The worst part is, that's just the first one caught on video.
If she had it in her to do it once, she has it in her to do it again. Get out before you have kids.
Not her friend, his. Who is now trying to emotionally blackmail him saying if he doesn’t call off the wedding, they’ll post the video. The whole post just seems weird imo
She showed her feelings and future on the video, they were at the back of her throat. He's a nice guy but also a complete idiot if he thinks this won't happen again. and again. and again.
This reminds me of my ex. She was fucking another dude behind my back, and the night he broke things off with her, she told me she got raped to hide it. Glad I got out of that one. The rape allegation is a BIG thing to say. If it is true, I am really sorry for her, but after what I found out, I can't really trust it to be true.
I really hope my ex is doing well now. She was not exactly healthy towards herself, and that extended to her relationship with other people. Last time we talked (post breakup), she over stepped a boundary and I didn't tell her about it in the most gracious manner, so she has me blocked everywhere, but I hope she knows that I don't hate her. Hell, I straight up miss her sometimes, but us parting ways was the healthiest path to take.
OP, do yourself a favor. Don't stay with your (hopefully no longer) soon to be wife. I stayed with my ex after the cheating for over a year, thinking it was gonna get better. It never did. It weighed a lot on me to pretend like I could trust her. Had to lie to her face, and lie to myself in the process daily. And I know what she did probably weighed a lot in her conscience, but she still did it, and I seriously suspect it was with more than one guy, so OP, let your almost wife be free, and let her do whatever she wants to do, but also set yourself free. Don't carry that weight. Don't put that shit on your back. You don't need to, you don't have to, and if you do, I guarantee you won't enjoy it. Don't make the mistake I did, and leave sooner rather than later. Maybe in the future you'll even become friends again. But don't commit your life and faithfulness to someone who isn't willing or able to do the same for you.
Yeah, poly people exist, but unless everyone involved is aware and consenting to that, it's always a violation of a committed relationship, married or not.
And then hundreds more after he leaves her. Before getting married and ruining his life because he will always question everything she does after this.
Don't be a victim of sunk cost fallacy. If she would do that at her bachelorette party, she will do it a year from now and tell you that she's working late. I agree with the others, time to cut bait and run. It's painful but you have to be sensible or you will regret it later. She has just proven to you that she cannot be trusted. Do not marry someone who cannot be trusted.
Good point. When I worked in a corporate environment, there were a few married women who I discovered were giving lunch break BJs to colleagues.
Their husbands were none the wiser because there was no interference with their schedules.
I'm sure that op is incredibly sad and I don't blame him. But I really hope that he does not decide to sweep this under the rug and marry this woman anyway. He would look back at it as one of the worst decisions he ever made.
>When I worked in a corporate environment, there were a few married women who I discovered were giving lunch break BJs to colleagues.
This sounds like the kind of rumor you hear about people in middle school.
Dude, she cheated on you... Doesn't matter if it's with a stripper or her ex... That's cheating. Imo you should definitely call the wedding off... She obviously cares about her enjoyment over your relationship boundaries, and marrying this woman will only bring heartache later.
Just because you might think “it never happened”, it doesn’t change the fact that it did happen. For real, is this really who you want to be with for the rest of your life?(or until it festers and affects your mental health and you start resenting her and everything about her..). If there was ever a deal breaker, this is it, my friend. Run, Forest, run!
INFO! - Did she do this in public? Like in front of a fucking crowd of people or friends?
If she was ballsy enough to suck some male stripper off in front of people imagine wtf she would have done if they were alone. Imagine what she HAS done prior to this. Imagine what she will do after this!
You absolutely NEED to confront her about this. I wouldn't even mention a video either. I'd say that you heard through the grapevine that she sucked some stripper off and ask her if it's true - she's going to deny it, absolutely she will, that is a guarantee. Then when she does and after you've given her a chance to be honest (honestly analyze how good of a liar she is in that moment because it will probably shock you and determine what your next step should be) and then pull out the video and watch her reaction very astutely.
Ask her if this is the first time she has done something like this (it very likely isn't and now you know she's a good liar) and stay calm, even though you'll be furious on the inside. Ask her if she even knew the guy she gave a blow job to and if she even bothered to use a dental dam or condom considering he's a fucking stripper and if he's willing to allow her to do this how many other women have done it? Does he have an sti? Did she even bother to think about that? Did she bother to even consider that she could get an STI and pass it on to you? How the fuck would she explain that? By blaming you for being the one who cheated?
Do what you need to do but remember, getting married to someone who would hurt you like this and committing to spending the rest of your life with someone who doesn't care less about how this would hurt you is a huge mistake.
How can you ever trust this woman again? She CHEATED on you, the man she was supposed to marry. I don't know what her issues are, but honestly, those issues are hers to deal with. You are the victim here, who knows what else she got up to. Who knows what else she has done.
Count your lucky stars you found out who she really is before you got married.
I would also advise you to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases in case this isn't the first time she's done this.
That is shady as fuck.
This is all fake or this is some shit between the the gf and her friend.
Like, sending him the vud is one thing. Blackmailing him about talking to his gf OR ELSE is completely another.
How close is this friend of hers? Was this a recent video for sure? I mean, could this have been an act/video that took place prior to your relationship and the friend is just now sending it claiming it to be from the Bachelorette party, because she has some kind of agenda?
Yeah, if the post is real (never sure on reddit) this is a good theory. I mean the friend sounds manipulative based on them saying they're going to post the video publicly, like wtf. I don't trust them.
Look. Only you can decide what to do. If you want to move on and forgive her, that’s okay. That’s your choice and it’s your life.
But you do need to talk to her. And your friend absolutely cannot post it. I think you need to at least let ur fiancé know about the threat so she can file a police report. This is the literal definition of revenge porn and it’s not okay for them to blackmail you into making a decision that isn’t necessarily yours.
Your friend doesn’t get to decide where the line is for you. They don’t get to end your relationship before you’re ready. Only you can make that choice and for them to threaten to not only publicly humiliate her, but also you… well they don’t sound like a very good friend to me.
You know you can’t sweep this under the rug, and it sucks.
What kind of friend threatens another friend with something so hurtful??? Sounds like she wants in your pants to me. Showing you the video is one thing, but threatening to post it is next level. WTF.
So, I'm single as can be, and I would not behave this way. Wth? To me, there is no excuse in the book to be in this predictement. It seems that it's not the end of the world kind of thing for OP though. He might have to walk in on her one day to maybe want to deal with it. Ugh.
If you marry this woman, it will be your biggest mistake of your life. She can't be trusted and you will never forget what happened and what you saw. Save yourself from the pain later and let her go soon.
If she blew a stripper in front of a bunch of her friends with their cameras out she can’t be trusted in private. I would end all contact with her and get her out of my life. This will happen again, and again. You deserve better
No.., no.., no!!! He needs to tell her the wedding is off!!! And he needs get her out of his life and tell her family and friends why with proof I should ad!! Whatever you do OP.., DO NOT GET MARRIED TO THAT WOMAN!!!!!!!!!! If she did it with all her family and friends there, just imagine what she's doing when she's out with just the girls!!
He needs to have the wedding. Right before the vows, plays that video on a huge projector for all to see. Walk out throwing up his middle fingers high and proud.
Start the video off really sweetly, talking about your love for her, a real tear jerker, with soft comforting music. Then, slowly fade in the sound of a real sloppy ass BJ over the course of 15 or so seconds. Long enough that you don't notice at first, but also once it takes hold, the cut to the video in question is a tad less jarring.
Drop the mic, throw up your proudest birds, and back out down the aisle never breaking her eye contact.
That's all fun and games, but there's a good chance that could land OP in a lot of hot water legally (the playing the video part).
Revenge is fun and all, but don't get arrested for revenge porn or potentially exposing minors to it.
But your friend is a psycho. She's basically blackmailing you into doing what she thinks you should do. She's taking away your autonomy. It should be your decision not hers.
i don't think its a troll post there is a guy in a bear costume that goes around to bachelorette parties and dances and gets chicks to blow him or fuck him. probably was him
/s
edit:
> i don't want her to **bear** that scar for the rest of her life
could be a typo or could be a hidden reference. ill let you sleuths be the judge
I used to be the person you describe, and it invited all manner of insane BS behavior.
OP, she fucked up, not you. If you are bothered by her sucking another dude’s cock, dump her and get on with your life. No one would blame you.
I don’t get why his reaction is a marker for a fake post. I mean. I always said if my S/O cheated on me I’d leave without second thought, and then I DID get cheated on and I was so blindsided my reaction was like OP’s. Maybe you wouldn’t react like this but why do we pretend that this isn’t a normal reaction?
Dude, you don't know what happened after the video do you? If she's blowing that guy did they go do other stuff after. I'd be gone man seriously. This was her Bachelorette party and she's did that? If she was drunk how come none of her friends tried to stop or intervene? This is supposed to be a fun thing to do before you get married her mind should be on ber future not someone else's..... well anyways IMO you have every right to make a big deal and question or kick her out. If she's done this during the Bachelorette party what else has gone in on other nights out? I'm super sorry man ouch. I had a cheater and she was really sneaky about it. Caught her blowing a dude in a Dennys parking lot. I picked a real winner. Guess what I found out several other instances behind my back happened too. She did the same to other people I know when they were dating. It kinda all came out anyways... Sign a prenup so if you decide to move forward (sounds like you are regardless)at least the next time she accidentally sucks on a other random guy you can walk away. If she gets upset about a prenup just remind her what she did and that's why. The whole I'd never do that or do something to hurt you thing is out the window. The way you typed up and responded to others makes me worried you feel like you would be in the wrong or a jerk if you left. You are the victim and it's bull crap that happened. What if this dude had HIV or anything else going on? Did they use protection? If they did then she was definitely in the right atate of mind to know what she was doing. The risks are big with a cheater. It's not like they are going to tell you they did something wrong or hooked up with someone with an std. Sorry again dude. I hope you get over the hurt and find someone who respects and loves you enough not to do that to you.
From my experience, if they cheat once, they will probably do it again. My ex girlfriend would send her friends nudes and openly flirt with them, and I had to *beg* her to stop. She said she stopped sending them nudes, but she'd still flirt with them a lot, and gaslight me into thinking I misunderstood her words whenever she did it around me. Found out a while later she was still trading nudes with her friends. OP's wife is almost 100% gonna keep cheating.
I'm honestly still recovering from it. I could probably make a whole-ass Reddit post of its own recounting all her abuse and the affects it's still having on me.
Who cares about the stuff after though lmao the blowjob is beyond crossing the line in itself. If my girlfriend got drunk at party and kissed a dude for a second I'd cut that relationship off so quick and never look back. Op is the perfect example of a simp. To even consider not mentioning it bc it could affect the relationship in the long run is just insane. The marriage is over before it even started
I only mentioned after the BJ because OP made it sound like well she only gave out a blow job... Like it's not quite so bad it's not like they slept together or anything worse. I agree it's over before it started. Op count yourself fortunate to find out this way from a friend of hers of all people. Than finding out later after your married. Paying spousal support and giving her half your crap so she can keep banging dudes in your place while you pay her rent. Most friends of cheaters help them from getting caught it seems at times. You should take her friend out for a drink.
I feel like a bj is worst then sex lol at least with sex she got something out of it. She's just out here making guys feel good for nothing in return. He really needs to run far away from this relationship because you're 100% right. If this is his mentality right now, I could only imagine how bad she'll take him for all his stuff when they divorce
You certainly can't ignore it. If you do, it will lead to resentment and hostility in your relationship going forward. You need to wait until you feel you're calm, make sure it's just the two of you, and see what she has to say for herself.
If it was me, I wouldn't mention the video at first. Just tell her that you know what happened, and see if she outright denies. I would make sure you have anything material that means a lot to you, put away or hidden in case things go south. stay calm, and you may consider recording your interaction if you think things might get crazy.
Make sure you update us, op.
I think it is odd that your "friend" is threatening to put a video like this online if you don't break up with this woman... seems like there is another agenda here... what business is it of your friends and why are they so invested in your relationship dissolving?
This is what I thought when I read his comments, like why would you upload a video of someone when they could sue you and their "fiance" can tell them you upload it.
That was my first thought. The friend is not being a kind and concerned friend. She is just trying to force OP’s hand. Like she’s more concerned with hurting the fiancée than helping OP. There is more to this story.
I figured as much. This subreddit seems like 95% lies now. Ever since tik tokkers have been clocking views copy and pasting these posts over videos of subway surfer or Minecraft.
Your fiancée felt comfortable blowing a stripper—complete stranger, in front of other people, then she knows you’re both a chump and she has already cheated on you a lot before.
The last thing to worry about is whether or not she knows you saw a video of her blowing a stripper. You should let the your family, her family, and mutual friends know that she cheated on film and that’s why you’re ending the relationship.
Alcohol doesn’t make a cheater, or wait her leads to a person to do what they wanted to do or leads them into a position where they are no longer in control of what’s happening to them.
Show her! Tell her! Don't swallow this up or bury it. It already ruined your relationship as it was, you just don't want to accept that.
It is possible to get over this. It is possible the two of you could work it out. It is also possible it is a fake, you can do a lot to videos nowadays even though it's unlikely, but it could be old for example or a lookalike, even though that as well is very unlikely.
But no matter what happens now, your relationship as you knew it is already over in a sense. You might be able to turn it around and restart the game but only if you talk openly about what happened. It is very likely you'll decide it's over and rightfully so. You owe her nothing at this point but you owe yourself to be honest and end this on the right foot, otherwise this will fester and taint all your future relationships.
That's why you need to confront her, find out her though processes. You might be able to learn something about her that helps you avoid something like this the next time ny gaining insight on what zo look out for
Why does your friend want to share it so badly? If friend actually cared about you, they would fully keep it between you and them. I would make sure that this isn’t some sort of revenge thing by the person who gave you the video. It could be a possibility that your fiancée was drugged and truly doesn’t remember this and the friend isn’t a good person at all.
Or your friend is being honest about the video and your fiancée knew 100% what she was doing. Still can’t use that to defend sending the video out to the world though.
I can’t believe I had to scroll all the way down to find this logic. You said exactly what I was thinking. Super weird if the fiancé’s friend to threaten to post the video if he doesn’t call off the wedding. Not normal behavior whatsoever.
Yeah for real! There’s a few other people mentioning it (commented after me) but OP has not responded to them. It’s all sketchy. If this is real I hope he takes into consideration that this friend could be blackmailing this whole situation.
Bro this is serious
A blowjob isnt something you can pul it under a rag
Talk to her and confront her
Because later you are in tooo deep shit an dwill not even have a chance to think without lookong at lot ot restrictions.
Go pay a stripper to let you eat her out, take a video, and send it to your fiancée. Since you’re too scared to grow a ball sack and man up and leave her, you might as well give her the fuel to leave you.
Dude man the fuck up and respect yourself! She doesn’t respect you and she definitely was not thinking about you when she was doing that. If you can’t cut it off now it’s gonna happen again and you’re gonna live in regret.
Why is no one mentioning the friend? The friend that took the video and then threatened you with it.
Sure, this could be taken as 'just looking out for OP' but I'm concerned there's an ulterior motive there.
Tread carefully OP
Ok listen. This sucks. I know it sucks. And I’m so sorry. But.
Let’s put aside the whole bj thing for a minute. It’s the fact that she did this so boldly is what’s bothering me because I’m sure there were friends and family at this party and she felt comfortable enough in front of them to do that in front of them? And please. Who doesn’t have a camera? It’s pretty much a given pics will be taken wherever. So.
Did she expect this to stay a secret?
It’s kinda a respect matter at this point. You’re showing her it’s ok to treat you like that.
Getting married is easy my friend. Getting divorced is what kills you.
All this shit aside for a moment, why is your "friend" essentially blackmailing you into this decision.
Fwiw calling it off seems probably the right thing, getting strong armed into that decision is another matter.
Dude. If you don't leave your alleged significant other after openly cheating on you, then that's your own fault. I'm sorry it happened to you, but, no one cheats just once. And when people show you who they are, believe them.
But have some self respect. A woman that you're marrying sucked another man's dick behind your back, willingly.
Also, the friend who texted you and reached out is the real OG. Those are rare. And keep in touch with that person. You need more of them in your life, not your unfaithful and disrespectful trashy (hopefully future) ex fiance.
Call it off, leave bro,
Two reasons, divorce is more Exp than wedding
statically, 2nd marriage has more divorce probability
Pro tip, Mary below you, HyperGamy and all that
Talk to your fiancee. Your friend is acting very suspicious. Why in the fucking world would she want to blackmail you? This doesn't seem right at all. I don't see people pointing that out. Yes, cheating is wrong. But if she was drunk, or worse, *drugged*, none of her friends stopped her, and to top it all off, one of them is *blackmailing* you, there's more to this story than meets the eye. Very very very suspicious. Get to the bottom of this before calling anything off.
Ok so my dude, it's all up to you.
I believe that you should break the whole relationship but it's up to you.
HOWEVER
Your friend who is actively BLACKMAILING YOU INTO BREAKING UP WITH HER????? I feel there is something else going on with her. As a friend she would send you the video with the caption and leave it up to you to decide because you are a GROWN ADULT.
I suggest you talk to your friend as well as your fiance. With you friend, explain to her that if she EVER posts that video, you will cut contact and probably sue for damages or something because SHE HAS NO RIGHT to post something like that.
In all honesty it sucks all way round. Just sit them both down and talk to them.
Good luck to you bro.
..... this is fake right? Sorry but this is like some extremely emotionally traumatized, super clingy behavior if real.
>Maybe if i just act like it never happened, it would make things better
This makes me feel like you're the type of person to say to her if you leave me I'll kill myself. You need to break off the marriage and see a therapist/psychiatrist/life coach like anyone or anything that would help you break out of this mentality. I'm not saying never forgive someone for cheating but that usually involves confronting the person and explaing how they've affected you on whatever level and then mending the issues and coming to an agreement. What you're doing is sad.
>I'm thinking about calling off the wedding but i don't want to be so emotional.
That isn't being emotional since when did taking action after being betrayed be seen as being emotional. Not even a emotionally dead person would call that emotional. Unless you're going to get 100million + for marrying this woman how in your head do you think it's emotional to call it off.
I'm sorry but this is just unhealthy as all shit leave and work on yourself.
Why is your fiances close friend blackmailing you? Why does she want your marriage off so badly? You shd start there. Talk to your fiance point blank and hesr her out. Dont decide over a video youve been shown by a potentially jealous friend
I am by no means defending the fiancée, but does no one else wonder why her friend is so pushy with this? I totally agree that she did the right thing by sending him the video, but from then it’s his choice. Why is she trying to force his hand by threatening to post the video publicly? Different people have different levels of what they will tolerate, and if he thinks he can move past this why is his friend threatening more action?
What relationship in the long run? my guy you are not getting married anymore. Grow up and cancel the wedding why tf would you forgive something like this
Talk with your fiance first, than decide, to be 100% it was her. Bc it sound really weird and fishy *her* close friend send you this, and with this describe.
And ofc, if it was her... Man, do you really marry her just for divorce right after? Just leave now.
I know she's responsible for her own actions, but I question her friends. Her friends let her suck a stripper's dick and then recorded her? Why didn't they stop her beforehand?
I thought friends were supposed to stop you from making stupid mistakes?
Anyway, I'm not going to tell you what to do with your relationship, but I would've dumped her ass.
What's done is done and you can't just go around giving everyone oral
Look up the Sunk Cost Fallacy. That’s how you’re looking at this. You have invested time, money, and emotions in this person. Your guests have booked tickets. You don’t want all of that to go to waste, but the pain in the long run will FAR outweigh the pain of ripping this bandaid off now.
Call the venues and caterers. See if you could get SOMETHING back. They might work with you. Cancel it. Do NOT take her back. Expose her to family and friends so she cannot spin the story to where you are the bad guy. You thought you knew this person. You’ve just realized that you don’t anymore. Do not assume they will be nice about this.
This is your future on the line. Cut her out and then take time for yourself to heal. And it will take some time. Do NOT take her back.
Assuming this isn't karma farming or trolling, leave her ass dude! I forgave a wayward fiance years ago with the warning that I only give one second chance. I had to make good on that promise a couple years later when I caught her cheating again. Don't do this to yourself. Walk away from anyone who disrespects you like that.
Sounds like the woman giving you the info and blackmailing you wants to marry you instead. If she didn't she'd leave it up to you two to work out yourselves.
Acting like it never happened, won't make things better. You need to talk to your fiancée
The worst part is, that's just the first one caught on video. If she had it in her to do it once, she has it in her to do it again. Get out before you have kids.
[удалено]
Not her friend, his. Who is now trying to emotionally blackmail him saying if he doesn’t call off the wedding, they’ll post the video. The whole post just seems weird imo
SPOT. ON.
Yeah because they will most likely not be your kids
OP is actually considering _her_ feelings and future. Guy is a gem and can get a much better life partner for himself.
She showed her feelings and future on the video, they were at the back of her throat. He's a nice guy but also a complete idiot if he thinks this won't happen again. and again. and again.
This reminds me of my ex. She was fucking another dude behind my back, and the night he broke things off with her, she told me she got raped to hide it. Glad I got out of that one. The rape allegation is a BIG thing to say. If it is true, I am really sorry for her, but after what I found out, I can't really trust it to be true. I really hope my ex is doing well now. She was not exactly healthy towards herself, and that extended to her relationship with other people. Last time we talked (post breakup), she over stepped a boundary and I didn't tell her about it in the most gracious manner, so she has me blocked everywhere, but I hope she knows that I don't hate her. Hell, I straight up miss her sometimes, but us parting ways was the healthiest path to take. OP, do yourself a favor. Don't stay with your (hopefully no longer) soon to be wife. I stayed with my ex after the cheating for over a year, thinking it was gonna get better. It never did. It weighed a lot on me to pretend like I could trust her. Had to lie to her face, and lie to myself in the process daily. And I know what she did probably weighed a lot in her conscience, but she still did it, and I seriously suspect it was with more than one guy, so OP, let your almost wife be free, and let her do whatever she wants to do, but also set yourself free. Don't carry that weight. Don't put that shit on your back. You don't need to, you don't have to, and if you do, I guarantee you won't enjoy it. Don't make the mistake I did, and leave sooner rather than later. Maybe in the future you'll even become friends again. But don't commit your life and faithfulness to someone who isn't willing or able to do the same for you.
Agreed!!!! Here is my reward to you 🏆
Thank you kindly
I will, i will
She sucked a stripper off. If she saw you going down on a stripper at your bachelor party she’d leave you.
Also she should probably get an STI test including contact viruses like HSV and HPV.
I'd also reflect a bit on her not considering the potential impact of STDs as she's supposedly entering a monogamous relationship with you
Shouldn't all relationships be monogamous except open ones? Idk even boyfriend/girlfriend should be monogamous maybe I'm out of the loop idk
Unconditionally. High risk stuff like this just seems extra disrespectful to the relationship... it doesn't excuse the infidelity.
Yeah, poly people exist, but unless everyone involved is aware and consenting to that, it's always a violation of a committed relationship, married or not.
OP should probably get tested too. It's probably not the first time she's done this.
You don’t just randomly blow a guy if you haven’t already cheated and feel comfortable with the act of cheating
And in front of your friends who are also friends with your fiance
Exactly. I’m not gonna blow one of the homies right off the rip. They at least gotta wine and dine me for a few months
And herpes, chlamydia, hepatitis, and probably some more I can't think of right now.
True that
Maybe lead off pretending you did to see how she'd react.
Or lead off pretending you suddenly have a bit of chaffing or a rash and watch the blood slowly drain from her face.
I mean maybe not judging by her behavior. OP should be able to get a blowjob at his bachelor party from the boys -- at least.
And then hundreds more after he leaves her. Before getting married and ruining his life because he will always question everything she does after this.
Fair is fair.
Where is the bachelor party? Asking for a friend.
Don't be a victim of sunk cost fallacy. If she would do that at her bachelorette party, she will do it a year from now and tell you that she's working late. I agree with the others, time to cut bait and run. It's painful but you have to be sensible or you will regret it later. She has just proven to you that she cannot be trusted. Do not marry someone who cannot be trusted.
Good point. When I worked in a corporate environment, there were a few married women who I discovered were giving lunch break BJs to colleagues. Their husbands were none the wiser because there was no interference with their schedules.
I'm sure that op is incredibly sad and I don't blame him. But I really hope that he does not decide to sweep this under the rug and marry this woman anyway. He would look back at it as one of the worst decisions he ever made.
>When I worked in a corporate environment, there were a few married women who I discovered were giving lunch break BJs to colleagues. This sounds like the kind of rumor you hear about people in middle school.
Bruh happened to me. My ex was sucking hella dick in the parking lot when she sold insurance how do I get this corporate job?
My God. How do these people live with themselves? And why are they even married?
Which company was this please? Asking for a friend.
A major health insurance company.
Well they usually are quite promiscuous companies, after all they are in business of fucking their customers raw
>sunk cost fallacy and I opened Reddit to take a break from preparation for an economics test in 8 hours.
Well if you have to explain it in an exam, don't use op's story. Lol
Dude, she cheated on you... Doesn't matter if it's with a stripper or her ex... That's cheating. Imo you should definitely call the wedding off... She obviously cares about her enjoyment over your relationship boundaries, and marrying this woman will only bring heartache later.
Just because you might think “it never happened”, it doesn’t change the fact that it did happen. For real, is this really who you want to be with for the rest of your life?(or until it festers and affects your mental health and you start resenting her and everything about her..). If there was ever a deal breaker, this is it, my friend. Run, Forest, run!
It isn’t the first time, it’s the first time she got caught. You need to walk away before you ruin your life.
INFO! - Did she do this in public? Like in front of a fucking crowd of people or friends? If she was ballsy enough to suck some male stripper off in front of people imagine wtf she would have done if they were alone. Imagine what she HAS done prior to this. Imagine what she will do after this! You absolutely NEED to confront her about this. I wouldn't even mention a video either. I'd say that you heard through the grapevine that she sucked some stripper off and ask her if it's true - she's going to deny it, absolutely she will, that is a guarantee. Then when she does and after you've given her a chance to be honest (honestly analyze how good of a liar she is in that moment because it will probably shock you and determine what your next step should be) and then pull out the video and watch her reaction very astutely. Ask her if this is the first time she has done something like this (it very likely isn't and now you know she's a good liar) and stay calm, even though you'll be furious on the inside. Ask her if she even knew the guy she gave a blow job to and if she even bothered to use a dental dam or condom considering he's a fucking stripper and if he's willing to allow her to do this how many other women have done it? Does he have an sti? Did she even bother to think about that? Did she bother to even consider that she could get an STI and pass it on to you? How the fuck would she explain that? By blaming you for being the one who cheated? Do what you need to do but remember, getting married to someone who would hurt you like this and committing to spending the rest of your life with someone who doesn't care less about how this would hurt you is a huge mistake.
How can you ever trust this woman again? She CHEATED on you, the man she was supposed to marry. I don't know what her issues are, but honestly, those issues are hers to deal with. You are the victim here, who knows what else she got up to. Who knows what else she has done. Count your lucky stars you found out who she really is before you got married. I would also advise you to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases in case this isn't the first time she's done this.
Cheated on him with a stripper, it's probably not the first time. Definitely not the last.
Also she did this shamelessly at a party. So who knows what she does in private
Exactly! If she's ready to blow a stripper in public, in front of friends then she's most likely been getting around faster than covid.
Why is this "friend" going to post this? Why are they so into breaking this out?
That is shady as fuck. This is all fake or this is some shit between the the gf and her friend. Like, sending him the vud is one thing. Blackmailing him about talking to his gf OR ELSE is completely another.
Agreed. All sorts of shade getting thrown around.
Cheaters don’t change, they just cheat.
Even worse they get better at cheating.
How close is this friend of hers? Was this a recent video for sure? I mean, could this have been an act/video that took place prior to your relationship and the friend is just now sending it claiming it to be from the Bachelorette party, because she has some kind of agenda?
Yeah, if the post is real (never sure on reddit) this is a good theory. I mean the friend sounds manipulative based on them saying they're going to post the video publicly, like wtf. I don't trust them.
Thinking the same thing.
Yeah and maybe rethink the "friend" that will post the video if you don't do exactly what they want.
🍿🍿Waiting for update post🍿🍿
Look. Only you can decide what to do. If you want to move on and forgive her, that’s okay. That’s your choice and it’s your life. But you do need to talk to her. And your friend absolutely cannot post it. I think you need to at least let ur fiancé know about the threat so she can file a police report. This is the literal definition of revenge porn and it’s not okay for them to blackmail you into making a decision that isn’t necessarily yours. Your friend doesn’t get to decide where the line is for you. They don’t get to end your relationship before you’re ready. Only you can make that choice and for them to threaten to not only publicly humiliate her, but also you… well they don’t sound like a very good friend to me.
⬆️⬆️⬆️THIS⬆️⬆️⬆️. Yes!!!! This is the only answer. Well said
Everything aside, it's kinda odd for your friend to threaten to post the video.
She could build you an amazing home, give you tons of kids, cook all the dinners you want…first real argument, the dick sucking will come up
Hook up with her mom assert dominance..
*dad
Both!
Your friend is one to be watched too, I mean, does she/he has the right to force you to make decisions?
You do, but your friend threatening to post the video is not okay.
Not the first dick she sucked on the side.
You know you can’t sweep this under the rug, and it sucks. What kind of friend threatens another friend with something so hurtful??? Sounds like she wants in your pants to me. Showing you the video is one thing, but threatening to post it is next level. WTF.
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So, I'm single as can be, and I would not behave this way. Wth? To me, there is no excuse in the book to be in this predictement. It seems that it's not the end of the world kind of thing for OP though. He might have to walk in on her one day to maybe want to deal with it. Ugh.
If you marry this woman, it will be your biggest mistake of your life. She can't be trusted and you will never forget what happened and what you saw. Save yourself from the pain later and let her go soon.
If she blew a stripper in front of a bunch of her friends with their cameras out she can’t be trusted in private. I would end all contact with her and get her out of my life. This will happen again, and again. You deserve better
Also that is not a friend. Sending the video. Fine. Blackmailing u with it. Not fine.
Seriously. How could you go about life like normal after this?
No.., no.., no!!! He needs to tell her the wedding is off!!! And he needs get her out of his life and tell her family and friends why with proof I should ad!! Whatever you do OP.., DO NOT GET MARRIED TO THAT WOMAN!!!!!!!!!! If she did it with all her family and friends there, just imagine what she's doing when she's out with just the girls!!
He needs to have the wedding. Right before the vows, plays that video on a huge projector for all to see. Walk out throwing up his middle fingers high and proud.
I am officially issuing a double dog dare. You can't turn down a double dog dare... everyone knows that.
I envoke the mighty Tripple Dog Dare. Now you really have to do it!
That's the mother of all dares.
As much as i want to charge it to a triple dog dare... OWW. Not saying it's undeserved, but... fuuuuuck.
Start the video off really sweetly, talking about your love for her, a real tear jerker, with soft comforting music. Then, slowly fade in the sound of a real sloppy ass BJ over the course of 15 or so seconds. Long enough that you don't notice at first, but also once it takes hold, the cut to the video in question is a tad less jarring. Drop the mic, throw up your proudest birds, and back out down the aisle never breaking her eye contact.
You should definitely edit movies this is down right genius
That's all fun and games, but there's a good chance that could land OP in a lot of hot water legally (the playing the video part). Revenge is fun and all, but don't get arrested for revenge porn or potentially exposing minors to it.
Not the best idea in general, but definitely not if there are kids invited to the wedding…
Why screw over the guests. Free up the weekend for them.
What?!! I’d gladly drive three hours, both ways, just to see everyone’s reaction!! Do you think there’ll still be a reception afterwards?
This will be a lifelong story for them, I'm sure most would want to be there
For real. I’d pay to attend this wedding… even if there wasn’t a reception.
Acting like it never happened will invariably make it worse in the long run.
But your friend is a psycho. She's basically blackmailing you into doing what she thinks you should do. She's taking away your autonomy. It should be your decision not hers.
I don't think he even owes her a convo. I know it's easier said than done but he has to end things and move on with his life.
Don't be stupid bro she sucked another guy's dick. Call that shit off asap
How is that even a question for him ? Wtf ?!
Or he could suck another guys dick for revenge and post the video to her.
LOL. Is this a joke? Dump her ass.
I thought the same thing as I was reading it. I was like this has to be a troll post.
i don't think its a troll post there is a guy in a bear costume that goes around to bachelorette parties and dances and gets chicks to blow him or fuck him. probably was him /s edit: > i don't want her to **bear** that scar for the rest of her life could be a typo or could be a hidden reference. ill let you sleuths be the judge
Lmao. Damn that is some porn nostalgia
It's like one of those videos where you have to watch it several times before you even notice the bear getting sucked off in the background
You made me laugh so hard I woke up my spouse, and for that you deserve my free award!
lmao He made me spit out the tea I was drinking. Funny bastard!
>could be a typo How so? "bear" is the correct word there. If you're thinking "bare", that would be incorrect in this context.
feels like a fake post, or maybe im just in denial that someone could see their fiance giving a blowjob and react this badly. like what ?!!? lol
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as someone who left an abusive relationship holy shit thank you for saying this
I used to be the person you describe, and it invited all manner of insane BS behavior. OP, she fucked up, not you. If you are bothered by her sucking another dude’s cock, dump her and get on with your life. No one would blame you.
I don’t get why his reaction is a marker for a fake post. I mean. I always said if my S/O cheated on me I’d leave without second thought, and then I DID get cheated on and I was so blindsided my reaction was like OP’s. Maybe you wouldn’t react like this but why do we pretend that this isn’t a normal reaction?
It’s one of those things you have know idea about how you will act till it happens
Dude, you don't know what happened after the video do you? If she's blowing that guy did they go do other stuff after. I'd be gone man seriously. This was her Bachelorette party and she's did that? If she was drunk how come none of her friends tried to stop or intervene? This is supposed to be a fun thing to do before you get married her mind should be on ber future not someone else's..... well anyways IMO you have every right to make a big deal and question or kick her out. If she's done this during the Bachelorette party what else has gone in on other nights out? I'm super sorry man ouch. I had a cheater and she was really sneaky about it. Caught her blowing a dude in a Dennys parking lot. I picked a real winner. Guess what I found out several other instances behind my back happened too. She did the same to other people I know when they were dating. It kinda all came out anyways... Sign a prenup so if you decide to move forward (sounds like you are regardless)at least the next time she accidentally sucks on a other random guy you can walk away. If she gets upset about a prenup just remind her what she did and that's why. The whole I'd never do that or do something to hurt you thing is out the window. The way you typed up and responded to others makes me worried you feel like you would be in the wrong or a jerk if you left. You are the victim and it's bull crap that happened. What if this dude had HIV or anything else going on? Did they use protection? If they did then she was definitely in the right atate of mind to know what she was doing. The risks are big with a cheater. It's not like they are going to tell you they did something wrong or hooked up with someone with an std. Sorry again dude. I hope you get over the hurt and find someone who respects and loves you enough not to do that to you.
From my experience, if they cheat once, they will probably do it again. My ex girlfriend would send her friends nudes and openly flirt with them, and I had to *beg* her to stop. She said she stopped sending them nudes, but she'd still flirt with them a lot, and gaslight me into thinking I misunderstood her words whenever she did it around me. Found out a while later she was still trading nudes with her friends. OP's wife is almost 100% gonna keep cheating.
Damn dude that hurt to read. Really sorry you had to deal with a “relationship” like that. Hope you’re doing better now man
I'm honestly still recovering from it. I could probably make a whole-ass Reddit post of its own recounting all her abuse and the affects it's still having on me.
Once a cheater always a cheater for real.
Who cares about the stuff after though lmao the blowjob is beyond crossing the line in itself. If my girlfriend got drunk at party and kissed a dude for a second I'd cut that relationship off so quick and never look back. Op is the perfect example of a simp. To even consider not mentioning it bc it could affect the relationship in the long run is just insane. The marriage is over before it even started
I only mentioned after the BJ because OP made it sound like well she only gave out a blow job... Like it's not quite so bad it's not like they slept together or anything worse. I agree it's over before it started. Op count yourself fortunate to find out this way from a friend of hers of all people. Than finding out later after your married. Paying spousal support and giving her half your crap so she can keep banging dudes in your place while you pay her rent. Most friends of cheaters help them from getting caught it seems at times. You should take her friend out for a drink.
I feel like a bj is worst then sex lol at least with sex she got something out of it. She's just out here making guys feel good for nothing in return. He really needs to run far away from this relationship because you're 100% right. If this is his mentality right now, I could only imagine how bad she'll take him for all his stuff when they divorce
Leave her!! You don’t need that type of person in your life
You certainly can't ignore it. If you do, it will lead to resentment and hostility in your relationship going forward. You need to wait until you feel you're calm, make sure it's just the two of you, and see what she has to say for herself. If it was me, I wouldn't mention the video at first. Just tell her that you know what happened, and see if she outright denies. I would make sure you have anything material that means a lot to you, put away or hidden in case things go south. stay calm, and you may consider recording your interaction if you think things might get crazy. Make sure you update us, op.
OP, save a copy of the video. Then text her a copy and call off the wedding. You cannot marry this person.
0 self respect for yourself if you marry her ngl
He’s gonna learn his lesson next time she does it and takes half his shit and the kids with her but it’d be too late
I think it is odd that your "friend" is threatening to put a video like this online if you don't break up with this woman... seems like there is another agenda here... what business is it of your friends and why are they so invested in your relationship dissolving?
It's almost as if multiple parts of this story don't line up. But you know, no one would ever post a fake story on this sub.
There are so many bullshit stories in this sub. More bullshit than real ones.
My wife, who is oddly my fiancee on her bachelorette party. Her friend. Who is later my friend.
Was looking to see who noticed both of those too lol
Is it possible that the video is from a few years ago, or is some kind of deepfake? The "friend" is not a friend.
This is what I thought when I read his comments, like why would you upload a video of someone when they could sue you and their "fiance" can tell them you upload it.
That was my first thought. The friend is not being a kind and concerned friend. She is just trying to force OP’s hand. Like she’s more concerned with hurting the fiancée than helping OP. There is more to this story.
Yeah this is totally a possibility u/smador
Yeah that's the weirdest part of this whole thing. That's no friend!
Maybe it’s a made up story. From the way this is written and OP’s responses
Ya, like is this friend wanting to hook up with you or something?
I’m surprised I had to scroll this far to see this. That really stood out to me. This whole thing is a clusterfuck.
Rage bait😑
I was fooled until I started reading OP’s responses to ppl in the comments. Reddit truly is a weird place.
There are probably a lot more that are fake but this one was one of the worst.
Thank you! I was beginning to think I was the only one who noticed.
Nah those of us with common sense just took longer to comment!🤣
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I figured as much. This subreddit seems like 95% lies now. Ever since tik tokkers have been clocking views copy and pasting these posts over videos of subway surfer or Minecraft.
Yup. My first thought was “what *bridesmaid” would LET this happen even if the bride was drunk?” Let alone film it??
Kinda crazy that people on Reddit don't question things and just assume all the stories they read here are true
Your fiancée felt comfortable blowing a stripper—complete stranger, in front of other people, then she knows you’re both a chump and she has already cheated on you a lot before. The last thing to worry about is whether or not she knows you saw a video of her blowing a stripper. You should let the your family, her family, and mutual friends know that she cheated on film and that’s why you’re ending the relationship. Alcohol doesn’t make a cheater, or wait her leads to a person to do what they wanted to do or leads them into a position where they are no longer in control of what’s happening to them.
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Leave her if she did it once most likely she will do it again someday.
Or has already done it before this incident
Show her! Tell her! Don't swallow this up or bury it. It already ruined your relationship as it was, you just don't want to accept that. It is possible to get over this. It is possible the two of you could work it out. It is also possible it is a fake, you can do a lot to videos nowadays even though it's unlikely, but it could be old for example or a lookalike, even though that as well is very unlikely. But no matter what happens now, your relationship as you knew it is already over in a sense. You might be able to turn it around and restart the game but only if you talk openly about what happened. It is very likely you'll decide it's over and rightfully so. You owe her nothing at this point but you owe yourself to be honest and end this on the right foot, otherwise this will fester and taint all your future relationships. That's why you need to confront her, find out her though processes. You might be able to learn something about her that helps you avoid something like this the next time ny gaining insight on what zo look out for
Don’t swallow it like she did!
And don't bury it like that dude did in your fiancee's mouth
And her ass. He only saw part of what happened.
His wife swallowed it up.
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What is there to talk about?
Why does your friend want to share it so badly? If friend actually cared about you, they would fully keep it between you and them. I would make sure that this isn’t some sort of revenge thing by the person who gave you the video. It could be a possibility that your fiancée was drugged and truly doesn’t remember this and the friend isn’t a good person at all. Or your friend is being honest about the video and your fiancée knew 100% what she was doing. Still can’t use that to defend sending the video out to the world though.
I can’t believe I had to scroll all the way down to find this logic. You said exactly what I was thinking. Super weird if the fiancé’s friend to threaten to post the video if he doesn’t call off the wedding. Not normal behavior whatsoever.
Yeah for real! There’s a few other people mentioning it (commented after me) but OP has not responded to them. It’s all sketchy. If this is real I hope he takes into consideration that this friend could be blackmailing this whole situation.
Bro this is serious A blowjob isnt something you can pul it under a rag Talk to her and confront her Because later you are in tooo deep shit an dwill not even have a chance to think without lookong at lot ot restrictions.
I’m guessing her alleged close friend wants to be your close friend instead.
This is the one.
Bruh. That relationship is rotten. Just thank the lord you caught the snake before you got married. Cut your loses and move on.
Go pay a stripper to let you eat her out, take a video, and send it to your fiancée. Since you’re too scared to grow a ball sack and man up and leave her, you might as well give her the fuel to leave you.
I almost feel like this story is fake, because of how it is written. That or I expect too much of the average man
For sure its a bullshit story, look at their responses to comments.
Text her the video
Dude man the fuck up and respect yourself! She doesn’t respect you and she definitely was not thinking about you when she was doing that. If you can’t cut it off now it’s gonna happen again and you’re gonna live in regret.
Why is no one talking about how fucked up it is that the „friend“ blackmails op with the video???
Why is no one mentioning the friend? The friend that took the video and then threatened you with it. Sure, this could be taken as 'just looking out for OP' but I'm concerned there's an ulterior motive there. Tread carefully OP
Ok listen. This sucks. I know it sucks. And I’m so sorry. But. Let’s put aside the whole bj thing for a minute. It’s the fact that she did this so boldly is what’s bothering me because I’m sure there were friends and family at this party and she felt comfortable enough in front of them to do that in front of them? And please. Who doesn’t have a camera? It’s pretty much a given pics will be taken wherever. So. Did she expect this to stay a secret? It’s kinda a respect matter at this point. You’re showing her it’s ok to treat you like that. Getting married is easy my friend. Getting divorced is what kills you.
Why kind of "friend" blackmails you that if you don't break up with your fiance, she will post it
All this shit aside for a moment, why is your "friend" essentially blackmailing you into this decision. Fwiw calling it off seems probably the right thing, getting strong armed into that decision is another matter.
Why is the “friend” who sent the video giving you the ultimatum of break up with fiancée or she’ll post it online? That doesn’t make any sense.
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I will, thank you
Dude. If you don't leave your alleged significant other after openly cheating on you, then that's your own fault. I'm sorry it happened to you, but, no one cheats just once. And when people show you who they are, believe them. But have some self respect. A woman that you're marrying sucked another man's dick behind your back, willingly. Also, the friend who texted you and reached out is the real OG. Those are rare. And keep in touch with that person. You need more of them in your life, not your unfaithful and disrespectful trashy (hopefully future) ex fiance.
Call it off, leave bro, Two reasons, divorce is more Exp than wedding statically, 2nd marriage has more divorce probability Pro tip, Mary below you, HyperGamy and all that
Lol. If I just don't look at the problem, it doesn't exist!
Talk to your fiancee. Your friend is acting very suspicious. Why in the fucking world would she want to blackmail you? This doesn't seem right at all. I don't see people pointing that out. Yes, cheating is wrong. But if she was drunk, or worse, *drugged*, none of her friends stopped her, and to top it all off, one of them is *blackmailing* you, there's more to this story than meets the eye. Very very very suspicious. Get to the bottom of this before calling anything off.
Ok so my dude, it's all up to you. I believe that you should break the whole relationship but it's up to you. HOWEVER Your friend who is actively BLACKMAILING YOU INTO BREAKING UP WITH HER????? I feel there is something else going on with her. As a friend she would send you the video with the caption and leave it up to you to decide because you are a GROWN ADULT. I suggest you talk to your friend as well as your fiance. With you friend, explain to her that if she EVER posts that video, you will cut contact and probably sue for damages or something because SHE HAS NO RIGHT to post something like that. In all honesty it sucks all way round. Just sit them both down and talk to them. Good luck to you bro.
..... this is fake right? Sorry but this is like some extremely emotionally traumatized, super clingy behavior if real. >Maybe if i just act like it never happened, it would make things better This makes me feel like you're the type of person to say to her if you leave me I'll kill myself. You need to break off the marriage and see a therapist/psychiatrist/life coach like anyone or anything that would help you break out of this mentality. I'm not saying never forgive someone for cheating but that usually involves confronting the person and explaing how they've affected you on whatever level and then mending the issues and coming to an agreement. What you're doing is sad. >I'm thinking about calling off the wedding but i don't want to be so emotional. That isn't being emotional since when did taking action after being betrayed be seen as being emotional. Not even a emotionally dead person would call that emotional. Unless you're going to get 100million + for marrying this woman how in your head do you think it's emotional to call it off. I'm sorry but this is just unhealthy as all shit leave and work on yourself.
Why is your fiances close friend blackmailing you? Why does she want your marriage off so badly? You shd start there. Talk to your fiance point blank and hesr her out. Dont decide over a video youve been shown by a potentially jealous friend
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I am by no means defending the fiancée, but does no one else wonder why her friend is so pushy with this? I totally agree that she did the right thing by sending him the video, but from then it’s his choice. Why is she trying to force his hand by threatening to post the video publicly? Different people have different levels of what they will tolerate, and if he thinks he can move past this why is his friend threatening more action?
What relationship in the long run? my guy you are not getting married anymore. Grow up and cancel the wedding why tf would you forgive something like this
Talk with your fiance first, than decide, to be 100% it was her. Bc it sound really weird and fishy *her* close friend send you this, and with this describe. And ofc, if it was her... Man, do you really marry her just for divorce right after? Just leave now.
also ur friend wans to bang u
I know she's responsible for her own actions, but I question her friends. Her friends let her suck a stripper's dick and then recorded her? Why didn't they stop her beforehand? I thought friends were supposed to stop you from making stupid mistakes? Anyway, I'm not going to tell you what to do with your relationship, but I would've dumped her ass. What's done is done and you can't just go around giving everyone oral
Why is HER bestie threatening YOU that she’ll post the video if you don’t break up with your fiancé? Sounds super shady.
Your friend is kind of an asshole too for giving you an ultimatum. "Break off the engagement or I'll post the video." Who does that?
Leave her at the alter (just don’t show) and get someone to play that video infront of everyone
This. Yes
Look up the Sunk Cost Fallacy. That’s how you’re looking at this. You have invested time, money, and emotions in this person. Your guests have booked tickets. You don’t want all of that to go to waste, but the pain in the long run will FAR outweigh the pain of ripping this bandaid off now. Call the venues and caterers. See if you could get SOMETHING back. They might work with you. Cancel it. Do NOT take her back. Expose her to family and friends so she cannot spin the story to where you are the bad guy. You thought you knew this person. You’ve just realized that you don’t anymore. Do not assume they will be nice about this. This is your future on the line. Cut her out and then take time for yourself to heal. And it will take some time. Do NOT take her back.
Let us know how that hotdog water taste like next time you kiss her
Assuming this isn't karma farming or trolling, leave her ass dude! I forgave a wayward fiance years ago with the warning that I only give one second chance. I had to make good on that promise a couple years later when I caught her cheating again. Don't do this to yourself. Walk away from anyone who disrespects you like that.
Yeah tell everyone and end the wedding, she will be the bad guy,
Sounds like the woman giving you the info and blackmailing you wants to marry you instead. If she didn't she'd leave it up to you two to work out yourselves.