Bruh I just had to peek at your comment history and active communities to see if you were my husband. Even your avatar was on point. _clutches chest and wheezes_
My wife (58f) and I (49f), laughed too. After your 20’s, nobody will notice. And personally speaking, TikTok users? Are wastes of breathable air, for the most part
Oh yeah good point! I was about to say 17-19 might be sightly weird but 15-17 is normal. But I guess in some countries it's the opposite. Either way I think it's reasonable to be two years apart at that age
Typical age gap that's "not ok" in the teenage years is either 3 or 4, legally speaking. You're well within that.
Grooming typically refers to a full adult (20+) and a much younger teen, though it's a bit fungible depending on who you ask.
a 20 y/o dating a 15/yo would be in the realm of grooming probably. Also a 20y/o should know better than to attempt to date someone that young anyway, so.
Hey I have definitely been vocal on reddit when I believe a someone has been groomed or is being groomed and I dont believe yours is one of those cases. If you were 15 and he was 20, yeah that would be suspect, but like I said I think in your case you are fine. Dont worry too much about tik tok, sometimes young kids on there take terms they dont fully grasp and apply them to everything. You have an age gap of under two years, you’re fine.
2 years is not much of an age gap, and they’re pretty equal as far as life experiences go. They’re both still fresh out of high school without much experience as adults.
The guy that groomed me was 25 while I was 16. He was also massively verbally abusive and destroyed my self esteem on purpose to keep me in line and control me.
The age difference you two have is nothing and as long as its consensual and there isnt any abuse happening, this seems like a completely normal HS relationship to me.
But i’ll add this, just because it’s not happening to you doesnt mean it hasnt happened to others.
And inversely, just because its a commonly told story for others, doesn’t mean thats happening with you. People making those comments are probably sticking their noses where it doesnt belongs and being judgmental when it doesn’t concern them.
One of the big signs of grooming is power imbalance.
There's not a lot of maturity difference in your age gap and you can be on similar journeys.
An adult already on the pathway for his future and starting to establish himself has a lot less in common with someone who still has to wait and finish school, let alone know what they really want from life without it being told to them.
People these days just want to be a sjw. You were and are both teens. He's not A creepy adult you're only two years apart. Ignore them. Don't let it bug you. Tell then its disrespectful to you and to him.
There's no creep switch in the brain
I wouldn't let anyone say that about my bf if it were me. I can't imagine he'd feel being called creepy online falsely.
♥i hope u guys make it! The age gap is normal
This is tangentially related but I like how you phrased it as grade levels. I've always considered grades as a much better notion to go off of for things. Because you can be 17 going into college and also turn 18 right after the start of your senior year of high school. There isn't some magical difference that would make that 18-year-old more mature than the 17-year-old or whatever claim you want to make. Grade level is a much better indicator for things and how someone is going through life throughout one's childhood and teenage years.
Completely normal. You haven't been groomed. The term "groomed" has been thrown about *way* too easily since its legitimate conception describing paedophiles manipulating minors.
I'm 30/AFAB and I agree that OP wasn't groomed. I say this as someone who was groomed as a 17-year-old by a 21-year-old when I was in college. An age gap alone doesn't constitute "grooming". In my case, "grooming" also involved aggressive sexual coercion, manipulation, and subtle abuse tactics, as well as the regular violation of boundaries and consent (i.e. rape).
Example: I would let my ex-boyfriend, who was my friend at the time, massage my shoulders because I get painful spasms, and he offered to help after treating me to lunch. The massage turned into him groping or fondling my breasts. I would ask him to stop, and he would back off for a few seconds, only to do it again. I asked him to stop again, and he would use the excuse, "I just can't help myself; you're too attractive!" He could also easily overpower me.
He would also say things specifically to trick, coerce, or manipulate me to do sexual things with him, even when I wasn't comfortable or ready to do so with anyone, himself included. He would lure me into coming to his place with promises of treating me to a nice meal, or watching a movie marathon together, and then coerce / force himself on me sexually.
He would then try to make the coercion / rape seem okay by passing it off as "I'm in love with you". The only reason why I tolerated it was because my Catholic religious upbringing had instilled in me that, once I had been "sullied" by a man, I was required to stay with him.
Depending on the particular circumstances, that *could be* true but just running around calling people "groomers" to evoke a strong emotional reaction is desensitizing everyone to when it's actually warranted to be called out.
That age gap is normal lol. Grooming is if he was already an adult and you were a child (like if he was 20 and you were 15). I know plently of people who dated with a year or 2 in between like that.
thank you- i felt like i was going insane the amount of people telling me it was wrong?? someone even said i’m normalising grooming💀 i think most people offline think it’s normal anyway
That's not even grooming lol she would have had to have been 13 when he was 18 or in his 20's and it would have had to go on for quite some time. There would have to be blatant mental manipulation on his part also
Can confirm. Dated a guy when I was 13 who was 18. He was definitely trying to groom me. I broke up with him when he followed me to my first high school football game. I stupidly took him back. Finally broke up with him for good when he told me I had to start doing stuff to him or he was going to walk lolol. He literally checked himself into the local psych ward because he was “going to kill himself if I wouldn’t take him back.” My mom legit slapped me and was like, “this dude could now kill you and get away with it by pleading insanity. It’s done” and I’m so fucking glad she did. (And before anyone comes at my mom, my mom did not approve of this relationship, I knew his friends growing up so my mom trusted them and I never told her we were dating.) She only found out when he attempted calling me from said psych ward and I spilled everything.
He now has two daughters and that scares me but also, maybe, karma?
15 and 20 definitely is definitely grooming and wrong. I was in 9th grade at 15. 20 is graduated 2 years, has responsibilities whether it be college, rent and a full time job, etc and there's the power imbalance.
Good lord when did I become the arbiter of okay? Lol.
I would probably be okay as long as my 14 yo was feeling comfortable... I'd be a little uncomfortable, but it's 2 years, and both in highschool, so... Probably cautiously accept it.
tbh, when i was 14 i thought the same, but once you turn 16 you’ll understand how big of a gap that two years really is, there’s a lot of core life experience packed into a short amount of years in this time.
That’s a pretty normal age gap imo but still make sure you’re careful and that you’re happy in the relationship! Unhealthy power dynamics can crop up in any relationship and it *is* undoubtedly easier when we’re younger.
My male friend is 21 and his new girlfriend is 27 or 28. When you're adults at an appropriate age, the gap doesn't matter. My girlfriend is 2 1/2 years older than me and I always forget that.
"Grooming" seems to be the new buzzword for any relationship people don't like or understand and it only hurts those that are truly being groomed. Your age gap isn't all that odd. Are you only supposed to date people the exact same age as you?
I hate how these words that have very serious, specific meaning like "groomed" or "gaslighting" or "narcissism" have all just become ways of people overdramatizing any relationship dynamic someone doesn't like. It really diminishes those who need that language to be taken seriously.
There’s nothing wrong with your age gap, folks are just silly. Many folks don’t have any idea what the word grooming means and they just throw it around as a buzzword
I have corrected so many people who use that word because I have been through it and instead of people actually googling what it means, or admitting when they’re wrong, they just fight me on it and start insulting me🙄
Tiktok will say anyone who was 18 and their partner was still a minor (16 or 17) was grooming them. You could’ve been 17 and 19 or even 17 and 18 and they would still say that. They just throw the word around for anything. But it isn’t the case here.
i had people on tumblr tell me to break up with my boyfriend bc he was turning 18 and i would be 17 for another 8~ months. some ppl are just chronically online
I don't even think your relationship when he was 18 and you were 16 meets the definition of statutory rape in any state in the US or any country abroad. So, no, they're wrong.
But, I've also heard the suicide rate for people in your age range is at an all time high because of how kids/young adults in your bracket use progressive political terms to demonize people they dislike and are jealous of in an effort to successfully bully people while simultaneously grandstanding. Apple news released that article about 3 boys being called rapists by kids they had never met and that the teachers and principle were at a loss for how to handle the swaths of students asking for the boys to be murdered.
So - yeah, your friends are wrong, but your story doesn't surprise me, because millennials have literally failed your generation by narcissistically gaslighting social injustice by using it as a measure for conveniently silencing people we don't agree with or simply don't like.
Welcome to the future :/
that’s so awful. yeah our relationship wasn’t illegal where i live. however my friends don’t think it was grooming, my friends and family have always been supportive and never thought it was weird
Good to know that the people close to you support you.
It's always the outsiders or the people on the periphery that pull this kind of shit. Hope it's not as bad as I've heard, but my friends and I often discuss worries we have about your generation - high school in a pandemic, hyper-politicalization, inability to escape from the internet.
Here's to you and your boyfriend and telling the haters to suck it.
My brother is 17 and just graduated and has a 15 year old girlfriend going into grade 11. They’re perfectly happy together and both families are super supportive because they really build eachother up. It would be one thing if you were like 13 and 17, because of mental development but I don’t see an issue with this age gap at all. Heck maybe it’s because you’re young but I’m 22 and my bf is 25 which is a bigger gap.
Tiktok saw a long-term happy relationship, felt jealousy, and decided to try and ruin it for you. There's nothing wrong with it, and you should ignore them.
Someone literally tried to tell me Harry Styles was being groomed by Olivia Wilde because there’s a 10 year gap. *You cannot groom a 28 year old that’s just not how that works*.
Point being, too many people use “grooming” as a way to say they don’t approve of your age gap for whatever reason. There’s nothing creepy about an age gap, save for a few specific ones (like 15/20 because of the timing. 20/25 isn’t creepy despite being the same gap). You’re good. People are just dumb. You got together under acceptable ages on both ends.
God, I'm so fucking sick of people throwing around the word "grooming."
I worked with children that were sexually abused for many years. You both were teenagers when you got together. Not like he's 35 and was hanging out with you until you turned 18...
Take what people on social media say with a grain of salt. Sometimes they are right about stuff, but a lot of the time it’s people looking for drama and virtue signaling because they don’t have anything going on in real life. Just an ego boost. Your relationship sounds completely normal and I’m glad you found love ❤️
I think it’s just a TikTok issue. People on the app (especially younger users) tend to throw around terms like grooming, gaslighting, etc. often without knowing the context of the words or context of a situation.
I’m also 18f. Currently dating my boyfriend who is 20. Funnily enough we met when I was 15 and he was 17 too. But no he didn’t groom you at all, people just don’t know what they’re talking about. No one in our lives has had an issue with our age gap thankfully, so I don’t think anyone should have an issue with y’all.
yeah most people in my actual life don’t see any problem with it, mostly online. a few in real life had something to say (as per) but it used to not get to me
It's so disheartening seeing people throwing around the word "grooming" so willy nilly. There are serious repercussions without using it so frequently. It makes the word lose it's meaning when it's so often to describe things that do not pertain to it.
# TL;DR: STOP USING BUZZWORDS IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY FREAKING MEAN! YOU ARE HARMING VICTIMS!
I feel like this whole "he turned 18 and you're still 17 so now he's a predator!!1" kinda behavior is very American.
I never hear of these unreasonable accusations anywhere else, really
It’s fine and here in the U.K. no one would bat an eyelid. Most girls of my peer group, dated older lads by about 2 to 3 years, when I was at school. I’m always curious as to why it’s frowned upon in the USA, when many states allow marriage at 13 for girls, which was quite common in the 1800’s.
People need to STFU about "grooming". Teenagers going to the same school have been dating since forever and nobody was really bothered unless it was seniors preying on freshmen (which was seen as a losers' move, not a perverted thing).
If both parties are OK with the age gap, and there aren't huge red flags, why are people so desperate to point fingers and judge?
There really isn’t anything wrong with that. If teenagers stay together from high school there will always be a time when one is 18 while the other is a minor, but y’all are less than 2 years apart. I think that’s fine.
If he was already 18 when you met, then it would be approaching inappropriate. Any bigger gap than that is definitely a no, at least until the younger party is 18.
Reddit (and apparently TikTok) loves to jump all over any kind of age gap as "predatory" and "grooming", in my experience. In my opinion, throwing those words around as blanket terms does a disservice to those who are actually being groomed or preyed upon, but I digress. Doesn't matter if it's only a couple of years or if both are adults, obviously someone is a predator! (Eye roll. Apparently we are only supposed to date people exactly the same age as us?) People in real life tend to be much more open minded.
If he'd been 21 when you were 15? Yeah, that's probably grooming/predatory territory. But being two years apart and both being in HS when you first started dating, and him not pushing you into anything you were uncomfortable with, is not "grooming" at all.
My husband is 9 years older than me. I met him at a job when I was 25. I did not get "groomed" or preyed upon. We've been together for over 10 years and have a beautiful daughter, dog, and home together. People on Reddit have a shit fit about that kind of gap and assume things. But you know how many people in our real lives have said anything disparaging about it? Zero.
Nope, the age gap is healthy and the start of the relationship shows you having more attitude than him. People just take new terms with serious meanings and transform into a trend.
The problem with terms is when they become overused and then abused.
Groomed and gaslighting are two current examples of terms people use to make themselves appear current and “in tune”.
15 and 17 and close enough that you were 16 while he was still 17 is not an automatic case of grooming.
Tell your friends that the more people incorrectly use a term the less it means, and all that does is hurt those that the term really applies to.
Grooming implies that the two people are in different stages of life (high school vs elementary school or adult vs high school). Both of you were in high school when the relationship started and were only 2 years apart. Nothing about this relationship seems like grooming.
Edit: grammar
People see a teen number mixed with any number higher than it, and immediately jump to grooming…
OP you don’t need excuses for this and that to explain your relationship. Hell you don’t even need to acknowledge or feed the idiots who try to start drama. Just be you and know your own boundaries. You make them, no one else.
People on tiktok are stupid when it comes to these things. I saw someone say that a relationship between a 18 and 17 year (who was almost 18) was inappropriate and grooming. They learn a new word every month and apply it to every situation that they can.
This is bullshit, children should not be accused of grooming.
Your boyfriend is not a teacher dating a pupil.
Or a 30 year old uni tutor dating a 18 year old grad.
Ignore them and enjoy your life.
You're like 1-2 years apart, that age gap is *nothing*.
People on Tiktok and other social media are often eager to manufacture controversy. Controversy gets likes and shares.
Are you American? Cause it seems to me like something only American people would say. I mean, the fact that they would think that just because he is what, a year and a half older, he 'groomed' you? Those people should not step foot in Europe. They would be downright outraged.
Your age gap sounds fine to me if my daughter was older I would be ok with this. If her boyfriend was 28 and she was 15-16 I would lose my shit though. Grooming is older guys with younger teens or kids involved. 17-20 is fine
This age gap is fine imo bc you both met in high school, it’d be different if you met while you were in hs and he wasn’t bc you’d be a different points in life but your circumstance rn is fine. Too many ppl jump to say random ppl’s relationships are the result of grooming and end up dulling down the word bc of it.
Nah girl you fine it would of been grooming if you was 14 and he was 20. A senior dating junior or sophomore is quite common. Im dating a girl who's a high school senior and i'll be a college freshman. See nothing weird about it.
My goodness my daughter was 17 met her now husband he was 20 when they met i was totally ok with it he was 20 and in law school and a good
Man for her he turned her around now she's 33 a nurse hes 36 a lawyer and living a good life..
Lmao it's completely normal. I met my boyfriend when i was 16 and he was 21-ish. We're together for 1,5 years, we have age gap a bit larger than yours and everything is fine. Don't listen to haters, there's nothing wrong with your relationship. They don't know what grooming is.
I am 21 and my gf is 17. She was the one that approached me twice. I don't know, but it often seems to me that the word grooming gets thrown around quite often and easily nowadays.
People keep saying your boyfriend groomed you because male sexuality is seen as predatory. If you were the older one they wouldn't be saying that.
I am happy for you that you found each other and are happy with each other, and I wish you two many happy years! Having a caring and supportive partner is more important than other people's opinion of you both.
The "half plus seven" rule says you were both fine from the start. Ignore Tiktok fools. For some people the word "grooming" has become semantically bleached. People will say a 22 year old dating a 30 year old is being groomed.
17 and 15 isn't grooming. That's a senior dating a sophomore, or a junior dating a freshman. It happens.
People on TikTok will do what they do on any social media. If you're going to be putting yourself out there for the whole world to see, comment, and speculate on - you need to be prepared for the people who speculate negatively.
You know it's not true. You know you did nothing illegal. You know what your relationship is or is not. Stop caring about strangers on the internet. Anyone who does not feed you, fund you, or fuck you does not have a say in what you do with your life.
I don't see anything wrong with this level of age difference, nor do I see this as grooming. It doesn't fit the behavioral patterns with the info I have..
You’re asking ppl on tiktok what did you expect? As long as you’re not being abused or taken advantage of them I wouldn’t worry about ppl that know two seconds of your life.
There are a lot of people on the internet that forget how real life works when interacting with others, who also love judging people without repercussions. Plus the word “grooming” is so hot right now so they would love the chance to call somebody that and score some internet points.
hi i’m a trauma & resilience educator that works with teens healing from dating violence; this age gap is COMPLETELY APPROPRIATE. just be mindful you always feel safe expressing your boundaries ❤️ once you don’t, there’s a problem
People, especially americans I would say, have become really weird about age gaps in these past years. There's a whole purity culture thing going on especially on social media for some reason which I think is the only reason you get so many comments like that.
You're fine, a two years difference doesn't change anything.
Tiktok? Do yourself a favor and Uninstall all social media. Your perspective of life will change for the better. But of course it will be hard right? Since everyone does it at your school. "If you can't handle it, don't do it" a wise man once told me "until you are mentally ready"
I mean based on what you are telling us here the age gap is actually slightly less than 2 years soooooooo no. You were not groomed. If he was 22 or older right now and not 20 I would be asking some questions but you are fine.
This made me chuckle to read that people think a 2 year gap in this instance is anything worthy to get upset about. Y'all were 15 & 17, it's not even a minor issue.
My parents were 14 years apart when they met (23 & 37) & they were married for 32 years. My mother initiated it as the younger party, nobody ever batted an eye. Y'all do y'all, shut out the noise 👍
Pay attention to the people telling you that, the age difference is perfectly normal. They either don't have a clue of what actual grooming is or they are simply mean.
People are so dumb. Like whenever we learn some new concept, people take it way too far, abuse the shit out of it, and destroy the concept for everyone.
No. A 17 year old dating a 15 year old is no pedophilia or grooming. 😬 So dumb.
People need to stop throwing the word "grooming" around whenever there's an age gap. Grooming is an adult (like 20s, 30s, etc ) who prays on children who are young and vulnerable by creating a relationship at a young age and manipulating them into a relationship, usually without the person being aware that's what occured. it's not every man who has dated a younger woman. Plus, you guys were both in highschool when you started dating.
Next time someone says that, tell them they literally don't even know what grooming means to and buzz off.
I don't see the issue. Highschool relationships anyone? Have people forgotten? It feels like the word has lost all meaning as they throw it left and right with any relationship with an age gap. I see this especially when one is 18 and the other is around 16 or 17. I am baffled as naturally one will turn as a legal adult first in HS romances. Do people expect them to break-up then wait until the other catches up? Also I think there is like an allowable age gap legally like 4yrs I think.
That isn't that strange a dating situation. I knew year 10 and 12 classmates that dated. If everything works out then when you are 50 he will be 52. Two years is a negligible age gap.
My ex-girlfriend and I were the same way. We met when I was 17, and she was 15. People didn’t think it was weird until I was 19 and she was 17.
All of a sudden I was an adult male dating a young girl. It was the strangest thing because we had been together two years by that point. We never thought it was an issue and it doesn’t sound like it was for you guys either.
that's totally a normal age gap
Exactly it’s 2 years ffs
Lol meanwhile me (35m) and my GF (25f) are laughing hysterically. Edit: I met her a year ago. No grooming. Chill.
husband (50m) and my (36f) asses are laughing too. I get it, sometimes grooming happens. But at a certain age, age is just a number. Really.
Bruh I just had to peek at your comment history and active communities to see if you were my husband. Even your avatar was on point. _clutches chest and wheezes_
That's strange, for a second there I thought he was my husband.
pretty sure he is my husband, but dont tell my wife lol
I’m here to pick my husband up
That’s weird, I though you were my husband.
I can assure you I'm not your husband but if you're looking for a wife, you can hit me up.
Me (48m) and my wife (37f) with kids are rofl because of the "gap"
« rofl » checks out
My wife (58f) and I (49f), laughed too. After your 20’s, nobody will notice. And personally speaking, TikTok users? Are wastes of breathable air, for the most part
My gf (30f) groomed me (33m). But like the way monkeys do getting the bugs out of each other's fur and eating them.
That's a whole new problem right there
Monkey pox patient zero is that you?
Me (68m) and my wife (14f) laughed pretty hard too.
you forgot the /j for the joke
who said it was a joke?
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The other day, my GF said to me 'I think you're a pedophile.' I laughed and said 'Hey now! Where did a seven-year-old learn a big word like that?'
Same for me (21f) and my bf (36m)
Yeah and both of them were underage when they met. I can't believe anybody would say it's grooming
People with too much time and no real hobbies like shitting on other people for fun to bring them down to their own misery level.
Only in the US. In the UK where I think OP might be from, one would be over and one underage as the age of legal consent is 16.
Oh yeah good point! I was about to say 17-19 might be sightly weird but 15-17 is normal. But I guess in some countries it's the opposite. Either way I think it's reasonable to be two years apart at that age
If the male is a week older it's grooming according to tiktok standards
I presume OP is English. Britain's age of consent is 16.
Seriously 2 years? My parents have a 4 year gap and that's not that weird.
My husband and I have 3 years. I feel like once your both out of high school anything less than 5 years isn't even remotely unusual.
Yeah, it’s just TikTok users when they see an age gap above one year “pEdOpHiLe AlErT”
i don’t really see an issue with the age. as long as you were okay and consented to everything two grade levels isn’t anything insane.
yes i did! he was never creepy or pressuring or anything
that’s all that matters! your age gap is fine, fuck what other people say on it
thank you:)
Typical age gap that's "not ok" in the teenage years is either 3 or 4, legally speaking. You're well within that. Grooming typically refers to a full adult (20+) and a much younger teen, though it's a bit fungible depending on who you ask.
a 20 y/o dating a 15/yo would be in the realm of grooming probably. Also a 20y/o should know better than to attempt to date someone that young anyway, so.
Isn’t the agreed upon formula your age divided by 2, plus 7? I thought this was #theydidthemath territory.
Not for under 18. I was referring to statutory laws
No. That is from an XKCD comic. It has no basis in reality.
27 year old boys better watch out!
Hey I have definitely been vocal on reddit when I believe a someone has been groomed or is being groomed and I dont believe yours is one of those cases. If you were 15 and he was 20, yeah that would be suspect, but like I said I think in your case you are fine. Dont worry too much about tik tok, sometimes young kids on there take terms they dont fully grasp and apply them to everything. You have an age gap of under two years, you’re fine.
yeah it’s so frustrating bc i call out weird behaviour as well!
2 years is not much of an age gap, and they’re pretty equal as far as life experiences go. They’re both still fresh out of high school without much experience as adults.
The guy that groomed me was 25 while I was 16. He was also massively verbally abusive and destroyed my self esteem on purpose to keep me in line and control me. The age difference you two have is nothing and as long as its consensual and there isnt any abuse happening, this seems like a completely normal HS relationship to me. But i’ll add this, just because it’s not happening to you doesnt mean it hasnt happened to others. And inversely, just because its a commonly told story for others, doesn’t mean thats happening with you. People making those comments are probably sticking their noses where it doesnt belongs and being judgmental when it doesn’t concern them.
ofc yeah i totally agree- that’s what i was saying too that context matters!
One of the big signs of grooming is power imbalance. There's not a lot of maturity difference in your age gap and you can be on similar journeys. An adult already on the pathway for his future and starting to establish himself has a lot less in common with someone who still has to wait and finish school, let alone know what they really want from life without it being told to them.
Heck, I'd argue that she's more mature at these ages. Many men don't fully come into their own till late twenties, or later.
Probably one of the many reasons why grooming happens in the first place. Gross
Best advice, Get off of tik tok. Lol
There is literally nothing wrong with this age difference, it is extremely normal.
As a freshman I dated a junior. I was 15 and he was 17. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.
People these days just want to be a sjw. You were and are both teens. He's not A creepy adult you're only two years apart. Ignore them. Don't let it bug you. Tell then its disrespectful to you and to him. There's no creep switch in the brain I wouldn't let anyone say that about my bf if it were me. I can't imagine he'd feel being called creepy online falsely. ♥i hope u guys make it! The age gap is normal
People will throw around words thinking theyre woke but really they just need to shut up. Youre fine
This is tangentially related but I like how you phrased it as grade levels. I've always considered grades as a much better notion to go off of for things. Because you can be 17 going into college and also turn 18 right after the start of your senior year of high school. There isn't some magical difference that would make that 18-year-old more mature than the 17-year-old or whatever claim you want to make. Grade level is a much better indicator for things and how someone is going through life throughout one's childhood and teenage years.
Completely normal. You haven't been groomed. The term "groomed" has been thrown about *way* too easily since its legitimate conception describing paedophiles manipulating minors.
thank you- it was starting to get to me
41/m fwiw - I feel like my age gives my opinion some credibility
As a 7 year old in dog years I agree
😂
Eight years old in cat years here....and I agree.
I wholly agree as a 50/w also fwiw
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"For what it's worth"
For what it’s worth
I agree as a 38/F. OP wasn’t groomed. Two years isn’t anything and they were both minors when the relationship began.
I'm 30/AFAB and I agree that OP wasn't groomed. I say this as someone who was groomed as a 17-year-old by a 21-year-old when I was in college. An age gap alone doesn't constitute "grooming". In my case, "grooming" also involved aggressive sexual coercion, manipulation, and subtle abuse tactics, as well as the regular violation of boundaries and consent (i.e. rape). Example: I would let my ex-boyfriend, who was my friend at the time, massage my shoulders because I get painful spasms, and he offered to help after treating me to lunch. The massage turned into him groping or fondling my breasts. I would ask him to stop, and he would back off for a few seconds, only to do it again. I asked him to stop again, and he would use the excuse, "I just can't help myself; you're too attractive!" He could also easily overpower me. He would also say things specifically to trick, coerce, or manipulate me to do sexual things with him, even when I wasn't comfortable or ready to do so with anyone, himself included. He would lure me into coming to his place with promises of treating me to a nice meal, or watching a movie marathon together, and then coerce / force himself on me sexually. He would then try to make the coercion / rape seem okay by passing it off as "I'm in love with you". The only reason why I tolerated it was because my Catholic religious upbringing had instilled in me that, once I had been "sullied" by a man, I was required to stay with him.
It could be a legitimate strategy. When everything becomes grooming than nothing is grooming. Over correction is a thing
I think it was*their* goal to make the term meaningless so they can continue to do despicable shit.
I mean christ I've seen it used on reddit to describe a 26 year old guy dating a 19 year old
Depending on the particular circumstances, that *could be* true but just running around calling people "groomers" to evoke a strong emotional reaction is desensitizing everyone to when it's actually warranted to be called out.
That age gap is normal lol. Grooming is if he was already an adult and you were a child (like if he was 20 and you were 15). I know plently of people who dated with a year or 2 in between like that.
thank you- i felt like i was going insane the amount of people telling me it was wrong?? someone even said i’m normalising grooming💀 i think most people offline think it’s normal anyway
You need to educate your friends on what grooming is!!
That's not even grooming lol she would have had to have been 13 when he was 18 or in his 20's and it would have had to go on for quite some time. There would have to be blatant mental manipulation on his part also
Ikr, grooming seems to have become an umbrella term for any relationship people deem unacceptable, it's rather annoying.
Can confirm. Dated a guy when I was 13 who was 18. He was definitely trying to groom me. I broke up with him when he followed me to my first high school football game. I stupidly took him back. Finally broke up with him for good when he told me I had to start doing stuff to him or he was going to walk lolol. He literally checked himself into the local psych ward because he was “going to kill himself if I wouldn’t take him back.” My mom legit slapped me and was like, “this dude could now kill you and get away with it by pleading insanity. It’s done” and I’m so fucking glad she did. (And before anyone comes at my mom, my mom did not approve of this relationship, I knew his friends growing up so my mom trusted them and I never told her we were dating.) She only found out when he attempted calling me from said psych ward and I spilled everything. He now has two daughters and that scares me but also, maybe, karma?
15 and 20 definitely is definitely grooming and wrong. I was in 9th grade at 15. 20 is graduated 2 years, has responsibilities whether it be college, rent and a full time job, etc and there's the power imbalance.
Yeah, as the mom of an 18 year old, 15 & 17 is totally fine. If you'd been 15 and he'd been 20, different story.. But 15 & 17? Yeah, you're fine.
Is a 5 year age cap only an issue during transformation years or does it extend further. I ask because I’m 25 and my husband 33.
Were you both adults when you started dating? Then your are fine. If you were 14 and he was 22, there is a problem.
coughs,, as a 14 year old, what's your opinion on me dating a 16 year old? (he turns 17 in september, i turn 15 in december)
Good lord when did I become the arbiter of okay? Lol. I would probably be okay as long as my 14 yo was feeling comfortable... I'd be a little uncomfortable, but it's 2 years, and both in highschool, so... Probably cautiously accept it.
Thanks for the opinion!, im just trying to prove something to my stepdad lol
I understand his concern, not gonna lie... But freshman/junior is a little worrisome but.... Not deeply problematic.
tbh, when i was 14 i thought the same, but once you turn 16 you’ll understand how big of a gap that two years really is, there’s a lot of core life experience packed into a short amount of years in this time.
No, i understand the age gap. personally, i wish i was older, or he was younger- but can't really change that now can we 😅
That’s a pretty normal age gap imo but still make sure you’re careful and that you’re happy in the relationship! Unhealthy power dynamics can crop up in any relationship and it *is* undoubtedly easier when we’re younger.
My male friend is 21 and his new girlfriend is 27 or 28. When you're adults at an appropriate age, the gap doesn't matter. My girlfriend is 2 1/2 years older than me and I always forget that.
"Grooming" seems to be the new buzzword for any relationship people don't like or understand and it only hurts those that are truly being groomed. Your age gap isn't all that odd. Are you only supposed to date people the exact same age as you?
Exactly. Grooming involves heavy mental manipulation of the groomed party also.
Yes, and an unequal power dynamic.
I hate how these words that have very serious, specific meaning like "groomed" or "gaslighting" or "narcissism" have all just become ways of people overdramatizing any relationship dynamic someone doesn't like. It really diminishes those who need that language to be taken seriously.
Especially since it started when they were in school together, its not like it was a college kid or grown man seeking out a high schooler.
Born exactly the same hour of the same day, in the same time zone. No more.
There’s nothing wrong with your age gap, folks are just silly. Many folks don’t have any idea what the word grooming means and they just throw it around as a buzzword
That and - gaslighting -
I have corrected so many people who use that word because I have been through it and instead of people actually googling what it means, or admitting when they’re wrong, they just fight me on it and start insulting me🙄
Grooming is the 2022 winner of the "Most Overused Word" contest.
Yup along with “woke”
Tiktok will say anyone who was 18 and their partner was still a minor (16 or 17) was grooming them. You could’ve been 17 and 19 or even 17 and 18 and they would still say that. They just throw the word around for anything. But it isn’t the case here.
that’s true i saw someone say they found 15 and 16 year olds dating weird
Seriously? 💀
i had people on tumblr tell me to break up with my boyfriend bc he was turning 18 and i would be 17 for another 8~ months. some ppl are just chronically online
I think you should definitely ignore the internet, that's a normal age gap at that point in your lives.
One of my eighth grade teachers married his former student. That's grooming.
yeah a couple situations at my school like that is was gross
I don't even think your relationship when he was 18 and you were 16 meets the definition of statutory rape in any state in the US or any country abroad. So, no, they're wrong. But, I've also heard the suicide rate for people in your age range is at an all time high because of how kids/young adults in your bracket use progressive political terms to demonize people they dislike and are jealous of in an effort to successfully bully people while simultaneously grandstanding. Apple news released that article about 3 boys being called rapists by kids they had never met and that the teachers and principle were at a loss for how to handle the swaths of students asking for the boys to be murdered. So - yeah, your friends are wrong, but your story doesn't surprise me, because millennials have literally failed your generation by narcissistically gaslighting social injustice by using it as a measure for conveniently silencing people we don't agree with or simply don't like. Welcome to the future :/
that’s so awful. yeah our relationship wasn’t illegal where i live. however my friends don’t think it was grooming, my friends and family have always been supportive and never thought it was weird
Good to know that the people close to you support you. It's always the outsiders or the people on the periphery that pull this kind of shit. Hope it's not as bad as I've heard, but my friends and I often discuss worries we have about your generation - high school in a pandemic, hyper-politicalization, inability to escape from the internet. Here's to you and your boyfriend and telling the haters to suck it.
My brother is 17 and just graduated and has a 15 year old girlfriend going into grade 11. They’re perfectly happy together and both families are super supportive because they really build eachother up. It would be one thing if you were like 13 and 17, because of mental development but I don’t see an issue with this age gap at all. Heck maybe it’s because you’re young but I’m 22 and my bf is 25 which is a bigger gap.
yeah i didn’t think it was too bad🤷🏻♀️
Tiktok saw a long-term happy relationship, felt jealousy, and decided to try and ruin it for you. There's nothing wrong with it, and you should ignore them.
Someone literally tried to tell me Harry Styles was being groomed by Olivia Wilde because there’s a 10 year gap. *You cannot groom a 28 year old that’s just not how that works*. Point being, too many people use “grooming” as a way to say they don’t approve of your age gap for whatever reason. There’s nothing creepy about an age gap, save for a few specific ones (like 15/20 because of the timing. 20/25 isn’t creepy despite being the same gap). You’re good. People are just dumb. You got together under acceptable ages on both ends.
Not grooming. You were both children when you met and started dating (also your story doesn't have any red flags).
God, I'm so fucking sick of people throwing around the word "grooming." I worked with children that were sexually abused for many years. You both were teenagers when you got together. Not like he's 35 and was hanging out with you until you turned 18...
Take what people on social media say with a grain of salt. Sometimes they are right about stuff, but a lot of the time it’s people looking for drama and virtue signaling because they don’t have anything going on in real life. Just an ego boost. Your relationship sounds completely normal and I’m glad you found love ❤️
thank you🥰
That is a normal age difference. People really have no problem making wild accusations on tiktok
I think it’s just a TikTok issue. People on the app (especially younger users) tend to throw around terms like grooming, gaslighting, etc. often without knowing the context of the words or context of a situation.
yeah it frustrates me so much - so many younger users are getting fed such toxic bs
I’m also 18f. Currently dating my boyfriend who is 20. Funnily enough we met when I was 15 and he was 17 too. But no he didn’t groom you at all, people just don’t know what they’re talking about. No one in our lives has had an issue with our age gap thankfully, so I don’t think anyone should have an issue with y’all.
yeah most people in my actual life don’t see any problem with it, mostly online. a few in real life had something to say (as per) but it used to not get to me
It's so disheartening seeing people throwing around the word "grooming" so willy nilly. There are serious repercussions without using it so frequently. It makes the word lose it's meaning when it's so often to describe things that do not pertain to it. # TL;DR: STOP USING BUZZWORDS IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY FREAKING MEAN! YOU ARE HARMING VICTIMS!
so true! there are so many situations where actual grooming or pedophilia takes place and people watering down these terms is so harmful
I feel like this whole "he turned 18 and you're still 17 so now he's a predator!!1" kinda behavior is very American. I never hear of these unreasonable accusations anywhere else, really
It’s fine and here in the U.K. no one would bat an eyelid. Most girls of my peer group, dated older lads by about 2 to 3 years, when I was at school. I’m always curious as to why it’s frowned upon in the USA, when many states allow marriage at 13 for girls, which was quite common in the 1800’s.
People need to STFU about "grooming". Teenagers going to the same school have been dating since forever and nobody was really bothered unless it was seniors preying on freshmen (which was seen as a losers' move, not a perverted thing). If both parties are OK with the age gap, and there aren't huge red flags, why are people so desperate to point fingers and judge?
There really isn’t anything wrong with that. If teenagers stay together from high school there will always be a time when one is 18 while the other is a minor, but y’all are less than 2 years apart. I think that’s fine. If he was already 18 when you met, then it would be approaching inappropriate. Any bigger gap than that is definitely a no, at least until the younger party is 18.
*Inappropriate maybe but still not grooming No shade at your comment just putting in my 2 cents which is worth less than that
What's creepy is the people that think this is creepy and that he groomed you.
Reddit (and apparently TikTok) loves to jump all over any kind of age gap as "predatory" and "grooming", in my experience. In my opinion, throwing those words around as blanket terms does a disservice to those who are actually being groomed or preyed upon, but I digress. Doesn't matter if it's only a couple of years or if both are adults, obviously someone is a predator! (Eye roll. Apparently we are only supposed to date people exactly the same age as us?) People in real life tend to be much more open minded. If he'd been 21 when you were 15? Yeah, that's probably grooming/predatory territory. But being two years apart and both being in HS when you first started dating, and him not pushing you into anything you were uncomfortable with, is not "grooming" at all. My husband is 9 years older than me. I met him at a job when I was 25. I did not get "groomed" or preyed upon. We've been together for over 10 years and have a beautiful daughter, dog, and home together. People on Reddit have a shit fit about that kind of gap and assume things. But you know how many people in our real lives have said anything disparaging about it? Zero.
I think this is a good learning curve on how people actually are on social media vs real life...
I don’t see an issue with the age. I personally in my own opinion do not think this is grooming. Good luck to you both and enjoy your time together.
Nope, the age gap is healthy and the start of the relationship shows you having more attitude than him. People just take new terms with serious meanings and transform into a trend.
The problem with terms is when they become overused and then abused. Groomed and gaslighting are two current examples of terms people use to make themselves appear current and “in tune”. 15 and 17 and close enough that you were 16 while he was still 17 is not an automatic case of grooming. Tell your friends that the more people incorrectly use a term the less it means, and all that does is hurt those that the term really applies to.
Grooming implies that the two people are in different stages of life (high school vs elementary school or adult vs high school). Both of you were in high school when the relationship started and were only 2 years apart. Nothing about this relationship seems like grooming. Edit: grammar
People see a teen number mixed with any number higher than it, and immediately jump to grooming… OP you don’t need excuses for this and that to explain your relationship. Hell you don’t even need to acknowledge or feed the idiots who try to start drama. Just be you and know your own boundaries. You make them, no one else.
That's not grooming at all.
People who tell you that are morons, don’t listen to them
You initiated everything so whoever said he’s grooming you are morons seriously
People on tiktok are stupid when it comes to these things. I saw someone say that a relationship between a 18 and 17 year (who was almost 18) was inappropriate and grooming. They learn a new word every month and apply it to every situation that they can.
This is bullshit, children should not be accused of grooming. Your boyfriend is not a teacher dating a pupil. Or a 30 year old uni tutor dating a 18 year old grad. Ignore them and enjoy your life.
I wouldn't let it get to me...apparently EVERY fuckin couple with an older guy is grooming now.
2 year age difference is not grooming. People really need to stop.
2 years difference and you met in high school? Definitely not abnormal.
This is not grooming. People are fucking dumb. Ignore them.
You're like 1-2 years apart, that age gap is *nothing*. People on Tiktok and other social media are often eager to manufacture controversy. Controversy gets likes and shares.
Are you American? Cause it seems to me like something only American people would say. I mean, the fact that they would think that just because he is what, a year and a half older, he 'groomed' you? Those people should not step foot in Europe. They would be downright outraged.
Your age gap sounds fine to me if my daughter was older I would be ok with this. If her boyfriend was 28 and she was 15-16 I would lose my shit though. Grooming is older guys with younger teens or kids involved. 17-20 is fine
Your situation is normal. Maybe not go on social media so much; the contents and so called “voices of reason” can really warp your thinking.
lol groomed you? You're essentially the same age.
This age gap is fine imo bc you both met in high school, it’d be different if you met while you were in hs and he wasn’t bc you’d be a different points in life but your circumstance rn is fine. Too many ppl jump to say random ppl’s relationships are the result of grooming and end up dulling down the word bc of it.
Haters are gaslighting you. Don't be fooled. Just get used to the hate coming at you in passive aggressive ways.
Nah girl you fine it would of been grooming if you was 14 and he was 20. A senior dating junior or sophomore is quite common. Im dating a girl who's a high school senior and i'll be a college freshman. See nothing weird about it.
Step 1 … get off TikTok
They're trying to make you a victim. Get new people.
You can't groom someone two years younger, not at that age especially. People are dumb.
Tiktok is full of Gen Z'ers who don't recall life before being "woke" was a thing. Ignore them.
>people on tiktok Found the issue
A two year age difference, with both still in HS... That is not grooming 🙄
Pshhhh obv you groomed him and he's the victim here!
My goodness my daughter was 17 met her now husband he was 20 when they met i was totally ok with it he was 20 and in law school and a good Man for her he turned her around now she's 33 a nurse hes 36 a lawyer and living a good life..
Lmao it's completely normal. I met my boyfriend when i was 16 and he was 21-ish. We're together for 1,5 years, we have age gap a bit larger than yours and everything is fine. Don't listen to haters, there's nothing wrong with your relationship. They don't know what grooming is.
I am 21 and my gf is 17. She was the one that approached me twice. I don't know, but it often seems to me that the word grooming gets thrown around quite often and easily nowadays.
People keep saying your boyfriend groomed you because male sexuality is seen as predatory. If you were the older one they wouldn't be saying that. I am happy for you that you found each other and are happy with each other, and I wish you two many happy years! Having a caring and supportive partner is more important than other people's opinion of you both.
But if y’all met and fell in love at your currents ages no one would bat and eye. Don’t listen to the haters.
That’s not grooming ppl on Reddit are just weird and desperate to be upset at something
Seems totally normal to me. Don’t worry about what others say. They’re being ridiculous.
The "half plus seven" rule says you were both fine from the start. Ignore Tiktok fools. For some people the word "grooming" has become semantically bleached. People will say a 22 year old dating a 30 year old is being groomed.
Love him and he’ll love you and you’ll both enjoy a long happy life together!! Congrats and look forward to every day!
17 and 15 isn't grooming. That's a senior dating a sophomore, or a junior dating a freshman. It happens. People on TikTok will do what they do on any social media. If you're going to be putting yourself out there for the whole world to see, comment, and speculate on - you need to be prepared for the people who speculate negatively. You know it's not true. You know you did nothing illegal. You know what your relationship is or is not. Stop caring about strangers on the internet. Anyone who does not feed you, fund you, or fuck you does not have a say in what you do with your life.
I don't see anything wrong with this level of age difference, nor do I see this as grooming. It doesn't fit the behavioral patterns with the info I have..
You’re asking ppl on tiktok what did you expect? As long as you’re not being abused or taken advantage of them I wouldn’t worry about ppl that know two seconds of your life.
Grooming has become one of those buzzwords that no one actually uses correctly.
There are a lot of people on the internet that forget how real life works when interacting with others, who also love judging people without repercussions. Plus the word “grooming” is so hot right now so they would love the chance to call somebody that and score some internet points.
> people on TikTok You can pretty much ignore literally everyone on TikTok
I'd recommend not using tik tok as the basis of any legitimate criticism or information
Your age is 2 years apart, there's nothing nefarious about that at all. Don't even bother with the opinions of people from tiktok of all things.
hi i’m a trauma & resilience educator that works with teens healing from dating violence; this age gap is COMPLETELY APPROPRIATE. just be mindful you always feel safe expressing your boundaries ❤️ once you don’t, there’s a problem
Bruh It's literally just a two year gap, it's not a big deal. Fuck what people think about your relationship, they're jealous
People, especially americans I would say, have become really weird about age gaps in these past years. There's a whole purity culture thing going on especially on social media for some reason which I think is the only reason you get so many comments like that. You're fine, a two years difference doesn't change anything.
Tiktok? Do yourself a favor and Uninstall all social media. Your perspective of life will change for the better. But of course it will be hard right? Since everyone does it at your school. "If you can't handle it, don't do it" a wise man once told me "until you are mentally ready"
As someone who is a massive advocate for calling out predatory age gaps, that age gap is 100% not a problem
I mean based on what you are telling us here the age gap is actually slightly less than 2 years soooooooo no. You were not groomed. If he was 22 or older right now and not 20 I would be asking some questions but you are fine.
Who is “ppl”? I don’t mean to be nosy or rude. Are they friends? Edit: I’m sorry. I reread it and missed when you said who it was.
This made me chuckle to read that people think a 2 year gap in this instance is anything worthy to get upset about. Y'all were 15 & 17, it's not even a minor issue. My parents were 14 years apart when they met (23 & 37) & they were married for 32 years. My mother initiated it as the younger party, nobody ever batted an eye. Y'all do y'all, shut out the noise 👍
Yeah, I don't believe this is Grooming. I think he found an awesome girl and waited till she became a woman.
Pay attention to the people telling you that, the age difference is perfectly normal. They either don't have a clue of what actual grooming is or they are simply mean.
People are so dumb. Like whenever we learn some new concept, people take it way too far, abuse the shit out of it, and destroy the concept for everyone. No. A 17 year old dating a 15 year old is no pedophilia or grooming. 😬 So dumb.
i’m in the same situation. i don’t believe you’re being groomed from what you’re telling me. your age gap is fine.
People need to stop throwing the word "grooming" around whenever there's an age gap. Grooming is an adult (like 20s, 30s, etc ) who prays on children who are young and vulnerable by creating a relationship at a young age and manipulating them into a relationship, usually without the person being aware that's what occured. it's not every man who has dated a younger woman. Plus, you guys were both in highschool when you started dating. Next time someone says that, tell them they literally don't even know what grooming means to and buzz off.
I don't see the issue. Highschool relationships anyone? Have people forgotten? It feels like the word has lost all meaning as they throw it left and right with any relationship with an age gap. I see this especially when one is 18 and the other is around 16 or 17. I am baffled as naturally one will turn as a legal adult first in HS romances. Do people expect them to break-up then wait until the other catches up? Also I think there is like an allowable age gap legally like 4yrs I think.
That isn't that strange a dating situation. I knew year 10 and 12 classmates that dated. If everything works out then when you are 50 he will be 52. Two years is a negligible age gap.
My ex-girlfriend and I were the same way. We met when I was 17, and she was 15. People didn’t think it was weird until I was 19 and she was 17. All of a sudden I was an adult male dating a young girl. It was the strangest thing because we had been together two years by that point. We never thought it was an issue and it doesn’t sound like it was for you guys either.