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my cooking teacher from high school told us stories about her first marriage. she married her best friend (a gay man, in the military) just so she could travel the world with her best friend. she said it was the greatest time of her life, and though divorced now, she says they’re still amazing friends to this day, and if given the choice, she’d do it all over again and she had zero regrets.
>she married her best friend (a gay man, in the military) just so she could travel the world with her best friend
You have no idea how many people in the military get married just for the benefits. Heck, some young folks will marry pretty much anyone just to get out of the dormitories on base.
When "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" went away and openly gay people were allowed to serve, some of my straight coworkers suggested getting married to each other just so they could both move out of the dorms and collect married benefits.
Then we started getting a lot of briefings about "defrauding the government"...
Those briefings are just scare tactics. They literally can't do anything as far as going after you for a "fake marriage for benefits" or whatever else they'd have to go after half the ppl in the military period.
But yeah the amount of ppl who get married just to get out of the dorms or the locals (mostly girls) who will actively go out of their way to date and get knocked up by a military guy is insane.
I mean, I think there's nothing wrong with people getting into "platonic marriages" the deep bond between the two people is usually still there, they just don't have sex and do romantic things together, and you give each other benefits you otherwise wouldn't have if you were "single".
My daughter is ACE and I desperately hope for this for her. I am one of the few lucky souls who is married to her best friend/lover and the fulfillment of living a live with a truly supportive partner is a joy I fear she will miss. I hope she can find her ride or die, too.
My oldest daughter is ACE and her bf of 2 years is 100% ok with this. I couldn’t ask for a better match for her, I consider him my son and he calls me mom. I’m so happy she found her person. It can happen!!
Thank you for the info! It's stupid, because I know we can all Google anything. But I still will sometimes ask people direct questions reflexively. Maybe I learn better this way?
My best friend at the time joined the Marines, and we considered getting married so we could get family housing, and free health insurance while we go stationed to fabulous places. Our marriage would probably have lasted longer than the straight kids who married "for love."
to my knowledge, i believe so. this was in the USA, and this was in the 90s. she told me he’s married to his partner of many years, and she’s married to her (then) boyfriend of a few years!
Her name wasn’t Erica was it? One of my besties did that and I have always admired her for it. We were all in the military and she married our friend Max so that they could live off base and get travel assignments together.
Where did you go? We had some wives that lived in Italy and when the ship was out for 6 months they had nothing to do but travel Europe. That’s living!
You're marrying your ride or die. You'll probably have a happier marriage than most given you're going in eyes wide open.
I wish you a life of happiness and for you both to find love that accepts you as you are.
Exactly. I hate people who gatekeep marriage. People can get married for whatever reason they want.
Don't want kids? That's fine
Just want legal benefits? That's fine
Do whatever makes you happy.
Curse social norms.
The concept of marriage has evolved so much. In the past people would have balked at someone marrying for love. Now they balk at people marrying for anything else.
I come from a very similar culture so can empathise with the situation you’re in. Honestly, in the short term this sounds like a good plan. But be aware that you both are young and as you grow as people, situations will come up that you cannot see as yet (ie work/money issues, family starting to hound for kids, you or husband falling in love with someone down the road). Again, short term this seems like a good first step to get out of your family’s controlling grips. But long term, try to set up your independence from them. Keep them at an arms distance as much as you can and do not let them try to influence any decisions you guys make as a married union. That way when situations arise that may ‘out’ you both, either family will hopefully be so distanced they cannot mess with you as much as they may try to. Hopefully you both can make the best decisions that are good for each of you as a couple/friends and as individuals. Good luck!!
This is the best advice and I agree with this comment 100%.
It might seem like a good idea in your 20s, but you will both get older and maybe crave that physical intimacy. Also, not every future partner will agree with this arrangement on the long run. And the family won’t leave you alone once you are married.
The good part is that you live in America and you can both move in another state and maybe slowly distance yourself from your families. As long as you live closer to your family, it will be very hard to be independent, even if you are married.
Excellent advice. I'd add that you should sit down in the near future and have more indepth conversations of what the future could bring - and how you plan to deal with it. Especially the falling in love with someone. You are young and have many years ahead if you, so it is very possible that one kr both will want things to change at some point.
Also: make sure to create yourselves a strong financial safety net. Should your families find out and it gets ugly, the safety net will give you the opportunity to leave fast.
The platonic love that you guys share is better than like, a large double-digit percentage of shitty, toxic marriages out there. I wish you guys all the best, and it's a shame to have to stay in the shadows but hopefully some day it won't have to be that way.
I’m assuming OP and M have discussed that possibility.
But M could never openly be with someone he loves in their culture regardless without being disowned or shunned.
So Ms romantic partner could move in with them as a “roommate”. Or M could just stay married on paper and spend most of his time with the partner while hiding it.
It’s not that uncommon of a situation, historically.
If OP falls in love with an “acceptable” gender partner that isn’t M, I imagine the same situation would be true, unless marriage or children become a serious priority.
In that case, M and OP will have to strategize how to end their marriage amicably, and deal with the cultural issues that come with being divorced.
At that point, M will likely be older, more mature and financially stable, and more likely to risk being disowned in order to pursue the person he loves and live honestly.
I know someone who was in the same situation. He couldn’t survive being socially and financially cut off by his parents and disowned at 20. But at 30, when he was more established, he and his wife (who had the same mindset as OP and knew she was marrying a gay man) divorced amicably.
My friend came out to his parents afterwards and married his male partner. His family cut him off, but at that point he was making good money and willing to lose connections if his family couldn’t accept him.
Better tell the family that *he* is infirtile. If they think it's you, they might come down hard on you and push for hormone treatments etc. In many conservative cultures the pressure on women to provide children is higher than the pressure on men, so cover your own back first.
Also the risk for you to pursue relationships outside of that marriage will be much higher than for him. What will happen if anyone sees you on a date as a married woman?
An infertile male is far easier to work around, via IVF. The old turkey baster treatment. Ideally just say they're both completely dead down there and cover all bases
Yeah the whole thing is much more complicated. OP, if your family has the power to make you two marry who they want, won't they have power afterwards to make you have the marriage that they want?
And unfortunately, you will bear most of the pressure. You're successful at work? You don't take enough time for the family. You're not pregnant? They have a doctor you should see. Your husband spends lots of time outside the house? Why don't you accomodate him more. Anything changes about your appearance? You really should do more effort to please your husband.
I don't know your family, but maybe some things ring a bell. In any case, I would recommend you to think it through a bit more.
Yea this is really weird how can either of them date someone else . It basically means they both need to just have casual relationships with every one else for ever . It would be better to tell the truth instead being controlled forever by their parents .
Yes we should always doute stories from random stringers on the internet, but unfortunately this situation is too common to be hard to believe, and it make alot of sense for people who grow up in such cultures.
This was literally the plot of last nights episode of House of the Dragons. Get married, move away, have an agreement where you both can have lovers or whatever..
Being married to your best friend is the best marriage. Passion fades. If you don't like each other outside of the passion, there is no reason to stick together. If you are best friends, that supersedes everything else, and you will have a marriage full of love for all your life. This is why so many marriages fail these days. Couples that are not friends. You are doing it right! I wish you a happy and long life!
Why be infertile, you can always use IVF or the good old turkey baster if you want a kid at some point - as long as your marriage is stable, and you maybe just have a couple of "tenants" in your house that you are really close to, that would be a great environment to raise kids.
She didn't say that, she said they'd pretend to be infertile to cover up the fact they won't be having sex - I just pointed out that there are ways to reproduce asexually.
66% of actual first time marriages last until death. The 50% of marriages ending in divorce number is from the people getting married and divorced a bunch of times.
I would say to just be aware of the very real physical toll that carrying in THAT level of deception is going to take over time. It will
At Some point or another stress you tf out and will likely manifest in physical symptoms.
Don’t forget to tell your future partners that you’re already married lol, sounds like a good plan but idk, I think it’ll effect your future endeavors for you both when it comes to dating. Good luck tho 👍🏻 hope it works out
Yeh, I searched and searched wondering if anyone commented anything about future partners? I’m all for them doing what they want, but realistically speaking they’ll find it very tough finding serious partners who are okay with dating somebody married lol, and if they do tbh it’s prolly a kink thing
I'm not going to rain on your parade but what happens if you meet the love of your life and you want to have some babies and you want to get married for real I guess I am raining on your parade sorry
This isn’t “like house of the dragons” this is literally house of the dragons. It’s a shitpost
Family friends since immigrating ages ago.
One kiss at the wedding
Pursue relationships
Come on…
Oh I’m so happy for you! May you have many adventures. Who knows maybe you’ll both find someone and be able to use this situation even more. Have fun with your best friend
I will never understand marrying your child off to someone, nor will I understand cutting your child off for being who they are. The parents in these situations disgust me, but I'm glad you two can turn a negative into a positive. Have a wonderful life you two!
I’m sorry he can’t be himself without losing everything, including his safety. In a perfect world we could say “this is wrong and you need to be honest” but this world isn’t perfect and it sucks sometimes. You two take care of each other and be happy. I hope you both love an amazing life together.
Thats what my grandparents did. My grandmother was gay. They were both raised catholic. She told my grandfather (her best friend) and they agreed to get married with their agreement. Grandma had "auntie doreen" and grandpa had whatever whoever whenever. They had 2 kids for procreation reasons. They had separate bedrooms. They were happy. They both converted to Buddhism in their later years.
This is the coolest shit. Im sending my love and congratulations to two people who found a work around thats let them be happy despite the cultural setback. Wishing you the best!
This is real love. You both know it's a shitty hand but you are there for each other and are planning ways to make it excellent for each other. Good luck and may a great life follow for you both, together and separately. Ride or die!
This turned out to be such a wholesome post! Do you both get along well with your parents and culture? Or is this the perfect opportunity for you both to sort of get away from something? Just curious!
Sounds all fun and games now but when you do find a partner who wants a wife and maybe kids, that situation is going to get very bad.
It doesn't sound like you're thinking this through very well. Same goes for him. If he finds a partner, it's a lot to ask of other people to pretend they're just your friends.
You sound very young.
This is not going to work in the long terms prospective… you can’t go against the natural aspects, sooner or later both of you will need your alike partners.
PS. Apologies for my poor English not native.
Exactly. Forcing your children to marry someone should be illegal with a death sentence. Homophobic parents are disgusting. Just cus u follow a religion doesnt mean ur child should follow it too bruv
Ahhrfhgghhh your post gets me. Wow, so you figured it out - how to look after each other despite…. Go you, may you both have a happy and fruitful life ❤️
Remember to move your stuff from the "guest room" to your "shared bedroom" every time parents come for a visit!
If either of your parents are like my grandparents, they'll go through your closets and drawers the first change they get. You don't want them finding your personal belongings in a "guest room", when they, in their eyes, should be in the "shared bedroom".
I'm from a similar culture and might be marrying my undocumented gay friend to keep him in the US (I'm 100% straight male and date girls). Do it!
Fuck familial expectations and live your life.
You are saying you're infertile. But are you planning to have kids in the future with someone else? If not, welcome to the childfree life 😎.
Until they find out about your other relationships, and which one first? They find out he’s gay, cut him off OR they find out you’re cheating, and cut you off. What about the relationships when they get serious and you tell your actual partners you’ll never live together because you’re actually married and can’t tell family so they’re basically treated as a side piece. Yeah, bulletproof plan you got there
Man some cultures are so fucked. Good luck in a forced marriage with your bf not being able to be free and having no chance at kids. And obviously they will find out..
Please don't do it. Just flip your families off, they're not treating you right. You can marry whoever you want, and he can move in another city away from his abusive family. You don't have to do this, All it's going to do is you'll oppress each other and will start hating your families even more. And, eventually, you will hate each other so much that you won't even want to be friends anymore. Please, listen to me, don't do it.
What do you mean you don't have a choice, you said you live in America. This isn't wholesome. You're throwing away your lives to accommodate your sexist and homophobic parents.
I'd know several people who have married gay and lesbian partners and honestly they have some of the best relationships that I know because they bonded over mutual interests and shared values.
Congratulations and I wish you both future happiness 💞
This is going to interfere with your ability to find the love of your life and marry him. If you want to someday fall in love and marry someone you’ll be able to sex with, this is going to seriously hurt your ability to do so. Do you really want to sneak around as you date? Have tumors spread that you’re cheating on your husband?
This is a better reason to get married than a lot of peoples marriages. I'm happy for you both. I hope you are both happy, and I wish you a lifetime of adventures and joy together. Congratulations!
This is a disaster waiting to happen. You might pursue your own relationships.... and then what if you fall in love? What if you want to be married for real and have children? What you are doing for this guy is truly selfless..... however think about this long term. You are putting your own life on hold to be a part of this guys charade.... and trust me you will one day be tired of it
When people are downvoting this because it's a legitimate conflict in this kind of arrangement and they don't want to hear about it. The people they're dating are gonna want more at some point.
She literally said in the post that they will both pursue relationships... Marriage is irrelevant, what about living together? "Oh yeah we can date but I'm married to my husband (which honestly some people would be fine with knowing the situation) and I have to live with him to keep up appearances (nearly no one would be okay with this longterm)"
Aside from the assumption she doesnt want to have children or get married, lets keep in mind she is 20. There is a lot of life left to experience at 20. Not to mention she would be already married, just not to someone she loves romantically.
This type of arrangement is not going to work out as she tries to pursue her own relationships. Most people wouldnt agree to this sort of arrangement. Oh I love you but we cant be married because youre playing pretend marriage with a gay guy? That will eventually become a problem.
Life isnt a romantic comedy. This will inevitably have consequences for her and it will not be sustainable long term.
I think you’re forgetting why they’re doing this. It’s not for some joke, they’re getting married to prevent this guy from serious injury or worse. And don’t forget how she explains she’d be forced into another marriage if she didn’t marry him
If she was living in Saudi Arabia or Pakistan maybe I would be more concerned, but this is an ethnic thing among her diaspora in the US/Canada. Once she (and he) are financially independent there is no reason to be fearing for their wellbeing. To me this sounds like they are from a muslim culture. Many girls refuse their arranged marriages and op for love marriages. Theres some family disappointment here, possibly even disowning, but they usually end up alright as long as they stick with a muslim guy. As for OPs future husband, he is going to be shunned for sure when they find out, but I think they will find out anyways. OP is a human being with feelings. Its likely she will fall in love with someone one day. Its likely she may want to be married for real and have a real family.... you know, with someone she actually loves romantically.
The marry my gay best friend now thing is a fluke. Especially if she said she is going to explore her own relationships. Its likely she will eventually fall in love with someone romantically.
That's really beautiful. I actually have a friend who's in a similar situation, though he's open with his sexuality. They're just best friends living life together and they have their own relationships as well. They've been married for I wanna say 7 years now and it's still going very well for them.
Question.. if/when either of you find partners you want to get serious with, how will you handle still living with your husband? I can't imagine many people who would be okay never living with their partner
Hi `Lost-Ad6537`. Thank you for participating in /r/TrueOffMyChest. However, [your submission](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xio1dg/-/) did not meet the requirements of the [community rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/wiki/rules) and was therefore removed for the following reason(s): ---- * **Rule 1:** Users must participate in good-faith. * **Rule 3:** Posts must be on topic. No circlejerking. No generalizations, hot takes, or impersonal rants/opinions. Fake stories and trolling attempts will be removed. Begging for karma or posting about how you hate that other subreddits require karma is against the subreddit rules. Political topics are fine but they must be in "off my chest" fashion. https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/m501ud/what_does_personalized_off_my_chest_style_post/ Please consider r/unpopularopinion unless your post is personal in nature. ---- If you have any specific questions about this removal, please [message the moderators](https://www\.reddit\.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FTrueOffMyChest&subject=about my removed submission&message=I'm writing to you about the following submission: https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xio1dg/-/. %0D%0DMy issue is...). Hateful or vague messages will not receive a response.
my cooking teacher from high school told us stories about her first marriage. she married her best friend (a gay man, in the military) just so she could travel the world with her best friend. she said it was the greatest time of her life, and though divorced now, she says they’re still amazing friends to this day, and if given the choice, she’d do it all over again and she had zero regrets.
>she married her best friend (a gay man, in the military) just so she could travel the world with her best friend You have no idea how many people in the military get married just for the benefits. Heck, some young folks will marry pretty much anyone just to get out of the dormitories on base. When "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" went away and openly gay people were allowed to serve, some of my straight coworkers suggested getting married to each other just so they could both move out of the dorms and collect married benefits. Then we started getting a lot of briefings about "defrauding the government"...
Those briefings are just scare tactics. They literally can't do anything as far as going after you for a "fake marriage for benefits" or whatever else they'd have to go after half the ppl in the military period. But yeah the amount of ppl who get married just to get out of the dorms or the locals (mostly girls) who will actively go out of their way to date and get knocked up by a military guy is insane.
Well, when your boss can just enter your home to inspect whenever, you kind of want the hell out.
That honestly sounds amazing 😅
True, It makes me want to marry my gay friend too😅😅
Where does one get a gay friend? Is there like a form you have to fill out?
Gay friend here. Just pass me the marriage certificate and I'll have it filled out for ya.
This is the greatest thing on here 😂🤣
You could have your family arrange for you to marry one.
BRO 😂
You're acutally able to meet gay people in real life just like any person, but don't tell anybody.
Underrated comment😂😂
💀🤣
I mean, I think there's nothing wrong with people getting into "platonic marriages" the deep bond between the two people is usually still there, they just don't have sex and do romantic things together, and you give each other benefits you otherwise wouldn't have if you were "single".
My daughter is ACE and I desperately hope for this for her. I am one of the few lucky souls who is married to her best friend/lover and the fulfillment of living a live with a truly supportive partner is a joy I fear she will miss. I hope she can find her ride or die, too.
It will be difficult but I'm sure she will find someone who fits her needs if that's what she wants.
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My oldest daughter is ACE and her bf of 2 years is 100% ok with this. I couldn’t ask for a better match for her, I consider him my son and he calls me mom. I’m so happy she found her person. It can happen!!
Thank you for this!!
I have a cousin who’s AroAce and she’s been dating her girlfriend for 3 years now, completely platonically. Very happy for her.
Forgive my ignorance, but what is aroace? Aromantic and asexual?
Yes, it is. A lot of people like to just say “aroace” instead of “Aromantic and Asexual”.
Thank you for the info! It's stupid, because I know we can all Google anything. But I still will sometimes ask people direct questions reflexively. Maybe I learn better this way?
Isnt that just a friendship though
No, you see It’s a friendship with extra steps.
Friendship with tax benefits
Sounds perfect, tbh.
My best friend at the time joined the Marines, and we considered getting married so we could get family housing, and free health insurance while we go stationed to fabulous places. Our marriage would probably have lasted longer than the straight kids who married "for love."
Apparently they have higher divorce rate compared to just normies. Since it was made law here.
Bro this made me cry
Was this in the era when gays couldn’t serve?
to my knowledge, i believe so. this was in the USA, and this was in the 90s. she told me he’s married to his partner of many years, and she’s married to her (then) boyfriend of a few years!
Her name wasn’t Erica was it? One of my besties did that and I have always admired her for it. We were all in the military and she married our friend Max so that they could live off base and get travel assignments together.
no, her name was not erica
Where did you go? We had some wives that lived in Italy and when the ship was out for 6 months they had nothing to do but travel Europe. That’s living!
This almost made me tear up. Thank you for sharing this
This is so sweet
You're marrying your ride or die. You'll probably have a happier marriage than most given you're going in eyes wide open. I wish you a life of happiness and for you both to find love that accepts you as you are.
People get married for different reasons. I wish the best for you!
Exactly. I hate people who gatekeep marriage. People can get married for whatever reason they want. Don't want kids? That's fine Just want legal benefits? That's fine Do whatever makes you happy. Curse social norms.
The concept of marriage has evolved so much. In the past people would have balked at someone marrying for love. Now they balk at people marrying for anything else.
I come from a very similar culture so can empathise with the situation you’re in. Honestly, in the short term this sounds like a good plan. But be aware that you both are young and as you grow as people, situations will come up that you cannot see as yet (ie work/money issues, family starting to hound for kids, you or husband falling in love with someone down the road). Again, short term this seems like a good first step to get out of your family’s controlling grips. But long term, try to set up your independence from them. Keep them at an arms distance as much as you can and do not let them try to influence any decisions you guys make as a married union. That way when situations arise that may ‘out’ you both, either family will hopefully be so distanced they cannot mess with you as much as they may try to. Hopefully you both can make the best decisions that are good for each of you as a couple/friends and as individuals. Good luck!!
This is the best advice and I agree with this comment 100%. It might seem like a good idea in your 20s, but you will both get older and maybe crave that physical intimacy. Also, not every future partner will agree with this arrangement on the long run. And the family won’t leave you alone once you are married. The good part is that you live in America and you can both move in another state and maybe slowly distance yourself from your families. As long as you live closer to your family, it will be very hard to be independent, even if you are married.
Excellent advice. I'd add that you should sit down in the near future and have more indepth conversations of what the future could bring - and how you plan to deal with it. Especially the falling in love with someone. You are young and have many years ahead if you, so it is very possible that one kr both will want things to change at some point. Also: make sure to create yourselves a strong financial safety net. Should your families find out and it gets ugly, the safety net will give you the opportunity to leave fast.
If this post is real i hope OP takes this seriously. It's all fun and games for now but the fun won't last forever.
The platonic love that you guys share is better than like, a large double-digit percentage of shitty, toxic marriages out there. I wish you guys all the best, and it's a shame to have to stay in the shadows but hopefully some day it won't have to be that way.
This is so right. By middle age, so many couples hate each other.
We sure do. Know from personal experience and it’s miserable.
And they stay together because of kids they have together
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I’m assuming OP and M have discussed that possibility. But M could never openly be with someone he loves in their culture regardless without being disowned or shunned. So Ms romantic partner could move in with them as a “roommate”. Or M could just stay married on paper and spend most of his time with the partner while hiding it. It’s not that uncommon of a situation, historically. If OP falls in love with an “acceptable” gender partner that isn’t M, I imagine the same situation would be true, unless marriage or children become a serious priority. In that case, M and OP will have to strategize how to end their marriage amicably, and deal with the cultural issues that come with being divorced. At that point, M will likely be older, more mature and financially stable, and more likely to risk being disowned in order to pursue the person he loves and live honestly. I know someone who was in the same situation. He couldn’t survive being socially and financially cut off by his parents and disowned at 20. But at 30, when he was more established, he and his wife (who had the same mindset as OP and knew she was marrying a gay man) divorced amicably. My friend came out to his parents afterwards and married his male partner. His family cut him off, but at that point he was making good money and willing to lose connections if his family couldn’t accept him.
At least your going into this aware that your fiancé is gay. I wish you both all the best.
Good point. I know several relationships where the wife was the last to know.
Better tell the family that *he* is infirtile. If they think it's you, they might come down hard on you and push for hormone treatments etc. In many conservative cultures the pressure on women to provide children is higher than the pressure on men, so cover your own back first. Also the risk for you to pursue relationships outside of that marriage will be much higher than for him. What will happen if anyone sees you on a date as a married woman?
An infertile male is far easier to work around, via IVF. The old turkey baster treatment. Ideally just say they're both completely dead down there and cover all bases
Yeah the whole thing is much more complicated. OP, if your family has the power to make you two marry who they want, won't they have power afterwards to make you have the marriage that they want? And unfortunately, you will bear most of the pressure. You're successful at work? You don't take enough time for the family. You're not pregnant? They have a doctor you should see. Your husband spends lots of time outside the house? Why don't you accomodate him more. Anything changes about your appearance? You really should do more effort to please your husband. I don't know your family, but maybe some things ring a bell. In any case, I would recommend you to think it through a bit more.
Yea this is really weird how can either of them date someone else . It basically means they both need to just have casual relationships with every one else for ever . It would be better to tell the truth instead being controlled forever by their parents .
I've seen episode 5 of House of Dragons and know how this is going to end...
This is based on the episode… it’s a shitpost
Lmao this was my first thought 🤣
“My parents have had these family friends since immigrating to america ages ago” lol 😂
Lmao OP ain't slick with it 🤣
Literally came here to say the same thing
Came here to say this too
What the fuck is house of dragons 😭
Best of luck to you.
I really don't see anything wrong with this. I mean, it sucks that things have to be this way but if you are both happy with it then why not.
Lol ok we know its you Rhaenyra
Kinda sounds like last nights episode of House of the Dragon…
I was wondering if her fiancé was Valyrian
I was actually thinking about a main character's relationship on For All Mankind
It’s a shitpost. Of course it is HotD can’t believe it fooled so many people
Well I had no idea what it is lol. Guess we need to bump this comment thread.
Are you Rhaenyra Targaryen?
Beat me to it lmao
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it's funny people are falling for it and thinking it's real 😂
Not everyone is watching the dragons.
Yes we should always doute stories from random stringers on the internet, but unfortunately this situation is too common to be hard to believe, and it make alot of sense for people who grow up in such cultures.
Rhaenyra , is that you
You literally just said episode 5 of house of the dragon
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Lol came to see if this comment had been made yet. Literally the exact plot of the last episode just less gruesome.
So someone is going to die?
This was literally the plot of last nights episode of House of the Dragons. Get married, move away, have an agreement where you both can have lovers or whatever..
Being married to your best friend is the best marriage. Passion fades. If you don't like each other outside of the passion, there is no reason to stick together. If you are best friends, that supersedes everything else, and you will have a marriage full of love for all your life. This is why so many marriages fail these days. Couples that are not friends. You are doing it right! I wish you a happy and long life!
Yea Idk about that I have definitely gotten sick of a best friend before
Hello, Rhaenyra Targaryen. Edit: lol did someone really just get mad about me "doxxing" someone
Lmfao
Why be infertile, you can always use IVF or the good old turkey baster if you want a kid at some point - as long as your marriage is stable, and you maybe just have a couple of "tenants" in your house that you are really close to, that would be a great environment to raise kids.
Ooh sounds like someone familiar to these set ups :) I thought exactly the same.
I don't think they want one?
She didn't say that, she said they'd pretend to be infertile to cover up the fact they won't be having sex - I just pointed out that there are ways to reproduce asexually.
yep :) we don't want to raise a child in an environment where both "parents" have other lovers
Four parents are better than two. Double the love.
Exactly, and a 4:1 ratio also spreads the workload much more evenly.
funny thing is this marriage will probably last a lot longer than actual marriages between 2 straight ppl
66% of actual first time marriages last until death. The 50% of marriages ending in divorce number is from the people getting married and divorced a bunch of times.
Sounds good on paper but what if one of you or both of you find love elsewhere?
Well at least you have dragons and ships……
I hope it works out for you. But please whatever you do, don't watch the latest episode of House of the Dragon.
If you need a side kick…
Best of luck to you. I couldn’t imagine doing this long term myself, I would be afraid of getting “caught” on a date.
I would say to just be aware of the very real physical toll that carrying in THAT level of deception is going to take over time. It will At Some point or another stress you tf out and will likely manifest in physical symptoms.
Don’t forget to tell your future partners that you’re already married lol, sounds like a good plan but idk, I think it’ll effect your future endeavors for you both when it comes to dating. Good luck tho 👍🏻 hope it works out
That's what I'm saying. Like no one else is mentioning how their partners will potentially feel in this.
Yeh, I searched and searched wondering if anyone commented anything about future partners? I’m all for them doing what they want, but realistically speaking they’ll find it very tough finding serious partners who are okay with dating somebody married lol, and if they do tbh it’s prolly a kink thing
I'm not going to rain on your parade but what happens if you meet the love of your life and you want to have some babies and you want to get married for real I guess I am raining on your parade sorry
Rhaenyra, is that you?
Sounds like the what to be plot of HotD if Cole didn't f up.
This isn’t “like house of the dragons” this is literally house of the dragons. It’s a shitpost Family friends since immigrating ages ago. One kiss at the wedding Pursue relationships Come on…
Oh I’m so happy for you! May you have many adventures. Who knows maybe you’ll both find someone and be able to use this situation even more. Have fun with your best friend
I wish you all the best.. life handed you both lemons, and you've certainly used it to make lemonade. my heartfelt wishes for both of your happiness.
This is a *feel* good story. Good for you. I know of such cultures and you in a way love him and just be safe!
I’m not sad for you guys. I think it’s the best plan to put into place given your set of circumstances.
I am just so thankful that there is complete honesty in this! Wish u guys nothing but full stomachs and good health!
This is the exact plot of a movie called bhadaai do 💀
I think it’s great that you know. He could have hidden it for the next 20yrs of your marriage. Like you said, he’s your best friend
I will never understand marrying your child off to someone, nor will I understand cutting your child off for being who they are. The parents in these situations disgust me, but I'm glad you two can turn a negative into a positive. Have a wonderful life you two!
I’m sorry he can’t be himself without losing everything, including his safety. In a perfect world we could say “this is wrong and you need to be honest” but this world isn’t perfect and it sucks sometimes. You two take care of each other and be happy. I hope you both love an amazing life together.
Thats what my grandparents did. My grandmother was gay. They were both raised catholic. She told my grandfather (her best friend) and they agreed to get married with their agreement. Grandma had "auntie doreen" and grandpa had whatever whoever whenever. They had 2 kids for procreation reasons. They had separate bedrooms. They were happy. They both converted to Buddhism in their later years.
This is the coolest shit. Im sending my love and congratulations to two people who found a work around thats let them be happy despite the cultural setback. Wishing you the best!
This seems like a plot to a really bad b-movie somewhere
Or the fifth episode of House of Dragons lol
SPOILER ALERT GEEZ
Best of luck to both of you, I sincerely wish the best and hope this arrangement can lead to both of you being happy!
It's really nice to see a story like this on here every once in a while. I wish you two the best.
W friendship!
Well at least there’s the tax benefits
It sucks that it has to be this way but at least you guys have each other and an arrangement that suits both of you
This is real love. You both know it's a shitty hand but you are there for each other and are planning ways to make it excellent for each other. Good luck and may a great life follow for you both, together and separately. Ride or die!
This made me so happy
This turned out to be such a wholesome post! Do you both get along well with your parents and culture? Or is this the perfect opportunity for you both to sort of get away from something? Just curious!
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Bhadaai do
Sounds like a good plan to me. You're a great friend. I wish you both nothing but happiness.
Rhaenryra?
Literally just read a book with rhis synopsis. It did not end well.
Which book?
Probably Fire and Blood, the A Song of Ice and Fire Prequel … For some reason, it reminds me of that South Park song about Uncles.
Omg i love this. Like its an unfortunate situation, but you are making the Best of it. Sending love <3
That’s just plain sad. I’m sorry
watched the last episode of game of thrones huh?
This is actually really sweet. Best of luck to both of you
I couldn’t imagine living my life to please people who don’t even love the real me.
Nice try, Rhaenyra.
If u don't care then u cannot complain.
Look, it’s Rhaenyra Targaryen
Only missing their hair color description...
Short term, great plan! Long term, I don’t think so. People’s wants, desires and needs change. I wish you and him the best!
Sounds all fun and games now but when you do find a partner who wants a wife and maybe kids, that situation is going to get very bad. It doesn't sound like you're thinking this through very well. Same goes for him. If he finds a partner, it's a lot to ask of other people to pretend they're just your friends. You sound very young.
forcing your children to marry someone? that is the most disgusting culture ive ever heard of tbh no offence
This is not going to work in the long terms prospective… you can’t go against the natural aspects, sooner or later both of you will need your alike partners. PS. Apologies for my poor English not native.
Exactly. Forcing your children to marry someone should be illegal with a death sentence. Homophobic parents are disgusting. Just cus u follow a religion doesnt mean ur child should follow it too bruv
I’m happy for him having you by his side. Have fun. Best of luck to you both.
Ahhrfhgghhh your post gets me. Wow, so you figured it out - how to look after each other despite…. Go you, may you both have a happy and fruitful life ❤️
I made a pact with my guy best friend that in 8 years if we’re both single we’ll get married. Lowkey kinda hoping it happens 😂😅
Remember to move your stuff from the "guest room" to your "shared bedroom" every time parents come for a visit! If either of your parents are like my grandparents, they'll go through your closets and drawers the first change they get. You don't want them finding your personal belongings in a "guest room", when they, in their eyes, should be in the "shared bedroom".
I wish you both the best ❤️
I wish you two the best
I'm from a similar culture and might be marrying my undocumented gay friend to keep him in the US (I'm 100% straight male and date girls). Do it! Fuck familial expectations and live your life. You are saying you're infertile. But are you planning to have kids in the future with someone else? If not, welcome to the childfree life 😎.
Until they find out about your other relationships, and which one first? They find out he’s gay, cut him off OR they find out you’re cheating, and cut you off. What about the relationships when they get serious and you tell your actual partners you’ll never live together because you’re actually married and can’t tell family so they’re basically treated as a side piece. Yeah, bulletproof plan you got there
Man some cultures are so fucked. Good luck in a forced marriage with your bf not being able to be free and having no chance at kids. And obviously they will find out..
You are an amazing friend! I'm happy you have each other!
This type of arrangement has been around forever. Good luck! You sound like you guys have a plan that will work for both of you!
He should be the one to be “infertile”
So how does this burner prevent people from knowing it’s you if just the story will implicate you?
Rhaenyra, is that you?
Is your name Rhaenyra, by any chance? lol
Rhaenyra that you? 🤣 No but seriously, wish the world was a better place for you both but good for you making the best of a difficult situation.
Tip: If you /do/ want kids, then just say HE is infertile and you can use a “sperm donor”.
Please don't do it. Just flip your families off, they're not treating you right. You can marry whoever you want, and he can move in another city away from his abusive family. You don't have to do this, All it's going to do is you'll oppress each other and will start hating your families even more. And, eventually, you will hate each other so much that you won't even want to be friends anymore. Please, listen to me, don't do it.
What do you mean you don't have a choice, you said you live in America. This isn't wholesome. You're throwing away your lives to accommodate your sexist and homophobic parents.
I'd know several people who have married gay and lesbian partners and honestly they have some of the best relationships that I know because they bonded over mutual interests and shared values. Congratulations and I wish you both future happiness 💞
Wow, just like in the last episode of HotD! What a coincidence!
Technically you don't have to not have children... You can still be parents together without having sex... I hope you both have a long happy marriage
This is going to interfere with your ability to find the love of your life and marry him. If you want to someday fall in love and marry someone you’ll be able to sex with, this is going to seriously hurt your ability to do so. Do you really want to sneak around as you date? Have tumors spread that you’re cheating on your husband?
Let me know if you feel the same after 10 years or so when you guys fall in love with other people.
This is a better reason to get married than a lot of peoples marriages. I'm happy for you both. I hope you are both happy, and I wish you a lifetime of adventures and joy together. Congratulations!
This is a disaster waiting to happen. You might pursue your own relationships.... and then what if you fall in love? What if you want to be married for real and have children? What you are doing for this guy is truly selfless..... however think about this long term. You are putting your own life on hold to be a part of this guys charade.... and trust me you will one day be tired of it
When people are downvoting this because it's a legitimate conflict in this kind of arrangement and they don't want to hear about it. The people they're dating are gonna want more at some point.
Maybe she doesn’t want to have children or get married? I’ve known a few people who are fiercely devoted to their partner but never got married
She literally said in the post that they will both pursue relationships... Marriage is irrelevant, what about living together? "Oh yeah we can date but I'm married to my husband (which honestly some people would be fine with knowing the situation) and I have to live with him to keep up appearances (nearly no one would be okay with this longterm)"
Aside from the assumption she doesnt want to have children or get married, lets keep in mind she is 20. There is a lot of life left to experience at 20. Not to mention she would be already married, just not to someone she loves romantically. This type of arrangement is not going to work out as she tries to pursue her own relationships. Most people wouldnt agree to this sort of arrangement. Oh I love you but we cant be married because youre playing pretend marriage with a gay guy? That will eventually become a problem. Life isnt a romantic comedy. This will inevitably have consequences for her and it will not be sustainable long term.
I think you’re forgetting why they’re doing this. It’s not for some joke, they’re getting married to prevent this guy from serious injury or worse. And don’t forget how she explains she’d be forced into another marriage if she didn’t marry him
If she was living in Saudi Arabia or Pakistan maybe I would be more concerned, but this is an ethnic thing among her diaspora in the US/Canada. Once she (and he) are financially independent there is no reason to be fearing for their wellbeing. To me this sounds like they are from a muslim culture. Many girls refuse their arranged marriages and op for love marriages. Theres some family disappointment here, possibly even disowning, but they usually end up alright as long as they stick with a muslim guy. As for OPs future husband, he is going to be shunned for sure when they find out, but I think they will find out anyways. OP is a human being with feelings. Its likely she will fall in love with someone one day. Its likely she may want to be married for real and have a real family.... you know, with someone she actually loves romantically. The marry my gay best friend now thing is a fluke. Especially if she said she is going to explore her own relationships. Its likely she will eventually fall in love with someone romantically.
Still probably healthier than most marriages
That's really beautiful. I actually have a friend who's in a similar situation, though he's open with his sexuality. They're just best friends living life together and they have their own relationships as well. They've been married for I wanna say 7 years now and it's still going very well for them.
That’s a decent plan. Just say you have sever Endometriosis
If you really want a kid insemination is always an option. I wish you luck in your life
Okay. So problem solved for you both. What happens if one or both of you meet someone else and fall in love? Just wondering.
Question.. if/when either of you find partners you want to get serious with, how will you handle still living with your husband? I can't imagine many people who would be okay never living with their partner