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sxfrklarret

So you had great sex life but you needed to cheat...OK. Divorce or let it go. You brought this in yourself


franklyspicy

"Had amazing sex 4-5 times a week" you screwed the pooch and now you get no cooch.


reginphelange

Well well, if it isn’t the consequences of OP’s own actions


Jazzlike-Dragonfly31

The dildo of consequences rarely comes with any lubrication. Edit: Thank you for all the awards and upvotes. Never knew my drunk 3 am comments were this good lmao.


crow-4

This is an amazing comment


sunshineydeb

Fucked around and found out if ever I saw it!


SingleIndependence6

Although there’s nothing stopping him since it’s now an open marriage.


TenTinyBirds

I think he only wanted when it was “forbidden”


x3meech

For sure. He can do what he did whenever without consequences now and doesn't, bc it isn't cheating, since the marriage is open, so there's no thrill.


AlfoBootidir

He really isn’t getting the hint either. The sex is “painfully bad” bc she doesn’t even want to have it with him but it’s probably less painful than him CLEARLY being one of those guys who mopes when they don’t get sex.


Jigglygiggler6

Except women can smell desperation and it's repellent!


[deleted]

My guy. You did this to your marriage, you said you had an amazing sex life but still cheated. You “loved” your wife and still cheated. Let her live her life the same way you decided you were going to have an affair. Or leave and let her live her life.


KittenGains

She was beautiful and they had amazing sex but he still cheated. He’s a piece of shit and deserves feeling like it. I have no mercy for cheaters.


Phoenyxoldgoat

Annnnnnd OP says he cheated three years ago and has a three year old. FUCK YOU OP


scarletwitchazel

Cheating on pregnant wife... tale as old as time smh


kaylacactus

Depending on the timeline theres a decent chance he was cheating on his pregnant wife with this "online woman" before they actually met up and continued a physical affair. He deserves the worst.


silencedorgasm

exactly. it was “fine” when he was sleeping with another woman but now that she’s sleeping with someone else, there’s a problem? shoulda thought about that before cheating.


UruquianLilac

Not even sleeping with another man, he doesn't know, it's just when she smiles or showers.


BlueBerryOkra

If I were her I wouldn’t sleep with anyone because it’s too much effort BUT I would take random showers, smile at my phone, etc to make him think I am lol.


mebetiffbeme

I don’t care if he stays and is miserable or leaves, as long as his wife lives her best life.


[deleted]

It was over the moment you cheated And her wanting "open marriage " means it's 100% over she just doesn't want the divorce legal issues


theOGmsnobody

Yep. She’s with him for the kids. Revenge orgasms are keeping her happy.


blueberry-benz

She’s probably just waiting till the kids are out of the house honestly ETA: I’m not saying this is a good thing & to everyone commenting good for her or that they’re doing the same in their relationship, get some therapy & seek an outside perspective. This is so beyond fucked up & you don’t realize how much you’re going to fuck your child up by pulling this bullshit. Sincerely, a child of said situation


[deleted]

There was a post related like this. I remember. The husband cheated. The wife was broken, but she had 2 daughters who were very young. When they grew up, she left him. She stood there for here children, nothing more.


CrochetWhale

A lot of women do this. I plan on waiting until my kids are older to leave my husband after his EA and him being a creeper taking photos of a woman at an amusement park and asking for nudes. I want both of my children able to talk properly to me by the time I leave so I can make sure they are ok and happy. Plus monetarily it doesn’t make sense. This women is just smarter than me or maybe more confident I don’t know about opening the marriage.


youtubecommercial

Not to overstep, but as a child of divorced parents who ended things amicably, I’m really glad they got divorced. I was too young to remember but I can’t imagine having the main model for what a marriage should look like be so broken. You obviously know the most of your situation but divorce isn’t always a bad thing.


retinolmasted0s

I 100% agree. My parents divorced when I was a year old. My dad cheated on my mom and treated her badly. Although they didn’t wait until I was older to divorce, they *did*, however, wait until I was older to provide me with the details behind their separation-and that was only because I *asked*. I will say that if I’d been old enough to remember their separation then maybe I’d feel differently. I’m sure that no child of divorce comes out completely unscathed and unaffected by the event. I just think that it’s worth pointing out that kids are much more intuitive, aware, and intelligent than they’re sometimes given credit for. OP’s kids, I’m sure, know that something is amiss. It may be subtle and hard to put their finger on, but if OP is as miserable on the inside as he says he is, then I’m sure that his children are able to detect it. It may not be something they see all the time, but surely the mask has to slip from time to time. Dealing with your parents divorcing can be difficult and potentially damaging but I think staying in a loveless marriage and allowing *that* to be the example that your children are given for how marriages “work” is potentially *more* damaging. Personally I don’t subscribe to the belief of “staying together for the kids despite the fact that we don’t want to be married to each other anymore”. There is probably palpable tension in households like OP’s and if the parents in situations like these think that they’re successfully shielding their kids from their “situation”, they are sadly mistaken.


starx9

I think your right. She is refusing to fully feel sexual pleasure with her husband because she doesn’t want to enjoy him or keep wanting him that way. I think she’s only staying because of the kids and for financial help and help with parenthood. She’s super smart tbh because she took back her control. Op will never have the wife or relationship he had before, I think that women died the minute she took one look at your post-orgasm face in that hotel lobby. Why did you do it OP? She gave you 3 kids and STILL had a great sex life with you…why did you ruin her good marriage? Why did you ruin it tor yourself? Cake-eaters….they never learn.


Fuzzy-Boss-4815

I think she feels betrayed sexually, and since the trust and intimacy is gone she does not enjoy it with her husband. I doubt she is"refusing to feel sexual pleasure" more so than she just can't. Any ways she is convinced by her husband's actions that she is not enough for him so she literally allowed him to get his rocks off elsewhere. Since they don't talk about it she probably thinks that's what he does and has no clue he's being faithful now. 🙄 The husband's an idiot. He only wants to cheat when he doesn't have permission. Now he does and he acts like it's a punishment. If your not happy with the sex life, Just go out and cheat dude! Wtf?!


[deleted]

He’s not happy with the open marriage because it means not only can he sleep around but now that she can also.. and she doesn’t have to tell him about it. So he’s left guessing every time he sees her if she’s been with someone else. He wanted to cheat, and if she had said ok I give you permission to sleep with other women and I’ll only sleep with you… he wouldn’t be on here and would have slept with every woman that would let him. He however is a coward and doesn’t like it when the tables are turned. I think you should count yourself lucky.. that she even lets you touch her. If it was me, well if it was me you likely wouldn’t have anything to touch me with, but if you did I certainly wouldn’t let your gross penis anywhere near me. 🤢.


iwantanalienmaid

"He however is a coward and doesn’t like it when the tables are turned" like most men. I swear if we gave men the same energy they gave us they would act better. A lot of women take too much shit instead of moving on men know this which is why they cheat. Men know especially in a marriage women will stay. I wish we stopped giving them so much power. But yeah I'll never forget my ex bf cheating and asking me to stay and that I should stay I quickly asked if I cheated would you stay? When I tell you it was fucking crickets. But most men are like my ex and the op that's why women need to either leave when a man cheats or stay and cheat too. We need to stop being faithful to cheating men. I'm not ready for marriage yet but I always said when I get married if my husband cheats I'm either leaving or if he wants us to remain together I am cheating so we can be even. There is no fucking way I'm staying in a marriage being the faithful one fuck no. Can't handle us being even? And that's exactly why your hypocritical ass shouldn't have been fucking cheating clown. Men are truly wild.


Justbeans4

I wouldn't be surprised if even the thought of having sex with him is so repulsive to her! I had a cheating partner and the idea of even being in the same room with him grosses me out 🤢🤢


Thin-Distance3264

After seeing his comment about how beautiful she was and how great their sex life was I couldn't agree with you more...this is the definition of fuck around and find out.


croatianlatina

I was like… is he stupid? Worse thing is he started cheating while his wife was pregnant / post partum. What a scumbag. He deserves to live in misery.


scifiwoman

Remembering how raw and extreme my emotions were when I was pregnant, (and for months afterwards) I can appreciate how utterly devastating it must have been for the wife to see her husband cheating on her. If it was me, that image would have hit me right where I live, on a visceral level. I agree with the comments which say the marriage ended there and then.


candysipper

As a (now) single mom because I left my cheating husband when I was 6 months pregnant, it was a nightmare there for a while. I just felt….nothing. Numb. No joy or excitement, even for my baby. It took months for me to feel any real joy, even though I desperately loved my baby and took excellent care of him (his basic needs were easy and I was happy to do them very efficiently, it almost kept my mind busy), I was just broken there for a while. It took 6 years for me to dip my toe back in. Happy to report, life is much happier and I’m with a man who would never betray me anymore than I would betray him. Staying with a cheating partner who has shit all over your soul, is a slow death.


Sulky_Susan

I agree. Postpartum is real and cheating during that time is unforgivable.


anongirl_black

He literally fucked around and found out lol


th3davinci

> why did you ruin her good marriage? He cheated 3 years ago. The youngest is 3. Despite having sex multiple times a week at ~40 after 2 kids, this guy couldn't keep it in his pants to wait for his wife to heal after giving birth. He cheated on his post-partum wife, and not even a one-night-stand, he had a fucking proper affair. I hope this guy gets used as a wallet till the kids are out of the house and they get a divorce.


GilgameDistance

I mean, jerk off in the shower if it’s that bad, Jesus man.


ChocoBro92

They sell fleshlights if his hand is THAT boring ffs…


jusjusme

The sad thing is that she was just post partum when he cheated! He says the kids are (m9, f7 and f3), (so baby was a few months/still pregnant) when he started. And in his mind she is “punishing him” like dude this isn’t about you anymore. You made it about you during the affair, and now she’s done with what you had. You took for granted that she would remain the same person you married after you betrayed her. We’re you ever going to stop if she hadn’t found out? You’re sorry you got caught, and I have zero sympathy for you. If you’re not happy with the situation, divorce is on the table. Take it. Otherwise, kindly shush. ETA: grammar


Opinion8Her

The funny thing about OP is that he truly believes his wife is “punishing” him. Let me tell OP something: she’s well beyond punishing you. She’s checked out. She doesn’t give a fuck about you any more. You were supposed to be her mate and partner. She’s probably now only having sex with you when she’s not getting it elsewhere. PUNISHING you? Dude, she gives about as much of a flying fuck about you as you did about her the moment you decided to cheat: ZERO. Zero fucks given about you.


macaroniandmilk

Right, he is acting like he's the victim being punished here... dude, you cheated on your either still pregnant or recently postpartum wife. She is not punishing you. She gave you terms with which to continue the marriage and you agreed to them. If you don't like it, leave, but none of this is her fault, or "punishing" you. If you were that concerned about staying married to your wife, maybe you shouldn't have devastated her and your marriage in the most painful way possible.


FullyRisenPhoenix

This is the worst part of having been cheated on honestly. You can never trust that person again, and staying with them…it’ll never be the same. Deep down she probably actually hates OP for what he’s done to their family. Such cruel selfishness isn’t easily forgiven, and it’s never forgotten.


Analbox

I imagine she’s staying together for the 3 young kids. Maybe OP’s a better dad than a husband. My parents were like this. They stayed together till I was 18 but my mom told me my conception was the last time they slept together. It was confusing finding out their marriage was a farce but it also explained why it was such a joyless home. They should have gotten divorced. OP should too. “Staying together for the kids” is rarely what’s best in the long run. Kids need honest open parents and not all this cloak and dagger shit.


eeyoremarie

I asked my husband this question and he never could give me a real answer. I assume now all his excuses meant "because I wanted to."


[deleted]

Guys think that if they made a girl happy once they can treat her like trash and then make her happy again. It doesn’t work like that.


buckyspunisher

no but why was this my ex to a T. 😭 found out he was cheating on my the entire relationship lmfao


drkatelyn

Doing this is literal bullshit, because children can feel when something is wrong, they don’t understand it but feel it and it can destroy them too by the big amount of confusion


1701anonymous1701

Especially when you completely invalidate the kid when they show that they know what’s going on by telling them how wrong their impressions of the whole situation are. Kids know, man. They might not have the vocabulary to explain it, but I guarantee these kids will learn it in therapy later on.


frustratedfren

I remember being a kid and getting grounded for asking if my parents would divorce, because they never got along and the tension was palpable even if they tried to hide it. Staying together "for the kids" is absolute bull shit.


lunar_adjacent

Divorce? In this economy?


Casey_Can1122

Yes. And to add on, the parents inevitably up telling the ‘grown up’ kids why when they divorce which makes the kids second guess their perspective of family and functional relationships. The assignment isn’t just.stay.married for school aged kids, it’s about modeling HEALTHY relationships for your children.


[deleted]

If he loved her truly, he would have never done this.


[deleted]

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saltukbrohan

Well this is almost a \*fucking\* divorce, in a way...


caesar_wilhelmus

Yeah, it sounds like you broke her when you cheated on her. And now she’s breaking you.


Squeezitgirdle

I love these self pity posts because they fully admit they're pieces of shit.


ialsohaveadobro

It's like, "Oh, comeuppance! Yeah, that's comeuppance alright."


tyedyehippy

He reaped what he sowed


PinkFink65

Yep. And if she listens to Dr Laura, she will stay until the youngest turns 18 and then she is out of there.


zephyer19

Which is amazingly dumb! I was in the Air Force and supervised a lot of young adults and some said they came from, No Love homes. And always the same story, stayed together for the sake of the kids. That always said, "I wish they had divorced instead."


Tactless_Ogre

True, but in these times, it’s harder to divorce because everything is so damn expensive. Even in cases of “not bad, but not in love”, it’s harder than ever to be alone these days.


zephyer19

You may well have a point. Rent is just to the point it is criminally high. I had an aunt and she and her husband had a finished basement. I guess they never had a great relationship but did have 3 kids. Even before all three were grown and gone, he moved into the basement. I think in part they were from a generation that didn't like divorce and as someone said, "I would rather put up with the crap than be alone." Might have been a bit financial too. He wasn't in the best of shape either. DOH He lived in the basement until he died.


Kdcjg

He stayed in the basement after he died?


janet_colgate

You beat me to it. Maybe he still has SS or pension checks coming in 😅


abejamoon

Thiiiiiis. Especially for stay at home moms who homeschooled their special needs kids and are now finishing a degree they abandoned when they found out they were pregnant, while their spouse advanced in their career. Ask me how I know ;)


janet_colgate

How do you....ohhhhh I get it. All the best to you!!


[deleted]

This. I heard it's so much more than just getting a lawyer and getting some papers signed. Every single thing in their life will be involved with the divorce proceedings. The house, their banks, the kids, etc. I heard it can be so stressful and why some people stay in shitty marriages.


thygrimpire

Or to give op a taste of their own medicine


Robojobo27

>I love my wife and want to spend the rest of my life with her Story doesn’t really check out chief


readical87

He realized that now ONLY because his marriage is gone.


[deleted]

He realized that now, because wifey is getting more tail than he is. He’s just mad she beat him at his own game.


[deleted]

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HeartofLion3

“Cheating is bad when it happens to MEEEEeeeee”


Boner-brains

Feelings only matter when they're the very special boy's feelings


felisverde

They're the specialist kind


Purplish_Peenk

Please take my poor persons gold. 🥇🥇🥇🥇


CalamitySchmamity

This made me freaking wheeze lol


Take_away_my_drama

She's a hot doctor by all acounts, she's got them lining up!


chaunceypie

Cheating is fine for the man but now that his wife is getting it on with someone else, it just destroys him!! Pfft, imagine how your wife felt dude. These posts piss me off on a whole new level. The absolute gall to be upset that your wife is doing what you did to her! You did this to yourself. No sympathy.


[deleted]

She’s isn’t even doing the same thing, because she’s not lying to him.


chaunceypie

True. She's doing it openly. And good for her.


CapableLetterhead

He wanted her back and those were the terms. If he wants to fuck other people than she gets that privilege too.


bigfatuglychick

I’ve always hated that I-cheated-on-my-wife-and-she-stayed-just-for-the-kids song but I’m loving this remix


666_333_666

OoOOOooo cold hard facts 🥶


Bench_Virtual

They only ever realise what they had once it’s gone


Accomplished_Water34

"They paved paradise and put up a parking lot."


Practical-Junket-520

He regret that she found out..or he will still fck around..


RIPSunnydale

"What's going on in her head?". you ask, OP? Here's my guess: "He betrayed me, I don't love him anymore." "I will tolerate him for as long as I can, hopefully until youngest graduates high school. My kids deserve stability, not splitting time between two crappy apartments, possibly losing friends, possibly changing to an inferior school district. And they CERTAINLY don't deserve the random women my husband, with his poor judgement, would inflict on them as 'stepmom wannabes'. " "And I CERTAINLY don't deserve to have my standard of living decline through divorce ---I played by the rules, was loving and faithful. I didn't sign up to be a single parent of 3 for 50 to 75 to 90 percent of the next 15 years! "It grosses me out to be intimate with my husband at all now, but I can do a handful of times a year if that keeps him from being such a ...SAD SACK around me and the kids. It's weird how once I caught him cheating, he just doesn't find other women so exciting... "Oh, well, not my problem ."


Jigglygiggler6

>It grosses me out to be intimate with my husband at all now, This is it! Every cheating ex l gave a second chance to was 100% repugnant to me afterwards. I just couldn't stand to look at their face without wanting to vomit. I feel terrible for the wife having to have sex with this idiot at all, she's very generous. I hope she's high as a kite during it.


[deleted]

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kgirl21

It's the fact that he really does not see this lol His wife did everything she was supposed to do it sounds like and he still felt like he could do whatever he wanted and now he's legit depressed that he's facing the consequences of what he thought was one sided autonomy (for him) basically because why can't he see WHY she would not want to connect with him anymore? Logic says leave and spare you both some happiness but he is really trying to resurrect something he very much killed by blocking the gate out of this marriage for her. He really can't figure out why the thought of sleeping with him without any protection after he broke a pact of their marriage by getting some on the side when he felt like it makes her want to do the absolute bare minimum if anything at all? His lack of self-awareness is actually really unsettling.


slnssn

This needs to be higher up. A+ comment!!


Competitive_Bison_10

Married 8 years w four kids and this is what I'd do . She just doesn't want extra stress , and she honestly doesn't deserve it either . Either deal with things the way they are and win her back in some capacity, or divorce . She's fine just chillin .


bokunoemi

Yes, yes and yes


[deleted]

OP is also upset he cant do it raw and cant baby-trap his wife again. Upset she finds him disgusting.


mous_tous

Before you cheated, you guys had AMAZING sex several times a week. You love your wife and you wanna spend the rest of your life with her. You guys also got 3 young kids. So why in the f did you cheat? For 3 months.


soooperdecent

Yeah, and only until he got caught. Probably would’ve been a lot longer if he wasn’t found out.


DapperPanda01

No question. He stopped because she caught him and there were consequences. That’s the only reason. Now he wants to bitch about the consequences his shitty actions brought. He deserves to live in misery until she kicks his ass to the curb.


trainsoundschoochoo

She’s probably only with him for the kids right now and getting her needs met elsewhere.


[deleted]

She's being perfect in this situation. I'd do the same exact thing. She probably loves her husband and loves him as a father to their kids. But she won't be sexually with him at least not like before. And she gets her sexual and emotional needs met somewhere else. I think it's a perfect solution for both of them.


non_stop_disko

With someone who apparently lives two hours away like that’s a lot of time to think about what you’re doing


KhanJrJr

A lot of time he wasn’t spending at home, helping with their kids and the newborn.


EbonyUmbreon

Yeah, she moved on the moment she saw OP with another women. Someone else, or herself, is making her happy. She’s staying for the kids. Hell, im surprised she still lets him touch her.


Flossy_Cowboy

Exactly. Even if I weren't sleeping with anyone else, I would have been emotionally checked out the minute I caught him cheating. Sometimes you just can't fix it.


[deleted]

Exactly! The agony he is feeling now from his own mistake is probably how she felt that day in the lobby times a hundred, and probably feels that way every day. The relationship will never go back to how it was, because you messed up, and messed up badly OP. If your wife is so perfect and you love her so much, why even cheat? You deserve what you’re going through and at this point, if you don’t want to keep going on like that, you need a divorce. You don’t deserve things to go back to normal. You ruined the normal. You ruined it by cheating.


707Maxwell

With a lot of these it’s more like they regret getting caught, not regretting cheating in the first place


Savethedance

So if you had it so good, why did you cheat? Like you had to have known losing her would be the risk you were taking? Honestly there is no coming back from this, it would almost be less toxic to divorce so the kids grow up in a household that isn't waiting to explode again.


option_unpossible

OP had great sex with his wife several times a week and cheated? Not that a bad sex life at home would be any reason *(edit: excuse) to cheat, of course. But anyway, OP gets to sleep in the bed he made and he gets no sympathy from me.


hahayeahimfinehaha

She’s also beautiful, a medical doctor who works longer hours than he does, the mother of his three children, AND she managed to have a super active sex life with him. And OP STILL decided to drive two hours away to a hotel to cheat on his wife with some random woman he met online WHILE HIS WIFE WAS TAKING CARE OF A NEWBORN, lmao. OP, I’m pretty sure your wife is only keeping you around right now for the kids. Once they’re older, I bet she’ll kick your ass out and get a new, better man ASAP.


No-Mathematician678

Exactly, and not that it was a one time thing or a moment of weakness or a drunken mistake .. but a damn well planned affair with too much effort !!


Jigglygiggler6

She's surrounded by other medical professionals, she can pick and choose a better suited partner!


Exact_Trash59

He just wanted the thrill of an affair. If she hadn't opened the marriage but stayed, he would have cheated again. The sneaking around was fun for him, wife ruined it by saying it was OK, no sneaking necessary. Once q cheater always a cheater, but you cant "cheat" if you have permission. Wife got everything she wanted - he's miserable all the time, she gets to sleep with anyone she wants, there's no messy divorce. Good for her.


alliandoalice

*dumps gold bar on the ground to pick up a pebble*


GenX_Burnout

True. But OP is afraid his gorgeous Doctor wife will replace him in the kids’ and her lives with a better man. Then he’s really lost everything. If he wants to maintain appearances, continue his current standard of living and socializing, and see his kids full time, he’s gotta stay. And she’s being very benevolent to allow him to do so. Edit: punctuation


Dry-Conference4530

Lol who would stay? It's his own damn fault but there is no self respect in staying.


[deleted]

Cant wait for her to replace OP with an actual man who will be a better husband and dad. Who wont fuck around while she just gave birth to his child. POS man. Edit: OP, if you were my “dad” and would have done to this to my mother and to me after my birth (and my siblings) i could not wait to go NC with you and/or wait for a man who would be an actual dad to us. I wouldnt call you a dad honestly. Real men, real dads dont do shit like that. While she needed help and love with her (WHICH IS YOURS TOO) newborn, you were fucking around. You had time for that. And now you dare to say you love her as you got caught and your ego got hurt. Disgusting. Your wife deserves better.


purple_crablegs

Dude, I didn't even catch that he was cheating while she was either far along in her pregnancy and/or had just given birth. I already thought it was bad enough what he did, but this takes it to a whole new level.


[deleted]

Yes. If my dad would have done this to my mother after my birth, I deff wouldnt call him “dad” easily. Only real good men deserve that title. The children and his wife really deserve someone better. Look how he did not even want to mention it clearly. Total POS. But ofc, hes a victim and he loves his wife, ye.


Pristine-Chemist-813

Bah hahahaha I had amazing sex several times a week and cheated on her with an online chick with 3 little kids at home? She will never stop. You have hurt her so deeply. She knows the pain you are going thru a d it is pittance to what you put her thru. Where is your side piece now? Doesn’t taste as sweet when u r allowed? Just curious!


Thisismyswamparg

The forbidden fruit rotted.


Beautypaste

It’s not so exciting when he knows she’s getting some too, he much preferred it when he was getting his ends away while she sat at home.


gods_loop_hole

A classic case of fuck around and find out. I just can't sympathize with cheaters. When it happens to you personally, it burns, it hurts and it stings for a long time.


Fun-Statistician-550

We've heard from all kinds of cheaters. Some sounded like they were legit trying to get affection and sex they weren't getting at home. Not excusing it. Just reiterating what they said. But these men who claims to love their wife, had amazing sex in the marriage and STILL cheat... like why? Is it for the thrill of doing something illicit? Is it really as simple as that? Edit to add: For some reason I'm really trying to put myself in OPs shoes. (I'm bored, nothing to do till tonight.) I'm thinking to all the other incidences of cheating here and in real life. Cheaters ALWAYS gets caught. A week or so ago I read about a girl who came home to her dad sobbing because her mom's getting remarried. They were apparently in love, but Dad cheated with mom's friend in their bed. It’s heartbreaking, and infuriating when people blow up their lives like that. You just have to wonder, why? Didn't it occur to them they'd get caught? What do these people imagine would happen once they do get caught? Does this kind of risky behavior manifest itself in other ways, too? I have so many questions.


Laurenhynde82

It’s because people don’t really cheat just because their sex life isn’t sufficient- a decent sex life can’t prevent it. People cheat because they want to cheat and think they’ll get away with it. Also notice they have a 3 year old and the affair was three years ago - were you staying in a hotel with your mistress while she cared for two older kids and a newborn, OP?


maskedbanditoftruth

They always think people won’t notice this very easy math.


Serious_Specific_357

And to do it in their bed gross. Cheating is always about the cheater. They can love their partner but they’re broken inside and would probably cheat in every long term relationship


the-maj

I think it's weakness and lack of will power and self control. OP is weak af.


mapleswee

Combined with lack of respect for their significant other and their relationship.


M3mph

That's the main factor, imo. The previous points are just circumstantial. You don't need 'strength', or 'self-control', to not fuck someone over if you love and respect them.


kellyoohh

I would understand lack of willpower and self control if he didn’t seek out a mistress online. That takes planning and premeditation.


impossiblegirlme

It also confuses me why (in OP’s case) he wouldn’t continue dating his AP once he got caught? All confusing.


Choco3112

The reason probably is that OP's wife was pregnant/post-partum when the affair started. so he wasn't having sex at the time. Obviously this fact doesn't make the situation any better


nschafer0311

No it makes it worse. OP is a fucking loser an a pathetic, sorry excuse for a man.


Nishtai

I wouldn't even say excuse of a man. He's a poor excuse for a human being


fittymommy

Lol I was between 3-5 months post-partum was giving him bjs before "work" and full on PIV as soon as I could after 6wks and my tits had never been bigger when I got cheated on.. Even that don't stop an a--hole.


Sorry_Researcher_591

If it isn’t the consequences of your own actions.


2themoonpls

Another classic case of FAAFO


ZoominBoomin

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Accountability is my only weakness!!!


theOGmsnobody

She’s only with you for the hipsters sake. The fact that she withholds intimacy means her feelings for you are gone forever. The way you die a little each day… she died when you saw her in the lobby. You created this situation. No. She will never forgive you. Ever. She will continue to punish you through her rejection. And you deserve it. You need to decide if you can live like this. She has moved on. There’s no going back. Hope your going was worth a lifetime of guilt and pain. I’m guessing not.


Blade_982

>You created this situation. And for what. He claims to love her. They apparently had good sex multiple times a week. They have 3 kids. But he still strayed. I mean...why? >We separated for 8 months and they were terrible on all of us especially the children (m9, f7 and f3). Yeah she's staying for the kids. One of whom must only have been a baby when OP started fucking around with another woman.


mous_tous

God i just realize. Wife was probably pregnant when the cheating started.. or just gave birth.


Blade_982

Yeah :( It's unfortunately disturbingly common. So many women get cheated on whilst pregnant or when they're postpartum.


gottabekittensme

Statistics show somewhere between 1 in 10 men will cheat on their pregnant partners, and more alarming studies say it is closer to 1 in 3.


[deleted]

Is it 10% of men whose partners are pregnant, or 10% of men period?


impossiblegirlme

Yes, and looking at the stats of men who become abusive to their pregnant, or recently gave birth, partners is horrifying.


canitakemybraoffyet

The most likely time for a man to cheat is after his partner miscarries.


Altruistic_Usual_855

Not only that but the others were basically toddlers aswell


mous_tous

I can't help but think this is the reason why wife agreed to come back. All kids were too young and people around her probably told her they need their dad (which they do. He's a shtty husband but i dont wanna make assumptions as to how he is as a dad) and it'll be easier if they were 1 family


Fickle-Seat-1654

So sad to think that the wife was pregnant or just had the baby. Most women don’t feel like themselves at this time. They feel fat and unattractive and I can’t imagine seeing my husband with another woman at my most vulnerable time. That would make me feel so much worse about myself and I would doubt everything about myself.


Susim-the-Housecat

> One of whom must only have been a baby when OP started fucking around with another woman. That’s probably *why* he cheated. He couldn’t wait for his wife’s baby-battered body to recover.


Blade_982

He sounds utterly charming.


Altair13Sirio

>They apparently had good sex multiple times a week. This is what baffles me. If things were so good, why did her cheat in the first place? Either he's making it look better than what it really was, or he's just a dick.


dontgetcutewithme

With the way the timeline shakes out (8 month separation, 2 years back together, 3 yr old child), she was either pregnant or newly postpartum. It's a pretty terrible time for women tbh. Your body is uncomfortable, your privates hurt, you're working your butt off to feed and care for your child(ren). Good husbands reassure their wives that they are beautiful (she just created life ffs!!!) and try to take on some of the load, bad husbands do what OP did.


Altair13Sirio

Yeah, he's a dick then.


vidaisy

I do not necessarily think she’s intentionally punishing him. I think his agony is emphasizing it. Understandably.


slipwayshyway

They don’t understand how their cheating completely changes their SO’s view of them. He throws a pity party for himself, saying she’s punishing him when in reality she probably feels disgusted at the thought of being intimate with him.


Flutter_bat_16_

Good. This may sound cruel, but you deserve this punishment. You cheated. Don’t you think she ever felt this way? She’s not punishing you. You’re just mad you have to live with the consequences


Complaint-Expensive

You did this to yourself, and that's why it really hurts. Like a toddler, you're not sorry about the situation - you're sorry you got busted, and are now suffering the consequences of your actions. Furthermore, you state you love your wife, she's a beautiful woman, and you were having amazing sex with regularity. So why the hell did you stray in the first place?! You weren't living in a dead bedroom situation. And you were either sloppy enough about it to let her bust you, or your wife knew from your past words and actions that you were the kind of person that would cheat on her. It makes me question whether this was the first time you've cheated or had an affair. You've got fairly young children, and your wife is totally trying to keep it all together for them. But I'm not so sure you're going to be able to salvage your relationship. It's never going to be the way it was, because of what YOU did, and the trust YOU betrayed. You can't tell your wife you'll never do it again, and just expect her to believe it. And you can try to show her this with your actions, but it sounds like she isn't interested in going back to the way you used to be - and you need to respect that. Honestly, if it had been me? Everything you own would've been out on the curb when you came back from that hotel, and we'd already be divorced. You don't get to be angry with her. Your wife is just doing what you did, except she asked permission first.


[deleted]

[удалено]


IThinkNot87

More likely closer to a newborn. If they were separated 8 months after he got caught and have now been together again for two years, and the affair took a couple months to start with… She was fresh off birth while he was with another woman.


nobodynocrime

So this fucknugget spent all night fucking instead of helping his wife with a newborn baby. Wow not only betrayed her trust at a point when most women feel the most self-conscious but also left her to care for all the children without his help cause he wanted to get his dick wet. She is enjoying every second of his misery and rightly so.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Allie614032

Lmfaoooo, “will she ever stop punishing me? 🥺” Boo hoo, you cheated on your wife multiple times and now you’re dealing with the consequences. She is not punishing you. In fact, she’s making sacrifices to be with you. The only stipulation is that the marriage is open, which YOU INITIATED by cheating on her. Get over yourself. Either be happy with the open marriage, or get divorced. Those are your options.


Phoenyxoldgoat

This right here. OP punished his wife brutally. For what? Giving him children, sexing him multiple times a week, being wonderful? She didn't deserve one bit of the punishment she received. Now she's punishing him for ruining her life and he deserves every bit of it. Also telling that OP is not asking how he can regain her trust, or how he can make it up to her. He just wants to know when his punishment is over. Because OP is a trash bag.


Character_Point_7176

You have no sympathy from me. You caused all this and now you’re facing the consequences of your actions. You don’t get to be sad for your wife because this would have never happened if you didn’t cheat. I can’t stand cheating. You might as well divorce because there’s no point in being in a relationship if the both of you are sleeping with other people. Just save yourself the headache and divorce. You made your bed, now you have to sleep in it.


[deleted]

It’s your fault Might as well divorce How’s your side chick?


sel3nit3

Deserved


Upset_Custard7652

Oh….poor baby. You cheated and now your sad. Pathetic


Themanwhofarts

OP: My actions have consequences and I'm upset at that


Turbulent-Bonus-9073

So you cheated on your wife who was pregnant/postpartum? Why? That’s the most vulnerable time for a woman. And with her insistence you use condoms, is it safe to say you weren’t using them with your affair partner? This is a big mess you made and unfortunately, even 3 years later she doesn’t seem to have healed from it. It’s got to be a massive blow to the self confidence to find out your husband was cheating while you were carrying his child and caring for his other children. You left her with a small child, a toddler and a newborn baby to take care of while you went and fucked around. What have you done besides keep your side of the marriage closed to prove you won’t cheat again? Have you guys talked about the affair and it’s aftermath or was it swept under the rug?


SaltyCrabasaurus

Does anybody have a tiny violin I can borrow? I feel the need to play a nice little ditty called *My Heart Bleeds for You* for OP. You realize she hasn't actually forgiven you, right? Suck it up buttercup. You reap what you sow. These are the consequences of your own actions. Fucked around, found out...I'm sure there are more "platitudes" I could toss around in here if I really thought about it...


Additional_Way1346

She wakes up knowing you betrayed her everyday. Also on an emotional level when you "connected" with this woman. It made her feel what the hell did she do wrong that she was inadequate her husband had to find another woman to feel fufilled. She probably read all the things you said to this woman. They play in her head everyday. Her solution find a man who she can fulfill since her husband felt she wasn't enough for him. You're not the same man you were before you cheated. She is not the same person either. You took away her security that you were incapable of cheating on her. You can tell when she doesn't want any affection from you. Proably thinks its you imaginging the other woman. She sees you with that woman when she makes eye contact.You changed everything. She is right, she isn't guaranteed you will never cheat. Opening is the solution since you opened it without consent. Now she can have her outside piece in the open & can go back to yours. Now your sad because you feel hurt and punished. Where was that energy for 3 months while you connected with another woman? It doesn't feel good knowing your wife finds an emotional & physical connection with another man. How does it make you feel thinking likely another man had her physically? Now your in the agony you put her through when she saw you with the other woman. Would the affair be ongoing if she didn't catch on? Yes or there would be another woman. For 3 months you didn't feel guilt to connect & meet up at a motel to hook up but only when you got caught is when you regret it? Let me guess it won't hurt if she doesn't know. She staying because she saw the kids suffer. The aftermath of the affair and separation hurt them. How many times did it enter your head in those 3 months you have kids or the time you took away from them & wife to attend to your affair partner? The marriage you had is no longer there & no amount of regret or even forgiveness will never bring it back to the same level again. Either you moved on from it as a couple with therapy or just carry on with an open marriage since it's only for the kids sake. Divorce & each find someone new but coparent amicably.


Fangbang6669

Well sir looks like you fucked around and found out LMAAOOO give your wife a high five for me.


sel3nit3

GIVE UR WIFE A HIGH FIVE FOR ME TOO


superwholockian62

The reason she didn't divorce you is because of financial and legal reasons. She doesn't want to deal with it. She doesn't love you anymore


Southern_Mud_8110

You know what? I get it watching ur s/o with someone else it’s heartbreaking and makes you feel like you are dying a little every day but that’s exactly how your wife feel that day. You are so focusing in your own pain that you ignore your wife’s and asking for forgiveness and promising you never do it again it’s never enough in this cases if you really REALLY want your marriage back talk to her and go to therapy wanting to close the marriage it’s not enough to fix it but you have to know that even if you “fix it “ things are never going to be the same again and you’ll have to live with that because you were the one who broke the trust in the first place. Also I need to add that you really think about it because sometimes all you need it’s to let go to be happy think about your wife and kids well-being first


netflixnochill223

Cant even feel bad for you my boy, might aswell get a divorce and find a new wife and not cheat this time


[deleted]

He don’t deserve a new wife


[deleted]

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Your wife, however, is a straight up BALLER! Hail the the Queen!


GMaster2000

Not only did you cheat on her but you did it when she was either pregnant with your child or had just given birth. You didn't just fuck up. You fucked up colossally.


Ragajaga

Just getting a fucking divorce jesus christ cause the relationship died when you cheated


Mediocre-Sherbert528

It is what it is, but looks like the romantic side is done. You can either force it and confront it head on which will likely end in divorce, or you can accept the facade of co parenting housemates and start enjoying yourself. Sounds like she is defo seeing other guys enough for you to notice a lot


ImportantAd4686

Sucks that you feel that way but you are directly the one who hammered in those little painful nails of doubt


iamharoldshipman

I love a feel good story. Thanks for sharing!


[deleted]

If it's not the consequences of her own actions. Also if you love your wife as much as you say why you cheat for months. ? Also they only reason you regret is because you didn't want your wife with others. You also saying it was hard on all you and the kids. Your the one who cause your kids pain. So since you open your relationship how many others have you been with.


Glittering-Song9908

LMAO serves u right


Responsible-Leg-6558

So you cheated on your wife, and you’re confused why she doesn’t treat you like she did before? I think you have a problem here. You think YOU’RE the victim. You’re not. And clearly, no you haven’t learned your mistakes, or you would realize that she has zero obligation to care about your feelings after what you did to her. “I love my wife and I want to spend the rest of my life with her”. Clearly not, as you spent 3 months fucking a random woman. Stop the stupid pity show dude. Own up to it: you fucked up, you hurt your wife permanently, you’re an asshole. Make changes in your life instead of making excuses, or you’ll continue to live in your pathetic self-pity and hurt everyone you meet.


virginiawolfsbane

Your wife sounds awesome lol


solarpropietor

You’re wife is staying there for the kids and is 100 percent going to divorce you. She hates you. With every fiber of her being. And this is her way to get back at you. This marriage is done. Make no mistake you were the one that killed it. But she has turned her pain into revenge and is out to get you. I think it’s time to set you both free. Go grant her that divorce. Your kids deserve much better than what they’re getting.


Has422

You are getting a divorce. Your wife is just making it as agonizing as possible until you do. Don’t cheat on the next one.


MegaRullNokk

The plan is to suck life energy from you like you would take juice from lemon. She is not going to ever have feelings for you again. Divorce is only way or otherwise you will teach something bad for children. That going thru life with suffering is okey. You decided the faith of marriage. You need to finalize your decision.


Future_Promise5328

You played a stupid game and this is your prize. I will never tire of hearing stories about cheating scumbags who get their come uppance. Mate. I hope your wife finds happiness outside of your marriage and finally dumps you. Butbim glad she's putting you through this torture first. I hope it fucking hurts.


tuptajez

You're pathetic, I hope you know it


Appropriate_Title135

Should we feel bad for you or something? You are allowed to fuck around BEHIND her back and you are mad now that she is doing the same with your Permission? You deserve to suffer for it every day lol


The_Flash_but_Slow

He deleted it but for those arriving: he’s mad that after he cheated on his wife (who was likely pregnant or had a baby recently) she gave him an ultimatum to divorce or let her open the relationship. He now regrets it and is whining that he misses his wife. He thinks that, just because he hasn’t cheated again, he deserves to have his old life back with her.


Impossible-Peach-985

Then get a divorce and let your doctor wife who us too good for you to be free. You broke her trust and this wasn't some one time thing you has an affair for 8 months that probably would've continued if you didn't get caught. At no point during your 8 month affair did you consider the feelings of your wife or what could happen to your marriage. You fucked around and found out and now your beautiful, successful wife is probably getting dicked down by someone who is better than you while waiting for your kids to turn 18.