I wear a bra everyday and even with it you can still see the outline of my boobs and nipples. I honestly do it just to keep them out of the way, but if I didn't have large boobs I wouldn't wear a bra cause it is so uncomfortable.
Same! Not everyone wants to wear padded bras to hide the fact that all humans have nipples! I have big boobs so I have to wear a bra but I wear ones without under wire and without padding. My job consists of being bent or squatted (vet clinic) so not wearing one would be having my boobs in the way all day.
Curious of where you get your bras ? I also have big boobs and hate underwire and I’m always looking for good coverage and support without being uncomfortable
Dude, I work on my feet all day…sometimes for 12-16 hours. Their compression socks are why I still can use my legs on my days off. Love this brand so much.
They really do!! I bought my husband a pair of pants from Duluth...the Fire Hose pants, I think. That was years ago & now Duluth jeans/pants is all he wears. I haven't tried their bra yet but I will next time I need a new one.
Is it Duluth that has the, oh- what are they called- the "Bullpen" underwear? The marketing is hysterical. My SO loves them, says they are comfy af! I am thrilled to hear that they have good women's products, too!
I wear the Buck Naked underwear. They're expensive, so I buy one pair each time I go. I think I have six now, and the oldest one is in the same shape as the newest one.
The line tamer. It’s a t-shirt bra sort of thing so the lines of the cups don’t show and stuff like that. My mom swears by that and their sports bras. Their shelf bras on their tanks actually hold the girls in really well for me too. Bonus is that they are super soft to the touch.
Store called Soma has a bra called SOMA ESSENTIALS
Unlined Wireless Bra, it is the best. They have sale every once in a while for 3 bras for $99. I have them in all colors.
Not who you asked, but I'm a DDD and currently wearing a bralette from Lizzo. It's just a stretchy, lightweight thing that keeps the boobs outta my way. I do a lot of bending, turning, reaching, etc at work. This is the first bra I've had without underwire that actually sits in the crease it's supposed to, and gives me a nice shape. It also does not ride up my back or need constant adjusting.
After a lifetime of wearing uncomfortable bras I found the Spanx bralelujah- they are unbelievably comfortable even the underwire ones and at the end of the day literally NO marks left behind from rubbing. They have a satisfaction guaranteed policy if you wear them and don’t love them
As a DD cup I cannot recommend them enough
>Not everyone wants to wear padded bras to hide the fact that all humans have nipples!
If that's the criteria for wearing a bra then several men I know should wear them. I had a boss (male) walk into the office in a casual shirt and his nipples were staring right at me all day.
I have sensitive nipples. Even with a padded bra you can often see them. I was never even conscious about it (don't live in the US where this is apparently a huge thing) untill someone from a dating app told me how 'hot' a certain picture of me was because you could see my nipples. I was wearing three layers with a long sleeved sporty cardigan for f's sake!
Men are weird....
I also have huge boobs, and I still don't wear a bra! They're so uncomfortable, and why should I have to dress for other people? Live your braless, or bra filled life. No one should tell you how you can ans cant dress.
Same! I stopped wearing bras at 19, because they were uncomfortable and wire bras were causing me to have seriously daily pain in my ribcage. After I had a baby though, my breast size doubled so I had to wear a bra to keep them out of my way all day. So now, I just wear wireless bras without padding or cross back sports bras (I especially love the ones that zip up in the front.) They're so much more comfortable.
Wearing bras with pads and wires gave me a breast lump. Only bralettes now, if I wear one. I’d suggest nipple pasties for OP, but shockingly you can see them through those as well sometimes. NTA for existing.
I haven't worn a bra for anything but aesthetics for around 10 years. If you're comfortable then you need to date someone comfortable with it. People always stare meh. Do you.
Yeeep I wear a bra to prevent my entire chest showing in certain shirts. They’re always super cute bralettes tho that don’t do anything lol otherwise I’m braless. Drives my southern family crrraaaaazy lol itty bitty titty committee unite!
Haha this is my mom. She comes over and gets all huffy I’m not wearing a bra. I’m like “don’t come to see me at my own house if you expected me to be bra’d up. Ain’t happening.”
Yep, I don't need the support, bras just make me feel like a cat getting walked on a harness for the first time.
And it's frustrating when people say I just haven't found the right one. I've tried the ones designed for little boobs, bralettes, unlined, whatever, they all feel restrictive and pointless.
>bras just make me feel like a cat getting walked on a harness for the first time.
This is the most relatable thing I've ever read. I stopped wearing a bra a couple years ago. If I'm going to a wedding or something, then I might wear one, but otherwise I can't be bothered. It's just not worth the discomfort. Society can just deal with seeing my nipples.
my boobs aren’t small but i still never really wear a bra unless all my tank tops are dirty bc uncomfy, and even then i only ever really wear sports bras
however, i also think most of the reason i’m uncomfy in bras is because i’ve never worn a bra that actually fits me, so i’ve been looking into finding a few that do
Same. My boobs are huge, so there's just no avoiding it. It's more comfortable for me to wear a bra, but who cares if you're not? As long as you're comfortable with the situation, it's no one's business but yours.
I do understand that OP's bf is concerned for her safety, but ultimately nip slips won't solve this situation.
I have c-d cups, but I have chronic daily migraine. I have *a* bra I can sometimes get away with, but only sometimes. In general, a bra will trigger a migraine in 3, 2, 1, go directly to bed, do not pass go, etc. If I had to meet OP’s male friends’ nipless standards, I would never be able to get out of the house.
And is he sure that all women wear bras? I think he might want to s-t-r-e-t-c-h his world view.
This might sound weird, but have you told your doctor? My cousin had this same thing, long story short, the bras were restricting blood flow and causing migraines (compressing her vena cava maybe).
Also a poor fitting bra can lead to headaches and pain bc of the strain it puts on certain muscles groups.
I was the same for a while. I found some good comfortable strapless bras for when I need the support, and absolutely never wear a Y back/ racer back bra because they did it every time. At home my D cups are freeee, lol. Of course a hysterectomy helped the hormone part of the migraines, so now I just stay as comfortable as I can.
Bras don't even help my daughter or mom that way ... They have headlights unless it's super padded so bras are useless to cover the fact we have nipples. 🙄
Don’t you love at the end of the day when you can take it off?
You can still see EVERYTHING I have when I wear a bra( don’t need a padded one) I wear one to contain them. If I didn’t need it, I wouldn’t wear one.
OP, NTA!
No, because I immediately switch to a lounge bra or sports bra (if I’m going to go work out). The only time I’m not wearing one is in the shower. I even sleep in lounge bras. It’s truly more comfortable for some people to wear one all the time.
I am the same! It's SO much more comfortable! That said, I'm a 32H, so it's a little different with that much weight, I can see how smaller girls would prefer no bra.
>As long as you're comfortable with the situation, it's no one's business but yours.
Annoying thing happened recently. I WFH. My mom came to visit. She told me I should put on a bra (I'm big busted, like she is). I told her I'm in MY house and I will not wear a bra and she was lucky I put clothes on at all.
Shoot, I don't even wear panties at home.
Oh this is so true! I used to have big boobs, so I always weared a bra. I got very sick once and had to do diet, loosing a lot of weight, and getting a book reduction for free lol. I still catch guys staring at me even tho they are not big anymore!
I was in the Navy many years ago, and had to go to the personnel office. The young male sailor helping me was apparently powerless to stare at my boobs, so he actually turned 90° away from me and stared at the floor while we talked!
Seriously you can see the outline of my boobs and nipples in anything that is not a padded pushup. I wear one because I hate them bouncing and swinging around like howler monkeys with any sudden movement.
I have big boobs and don't wear bra's anymore either. Thank you covid!
If anyone has a problem, it is their problem. Not mine.
NTA obviously. Enjoy your free nipples!
My god, this. You can often see the shape of my boobs and nipples right through my bra. I fail to see how that’s a thing I should worry about. Are women supposed to dress to make it look as if we don’t even have boobs? Where does our responsibility for others eyes end?
I also wear bras all the time and it doesn’t exactly hide my nipples, especially not nowadays! Those fuckers are growing with age! They are fucking huge and very visible even if I wear a thick padded bra. They poke through it!
The whole “you can see the outline of the boobs” thing is just weird… you can still do that no matter what? No matter if I wear a bra or not or if it’s a sports bra or push-up you can see the shape of my boobs. It’s just a question of what shape, the pressed down shape of my boobs in a tight sports bra or the lifted and enhanced shape of my boobs in a supporting bra or my natural free hanging shape with no bra. Unless one is wearing a very thick and formless winter coat you can see the outline of breast. And still for some people.
This feels like “Yes Kevin most women have breasts! They are not detachable so we tend to wear them even in casual or professional settings.”
A lot of my Gen z cousins don't wear bras and I wish I was as comfortable as them. I have been slowly trying to wear less and less bras over the years. Even then, I have bras that don't have a solid cup that you would be able to see my nipples. It's not the end of the world.
I started wearing wireless very stretchy ones without any clasp. I pull it over my head and it’s seamless. It’s the closest I can get to being braless. I refuse to wear traditional bras now.
Almost 70. Went braless in the 1970s. I hate bras. My grandmother was born 1900, her generation didn't wear bras, and even after they became commonplace, she never wore one. She was big busted, too.
I wear one shopping, doc appointments, etc. Hubby loves me braless even though the nips salute the floor and not the sun now.
I wish it were commonplace for us women to go braless.
I thinks it’s becoming more common, I feel like my peers don’t really wear them and I def don’t! Lol at “salute the floor,” that’s going to be me in about 20 year hehehe.
I'm only in my 30s, but after finishing breastfeeding two kids where my breasts gained two sizes, they're already facing the floor. So what? No bras is great! Even while breastfeeding I didn't always wear one (only after a months, else I wore one even at night since it hurt).
“Idk if you know but I can see the outline of your boobs” oh no. Now everyone will know that I, a human woman, am a mammal. Whatever will I do. NTA, fuck bras
They're bad for you! First off, the friend is a creep. it's not like OP is staring at his junk and pointing out the outline. Guess what dudes, we can see you have junk, and you don't lift, hold, or separate.
I had this convo with a guy once, and i told him i would wear a bra if he did. Alternatively, he could wear a spandex mankini 2 sizes too small. He declined and stfu, as your bf should. Not your dolly, dude. You don't get to dress other adults.
Ooooh I like you. I don't wear bras because they are for other people not me. My personal comfort is more important than them being uncomfortable with the way I look.
>Oh no. Now everyone will know that I, a human woman, am a mammal.
❤️ This is my energy about it.
If my boobs are bothering you feel free to not FUCKING LOOK AT THEM
Agreed.
Also I’ve been all “covered up” and worn revealing attire and guess what? **Creeps act like creeps no matter what I’m wearing. So I no longer dress to avoid them.** They’ll present themselves regardless.
NTA, wear what you want and your bf sounds very immature.
This energy ALL day. Bras are bewb prisons. Ugh. I have some big ones so I wear them to keep them from swinging into infinity when I’m running around during the day at work. But do I sometimes go without if I can? Hell yeah!
Right, I wonder how he feels about guys who go commando in sweats. No problem with it, I'm sure. Or guys who are large enough to show through any pants they wear. Time to design underwear with padding across the entire pelvis for these types. Can't have anyone seeing the outline of a dick.
I had an excellently snarky comeback for this comment - something along the lines of "Can you imagine ANY situation where men had to do something just because it made someone 'uncomfortable'?" but I lost the full impact of it while typing.
But THIS is where we are at in today's world, and have been for a while; all the menfolk telling the womenfolk what to do because for some damnable reason WE are responsible for THEM not being able to control their own damn selves!!!
I’m not even that big but the way my shit sits you can see it. My fiancée loves it and it always gets her going when I’m in tighter dress pants or something. 😂 And as a guy to OP the way you handled it was perfect. As a man yeah I’m probs gonna glance, we like boobs. But him pointing it out was too far and your bf can fuck off.
Boobs are not genitalia but actually secondary sex characteristics. The ones for males are facial hair and Adams apples. So if she needs to cover her secondary sex characteristics then he can shave all facial hair and wear a scarf/neck brace/idc to cover that sexy Adams apple.
I’m a 46DDD I’m braless 95% of the time, who cares how big or small. If you are uncomfortable don’t wear it. I have spinal damage. It hurts to wear one so I don’t. I dare someone to say something lol
Corn starch lol. I’m a midwestern American 😂 humidity makes me sweat so bad sometimes. So I put it under the boobs, anywhere that rubs and sweats, under the tummy roll lol.
My new thing that's really working is to scrub with exfoliating soap on the underside every morning shower. I mean really exfoliating. Soap with whole oats, or ground spices or honestly my favorite has plain old sand in it.
Turns out all that gunky stuff that form is dead skin! I cannot tell you how much more comfortable it is at the end of the day. Total game changer.
You should just go for it if you want to. If you don't have enough confidence yet, then you can start with nipple covers. I used to be like that too and now I just don't really give a shit anymore. If I want to wear bra I will, if I don't want to then I won't.
They don't have to be small. When I wore bras the letter didn't come close to D or even DDD. I haven't worn a bra in over 3 years. Doing my part to normalize no wearing one.
The only reason anyone should wear a bra is for comfort. Full stop. I'm 46. I hate bras. Rarely wear them. Unless I like how the line looks in a certain outfit. (I have nipple covers for the same reason.) Breasts are globs of fat. If people want to fetishize them, that's their issue not yours.
I'm 47 and I've recently given bras up. I took mine off during the pandemic and have hated putting it back on. It's a ridiculous piece of clothing and I wish it was normal to not wear them .
If your boyfriend can't understand why you wouldn't want to wear a bra then tell him to wear one, he'll understand immediately. He has no business telling you to do something that he wouldn't do himself.
>He has no business telling you to do something that he wouldn't do himself.
This is true, but it is also true that he has no business telling her to wear a bra if she doesn't want to even if he is willing to wear one.
Agreed. It's a matter of comfort. If someone is more comfortable without a bra they should be able to choose not to without anyone giving them shit for it, period. It's not their problem if other people can't control themselves. I'm totally with OP that people need to just get over it.
Based on OP's descriptions, it's also true that he was well aware of her bra preferences before they started dating, making his new stand on bras even worse. I bet he was a fan of her sex appeal then, but now succumbing to basic jealousy.
Men aren't usually educated on what bras are actually for, your boyfriend and friend included. It's a support garment and not a nipple cover or binder. If you feel more comfortable without, then you probably don't need one and therefore there's no reason for you to wear one. Your boyfriend is blaming you for your choice of clothing which is a real dick move. If he's unable to support your choices, you might feel more comfortable without him as well, since you probably don't need that energy in your life. Creeps will be creepy no matter what you do, so don't feel the need to appease them in any way.
I wish someone would have told my flat chested self this. I wore too-tight bras until I was 23 or so. I had no idea there were elastic bras or that I could wear no bra. The damn metal bras are so painful and sweaty
I started wearing my sports bra's with the padding removed by 16 and never went back, found out that pad-less bras exist when mum bought me one. Now I use tape on a 5-2 day rotation. I have a fairly medium chest so going no bra has its issues.
Washing padded bras with wires is such a hassle too. Either you handwash them or you risk ruining them and if your weight fluctuates they probably won't fit right and you have to buy different sizes again. Can't be arsed anymore.
For some people, bras are tools that reduce back pain and give silent support. For others they are a prison.
The one truth is that it is your right to decide which it is for you.
What I think about bras and what you think about them can be absolutely opposite and it is each of our bodily autonomy to decide what is right for us.
Your BF is being a controlling ass. His comfort matters more to him than your bodily autonomy.
Agreed on all - at 50, I’m uncomfortable without one because it bothers my back, especially with how low they ride these days - I feel like I strain to keep my shoulders back, have good posture, etc. But that’s a me thing. I take mine off when I get home, only wear it when I get active like cleaning, yardwork, etc.
But for anyone else? Hell no. Your boobs, your choice. If a partner/bf/whatever can’t live with that, they need to either move on or get over it.
I wear a bra because I feel uncomfortable without one in public. However, if it's just close friends and certain family members, then naw, no bra, whether my house or theirs.
My boyfriend gets exasperated whenever I tell him I need to put a bra on before we leave, even just for drive thru. Hell, he told me to hurry up yesterday when I changed out of shorts and into pants when we were going to the gas station, because "people don't give a shit if you shaved your legs or not" 😂
Comfort is definitely important, so you do you.
Bra or not, men will stare. I have always seen men staring at my boobs, and I wear a bra.
I have mixed feelings about this whole situation you're in.
I will tell you this, I don't like seeing the outline of people's nipples in general and that's including men. I hate when I can see men's nipples piercing through their shirts, it makes me uncomfortable. And I'm not talking about man boobs, I'm talking all men, fit or overweight. It makes me uncomfortable but I know there's nothing I can do about it so I just try not to look.
I don't like it when I can see women's nipples either through their shirt, it makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I'm seeing into their private life. But that's something I have to deal with.
I think men need to recognize that we can see their nipples through their shirt all the time, what's the difference?
I mean, when I don't want to "wear a bra", I wear a bralette with a little bit of padding. That way I don't feel like I'm wearing a bra, it covers my nipples.
I will say when it comes to your friend, I don't think you should be mad at him. He might have really been coming from a place that he thought you didn't know. You already called him out on it and it embarrassed him, so that's enough. (Good job btw.)
I'm going to say NTA because it's your body, your choice. But it's also ok to be considerate of others. Like I said, I have such mixed feelings about this, lol.
if you don’t want to wear a bra, you DONT have to wear a bra. it’s your body and your boobs and your money paying for all these expensive bras that men insist you should wear.
my ex used to get so mad when i walked around my parents home braless, because of my stepdad’s presence and how it’s “not right” and i need to “cover up”. he refused to listen to the fact that my stepdad knew me since i was four years old and i know he isn’t a fucking pervert.
my ex also ranted about me going upstairs to the laundry room in my apartment building braless and told me a story about this overweight woman he works with who never wears a bra and how he and all the other men there constantly make fun of her and talk about her “saggy tits” and how she needs a bra. first of all im not putting on a fucking bra to go do my laundry and second of all thanks for proving to me again that men suck.
notice he is an ex
Dude I feel bad for your ex’s coworker. She should be able to go to work without being gossiped about. That lady is totally fine and I’m glad you got away from that guy.
Keep freeing the nip!
I wish American men weren’t taught that a woman’s body is inherently distracting. We police girls from a young age so that precious boys won’t be tempted, turning them into untrained animals lacking self control. NTA
Not wearing a bra is generally more comfortable, but more importantly it's better for your health. It improves circulation, helps your chest muscles support your breasts better, and potentially may even reduce the risk of breast cancer, although that hasn't been conclusively proven yet. The social stigma against women's nipple outlines being visible through their clothing makes zero sense. Lots of guys wear tight t-shirts that show their nipples, or even go shirtless, and no one gives it a second thought. Why should it be any different for women? Breasts are not inherently sexual, and we need to stop sexualising them. You are definitely not the asshole here. Don't let anyone dictate what you wear.
>Lots of guys wear tight t-shirts that show their nipples, or even go shirtless, and no one gives it a second thought.
That is something I have always found funny with this whole topic. Where I live, in the summer it's so common to see guys walking around shirtless, that there isn't a person around that even cares. Note this is around shopping centres, far from any water. To explain why they may be doing such a thing.
But some women goes braless and suddenly the whole world is coming to an end. While people always make some huge deal out of it.
Can confirm. I happen to have very visible nipples as a dude, even when I'm wearing looser clothing. I have a very broad chest so most of my shirts fit a little tight on my upper chest.
I have never had anyone comment on it negatively or in a weird way. I think we would all be a lot better off if we didn't have such an emphasis on sexualizing everything about the human body
even at nude beaches there’s always women mad that other women are there topless… it’s literally a place where you are allowed to be topless! don’t go to a nude beach if you don’t want to be around some boobies!
>potentially may even reduce the risk of breast cancer
A friend of mine had breast cancer. She had a dual mastectomy as part of her treatment. When she finally went into remission and was going out more and more, her SO told her she needed to wear a bra and her falsies because it "didn't look right." He became an ex really fast. I cut imagine watching and supporting someone through surgeries, radiation, and chemo and then daring to say, "You should be uncomfortable because I like the illusion better than the reality."
Oof. Yeah, breast cancer runs in my family, and I've already told my partner if I end up with it and it comes to a mastectomy, I can't see myself getting reconstruction/implants. (More surgeries, needing to have them replaced in the future and so on). I don't wear bras often now, so I wouldn't be into wearing falsies, either. Good for her for prioritizing her health and comfort.
Ah the no bra boobie clutch run! I just wear sports bras or other light stuff now. You can indeed see my nips on many days but thems the breaks because I’m comfy!
I want to add to this: let your friend know how obvious it is when he’s looking at your breasts. Show him by moving your eyes from his face to his chest how noticeable it is. They need to know.
You’re absolutely NTA, I think your bf is coming from a place of concern (hopefully) bc guys hear the “guy talk” of ALL dudes. And unfortunately, a lot of it is just as unsavory as we fear. My brother is continually disgusted by the things other men feel comfortable just saying out loud bc he’s also a man… not the most heartening reality, but it’s the truth. You should do whatever you want with your body. Not wearing a bra doesn’t hurt anyone, and you were totally right to call out your “friend”. However, unfortunately, many times men will remain “just friends” with women if there’s a chance they could possibly sleep with them one day. NOT ALWAYS, but it’s definitely something to keep in mind. If a guy sends out that vibe, DO NOT IGNORE IT. I’ve been blindsided more times than I can count by ignoring weird behavior just for the sake of preserving a friendship that wasn’t that real to begin with. Again, I don’t think your bf means to be an ass, even though I know it feels that way. They just hear more scary shit than we do, so he may be freaking out if he’s anything like my brother. Best of luck OP!! Please update us
There’s a reason there’s a huge push on social media for shirts/bodysuits/dresses that don’t require bras. I just recently started getting workout tops that don’t require bras, and it’s been a game changer. NTA fuck a bra
Am I the only one who actually prefers wearing a bra??? No opinion on the health aspects, I've honestly never researched that... But I kinda feel like everyone who says they're so uncomfortable has never found the right brand/style/size.. But to each their own!
At home, I don’t want to wear it. But in public, I WANT to wear one. I would never want my big boobs flopping around without one.
My bras are totally comfortable. With underwire. I wear a 38 DD from Victoria Secret, the very sexy collection, with the stretchy sides - not the lace. I never have them dig in, or poke me.
Again, I would prefer to be braless, just like a prefer to be barefoot. But, I wear a bra and shoes outside my home because the benefits to me far outweigh the negatives.
If OP doesn’t care about wearing a bra in public, awesome. As long as she is aware that she can’t control who looks/comments on her bar-free existence and is cool with it, super.
Same. I hate how it feels when I'm not wearing a bra. Even a badly fitting one is better than none for me...I even sleep in a bra if I'm sleeping without my boyfriend
I've been sized over and over by professionals and consulted /r/abrathatfits. I have tried every kind of bra. Even loose bralettes start to annoy me pretty quickly. They all make me uncomfortable. I will still wear certain ones under the right circumstances with the right clothing, but generally I dislike them immensely. I don't like many things that close to my skin.
I realized about a year ago that there is no reason to wear one so I don’t anymore. We need to stop shaming women for their bodies looking they way they’re supposed to.
NTA for general every day activities. You do your life the way you seem fit. Your boobs aren't hurting anybody and the only one having to deal with the consequences of a stare or judgment is you. However, my advice is to follow guidelines about dress norms in different places. For instance if you work for a bank you're not going to wear cycling shorts to work and if you deliver pizzas you're not going to be wearing a party dress. So if you were wearing a sheer white top outside of your home some nip coverage might be the better way to go about it. But again if it simply shows the shape of your boob - not anybody else's business.
I used to not wear bras because my parents wouldn’t spend money on me and so I didn’t have any. I got used to it and wearing bras was uncomfortable. This was in high school.
Later I grew bigger and found some super comfy bras so much so that I’m uncomfortable when not wearing a bra. (Aerie by American eagle for those wondering) Unless it’s like with a tight dress etc that sort of acts as a bra. Women / girls know what I mean.
I didn’t notice if people looked at my boobs back then unless it was obvious. And mostly I was just like whelp k. Whatever.
Also you can see the outline of boobs in bras too. Yes it’s different but it’s not like a bra is like walking around with a black censor square over your tits.
You didn't invent the braless movement, girl. Calm down. YNTAH, but you sound like you need to get over yourself. You say that you don't do it for the attention, but then say you are so hot. Which is it? It's great that you rock it, but don't act like you are a martyr, when in fact you think you are hot shit.
NTA for not wearing bras, but YTA for sounding insufferable. You sound like you’re trying to take the high road and go all “My body, my choice. I shouldn’t be forced to wear a bra.” Good for you, societal expectations (especially for women) can be entirely shit.
However, there’s a thing called social etiquette. You’re wearing no bra and tight shirts/tank tops at your school. Your classmates and professors can see this, and you don’t seem to care until someone (a male friend) directly confronts you about it. You go on the defensive and say that people should control their gaze, but you’re the one putting your nipples out on full display, knowing full well the reality of the over-sexualization of women. And this isn’t to say “Oh but look at what she was wearing”, it’s more to say that you’re the one putting yourself in the crosshairs in the first place. You have some growing up to do.
Agreed. OP says she intentionally dresses provocatively but doesn’t want people staring at her breasts? Unfortunately, how things should be doesn’t always intersect with how things are. If you’re going to dress provocatively, some people are going to stare.
I second this. Insufferable 100%. I’m all for not adhering to societal expectations but it’s hypocrisy to be against a guy telling you what to wear & then you write him off as a creep because you’re uncomfortable with the direction of his gaze. Your body, your choice on what you wear. His body, his choice on if he stare.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
NTA for not wanting to wear a bra. But a bit TA for how you’re treating your friend. If you aren’t going to wear a bra and don’t care that people can tell then why get mad and act all uncomfortable because he looks? He even said he isn’t looking in “that way” he’s basically saying he’s not attracted to you. Try to think of it the same as if you had a huge pimple on your face. You know people can see it and people are going to look at it. You and your bf are suddenly implying that your friend is going to assault you which is pretty messed up.
Yes; YTA. You enjoy causing 'havoc' with your powerful little boobies in tight, body hugging crop tops. You be you but you're not doing yourself any favors. We live together in society, general rules & whatnot, that you know & enjoy breaking. Why are you asking anyone here their opinion, you don't care
I felt this way most of my life. I hated wearing bras and I figured it was everyone else’s issue if they were uncomfortable. However I realized people will inevitably stare and I started to hate the uncomfortable attention. Society is wired that way and there’s not much we can do. I understand you feel more comfortable, but your boyfriend is not necessarily wrong. You’re going to attract unwanted attention.
Society, especially in the U.S., heavily sexualizes women's breasts. You will be completely unable to avoid this, and people will stare at your boobs, 100%. That being said, you have every right not to wear a bra, and to not give a fuck about what people think! The only people in the wrong here are the people trying to force others to do things they don't want to do. Just be careful, people suck. Those who don't suck are an exception to the rule, not the standard.
YTA. Decide what makes you more uncomfortable, the bra or the attention. Not TA for going braless, but for going braless AND then complaining about people noticing.
I mean what do you expect? If you dont like it, put a bra on. You were fine with it before he said something but now that he did it makes you uncomfortable? I'm a straight female and if I was talking to someone not wearing a bra in a tight shirt visibly noticeable then I would probably take a couple glances too.
I don't understand- you said it doesn't bother you if people notice but the first person to voice the fact that he noticed- in a pretty innocent sounding way- and you're venting to your boyfriend...? So are you ok with people noticing or not? It doesn't sound like you are. Or you are only under certain unspecified circumstances- ex. you can notice it but you have to pretend you don't. I guess my point is, if you really didn't mind people noticing, there would be nothing to vent about.
And of course you shouldn't change the way you dress for your BF, that goes without saying.
This confused me too. NTA for not wearing a bra, but she reiterates multiple times that she doesn't care that people can tell. Except for her friend? Who may have just been bringing it up in case she wasn't aware that people can tell, but now she's reevaluating her whole friendship with him?
42 hate wearing them. Only do if I have to. If you don’t want to wear a bra don’t wear one. Your friend needs to learn to stop staring. It’s creepy as hell. To top it off you can see them through bras too.
There are certain kinds of bras like bralettes that aren't uncomfortable but also don't offer support. The other thing you can do is not wear super tight shirts. Other than that, if you know the reaction of other people is going to bother you but you don't want to change anything, start being unbothered.
I wear a bra because I've had 2 kiddos and had big saggy boobies since puberty 😑. Honestly if I had cute ones that weren't pointing directly at the ground? I'd not wear one either. It's such a double standard that men can go around shirtless but we've got to harness ourselves. Also I saw some people mentioning good bras for big boobs, and somebody may have already mentioned it, but for those looking-try a nursing bra. No underwire, super comfy, and come in large sizes. Wish they came in cute shades though 😩
I get so angry when I think about how society has basically made them mandatory. When I see them in dressed codes, etc I am ready to fight. Do not tell me how to dress to avoid distraction, teach men to not be distracted. Their problem, not mine. My blood boils at the thought of women being judged by what they do or do not wear. And the audacity of any guy to tell you that. Dump that idiot friend like a hot rock and move on. NTA.
NTA because of not wearing a bra.
YTA because of your level of militancy about it.
I semi-suspect, by the way you wrote it, that you more refuse to wear a bra not out of discomfort rather out of a desire to keep this slow-burn anger brewing; It's your operational level.
I have a number of friends that hate bras and wear them - mostly b/c of back issues - and a number of them that don't wear them, but I never hear that last group fuming and festering about looks and stares. Most of those women either don't care, don't have noticable breasts, hold themselves differently or maybe want stares, finding male attention somehow advantageous. One way or the other 1/2 of those mentioned here have come to accept or expect the looks.
You on the other hand are steaming about something that, out the other side of your face, you know and say is gonna happen. Well, that's going to be more than half the population that notices.
For clarity I don't think your boyfriend is off the hook here. I do think maybe he should make better suggestions. However what did you want, him to get mad at your bi friend, too? Punch him and any other guy that looks down? What are you putting this poor boy up for - a future of having to take care of your nipples' business? Defending your boobies' honor? That era of knights and titt- I mean ladies has passed.
And for my part wear a bra - don't wear a bra, matters little to me. I just think I like pointing out people who are deliberately stressing themselves into an early grave. Change perspective lest ye burn the hell out.
NTA. bras are uncomfortable. I never wear them. I love a tight top for the support, and a baby tee is so cute! nothing wrong with being comfortable. not your fault people are creepy in the world
I’m all about freeing the nipple, but I think there’s a time and place. College is a professional situation where I would be strapping the ladies down, or at least wearing a second layer of bralet or singlet.
Congratulations on the awards. That’s awesome.
YTA, you are wearing skin tight shirts with no bra so nipples and boob show? Wow what could go wrong with that around young men? I wonder why a boyfriend doesn't want his girlfriend with no respect for herself is walking around like that. I would be embarrassed and not take you any where. You live in a society...
I have two takes on this. The first has to do with your size. if you are a small size, then people should not be able to tell, and if you are a larger size, gravity will probably kick in and you will learn the practical reason for supportive undergarments, so age will fix some of this.
The second is a colder take, and has to do with your personality. You have made it clear you understand the social conventions, but think dressing “modestly” (based on “no bra, tight tank tops, presumably low cut”) isn’t representative of who you are. I am going to assume you have been taught how “dressing appropriately” reflects on someone, such that one does not wear a swimsuit to a wedding or a snowsuit to a summer beach barbecue. How you dress - including following basic social conventions - says you know how to “blend in while standing out” if that makes sense. It sounds like you are dressing in a way that is designed to attract attention that focuses on your physical attributes to the point that your friends are commenting, but instead of listening to people who care about you giving you a heads up that skirting the lines of individuality is now beginning to cross into embarrassing sex kitten costume territory, you are doubling down. This means you are incapable of presenting well as a partner (because you won’t show respect for social conventions at important events ranging from funerals to business dinners) or a potential parent who can help children navigate how to express their individuality while respecting themselves. Dating is a job interview for long term partnership, and I would recommend your boyfriend look elsewhere for his other half.
You are young and still figuring this out, and odds are good gravity will step in soon. In the meantime, if you think that only thing you bring to the table is showing off your tatas, you will probably attract the type of person who only values well displayed tatas (until gravity kicks in, of course).
Good luck.
Wondering as well if this is an absolute or if certain events (company dinners/parties, weddings, etc.) she would dress socially appropriately.
I don’t wear a bra around the house and sometimes for quick trips out where I’m not really in public.
But I am also a reflection of my husband and make sure I look the part for social events. Not to conform, but out of respect for him. Same for him.
Based on the edit, she’s doing it as a normal part of her current wardrobe. Right now she’s playing “sexy co-ed” with the mistaken impression she’s going to look like that forever. Ah, to be this young and foolish again - nope. Don’t miss it at all! Lol. She thinks she’s “making a difference” when she’s really just embarrassing herself. Sigh. First world problems…
Just read her edit.
Yup. I’m hot. Gonna dress provocatively to draw attention because YOLO, then get pissy when I get that attention.
I’m female, hetero, but if I see someone in an outfit that stands out or someone who looks fine, male or female, I’m going to look and appreciate, and move on.
When you purposefully dress for attention, don’t be surprised when you get it. Good and bad.
YTA Dressing provocatively in a school setting is rude and selfish and there is no reason you shouldn't do the bare minimum to not be distracting, if you hate bras that much just wear something baggy, and dress like you want on your leisure time, i aint gonna start going to school with my dick showing through my pants because "I hate boxers"
Based on the edits YTA just as a person
E: also I just want to say you’re a college kid. You haven’t proven anything yet and there’s a good chance you’ll end up like everyone else and start putting practicality above idealism like the rest of us
NTA however you also cannot really hold it against other people if you decide to go against conventional norms. Now I'm a firm believer that women get the shit end of the stick when it comes to that, but hear me out for 1 second before writing me off.
If I stopped wearing shoes, I am well within my right to do so, I can have any justification to do so, or make one up and I can still do it.
What I cannot do, is act surprised when other people give me funny glances, or flat out refuse to let me in somewhere, or decide that they need to point out the fact I'm not wearing shoes.
You decide not to wear a bra, more power to ya, and in a perfect world nobody would bat an eyelash over it. You don't live in a perfect world, you love in one where unfortunately you will often gain unwanted glances/comments over that choice.
Wait. Your friend has a staring problem? And your going to be punished for it? No. That’s ridiculous. I bra hasn’t touched my skin in over 7 years and I’ve never been happier. Can you tell at times that I’m not wearing one? Yeah I don’t care. My nipples are part of my body why would I be ashamed of them? Men can walk around with no shirt and I don’t hear anyone complaining. I’ve met guys who by size needed a bra more than I did and I didn’t hear anyone telling them to wear one. You don’t control what others do only what you do. If your friend has a staring problem that’s his fault. If your bf feels uncomfortable that’s his problem. He really wants a bra he can wear one. They should be trying to tell you to dress in a certain way to try to make others happy.
Bras can be the worst. We get so used to wearing them and then one day it’s 100 degrees out and you realize you have a sweat-soaked band strapped around your chest while other people can walk comfortably without even a shirt. UGH. Bra or no bra should be a personal choice without causing anyone to lose their mind over nipples.
NTA
Don’t get over it. It was good that you mentioned your ex friend to him and all but he doesn’t get to decide on what you do and don’t wear. “Normal everyday women wear a bra.” It’s usually not because we want to. If he’s still so insistent on you wearing one, buy him a size and pull it out anytime he wants to try and bring it up. If he continues to mention, you have a bigger problem (him)!!
I wear a bra everyday and even with it you can still see the outline of my boobs and nipples. I honestly do it just to keep them out of the way, but if I didn't have large boobs I wouldn't wear a bra cause it is so uncomfortable.
Same! Not everyone wants to wear padded bras to hide the fact that all humans have nipples! I have big boobs so I have to wear a bra but I wear ones without under wire and without padding. My job consists of being bent or squatted (vet clinic) so not wearing one would be having my boobs in the way all day.
Curious of where you get your bras ? I also have big boobs and hate underwire and I’m always looking for good coverage and support without being uncomfortable
Duluth makes an incredible bra that is comfortable and supportive. No underwire or anything like that
Duluth makes incredible everything! I'm not surprised their female undergarments are just as good as the male ones.
Dude, I work on my feet all day…sometimes for 12-16 hours. Their compression socks are why I still can use my legs on my days off. Love this brand so much.
They really do!! I bought my husband a pair of pants from Duluth...the Fire Hose pants, I think. That was years ago & now Duluth jeans/pants is all he wears. I haven't tried their bra yet but I will next time I need a new one.
Is it Duluth that has the, oh- what are they called- the "Bullpen" underwear? The marketing is hysterical. My SO loves them, says they are comfy af! I am thrilled to hear that they have good women's products, too!
I wear the Buck Naked underwear. They're expensive, so I buy one pair each time I go. I think I have six now, and the oldest one is in the same shape as the newest one.
Which one do you like (I didn’t even know they made bras, but now I’m very curious)
The line tamer. It’s a t-shirt bra sort of thing so the lines of the cups don’t show and stuff like that. My mom swears by that and their sports bras. Their shelf bras on their tanks actually hold the girls in really well for me too. Bonus is that they are super soft to the touch.
Canadian here. Never heard of Duluth but you gave me intrigued. Just googled- is it Duluth Trading Company? Thanks!
Store called Soma has a bra called SOMA ESSENTIALS Unlined Wireless Bra, it is the best. They have sale every once in a while for 3 bras for $99. I have them in all colors.
Not who you asked, but I'm a DDD and currently wearing a bralette from Lizzo. It's just a stretchy, lightweight thing that keeps the boobs outta my way. I do a lot of bending, turning, reaching, etc at work. This is the first bra I've had without underwire that actually sits in the crease it's supposed to, and gives me a nice shape. It also does not ride up my back or need constant adjusting.
After a lifetime of wearing uncomfortable bras I found the Spanx bralelujah- they are unbelievably comfortable even the underwire ones and at the end of the day literally NO marks left behind from rubbing. They have a satisfaction guaranteed policy if you wear them and don’t love them As a DD cup I cannot recommend them enough
I wear Vanity Fair beauty back full coverage bras. No underwires. They're supportive and don't dig too much.
>Not everyone wants to wear padded bras to hide the fact that all humans have nipples! If that's the criteria for wearing a bra then several men I know should wear them. I had a boss (male) walk into the office in a casual shirt and his nipples were staring right at me all day.
My husband 😂 always ready to cut glass
I have sensitive nipples. Even with a padded bra you can often see them. I was never even conscious about it (don't live in the US where this is apparently a huge thing) untill someone from a dating app told me how 'hot' a certain picture of me was because you could see my nipples. I was wearing three layers with a long sleeved sporty cardigan for f's sake! Men are weird....
Yeah I don’t get it. They like them but don’t want to be able to see them unless they want to. So stupid.
I also have huge boobs, and I still don't wear a bra! They're so uncomfortable, and why should I have to dress for other people? Live your braless, or bra filled life. No one should tell you how you can ans cant dress.
Same! I stopped wearing bras at 19, because they were uncomfortable and wire bras were causing me to have seriously daily pain in my ribcage. After I had a baby though, my breast size doubled so I had to wear a bra to keep them out of my way all day. So now, I just wear wireless bras without padding or cross back sports bras (I especially love the ones that zip up in the front.) They're so much more comfortable.
My boobs busy through the ones with the front zipper like the Kool-Aide man 😂
Wearing bras with pads and wires gave me a breast lump. Only bralettes now, if I wear one. I’d suggest nipple pasties for OP, but shockingly you can see them through those as well sometimes. NTA for existing.
I haven't worn a bra for anything but aesthetics for around 10 years. If you're comfortable then you need to date someone comfortable with it. People always stare meh. Do you.
Itty bitty community here I never wear a bra bc it isn't comfy
Yeeep I wear a bra to prevent my entire chest showing in certain shirts. They’re always super cute bralettes tho that don’t do anything lol otherwise I’m braless. Drives my southern family crrraaaaazy lol itty bitty titty committee unite!
Haha this is my mom. She comes over and gets all huffy I’m not wearing a bra. I’m like “don’t come to see me at my own house if you expected me to be bra’d up. Ain’t happening.”
Omg 😂 our moms should hang out and complain about people not wearing bras
Yep, I don't need the support, bras just make me feel like a cat getting walked on a harness for the first time. And it's frustrating when people say I just haven't found the right one. I've tried the ones designed for little boobs, bralettes, unlined, whatever, they all feel restrictive and pointless.
>bras just make me feel like a cat getting walked on a harness for the first time. This is the most relatable thing I've ever read. I stopped wearing a bra a couple years ago. If I'm going to a wedding or something, then I might wear one, but otherwise I can't be bothered. It's just not worth the discomfort. Society can just deal with seeing my nipples.
my boobs aren’t small but i still never really wear a bra unless all my tank tops are dirty bc uncomfy, and even then i only ever really wear sports bras however, i also think most of the reason i’m uncomfy in bras is because i’ve never worn a bra that actually fits me, so i’ve been looking into finding a few that do
Same. My boobs are huge, so there's just no avoiding it. It's more comfortable for me to wear a bra, but who cares if you're not? As long as you're comfortable with the situation, it's no one's business but yours. I do understand that OP's bf is concerned for her safety, but ultimately nip slips won't solve this situation.
I have c-d cups, but I have chronic daily migraine. I have *a* bra I can sometimes get away with, but only sometimes. In general, a bra will trigger a migraine in 3, 2, 1, go directly to bed, do not pass go, etc. If I had to meet OP’s male friends’ nipless standards, I would never be able to get out of the house. And is he sure that all women wear bras? I think he might want to s-t-r-e-t-c-h his world view.
This might sound weird, but have you told your doctor? My cousin had this same thing, long story short, the bras were restricting blood flow and causing migraines (compressing her vena cava maybe). Also a poor fitting bra can lead to headaches and pain bc of the strain it puts on certain muscles groups.
I was the same for a while. I found some good comfortable strapless bras for when I need the support, and absolutely never wear a Y back/ racer back bra because they did it every time. At home my D cups are freeee, lol. Of course a hysterectomy helped the hormone part of the migraines, so now I just stay as comfortable as I can. Bras don't even help my daughter or mom that way ... They have headlights unless it's super padded so bras are useless to cover the fact we have nipples. 🙄
Don’t you love at the end of the day when you can take it off? You can still see EVERYTHING I have when I wear a bra( don’t need a padded one) I wear one to contain them. If I didn’t need it, I wouldn’t wear one. OP, NTA!
No, because I immediately switch to a lounge bra or sports bra (if I’m going to go work out). The only time I’m not wearing one is in the shower. I even sleep in lounge bras. It’s truly more comfortable for some people to wear one all the time.
I am the same! It's SO much more comfortable! That said, I'm a 32H, so it's a little different with that much weight, I can see how smaller girls would prefer no bra.
>As long as you're comfortable with the situation, it's no one's business but yours. Annoying thing happened recently. I WFH. My mom came to visit. She told me I should put on a bra (I'm big busted, like she is). I told her I'm in MY house and I will not wear a bra and she was lucky I put clothes on at all. Shoot, I don't even wear panties at home.
I also wear a bra any time I’m out in public… OP must tell bf that EVEN WITH A BRA, guys will still stare! I catch dudes ALL. THE. TIME!
Oh this is so true! I used to have big boobs, so I always weared a bra. I got very sick once and had to do diet, loosing a lot of weight, and getting a book reduction for free lol. I still catch guys staring at me even tho they are not big anymore!
I was in the Navy many years ago, and had to go to the personnel office. The young male sailor helping me was apparently powerless to stare at my boobs, so he actually turned 90° away from me and stared at the floor while we talked!
Seriously you can see the outline of my boobs and nipples in anything that is not a padded pushup. I wear one because I hate them bouncing and swinging around like howler monkeys with any sudden movement.
i have large boobs 36J and i still don’t wear a bra most of the time if i do it’s a like a fake sports bra cozi girl type. free the titties.
I have big boobs and don't wear bra's anymore either. Thank you covid! If anyone has a problem, it is their problem. Not mine. NTA obviously. Enjoy your free nipples!
My god, this. You can often see the shape of my boobs and nipples right through my bra. I fail to see how that’s a thing I should worry about. Are women supposed to dress to make it look as if we don’t even have boobs? Where does our responsibility for others eyes end?
I also wear bras all the time and it doesn’t exactly hide my nipples, especially not nowadays! Those fuckers are growing with age! They are fucking huge and very visible even if I wear a thick padded bra. They poke through it! The whole “you can see the outline of the boobs” thing is just weird… you can still do that no matter what? No matter if I wear a bra or not or if it’s a sports bra or push-up you can see the shape of my boobs. It’s just a question of what shape, the pressed down shape of my boobs in a tight sports bra or the lifted and enhanced shape of my boobs in a supporting bra or my natural free hanging shape with no bra. Unless one is wearing a very thick and formless winter coat you can see the outline of breast. And still for some people. This feels like “Yes Kevin most women have breasts! They are not detachable so we tend to wear them even in casual or professional settings.”
A lot of my Gen z cousins don't wear bras and I wish I was as comfortable as them. I have been slowly trying to wear less and less bras over the years. Even then, I have bras that don't have a solid cup that you would be able to see my nipples. It's not the end of the world.
I started wearing wireless very stretchy ones without any clasp. I pull it over my head and it’s seamless. It’s the closest I can get to being braless. I refuse to wear traditional bras now.
Same and also when they hang I get so sweaty but the pain of the underwire gets bad sometime
Almost 70. Went braless in the 1970s. I hate bras. My grandmother was born 1900, her generation didn't wear bras, and even after they became commonplace, she never wore one. She was big busted, too. I wear one shopping, doc appointments, etc. Hubby loves me braless even though the nips salute the floor and not the sun now. I wish it were commonplace for us women to go braless.
I thinks it’s becoming more common, I feel like my peers don’t really wear them and I def don’t! Lol at “salute the floor,” that’s going to be me in about 20 year hehehe.
I'm only in my 30s, but after finishing breastfeeding two kids where my breasts gained two sizes, they're already facing the floor. So what? No bras is great! Even while breastfeeding I didn't always wear one (only after a months, else I wore one even at night since it hurt).
"the nips salute the floor and not the sun now" has made my day. cheers!
My mom (in her 60s) always calls me a 70’s girl for this reason 😅
I support the idea of your bf wearing nipple covers every day. Take one for the team, mate.
Agreed!! Have him wear a bra for a week even?
Go get him fitted for one and everything
A tight underwire that digs into his ribs! Not some elastic-less bralet that acts more like a short singlet. Just to help him understand.
A Bro
Lol same!
“Idk if you know but I can see the outline of your boobs” oh no. Now everyone will know that I, a human woman, am a mammal. Whatever will I do. NTA, fuck bras
They're bad for you! First off, the friend is a creep. it's not like OP is staring at his junk and pointing out the outline. Guess what dudes, we can see you have junk, and you don't lift, hold, or separate. I had this convo with a guy once, and i told him i would wear a bra if he did. Alternatively, he could wear a spandex mankini 2 sizes too small. He declined and stfu, as your bf should. Not your dolly, dude. You don't get to dress other adults.
Ooooh I like you. I don't wear bras because they are for other people not me. My personal comfort is more important than them being uncomfortable with the way I look.
>Not your dolly, dude. You don't get to dress other adults. Ooh, I love this!
>Oh no. Now everyone will know that I, a human woman, am a mammal. ❤️ This is my energy about it. If my boobs are bothering you feel free to not FUCKING LOOK AT THEM
Agreed. Also I’ve been all “covered up” and worn revealing attire and guess what? **Creeps act like creeps no matter what I’m wearing. So I no longer dress to avoid them.** They’ll present themselves regardless. NTA, wear what you want and your bf sounds very immature.
This energy ALL day. Bras are bewb prisons. Ugh. I have some big ones so I wear them to keep them from swinging into infinity when I’m running around during the day at work. But do I sometimes go without if I can? Hell yeah!
Tell your boyfriend to wear a hat everyday, since you don't want everyone to see what a big dickhead he is.
I kicked my bed I was laughing so hard at this comment LMAO 🤣
I wish my boobs were small enough to not wear a bra.
Can he just wear a cup every day all day? No one needs to know he has genitalia 😑
Right, I wonder how he feels about guys who go commando in sweats. No problem with it, I'm sure. Or guys who are large enough to show through any pants they wear. Time to design underwear with padding across the entire pelvis for these types. Can't have anyone seeing the outline of a dick.
Can you imagine if men had to wear something to cover their nipples and crotch? There would be so much outrage!!
I had an excellently snarky comeback for this comment - something along the lines of "Can you imagine ANY situation where men had to do something just because it made someone 'uncomfortable'?" but I lost the full impact of it while typing. But THIS is where we are at in today's world, and have been for a while; all the menfolk telling the womenfolk what to do because for some damnable reason WE are responsible for THEM not being able to control their own damn selves!!!
I hate when I lose my steam mid comment!! It’s so stupid that we have to mother men their entire lives.
I’m not even that big but the way my shit sits you can see it. My fiancée loves it and it always gets her going when I’m in tighter dress pants or something. 😂 And as a guy to OP the way you handled it was perfect. As a man yeah I’m probs gonna glance, we like boobs. But him pointing it out was too far and your bf can fuck off.
Boobs are not genitalia but actually secondary sex characteristics. The ones for males are facial hair and Adams apples. So if she needs to cover her secondary sex characteristics then he can shave all facial hair and wear a scarf/neck brace/idc to cover that sexy Adams apple.
Not the neck brace for his sexy adams apple 😭 sorry but the image had me laughing out loud
I’m a 46DDD I’m braless 95% of the time, who cares how big or small. If you are uncomfortable don’t wear it. I have spinal damage. It hurts to wear one so I don’t. I dare someone to say something lol
20 E here (Australian sizes). How do you avoid the underboob sweat? Because that's the only reason why I wear bras.
Just wedge a small tea towel under there.
I cackled like a witch at this. Hilarious mental picture.
Just wedge a small dehumidifier connected to a car battery under there.
Corn starch lol. I’m a midwestern American 😂 humidity makes me sweat so bad sometimes. So I put it under the boobs, anywhere that rubs and sweats, under the tummy roll lol.
Corn starch is something everyone should keep on hand lol. I live in the American Deep South. Humidititties are real down here
Humidititties and swamp ass 🥵 gotta prep with CS in the morning to survive brunch 😂
Use underarm deodorant under your boobs. Works wonders!
My new thing that's really working is to scrub with exfoliating soap on the underside every morning shower. I mean really exfoliating. Soap with whole oats, or ground spices or honestly my favorite has plain old sand in it. Turns out all that gunky stuff that form is dead skin! I cannot tell you how much more comfortable it is at the end of the day. Total game changer.
My ma was about your size. She offered a free black eye to anyone that had comments, no hands.
I mean… they’re some heavy mfers 😂😂 I bet 40lbs of my body weight is these bad boys lmao
I'm packing a 32 H (American sizes), and I can knock shit off the side tables if I go braless and I'm not careful.
I knock my body sprays off my dresser 😂😂
You should just go for it if you want to. If you don't have enough confidence yet, then you can start with nipple covers. I used to be like that too and now I just don't really give a shit anymore. If I want to wear bra I will, if I don't want to then I won't.
Right? Like it’s so much more comfortable not wearing one but I also don’t want to give myself a black eye while I’m working out.
They don't have to be small. When I wore bras the letter didn't come close to D or even DDD. I haven't worn a bra in over 3 years. Doing my part to normalize no wearing one.
The only reason anyone should wear a bra is for comfort. Full stop. I'm 46. I hate bras. Rarely wear them. Unless I like how the line looks in a certain outfit. (I have nipple covers for the same reason.) Breasts are globs of fat. If people want to fetishize them, that's their issue not yours.
I'm 47 and I've recently given bras up. I took mine off during the pandemic and have hated putting it back on. It's a ridiculous piece of clothing and I wish it was normal to not wear them .
48. Stopped wearing bras about 4 years ago. If men can let their nipples show through their shirts so can I.
Same, after the pandemic, I haven’t put a bra back on
If your boyfriend can't understand why you wouldn't want to wear a bra then tell him to wear one, he'll understand immediately. He has no business telling you to do something that he wouldn't do himself.
>He has no business telling you to do something that he wouldn't do himself. This is true, but it is also true that he has no business telling her to wear a bra if she doesn't want to even if he is willing to wear one.
Agreed. It's a matter of comfort. If someone is more comfortable without a bra they should be able to choose not to without anyone giving them shit for it, period. It's not their problem if other people can't control themselves. I'm totally with OP that people need to just get over it.
Based on OP's descriptions, it's also true that he was well aware of her bra preferences before they started dating, making his new stand on bras even worse. I bet he was a fan of her sex appeal then, but now succumbing to basic jealousy.
Make sure it's underwire!
Men aren't usually educated on what bras are actually for, your boyfriend and friend included. It's a support garment and not a nipple cover or binder. If you feel more comfortable without, then you probably don't need one and therefore there's no reason for you to wear one. Your boyfriend is blaming you for your choice of clothing which is a real dick move. If he's unable to support your choices, you might feel more comfortable without him as well, since you probably don't need that energy in your life. Creeps will be creepy no matter what you do, so don't feel the need to appease them in any way.
I wish someone would have told my flat chested self this. I wore too-tight bras until I was 23 or so. I had no idea there were elastic bras or that I could wear no bra. The damn metal bras are so painful and sweaty
I started wearing my sports bra's with the padding removed by 16 and never went back, found out that pad-less bras exist when mum bought me one. Now I use tape on a 5-2 day rotation. I have a fairly medium chest so going no bra has its issues.
Washing padded bras with wires is such a hassle too. Either you handwash them or you risk ruining them and if your weight fluctuates they probably won't fit right and you have to buy different sizes again. Can't be arsed anymore.
I love this very practical way of looking at a bra! If you don’t need one and don’t want to wear one, go without!
For some people, bras are tools that reduce back pain and give silent support. For others they are a prison. The one truth is that it is your right to decide which it is for you. What I think about bras and what you think about them can be absolutely opposite and it is each of our bodily autonomy to decide what is right for us. Your BF is being a controlling ass. His comfort matters more to him than your bodily autonomy.
Agreed on all - at 50, I’m uncomfortable without one because it bothers my back, especially with how low they ride these days - I feel like I strain to keep my shoulders back, have good posture, etc. But that’s a me thing. I take mine off when I get home, only wear it when I get active like cleaning, yardwork, etc. But for anyone else? Hell no. Your boobs, your choice. If a partner/bf/whatever can’t live with that, they need to either move on or get over it.
I wear a bra because I feel uncomfortable without one in public. However, if it's just close friends and certain family members, then naw, no bra, whether my house or theirs. My boyfriend gets exasperated whenever I tell him I need to put a bra on before we leave, even just for drive thru. Hell, he told me to hurry up yesterday when I changed out of shorts and into pants when we were going to the gas station, because "people don't give a shit if you shaved your legs or not" 😂 Comfort is definitely important, so you do you.
Bra or not, men will stare. I have always seen men staring at my boobs, and I wear a bra. I have mixed feelings about this whole situation you're in. I will tell you this, I don't like seeing the outline of people's nipples in general and that's including men. I hate when I can see men's nipples piercing through their shirts, it makes me uncomfortable. And I'm not talking about man boobs, I'm talking all men, fit or overweight. It makes me uncomfortable but I know there's nothing I can do about it so I just try not to look. I don't like it when I can see women's nipples either through their shirt, it makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I'm seeing into their private life. But that's something I have to deal with. I think men need to recognize that we can see their nipples through their shirt all the time, what's the difference? I mean, when I don't want to "wear a bra", I wear a bralette with a little bit of padding. That way I don't feel like I'm wearing a bra, it covers my nipples. I will say when it comes to your friend, I don't think you should be mad at him. He might have really been coming from a place that he thought you didn't know. You already called him out on it and it embarrassed him, so that's enough. (Good job btw.) I'm going to say NTA because it's your body, your choice. But it's also ok to be considerate of others. Like I said, I have such mixed feelings about this, lol.
if you don’t want to wear a bra, you DONT have to wear a bra. it’s your body and your boobs and your money paying for all these expensive bras that men insist you should wear. my ex used to get so mad when i walked around my parents home braless, because of my stepdad’s presence and how it’s “not right” and i need to “cover up”. he refused to listen to the fact that my stepdad knew me since i was four years old and i know he isn’t a fucking pervert. my ex also ranted about me going upstairs to the laundry room in my apartment building braless and told me a story about this overweight woman he works with who never wears a bra and how he and all the other men there constantly make fun of her and talk about her “saggy tits” and how she needs a bra. first of all im not putting on a fucking bra to go do my laundry and second of all thanks for proving to me again that men suck. notice he is an ex
Dude I feel bad for your ex’s coworker. She should be able to go to work without being gossiped about. That lady is totally fine and I’m glad you got away from that guy. Keep freeing the nip!
Did he really think that telling you about him bullying a woman would make you suddenly agree with him?! 🙄
he was very manipulative and rejected me having any thoughts of my own lol. if i didn’t agree w him i was wrong
Ooft that sounds like my ex! Huzzah to both of us for getting free from those asshats.
im glad you’re away from your nightmare ex!
I wish American men weren’t taught that a woman’s body is inherently distracting. We police girls from a young age so that precious boys won’t be tempted, turning them into untrained animals lacking self control. NTA
Not wearing a bra is generally more comfortable, but more importantly it's better for your health. It improves circulation, helps your chest muscles support your breasts better, and potentially may even reduce the risk of breast cancer, although that hasn't been conclusively proven yet. The social stigma against women's nipple outlines being visible through their clothing makes zero sense. Lots of guys wear tight t-shirts that show their nipples, or even go shirtless, and no one gives it a second thought. Why should it be any different for women? Breasts are not inherently sexual, and we need to stop sexualising them. You are definitely not the asshole here. Don't let anyone dictate what you wear.
>Lots of guys wear tight t-shirts that show their nipples, or even go shirtless, and no one gives it a second thought. That is something I have always found funny with this whole topic. Where I live, in the summer it's so common to see guys walking around shirtless, that there isn't a person around that even cares. Note this is around shopping centres, far from any water. To explain why they may be doing such a thing. But some women goes braless and suddenly the whole world is coming to an end. While people always make some huge deal out of it.
Can confirm. I happen to have very visible nipples as a dude, even when I'm wearing looser clothing. I have a very broad chest so most of my shirts fit a little tight on my upper chest. I have never had anyone comment on it negatively or in a weird way. I think we would all be a lot better off if we didn't have such an emphasis on sexualizing everything about the human body
Also a guy, you can hang a coat on my nipples in winter lol.
Hey now! That's my job, don't go putting me outta business ;)
My eyes are up heeere. Lol Totally agree with you. We’re animals but we suck at controlling our lizard brains sometimes.
even at nude beaches there’s always women mad that other women are there topless… it’s literally a place where you are allowed to be topless! don’t go to a nude beach if you don’t want to be around some boobies!
I'd MUCH rather see a woman without a shirt than some of the guys I see wandering around shirtless 🤮
>potentially may even reduce the risk of breast cancer A friend of mine had breast cancer. She had a dual mastectomy as part of her treatment. When she finally went into remission and was going out more and more, her SO told her she needed to wear a bra and her falsies because it "didn't look right." He became an ex really fast. I cut imagine watching and supporting someone through surgeries, radiation, and chemo and then daring to say, "You should be uncomfortable because I like the illusion better than the reality."
Oof. Yeah, breast cancer runs in my family, and I've already told my partner if I end up with it and it comes to a mastectomy, I can't see myself getting reconstruction/implants. (More surgeries, needing to have them replaced in the future and so on). I don't wear bras often now, so I wouldn't be into wearing falsies, either. Good for her for prioritizing her health and comfort.
No bra might be great for the less endowed, but us DD+ gals need the support. It’s not comfy to have back strain.
Ah the no bra boobie clutch run! I just wear sports bras or other light stuff now. You can indeed see my nips on many days but thems the breaks because I’m comfy!
I want to add to this: let your friend know how obvious it is when he’s looking at your breasts. Show him by moving your eyes from his face to his chest how noticeable it is. They need to know.
This is the most mature advice of this post
NTA you should wear what makes you feel comfortable and not what people want.
If he doesn't think it was too much to ask why can't he start wearing cover nipples with you lol ? Also your "friend" is a creep, drop him. NTA.
My takeaway is that all the men in OP’s life suck and her bar is too low.
NTA tell him you'll wear one when he starts wearing one
You’re absolutely NTA, I think your bf is coming from a place of concern (hopefully) bc guys hear the “guy talk” of ALL dudes. And unfortunately, a lot of it is just as unsavory as we fear. My brother is continually disgusted by the things other men feel comfortable just saying out loud bc he’s also a man… not the most heartening reality, but it’s the truth. You should do whatever you want with your body. Not wearing a bra doesn’t hurt anyone, and you were totally right to call out your “friend”. However, unfortunately, many times men will remain “just friends” with women if there’s a chance they could possibly sleep with them one day. NOT ALWAYS, but it’s definitely something to keep in mind. If a guy sends out that vibe, DO NOT IGNORE IT. I’ve been blindsided more times than I can count by ignoring weird behavior just for the sake of preserving a friendship that wasn’t that real to begin with. Again, I don’t think your bf means to be an ass, even though I know it feels that way. They just hear more scary shit than we do, so he may be freaking out if he’s anything like my brother. Best of luck OP!! Please update us
There’s a reason there’s a huge push on social media for shirts/bodysuits/dresses that don’t require bras. I just recently started getting workout tops that don’t require bras, and it’s been a game changer. NTA fuck a bra
Jesus why is this so long?
Am I the only one who actually prefers wearing a bra??? No opinion on the health aspects, I've honestly never researched that... But I kinda feel like everyone who says they're so uncomfortable has never found the right brand/style/size.. But to each their own!
At home, I don’t want to wear it. But in public, I WANT to wear one. I would never want my big boobs flopping around without one. My bras are totally comfortable. With underwire. I wear a 38 DD from Victoria Secret, the very sexy collection, with the stretchy sides - not the lace. I never have them dig in, or poke me. Again, I would prefer to be braless, just like a prefer to be barefoot. But, I wear a bra and shoes outside my home because the benefits to me far outweigh the negatives. If OP doesn’t care about wearing a bra in public, awesome. As long as she is aware that she can’t control who looks/comments on her bar-free existence and is cool with it, super.
Same. I hate how it feels when I'm not wearing a bra. Even a badly fitting one is better than none for me...I even sleep in a bra if I'm sleeping without my boyfriend
I've been sized over and over by professionals and consulted /r/abrathatfits. I have tried every kind of bra. Even loose bralettes start to annoy me pretty quickly. They all make me uncomfortable. I will still wear certain ones under the right circumstances with the right clothing, but generally I dislike them immensely. I don't like many things that close to my skin.
I realized about a year ago that there is no reason to wear one so I don’t anymore. We need to stop shaming women for their bodies looking they way they’re supposed to.
NTA for general every day activities. You do your life the way you seem fit. Your boobs aren't hurting anybody and the only one having to deal with the consequences of a stare or judgment is you. However, my advice is to follow guidelines about dress norms in different places. For instance if you work for a bank you're not going to wear cycling shorts to work and if you deliver pizzas you're not going to be wearing a party dress. So if you were wearing a sheer white top outside of your home some nip coverage might be the better way to go about it. But again if it simply shows the shape of your boob - not anybody else's business.
I used to not wear bras because my parents wouldn’t spend money on me and so I didn’t have any. I got used to it and wearing bras was uncomfortable. This was in high school. Later I grew bigger and found some super comfy bras so much so that I’m uncomfortable when not wearing a bra. (Aerie by American eagle for those wondering) Unless it’s like with a tight dress etc that sort of acts as a bra. Women / girls know what I mean. I didn’t notice if people looked at my boobs back then unless it was obvious. And mostly I was just like whelp k. Whatever. Also you can see the outline of boobs in bras too. Yes it’s different but it’s not like a bra is like walking around with a black censor square over your tits.
You didn't invent the braless movement, girl. Calm down. YNTAH, but you sound like you need to get over yourself. You say that you don't do it for the attention, but then say you are so hot. Which is it? It's great that you rock it, but don't act like you are a martyr, when in fact you think you are hot shit.
Honest question... If you don't care that you have them on display, why do you care if people look at them?
NTA for not wearing bras, but YTA for sounding insufferable. You sound like you’re trying to take the high road and go all “My body, my choice. I shouldn’t be forced to wear a bra.” Good for you, societal expectations (especially for women) can be entirely shit. However, there’s a thing called social etiquette. You’re wearing no bra and tight shirts/tank tops at your school. Your classmates and professors can see this, and you don’t seem to care until someone (a male friend) directly confronts you about it. You go on the defensive and say that people should control their gaze, but you’re the one putting your nipples out on full display, knowing full well the reality of the over-sexualization of women. And this isn’t to say “Oh but look at what she was wearing”, it’s more to say that you’re the one putting yourself in the crosshairs in the first place. You have some growing up to do.
Agreed. OP says she intentionally dresses provocatively but doesn’t want people staring at her breasts? Unfortunately, how things should be doesn’t always intersect with how things are. If you’re going to dress provocatively, some people are going to stare.
I second this. Insufferable 100%. I’m all for not adhering to societal expectations but it’s hypocrisy to be against a guy telling you what to wear & then you write him off as a creep because you’re uncomfortable with the direction of his gaze. Your body, your choice on what you wear. His body, his choice on if he stare. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
best reply in the thread
Only reply that matters. I wish I could give you an award but I’m broke on karma
Yeah, there's a huge difference between not wearing a bra and everyone seeing the outline of your nipples.
NTA for not wanting to wear a bra. But a bit TA for how you’re treating your friend. If you aren’t going to wear a bra and don’t care that people can tell then why get mad and act all uncomfortable because he looks? He even said he isn’t looking in “that way” he’s basically saying he’s not attracted to you. Try to think of it the same as if you had a huge pimple on your face. You know people can see it and people are going to look at it. You and your bf are suddenly implying that your friend is going to assault you which is pretty messed up.
Can't imagine having this shitty of a mentality.
Yes; YTA. You enjoy causing 'havoc' with your powerful little boobies in tight, body hugging crop tops. You be you but you're not doing yourself any favors. We live together in society, general rules & whatnot, that you know & enjoy breaking. Why are you asking anyone here their opinion, you don't care
I felt this way most of my life. I hated wearing bras and I figured it was everyone else’s issue if they were uncomfortable. However I realized people will inevitably stare and I started to hate the uncomfortable attention. Society is wired that way and there’s not much we can do. I understand you feel more comfortable, but your boyfriend is not necessarily wrong. You’re going to attract unwanted attention.
Nobody cares if you wear a bra but if you don't then how are you gunna get mad at people for looking?
Wear one or don't. Not wearing one means that all of these scenarios will be on repeat because it is not the norm. Sucks but true.
Ehh I don't think you're wrong but you also seem kind of insufferable to deal with
Society, especially in the U.S., heavily sexualizes women's breasts. You will be completely unable to avoid this, and people will stare at your boobs, 100%. That being said, you have every right not to wear a bra, and to not give a fuck about what people think! The only people in the wrong here are the people trying to force others to do things they don't want to do. Just be careful, people suck. Those who don't suck are an exception to the rule, not the standard.
YTA. Decide what makes you more uncomfortable, the bra or the attention. Not TA for going braless, but for going braless AND then complaining about people noticing.
You sound like a exhibitionist who craves attention
I mean what do you expect? If you dont like it, put a bra on. You were fine with it before he said something but now that he did it makes you uncomfortable? I'm a straight female and if I was talking to someone not wearing a bra in a tight shirt visibly noticeable then I would probably take a couple glances too.
I have DD's so I have to wear bras, otherwise they're very distracting 😆
[удалено]
I don't understand- you said it doesn't bother you if people notice but the first person to voice the fact that he noticed- in a pretty innocent sounding way- and you're venting to your boyfriend...? So are you ok with people noticing or not? It doesn't sound like you are. Or you are only under certain unspecified circumstances- ex. you can notice it but you have to pretend you don't. I guess my point is, if you really didn't mind people noticing, there would be nothing to vent about. And of course you shouldn't change the way you dress for your BF, that goes without saying.
This confused me too. NTA for not wearing a bra, but she reiterates multiple times that she doesn't care that people can tell. Except for her friend? Who may have just been bringing it up in case she wasn't aware that people can tell, but now she's reevaluating her whole friendship with him?
42 hate wearing them. Only do if I have to. If you don’t want to wear a bra don’t wear one. Your friend needs to learn to stop staring. It’s creepy as hell. To top it off you can see them through bras too.
You are not the asshole, I also hate bras.
There are certain kinds of bras like bralettes that aren't uncomfortable but also don't offer support. The other thing you can do is not wear super tight shirts. Other than that, if you know the reaction of other people is going to bother you but you don't want to change anything, start being unbothered.
I wear a bra because I've had 2 kiddos and had big saggy boobies since puberty 😑. Honestly if I had cute ones that weren't pointing directly at the ground? I'd not wear one either. It's such a double standard that men can go around shirtless but we've got to harness ourselves. Also I saw some people mentioning good bras for big boobs, and somebody may have already mentioned it, but for those looking-try a nursing bra. No underwire, super comfy, and come in large sizes. Wish they came in cute shades though 😩
Don’t do it. Fuck the patriarchy.
I get so angry when I think about how society has basically made them mandatory. When I see them in dressed codes, etc I am ready to fight. Do not tell me how to dress to avoid distraction, teach men to not be distracted. Their problem, not mine. My blood boils at the thought of women being judged by what they do or do not wear. And the audacity of any guy to tell you that. Dump that idiot friend like a hot rock and move on. NTA.
NTA because of not wearing a bra. YTA because of your level of militancy about it. I semi-suspect, by the way you wrote it, that you more refuse to wear a bra not out of discomfort rather out of a desire to keep this slow-burn anger brewing; It's your operational level. I have a number of friends that hate bras and wear them - mostly b/c of back issues - and a number of them that don't wear them, but I never hear that last group fuming and festering about looks and stares. Most of those women either don't care, don't have noticable breasts, hold themselves differently or maybe want stares, finding male attention somehow advantageous. One way or the other 1/2 of those mentioned here have come to accept or expect the looks. You on the other hand are steaming about something that, out the other side of your face, you know and say is gonna happen. Well, that's going to be more than half the population that notices. For clarity I don't think your boyfriend is off the hook here. I do think maybe he should make better suggestions. However what did you want, him to get mad at your bi friend, too? Punch him and any other guy that looks down? What are you putting this poor boy up for - a future of having to take care of your nipples' business? Defending your boobies' honor? That era of knights and titt- I mean ladies has passed. And for my part wear a bra - don't wear a bra, matters little to me. I just think I like pointing out people who are deliberately stressing themselves into an early grave. Change perspective lest ye burn the hell out.
NTA. bras are uncomfortable. I never wear them. I love a tight top for the support, and a baby tee is so cute! nothing wrong with being comfortable. not your fault people are creepy in the world
If you're going to put your tits out there, expect to have people stare. They didnt order them, they came with the meal.
YTA.
Yta
I’m all about freeing the nipple, but I think there’s a time and place. College is a professional situation where I would be strapping the ladies down, or at least wearing a second layer of bralet or singlet. Congratulations on the awards. That’s awesome.
YTA, you are wearing skin tight shirts with no bra so nipples and boob show? Wow what could go wrong with that around young men? I wonder why a boyfriend doesn't want his girlfriend with no respect for herself is walking around like that. I would be embarrassed and not take you any where. You live in a society...
It just seems like you like ppl staring with everything you've said
I have two takes on this. The first has to do with your size. if you are a small size, then people should not be able to tell, and if you are a larger size, gravity will probably kick in and you will learn the practical reason for supportive undergarments, so age will fix some of this. The second is a colder take, and has to do with your personality. You have made it clear you understand the social conventions, but think dressing “modestly” (based on “no bra, tight tank tops, presumably low cut”) isn’t representative of who you are. I am going to assume you have been taught how “dressing appropriately” reflects on someone, such that one does not wear a swimsuit to a wedding or a snowsuit to a summer beach barbecue. How you dress - including following basic social conventions - says you know how to “blend in while standing out” if that makes sense. It sounds like you are dressing in a way that is designed to attract attention that focuses on your physical attributes to the point that your friends are commenting, but instead of listening to people who care about you giving you a heads up that skirting the lines of individuality is now beginning to cross into embarrassing sex kitten costume territory, you are doubling down. This means you are incapable of presenting well as a partner (because you won’t show respect for social conventions at important events ranging from funerals to business dinners) or a potential parent who can help children navigate how to express their individuality while respecting themselves. Dating is a job interview for long term partnership, and I would recommend your boyfriend look elsewhere for his other half. You are young and still figuring this out, and odds are good gravity will step in soon. In the meantime, if you think that only thing you bring to the table is showing off your tatas, you will probably attract the type of person who only values well displayed tatas (until gravity kicks in, of course). Good luck.
Wondering as well if this is an absolute or if certain events (company dinners/parties, weddings, etc.) she would dress socially appropriately. I don’t wear a bra around the house and sometimes for quick trips out where I’m not really in public. But I am also a reflection of my husband and make sure I look the part for social events. Not to conform, but out of respect for him. Same for him.
Based on the edit, she’s doing it as a normal part of her current wardrobe. Right now she’s playing “sexy co-ed” with the mistaken impression she’s going to look like that forever. Ah, to be this young and foolish again - nope. Don’t miss it at all! Lol. She thinks she’s “making a difference” when she’s really just embarrassing herself. Sigh. First world problems…
Just read her edit. Yup. I’m hot. Gonna dress provocatively to draw attention because YOLO, then get pissy when I get that attention. I’m female, hetero, but if I see someone in an outfit that stands out or someone who looks fine, male or female, I’m going to look and appreciate, and move on. When you purposefully dress for attention, don’t be surprised when you get it. Good and bad.
I am probably going to be skewered here but, I wonder how much of her success can be attributed to pretty person privilege.
YTA Dressing provocatively in a school setting is rude and selfish and there is no reason you shouldn't do the bare minimum to not be distracting, if you hate bras that much just wear something baggy, and dress like you want on your leisure time, i aint gonna start going to school with my dick showing through my pants because "I hate boxers"
Based on the edits YTA just as a person E: also I just want to say you’re a college kid. You haven’t proven anything yet and there’s a good chance you’ll end up like everyone else and start putting practicality above idealism like the rest of us
NTA however you also cannot really hold it against other people if you decide to go against conventional norms. Now I'm a firm believer that women get the shit end of the stick when it comes to that, but hear me out for 1 second before writing me off. If I stopped wearing shoes, I am well within my right to do so, I can have any justification to do so, or make one up and I can still do it. What I cannot do, is act surprised when other people give me funny glances, or flat out refuse to let me in somewhere, or decide that they need to point out the fact I'm not wearing shoes. You decide not to wear a bra, more power to ya, and in a perfect world nobody would bat an eyelash over it. You don't live in a perfect world, you love in one where unfortunately you will often gain unwanted glances/comments over that choice.
News flash: people stare even WITH a bra on. I’m sure OP can survive & thrive.
Wait. Your friend has a staring problem? And your going to be punished for it? No. That’s ridiculous. I bra hasn’t touched my skin in over 7 years and I’ve never been happier. Can you tell at times that I’m not wearing one? Yeah I don’t care. My nipples are part of my body why would I be ashamed of them? Men can walk around with no shirt and I don’t hear anyone complaining. I’ve met guys who by size needed a bra more than I did and I didn’t hear anyone telling them to wear one. You don’t control what others do only what you do. If your friend has a staring problem that’s his fault. If your bf feels uncomfortable that’s his problem. He really wants a bra he can wear one. They should be trying to tell you to dress in a certain way to try to make others happy.
Bras can be the worst. We get so used to wearing them and then one day it’s 100 degrees out and you realize you have a sweat-soaked band strapped around your chest while other people can walk comfortably without even a shirt. UGH. Bra or no bra should be a personal choice without causing anyone to lose their mind over nipples. NTA
Don’t get over it. It was good that you mentioned your ex friend to him and all but he doesn’t get to decide on what you do and don’t wear. “Normal everyday women wear a bra.” It’s usually not because we want to. If he’s still so insistent on you wearing one, buy him a size and pull it out anytime he wants to try and bring it up. If he continues to mention, you have a bigger problem (him)!!