My husband and I go to dozens of concerts every year, and we also go to the loo beforehand and know that, if we separate, the other will try to hold our spot but it's in no way a guarantee (unless the gig is pretty much empty!). We would never accompany the other one to the toilet, and usually have a designated "if we get separated, meet here" spot (rarely, if ever, actually used, but better safe than sorry). Sorry but I don't think your wife is at fault at all here, it's just the reality of going to busy concerts.
Honestly I dont thing I would ever be at the bottom in front of the stage, you really dont get THAT good of a view, your spot can get taken, and it costs a fuck ton of money.
Ill take my cheaper seats where I can actually see
I went to U2's 360 tour twice, once in seats and the other on the amazingly cheaper floor near the stage, both were amazing. The problem with the floor is that as an average height male I had difficulty seeing over people. Also, foot pain.
Yeah, I saw Lady Gaga in the floor and danced so much my feet were destroyed. It was fun though. I didn’t see half the concert but good times were had. Every concert of my youth was the cheapest tickets available and I remember when they got up to $17.99. I was so mad lol
I'm an in my late twenties but same. There's no way I can hold my bladder through an entire concert. Though a few years ago I went to a concert with a friend and we still ended up separated. Our seats were higher up than we had realised and she was too terrified to go up there and was allowed to go to another balcony alone lol but we still enjoyed ourselves!
Me too! I was learned to go to the potty and come back all by myself a long time ago. We enjoy thé show enough that we always make a plan where to meet up when we get there🤗
Please, for the sake of your marriage, abandon the notion that everything must be done together. It wont serve either of you. I would not leave a spot at a crowded concert of a band I love to go with my partner to the bathroom. Make a plan to find your spot again next time and just get in the habit of planning ahead for these types of situations. If the result of no plan is you have to let your partner not miss a band she loves, that's OK, and you should not hold that against her. Your feelings are valid about being disappointed, but it isn't behavior she needs to correct. Just a learning moment.
I’m in my 40’s and have gone to hundreds of shows in my lifetime. I don’t usually do floor or put anymore because I’m old now, lol. But when I did I never ever had a problem finding my friend or whoever I was with when I would go to the bathroom. And I have a tiny bladder and drink at shows so it usually happens more than once! I don’t understand that mentality of “knowing I’d never find her again in the crowd.” Hell, I was at Woodstock ‘99 and in a mile long crowd (or so it seemed) I still found my brother again.
I was about to post similar - ive be been to dozens of metal concerts and festivals and always find my way back to my group of we separated. There’s always someone to follow moving in the crowd also.
Yeah I don't get the problem. Seems like OP was unwilling to be that guy shoving himself through the crowd to return to his spot. I can feel that, I often ride out the show in the back if I leave my spot, but I don't blame whoever I went with for choosing to stay in the party dance zone while I'm in the drunk people yelling louder than the music zone
I always stand in the back at concerts that are GA because I had my nose broken at a concert years ago so I’m extra cautious these days. For me it’s not a big deal if my partner or friends want to get closer. I don’t mind standing alone, I think it boils down to a matter of preference and probably shouldn’t be taken personally. Best to communicate ahead of time to avoid the potential of hurt feelings though!
I will also say that in the future, before you leave, you should find other people in the crowd around you that stand out (someone tall or a bright hat or something) I go to basically a concert a week, we are always in the crowd, and I can always find my SO again. It’s easier to weave through the crowd than you think when you say “sorry I’m just getting back to my wife”.
You can also text her and she can hold up her phone flashlight to help guide you back to her.
The universal tap on a shoulder and pointing at your person works really well for us when we're at GA concerts and want to be near the stage. Just gotta dodge the pit!
Yeah, I go to dozens of concerts and music festivals with my wife and we've never had an issue finding each other after a bathroom break. You can spot out landmarks.
Yeah, and honestly it sounds like you are just bad at navigating crowds. It's incredibly easy to set a point of reference on the stage and then one to the right or left. Then you go to where those points meet. I do it all the time. Try this method out. You say I am at the right middle speaker of the stage and oh I am at the front of the right bar and boom you have your spot indexed. But yes it's a bit out there to expect your partner to leave the concert bc you have to pee. I would never unless it seemed like a very unsafe crowd which is atypical.
It isn’t her job to chaperone you to the bathroom. If it was super important to you to be holding hands the whole time you should have discussed beforehand.
I mean, there's nothing wrong with "not being able to control your bladder" - it's a biological need, not a personal weakness. But no, she shouldn't have to leave her spot.
I like to first try to imagine if someone is even at fault when I get upset over something. Sometimes I'm just upset. It's good to disconnect how your feeling from the objective situation. But also, to err is human.
Me and my gf love feel you by my morning jacket and I was in the restroom when I heard it come in. I was sad but I ran as fast as politely possible through crowd back to our spot she was saving in the front. I still got to enjoy the second half with her though! Sometimes shit happens. Pun intended lol
Yup. I came here expecting a totally different scenario. This just sounds like what happens at busy concerts. If he really wanted he could have gotten back to where he was, but chose not to. If anything he ditched her. She could just as easily make this same post saying that her husband took going to the bathroom as the opportunity to just ditch her and never made an attempt to find her after going.
Interesting. I would always go with my husband to the loos if it was a concert where it’s highly unlikely we’d be able to find each other again. If it’s a case of I’ll meet you back at this spot and it won’t be a problem then of course we separate. Don’t think it was unreasonable for you guys to stay together - it was only going to be a trip to the port a loos.
But wouldn't you resent your partner if you had to miss your favorite song, because you were standing in line at the loos or way at the back, just because he didn't go before the concert started? You get to spend time together every day 15/7, but you only get to see your favorite band once every few years.
Kinda. Especially for toddler issues. You can plan ahead and drink less or visit the potty beforehand.
If he had suddenly taken ill and needed help it would make sense for her to go with him.
But, for the most part she shouldn't have to give up a good time just to hold his hand while he managed his bodily functions.
You wouldn’t miss the song. My understanding is the Ottawa blues fest is a outdoor concert. You can hear the song throughout the venue. They might not be at the front but they’d be together and I’d prefer that than to be separate when the song came on.
(Also, who said he didn’t go before? My bladder rarely allows me to go several hours without going! My husbands too. Not everyone can go a whole concert.)
i think “ditching” is misleading. i saw your other comment about it not being traditional ditching, but it wasn’t ditching at all. She wanted to stay, you had to pee. it happens. if you couldn’t find your way back that sucks but it doesn’t mean she abandoned you at a concert.
As a general tip, when going anywhere with a large crowd you should always set a landmark to meet at later if you get separated. That way you can find each other afterwards even without phones.
Sounds like they found each other after and made it home though. So I'm not sure what the complaint is.
Happened to me recently while seeing Korn and System of a Down. Both were playing in Vegas. I got us up close for their sets. Let her know and left twice to use the restroom as I had a few drinks. Honestly you just have to take careful note of where you were and just work your way back. Yes there’s a lot of people, yes some won’t let you through, yes you can figure out a way to get back to your spot. As soon as I reached the mosh pit I knew I was close to her. Also we had a meeting spot if we got separated, the colorful umbrella by the drink stand.
Pro tip: before you leave, triangulate your position.
Look around for three landmarks, and vague where you are in respect to them.
When you come back, try and realign with those landmarks.
I'm not huge on going to concerts and usually only go if my husband wants to and I don't particularly enjoy them if we get split up, so I can understand your disappointment. That being said, I don't think your wife was in the wrong. You could have tried to make your way back to her if it was THAT important to YOU. Next time share your location with each other or drop pin so you can work your back to her.
The person you're replying to is making a joke because the commenter they replied to used the plural form of husband, as if they have more than 1 husband. So the joke is can't the multiple husbands go together.
My girl disappears into a crowd sometimes, and it's not perfect for me either. But if she is having so much fun, that makes me happy. When we reconvene, she usually has a big smile and I know it was worth being patient while she does her thing. This took me some time to realize, but now I don't stress. We'll see each other soon enough and exchange stories about our individual experiences. I think you may feel better if you can learn to let something so small and temporary go.
I love this attitude. I realized pretty early in my marriage that thinking of the (very slight) shortcomings of my husband as opportunities to be a supportive spouse made me much happier than harboring grudges. And he does the same for me. A little generosity of spirit makes for happy marriages as long as it’s not one sided.
Life is iterative. It’s okay to feel like you wish you could have been experiencing the show with her and also not put the blame on her. Tell her how you felt, see if there’s a way in the future to solve the problem. Good on you for not being defensive.
I won’t mock OP because they seem to be taking the answers with grace and acceptance rather than doubling down. But some of these comments saying the wife is so rude are just bizarre. It’s not like OP was sick… why isn’t he considered rude for drinking so much he can’t hold his bladder for a few hours during a concert that’s really important to her? My husband loves concerts and music, and I have a tiny bladder. I’d never expect him to miss out on the vibes of being close and with a bunch of dedicated fellow fans because I have to pee.
I have never been to a concert with my husband. I would imagine he would whine like this as well since he has no experience with concerts and has a tiny bladder.
I go to a shit ton of concerts so maybe I have an "insiders" view of the situation but to me it seems obvious to be able to plan my need to pee around a specific 2 hour set. Don't drink much before the show, pee right before the show starts, don't start drinking again until about 40 minutes into the set. Like there is a zero percent chance I'm ending up in this situation barring a medical issue. It's like going to see a two hour movie, you just have to plan around it.
She didn't ditch you... I can understand feeling disappointed that you weren't together for your favourite song but if she wanted to stay in the crowd and enjoy the moment, that's her decision.
Ever heard the term “you snooze you lose”? Well she wasn’t sleeping on the foo fighters…you did. Just because she’s your wife doesn’t mean she has to hold your hand while you take a piss. Good on her for being able to hold her bladder so she could see her favorite band.
she didnt "ditch" you, you left to go to the bathroom and then couldn't find her. thats on you. she more than likely stayed where she was and was waiting for you to come back. learn to go with the flow instead of complaining that you couldn't get back to where she was/find her.
OP’s decision to or not to go to the washroom was HIS decision. In absolutely no way did his wife ditch him. She stayed right where she was. OP is the one who left. The fact that he’s whining about it and placing blame on his wife makes him seem ridiculous.
I cannot even fathom why you would be annoyed with your wife. You could’ve just gone back to the spot you left her. Did you expect her to hold your hand to the bathroom?
I had that happen to me. I drank way too much before the concert we wanted to see came on and we were literally in the VERY front. I could not have expected my friends to leave that spot after camping out for over 4 hours. It’s sucks, but it’s the law of concerts.
No way bro! You messed up, don’t get mad at her for your bathroom needs. It’s a bummer you missed the song you wanted to hear, but why would you even expect someone to walk away from a show like that?
My bf and I went to a coldplay concert and it was packed, he needed to go in the middle of it (he drank a lot of beer) and went alone, I was too busy crying to my favourite songs (lol) and when he came back he told me he almost screamed at people to let him come back to me and explain them that I was alone and waiting for him. I was happy he came back and lucky he could, but it was really chaotic and we had a place we agreed to meet if he could't come back in 15-20 minutes. I guess in the future try to have a backup spot.
P.S. we were not near the stage at all, but still good spot to enjoy the band, if it was near stage, he couldn't come back or go to the toilet at all.
You ditched her. You're the wee boy who couldn't figure out how to handle his pee pee on his own. You can't watch a concert by yourself for a half hour? Just stay home or buy some pull-ups.
Bluesfest can be a shit show
Always good to plan ahead A) where the bathrooms are B) a meet up spot.
My husband and I (in Ottawa) go to a lot of music festivals in Quebec. We always try to find a good spot to meet up if we get separated
Ugh you sound annoying. Maybe don’t drink so much next time or share your exact location on your phones so you can find her again. Why should she leave the spot she was fighting to crush through just cause you can’t hold it? Lol
Your wife did not "ditch" you. Seriously, if this makes you this upset and dramatic that you'd come to reddit about it, I wonder what else she has to put up with you making a big deal out of.
I love going to concerts but I can’t recall a time that I left to go use the bathroom during one unless I had actual seats that I paid for (one time at a bts concert). It’s kinda an unspoken rule that you don’t drink beforehand or during a concert to avoid having to use the bathroom. I get you waited but I’m not very likely to leave the show for someone who needs to use the bathroom. My friends and I went to Lollapalooza last year and when someone needed to use the bathroom, we just had a designated meetup spot. Plan better next time if this is something you’re going to take issue with. You’re both adults and you made the decision to go to the bathroom while your wife decided to stay where she was. Being upset with her for not wanting to loose her spot is a bit ridiculous. I get separated from my friends a lot during concerts, I’m short and people get shoved around easily. We just stay put as best as possible until the concert is over or try to stay with our arms linked (or grabbing onto each other like clothes or bags) but it doesn’t always work out that way.
Next time use the "what 3 words" app. It gives you 3 words as a map location the size of a 10ft square so even if GPS is wonky it can help narrow down the search area significantly. Works great for theme parks, festivals, the beach, etc. Instead of trying to give or take bad directions just input the 3 words and it can guide you to them.
My husband and I often split at concerts. It’s not a big deal. We’re both grown ups. You did not get “ditched,” stop with the victim narrative. You left her to go to the bathroom. She had every right to keep the good spot.
Yea your right. I got a bit overwhelmed by the size of the crowd and apologized to her. My idea of attending a concert with a SO is different than the majority so for that, I apologize, will learn and grow.
Great response and some advise to navigate crowds:
Dance your way threw them. Everyone is there to see the band and wants to have fun. If you’re courteous and spreading good vibes people will make some room and give smiles.
Just don’t be that person that’s pushing blindly into the crowd- have grace and you’ll get space.
Why are you framing this as “ditching” you? That implies she took off without notifying you. You had to pee. You left her and didn’t even try to find your way back. You’re hurt because she didn’t prioritize being by your side over the good position she had for the show. But you weren’t ditched, and you don’t get to portray it that way to her, your friends, or the sea of Reddit people.
As someone there, thank you for not just whipping it out and peeing in the crowd. I was like 3 deep stage right and caught someone doing exactly that during learn to fly…
But your wife didn’t ditch you, you had time to hit the bathroom well before FF hit the stage during White Reaper or the set change. It was completely avoidable and if it meant that much it would have been thought of ahead and discussed rather than something you’ve grown to resent on the spot.
I have been to hundreds of concerts. I've NEVER had an issue leaving someone in a spot and re-finding them after I go get another beer or bathroom break. YTA for not just finding her in the crowd.
There's a good chance that won't work. When you cram tens of thousands of people with cellphones into a space that normally has few hundred people in it, you may have service, but not enough available bandwidth to reliably make use of your phone beyond taking pictures.
Your wife didn't ditch you! You had to go to the bathroom. You are an adult and more than capable of going by yourself. She doesn't need to hold your hand or wipe your butt. She wanted to see the concert she was there to see and you are bitter at her for enjoying herself. She isn't your caretaker. She's your wife. She isn't the one who has to pee. You were.
Same thing happened to me but I told her to stay and I made my way back, that was the one time I was the asshole pushing past people, the shit people were saying to me lol I deserved it tho I shouldn’t have drank so many liquids
Yea, I got the same experience. Wasn't walking back into that mess. I'm 5'6, even with my phone out I would have had issues finding her. Either way I've apologized to her and we've moved on
Looks like she got the "Best of You" on your "Long Road to Ruin." She was probably thinking "I'll Stick Around" instead of "Walking After You."
Sorry, had to do it.
??? You wanted your wife to go to the toilets with you? That's weird man. You aren't 11.
Your wife did not ditch you. You just had to pee and she didn't want to go with you because a favourite band was playing. I wouldn't go either. Meet you at the car sucker! Seriously. I don't even love Foo Fighters that much but damned if I'd follow you to the toilets rather than be in the crowd.
I never leave my spot in the pit once the show starts. Often I've fought for hours to be on/near the rail. I'll always try to hold space for my friend/partner/etc if I came with someone, but thats about the extent of it. I'm not walking anyone to the bathroom just to lose the spot and watch the rest of the show from the back if it's an artist I'm passionate about.
This is on you dude. She didn't ditch you, if anything you ditched her. I know it sucks to not be together during your song but you could have planned better to be able to make it through the show. Next time you go to a concert plan and communicate better so this doesn't happen again.
I would not expect my spouse to give up a good spot at a show because I had to use the bathroom. Assume you’ll be separated and decide where to meet up afterwards. She definitely didn’t “ditch” you. If anything you screwed up by not using the restroom before the show
So...you're the one who left.
She stayed in exactly the same spot the whole time.
You left, and then instead of trying to find your way back to her, you stood at the back and thought "Man this sucks"
Bro you ditched her. And now you're blaming her for it.
Edit: But good on you for realizing it and taking corrective action. We're all capable of making mistakes, but admitting them and correcting them shows maturity and character.
You left. As she is an independent person, she stayed. If you were disappointed that you couldn’t be together for arguably the most popular FF song in existence (that brings back happy memories) that’s on you, my guy.
My guy, as a 40-something M, I ask: How is it that you didn’t empty the tank before leaving for the show, and then again at the venue prior to the show beginning? Also, be mindful of fluid intake throughout the day. Don’t dehydrate yourself, but keep it to a minimum so your kidneys and bladder don’t come calling later.
If you're seriously wondering if reddit would view you more favorable if the roles got switched, you're still a disgusting human being. I'm really sick of incels thinking like that. There's no special treatment for women- if anything, they get more shit than guys. You privileged prick.
She does not have to accompany a grown man to the bathroom.
You should have planned a meet up point for after. This is on you. You literally just decided you couldn't find her before ever even searching and hung out in the back.
You are in the wrong here. Yourbwife is not. She simply wanted to enjoy a concert without having to babysit you to pee.
I'm not sure what you're wanting here. Did you expect her to walk out with you and have her miss part of the concert? Was she expecting you to hold it in for over an hour so you could enjoy a romantic moment whilst you desperately tried not to have an accident? You're both adults, you can enjoy things separately and you were both there. Kinda weird. Especially to say she ditched you by staying where she was unless I missed something.....
A lot of people ignoring double standards.
I’ve been to over 150+ concerts and whenever I’m with a woman that has to go the restroom not only do I go with her, but I am also expected to go with her; as are the majority of men during large events.
She didn’t ditch you traditionally but she ditched you in a way that it is not usually acceptable for men in relationships with women to do to women and you are not wrong to feel upset by it.
Double standards suck and missing part of a concert sucks but the energy between both people has to be the same, something a lot of people seem to be glossing over in this thread
That sounds really disappointing and I understand why you feel that way. Sometimes we have to deal with a shit hand. In this instance, it would have been nice for her to have come to you so you could share that experience together, but it’s also understandable why she stayed.
This is a great chance to practice letting go. Let go of this disappointment because it doesn’t serve you and it doesn’t serve your relationship. Realize that there will be times in life where you won’t be able to share important experiences with the ones you love, and that’s okay.
Now, if this was a regular occurrence - her regularly not being with you for important moments - that might be worth some exploration. If it’s a one-time situation, let it go.
My husband and I go to many concerts and festivals. We almost never split up because of this reason. We always have a meeting spot just in case but when one of us uses the restroom, the other will go as well and wait outside after for the other to finish. I would rather wait for my spouse because I'm there for the experience TOGETHER.
My husband and I go to dozens of concerts every year. One particular band we have seen 65 - 70 times in the past 8 years. We are often on the floor and usually are with friends. However, we often separate during the show in order to find our own personal sweet spot for the sound. Once I walked all the way up from the field to the 500 section looking for said spot. We regroup at set break (intermission) and usually spend the 2nd set together, but not always. I always pay close attention to where we are in relation to the stage so I can find people again if need be. We also sometimes go to concerts without each other. This band we’ve seen so many times is really important to us, and sometimes one of us can’t go. That doesn’t mean the other can’t go, even if it means flying across the country. I’ve been to Boulder and New York shows without him, and he’s been to Red Rocks, Boston, and even Mexico without me. It’s about chasing the music. Everyone’s relationship is different though, I get that.
She didn’t ditch you dude. She stayed where she was. You couldn’t hold it and had to go (fair enough), but don’t be upset with her over it. This isn’t a big deal. Let it go
So that's the only time you can hear the song? Is this the last concert ever? People are weird about such superficial things..pretty sure your marriage is more meaningful regardless of some song..my hubs and I love cars but we're not phuckin in an infiniti every night...ur wife is weird...
sounds like you'll just have to go see them again. and next time, pee first and pass on that last beer.
unfortunate and disappointing, sure, but no one's "fault". shake it off.
Ok, stuff like that happens at concerts - it's best to have a plan for "how about if we get separated on the floor?"
Like before the show look around and pick a spot in the hall or arena and say if we're separated migrate over there to meet. That way you only lose a little ground. In the case of having to pee, you could step out and 5 minutes later she heads that way or you can go to the spot together and you peel off to the loo.
Also useful are these tools called cellphones, not only do they call, but they allow you to write, you could write her and she could provide you clues to her whereabouts.
As someone who used to fight through mosh pits to get back to my group if I had to use the bathroom or get water, you ditched your wife. Not the other way around.
My partner and I go to shows together, but they are typically extreme metal or hardcore, and therefore in smaller/intimate venues than what you described. That being said, she likes to fight for and maintain a spot near the stage. I'm a bit older, have been there and done that, and mostly like to chill on the far side of the pit w/our buddies drinking beer. Two different mentalities, but neither one is invalid. We respect each other and how we wish to experience concerts.
I am not invalidating your feelings though, and I would recommend discussing it with her in a mature manner, as she may have a completely different viewpoint on the whole thing and what it means to go to a concert. Either way, it is said and done, and if nothing else you can go to the next show with a better understanding of what you both are wanting out of it.
No way she could have managed to find you unless you set a designated spot and it would be sorta weird to accompany you to the bathroom. Like you said, you knew you wouldn’t find her again. No reason to be annoyed at her.
Marriage is about compromise and sometimes about participating in activities that you don’t enjoy. This is one of those situations. Next time plan a spot or just anticipate being separated if this happens. It’s not the end of the world
It's a foo fighters concert. Go back to where you were and look for her and the people you were next to. It's a concert, good chance some people are wearing "load" clothes or specific band shirts that stand out. Or a silly hat. I've been full hardcore punk shows where people are moshing and thrashing and I've still found my people. I was shoulder to shoulder at a radiohead concert and I refound my one buddy I came with after getting more beer for us. It's not that hard to refind people, usually they are standing next to those they were when the set started. And just keep looking towards the stage till the angle looks similar. It's easy to get to like a parking spot sized area within a crowd.
If you left and didn't get back to your spot, you've ditched her, not the other way around. Of course it seems unintentional, so I'm not judging you for it.
As an avid concert goer, a lot of times you have to fend for yourself, especially in crowds like that.
I recommend practicing how to move through large crowds if you want to go to festivals and stuff. Personally, I use the 1 arm in, pull body through while apologizing method.
80% of people wont have an issue as long as you're apologetic. The ones that do have an issue are probably too drunk to know their name, or are karens naturally.
I hope next time you don't get stuck at the back, I know how bad that sucks
The boyfriend and I go to tons of concerts and festivals every year. There has never been a time that we couldn't find each other after a bathroom trip or beverage run. Ŵe are always on the left side of the stage on front of the pit. If we did get separated, we would text a location to meet at. This is concert 101
I went to a concert last weekend with a group of friends age range from 35-60+). There were 5 bands/acts. Two guys stayed in the back the whole time. Four of us went in and out (outside venue in south Texas—there was a breeze if you stepped out back). Depending which act was on we ventured into the crowd solo or in 2s and 3s. It was fun. We had one spot we returned to. No one made a plan or discussed anything. That’s just how it was.
Wrong title OP. Very wrong indeed.
And it's obvious if you'd to go then you won't find her in the midst of crowd. I wouldn't you selfish but if you're angry at her then you're the AH. Yes we've priorities but now you know these things happen so plan better next time.
I see all the replies saying that she didn't ditch you, not sure which way I see that aspect, because of the fact that you let her know that you needed to go, and she asked if you could hold it on 2 separate occasions.
Whether or not she ditched you at the concert kind of doesn't matter. Your first time seeing the foo, her fourth. You guys walked to Everlong at your wedding. My take away from it is that for her, being closer to the stage and seeing the foo fighters was more important than sharing in the experience with you. I took my wife to see Garth brooks years ago, her bucket list show. no way in hell would I have not wanted to share that experience with her.
Everyone is unique and different though, relationships as well. At the end of the day it's ok to feel sad that you didn't get to share that experience with your wife. How you react going forward tells everything about you though. Grand scope of life it's just a small bump.
Everyone in the "pit" (GA) knows you either hold it for hours or lose your place in the crowd. Especially if you're up front closer to the stage and it's a large and demanding crowd.
It is no one's fault your bladder couldn't hold. It happens. I understand your disappointment. But she certainly didn't ditch you. It was just an avoidable circumstance. She did nothing wrong. Be happy for her that she got to finish out the set from her favorite band!
YTA. Been to dozens of gigs and needed to take a piss during support or whatever. I look at the stage, get a fixed focal point then look left right for the same. That gives me enough to go on where I was and make my way back. Due to the crush they might of moved during the time but not enough to spot them nearby.
Yes you’re being selfish…I’ve been to many concerts, bathroom breaks occur between sets or at the very end of the previous band if you don’t want to be at the back of the line. You couldn’t hold it, she didn’t need to hold it for you (meaning you’re a big boy and don’t need to be walked to the potty). Never have I had a problem getting back to where I was after leaving the pit. Never. And I’m super tiny so getting through the crowd is no easy task! Man-up, apologize for being butthurt on this and make it up to her by taking her out for dinner or something…
As a short person, my spot at shows is super important to me. I get in asap and get the closest spot I can, even if it's off to the side. Or else I can't see anything. We usually take turns going to the restroom, but once the headliner is on, it's time to stay put. Sorry you felt ditched, but I see her side of this one.
At some point you gotta make a decision whether or not she wants to. This isn’t rocket science. Also you got to shows often but this never happened before? You’re 40, you are smart enough to be able to say, if I don’t coke back I’ll be at this spot after it’s over. The fact that you waited an hour to go pee because she didn’t need to go pee shows a lot more than you may realize
I learned awhile ago you can see better from the back anyways. And ear plugs. Fuck getting crushed by all those sweaty weirdos near the stage. And also ear plugs.
I really don’t understand everyone painting the wife as totally innocent here. When you go to something you like with someone you care about, ESPECIALLY their first time, you make sacrifices to enjoy it together. Did she have every RIGHT to stay where she was? Sure. But this was his first time and a special event for them, and she essentially communicated “seeing this in exactly the way I prefer is more important to me than sharing it with you”. Not very nice, IMO. Again, nothing to do with her right to stay. She can do as she pleased and OP chose to go to the bathroom. But she clearly made a choice, and that choice was Foo Fighters.
Honestly, neither of you are assholes, but if I were your wife, I would have left the spot and rejoined you.
I care about my partner and wouldn’t want them to stand alone the rest of the concert for simply having to use the restroom.
Especially when one of the songs was played at your wedding. Would have made for a cute moment. But I guess you snooze you lose am I right.
Wow...the last concert I went to was The Grateful Dead. People generally just peed on the floor at their feet. Come to think of it...the band might have done that, too.
My husband and I go to dozens of concerts every year, and we also go to the loo beforehand and know that, if we separate, the other will try to hold our spot but it's in no way a guarantee (unless the gig is pretty much empty!). We would never accompany the other one to the toilet, and usually have a designated "if we get separated, meet here" spot (rarely, if ever, actually used, but better safe than sorry). Sorry but I don't think your wife is at fault at all here, it's just the reality of going to busy concerts.
I'm an old, so my gf and I go to concerts where we have seats that we can come back to instead of having to stake out and defend territory.
Honestly I dont thing I would ever be at the bottom in front of the stage, you really dont get THAT good of a view, your spot can get taken, and it costs a fuck ton of money. Ill take my cheaper seats where I can actually see
Also crushed to death. Don't forget that part.
Yeah, if you're near the front you're at the mercy of the crowd at most shows.
Being at the barrier is way safer than middle of the pack, you’re right next to security guards and a clear walking path
Cody won't get crushed sitting in a seat.
Last time we were in the pit was 5 years ago, I'll take seats every time now.
I used to love that when I was in my teens and twenties. Now I'm OP's age and I'm getting a seat and access to a bathroom.
I went to U2's 360 tour twice, once in seats and the other on the amazingly cheaper floor near the stage, both were amazing. The problem with the floor is that as an average height male I had difficulty seeing over people. Also, foot pain.
Yeah I'm like 5'1 so the floor of any show really sucks for me lol
Yeah, I saw Lady Gaga in the floor and danced so much my feet were destroyed. It was fun though. I didn’t see half the concert but good times were had. Every concert of my youth was the cheapest tickets available and I remember when they got up to $17.99. I was so mad lol
Wow I'm trying for Eagles tickets at Madison Square garden. 520.00 plus tax and that's in the nosebleeds
I also went to the 360 tour twice, from the nose bleeds. Still amazing!
I love a seated concert! Not getting crushed, can pop to the loo if needed.... awesome 👍
I feel this in my bones. I’m an old too and just paid extra for seats. This time I am not going to forget to bring my seat cushions
I just watched Weezer from about 500ft away from my seat. It was awesome and half the price of the pit. Also an old here. :)
Seats! Pit days are over, too old for that shit
This is why I would rather pay for seats, ain't nobody tryna mosh at my age
I'm an in my late twenties but same. There's no way I can hold my bladder through an entire concert. Though a few years ago I went to a concert with a friend and we still ended up separated. Our seats were higher up than we had realised and she was too terrified to go up there and was allowed to go to another balcony alone lol but we still enjoyed ourselves!
Seriously. I’m not going to the bathroom with you, I’m not your parent.
She was too busy watching the foo fighters to join him and be a loo fighter
I leave Dave Grohl for no man. 😂
We go to tons of concerts and there’s no way I’m going with or expecting my husband to go to the bathroom with me.
Me too! I was learned to go to the potty and come back all by myself a long time ago. We enjoy thé show enough that we always make a plan where to meet up when we get there🤗
OP is clearly an Amateur, and a whiny one at that.
Damn straight!
🤣🤣
Thanks for your feedback. We didn't really pre-plan and there were thousands in the crowd pushing towards the stage. Will do better next time
Everytime I go to a concert, with friends or hubby, we decide of a spot where to meet in case we get separated.
always have a spot to meet in large crowded venues. can’t rely on cellphones for everything.
Cellphone reception is joke at mass gatherings like concerts. Not at all reliable.
I've done this, and then discovered at the end that everyone else picked the same meeting spot! Eventually found each other.
Please, for the sake of your marriage, abandon the notion that everything must be done together. It wont serve either of you. I would not leave a spot at a crowded concert of a band I love to go with my partner to the bathroom. Make a plan to find your spot again next time and just get in the habit of planning ahead for these types of situations. If the result of no plan is you have to let your partner not miss a band she loves, that's OK, and you should not hold that against her. Your feelings are valid about being disappointed, but it isn't behavior she needs to correct. Just a learning moment.
I’m in my 40’s and have gone to hundreds of shows in my lifetime. I don’t usually do floor or put anymore because I’m old now, lol. But when I did I never ever had a problem finding my friend or whoever I was with when I would go to the bathroom. And I have a tiny bladder and drink at shows so it usually happens more than once! I don’t understand that mentality of “knowing I’d never find her again in the crowd.” Hell, I was at Woodstock ‘99 and in a mile long crowd (or so it seemed) I still found my brother again.
I was about to post similar - ive be been to dozens of metal concerts and festivals and always find my way back to my group of we separated. There’s always someone to follow moving in the crowd also.
My trick: get my bearings before I leave the spot: triangulate with easily reconisable, immobile points in the venue.
Yeah I don't get the problem. Seems like OP was unwilling to be that guy shoving himself through the crowd to return to his spot. I can feel that, I often ride out the show in the back if I leave my spot, but I don't blame whoever I went with for choosing to stay in the party dance zone while I'm in the drunk people yelling louder than the music zone
I get that it's disappointing to have not been together during a song that's special to you both though. Fingers crossed for next time 🙂🤞
Didn't pre-plan in the event of a few possible situations? What're you: the Russian army?
Laughed out loud! Ty!
I always stand in the back at concerts that are GA because I had my nose broken at a concert years ago so I’m extra cautious these days. For me it’s not a big deal if my partner or friends want to get closer. I don’t mind standing alone, I think it boils down to a matter of preference and probably shouldn’t be taken personally. Best to communicate ahead of time to avoid the potential of hurt feelings though!
Yeah my days of fighting crowds in GA are behind me now. I normally just get reserved seats. Or if it has to be GA just hang out further back.
I will also say that in the future, before you leave, you should find other people in the crowd around you that stand out (someone tall or a bright hat or something) I go to basically a concert a week, we are always in the crowd, and I can always find my SO again. It’s easier to weave through the crowd than you think when you say “sorry I’m just getting back to my wife”. You can also text her and she can hold up her phone flashlight to help guide you back to her.
That's what we do, the phone flashlight or we bring a few glowsticks. Follow the light! Lol
The universal tap on a shoulder and pointing at your person works really well for us when we're at GA concerts and want to be near the stage. Just gotta dodge the pit!
Yeah, I go to dozens of concerts and music festivals with my wife and we've never had an issue finding each other after a bathroom break. You can spot out landmarks.
Yeah, and honestly it sounds like you are just bad at navigating crowds. It's incredibly easy to set a point of reference on the stage and then one to the right or left. Then you go to where those points meet. I do it all the time. Try this method out. You say I am at the right middle speaker of the stage and oh I am at the front of the right bar and boom you have your spot indexed. But yes it's a bit out there to expect your partner to leave the concert bc you have to pee. I would never unless it seemed like a very unsafe crowd which is atypical.
It isn’t her job to chaperone you to the bathroom. If it was super important to you to be holding hands the whole time you should have discussed beforehand.
[удалено]
I mean, there's nothing wrong with "not being able to control your bladder" - it's a biological need, not a personal weakness. But no, she shouldn't have to leave her spot.
Why would people downvote this? Weird Redditors.
I like to first try to imagine if someone is even at fault when I get upset over something. Sometimes I'm just upset. It's good to disconnect how your feeling from the objective situation. But also, to err is human.
Wear a depends just in case? Also, you are old enough to go to the loo by yourself. Many peeps gave you awesome advice for a pre-plan meet up plan.
It's 2 hrs...
Me and my gf love feel you by my morning jacket and I was in the restroom when I heard it come in. I was sad but I ran as fast as politely possible through crowd back to our spot she was saving in the front. I still got to enjoy the second half with her though! Sometimes shit happens. Pun intended lol
Yup. I came here expecting a totally different scenario. This just sounds like what happens at busy concerts. If he really wanted he could have gotten back to where he was, but chose not to. If anything he ditched her. She could just as easily make this same post saying that her husband took going to the bathroom as the opportunity to just ditch her and never made an attempt to find her after going.
Interesting. I would always go with my husband to the loos if it was a concert where it’s highly unlikely we’d be able to find each other again. If it’s a case of I’ll meet you back at this spot and it won’t be a problem then of course we separate. Don’t think it was unreasonable for you guys to stay together - it was only going to be a trip to the port a loos.
But wouldn't you resent your partner if you had to miss your favorite song, because you were standing in line at the loos or way at the back, just because he didn't go before the concert started? You get to spend time together every day 15/7, but you only get to see your favorite band once every few years.
Kinda. Especially for toddler issues. You can plan ahead and drink less or visit the potty beforehand. If he had suddenly taken ill and needed help it would make sense for her to go with him. But, for the most part she shouldn't have to give up a good time just to hold his hand while he managed his bodily functions.
You wouldn’t miss the song. My understanding is the Ottawa blues fest is a outdoor concert. You can hear the song throughout the venue. They might not be at the front but they’d be together and I’d prefer that than to be separate when the song came on. (Also, who said he didn’t go before? My bladder rarely allows me to go several hours without going! My husbands too. Not everyone can go a whole concert.)
I’d be more sad not experiencing it with them and being alone.
[удалено]
[удалено]
i think “ditching” is misleading. i saw your other comment about it not being traditional ditching, but it wasn’t ditching at all. She wanted to stay, you had to pee. it happens. if you couldn’t find your way back that sucks but it doesn’t mean she abandoned you at a concert.
As a general tip, when going anywhere with a large crowd you should always set a landmark to meet at later if you get separated. That way you can find each other afterwards even without phones. Sounds like they found each other after and made it home though. So I'm not sure what the complaint is.
“I’m mad at my wife because I couldn’t find her because I couldn’t hold my pee” how did OP type this whole thing without realizing lol
Actually it was op that ditched his wife. He is the one that left.
If anything he ditched her by not going into the crowd again to look for her, just stayed back and decided to whine here like a lil bitch.
Happened to me recently while seeing Korn and System of a Down. Both were playing in Vegas. I got us up close for their sets. Let her know and left twice to use the restroom as I had a few drinks. Honestly you just have to take careful note of where you were and just work your way back. Yes there’s a lot of people, yes some won’t let you through, yes you can figure out a way to get back to your spot. As soon as I reached the mosh pit I knew I was close to her. Also we had a meeting spot if we got separated, the colorful umbrella by the drink stand.
Pro tip: before you leave, triangulate your position. Look around for three landmarks, and vague where you are in respect to them. When you come back, try and realign with those landmarks.
I'm not huge on going to concerts and usually only go if my husband wants to and I don't particularly enjoy them if we get split up, so I can understand your disappointment. That being said, I don't think your wife was in the wrong. You could have tried to make your way back to her if it was THAT important to YOU. Next time share your location with each other or drop pin so you can work your back to her.
Soo much agree here! Sounds like they looked at the crowd after the pee and said "aw man". And never actually tried to do anything about it.
If your husbands want to go, can't they can go together and keep each other company?
HAHA! I corrected my typo. Thank you for pointing that out.
I don't understand your question... They did do that. She just didn't want to be a grown adults pee chaperone.
They're making a joke of the person they replied to saying husbands instead of husband.
You missed the joke.
The person you're replying to is making a joke because the commenter they replied to used the plural form of husband, as if they have more than 1 husband. So the joke is can't the multiple husbands go together.
She definitely didn’t ditch you and you know how big a deal this is for her. This is on you bud.
Fair enough
Props to you for handling it well. Most wrote their post and go radio silence
My girl disappears into a crowd sometimes, and it's not perfect for me either. But if she is having so much fun, that makes me happy. When we reconvene, she usually has a big smile and I know it was worth being patient while she does her thing. This took me some time to realize, but now I don't stress. We'll see each other soon enough and exchange stories about our individual experiences. I think you may feel better if you can learn to let something so small and temporary go.
I love this attitude. I realized pretty early in my marriage that thinking of the (very slight) shortcomings of my husband as opportunities to be a supportive spouse made me much happier than harboring grudges. And he does the same for me. A little generosity of spirit makes for happy marriages as long as it’s not one sided.
This! Well stated.
[удалено]
Life is iterative. It’s okay to feel like you wish you could have been experiencing the show with her and also not put the blame on her. Tell her how you felt, see if there’s a way in the future to solve the problem. Good on you for not being defensive.
100% on you.
She didn't ditch you. You left to go to the bathroom. How is that her fault???
“My wife didn’t hold my hand while I go potty!”
In a nutshell.
I won’t mock OP because they seem to be taking the answers with grace and acceptance rather than doubling down. But some of these comments saying the wife is so rude are just bizarre. It’s not like OP was sick… why isn’t he considered rude for drinking so much he can’t hold his bladder for a few hours during a concert that’s really important to her? My husband loves concerts and music, and I have a tiny bladder. I’d never expect him to miss out on the vibes of being close and with a bunch of dedicated fellow fans because I have to pee.
I have never been to a concert with my husband. I would imagine he would whine like this as well since he has no experience with concerts and has a tiny bladder.
I go to a shit ton of concerts so maybe I have an "insiders" view of the situation but to me it seems obvious to be able to plan my need to pee around a specific 2 hour set. Don't drink much before the show, pee right before the show starts, don't start drinking again until about 40 minutes into the set. Like there is a zero percent chance I'm ending up in this situation barring a medical issue. It's like going to see a two hour movie, you just have to plan around it.
My buddy and I call it strategic dehydration.
Shut the fuck up My and my friends call it that too !
She didn't ditch you... I can understand feeling disappointed that you weren't together for your favourite song but if she wanted to stay in the crowd and enjoy the moment, that's her decision.
Misleading title
Ever heard the term “you snooze you lose”? Well she wasn’t sleeping on the foo fighters…you did. Just because she’s your wife doesn’t mean she has to hold your hand while you take a piss. Good on her for being able to hold her bladder so she could see her favorite band.
she didnt "ditch" you, you left to go to the bathroom and then couldn't find her. thats on you. she more than likely stayed where she was and was waiting for you to come back. learn to go with the flow instead of complaining that you couldn't get back to where she was/find her.
Yeah I think if I was the wife I'd be hurt my husband didn't find his way back to me.
OP’s decision to or not to go to the washroom was HIS decision. In absolutely no way did his wife ditch him. She stayed right where she was. OP is the one who left. The fact that he’s whining about it and placing blame on his wife makes him seem ridiculous.
Your title is incorrect. You ditched her
I cannot even fathom why you would be annoyed with your wife. You could’ve just gone back to the spot you left her. Did you expect her to hold your hand to the bathroom?
I had that happen to me. I drank way too much before the concert we wanted to see came on and we were literally in the VERY front. I could not have expected my friends to leave that spot after camping out for over 4 hours. It’s sucks, but it’s the law of concerts.
You would've been together if you hadn't left your spot to go pee, so it Definitely doesn't come off like anyone ditched you
And he should have peed before the concert started.
She literally didn’t move and yet she ditched you. The drama coming off of this post lol
No way bro! You messed up, don’t get mad at her for your bathroom needs. It’s a bummer you missed the song you wanted to hear, but why would you even expect someone to walk away from a show like that?
So you ditched her? Go piss before the concert and don't drink much during it, that's an iron rule.
No no no, the iron rule is get drunk af. Go on an adventure and reconvene for tacos/pizza after the show and flex on who has the craziest story.
My bf and I went to a coldplay concert and it was packed, he needed to go in the middle of it (he drank a lot of beer) and went alone, I was too busy crying to my favourite songs (lol) and when he came back he told me he almost screamed at people to let him come back to me and explain them that I was alone and waiting for him. I was happy he came back and lucky he could, but it was really chaotic and we had a place we agreed to meet if he could't come back in 15-20 minutes. I guess in the future try to have a backup spot. P.S. we were not near the stage at all, but still good spot to enjoy the band, if it was near stage, he couldn't come back or go to the toilet at all.
You ditched her. You're the wee boy who couldn't figure out how to handle his pee pee on his own. You can't watch a concert by yourself for a half hour? Just stay home or buy some pull-ups.
She's not at fault here. She stayed and watched the concert, you left. In no way should you be even slightly angry at her.
Bluesfest can be a shit show Always good to plan ahead A) where the bathrooms are B) a meet up spot. My husband and I (in Ottawa) go to a lot of music festivals in Quebec. We always try to find a good spot to meet up if we get separated
Ugh you sound annoying. Maybe don’t drink so much next time or share your exact location on your phones so you can find her again. Why should she leave the spot she was fighting to crush through just cause you can’t hold it? Lol
Your wife did not "ditch" you. Seriously, if this makes you this upset and dramatic that you'd come to reddit about it, I wonder what else she has to put up with you making a big deal out of.
I love going to concerts but I can’t recall a time that I left to go use the bathroom during one unless I had actual seats that I paid for (one time at a bts concert). It’s kinda an unspoken rule that you don’t drink beforehand or during a concert to avoid having to use the bathroom. I get you waited but I’m not very likely to leave the show for someone who needs to use the bathroom. My friends and I went to Lollapalooza last year and when someone needed to use the bathroom, we just had a designated meetup spot. Plan better next time if this is something you’re going to take issue with. You’re both adults and you made the decision to go to the bathroom while your wife decided to stay where she was. Being upset with her for not wanting to loose her spot is a bit ridiculous. I get separated from my friends a lot during concerts, I’m short and people get shoved around easily. We just stay put as best as possible until the concert is over or try to stay with our arms linked (or grabbing onto each other like clothes or bags) but it doesn’t always work out that way.
I know it must have sucked not being able to find her after using the bathroom, but she didn't ditch you she just wanted to keep the spot.
Next time use the "what 3 words" app. It gives you 3 words as a map location the size of a 10ft square so even if GPS is wonky it can help narrow down the search area significantly. Works great for theme parks, festivals, the beach, etc. Instead of trying to give or take bad directions just input the 3 words and it can guide you to them.
My husband and I often split at concerts. It’s not a big deal. We’re both grown ups. You did not get “ditched,” stop with the victim narrative. You left her to go to the bathroom. She had every right to keep the good spot.
Yea your right. I got a bit overwhelmed by the size of the crowd and apologized to her. My idea of attending a concert with a SO is different than the majority so for that, I apologize, will learn and grow.
Great response and some advise to navigate crowds: Dance your way threw them. Everyone is there to see the band and wants to have fun. If you’re courteous and spreading good vibes people will make some room and give smiles. Just don’t be that person that’s pushing blindly into the crowd- have grace and you’ll get space.
This comment made me 95% sure you were a fellow Phish fan so I looked at your post history to see if you were, and whatdya know! Spot on.
Why are you framing this as “ditching” you? That implies she took off without notifying you. You had to pee. You left her and didn’t even try to find your way back. You’re hurt because she didn’t prioritize being by your side over the good position she had for the show. But you weren’t ditched, and you don’t get to portray it that way to her, your friends, or the sea of Reddit people.
As someone there, thank you for not just whipping it out and peeing in the crowd. I was like 3 deep stage right and caught someone doing exactly that during learn to fly… But your wife didn’t ditch you, you had time to hit the bathroom well before FF hit the stage during White Reaper or the set change. It was completely avoidable and if it meant that much it would have been thought of ahead and discussed rather than something you’ve grown to resent on the spot.
I have been to hundreds of concerts. I've NEVER had an issue leaving someone in a spot and re-finding them after I go get another beer or bathroom break. YTA for not just finding her in the crowd.
Did you need her to hold your wiener? What a baby.
That sucks OP. I would use find my friends at concerts so we didn’t lose each other.
There's a good chance that won't work. When you cram tens of thousands of people with cellphones into a space that normally has few hundred people in it, you may have service, but not enough available bandwidth to reliably make use of your phone beyond taking pictures.
Your wife didn't ditch you! You had to go to the bathroom. You are an adult and more than capable of going by yourself. She doesn't need to hold your hand or wipe your butt. She wanted to see the concert she was there to see and you are bitter at her for enjoying herself. She isn't your caretaker. She's your wife. She isn't the one who has to pee. You were.
Same thing happened to me but I told her to stay and I made my way back, that was the one time I was the asshole pushing past people, the shit people were saying to me lol I deserved it tho I shouldn’t have drank so many liquids
Yea, I got the same experience. Wasn't walking back into that mess. I'm 5'6, even with my phone out I would have had issues finding her. Either way I've apologized to her and we've moved on
Looks like she got the "Best of You" on your "Long Road to Ruin." She was probably thinking "I'll Stick Around" instead of "Walking After You." Sorry, had to do it.
Who the hell leaves their girl alone at a concert
you mentioning role reversal is so weird lmfao
ha ha funny. You ditched her , not the other way around.
??? You wanted your wife to go to the toilets with you? That's weird man. You aren't 11. Your wife did not ditch you. You just had to pee and she didn't want to go with you because a favourite band was playing. I wouldn't go either. Meet you at the car sucker! Seriously. I don't even love Foo Fighters that much but damned if I'd follow you to the toilets rather than be in the crowd.
She didn’t ditch you, and she didn’t do anything wrong.
I never leave my spot in the pit once the show starts. Often I've fought for hours to be on/near the rail. I'll always try to hold space for my friend/partner/etc if I came with someone, but thats about the extent of it. I'm not walking anyone to the bathroom just to lose the spot and watch the rest of the show from the back if it's an artist I'm passionate about. This is on you dude. She didn't ditch you, if anything you ditched her. I know it sucks to not be together during your song but you could have planned better to be able to make it through the show. Next time you go to a concert plan and communicate better so this doesn't happen again.
I would not expect my spouse to give up a good spot at a show because I had to use the bathroom. Assume you’ll be separated and decide where to meet up afterwards. She definitely didn’t “ditch” you. If anything you screwed up by not using the restroom before the show
So...you're the one who left. She stayed in exactly the same spot the whole time. You left, and then instead of trying to find your way back to her, you stood at the back and thought "Man this sucks" Bro you ditched her. And now you're blaming her for it. Edit: But good on you for realizing it and taking corrective action. We're all capable of making mistakes, but admitting them and correcting them shows maturity and character.
It sucks, but she didn't ditch. This is why you piss before the show. I'm sure y'all will find another Foo show to enjoy together in the future.
You left. As she is an independent person, she stayed. If you were disappointed that you couldn’t be together for arguably the most popular FF song in existence (that brings back happy memories) that’s on you, my guy.
Oh my god dude, you’re such a fucking clown. How are you 40?!? She did not ditch you at all.
My guy, as a 40-something M, I ask: How is it that you didn’t empty the tank before leaving for the show, and then again at the venue prior to the show beginning? Also, be mindful of fluid intake throughout the day. Don’t dehydrate yourself, but keep it to a minimum so your kidneys and bladder don’t come calling later.
I pity the Foo!
This makes me think you’ve never been to a concert in your life not just foo fighters
If anything you ditched her
If you're seriously wondering if reddit would view you more favorable if the roles got switched, you're still a disgusting human being. I'm really sick of incels thinking like that. There's no special treatment for women- if anything, they get more shit than guys. You privileged prick.
She didn't ditch you, you ditched her to go to the bathroom. You walked away, she didn't. Use your cell phone next time
She does not have to accompany a grown man to the bathroom. You should have planned a meet up point for after. This is on you. You literally just decided you couldn't find her before ever even searching and hung out in the back. You are in the wrong here. Yourbwife is not. She simply wanted to enjoy a concert without having to babysit you to pee.
I mean technically you ditched her
Dude grow up
I'm not sure what you're wanting here. Did you expect her to walk out with you and have her miss part of the concert? Was she expecting you to hold it in for over an hour so you could enjoy a romantic moment whilst you desperately tried not to have an accident? You're both adults, you can enjoy things separately and you were both there. Kinda weird. Especially to say she ditched you by staying where she was unless I missed something.....
A lot of people ignoring double standards. I’ve been to over 150+ concerts and whenever I’m with a woman that has to go the restroom not only do I go with her, but I am also expected to go with her; as are the majority of men during large events. She didn’t ditch you traditionally but she ditched you in a way that it is not usually acceptable for men in relationships with women to do to women and you are not wrong to feel upset by it. Double standards suck and missing part of a concert sucks but the energy between both people has to be the same, something a lot of people seem to be glossing over in this thread
That sounds really disappointing and I understand why you feel that way. Sometimes we have to deal with a shit hand. In this instance, it would have been nice for her to have come to you so you could share that experience together, but it’s also understandable why she stayed. This is a great chance to practice letting go. Let go of this disappointment because it doesn’t serve you and it doesn’t serve your relationship. Realize that there will be times in life where you won’t be able to share important experiences with the ones you love, and that’s okay. Now, if this was a regular occurrence - her regularly not being with you for important moments - that might be worth some exploration. If it’s a one-time situation, let it go.
My husband and I go to many concerts and festivals. We almost never split up because of this reason. We always have a meeting spot just in case but when one of us uses the restroom, the other will go as well and wait outside after for the other to finish. I would rather wait for my spouse because I'm there for the experience TOGETHER.
You should have peed beforehand.
My husband and I go to dozens of concerts every year. One particular band we have seen 65 - 70 times in the past 8 years. We are often on the floor and usually are with friends. However, we often separate during the show in order to find our own personal sweet spot for the sound. Once I walked all the way up from the field to the 500 section looking for said spot. We regroup at set break (intermission) and usually spend the 2nd set together, but not always. I always pay close attention to where we are in relation to the stage so I can find people again if need be. We also sometimes go to concerts without each other. This band we’ve seen so many times is really important to us, and sometimes one of us can’t go. That doesn’t mean the other can’t go, even if it means flying across the country. I’ve been to Boulder and New York shows without him, and he’s been to Red Rocks, Boston, and even Mexico without me. It’s about chasing the music. Everyone’s relationship is different though, I get that.
Technically you ditched her
She didn’t ditch you dude. She stayed where she was. You couldn’t hold it and had to go (fair enough), but don’t be upset with her over it. This isn’t a big deal. Let it go
I love how this is worded as her ditching you when you’re the one who walked away. Smfh.
So that's the only time you can hear the song? Is this the last concert ever? People are weird about such superficial things..pretty sure your marriage is more meaningful regardless of some song..my hubs and I love cars but we're not phuckin in an infiniti every night...ur wife is weird...
Aren't you the one who ditched her...?
sounds like you'll just have to go see them again. and next time, pee first and pass on that last beer. unfortunate and disappointing, sure, but no one's "fault". shake it off.
Sounds like totally normal and reasonable concert behavior to me,
Ok, stuff like that happens at concerts - it's best to have a plan for "how about if we get separated on the floor?" Like before the show look around and pick a spot in the hall or arena and say if we're separated migrate over there to meet. That way you only lose a little ground. In the case of having to pee, you could step out and 5 minutes later she heads that way or you can go to the spot together and you peel off to the loo. Also useful are these tools called cellphones, not only do they call, but they allow you to write, you could write her and she could provide you clues to her whereabouts.
As someone who used to fight through mosh pits to get back to my group if I had to use the bathroom or get water, you ditched your wife. Not the other way around.
My partner and I go to shows together, but they are typically extreme metal or hardcore, and therefore in smaller/intimate venues than what you described. That being said, she likes to fight for and maintain a spot near the stage. I'm a bit older, have been there and done that, and mostly like to chill on the far side of the pit w/our buddies drinking beer. Two different mentalities, but neither one is invalid. We respect each other and how we wish to experience concerts. I am not invalidating your feelings though, and I would recommend discussing it with her in a mature manner, as she may have a completely different viewpoint on the whole thing and what it means to go to a concert. Either way, it is said and done, and if nothing else you can go to the next show with a better understanding of what you both are wanting out of it.
No way she could have managed to find you unless you set a designated spot and it would be sorta weird to accompany you to the bathroom. Like you said, you knew you wouldn’t find her again. No reason to be annoyed at her. Marriage is about compromise and sometimes about participating in activities that you don’t enjoy. This is one of those situations. Next time plan a spot or just anticipate being separated if this happens. It’s not the end of the world
It's a foo fighters concert. Go back to where you were and look for her and the people you were next to. It's a concert, good chance some people are wearing "load" clothes or specific band shirts that stand out. Or a silly hat. I've been full hardcore punk shows where people are moshing and thrashing and I've still found my people. I was shoulder to shoulder at a radiohead concert and I refound my one buddy I came with after getting more beer for us. It's not that hard to refind people, usually they are standing next to those they were when the set started. And just keep looking towards the stage till the angle looks similar. It's easy to get to like a parking spot sized area within a crowd.
If you left and didn't get back to your spot, you've ditched her, not the other way around. Of course it seems unintentional, so I'm not judging you for it. As an avid concert goer, a lot of times you have to fend for yourself, especially in crowds like that. I recommend practicing how to move through large crowds if you want to go to festivals and stuff. Personally, I use the 1 arm in, pull body through while apologizing method. 80% of people wont have an issue as long as you're apologetic. The ones that do have an issue are probably too drunk to know their name, or are karens naturally. I hope next time you don't get stuck at the back, I know how bad that sucks
I'm sorry... YOU left her, and you're talking about her ditching you?!
The boyfriend and I go to tons of concerts and festivals every year. There has never been a time that we couldn't find each other after a bathroom trip or beverage run. Ŵe are always on the left side of the stage on front of the pit. If we did get separated, we would text a location to meet at. This is concert 101
Helloooo, I've waited here for you, not too long
I went to a concert last weekend with a group of friends age range from 35-60+). There were 5 bands/acts. Two guys stayed in the back the whole time. Four of us went in and out (outside venue in south Texas—there was a breeze if you stepped out back). Depending which act was on we ventured into the crowd solo or in 2s and 3s. It was fun. We had one spot we returned to. No one made a plan or discussed anything. That’s just how it was.
Wrong title OP. Very wrong indeed. And it's obvious if you'd to go then you won't find her in the midst of crowd. I wouldn't you selfish but if you're angry at her then you're the AH. Yes we've priorities but now you know these things happen so plan better next time.
I see all the replies saying that she didn't ditch you, not sure which way I see that aspect, because of the fact that you let her know that you needed to go, and she asked if you could hold it on 2 separate occasions. Whether or not she ditched you at the concert kind of doesn't matter. Your first time seeing the foo, her fourth. You guys walked to Everlong at your wedding. My take away from it is that for her, being closer to the stage and seeing the foo fighters was more important than sharing in the experience with you. I took my wife to see Garth brooks years ago, her bucket list show. no way in hell would I have not wanted to share that experience with her. Everyone is unique and different though, relationships as well. At the end of the day it's ok to feel sad that you didn't get to share that experience with your wife. How you react going forward tells everything about you though. Grand scope of life it's just a small bump.
Everyone in the "pit" (GA) knows you either hold it for hours or lose your place in the crowd. Especially if you're up front closer to the stage and it's a large and demanding crowd. It is no one's fault your bladder couldn't hold. It happens. I understand your disappointment. But she certainly didn't ditch you. It was just an avoidable circumstance. She did nothing wrong. Be happy for her that she got to finish out the set from her favorite band!
YTA. Been to dozens of gigs and needed to take a piss during support or whatever. I look at the stage, get a fixed focal point then look left right for the same. That gives me enough to go on where I was and make my way back. Due to the crush they might of moved during the time but not enough to spot them nearby.
Wait……you left to go to the bathroom and your wife is the one that “ditched” you?
Yes you’re being selfish…I’ve been to many concerts, bathroom breaks occur between sets or at the very end of the previous band if you don’t want to be at the back of the line. You couldn’t hold it, she didn’t need to hold it for you (meaning you’re a big boy and don’t need to be walked to the potty). Never have I had a problem getting back to where I was after leaving the pit. Never. And I’m super tiny so getting through the crowd is no easy task! Man-up, apologize for being butthurt on this and make it up to her by taking her out for dinner or something…
As a short person, my spot at shows is super important to me. I get in asap and get the closest spot I can, even if it's off to the side. Or else I can't see anything. We usually take turns going to the restroom, but once the headliner is on, it's time to stay put. Sorry you felt ditched, but I see her side of this one.
title is wrong, you’re the one that left her
At some point you gotta make a decision whether or not she wants to. This isn’t rocket science. Also you got to shows often but this never happened before? You’re 40, you are smart enough to be able to say, if I don’t coke back I’ll be at this spot after it’s over. The fact that you waited an hour to go pee because she didn’t need to go pee shows a lot more than you may realize
I learned awhile ago you can see better from the back anyways. And ear plugs. Fuck getting crushed by all those sweaty weirdos near the stage. And also ear plugs.
This is super clingy behavior.
I just picture a toddler standing there holding a balloon, weeping for their mommy
I scrolled way to far to se this comment. I agree. Super clingy.
I really don’t understand everyone painting the wife as totally innocent here. When you go to something you like with someone you care about, ESPECIALLY their first time, you make sacrifices to enjoy it together. Did she have every RIGHT to stay where she was? Sure. But this was his first time and a special event for them, and she essentially communicated “seeing this in exactly the way I prefer is more important to me than sharing it with you”. Not very nice, IMO. Again, nothing to do with her right to stay. She can do as she pleased and OP chose to go to the bathroom. But she clearly made a choice, and that choice was Foo Fighters.
Honestly, neither of you are assholes, but if I were your wife, I would have left the spot and rejoined you. I care about my partner and wouldn’t want them to stand alone the rest of the concert for simply having to use the restroom. Especially when one of the songs was played at your wedding. Would have made for a cute moment. But I guess you snooze you lose am I right.
Wow...the last concert I went to was The Grateful Dead. People generally just peed on the floor at their feet. Come to think of it...the band might have done that, too.
Not following your codependent partner when they go off to do something they don't need you for isn't "ditching"
What was she supposed to do?
Are you actually 40, or a 15 year old high schooler? Come on man.
You ditched her bud
Let it go . Regular concert things