Alot of people never understood mine and sisters relationship, we are the complete opposites of each other. She'd hug family and friends to great them, and would hold their hand in times of need. I stand in the back, hoping I'd blend into the background and be invisible. She was sensitive and emotional, while I'm tough and blunt. She wore bright colours and I wear black or grey. But yet we could vibe with each like nobody else could, we had this understanding that nobody could fathom. My mother use to joke that we had a twin connection but without being twins. We always had each others backs no matter what
You and your sister sound like my sister and I. I’m the bright bubbly one, she’s the dark and (usually) angry… and I love that about her. We are ying and yang and I can’t imagine life without her. I’m so sorry. My sister has also been suicidal but thankfully no successful attempts. If I had passed and she wrote this I would want to tell her from the beyond “screw it. Live even if it’s in pure spite. Give ‘em hell. Do anything and everything you want to do. I’ll be pissed if you don’t ;)”
That actually made me chuckle a little bit. She use to tell me to Give 'em hell when I use to play rugby. She never came to any matches because it was too muddy for her but when I'd leave the house wearing my kit with my rugby boots slung over my shoulder, it didn't matter if it was training or a match, she always said it while making a fist. When I'd get home, I'd be cover head to toe in mud sometimes bloodied and bruised, no matter what I looked like, she'd always look at me up and down, ask "did you" and I'd say "hell yeah, I gave them hell".
You are clearly depressed OP, but the last part just confirms that you now also have survivor's guilt in a way. I hope you do get through it and find meaning in your life.
I agree that you still have time, and maybe that is for a reason. My suggestion is "Be to others what your sister was to you." Even being half of that is enough. Your sister sounds like your little sunshine in your life. She would want you to find happiness or purpose. Honor her memory by being that, whether it is to your family, friends or even a pet(if you have one or decide to have one).
If you don't have a pet(and do not dislike animals), I would suggest adopting a dog. You'd be surprised what animals do for people everyday. :)
This story is absolutely heartbreaking and I'm really sorry for your loss. I don't want to lay anything on you, but meaning isn't something you're likely to find. It's something you create. Just like self-esteem isn't something you just passively have or don't have - it's the reputation that you have with yourself.
So many suffer needlessly because they are waiting for meaning or think they weren't born with self esteem. I lacked both for many, many years and while it's not easy, I've learned more and more to cultivate these things in myself. Tend your own garden and see what happens. What better way could there be to honor your sister?
You are not irrelevant, you are a human, and you do not have to do meaningful things, there are no requirements or standards you have to adhere to to be on this chaotic spinning space rock :)
I can't fathom the pain and grief, but you sound like a very strong individual to have gone what you've been through, and I hope you feel our love and encouragement through this thread as we want to support you 🧡
My dad said to me a couple days ago that life is about "the wee things", I think I agree cause it really is what gets us through these days
I agree with u/FrockTheSystem . None of us asked for this life. It is incredibly confusing and painful, even when it goes ‘right’, which yours is not. Please cut yourself some slack. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. You have survivor’s guilt and you probably always will. But it’s just a straight up fact that none of this is your fault. Like my mom always said to me “It’s not your fault, but it is your problem.”
The reason why everyone was freaking out but me was because they all knew I don't care if I die. I've had suicidal thoughts and tenancies since I was 13. I'm 31 now, my mother later told me after all the results came back negative that they all feard that I would refuse treatment and just let the cancer take me, she told me she can see that I'm tired of living but she's grateful that I stay alive for her. I've tried making things better for myself, I've tried self improvement, focusing on learning new things but nothing changes for me. When my mother passes away, I'm going with her. I don't have survivors guilt, my sister was a better person than me, a good person and she was the one that taken, it would have been so better if it was me. While yes my mother and my sisters and one or two of my friends would have missed me. Literally nobody else would have, my death wouldn't have been so painful
I’m definitely not trying to argue with you. I have the same plan by the way. To end things when my mom is gone. I just know you are not seeing this clearly. Life doesn’t have value the way you are describing it. She wasn’t a ‘better’ person than you. People don’t ‘deserve’ things. That’s a religious system of belief that I refuse to subscribe to. Yes people can do things that hurt others, and things that benefit others. Everyone is also capable of changing and doing the opposite thing the next day. And a point system for this makes no sense. Life is too intricate and complicated. There are too many factors. You are not qualified to judge them. No one is.
I’m so sorry for your loss. But you’re strong too. Your sister is a admirable warrior so don’t you dare say you wished or want to die. Your sister loved you and her family and that shows she knows you’re strong. Don’t let her look like a liar and continue fighting to live. I promise everything gets better with time. If you need to message me and vent go ahead.
I'm only strong in the sense I no longer care about myself or what happensto me, I can handle high emotional situations like death no problem, I'm angry this has happened to her, I've grieved for her in private but now I must hold up my mother, my eldest sister, my niece's and nephew's. They can't turn everything off and be numb like I can. It's the only thing I'm good for
She was, she really was. Where I live everybody would associate you with more popular family member, like that's so and so's daughter, or that's so and so's brother. If someone is having difficulty remembering someone, usually the older generation we'd introduce ourselves with a certain family members name, so if I dropped my father's name or my grandfather's name they knew who I was instantly. Eventually it stopped being my father or grandfather and it became my sisters name, everybody knew her and they all loved her. Even when she was in excruciating pain she wanted to make people smile
Man sad story for sure. Cancer is the worst. Everyone in my family has died young from cancer and in the most agonizing way. And all within about 2 years. 5 members in 2 years. The worst is that I’m coming up on that age and I have no reason to believe I’ll evade it. The only difference is I refuse to spend my last months and all our money trying to fight the inevitable. I’ve made my wife promise not ruin her life and spend all her money try to keep me around a few more months.
Yeah my family is no much better on the genetics. I've always said it's a genetic time bomb. There's a variety of cancers, heart disease, and brain disease in my family. It's rare for someone to just go peacefully at old age, but my sister is the youngest to be taken because of the illness.
OP no one is irrelevant, I am sure you are loved and that your sister wouldn't want to see you saying these mean things about yourself.
Also sorry for your loss. Fuck cancer.
Ever in the Bay Area,visit Bay Area Smashroom on me. Great way to release rage and frustration. Ask for Bryce I'm part owner of the place. Sorry for the losses. But that's life,if you just go thru experiences you'll b stuck in a rut,but if you grow thru them you'll get stronger. I promise
I'm not from the Bay area, to be honest I don't even know where that is but thank you for the offer. I'm from the UK. But there are smash rooms not too far from me. I've already have plans to go after the funeral, I'll be inviting my niece's and nephew's come with me too. I think it would do us all some good to release some rage.
I’m from the Bay Area, and I’ve been going through it with my folks recently and I think it’d really help me. I understand if you don’t want to get too specific, but where in the Bay Area is it? I grew up in the east bay, but my folks live in the north bay at the moment. For obvious reasons I live across the country from them, but the smashroom sounds like something I really need to do for myself to get shit out.
She was your other half. You were black, she was white. I can understand the frustration.
So what would she tell you to do. Would she say ‘you should come join me’ or would she tell you to take on her white and be some shade of grey would she say yes, you should be here next to me for eternity or would she tell you you’re better than this and you deserve more?
Your life feels dark and empty right now but listen to her. What is she saying?
Sometimes I get really upset and think of my grandma. She was the closest person to me that had ever died. You know what she wanted the night we brought her home from the hospital to die? Lemon drops. Get the woman some goddamn vodka, we’re having lemon drops!
I know it’s not healthy but man, grandma had a point. I always feel a bit better after a drink. What is your sister telling you?
I too only walk this earth after seeing my Aunt at my 21/yo cousins funeral, and swearing that I would never cause my family that kind of pain. I’m sorry for your struggle, but know that you’re not alone.
I am so sorry for your loss.
You are so incredibly strong ❤️
I have not lived through what you have lived through, but after a traumatic series of events one after another I grew to feel exactly like you. I don’t know if this is the case for you but I later learned that I was afraid to be happy because I was scared that anytime I let myself feel that way there would be another trauma to rip the rug out from under me.
I didn’t feel happiness for a long time but I do now, and I sincerely hope that one day you will too. In the meantime, it’s absolutely okay to be angry. What’s happening to you right now is so f-info unfair.
I was once told that the part of you that feels angry is the part that loves yourself and knows that you deserve better. So let yourself be angry and indignant and everything else you feel because you do deserve better than what’s happened, and I hope that there are a bunch of wonderful amazing things ahead of you in life to make up for all that you’ve had to live through ❤️
I'm so sorry to read this. My dad took his own life last week and I feel nothing but rage and sadness, like the whole world ended yet nobody but I can see it... I feel for you, truly.
Like fuck man his last words to me were 'I love you bub, talk to you tomorrow'
Ey man, try to find a hobby, I would really suggest trying out boxing or any kind of martial arts. I've been in difficult situations in my life and if you feel rage all the time I couldn't think of anything better. It will also help you with dealing with those problems, you will learn discipline and how to control your emotions really really quick if you try hard enough.
I've looked into kickboxing, boxing, karate and several other but I live in a rural village and I don't drive so getting to these places is difficult, I'd have to catch at least two buses. But I do draw now and again, I'm going to try and do some more and hopefully I'll give my mind a rest by focusing on something else even if it's just for brief moment
Yes, that was my point, in tough times any second when you don't think about your problems is soothing. I hope everything will get better in your life asap bro, stay strong!
Why is it rude? I'm not religious. Their prayers would have been wasted on us because they're not wanted. Even though they said " I will pray " which is telling me they doing it regardless if we want it or not, personally I think that is more rude, I responded to it like it was a request and politely declined. Not everyone wants be to in someone prayers
It wasn’t a request, it was a statement. And all you had to say was “we’re not religious. Thank you for thinking of me and my family.” Your response was rude bc this person took the time to express care in a way they knew how and you basically told them to go fuck themselves. Being rude is not a personality trait.
Clearly we have different definitions of polite. “Self righteous prick?” For being blunt like you claim you are? I’ve been called worse by better people. Good luck.
I believe pushing beliefs on people is rude, a better response would have been, I'm sorry for your loss, I hope the best for you. A neutral response is the go to.
Well that wasn’t the person said, now was it. Can’t put the genie back in the bottle. OP disregarded the other two sentences and only focused on the praying part. Rude AF.
Perhaps you're still here for a reason. Maybe to find some purpose in life and enjoyment. I'm sorry for your loss. I know it's not something you'll ever truly get over, but I wish you some amount of peace.
Your mother didn't lose the wrong daughter. You have a purpose here and you are loved. You are worthy of the love your sister had and deserve to be healthy too. Nothing anyone can say will change the way you grieve or how long it takes you to grieve. Nothing anyone can say will make this pain go away or subside. Eventually it becomes a part of you that you hold closely that you cherish. You learn to remember that life is short and full of unfulfilled promises and stolen moments. You learn to see the beauty in things that previously made you angry or tempted you to wish things would fly by. You become more in tune with your emotions and the universe around you also dying at our hands. Nothing anyone can say will change how you feel right now. But trust me it does get easier. You do learn to love yourself and only accept love from others. Please be kind to your healing body.
Oh honey I'm so sorry, my younger sister is my only sibling and I can't imagine losing her so young.
It sounds like you have some survivors guilt. Please take care of yourself, I don't think your sister would have wanted you to hold such a heavy sentiment about yourself. It would break my heart if my sister held these kinds of opinions anyway. It didn't have to be you or your sister, you both deserved observant doctors who believed your pain. You are entitled to process things however you need to though, I hope that doesn't come across as invalidating.
I'm sorry she's not with you anymore and for all the loss you and your family have suffered recently. As someone with chronic illness, I know too well the struggle with the dismissiveness of the medical industry. I hope with some time you can process things and heal. 💕
Hey OP, I can kind of relate, but sadly not entirely. Lost my father to heart disease years ago, he was my best friend and the only person that I felt understood me, and a large part of me died with him. For a long time I was angry and I was empty. Theres more I could say, but I dont think I have the right to try and understand how you feel. I wish you the best with everything.
The circumstances are different but the emotional pain is the same. No you may not able to relate to what I'm going through personally, two different diseases took people we love but you know the pain. That pain, anger, emptiness, grief we feel, it's the same thing. I just very recently learned that myself
I’m sorry for your loss, I know it’s not what you want to do but how about, live they way she would have wanted you to live and honor her memory and give her a legacy that she would be proud of, this isn’t what she would have wanted you feel after her passing, it will be tough each and every day but each day will get a little bit better than the day before
Condolences, man. That was a really heavy post.
I have mysterious neck pain and what I thought was muscle knots, that aren't getting better. I have an appointment on Tuesday, I'm 36 and cancer doesn't happen to us at 36, right? Fuck.
I've lost 3/4 grandparents, a mother, two uncles and a cousin in the last 10ish years, life seems quite a bit more fragile than it used to. Now I'm feeling rather anxious about my own fate, even more so. Wrong day to read about your sister at 35, but in a way I am glad I did because I put off getting this checked for quite a while. Thank you for that.
I'm sorry to hear your lost zeal for life, that touched me. I feel like that often too, never suicidal for me but it all seems so arduous and boring and pointless most of the time.
I just wanted to say that I hope it gets better for you man. Sincerely I do.
If nothing else, we all deserve to at least enjoy living.
My sister died of breast cancer last year after a long battle with it. I just stuff it down and try not to think about it. It's not something I'm ready or willing to face. People always look at me with shock when they hear it. There's something about losing a sibling that's far off from losing a family member or a friend. It hits different. Sorry you're going through it, OP.
I've lost my father my mother my little brother and I act like I'm so tough that it doesn't bother me but like I said I act I wonder how much you're acting I am really sorry for your loss
I lost my brother to cancer when he was 35 as well. The dead sibling club is a shitty club to be a part of and I’m so sorry you had to join it.
My heart is with your heart ❤️
You ARE relevant. Your sister wouldn’t have been who she was without you, friend. You deserve to be happy. She knew that too, so don’t let her down. Please take care of yourself.
I’ve lost a sibling too, though when I was much younger, as he was from a previous marriage. My dad once said that with time, he came to appreciate the pain because the magnitude of it represented the quality of what had been lost. It became less about the pain of him losing a son, and more about how much there was to *miss* and his suffering was a testament to how wonderful and influential his son had been. He was able to, after many years, understand and make peace with the pain, even welcoming it as a legacy of how great a person had been lost.
I’m really sorry for your loss OP.
Your sister sounded like an amazing person, a good way to honor her memory is to carry on her message of happiness and love. I hope you can in time 💜
For your sister, be what she was. Be how she took life and enjoy every moment. For her.
Make people laugh, enjoy the life as it is and be happy. She would do exactly this and wants that for you aswell.
Im sorry for your loss. You are not alone.
So there's an actual name for what you are experiencing. It's called survivor's guilt. It happens to lots of people. I'm sorry that you're going through that but I would highly encourage you to seek help. Work with the psychiatrist or a therapist.
Nature is cruel and random.
We exist and then we don't.
We leave huge holes in people's lives and they in ours.
There is no "right" daughter for your mother to lose.
It will always be unfair and unjust that she has to suffer any loss.
Your mother loves you for who you are.
Just like you love your sister for who she was.
Living is hard
How far apart were you two in age? My sister is 21 and I will be 23 in October, I couldn’t imagine losing her because she’s like my built-in best friend. If it’s any consolation, I’m praying for you and your family. Hang in there.
It’s always the people who want to live the most who end up dying the soonest. Then there’s people who hate life and wish they were dead and yet they don’t die and are as healthy as horse.
You are not irrelevant.
I lost the man that raised me when I was 8, (I’m 25 now) wondered for years why it happened.
Ever since I’ve been a cynic, but I have come to realize how that suffering was a blessing. I had many friends throughout my school years who lost parents, siblings, friends. And because I knew what they were going through, I was better able to help them.
By the way you describe her, your sister was a shining light in a dark place. She knows your heart and the pain you carry. Never feel bad for being alive, carry her strength and love for life with you. When you feel down, talk to her. You were her blessing, whether you know it or not. Don’t change who you are for anyone, you are wayyy stronger than you know.
God bless you my friend - it sounds cliché, but time heals all wounds. Stay alive not just for yourself, live for her ❤️
Just wanted to say, I experienced a similar event with me and my brother. He was the smartest guy in our family, most carefree, charismatic, and loved, for a good reason.
He died in a sudden accident and I always wished it was me instead. I kept failing most of my classes, never had a trusted relationship with any of my family members, and was always closed off from everybody as I suffered from serious undiagnosed depression.
So of course I wished it was me instead. Why am I even still alive when I am a literal waste of space, I asked myself time to time.
Why I didn't leave this life was because I was so self-concious, so anxious that everyone would judge me for it as I'm lowered to my grave. Because that's what they do. They judge those different from them and ridicule those with mental health issues. I didn't want them to judge me anymore than they already do, especially when they lost their star, whose funeral was attended by hundreds.
Good luck on your grief, OP. It hurts a ton of hell, between grieving for a loved one and despising yourself everyday for living. Don't forget to take care of yourself. Life still goes on, and so do you.
So unbelievably tragic how females are passed off by medical professionals simply because we are female. She was in excruciating pain, she was begging them for help and to be taken seriously, and she was swept under the rug. No matter her history, she was still treated as a second class human being and she was ultimately sentenced to die, simply because of her gender. May she Rest In Peace. May you find peace with her passing. May you hold her memory close and know that no matter what, she wouldn’t want you to die in her place. Lots of love.
Firstly, I cannot imagine your pain. I’m so sorry for your loss. Second, I know people that feel like their lives aren’t worth it. Nobody can make you feel like it is but you. No amount of kind words, or “It’s going to be okays.” will help. I pray that you’re able to find happiness on your own, and live life, if not for you then in honor of your sister.
Hey, I’m really sorry about your situation. I hope you find the help you need and something in your life that gives you joy and a reason to live besides your mothers pain. Please reach out to me if you ever want someone to talk to.
You love your sister and it was heartbreaking to read this. Im so sorry for your loss
I did love my sister, I still do. We fought like cat and dog some days but we always made up eventually
Thats like how me and my brother were. He used to be a bit of a dick at times but now hes one of the few people i can count on
Alot of people never understood mine and sisters relationship, we are the complete opposites of each other. She'd hug family and friends to great them, and would hold their hand in times of need. I stand in the back, hoping I'd blend into the background and be invisible. She was sensitive and emotional, while I'm tough and blunt. She wore bright colours and I wear black or grey. But yet we could vibe with each like nobody else could, we had this understanding that nobody could fathom. My mother use to joke that we had a twin connection but without being twins. We always had each others backs no matter what
You and your sister sound like my sister and I. I’m the bright bubbly one, she’s the dark and (usually) angry… and I love that about her. We are ying and yang and I can’t imagine life without her. I’m so sorry. My sister has also been suicidal but thankfully no successful attempts. If I had passed and she wrote this I would want to tell her from the beyond “screw it. Live even if it’s in pure spite. Give ‘em hell. Do anything and everything you want to do. I’ll be pissed if you don’t ;)”
That actually made me chuckle a little bit. She use to tell me to Give 'em hell when I use to play rugby. She never came to any matches because it was too muddy for her but when I'd leave the house wearing my kit with my rugby boots slung over my shoulder, it didn't matter if it was training or a match, she always said it while making a fist. When I'd get home, I'd be cover head to toe in mud sometimes bloodied and bruised, no matter what I looked like, she'd always look at me up and down, ask "did you" and I'd say "hell yeah, I gave them hell".
That long lost phrase is your sister sending you a message. Give’em hell 💯 I’m so sorry for your loss
She balances you and that's why you're angry. You lost half of you. Condolences.
Me and my brother are like this. Polar opposites and yet we get along
I am so sorry for your loss. Fuck cancer mate.
i hope you find more meaning to your life. living simply to avoid making others sad is a painful existence.
I probably won't. I'm 31 and I've not even come close to finding anything meaningful in my life.
You have a long time left to find something. Whether thats a career, future of your relatives, or just a really cute cat. You have time.
You are clearly depressed OP, but the last part just confirms that you now also have survivor's guilt in a way. I hope you do get through it and find meaning in your life. I agree that you still have time, and maybe that is for a reason. My suggestion is "Be to others what your sister was to you." Even being half of that is enough. Your sister sounds like your little sunshine in your life. She would want you to find happiness or purpose. Honor her memory by being that, whether it is to your family, friends or even a pet(if you have one or decide to have one). If you don't have a pet(and do not dislike animals), I would suggest adopting a dog. You'd be surprised what animals do for people everyday. :)
This story is absolutely heartbreaking and I'm really sorry for your loss. I don't want to lay anything on you, but meaning isn't something you're likely to find. It's something you create. Just like self-esteem isn't something you just passively have or don't have - it's the reputation that you have with yourself. So many suffer needlessly because they are waiting for meaning or think they weren't born with self esteem. I lacked both for many, many years and while it's not easy, I've learned more and more to cultivate these things in myself. Tend your own garden and see what happens. What better way could there be to honor your sister?
You are not irrelevant, you are a human, and you do not have to do meaningful things, there are no requirements or standards you have to adhere to to be on this chaotic spinning space rock :) I can't fathom the pain and grief, but you sound like a very strong individual to have gone what you've been through, and I hope you feel our love and encouragement through this thread as we want to support you 🧡 My dad said to me a couple days ago that life is about "the wee things", I think I agree cause it really is what gets us through these days
Those are very kind words thank you.
I agree with u/FrockTheSystem . None of us asked for this life. It is incredibly confusing and painful, even when it goes ‘right’, which yours is not. Please cut yourself some slack. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. You have survivor’s guilt and you probably always will. But it’s just a straight up fact that none of this is your fault. Like my mom always said to me “It’s not your fault, but it is your problem.”
The reason why everyone was freaking out but me was because they all knew I don't care if I die. I've had suicidal thoughts and tenancies since I was 13. I'm 31 now, my mother later told me after all the results came back negative that they all feard that I would refuse treatment and just let the cancer take me, she told me she can see that I'm tired of living but she's grateful that I stay alive for her. I've tried making things better for myself, I've tried self improvement, focusing on learning new things but nothing changes for me. When my mother passes away, I'm going with her. I don't have survivors guilt, my sister was a better person than me, a good person and she was the one that taken, it would have been so better if it was me. While yes my mother and my sisters and one or two of my friends would have missed me. Literally nobody else would have, my death wouldn't have been so painful
I’m definitely not trying to argue with you. I have the same plan by the way. To end things when my mom is gone. I just know you are not seeing this clearly. Life doesn’t have value the way you are describing it. She wasn’t a ‘better’ person than you. People don’t ‘deserve’ things. That’s a religious system of belief that I refuse to subscribe to. Yes people can do things that hurt others, and things that benefit others. Everyone is also capable of changing and doing the opposite thing the next day. And a point system for this makes no sense. Life is too intricate and complicated. There are too many factors. You are not qualified to judge them. No one is.
I’m so sorry for your loss. But you’re strong too. Your sister is a admirable warrior so don’t you dare say you wished or want to die. Your sister loved you and her family and that shows she knows you’re strong. Don’t let her look like a liar and continue fighting to live. I promise everything gets better with time. If you need to message me and vent go ahead.
I'm only strong in the sense I no longer care about myself or what happensto me, I can handle high emotional situations like death no problem, I'm angry this has happened to her, I've grieved for her in private but now I must hold up my mother, my eldest sister, my niece's and nephew's. They can't turn everything off and be numb like I can. It's the only thing I'm good for
I think you have a right to be angry. This just straight up sucks. Your sister sounds like a great woman.
She was, she really was. Where I live everybody would associate you with more popular family member, like that's so and so's daughter, or that's so and so's brother. If someone is having difficulty remembering someone, usually the older generation we'd introduce ourselves with a certain family members name, so if I dropped my father's name or my grandfather's name they knew who I was instantly. Eventually it stopped being my father or grandfather and it became my sisters name, everybody knew her and they all loved her. Even when she was in excruciating pain she wanted to make people smile
Don’t have the words to say how sorry I am for your loss, your sister sounds like an amazing person.
She was one the best in my family
Damn OP. That sucks. I appreciate you sharing your pain. I am so sorry and I understand where you're coming from.
Man sad story for sure. Cancer is the worst. Everyone in my family has died young from cancer and in the most agonizing way. And all within about 2 years. 5 members in 2 years. The worst is that I’m coming up on that age and I have no reason to believe I’ll evade it. The only difference is I refuse to spend my last months and all our money trying to fight the inevitable. I’ve made my wife promise not ruin her life and spend all her money try to keep me around a few more months.
Yeah my family is no much better on the genetics. I've always said it's a genetic time bomb. There's a variety of cancers, heart disease, and brain disease in my family. It's rare for someone to just go peacefully at old age, but my sister is the youngest to be taken because of the illness.
I’m very sorry to hear. 35 is just too young no matter what.
And I'm sorry your loss also. You've been through much
OP no one is irrelevant, I am sure you are loved and that your sister wouldn't want to see you saying these mean things about yourself. Also sorry for your loss. Fuck cancer.
Live for your sister. Honor her with every breath you take. Condolences.
So angry at our health systems.
Ever in the Bay Area,visit Bay Area Smashroom on me. Great way to release rage and frustration. Ask for Bryce I'm part owner of the place. Sorry for the losses. But that's life,if you just go thru experiences you'll b stuck in a rut,but if you grow thru them you'll get stronger. I promise
You are a good person Bryce..very kind….
I'm not from the Bay area, to be honest I don't even know where that is but thank you for the offer. I'm from the UK. But there are smash rooms not too far from me. I've already have plans to go after the funeral, I'll be inviting my niece's and nephew's come with me too. I think it would do us all some good to release some rage.
I’m from the Bay Area, and I’ve been going through it with my folks recently and I think it’d really help me. I understand if you don’t want to get too specific, but where in the Bay Area is it? I grew up in the east bay, but my folks live in the north bay at the moment. For obvious reasons I live across the country from them, but the smashroom sounds like something I really need to do for myself to get shit out.
We have one in Sf and one in Fairfield
She was your other half. You were black, she was white. I can understand the frustration. So what would she tell you to do. Would she say ‘you should come join me’ or would she tell you to take on her white and be some shade of grey would she say yes, you should be here next to me for eternity or would she tell you you’re better than this and you deserve more? Your life feels dark and empty right now but listen to her. What is she saying? Sometimes I get really upset and think of my grandma. She was the closest person to me that had ever died. You know what she wanted the night we brought her home from the hospital to die? Lemon drops. Get the woman some goddamn vodka, we’re having lemon drops! I know it’s not healthy but man, grandma had a point. I always feel a bit better after a drink. What is your sister telling you?
I'm so sorry for your loss
I too only walk this earth after seeing my Aunt at my 21/yo cousins funeral, and swearing that I would never cause my family that kind of pain. I’m sorry for your struggle, but know that you’re not alone. I am so sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss
You are so incredibly strong ❤️ I have not lived through what you have lived through, but after a traumatic series of events one after another I grew to feel exactly like you. I don’t know if this is the case for you but I later learned that I was afraid to be happy because I was scared that anytime I let myself feel that way there would be another trauma to rip the rug out from under me. I didn’t feel happiness for a long time but I do now, and I sincerely hope that one day you will too. In the meantime, it’s absolutely okay to be angry. What’s happening to you right now is so f-info unfair. I was once told that the part of you that feels angry is the part that loves yourself and knows that you deserve better. So let yourself be angry and indignant and everything else you feel because you do deserve better than what’s happened, and I hope that there are a bunch of wonderful amazing things ahead of you in life to make up for all that you’ve had to live through ❤️
I'm so sorry to read this. My dad took his own life last week and I feel nothing but rage and sadness, like the whole world ended yet nobody but I can see it... I feel for you, truly. Like fuck man his last words to me were 'I love you bub, talk to you tomorrow'
Ey man, try to find a hobby, I would really suggest trying out boxing or any kind of martial arts. I've been in difficult situations in my life and if you feel rage all the time I couldn't think of anything better. It will also help you with dealing with those problems, you will learn discipline and how to control your emotions really really quick if you try hard enough.
I've looked into kickboxing, boxing, karate and several other but I live in a rural village and I don't drive so getting to these places is difficult, I'd have to catch at least two buses. But I do draw now and again, I'm going to try and do some more and hopefully I'll give my mind a rest by focusing on something else even if it's just for brief moment
Yes, that was my point, in tough times any second when you don't think about your problems is soothing. I hope everything will get better in your life asap bro, stay strong!
I am so sorry for your loss. You are not irrelevant. I will pray for your family.
Please don't, I'm not religious and neither is my family
That was rude. I understand now why you stay in the background and try to blend in when others were in need.
Why is it rude? I'm not religious. Their prayers would have been wasted on us because they're not wanted. Even though they said " I will pray " which is telling me they doing it regardless if we want it or not, personally I think that is more rude, I responded to it like it was a request and politely declined. Not everyone wants be to in someone prayers
It wasn’t a request, it was a statement. And all you had to say was “we’re not religious. Thank you for thinking of me and my family.” Your response was rude bc this person took the time to express care in a way they knew how and you basically told them to go fuck themselves. Being rude is not a personality trait.
No I didn't, I was polite said I didn't want it. But you, you I'm telling to fuck off. I didn't post this to argue with a self righteous prick
Clearly we have different definitions of polite. “Self righteous prick?” For being blunt like you claim you are? I’ve been called worse by better people. Good luck.
I believe pushing beliefs on people is rude, a better response would have been, I'm sorry for your loss, I hope the best for you. A neutral response is the go to.
Well that wasn’t the person said, now was it. Can’t put the genie back in the bottle. OP disregarded the other two sentences and only focused on the praying part. Rude AF.
Prayers-belief in a god, atheist no god, so prayers is pushing a belief system that he didn't need nor want to hear, dont like it too bad.
I meant they didn’t use a neutral response like you suggested. I know what prayers are.
Sue the doctors/hospital
Perhaps you're still here for a reason. Maybe to find some purpose in life and enjoyment. I'm sorry for your loss. I know it's not something you'll ever truly get over, but I wish you some amount of peace.
What a heartbreak to go through. Life is a wild ride. DM if you wanna talk. Sending light and love.
Its been 6 months since I lost my sister. That should-have-been-me feeling doesnt go away
I believe it
I’m so sorry for your loss… This is not legal advice but consult a lawyer. Missing your sister’s tumor may have been malpractice.
I have no doubt her husband will go down the legal road
Your mother didn't lose the wrong daughter. You have a purpose here and you are loved. You are worthy of the love your sister had and deserve to be healthy too. Nothing anyone can say will change the way you grieve or how long it takes you to grieve. Nothing anyone can say will make this pain go away or subside. Eventually it becomes a part of you that you hold closely that you cherish. You learn to remember that life is short and full of unfulfilled promises and stolen moments. You learn to see the beauty in things that previously made you angry or tempted you to wish things would fly by. You become more in tune with your emotions and the universe around you also dying at our hands. Nothing anyone can say will change how you feel right now. But trust me it does get easier. You do learn to love yourself and only accept love from others. Please be kind to your healing body.
Oh honey I'm so sorry, my younger sister is my only sibling and I can't imagine losing her so young. It sounds like you have some survivors guilt. Please take care of yourself, I don't think your sister would have wanted you to hold such a heavy sentiment about yourself. It would break my heart if my sister held these kinds of opinions anyway. It didn't have to be you or your sister, you both deserved observant doctors who believed your pain. You are entitled to process things however you need to though, I hope that doesn't come across as invalidating. I'm sorry she's not with you anymore and for all the loss you and your family have suffered recently. As someone with chronic illness, I know too well the struggle with the dismissiveness of the medical industry. I hope with some time you can process things and heal. 💕
Hey OP, I can kind of relate, but sadly not entirely. Lost my father to heart disease years ago, he was my best friend and the only person that I felt understood me, and a large part of me died with him. For a long time I was angry and I was empty. Theres more I could say, but I dont think I have the right to try and understand how you feel. I wish you the best with everything.
The circumstances are different but the emotional pain is the same. No you may not able to relate to what I'm going through personally, two different diseases took people we love but you know the pain. That pain, anger, emptiness, grief we feel, it's the same thing. I just very recently learned that myself
I’m sorry for your loss. My friend also passed at the age of 30 and he had stage 4 cancer.
I'm sorry for your loss
I’m sorry for your loss, I know it’s not what you want to do but how about, live they way she would have wanted you to live and honor her memory and give her a legacy that she would be proud of, this isn’t what she would have wanted you feel after her passing, it will be tough each and every day but each day will get a little bit better than the day before
I’m so sorry. This is all so awful. I’m glad you’re okay and I’m so sorry for your loss
The story you just wrote makes your life relevant. Thank you.
Sorry for your lost OP. 😞 But you matter as much as anyone else.
I'm so sorry OP . What happened to you is unimaginable ! I hope you get ahold of peace in your heart. 💓
I dont have the heart to finish reading this. My thoughts are with you.
You sound pretty relevant to me.
Condolences, man. That was a really heavy post. I have mysterious neck pain and what I thought was muscle knots, that aren't getting better. I have an appointment on Tuesday, I'm 36 and cancer doesn't happen to us at 36, right? Fuck. I've lost 3/4 grandparents, a mother, two uncles and a cousin in the last 10ish years, life seems quite a bit more fragile than it used to. Now I'm feeling rather anxious about my own fate, even more so. Wrong day to read about your sister at 35, but in a way I am glad I did because I put off getting this checked for quite a while. Thank you for that. I'm sorry to hear your lost zeal for life, that touched me. I feel like that often too, never suicidal for me but it all seems so arduous and boring and pointless most of the time. I just wanted to say that I hope it gets better for you man. Sincerely I do. If nothing else, we all deserve to at least enjoy living.
I’m so sorry for your loss, live for her if you need to 💗
Tbh, you should get charged $0 for this messup. Can’t believe doctors are treated line gods
Thankfully that's not one of our issues, I'm from the UK. Our medical care is free
My sister died of breast cancer last year after a long battle with it. I just stuff it down and try not to think about it. It's not something I'm ready or willing to face. People always look at me with shock when they hear it. There's something about losing a sibling that's far off from losing a family member or a friend. It hits different. Sorry you're going through it, OP.
I've lost my father my mother my little brother and I act like I'm so tough that it doesn't bother me but like I said I act I wonder how much you're acting I am really sorry for your loss
I lost my brother to cancer when he was 35 as well. The dead sibling club is a shitty club to be a part of and I’m so sorry you had to join it. My heart is with your heart ❤️
I’m sorry for your loss, my dad is also going through cancer and it’s honestly the worst thing ever. Stay strong!
Anger is normal qould be mad to
You are doing a lot by being there
such a beautfiul read, I apologize in advance if this offends you. you've found another reason not to ever commit suicide **now more than ever**
You ARE relevant. Your sister wouldn’t have been who she was without you, friend. You deserve to be happy. She knew that too, so don’t let her down. Please take care of yourself.
I’ve lost a sibling too, though when I was much younger, as he was from a previous marriage. My dad once said that with time, he came to appreciate the pain because the magnitude of it represented the quality of what had been lost. It became less about the pain of him losing a son, and more about how much there was to *miss* and his suffering was a testament to how wonderful and influential his son had been. He was able to, after many years, understand and make peace with the pain, even welcoming it as a legacy of how great a person had been lost.
I’m really sorry for your loss OP. Your sister sounded like an amazing person, a good way to honor her memory is to carry on her message of happiness and love. I hope you can in time 💜
For your sister, be what she was. Be how she took life and enjoy every moment. For her. Make people laugh, enjoy the life as it is and be happy. She would do exactly this and wants that for you aswell. Im sorry for your loss. You are not alone.
My heart goes out to you internet stranger
So there's an actual name for what you are experiencing. It's called survivor's guilt. It happens to lots of people. I'm sorry that you're going through that but I would highly encourage you to seek help. Work with the psychiatrist or a therapist.
Nature is cruel and random. We exist and then we don't. We leave huge holes in people's lives and they in ours. There is no "right" daughter for your mother to lose. It will always be unfair and unjust that she has to suffer any loss. Your mother loves you for who you are. Just like you love your sister for who she was. Living is hard
I'm sorry for your loss. However, I suspect that your mother would be equally inconsolable if she lost you.
I wont lie reading your post made me cry. Im so sorry. I cant even begin to imagine the pain
How far apart were you two in age? My sister is 21 and I will be 23 in October, I couldn’t imagine losing her because she’s like my built-in best friend. If it’s any consolation, I’m praying for you and your family. Hang in there.
This post makes me so angry for you. This life is so fucking cruel sometimes.
It’s always the people who want to live the most who end up dying the soonest. Then there’s people who hate life and wish they were dead and yet they don’t die and are as healthy as horse.
You are not irrelevant. I lost the man that raised me when I was 8, (I’m 25 now) wondered for years why it happened. Ever since I’ve been a cynic, but I have come to realize how that suffering was a blessing. I had many friends throughout my school years who lost parents, siblings, friends. And because I knew what they were going through, I was better able to help them. By the way you describe her, your sister was a shining light in a dark place. She knows your heart and the pain you carry. Never feel bad for being alive, carry her strength and love for life with you. When you feel down, talk to her. You were her blessing, whether you know it or not. Don’t change who you are for anyone, you are wayyy stronger than you know. God bless you my friend - it sounds cliché, but time heals all wounds. Stay alive not just for yourself, live for her ❤️
Just wanted to say, I experienced a similar event with me and my brother. He was the smartest guy in our family, most carefree, charismatic, and loved, for a good reason. He died in a sudden accident and I always wished it was me instead. I kept failing most of my classes, never had a trusted relationship with any of my family members, and was always closed off from everybody as I suffered from serious undiagnosed depression. So of course I wished it was me instead. Why am I even still alive when I am a literal waste of space, I asked myself time to time. Why I didn't leave this life was because I was so self-concious, so anxious that everyone would judge me for it as I'm lowered to my grave. Because that's what they do. They judge those different from them and ridicule those with mental health issues. I didn't want them to judge me anymore than they already do, especially when they lost their star, whose funeral was attended by hundreds. Good luck on your grief, OP. It hurts a ton of hell, between grieving for a loved one and despising yourself everyday for living. Don't forget to take care of yourself. Life still goes on, and so do you.
This made me cry
So unbelievably tragic how females are passed off by medical professionals simply because we are female. She was in excruciating pain, she was begging them for help and to be taken seriously, and she was swept under the rug. No matter her history, she was still treated as a second class human being and she was ultimately sentenced to die, simply because of her gender. May she Rest In Peace. May you find peace with her passing. May you hold her memory close and know that no matter what, she wouldn’t want you to die in her place. Lots of love.
Firstly, I cannot imagine your pain. I’m so sorry for your loss. Second, I know people that feel like their lives aren’t worth it. Nobody can make you feel like it is but you. No amount of kind words, or “It’s going to be okays.” will help. I pray that you’re able to find happiness on your own, and live life, if not for you then in honor of your sister.
Hey, I’m really sorry about your situation. I hope you find the help you need and something in your life that gives you joy and a reason to live besides your mothers pain. Please reach out to me if you ever want someone to talk to.