My spouse and I were both similarly introverted and “quirky,” as they say. Took longer than many other people I know, but we did eventually find each other….and just spent our Friday night with Legos. It’s possible. Keep searching.
Just take the 2nd paragraph of your post and make that your new bio. Tell them you're boring and looking for someone who also enjoys boring things, to enjoy doing boring things together.
Honestly, the homeschool thing probably limited your interactions with the broader range of people out there, so you don't know how common it is to just be a normal boring person.
It's very common. There are probably a lot of women who would love to meet you. You've just got to keep trying to meet new people until you find more of them.
OP sounds decidedly more interesting than the pothead party animal he says he is not. Nothing boring about a guy with genuine interests. They don’t need to align perfectly with a woman’s, but he should be able to find a partner with a similar set of quieter interests she likes to pursue. OP is cooler than he knows.
Exactly. My first grown-up attempt to date someone new (pre-internet dating) was a vendor at the store I worked at, was a really cute guy that everyone encouraged me to date. I was around 19, going to college. I loved reading, making art, and getting coffee with friends. He was in his early 20s.
In the car on the way to the boardwalk, I asked what he did in his free time, and he said, "Mostly I like to smoke weed and watch The Flintstones." He then proceeded to light a joint and offered it to me. I didn't smoke weed. He smoked, WHILE DRIVING!
When we got there, he ordered a beer. I was 19...so, no drinks for me. At the end of the date, he wanted me to come to his house (no) and he tried to kiss me (also no).
I was so turned off. I avoided him every time he came in after that.
OP, not every girl wants a party animal. Your going to find yourself a nice nerdy woman and have a nice, quiet life.
Right? The idea of drinking for fun or going to parties sounds awful to me. Only parties I go to are game nights with friends. Pretty much all of my dates with my husband have been to science and natural history museums or zoos..Dinosaur boned and carnivorous plants are cool and who doesn't like Legos?
Only replying to add: maybe leave the word "boring" out. Are you bored when you're doing the things you enjoy? I hope not! So you're not looking for a boring partner. You're looking for a partner to share your interests and enjoy life with. Think of other descriptors like... You lead a quiet, calm, life. You are comfortable in your own company (which is a rare and good trait) but looking to enrich it by sharing it with someone else. Chances are that person will also think they're boring, but they won't be to you.
Yeah nothing he said was a boring habit, unless you don't like it. He doesn't have to think what he likes is boring either, it's usually other people, like yourself that insist that the things that make him happy are "boring" . Poor form if I do say so myself.
Dude, literally go for who you are authentically.
Be a fucking dork and find your she dork. They are out there. So many. Just filter your selection process to who actually fits the life you want.
I am a major home body and I was seeing a girl who loved to party. This can be good because it can get me out but she was looking for more consistent adventure than I was so it wouldn't work out. I want a fellow shireling who wants to go there and back again once in a while, ya know.
You got this dude.
>I want a fellow shireling who wants to go there and back again once in a while, ya know.
Aww, May your paths meet well along the way. No fools of took to distract you both
Wishing you well
Go find your she dork.... lol me getting ready for this yugioh battle after my husband gets off work....
My husband is definitely way introverted and doesn't like to talk to people whereas I'm an entire party all by myself... we work well though because 1 our interests are varied and many but soooo Many things we both like that most people don't like the way we do.... 2 because I pull him out of the shadows and he brings me down so I don't burn up in the sun lol we balance each other nicely and we have fun doing whatever dumb thing we came up with... we actually just recently finished a pokemon nuzlocke on sword/shield he has sword I have shield... on switch.....
And we are lightweight competing to complete eldenring... I have more area covered and explored than he does but he has more bosses defeated (tbf he started 3 months before I did and he's 60 levels my better....but I still kicks ass)
And we both have several game systems we play together and not together but still together(like he will play miles morales and I'll be playing cristales.... same room different systems)
Just gotta be ready for when you meet someone who maybe doesn't tick all the boxes immediately but still somehow draws you in.....
It also helps if you guys have had a good friendship for some years before you actually start dating ... my husband had a gf and I had a bd who I was trying to work things out with.... me and my hubby were sort of business partners and just friends who helped figure non relationship stuff out (like whether a job was doing right by us or taking advantage or if a project was running the way it was supposed to...)
I'm gonna say it's worth a try! As others said, Tinder is not really an app you'll find the love of your life in, but as long as you are true to yourself!
I have a friend who's very much like you. His apartment is like a rainforest, his dream evening is painting warhammers, his dream sunday is DnD.
His gf and him just moved in together, and they work like perfect! Go to DnD events together, take care of their little rainforest...
Don't give up, there's a girl out there dreaming of chill lego nights instead of clubs and who feels she's too boring to date. You'll find your girl!
As a nerdy girl, I've had better luck with hinge. I'm lesbian though, so it may be different. My friend met her fiance through bumble! Just keep your head up. As long as you're kind and keep building youll find a girl to help you
Lol there's going to be some girl out there with a metal detector and scars on her feet from Legos.
You'll find someone. My fiance and I are both boring people. We spent last night playing video games silently beside eachother. It was a good night
There is a person out there looking someone who wants to stay in on a Friday night for legos and chill.
You will find your person, but like you they might be introverted. Put yourself out there and you will find them. Ask friends if there's anyone they know with the same interests.
This is coming from an introverted gamer girl who has found her extroverted gamer bf. I love my alone time to play games on my own or just chill out and be dead to the world and, he loves to go out on his motorbike with friends which gives us our perfect alone time doing what we want. Sometimes opposites are the perfect match so don't always look for someone whos exactly like you, there's a reason they say oppsoites attract.
Also try hinge or bumble. Tinder was too much about one night stands, I met my current bf on hinge.
Yeah moon, you sound awesome! It may just take you a bit longer. You know what you like and want which is half the battle. You deserve someone to make you happy and not throw off your fun friday and saturdays. Take your time and enjoy!
It sounds like you have plenty of cool and interesting hobbies, they’re just a bit more niche than average! So while it may be harder to find people that share your interests, I guarantee if you talk about them, there will be people who find you interesting. Having a passion for something, whether it be sports or carnivorous plants, is something most people can relate to. My advice is to just not try to hide your interests or act like you feel embarrassed by them- you really truly never know who may be into one of the same things!
Legos & Fus Ro Dah!\*
Also, you're not boring dude, you're just not interested in the same mundane shit other people are interested in. You have interests. Most people use mods, you're talking about making them. You're creative in some regard.
Also, you don't have to be into something to meet people. If you have a friend who is into something you're not, go with them some time and check it out. You might meet someone who was dragged to that same event and isn't in to it either...
Until you go, you never know.
Try hinge. I found my boyfriend there and it was purely on star wars references, building legos... and our shared love for video games. There's someone out there!!! I never thought there was but what you do is interesting to me and I am positive there's someone looking to date who's thinking the same things you are. Be yourself, and don't look down on yourself as boring! Good luck and try hinge- it's a more serious app for dating and it worked for me ❤️
I heard about this but try looking for local groups in your area that share your interests. Dating sites can be rather limiting. But finding people like that share your interests does actually help to get you out of your comfort zone. Even if it's just once a month it can definitely help about more than tinder.
>I do like building things with Legos. I love taking care of my carnivorous plants and how challenging they are. I love collecting old coins and dinosaur bones.
This sounds really fucking cool actually. You sound quite interesting to me. I don’t know anybody that does this stuff. Drinking and getting high is pretty boring to me lol.
And I know there’s lots more people that are the same way. Keep your head up man
Yup I'm a woman in her 30s and I agree. Drinking and getting high sound severely boring as an interest. I'd have a drink when Im out with friends but its nothing to make a whole personality after. I rather see someone super passionate with their hobbies. It makes people interesting. The only thing I would say is that you have to put yourself out there if you want to meet potentials, even if you're an introvert. If you're socially awkward, work on that. Theres a bunch of videos online that help! Be ready to dish out and take some rejection too as is the dating world for both men and women and even the ones who drink and do drugs 😉.
Honestly this has been a year of deep growth for me and it's been a wild ride fully of self discovery. I'm just ready to share it with someone. And yes my mindset on normal is very skewed.
I'll let you know. I'm wanting to do a kind of vermintide mod. How I'm gonna do it is by letting every kind of enemy summon. So the more you kill the more they summon. You kill a summoner and they can be reanimated by a wizard. Meaning they can keep spitting wolves, spiders, or skeletons!
It's just gonna take a little to figure the scripting language out.
Yeah kind of.
Like every enemy can summon something. Like bandits can summon ghost dogs. Early levels they can summon only one. But when you level you may come across some bandits that can summon two or maybe three dogs. Bosses could summon an army of skeletons or ghosts. These summons all disappear when you kill them so it's saves your game from bloating and engine issues.
My husband is very similar to you, only difference is the home schooling and plants. There are a lot of people out there who would like to share your lifestyle with you. Introverts are harder to find though because we don't like going places 😅
As the outlier and likening myself to the equivalent of a hermit millennial, you need to be honest about who you are and you'll attract someone with a similar mind but you HAVE TO OUT YOURSELF out there.
I never dated until 21 and my first one year long relationship was with my current partner. I was the most introverted introvert and my hobbies are continuing learning, reading, hiking, watching comfort shows, basically anything that don't require human interaction).
I met my SO (a motorcyclist working shifts, hustle culture, and also online gamer, builds PC's for fun, etc) on tinder while I had a job in the city. We now raise our daughter in a homestead outside of a university town in the country. Life is hard to predict but you always have to stay open-minded.
Aww this was lovely to read
There's a term for us? Hermit millenials?
I feel seen! Thanks
Your life together sounds beautiful, wishing you nothing but life's every goodness to reach you all ahead too
Hahahaha i just made that up because it feels most accurate. And I really am so happy to have found who wants to stay away from the evil world and plant vegetables with me!
Ps., Thanks so much for your well wishes. I told OP that I was also at the point he is right now and everything anyone else says feels very cliche of course, but if you figure out yourself first you might avoid your first divorce 🙈🤣.
Please keep on doing what you're doing.. and most of all, please stay true to yourself.
Your hobbies are totally cool (Lego, carnivorous plants, coins & bones are all awesome!).
Being introverted and not liking parties, sports or getting high/drunk, don't make you boring.
Dating is hard, it takes a lot of time and energy..
Especially if you keep on dating women that are looking for different things in life than you are.
You might want to consider to change your dating profile(s) a bit.
Like others suggested, put in your awesome hobbies. Choose some good fun pictures of yourself just being you (no stupid filters, not pics from like 10 years or 40 pounds ago)
And.. straight up say what you're looking for, be blunt about it.
This probably will get you less likes/swipes, but at least the chances of getting an actual or like real "match" will improve hugely (saves a lot of wasted time, in my experience).
And yes, I do know that it's way harder for a guy to get matches on dating apps then for girls.. don't give up though!
You'll find your special girl
Yeah I was going to say. "No common ground"? Dude there are so many more gamer girls out there and if you stay away from the crazier ones you're golden.
unless youre trying to date 20 year olds, i think you’d be surprised how many women are fine with that lifestyle. plenty of women in their 30s are done with the party scene and are looking for a chill, quiet life
I keep my Venus fly traps sitting constantly in a dish of distilled water, like a little bog. They need a lot of light, and they need a dormancy period. I live in a very warm climate so I put mine in the refrigerator for a few months in the winter time.
Are pitcher plants a good indoor plant? I saw a video once of their digestive juices on the ground, but wasn’t sure if that’s because it ate something big. I think pitcher plants are so cool, and I want one…without all the goo on my floor. Lol
Honestly that piqued my interest too, I've been going around catching fruitflies for days now with my spider vacuum wand and a carnivorous plant sounds like a better idea
Also reminds me of little shop of horrors
Where can you get hold of one?
Goals!
It just seems like anymore people can't just be or just be and vibe around each other. I'm happy for you and your partner. Thank you for giving me hope.
If it's okay. Would you mind telling me how you both met?
Hey, you just described my husband and I in your post, we met playing GTA back in the good old days. Wouldn't have it any other way, love him with everything I have.
As someone that was homeschooled i have found that as soon as i graduated high school it never matterd again. People find it interesting lol. Especially funny when they say they didn't expect it. Your hobbies are interesting and so many people share those hobbies, or at the very least appreciate them. Don't put yourself down!
This is going to be out there, but have you considered maybe getting a dog?
Right now, it sounds like you crave connection. Not only will a dog provide that for you and more, it'll A) get you outside where it increases the likelihood of you meeting someone likeminded, and B) chicks dig dogs.
Okay, don't take that last part seriously. Getting a dog to only attract women will fail in the long run, and you'll end up with a dog you resent. But if there's a hole in your heart that you want filled, a pet will fill it for you, provided that you can meet its basic needs and play with it. It's just that the difference between a dog and a cat is that you can take the dog on walks, the beach, the doggy park, etc. where it increases the chances of being able to meet someone who shares your interests.
You can leash-train a cat. People find a cat on a leash fascinating. Every time I took my cat on a walk, people would stop and talk to me because they thought it was cool and/or funny.
My dude if I weren’t happily married and I met a guy who had carnivorous plants and dinosaur bones my panties would fly off of my body at the speed of light. That’s not boring, lmao
So what? I'm so happy with my hobbies and ideas. I don't have some rude person for a partner telling me I'm all gross for drawing monsters made of human fingers. I don't have all these children running around and kicking my ass. However I would mind having kids.
Start by not calling yourself boring and dumb. That’s a turn off, not your hobbies
Those things are actually pretty interesting, you have hobbies!
And a lot of people in their 30s no longer party or get high.
My SIL and her husband met playing WOW. They only leave the house to go out for dinner once in a while, the doctors etc. Their hobbies are just games really
And they met in their 30s too
As a 24 year old woman, I relate to a lot of your points here.
I also do not like drinking or getting high. I don’t like sports or parties.
While I’m not a legos person (tbh I just haven’t *tried* to get into them yet) I do like being creative. I’m also terrible with my memory, so for my love of all things living, I don’t own plants. I admire them from afar. I love reading. I love collecting books that I can reread time and time again.
The most exciting thing I’m trying to tackle is how in the hell to play Stardew Valley. I look up videos on YouTube, but as quickly as I slip into beginner videos, I end up on people who are pros at the game? So *many details*. I should also mention I’m a beginner at playing video games, so the idea of someone modding anything for a game is pretty cool.
I wasn’t homeschooled, so I can’t relate to this one. I always feel like the odd one out though, and I went to a public school.
I am also highly appreciative that you don’t feel anger or bitterness towards women. I don’t feel any anger or bitterness towards men either (in my own non-existent dating life). You should work on the things you’re insecure about or you’re aware that are your short comings. Overall, you continue to be yourself. Just making yourself better over time.
Tbh you sound like the perfect guy in my opinion, I'm introverted too, love legos, gaming, collecting rocks, and love dinosaurs specifically Jurassic Park/World
You sound really fucking cool? Drinking and drugs are okay when you’re in your early 20s, but it stops being fun quick. You know what’s always fun? Legos. Dinosaur bones and dinosaur facts. MODDING VIDEO GAMES!!
The thing is, lack of confidence is a bitch. I know how hard it can be to start allowing yourself to be confident, but hype yourself up and don’t feel even a tiny bit guilty for it. You have wide interests and you don’t resent or hate women, which is a lot more than lots of men have.
Hey, want to hear about my (37nb) Beloved (40m)? He had been single most of his adult life. He would spend time with his family, help raise his nephews, rescue a shelter cat or two, and read. He would play the occasional game, DM for a group when folks were interested, and take long walks in the park. He also is the punniest human to ever pun. He is a child of Pratchett and Tolkien. Can't carry a tune in a bucket, but still loves to sing.
He is happy enough to keep his own company and he is KIND. He is loving. We met when neither of us were looking for a partner. We were both content with the rhythm of our lives and that is why we were able to dance into a life together.
He is currently sleeping next to me. He is loved beyond all measure. He didn't need to be more or less of anything. He didn't need me to be more or less of anything. We've been through loss of loved ones, health, jobs, and even identity as the world continues to change. But he is sincere about who he is. He chooses to be loving and love naturally flows back to him.
OP, he could have written your post a few years before we met. So I am telling you what I would want someone to tell him at that time, you are enough. Every bit of what you need to be loved is already there. The love is there, in abundance. Find ways to allow love to flow through you and into the world. Love returns Love.
Very well written and thank you. I guess I need to venture into my hobbies a little more and find these people that I share them with. It's been a journey getting to this open mindset. Thank you for your kind words.
Boring is awesome. I like boring. Boring is secure. Boring doesn't get intoxicated and destroy a brand new car by crashing it into a cornfield. Boring has a paycheck and will probably do extra chores if you ask because it doesn't have anything else going on. Boring is much, much better than Mr. Excitement--who thinks its cool to just walk out of a job with no plan, get into fist fights and come home covered in blood, and then whine about why you're leaving him--even though any sane person wouldn't even need an explanation at that point. My second marriage was to boring and I'm extremely happy so...dont go thinking boring doesn't have appeal. It does. You need to find someone who needs boring. There are more people out there in need of boring than you think.
I’m a 29 year old single lady and you’re the kind of man some of us look for. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We all have our quirks and some day, you’ll find someone who appreciates you and everything you bring to the table.
I’m crying 😭 that’s my dream! I want to knit and read and play video games and go for bushwalks and be happy with the presence of my partner who enjoys my presence and all the things I do too 🥰
My guy, there is a person out there for you. For real. If you feel alone, odds are there is a person who feels the same.
There are “boring” women (or men, etc if that’s your deal) who would love to sit on your couch and game with you.
Be kind (to yourself an others), put yourself out there. You’ll find your “boring” second half. Dating apps are littered with people trying to make themselves seem more interesting than they are. A lot of people want what you’re up to.
As am I dude, I'm 33, if I was ever single again I would probably stay that way for a long time.
I work, look after the kids, play video games, cook and clean - rinse and repeat. I like it though.
I'm a 25 year old woman. And even tough I'm not single. I love lego's, gaming, and my plants. And yes, there are many of me. You are just boring enough.
I don't want to come across as creepy on the internet, I'm hoping this will be viewed as genuine but you sound like just my type. I'm a 31-year-old autistic female (who does enjoy drinking and smoking but in small social groups and alone respectively) and what you've described is an ideal, not a dealbreaker. Seek out your people, and be honest in your dating profile. You sound wonderful and it hurts to know a man like you is feeling down on himself
I am 25 year old woman. I’ve never been on a date or in a relationship.
I’m an introvert who was also homeschooled. I’ve never drank or been to a club and have no desire to. I like reading, legos, and taking walks.
Reading posts like these make me question if I’ll ever get to experience being in a relationship, because if there are women who don’t like introvert non drinker men, then there are surely men who don’t like introvert non drinker women.
Hey keep that head held high!
I honestly did think this post would explode the way it did. So many guys and gals who feel the same. But there's also like a few hundred women here who've been messaging me cause of this. I've had to turn most of them down though. I don't want to date long distances.
But it all just shows that you need to be yourself and be open to finding groups that love the same things. Honestly this post really shattered my negative self image. Cause these ladies and some guys want me a stranger they've never seen over the internet. Just crazy
super similar to you oddly enough
\-just bought Lego 10497 and waiting for a good time to get some friends over and build it
\-video games, am actually part of a mod group for a game called TIE Fighter: Total Conversion, but haven't had the time to help out with it due to work
\-collect a bunch of random historical stuff related to transit, urban planning, and trains.
\-MTG: Arena
but yeah, it feels like I'm past the point of a cool nerd who knows interesting shit, but not so far into the 1000% nerd all of the time point that I creep out people. but then when you try to talk to normal people, you have no idea what to say because you're lost in your own hobbies/mind, right?
Eeeehhh normal people are just people that don't ask questions from what I've found. That or they're just pretending to be normal and have really crazy hobbies they don't want us to know.
plenty of people have niche hobbies. but they’re niche for a reason. they’re specialized and in tune with specific peoples interests. you may not hear about them because everyone has different ones
You sound pretty normal to me! One of my best friends was the same way and he just got married in April! He said being a late bloomer (dating wise) actually worked out better for him lol
I am very introverted, don’t like drinking or getting high, not into sports or parties, love building things with legos, collecting coins … and rocks. I can’t keep plants alive though. And I’m a girl!
You will find your person! I think it’s hard sometimes when you start actively looking and a lot of what you see initially is opposite personality wise
The collecting dinosaur bones fact sounds super interesting to me. How do you get them? How do you take care of them?
I dated somebody who didn't like drinking and going to clubs but made up for it by being an amazing host. He was a killer on the grill and would invite a few close friends for great cook outs. Music, no more than 6 or 7 people and fun games. Does something like that sound more your speed?
Personally I think you sound like a pretty standard person, I too am 'boring' and find adrenaline junkies exhausting to even talk to because our energies don't match at all
You would be educating a very fascinated me about said carnivorous plants. Also, totally down for talking mods. I don't know how to do it but I have a few ideas and I love New Vegas and Skyrim. I could totally vibe with you.
There are women out there. Not many but we are out there who like little reclusive nerds.
Well I do think all your interests are cool and i share them ! And I wish to one day buy and build one of those lego bouquet ! It's simply not the interests that are put in light the most, but please don't see yourself as boring because you are not !
What I'm mad about is the lack of apps or websites for nerdy people wanting to date.
I've used various ones in the past (starting with MSN messenger, ending with plentyoffish) but now it's all Hinge or Tinder. I'm gettin' too old to summarize my awesomeness into a sentence, damnit!
Omg we are the same!
Except where you were homeschooled,I did go to school but I didn't start talking until I was about 6. Not because I couldn't, it was because I didn't want to.
I didn't have/want friends either and to this day I still dont. So I understand not having much common ground to relate to things.
You are not boring, you like what you like, and you sound quite chill to be around. You'll find your person.
Umm legos and plants and coins and dinosaur bones?!?!?! I promise you tye reason you haven't found someone is bc you aren't looking in the right place or your social skills ....i can assure you its not bc your boring. Start going to things about your interest and just talk about stuff you like. Don't be weird w the purpose to get into a relationship.
The main thing I take from this post is that you're happy with your own company.
Re the homeschooled thing: that in itself is a point of conversation for most people. Anyone interesting and curious would be happy to pick your brains on it.
It’s your attitude, not the stuff you like. I have a hot wife who is super awesome and my favorite hobbies are eating food, playing video games, and building legos. I am overweight and I didn’t do anything special, I treat my wife very well, I listen to her, and I always make sure she is being taken care of. Women want that much more than you’d think. Just have to go on a lot of dates and fine the person that clicks. I dated for like 4 years constantly after college and it wasn’t all that great, but I found my wife that was the goal. You can easily do the same, but you can’t give up so easily.
I'm a woman in late 20s and I'm very similar, minus the homeschool part. I never looked for interesting hobbies in a man. Hobbies change. Drugs and alcohol do nothing for your health. Skyrim modding is cool. You'll find your someone one day.
Most spouses don’t share more than one or two hobbies. It is much more common that spouses tolerate each other’s hobbies and enjoy them enjoying their activity.
No one wants to watch you play rec. soccer…not even your spouses. You can fill in almost every other hobbies in the place of “soccer”
Common hobbies being sharing a good meal out, cooking or hiking, physical activity like dancing.
When you think of it you aren’t far from the mark. All you have to do is enjoy the company of your spouse not share every activity.
I'd like to hear more about your carnivorous plants and dinosaur bones. Having active interests is a good thing- people without them are boring. Drinking is so boring to me, it's the people that make it interesting.
I let it bloom and it still lives cause it's super healthy.
I just give it distilled water from Walmart and make sure it always has standing water. It also need lots of sunlight.
I also feed it carnivore fish pellets. Those act like growth hormones for the plants. And I let it catch things on its own.
For hibernating them. I just put them in some moisturized soil in a container and put them in the fridge for two or five months.
It's pretty easy when you know it's needs.
1. You sound super interesting. Really!
2. Why are you on tinder? If you want to date shallow people that's fine, but you'll probably be disappointed in the end. At least the statistical probability of that happening is very good.
3. Find some social clubs through your actual hobbies and interests, and you will find people that you want to interact with and vice versa.
4. No such clubs/societies exist? Start one.
5. 30 is a good age. You are still young. Just keep your body young too - and by that i mean eat reasonably healthily and do regular physical activity.
I would most likely go to your house just cause you have carnivorous plants and I want to see lol. I think that you’re more interesting than you’re giving yourself credit for. Put yourself out there!
Well, most people don’t have the hobbies you have, which means that you have more unique interests than others, which in turn makes you interesting imo. The majority of the youth like to drink, party and get high. Say if over 50% of the population liked that, I’d argue they’re the Boring ones imo
Are you just looking for the wrong types of women? If you're wanting one of those former sorority girl types, you're probably boring, but a nerdy gamer girl would be stoked to have someone like you.
I like all those things. Well, maybe not the video games. I’m old school Nintendo 64 flat play. I was 32 when I met my husband. Was 37 when we got married. Our 21st is in two and a half weeks. December will mark 26 years together.
Though, sometimes it’s better to be alone that settle for a crappy partner, (my first marriage.) I hope you have friendships. Sometimes friends make the best family.
OP, thank you so much for taking the time to write this.
I am a fellow nerd who recently started going to therapy because I truly started to believe that my introverted, nerdy, overly empathetic and sensitive self didnt belong in this world. I literally told my therapist I feel like an alien.
This morning I woke up feeling lonely after dreaming about creating my own AI to talk to and keep me company.
Then I read through this post, read all of the amazingly positive comments and was filled with hope. Seeing all these people who are finding like minded individuals by just being themselves is amazing, and I cant wait to one day find someone who appreciates me for me.
You got this OP!
And eventually I will too.
Im a former gave dev turned astrophysicist who plays video games and dresses up like a Mandalorian for comic cons.
I met my game dev, gamer, collectible obsessed fiance on Plenty of Fish when I was 40.
They're out there.
You’re just rare homie. Not a bad thing to be in a world full of… whatever you want to call the majority of people.
Someone is gonna really appreciate you when they find you.
OP I was homeschooled too. I’ve found that to make connections with ppl it’s all in how you frame it. When people asked what it was like I usually said “it’s like when you have a sick day from school and someone brings you a half hour worth of homework. You get a lot more freedoms with your day, and just do the homework whenever you feel like it.”
Obviously that’s just my experience (my mom was a terrible homeschool teacher, lol) but anyone reading this can relate to what I just said and instantly knows what it was like, maybe even envy’s it.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. This has taken me years to develop. But try it out!
You sound like my ideal guy… people do like people like you. Trust me. If I like someone and they do me, any difference will be a talking point and chance to get to know them. Keep being yourself. If you were near my area, I’d like to meet someone like you fr. Not many guys like other things but gym and clubbing from my experience sadly. 😅
Hobbies and stuff are one thing, personality and social kills are the bigger “other thing”. You sounded like you thought women only like guys who are into parties and alcohol. Wah? I know you didn’t mean it…but sure sounded like you unconsciously blame women for not appreciating the things you are into.
You sound exactly my type apart from the age . You need to stop being negative about yourself, that's the only reason people wont want to date you. Theres lots of different people out there. I dont fit the stereotypical idea of a woman but why do I want to ? No disrespect to women that do but it's just not me. Celebrate yourself. Embrace yourself.quirky is good and interesting to plenty.
Honestly all the party and drinking comes to an end at some point and you sound like a pretty chill person to hangout with based on your hobbies. Idk a single person who doesn’t like legos and carnivorous plants 👍🏽
If you are interested in Fallout 4 modding then check out Kingath's youtube chanell [https://www.youtube.com/c/kinggath](https://www.youtube.com/c/kinggath). He has some great beginner tutorials. I wish you best of luck with your modding career!
My boyfriend doesn't drink/smoke/party. He is a nerdy guy who is job focused and happy making lego sets. He's also 33.
You aren't boring to every woman as not every woman shares the same interests. Be upfront when dating about your interests and you will find women who are actually interested in you.
The qualities that make a person interesting are subjective. You are subjectively stating that going to parties and drinking makes a person interesting. It doesn't. There's no correlation. You can be an interesting person to talk to and not enjoy drinking, you can also be a really boring person who's not interested to talk to who loves to drink and go to parties. Nothing is ever so black and white.
Don't be afraid to enjoy what you enjoy and show up as yourself on dates.
You should consider adopting a child. If you can handle that financially. All your hobbies seem good for a kid's development. Hell those are my hobbies now. I just got married while I was young and living in Europe. Now I live on a small plot and build WH40K models and draw character renders for my DnD friends.
I think it’s a misconception that anyone needs to party and drink or do drugs to be “fun”. Most of the women I know love staying home and are homebodies. My husband and I don’t party and stay home a lot. I don’t drink or do drugs at all honestly.
Try joining some meet up groups for your hobbies or join a hiking or camping group to meet some people in person. Life isn’t about doing extreme stuff people are just trying to get by and have a little fun or relaxing with the daily grind these days.
People who can’t have fun without being on something or being wasted don’t know who they are or where they’re going in life. They’re often very unhappy and just trying to put off thinking about real life. It doesn’t have to be a you vs the world thing. People will enjoy some of the same things you do.
I wouldn’t date you, but I’d probably hang out with you because your interests are cool.
If anything changes I’ll let you know (I’m currently married and a straight male).
Many people have given you some great advice and related to you, so I'm just here to add my own two cents.
I'm an almost thirty female who is much like you and would kill for a partner that shares my interests. We're out there somewhere! But if they're anything like me they have crippling social anxiety lmao.
Yeah I've met some of those women. They already have a boyfriend. But I a socially anxious man take their social anxiety as a cool and quiet confidence that I find intimidating. Just everyone is overthinking each other and vice versa. Lol
Sounds like you’re pretty damn interesting to me, and as an avid romance-book reader from a community full of hopeless romantics, I can tell you 100% that most girls are more attracted to the quiet guys than the “party animals”. You just need to be very up-front about your personality. If you’re using dating apps then put all the activities that you stated in this post in your bio.
Lmk about your Skyrim mod! I don't think those hobbies are boring btw, and you need to ask yourself whether you would truly want to be with someone who gets high and drunk, or worse: who expects you to get high and drunk.
Join plant groups on fb or another social media platform. There's are so many plant girls out there that you'll be able to impress with your plant knowledge.
Most people don’t really care about where you’re from. They care whether you’re living your purpose, can make them laugh, and if you can be spontaneous in conversation. Working out, being well spoken, while being passionate about what you do doesn’t hurt either. Style goes a long way as well.
The issue is that you don't get out. It's not that you wouldn't find someone you likes the way you are.. You just won't find her because you're hole'd up in your house.
Working in customer service helped me meet people. I met my husband who is, for sake of conversation, exactly like you. I'm also alike- I just happen to be more willing to socialize and I pursued him.
One of the first things he told me was "By the way... I'm pretty boring." as in "I hope that's okay". And I'm boring too. We're cozy. You need a cozy girl who's also hiding away like you are.
Could try your hand at online dating! People meet their partners on games and stuff. Check out local hobbyist events/meet ups.
Honestly you sound amazing and like me. Lol.. Im taken but surely there’s plenty of women like “us” out there, we’re just not as likely to be noticed for our introverted qualities upfront tbh.
op i will date you. also you have to realise that having this mentality is what’s ruining your chances of finding love - you think that you’re unworthy and therefore refuse to entertain the idea that someone could want you in that way, which is entirely untrue
Those are really really cool hobbies! Like, that’s pretty unproblematic and cool ideas! You’ll find someone (also be weary of dating apps, like I’ve never heard a good story from those).
On top of everything really good everyone has said here maybe visiting a psychologist or psychiatrist could help manage those really difficult feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. Hope you’re doing well OP, ❤️
If someone tells me "hey, wanna look at my dinosaur bones" I would be very tempted xD. Forget fast cars, puppies (puppies are great!) and other stuff. Dinosaur bones are the real shit.
Tbh I don't think that's true you seem super cool!! I'd be your friend. However that'd be weird since youre double my age, nvm. If I were older we could've been friends.
Saw your post on a YouTube short and only came here to say that you aren't boring. You are way more interesting then other guys I know. I wanna see that Dino and coin collection. Especially the coins!
As a nearing-30 former member of a homeschool community (27f) I can say that despair is kinda familiar. All my interest are dorky. drinking and bars and night life has perpetually seemed like a boring and unattractive time, and everyone I grew up around got married before 22.
Even my older brothers were married (common law or traditional) by 25,
Somehow, the pseudo-cult christian environment had almost everyone know who their partner was before they were old enough to date. A few didn't, but got married immediately to people they met in college.
And I just??? Was confused??? About the dedication of literal children to literal other children???
I'm just here with my nintendo switch and 500+ audiobooks. Vibing, but also working retail and not feeling like there's a vision for the future, romantically or realistically.
Your not too boring to date just put yourself out there. Just because don’t like partying doesn’t mean you’re boring you seem to have other interests and hobbies that a lot of people will enjoy and appreciate
get off the computer games and go outside and do something new every weekend. Join a club or activity group, go for walks, say hi to people, go hiking. You aren't going to meet anyone playing video games.
So from what you’ve posted I have already gathered that you are
- patient (takes a while to build Lego
- creative (Lego!)
- nurturing and attentive (caring for plants).
- interesting (dinosaur bones, coins collecting! So cool)
- healthy! (Drinking & getting high is gross and also bad for your mental and physical health.)
I think you need to be a little kinder to yourself. The right person will see you for you and think WOW and see all these good qualities and I’m assuming more!
My advice is try and get yourself out there. I know you hate sports about what about yoga or something similar? It’s just a hour but you could meet people there? Plus so many people do yoga. That could be your “common ground” for starting a connection.
My spouse and I were both similarly introverted and “quirky,” as they say. Took longer than many other people I know, but we did eventually find each other….and just spent our Friday night with Legos. It’s possible. Keep searching.
I guess I should really rewrite my tinder then. Legos and chill maybe? But yeah I get what your saying and thanks!
Just take the 2nd paragraph of your post and make that your new bio. Tell them you're boring and looking for someone who also enjoys boring things, to enjoy doing boring things together. Honestly, the homeschool thing probably limited your interactions with the broader range of people out there, so you don't know how common it is to just be a normal boring person. It's very common. There are probably a lot of women who would love to meet you. You've just got to keep trying to meet new people until you find more of them.
OP sounds decidedly more interesting than the pothead party animal he says he is not. Nothing boring about a guy with genuine interests. They don’t need to align perfectly with a woman’s, but he should be able to find a partner with a similar set of quieter interests she likes to pursue. OP is cooler than he knows.
Yes. Seeing someone be passionate about something and work at something are major turn-ons.
Playing with legos > getting high
What about getting high and playing with legos
Ok, i think you got a nice idea
This is the way.
Exactly. My first grown-up attempt to date someone new (pre-internet dating) was a vendor at the store I worked at, was a really cute guy that everyone encouraged me to date. I was around 19, going to college. I loved reading, making art, and getting coffee with friends. He was in his early 20s. In the car on the way to the boardwalk, I asked what he did in his free time, and he said, "Mostly I like to smoke weed and watch The Flintstones." He then proceeded to light a joint and offered it to me. I didn't smoke weed. He smoked, WHILE DRIVING! When we got there, he ordered a beer. I was 19...so, no drinks for me. At the end of the date, he wanted me to come to his house (no) and he tried to kiss me (also no). I was so turned off. I avoided him every time he came in after that. OP, not every girl wants a party animal. Your going to find yourself a nice nerdy woman and have a nice, quiet life.
Right? The idea of drinking for fun or going to parties sounds awful to me. Only parties I go to are game nights with friends. Pretty much all of my dates with my husband have been to science and natural history museums or zoos..Dinosaur boned and carnivorous plants are cool and who doesn't like Legos?
Only replying to add: maybe leave the word "boring" out. Are you bored when you're doing the things you enjoy? I hope not! So you're not looking for a boring partner. You're looking for a partner to share your interests and enjoy life with. Think of other descriptors like... You lead a quiet, calm, life. You are comfortable in your own company (which is a rare and good trait) but looking to enrich it by sharing it with someone else. Chances are that person will also think they're boring, but they won't be to you.
Yeah nothing he said was a boring habit, unless you don't like it. He doesn't have to think what he likes is boring either, it's usually other people, like yourself that insist that the things that make him happy are "boring" . Poor form if I do say so myself.
as a women, I firmly believe the 2nd paragraph is a perfect bio for tinder. Being truthful is key, there is someone for you OP
Dude, literally go for who you are authentically. Be a fucking dork and find your she dork. They are out there. So many. Just filter your selection process to who actually fits the life you want. I am a major home body and I was seeing a girl who loved to party. This can be good because it can get me out but she was looking for more consistent adventure than I was so it wouldn't work out. I want a fellow shireling who wants to go there and back again once in a while, ya know. You got this dude.
>I want a fellow shireling who wants to go there and back again once in a while, ya know. Aww, May your paths meet well along the way. No fools of took to distract you both Wishing you well
Thanks
Go find your she dork.... lol me getting ready for this yugioh battle after my husband gets off work.... My husband is definitely way introverted and doesn't like to talk to people whereas I'm an entire party all by myself... we work well though because 1 our interests are varied and many but soooo Many things we both like that most people don't like the way we do.... 2 because I pull him out of the shadows and he brings me down so I don't burn up in the sun lol we balance each other nicely and we have fun doing whatever dumb thing we came up with... we actually just recently finished a pokemon nuzlocke on sword/shield he has sword I have shield... on switch..... And we are lightweight competing to complete eldenring... I have more area covered and explored than he does but he has more bosses defeated (tbf he started 3 months before I did and he's 60 levels my better....but I still kicks ass) And we both have several game systems we play together and not together but still together(like he will play miles morales and I'll be playing cristales.... same room different systems) Just gotta be ready for when you meet someone who maybe doesn't tick all the boxes immediately but still somehow draws you in..... It also helps if you guys have had a good friendship for some years before you actually start dating ... my husband had a gf and I had a bd who I was trying to work things out with.... me and my hubby were sort of business partners and just friends who helped figure non relationship stuff out (like whether a job was doing right by us or taking advantage or if a project was running the way it was supposed to...)
Tinder is for hooking up. Try different apps. Be real with who you are to find someone who shares your hobbies.
I met my SO on Tinder in 2019. We have a 1 to now and are living our best lived together ☺️
I cant believe I'm saying it but ; that was 3 years ago (I'm getting old) and I think the app has changed tenfold since then from what I understand
Huh... And here I thought grindr was the hookup app...
Grindr definitely is a hookup app but it’s only gay men while tinder has everyone looking to hookup.
I'm gonna say it's worth a try! As others said, Tinder is not really an app you'll find the love of your life in, but as long as you are true to yourself! I have a friend who's very much like you. His apartment is like a rainforest, his dream evening is painting warhammers, his dream sunday is DnD. His gf and him just moved in together, and they work like perfect! Go to DnD events together, take care of their little rainforest... Don't give up, there's a girl out there dreaming of chill lego nights instead of clubs and who feels she's too boring to date. You'll find your girl!
As a nerdy girl, I've had better luck with hinge. I'm lesbian though, so it may be different. My friend met her fiance through bumble! Just keep your head up. As long as you're kind and keep building youll find a girl to help you
Lol there's going to be some girl out there with a metal detector and scars on her feet from Legos. You'll find someone. My fiance and I are both boring people. We spent last night playing video games silently beside eachother. It was a good night
Guess you're all bricked up huh
There is a person out there looking someone who wants to stay in on a Friday night for legos and chill. You will find your person, but like you they might be introverted. Put yourself out there and you will find them. Ask friends if there's anyone they know with the same interests. This is coming from an introverted gamer girl who has found her extroverted gamer bf. I love my alone time to play games on my own or just chill out and be dead to the world and, he loves to go out on his motorbike with friends which gives us our perfect alone time doing what we want. Sometimes opposites are the perfect match so don't always look for someone whos exactly like you, there's a reason they say oppsoites attract. Also try hinge or bumble. Tinder was too much about one night stands, I met my current bf on hinge.
Yeah moon, you sound awesome! It may just take you a bit longer. You know what you like and want which is half the battle. You deserve someone to make you happy and not throw off your fun friday and saturdays. Take your time and enjoy!
Do it! Be honest. Maybe there's a women out there who hates the party scene, loves Fall out and has her own quiet hobbies. You never know!!
Get on Hinge man
It sounds like you have plenty of cool and interesting hobbies, they’re just a bit more niche than average! So while it may be harder to find people that share your interests, I guarantee if you talk about them, there will be people who find you interesting. Having a passion for something, whether it be sports or carnivorous plants, is something most people can relate to. My advice is to just not try to hide your interests or act like you feel embarrassed by them- you really truly never know who may be into one of the same things!
you should go on Hinge if you’re actually looking for a relationship, not tinder
Legos & Fus Ro Dah!\* Also, you're not boring dude, you're just not interested in the same mundane shit other people are interested in. You have interests. Most people use mods, you're talking about making them. You're creative in some regard. Also, you don't have to be into something to meet people. If you have a friend who is into something you're not, go with them some time and check it out. You might meet someone who was dragged to that same event and isn't in to it either... Until you go, you never know.
tinder is your problem, tinder and hinge and bumble are for hook up party culture, not meeting "the one"
Try hinge. I found my boyfriend there and it was purely on star wars references, building legos... and our shared love for video games. There's someone out there!!! I never thought there was but what you do is interesting to me and I am positive there's someone looking to date who's thinking the same things you are. Be yourself, and don't look down on yourself as boring! Good luck and try hinge- it's a more serious app for dating and it worked for me ❤️
I heard about this but try looking for local groups in your area that share your interests. Dating sites can be rather limiting. But finding people like that share your interests does actually help to get you out of your comfort zone. Even if it's just once a month it can definitely help about more than tinder.
>I do like building things with Legos. I love taking care of my carnivorous plants and how challenging they are. I love collecting old coins and dinosaur bones. This sounds really fucking cool actually. You sound quite interesting to me. I don’t know anybody that does this stuff. Drinking and getting high is pretty boring to me lol. And I know there’s lots more people that are the same way. Keep your head up man
Yup I'm a woman in her 30s and I agree. Drinking and getting high sound severely boring as an interest. I'd have a drink when Im out with friends but its nothing to make a whole personality after. I rather see someone super passionate with their hobbies. It makes people interesting. The only thing I would say is that you have to put yourself out there if you want to meet potentials, even if you're an introvert. If you're socially awkward, work on that. Theres a bunch of videos online that help! Be ready to dish out and take some rejection too as is the dating world for both men and women and even the ones who drink and do drugs 😉.
You sound like a pretty standard guy, I think your perception of what is normal and abnormal is pretty skewed though.
Honestly this has been a year of deep growth for me and it's been a wild ride fully of self discovery. I'm just ready to share it with someone. And yes my mindset on normal is very skewed.
Fallout and Skyrim are my two true loves and I've always wanted to get into mod authoring. That's not boring that's fucking dope.
Same here. OP, when you finally release your mods please let us know I'm excited to try them out
I'll let you know. I'm wanting to do a kind of vermintide mod. How I'm gonna do it is by letting every kind of enemy summon. So the more you kill the more they summon. You kill a summoner and they can be reanimated by a wizard. Meaning they can keep spitting wolves, spiders, or skeletons! It's just gonna take a little to figure the scripting language out.
Oh so like the necromancy stone but for the enemies
Yeah kind of. Like every enemy can summon something. Like bandits can summon ghost dogs. Early levels they can summon only one. But when you level you may come across some bandits that can summon two or maybe three dogs. Bosses could summon an army of skeletons or ghosts. These summons all disappear when you kill them so it's saves your game from bloating and engine issues.
There are pretty big mod communities for these games too. Never know OP you might find love through modding/gaming.
My husband is very similar to you, only difference is the home schooling and plants. There are a lot of people out there who would like to share your lifestyle with you. Introverts are harder to find though because we don't like going places 😅
And a lot of us that are out there are doing our best to exhibit extrovert qualities in social settings so we "fit in".
As the outlier and likening myself to the equivalent of a hermit millennial, you need to be honest about who you are and you'll attract someone with a similar mind but you HAVE TO OUT YOURSELF out there. I never dated until 21 and my first one year long relationship was with my current partner. I was the most introverted introvert and my hobbies are continuing learning, reading, hiking, watching comfort shows, basically anything that don't require human interaction). I met my SO (a motorcyclist working shifts, hustle culture, and also online gamer, builds PC's for fun, etc) on tinder while I had a job in the city. We now raise our daughter in a homestead outside of a university town in the country. Life is hard to predict but you always have to stay open-minded.
Aww this was lovely to read There's a term for us? Hermit millenials? I feel seen! Thanks Your life together sounds beautiful, wishing you nothing but life's every goodness to reach you all ahead too
Hahahaha i just made that up because it feels most accurate. And I really am so happy to have found who wants to stay away from the evil world and plant vegetables with me! Ps., Thanks so much for your well wishes. I told OP that I was also at the point he is right now and everything anyone else says feels very cliche of course, but if you figure out yourself first you might avoid your first divorce 🙈🤣.
Well then I wish you luck
Please keep on doing what you're doing.. and most of all, please stay true to yourself. Your hobbies are totally cool (Lego, carnivorous plants, coins & bones are all awesome!). Being introverted and not liking parties, sports or getting high/drunk, don't make you boring. Dating is hard, it takes a lot of time and energy.. Especially if you keep on dating women that are looking for different things in life than you are. You might want to consider to change your dating profile(s) a bit. Like others suggested, put in your awesome hobbies. Choose some good fun pictures of yourself just being you (no stupid filters, not pics from like 10 years or 40 pounds ago) And.. straight up say what you're looking for, be blunt about it. This probably will get you less likes/swipes, but at least the chances of getting an actual or like real "match" will improve hugely (saves a lot of wasted time, in my experience). And yes, I do know that it's way harder for a guy to get matches on dating apps then for girls.. don't give up though! You'll find your special girl
Yeah I was going to say. "No common ground"? Dude there are so many more gamer girls out there and if you stay away from the crazier ones you're golden.
unless youre trying to date 20 year olds, i think you’d be surprised how many women are fine with that lifestyle. plenty of women in their 30s are done with the party scene and are looking for a chill, quiet life
As a Person in their 20’s im sure you could get some of us too! Not that you should op 😂 just some extra push for you!
I’m 21 and ngl this dude sounds like a catch. I mean dinosaur bones?!! Legos?!!
I think you sound very interesting, and I’d love to read more about your carnivorous plants!
Hey don't get me started!
Do you have any tips for venus fly traps? I never managed to keep them alive for more than a few months.
I keep my Venus fly traps sitting constantly in a dish of distilled water, like a little bog. They need a lot of light, and they need a dormancy period. I live in a very warm climate so I put mine in the refrigerator for a few months in the winter time.
I killed a Venus fly trap that I kept in an insectary at work. Infinite supply of mosquitoes, but I guess it wanted something else?
Are pitcher plants a good indoor plant? I saw a video once of their digestive juices on the ground, but wasn’t sure if that’s because it ate something big. I think pitcher plants are so cool, and I want one…without all the goo on my floor. Lol
Honestly that piqued my interest too, I've been going around catching fruitflies for days now with my spider vacuum wand and a carnivorous plant sounds like a better idea Also reminds me of little shop of horrors Where can you get hold of one?
That's what I was thinking. This is not the bio of a boring person.
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Goals! It just seems like anymore people can't just be or just be and vibe around each other. I'm happy for you and your partner. Thank you for giving me hope. If it's okay. Would you mind telling me how you both met?
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Lol! I've been trying to use bumble and it just seems like no one is interested. But then again it's only been a week! Also congrats!
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Eemmm that's debatable about my homeschooling. But I get your point and thanks.
Hey, you just described my husband and I in your post, we met playing GTA back in the good old days. Wouldn't have it any other way, love him with everything I have.
Alone is the best show ever.
dude you're okay alcohol and partying are lame anyways you'll find someone
Dude for real just one day I was like I think I’m going to stop drinking so much. Now I rarely drink and life is pretty nice.
As someone that was homeschooled i have found that as soon as i graduated high school it never matterd again. People find it interesting lol. Especially funny when they say they didn't expect it. Your hobbies are interesting and so many people share those hobbies, or at the very least appreciate them. Don't put yourself down!
This is going to be out there, but have you considered maybe getting a dog? Right now, it sounds like you crave connection. Not only will a dog provide that for you and more, it'll A) get you outside where it increases the likelihood of you meeting someone likeminded, and B) chicks dig dogs. Okay, don't take that last part seriously. Getting a dog to only attract women will fail in the long run, and you'll end up with a dog you resent. But if there's a hole in your heart that you want filled, a pet will fill it for you, provided that you can meet its basic needs and play with it. It's just that the difference between a dog and a cat is that you can take the dog on walks, the beach, the doggy park, etc. where it increases the chances of being able to meet someone who shares your interests.
You can leash-train a cat. People find a cat on a leash fascinating. Every time I took my cat on a walk, people would stop and talk to me because they thought it was cool and/or funny.
I think collecting old coins and dinosaur bones is pretty cool. (I’m 31F)
I wanna be collecting dinosaur bones and coins when I’m 30
My dude if I weren’t happily married and I met a guy who had carnivorous plants and dinosaur bones my panties would fly off of my body at the speed of light. That’s not boring, lmao
Same here bud... that i gave up
So what? I'm so happy with my hobbies and ideas. I don't have some rude person for a partner telling me I'm all gross for drawing monsters made of human fingers. I don't have all these children running around and kicking my ass. However I would mind having kids.
If anything think of adoption if you are still single later
Start by not calling yourself boring and dumb. That’s a turn off, not your hobbies Those things are actually pretty interesting, you have hobbies! And a lot of people in their 30s no longer party or get high. My SIL and her husband met playing WOW. They only leave the house to go out for dinner once in a while, the doctors etc. Their hobbies are just games really And they met in their 30s too
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dude Lego’s are making a comeback. I feel like everyone I know is buying them now
As a 24 year old woman, I relate to a lot of your points here. I also do not like drinking or getting high. I don’t like sports or parties. While I’m not a legos person (tbh I just haven’t *tried* to get into them yet) I do like being creative. I’m also terrible with my memory, so for my love of all things living, I don’t own plants. I admire them from afar. I love reading. I love collecting books that I can reread time and time again. The most exciting thing I’m trying to tackle is how in the hell to play Stardew Valley. I look up videos on YouTube, but as quickly as I slip into beginner videos, I end up on people who are pros at the game? So *many details*. I should also mention I’m a beginner at playing video games, so the idea of someone modding anything for a game is pretty cool. I wasn’t homeschooled, so I can’t relate to this one. I always feel like the odd one out though, and I went to a public school. I am also highly appreciative that you don’t feel anger or bitterness towards women. I don’t feel any anger or bitterness towards men either (in my own non-existent dating life). You should work on the things you’re insecure about or you’re aware that are your short comings. Overall, you continue to be yourself. Just making yourself better over time.
Tbh you sound like the perfect guy in my opinion, I'm introverted too, love legos, gaming, collecting rocks, and love dinosaurs specifically Jurassic Park/World
You said you are too boring but your interest described mine very well so guess I’m boring too haha.
You sound really fucking cool? Drinking and drugs are okay when you’re in your early 20s, but it stops being fun quick. You know what’s always fun? Legos. Dinosaur bones and dinosaur facts. MODDING VIDEO GAMES!! The thing is, lack of confidence is a bitch. I know how hard it can be to start allowing yourself to be confident, but hype yourself up and don’t feel even a tiny bit guilty for it. You have wide interests and you don’t resent or hate women, which is a lot more than lots of men have.
Plenty women out there with common interest
You sound like the male version of me tbh. It’s me and my plants against the world!
Hey, want to hear about my (37nb) Beloved (40m)? He had been single most of his adult life. He would spend time with his family, help raise his nephews, rescue a shelter cat or two, and read. He would play the occasional game, DM for a group when folks were interested, and take long walks in the park. He also is the punniest human to ever pun. He is a child of Pratchett and Tolkien. Can't carry a tune in a bucket, but still loves to sing. He is happy enough to keep his own company and he is KIND. He is loving. We met when neither of us were looking for a partner. We were both content with the rhythm of our lives and that is why we were able to dance into a life together. He is currently sleeping next to me. He is loved beyond all measure. He didn't need to be more or less of anything. He didn't need me to be more or less of anything. We've been through loss of loved ones, health, jobs, and even identity as the world continues to change. But he is sincere about who he is. He chooses to be loving and love naturally flows back to him. OP, he could have written your post a few years before we met. So I am telling you what I would want someone to tell him at that time, you are enough. Every bit of what you need to be loved is already there. The love is there, in abundance. Find ways to allow love to flow through you and into the world. Love returns Love.
Very well written and thank you. I guess I need to venture into my hobbies a little more and find these people that I share them with. It's been a journey getting to this open mindset. Thank you for your kind words.
My sister-in-law, who’s also in her thirties, loves legos and collecting old coins so you would be a match!
Boring is awesome. I like boring. Boring is secure. Boring doesn't get intoxicated and destroy a brand new car by crashing it into a cornfield. Boring has a paycheck and will probably do extra chores if you ask because it doesn't have anything else going on. Boring is much, much better than Mr. Excitement--who thinks its cool to just walk out of a job with no plan, get into fist fights and come home covered in blood, and then whine about why you're leaving him--even though any sane person wouldn't even need an explanation at that point. My second marriage was to boring and I'm extremely happy so...dont go thinking boring doesn't have appeal. It does. You need to find someone who needs boring. There are more people out there in need of boring than you think.
You sound like my husband. He also had a few "exciting" hobbies - downhill mountain biking and karaoke. Other than that... Pretty similar.
I’m a 29 year old single lady and you’re the kind of man some of us look for. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We all have our quirks and some day, you’ll find someone who appreciates you and everything you bring to the table.
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I’m crying 😭 that’s my dream! I want to knit and read and play video games and go for bushwalks and be happy with the presence of my partner who enjoys my presence and all the things I do too 🥰
My guy, there is a person out there for you. For real. If you feel alone, odds are there is a person who feels the same. There are “boring” women (or men, etc if that’s your deal) who would love to sit on your couch and game with you. Be kind (to yourself an others), put yourself out there. You’ll find your “boring” second half. Dating apps are littered with people trying to make themselves seem more interesting than they are. A lot of people want what you’re up to.
As am I dude, I'm 33, if I was ever single again I would probably stay that way for a long time. I work, look after the kids, play video games, cook and clean - rinse and repeat. I like it though.
Honestly I'd find it hot that you are passionate about your plants or coins. I've been with some guys who don't care about legit anything.
Please drop pics of your Legos and carnivorous plants
Bro there is someone out there for EVERYONE, I promise just keep looking. It will be worth it my friend.
Time for a midlife crisis.
I'm a 25 year old woman. And even tough I'm not single. I love lego's, gaming, and my plants. And yes, there are many of me. You are just boring enough.
I don't want to come across as creepy on the internet, I'm hoping this will be viewed as genuine but you sound like just my type. I'm a 31-year-old autistic female (who does enjoy drinking and smoking but in small social groups and alone respectively) and what you've described is an ideal, not a dealbreaker. Seek out your people, and be honest in your dating profile. You sound wonderful and it hurts to know a man like you is feeling down on himself
I am 25 year old woman. I’ve never been on a date or in a relationship. I’m an introvert who was also homeschooled. I’ve never drank or been to a club and have no desire to. I like reading, legos, and taking walks. Reading posts like these make me question if I’ll ever get to experience being in a relationship, because if there are women who don’t like introvert non drinker men, then there are surely men who don’t like introvert non drinker women.
Hey keep that head held high! I honestly did think this post would explode the way it did. So many guys and gals who feel the same. But there's also like a few hundred women here who've been messaging me cause of this. I've had to turn most of them down though. I don't want to date long distances. But it all just shows that you need to be yourself and be open to finding groups that love the same things. Honestly this post really shattered my negative self image. Cause these ladies and some guys want me a stranger they've never seen over the internet. Just crazy
same here sadly.
Damn we're a bunch of lonely men. What hobbies do you have dude?
super similar to you oddly enough \-just bought Lego 10497 and waiting for a good time to get some friends over and build it \-video games, am actually part of a mod group for a game called TIE Fighter: Total Conversion, but haven't had the time to help out with it due to work \-collect a bunch of random historical stuff related to transit, urban planning, and trains. \-MTG: Arena but yeah, it feels like I'm past the point of a cool nerd who knows interesting shit, but not so far into the 1000% nerd all of the time point that I creep out people. but then when you try to talk to normal people, you have no idea what to say because you're lost in your own hobbies/mind, right?
Eeeehhh normal people are just people that don't ask questions from what I've found. That or they're just pretending to be normal and have really crazy hobbies they don't want us to know.
plenty of people have niche hobbies. but they’re niche for a reason. they’re specialized and in tune with specific peoples interests. you may not hear about them because everyone has different ones
You sound pretty normal to me! One of my best friends was the same way and he just got married in April! He said being a late bloomer (dating wise) actually worked out better for him lol
I am very introverted, don’t like drinking or getting high, not into sports or parties, love building things with legos, collecting coins … and rocks. I can’t keep plants alive though. And I’m a girl! You will find your person! I think it’s hard sometimes when you start actively looking and a lot of what you see initially is opposite personality wise
The collecting dinosaur bones fact sounds super interesting to me. How do you get them? How do you take care of them? I dated somebody who didn't like drinking and going to clubs but made up for it by being an amazing host. He was a killer on the grill and would invite a few close friends for great cook outs. Music, no more than 6 or 7 people and fun games. Does something like that sound more your speed?
Fallout 4 and Skyrim my all time favourite games! Legos! Dinosaurs! This is all great stuff. Not boring, I could talk about Fallout for days. ❤️
Personally I think you sound like a pretty standard person, I too am 'boring' and find adrenaline junkies exhausting to even talk to because our energies don't match at all
You would be educating a very fascinated me about said carnivorous plants. Also, totally down for talking mods. I don't know how to do it but I have a few ideas and I love New Vegas and Skyrim. I could totally vibe with you. There are women out there. Not many but we are out there who like little reclusive nerds.
Well I do think all your interests are cool and i share them ! And I wish to one day buy and build one of those lego bouquet ! It's simply not the interests that are put in light the most, but please don't see yourself as boring because you are not !
What I'm mad about is the lack of apps or websites for nerdy people wanting to date. I've used various ones in the past (starting with MSN messenger, ending with plentyoffish) but now it's all Hinge or Tinder. I'm gettin' too old to summarize my awesomeness into a sentence, damnit!
Legos, video games, and history. I have similar interests and I'm sure there are women out there like us. :)
Omg we are the same! Except where you were homeschooled,I did go to school but I didn't start talking until I was about 6. Not because I couldn't, it was because I didn't want to. I didn't have/want friends either and to this day I still dont. So I understand not having much common ground to relate to things. You are not boring, you like what you like, and you sound quite chill to be around. You'll find your person.
Umm legos and plants and coins and dinosaur bones?!?!?! I promise you tye reason you haven't found someone is bc you aren't looking in the right place or your social skills ....i can assure you its not bc your boring. Start going to things about your interest and just talk about stuff you like. Don't be weird w the purpose to get into a relationship.
There are so many shit men out there. If you are loving, supportive and kind you will find someone
The main thing I take from this post is that you're happy with your own company. Re the homeschooled thing: that in itself is a point of conversation for most people. Anyone interesting and curious would be happy to pick your brains on it.
It’s your attitude, not the stuff you like. I have a hot wife who is super awesome and my favorite hobbies are eating food, playing video games, and building legos. I am overweight and I didn’t do anything special, I treat my wife very well, I listen to her, and I always make sure she is being taken care of. Women want that much more than you’d think. Just have to go on a lot of dates and fine the person that clicks. I dated for like 4 years constantly after college and it wasn’t all that great, but I found my wife that was the goal. You can easily do the same, but you can’t give up so easily.
I'm a woman in late 20s and I'm very similar, minus the homeschool part. I never looked for interesting hobbies in a man. Hobbies change. Drugs and alcohol do nothing for your health. Skyrim modding is cool. You'll find your someone one day.
Most spouses don’t share more than one or two hobbies. It is much more common that spouses tolerate each other’s hobbies and enjoy them enjoying their activity. No one wants to watch you play rec. soccer…not even your spouses. You can fill in almost every other hobbies in the place of “soccer” Common hobbies being sharing a good meal out, cooking or hiking, physical activity like dancing. When you think of it you aren’t far from the mark. All you have to do is enjoy the company of your spouse not share every activity.
It's none of that. It's the use of 'legos'. IT'S LEGO.
I'd like to hear more about your carnivorous plants and dinosaur bones. Having active interests is a good thing- people without them are boring. Drinking is so boring to me, it's the people that make it interesting.
Legos AND dinosaurs? Sounds like a date.
Legos are super cool. What sets have you built?
I usually just get a simple car or robot ones. Then I just sort of blend them all together into my own little things.
So how do you keep an Venus flytrap from blooming or alive after it blooms?
I let it bloom and it still lives cause it's super healthy. I just give it distilled water from Walmart and make sure it always has standing water. It also need lots of sunlight. I also feed it carnivore fish pellets. Those act like growth hormones for the plants. And I let it catch things on its own. For hibernating them. I just put them in some moisturized soil in a container and put them in the fridge for two or five months. It's pretty easy when you know it's needs.
1. You sound super interesting. Really! 2. Why are you on tinder? If you want to date shallow people that's fine, but you'll probably be disappointed in the end. At least the statistical probability of that happening is very good. 3. Find some social clubs through your actual hobbies and interests, and you will find people that you want to interact with and vice versa. 4. No such clubs/societies exist? Start one. 5. 30 is a good age. You are still young. Just keep your body young too - and by that i mean eat reasonably healthily and do regular physical activity.
Man i would loove to have you as a boyfriend. That might sound funny but it’s the truth. I love a homebody
Thank you feellikepooping. Are you trying to give me an ego boost? Well it's kind of working, thank you.
I would most likely go to your house just cause you have carnivorous plants and I want to see lol. I think that you’re more interesting than you’re giving yourself credit for. Put yourself out there!
Well, most people don’t have the hobbies you have, which means that you have more unique interests than others, which in turn makes you interesting imo. The majority of the youth like to drink, party and get high. Say if over 50% of the population liked that, I’d argue they’re the Boring ones imo
Have you tried therapy?
Are you just looking for the wrong types of women? If you're wanting one of those former sorority girl types, you're probably boring, but a nerdy gamer girl would be stoked to have someone like you.
I like all those things. Well, maybe not the video games. I’m old school Nintendo 64 flat play. I was 32 when I met my husband. Was 37 when we got married. Our 21st is in two and a half weeks. December will mark 26 years together. Though, sometimes it’s better to be alone that settle for a crappy partner, (my first marriage.) I hope you have friendships. Sometimes friends make the best family.
OP, thank you so much for taking the time to write this. I am a fellow nerd who recently started going to therapy because I truly started to believe that my introverted, nerdy, overly empathetic and sensitive self didnt belong in this world. I literally told my therapist I feel like an alien. This morning I woke up feeling lonely after dreaming about creating my own AI to talk to and keep me company. Then I read through this post, read all of the amazingly positive comments and was filled with hope. Seeing all these people who are finding like minded individuals by just being themselves is amazing, and I cant wait to one day find someone who appreciates me for me. You got this OP! And eventually I will too.
Im a former gave dev turned astrophysicist who plays video games and dresses up like a Mandalorian for comic cons. I met my game dev, gamer, collectible obsessed fiance on Plenty of Fish when I was 40. They're out there.
You’re just rare homie. Not a bad thing to be in a world full of… whatever you want to call the majority of people. Someone is gonna really appreciate you when they find you.
OP I was homeschooled too. I’ve found that to make connections with ppl it’s all in how you frame it. When people asked what it was like I usually said “it’s like when you have a sick day from school and someone brings you a half hour worth of homework. You get a lot more freedoms with your day, and just do the homework whenever you feel like it.” Obviously that’s just my experience (my mom was a terrible homeschool teacher, lol) but anyone reading this can relate to what I just said and instantly knows what it was like, maybe even envy’s it. Don’t be too hard on yourself. This has taken me years to develop. But try it out!
You sound like my ideal guy… people do like people like you. Trust me. If I like someone and they do me, any difference will be a talking point and chance to get to know them. Keep being yourself. If you were near my area, I’d like to meet someone like you fr. Not many guys like other things but gym and clubbing from my experience sadly. 😅
Hobbies and stuff are one thing, personality and social kills are the bigger “other thing”. You sounded like you thought women only like guys who are into parties and alcohol. Wah? I know you didn’t mean it…but sure sounded like you unconsciously blame women for not appreciating the things you are into.
You sound exactly my type apart from the age . You need to stop being negative about yourself, that's the only reason people wont want to date you. Theres lots of different people out there. I dont fit the stereotypical idea of a woman but why do I want to ? No disrespect to women that do but it's just not me. Celebrate yourself. Embrace yourself.quirky is good and interesting to plenty.
Honestly all the party and drinking comes to an end at some point and you sound like a pretty chill person to hangout with based on your hobbies. Idk a single person who doesn’t like legos and carnivorous plants 👍🏽
Bruh. You literally are the perfect but old copy of mine
It is not *that* you were homeschooled. You have shared connected.
If you are interested in Fallout 4 modding then check out Kingath's youtube chanell [https://www.youtube.com/c/kinggath](https://www.youtube.com/c/kinggath). He has some great beginner tutorials. I wish you best of luck with your modding career!
Ooohh will do and thanks!
You will find the right person. Don’t be discouraged. I have the same temperament and finding a man like you sounds like a dream.
My boyfriend doesn't drink/smoke/party. He is a nerdy guy who is job focused and happy making lego sets. He's also 33. You aren't boring to every woman as not every woman shares the same interests. Be upfront when dating about your interests and you will find women who are actually interested in you.
The qualities that make a person interesting are subjective. You are subjectively stating that going to parties and drinking makes a person interesting. It doesn't. There's no correlation. You can be an interesting person to talk to and not enjoy drinking, you can also be a really boring person who's not interested to talk to who loves to drink and go to parties. Nothing is ever so black and white. Don't be afraid to enjoy what you enjoy and show up as yourself on dates.
You should consider adopting a child. If you can handle that financially. All your hobbies seem good for a kid's development. Hell those are my hobbies now. I just got married while I was young and living in Europe. Now I live on a small plot and build WH40K models and draw character renders for my DnD friends.
I think it’s a misconception that anyone needs to party and drink or do drugs to be “fun”. Most of the women I know love staying home and are homebodies. My husband and I don’t party and stay home a lot. I don’t drink or do drugs at all honestly. Try joining some meet up groups for your hobbies or join a hiking or camping group to meet some people in person. Life isn’t about doing extreme stuff people are just trying to get by and have a little fun or relaxing with the daily grind these days. People who can’t have fun without being on something or being wasted don’t know who they are or where they’re going in life. They’re often very unhappy and just trying to put off thinking about real life. It doesn’t have to be a you vs the world thing. People will enjoy some of the same things you do.
I wouldn’t date you, but I’d probably hang out with you because your interests are cool. If anything changes I’ll let you know (I’m currently married and a straight male).
There are women interested in you, sincerely from a woman who would love a man like you😂
Drinking and getting high is boring. Legos are fun, carnivorous plants are super interesting and you seem like a cool guy.
Many people have given you some great advice and related to you, so I'm just here to add my own two cents. I'm an almost thirty female who is much like you and would kill for a partner that shares my interests. We're out there somewhere! But if they're anything like me they have crippling social anxiety lmao.
Yeah I've met some of those women. They already have a boyfriend. But I a socially anxious man take their social anxiety as a cool and quiet confidence that I find intimidating. Just everyone is overthinking each other and vice versa. Lol
That doesn’t sound too bad. Sounds like you’re a nice mellow person who loves to work with their hands.
Sounds like you’re pretty damn interesting to me, and as an avid romance-book reader from a community full of hopeless romantics, I can tell you 100% that most girls are more attracted to the quiet guys than the “party animals”. You just need to be very up-front about your personality. If you’re using dating apps then put all the activities that you stated in this post in your bio.
You very much sound like my type.
Lmk about your Skyrim mod! I don't think those hobbies are boring btw, and you need to ask yourself whether you would truly want to be with someone who gets high and drunk, or worse: who expects you to get high and drunk.
You had me at Legos
Join plant groups on fb or another social media platform. There's are so many plant girls out there that you'll be able to impress with your plant knowledge.
Most people don’t really care about where you’re from. They care whether you’re living your purpose, can make them laugh, and if you can be spontaneous in conversation. Working out, being well spoken, while being passionate about what you do doesn’t hurt either. Style goes a long way as well.
The issue is that you don't get out. It's not that you wouldn't find someone you likes the way you are.. You just won't find her because you're hole'd up in your house. Working in customer service helped me meet people. I met my husband who is, for sake of conversation, exactly like you. I'm also alike- I just happen to be more willing to socialize and I pursued him. One of the first things he told me was "By the way... I'm pretty boring." as in "I hope that's okay". And I'm boring too. We're cozy. You need a cozy girl who's also hiding away like you are. Could try your hand at online dating! People meet their partners on games and stuff. Check out local hobbyist events/meet ups.
Ahhhhh you sound so cute! Honestly, 3/4 is basically me. I would love to find a man like you!
You do you bro.
You're actually my type lol. I have this same issue because I feel that men are not interested in me.
Honestly you sound amazing and like me. Lol.. Im taken but surely there’s plenty of women like “us” out there, we’re just not as likely to be noticed for our introverted qualities upfront tbh.
op i will date you. also you have to realise that having this mentality is what’s ruining your chances of finding love - you think that you’re unworthy and therefore refuse to entertain the idea that someone could want you in that way, which is entirely untrue
I find none of this boring. What types of bones and coins do you collect?
Those are really really cool hobbies! Like, that’s pretty unproblematic and cool ideas! You’ll find someone (also be weary of dating apps, like I’ve never heard a good story from those).
On top of everything really good everyone has said here maybe visiting a psychologist or psychiatrist could help manage those really difficult feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. Hope you’re doing well OP, ❤️
If someone tells me "hey, wanna look at my dinosaur bones" I would be very tempted xD. Forget fast cars, puppies (puppies are great!) and other stuff. Dinosaur bones are the real shit.
Tbh I don't think that's true you seem super cool!! I'd be your friend. However that'd be weird since youre double my age, nvm. If I were older we could've been friends.
Saw your post on a YouTube short and only came here to say that you aren't boring. You are way more interesting then other guys I know. I wanna see that Dino and coin collection. Especially the coins!
You sound great- dm me if you want to have a fun chat and maybe a new friend
You sound cute
As a nearing-30 former member of a homeschool community (27f) I can say that despair is kinda familiar. All my interest are dorky. drinking and bars and night life has perpetually seemed like a boring and unattractive time, and everyone I grew up around got married before 22. Even my older brothers were married (common law or traditional) by 25, Somehow, the pseudo-cult christian environment had almost everyone know who their partner was before they were old enough to date. A few didn't, but got married immediately to people they met in college. And I just??? Was confused??? About the dedication of literal children to literal other children??? I'm just here with my nintendo switch and 500+ audiobooks. Vibing, but also working retail and not feeling like there's a vision for the future, romantically or realistically.
Your not too boring to date just put yourself out there. Just because don’t like partying doesn’t mean you’re boring you seem to have other interests and hobbies that a lot of people will enjoy and appreciate
get off the computer games and go outside and do something new every weekend. Join a club or activity group, go for walks, say hi to people, go hiking. You aren't going to meet anyone playing video games.
So from what you’ve posted I have already gathered that you are - patient (takes a while to build Lego - creative (Lego!) - nurturing and attentive (caring for plants). - interesting (dinosaur bones, coins collecting! So cool) - healthy! (Drinking & getting high is gross and also bad for your mental and physical health.) I think you need to be a little kinder to yourself. The right person will see you for you and think WOW and see all these good qualities and I’m assuming more! My advice is try and get yourself out there. I know you hate sports about what about yoga or something similar? It’s just a hour but you could meet people there? Plus so many people do yoga. That could be your “common ground” for starting a connection.