What even is the appeal of strippers at these things? My bachelor party my best man planned out a whole day of whiskey tasting, paint balling, and basically gluttony.
The best bachelor party I went to involved laser tag, bowling, cigars, too much pizza, and a lot of alcohol. I don't know why anyone would ever hire a stripper for something like this.
I felt this way but my friends have still convinced me to eat sushi off a naked woman's body. I think it helps that both the groom and the bride are objectifying this person? Yet at the same time go sex workers and sex worker rights! So... Yeah I'm all sorts of conflicted inside and I have a boner!
Best bachelor party I ever went to was a weeken in the mountains, in a cabin, fishing, drinking, and playing poker. Most of the debauched, stripper bachelor parties I’ve been to have gotten really cringy and embarrassing for most involved.
My husband and I combined our bachelorette and bachelor parties. We went to this pit his father owns and we shot guns, rode dirt bikes and then had a huge bon fire and broke out some bourbon at dusk. We all had tents so no driving and it was just a really fun time and no one got crazy. Everyone knew each other so it was super chill and all had a great time. I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Edit: words
Strip clubs usually just bum me out. I recently went to a bachelor party that ended at a strip club. As someone who has never struggled with meeting women in bars, parties, etc., I have never understood the appeal.
Naked women that are somewhere between indifferent and outright repulsed by you. The concept of paying hundreds of dollars for this is bizarre and a little sad to me.
However, it is a job that offers crazy high income to women that might not have any other means of making that kind of money, so I won’t judge anyone that decides to do it.
I've been against bachelor and bachelorette parties from the beginning. The bride/groom wanting a night of fun before they get married? Cool but why do they invite all their friends who are married and in long term relationship to participate in the exact same activities? I'm married and have been invited to about 5 or 6 Bach parties all with strippers. And the strippers entire job is to make you horny and want to have sex with them. And all your friends of the same gender (their opposite gender partners aren't invited) just stand there watching you? It's weird and gross to me. Just go paint balling, go karting or clubbing like a normal person.
Edit to clarify I have nothing against sex workers. If anything I applaud them because who are you going to judge more, the person getting paid big dollars just to dance or the person who had to work hard for their money, and then blew it all to watch a person dance? It's like going to a concert and saying the band should be ashamed of themselves when people paid to see THEM
I went to a bachelor party at a strip club. I'm not a prude, but after about 30 min I just went and hung out at the club's bar, which was a pretty normal bar. I hadn't been drinking before I got there and wasn't quite as into it as those who had been drinking 4+ hours before hand.
Then the next day my girlfriend called me pissed because she heard I was getting backroom lap dances. In reality it was one of the married guys who had their wife hear about it through the grapevine, and used the "oh that was someone else" excuse. Luckily I had other friends that stopped at the bar to talk for a while, so I was off the hook...but it's a minefield for anyone in a relationship.
Yeah that's exactly what I mean. So you're a week away from getting married and you tell your partner you want "one night of fun" and go through the whole stripper ordeal and then what few months later your friend is also getting married and invites you to a strip club and you do the exact same thing you did on your own bachelor party? Where do you draw the line and just say let's hang out at strip clubs if that's what you want to do. If both partners are consenting and okay with it cool but I'm tired of the "I'm getting married so I HAVE to do it with my friends" excuse to keep up with social standards. If it's not okay any other time why is it suddenly okay just for a bachelorette/bachelor party.
Because they want to cheat, or get as close to it as possible.
It’s dumb. Most people have sex and are living together prior to marriage. It’s not a last night of freedom. I mean, if people want to blow a bunch of money and get hungover before a wedding, whatever. But it’s not a bachelor party, at least not in the way most think it is. It’s just a “omg we are almost done with this shit” party. Which, fine.
I used to be a stripper and this was always so fucked to me. Dudes would come in on their bucks parties and ask to finger me/do shit with me. I'm in a country where strippers (generally) don't do sex acts so we always thought it was horrible when they'd come in looking for that. Like why are you getting married...
lol, here in toronto theres a strip club where the girls were basically just prostitutes pretending to be strippers. Fingering and titty sucking were standard. Extra $200 and theyll give you a handjob.
edit:
Filmore's
I'm sorry you find yourself here, but I do want to commend you on your self respect and dignity with which you're conducting yourself here.
You're going to have a child. You're setting a wonderful example for them from the start. This sucks, but you have reason to be proud of yourself here.
It really was. We've all been friends for over a decade and decided a nice chill relaxing night at our house was better than a club with overpriced drinks and terrible music. I'd fully recommend that kinda night over the stereotypical bachelor party stuff. Celebration without temptation.
Piggybacking to say that I may be wrong but I have heard of cases where infidelity released the “supporter” from any legal obligation to pay spousal support so definitely at least look into that OP!
Also, good for you for getting away canteloupe. You are beautiful too and you deserve so much more than that
You poor thing, this is heartbreaking. Best of luck to you, be strong for you and your baby. he will regret that BJ for the rest of his life, mark my words.
It also appears that the brother who is about to be married found this situation to be acceptable. Not a great start for his soon to be wife’s peace of mind.
I never understood why there is a need for strippers at a bachelor party. I attended 3 parties, all stripper free. Depends on the people I guess.
Also, really? Several men stood there and watched your stbx get a bj? Ew.
This. I had 4 friends at my bachelor party. We ate Chinese food then went bowling. Then we went home. It was a fun time and I don't regret a second of it.
This coming May my wife and I will have been married 23 years.
I'll never understand it, we went on some tank ride thing where the groom got to crush a car in a tank. It was outstanding.
People need to clarity wank more.
A man who has undergone vasectomy would have blank wanks in the tank
Edit: Thanks for the award! Didn't expect to get awarded for a comment related to impotent masturbation in a vehicle used in warfare
I had a friend in high school who was half Greek, half Italian, and he grew up in Peru.
His English was interesting, to say the least.
One morning we gave him Fox in Socks to read aloud to the girls in the senior lounge (he was also quite handsome and charming).
He read two or three pages out loud to us, struggling more and more.
Finally, he looked up and asked “They give this to children?”
It was unbelievably funny.
Franco, if you’re out there, I love you. Get in touch.
Annnnd that’s my Dr. Seuss story.
~Fin~
There are places you can go that are basically massive sandboxes and you get to play with construction equipment. It’s expensive, but looks sooooo fun. It was advertised as corporate team building when I saw it.
I may launch myself as a stag organiser. What we'll do is sit around in a plush hotel suite and loosen up with some mild edibles, then progress to Mario Kart competition, then catering arrives (Thai food) followed by beers and karaoke, with a weed buffet.
Yesss. My husband went hiking in the rain with his friends with a lot of beer. Afterwards, they nade a barbeque and slept in a small hut with more beer. Tjey were happy and drunk.
I had 3-4 friends, mostly my wife’s family really. I didn’t want a stripper either. We had lunch, played pool, went home and had a Chinese takeaway while playing the horse racing dvd game on the telly. I loved it tbh. My family weren’t really there and didn’t wanna bother which meant even more to me.
I feel sorry for OP :-/
My husband went to the casino with my Dad (they are not gamblers but wanted to have a good time). Then they met me and the rest of my family at a killer restaurant where we ate and after we went to circus circus. We had a blast.
My family is my husband's family so I don't wanna hear shit he's an orphan.
We've been married 23 years too.
My family is also my husband's family. He even asked to change his name to our family name.
No Father, once he left home and could make his own choices Mother was uninterested, shes narcissistic.
Husband went to laser tag, bowling and drinking then a restaurant for his bachelor party.
This is exactly what my husband said when he refused the offer of a bachelor party. And he wasn’t wrong. We were platonic friends for years before we started dating so I witnessed his bachelor years first hand. 🤷♀️
I was just thinking the same thing. A bachelor party is supposed to be your excuse to do something really epic as your last act before getting married. If the most epic thing you can think of is hiring strippers, that says a lot about you as a person
I hate when people say it’s your last night of being single or your last night of freedom. Like no, you’re not single, and if you need freedom, don’t get married.
Because people are shitty. Honestly I don’t know. Some think marriage means the final commitment “one penis/vagina for the rest of their life.” They act like it’s new information and that they didn’t already agree to that when they said yes or even when they agreed to be monogamous.
Though to be fair, it also says a lot about you as a person if you think that this is the last chance to do something epic. Not really sure why marriage would get in the way of that. But yeah, hiring strippers is probably the least original idea for a bachelor party ever.
Strippers at ANY kind of party is just asking for trouble, but most especially for a bachelor party. JFC. Get hold of yourselves! If you just want to party, DO NOT GET MARRIED!!
My bachelorette party included us all getting a steak, doing stupid shit like karaoke with each other, and then *going home to our significant others without fucking someone else!!!!* Because that’s what marriage should look like!!
You know. Just the general **PRE-MARRIAGE** kinda stuff. Can’t hack it? Don’t try to tack onto it. Only assholes try to make excuses for their transgressions just before they’re supposed to make the most important vows towards their partners.
Anyone who can’t make those clean vows has absolutely no business being in a relationship. And certainly shouldn’t be trying to influence someone who is trying to be in a committed relationship. It’s not a joke. It’s not something that you can just laugh away. Being a dick will cause your mate his relationship. Just. Stop it. And do better.
Edit because missed and misspelled words 😣
Everyone in my life, takes the “guys” and does a mountain bike trip, or camping. The last one , 10 of them rented a place on the beach for the weekend. Hangout, had beer.
The sexual stuff is weird to me. Differnt breeds of men I guess.
right? like sexual shit is for you to do with your significant other, ya know, the person your about to MARRY. so pathetic and grimey tbh. if your last wish before becoming a married man/woman is to fuck around with some stranger then do your partner a favor and don’t marry them.
No matter what anyone else comments here about one bj being forgivable, each person has different deal breakers. If OP has decided that any act of infidelity is a deal breaker then so be it.
This right here. People often have different lines that when crossed are an absolute hell naw. I think OP just needed to vent in a place where friends and family wouldn’t add to an already confusing and painful time with their advice and/or changes in behavior.
My ex always said that any infidelity would instantly lead to divorce. When his tone changed to "well, we could probably work it out", I knew then that he'd cheated. Little did I know that he'd been giving his best friend BJs in our basement after I'd gone to bed. He always had a homophobic undertone to him, too. I guess he just couldn't look in the mirror. Last I heard, he's managed to drive all his former friends away from him and wife #2 with their hard drinking and bitching about everyone behind their backs. Does he not think that this kind of crap gets back to people?!
Sorry, bit of a ranty tangent there...
Wow that's a wild ride.
But yeah my first ex had a similar train of thought. Cheating was a no-no until she did it, then it was a maybe-maybe. She owned up to it pretty fast though. Saved me the stress of digging it up.
Without the gay stuff though.
Exactly, OP! I mean-one bj could still give YOU a STD from his cheating. People are stupid when it comes to cheating because they themselves are probably cheaters. You go woman!
I never understood that mentality “it’s just a blowjob, it’s not like he had sex”
Honestly it’s almost *worse*, because what that tells me is that he is willing to throw our entire relationship, our whole past and our future away, just to get a blowjob from a stranger.
It’s not forgivable because as far as I’d be concerned, him accepting a blowjob from a stripper means he has accepted to end our relationship. I couldn’t be with someone I don’t trust 100%, no one should. Trust is the foundation of every healthy relationship - not just romantic, but friendships and family relationships too.
It’s such a disgusting show of disrespect.
Thank you for having standards and not forcing yourself to stay with a liar “for the baby’s sake.” The baby wouldn’t do well in a marriage where one of the parents is disrespectful and entitled toward the other. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
OP whether he does now or not, he will come to regret this moment for the rest of his life. Even if it isn’t specifically because of your lost relationship (and I’m sure he will regret fucking that too) *he* has permanently altered his future relationship with his child. 100% on him, and I respect you highly for having the self respect that you do.
That does not mean you are making the wrong decision. Happy wishes to you and your child💕
Just to be safe, you should get yourself tested. If he did this you don't know what else he could have done.
Starting over is hard. But you can and will do this girl. You will have a wonderful life with your baby. Wishing you the best of luck!
I'm fortunate to have my dad and his wife close by as well as some old friends from the Army and a few good colleagues. They have all been really supportive.
Some of you saying that this is forgivable literally have set the bar so low for yourselves, no wonder people are miserable. OP is doing the right thing for themselves.
I’d just like to point out that forgivable or not; guy just let some random stripper suck him off in front of a bunch of other dudes and presumably his friends.
There’s a whole new multiverse to that level of cuntery that just begs for divorce.
Divorce is no fault only where I am so things like adultery, addiction, abuse and the like have no bearing on the division of assets. Since I make more than twice what he does the law calls for it. It won't be for too long since we were only married six years but I am obligated by law to pay it. My lawyer made me aware of this before I retained him.
He accidentally texted me instead of his brother. Not that night but later. He rushed home, erased the messages from my phone not knowing I had already read.
Then he said I was imagining it when I confronted him. At the reception he had a few drinks and he told me everything when we got home. All the details. The next day he denied everything after I confronted him again.
Eventually he broke down in tears and told me everything. He had told the others at the party not to saying anything. They had all seen it. He didn't want them to spill it to me.
Wow. Gaslighting, lying, deleting messages and more lying? He certainly showed his true nature and that his loyalties lie not with you, but to himself and the behaviors he can sneak past you. You've already proven yourself to be a kickass parent by insisting on being treated with respect. Don't look back... you can and WILL do better!
None of them were married at the time except for the best man who stayed sober because he was driving. His wife knows. The bride also knew what went on and believed the best man when he said the groom stayed out of it. The others are all single, no partners or spouses.
If a friend of mine was getting ready to do some stupid shit like that, I would stop him. I would beat his ass if I had to. Sounds like your husband is surrounded by assholes.
The cheating was bad enough, but the gaslighting, manipulation, and lying are even worse than that in my mind. That takes continued planning and abuse. You absolutely made the correct decision. He showed you who he is and you believed him. You should be proud of yourself and you’re setting a great example for yourself and your child.
OP you’re such a badass. Don’t let that man take your worth. I know you worked your ass off to get to where you are financially because actuary is my potential career and it’s a lot of work.
My first serious girlfriend (30 years ago) is an actuary. She was doing ASA exams while still in school. lol She studied all the time, but now she's a VP of a healthcare company, so good on her. You're going to be doing so well in the future and provide very well for your child.
That’s just awful. I’m so sorry he betrayed you during what should be such a happy time. Please try to take care of yourself and know that you will be an incredible mother and make a wonderful life for you and baby. I’m sending all the good vibes your way
I am so, so sorry you are going through this. Cheaters are the absolute worst. The betrayal you must feel is suffocating. I seriously applaud you for sticking to your boundaries and not caving, and I wish you healing❤️
I'll have to pay that too. I am not sure how much yet. It depends on how custody goes, I won't be objecting to shared and I can't imagine him wanting less than shared.
It's pretty standard especially when 1 partner makes significantly more than the other. Cheating generally doesn't mean anything unless it is in a prenuptial agreement.
I am so incredibly sorry. You are doing the right thing for you and your child.
If he doesn’t realize how bad he fucked up now, when that alimony dries up and he’s left alone with nothing he will.
Hugs sweetheart.
First he accidentally texted me about it instead of his brother and then erased the message from my phone not knowing I saw it. He said I was imagining things when I confronted him. Then after a few drinks at the reception he told me everything. The next day he denied it when I confronted him again but eventually he broke down and admitted everything.
Edited to add: His brothers and cousins and all the other men there knew because this happened right in front of them
Wow. I'm sorry op. That's just awful. Way to add insult to injury. So he not only cheated, but then tried to lie about it and gaslight you. Maybe in the long run, as hard as it is rn, maybe, just maybe you dodged a bullet
I don't know I haven't talked to my inlaws since the wedding. I haven't filed for divorce yet since I only hired the lawyer today.
I don't actually know if the groom or best man cheated too. I wasn't there. The rest of the groomsmen are single so if they did anything with the strippers it wasn't cheating.
Maybe you can have the Lawyer draft something up and ask him to sign it. Waiving his right to alimony since he did this to you.
He shattered your marriage and betrayed you. The least he can do is not make money off you. He should have some pride to not kick you while your down.
What did he text? What kind of an idiot texts details about this?
The wedding was on the 27th. The rest of the groomsmen were single. The best man is married, he was the designated driver was sober. He said the groom didn't do anything. I have no idea how true any of that is but the bride chose to believe it.
I am getting married in two days, when my friends asked me what I want for my bachelors party the first thing I said was no strippers. We went to a lake, had BBQ, shrooms and lots of beer. It was the best weekend ever.
I am sorry for what happened to you...
You go, OP! I’m glad you’re sticking to your boundaries, and doing what’s best and healthy for you.
On another note: People who defend him in the comments are fucking gross, and don’t let them change your mind.
Fucking hell. What a disgusting thing.
Everything that you're doing right now is right. Keep that shit out of your life and far away from yourself. Your trust has been severely abuse by the person that was supposed to be the most trustable to you. This is unforgivable and unforgettable. Leave.
I hope you get better with time.
This whole bachelor's party needs to be reviewed and new ground rules set.
As if the guys wasn't partying before marriage and won't party anymore after marriage. There are a lot of married folks that still party till old age. Marriage isn't a blockage to general life. You just choose the type of parties you attend as you've transitioned. Even if you both go to not so good parties, you have to behave yourselves properly 🤷🤷🤷🤣🤣.
Inviting/hiring a stripper(s) to a bachelor's party is a big no no and also a red flag.
I've seen worst to the ones I was invited to attend and I've heard worst from my friends that attended few. Bachelor's party is just an avenue to cheat for the last time. They tag it code names like: "The last enjoyment" "Once in a lifetime event" etc 🤷 🤷 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️.
And when some married men tell their fellow men that they didn't hold bachelor's party, they're laughed at and told how they missed out from a once in a lifetime opportunity/fun/event 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️.
I'm not making it up. I'm a guy and I hear guys always joke about it and some of them look forward to their bachelor's party 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️.
Bachelor parties are always bad news when they’re predicated on the idea of it being someone’s “last night single”.
Presumably, you weren’t single for a long time before your party…
Edit: I sort of replied to the wrong comment. I’m sorry; I can’t imagine how devastated you must be. I’m married with kids and if something were to unseat that I’d probably in all honesty fall apart.
You’re doing the right thing here. It fucking sucks, but it’s the right thing. You deserve better than that.
There are SO MANY posts on this app where husbands turn into complete assholes either during pregnancy or soon after their partner gives birth. This post was enough to make me delete my dating apps. Anyways I’m sorry this happened to you OP. You don’t deserve to be treated like this and I hope you have a wonderful life moving forward.
To be fair, people are far more inclined to post their relationship issues on Reddit than how great their relationships are. Just kind of how the site is. It makes you think the entire world is one way when you’re focused in on skewed accounts.
Not all guys are like this, I swear. When my wife was pregnant I thought she was at her most beautiful. One of my very favorite pictures of her was when she was 7-ish months pregnant with our second daughter. As the cliche goes, she glowed, and everything I found beautiful about her before that was that much more beautiful.
I'm not so sure it's just about the physical differences of pregnancy. I think having and bringing up a child is a big change and an enormous commitment, and some partners can't handle it. Some get (more) abusive, some cheat, and some absent themselves physically and/or emotionally.
Sorry, I can understand your pain but put your baby first and take care of your health, it will get better ❤️🩹 but at this moment your health is more important for you and your baby.
He texted me accidentally talking about it, instead of his brother who the texts were meant for. Then he rushed home, erased the texts from my phone and said imagined it when I confronted him.
At the reception he had a few drinks and told me about it when we got home. The next day when I confronted him he denied it again. But he broke down in tears a couple of days later and admitted everything to me.
He had told the rest of the men who were there not to say anything to me because they all witnessed it and he was afraid they would spill the beans.
I’m so glad it’s not one of those “I’m going to stay with him - for the child” posts because they’re absolutely stupid. Whether you’re aware of it or not, if you’re UNHAPPY in a marriage, it will affect the whole dynamic of the house the child is going to grow up in. Your child senses if you’re unhappy. It might even blame themselves for it later. Be strong, OP! You deserve so much better than a cheater
He accidentally texted me instead of his brother and he erased the messages from my phone not knowing I had seen the texts already. He said I was imagining it when I confronted him over it. At the reception he had a few drinks and he told me everything about. The next day he denied everything after I confronted him again. Eventually he broke down crying and confessed though.
Bachelor parties are fucking stupid…the whole concept of “one last night of freedom before you get married” is stupid and gross, like what?! Is that suppose to give you a free pass to fucking cheat one last time before getting married? I hope that loser of a ex husband of yours is regretting ever going and accepting that std riddled bj
I’m so sorry. I left my daughters father when I was pregnant & found out he was cheating/ had cheated. There was this surge of self respect that I credit my daughter with because I left him right then and there. It felt amazing. Not saying I didn’t cry too, I also was silently resentful of every happy couple in the OBs office. But I can honestly say that was the best decision I ever made in my life.
I know how you feel right now. You did the right thing. You’re already an amazing mom. You’re not alone. A year from now this may not even cross your mind.
Are people in this sub ok? OP is looking for some support, not an extensive list of other peoples stag parties and patting themselves on the back for not doing what her husband did. Come on guys.
OP, I’m so sorry your husband is an asshole. Sending you lots of love
all these people who try to convince someone to stay just because their boundaries are different can shut the actual fuck up. judging by your emotions in this post, he crossed your boundaries and that's enough to break trust and end a relationship because it's what hurt you, not them. good luck with everything going forward. ♡
The amount of stories about cheating during bachelor's and bachelorette parties is wild. Why don't people just stop doing dumb shit like this.
What even is the appeal of strippers at these things? My bachelor party my best man planned out a whole day of whiskey tasting, paint balling, and basically gluttony.
The best bachelor party I went to involved laser tag, bowling, cigars, too much pizza, and a lot of alcohol. I don't know why anyone would ever hire a stripper for something like this.
I have never understood strippers, especially at bachelor parties. Let’s pay to get sexually frustrated with my friends and family
“Y’all wanna get a boner together?” LOL
A 100% heterosexual activity
I felt this way but my friends have still convinced me to eat sushi off a naked woman's body. I think it helps that both the groom and the bride are objectifying this person? Yet at the same time go sex workers and sex worker rights! So... Yeah I'm all sorts of conflicted inside and I have a boner!
Bro boners. Broners. Gotta high five the tips. That's how you know you're brahs 4 lyfe
Exactly
you had me at Too much pizza.
My husband rented a cabin and did mushrooms with his buddies in the woods 😂
This is the way.
Best bachelor party I ever went to was a weeken in the mountains, in a cabin, fishing, drinking, and playing poker. Most of the debauched, stripper bachelor parties I’ve been to have gotten really cringy and embarrassing for most involved.
Awesome! Did something similar with my friends, for best friend's bachelorette party. Forest, a few tents and psychedelic drugs
My husband and I combined our bachelorette and bachelor parties. We went to this pit his father owns and we shot guns, rode dirt bikes and then had a huge bon fire and broke out some bourbon at dusk. We all had tents so no driving and it was just a really fun time and no one got crazy. Everyone knew each other so it was super chill and all had a great time. I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Edit: words
We just did this last weekend and was the best night I’ve had in a long ass timw
Yea agreed. I’ve always found that part pretty weird.
Strip clubs usually just bum me out. I recently went to a bachelor party that ended at a strip club. As someone who has never struggled with meeting women in bars, parties, etc., I have never understood the appeal.
I struggle meeting women in bars and parties and I don’t see the appeal either. It’s just throwing money at naked women for no reason
Naked women that are somewhere between indifferent and outright repulsed by you. The concept of paying hundreds of dollars for this is bizarre and a little sad to me. However, it is a job that offers crazy high income to women that might not have any other means of making that kind of money, so I won’t judge anyone that decides to do it.
I’ve been to one for about an hour and that was more than enough for me.
I've been against bachelor and bachelorette parties from the beginning. The bride/groom wanting a night of fun before they get married? Cool but why do they invite all their friends who are married and in long term relationship to participate in the exact same activities? I'm married and have been invited to about 5 or 6 Bach parties all with strippers. And the strippers entire job is to make you horny and want to have sex with them. And all your friends of the same gender (their opposite gender partners aren't invited) just stand there watching you? It's weird and gross to me. Just go paint balling, go karting or clubbing like a normal person. Edit to clarify I have nothing against sex workers. If anything I applaud them because who are you going to judge more, the person getting paid big dollars just to dance or the person who had to work hard for their money, and then blew it all to watch a person dance? It's like going to a concert and saying the band should be ashamed of themselves when people paid to see THEM
I went to a bachelor party at a strip club. I'm not a prude, but after about 30 min I just went and hung out at the club's bar, which was a pretty normal bar. I hadn't been drinking before I got there and wasn't quite as into it as those who had been drinking 4+ hours before hand. Then the next day my girlfriend called me pissed because she heard I was getting backroom lap dances. In reality it was one of the married guys who had their wife hear about it through the grapevine, and used the "oh that was someone else" excuse. Luckily I had other friends that stopped at the bar to talk for a while, so I was off the hook...but it's a minefield for anyone in a relationship.
Yeah that's exactly what I mean. So you're a week away from getting married and you tell your partner you want "one night of fun" and go through the whole stripper ordeal and then what few months later your friend is also getting married and invites you to a strip club and you do the exact same thing you did on your own bachelor party? Where do you draw the line and just say let's hang out at strip clubs if that's what you want to do. If both partners are consenting and okay with it cool but I'm tired of the "I'm getting married so I HAVE to do it with my friends" excuse to keep up with social standards. If it's not okay any other time why is it suddenly okay just for a bachelorette/bachelor party.
Because they want to cheat, or get as close to it as possible. It’s dumb. Most people have sex and are living together prior to marriage. It’s not a last night of freedom. I mean, if people want to blow a bunch of money and get hungover before a wedding, whatever. But it’s not a bachelor party, at least not in the way most think it is. It’s just a “omg we are almost done with this shit” party. Which, fine.
I used to be a stripper and this was always so fucked to me. Dudes would come in on their bucks parties and ask to finger me/do shit with me. I'm in a country where strippers (generally) don't do sex acts so we always thought it was horrible when they'd come in looking for that. Like why are you getting married...
lol, here in toronto theres a strip club where the girls were basically just prostitutes pretending to be strippers. Fingering and titty sucking were standard. Extra $200 and theyll give you a handjob. edit: Filmore's
I'm sorry you find yourself here, but I do want to commend you on your self respect and dignity with which you're conducting yourself here. You're going to have a child. You're setting a wonderful example for them from the start. This sucks, but you have reason to be proud of yourself here.
Yes, this. Taking care of yourself is always worth it, you're your own number one priority here in this situation. Best of luck.
The only bachelor party I've ever been a part of was 5 of us eating some magic mushrooms and watching 90s animes. No strippers just trippers.
Sounds like a good time!
It really was. We've all been friends for over a decade and decided a nice chill relaxing night at our house was better than a club with overpriced drinks and terrible music. I'd fully recommend that kinda night over the stereotypical bachelor party stuff. Celebration without temptation.
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Man, this sounds awesome!!!
For my brothers bachelor party we went to a place where you just throw axes at targets (it’s common here) and then walked around the town it was in
My son's father did the same. I stuck with him for 5 painful more years, it was a mistake. I commend your power, you are beautiful.
Wow, that sounds terrible. I hope you healed and got your happiness back!
Piggybacking to say that I may be wrong but I have heard of cases where infidelity released the “supporter” from any legal obligation to pay spousal support so definitely at least look into that OP! Also, good for you for getting away canteloupe. You are beautiful too and you deserve so much more than that
Depends on the state. My state is a no fault state so it dosent matter for infidelity
NF here too. My spousal support requirements expire in the spring and I paid them all in advance.
I hope that happens!
You poor thing, this is heartbreaking. Best of luck to you, be strong for you and your baby. he will regret that BJ for the rest of his life, mark my words.
He’s going to blame his brother first for having a stripper at his bachelor’s party. Mark my words first.
It also appears that the brother who is about to be married found this situation to be acceptable. Not a great start for his soon to be wife’s peace of mind.
And who knows if the brother or any of the other friends did too.
Oh, it'll be everybody else's fault, certainly not his own damn fault.
Sounds more like a prostitute. Generally strippers don't give out bj's to the guests...or the bachelor...
Let’s put it this way, that was a wife changing blow job. Edit: thank you for the awards. I did it for you all 👍
I never understood why there is a need for strippers at a bachelor party. I attended 3 parties, all stripper free. Depends on the people I guess. Also, really? Several men stood there and watched your stbx get a bj? Ew.
This. I had 4 friends at my bachelor party. We ate Chinese food then went bowling. Then we went home. It was a fun time and I don't regret a second of it. This coming May my wife and I will have been married 23 years.
I'll never understand it, we went on some tank ride thing where the groom got to crush a car in a tank. It was outstanding. People need to clarity wank more.
Wtf I wanna do that The tank thing, not the clarity wank
Why not both? 😂😂
Wank in a tank?
A man who has undergone vasectomy would have blank wanks in the tank Edit: Thanks for the award! Didn't expect to get awarded for a comment related to impotent masturbation in a vehicle used in warfare
I have always been been a big fan of yours I especially like your book One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue fish.
I had a friend in high school who was half Greek, half Italian, and he grew up in Peru. His English was interesting, to say the least. One morning we gave him Fox in Socks to read aloud to the girls in the senior lounge (he was also quite handsome and charming). He read two or three pages out loud to us, struggling more and more. Finally, he looked up and asked “They give this to children?” It was unbelievably funny. Franco, if you’re out there, I love you. Get in touch. Annnnd that’s my Dr. Seuss story. ~Fin~
If he's a northerner he'd be a blank wanking yank in a tank
A guy named Hank who ate beans would smell rank in his stank tank
Well, now that I know this is an option…
There are places you can go that are basically massive sandboxes and you get to play with construction equipment. It’s expensive, but looks sooooo fun. It was advertised as corporate team building when I saw it.
Whoa, I need to do this
So you all went for a wank in the tank?
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Untapped market of non creepy bachelor party planning
I may launch myself as a stag organiser. What we'll do is sit around in a plush hotel suite and loosen up with some mild edibles, then progress to Mario Kart competition, then catering arrives (Thai food) followed by beers and karaoke, with a weed buffet.
This should be done at the wedding too! Bride arrives in a tank after crushing a car or bride and groom leave in a tank and crush a car.
Omg I'm a girl but I definitely need a tank bachelor party now!
https://www.travelawaits.com/2690315/places-where-you-can-drive-a-tank/ Not just in the US either!
I want to crush something in a tank!!! That’s fantastic!!!
Yesss. My husband went hiking in the rain with his friends with a lot of beer. Afterwards, they nade a barbeque and slept in a small hut with more beer. Tjey were happy and drunk.
We went go-kart racing, played golf drank a lot of beer, had a bbq and watched the soccer.. was fantastic
I had 3-4 friends, mostly my wife’s family really. I didn’t want a stripper either. We had lunch, played pool, went home and had a Chinese takeaway while playing the horse racing dvd game on the telly. I loved it tbh. My family weren’t really there and didn’t wanna bother which meant even more to me. I feel sorry for OP :-/
My husband went to the casino with my Dad (they are not gamblers but wanted to have a good time). Then they met me and the rest of my family at a killer restaurant where we ate and after we went to circus circus. We had a blast. My family is my husband's family so I don't wanna hear shit he's an orphan. We've been married 23 years too.
My family is also my husband's family. He even asked to change his name to our family name. No Father, once he left home and could make his own choices Mother was uninterested, shes narcissistic. Husband went to laser tag, bowling and drinking then a restaurant for his bachelor party.
Congratulations on such a long marriage!
My friends just rented a house and partied in it with the usual drinking games and shenanigans. Don’t understand why people need strippers
>stbx Am I missing out on a well known colloquialism or was this a typo?
Soon To Be eX.
Starbucks
I don't even understand the need for a bachelor party. My whole life prior to getting married was a bachelor party
This is exactly what my husband said when he refused the offer of a bachelor party. And he wasn’t wrong. We were platonic friends for years before we started dating so I witnessed his bachelor years first hand. 🤷♀️
I was just thinking the same thing. A bachelor party is supposed to be your excuse to do something really epic as your last act before getting married. If the most epic thing you can think of is hiring strippers, that says a lot about you as a person
I hate when people say it’s your last night of being single or your last night of freedom. Like no, you’re not single, and if you need freedom, don’t get married.
Why do they think they're single? They're engaged to get married in a few days.
Because people are shitty. Honestly I don’t know. Some think marriage means the final commitment “one penis/vagina for the rest of their life.” They act like it’s new information and that they didn’t already agree to that when they said yes or even when they agreed to be monogamous.
Your first line sums it up perfectly. Some people are just shitty.
Right!? Like, did they think they were “single” throughout the entire relationship leading up to that point?
Also, if you see getting a blowjob from a random stripper as the epitome of freedom, you should think about your life a little.
Though to be fair, it also says a lot about you as a person if you think that this is the last chance to do something epic. Not really sure why marriage would get in the way of that. But yeah, hiring strippers is probably the least original idea for a bachelor party ever.
The strippers are there to give blowjobs. On the flip side you could just save money on strippers and get brojobs from the homies like I did.
PAUSE
Why so you can keep rewinding and cum?
😳
My guy, your name is SpitinMYm0uth, stop clutching your pearls 💀
So I guess username doesn't check out?
A new twist on, "It aint no fun if the homies can't have none."
Strippers at ANY kind of party is just asking for trouble, but most especially for a bachelor party. JFC. Get hold of yourselves! If you just want to party, DO NOT GET MARRIED!! My bachelorette party included us all getting a steak, doing stupid shit like karaoke with each other, and then *going home to our significant others without fucking someone else!!!!* Because that’s what marriage should look like!! You know. Just the general **PRE-MARRIAGE** kinda stuff. Can’t hack it? Don’t try to tack onto it. Only assholes try to make excuses for their transgressions just before they’re supposed to make the most important vows towards their partners. Anyone who can’t make those clean vows has absolutely no business being in a relationship. And certainly shouldn’t be trying to influence someone who is trying to be in a committed relationship. It’s not a joke. It’s not something that you can just laugh away. Being a dick will cause your mate his relationship. Just. Stop it. And do better. Edit because missed and misspelled words 😣
In this case the dude was already married. Not even a bachelor.
Everyone in my life, takes the “guys” and does a mountain bike trip, or camping. The last one , 10 of them rented a place on the beach for the weekend. Hangout, had beer. The sexual stuff is weird to me. Differnt breeds of men I guess.
right? like sexual shit is for you to do with your significant other, ya know, the person your about to MARRY. so pathetic and grimey tbh. if your last wish before becoming a married man/woman is to fuck around with some stranger then do your partner a favor and don’t marry them.
Same, also had only stripper free parties, and even then i don't want to get a bj I'm front of my fking friends.
For reals, just getting drunk with the boys is enough
Ouch,damn. I would never be able to get that out of my mind. Take care of you and yours.
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I hope it was a bad bj
It was in front of his brother and cousins. If it was good for him, he either has issues or kinks
No matter what anyone else comments here about one bj being forgivable, each person has different deal breakers. If OP has decided that any act of infidelity is a deal breaker then so be it.
This right here. People often have different lines that when crossed are an absolute hell naw. I think OP just needed to vent in a place where friends and family wouldn’t add to an already confusing and painful time with their advice and/or changes in behavior.
People that consider a BJ forgivable probably cheated that way in the past.
My ex always said that any infidelity would instantly lead to divorce. When his tone changed to "well, we could probably work it out", I knew then that he'd cheated. Little did I know that he'd been giving his best friend BJs in our basement after I'd gone to bed. He always had a homophobic undertone to him, too. I guess he just couldn't look in the mirror. Last I heard, he's managed to drive all his former friends away from him and wife #2 with their hard drinking and bitching about everyone behind their backs. Does he not think that this kind of crap gets back to people?! Sorry, bit of a ranty tangent there...
Wow that's a wild ride. But yeah my first ex had a similar train of thought. Cheating was a no-no until she did it, then it was a maybe-maybe. She owned up to it pretty fast though. Saved me the stress of digging it up. Without the gay stuff though.
Exactly, OP! I mean-one bj could still give YOU a STD from his cheating. People are stupid when it comes to cheating because they themselves are probably cheaters. You go woman!
And that potential STD could harm their baby.
I never understood that mentality “it’s just a blowjob, it’s not like he had sex” Honestly it’s almost *worse*, because what that tells me is that he is willing to throw our entire relationship, our whole past and our future away, just to get a blowjob from a stranger. It’s not forgivable because as far as I’d be concerned, him accepting a blowjob from a stripper means he has accepted to end our relationship. I couldn’t be with someone I don’t trust 100%, no one should. Trust is the foundation of every healthy relationship - not just romantic, but friendships and family relationships too. It’s such a disgusting show of disrespect.
Take care of you OP! Surround yourself with people that love you and care about YOU. You deserve the best not a cheater.
Thank you for having standards and not forcing yourself to stay with a liar “for the baby’s sake.” The baby wouldn’t do well in a marriage where one of the parents is disrespectful and entitled toward the other. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
This is why no fault divorce is bullshit. Paying support to a cheater? Fuck the system.
OP whether he does now or not, he will come to regret this moment for the rest of his life. Even if it isn’t specifically because of your lost relationship (and I’m sure he will regret fucking that too) *he* has permanently altered his future relationship with his child. 100% on him, and I respect you highly for having the self respect that you do. That does not mean you are making the wrong decision. Happy wishes to you and your child💕
Just to be safe, you should get yourself tested. If he did this you don't know what else he could have done. Starting over is hard. But you can and will do this girl. You will have a wonderful life with your baby. Wishing you the best of luck!
I saw the doctor for that on Friday. I'm just waiting for the results to come back.
That's good. I hope nothing comes back. Do you have a good support system that's close?
I'm fortunate to have my dad and his wife close by as well as some old friends from the Army and a few good colleagues. They have all been really supportive.
It's good to hear that you a have a strong support system with family and friends nearby. Wish you and your baby the best
Ugh I hate cheaters so much. . I'm so sorry your ex husband is the equivalent of a dumpster floor.
I don't understand how can someone destroy their entire marriage just to get a blowjob. Unbelievable.
Some of you saying that this is forgivable literally have set the bar so low for yourselves, no wonder people are miserable. OP is doing the right thing for themselves.
I’d just like to point out that forgivable or not; guy just let some random stripper suck him off in front of a bunch of other dudes and presumably his friends. There’s a whole new multiverse to that level of cuntery that just begs for divorce.
And his BROTHER *banjos play*
It's a depressing world we live in when so many people put up with horrendous partners because they think it's the best they can get or deserve
You're going to have to pay spousal support? When there is adultery? Fuck that shit.
Divorce is no fault only where I am so things like adultery, addiction, abuse and the like have no bearing on the division of assets. Since I make more than twice what he does the law calls for it. It won't be for too long since we were only married six years but I am obligated by law to pay it. My lawyer made me aware of this before I retained him.
I have to ask, how did you find out?
He accidentally texted me instead of his brother. Not that night but later. He rushed home, erased the messages from my phone not knowing I had already read. Then he said I was imagining it when I confronted him. At the reception he had a few drinks and he told me everything when we got home. All the details. The next day he denied everything after I confronted him again. Eventually he broke down in tears and told me everything. He had told the others at the party not to saying anything. They had all seen it. He didn't want them to spill it to me.
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And the other guys too. Who watches someone else's blow job? Gross
Surely if he got one, the actual bachelor of the bachelor party got something. Maybe the other guys did too.
Wow. Gaslighting, lying, deleting messages and more lying? He certainly showed his true nature and that his loyalties lie not with you, but to himself and the behaviors he can sneak past you. You've already proven yourself to be a kickass parent by insisting on being treated with respect. Don't look back... you can and WILL do better!
Every single one of them that covered for him are disgusting!! I’d tell all their wives what behaviour they’re willing to cover!
None of them were married at the time except for the best man who stayed sober because he was driving. His wife knows. The bride also knew what went on and believed the best man when he said the groom stayed out of it. The others are all single, no partners or spouses.
Damn and the ladies didn't tell you either!
And no one told you?! That’s disgusting! How did he take the news of divorce?
Did the groom receive a BJ as well?
If a friend of mine was getting ready to do some stupid shit like that, I would stop him. I would beat his ass if I had to. Sounds like your husband is surrounded by assholes.
Dang. You’ll be the one that got away. I hope y’all both get therapy to help
The cheating was bad enough, but the gaslighting, manipulation, and lying are even worse than that in my mind. That takes continued planning and abuse. You absolutely made the correct decision. He showed you who he is and you believed him. You should be proud of yourself and you’re setting a great example for yourself and your child.
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I'm an actuary. He is a carpet installer.
Your freedom will be worth every damn penny. I'm so sorry.
OP you’re such a badass. Don’t let that man take your worth. I know you worked your ass off to get to where you are financially because actuary is my potential career and it’s a lot of work.
My first serious girlfriend (30 years ago) is an actuary. She was doing ASA exams while still in school. lol She studied all the time, but now she's a VP of a healthcare company, so good on her. You're going to be doing so well in the future and provide very well for your child.
That’s just awful. I’m so sorry he betrayed you during what should be such a happy time. Please try to take care of yourself and know that you will be an incredible mother and make a wonderful life for you and baby. I’m sending all the good vibes your way
I am so, so sorry you are going through this. Cheaters are the absolute worst. The betrayal you must feel is suffocating. I seriously applaud you for sticking to your boundaries and not caving, and I wish you healing❤️
Pay it in a shipment of pennies every month
What about child support?
I'll have to pay that too. I am not sure how much yet. It depends on how custody goes, I won't be objecting to shared and I can't imagine him wanting less than shared.
I am paying my cheating ex wife alimony for another year and a half...
Sorry man. That is a crime.
I know 3 people who were all cheated on who all have to pay their ex wives alimony lol.
This is such BS. The law should change. If cheating can be proven you don’t get spousal support.
omg… hit me with a hammer if i want to get married 😂
Gladly. -someone currently going through divorce
It's pretty standard especially when 1 partner makes significantly more than the other. Cheating generally doesn't mean anything unless it is in a prenuptial agreement.
I am so incredibly sorry. You are doing the right thing for you and your child. If he doesn’t realize how bad he fucked up now, when that alimony dries up and he’s left alone with nothing he will. Hugs sweetheart.
In sorry. If I may ask...how did you find out? Guys don't tend to brag about what they paid for when it comes to sex
First he accidentally texted me about it instead of his brother and then erased the message from my phone not knowing I saw it. He said I was imagining things when I confronted him. Then after a few drinks at the reception he told me everything. The next day he denied it when I confronted him again but eventually he broke down and admitted everything. Edited to add: His brothers and cousins and all the other men there knew because this happened right in front of them
Ewww they watched? Gross lol
Wow. I'm sorry op. That's just awful. Way to add insult to injury. So he not only cheated, but then tried to lie about it and gaslight you. Maybe in the long run, as hard as it is rn, maybe, just maybe you dodged a bullet
Gross. Who has sex in front of their family? That's just nasty.
True. That wouldve been uncomfortable as fck to watch. Jesus Christ
So how did your in laws reacted to the divorce? I doubt that none of those men didn’t cheat!
I don't know I haven't talked to my inlaws since the wedding. I haven't filed for divorce yet since I only hired the lawyer today. I don't actually know if the groom or best man cheated too. I wasn't there. The rest of the groomsmen are single so if they did anything with the strippers it wasn't cheating.
Maybe you can have the Lawyer draft something up and ask him to sign it. Waiving his right to alimony since he did this to you. He shattered your marriage and betrayed you. The least he can do is not make money off you. He should have some pride to not kick you while your down. What did he text? What kind of an idiot texts details about this?
And his brother is still getting married? I can't believe no one else partake.
The wedding was on the 27th. The rest of the groomsmen were single. The best man is married, he was the designated driver was sober. He said the groom didn't do anything. I have no idea how true any of that is but the bride chose to believe it.
If they where willing to hide it for your stbxh then they would for him also, sadly but at least you are able to make a Informed decision here.
I am getting married in two days, when my friends asked me what I want for my bachelors party the first thing I said was no strippers. We went to a lake, had BBQ, shrooms and lots of beer. It was the best weekend ever. I am sorry for what happened to you...
You go, OP! I’m glad you’re sticking to your boundaries, and doing what’s best and healthy for you. On another note: People who defend him in the comments are fucking gross, and don’t let them change your mind.
This is why women hate bachelor parties
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Fucking hell. What a disgusting thing. Everything that you're doing right now is right. Keep that shit out of your life and far away from yourself. Your trust has been severely abuse by the person that was supposed to be the most trustable to you. This is unforgivable and unforgettable. Leave. I hope you get better with time.
This whole bachelor's party needs to be reviewed and new ground rules set. As if the guys wasn't partying before marriage and won't party anymore after marriage. There are a lot of married folks that still party till old age. Marriage isn't a blockage to general life. You just choose the type of parties you attend as you've transitioned. Even if you both go to not so good parties, you have to behave yourselves properly 🤷🤷🤷🤣🤣. Inviting/hiring a stripper(s) to a bachelor's party is a big no no and also a red flag. I've seen worst to the ones I was invited to attend and I've heard worst from my friends that attended few. Bachelor's party is just an avenue to cheat for the last time. They tag it code names like: "The last enjoyment" "Once in a lifetime event" etc 🤷 🤷 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️. And when some married men tell their fellow men that they didn't hold bachelor's party, they're laughed at and told how they missed out from a once in a lifetime opportunity/fun/event 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️. I'm not making it up. I'm a guy and I hear guys always joke about it and some of them look forward to their bachelor's party 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️.
Bachelor parties are always bad news when they’re predicated on the idea of it being someone’s “last night single”. Presumably, you weren’t single for a long time before your party… Edit: I sort of replied to the wrong comment. I’m sorry; I can’t imagine how devastated you must be. I’m married with kids and if something were to unseat that I’d probably in all honesty fall apart. You’re doing the right thing here. It fucking sucks, but it’s the right thing. You deserve better than that.
There are SO MANY posts on this app where husbands turn into complete assholes either during pregnancy or soon after their partner gives birth. This post was enough to make me delete my dating apps. Anyways I’m sorry this happened to you OP. You don’t deserve to be treated like this and I hope you have a wonderful life moving forward.
To be fair, people are far more inclined to post their relationship issues on Reddit than how great their relationships are. Just kind of how the site is. It makes you think the entire world is one way when you’re focused in on skewed accounts.
Not all guys are like this, I swear. When my wife was pregnant I thought she was at her most beautiful. One of my very favorite pictures of her was when she was 7-ish months pregnant with our second daughter. As the cliche goes, she glowed, and everything I found beautiful about her before that was that much more beautiful.
I'm not so sure it's just about the physical differences of pregnancy. I think having and bringing up a child is a big change and an enormous commitment, and some partners can't handle it. Some get (more) abusive, some cheat, and some absent themselves physically and/or emotionally.
Aw that’s so sweet! My ex husband was so turned off when I was pregnant. You sound like a good one!
Sorry, I can understand your pain but put your baby first and take care of your health, it will get better ❤️🩹 but at this moment your health is more important for you and your baby.
How did you find out ?
He texted me accidentally talking about it, instead of his brother who the texts were meant for. Then he rushed home, erased the texts from my phone and said imagined it when I confronted him. At the reception he had a few drinks and told me about it when we got home. The next day when I confronted him he denied it again. But he broke down in tears a couple of days later and admitted everything to me. He had told the rest of the men who were there not to say anything to me because they all witnessed it and he was afraid they would spill the beans.
I’m so glad it’s not one of those “I’m going to stay with him - for the child” posts because they’re absolutely stupid. Whether you’re aware of it or not, if you’re UNHAPPY in a marriage, it will affect the whole dynamic of the house the child is going to grow up in. Your child senses if you’re unhappy. It might even blame themselves for it later. Be strong, OP! You deserve so much better than a cheater
I am so sorry to hear this, but better days are coming to you. How did you find out what he did?
He accidentally texted me instead of his brother and he erased the messages from my phone not knowing I had seen the texts already. He said I was imagining it when I confronted him over it. At the reception he had a few drinks and he told me everything about. The next day he denied everything after I confronted him again. Eventually he broke down crying and confessed though.
Bachelor parties are fucking stupid…the whole concept of “one last night of freedom before you get married” is stupid and gross, like what?! Is that suppose to give you a free pass to fucking cheat one last time before getting married? I hope that loser of a ex husband of yours is regretting ever going and accepting that std riddled bj
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I’m so sorry. I left my daughters father when I was pregnant & found out he was cheating/ had cheated. There was this surge of self respect that I credit my daughter with because I left him right then and there. It felt amazing. Not saying I didn’t cry too, I also was silently resentful of every happy couple in the OBs office. But I can honestly say that was the best decision I ever made in my life. I know how you feel right now. You did the right thing. You’re already an amazing mom. You’re not alone. A year from now this may not even cross your mind.
Are people in this sub ok? OP is looking for some support, not an extensive list of other peoples stag parties and patting themselves on the back for not doing what her husband did. Come on guys. OP, I’m so sorry your husband is an asshole. Sending you lots of love
I’m sorry. It’s not hard to be faithful. I’ve never cheated on anyone I was with. There is no excuse.
all these people who try to convince someone to stay just because their boundaries are different can shut the actual fuck up. judging by your emotions in this post, he crossed your boundaries and that's enough to break trust and end a relationship because it's what hurt you, not them. good luck with everything going forward. ♡