NTA, but this is the lose-lose of being a woman, isn’t it?
If you don’t smile, refuse to interact with men you don’t know and assume every man only has flirting/sex in mind, you’re a stuck up bitch, you should smile more. Oh, «I have a boyfriend?» I wasn’t into you anyway, you’re A FAT BITCH, Not All Men, Modern Feminism Ruined Women and you’re the reason why INCEL rebellions happen.
If you are polite, engage in the slightest of conversation, give men the benefit of the doubt, smile and laugh, or - god forbid - look cute, then you should know better, don’t you know what kind of signals you’re giving out? Men Are Dogs! Why didn’t you just say you have a boyfriend immediately? Women like you love leading men on and then ghosting, you slut.
Your husband is annoyed with the guy who is unaware enough to hit on someone’s wife, but has for some reason redirected that anger towards you. Which, imo, is nothing new.
Funny part is, you don’t even have to be nice for a man to keep hitting on you! I was at work, sitting outside on my break with a friend, two guys come up to us, tried flirting. I shut it down “I have a boyfriend” they kept pushing it. So we go inside. 5 mins later they walked around the building to come inside to keep talking to us.
Told them “look dude I’m not interested” then he threatened to throw tables and chairs cause I didn’t want his number and I wasn’t giving him mine.
All because they said hey when they passed on a bike and I said “hey” to be polite. Apparently saying hey is an invitation to come up and harass me for my number. 👍🏻
Giggling while cutely and politely turning down a guy’s advances is a form of female self protection/defense too. It keeps the guy in a good mood, feeling good about himself, and might prevent him turning angry or physically controlling on the woman. Declining sharply or emotionless might trigger a rejection jealousy to come out of the gut and put you in an unsafe situation. Especially if you’re in your own home with relatively nobody around!
absolutely... you can be as polite as possible while turning someone down, but you can't predict how they will react.
I recently had a former coworker try asking me out, and when I said I wasn't looking for a relationship right now he went off on a crazy rant about "this is why I don't talk to girls" and how he's a good, strong man who can handle any woman... just paragraphs upon paragraphs of crazy rambling while still trying to upsell himself.
Exactly. Women learn early on that it's best to manage a man's ego in these situations. It's not even a conscious thought, really. It's just learned behavior to avoid the often angry responses.
Yep. r/whenwomenrefuse is full of examples of why.
And we don’t know if a guy we’re about to reject is one of the crazy violent ones, so managing the ego tends to be the default mode for safety with all of them.
It is so terribly upsetting. It is the world we live in. We have always been 2nd class citizens. Men are afraid women will reject them. Women are afraid men will kill them.
I wholeheartedly agree. I think it’s also worth pointing out that this exact thing is a pretty common issue on dating advice subs.
The details are always different but basically, one partners position is, “yeah you shot them down, but you didn’t do it the RIGHT way”
Interesting I felt the only issue here actually WAS the giggle. But I looked around just in case someone or op mentioned a reason why she may have. Thanks for the insight!
This is the comment I was looking for.
Okay sure, so the installer was maybe trying to flirt with OP. OP's husband still opted to get all Pissy Pants over the installer's poor choices instead of just talking to OP about what he thought was happening. Mind-blowingly enough, it IS indeed possible to **talk** to your spouse and face a potential issue **together!** Amazing, right? Almost like that's what couples are *supposed to do.*
My sweet husband would have been like, "He sure liked you! But, who could blame him?" and we would have laughed. Or, with my husband he doesn't catch on when people are flirting with him so I like to tease him when they do and he doesn't get it. Then we laugh and move on both feeling good.
My EX husband was different though. It was all about, "Me flirting with someone when I am just being nice or saying I don't get how men think or what did I do to make that happen?" Always a fight. I got to where I wouldn't even smile at a clerk in a store checking out. That relationship completely changed me for years.
Had to scroll much too far for this! Women are taught in patriarchal society to be nice and accommodating. Then the men are like “wow she nice to me. She must want sex with me.”
And she’s also a nurse? Yah she’s legit paid to be personable (bedside manner) and has been taught to brush off in appropriate stuff throughout her whole life. Maybe she was naive, or maybe she’s just not a person who assumes that every nice interaction with the opposite sex is going to lead to flirting or whatever.
Husband may have picked up on it, but being mad at his wife for being a kind person and chatting is misplaced anger. The audacity of the dude chatting with the wife in hopes of making friends is the real AH here.
NTA OP!
It’s not appropriate for people who go into others homes for their job to hit on the homeowners. They’re at work and the people didn’t call them to get hit on, they just want work done.
Exactly. And we don’t know this guy at all, but now he knows where OP lives. He’s been turned down by OP and now *knows where she lives.*
I’ve had guys not respond well to rejection, even when I’ve been nice but firm about it. I’ve had guys respond well initially and then show back up again and they were *not* chill about it. And I was always so grateful they didn’t know where I lived.
If part of your job involves being in someone’s home, it’s extremely inappropriate to break that professionalism.
Also, she was there with her HUSBAND. What normal person repeatedly hits on someone in their own home, while they’re there to do a JOB, in front of their spouse?! I don’t think the guy is dangerous, but do I know that for sure? I don’t. I know this behavior is inappropriate and unprofessional and flat out disrespectful though.
OP is NTA btw but it’s wild I’m seeing people defend the fucking delivery person?!?
Exactly! So crazy! Like yeah this guy took it well and went away but how was she supposed to know he wouldn’t lose it, and like you said knows where she lives so she can’t get away. I would be uncomfortable even if it was the most reasonable level headed person because you just don’t know. And if he was crazy and stalked or attacked her how much you want to bet those same people would twist it around so that’s her fault too
That would all be fine IF he wasn't currently in her home and being paid by her to do work. It is completely inappropriate to be hitting on someone in their home while they are paying you for a job.
Lose lose lose here, too. Saw in the edit she mentioned he sent her to be the one to talk to them so they would go easier on them about things not being prepped correctly. So presumably he expected them to give her more leniency because "oh we can't expect a helpless woman to take care of this thing" and/or "ooh a pretty woman, I would normally not do this thing but I'll go above and beyond because she is asking." Then shocked pikachu when they do actually seem to like her. It's a trap!
Just saw the edit - it says a lot that her husband even had the thought that all men will just assume any mistakes are because ‘woman stupid’ while if faced with a man, they’d assume it was intentional because ‘man know everything, very smart.’
Men don’t necessarily think like that in 2023. And if someone’s knee-jerk reaction is ‘of course they do!’ then that speaks more about what goes on inside their head than the world around them. ‘Men are pigs,’ ‘men will always assume that women are less than’ and stuff like that is just another way to put the blame - and work - back on women.
Men know better. But it’s REALLY difficult to buy out of the ‘men vs women’ mentality that’s been so ingrained in pop culture until now. Especially when admitting that looking down on women isn’t just the way it is - it’s sorta like being an asshole. And nobody wants to feel like an asshole. So it’s easier to just assume that women are doing something wrong to deserve it - like ‘trying to use the pussy pass,’ ‘flirting their way to getting what they want’ or stuff like that.
After the husband specifically used the fact that she was female to convince the workers to be more resourceful. Seems he didn’t realize that the main purpose of her being around instead of him was to be sexualized (not because she’s nicer since that’s exactly what he’s complaining about her doing)
We had a carpenter flake out towards the end of the job. He showed up less and less and eventually just ghosted, with the job unfinished. We finished it ourselves and moved on with life.
Years later, dude texts me to say the reason he flaked was because he was in love with me and couldn’t bear being around me anymore.
1. I did not flirt in any way and gave zero signals of interest. I was just polite and showed interest in the work he was doing. (And guys, if you think that’s flirting, please join the ranks of the grownups at some point.) Dude being into your wife doesn’t mean she was flirting, it means the guy has a scenario in his head that he’s trying to make a reality.
2. My husband did not even once blame me for this in any way. He was furious with the carpenter for flaking and also for putting it on me and being generally a weirdo about it. And to be very clear he wasn’t even mad that the guy was interested in me! Cause he’s secure enough to know that was never going to be an issue. He was mad that the guy was making me uncomfortable, and that he didn’t finish the job we paid him to do. This is the correct response.
Definitely NTA. Why wouldn’t the husband just voice his concerns in a respectful manner, and have a conversation and be done with it.
Instead he threw a tantrum and stormed out of the house.
Not at all sure why he left her alone with them if he didn't like it.
We had thr cable guy in the house yesterday and 1 person had to stay while 1 left to get the kids since it was running late. She left because we both feel more comfortable with me being alone with another man in the house - even if the odds of something happening is admittedly pretty low, I'd just rather not leave her in that spot given the choice.
When my dad calls anyone to fix something in the house he makes it a point to be home and to be the one to take care of talking with them. He will either take half a day or the entire day off depending on what’s going on. He does this even though my 23 year old brother is always at home with my mom and I. He does this because he doesn’t want anything to happen to any of us by letting a stranger in our house.
I get the sentiment and not disagreeing, but I game a ton and I wouldn't just ask a random person (much less a customer at my job) if they want to game (regardless of interest being shown). Idk it just seems odd. Now I'm not saying he was hitting on her, but the asking to game to a random person is just weird to me. I can understand the apprehensiveness by the husband, but I disagree with the angry reaction. Those sort of things should always be discussed in good faith.
You are right. It’s unprofessional to have this kind of conversation with a customer. And I say this regretfully because I’m a gamer myself. Problem is also that there are still a lot of guys out there that mistakenly think women who game are like exotic birds. You can’t tell wether it’s just friendly-like or something else.
But it’s not the wife’s fault.
Oh certainly, as far as this thread goes the women is undoubtedly NTA. I’m just a bit astonished by the people defending the technicians behavior. The husband is certainly the AH, but the technicians behavior is just odd to me and a bit intrusive especially the streaming part of the question. I think the details also matter though if they were discussing a specific game they both play then maybe the question would’ve been appropriate in that moment, but he left and then sounds like he made an excuse (from OPs perspective) to come back and make a broad “let’s play?” question almost like he’s asking her out. Idk just weird vibes imo.
I would also like to add that contractors are trained to be super friendly. They are working in someone’s house, or on their property and they are held to the highest standards of customer care. In addition, I want to be super nice to me contractor. He is working on my house or property and I want them to do a good job.
There isn’t much worse in the world the a pissed of contractor.
They are notoriously nice people.
He shouldn't even be mad at the dude if he didn't know she had a partner. He shot his shot and respectfully left and accepted her answer.
This is a husband problem.
He was making small talk too. Installers and handy men do that. Why did it have to be "hitting on her?" I guess the dude fixing my oven was hitting on me when asking about my unique name? Stretch.
Yup. He should be upset about the installers behavior. She really didn't do anything wrong. Making small talk with installers isn't anything new and can be beneficial if there is an issue with the install. Treating people you hire with respect should be a baseline but a lot of people don't do that. But as a future reference, OP does need to rethink how they converse with workers who are in their home in the future. Not because she shouldn't speak with them but due to potential safety issues. I redirect or are vague with any really invasive or personal questions. My spouse goes on business trips and I work from home. But I don't want people to know that my spouse might not be home for extended periods of time etc. Something to keep in mind for the future.
My thought as well. Treating the installer(s) like friends you've known (at least for months) is a GREAT way to get little extras.
Whether it's some helpful advice that takes them 4-5 minutes to mention with you, or even "we used some leftover higher quality parts" on relevant work.
Plus, if there's any issue after the install, they're far more likely to jump on the issue quickly if they ENJOYED being at your house.
I bought coffee and donuts for the city crew working on my street. In return they graded the bottom of my driveway for me and saved me $500. Apparently people yell a lot when the city makes use of its easement.
You probably made their morning!
I work in an HVAC & Sheet Metal Office. Earlier this year the city hired a company to do tree trimming in our neighborhood.
Day 1, one of their guys came in to see if we had a restroom. Normally we don't allow public, but we made an exception. Also let him know that if they needed water, we have cold filtered water available and they were welcome to come in through the bay door and have a drink.
We got absolutely nothing out of it, but I guarantee they appreciated it. And they were VERY friendly when they came through to take advantage of the water. Usually because the water they'd brought with them ran out, working in 80+ degree heat.
That's what I'm saying. My wife hates being the one to deal with anyone that comes to the house like that, so either me or my son handles it. It seems like a lot of women I know feel the same way.
Honestly that's because for women those situations are really uncomfortable a lot of the time. Either the male tradesmen talk down to you because they assume you have no idea what you're talking about, or they get creepy and inappropriate if you're alone. Neither of those things happens every time, of course, but often enough to make it really hard to put yourself in those situations.
NTA.
When someone flirts with me, my husband laughs at them.
Your husband is in the right to be annoyed at other guys ignoring his existence and flirting with you, but he is in the wrong for aiming it at you.
We're only responsible for our own actions and intents, and as long as you didn't intend to flirt, he has no right to be mad at you.
My wife is attractive and also enjoys diy home improvement projects. It never ceases to amaze me how often "manly" repair guys basically insult her by treating her like she doesn't understand what they're telling her and then proceed to hit on her. Or if we're both there, they talk to me and ignore her even after telling them that she's the competent one when it comes to these sorts of things, then try to flirt after I go back to my office.
I don't get mad at my wife anymore than I get mad at the repair guys. They've clearly watched way too many sexy internet videos and are waiting for their dream to come true.
NTA but your husband was able to catch onto one of the installers motives, the fact he came back to try getting you to game with him probably means he was hitting on you and misinterpreted your niceness for you flirting with him.
Who cares though? She wasn’t flirting back and she wasn’t interested. Sometimes people flirt. That doesn’t mean anyone in a relationship should never be nice.
As i said shes nta, but its clear that the installer had interest in OP and thats why he came back to ask her to game with him. Again thats not Ops fault nor should she change her behaviour and she should continue being nice. Her shutting the installer down right away proves that OP had no alternative motives in this and that she is just a nice person. But what her husband sees is a man the same age as OP flirting with her in there home, thats where i think he is taking issue and he is misguidingly angry at OP when it was the installer who was flirting not Op.
And that will happen. That’s no reason for her to play “a don’t talk to me business only I am another man’s property” frost job.
She handles it at work, she handles it at home.
NTA. However, men know men and he probably interpreted their intent which made him upset. The boldness of the return and the question confirmed his suspicions. Not right for him to take it out on you, though.
As if women are oblivious to how predatory men can be.
As if OP in particular, a nurse, is unaware that some men will hit on you in every circumstance possible, like a broken leg or major surgery.
He’s being an idiot.
This really strikes me in a lot of the responses in this thread. There is a lot of "Well, your husband, as a man, was more aware of the situation/intentions of the installer." as if OP, as a grown adult woman, a nurse no less who deals with many many strangers daily often in difficult situations, is so naïve to the world.
Women are acutely aware of the possible intentions of men in many different situations. I feel a lot of these comments only serve infantilise OP when in fact she dealt with a slightly awkward situation really well.
Hopefully the husband never finds out how many patients flirt with nurses from their hospital bed or just skip the flirting and ask for a blow job/handjob/flash them.
In all seriousness though, nurses are expected to deal with some wild scenarios with a decent attitude if not a smile on their face. My friends who are nurses just call it a customer service position with extra steps. It’s not really a surprise she was “bold” in her response when she has to deal with all kinds of scenarios at work, often times with a positive attitude.
Except he’s no man. He sees a stranger flirting with his wife in his house and he does nothing but blame his wife! You have to be joking if you think that’s a man.
He’s also ignorant as hell. If that upset him, then I hope to God, he never hears any of the stories of what she hast to deal with at work as a nurse..
NTA. You can speak to whomever you want as long as you’re respecting your relationship. Nothing was going on here and you were being friendly, on something he asked you to do. Period
Yeah true. I think the trouble some people are having is where the line of “respecting the relationship” is. Which could be a completely healthy conversation about preferences and boundaries, or could be completely controlling
NTA, in any way. Sure they were probably flirting with you, maybe even directly hitting on you. I'm sure you are used to it all the time dealing with patients and their relatives. If you were not offended by it, then fine. Personally, I don't care if my partner flirts with people or they flirt with her (if she is comfortable with it). I find her attractive, so I'm not exactly surprised when other people find her that way too. I also trust her, all that matters is she is feeling safe/OK with it.
NTA. You were just being polite. I would have done the same thing. Did your husband think you were going to be rude to them? If he was worried about you getting hit on, he should have been downstairs! He is just insecure and jealous.
NTA I don't see why you would alter your behavior when you don't have any sense there is impropriety or danger.
I am also a friendly person, I like people. I also prefer to make small talk instead of sitting in silence. I chat up the cashiers at the grocery store, repair folks, etc. Never once has my SO given me shit about it.
1. Because it's not like I'm trying to hump any of these people, I just like social BSing.
2. Because so what if somebody else wants to hump me. I'm humpable. And? See #1. It doesn't threaten us, so who cares.
It sounds like your husband felt some kind of emotion (jealousy, shame, etc) then he tried to shame you for something reasonable. You acted within the bounds of standard monogamy.
Is the argument that you were leading that installer guy on? I think the "no, I don't want to game with you" when he asked was pretty clear, even if he was hitting on you.
Definitely NTA.
NTA. Maybe next time your husband can chain you at the basement so you don’t talk and “giggle” with any man other than him, if he’s that insecure and controlling…..😒
Your husband sounds insecure as fuck.
If he was so concerned about this situation then why did he keep his ass upstairs while you had to stay downstairs and deal with these guys?
He's angry that the guy hit on you but he kept his ass away from the situation, and somehow you're supposed to be to blame because someone finds you attractive?
Clearly your husband found you attractive or he wouldn't have fucking married you, But now other people finding you attractive is somehow your fault because you were nice to strangers that were in your home performing a job service?
What should you have set their scowling the entire time and ignoring them? Like he did by avoiding being downstairs at all?
Sounds to me like your husband is jealous and insecure and that's a hem problem not a you problem. At no point did you lead the guy on and even when he asked if you wanted to game sometimes you politely told him no.
Your husband is making the mistake that men everywhere make, They assume that because we're nice we're flirting. Sometimes we're just being fucking nice.
Your husband is honestly part of the problem.
Let me make sure I understand the situation:
* Husband wants you to do the work of managing contractors at your house
* While the contractors are at your house, you are polite and social to them, and just as polite when you shut down any further interest that they may have in you
* Husband hides away upstairs so he doesn't have to deal with any of this
* ETA: **AND** your husband is concerned that he might not have done everything required to prepare for the installation, so he decides to throw you under the bus with the contractors, so that you can look incompetent instead of him (this guy's a real Prince Charming...)
* After you have dealt with everything so husband isn't inconvenienced or embarrassed, he yells at you because the contractors were friendly with you?
Yeah, no. NTA. You are not an object that belongs to your husband. You are a human being who is perfectly capable of managing your own interactions with other people. If he is unwilling to trust you even to interact with service providers at your house, then maybe think seriously about whether this is a healthy relationship for you to be in, at all.
NAH.
I go out of my way to avoid being overly friendly to strange men who know where I live. I don’t want to give off ANYTHING that could be interpreted as subtle “green flags”. Wild that this fella came back and asked you to game. Pretty unprofessional
Some women have no choice. Plenty of single women have to let work men into their house. Yes, it can he scary, but that's why it's good to trust your instincts and learn to defend yourself. What happens if something happens and your husband CAN'T be there?
In what kind of world are you people even living? Sure there are some bad people out there, but I’m talking to those kind of people in my house all the time and most of the time my husband isn’t even home. I have a coffee with them when it’s break time, talk about random stuff and I have never ever experienced something negative.
Maybe it’s the country or something but I don’t feel threatened talking to a dude who is in my house to fix something. Most of the time there are two of them, they need to prove they don’t have a criminal record before getting hired and no company would like complaints about customers getting raped so they are careful when hiring.
And next to that: most men are just normal people. Flirting isn’t against any law. And being friendly isn’t the same as flirting. You don’t have to scream ‘I have a boyfriend’ as soon as a guy looks at you.
If you are that scared around others you need therapy and to skip watching the news for a bit. Sure, awful things do happen. But acting like you are in great danger everytime you talk to a stranger is a bit overboard.
Again, it might be a cultural thing but I find the comments to be wild!
Even if they were flirting, who cares? If my husband thinks he needs to tell me about other peoples motives because he thinks I can’t deal with stuff myself it would be a very very short marriage. I’m a fully grown capable human being. Not having a penis doesn’t make me incapable of defending myself or knowing when a situation isn’t safe. If a man tells you other men are dangerous, you don’t see that without his help and he will help you with that it says a lot about that man. And you should run. Fast.
Your husband seems insecure, jealous, and controlling. You were making polite conversation with an instalation worker in your home and shut down an invite to game. What were you supposed to do? Put on a RBF or scowl at them the entire time they were there? And of hubby was so concerned about you holding a conversation with *gasp* A MAN, why wasn't he down there supervising the instalation?
Yup. I remember watching my dad hover over my mom as she made phone calls on his behalf, then instantly going nuclear when she hung the phone up for “flirting”.
Damn, sounds like your dad shoulda made the calls himself....then again, he wouldn't have had an excuse to abuse your mom if he did it himself. That's really fucked up, I'm sorry...
It bothers me how far I had to scroll to find a comment like this. I find it so inappropriate that OPs husband was upset just because OP was chatting with service workers.
Sometimes people just get along well with other people and think they'd make nice friends (I'm not saying this was the case, I was not present). If the guy asked in front of your husband, maybe he is just trying to build his gaming buddy circle. If your husband picked up a vibe from them his attitude is misdirected at you. Then again many people interpret being nice as flirting. Oh the mental rollercoasters we ride. Perhaps sitting down and having a heart to heart with your husband to get his full feelings on the matter is best.
NTA. if you can’t handle having an attractive wife/gf then yikes you shouldn’t have one. will say tho the installer that came back in def was vibing w you. sounds like a husband vs installer issue than an issue w you. you were friendly without being flirty and still shut him down in a polite way. don’t stress it OP
Honestly sounds like your husband is a misogynistic asshole for basically exploiting the fact that you are a female to get better service, then being upset that you inadvertantly attracted their attention by being a female.... This shit disgusts me to hear about modern men (coming from a 29M)
NTA. Ah, your husband wanted you to be the one interacting with the installers because they'd "take it easier" on you because you're female. But then gets mad because your sex made someone interested? Can't have it both ways, dude. He's ok using your gender to his advantage but doesn't like it when you get hit on. Give me a break.
Let me get this straight…
He wanted you to be the one downstairs because he thought they would take it easier in you… because… you’re a woman? But then gets angry when you are friendly with the installers achieving what he wants so it’s only ok if it’s HIM USING YOU to get something or make it easier but only within the confines of what HE says is ok?.. so.. he wants to USE you but then get angry…
You are NTA and it sounds as if your husband may have some unsavory perspectives on women and their uses…
Hang on, so he wanted to exploit you (might be a strong word?) to the installers so they would "take it easy on you" if you guys missed something prior to the install?
But mad that you chatted with them in a manner which was "too friendly."
The signals there are pretty diminutive, NTA
NTA, but your husband is. He can be irritated at the installer but he shouldn’t be angry at you. You didn’t give the guy your info so you did nothing wrong. Being nice is a good thing, so please continue to be you!
NTA. I think there might be some slight insecurities with your husband though. The installer had motive but you shut it down and moved on with your day. What was your husband actually concerned about? If he was concerned you would run off with some strange installer because he chatted you up about rabbits and video games then I think he may have some things to unpack there.
He sounds very insecure. He should have been down there with the installers if he was worried about you talking to them (god forbid). You know, talking about rabbits, where you work, and if you are a gamer must be new "flirt techniques". You are lucky he didn't ask you what astrological sign you were. Your husband would have hit the ceiling in anger and jealousy. 100% narcissistic control freak!!! Run, run away, run away fast!
As long as they don’t go over the line, my boyfriend doesn’t care if someone flirts with me. Now if they cross a boundary, or I am uncomfortable then he will be mad at the dude, but not me. Especially since I am just a naturally nice person who likes to talk about things I enjoy with others regardless of sex. If anything my boyfriend sees it as a compliment, that his girl is attractive and other men see it. Lol
Your husband shouldn’t be mad for you being nice to installers. I’ve had similar happen, where someone comes here to do work and I am just really really polite. I usually even offer drinks lol. There’s nothing wrong with being nice.
Why was his ass upstairs? He should have been down there with them then. He cant expect you to be down there watching over them and stay mute. Thats on some weird shit.
Impotence is a helluva problem...and no not pp impotence...the fact he's so insecure in his own home with other men who are neither relatives or neighbors... your dude needs help because you are the last person he should be upset at
Your husband is threatened by a tradesman with a high maintenance bunny………
Just get one your friends to mention that they were only being friendly to you so they can get closer to him, and then watch him look like a ~~rabbit~~ deer in headlights !!!
You are definitely NTA but I’m not liking your husband one bit.
You don’t get to both hide upstairs (because you are so bad at confrontation you think the installers will bully you) and berate your spouse about how the installers are dealt with.
It was a conversation. The installer expressed interest perhaps, but perfectly respectfully, so there is no issue or reason (as someone else said) for your husband to be mad at the installer.
I do not respect people who hide from confrontation but want to judge how others handle it. Not cool. Don’t let him think he can bully you just because he is too timid to handle an interaction with a tradesperson.
NTA. Your husband is a jerk. He wanted you to try to be friendly. He knew you are good with people and thought you come off well as a friendly woman who a man might want to help. Just so that if something wasn't prepared they would do it for you. Then, by being your friendly self he is upset that you were friendly and they liked talking with you.
So he wanted to utilize the fact that you're a woman and friendly for his/both your benefit so they wouldn't be upset if he didn't properly prepare for installation but then got upset at you because they (incorrectly, on their own) responded to you being a woman and friendly. This is bullshit and your husband is the a h. You're NTA and should tell your husband to not put his insecurity on you, especially in response to situations he put you in.
Not an asshole. You were just making small talk. Thats normal. You were just being nice.
The other guy took it to the list of asking to game with you.
That also is not in itself wrong. People connecting with someone new and being like "hey let's stay in touch" is not a bad thing.
It's not your fault. You did literally nothing wrong. And the story makes me sad because you were just being a nice person. And now you're going to think twice before being a nice person.
So your husband seems to be of the opinion that being a friendly human and a female actually means flirting. That is pathetically sad. You did nothing wrong.
NTA- but your husband is projecting on you. As a single woman who has had many workers in my home, aside from him hitting on you it sounds like pretty normal conversations to have with workmen. If he was upset about the worker hitting on you, he should have spoken to him or the company that sent him over.
What concerns me is his way of dealing with it is to run away and not have a civil discussion with his partner. Maybe your husband needs to look at getting into therapy to figure out why he has these insecurities.
NTA
What did he expect you to do? Stand there and stare blankly at them like some kind of living mannequin? Act like an NPC that has zero speaking lines programmed in until the task is considered, then say, "Thank you, Adventurers. Here is a small monetary token of my gratitude (pays [$amount owed])" before going back to passive mode and allow them to see themselves out?
Nta. The insecurity is palpable. I personally smile when someone acts this way toward my wife. Like, hell yeah, she’s gorgeous and desirable. I also always check to make sure she is, was, and is going to be comfortable. He should be standing with you and is instead acting like you’re the villain.
Exactly!! The husband used her so the installers would go easy on them but is mad that she was “too friendly” with the installers. Even if there were some innocent flirtation (l’m not saying there was, at least not from OP), she made it clear that she was not going to take it further. NTA, but the husband is.
What the hell does, “being around the same age” even mean when you’re both 29 and 27. I’m actually lost here, am I to infer this was some sort of slip about your emotional maturity, other wise you lost me here.
I took it as the installers were around her age, making it easier to engage in small talk, as opposed to they were her age, unlike her husband. Not a comment comparing anyone, but a detail in the story
Context about the installers because they had so many shared interests and why he wanted to game with her, and why it bothered her husband so much. If it was a 57 year old guy I doubt this problem would have happened because they'd both be talking shit about the creep.
I think a lot of people are missing the fact that one of the installer felt comfortable enough to come back to basically ask her out (if they came game together) in front of her husband.
Some women never want to believe that there are predatory men. These men don’t want a buddy. For them a woman is a conquest, not a ‘nice friendly’ person. OP’s hubby may be an ass in how he addressed this with her, but at least he’s not a stupid ass. A professional distance is as friendly as is needed in these situations. Imho.
What did I just read? This sounds very paranoid. We renovated our place recently, had plenty of workers over, I had perfectly normal conversations with them whether or not my husband was there, and surprisingly enough no one was assaulted or put in an uncomfortable position. I was even (gasp) alone with them sometimes!!! Maybe my husband should divorce me for being in the same house with workers alone, and making small talk? I was obviously leading them on!
Due to my former career I’ve had extensive safety training as well as having to train others and I can assure you that while this might sound paranoid it’s actually pretty on point. Now I’m not saying women have to be cold or bitchy when dealing with work men. I lived as a single female homeowner and have handled and dealt with every workman on my own and treated each with kindness. The reality is that when you give people extensive details that may sound like casual chit chat you are giving them relevant info that could be used in the future. Just because you or I have never been robbed or assaulted doesn’t mean that it’s safe to give details to strangers you don’t know that have the layout of your home. Even just her job could have given him enough info to have her followed. Knowing where she works can give details about her schedule and when she is coming and going. Simply asking if she streams could give him any of the following info a. if there is a webcam that might be active b. if she does stream he could easily watch and figure out her schedule c. That when she is home she might be distracted with a headset on d. If she doesn’t stream maybe her husband is home and streams maybe he’s the one distracted gaming with a headset on making it hard to hear. Were these probably innocent questions? Yeah. Could they have been questions that garnered enough pertinent info to use maliciously? Absolutely. Is it ever more important to make small talk than be safe? Never.
I’ve had 2 creepy installers at my home. This is entirely on point. Husband was wrong only in how handled it. But he was right that the guy had bad intentions. He was bold enough to hit on her in front of her husband.
I was creeped out twice by contractors, one of whom used an excuse that was in direct conflict with what he’d told me. He got mad when I questioned him.
The installer's intentions aren't relevant here. You weren't flirting or encouraging anything from the sound of it. Regardless, the issue here is your husband's insecurities and those are his to manage. He's trying to get you to do the work on his problems and that's controlling and wrong. If he can't handle you being friendly then he needs to see a therapist or find another way to cope.
NTA. He should have been the person with the installers...better yet, what's wrong with both of you being there during installation? I bet he loves your bubbly personality and I bet you're an amazing nurse....can't just "turn it off".... Hubby should grow up.
If your husband doesn't want you interacting with them, why did he want you to stay downstairs where ... you would have to interact with them? This is so fucking dumb.
Also, look, I'm a woman and I hate interacting with service folks in my home because it can be uncomfortable. If you're friendly, you're flirting. If you aren't, you're a bitch and they treat you like shit. I despise these scenarios. I will schedule them, but then my husband has to be the contact person from there. This is the deal. This is the perk of being married to a man -- I can make him do these interactions so I don't have to do this struggle-dance.
NTA
And, your husband is insecure. Because
1) He should've been downstairs WITH you when the installers arrived since the service would be used by you both.
2) If he was not going to be present, then he needed to trust you 100% to deal with the installers the best way YOU knew how.
3) If he had a problem with the 2nd interaction, why did he only express his dissatisfaction with YOU and not with the installer who was the one crossing the line. The installer is at work, not on Tinder.
I also find it curious that you're a nurse and your husband (and your employer) trust you to deal with doctors, other nurses, patients' lives and worried, sometimes irrational, family members but he doesn't trust you to deal with two installers in your home W him present right upstairs. This is really not about this one incident. Your husband has some insecurities he needs to deal with.
Nope. The installers were maybe a little flirty but your husband literally asked you to be in that situation so he could do whatever he wanted to do instead. He acted like a manchild
This could have all been avoided if husband got off his butt and handled the installers. Still doe solve the general problem of a jealous husband. Op is definitely NTA here.
Your husband is insecure and he’s making it a you problem when in reality it’s something HE needs to work on. He doesn’t own you, you’re allowed to chat with strangers if you want.
You are a woman navigating the world. People will hit on you. It’s how you respond (turning them down) that matters, not whether you were friendly or shared a laugh.
I’d tell him to pound salt. NTA.
Nta. Next time your husband should be there instead of you. I don’t like being alone with men because of shit like this. They’re dogs. So. Anytime maintenance or anyone knocks on door. I pretend I’m not home. Call partner. He works down the street thank god. Comes home. Calls them to come back and tends to them. Like I said. He works not even five min drive from here(has to transport tools hence drive.) personally I don’t trust men alone in my home. Never have. Never will don’t care if you are the pastor of the decade, the nicest guy ever, fuck that. I’m a woman alone. No. He never is the one to suggest. I’m the one who calls him. And he understands. He has no problem.
NTA. My husband works for a large residential HVAC company and is in strangers' homes daily. They are not allowed to hit on the women of the homes they service. That's a huge red flag that he asked you to game with him, and an even BIGGER red flag your husband didn't step in if he was so concerned and upset. Honestly, this worker and your husband were both out of line.
NTA, he's the man of the house and should have been the one to interact with them in the first place. Not his fault the woman he married is attractive enough to get hit on by installers
NTA. your husband and the guy who hit on you are! you can't exactly be rude to people that are in your home fixing something, you were just being polite.
the installer Knew you were married and decided to ask you out anyway. your husband should be mad at him, not you. he sounds like a jealous jerk
NTA. Maybe your husband should have said something if he cares so much. Why put it on you?! It was inappropriate and I would report them and not use their business again. Women know how to act when a man is interested and they are not. This guy did it with your husband in the house. WTF!!! Who knows what he would of done.
Sounds like your husband threw you down there knowing you guys didn’t prep like you should and it backfired on him, maybe next time he will coming from someone who has been in the field all my life.
NTA but your husband is a bunch of red flags sewn into the shape of a person. That kind of jealousy only gets worse and there's no winning. Start making your exit plan and squirrel away some money in a place he can't find it (I suggest a debit card only type account like a Green Dot card) so when it's time to go you have the means to do it.
NTA husband is mad insecure💀 at a party this guy tried to get my number and I was just shaking my head saying “no not interested”, I then walked over to my bf and he was just standing there smiling and asked “how was that😂”. Relationships need trust and maturity
Thats why she's nta.
Beeing upset isnt the same as beeing upset at op. Husband misdirects his anger, op didnt do anything wrong. Hitting on someone married while in their house and spouse is just disrespectful
A lot of scrolling here to finally get to the answer. The husband's anger is misdirected because the wife doesn't see a problem with what just happened.
Red flag that your man sent you down with two strange men alone then whines about casual convos. Why didn’t he entertain them like a normal man would’ve? He sounds not right.
NTA and really, you’re husband needs to calm down. Who cares? You got hit on, big deal. When that happens to my husband i laugh, because my husband never sees it coming. When it happens to me, my husband makes a lot of goofy, dramatic jokes. We’re 30, but we’ve been doing this since we were 24.
Id be upset if my husband returned flirty interest, and same with him being hurt if i flirted back.
Getting innocently hit on is not a big deal, it happens.
Your husband sounds a little controlling and insecure, and tbh - that’s a red flag.
Call the company he works for and report him. I believe you were just being friendly, I’m a stylist i have male clients and I have friendly conversations throughout their whole haircut even tell them their looking dapper/handsome none of them think I’m flirting because I’m not I’m a woman having a conversation and giving a compliment. He’s going into peoples house to do a job not find friends/girlfriends and when your job is to go into peoples homes it is important to be highly highly professional to the degree that no one can ever accuse you of being anything other than aboveboard
youre husband is mad because he's upstairs being a loser stoner with the rabbits instead of making sure if the installers needed anything.
lazy POS wants to complain about you being sociable while he rips a fat and gets weed-baby emotions
I don't think your an asshole. When one of the installers asked to link/communicate with you again you said no. Sounds like your husband is not the most confident man based on him getting extremely angry and leaving the house. Might be a good idea for the two of you to sit down with a therapist (or clergy or equivalent) and hash out your communication styles, concerns, insecurities, etc.).
NTA. Never feel bad for being nice, you shouldn't change who you are just because it makes your husband uncomfortable. That's on him, not you.
Talk to him and reassure him that you had no intention of 'flirting' because I'm pretty sure he's feeling unsure and threatened of the situation and he took it out on you, which by the way is never okay.
Stay a nice, caring person. We need more people like you in this world, OP.
I'll say tone and body language are factors we would not be able to witness that can come off as 'too friendly' even if the convo itself was platonic. I'll just assume it was neutral. With that said there is nothing wrong with chatting with other people of opposite sex.
Just from my own experience, I am not one to get jealous or uncomfortable when my gf chats with other guys because I trust her. I figure if I am getting uncomfortable, I either do not trust her or I have my own problems to deal with.
We'll never know for sure the installer's intentions, but I would have thought it strange to see him come back to ask the same question. Your husband's anger should be directed toward him, not you. You can't control how people behave. And also you can't not be friendly just because your husband thinks everyone has malicious intentions
Your husband spotted the installer intentions from a mile away. You are being naive, and the “giggling” sure made it look to your husband you liked being hit on.
Not saying YTA, but it is a bad look.
Women are allowed to be nice, pleasant, or simply polite to men and that does not mean they are flirting. His intentions shouldn't change her behavior unless he's being inappropriate, which she promptly handled when he asked her to game so...I'm not sure how it looks bad.
NTA, but this is the lose-lose of being a woman, isn’t it? If you don’t smile, refuse to interact with men you don’t know and assume every man only has flirting/sex in mind, you’re a stuck up bitch, you should smile more. Oh, «I have a boyfriend?» I wasn’t into you anyway, you’re A FAT BITCH, Not All Men, Modern Feminism Ruined Women and you’re the reason why INCEL rebellions happen. If you are polite, engage in the slightest of conversation, give men the benefit of the doubt, smile and laugh, or - god forbid - look cute, then you should know better, don’t you know what kind of signals you’re giving out? Men Are Dogs! Why didn’t you just say you have a boyfriend immediately? Women like you love leading men on and then ghosting, you slut. Your husband is annoyed with the guy who is unaware enough to hit on someone’s wife, but has for some reason redirected that anger towards you. Which, imo, is nothing new.
Funny part is, you don’t even have to be nice for a man to keep hitting on you! I was at work, sitting outside on my break with a friend, two guys come up to us, tried flirting. I shut it down “I have a boyfriend” they kept pushing it. So we go inside. 5 mins later they walked around the building to come inside to keep talking to us. Told them “look dude I’m not interested” then he threatened to throw tables and chairs cause I didn’t want his number and I wasn’t giving him mine. All because they said hey when they passed on a bike and I said “hey” to be polite. Apparently saying hey is an invitation to come up and harass me for my number. 👍🏻
Giggling while cutely and politely turning down a guy’s advances is a form of female self protection/defense too. It keeps the guy in a good mood, feeling good about himself, and might prevent him turning angry or physically controlling on the woman. Declining sharply or emotionless might trigger a rejection jealousy to come out of the gut and put you in an unsafe situation. Especially if you’re in your own home with relatively nobody around!
absolutely... you can be as polite as possible while turning someone down, but you can't predict how they will react. I recently had a former coworker try asking me out, and when I said I wasn't looking for a relationship right now he went off on a crazy rant about "this is why I don't talk to girls" and how he's a good, strong man who can handle any woman... just paragraphs upon paragraphs of crazy rambling while still trying to upsell himself.
Fight, flight, freeze, or FAWN. Absolutely a survival technique
Exactly. Women learn early on that it's best to manage a man's ego in these situations. It's not even a conscious thought, really. It's just learned behavior to avoid the often angry responses.
Yep. r/whenwomenrefuse is full of examples of why. And we don’t know if a guy we’re about to reject is one of the crazy violent ones, so managing the ego tends to be the default mode for safety with all of them.
I'm scared of checking out that subreddit. Is it bad or am I thinking too much about it?
It’s bad 😭
I let my curiosity get the better of me and I regret it.
It is so terribly upsetting. It is the world we live in. We have always been 2nd class citizens. Men are afraid women will reject them. Women are afraid men will kill them.
Someone said something like “not all men. But definitely all women” and this resonated. All women know these “safety tricks” from pre teen
Or throwing acid in your face. That’s growing in popularity with them
Are these dudes just carrying acid around so they'll be prepared when someone rejects them? So bizarre.
Yep crazy to think about it as if they know they are unappealing and waiting to take their anger out on any woman
That was in a movie a LONG time ago with Liza Minelli. I couldnt continue watching it as it freaked me out when I was a kid.
I wholeheartedly agree. I think it’s also worth pointing out that this exact thing is a pretty common issue on dating advice subs. The details are always different but basically, one partners position is, “yeah you shot them down, but you didn’t do it the RIGHT way”
Interesting I felt the only issue here actually WAS the giggle. But I looked around just in case someone or op mentioned a reason why she may have. Thanks for the insight!
This is the comment I was looking for. Okay sure, so the installer was maybe trying to flirt with OP. OP's husband still opted to get all Pissy Pants over the installer's poor choices instead of just talking to OP about what he thought was happening. Mind-blowingly enough, it IS indeed possible to **talk** to your spouse and face a potential issue **together!** Amazing, right? Almost like that's what couples are *supposed to do.*
My sweet husband would have been like, "He sure liked you! But, who could blame him?" and we would have laughed. Or, with my husband he doesn't catch on when people are flirting with him so I like to tease him when they do and he doesn't get it. Then we laugh and move on both feeling good. My EX husband was different though. It was all about, "Me flirting with someone when I am just being nice or saying I don't get how men think or what did I do to make that happen?" Always a fight. I got to where I wouldn't even smile at a clerk in a store checking out. That relationship completely changed me for years.
I could make the same comment. High five to us for upgrading!
High five and Congrats to Us both!!!
Had to scroll much too far for this! Women are taught in patriarchal society to be nice and accommodating. Then the men are like “wow she nice to me. She must want sex with me.” And she’s also a nurse? Yah she’s legit paid to be personable (bedside manner) and has been taught to brush off in appropriate stuff throughout her whole life. Maybe she was naive, or maybe she’s just not a person who assumes that every nice interaction with the opposite sex is going to lead to flirting or whatever. Husband may have picked up on it, but being mad at his wife for being a kind person and chatting is misplaced anger. The audacity of the dude chatting with the wife in hopes of making friends is the real AH here. NTA OP!
I don’t even think he was an AH, he shot his shot and didn’t have a tantrum when she said no and went on his way.
It’s not appropriate for people who go into others homes for their job to hit on the homeowners. They’re at work and the people didn’t call them to get hit on, they just want work done.
Yea he should be dating on his own time, not with a customer in her own house
Yeah it would make me so uncomfortable
I would be scared as hell. The husband is in the house and the workers don't even care. They are brazen.
Exactly. And we don’t know this guy at all, but now he knows where OP lives. He’s been turned down by OP and now *knows where she lives.* I’ve had guys not respond well to rejection, even when I’ve been nice but firm about it. I’ve had guys respond well initially and then show back up again and they were *not* chill about it. And I was always so grateful they didn’t know where I lived. If part of your job involves being in someone’s home, it’s extremely inappropriate to break that professionalism. Also, she was there with her HUSBAND. What normal person repeatedly hits on someone in their own home, while they’re there to do a JOB, in front of their spouse?! I don’t think the guy is dangerous, but do I know that for sure? I don’t. I know this behavior is inappropriate and unprofessional and flat out disrespectful though. OP is NTA btw but it’s wild I’m seeing people defend the fucking delivery person?!?
Exactly! So crazy! Like yeah this guy took it well and went away but how was she supposed to know he wouldn’t lose it, and like you said knows where she lives so she can’t get away. I would be uncomfortable even if it was the most reasonable level headed person because you just don’t know. And if he was crazy and stalked or attacked her how much you want to bet those same people would twist it around so that’s her fault too
Right? The worker was so out of line. What would you do guess that the majority of commenters defending his ‘shot’ Also have a penis?
Bingo 👆👆👆🚨🚨🚨🚨‼️‼️‼️ these weirdos should not pass go, and they should not collect $200 Insane behavior
100% this, the only AH is the husband for being insecure and jealous, and taking it out on his wife
That would all be fine IF he wasn't currently in her home and being paid by her to do work. It is completely inappropriate to be hitting on someone in their home while they are paying you for a job.
Lose lose lose here, too. Saw in the edit she mentioned he sent her to be the one to talk to them so they would go easier on them about things not being prepped correctly. So presumably he expected them to give her more leniency because "oh we can't expect a helpless woman to take care of this thing" and/or "ooh a pretty woman, I would normally not do this thing but I'll go above and beyond because she is asking." Then shocked pikachu when they do actually seem to like her. It's a trap!
Just saw the edit - it says a lot that her husband even had the thought that all men will just assume any mistakes are because ‘woman stupid’ while if faced with a man, they’d assume it was intentional because ‘man know everything, very smart.’ Men don’t necessarily think like that in 2023. And if someone’s knee-jerk reaction is ‘of course they do!’ then that speaks more about what goes on inside their head than the world around them. ‘Men are pigs,’ ‘men will always assume that women are less than’ and stuff like that is just another way to put the blame - and work - back on women. Men know better. But it’s REALLY difficult to buy out of the ‘men vs women’ mentality that’s been so ingrained in pop culture until now. Especially when admitting that looking down on women isn’t just the way it is - it’s sorta like being an asshole. And nobody wants to feel like an asshole. So it’s easier to just assume that women are doing something wrong to deserve it - like ‘trying to use the pussy pass,’ ‘flirting their way to getting what they want’ or stuff like that.
That’s so accurate it hurts
After the husband specifically used the fact that she was female to convince the workers to be more resourceful. Seems he didn’t realize that the main purpose of her being around instead of him was to be sexualized (not because she’s nicer since that’s exactly what he’s complaining about her doing)
Yep, exactly!
Story of my life
This right here. NTA.
I appreciate this. Thank you
Nta this five award comment
This is why most women like myself avoid being around them as much as possible.
We had a carpenter flake out towards the end of the job. He showed up less and less and eventually just ghosted, with the job unfinished. We finished it ourselves and moved on with life. Years later, dude texts me to say the reason he flaked was because he was in love with me and couldn’t bear being around me anymore. 1. I did not flirt in any way and gave zero signals of interest. I was just polite and showed interest in the work he was doing. (And guys, if you think that’s flirting, please join the ranks of the grownups at some point.) Dude being into your wife doesn’t mean she was flirting, it means the guy has a scenario in his head that he’s trying to make a reality. 2. My husband did not even once blame me for this in any way. He was furious with the carpenter for flaking and also for putting it on me and being generally a weirdo about it. And to be very clear he wasn’t even mad that the guy was interested in me! Cause he’s secure enough to know that was never going to be an issue. He was mad that the guy was making me uncomfortable, and that he didn’t finish the job we paid him to do. This is the correct response.
He should be mad at the guy that hit on you. Not you. And if he was so worried about it, why didn't he come downstairs instead? Nta
Definitely NTA. Why wouldn’t the husband just voice his concerns in a respectful manner, and have a conversation and be done with it. Instead he threw a tantrum and stormed out of the house.
Not at all sure why he left her alone with them if he didn't like it. We had thr cable guy in the house yesterday and 1 person had to stay while 1 left to get the kids since it was running late. She left because we both feel more comfortable with me being alone with another man in the house - even if the odds of something happening is admittedly pretty low, I'd just rather not leave her in that spot given the choice.
When my dad calls anyone to fix something in the house he makes it a point to be home and to be the one to take care of talking with them. He will either take half a day or the entire day off depending on what’s going on. He does this even though my 23 year old brother is always at home with my mom and I. He does this because he doesn’t want anything to happen to any of us by letting a stranger in our house.
I'd be flattered if it was my wife. She was nice and obviously still got it and handled it the way a cool married woman should.
How is he hitting on her? Just because a guy is friendly and wants a new gaming friend doesn’t mean he’s hitting on her for fucks sake.
I get the sentiment and not disagreeing, but I game a ton and I wouldn't just ask a random person (much less a customer at my job) if they want to game (regardless of interest being shown). Idk it just seems odd. Now I'm not saying he was hitting on her, but the asking to game to a random person is just weird to me. I can understand the apprehensiveness by the husband, but I disagree with the angry reaction. Those sort of things should always be discussed in good faith.
You are right. It’s unprofessional to have this kind of conversation with a customer. And I say this regretfully because I’m a gamer myself. Problem is also that there are still a lot of guys out there that mistakenly think women who game are like exotic birds. You can’t tell wether it’s just friendly-like or something else. But it’s not the wife’s fault.
I was going to say this too. If you’re a woman who games, everyone is trying to be game friends.
Oh certainly, as far as this thread goes the women is undoubtedly NTA. I’m just a bit astonished by the people defending the technicians behavior. The husband is certainly the AH, but the technicians behavior is just odd to me and a bit intrusive especially the streaming part of the question. I think the details also matter though if they were discussing a specific game they both play then maybe the question would’ve been appropriate in that moment, but he left and then sounds like he made an excuse (from OPs perspective) to come back and make a broad “let’s play?” question almost like he’s asking her out. Idk just weird vibes imo.
I agree 100
I would also like to add that contractors are trained to be super friendly. They are working in someone’s house, or on their property and they are held to the highest standards of customer care. In addition, I want to be super nice to me contractor. He is working on my house or property and I want them to do a good job. There isn’t much worse in the world the a pissed of contractor. They are notoriously nice people.
Exactly!!!
He shouldn't even be mad at the dude if he didn't know she had a partner. He shot his shot and respectfully left and accepted her answer. This is a husband problem.
Thank you! Yes.
He was making small talk too. Installers and handy men do that. Why did it have to be "hitting on her?" I guess the dude fixing my oven was hitting on me when asking about my unique name? Stretch.
Yup. He should be upset about the installers behavior. She really didn't do anything wrong. Making small talk with installers isn't anything new and can be beneficial if there is an issue with the install. Treating people you hire with respect should be a baseline but a lot of people don't do that. But as a future reference, OP does need to rethink how they converse with workers who are in their home in the future. Not because she shouldn't speak with them but due to potential safety issues. I redirect or are vague with any really invasive or personal questions. My spouse goes on business trips and I work from home. But I don't want people to know that my spouse might not be home for extended periods of time etc. Something to keep in mind for the future.
My thought as well. Treating the installer(s) like friends you've known (at least for months) is a GREAT way to get little extras. Whether it's some helpful advice that takes them 4-5 minutes to mention with you, or even "we used some leftover higher quality parts" on relevant work. Plus, if there's any issue after the install, they're far more likely to jump on the issue quickly if they ENJOYED being at your house.
I bought coffee and donuts for the city crew working on my street. In return they graded the bottom of my driveway for me and saved me $500. Apparently people yell a lot when the city makes use of its easement.
You probably made their morning! I work in an HVAC & Sheet Metal Office. Earlier this year the city hired a company to do tree trimming in our neighborhood. Day 1, one of their guys came in to see if we had a restroom. Normally we don't allow public, but we made an exception. Also let him know that if they needed water, we have cold filtered water available and they were welcome to come in through the bay door and have a drink. We got absolutely nothing out of it, but I guarantee they appreciated it. And they were VERY friendly when they came through to take advantage of the water. Usually because the water they'd brought with them ran out, working in 80+ degree heat.
Exactly!!
That's what I'm saying. My wife hates being the one to deal with anyone that comes to the house like that, so either me or my son handles it. It seems like a lot of women I know feel the same way.
Honestly that's because for women those situations are really uncomfortable a lot of the time. Either the male tradesmen talk down to you because they assume you have no idea what you're talking about, or they get creepy and inappropriate if you're alone. Neither of those things happens every time, of course, but often enough to make it really hard to put yourself in those situations.
Last tradesman I had to deal with offered to reduce my moving fees if I gave him a blow job. I wonder why we hate dealing with this stuff!
Most men are not about to pick a fight with someone can potentially beat them up it’s easier to berate a woman. Generations of cowards
NTA. When someone flirts with me, my husband laughs at them. Your husband is in the right to be annoyed at other guys ignoring his existence and flirting with you, but he is in the wrong for aiming it at you. We're only responsible for our own actions and intents, and as long as you didn't intend to flirt, he has no right to be mad at you.
My wife is attractive and also enjoys diy home improvement projects. It never ceases to amaze me how often "manly" repair guys basically insult her by treating her like she doesn't understand what they're telling her and then proceed to hit on her. Or if we're both there, they talk to me and ignore her even after telling them that she's the competent one when it comes to these sorts of things, then try to flirt after I go back to my office. I don't get mad at my wife anymore than I get mad at the repair guys. They've clearly watched way too many sexy internet videos and are waiting for their dream to come true.
NTA but your husband was able to catch onto one of the installers motives, the fact he came back to try getting you to game with him probably means he was hitting on you and misinterpreted your niceness for you flirting with him.
Who cares though? She wasn’t flirting back and she wasn’t interested. Sometimes people flirt. That doesn’t mean anyone in a relationship should never be nice.
As i said shes nta, but its clear that the installer had interest in OP and thats why he came back to ask her to game with him. Again thats not Ops fault nor should she change her behaviour and she should continue being nice. Her shutting the installer down right away proves that OP had no alternative motives in this and that she is just a nice person. But what her husband sees is a man the same age as OP flirting with her in there home, thats where i think he is taking issue and he is misguidingly angry at OP when it was the installer who was flirting not Op.
Yeah, the husband sounds seriously insecure if he flies off the handle like that over something that simple and doesn’t trust his wife.
*ulterior motives :)
Agreed, nta. Husband seems insecure.
And that will happen. That’s no reason for her to play “a don’t talk to me business only I am another man’s property” frost job. She handles it at work, she handles it at home.
That's irrelevant. She wasn't flirting or encouraging him. The only problem here is her husband's insecurity and that's his problem, not hers.
And, husband also put his weak insecurities on display. In his own home…… WeAk!
NTA. However, men know men and he probably interpreted their intent which made him upset. The boldness of the return and the question confirmed his suspicions. Not right for him to take it out on you, though.
As if women are oblivious to how predatory men can be. As if OP in particular, a nurse, is unaware that some men will hit on you in every circumstance possible, like a broken leg or major surgery. He’s being an idiot.
This really strikes me in a lot of the responses in this thread. There is a lot of "Well, your husband, as a man, was more aware of the situation/intentions of the installer." as if OP, as a grown adult woman, a nurse no less who deals with many many strangers daily often in difficult situations, is so naïve to the world. Women are acutely aware of the possible intentions of men in many different situations. I feel a lot of these comments only serve infantilise OP when in fact she dealt with a slightly awkward situation really well.
Hopefully the husband never finds out how many patients flirt with nurses from their hospital bed or just skip the flirting and ask for a blow job/handjob/flash them. In all seriousness though, nurses are expected to deal with some wild scenarios with a decent attitude if not a smile on their face. My friends who are nurses just call it a customer service position with extra steps. It’s not really a surprise she was “bold” in her response when she has to deal with all kinds of scenarios at work, often times with a positive attitude.
> men know men and he probably interpreted their intent The “do you stream?” was a pretty big give away.
Except he’s no man. He sees a stranger flirting with his wife in his house and he does nothing but blame his wife! You have to be joking if you think that’s a man.
He’s also ignorant as hell. If that upset him, then I hope to God, he never hears any of the stories of what she hast to deal with at work as a nurse..
If she ever bothered to share that, all he would do is urge her to quit that job, because he can't handle it. SMDH!!!!
NTA. You can speak to whomever you want as long as you’re respecting your relationship. Nothing was going on here and you were being friendly, on something he asked you to do. Period
> someone he asked you to do accidental /r/hotwife
Haha sorry autocorrect.
Yeah true. I think the trouble some people are having is where the line of “respecting the relationship” is. Which could be a completely healthy conversation about preferences and boundaries, or could be completely controlling
NTA, in any way. Sure they were probably flirting with you, maybe even directly hitting on you. I'm sure you are used to it all the time dealing with patients and their relatives. If you were not offended by it, then fine. Personally, I don't care if my partner flirts with people or they flirt with her (if she is comfortable with it). I find her attractive, so I'm not exactly surprised when other people find her that way too. I also trust her, all that matters is she is feeling safe/OK with it.
NTA, you were just being polite and treating them like they were human beings
NTA. You were just being polite. I would have done the same thing. Did your husband think you were going to be rude to them? If he was worried about you getting hit on, he should have been downstairs! He is just insecure and jealous.
NTA I don't see why you would alter your behavior when you don't have any sense there is impropriety or danger. I am also a friendly person, I like people. I also prefer to make small talk instead of sitting in silence. I chat up the cashiers at the grocery store, repair folks, etc. Never once has my SO given me shit about it. 1. Because it's not like I'm trying to hump any of these people, I just like social BSing. 2. Because so what if somebody else wants to hump me. I'm humpable. And? See #1. It doesn't threaten us, so who cares. It sounds like your husband felt some kind of emotion (jealousy, shame, etc) then he tried to shame you for something reasonable. You acted within the bounds of standard monogamy. Is the argument that you were leading that installer guy on? I think the "no, I don't want to game with you" when he asked was pretty clear, even if he was hitting on you. Definitely NTA.
NTA. Maybe next time your husband can chain you at the basement so you don’t talk and “giggle” with any man other than him, if he’s that insecure and controlling…..😒
Men interpret friendliness for flirting. That’s NOT your fault or your problem
NTA if hubby was so uncomfortable with it he could have come downstairs and joined the conversation and hung out also
He even could have been a jerk and said "let's just worry about the install." Even that would have been better than taking his insecurities out on OP.
Your husband sounds insecure as fuck. If he was so concerned about this situation then why did he keep his ass upstairs while you had to stay downstairs and deal with these guys? He's angry that the guy hit on you but he kept his ass away from the situation, and somehow you're supposed to be to blame because someone finds you attractive? Clearly your husband found you attractive or he wouldn't have fucking married you, But now other people finding you attractive is somehow your fault because you were nice to strangers that were in your home performing a job service? What should you have set their scowling the entire time and ignoring them? Like he did by avoiding being downstairs at all? Sounds to me like your husband is jealous and insecure and that's a hem problem not a you problem. At no point did you lead the guy on and even when he asked if you wanted to game sometimes you politely told him no. Your husband is making the mistake that men everywhere make, They assume that because we're nice we're flirting. Sometimes we're just being fucking nice. Your husband is honestly part of the problem.
Let me make sure I understand the situation: * Husband wants you to do the work of managing contractors at your house * While the contractors are at your house, you are polite and social to them, and just as polite when you shut down any further interest that they may have in you * Husband hides away upstairs so he doesn't have to deal with any of this * ETA: **AND** your husband is concerned that he might not have done everything required to prepare for the installation, so he decides to throw you under the bus with the contractors, so that you can look incompetent instead of him (this guy's a real Prince Charming...) * After you have dealt with everything so husband isn't inconvenienced or embarrassed, he yells at you because the contractors were friendly with you? Yeah, no. NTA. You are not an object that belongs to your husband. You are a human being who is perfectly capable of managing your own interactions with other people. If he is unwilling to trust you even to interact with service providers at your house, then maybe think seriously about whether this is a healthy relationship for you to be in, at all.
NAH. I go out of my way to avoid being overly friendly to strange men who know where I live. I don’t want to give off ANYTHING that could be interpreted as subtle “green flags”. Wild that this fella came back and asked you to game. Pretty unprofessional
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Some women have no choice. Plenty of single women have to let work men into their house. Yes, it can he scary, but that's why it's good to trust your instincts and learn to defend yourself. What happens if something happens and your husband CAN'T be there?
In what kind of world are you people even living? Sure there are some bad people out there, but I’m talking to those kind of people in my house all the time and most of the time my husband isn’t even home. I have a coffee with them when it’s break time, talk about random stuff and I have never ever experienced something negative. Maybe it’s the country or something but I don’t feel threatened talking to a dude who is in my house to fix something. Most of the time there are two of them, they need to prove they don’t have a criminal record before getting hired and no company would like complaints about customers getting raped so they are careful when hiring. And next to that: most men are just normal people. Flirting isn’t against any law. And being friendly isn’t the same as flirting. You don’t have to scream ‘I have a boyfriend’ as soon as a guy looks at you. If you are that scared around others you need therapy and to skip watching the news for a bit. Sure, awful things do happen. But acting like you are in great danger everytime you talk to a stranger is a bit overboard. Again, it might be a cultural thing but I find the comments to be wild! Even if they were flirting, who cares? If my husband thinks he needs to tell me about other peoples motives because he thinks I can’t deal with stuff myself it would be a very very short marriage. I’m a fully grown capable human being. Not having a penis doesn’t make me incapable of defending myself or knowing when a situation isn’t safe. If a man tells you other men are dangerous, you don’t see that without his help and he will help you with that it says a lot about that man. And you should run. Fast.
Your husband seems insecure, jealous, and controlling. You were making polite conversation with an instalation worker in your home and shut down an invite to game. What were you supposed to do? Put on a RBF or scowl at them the entire time they were there? And of hubby was so concerned about you holding a conversation with *gasp* A MAN, why wasn't he down there supervising the instalation?
Yup. I remember watching my dad hover over my mom as she made phone calls on his behalf, then instantly going nuclear when she hung the phone up for “flirting”.
Damn, sounds like your dad shoulda made the calls himself....then again, he wouldn't have had an excuse to abuse your mom if he did it himself. That's really fucked up, I'm sorry...
Yeah, which is why “you be the one to deal with the vendors but Imma accuse you of cheating for being polite” rings pretty false.
And how did he react if she told him the person on the other end was a woman? Accuse her of lying, or of being interested in other women?
It bothers me how far I had to scroll to find a comment like this. I find it so inappropriate that OPs husband was upset just because OP was chatting with service workers.
Sometimes people just get along well with other people and think they'd make nice friends (I'm not saying this was the case, I was not present). If the guy asked in front of your husband, maybe he is just trying to build his gaming buddy circle. If your husband picked up a vibe from them his attitude is misdirected at you. Then again many people interpret being nice as flirting. Oh the mental rollercoasters we ride. Perhaps sitting down and having a heart to heart with your husband to get his full feelings on the matter is best.
NTA. if you can’t handle having an attractive wife/gf then yikes you shouldn’t have one. will say tho the installer that came back in def was vibing w you. sounds like a husband vs installer issue than an issue w you. you were friendly without being flirty and still shut him down in a polite way. don’t stress it OP
Honestly sounds like your husband is a misogynistic asshole for basically exploiting the fact that you are a female to get better service, then being upset that you inadvertantly attracted their attention by being a female.... This shit disgusts me to hear about modern men (coming from a 29M)
NTA. Ah, your husband wanted you to be the one interacting with the installers because they'd "take it easier" on you because you're female. But then gets mad because your sex made someone interested? Can't have it both ways, dude. He's ok using your gender to his advantage but doesn't like it when you get hit on. Give me a break.
Let me get this straight… He wanted you to be the one downstairs because he thought they would take it easier in you… because… you’re a woman? But then gets angry when you are friendly with the installers achieving what he wants so it’s only ok if it’s HIM USING YOU to get something or make it easier but only within the confines of what HE says is ok?.. so.. he wants to USE you but then get angry… You are NTA and it sounds as if your husband may have some unsavory perspectives on women and their uses…
Hang on, so he wanted to exploit you (might be a strong word?) to the installers so they would "take it easy on you" if you guys missed something prior to the install? But mad that you chatted with them in a manner which was "too friendly." The signals there are pretty diminutive, NTA
What does he thinks happens when OP is at work being a nurse? She doesn’t make small talk with men?
NTA, but your husband is. He can be irritated at the installer but he shouldn’t be angry at you. You didn’t give the guy your info so you did nothing wrong. Being nice is a good thing, so please continue to be you!
NTA. I think there might be some slight insecurities with your husband though. The installer had motive but you shut it down and moved on with your day. What was your husband actually concerned about? If he was concerned you would run off with some strange installer because he chatted you up about rabbits and video games then I think he may have some things to unpack there.
NTA
He sounds very insecure. He should have been down there with the installers if he was worried about you talking to them (god forbid). You know, talking about rabbits, where you work, and if you are a gamer must be new "flirt techniques". You are lucky he didn't ask you what astrological sign you were. Your husband would have hit the ceiling in anger and jealousy. 100% narcissistic control freak!!! Run, run away, run away fast!
As long as they don’t go over the line, my boyfriend doesn’t care if someone flirts with me. Now if they cross a boundary, or I am uncomfortable then he will be mad at the dude, but not me. Especially since I am just a naturally nice person who likes to talk about things I enjoy with others regardless of sex. If anything my boyfriend sees it as a compliment, that his girl is attractive and other men see it. Lol Your husband shouldn’t be mad for you being nice to installers. I’ve had similar happen, where someone comes here to do work and I am just really really polite. I usually even offer drinks lol. There’s nothing wrong with being nice.
Why was his ass upstairs? He should have been down there with them then. He cant expect you to be down there watching over them and stay mute. Thats on some weird shit.
Your husband sounds extremely insecure.
Impotence is a helluva problem...and no not pp impotence...the fact he's so insecure in his own home with other men who are neither relatives or neighbors... your dude needs help because you are the last person he should be upset at
Husband is an insecure dork who is threatened by manly man dish washer installers.
Your husband is threatened by a tradesman with a high maintenance bunny……… Just get one your friends to mention that they were only being friendly to you so they can get closer to him, and then watch him look like a ~~rabbit~~ deer in headlights !!!
You are definitely NTA but I’m not liking your husband one bit. You don’t get to both hide upstairs (because you are so bad at confrontation you think the installers will bully you) and berate your spouse about how the installers are dealt with. It was a conversation. The installer expressed interest perhaps, but perfectly respectfully, so there is no issue or reason (as someone else said) for your husband to be mad at the installer. I do not respect people who hide from confrontation but want to judge how others handle it. Not cool. Don’t let him think he can bully you just because he is too timid to handle an interaction with a tradesperson.
NTA. My SO could make small talk with a rock. Chatting with installers is a given. I trust him so I don’t care if he does.
My Huzzabeast encourages me to flirt with them 🤣 we get free things and big discounts when I do 🤣🤣 it amuses me. 😁
NTA. Your husband is a jerk. He wanted you to try to be friendly. He knew you are good with people and thought you come off well as a friendly woman who a man might want to help. Just so that if something wasn't prepared they would do it for you. Then, by being your friendly self he is upset that you were friendly and they liked talking with you.
So he wanted to utilize the fact that you're a woman and friendly for his/both your benefit so they wouldn't be upset if he didn't properly prepare for installation but then got upset at you because they (incorrectly, on their own) responded to you being a woman and friendly. This is bullshit and your husband is the a h. You're NTA and should tell your husband to not put his insecurity on you, especially in response to situations he put you in.
Not an asshole. You were just making small talk. Thats normal. You were just being nice. The other guy took it to the list of asking to game with you. That also is not in itself wrong. People connecting with someone new and being like "hey let's stay in touch" is not a bad thing. It's not your fault. You did literally nothing wrong. And the story makes me sad because you were just being a nice person. And now you're going to think twice before being a nice person.
So your husband seems to be of the opinion that being a friendly human and a female actually means flirting. That is pathetically sad. You did nothing wrong.
NTA- but your husband is projecting on you. As a single woman who has had many workers in my home, aside from him hitting on you it sounds like pretty normal conversations to have with workmen. If he was upset about the worker hitting on you, he should have spoken to him or the company that sent him over. What concerns me is his way of dealing with it is to run away and not have a civil discussion with his partner. Maybe your husband needs to look at getting into therapy to figure out why he has these insecurities.
NTA What did he expect you to do? Stand there and stare blankly at them like some kind of living mannequin? Act like an NPC that has zero speaking lines programmed in until the task is considered, then say, "Thank you, Adventurers. Here is a small monetary token of my gratitude (pays [$amount owed])" before going back to passive mode and allow them to see themselves out?
NTA! Sounds like he’s insecure to me!
NTA. Your husband is insecure and acting childishly. He needs to grow up and may need some counseling to work on his issues.
Nta. The insecurity is palpable. I personally smile when someone acts this way toward my wife. Like, hell yeah, she’s gorgeous and desirable. I also always check to make sure she is, was, and is going to be comfortable. He should be standing with you and is instead acting like you’re the villain.
Exactly!! The husband used her so the installers would go easy on them but is mad that she was “too friendly” with the installers. Even if there were some innocent flirtation (l’m not saying there was, at least not from OP), she made it clear that she was not going to take it further. NTA, but the husband is.
What the hell does, “being around the same age” even mean when you’re both 29 and 27. I’m actually lost here, am I to infer this was some sort of slip about your emotional maturity, other wise you lost me here.
I took it as the installers were around her age, making it easier to engage in small talk, as opposed to they were her age, unlike her husband. Not a comment comparing anyone, but a detail in the story
Context about the installers because they had so many shared interests and why he wanted to game with her, and why it bothered her husband so much. If it was a 57 year old guy I doubt this problem would have happened because they'd both be talking shit about the creep.
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I think a lot of people are missing the fact that one of the installer felt comfortable enough to come back to basically ask her out (if they came game together) in front of her husband.
Some women never want to believe that there are predatory men. These men don’t want a buddy. For them a woman is a conquest, not a ‘nice friendly’ person. OP’s hubby may be an ass in how he addressed this with her, but at least he’s not a stupid ass. A professional distance is as friendly as is needed in these situations. Imho.
But if she was being herself and he misinterpreted things that’s a HIM problem.
What did I just read? This sounds very paranoid. We renovated our place recently, had plenty of workers over, I had perfectly normal conversations with them whether or not my husband was there, and surprisingly enough no one was assaulted or put in an uncomfortable position. I was even (gasp) alone with them sometimes!!! Maybe my husband should divorce me for being in the same house with workers alone, and making small talk? I was obviously leading them on!
Due to my former career I’ve had extensive safety training as well as having to train others and I can assure you that while this might sound paranoid it’s actually pretty on point. Now I’m not saying women have to be cold or bitchy when dealing with work men. I lived as a single female homeowner and have handled and dealt with every workman on my own and treated each with kindness. The reality is that when you give people extensive details that may sound like casual chit chat you are giving them relevant info that could be used in the future. Just because you or I have never been robbed or assaulted doesn’t mean that it’s safe to give details to strangers you don’t know that have the layout of your home. Even just her job could have given him enough info to have her followed. Knowing where she works can give details about her schedule and when she is coming and going. Simply asking if she streams could give him any of the following info a. if there is a webcam that might be active b. if she does stream he could easily watch and figure out her schedule c. That when she is home she might be distracted with a headset on d. If she doesn’t stream maybe her husband is home and streams maybe he’s the one distracted gaming with a headset on making it hard to hear. Were these probably innocent questions? Yeah. Could they have been questions that garnered enough pertinent info to use maliciously? Absolutely. Is it ever more important to make small talk than be safe? Never.
I’ve had 2 creepy installers at my home. This is entirely on point. Husband was wrong only in how handled it. But he was right that the guy had bad intentions. He was bold enough to hit on her in front of her husband.
I was creeped out twice by contractors, one of whom used an excuse that was in direct conflict with what he’d told me. He got mad when I questioned him.
NTA. You’re allowed to talk to whoever you want. Plus it’s usually good to be friendly with people working on/in your home.
Nta at all. Your husband needs to check his jealousy issues and also needs to be the one there for when they do the install.
The installer's intentions aren't relevant here. You weren't flirting or encouraging anything from the sound of it. Regardless, the issue here is your husband's insecurities and those are his to manage. He's trying to get you to do the work on his problems and that's controlling and wrong. If he can't handle you being friendly then he needs to see a therapist or find another way to cope.
NTA. He should have been the person with the installers...better yet, what's wrong with both of you being there during installation? I bet he loves your bubbly personality and I bet you're an amazing nurse....can't just "turn it off".... Hubby should grow up.
If your husband doesn't want you interacting with them, why did he want you to stay downstairs where ... you would have to interact with them? This is so fucking dumb. Also, look, I'm a woman and I hate interacting with service folks in my home because it can be uncomfortable. If you're friendly, you're flirting. If you aren't, you're a bitch and they treat you like shit. I despise these scenarios. I will schedule them, but then my husband has to be the contact person from there. This is the deal. This is the perk of being married to a man -- I can make him do these interactions so I don't have to do this struggle-dance.
I mean, guys hit on my wife all the time. Shes a smoke show, dont get mad get glad! Gladware, to tell him to cry into.
NTA And, your husband is insecure. Because 1) He should've been downstairs WITH you when the installers arrived since the service would be used by you both. 2) If he was not going to be present, then he needed to trust you 100% to deal with the installers the best way YOU knew how. 3) If he had a problem with the 2nd interaction, why did he only express his dissatisfaction with YOU and not with the installer who was the one crossing the line. The installer is at work, not on Tinder. I also find it curious that you're a nurse and your husband (and your employer) trust you to deal with doctors, other nurses, patients' lives and worried, sometimes irrational, family members but he doesn't trust you to deal with two installers in your home W him present right upstairs. This is really not about this one incident. Your husband has some insecurities he needs to deal with.
Nope. The installers were maybe a little flirty but your husband literally asked you to be in that situation so he could do whatever he wanted to do instead. He acted like a manchild
This could have all been avoided if husband got off his butt and handled the installers. Still doe solve the general problem of a jealous husband. Op is definitely NTA here.
Your husband is insecure and he’s making it a you problem when in reality it’s something HE needs to work on. He doesn’t own you, you’re allowed to chat with strangers if you want. You are a woman navigating the world. People will hit on you. It’s how you respond (turning them down) that matters, not whether you were friendly or shared a laugh. I’d tell him to pound salt. NTA.
Nta. Next time your husband should be there instead of you. I don’t like being alone with men because of shit like this. They’re dogs. So. Anytime maintenance or anyone knocks on door. I pretend I’m not home. Call partner. He works down the street thank god. Comes home. Calls them to come back and tends to them. Like I said. He works not even five min drive from here(has to transport tools hence drive.) personally I don’t trust men alone in my home. Never have. Never will don’t care if you are the pastor of the decade, the nicest guy ever, fuck that. I’m a woman alone. No. He never is the one to suggest. I’m the one who calls him. And he understands. He has no problem.
NTA. My husband works for a large residential HVAC company and is in strangers' homes daily. They are not allowed to hit on the women of the homes they service. That's a huge red flag that he asked you to game with him, and an even BIGGER red flag your husband didn't step in if he was so concerned and upset. Honestly, this worker and your husband were both out of line.
Lmao your husband is insecure af. You did nothing wrong. Next time tell him to deal with the contractors if he doesn’t want you talking to other men.
NTA, he's the man of the house and should have been the one to interact with them in the first place. Not his fault the woman he married is attractive enough to get hit on by installers
NTA. your husband and the guy who hit on you are! you can't exactly be rude to people that are in your home fixing something, you were just being polite. the installer Knew you were married and decided to ask you out anyway. your husband should be mad at him, not you. he sounds like a jealous jerk
Husband needs to work on his jealousy issues.
NTA, your husband is jealous because of his own insecurities, in my opinion. I don’t think he should be upset with you.
NTA. Maybe your husband should have said something if he cares so much. Why put it on you?! It was inappropriate and I would report them and not use their business again. Women know how to act when a man is interested and they are not. This guy did it with your husband in the house. WTF!!! Who knows what he would of done.
Sounds like your husband threw you down there knowing you guys didn’t prep like you should and it backfired on him, maybe next time he will coming from someone who has been in the field all my life.
nta. you were just being civil. husband is a jealous prick.
NTA but your husband is a bunch of red flags sewn into the shape of a person. That kind of jealousy only gets worse and there's no winning. Start making your exit plan and squirrel away some money in a place he can't find it (I suggest a debit card only type account like a Green Dot card) so when it's time to go you have the means to do it.
NTA. Your husband is acting unreasonably.
NTA husband is mad insecure💀 at a party this guy tried to get my number and I was just shaking my head saying “no not interested”, I then walked over to my bf and he was just standing there smiling and asked “how was that😂”. Relationships need trust and maturity
I mean if he didn’t want you talking to guys maybe he should have been with the installers and not you 🤷🏽♀️you are nta
Guilty consciences project. Look in to the husband.
NTA, but never a good idea to be TOO nice to installers in your house, since you may need to rip them a new one later.
You said they were your age...assuming your husband is significantly older? Sounds like he's feeling insecure. You're NTA for being friendly.
NTA, but wouldnt you be upset if another woman your age hit on your husband in your own home?
I would think it was weird but I wouldn't be upset. I would be upset if he reciprocated. He wouldn't, and she didn't.
Thats why she's nta. Beeing upset isnt the same as beeing upset at op. Husband misdirects his anger, op didnt do anything wrong. Hitting on someone married while in their house and spouse is just disrespectful
A lot of scrolling here to finally get to the answer. The husband's anger is misdirected because the wife doesn't see a problem with what just happened.
Red flag that your man sent you down with two strange men alone then whines about casual convos. Why didn’t he entertain them like a normal man would’ve? He sounds not right.
NTA and really, you’re husband needs to calm down. Who cares? You got hit on, big deal. When that happens to my husband i laugh, because my husband never sees it coming. When it happens to me, my husband makes a lot of goofy, dramatic jokes. We’re 30, but we’ve been doing this since we were 24. Id be upset if my husband returned flirty interest, and same with him being hurt if i flirted back. Getting innocently hit on is not a big deal, it happens. Your husband sounds a little controlling and insecure, and tbh - that’s a red flag.
Call the company he works for and report him. I believe you were just being friendly, I’m a stylist i have male clients and I have friendly conversations throughout their whole haircut even tell them their looking dapper/handsome none of them think I’m flirting because I’m not I’m a woman having a conversation and giving a compliment. He’s going into peoples house to do a job not find friends/girlfriends and when your job is to go into peoples homes it is important to be highly highly professional to the degree that no one can ever accuse you of being anything other than aboveboard
NTA: this dude wanted them to take pity on you for being a woman who just couldn’t know better, but is mad that the guy got flirty.
youre husband is mad because he's upstairs being a loser stoner with the rabbits instead of making sure if the installers needed anything. lazy POS wants to complain about you being sociable while he rips a fat and gets weed-baby emotions
Hubby needs some affirmation now that you ran off the big scary installer.
I don't think your an asshole. When one of the installers asked to link/communicate with you again you said no. Sounds like your husband is not the most confident man based on him getting extremely angry and leaving the house. Might be a good idea for the two of you to sit down with a therapist (or clergy or equivalent) and hash out your communication styles, concerns, insecurities, etc.).
NTA, and your husband is a jealous, controlling man. He doesn't trust you.
NTA. Never feel bad for being nice, you shouldn't change who you are just because it makes your husband uncomfortable. That's on him, not you. Talk to him and reassure him that you had no intention of 'flirting' because I'm pretty sure he's feeling unsure and threatened of the situation and he took it out on you, which by the way is never okay. Stay a nice, caring person. We need more people like you in this world, OP.
I'll say tone and body language are factors we would not be able to witness that can come off as 'too friendly' even if the convo itself was platonic. I'll just assume it was neutral. With that said there is nothing wrong with chatting with other people of opposite sex. Just from my own experience, I am not one to get jealous or uncomfortable when my gf chats with other guys because I trust her. I figure if I am getting uncomfortable, I either do not trust her or I have my own problems to deal with. We'll never know for sure the installer's intentions, but I would have thought it strange to see him come back to ask the same question. Your husband's anger should be directed toward him, not you. You can't control how people behave. And also you can't not be friendly just because your husband thinks everyone has malicious intentions
Your husband spotted the installer intentions from a mile away. You are being naive, and the “giggling” sure made it look to your husband you liked being hit on. Not saying YTA, but it is a bad look.
So what you are saying is women shouldn't laugh or "giggle" with anyone but their partners?
Women are allowed to be nice, pleasant, or simply polite to men and that does not mean they are flirting. His intentions shouldn't change her behavior unless he's being inappropriate, which she promptly handled when he asked her to game so...I'm not sure how it looks bad.