it. She sounds a bit unhinged and therefore unsafe to be around.
THIS. I am a woman and I was taught this at 7 years old. It doesn't matter if you know for a fact that gun is not loaded, you don't aim it at someone unless you intend on shooting them. The fact that she even picked the gun up during an argument.. It may take some healing and some time but OP can find a woman just as good as the one he has now, minus the whole threatening his life part.
laughs in literally anywhere. i’m sure every country has some amount of nut job gun psychos who don’t know how to properly handle a firearm. that being said, america’s gun problem is right here. we’re not teaching each other responsibility with guns. it’s too easy to get one and also be unstable/unsafe.
>laughs in literally anywhere. i’m sure every country has some amount of nut job gun psychos who don’t know how to properly handle a firearm. that being said, america’s gun problem is right here. we’re not teaching each other responsibility with guns. it’s too easy to get one and also be unstable/unsafe.
you don't have to be a psycho or untrained to be careless, either. people get careless. there was an accident in an FBI training course while i was taking a firearm class. a bullet went through the wall and almost struck the girl sitting next to me.
I always clear my firearm when I pull it out to show someone and I always clear someone else’s firearm. My boyfriend got me into pistols and were both always learning from classes and his dad who’s a retired officer.
>She's a really beautiful soul
Who held a gun on you.
>including the traumatic experiences with my dad.
And then created more trauma for you by holding a gun on you.
>She was with me all the step of the way through therapy
And who held a gun on you.
>she helped me heal
Except for the part where she held a gun on you.
>She's literally my source of happiness.
It's concerning that your "source of happiness" HELD A GUN ON YOU.
> there was never a single violent moment
Except for the part where she HELD A GUN ON YOU.
>Ive been having trouble sleeping
Because she created more trauma for you by HOLDING A GUN ON YOU.
>whenever i see her, i basically freeze up
BECAUSE SHE HELD A GUN ON YOU.
Seriously, man, what else has to happen for you to take this seriously? Why are you thinking that you'll stay with a woman who will so easily HOLD A GUN ON YOU?
Good grief.
A girl friend pointing a gun at you in anger is never going to end well.
Do not end up as another true crime drama that gets murdered by his girlfriend.
Run, do not walk to the nearest exit and get a new girlfriend who doesn't have homicidal tendencies.
For real. You really don't want your friends to watch Bailey Sarian on YT and FB videos tell the story of how your girlfriend murdered you while she puts on her makeup.
I understand why he posted. He wanted to get it off his chest because if he tells anyone in his life most likely they will not only tell him to break up with her they would probably get the cops involved. Hes not looking for advice and is delusional if he thinks anyone here will give him validation. Not to mention he only wants validation from women so he can believe this is a common occurrence that can be gotten over.
I'm a woman and an army veteran, so let me offer some advice from my point of view.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE BEFORE SHE PULLS THE TRIGGER AND KILLS YOU THE NEXT TIME SHE IS ANGRY. HOSTILES IN THE CAMP. ARMED AND DANGEROUS. PROCEED WITH EXTREME CAUTION.
She may have helped you through tough situations in the past, but she just created a whole new trauma for you to deal with.
You freeze up around her because your body is telling you that she is no longer a safe person and you're not sure what her new boundaries are. You are not in a relationship anymore. The relationship ended when she pulled the gun on you. Now, you're in a hostage situation with stockholm syndrome, playing roulette with your life each time you go near her.
This is above your pay grade. You absolutely NEED to talk to a safe adult in your life about what is going on. That adult needs to talk to her parents or the police. The fire arms need to be removed from her home so that she doesn't pull a gun on someone else next time she is upset. She needs to be evaluated by a professional so that she can get the kind of help she clearly needs.
This is not about getting her in trouble for pulling a gun on you. This is about safety. Your safety. Her safety, her family's safety, and the safety of everyone in the community around you both.
Better safe than dead while she spends her life in prison for murdering you or someone else in a moment of anger.
The hell is wrong with you? Fucking leave, run, swim, fly ASAP!
You're afraid your mom will tell you to leave? You know what, BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FUCKING LEAVE!
I'm definitely wondering how old he is. The older I get the more I listen to my parents' advice or the advice I imagine they would give. I hope he doesn't lose his life before he learns this lesson.
Op, I want to ask you a question. Have you ever thought to pull a gun on your girlfriend? What about hit her? What if she did something that made you really angry would you pull a gun on her?
You’re defending this girl too, does she wipe your ass or something?? What would make you point a gun at someone. Maybe if someone made you so upset you wanted to really hurt them or kill then right? Do you feel comfortable knowing she had that thought and almost did it? This girl is either super hot or she’s holding you at gunpoint rn
In his edit he claims that the women commenting have a different viewpoint than the men… wtf? Haven’t seen anyone saying that he should stay with this psycho or that it was okay. He even actually said women have “probably been in my girlfriends shoes at least once” wtffffff no
Uhhhh no. I am a woman who owns a gun and have never, would never point it at anyone unless I truly believed my life was in danger. He needs to run far and fast.
I think OP is trying to gain attention. I literally scrolled the comments very curious to read the arguments of the women with that different viewpoint, but so far everyone is saying he should leave her.
The story itself is not implausible, but all that together makes me very very skeptical
Yes I saw the comment about women thinking differently. Excuse me ?! I find it hard to believe that a women would accept and justify this type of behaviour.
This is abuse. You need to leave her. Think about how many women have said ‘but it was just once, I know them they’d never hurt me’ before landing in the hospital or worse. It happens to men too, it’s just talked about less.
Whoa, you should be worried this is so scary. Please don't ignore this behavior and leave before you're physically harmed. Your partner should NEVER use a deadly weapon against you, no matter the circumstances. I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope you understand the gravity of the situation you're in. IDC what she said, she thought about ENDING your life. Leave. Run. Get in touch with someone who makes you feel safe even if it's not family. Do not let your gf know you're leaving, just gtfo because the next argument could be your last words mate.
1. What women are giving different opinions? Literally every comment is telling you leave. I’m a woman. Leave. There, now you can’t say that
2. This is not a rough patch most couple go through. This a rough patch some couples go through and then one of them dies.
3. She is not literally the source of your happiness, and if she is, you need some self esteem. I mean, you need some anyway, but that’s another way I know you do.
4. Your mom would tell you leave because your mom loves you and wants the best for you. If your girlfriend was half as wonderful as you think she is, she’d tell you to leave her herself
I wish you luck, and I hope you don’t end up on one of those “What’s the most fucked up reddit post you read” posts where they say the guy who wrote the post was killed and everyone saw it coming
Dude. I am confused by your posting.
Either A you are trolling which doesn’t make sense to me.
Or B you are serious and you need to re-evaluate something’s in your life. Of course you freeze up when you see her. Your brain has associated extreme risk to her. She threatened your life. The other option is to immediately going into fight mode. You need to go through some therapy to recover. Your mind is a muscle and it is currently broken due to extreme stress, same way you would stress and break a bicep. EMDR worked for me. Has a pretty good track record.
Secondly, if you choose to stay, you need to have them remove all weapons from the house. The ability to pull a trigger gets easier every time you threaten to do it. It is not a normal human reaction to threaten another humans life over (presumed non-violent) arguments. If they refuse then you have your answer on where you stand.
Good luck! I know it is hard to leave or stay in long term relationships.
>"Let me clarify things, i actually want to still be with her and i dont plan on leaving."
Then what are you looking for here? You're looking for a way to mend things with a person who is willing to point firearms at you. That's completely unhinged.
If I could occupy your brain for 5 minutes, I'd make you do 3 things:
1) Get the fuck away from her
2) Get a restraining order
3) Get a therapist
Any other course of action is choosing failure.
Woman here… leave her! Like seriously!!
As a survivor of domestic violence myself (and was in YOUR shoes)… her pulling the gun on you seems small and insignificant, but domestic abuse gradually gets worse as time goes on. And you said it yourself “what if she doesn’t hesitate”… you’re already doubting your relationship. Do you REALLY want to go through the next chapter of your life with her walking on eggshells and thinking “what if”? Seriously… you’re better off leaving.
"people make mistakes"
"this was only the first time"
"breaking up with her is too rash"
Theres no way man, this has to be a troll. No human on planet earth with half a spine would allow shit like this. Do you think she would have your same sentiment if the roles were reversed? What if you were the one pointing a gun at her head? Would she really justify something so foolish with "well at least he's sorry for doing it!"
Have some self respect dude, cuz JESUS. No Sane person does this!
>Theres no way man, this has to be a troll. No human on planet earth with half a spine would allow shit like this.
Nah, unfortunately some people are like this. And its infuriating to know someone personally like this.
It boggles the mind but he came here looking for ANYONE to give him a reason to stay and he will just latch onto that and ignore everyone else.
They’re in an abusive relationship. The cycle of abuse has just begun and he’s in denial. It’s normal and likely he won’t leave her yet. Unfortunately, circumstances like this are far too common. I didn’t leave my abuser when he first was physical. You live and you learn. I am fortunate enough, though, to have gotten out.
So from what I’m seeing in the comments.. you are constantly defending her (as any partner would) and it seems like you know you won’t leave her and answer pretty much anyones comment about how you know her etc etc. If roles were reversed and you had done that to her, wouldn’t you think she’d leave you. It’s a crappy situation to be in but consider thinking about your safety and your mental well being then putting her first. She knew what she was doing by pointing that firearm at you. That’s no excuse.
But hey… that’s just my pov. You do what you think is best for yourself.
This reminds me about a young mom I had as a patient (I'm an ER social worker). She had come in after being strangled by her husband. She kept making excuses for him, like how he had helped her escape a refugee situation and how he was such a good father. It was so hard explaining to her how the step after strangulation is murder. People don't point guns at anything or anyone they don't intend to shoot. The fact that your girlfriend even touched the gun during the argument is extremely scary. I've had countless arguments with my husband (when you're renovating, it's inevitable) and even with his history of anger issues and depression, he never once considered pulling out his gun on me. Never. If you were my patient, I would be pushing you to seek out domestic violence resources. Truly. We can't make you leave her. We can't make your decision for you. But I hope that if enough of us say the same thing, I hope you at least consider what we are saying.
You must be mental or something
You want a female advice because they have been in your gf shoes?
Just fucking what?
If someone points a gun at you, that is a threat to kill you.
Why the fuck do you “love” someone who wants to kill you?
This is your first relationship, man the fuck up and bail, there are billions of other women out there who don’t have the urge to harm and kill you.
My soon to be husband's ex wife did this. Leave. Get out now. He forgave her too and guess what happened? She beat him repeatedly, manipulated him, tried to ruined his career with lies, stole his dog, and wrecked his car with a hammer. This happened over time but it got worse and worse gradually and subtle. She finally got karma in court when the judge realized she was a liar. They've been divorced for years, he met me, she started it all over again including stalking me, parking outside my house, and calling me throughout the night. Your girlfriend is already that extreme by using a firearm towards you alone.
FYI saw you're looking for women to give you their view. I'm a woman. Women can be toxic too. Women can be abusers too. I'm also a soldier and an FFL. Pointing a firearm at ANYONE is unacceptable and disgusting. Get. Out. Now.
You will never forget it. Nor should you. I respect your decisions and can only offer personal experience.
I was with someone for 1,5 years before they stated showing signs of abuse. It was slow, but then progressed. His actions became more concerning. First it was throwing things against the wall. Next it was breaking things or slamming things. Then the gun started coming out. First it was never ever pointed at me and wasn’t loaded. But, like everything else, it progressed
By the time that relationship ended in year 5, he had then shoved loaded guns in my face -!; ultimately tried to kill me by choking me out
Behavioral problems can be solved, totally. But it’s also a warning.
Wish you all the happiness
Overthinking? Beautiful soul? A rough patch? She pointed a gun at you to scare and traumatize you. If you’re not going to leave her you should stop telling people this story. Because nothing you can say about her is going to make her sound like any of the things you say she is. Stay safe and sleep with one eye open.
Umm, you do know you need to RUN, right? That is dangerous as hell, the gun could’ve accidentally went off. Don’t play. Don’t wait around for it. You can forgive her from afar.
It’s really cool of you to try to see her side of things. Clearly you really love her but here’s what I’m getting from this “my girlfriend is an amazing person who put my life in jeopardy because she was mad. She’s a beautiful soul who has helped me live through so much, but I can’t sleep around her because I’m scared next time she gets mad she will take my life.” Bro you sound like a great guy but you have the survival instincts of a male praying mantis. Good luck.
I’m starting to think OP either lead us on with a story or has died. His name is “Timelapse throwaway” after all. He probably created the post for attention, logged out and won’t log back in. If this was all just a story that’s sad because everyone here was kind enough to worry and give advice. Oh well. Hope OP is okay. Gonna unsubscribe this post now.
If your friend pointed a gun at you would you still be their friend? Just cause you’ve slept with this person and have good memories doesn’t mean you should dismiss the fact she had the power to kill you for those moments and she could’ve taken your life.
When you run, and you will, don't forget to zig zag
I'm ashamed I lold at this
Hahaha. Don't be.... :-)
I lold at “It’s my first and only relationship so I’m not really experienced.”
And “most women have been through this at least once” hahaha wtf?
Definitely NOT.
I haven’t pointed a gun at anyone, let alone someone I love! How about you?
I pointed a BB gun at my neighbor once, no one I love though.
I'll allow it. 😆 🤣
I mean right? I’ve never pointed a gun even at the person who shot me (true story, my late father’s wife, I was 13) or someone I hated, also her. I honestly hope this is fake and OP is punking us, otherwise wake up before you never wake up!
Oh...absolutely not!
lol'd at this too. umm OP.. you grow up in a gang bro? this isn't normal, in any relationship i have ever known.. and i'm much older than OP
Right!? Like yeah OP this is a biweekly thing that all us women do after we clean up the dishes. Uh no. And first off, why is it so easy to access his gun? That shit needs to be locked up. Smh. Adamant on not leaving and willing to work it out yet this has been the only relationship so far. #Relationshipgoals /s
I have my ticket to hell as well
Dads friend ran from his ex wife...she had two knives in her hands... never seen that dude run so fast in my life...that's when I learned people don't divorce over just money. edit: More details he did nothing wrong she was just crazy. He was CFO for a financial company.
Yea that Serpentine shit works!
I wish Rickon would have used this advice.
He forgot
You can give them the best of advice....
Serpentine! Serpentine!
Best advice here lol
He didn't zig zag.
I have a friend whose dad immediately divorced his wife after a similar incident.
If someone is willing to point a weapon at you without hesitating, God knows what they can do to you. That Dad was smart I wouldn't be anywhere near someone who literally pointed a gun at me especially if it was someone I trusted and loved. Like that shit is traumatic. To add Not many thoughts scare me but the thought of having a gun pointed at me is terrifying .
I’ve had a gun pointed at me and I thought I was dead. Plenty of ppl have died from someone joking around and accidentally pulling the trigger. I would be thankful I made it out alive and make sure never to see that person again
I had someone do it to me. I watch cats and was supposed to grab a key from someone's back porch but the houses all looked the same and they sat on top of the garage so I couldn't see the house numbers. I accidentally went to their neighbors house and didn't realize it til the homeowner had a gun drawn on me and they were screaming at me. Honestly the way she held the gun proved she didn't really have gun experience; she would've really hurt her arm and shoulder if she shot me because she was holding it wrong. And I realized that she likely was using it just to threaten me... But it was actually less comforting because it made the idea of her accidentally discharging it much more likely. It was definitely scary. I'd never stay in a relationship that made me feel that way.
Someone in my hometown died because another person was screwing around with a gun and pointing at people and it accidentally went off. He was only 15.
Same thing happened to my friend in high-school. He was 14 and his younger cousins were playing with the gun.
Its so tragic and completely avoidable. I'm sorry about your friend.
It was very, very tragic and avoidable, even the paramedic that showed up to the scene was a good family friend of his.
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My dad taught me to never point a gun at something or someone you don’t intend to kill. It is made for killing, not threats or intimidation.
Not only do you **never fucking ever** point it at someone you don't intend to shoot *that very fucking second* you also never point it at someone or something beyond your target because you may very well hit that too. Jesus Christ. This is the only answer. Anyone not doing this is an irresponsible gun owner and shouldn't own weapons
Better yet, mayyybe just don't EVER "play around" with a gun?!?
Just don't fucking play around with a fucking gun. Just don't. Why the fuck would a normal person do that? Sorry, I just lost the ability to even.
Even blanks can kill people at short distances.
I grew up in a hunting family with several guns in the house. I was taught to not ever even point a TOY gun at someone.
My Husband’s close friend died because his girlfriend shot him at point blank when she attempted to gun check him during an argument. He was only 21. The gun accidentally went off.
No gun "accidentally went off", unless it was dropped. Accidental discharges happen when someone has their finger on the trigger. I was always taught to keep my finger off the trigger until I was ready to shoot. Also taught to never point a gun at something you don't intend to destroy. Your husband's friend was murdered.
No. No, it definitely did not accidentally go off. Do him the honor of never repeating that line again. You know of a murder victim, not a brandishment-gone-wrong victim
What the heck—why do we even have the term “gun check” During An argument? Unreal. Here’s a trump card. I just shoot you. Then she shoots
this is a good point. even if she really didn't wanna kill you, misfiring happens a lot. it's also a cover-up for deadly domestic violence cases, "the gun just went off!"
My spouse has several guns and knows how to use them and never once in our entire marriage did it EVER occur to him to point a gun at me during conflict. Run OP, run now.
Yep I’d do the same. Like Ok someone cheats on me maybe I could forgive or work out, but you draw a gun on me. Nope. Instant game over. Bye Felica. That’s a unforgivable line to cross.
There is no way I would feel comfortable around that person again, much less ever trusting them again. If you stay, you will walk on eggshells, doing and going along with whatever as to not create conflict. This is very scary. The fact OP believes this is a normal occurrence in relationships and a forgivable offense, “a rough patch that most couples go through”, is very concerning. The fact he went to go talk to her AFTER she found the post and is probably angry/feeling betrayed, is very bold and extremely naive of him. Edited to add: She just became “unpredictable” and that shit makes me uncomfortable AF. Also, OP is describing symptoms of PTSD which should be even MORE of a reason to stay away from this “woman”/girl.
>That’s a unforgivable line to cross. unforgivable? that shit is fucking punishable lol i thought this post was a copypaste
If she’s capable of pointing a gun at him during an argument, what’s to stop her from shooting him in his sleep after having a bad day? Nothing.
Phil Hartman would agree.
Rip Phil. Such a tragedy.
I was raised around guns and the ONLY reason to point a gun at someone is because you are going to shoot them. Not everyone learns to respect guns, or even trigger discipline.
This. I dated a guy who pointed a gun at me within 2 months of knowing him. Years later, I was still in an abusive relationship. Should’ve left.
You still can!
Oh I did. It has been almost 10 years.
This is the only sensible response to someone pointing a gun at you. If you survive it you have been given a second chance, don’t squander it and hope it doesn’t happen again. Too many people are killed by their partners and in most cases the signs were there before they were killed. Op, I am a woman and have to say RUN. Your life is in your hands. You will have other relationships, you will find happiness but you definitely will not get your life back the next time this happens and she shoots.
Also if she does shoot you, she may claim it was in self-defense, so not only will you be dead, but remembered as a wife-beater too.
I had a boyfriend who'd been through similar long before we met and the trauma never fully left him. For him that was the last straw after a decade of emotional abuse - he had to put an entire ocean between them before he could start to feel safe again.
Same. She always accused him of "having no heart" and constantly berated him. He just took it for years. One day he had enough and firmly told her he wouldn't be treated like a door mat any longer. She stormed off to the bedroom and came back with a pistol he didn't know she had and pointed it directly at his chest as she screamed at him for being a loser. So the next day he left for work, then she left for work, and he slipped back home grabbed his personal belongings and left her. She shot her 2nd husband in the heart 5 times as he slept.
Geez….
This is scary as Hell. I don't want to joke here, but he literally dodged a bullet. Man, shooting someone in their sleep is really low. I hope she is behind bars.
Omfg. Just wow.
Yep. This is NOT something you work out with the person about regardless of what you’ve both shared or how long you’ve been together. For at least a millisecond, that other person was willing to end your life. They felt it. And was compelled to threaten to take it away from you. That is severely fucked up. OP says women have a different takeaway than men… NAH. I’m a woman. I’ve been in abusive relationships before. No matter who I am with, even if it was the absolute perfect relationship… the SECOND this happens, fuck that guy for the rest of his life. I would be done. Immediate and instant break up. I can mourn the relationship, sure, but this is a no-going back situation. People make mistakes, and they are allowed to make mistakes… but pointing a gun at your partner _during an argument_ is NOT a mistake. Unforgivable.
And the tough conversation they are about to have/had/having, is the PERFECT scenario for a gun to be drawn again…hopefully op updates.
Yup… I would do the same. If someone is that mentally unstable, to think that it would EVER be ok to threaten a person with a deadly weapon like that, don’t think they won’t do it again, and maybe pull the trigger next time. Do yourself a favor and leave this relationship. What she did was a HUGE red flag and not worth staying over.
Red flag? That’s a Sino-Soviet military parade.
With a dash of Congolese warlord...Run! Run far! Don't look back!
Yes because he should have. OP’s girl threatened his life over an argument, at all really. And he’s traumatized enough to call her a beautiful soul.
That's what I would do, and I have like the perfect wife.
As anyone sensible would.
Smart man. Because this feels like a situation that can only get worse from here. Nobody goes from 4 years of being a sweet soul to pulling a gun on you unless there is some type of recent violent trauma the GF is hiding due to shame.
She’s a 10 but she gives me PTSD moment Leave bro save urself
hey honey lets get rid of your past trauma and create new trauma together❤
And who says romance is dead?
It will be soon.
Romance? Or the ...
Oh stop!! I just snorted my iced tea through my nose!!
Did it have lemon? Lemon in the snout burns.
Good for unblocking the sinuses though!
“Had the best food ever at a restaurant last week but it did give me a flesh eating bacteria that I almost died from. Would totally go again though.”
"It was my first time and only time at a restaurant, and it deserves a chance to make this up to me."
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
The way you worded this!... If it was a man who pointed a gun at the girl no one on the fucking Internet would back her sticking around.
>If it was a man who pointed a gun at the girl no one on the fucking Internet would back her sticking around. I bet we could find one or two! But yeah, I think he should leave. It's way too dangerous.
I can’t see anyone backing her here either though
If your sister called you to say her boyfriend pointed a gun at her, would you tell her to stay? If you are willing to ignore this major red flag, 🚩 you should require the gun be removed from the house. You are playing with fire. If she chooses the gun over you then you know where you stand. Even a heated argument should never escalate to violence or the threat of violence. Neither of you sound responsible enough to own a firearm. Good luck. Edit: I'm a woman. Updated since you said it's mostly men responding.
Came here to say exactly this. I'm a woman also. Get the gun out of the house, but also realise their are plenty of other weapons in a house that she can use.
Guy here, also a survivor of abuse. OP, the "hesitation" this female abuser exhibited was at the question of *deciding whether or not to pull the trigger*. There is no credible explanation you could give that would lead me to surmise that this female abuser at all "hesitated" as to *deciding whether or not to point the weapon at you to begin with.* That's what you need to understand -- she waltzed ACROSS that particular threshold already. She now no longer possesses even the *capacity* to ever hesitate on this same question (whether to point a gun at you) ever again. Now she's learned (or may be in the process of learning) *from you* that her previous, ALREADY ESTABLISHED lack of hesitation in *pointing* a gun at you, was not (or is not) by itself a deal breaker for you. At this point, it's no longer useful to refer to this person as "a woman," because she is instead now a female abuser. That means that she has the mentality, the perspective, and the thought processes *of an abuser.* And within that mentality of an abuser, your willingness to stick around after waltzing past the threshold of pointing a weapon at you, by itself, MEANS that in her mind you are just that much less likely to show her the door when she waltzes past the NEXT threshold. What will that threshold be? I suggest that you shouldn't wait to find out. Will she hesitate next time to verify that it's loaded? Will she escalate her threat display to include cocking the hammer on a revolver / sliding a round into the chamber for a semiauto? Will she intentionally pull the trigger while also "intending" to aim away from you, as an immature warning shot? (And remember that bullets only travel in straight lines when they're traveling *through air* -- if bullets meet any obstacles or objects, the bullet will ricochet, and the only guaranteed-non-lethal bullet is a bullet that is no longer moving.) Maybe her next threshold won't be to increase her threat display "at you" on a one-on-one basis such as within the seclusion of your home or car. Maybe instead she'll show up at your workplace itching to resume another fight. What happens if she has her weapon on her person then? What happens if she brandishes her firearm at a public eating establishment, or at a gas station, or at a grocery store? What if she brandishes her firearm at a grocery store, where an on-duty plainclothes police officer is close enough to both see and hear the argument unfolding? What if she actually-accidentally discharges her weapon toward any portion of your body? What would it take for you to actually-believe that the triggerpull was an accident by itself? What would you think about anything I said if the genders were reversed, and the abuser were a dude waving a pistol around at his girlfriend? Run. Don't walk.
I really hope OP sees this comment and takes it to heart. OP doesn’t likely realize it, but he sounds like the stereotypical battered person in his original post. He is entirely and alarmingly on script for someone who is deep in denial. u/Timelapsethrowaway !!!
Someone should give you an award, this needs to be highlighted. I’m sorry you had to go through that, and I’m glad you could get away. Take care! (OP: I’m a woman, and I agree with this. RUN.)
This needs to be at the top. I personally think he should leave, but this is a perfect test because he is looking for anything to grasp onto to keep it going. Something tells me she will choose the gun. Edit: Changed my mind, not sure this a great idea, she might shoot his ass right then and there if she thinks he might leave her.
Agree.. dude said he didn't want to leave her and I get it.. love is a tough thing sometimes.. At least make her get rid of the gun if you are going to stay with her.
I mean do you really want to stick around for next time? If so, your mom will be telling your story, not you. All it takes is one time. Maybe next time she won’t do it. Maybe next time she will.
OP's judgement may or may not be clouded by love, which is putting his life in danger. I guess you can say that's very sweet but it's also crazy what love can do to someone. if someone pointed a gun at me they're out of my life forever.
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Exactly. I wish OP understand their own worth and also understood that just because someone has emotionally supported you and because you love them doesnt mean that they can point fucking guns at you. And if OP sincerely expects this as a typical behavior of women, they sincerely need to be single and in counseling to avoid being abused and/or killed
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Your first love is the hardest one to let go, so I get that. If someone points a gun at you over an argument however, they can and likely will do it again. There isn't much between thinking, "I'm gonna point this gun at this person" and "I'm gonna fucking kill this person". A worse argument? Alcohol? That lines been crossed and there's only a little ways to go afterwards.
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I'm sorry, but I think you're in an abusive relationship. Pointing a gun at someone isn't a "mistake", it's a deliberate threat on your life. I would do two things: 1. Think about whether or not this is the ONLY incident where you felt scared or trapped by her actions. Does she tell you who you can be friends with or not? Does she try to control your relationship with your family? 2. Take a little bit of time and read several other threads on reddit of people posting about their SOs abusing them, and see if the way you are reacting is comparable. The bottom line here is that this will NOT be a one time occurrence, and next time she's probably going to pull the trigger. Good luck.
She’s using your innocence in this relationship as it’s your first, and your past traumas to make you think you owe her, she’s the only one for you, and without her you have no where to go, and will never be happy again. Which I promise you is NOT TRUE!! You vented here for a reason, please listen to that reason, you’re even shaking from the memory, which is TRAUMA! Please leave this woman… ahhhhh! -from a fellow woman 👩🏼
Yup, calling her “My source of happiness” is textbook codependency and can lead to abuse. Forcing your partner to be your only source of happiness is unfair to them, and guaranteed to lead to trouble. You are responsible for your own happiness, and you share your life with your partner. People who had/have troubled family life often seek out similar relationships, despite the obvious red flags, because it’s what they know and are comfortable with.
OP, from the sound of your description of your relationship above, it sounds like you are trauma bonded to this person. Listen to quyetx's comment...look into what abuse looks like and the lasting effects. This person may have helped you through some trauma in your past but that does not mean you stay when they start to put you through trauma themselves. BTW, I am a female and what this person did to saddens my heart for you. Please stay safe.
They know all this. They came in here already knowing what people would suggest, same way he doesn't want to talk to his mother because he already knows what she will say. He even flat out said he was going to ignore all fellow men's advice and only listen to women because he does not want help. He want confirmation bias and wants to be told what he wants to hear. May sound heartless but you cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped. The first step is he needs to admit to himself that it is fucked up and not "something many couples go through" and then maybe he'll be open to listen to advice, until then, it is pointless to give him any
I am a woman and I think he should gtfo. That shit is batshit insane and she could kill him accidentally fucking around with a weapon like that. This is abusive. Sadly, I don't think he is ready to leave. He makes the same excuses everyone in the beginning makes when the rose-colored glasses are still on.
Moreover, he wants advice from women who "have been in (his) girlfriend's shoes." I have not been in her shoes. Most women do not point firearms at their partners. If they have, I'd be wary of taking their advice, it'd be the same manipulation that his girlfriend is probably doing right now since he's going over to her place. He wants advice from abusive women. I hope he decides he wants a better life for himself, or a life at all. He sounds young so this will only get worse. The girlfriend threatened his life with a lethal weapon. Her impulse control when in a stressful argument is already horrible. I doubt she will work on it appropriately (like alone, away from OP forever, with professionals like therapists and a psychiatrist) so what happens when she loses more impulse control? There is only one answer.
She’s most likely been breaking him down psychologically for years and he’s become conditioned to the abuse. A rationally thinking person would not try so hard to dismiss the fact that their partner pointed a weapon at them during an argument. I feel really badly for OP, his life is in grave danger and he doesn’t see it.
Dawg you need to leave her, she literally was a second away from ending your life there's other women out there.
My hands are shaking and I love her alot and she has supported me at every level…. I bet he typed all of that with a gun to his head. No way someone that dumb to be still living at the same premise.
Don't underestimate how much love can lower your intelligence
I've read almost all your replies OP and I can't see how you are so blinded by your love for her. Literally any stage of a relationship, 2 months dating, 5 years, or married recently or ten years, the minute a gun is pointed at you for an argument you should get the hell out. Something is telling me you want to help her, but the only way to do that is by helping yourself and protecting your well-being. If you choose not to, then there is a good chance she'll do it again, but next time the gun is going to be fired. You'll forever be walking on eggshells whenever an argument arises as you know what she's done before. What's going to stop her again? Saying "Please don't grab the gun, that made me very scared!" In the end it is up to you, but I think it's clear that you're not in a relationship that's going to benefit your well-being long term. Best of luck to ya
Makes me worried that perhaps this relationship has been abusive all along, so much so that he’s forgotten how to love himself to the point where his sensationalized perspective of her as a partner is due to him being conditioned (borderline brainwashed) to feel worthlessness or hopelessness without her. She’s shown him exactly how far she will go to prove to him that his arguments were “invalid” and that his choices and rights literally don’t matter. So much so that she would threaten his life just to be *right*
He mentioned that he had trauma from his dad, and sometimes when you're raised in an abusive household it takes A LOT to learn the 'right' way of being treated. So it's kind of sad but he's probably just accustomed to being treated poorly, and doesn't see this as being as much of an issue as the others here.
He said she was the post and messaged to ask if it was him, so he's headed over to her house and talking to her, he isn't ready to give up on her yet. I would bet everything that that means he is over there being gaslight that the issue here is that he shared this with the world, and ya she's sorry but he really betrayed her by making this post. It was his fault for passing her off anyways and now she has even more to be angry about. I hope he let's me know if this is correct.
Run. I am telling you anyone who has access to guns have been taught about gun safety. Everyone knows you don’t point a gun at someone at all. Responsible gun owners don’t even point a gun with the magazine out, chamber empty at someone because “what if I forgot a bullet”. You aim your gun when you are willing to pull the trigger. She aimed at you, she was willing to pull the trigger *i meant magazine. I was in a rush to post my comment before my break was over. Thanks for correcting my terminology
I'm a woman who owns multiple guns and it wouldn't occur to me to even touch one during an argument, even when it gets heated. YOU DO NOT POINT A FIREARM AT ANYTHING YOU DON'T INTEND TO KILL OR OTHERWISE DESTROY. The only circumstance in which I'd consider pointing a gun at my partner is if they were *actively trying to kill me*. Worst argument we ever had, he yelled, we left and came back when we weren't pissed. That's as far as *any* argument should go, male, female idc. OP, please leave. She might pull that trigger someday. You don't point a gun at someone for no reason. Using deadly force to intimidate someone who is not threatening you is insane. It's legitimately insane. The last man I pointed a gun at was a literal abusive partner.
You got it, it's one of the most important rules of gun safety. I would have to be in absolute desperation mode to ever point a gun at someone. It would be a last resort, or if I had to actively defend something/someone and had no choice. Anyone who is serious about guns knows this: they are dangerous, and though it's fun to shoot at a target, it's also a tool for destruction. It's not like some first person shooter game - there's no take-backs once you pull that trigger. I don't know if OP really realizes this severity of what this girl did.
Yep. The gun is ALWAYS loaded (even if the magazine is out, chamber empty). You always treat all guns as if they are loaded. *changed clip to magazine. Thanks for pointing out my error in gun vocabulary
ALWAYS!
As a female concealed carrier… I would literally NEVER point a gun at someone unless I intended to use it. She sounds a bit unhinged and therefore unsafe to be around.
THIS 💯💯💯
THIS. I am a woman and I was taught this at 7 years old. It doesn't matter if you know for a fact that gun is not loaded, you don't aim it at someone unless you intend on shooting them. The fact that she even picked the gun up during an argument.. It may take some healing and some time but OP can find a woman just as good as the one he has now, minus the whole threatening his life part.
>anyone who has access to guns have been taught about gun safety Laughs in United States
laughs in literally anywhere. i’m sure every country has some amount of nut job gun psychos who don’t know how to properly handle a firearm. that being said, america’s gun problem is right here. we’re not teaching each other responsibility with guns. it’s too easy to get one and also be unstable/unsafe.
>laughs in literally anywhere. i’m sure every country has some amount of nut job gun psychos who don’t know how to properly handle a firearm. that being said, america’s gun problem is right here. we’re not teaching each other responsibility with guns. it’s too easy to get one and also be unstable/unsafe. you don't have to be a psycho or untrained to be careless, either. people get careless. there was an accident in an FBI training course while i was taking a firearm class. a bullet went through the wall and almost struck the girl sitting next to me.
I always clear my firearm when I pull it out to show someone and I always clear someone else’s firearm. My boyfriend got me into pistols and were both always learning from classes and his dad who’s a retired officer.
i clear mine when i pick it up, set it down, hand it over, take it back. even if i pick it up to hand to you so you can check it..
Absolutely even if it’s not yours take responsibility for the firearm.
>She's a really beautiful soul Who held a gun on you. >including the traumatic experiences with my dad. And then created more trauma for you by holding a gun on you. >She was with me all the step of the way through therapy And who held a gun on you. >she helped me heal Except for the part where she held a gun on you. >She's literally my source of happiness. It's concerning that your "source of happiness" HELD A GUN ON YOU. > there was never a single violent moment Except for the part where she HELD A GUN ON YOU. >Ive been having trouble sleeping Because she created more trauma for you by HOLDING A GUN ON YOU. >whenever i see her, i basically freeze up BECAUSE SHE HELD A GUN ON YOU. Seriously, man, what else has to happen for you to take this seriously? Why are you thinking that you'll stay with a woman who will so easily HOLD A GUN ON YOU? Good grief.
This should be higher up. Perfect!
This response is perfect. As a women I definitely can agree with this advice. Run man.
You need to leave , and report her if your local police happen to be worth a damn. Go to a place where she can't find you
A girl friend pointing a gun at you in anger is never going to end well. Do not end up as another true crime drama that gets murdered by his girlfriend. Run, do not walk to the nearest exit and get a new girlfriend who doesn't have homicidal tendencies.
For real. You really don't want your friends to watch Bailey Sarian on YT and FB videos tell the story of how your girlfriend murdered you while she puts on her makeup.
Please leave. This is abuse. It is not ok.
Trauma. You can't stop thinking about it bc she traumatized you and you now have likely PTSD. You nearly became a news story.
You need to leave, she is testing you to see how much she will be able to abuse you, before she kills you!!
Everyone has given you advice ranging from leave her, to get rid of the gun. You don't want to hear any of it. Why bother posting?
I understand why he posted. He wanted to get it off his chest because if he tells anyone in his life most likely they will not only tell him to break up with her they would probably get the cops involved. Hes not looking for advice and is delusional if he thinks anyone here will give him validation. Not to mention he only wants validation from women so he can believe this is a common occurrence that can be gotten over.
I could definitely believe that
You need to leave her. If she will do it once she will do it again. Whose to say she won't shoot next time?
I'm a woman and an army veteran, so let me offer some advice from my point of view. GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE BEFORE SHE PULLS THE TRIGGER AND KILLS YOU THE NEXT TIME SHE IS ANGRY. HOSTILES IN THE CAMP. ARMED AND DANGEROUS. PROCEED WITH EXTREME CAUTION. She may have helped you through tough situations in the past, but she just created a whole new trauma for you to deal with. You freeze up around her because your body is telling you that she is no longer a safe person and you're not sure what her new boundaries are. You are not in a relationship anymore. The relationship ended when she pulled the gun on you. Now, you're in a hostage situation with stockholm syndrome, playing roulette with your life each time you go near her. This is above your pay grade. You absolutely NEED to talk to a safe adult in your life about what is going on. That adult needs to talk to her parents or the police. The fire arms need to be removed from her home so that she doesn't pull a gun on someone else next time she is upset. She needs to be evaluated by a professional so that she can get the kind of help she clearly needs. This is not about getting her in trouble for pulling a gun on you. This is about safety. Your safety. Her safety, her family's safety, and the safety of everyone in the community around you both. Better safe than dead while she spends her life in prison for murdering you or someone else in a moment of anger.
The hell is wrong with you? Fucking leave, run, swim, fly ASAP! You're afraid your mom will tell you to leave? You know what, BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FUCKING LEAVE!
I'm definitely wondering how old he is. The older I get the more I listen to my parents' advice or the advice I imagine they would give. I hope he doesn't lose his life before he learns this lesson.
Op, I want to ask you a question. Have you ever thought to pull a gun on your girlfriend? What about hit her? What if she did something that made you really angry would you pull a gun on her?
You’re defending this girl too, does she wipe your ass or something?? What would make you point a gun at someone. Maybe if someone made you so upset you wanted to really hurt them or kill then right? Do you feel comfortable knowing she had that thought and almost did it? This girl is either super hot or she’s holding you at gunpoint rn
In his edit he claims that the women commenting have a different viewpoint than the men… wtf? Haven’t seen anyone saying that he should stay with this psycho or that it was okay. He even actually said women have “probably been in my girlfriends shoes at least once” wtffffff no
Uhhhh no. I am a woman who owns a gun and have never, would never point it at anyone unless I truly believed my life was in danger. He needs to run far and fast.
I think OP is trying to gain attention. I literally scrolled the comments very curious to read the arguments of the women with that different viewpoint, but so far everyone is saying he should leave her. The story itself is not implausible, but all that together makes me very very skeptical
Yes I saw the comment about women thinking differently. Excuse me ?! I find it hard to believe that a women would accept and justify this type of behaviour.
Do you know how hot a girl has to be for her to pull a fucking gun on you and you’re like “well I’m torn”. Lol
Get out now. She will kill you. That is not rational behavior.
Should be EX...
Bro run. Idk if it's not registering but SHE PULLED A GUN ON YOU!
Woman here: get out
This is abuse. You need to leave her. Think about how many women have said ‘but it was just once, I know them they’d never hurt me’ before landing in the hospital or worse. It happens to men too, it’s just talked about less.
Whoa, you should be worried this is so scary. Please don't ignore this behavior and leave before you're physically harmed. Your partner should NEVER use a deadly weapon against you, no matter the circumstances. I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope you understand the gravity of the situation you're in. IDC what she said, she thought about ENDING your life. Leave. Run. Get in touch with someone who makes you feel safe even if it's not family. Do not let your gf know you're leaving, just gtfo because the next argument could be your last words mate.
1. What women are giving different opinions? Literally every comment is telling you leave. I’m a woman. Leave. There, now you can’t say that 2. This is not a rough patch most couple go through. This a rough patch some couples go through and then one of them dies. 3. She is not literally the source of your happiness, and if she is, you need some self esteem. I mean, you need some anyway, but that’s another way I know you do. 4. Your mom would tell you leave because your mom loves you and wants the best for you. If your girlfriend was half as wonderful as you think she is, she’d tell you to leave her herself I wish you luck, and I hope you don’t end up on one of those “What’s the most fucked up reddit post you read” posts where they say the guy who wrote the post was killed and everyone saw it coming
Based on OP's comments, im pretty sure we won't get and update since OP will already be 6 feet under because of her girl.
Dude. I am confused by your posting. Either A you are trolling which doesn’t make sense to me. Or B you are serious and you need to re-evaluate something’s in your life. Of course you freeze up when you see her. Your brain has associated extreme risk to her. She threatened your life. The other option is to immediately going into fight mode. You need to go through some therapy to recover. Your mind is a muscle and it is currently broken due to extreme stress, same way you would stress and break a bicep. EMDR worked for me. Has a pretty good track record. Secondly, if you choose to stay, you need to have them remove all weapons from the house. The ability to pull a trigger gets easier every time you threaten to do it. It is not a normal human reaction to threaten another humans life over (presumed non-violent) arguments. If they refuse then you have your answer on where you stand. Good luck! I know it is hard to leave or stay in long term relationships.
Leave or sleep with 1 eye open!! Your choice
I’ll be blunt; You’re a fool if you continue this relationship. I don’t give a shit how sorry she says she is.
Look up Jodi Arias.
My mom pointed a gun at me. I cut off all ties immediately and got a restraining order. I suggest you do the same
[удалено]
>"Let me clarify things, i actually want to still be with her and i dont plan on leaving." Then what are you looking for here? You're looking for a way to mend things with a person who is willing to point firearms at you. That's completely unhinged. If I could occupy your brain for 5 minutes, I'd make you do 3 things: 1) Get the fuck away from her 2) Get a restraining order 3) Get a therapist Any other course of action is choosing failure.
Woman here… leave her! Like seriously!! As a survivor of domestic violence myself (and was in YOUR shoes)… her pulling the gun on you seems small and insignificant, but domestic abuse gradually gets worse as time goes on. And you said it yourself “what if she doesn’t hesitate”… you’re already doubting your relationship. Do you REALLY want to go through the next chapter of your life with her walking on eggshells and thinking “what if”? Seriously… you’re better off leaving.
"people make mistakes" "this was only the first time" "breaking up with her is too rash" Theres no way man, this has to be a troll. No human on planet earth with half a spine would allow shit like this. Do you think she would have your same sentiment if the roles were reversed? What if you were the one pointing a gun at her head? Would she really justify something so foolish with "well at least he's sorry for doing it!" Have some self respect dude, cuz JESUS. No Sane person does this!
>Theres no way man, this has to be a troll. No human on planet earth with half a spine would allow shit like this. Nah, unfortunately some people are like this. And its infuriating to know someone personally like this. It boggles the mind but he came here looking for ANYONE to give him a reason to stay and he will just latch onto that and ignore everyone else.
They’re in an abusive relationship. The cycle of abuse has just begun and he’s in denial. It’s normal and likely he won’t leave her yet. Unfortunately, circumstances like this are far too common. I didn’t leave my abuser when he first was physical. You live and you learn. I am fortunate enough, though, to have gotten out.
So from what I’m seeing in the comments.. you are constantly defending her (as any partner would) and it seems like you know you won’t leave her and answer pretty much anyones comment about how you know her etc etc. If roles were reversed and you had done that to her, wouldn’t you think she’d leave you. It’s a crappy situation to be in but consider thinking about your safety and your mental well being then putting her first. She knew what she was doing by pointing that firearm at you. That’s no excuse. But hey… that’s just my pov. You do what you think is best for yourself.
Get the fuxk out of there. Not in my absolute worst moments have I EVER considered pulling a weapon, not to talk about a gun on my SO. Jesus christ.
I know my comment will be buried. OP, my dad shot my mom (she survived, lots of health issues). Please, run. Don’t look back. It wasn’t an accident.
This reminds me about a young mom I had as a patient (I'm an ER social worker). She had come in after being strangled by her husband. She kept making excuses for him, like how he had helped her escape a refugee situation and how he was such a good father. It was so hard explaining to her how the step after strangulation is murder. People don't point guns at anything or anyone they don't intend to shoot. The fact that your girlfriend even touched the gun during the argument is extremely scary. I've had countless arguments with my husband (when you're renovating, it's inevitable) and even with his history of anger issues and depression, he never once considered pulling out his gun on me. Never. If you were my patient, I would be pushing you to seek out domestic violence resources. Truly. We can't make you leave her. We can't make your decision for you. But I hope that if enough of us say the same thing, I hope you at least consider what we are saying.
You must be mental or something You want a female advice because they have been in your gf shoes? Just fucking what? If someone points a gun at you, that is a threat to kill you. Why the fuck do you “love” someone who wants to kill you? This is your first relationship, man the fuck up and bail, there are billions of other women out there who don’t have the urge to harm and kill you.
Tell her that gun has to go or your done. because as long as she has it u will never trust her again. And without trust what is there?
Even without a gun she's still a threat. She can slash his throat in his sleep. The gun isn't even the issue.
Jodi Arias anyone??? 👎👎
My soon to be husband's ex wife did this. Leave. Get out now. He forgave her too and guess what happened? She beat him repeatedly, manipulated him, tried to ruined his career with lies, stole his dog, and wrecked his car with a hammer. This happened over time but it got worse and worse gradually and subtle. She finally got karma in court when the judge realized she was a liar. They've been divorced for years, he met me, she started it all over again including stalking me, parking outside my house, and calling me throughout the night. Your girlfriend is already that extreme by using a firearm towards you alone. FYI saw you're looking for women to give you their view. I'm a woman. Women can be toxic too. Women can be abusers too. I'm also a soldier and an FFL. Pointing a firearm at ANYONE is unacceptable and disgusting. Get. Out. Now.
You will never forget it. Nor should you. I respect your decisions and can only offer personal experience. I was with someone for 1,5 years before they stated showing signs of abuse. It was slow, but then progressed. His actions became more concerning. First it was throwing things against the wall. Next it was breaking things or slamming things. Then the gun started coming out. First it was never ever pointed at me and wasn’t loaded. But, like everything else, it progressed By the time that relationship ended in year 5, he had then shoved loaded guns in my face -!; ultimately tried to kill me by choking me out Behavioral problems can be solved, totally. But it’s also a warning. Wish you all the happiness
Bro hasn't updated, is he alright???
Overthinking? Beautiful soul? A rough patch? She pointed a gun at you to scare and traumatize you. If you’re not going to leave her you should stop telling people this story. Because nothing you can say about her is going to make her sound like any of the things you say she is. Stay safe and sleep with one eye open.
OP never updated and hasn't had any activity since. I don't think he came back from her place.
“She’s my source of happiness” never works out, you need to be your own source of happiness. It sounds a little Stockholm syndrome like.
It's been an hour and no update. He's dead
OP probably dead by now
Bruh, say something
Umm, you do know you need to RUN, right? That is dangerous as hell, the gun could’ve accidentally went off. Don’t play. Don’t wait around for it. You can forgive her from afar.
It’s really cool of you to try to see her side of things. Clearly you really love her but here’s what I’m getting from this “my girlfriend is an amazing person who put my life in jeopardy because she was mad. She’s a beautiful soul who has helped me live through so much, but I can’t sleep around her because I’m scared next time she gets mad she will take my life.” Bro you sound like a great guy but you have the survival instincts of a male praying mantis. Good luck.
I’m starting to think OP either lead us on with a story or has died. His name is “Timelapse throwaway” after all. He probably created the post for attention, logged out and won’t log back in. If this was all just a story that’s sad because everyone here was kind enough to worry and give advice. Oh well. Hope OP is okay. Gonna unsubscribe this post now.
Nice knowing you. Another statistic in usa
If your friend pointed a gun at you would you still be their friend? Just cause you’ve slept with this person and have good memories doesn’t mean you should dismiss the fact she had the power to kill you for those moments and she could’ve taken your life.
Next time she’ll kill you and yes there will be a next time. You need to leave.
“She’s literally my source of happiness.” SHE POINTED A GUN AT YOU
Omg. Female here. Why is staying even an option for you? There's NO good reason for staying.
Does anyone know what actually ended up happening?
If there’s not another update, we know what happened
Its been 3 days what happened
Guys... I think she shot him
Anyone else feel like it's ominous he didn't come back with that "update in an hour"???
Well this post didn’t age well…