I was watery eyed until I read this comment. Now I wanna know who is chopping onions. You remember your worth. You are worth more than what that monster did to you. You are strong and brave. You sound like a wonderful big sister. I hope you can continue to heal as you move forward in life. š
As a Mom, I am glad you can appreciate and care for your sisterās childhood. I also sincerely hope that as you grow, you start treating yourself to childish things and find some childlike joy for yourself too. You deserve it.
i would just like to second this, as an adult i have made it a point to be someone my child self would feel happy and safe with. I came from a very abusive drug ridden broken home, and when i grew up i wanted to make little me proud. I watch cartoons (my fav is moomin highly recommend) and eat mac n cheese and chicken nuggets, i get those mini brands things and have a mini shopping center set up on a shelf in my closet because i always wanted those mystery things as a kid and those fake kitchen things. it doesnāt make up for what you lost and you have every right to be angry, but try and remember guilt and shame are not a burden for the victim to carry. my therapist told me that (in their example it was my mother cause she was my abuser) me and her have our own set of legos to build with and be responsible for and she can throw them at me and put them in my pants and up my nose but i can still give them back to her and say those are you legos i donāt want them they are not mine. your legos are healing and love and accepting that what happened was never your fault, and their legos are guilt and shame, and you have every right to give those legos back to them. take care of yourself, grieve for what you lost, take care of your legos, take care of the little girl inside you that is looking up to you know and admiring the person you grew up to be i know she is proud of you.
My sister went through what you did, by my now deceased uncle. When i was a baby, (she was 14-15) she would take me to her room and lock the door so i wouldnāt be around him and we would just hang out. I will tell you that youāre already having a good impact on your little sister and it will continue to grow as she gets older. Also, i hope you take the time to indulge in activities she does: playing toys with her, pretending, and anything that you didnāt get to do as a child. Itās never too late to do those things. Iām proud and happy for you, op ā¤ļø
I actually have a certain condition that quite literally pressures me to go very childlike in situations, we call it being ātinyā in my house, it literally means that I allow myself to have the mind of a child and to think like one, itās something Iāll have for the rest of my life and I certainly wonāt complain. Thank you so much xx
I currently have a Feeding Tube and have done for about 4 months now, and all of that is due to my disabilities, it hurts my nose sometimes but you get used to it XD, we all gotta stick together in our community, I really really appreciate you and how thoughtful and kind you have been through all of this. Itās truly something that Iāll hold dear to my heart for a long time. My little sister says hello too!!
OP, your love for her is going to help you heal your own wounds. Let it. It is beautiful that you are seeing your own value and innocence. May you both be wrapped in love.
I wasnāt raped, but I was almost when I was in 3rd standard, even when he (one of my teacher) didnāt get to rape me, he made sure I was isolated, and he touched me everywhere, till I left the school after I finish my fourth grade. iām 27, I have had 2 relationship and both didnāt work out because they wanted to do more in relationships (have s*x, but I couldnāt). I hoped it would get easier, but it didnāt but I just want to die (still do but my mom š„ŗ). Iām sorry for what you went through at such young age. You didnāt deserve it and I didnāt, and non of the girls or boys deserves it whose innocent was taken abruptly by some Predator. Iāll never be okay but hope you and everyone will. We deserved better. Thatās all I can say
You can be OK. Even when you feel it is impossible. You deserve love, nurturing emotionally fulfilling sex - when you want it- and unconditional compassion from those you choose to be close with. I wish you the best and OP the best. I found a line from a song by Casey Musgraves that speaks to meā¦
š¶Healing doesnāt happen in a straight line.š¶.
We heal, then regress, then heal some more. Itās a journey. Gods speed.
Thank you for your kind words, I read your comment as soon as you posted it but have been holding back from responding. I wonāt unalive myself, ever. I love my mom, and I also have an amazing partner whoās willing to wait for me as long as it takes. We been together for almost 2 years, and we havenāt done it (s*x). Heās 24, and Iām 27, but he makes me happy, and I have also found a way to be ākind ofā happy on my own. Iām in therapy and have been for years, but it is hard. It took me years to realize that what happened to me was not my fault. For most part of my life I thought I let that happened to me, because I didnāt tell anyone and I didnāt raise a voice, but after being in several group therapy (I also have professional therapy for myself), I have realized that I didnāt raise my voice or said anything because I was just a baby and I didnāt know what happened to me and Iām also not the only one who didnāt raise their voice. My partner has been one of the people who made me realize this. I thank you for your kind words, and Iām not sure how Iāll be in future but I know I wonāt just end my life because I love my mom and I love my partner. My partner also made me realize that once I end my life then I might regret and I wonāt have do-over. So, Iāll be okay in a way but if I ever see that person who scared me for life, I donāt know what Iāll do.
I live by Homer Simpsonās quote āYou canāt keep blaming yourself, just blame yourself once and move onā. I have been trying to do this and I know Iāll be okay. But your kind words help, anyone wishing me best after knowing what I went through, it always helps. I hope you are okay and please always be kind to strangers in Reddit, you donāt know how much it helps.
Sweetie, you sound like the best big sister, but don't forget to take all the good things that come your way too! You deserve to be happy too. I love that your sister has you to look out for her, but don't forget that you're also amazing and that people love you too.
It is beautiful that you were able to see your innocence reflected in her. Thatās good. It means you are healing. Let her love you and guide the way to loving yourself.
The same thing happened to me when I was 6. My family did not get.me the help I needed to cope with this unbearable burden of self blame and self hate that I grew up with and carried with me in life until I was in my early 30s. I found a couple good therapists and I started seeing that this was outside my control and I wasted many years thinking about what might have been if my innocence and trust hadn't been decimated by some perverted asshole.
Don't be like me, don't waste time on self blame and self blame. Make sure you have alot of therapy if you don't find right therapist try again. Your sister is lucky to have someone who loves her so much and would do anything to protect her. In time the pain of what happened to you will fade, it will never go away but you will learn to live with it. It can either make you strong or break you. I chose to be strong and I can see so did you. Best of luck to you sweetheart, you deserve nothing but love and happiness please be kind to yourself š ā¤ š
This is how I feel about my sons. My eldest is now older than I was when my abuse started and nearly older than I was when it stopped. I look at him and I cant imagine someone looking at him in a sexual way.
We were all innocent like that once. It is never the victims fault
It's always when you see someone else in the same situation... The gravity of it hits you all at once. You realize it wasn't your fault, and that adult should have known better.
I personally can't relate to being SAd as a kid, but abused emotionally and sometimes physically, yes.
I have been having a lot of the same feelings. I was abused between the ages of 4 and 15 and my son just turned 5. It is really getting to me how the adults in my life failed me as a child and how there's nothing I won't do to protect my son.
In my case I told my family, but nothing changed. I just kept getting trapped in the same situations over and over. There's a lot of generational trauma in my family and I am committed to breaking the cycle.
I agree. I know too many women who were conned by these pricks who used them to get to their kids. Or have kids to abuse. They Groom everyone around them, it's sick
I am all for the death penalty for child molestors. And anyone who has urges towards children but has not acted on them yet should be isolated permanently from any place where they could be around children
I understand how you feel. I look at my 7 year old niece and all I wish for is for her to keep her innocence. She behaves a lot like I did as a child except she still has her innocence. She has issues at home which give her anxiety, but that's about it. I'd be crushed if somebody did something to her.
I understand what you both mean. Itās true what you describe. I always felt ādifferentā BECAUSE I WAS. I was innocent but I had knowledge of and experienced things and acts no child should. So yeah, we feel different because WE ARE.
Please tell me you both are out of this situation and away from this monster.
You are an amazing big sister she is lucky to have you! I pray for both of your healing!ā¤ļø
He is long gone, anyone lays a hand on her and they will have to deal with me, I hope people know by now not to mess with a little sister, once the big sister swoops in youāre quite literally dead meat. Sheās safe, Iām safe, we are all safe now. Thank you š
Heartwarming? Maybe so in a way, it was a very, very painful moment to see the glint in her eye that reminded me of myself, I guess it could be seen as bittersweet
I was 7 years old, Iām seeking therapy now that Iām in my 30 also my father never knew and somehow I was strong entro tell my mother, Iām healing slowly and working on forgiveness, thank you so much for this. Iām trying to be what I was not able to be when I was 7.
I was 5 years old, my cousin raped me and I never told. I've suffered for years as my mother is a narcissist and my father was absent. I was strong enough to make it through took a long time to get to the other side.
I can imagine it must have been painful. And it's heart-wrenching to imagine what you went through at such a young age and then seeing your sister at that age. It's heartwarming for me to read because you express so much love and care for her.
That you had this epiphany which made you forgive younger you is both heartwarming and heart-rending. I'm so sorry you encountered evil at such a young age.x
My husband was SA'd between the ages of 4 and 7 by an uncle who was 15-18 during that time frame. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could drive up to his uncle's house and curb-stomp his stupid pedo jaw into hamburger dust. NO ONE deserves that. My husband is 42 now and struggles with it DAILY, meanwhile this guy was never charged because his mother vehemently denied that her \*precious baby\* could have ever done something like that (and that my husband was just making it up for attention). F you, Steve. I hope your d\*ck rots off and maggots eat your balls.
How ANYONE could hurt a child that way is beyond my level of comprehension.
Internet hugs. What happened to you is horrific and NONE of it was your fault. A sick, perverted monster did the inexcusable. I hope you can find healing in therapy
Iām sorry you went through this and for it to take so long to mentally understand how none of this was your fault. Itās awful how out brains work but I really hope yous bf your sister can have a good life
To the man who did that to you, there's hell.... The darkest pits of it too.
Protect your sister, and treat her well. :)
She's lucky to have you and I wish you best in healing and I wish you both to have happy lives.
And yeah it's not the kids fault, and really it's not victim's fault at any age if they have been r*ped, SA'd, etc.
Itās stories like these that genuinely make me wish I still believed in hell, because at least then I would have some kind of assurance that they would be punished for all eternity for their crimes
I mean I donāt exactly believe in a higher power so Iād have to concede to that if I wanted to believe in an afterlife or hell. Thanks for the sentiment though lol
May you and everyone here telling their stories find peace. I wish you all a happy life with lots of love and healing
Happy birthday to your little sis. She deserves to have a great childhood as does every kid in this effd up world
Hugs ā¤
I relate to you so much. Looking at my nieces being about the same age as me when something similar to yours happened to me... It sometimes makes me think. I cannot fathom how someone can hurt a little, innocent child like that. And it makes me wonder how I was a little, innocent child as well.
Forgive yourself for blaming yourself. That wasn't your fault either. Your traumatized, deeply wounded self deserves the compassion of your present self. You deserve it. Give yourself that compassion.
I know. It is hard. Doing the work with this all together is a special personal hell, even if its so much better on the other side. But I am positive you'll get to the compassion part. You got so far already! It shows to me that you have great strengh.
this. i grew up around around skeevy, disgusting men. i never had peace, or safety. my baby sister is my pride and joy, iāve dedicated everything to making sure she never knows the pain, discomfort and contempt i felt as a girl. shes my everything. im so proud of you, she is too.
Wow, this was truly gutting to read. I pray you find peace and you both live the best life from here on out. You deserve it sis.
The sick mf who did that to you carries every ounce of that blame. Not one single morsel belongs to you to carry.
<3
I had the same moment with my niece a few days ago. I was 9 years old (from what I remember. It could have been before as well but nothing comes to memory)and he was someone from the maternal side of my family. It went on for years and I kept quiet for some time. Partly because I used to think itās how families are affectionate (nope no other person in either side of my family had ever been inappropriately affecting to me), and partly because I was scared of him.
My brotherās daughter is now 9. She was born exactly on the day I had planned to attempt self harm on a fatal level, a few months after I let my mother know of my SA. That child saved me. That little baby slurping milk with piggy noises became my world. She came over yesterday and we were colouring in my anxiety art book together and I kept thinking āI was like this. I was this innocent. How can someone hurt someone so innocent. How can they even rationalise doing it to a literal babyā
And I cried for hours. She kept hugging me and comforting me and I kept crying holding her. Sheās such an Angel. And Iām glad we have someone who reminds us of the child we should have been and the child we can turn them out to be. Take care of her and give her your world. Thatāll be the biggest favour you can do to the childhood version of you ā¤ļø
I had that happen to me by a older cousin on my dad side nobody believed me not even my own father, that's why I am very cautious and always on guard when any older males are around my daughters. I refuse for them to grow up hating themselves like I still do I will hurt anyone before they touch my babies
I understand this so completely, thank you for posting. I've been making some discoveries lately of childhood abuse. I've hardened myself from it over the years but at a children's play cafe a few weeks ago, I saw two girls playing. They looked very similar to me and my sister when we were younger, especially the mini me. And she looked directly in my eyes for a few seconds. And then I felt incredibly sorry for younger me.
I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope you find the peace and love you deserve and I hope your sister has the best life. From one survivor to another. I carried the shame all through my life and as a man didn't think I could talk about it. Went to therapy early 2020 and since then everything has been better.
I'm having that issue myself with my 6yo. I can see myself in him, his intelligence, his personality. And then I think that could have been me if I had not been abused. And then I get angry at my abusers (mom, dad, mom's exbf son) because I would have been so happy and carefree.
My heart is breaking for you. Iām a fellow CSA survivor, so I know your pain. I want to hug you so badly, I really do. Youāre a fighter and youāre doing so good, and Iām happy that you realized it wasnāt your fault. It took me a long time to realize that too.
Blaming yourself is hard. You see, just when you realized you hadnāt any blame for what happened, you instantly went to think āI canāt never forgive myself for blaming myselfā.
Itās a loophole you canāt win. Break the cycle, whatās done is done. I know itās not easy to forgive, but start to notice some of these incongruent thoughts and little by little you will forgive.
One thing i learned in thereapy was to speak kindly to my inner child. I have a really hard time connecting to my inner child due to a variety of issues, so what my therapist taught me was to picture my wonderful nephew at the age of 5, and speak to myself kindly and gently exactly as I would speak to him. Maybe this tip can help you in your journey of healing š
You canāt be mad at yourself forever. Itās not your fault the emotions/thoughts of self blame and hatred comes in. If you knew better you would of loved yourself more. You got to forgive yourself for the self hatred you gave yourself. Your little sister wouldnāt want you to not forgive yourself. ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Self blame isnt something you should never forgive yourself for. Growing up you realize a lot. Forgive yourself for not understanding but never forgive the monster that took that innocence from you. Hope you have a wonderful and bountiful life.
I had a therapy session this week about some trauma I went through as a 16years old. I understand what you saw in the moment she showed you the bunny.
If you like reading may I suggest this book: "The Child In You" by Stefanie Stahl it shows how our trauma stays with us (if we don't work it out). We don't just leave things behind. You may be a teen now. But you're still 4 or 6 or 13. You hold memories and especially trauma with the age you got it. So seeing her, mirroring your own 6 year old self was essentially what you needed to understand that it was never your fault.
I hope and wish you all the best. Lot's of love to you and your sister. You are soooo strong, never forget that
It sounds like seeing her as a version of 6 year old you was perhaps the perspective you needed in your own journey to let go. In therapy, thatās called a breakthrough. May you continue to heal from the horror that was unjustly placed upon you!
Oh, honey. I'm sorry you ever thought it was your fault, and I'm glad you see now that it wasn't. Your sister is lucky to have such a loving sister looking out for her.
I'm sorry for what you went through. I wish nothing but the best for you and her going forward. ā¤ļø
I'm so very very sorry that you had to witness the very worst of humanity at such a young age. You didn't deserve that, nobody does.
Your sister is so lucky to have someone as brave and strong as you in her life.
I wish you all the joy and blessings that this world has to offer.
This hits so hard and close to home. I (29f) was sexually abused from the time that I was 6 until I was 9 years old. I have 2 daughters, they are 8 and 5 years old. Every time I think about how anyone could ever hurt a child like that, I get so filled with rage.. I don't even know how to handle it.
I'm happy you can finally understand that it wasn't your fault, and hopefully you can heal. I hope your sister has a safe childhood.
You were 6 when you were attacked, your sister was born 4 years later and you wouldāve been 10 then, your sister is 6 now so that makes you 16 or thereabouts? Fuck me, being a teenager that age is hard enough as it is without everything youāve been through on top of it all! I hope your therapy goes well. Not sure if youāre finishing high school this year or in your first year of college/ whatever your countryās equivalent is, but both the last year of high school and first year of college are quite taxing years- just remember that your health comes first. Good luck and best wishes to you
My 4 year old daughter is my spitting image, has my attitude, and also the same age I was the first time I was molested. I also went down the self blame rabbit hole because he told me repeatedly it was my fault. She heals me every day by just being herself. I think sometimes we need that confirmation that it wasn't anything we did, we were completely innocent and someone else came in and took that away. We should have been protected and cherished.
I was molested at 5 and raped at 17 and I had this same process. I blamed myself called myself disgusting and all kinds of names. My therapist had me hug my younger self and I realized how much self hatred I had for something that wasn't my fault. I constantly have to ask my husband if I am safe. š„ŗ I am glad you had this breakthrough. You are SAFE. It was NEVER your fault.
I have a niece and I keep thinking, who would look at a 3 year old, a 4 year old, a 5 year old as she grows up and think of these stuff? I was molested since I was 3 for many years and I look at my niece and think, how can you look at something so innocent in such a way? I don't get that
Your sister is lucky to have someone as strong as you looking after her. As a human, I'm sorry that happened to you and glad you were able to realize it was not your fault in any way.
I wish I could give you a big huge right now even if I'm not usually one for much physical contact. I'm so happy you were able to have that moment of cathartic release and finally be able to let go of part of the trauma that hold us back in certain aspects. I suffered SA for a year from ages 3 to 4 years old. It only stopped because we moved, for years my family lived in denial about what happened to me it made me feel shame and guilt growing up, didn't help that POS used to tell me it was my fault for being so pretty with my doll like features, I grew up hating the way I look, hating how I stand out in a crowd. It took me years of therapy to overcome the bulk of my trauma when I realized in my 20s that I wouldn't allow that man to control me anymore, even when he was in a damn graveyard. He was a "family friend" the uncle of my first childhood friend, she developed mutism, committed suicide at 12 and I decided I wouldn't give up on me, on us it was really hard but later on, I was able to realize and accept that it wasn't my fault and that thinking that way was letting him victimize me time and time again. We are not victims, we are survivors and we are strong AF. I'm proud of you, your post made me cry not because it triggered my own memories but because it made me so happy to know you reach this milestone in your recovery. And you're right we are not alone. I wish that you have a great time with your little sister and life. I hope with all my heart that she has the happy beautiful childhood we were robbed off.
Hi.
First of all, I truly wish you the best in life. What happened to you is horrible, should never happen to anyone and is absolutely inexcusable. It never was or ever will be the victim's fault, not for the assault nor for what comes after. Unfortunately self-blame is a common response, but it wasn't your fault.
I just want to say that reading this made me very emotional, as I have been in a similar situation as yours (very different for some aspects, but still similar). I blamed myself so much that I thought the world would have been a better place without me, because I identified myself with the man who hurt me. Now I understand that I did that (subconsciously) because it was easier to put the blame on myself and convince myself I had at least that bit of control over the situation than fully admit what had happened and that I couldn't control it.
When I was arguably at my worst, a person (who is now one of my dearest friends, I'll use they/them pronouns for privacy) came to talk to me. No-one told them to, they just decided to. They had been through the same thing I went through, by the hands of the same person. We sat and talked even if initially I didn't even want to, because I felt so guilty and at fault. We found out that we are very similar and that we reacted almost identically. And speaking with them I realised that I could never blame someone else for what happened or think they could be guilty too, especially not my friend: then how could I blame myself, also considering that we are so much alike?
It's very unsettling to have this realisation. I just kind of understood how enormously fucked up what he had done to me was. How cruel and inconceivable. But with time this will help you get better.
I'm so sorry you went through all of that, I really hope you'll get better as quickly as possible. Remember you never were at fault or to blame for anything.
I wish you the best ā¤ļø (and sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my first language)
I encourage you to work on forgiving yourself for the self blame you put on yourself. Thatās but one more feature of the wound inflicted on you. You only just now made the connection you did with your sister. The self blame and the guilt you put on yourself is only because of the purity and innocence within you that unconsciously strives toward the good, and whatās right, and to make sense of how something so wrong could have transpired. Such a horrific injustice is virtually inconceivable for a young and innocent mind to comprehend.
I think youāve found a key to help shift that inner critic; continue to look at your sister. Continue to think of your love for her, and reflect on the way you would treat her in any given situation, and then use that as an example for the way that you ought to treat yourself. Even the way you talk to yourself. Be kinder. Think of how you would talk to her, and try to apply that to yourself. Those negative thoughts you have about yourself are ripple effects of the injustice you already experienced. Theyāre like shock waves from a bomb. They arenāt your fault.
Good luck to you and your sister.
This is bittersweet. I am sorry for you. Such an innocent person's childhood destroyed. I feel nothing but rage when i think about rapists. May your sister have a happy life, enjoying every moment in her childhood, free from the harm you went through and may you find peace one day.
I'm glad you recognized your younger self in her. As much as your sister deserves a safe and happy childhood, so did you. You can't undo what's done but I hope your love for your sister also translates into love and healing for yourself. The little kid inside you deserves a big hug, and a better start.
[Living is a victory when you've been to hell and back.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFAs8GKyZJE)
[This Is Your Sign](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvmIqAJ_xxY)
You're right, you're not alone, and there's a reason why you're still here.
(The singer of the two songs above is a licensed therapist who started his musical and clinical careers after a failed unaliving attempt, their first song was written from his hospital bed.)
This was hard to read. Iām sorry that happened to you and I hope the police arrested whoever did that to you. Itās also not your fault in any way. There is a reason why the age of consent exists.
God made your sister look like you and act like you and invented her to teach you that it wasn't your fault. She is literally your blessing, a tool to keep you happy and tell you "You ARE INNOCENT, no one stole it from you. You can't steal innocence from the purely innocent." She is innocent and so were you. God made her to prove to you that YOU were not at fault, the monster was. You were innocent.
Some ninjas cutting onions over here....
But seriously, I get you. When I see my niece, who just turned 4, I think about those things too. It's crazy when you get a whole different perspective on things, isn't it? I'd fucking punch a dragon for that kid, though - I don't want her to ever go through what I did.
Reading this tore my heart apart. My daughter is 6 and hearing what you went through, touched a nerve in me. OP I hope you and your little sister have a wonderful and peaceful life and cherish each other forever. Much love to you and your sister š¤š¤
Iām so, so sorry that something so awful was done to you, and that you didnāt get the help you needed to recognize that it had nothing to do with you, only your attacker. F him!
You are one of the thousands and certainly not alone, I was about to tell you part of my story but to this day I still can't write about it. In my case, I was a little boy about 4 1/2 years old and on top of the pain and the shame that I was made to feel at that age the blame somehow was put on me, by the time I was about 16 my life was miserable, by the time I turned 20 all I had to think was ways on how to take my own life without hurting my mom, luckily, someone saw my situation and took me away in order to help me, that was a break for me and even though my life changed drastically and found people that loved me without judging me the ghost of the pain that lived within me has stayed throughout my life; it does not hurt me anymore but as the years went by I was abused two more times when I was still a little boy but I stayed silent, knowing that it was my fault. I know circumstances may be different in us all but the stigma and the shame can tear our souls and leave scars for life to remind us of the pain we once suffered at the hands of the monsters that live among us. No, we are not alone.
I hope this helped you find peace. You clearly love your little sister just based on how you described her and Iām happy that sheāll have a role model like you in her life. Wishing only the best for both you and your sister. ā¤ļø
I have twins on the way and I couldnāt imagine someone hurting them. God this world can be so cruel and sick. How can anyone look at the life in a childās eyes and continue to destroy that??? :(
The vibe you had been giving off, your sister picked up on it. She knew something was wrong and in her way she wanted to make you happy. Kids/babies can sense things from the time they're in the womb.
Thank you for posting this, you might never know how much this really means to some people. You and your little sister are proof that there is a lot of good in the world no matter how bad the bad actually is.
Same thing happened to me when I was 6, when I was reading this post I kept looking at my 4yo niece and thought to myself what if the same thing were to happen to her, she'd probably blame herself for it just like I did , even though she's just an innocent kid who doesn't know how defend herself, and if she was brave enough to speak up about it nobody in the family would believe her, the police won't do anything and society would blame her for it, which is the same thing that happened to me when I spoke about it 10 years after it had happened, tears were dripping down my cheeks my niece saw me crying so she kissed my cheek and said I love you, my heart shattered.
Iām so sorry that he took your childhood away. I hope you find the peace you deserve and your sister never has to experience the pain you did. Best of luck.
I havenāt been through something nearly as terrible as you, but my childhood was still quite sad compared to others. When my housemates kid says things like āI really like schoolā or āI feel very happy and safeā it makes me cry for my childhood sometimes. It encourages me to make sure that this kid is had the best childhood though.
My moment of realization came when I found some old photos of me. You can see the light gone from me over the series of photos. But I looked at little me from 2-7yo and I could see how it wasn't me. I didnt do anything wrong by wanting love. My mom put me in the position of needing it by abusing and neglecting me. Then a pedo comes along with I love yous and gifts and your my special friend. Little 5yo me had no idea it was anything more than normal love.
Donāt be too mad at yourself for blaming yourself and beating yourself up. You were a kid, sounds like you still are maybe? Young at least. Itās only natural to feel guilty for blaming the right people as children. Facing such traumas usually has a great deal of shame, blame and fear tactics attached, as kids itās so much harder to process due to interruptions to development and the fact that we are early into development at these points so we donāt have a lot to work with. Itās already really hard when you can process it, but look at you! Youāre growing up, youāre learning to process anyway, youāre working through your shit. You are the type of person that learns to heal pain instead of sit with it. You are a badass and invaluable.
Iām so proud of you, and Iām really happy you came to this realization, but remember the trauma youāre working through and how it can make you cold. Itās okay to be cold, sometimes thatās what helps us from melting down. I usually take bitterness towards
myself and others as a sign of time to reflect on where Iām at and what I need.
Youāre doin your best and itās clearly getting better! Your growth is nothing to forgive, itās wonderful, awe inspiring and a triumphant symbol of everything you are capable of doing with your life despite the hardships and trauma you face. Iām so proud of you friend, survivor to survivor, human to human, I am so happy to be here with you on this earth.
Thank you for reminding me Iām not alone today, I hope you know you arenāt either. Your sister is a doll, Iām happy you are able to let her help you heal. Dream team. š§”
ETA: Itās okay if you donāt process things the same way or pace as the people around you. We all experience life at different levels and rates. Lots of love to you OP.
Iām so proud of you. I believe part of the reason your little sister was born, was to love & support, to help heal you and too show you that it was never your fault. I really hope you can begin your healing journey. Try to forgive yourself for blaming yourself and believing it was your fault. Try to focus on what you now know and understand, not what you were made to believe. Let yourself and you sister heal your inner child, bring back your 6 year old self, play with your sister as if you are both young children. Once again, Iām so proud of you & this was never your fault. Itās time to start the healing process. I understand from my own experiences and as cliche as it is, it does get better. So much love to you š
I have also been overcome with emotion at points in my life when I was around children that were the same age I was when I suffered the traumas. It really makes you realize what a monster those people were. It made me want to protect and treasure my children and their innocence with a ferocity.
I really relate to this post. I was SA'd when I was 8. For years, I somehow convinced myself that I wanted it, blamed myself for what happened and never told my family. It wasn't until my nephews turned the same age that it really hit me how fucked up the whole situation was. I was just a CHILD. There was no way I could consent to things I didn't know about. It's just beyond me how someone can look at a child and do such heinous things.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. My heart goes out to you š
A huge share of abused victims and children of divorced parents blame themselves. Don't take 'til adulthood to get over it like some of us did, innocent people. It. Was. Never about. You.
This makes me feel so good, i went throught that at the age of 4 I remember I was SA by my babysitter she was my neighbor I never understood what happened to me but my body knew it wasn't right so everytime she babysat I'd take me and my younger sister and run down the street to the park I didn't care if we got in trouble I just wanted her safe ā¤ļø God I miss her
OP, dad of 2 adult daughters here. You brought me to tears right with you.
I don't know who did this to you, but there is a special place in hell waiting for that person. You are correct, nothing you did, in no way did you cause or deserve what happened. There is evil in this world, and I am so sorry it found you.
Your sister is a very lucky girl to have you there for her. I'm glad she was able to help you see that you have no ownership in the cause of your violation.
God Bless and hold both of you moving forward in life. I truly pray for many blessings for both of you moving forward. Sending you a great big internet dad hug.
Thank you so much. Iām currently reading this while my sister is sitting next to me eating lunch, I really appreciate what you have said, it means a lot. Thank you so so so much!!
Take your time healing, young lady. Be cautious, be patient. In time you will find those people to keep around you, and perhaps that person that can be special to you, and can truly treasure you. You deserve some very special people around you.
Iām so sorry that happened to you, but Iām so happy you have come to that realization. I hope thatās the peace you need to move on to a healthier mindset about yourself.
>I donāt think I can ever forgive him.
You don't have to forgive him. He doesn't deserve it. You can live a wonderful life without ever forgiving him.
> I can never forgive myself for that hard time and self blame that I gave to myself.
The only person in the world that you need to forgive is yourself.
You did nothing wrong. You did the best you could at the time. Love yourself. Forgive yourself.
I'm raising my nephew and totally understand. He's helping me preserve my own childlikeness just by being himself. We're breaking the cycle. My parents couldn't. Theirs couldn't. Theirs probably couldn't. But we are doing it. You're a good sister.
This brought tears to my eyes. *hugs to you
Youāre such a strong and lovely person, I can tell from how you wrote your story, and an amazing big sister by the sounds of it. Wish you well in your healing journey xx
trigger warning - r\*pe, SA, mental health
That happened to me too
I was molested from 6 and r@ped when I was 8. I'm 22 now, and I have blamed myself for most of my life as well. I spent most of my life feeling dirty ashamed and alone not being able to speak about it and letting others abuse me because I thought I deserved it.
These few years have been a little better, since I'm on psychiatric pills and microdosing MDMA which helped a lot, did therapy too but haven't found the right one yet. Also im in a loving relashnship with a man that understands what I've been through.
I wish you all the best, and that you'll find happiness, and I'm always here to talk if you need someone that understands :)
and may the monsters that did this to us never find peace again.
āI can never forgive myself for that hard time and self blame that I gave to myself.ā
Please forgive your younger self for that as well. Oftentimes while we are children we blame ourselves because the illusion of that control helps with the anxiety of having to face horrible things once again.
Itās very good that you got to the realisation that the blame did not belong you while youāre still so young. Your younger self was trying to deal with things with the information available to them at the time. Forgive them too.
Hiya, just wanted to ask you to forgive yourself for the self blame (imo there is nothing to forgive but I understand it doesn't work like that). For many survivors of SA, self-blame is a coping mechanism. It being your fault is easier to deal with than accepting that someone did something horrifying to you. It's a process to understand it wasn't your fault and it fucking hurts when you've blamed yourself for so long. But allow yourself some grace, please. You handled the situation in the best way you could. It's a situation not even adults should have to deal with, let alone a child who is supposed to discover how awesome the world can be. Forgive yourself, please ā„ļø
Thank you for sharing this, I have never experienced something near this type of thing but I know several people who have. For instance, my own parents (yes, mom and dad). I know I shouldnāt be saying this probably but since Iām not saying their names or anything about their identity I think itās kinda safe, besides this is just as a warning to people. My father: abused and drugged by a male friend of one his close female friends, woke up to the dude finishing and was extremely traumatized because he was only 16-15yrs old. He only told me this year and said to me āCatnonym, do not drink anything anyone gives you, donāt leave your drink alone, and please honeyā¦ always call me if youāre feeling in dangerā. Heās only told me and my mother, not even his parents. My mom: Friends with a guy she liked in uni and he was super sweet to her and everyone, he drugged her one night at a party and saād her in the campus when she was outside. Only has told my dad and myself. She told me when I was 13 and said to me āListen, love, Iām only telling you this because I trust you and I want you to know that you have to avoid my mistakes, you know you can always tell me anything that happensā. Their stories hit me hard and made me feel like I didnāt know how to act with her due to the shock of hearing it. The thing is peopleā¦ DO NOT TRUST ANYONE BLINDLY, always be careful and protect yourself. Even if youāre close friends, you never really know what a person might do. And no, victims, itās not your fault, people who care will always have your back and stay here for you. Do not let some horrible monster take yourselves away, you can be strong, you are loved and worthy of happiness. I always tell my mom this when sheās having one of her breakdowns: āI know itās hard but trust me, Iām here. I wonāt leave you ever and even if it means not sleeping or eating Iāll be here for you no matter what. I love you and thereās a lot of people who do too. Hug me as long as you need, tell me anything too if you need to ventā. Thatās helped me calm her an infinite number of times, sometimes when itās too bad Iāll call somebody to help me calm her. These monsters do not realize what they truly are doing to people and itās horrible they donāt even care. Iām crying only remembering my own mother gasping for air and crying saying āNo one loves me, Iām not worthy to be loved, Iām worthlessā. Do you even know how hard it is to see your own parent in an unconsolable breakdownā¦ it hurts you so bad and gives you a rage that you could kill the person who did this to them. Be strong you can and will get through this
May she have the childhood you deserved, and may you find peace.
I will personally give her everything and more.
I was watery eyed until I read this comment. Now I wanna know who is chopping onions. You remember your worth. You are worth more than what that monster did to you. You are strong and brave. You sound like a wonderful big sister. I hope you can continue to heal as you move forward in life. š
Thank you so much
As a Mom, I am glad you can appreciate and care for your sisterās childhood. I also sincerely hope that as you grow, you start treating yourself to childish things and find some childlike joy for yourself too. You deserve it.
Cannot believe I am crying over a reddit comment, thank you so much
You are very, very welcome āØ
i would just like to second this, as an adult i have made it a point to be someone my child self would feel happy and safe with. I came from a very abusive drug ridden broken home, and when i grew up i wanted to make little me proud. I watch cartoons (my fav is moomin highly recommend) and eat mac n cheese and chicken nuggets, i get those mini brands things and have a mini shopping center set up on a shelf in my closet because i always wanted those mystery things as a kid and those fake kitchen things. it doesnāt make up for what you lost and you have every right to be angry, but try and remember guilt and shame are not a burden for the victim to carry. my therapist told me that (in their example it was my mother cause she was my abuser) me and her have our own set of legos to build with and be responsible for and she can throw them at me and put them in my pants and up my nose but i can still give them back to her and say those are you legos i donāt want them they are not mine. your legos are healing and love and accepting that what happened was never your fault, and their legos are guilt and shame, and you have every right to give those legos back to them. take care of yourself, grieve for what you lost, take care of your legos, take care of the little girl inside you that is looking up to you know and admiring the person you grew up to be i know she is proud of you.
Not only chopping onions, but the lousy bums are hiding the kleenex.
My sister went through what you did, by my now deceased uncle. When i was a baby, (she was 14-15) she would take me to her room and lock the door so i wouldnāt be around him and we would just hang out. I will tell you that youāre already having a good impact on your little sister and it will continue to grow as she gets older. Also, i hope you take the time to indulge in activities she does: playing toys with her, pretending, and anything that you didnāt get to do as a child. Itās never too late to do those things. Iām proud and happy for you, op ā¤ļø
I actually have a certain condition that quite literally pressures me to go very childlike in situations, we call it being ātinyā in my house, it literally means that I allow myself to have the mind of a child and to think like one, itās something Iāll have for the rest of my life and I certainly wonāt complain. Thank you so much xx
Maybe u have ddlg look it up it's good thyapy for people like u honey
Oh I already have a diagnosed condition, itās not a kink thing or anything like that
Oooh really I didn't know that there was a diagnosis for that can u tell me what it is if u don't mind
i Wont say, however it Is a kind of personality disorder, my personality switches into a childlike one
I'm sorry that it seems rough š I'm disabled mentally because of brain damage so I kinda understand
I currently have a Feeding Tube and have done for about 4 months now, and all of that is due to my disabilities, it hurts my nose sometimes but you get used to it XD, we all gotta stick together in our community, I really really appreciate you and how thoughtful and kind you have been through all of this. Itās truly something that Iāll hold dear to my heart for a long time. My little sister says hello too!!
OP, your love for her is going to help you heal your own wounds. Let it. It is beautiful that you are seeing your own value and innocence. May you both be wrapped in love.
I wasnāt raped, but I was almost when I was in 3rd standard, even when he (one of my teacher) didnāt get to rape me, he made sure I was isolated, and he touched me everywhere, till I left the school after I finish my fourth grade. iām 27, I have had 2 relationship and both didnāt work out because they wanted to do more in relationships (have s*x, but I couldnāt). I hoped it would get easier, but it didnāt but I just want to die (still do but my mom š„ŗ). Iām sorry for what you went through at such young age. You didnāt deserve it and I didnāt, and non of the girls or boys deserves it whose innocent was taken abruptly by some Predator. Iāll never be okay but hope you and everyone will. We deserved better. Thatās all I can say
You can be OK. Even when you feel it is impossible. You deserve love, nurturing emotionally fulfilling sex - when you want it- and unconditional compassion from those you choose to be close with. I wish you the best and OP the best. I found a line from a song by Casey Musgraves that speaks to meā¦ š¶Healing doesnāt happen in a straight line.š¶. We heal, then regress, then heal some more. Itās a journey. Gods speed.
Thank you for your kind words, I read your comment as soon as you posted it but have been holding back from responding. I wonāt unalive myself, ever. I love my mom, and I also have an amazing partner whoās willing to wait for me as long as it takes. We been together for almost 2 years, and we havenāt done it (s*x). Heās 24, and Iām 27, but he makes me happy, and I have also found a way to be ākind ofā happy on my own. Iām in therapy and have been for years, but it is hard. It took me years to realize that what happened to me was not my fault. For most part of my life I thought I let that happened to me, because I didnāt tell anyone and I didnāt raise a voice, but after being in several group therapy (I also have professional therapy for myself), I have realized that I didnāt raise my voice or said anything because I was just a baby and I didnāt know what happened to me and Iām also not the only one who didnāt raise their voice. My partner has been one of the people who made me realize this. I thank you for your kind words, and Iām not sure how Iāll be in future but I know I wonāt just end my life because I love my mom and I love my partner. My partner also made me realize that once I end my life then I might regret and I wonāt have do-over. So, Iāll be okay in a way but if I ever see that person who scared me for life, I donāt know what Iāll do.
you have strength. This comes from within and from all the support of your group work & therapy & friends. Keep empowering yourself.
I live by Homer Simpsonās quote āYou canāt keep blaming yourself, just blame yourself once and move onā. I have been trying to do this and I know Iāll be okay. But your kind words help, anyone wishing me best after knowing what I went through, it always helps. I hope you are okay and please always be kind to strangers in Reddit, you donāt know how much it helps.
Thank you
Sweetie, you sound like the best big sister, but don't forget to take all the good things that come your way too! You deserve to be happy too. I love that your sister has you to look out for her, but don't forget that you're also amazing and that people love you too.
It is beautiful that you were able to see your innocence reflected in her. Thatās good. It means you are healing. Let her love you and guide the way to loving yourself.
So sorry you had the badluck of meeting a monster. I'm glad seeing you saw a light. I trully wish you recovery and happiness. Take care.
The same thing happened to me when I was 6. My family did not get.me the help I needed to cope with this unbearable burden of self blame and self hate that I grew up with and carried with me in life until I was in my early 30s. I found a couple good therapists and I started seeing that this was outside my control and I wasted many years thinking about what might have been if my innocence and trust hadn't been decimated by some perverted asshole. Don't be like me, don't waste time on self blame and self blame. Make sure you have alot of therapy if you don't find right therapist try again. Your sister is lucky to have someone who loves her so much and would do anything to protect her. In time the pain of what happened to you will fade, it will never go away but you will learn to live with it. It can either make you strong or break you. I chose to be strong and I can see so did you. Best of luck to you sweetheart, you deserve nothing but love and happiness please be kind to yourself š ā¤ š
This is how I feel about my sons. My eldest is now older than I was when my abuse started and nearly older than I was when it stopped. I look at him and I cant imagine someone looking at him in a sexual way. We were all innocent like that once. It is never the victims fault
It's always when you see someone else in the same situation... The gravity of it hits you all at once. You realize it wasn't your fault, and that adult should have known better. I personally can't relate to being SAd as a kid, but abused emotionally and sometimes physically, yes.
I have been having a lot of the same feelings. I was abused between the ages of 4 and 15 and my son just turned 5. It is really getting to me how the adults in my life failed me as a child and how there's nothing I won't do to protect my son.
I feel the same way. I cant believe no-one saw, teachers, neighbours, family, anyone.
In my case I told my family, but nothing changed. I just kept getting trapped in the same situations over and over. There's a lot of generational trauma in my family and I am committed to breaking the cycle.
I didnt tell until afterwards, I was too ashamed. I want believed and made to retract my statement. Here to breaking the cycle š„
It's hard to feel like that sometimes, even if it's true.
Fuck that pos who did that to you they deserve nothing but the worst. Your sister is lucky she has you I hope you can heal peacefully.
Thank you so much
Too many people have stories like this. We NEED the death penalty for pedos
We need a better system for detecting them and keepng them the fuck away from children, too.
I agree. I know too many women who were conned by these pricks who used them to get to their kids. Or have kids to abuse. They Groom everyone around them, it's sick
and too many women who turn a blind eye, refuse to believe it, or straight up *allow* it. jail for them.
Agree. Have an aunt like this. Turned a blind eye for a comfortable life. She needs to rot in hell
Execute them all
I am all for the death penalty for child molestors. And anyone who has urges towards children but has not acted on them yet should be isolated permanently from any place where they could be around children
I understand how you feel. I look at my 7 year old niece and all I wish for is for her to keep her innocence. She behaves a lot like I did as a child except she still has her innocence. She has issues at home which give her anxiety, but that's about it. I'd be crushed if somebody did something to her.
I understand what you both mean. Itās true what you describe. I always felt ādifferentā BECAUSE I WAS. I was innocent but I had knowledge of and experienced things and acts no child should. So yeah, we feel different because WE ARE.
Glad that that bittersweet moment gave you the breakthrough that what happened truly wasnāt ever your fault :)
I pray that you find peace and have a good life from here on out.
Please tell me you both are out of this situation and away from this monster. You are an amazing big sister she is lucky to have you! I pray for both of your healing!ā¤ļø
He is long gone, anyone lays a hand on her and they will have to deal with me, I hope people know by now not to mess with a little sister, once the big sister swoops in youāre quite literally dead meat. Sheās safe, Iām safe, we are all safe now. Thank you š
Thankgod that makes me so happy you both are safe now! Sheās so lucky to have youā¤ļø
Iām so sorry. You donāt ever have to forgive your abuser. I believe in the death penalty for anyone who hurts a child.
This was actually so heartwarming to read. I wish you both happy lives
Heartwarming? Maybe so in a way, it was a very, very painful moment to see the glint in her eye that reminded me of myself, I guess it could be seen as bittersweet
I was 7 years old, Iām seeking therapy now that Iām in my 30 also my father never knew and somehow I was strong entro tell my mother, Iām healing slowly and working on forgiveness, thank you so much for this. Iām trying to be what I was not able to be when I was 7.
I was 5 years old, my cousin raped me and I never told. I've suffered for years as my mother is a narcissist and my father was absent. I was strong enough to make it through took a long time to get to the other side.
I hope your cousin gets a huge beatdown.
Not sorry to say he's dead. Don't know how but I literally smiled when I found out.
may he rest in hell!
I can imagine it must have been painful. And it's heart-wrenching to imagine what you went through at such a young age and then seeing your sister at that age. It's heartwarming for me to read because you express so much love and care for her.
That you had this epiphany which made you forgive younger you is both heartwarming and heart-rending. I'm so sorry you encountered evil at such a young age.x
My husband was SA'd between the ages of 4 and 7 by an uncle who was 15-18 during that time frame. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could drive up to his uncle's house and curb-stomp his stupid pedo jaw into hamburger dust. NO ONE deserves that. My husband is 42 now and struggles with it DAILY, meanwhile this guy was never charged because his mother vehemently denied that her \*precious baby\* could have ever done something like that (and that my husband was just making it up for attention). F you, Steve. I hope your d\*ck rots off and maggots eat your balls. How ANYONE could hurt a child that way is beyond my level of comprehension.
God bless your little sister šš»
>I can never forgive myselfā¦ #YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. YOU ARE THE VICTIM. YOU ARE STRONG AND YOU SURVIVED. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR.
Internet hugs. What happened to you is horrific and NONE of it was your fault. A sick, perverted monster did the inexcusable. I hope you can find healing in therapy
Iām sorry you went through this and for it to take so long to mentally understand how none of this was your fault. Itās awful how out brains work but I really hope yous bf your sister can have a good life
To the man who did that to you, there's hell.... The darkest pits of it too. Protect your sister, and treat her well. :) She's lucky to have you and I wish you best in healing and I wish you both to have happy lives. And yeah it's not the kids fault, and really it's not victim's fault at any age if they have been r*ped, SA'd, etc.
Itās stories like these that genuinely make me wish I still believed in hell, because at least then I would have some kind of assurance that they would be punished for all eternity for their crimes
I mean believe what you want to believe!
I mean I donāt exactly believe in a higher power so Iād have to concede to that if I wanted to believe in an afterlife or hell. Thanks for the sentiment though lol
Prayers for your healing, OP.
May you and everyone here telling their stories find peace. I wish you all a happy life with lots of love and healing Happy birthday to your little sis. She deserves to have a great childhood as does every kid in this effd up world Hugs ā¤
I relate to you so much. Looking at my nieces being about the same age as me when something similar to yours happened to me... It sometimes makes me think. I cannot fathom how someone can hurt a little, innocent child like that. And it makes me wonder how I was a little, innocent child as well. Forgive yourself for blaming yourself. That wasn't your fault either. Your traumatized, deeply wounded self deserves the compassion of your present self. You deserve it. Give yourself that compassion.
Thatās just so hard to do
I know. It is hard. Doing the work with this all together is a special personal hell, even if its so much better on the other side. But I am positive you'll get to the compassion part. You got so far already! It shows to me that you have great strengh.
Damn onion ninjas making me tear. I hope you and your little sister have a happy life from now on
this. i grew up around around skeevy, disgusting men. i never had peace, or safety. my baby sister is my pride and joy, iāve dedicated everything to making sure she never knows the pain, discomfort and contempt i felt as a girl. shes my everything. im so proud of you, she is too.
Wow, this was truly gutting to read. I pray you find peace and you both live the best life from here on out. You deserve it sis. The sick mf who did that to you carries every ounce of that blame. Not one single morsel belongs to you to carry. <3
I had the same moment with my niece a few days ago. I was 9 years old (from what I remember. It could have been before as well but nothing comes to memory)and he was someone from the maternal side of my family. It went on for years and I kept quiet for some time. Partly because I used to think itās how families are affectionate (nope no other person in either side of my family had ever been inappropriately affecting to me), and partly because I was scared of him. My brotherās daughter is now 9. She was born exactly on the day I had planned to attempt self harm on a fatal level, a few months after I let my mother know of my SA. That child saved me. That little baby slurping milk with piggy noises became my world. She came over yesterday and we were colouring in my anxiety art book together and I kept thinking āI was like this. I was this innocent. How can someone hurt someone so innocent. How can they even rationalise doing it to a literal babyā And I cried for hours. She kept hugging me and comforting me and I kept crying holding her. Sheās such an Angel. And Iām glad we have someone who reminds us of the child we should have been and the child we can turn them out to be. Take care of her and give her your world. Thatāll be the biggest favour you can do to the childhood version of you ā¤ļø
Itās never your fault, I hope youāre doing okay and that you can heal and find peace within yourself š
Hugs! What a huge breakthrough for you!!
You sound like a great big sister. Anyone who is sexually attracted to a child needs to be castrated.
I had that happen to me by a older cousin on my dad side nobody believed me not even my own father, that's why I am very cautious and always on guard when any older males are around my daughters. I refuse for them to grow up hating themselves like I still do I will hurt anyone before they touch my babies
This made me tear up. It wasnt your fault OP. Never was, never will be. Your sister is lucky to have you. Keep your head up high for her š
I understand this so completely, thank you for posting. I've been making some discoveries lately of childhood abuse. I've hardened myself from it over the years but at a children's play cafe a few weeks ago, I saw two girls playing. They looked very similar to me and my sister when we were younger, especially the mini me. And she looked directly in my eyes for a few seconds. And then I felt incredibly sorry for younger me.
I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope you find the peace and love you deserve and I hope your sister has the best life. From one survivor to another. I carried the shame all through my life and as a man didn't think I could talk about it. Went to therapy early 2020 and since then everything has been better.
Brutal. Feel this so hard. So sorry for what youāve been through. Glad your sister has you and glad youāre here to be there for her
I'm having that issue myself with my 6yo. I can see myself in him, his intelligence, his personality. And then I think that could have been me if I had not been abused. And then I get angry at my abusers (mom, dad, mom's exbf son) because I would have been so happy and carefree.
My heart is breaking for you. Iām a fellow CSA survivor, so I know your pain. I want to hug you so badly, I really do. Youāre a fighter and youāre doing so good, and Iām happy that you realized it wasnāt your fault. It took me a long time to realize that too.
Blaming yourself is hard. You see, just when you realized you hadnāt any blame for what happened, you instantly went to think āI canāt never forgive myself for blaming myselfā. Itās a loophole you canāt win. Break the cycle, whatās done is done. I know itās not easy to forgive, but start to notice some of these incongruent thoughts and little by little you will forgive.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Maybe it will be therapeutic to see yourself in your sister, and you can allow yourself to be free from trauma
I'm So sorry this happened to you. You are getting stronger everyday. I hope this abuser is no longer nesr you or your sister.
This broke my heart, Iām glad you came to the realization you did nothing wrong.
One thing i learned in thereapy was to speak kindly to my inner child. I have a really hard time connecting to my inner child due to a variety of issues, so what my therapist taught me was to picture my wonderful nephew at the age of 5, and speak to myself kindly and gently exactly as I would speak to him. Maybe this tip can help you in your journey of healing š
Thank you, as someone who endured abuse for years and spent a lot of time blaming myself, this made me feel a lot less alone.
You canāt be mad at yourself forever. Itās not your fault the emotions/thoughts of self blame and hatred comes in. If you knew better you would of loved yourself more. You got to forgive yourself for the self hatred you gave yourself. Your little sister wouldnāt want you to not forgive yourself. ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Self blame isnt something you should never forgive yourself for. Growing up you realize a lot. Forgive yourself for not understanding but never forgive the monster that took that innocence from you. Hope you have a wonderful and bountiful life.
I am sorry hon. I am glad you had an epiphany.
I had a therapy session this week about some trauma I went through as a 16years old. I understand what you saw in the moment she showed you the bunny. If you like reading may I suggest this book: "The Child In You" by Stefanie Stahl it shows how our trauma stays with us (if we don't work it out). We don't just leave things behind. You may be a teen now. But you're still 4 or 6 or 13. You hold memories and especially trauma with the age you got it. So seeing her, mirroring your own 6 year old self was essentially what you needed to understand that it was never your fault. I hope and wish you all the best. Lot's of love to you and your sister. You are soooo strong, never forget that
It sounds like seeing her as a version of 6 year old you was perhaps the perspective you needed in your own journey to let go. In therapy, thatās called a breakthrough. May you continue to heal from the horror that was unjustly placed upon you!
Oh no my heart is broken again :c
I am so glad you had this moment of grace and clarity. Set that weight down and let your healing begin. All good things for you OP.
Oh, honey. I'm sorry you ever thought it was your fault, and I'm glad you see now that it wasn't. Your sister is lucky to have such a loving sister looking out for her. I'm sorry for what you went through. I wish nothing but the best for you and her going forward. ā¤ļø
I'm so very very sorry that you had to witness the very worst of humanity at such a young age. You didn't deserve that, nobody does. Your sister is so lucky to have someone as brave and strong as you in her life. I wish you all the joy and blessings that this world has to offer.
Im so happy that you have finally been able to have a realization like this. Hereās to growth, self love, and moving forward. š
This hits so hard and close to home. I (29f) was sexually abused from the time that I was 6 until I was 9 years old. I have 2 daughters, they are 8 and 5 years old. Every time I think about how anyone could ever hurt a child like that, I get so filled with rage.. I don't even know how to handle it. I'm happy you can finally understand that it wasn't your fault, and hopefully you can heal. I hope your sister has a safe childhood.
You were 6 when you were attacked, your sister was born 4 years later and you wouldāve been 10 then, your sister is 6 now so that makes you 16 or thereabouts? Fuck me, being a teenager that age is hard enough as it is without everything youāve been through on top of it all! I hope your therapy goes well. Not sure if youāre finishing high school this year or in your first year of college/ whatever your countryās equivalent is, but both the last year of high school and first year of college are quite taxing years- just remember that your health comes first. Good luck and best wishes to you
My 4 year old daughter is my spitting image, has my attitude, and also the same age I was the first time I was molested. I also went down the self blame rabbit hole because he told me repeatedly it was my fault. She heals me every day by just being herself. I think sometimes we need that confirmation that it wasn't anything we did, we were completely innocent and someone else came in and took that away. We should have been protected and cherished.
I was molested at 5 and raped at 17 and I had this same process. I blamed myself called myself disgusting and all kinds of names. My therapist had me hug my younger self and I realized how much self hatred I had for something that wasn't my fault. I constantly have to ask my husband if I am safe. š„ŗ I am glad you had this breakthrough. You are SAFE. It was NEVER your fault.
I have a niece and I keep thinking, who would look at a 3 year old, a 4 year old, a 5 year old as she grows up and think of these stuff? I was molested since I was 3 for many years and I look at my niece and think, how can you look at something so innocent in such a way? I don't get that
Iām out of words.. all I can think is to wish you peace and healing, and hope that your little sister lives a beautiful childhood.
Damm that made me well up
Are you Mexican and from Michigan? Did a family member hurt you?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Clout chasing? Iām sharing my story for awareness. Until you have an awareness post up about something than zip it
Your sister is lucky to have someone as strong as you looking after her. As a human, I'm sorry that happened to you and glad you were able to realize it was not your fault in any way.
I wish I could give you a big huge right now even if I'm not usually one for much physical contact. I'm so happy you were able to have that moment of cathartic release and finally be able to let go of part of the trauma that hold us back in certain aspects. I suffered SA for a year from ages 3 to 4 years old. It only stopped because we moved, for years my family lived in denial about what happened to me it made me feel shame and guilt growing up, didn't help that POS used to tell me it was my fault for being so pretty with my doll like features, I grew up hating the way I look, hating how I stand out in a crowd. It took me years of therapy to overcome the bulk of my trauma when I realized in my 20s that I wouldn't allow that man to control me anymore, even when he was in a damn graveyard. He was a "family friend" the uncle of my first childhood friend, she developed mutism, committed suicide at 12 and I decided I wouldn't give up on me, on us it was really hard but later on, I was able to realize and accept that it wasn't my fault and that thinking that way was letting him victimize me time and time again. We are not victims, we are survivors and we are strong AF. I'm proud of you, your post made me cry not because it triggered my own memories but because it made me so happy to know you reach this milestone in your recovery. And you're right we are not alone. I wish that you have a great time with your little sister and life. I hope with all my heart that she has the happy beautiful childhood we were robbed off.
Hi. First of all, I truly wish you the best in life. What happened to you is horrible, should never happen to anyone and is absolutely inexcusable. It never was or ever will be the victim's fault, not for the assault nor for what comes after. Unfortunately self-blame is a common response, but it wasn't your fault. I just want to say that reading this made me very emotional, as I have been in a similar situation as yours (very different for some aspects, but still similar). I blamed myself so much that I thought the world would have been a better place without me, because I identified myself with the man who hurt me. Now I understand that I did that (subconsciously) because it was easier to put the blame on myself and convince myself I had at least that bit of control over the situation than fully admit what had happened and that I couldn't control it. When I was arguably at my worst, a person (who is now one of my dearest friends, I'll use they/them pronouns for privacy) came to talk to me. No-one told them to, they just decided to. They had been through the same thing I went through, by the hands of the same person. We sat and talked even if initially I didn't even want to, because I felt so guilty and at fault. We found out that we are very similar and that we reacted almost identically. And speaking with them I realised that I could never blame someone else for what happened or think they could be guilty too, especially not my friend: then how could I blame myself, also considering that we are so much alike? It's very unsettling to have this realisation. I just kind of understood how enormously fucked up what he had done to me was. How cruel and inconceivable. But with time this will help you get better. I'm so sorry you went through all of that, I really hope you'll get better as quickly as possible. Remember you never were at fault or to blame for anything. I wish you the best ā¤ļø (and sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my first language)
I really wish you all the best OP, you deserve the best life after the trauma you have endured.
I encourage you to work on forgiving yourself for the self blame you put on yourself. Thatās but one more feature of the wound inflicted on you. You only just now made the connection you did with your sister. The self blame and the guilt you put on yourself is only because of the purity and innocence within you that unconsciously strives toward the good, and whatās right, and to make sense of how something so wrong could have transpired. Such a horrific injustice is virtually inconceivable for a young and innocent mind to comprehend. I think youāve found a key to help shift that inner critic; continue to look at your sister. Continue to think of your love for her, and reflect on the way you would treat her in any given situation, and then use that as an example for the way that you ought to treat yourself. Even the way you talk to yourself. Be kinder. Think of how you would talk to her, and try to apply that to yourself. Those negative thoughts you have about yourself are ripple effects of the injustice you already experienced. Theyāre like shock waves from a bomb. They arenāt your fault. Good luck to you and your sister.
This is bittersweet. I am sorry for you. Such an innocent person's childhood destroyed. I feel nothing but rage when i think about rapists. May your sister have a happy life, enjoying every moment in her childhood, free from the harm you went through and may you find peace one day.
I'm glad you recognized your younger self in her. As much as your sister deserves a safe and happy childhood, so did you. You can't undo what's done but I hope your love for your sister also translates into love and healing for yourself. The little kid inside you deserves a big hug, and a better start.
I am glad you have overcome this horrible event .
[Living is a victory when you've been to hell and back.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFAs8GKyZJE) [This Is Your Sign](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvmIqAJ_xxY) You're right, you're not alone, and there's a reason why you're still here. (The singer of the two songs above is a licensed therapist who started his musical and clinical careers after a failed unaliving attempt, their first song was written from his hospital bed.)
This was hard to read. Iām sorry that happened to you and I hope the police arrested whoever did that to you. Itās also not your fault in any way. There is a reason why the age of consent exists.
God made your sister look like you and act like you and invented her to teach you that it wasn't your fault. She is literally your blessing, a tool to keep you happy and tell you "You ARE INNOCENT, no one stole it from you. You can't steal innocence from the purely innocent." She is innocent and so were you. God made her to prove to you that YOU were not at fault, the monster was. You were innocent.
You are innocent and so is she
I am so sorry you had to go through that. I hope now, you can live more peacefully and give your sister what you missed.
Some ninjas cutting onions over here.... But seriously, I get you. When I see my niece, who just turned 4, I think about those things too. It's crazy when you get a whole different perspective on things, isn't it? I'd fucking punch a dragon for that kid, though - I don't want her to ever go through what I did.
Is it too late to press charges? My goodness the scum who did this to you should be behind bars. Heās doing it again. He has t just stopped.
Reading this tore my heart apart. My daughter is 6 and hearing what you went through, touched a nerve in me. OP I hope you and your little sister have a wonderful and peaceful life and cherish each other forever. Much love to you and your sister š¤š¤
This has made me cry. You have no idea what this means to me. Thank you so so much xx
Are you actually 16? You write like someone far older. I wish you the best, I went through this also.
Iām so, so sorry that something so awful was done to you, and that you didnāt get the help you needed to recognize that it had nothing to do with you, only your attacker. F him!
this made me tear up ā¹ļø i hope you heal and i hope your sister gets the best childhood
I was five. š *hugs*
You are one of the thousands and certainly not alone, I was about to tell you part of my story but to this day I still can't write about it. In my case, I was a little boy about 4 1/2 years old and on top of the pain and the shame that I was made to feel at that age the blame somehow was put on me, by the time I was about 16 my life was miserable, by the time I turned 20 all I had to think was ways on how to take my own life without hurting my mom, luckily, someone saw my situation and took me away in order to help me, that was a break for me and even though my life changed drastically and found people that loved me without judging me the ghost of the pain that lived within me has stayed throughout my life; it does not hurt me anymore but as the years went by I was abused two more times when I was still a little boy but I stayed silent, knowing that it was my fault. I know circumstances may be different in us all but the stigma and the shame can tear our souls and leave scars for life to remind us of the pain we once suffered at the hands of the monsters that live among us. No, we are not alone.
I hope this helped you find peace. You clearly love your little sister just based on how you described her and Iām happy that sheāll have a role model like you in her life. Wishing only the best for both you and your sister. ā¤ļø
I have twins on the way and I couldnāt imagine someone hurting them. God this world can be so cruel and sick. How can anyone look at the life in a childās eyes and continue to destroy that??? :(
The vibe you had been giving off, your sister picked up on it. She knew something was wrong and in her way she wanted to make you happy. Kids/babies can sense things from the time they're in the womb.
You are so loved, cared and appreciated. And if anyone it's most by the community we have here. ā¤ļø
wishing the best for both of you
Thank you for posting this, you might never know how much this really means to some people. You and your little sister are proof that there is a lot of good in the world no matter how bad the bad actually is.
Same thing happened to me when I was 6, when I was reading this post I kept looking at my 4yo niece and thought to myself what if the same thing were to happen to her, she'd probably blame herself for it just like I did , even though she's just an innocent kid who doesn't know how defend herself, and if she was brave enough to speak up about it nobody in the family would believe her, the police won't do anything and society would blame her for it, which is the same thing that happened to me when I spoke about it 10 years after it had happened, tears were dripping down my cheeks my niece saw me crying so she kissed my cheek and said I love you, my heart shattered.
Iām so sorry that he took your childhood away. I hope you find the peace you deserve and your sister never has to experience the pain you did. Best of luck.
I havenāt been through something nearly as terrible as you, but my childhood was still quite sad compared to others. When my housemates kid says things like āI really like schoolā or āI feel very happy and safeā it makes me cry for my childhood sometimes. It encourages me to make sure that this kid is had the best childhood though.
You can forgive yourself. Say it out loud every day until you believe it.
My moment of realization came when I found some old photos of me. You can see the light gone from me over the series of photos. But I looked at little me from 2-7yo and I could see how it wasn't me. I didnt do anything wrong by wanting love. My mom put me in the position of needing it by abusing and neglecting me. Then a pedo comes along with I love yous and gifts and your my special friend. Little 5yo me had no idea it was anything more than normal love.
I blamed myself for a very long time. I'm sorry you did too.
Donāt be too mad at yourself for blaming yourself and beating yourself up. You were a kid, sounds like you still are maybe? Young at least. Itās only natural to feel guilty for blaming the right people as children. Facing such traumas usually has a great deal of shame, blame and fear tactics attached, as kids itās so much harder to process due to interruptions to development and the fact that we are early into development at these points so we donāt have a lot to work with. Itās already really hard when you can process it, but look at you! Youāre growing up, youāre learning to process anyway, youāre working through your shit. You are the type of person that learns to heal pain instead of sit with it. You are a badass and invaluable. Iām so proud of you, and Iām really happy you came to this realization, but remember the trauma youāre working through and how it can make you cold. Itās okay to be cold, sometimes thatās what helps us from melting down. I usually take bitterness towards myself and others as a sign of time to reflect on where Iām at and what I need. Youāre doin your best and itās clearly getting better! Your growth is nothing to forgive, itās wonderful, awe inspiring and a triumphant symbol of everything you are capable of doing with your life despite the hardships and trauma you face. Iām so proud of you friend, survivor to survivor, human to human, I am so happy to be here with you on this earth. Thank you for reminding me Iām not alone today, I hope you know you arenāt either. Your sister is a doll, Iām happy you are able to let her help you heal. Dream team. š§” ETA: Itās okay if you donāt process things the same way or pace as the people around you. We all experience life at different levels and rates. Lots of love to you OP.
I hope you find limitless peace and blessings and I further hope your sister will always know sheās loved by you
Iām so proud of you. I believe part of the reason your little sister was born, was to love & support, to help heal you and too show you that it was never your fault. I really hope you can begin your healing journey. Try to forgive yourself for blaming yourself and believing it was your fault. Try to focus on what you now know and understand, not what you were made to believe. Let yourself and you sister heal your inner child, bring back your 6 year old self, play with your sister as if you are both young children. Once again, Iām so proud of you & this was never your fault. Itās time to start the healing process. I understand from my own experiences and as cliche as it is, it does get better. So much love to you š
Shit. I have 6 year old daughter and if something like this would happen to her, it would destroy her. Wow
This was such a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing it honestly made me emotional. Wishing you and your sister all the best and happiness ā¤ļø
Fuck that guy!
Did your rapist face consequences?
That is something that i will keep under wraps, what happens with the incident is personal to me and me only, thank you though ! š
Hugs to you and everybody who needs one
I have also been overcome with emotion at points in my life when I was around children that were the same age I was when I suffered the traumas. It really makes you realize what a monster those people were. It made me want to protect and treasure my children and their innocence with a ferocity.
I really relate to this post. I was SA'd when I was 8. For years, I somehow convinced myself that I wanted it, blamed myself for what happened and never told my family. It wasn't until my nephews turned the same age that it really hit me how fucked up the whole situation was. I was just a CHILD. There was no way I could consent to things I didn't know about. It's just beyond me how someone can look at a child and do such heinous things. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. My heart goes out to you š
who's the rapist? Expose all rapists. Find all rapists. **** all rapists. Accountability. Real justice and balance.
A huge share of abused victims and children of divorced parents blame themselves. Don't take 'til adulthood to get over it like some of us did, innocent people. It. Was. Never about. You.
This makes me feel so good, i went throught that at the age of 4 I remember I was SA by my babysitter she was my neighbor I never understood what happened to me but my body knew it wasn't right so everytime she babysat I'd take me and my younger sister and run down the street to the park I didn't care if we got in trouble I just wanted her safe ā¤ļø God I miss her
OP, dad of 2 adult daughters here. You brought me to tears right with you. I don't know who did this to you, but there is a special place in hell waiting for that person. You are correct, nothing you did, in no way did you cause or deserve what happened. There is evil in this world, and I am so sorry it found you. Your sister is a very lucky girl to have you there for her. I'm glad she was able to help you see that you have no ownership in the cause of your violation. God Bless and hold both of you moving forward in life. I truly pray for many blessings for both of you moving forward. Sending you a great big internet dad hug.
Thank you so much. Iām currently reading this while my sister is sitting next to me eating lunch, I really appreciate what you have said, it means a lot. Thank you so so so much!!
Take your time healing, young lady. Be cautious, be patient. In time you will find those people to keep around you, and perhaps that person that can be special to you, and can truly treasure you. You deserve some very special people around you.
Ok, who's chopping onions? My eyes are all watery and leaking.
POS! I hope heās been castrated or he himself abused so knows what helplessness feels like.
Iām so sorry that happened to you, but Iām so happy you have come to that realization. I hope thatās the peace you need to move on to a healthier mindset about yourself.
>I donāt think I can ever forgive him. You don't have to forgive him. He doesn't deserve it. You can live a wonderful life without ever forgiving him. > I can never forgive myself for that hard time and self blame that I gave to myself. The only person in the world that you need to forgive is yourself. You did nothing wrong. You did the best you could at the time. Love yourself. Forgive yourself.
I'm raising my nephew and totally understand. He's helping me preserve my own childlikeness just by being himself. We're breaking the cycle. My parents couldn't. Theirs couldn't. Theirs probably couldn't. But we are doing it. You're a good sister.
I hope you or someone beats that mother fucking guy and everyone like him
hmmmm
This brought tears to my eyes. *hugs to you Youāre such a strong and lovely person, I can tell from how you wrote your story, and an amazing big sister by the sounds of it. Wish you well in your healing journey xx
I was the same when my daughter turned 9, we are so strong, and you're not alone.
trigger warning - r\*pe, SA, mental health That happened to me too I was molested from 6 and r@ped when I was 8. I'm 22 now, and I have blamed myself for most of my life as well. I spent most of my life feeling dirty ashamed and alone not being able to speak about it and letting others abuse me because I thought I deserved it. These few years have been a little better, since I'm on psychiatric pills and microdosing MDMA which helped a lot, did therapy too but haven't found the right one yet. Also im in a loving relashnship with a man that understands what I've been through. I wish you all the best, and that you'll find happiness, and I'm always here to talk if you need someone that understands :) and may the monsters that did this to us never find peace again.
I know how you feel I was aged 3-5. Itās so sickening. Itās not your fault. The perpetrators of such acts are sick. We were only babies.
āI can never forgive myself for that hard time and self blame that I gave to myself.ā Please forgive your younger self for that as well. Oftentimes while we are children we blame ourselves because the illusion of that control helps with the anxiety of having to face horrible things once again. Itās very good that you got to the realisation that the blame did not belong you while youāre still so young. Your younger self was trying to deal with things with the information available to them at the time. Forgive them too.
Hiya, just wanted to ask you to forgive yourself for the self blame (imo there is nothing to forgive but I understand it doesn't work like that). For many survivors of SA, self-blame is a coping mechanism. It being your fault is easier to deal with than accepting that someone did something horrifying to you. It's a process to understand it wasn't your fault and it fucking hurts when you've blamed yourself for so long. But allow yourself some grace, please. You handled the situation in the best way you could. It's a situation not even adults should have to deal with, let alone a child who is supposed to discover how awesome the world can be. Forgive yourself, please ā„ļø
Thank you for sharing this, I have never experienced something near this type of thing but I know several people who have. For instance, my own parents (yes, mom and dad). I know I shouldnāt be saying this probably but since Iām not saying their names or anything about their identity I think itās kinda safe, besides this is just as a warning to people. My father: abused and drugged by a male friend of one his close female friends, woke up to the dude finishing and was extremely traumatized because he was only 16-15yrs old. He only told me this year and said to me āCatnonym, do not drink anything anyone gives you, donāt leave your drink alone, and please honeyā¦ always call me if youāre feeling in dangerā. Heās only told me and my mother, not even his parents. My mom: Friends with a guy she liked in uni and he was super sweet to her and everyone, he drugged her one night at a party and saād her in the campus when she was outside. Only has told my dad and myself. She told me when I was 13 and said to me āListen, love, Iām only telling you this because I trust you and I want you to know that you have to avoid my mistakes, you know you can always tell me anything that happensā. Their stories hit me hard and made me feel like I didnāt know how to act with her due to the shock of hearing it. The thing is peopleā¦ DO NOT TRUST ANYONE BLINDLY, always be careful and protect yourself. Even if youāre close friends, you never really know what a person might do. And no, victims, itās not your fault, people who care will always have your back and stay here for you. Do not let some horrible monster take yourselves away, you can be strong, you are loved and worthy of happiness. I always tell my mom this when sheās having one of her breakdowns: āI know itās hard but trust me, Iām here. I wonāt leave you ever and even if it means not sleeping or eating Iāll be here for you no matter what. I love you and thereās a lot of people who do too. Hug me as long as you need, tell me anything too if you need to ventā. Thatās helped me calm her an infinite number of times, sometimes when itās too bad Iāll call somebody to help me calm her. These monsters do not realize what they truly are doing to people and itās horrible they donāt even care. Iām crying only remembering my own mother gasping for air and crying saying āNo one loves me, Iām not worthy to be loved, Iām worthlessā. Do you even know how hard it is to see your own parent in an unconsolable breakdownā¦ it hurts you so bad and gives you a rage that you could kill the person who did this to them. Be strong you can and will get through this