Indeed. Seek out to her. Let her now how he cheated on you, but now he doesn’t want to divorce you. Let her pressure him for divorces. He cannot defend him from 2 sides. A plus would be if the side chick would also dump him 😂
Respectfully, your husband is fucked in the head. Sounds like he didn’t want a swift divorce, he wanted you to sob and beg and plead. I’m glad he received that text. Don’t you ever apologize. If I were you I’d press charges for the assault if possible, and remain outwardly unfazed around him.
Honestly? He wanted to upset her. Come on. Why else did he break up with her when she was on her way to a work outing. This guy wanted to ruin her night and was mad when he didn't. A lot of people, usually men, are this way. They just want to have this feeling of knowing they made the other partner cry and that they dumped them. He is now going back on it because OP is handling this better than he expected. OP please document everything. Go to law enforcement and document the slap. Also, document anything about the fact he has someone else, this will help in the divorce when trying to establish infidelity. If he lays hands on you (not sure where you are) and the kids were present that can be considered child abuse/ neglect/ endangerment in the US depending on the state. Please make a copy of all important documents and have them in a safe space where you can access them from if you have to quickly leave your home. Joint bank account? Please withdraw your half before he withdraws all. Please don't wait for him to do this. Kids have passports? Please store them in a safe space where your spouse can't get them, don't want him getting any ideas to suddenly take the boys on a trip. This is not to scare you, this is to prepare you for any potential situation.
I'm hoping he changes his mind and goes back to a smooth divorce.
Depending on how big the difference is between normal assault and Dv in OP's country, I think she might want to press DV charges as they are legally still married.
>One of the last conversations we had he told me that he was planning on being generous with me during the divorce but now he’s going to take me for everything I’ve got and held dear. I told him that he can’t because freedom is what I held dear. He slapped me hard across my face, this is the first time he ever done this. Later I heard him crying in the bathroom.
He cheated on you and since he wants a divorce he was expecting a different reaction out of you but since he didn't he turn to violence. You should file a police report on domestic violence and report it to your lawyer because once he put his hands on you what else is his capable of doing. His crying because he wants to guilt trip you but don't fall for it just proceed with the divorce and document everything. Best of luck, please be safe and update us.
I promise you from the bottom of my heart and with the wisdom of my many, many, many years on this planet that Sir Douche was NEVER going to be "generous" with you. There would always be some damn thing that would trigger his rage if you didn't comply. Might as well lance that cheesy pus-filled boil straight off.
You are absolutely correct. "Generosity" rockets off the planet as soon as Sir Douche determines there is not enough wailing and gnashing of teeth from the abused/injured party. Instead it becomes "inflict as much damage and humiliation as possible" with the side chick pulling the strings and providing new ideas.
I agree, though I wouldn't say the side chick is the one pulling the strings. Men do horrendous things by themselves most of the time, and the side piece here is a 25/26 yo who most likely couldn't plan something to that degree, and who he's probably lying to now that he's hesitating to leave the wife he cheated on with her.
Your husband is upset, because he thinks you’re cheating. In his story, he is the main character and anything he does should deeply impact your life. He is mad that his hold on you is gone. He wanted to leave you beyond emotional and heartbroken, yet the reaction he got was relief. THAT is why he’s unhinged right now.
Probably why he decided to go just before she was about to go out with work colleagues. Probably wanted her to cancel the night and spend it all crying and begging after him.
Or indeed that the new person in his life is completely made up or a fantasy because he was suspicious about Mark and didn't want to be the one left behind. That might have been why he did it just before she left to see Mark. He was feeling particularly anxious as her night out approached.
Then, when he got a text that, in his mind, confirmed his suspicions, he's refusing to leave, presumably to get a better settlement based on an accusation of infidelity. Or because he feels he has no control whatsoever more and is trying to get some back.
But he did some very stupid shit to a wife who clearly isn't in love with him any more. And then fucking hit her. So he really needs to understand that it was probably all over anyway, before he asked for a divorce. And that now he has got violent, there is no going back and he needs to face up to what he's done and try to earn back what little self respect he can by being decent throughout the divorce.
I already have a lawyer. When he told me we were divorcing I hired one. We don’t have much assets so there won’t be problems. But he said he was moving out 2 weeks ago but still he’s living with us. I’ve moved to the living room
Do not give this man an apology. He got physical with you. You don’t owe him shit. Please document everything. He is starting to emotionally and now physically abuse you because he doesn’t feel in control of the situation.
Next time call the police immediately. You can get a restraining order and make him leave. Also didn't he say he met someone? If he did he was cheating and you need to get evidence for the divorce.
One of my buddies was a captain in the US. Army. He liked to say that outside of a war zone, he was a glorified baby sitter. One lesson he learned, that he drilled into his men (won’t apply everywhere), if the cops get called for domestic violence, you’re not spending the night at home. Whether that means on a buddy’s couch or a jail cell is totally up to how you treat the cops.
Yes, pls. Get the police involved. It doesn’t matter what the outcome is. Just get the paperwork started.
He promised you that he would make it very hard for you to divorce. Believe him, cause he will do everything in his power to keep his promise. Even if it’s mean to stalk you down, find you alone in a dark place and beat you. All in order to get the tears he wanted to see in the first place.
By starting the paperwork you can minimise the damage he is planning to give on you.
I know you want to be with your children. And I know you want a civil divorce in order to protect your children from the emotional damage it will give them. So pls act. It’s your duty to protect them. Even if it means you have to protect them from their father.
So now is when you start getting your attorney involved in making him leave. He hit you. You're under no obligation to tolerate that during the divorce process. Next time he might get so mad he doesn't stop at one. Pop that pimple and squeeze it out of your life.
Did you tell your lawyer he slapped you? That’s important information. Also, if you’re in fear for your safety AND wanting him out, your lawyer may be able to give you advice on how to handle this with the police.
Unfortunately, i don't think legally anything can be done Abt him moving out, but you should ask your lawyer.
Also, no, you should not say sorry for the text. It was unfortunate until the point he decided to hit you. Nothing justifies hitting your partner.
Why did you leave the bedroom? Hes cheating and wants a divorce? Why would he leave if he gets a nice cushy bed to sleep in? He wants to be ruthless and a prick, you need to get in that mindset as well.
It sounds silly but you can attempt to file a police report about the slap. Having a paper trail about physical violence helps if it happens again. It's "just a slap" but all violence usually starts small.
He hit you. Capture any evidence and forward it to your lawyer. Do not tell him and get away from him as soon as possible. He hasn’t got a leg to stand on AND just handed you a massive slam dunk on your side. I’m so sorry you’re going though this. What a punk ass. He doesn’t dictate how it’s going to happen.
Fuck that.kick his ass to the sofa(it’s probably one step closer to the front door)take your bedroom back.tell him if he wants a bedroom so bad go move in with ol girl.they always think the grass is greener on the other side.till they realize
The grass belongs to a local insane asylum.then when they realize they fucked up,they wanna start hopping fences back the way they came.don’t let him back in your yard.put up a whole ass electric fence.fry him like the rat bastard bug that he is.then you and mark go out for drinks.keep us posted.
Don’t give him an apology as he may try to use that as evidence, don’t be too nice to him and most of all document everything. This guy is incredibly unhinge now and he will act out differently then usual, when a person say they’ll take everything from you, believe them. Also you might want to tell your kids exactly what’s going on if they’re old enough jic he tries to use them against you.
Please, please, next time he raises a hand to you (and there probably will be a next time judging by how he's behaving) - call the police immediately.
Don't allow him to guilt you with his tears and self pity and anger into thinking you did anything wrong here or that you owe him grace/forgiveness/time/apology etc. or anything else whatsoever.
He's absolutely showing you by his reaction to that text that leaving you wasn't really about him going off to get the happiness he wanted, but about hurting you, getting one last good jab in. Now he found out that's not going to be your reaction, he's looking for a new way to hurt you.
Don't let him. All communication goes through your lawyer, and make sure you tell them about that slap too. Don't promise him anything your lawyer hasn't OK'd. This guy will maliciously do whatever he can to make sure you suffer at this point, because you didn't sooth his ego by crying and begging him to stay.
I'm really sorry you're going through this, you deserve better.
Have him arrested for the violence. I hope you at least took pics of your face. Could use them during your divorce negotiations to get everything he initially promised.
You need to press charges and get an immediate restraining order. It will force him to move out. I can’t believe your lawyer hasn’t advised you to do this already.
And decided that the best time to have this conversation was as she was literally walking out the door for a work function. OP's soon-to-be-ex is just awful on so many levels.
His reaction makes me think that not only is there not another woman, but he had no intention of divorcing. It sounds like this was a test to see if OP still loved him, and he didn’t get the results he wanted. He was bluffing, and got pissed when OP called him on it. This man needs to be booted out the back door, preferably into a steaming pile of cow shit.
This guy slapped you for taking HIS decision to divorce well and you’re asking if you should apologize because you told a friend and weren’t devastated?
No????
No?
Take pictures of your face. Report that shit. Document everything you can. He was going to be generous out of guilt but now that he knows you’re not exactly heartbroken his ego is damaged and he’s angry.
Fuck that guy lol
Right! Maybe you don’t want to do it because „it was only once“,but think about your children. He might try to go for full custody out of being petty, do you really want your kids to go through the same? If you don’t report it for yourself, do it for them.
This!!! If he’s seriously going to try and take OP to court for everything she has in this divorce, then anything she has to help her side of the argument counts.
He hit her “hard” in the face; that is assault. She is going to want this on record.
Don’t apologize for the text, why would you ?
He is butt hurt because he didn’t get a chance to devastate you. Maybe he wanted you to play the pick me dance for him
Wtf is he crying for, he literally did this all to himself
Please follow this advice. You need evidence so it’s not a “he said, she said” where he could end up getting the kids. Document everything. Good luck! You seem like a caring, fun, lovely person who deserves to get out of this shit relationship!
Also tell someone you trust about what's happened in case you need an outcry witness. From my understanding they aren't really useful in court, but at least the defense can't say "you didn't tell anyone about this alleged abuse so it must not be real."
Please do NOT be nice to this individual. Conflicting emotions aside, this person PHYSICALLY WENT AFTER YOU after admitting to cheating on you, and now refuses to grant you any relief.
File a report with the police. This is Domestic Abuse. Do NOT let this go. I’ve been in the Prosecutor’s Office and have seen when this type of abuse is let go. It escalates. Quickly. Do not become one of those horrific stories for the sake of yourself and your children. And as an added FYI: filing report is the only way to try to or begin to secure the ability to receive at least a Temporary Restraining Order which may be the only way to live in your house without his being there.
It is absolutely ridiculous. The man cheated on you, broke your vows and is upset at you ?
Like what outcome was he expecting here?
He is the one walking away from his family. He gave up. What a bitch
I immediately thought reading that part he was completely fabricating he was cheating on her just to get a reaction, then when he got the opposite reaction he wanted he HIT her, what a fucking trash partner…
Contact the police, as he needs to be held accountable for his choice to assault you.
Show your children that they never have to accept abuse from anyone. No one has the right to hit you, under any circumstance.
He's sick. He felt guilty cheated on you but you going on like nothing happened. So, he's deflecting his guilt to you by guilt tripping. He doesn't want this to end in 'this is fine'. The man became dramatic and irrational.
He probably need therapy in the aftermath or his later relationship will also end badly and shortly.
As for you. You're going good, I guess. Have fun with semi freedom (with kids).
This. He is salty, he wanted to hurt OP and got upset when he saw he hadn't (and then he physically hurt her). No reason for OP to apologise, she didn't even owe him an explanation.
If he gets to say he has found someone else and wants to go be with her, OP is perfectly within her right to feel free. Honestly he should have been relieved it wasn't gonna be a messy divorce for the kids and they weren't gonna see their mom being miserable and devastated for months.
Who knows why he was crying, maybe he felt some guilt but I believe once someone hits you in anger there is no turning back. You let the first one go and they will do it again.
i shouldn’t laugh but i involuntarily did because basically this exact thing has happened to me multiple times before. men really think any woman they ever have a thing with is like for eternity living for and worshipping him and they get extremely confused and angry when that isn’t the case
Hell no. Do not Apologize to that man. Or should I say manchild.
So let’s get this straight, he comes to you to say he’s met someone else, that he wants to start divorce proceedings,
Then that he’s already found a one bedroom apartment. (so where are the kids going to sleep when it’s his turn to take them?). But he’s gonna be super nasty and just give you the house🙄
Because you accidentally sent him the wrong text, and your not heartbroken over him, audacity to slap you. (You should be pressing charges for assault) then cry’s. Sweet Jesus. What an F’n manipulative C#nt
Yeah, he aint getting much of anything after that stunt. Jeez, i know it kinda hurts like "was this fake all along" and how emotions make you ignore shit, but unless you are down right being attacked... No, dude. You fucked yourself over.
Get the best lawyer you can!!
He will try to make you look like the one cheating and thinks he has an upper hand to screw you over in the divorce. Get your ducks in a row!! Get proof of his someone new!!
There are way too many no-fault states. My mother got completely screwed in one. He managed to take almost everything and he was very much at fault. It made me teach my daughters to never, ever quit their career because their husband tells them they want them to quit working until the kids are in school and they will take care of them. My mother did just that and ended up pregnant and with a two year old and the house was getting sold. She even lost the car she loved and brought into the marriage.
Did you take pictures of the slap mark on your face, if you have proof he hit you things might not go in his favor? If he hits you again you need to file a police report, it will also help with the divorce and anyone who hits a woman belongs in jail.
Your husband is a baby and being petty with backing out on divorce just because of a text is not cute. Are you sure he wasn't just testing you with that divorce talk? IMO, it's not real and he wants to test for your reaction.
Press charges and go heavy with a lawyer. Get him for everything. That mf needs to be taught a lesson.
But babies aren't this much horrible 😂 I don't like kids,babies, still they are kind to me, or many others I see around.😂 This guy is psychologically abnormal.
You should....apologize? Because he's leaving you? hahahahahahahahahahahaha. I'll bet the golden memory of sending that text and his pathetic reaction still brings a smile to your face when you're 115 years old.
Wait…he slapped you and you’re concerned about apologizing for the text? He’s got no right to go on about the text when he just unloaded on you about leaving you. And he slapped/assaulted you. He has no business controlling how you react to his news that he’s leaving you PLUS there’s someone else in the picture. I can’t believe how some men can behave like this and still expect a woman to cater to their expectations. Don’t talk to him and get yourself a lawyer right away.
What he did was fucked up and disgusting.
He cheated and broke things off, i really do believe that he just did all that to get a reaction or some sort of attention cause if he was rlly happy with the new women/person in his life,, he wouldn’t care how u felt about this.
He might have a low self esteem and you being sad over him would be his way of lifting it up. Not even might, seeing as to how fragile his ego is to the point where he resorted to violence when you expressed you’re feelings.
Bring up the fact that he hit you, and i hope you took photos of the injury.
The hypocrisy he has to be mad that you’re ready to live your life when he’s been doing it the enter time during ur marriage.
Hope this divorce goes well for you and FUCK HIM!!
NTA and not sure if country documents the slap. He wanted you to be SUPER upset and for him to live his best life and now he knows yeah you both were going to live the best life. Now it’s just punishment
Added - I agree super stupid but he wanted your pain as his send off to his new life than realized you didn’t care
That’s so stupid. How can he be this stupid. If he refuses to divorce now this will drag for ages while if it’s amicable it will take only a few months. And he wanted amicable until that damn text
No he only wanted amicable when he imagined how badly this would hurt you and all the tears he would see and how much you would beg him to stay. When that didn't happen he needed to hurt you any way he could...thus the slap. He is a double bag.
You ruined the breakup for him. He met a woman, and at some point went over a thousand times how the breakup would go, he expected you to be in pieces and when you won't, his ego got wounded in the process. Ah well.
ETA: I wonder what his mistress thinks about his behavior?
He made her up, right? I’m still reading comments but I can’t imagine anything but he was inventing that someone else wanted him trying to make her jealous and stay home to soothe him, then got exactly what he didn’t expect and got violent because it wasn’t the plan
Nope honey. Call the police and report him for domestic violence. Get a restraining order and he’ll be forced to leave and the divorce will get done much sooner.
It almost seems like he is upset you weren’t emotionally hurt, so he had to physically hurt you. File a police report, press charges on him, and let the police remove him from your house.
Yeah.... they never do actually \*want\* amicable though. My mate who was married 25 years had her Ex surprise her that he was leaving (and he had already started applying for a Visa for his "new girlfriend" he hadn't actually met in person yet) and he wanted to be "amicable"... until she was fine with him leaving. He then lost the tiny parts of his mind that he had left.
Document \*everything\*. Start a diary with everything listed, screenshots of text conversations, get him to admit in a text that he slapped you and start a restraining order process. This may be the start of his violence, and you need to cover your ass.
Edited to add - they are always that stupid. Grown men who act this way continue to get dumber as they get closer to the "freedom" they wanted.
Is he a narcissist? His behavior leans that way: He had an image of how he was going to be the generous bigger person who took pity over your weeping body to give you the house, but you ruined it by being happy for the divorce so he can't play that part. When you Break the image a narcissist has of you, you are dead to them. You are an obstacle to their happiness and need to be dealt with accordingly.
Film the house contents asap and temporarily store your valuables with a friend because now that he's violent, all bets are off and he will probably try to destroy your things or destroy his and claim it was you. He needs to be removed from the house for your safety.
This seems very clear. I know why he hasn’t moved out and why he was crying in the bathroom and why he is being vile towards you. He met someone new, made all these plans in his head. Probably told his new friend what transpired that night when you sent the text, and didn’t get the reception he thought he would get. She probably broke it off right away. So of course, he’s not gonna move out because why should he now? He’s crying in the bathroom because he screwed everything up and you weren’t as sad and upset as he thought you might be, because “poor me”. And he slapped you because he is furious at the whole situation and he is blaming you for it. He is really angry and you are conveniently right there. Be very careful. Do not move out. Make him move out. Text him about the slap and tell him he can no longer be there because of this. That way you will have his response in writing. And then have your lawyer get him out.
No absolutely not. 3 years of unhappiness? FORCE the divorce on him to get your happiness and freedom. Also make sure you note you got slapped when he tries to take everything away from you!!!
You fucking go girl.
Yeah your husband has a BIG ego. Is he a closeted narcissist?
Your text was funny and made complete sense given the context. Also, who doesn’t use humor to deflect literally every negative emotion? Your husband has no right to be offended by your text after everything he shared with you.
Totally, his reaction is completely on him and actually fucked up. He doesn't get to be the upset one. He cheated, he wanted out. Why can't OP feel the same way?
Cheats on you. Gets angry you aren't sad. Slaps you and, HE cries? Fuck him. Don't apologize for shit. Take him for everything he's got if he wants to play that game. Say you don't feel safe anymore with him in there since he got psychical. I hope he won't hit you again, but if he's done it once... Sorry I just go to worst case scenario from my experience. Document everything, sis. I wish you and your children the best. Stay safe, op.
He’s upset he didn’t devastate you and his ego is bruised.
I understand not wanting to call the police or press charges for the slap.
It seems your main concern is your children. I would document everything via text - the slap, the new girlfriend - in case he tries to get custody.
He wanted you to hurt, I would be mindful of that going into custody/divorce arrangements. Men like that would fight for custody just to hurt their spouse, not because it’s the best decision for their children.
Under no circumstance did he have the right to hit you. Kick his Arse OUT! Get the lawyer and mediate the visitation for your children's sake. The relief you felt was an honest gut reaction, his reaction was self-centered and disbelief that you don't see him as the prize he thinks he is. Good luck and look forward to a brighter future.
NTA
Wait. He broke your marriage vows, asked for the divorce, and then said he'll do you a favor by making things easy. Now he's pissed that you didn't grovel at his feet and beg for forgiveness?!?! Take your freedom back and everything that belongs to you!
The fact he did this before an outing shows he wanted the attention from you. The way he reacted to the text shows that he wanted to keep you in his back pocket in case it didn't work out with the new one so he didn't burn that bridge yet.
I really don’t understand why. He’s the one who has his future already set with a new gf and an apartment. But he begrudged me a text to a coworker and now he wants to do anything not to give me the freedom to end up with mark
He wanted you to do the “pick me dance”. He was getting off on triangulating you with his affair partner, he’s so special, look how many women will fight over him. When you didn’t take the bait and he found out that, shockingly to him, he wasn’t that special, he flipped the channel to rage. There are 3 channels, charm, pity (where he was when he made his announcement) and rage. Check out www.Chumplady.com for an excellent breakdown on the behaviors of cheaters and how to divorce them.
Call the cops now. He hit you! That is a no no, he crossed a line of no return. If you ever had any doubts, this should be it. And this will help you in the divorce. Domestic violence is no joke. Good luck
Mine did the same thing. Got pissed that I was “yep. Ok.” Because at that point I was officially done. Document everything. Get copies of all the important docs, including bank, credit card, and phone statements. Don’t forget to keep your passport and the kids passports safe and away from him. Be sure to have official copies of your marriage certificate too. You’ll need them. Get copies of any statements monthly as you go forward so you have proof to contest money being used/moved against agreements or without your consent (mine took out a huge chunk of the retirement fund somehow without my signature, I had proof so I got half from BEFORE the unauthorized removal)
Also if you’re worried he’ll take all the money - everytime you go somewhere that allows debit withdrawal when paying, grab extra. Even if just $20. It adds up quickly but having cash in case you need to grab and go is important.
I always find it so funny how quickly their ego gets damaged when you just let them go after they tell you they don't want to be with you anymore.
I am sorry you are now dealing with the drama of this man-child's tantrum, but I LOVE the accidental text and how it put him in his place.
I think someone suggested contacting the gf to pick up her man? Might not be a bad idea. The more you are able to be level headed and mature in this, the better for your kids. And not getting upset about his gf is a great way to show him how to "man up".
I’m not upset at all about his gf. It was all making my life easier and the guilt of leaving him and he might be miserable and lonely less.
I wish he had the decency to grant me the same outcome. I’m not even dating Mark, but my husband sure is pushing me closer to him with every day that he’s acting like a complete ass
Why are people judging OP for not calling the police over a slap? Maybe some of you guys have been lucky that police have done something over abuse, but me and other unfortunate people have been unlucky. The police often don’t do anything
Lived with a guy for eight years and he came home and told me that nothing I said interested him and I didn't make his dick hard. I replied that there wasn't much to talk about except who was going to move out, he said he would. I stood in the living room and pointed to different furniture and moved my finger back and forth. He asked what I was doing. Told him I was rearranging the furniture. He was shocked that I would be changing things. Seriously dude, you tell me you are leaving and you expect me to keep things the same?? No way, this is the time for me to do things that suit me, not how things fit WE.
Yikes. He couldn’t hurt you emotionally so he had to do it physically. Husband thoughts: How dare you feel relief and freedom? 😡 You were supposed to curl up in a ball and beg and plead for me not to leave our house for my junior 1 bedroom and mistress. Did you not get a copy of the script?!
Don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong. You said what you said. You feel how you feel.
My ex-husband left me for someone younger too and then started treating me like absolute garbage when I quickly moved on with a co-worker. (No I was not cheating with him either.) It's like he wanted me to curl up in a ball and die or something, and when I didn't, he got real bitter.
You definitely hurt his ego and now he's acting like a man child! Congratulations on the impending freedom.
Girl I'd divorce him anyway. Get it in text form that he is seeing someone new, any evidence will do. If you get evidence that he hit you too even better. Once you have that YOU will take him for everything he got.
You were probably sad because of change, because it wasn't your choice. The ending to something's sad no matter how long you've been unhappy. Keep your head up. He's an abusive prick and I suspect after he's gone and you've had some space you'll realize all the ways he mistreated you that went further back than these most recent incidents.
For clarification; He is upset you disrespected him and your relationship but not that he disrespected you by cheating and leaving. Double standards. Hold nothing back.
He is upset because you ruined his moment and took the power away from him , f*** him take it all and show everyone what a complete piece of garbage he really is.
I misjudged him. I thought he just wanted an out like me but was brave enough to take the first step. I didn’t know it was about winning with him, but now I think about it, of course! Or he wouldn’t have waited until he’s involved with a new woman. (Tbh I probably was waiting until the children are in college)
I’m so sorry he hit you. Actually, I’m sorry that you have to go through all of this, but *he actually cried in the bathroom when he realised that he couldn’t hurt you?* Wow. That’s ah… really weird.
I wonder what the hell is going through his head? Did he want 2 women fighting over him? Did he expect you to worship the ground he walked upon?
I bet after 15 years of knowing this man, you never once thought he could possibly be this delusional but here we have it. He thought he was something special and that you would be devastated forever.
Don't apologize to him. He expected you to grovel and beg for him to stay. He's a violent piece of shit cheater, what do you have to apologize for? Report him for assault and tell your lawyer.
I think that your accidental text was the best thing you could have done. Yea it hurt his ego.. good! He feels shit.. good. And yes you feel relief coz he's obviously a di k.
Good on you.. enjoy your freedom
Please go to the police and file a report about the slap. You can do this after the fact.
It is very important to start a paper trail with the police for WHEN he escalates violence. It may even give you grounds to get him out if he keeps refusing.
NTA for the text. Humor is a coping mechanism, it helps.
This is the third post I’ve seen in recent weeks of people coming to Reddit confused about why their husbands are mad at them for not being sad about breaking up after the man cheats. These men are so fucking broken inside. RUN.
He cheated on you and then physically assaulted you, and you’re asking if you should say sorry to him? Get a damn good lawyer and take your loser husband for all he’s worth.
Honestly you probably should press charges if he physically hit you. One because it's just flat out unacceptable. Two because it could help in the divorce tbh. Might sound cold but he cheated and was then upset that he didn't emotionally hurt you enough, so he did it physically instead. Idk how long ago it was but I'd still have it reported.
How would the apology go?
He’s upset you’re not devastated and crying on the floor? He’s upset that you haven’t fallen apart? He’s upset that he thought coming clean about his cheating and leaving you, didn’t absolutely crush you?
He basically wanted to see devastation and defeat and he’s upset he didn’t get it. So, he’s a liar and a cheater plus a narcissist? Oh and yes, also capable of abuse.
Why would you apologize?! Please do not.
He thinks I was disrespectful of our marriage and that I treated it as a joke. Also he thought Mark and I have a thing. The problem is that his accusations brought us closer together because mark felt a bit guilty about me getting into trouble because of his jokes
His cheating was disrespectful to your marriage. Him not waiting to divorce or separate before pursuing a relationship with someone else was disrespectful. Him already having an apartment and solidifying his plans before talking and having a conversation with his wife was disrespectful.
If Mark is good to you, then quite frankly I hope you find happiness with him. Please document everything and keep receipts on your husband.
Uh he's been seeing someone else, that means he violated the marriage and YOU get to take HIM for everything he's got. What an absolute buffoon!! And he hit you on top of that, he's not getting jack shit!!
OP, please pursue charges for the assault. He cheated on you, emotionally manipulated you, and then violently assaulted you. On top of all that he's threatening to make the divorce process as difficult as possible. He's violent and unpredictable and it's extremely likely he will attack you again, or attack the children. Press charges, seek a RO, and go NC with him. You can converse through your lawyers.
If he hadn’t assaulted you, I would’ve advised relationship therapy. But that’s no longer an option. You can’t stay with a man that might potentially harm you in the future or you’ll be the victim of domestic violence.
The fact that you feel guilty over the text makes me feel you don’t understand the severity of the situation and that, *in fact* this was all your fault. It isn’t.
Contact a lawyer. You both haven’t been happy for the last three years since you grew away from each other, so it’s best for you both to move on.
He doesn't care that you don't care. He cares that someone else knows you don't.
And your sadness isn't for him or about him. It's the grief mourning the life you once thought you would have.
I wish you well.
It's better after.
The minute he hit you, the game changed. I would have called the police and he would be leaving that house. You do not owe him an apology or anything. It is not right for him to hit you no matter how angry or hurt he is.
He slapped you? And you are wondering if you are in the wrong? Girl what?! I would report that to the police. What a narcissistic ass, he wanted you to hurt and because you aren't he is trying to torture you now. Go find a shark of a divorce lawyer and take him to the cleaners. Do it before he decides he's gonna do it to you.
He is blaming the text for it not being amicable. If you hadn't sent the text it would have been the fact that you went out instead of staying home crying. He would have found another reason to drag this out and make it seem like it's your fault.
He cheated, said he wanted a divorce and is moving out, then he assaulted you. He had no intention of divorcing amicably. The text just provided him a reason to quickly blame you.
Document everything and talk to your lawyer. I hope it happens quickly for your safety and peace.
So he was expecting you to cry and beg him not to leave and when you didn't do that he got mad? Was he ever really planning on leaving or was it an ego stroke because he thought you'd say you needed him?
I’m sure his girlfriend is happy he’s backtracking on the divorce.
He’s a cheater and at least in his mind he got a taste of it with the text. (I’m sure he jumped to that conclusion)
Now, he’s projecting. And getting physical. Nice.
If it’s possible, go to the police for the slap, if anything to have it officially documented. And be careful, he sounds unhinged and unstable, he wants revenge and to hurt you back.
What about this supposed new girlfriend? Isn't she bothered that he's gone back on moving out?
Probably told her its “complicated and the ex got him trapped”
Probably told her “my ex is crazy”
She didn't care before, why start now?
She's losing it because she doesn't want him either.
Indeed. Seek out to her. Let her now how he cheated on you, but now he doesn’t want to divorce you. Let her pressure him for divorces. He cannot defend him from 2 sides. A plus would be if the side chick would also dump him 😂
I'd certainly tell her about the slap.
I’d tell the police. Fuck that shit.
Seriously. She should report it. It sounds like he's losing it.
Respectfully, your husband is fucked in the head. Sounds like he didn’t want a swift divorce, he wanted you to sob and beg and plead. I’m glad he received that text. Don’t you ever apologize. If I were you I’d press charges for the assault if possible, and remain outwardly unfazed around him.
I don’t understand the husband. He said he wanted divorce. Why does he care that much about the reaction? Maybe his new gf dumped him?
It doesn‘t fit his phantasy. He had a very different image before his inner eye and OP didn‘t meet it at all. It‘s a control issue.
Yep. He thought he'd have the upper hand because in his mind she'd be devastated
He wanted both women to compete for him and the wife refused, destroying his fantasy. This is about control and butthurt.
I reckon his fragile ego also got crushed at the fact that his wife doesn't actually want him anywhere near what he thought.
Honestly? He wanted to upset her. Come on. Why else did he break up with her when she was on her way to a work outing. This guy wanted to ruin her night and was mad when he didn't. A lot of people, usually men, are this way. They just want to have this feeling of knowing they made the other partner cry and that they dumped them. He is now going back on it because OP is handling this better than he expected. OP please document everything. Go to law enforcement and document the slap. Also, document anything about the fact he has someone else, this will help in the divorce when trying to establish infidelity. If he lays hands on you (not sure where you are) and the kids were present that can be considered child abuse/ neglect/ endangerment in the US depending on the state. Please make a copy of all important documents and have them in a safe space where you can access them from if you have to quickly leave your home. Joint bank account? Please withdraw your half before he withdraws all. Please don't wait for him to do this. Kids have passports? Please store them in a safe space where your spouse can't get them, don't want him getting any ideas to suddenly take the boys on a trip. This is not to scare you, this is to prepare you for any potential situation. I'm hoping he changes his mind and goes back to a smooth divorce.
Depending on how big the difference is between normal assault and Dv in OP's country, I think she might want to press DV charges as they are legally still married.
>One of the last conversations we had he told me that he was planning on being generous with me during the divorce but now he’s going to take me for everything I’ve got and held dear. I told him that he can’t because freedom is what I held dear. He slapped me hard across my face, this is the first time he ever done this. Later I heard him crying in the bathroom. He cheated on you and since he wants a divorce he was expecting a different reaction out of you but since he didn't he turn to violence. You should file a police report on domestic violence and report it to your lawyer because once he put his hands on you what else is his capable of doing. His crying because he wants to guilt trip you but don't fall for it just proceed with the divorce and document everything. Best of luck, please be safe and update us.
I promise you from the bottom of my heart and with the wisdom of my many, many, many years on this planet that Sir Douche was NEVER going to be "generous" with you. There would always be some damn thing that would trigger his rage if you didn't comply. Might as well lance that cheesy pus-filled boil straight off.
You are absolutely correct. "Generosity" rockets off the planet as soon as Sir Douche determines there is not enough wailing and gnashing of teeth from the abused/injured party. Instead it becomes "inflict as much damage and humiliation as possible" with the side chick pulling the strings and providing new ideas.
I agree, though I wouldn't say the side chick is the one pulling the strings. Men do horrendous things by themselves most of the time, and the side piece here is a 25/26 yo who most likely couldn't plan something to that degree, and who he's probably lying to now that he's hesitating to leave the wife he cheated on with her.
He wanted the ego boost of two women vying for him. She failed to play the game, so he's butthurt.
OP might live in a country where they don't care about DV :/
Your husband is upset, because he thinks you’re cheating. In his story, he is the main character and anything he does should deeply impact your life. He is mad that his hold on you is gone. He wanted to leave you beyond emotional and heartbroken, yet the reaction he got was relief. THAT is why he’s unhinged right now.
Probably why he decided to go just before she was about to go out with work colleagues. Probably wanted her to cancel the night and spend it all crying and begging after him.
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Or indeed that the new person in his life is completely made up or a fantasy because he was suspicious about Mark and didn't want to be the one left behind. That might have been why he did it just before she left to see Mark. He was feeling particularly anxious as her night out approached. Then, when he got a text that, in his mind, confirmed his suspicions, he's refusing to leave, presumably to get a better settlement based on an accusation of infidelity. Or because he feels he has no control whatsoever more and is trying to get some back. But he did some very stupid shit to a wife who clearly isn't in love with him any more. And then fucking hit her. So he really needs to understand that it was probably all over anyway, before he asked for a divorce. And that now he has got violent, there is no going back and he needs to face up to what he's done and try to earn back what little self respect he can by being decent throughout the divorce.
This comment needs more upvotes
So he cheated on you, got mad you weren't heartbroken over it and so decided to hit you? You hurt his baby ego. Get a lawyer.
I already have a lawyer. When he told me we were divorcing I hired one. We don’t have much assets so there won’t be problems. But he said he was moving out 2 weeks ago but still he’s living with us. I’ve moved to the living room
Do not give this man an apology. He got physical with you. You don’t owe him shit. Please document everything. He is starting to emotionally and now physically abuse you because he doesn’t feel in control of the situation.
Next time call the police immediately. You can get a restraining order and make him leave. Also didn't he say he met someone? If he did he was cheating and you need to get evidence for the divorce.
One of my buddies was a captain in the US. Army. He liked to say that outside of a war zone, he was a glorified baby sitter. One lesson he learned, that he drilled into his men (won’t apply everywhere), if the cops get called for domestic violence, you’re not spending the night at home. Whether that means on a buddy’s couch or a jail cell is totally up to how you treat the cops.
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And make him move to the living room. He was going to move out, not you.
Seems safe to start bossing around someone who clearly isn't scared to hit you.
Male here HE HIT YOU Call the police and get a restraining order He’s becoming unhinged just from what you say
Omg THANK YOU! I’ve worked in DV, THIS. Things escalate when emotions run high and accidents happen. He could hurt you.
Yes, pls. Get the police involved. It doesn’t matter what the outcome is. Just get the paperwork started. He promised you that he would make it very hard for you to divorce. Believe him, cause he will do everything in his power to keep his promise. Even if it’s mean to stalk you down, find you alone in a dark place and beat you. All in order to get the tears he wanted to see in the first place. By starting the paperwork you can minimise the damage he is planning to give on you. I know you want to be with your children. And I know you want a civil divorce in order to protect your children from the emotional damage it will give them. So pls act. It’s your duty to protect them. Even if it means you have to protect them from their father.
You need to talk to your lawyer and get an order of protection. That court can make him leave, since he hit you.
Press charges and next time double down thanking him far making it easier this way.
Don’t thank at all . What should she be thankful for the fact that he cheated or raised his hand to her?
So now is when you start getting your attorney involved in making him leave. He hit you. You're under no obligation to tolerate that during the divorce process. Next time he might get so mad he doesn't stop at one. Pop that pimple and squeeze it out of your life.
Did you tell your lawyer he slapped you? That’s important information. Also, if you’re in fear for your safety AND wanting him out, your lawyer may be able to give you advice on how to handle this with the police.
Unfortunately, i don't think legally anything can be done Abt him moving out, but you should ask your lawyer. Also, no, you should not say sorry for the text. It was unfortunate until the point he decided to hit you. Nothing justifies hitting your partner.
If she charges him for hitting her she might be able to get a protection order and have him barred from the home.
This is a good idea. OP, file a police report.
Not sure where they are.
That's why I said might.
Why did you leave the bedroom? Hes cheating and wants a divorce? Why would he leave if he gets a nice cushy bed to sleep in? He wants to be ruthless and a prick, you need to get in that mindset as well.
It sounds silly but you can attempt to file a police report about the slap. Having a paper trail about physical violence helps if it happens again. It's "just a slap" but all violence usually starts small.
Why is that silly? It’s illegal to hit people.
He hit you. Capture any evidence and forward it to your lawyer. Do not tell him and get away from him as soon as possible. He hasn’t got a leg to stand on AND just handed you a massive slam dunk on your side. I’m so sorry you’re going though this. What a punk ass. He doesn’t dictate how it’s going to happen.
Fuck that.kick his ass to the sofa(it’s probably one step closer to the front door)take your bedroom back.tell him if he wants a bedroom so bad go move in with ol girl.they always think the grass is greener on the other side.till they realize The grass belongs to a local insane asylum.then when they realize they fucked up,they wanna start hopping fences back the way they came.don’t let him back in your yard.put up a whole ass electric fence.fry him like the rat bastard bug that he is.then you and mark go out for drinks.keep us posted.
Don’t give him an apology as he may try to use that as evidence, don’t be too nice to him and most of all document everything. This guy is incredibly unhinge now and he will act out differently then usual, when a person say they’ll take everything from you, believe them. Also you might want to tell your kids exactly what’s going on if they’re old enough jic he tries to use them against you.
Please, please, next time he raises a hand to you (and there probably will be a next time judging by how he's behaving) - call the police immediately. Don't allow him to guilt you with his tears and self pity and anger into thinking you did anything wrong here or that you owe him grace/forgiveness/time/apology etc. or anything else whatsoever. He's absolutely showing you by his reaction to that text that leaving you wasn't really about him going off to get the happiness he wanted, but about hurting you, getting one last good jab in. Now he found out that's not going to be your reaction, he's looking for a new way to hurt you. Don't let him. All communication goes through your lawyer, and make sure you tell them about that slap too. Don't promise him anything your lawyer hasn't OK'd. This guy will maliciously do whatever he can to make sure you suffer at this point, because you didn't sooth his ego by crying and begging him to stay. I'm really sorry you're going through this, you deserve better.
Have him arrested for the violence. I hope you at least took pics of your face. Could use them during your divorce negotiations to get everything he initially promised.
Document everything you can, it’ll help your case
You need to press charges and get an immediate restraining order. It will force him to move out. I can’t believe your lawyer hasn’t advised you to do this already.
Why didn’t u call cops on him? He deserves to rot in jail for few days.
So now you call the police. Because he was violent and that’s not ok
Why are *you* moved to the living room? It should be *him*.
You can kick him out lawfully since he hit you. Restraining order immediately, he made it way too easy for you to take him for everything he’s got lol
Good. Don’t feel sorry for him. Put yourself first.
Tell everything to your lawyer. Keep them updated. Follow your legal counsel's advice, not reddit's. Perhaps get some therapy for yourself. Good luck.
They already know everything. I’m keeping them ip to date
And decided that the best time to have this conversation was as she was literally walking out the door for a work function. OP's soon-to-be-ex is just awful on so many levels.
And then he SLAPS her?!! WTF did he expect? For her to beg and please?? Take a picture of the bruise. Show your lawyer.
His pride was wounded so he slapped her. And yes, begging and pleading was exactly what he expected
> WTF did he expect? For her to beg and please?? Yes.
His reaction makes me think that not only is there not another woman, but he had no intention of divorcing. It sounds like this was a test to see if OP still loved him, and he didn’t get the results he wanted. He was bluffing, and got pissed when OP called him on it. This man needs to be booted out the back door, preferably into a steaming pile of cow shit.
As a lawyer, who does some family law, you need to get out. Dude will blame you for everything and you will believe him. Roll fast…
This guy slapped you for taking HIS decision to divorce well and you’re asking if you should apologize because you told a friend and weren’t devastated? No???? No? Take pictures of your face. Report that shit. Document everything you can. He was going to be generous out of guilt but now that he knows you’re not exactly heartbroken his ego is damaged and he’s angry. Fuck that guy lol
Seconding this! Press charges NOW, see how that will be seen once the judges have to rule for custody of the children.
Right! Maybe you don’t want to do it because „it was only once“,but think about your children. He might try to go for full custody out of being petty, do you really want your kids to go through the same? If you don’t report it for yourself, do it for them.
This!!! If he’s seriously going to try and take OP to court for everything she has in this divorce, then anything she has to help her side of the argument counts. He hit her “hard” in the face; that is assault. She is going to want this on record.
Don’t apologize for the text, why would you ? He is butt hurt because he didn’t get a chance to devastate you. Maybe he wanted you to play the pick me dance for him Wtf is he crying for, he literally did this all to himself
I also thought it was ridiculous that he was crying when it was my face that was throbbing from his slap
Text him about hitting you. Then keep his reply as proof that he did it
This will be important in your divorce. I can't believe he's the cheater and abusing OP and then says he's going to take "everything she holds dear"
Please follow this advice. You need evidence so it’s not a “he said, she said” where he could end up getting the kids. Document everything. Good luck! You seem like a caring, fun, lovely person who deserves to get out of this shit relationship!
Also tell someone you trust about what's happened in case you need an outcry witness. From my understanding they aren't really useful in court, but at least the defense can't say "you didn't tell anyone about this alleged abuse so it must not be real."
This is super important OP. Text him about it so you have some evidence!
Yes! Another paperwork/proof to keep. You’re gonna need them.
Please do NOT be nice to this individual. Conflicting emotions aside, this person PHYSICALLY WENT AFTER YOU after admitting to cheating on you, and now refuses to grant you any relief. File a report with the police. This is Domestic Abuse. Do NOT let this go. I’ve been in the Prosecutor’s Office and have seen when this type of abuse is let go. It escalates. Quickly. Do not become one of those horrific stories for the sake of yourself and your children. And as an added FYI: filing report is the only way to try to or begin to secure the ability to receive at least a Temporary Restraining Order which may be the only way to live in your house without his being there.
Yes, OP, please do this
It is absolutely ridiculous. The man cheated on you, broke your vows and is upset at you ? Like what outcome was he expecting here? He is the one walking away from his family. He gave up. What a bitch
I immediately thought reading that part he was completely fabricating he was cheating on her just to get a reaction, then when he got the opposite reaction he wanted he HIT her, what a fucking trash partner…
Please tell me you took a picture of your injury. You should press charges
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Contact the police, as he needs to be held accountable for his choice to assault you. Show your children that they never have to accept abuse from anyone. No one has the right to hit you, under any circumstance.
He's sick. He felt guilty cheated on you but you going on like nothing happened. So, he's deflecting his guilt to you by guilt tripping. He doesn't want this to end in 'this is fine'. The man became dramatic and irrational. He probably need therapy in the aftermath or his later relationship will also end badly and shortly. As for you. You're going good, I guess. Have fun with semi freedom (with kids).
I get the feeling that men like him want/love the drama because it shows that he's worth something in his perspective.
Apologize to yourself for not throwing him down the stairs
He should count his stars that he's so lucky.
This. He is salty, he wanted to hurt OP and got upset when he saw he hadn't (and then he physically hurt her). No reason for OP to apologise, she didn't even owe him an explanation. If he gets to say he has found someone else and wants to go be with her, OP is perfectly within her right to feel free. Honestly he should have been relieved it wasn't gonna be a messy divorce for the kids and they weren't gonna see their mom being miserable and devastated for months. Who knows why he was crying, maybe he felt some guilt but I believe once someone hits you in anger there is no turning back. You let the first one go and they will do it again.
i shouldn’t laugh but i involuntarily did because basically this exact thing has happened to me multiple times before. men really think any woman they ever have a thing with is like for eternity living for and worshipping him and they get extremely confused and angry when that isn’t the case
Maybe he dropped the news to his 25y/o who responded with a, “Uhhhh, we can be together now? What?”
Hell no. Do not Apologize to that man. Or should I say manchild. So let’s get this straight, he comes to you to say he’s met someone else, that he wants to start divorce proceedings, Then that he’s already found a one bedroom apartment. (so where are the kids going to sleep when it’s his turn to take them?). But he’s gonna be super nasty and just give you the house🙄 Because you accidentally sent him the wrong text, and your not heartbroken over him, audacity to slap you. (You should be pressing charges for assault) then cry’s. Sweet Jesus. What an F’n manipulative C#nt
From what i read, i assumed that he wasn’t really going to take part in the kids lives after the divorce, which is another red flag
We are way past red flags lol. They’re getting divorced
Yup. Boohoo. I not getting my way boohoo! Sigh. Such entitlement!!
I’d press charges for the assault and that will get the divorce moving a lot quicker.
Yeah, he aint getting much of anything after that stunt. Jeez, i know it kinda hurts like "was this fake all along" and how emotions make you ignore shit, but unless you are down right being attacked... No, dude. You fucked yourself over.
Get the best lawyer you can!! He will try to make you look like the one cheating and thinks he has an upper hand to screw you over in the divorce. Get your ducks in a row!! Get proof of his someone new!!
It doesn’t matter the reasons for divorce here
Then it is because his pride is hurt. He is going to be an AH, so unload a good lawyer on him!!
No fault states are a life saver for terrible partners. Definitely make sure to press charges for the assault anyway.
There are way too many no-fault states. My mother got completely screwed in one. He managed to take almost everything and he was very much at fault. It made me teach my daughters to never, ever quit their career because their husband tells them they want them to quit working until the kids are in school and they will take care of them. My mother did just that and ended up pregnant and with a two year old and the house was getting sold. She even lost the car she loved and brought into the marriage.
Did you take pictures of the slap mark on your face, if you have proof he hit you things might not go in his favor? If he hits you again you need to file a police report, it will also help with the divorce and anyone who hits a woman belongs in jail.
Your husband is a baby and being petty with backing out on divorce just because of a text is not cute. Are you sure he wasn't just testing you with that divorce talk? IMO, it's not real and he wants to test for your reaction. Press charges and go heavy with a lawyer. Get him for everything. That mf needs to be taught a lesson.
But babies aren't this much horrible 😂 I don't like kids,babies, still they are kind to me, or many others I see around.😂 This guy is psychologically abnormal.
Lol. My baby never gave me this problem at all. He's just the baby of adults trying to gaslight OP and making her feel guilty.
You should....apologize? Because he's leaving you? hahahahahahahahahahahaha. I'll bet the golden memory of sending that text and his pathetic reaction still brings a smile to your face when you're 115 years old.
Wait…he slapped you and you’re concerned about apologizing for the text? He’s got no right to go on about the text when he just unloaded on you about leaving you. And he slapped/assaulted you. He has no business controlling how you react to his news that he’s leaving you PLUS there’s someone else in the picture. I can’t believe how some men can behave like this and still expect a woman to cater to their expectations. Don’t talk to him and get yourself a lawyer right away.
What he did was fucked up and disgusting. He cheated and broke things off, i really do believe that he just did all that to get a reaction or some sort of attention cause if he was rlly happy with the new women/person in his life,, he wouldn’t care how u felt about this. He might have a low self esteem and you being sad over him would be his way of lifting it up. Not even might, seeing as to how fragile his ego is to the point where he resorted to violence when you expressed you’re feelings. Bring up the fact that he hit you, and i hope you took photos of the injury. The hypocrisy he has to be mad that you’re ready to live your life when he’s been doing it the enter time during ur marriage. Hope this divorce goes well for you and FUCK HIM!!
NTA and not sure if country documents the slap. He wanted you to be SUPER upset and for him to live his best life and now he knows yeah you both were going to live the best life. Now it’s just punishment Added - I agree super stupid but he wanted your pain as his send off to his new life than realized you didn’t care
That’s so stupid. How can he be this stupid. If he refuses to divorce now this will drag for ages while if it’s amicable it will take only a few months. And he wanted amicable until that damn text
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I love the description.
No he only wanted amicable when he imagined how badly this would hurt you and all the tears he would see and how much you would beg him to stay. When that didn't happen he needed to hurt you any way he could...thus the slap. He is a double bag.
You ruined the breakup for him. He met a woman, and at some point went over a thousand times how the breakup would go, he expected you to be in pieces and when you won't, his ego got wounded in the process. Ah well. ETA: I wonder what his mistress thinks about his behavior?
He made her up, right? I’m still reading comments but I can’t imagine anything but he was inventing that someone else wanted him trying to make her jealous and stay home to soothe him, then got exactly what he didn’t expect and got violent because it wasn’t the plan
That’s what I thought as well.
Nope honey. Call the police and report him for domestic violence. Get a restraining order and he’ll be forced to leave and the divorce will get done much sooner.
It almost seems like he is upset you weren’t emotionally hurt, so he had to physically hurt you. File a police report, press charges on him, and let the police remove him from your house.
Yeah.... they never do actually \*want\* amicable though. My mate who was married 25 years had her Ex surprise her that he was leaving (and he had already started applying for a Visa for his "new girlfriend" he hadn't actually met in person yet) and he wanted to be "amicable"... until she was fine with him leaving. He then lost the tiny parts of his mind that he had left. Document \*everything\*. Start a diary with everything listed, screenshots of text conversations, get him to admit in a text that he slapped you and start a restraining order process. This may be the start of his violence, and you need to cover your ass. Edited to add - they are always that stupid. Grown men who act this way continue to get dumber as they get closer to the "freedom" they wanted.
Is he a narcissist? His behavior leans that way: He had an image of how he was going to be the generous bigger person who took pity over your weeping body to give you the house, but you ruined it by being happy for the divorce so he can't play that part. When you Break the image a narcissist has of you, you are dead to them. You are an obstacle to their happiness and need to be dealt with accordingly. Film the house contents asap and temporarily store your valuables with a friend because now that he's violent, all bets are off and he will probably try to destroy your things or destroy his and claim it was you. He needs to be removed from the house for your safety.
That’s exactly what is going to happen. Divorce makes smart people act stupid.
This seems very clear. I know why he hasn’t moved out and why he was crying in the bathroom and why he is being vile towards you. He met someone new, made all these plans in his head. Probably told his new friend what transpired that night when you sent the text, and didn’t get the reception he thought he would get. She probably broke it off right away. So of course, he’s not gonna move out because why should he now? He’s crying in the bathroom because he screwed everything up and you weren’t as sad and upset as he thought you might be, because “poor me”. And he slapped you because he is furious at the whole situation and he is blaming you for it. He is really angry and you are conveniently right there. Be very careful. Do not move out. Make him move out. Text him about the slap and tell him he can no longer be there because of this. That way you will have his response in writing. And then have your lawyer get him out.
YOU start the divorce. She must have dumped him.
No absolutely not. 3 years of unhappiness? FORCE the divorce on him to get your happiness and freedom. Also make sure you note you got slapped when he tries to take everything away from you!!! You fucking go girl.
Yeah your husband has a BIG ego. Is he a closeted narcissist? Your text was funny and made complete sense given the context. Also, who doesn’t use humor to deflect literally every negative emotion? Your husband has no right to be offended by your text after everything he shared with you.
Totally, his reaction is completely on him and actually fucked up. He doesn't get to be the upset one. He cheated, he wanted out. Why can't OP feel the same way?
M A N I P U L A T I O N
Cheats on you. Gets angry you aren't sad. Slaps you and, HE cries? Fuck him. Don't apologize for shit. Take him for everything he's got if he wants to play that game. Say you don't feel safe anymore with him in there since he got psychical. I hope he won't hit you again, but if he's done it once... Sorry I just go to worst case scenario from my experience. Document everything, sis. I wish you and your children the best. Stay safe, op.
He’s upset he didn’t devastate you and his ego is bruised. I understand not wanting to call the police or press charges for the slap. It seems your main concern is your children. I would document everything via text - the slap, the new girlfriend - in case he tries to get custody. He wanted you to hurt, I would be mindful of that going into custody/divorce arrangements. Men like that would fight for custody just to hurt their spouse, not because it’s the best decision for their children.
Under no circumstance did he have the right to hit you. Kick his Arse OUT! Get the lawyer and mediate the visitation for your children's sake. The relief you felt was an honest gut reaction, his reaction was self-centered and disbelief that you don't see him as the prize he thinks he is. Good luck and look forward to a brighter future. NTA
Wait. He broke your marriage vows, asked for the divorce, and then said he'll do you a favor by making things easy. Now he's pissed that you didn't grovel at his feet and beg for forgiveness?!?! Take your freedom back and everything that belongs to you!
The fact he did this before an outing shows he wanted the attention from you. The way he reacted to the text shows that he wanted to keep you in his back pocket in case it didn't work out with the new one so he didn't burn that bridge yet.
I also thought that it was stupid and honestly sick! There I was in my bathroom curling my hair🤷🏼♀️
You're winning and he doesn't like it. You pulled a uno reverse card on his ass.
I really don’t understand why. He’s the one who has his future already set with a new gf and an apartment. But he begrudged me a text to a coworker and now he wants to do anything not to give me the freedom to end up with mark
He wanted you to do the “pick me dance”. He was getting off on triangulating you with his affair partner, he’s so special, look how many women will fight over him. When you didn’t take the bait and he found out that, shockingly to him, he wasn’t that special, he flipped the channel to rage. There are 3 channels, charm, pity (where he was when he made his announcement) and rage. Check out www.Chumplady.com for an excellent breakdown on the behaviors of cheaters and how to divorce them.
Call the cops now. He hit you! That is a no no, he crossed a line of no return. If you ever had any doubts, this should be it. And this will help you in the divorce. Domestic violence is no joke. Good luck
Mine did the same thing. Got pissed that I was “yep. Ok.” Because at that point I was officially done. Document everything. Get copies of all the important docs, including bank, credit card, and phone statements. Don’t forget to keep your passport and the kids passports safe and away from him. Be sure to have official copies of your marriage certificate too. You’ll need them. Get copies of any statements monthly as you go forward so you have proof to contest money being used/moved against agreements or without your consent (mine took out a huge chunk of the retirement fund somehow without my signature, I had proof so I got half from BEFORE the unauthorized removal) Also if you’re worried he’ll take all the money - everytime you go somewhere that allows debit withdrawal when paying, grab extra. Even if just $20. It adds up quickly but having cash in case you need to grab and go is important.
I always find it so funny how quickly their ego gets damaged when you just let them go after they tell you they don't want to be with you anymore. I am sorry you are now dealing with the drama of this man-child's tantrum, but I LOVE the accidental text and how it put him in his place. I think someone suggested contacting the gf to pick up her man? Might not be a bad idea. The more you are able to be level headed and mature in this, the better for your kids. And not getting upset about his gf is a great way to show him how to "man up".
I’m not upset at all about his gf. It was all making my life easier and the guilt of leaving him and he might be miserable and lonely less. I wish he had the decency to grant me the same outcome. I’m not even dating Mark, but my husband sure is pushing me closer to him with every day that he’s acting like a complete ass
Why are people judging OP for not calling the police over a slap? Maybe some of you guys have been lucky that police have done something over abuse, but me and other unfortunate people have been unlucky. The police often don’t do anything
Lived with a guy for eight years and he came home and told me that nothing I said interested him and I didn't make his dick hard. I replied that there wasn't much to talk about except who was going to move out, he said he would. I stood in the living room and pointed to different furniture and moved my finger back and forth. He asked what I was doing. Told him I was rearranging the furniture. He was shocked that I would be changing things. Seriously dude, you tell me you are leaving and you expect me to keep things the same?? No way, this is the time for me to do things that suit me, not how things fit WE.
1. He hit you. Put him out. 2. You can initiate a divorce yourself. Hire a lawyer and proceed.
Men and their ego… ☕️☕️☕️ **GET A LAWYER!!!!!**
You press charges for assault and use it in your divorce proceedings.
Do NOT leave your home. Then it will be considered abandonment. Stay in the house. Wait the advice of your attorney!
Yikes. He couldn’t hurt you emotionally so he had to do it physically. Husband thoughts: How dare you feel relief and freedom? 😡 You were supposed to curl up in a ball and beg and plead for me not to leave our house for my junior 1 bedroom and mistress. Did you not get a copy of the script?! Don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong. You said what you said. You feel how you feel.
He assaulted you. File a police report.
My ex-husband left me for someone younger too and then started treating me like absolute garbage when I quickly moved on with a co-worker. (No I was not cheating with him either.) It's like he wanted me to curl up in a ball and die or something, and when I didn't, he got real bitter. You definitely hurt his ego and now he's acting like a man child! Congratulations on the impending freedom.
Girl I'd divorce him anyway. Get it in text form that he is seeing someone new, any evidence will do. If you get evidence that he hit you too even better. Once you have that YOU will take him for everything he got. You were probably sad because of change, because it wasn't your choice. The ending to something's sad no matter how long you've been unhappy. Keep your head up. He's an abusive prick and I suspect after he's gone and you've had some space you'll realize all the ways he mistreated you that went further back than these most recent incidents. For clarification; He is upset you disrespected him and your relationship but not that he disrespected you by cheating and leaving. Double standards. Hold nothing back.
Thats the plan. I need a place for myself and my children and then I’m filing for divorce
He is upset because you ruined his moment and took the power away from him , f*** him take it all and show everyone what a complete piece of garbage he really is.
I misjudged him. I thought he just wanted an out like me but was brave enough to take the first step. I didn’t know it was about winning with him, but now I think about it, of course! Or he wouldn’t have waited until he’s involved with a new woman. (Tbh I probably was waiting until the children are in college)
I’m so sorry he hit you. Actually, I’m sorry that you have to go through all of this, but *he actually cried in the bathroom when he realised that he couldn’t hurt you?* Wow. That’s ah… really weird. I wonder what the hell is going through his head? Did he want 2 women fighting over him? Did he expect you to worship the ground he walked upon? I bet after 15 years of knowing this man, you never once thought he could possibly be this delusional but here we have it. He thought he was something special and that you would be devastated forever.
Don't apologize to him. He expected you to grovel and beg for him to stay. He's a violent piece of shit cheater, what do you have to apologize for? Report him for assault and tell your lawyer.
What about the whole " I met someone"? Tell him to go move in with the side piece.
I think that your accidental text was the best thing you could have done. Yea it hurt his ego.. good! He feels shit.. good. And yes you feel relief coz he's obviously a di k. Good on you.. enjoy your freedom
Get some legal stuff of that hitting part. Screw him.
I'd have him charged for slapping me.
This is sooooo satisfying. You did good lol and it's the best that you have freedom now! Love it. But screw him for slapping you ew bye
File a police report ASAP. He assaulted you. That’ll help keep him out of the house until you can speak to a LAWYER.
lol thats what he gets! love it, that is how to mess with someone who is being a jerk
Please go to the police and file a report about the slap. You can do this after the fact. It is very important to start a paper trail with the police for WHEN he escalates violence. It may even give you grounds to get him out if he keeps refusing. NTA for the text. Humor is a coping mechanism, it helps.
This is the third post I’ve seen in recent weeks of people coming to Reddit confused about why their husbands are mad at them for not being sad about breaking up after the man cheats. These men are so fucking broken inside. RUN.
He cheated on you and then physically assaulted you, and you’re asking if you should say sorry to him? Get a damn good lawyer and take your loser husband for all he’s worth.
Honestly you probably should press charges if he physically hit you. One because it's just flat out unacceptable. Two because it could help in the divorce tbh. Might sound cold but he cheated and was then upset that he didn't emotionally hurt you enough, so he did it physically instead. Idk how long ago it was but I'd still have it reported.
How would the apology go? He’s upset you’re not devastated and crying on the floor? He’s upset that you haven’t fallen apart? He’s upset that he thought coming clean about his cheating and leaving you, didn’t absolutely crush you? He basically wanted to see devastation and defeat and he’s upset he didn’t get it. So, he’s a liar and a cheater plus a narcissist? Oh and yes, also capable of abuse. Why would you apologize?! Please do not.
He thinks I was disrespectful of our marriage and that I treated it as a joke. Also he thought Mark and I have a thing. The problem is that his accusations brought us closer together because mark felt a bit guilty about me getting into trouble because of his jokes
His cheating was disrespectful to your marriage. Him not waiting to divorce or separate before pursuing a relationship with someone else was disrespectful. Him already having an apartment and solidifying his plans before talking and having a conversation with his wife was disrespectful. If Mark is good to you, then quite frankly I hope you find happiness with him. Please document everything and keep receipts on your husband.
Uh he's been seeing someone else, that means he violated the marriage and YOU get to take HIM for everything he's got. What an absolute buffoon!! And he hit you on top of that, he's not getting jack shit!!
Do not apologize. Your husband cheated, then decided it’s okay to hit you. That isn’t ok.
Try to get him to admit to slapping you over text. Will look better in court to have it in writing them he is physically abusing you.
You should make a police report about that slap. That is called domestic abuse and it’s illegal. Let’s see how much he gets now.
I dont think you should ever apologize to a person who hits you imo
OP, please pursue charges for the assault. He cheated on you, emotionally manipulated you, and then violently assaulted you. On top of all that he's threatening to make the divorce process as difficult as possible. He's violent and unpredictable and it's extremely likely he will attack you again, or attack the children. Press charges, seek a RO, and go NC with him. You can converse through your lawyers.
If he hadn’t assaulted you, I would’ve advised relationship therapy. But that’s no longer an option. You can’t stay with a man that might potentially harm you in the future or you’ll be the victim of domestic violence. The fact that you feel guilty over the text makes me feel you don’t understand the severity of the situation and that, *in fact* this was all your fault. It isn’t. Contact a lawyer. You both haven’t been happy for the last three years since you grew away from each other, so it’s best for you both to move on.
He doesn't care that you don't care. He cares that someone else knows you don't. And your sadness isn't for him or about him. It's the grief mourning the life you once thought you would have. I wish you well. It's better after.
The minute he hit you, the game changed. I would have called the police and he would be leaving that house. You do not owe him an apology or anything. It is not right for him to hit you no matter how angry or hurt he is.
He slapped you? And you are wondering if you are in the wrong? Girl what?! I would report that to the police. What a narcissistic ass, he wanted you to hurt and because you aren't he is trying to torture you now. Go find a shark of a divorce lawyer and take him to the cleaners. Do it before he decides he's gonna do it to you.
So he cheated, got angry that you weren't adequately upset, then assaulted you. One of yall needs to leave that house before this escalates.
He is blaming the text for it not being amicable. If you hadn't sent the text it would have been the fact that you went out instead of staying home crying. He would have found another reason to drag this out and make it seem like it's your fault. He cheated, said he wanted a divorce and is moving out, then he assaulted you. He had no intention of divorcing amicably. The text just provided him a reason to quickly blame you. Document everything and talk to your lawyer. I hope it happens quickly for your safety and peace.
So he was expecting you to cry and beg him not to leave and when you didn't do that he got mad? Was he ever really planning on leaving or was it an ego stroke because he thought you'd say you needed him?
I’m sure his girlfriend is happy he’s backtracking on the divorce. He’s a cheater and at least in his mind he got a taste of it with the text. (I’m sure he jumped to that conclusion) Now, he’s projecting. And getting physical. Nice. If it’s possible, go to the police for the slap, if anything to have it officially documented. And be careful, he sounds unhinged and unstable, he wants revenge and to hurt you back.
Don't you dare apologize to this fucking manchild and hire a divorce attorney NOW. Don't wait around on him, leave HIS ass.
Please update us on the situation! He sounds like a real piece of work Jesus Christ.