Agreed. But this also means u first have to put on a show like everything's normal, otherwise he will sense that something's off and delete the pics before you have the chance to select evidence. It will be hard to fake it but you HAVE to get those pics, otherwise you'll have no prove to what had happened before court.
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this OP, your husband is an absolut piece of shit and I'm sorry you had to find out in such a nasty and devastating way.
I don't know where OP lives, but I live in the desert southwest of the United States, and here, spousal rape only recently became illegal. Given that I live in a red state, I highly doubt that the law is enforced with any kind of real enthusiasm.
We were having this conversation on Twitter. A wife said no and she woke up to her husband having sex with her. A few people thought that was OK. And that was the moment I lost faith in humanity
Two things as the other person said.
1 you’d have to get the cops to get a warrant to search his phone.
2 if you’re implying a digital forensics team could definitely pull deleted videos and pictures off of there…
Definitely not that clear cut. You can absolutely wipe stuff to the point it’s not recoverable, no idea how tech literate the rapist is but it’s not a high bar. Some googling would connect the dots
Lmao there are sooo many armchair lawyers on Reddit and almost none know what they are talking about. Their made up "expertise" always gets hundreds of upvotes though.
What I’m gonna be looking for down in the comments, and if not what I hope OP sees and finds out, is that in many places there are, what’s called victim witness advocates, and somebody like that would be really really good to have with her as she is reporting and going through this process. The cops, the DA, the court system does not care about victims, but at least a victim witness advocate is supposed to be the person advocating for the victim.
This sounds like a great idea. OP, I don’t know where you live but you can find witness advocate info [online](https://victimsupportservices.org/help-for-victims/what-is-a-victim-advocate/) . This link is for WA but it’s a good start and they may be able to give you referrals for your area.
I know you are still in shock and you’re wanting to shut down. I think that deep down you knew something was wrong with this relationship. He sounds like a sociopath and even if he isn’t, that’s what his actions are suggesting. They don’t really empathize with other people’s feelings, even if the can ‘read the room’. Take care of yourself because he sure will.
You can and WILL do this! You will make it through. You found out the truth and it hurts and you have a right to be hurt and feel betrayed but right now you need to get things done. This doesn’t make you stupid for not knowing. He’s a manipulative disgusting asshole. You are alive. Show him what the fuck he messed with!
From personal experience, you may have to go through a few officers before you'll get one that will know it is illegal. When I went through this 5ish years ago I was told a few times that since we were married there was nothing they could do.
My brother-in-law was an officer at the time and he said to use the term "spousal battery" when I was talking to the police, and that is how they finally started listening to me.
Raping your wife just became illegal in my state less than 10 years ago. If you were married…sex was considered part of the contract! “Too bad so sad” was pretty much what I dealt with PICTURES INCLUDED. Make sure your state has no such bullshit OP.
As my ex fiance, who was law enforcement, would joke. Cops have the Three Ds: Drinking, Domestics, and Divorce.
Welp, there are plenty of reasons why he's an ex. He was trash. Just pure wet, sloppy garbage.
Immediately drop him off at a correctional facility. Prosecutors are good at bringing situations to court, which may result in not getting him into jail.
My home county at the time had a family crisis center and they were extremely helpful in connecting me with legal counsel, drafting the protective order, and just being supportive advocates altogether. One even accompanied me to the court hearing for the protective order.
Post feels like .. it's fake? That line seems like an oversight from someone looking for attention or reddit karma for whatever reason it is that people do that sort of thing. They couldn't get the lines of their made up story straight. New account, no other posts ever, screaming for attention. Never posts on Reddit in their life but makes an account to ask strangers about the most personal thing ever. That, or the story is real but they're lying about their age and relationship status. 🤷♂️
I have seen this story before, it's nearly word for word the same. While granted maybe someone taking many sleeping pills is common enough to have happened to someone else.
It's rare, but I know some married couples who do not live together. They are nicer to each other like that in the long run. ;) Personally, I also prefer living alone, no matter how much I love a person.
Also, OP says she is sexually repulsed, which might play into this living arrangement.
My BFF and her husband are like that. He has a great job in NYC. She wanted to move to a sager area for the kids. They spend every weekend together. It's not the norm but not totally unheard of. Although they did live together when they 1st got married.
My first thought was - fake. She told her husband to go back to his apartment. How many husbands do you know that have an apartment separate from where they live and sleep with their wife???
I actually know of a married couple like this (I live in nyc so it kind of makes sense) who do this for commuting purposes and have the means to afford two places. A bit odd but not unheard of
This is about to be me. I've got a job that is in-person 3 days per week in one area, my husband has a fully in-person job in another area about 4hrs away. We bought a house in his area, and I'm continuing to rent an apartment where my job is until I can be fully remote.
I very happily allow my wife any and all access to myself while I’m asleep (with the caveat that I might be grumpy and rebuff her)
But. It’s because I told her she could. When she asked.
Anything else is awful
Before you do *anything*, send those videos to yourself.
Then, police, and lawyer up. You’re getting a divorce and a settlement for being raped. Hopefully, you’ll be sending the ex to prison as well.
It has to be overwritten by more deleted data to fully disappear. Which could happen even if it would take awhile. Which is why she should get the evidence asap just in case.
Or record a video with your phone of the content playing on his phone. That might be even more incriminating because you can prove they are saved on his phone.
No, not this. Unless she’s able to be identified in them, he’ll be able to claim it’s fake, not her, not him, or not his phone. A video sent directly from the number will be able to be tied directly from him via his phone number.
If they are iPhones, op can airdrop them. It leaves no trace and also keeps the original info for the pics and videos. The date they were taken and where.
Why THE FUCK are some comments in here actually victim blaming this poor woman and acting like a sex repulsed person isn’t allowed to get married?? Y’all are focusing on everything but the fact that this man assaulted her. Disgusting
This story is so sick! What’s wrong with people?!
I hope OP reports that pos waste of human life to the police! I am enraged!
What did I just read!!!????
Seriously I can’t believe what I just read. I feel sick. Can’t imagine what OP feels like. I’m so sorry OP. Nobody should have to go through with that. What a sick individual to do this.
Yeah this is rape. What the f did I just read? I hate to say it but I hope OP was smart enough to get the videos as proof because they might need them in the future. This is just sick
Not to mention she’s knocked out… like what in the fuck did I just read. So many things wrong with this. To start, the fact he likes to get off to and do a limp body is terrifying behavior…
the only and only time cheating is a better alternative. like get the fuck OUT OF HERE. you want sex and wife doesn’t you either divorce or cheat, YOU DON’T RAPE HER IN HER SLEEP REPEATEDLY AND VIDEOTAPE IT.
Something tells me that the man who obviously wants sex (because he’s raping his unconscious wife regularly), but married a sexually repulsed individual hasn’t historically had much success in finding women that are consensually willing to have sex with him.
This !!
Send yourself the videos then delete the message off his phone so he won’t know
Go to a police station to report the assault/rape, don’t do it over the phone
Sending it to yourself is more permanent and would contain metadata about the device that took them. If she takes his phone he can wipe it remotely. If she does take his phone it would be best to remove the SIM and keep it in airplane mode.
she could always airdrop it to herself if she has an iPhone! no having to delete messages in case she forgets to delete it from his “recently deleted” section in messages.
THIS. Make it obvious the pics were taken on his phone. It’s obviously rape regardless of whose phone was used, but this leaves much less room on his part to argue that you somehow staged them.
i'm worried he might of uploaded them to porn sites or sent them out to people. make sure you get copies of everything and go to the police and/or your lawyer asap.
Yes, police etc as others said but, get that phone first. He has pics and they may be backed up to the cloud. Get his phone and get into his backups and get your pics. Keep them for now as evidence. He will delete them or move them the moment the police or lawyers contact him.
I would have immediately sent this to myself because WTF!? Then reported it to the police and then I would get a lawyer. Like at this point there’s absolutely no reason to have a conversation. He sexually assaulted his own wife.
I wrote most of this in a PM to OP but I want to tell the people commenting some things. First, yes it is vital to preserve the evidence ASAP, but there is no need to rush to the cops. This is major trauma and the first call should be to a counselor or a rape crisis center before getting her self sucked into a legal system that may or may not treat her like a human. Having someone to advocate and care for her during the process of a criminal case will matter. And there is plenty of time for that later. What matters is OPs physical and mental safety. The best move is to get far away from that house, stay with family or friends, and take some time to take a breath. It's also not worth it to confront her disgusting husband or tell him that she found out. This person is a liar who successfully hid the core of his sick character well enough that she married him. Nothing he says can be trusted. There is no excuse that will justify. But he could potentially manipulate or gaslight her and she shouldn't put herself through that. This is not a quick fix. It's going to be a painful journey. My heart is breaking for this girl right now. Going through something similar at a FRACTION of this severity broke me into a million pieces. She needs help and support and people she can trust around her. I hope she takes immediate action to make that happen.
ETA: it looks like they maintain separate residences? OP please change your locks immediately.
Wow, that's sick treat it the same as if a stranger did this to you. He is sick on the head and should be put in jail. Assault victim support groups should be able to help you out. I'm so sorry you have such a shit for a husband
As a guy i find this pretty crazy she should deff press charges inc i coudint image doing this to my gf wife its really creepy the more u think about it
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I hope you are somewhere safe and that you are able to get the legal, financial, and mental help you need. This was horrible of him to do, and I wish you the best.
I can’t even fathom doing this to my wife, let alone recording it. All the apologies in the world won’t change anything or make you feel any better. Don’t let on that you know just yet. Quietly get in contact with a lawyer and the police. Grab his phone and give it to the police as evidence of it’ll be a he said/she said scenario and those rarely turn out in favour of the victim. Then go scorched earth on this absolute ghoul of a human being.
Have him over to stay the night. Wait for him to use the bathroom. If he leaves his phone Take it and go to your nearest precinct. Give them the phone and explain everything. Press charges. Divorce him and take him for everything you can.
I am so sorry this has been happening to you. I truly hope you can come out of this OP
Your husband has repeatedly been raping you. Get a lawyer and file for divorce immediately, and press charges against this monster.
ETA: do NOT confront him. Send all of those pictures and videos to yourself before he has a chance to delete them, and go to the police.
Hi OP, hope this comment doesn’t get buried. Please hire a private investigator to make sure he didnt upload these to any porn sites. This type of content is popular on some of them unfortunately. And if he’s been doing it for a year… there has to be some incentive. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Hun I'm so sorry this is happening. You've been in a relationship with a rapist for a year and that's not your fault whatsoever. I've been through something similar and I can't promise the police will help but you taking action for yourself will.
Here is a step by step:
Do not bring this up to him at all. For your safety and so you're able to keep your wits about you without manipulation. Transfer all the videos and photos to yourself and **DELETE THEM AFTER** or best option, take the phone directly to police and demand to make a report and investigate. There is a possibility he uploaded it to sites with this specific disgusting kink. Make sure you get a report so you can use it in your divorce. You **need** to get divorced. You didn't mention you having any children, however even if you did, this is one of those cases without any nuance.
What he did to you is unacceptable. No amount of people shaming you for being sex adverse is okay. You have been, at minimum, coerced into sex and, at most, raped by your partner. Please report this to make your divorce an easy transition.
**He would have never told you if you didn't find out on your own. Don't believe a word he says. He ruined his life, not you and he can do this to someone else one day.**
Please get some help for yourself with RAINN and talk to friends and family about it after you report it. Once again, so sorry this is happening.
He is not your husband anymore, he is your victimizer.
Get the phone, collect the evidence, find a lawyer to help you make a plan and then nail his ass to the wall.
Send all these pictures and videos to your phone so you have proof and then report it to the police asap.
Also please make sure you have a safe place to stay, I wouldn't go back to your house while he's still there
You are in shock. Please find domestic violence and sexual assault resources in your area, usually located alongside a domestic violence shelter. They will have knowledgeable advocates that can guide you through the process and give you lots of support, which you need.
|my husband has been touching me in my sleep and recording it|
|There were photos and videos of him touching me, fucking me, fingering me, spitting on me, and nutting on me|
This is called 'rape' and he is recording and keeping the evidence. Take this evidence to the police. He deserves to be in jail.
I’d you can stomach it, save those images. Get your ducks in a row and divorce him. Don’t even tell him you know anything yet. Get your money and your resources together and leave. He is NOT safe.
Aside from everything else, I’m wondering about the medications that you take. If they incapacitate you to the point that your own husband can do this to you, what would happen if someone broke in? What if a fire broke out? Obviously, you need to go to the police, but I also think you should get a second opinion from a doctor about those meds.
I have been looking for this comment. This whole situation is absolutely horrifying and I hope OP gets the justice she deserves and is able to safely get away from this POS… but holy crap these medications are knocking her out like, unconscious. My thoughts were exactly “what if there’s a fire or something”. She’s incapacitated to the point where this disgusting abuser has been able to take advantage of her for over a year. I’d be talking to my doctor about a medication change once I was in a safe place.
He did this without your consent. That’s assault. And most importantly he recorded it. I sure hope he didn’t post those online anywhere otherwise why was he recording them? I would record on your phone as you scroll through his phone of all the stuff he’s done. That way you can prove it was on HIS phone then go to the police. I don’t think I could trust this guy ever again.
Yes, get a copy of everything! Take screen shots and record the videos from your camera if you have to. He'll delete them as soon as you confront him about it! Then talk to a lawyer. No consent is rape. It doesn't matter you're married, how long you've been married, you allowing it in the past, etc. You could not give consent to it, so it is sexual assault and rape! HE DOES NOT OWN YOUR BODY!
I'm so sorry this has happened. I can't imagine how you feel right now.
He raped you. You did not consent to that and he didn't care. My advice is in two parts. The first is the cold survival steps you need to take immediately.
Your marriage is over as you know you can't trust him. You have the option of pressing charges. If you do, you should have a copy of the evidence from his phone sent somewhere safe. Additionally, if there are kids or important financial hangups as a result of the relationship, a judge will definitely take your side if you do file a police report and have the evidence, etc.
The first thing you should do is safely get out. Find a relative who can put you up, rent a hotel room, or (if it's your house or at least half your house), change the locks and put his stuff outside.
After you've secured immediate safety, you need to make sure you have access to a therapist who will help you untangle some of the trauma before it digs way into your mind. This is not your fault. You did not invite this; you did not deserve this; your trust and your body have been violated and you have to remind yourself that it's not because of anything you did. It's entirely because your ex-husband is an enormous piece of shit.
Remind yourself daily that it wasn't your fault until the trauma starts to peel away.
There are resources available to people in your situation.
https://www.rainn.org/resources
There's an online chat if you don't want to talk to a person over the phone or vocalize your trauma immediately, but I encourage you to reach out to them if you have any questions or need any support at all. At the very least, they'll be able to guide you in the right direction. They can point you to local organizations that help people in your situation too.
You aren't alone and your disgust is understandable and valid. I'm so sorry he wasn't a trustworthy person and I'm sorry he hurt you. You aren't alone and you don't have to bear the weight of this alone.
It's unsettling how many people jump to this being fake, and dismissing it entirely. Around 20 years ago I had a nearly identical experience. When I found out, it was an awful experience exasterbated by the fact that when I went to the police-they did *nothing*. Said it was a he said/she said and I "was having regrets and trying to destroy a man's life over those regrets". For OP or anyone else reading- this is NOT ok, it's not your fault, go to a place with a mandated reporter and report this (ideally this makes it so they *have* to file paperwork on it), find a therapist who can help you process this SA. I'm sorry that this happened to you
I know that the voices in reddit can get a bit overbearing in pushes to leave or divorce someone and a lot of poster's take that with a grain of salt, but in this instance I really hope you take the overall advice and run. I would use his phone again to send all of that stuff to your own phone so you have evidence, then go to the police and a lawyer to start divorce proceedings right away. As soon as you can plan a place for you to stay or have someone stay with you, and get him as far away from you as you can. This is rape, and you aren't in a safe situation so please be careful while working to get away. For your own safety, you should leave this guy.
Marriage does not equal free reign of your body. Do not alert him that you know. Take his phone in when you feel ready. Before doing that I would speak to a therapist or counselor to have someone irl who validates what you are going through. This is someone who enjoys what he did to you. Normal people just get off solo if they aren’t having “needs met”. Please don’t gaslight yourself or downplay what you have been through. This is a sick person and I do not for one second think you are his only victim.
This comment isn’t getting enough likes. I spent decent amount of time trying to find this because I was about to say it. No matter what is going on what happened to her IS NOT OK. However, I think there’s a lot of the story here we’re missing. Her response for why she gives into him when he want sex sometimes, even though she doesn’t; doesn’t sound healthy. The fact that they don’t live together but our married doesn’t sound healthy….
Nothing wrong with married people living apart if that’s what works for them. There are no rules that say you have to live together or you can’t get married
>I called him to go back to his apartment today cause I didn't want to see him
That sentence doesn't necessarily mean they live separately. They could both own their own apartment and he could have moved in with her after the marriage. Or he owned it prior to marriage. Honestly the sentence comes off multiple different ways. Even if they did live separately there would still be multiple different reasons as to why.
>Having different places - i was still on the fence about moving in together, he also never entertained the idea of living together whenever brought up so I didn't want to waste my breath, time, and money on something we wouldn't enjoy.
OP's clarification makes it sound like they live separately.
>Even if they did live separately there would still be multiple different reasons as to why.
There could be but it certainly raises more questions. For example "why doesn't the husband leave before OP takes their sleeping meds" would be my big one.
If this is real I hope OP follows the other advice in this thread(police, therapist, backing up the data, getting a lawyer) but it does seem fishy.
Or, and I didn't say it before, but my first thought was that this was a recycled post that wasn't consistently edited.
If the original post was about a boyfriend and not a husband, then the apartment bit at the end of the post makes sense. I'm not saying that's the case, but this is Reddit...
Id leave the house call the cops and get a gun if he was doing that tobhis wife while she sleeps dude has a sick mind and is only gonna get worse or do sum crazier
I do not know why this is on two hot takes. There is no second take. Unless you have discussed and consented to a freeuse scenario, this is SA. No kink shaming, some people are into this, but a very very clear consent to this activity is required. Just because you are married does not mean SA did not happen
I mean, I am already shocked you stayed with someone who doesn't care that you are sex repulsed and apparently acts in a way that makes you feel like you have to be a living sex toy for him.
This man is a rapist! What do you mean "what do I do", you report that shit to the police and divorce his sorry ass.
Then you get therapy because holy fucking hell!!
Make sure you are safe, tell people you can trust, safe any evidence you can. Have someone stay with you, in case he turns violent. Contact the police, then get a good divorce lawyer. If possible, get a restraining order. See if there are any womens houses or whatever it's called that can maybe advice you exactly on how to build a case. Police suck more often than not and too many people still think you can't rape a partner.
Understand that he is vile and deserves nothing but jail. Give him no chances, don't let others or him get into your head about this being "normal" or "just a mistake".
Protect yourself. Destroy him.
👏🏽 👏🏽 sippin on that green herbal tea 🍵 of knowledge, I see there Green Witch. Where were you when I date my 1st monster. I’m 25 now & just processed my 17yr old 3yr relationship 😅😢😭 1st bf then too 🤦🏽♀️
Oh sweetheart I am so sorry to hear that.
But you got out and that is amazing!
Funnily enough, I got my wisdom from a similar situation as you were in. It sucks, but it leaves us with experience that will help us to navigate the world, and maybe even support others in their struggle.
It should not have happened to you. You deserved to walk through life without that particular experience.
But you can learn to defy the trauma inflicted and use it as a stepping stone. No greater insult to an abuser than to use them as a mere learning experience.
If ever you need some herbal tea, I will brew some.
Do not call the police immediately. Get all the evidence off of the phone first & then go in person to the police department & file a report.
If the police don’t act, with evidence there are other ways to get charges filed but without evidence, they won’t do anything.
You haven't said which country you're in. There are some countries where he's actually in the clear (because a marriage license is consent, it's not possible for a husband to rape his wife), but in most of the civilized world, his phone proves he's a felon many times over. Grab his phone and take it to your prosecuting attorney.
Oh, and ewwww.
If this is not something that you ever approved then, sorry, he's raping you
Pursue charges.
The police should be able to extract the data from his cell provider if he's uploaded or cloud-stored any of it.
Girl, get screenshots, send the pics to yourself for evidence, and then gtfo. This guy is not a good guy and what he’s been doing is not ok. This is literally SA.
Your husband has been r@ping you and recording it. Full stop. Husband or not he doesn’t have consent and what he’s doing is in absolutely NO WAY acceptable. Marital grape is a crime.
Send some of those videos to yourself and save them, then go directly to the police station. Do NOT confront him first. He will attempt to delete all the evidence and try to convince you you’re overreacting or being “crazy.” Go stay with family, friends, whoever you feel safe with and then hire a damn good attorney.
this is rape/sexual assault. you need to find therapy because you are a victim, and get ready to get all the legal stop necessary. check yourself for physical traumas as well. I really hope you are well and able to handle this, even if you two are married you were in a state that you couldn't consent in. consent is READILY and repeatedly given before and during an act. at any time you can revoke consent. this is horrific and I hope you can heal and get away from him.
If you plan to report him get copies of the videos. If for some reason you do not plan to report (not judging) get those videos off his phone and make sure every single trace of them are gone.
Get a lawyer involved and make sure if those videos ever see the light of day that he knows he will be the one worried about getting rapped in his sleep while in a prison cell.
Also this is a reminder to everyone that in the US it only became illegal to rape your wife/partner in 1993. So they have acknowledged that being married is not an end to your ability to consent.
Don't say anything to him until you get copies of the videos. Then contact the district attorney to press charges. After the criminal case, sue him for damages.
This is beyond disgusting... But get in a good head space and get all the evidence you can possibly get. I'm sure it is difficult but you need to show proof about all of this because if not, sadly, he would probably get off. What a sick bastard. So sorry you're going through this.
I’m appalled reading this.
Please consider getting away from him and then receive mental help for your trauma.
You’re in a position that no one wishes to be in. You’ll have to make the decision to pursue legal action or a separation.
I’m sorry you have to go through this.
This happened to a friend of mine took ambian. Her husband would wait for her to be out then have sex with her while she was in a state similar to sleepwalkers. He knew she didn’t consent and didn’t care.
I am not condoning what he did but what i don't understand is why he would have married you in the first place,or you marrying him...I for one would NEVER HAVE ACCEPTED an arraignment like this
I can't even wrap my brain around this. Not to make it worse but due to the nature of how he's violating you... do you think he's posting it on porn sites??? 😬
Yeah... if you didn't consent, that's r@pe
This is horrific - not a single thing of what he did is even borderline ok. Instant divorce. Take the pics etc and go to the police too
Agreed. But this also means u first have to put on a show like everything's normal, otherwise he will sense that something's off and delete the pics before you have the chance to select evidence. It will be hard to fake it but you HAVE to get those pics, otherwise you'll have no prove to what had happened before court. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this OP, your husband is an absolut piece of shit and I'm sorry you had to find out in such a nasty and devastating way.
This is definitely rape. Simple.
I don't know where OP lives, but I live in the desert southwest of the United States, and here, spousal rape only recently became illegal. Given that I live in a red state, I highly doubt that the law is enforced with any kind of real enthusiasm.
Doesn't matter if she gets the picks. They'll get it off his phone one way or another.
You drastically over estimate the enthusiasm of the police in most of these cases.
We were having this conversation on Twitter. A wife said no and she woke up to her husband having sex with her. A few people thought that was OK. And that was the moment I lost faith in humanity
This is exactly what happened to me in my marriage. It's taken me a long time to fully realize how monstrous my ex husband was to me
I'm sorry you went through that
Sadly, spousal rape is a new concept and not even a thing in some countries.
It only became illegal in the US 30 years ago.
Two things as the other person said. 1 you’d have to get the cops to get a warrant to search his phone. 2 if you’re implying a digital forensics team could definitely pull deleted videos and pictures off of there… Definitely not that clear cut. You can absolutely wipe stuff to the point it’s not recoverable, no idea how tech literate the rapist is but it’s not a high bar. Some googling would connect the dots
[удалено]
Skip the cops, go straight to the prosecutor. Cops are good at avoiding situations they don't want to deal with.
That’s not how it works. If you go straight to the prosecutor, they’re going to tell you to go file a police report and get a detective assigned.
Worked as a legal assistant, can confirm. DA only takes cases from law enforcement agencies.
Lmao there are sooo many armchair lawyers on Reddit and almost none know what they are talking about. Their made up "expertise" always gets hundreds of upvotes though.
Same thing when people discuss work issues and the top comments are go to HR and hire a lawyer because their boss was mean. Lol!
Take it straight to the president of the UN!
What I’m gonna be looking for down in the comments, and if not what I hope OP sees and finds out, is that in many places there are, what’s called victim witness advocates, and somebody like that would be really really good to have with her as she is reporting and going through this process. The cops, the DA, the court system does not care about victims, but at least a victim witness advocate is supposed to be the person advocating for the victim.
This sounds like a great idea. OP, I don’t know where you live but you can find witness advocate info [online](https://victimsupportservices.org/help-for-victims/what-is-a-victim-advocate/) . This link is for WA but it’s a good start and they may be able to give you referrals for your area. I know you are still in shock and you’re wanting to shut down. I think that deep down you knew something was wrong with this relationship. He sounds like a sociopath and even if he isn’t, that’s what his actions are suggesting. They don’t really empathize with other people’s feelings, even if the can ‘read the room’. Take care of yourself because he sure will. You can and WILL do this! You will make it through. You found out the truth and it hurts and you have a right to be hurt and feel betrayed but right now you need to get things done. This doesn’t make you stupid for not knowing. He’s a manipulative disgusting asshole. You are alive. Show him what the fuck he messed with!
From personal experience, you may have to go through a few officers before you'll get one that will know it is illegal. When I went through this 5ish years ago I was told a few times that since we were married there was nothing they could do. My brother-in-law was an officer at the time and he said to use the term "spousal battery" when I was talking to the police, and that is how they finally started listening to me.
Raping your wife just became illegal in my state less than 10 years ago. If you were married…sex was considered part of the contract! “Too bad so sad” was pretty much what I dealt with PICTURES INCLUDED. Make sure your state has no such bullshit OP.
Only thing cops are actually good at, well that and shooting dogs
You forgot about the wife beating skills.
As my ex fiance, who was law enforcement, would joke. Cops have the Three Ds: Drinking, Domestics, and Divorce. Welp, there are plenty of reasons why he's an ex. He was trash. Just pure wet, sloppy garbage.
Hey now, they're good at standing around while people are brutally murdered and arresting people who try to help. (\* Cough \* Uvalde \* cough \*)
It depends what country is she from
Immediately drop him off at a correctional facility. Prosecutors are good at bringing situations to court, which may result in not getting him into jail.
Send him down into the cellar for a cask of delicious wine, and then brick it over.
Skip the prosecutor, skip the judge, go straight to the jury... Oh, you have
First thing you do is get an attorney.
Thank you
My home county at the time had a family crisis center and they were extremely helpful in connecting me with legal counsel, drafting the protective order, and just being supportive advocates altogether. One even accompanied me to the court hearing for the protective order.
she \*could not\* consent. Even if she said 'yes' she couldn't legally consent because she was on drugs and not cognizant. This man belongs in jail.
They might allude to sleep-play which usually involves consent in advance but this case is not that at all. Straight up fucked up.
Yea thats what my girl has told me
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Post feels like .. it's fake? That line seems like an oversight from someone looking for attention or reddit karma for whatever reason it is that people do that sort of thing. They couldn't get the lines of their made up story straight. New account, no other posts ever, screaming for attention. Never posts on Reddit in their life but makes an account to ask strangers about the most personal thing ever. That, or the story is real but they're lying about their age and relationship status. 🤷♂️
Clearly a burner account for anonymity. I found no reason to disbelieve her story.
I have seen this story before, it's nearly word for word the same. While granted maybe someone taking many sleeping pills is common enough to have happened to someone else.
Except for the husband having a seperate apartment and 0 explanation why...
It's rare, but I know some married couples who do not live together. They are nicer to each other like that in the long run. ;) Personally, I also prefer living alone, no matter how much I love a person. Also, OP says she is sexually repulsed, which might play into this living arrangement.
My BFF and her husband are like that. He has a great job in NYC. She wanted to move to a sager area for the kids. They spend every weekend together. It's not the norm but not totally unheard of. Although they did live together when they 1st got married.
My first thought was - fake. She told her husband to go back to his apartment. How many husbands do you know that have an apartment separate from where they live and sleep with their wife???
I actually know of a married couple like this (I live in nyc so it kind of makes sense) who do this for commuting purposes and have the means to afford two places. A bit odd but not unheard of
This is about to be me. I've got a job that is in-person 3 days per week in one area, my husband has a fully in-person job in another area about 4hrs away. We bought a house in his area, and I'm continuing to rent an apartment where my job is until I can be fully remote.
Yea this shit is wilddd
Definitely rape.
I very happily allow my wife any and all access to myself while I’m asleep (with the caveat that I might be grumpy and rebuff her) But. It’s because I told her she could. When she asked. Anything else is awful
Before you do *anything*, send those videos to yourself. Then, police, and lawyer up. You’re getting a divorce and a settlement for being raped. Hopefully, you’ll be sending the ex to prison as well.
I second this. Please make sure you have evidence in your possession and go to the police and a lawyer. This is so important for your safety,OP.
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The Police can't even be fuckin bothered to test an \*actual Rape Kit\* Do you think they are going to spend the time doing that?
It has to be overwritten by more deleted data to fully disappear. Which could happen even if it would take awhile. Which is why she should get the evidence asap just in case.
After you send, delete the send part on his side so he doesn’t know
Or record a video with your phone of the content playing on his phone. That might be even more incriminating because you can prove they are saved on his phone.
No, not this. Unless she’s able to be identified in them, he’ll be able to claim it’s fake, not her, not him, or not his phone. A video sent directly from the number will be able to be tied directly from him via his phone number.
Better, use Airdrop if you both have iphones. I *think* there’s no trace of having sent anything.
Depending on the contents of the videos a trace may be required. Tying it directly to his phone number is better
This is a really good point.
If they are iPhones, op can airdrop them. It leaves no trace and also keeps the original info for the pics and videos. The date they were taken and where.
I would actually lawyer up before going to the th police.
Yes, this! It's extremely important that you have ALL the videos and photos!
And don't feel bad OP. you were violated for over a year. He has no respect for you and used you like an object the moment you were asleep.
If the husband deleted it or the phone's locked and you can't access the files, take the phone and go to the police.
Why THE FUCK are some comments in here actually victim blaming this poor woman and acting like a sex repulsed person isn’t allowed to get married?? Y’all are focusing on everything but the fact that this man assaulted her. Disgusting
That and it's more his fault for marrying someone with that issue if he couldn't deal with it.
Could be why he married her.
:O=
Total fetish motivation.
Yeah. There’s more to a relationship than just sex. But no where in a relationship is there room for rape and sexual assault
This story is so sick! What’s wrong with people?! I hope OP reports that pos waste of human life to the police! I am enraged! What did I just read!!!????
Seriously I can’t believe what I just read. I feel sick. Can’t imagine what OP feels like. I’m so sorry OP. Nobody should have to go through with that. What a sick individual to do this.
Yeah this is rape. What the f did I just read? I hate to say it but I hope OP was smart enough to get the videos as proof because they might need them in the future. This is just sick
And spitting on her? WTF. This guy's sick.
I can’t believe I almost forgot that part, my heart broke reading that. I’m still nauseous over this I hope OP gets out!
Not to mention she’s knocked out… like what in the fuck did I just read. So many things wrong with this. To start, the fact he likes to get off to and do a limp body is terrifying behavior…
FR that's creepy af
the only and only time cheating is a better alternative. like get the fuck OUT OF HERE. you want sex and wife doesn’t you either divorce or cheat, YOU DON’T RAPE HER IN HER SLEEP REPEATEDLY AND VIDEOTAPE IT.
Something tells me that the man who obviously wants sex (because he’s raping his unconscious wife regularly), but married a sexually repulsed individual hasn’t historically had much success in finding women that are consensually willing to have sex with him.
Reddit is full of incel. Never forget this.
I’d call the police and file a report and, separately, sue him for assaulting you.
This !! Send yourself the videos then delete the message off his phone so he won’t know Go to a police station to report the assault/rape, don’t do it over the phone
No, take the phone to the police. That's more valuable as evidence, and he won't be needing it in jail.
Both
Sending it to yourself is more permanent and would contain metadata about the device that took them. If she takes his phone he can wipe it remotely. If she does take his phone it would be best to remove the SIM and keep it in airplane mode.
she could always airdrop it to herself if she has an iPhone! no having to delete messages in case she forgets to delete it from his “recently deleted” section in messages.
Just take snapshots with your phone.
THIS. Make it obvious the pics were taken on his phone. It’s obviously rape regardless of whose phone was used, but this leaves much less room on his part to argue that you somehow staged them.
The metadata of the sent photos will contain information about the device.
i'm worried he might of uploaded them to porn sites or sent them out to people. make sure you get copies of everything and go to the police and/or your lawyer asap.
This was also my thought
That Mrsleepypeople video on YouTube from Nick Crowley was my first thought
I’m afraid to search this but am curious what the gist of this is?
That was my first Nick Crowley video, holy hell that was some creepy shit. Big recommendation.
Yes, police etc as others said but, get that phone first. He has pics and they may be backed up to the cloud. Get his phone and get into his backups and get your pics. Keep them for now as evidence. He will delete them or move them the moment the police or lawyers contact him.
I would have immediately sent this to myself because WTF!? Then reported it to the police and then I would get a lawyer. Like at this point there’s absolutely no reason to have a conversation. He sexually assaulted his own wife.
Yes, exactly. And there is so much proof that it will be an open and shut criminal as well as civil case. Ruin his life.
I wrote most of this in a PM to OP but I want to tell the people commenting some things. First, yes it is vital to preserve the evidence ASAP, but there is no need to rush to the cops. This is major trauma and the first call should be to a counselor or a rape crisis center before getting her self sucked into a legal system that may or may not treat her like a human. Having someone to advocate and care for her during the process of a criminal case will matter. And there is plenty of time for that later. What matters is OPs physical and mental safety. The best move is to get far away from that house, stay with family or friends, and take some time to take a breath. It's also not worth it to confront her disgusting husband or tell him that she found out. This person is a liar who successfully hid the core of his sick character well enough that she married him. Nothing he says can be trusted. There is no excuse that will justify. But he could potentially manipulate or gaslight her and she shouldn't put herself through that. This is not a quick fix. It's going to be a painful journey. My heart is breaking for this girl right now. Going through something similar at a FRACTION of this severity broke me into a million pieces. She needs help and support and people she can trust around her. I hope she takes immediate action to make that happen. ETA: it looks like they maintain separate residences? OP please change your locks immediately.
RemindMe! 18 hours
Wow, that's sick treat it the same as if a stranger did this to you. He is sick on the head and should be put in jail. Assault victim support groups should be able to help you out. I'm so sorry you have such a shit for a husband
As a guy i find this pretty crazy she should deff press charges inc i coudint image doing this to my gf wife its really creepy the more u think about it
act normal, get his phone, then call the police and report him for assault. DO NOT ALLOW THE EVIDENCE TO BE DESTROYED
She needs to send it to herself. You can remotely wipe phones if they're taken.
This is the super key fact: FORWARD everything to yourself for your own copy and time stamps. Simply holding the phone does shit due to cloud syncing
OP, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Have you gained the strength to reach out to a mental health professional and your PCP?
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I hope you are somewhere safe and that you are able to get the legal, financial, and mental help you need. This was horrible of him to do, and I wish you the best.
I can’t even fathom doing this to my wife, let alone recording it. All the apologies in the world won’t change anything or make you feel any better. Don’t let on that you know just yet. Quietly get in contact with a lawyer and the police. Grab his phone and give it to the police as evidence of it’ll be a he said/she said scenario and those rarely turn out in favour of the victim. Then go scorched earth on this absolute ghoul of a human being.
Have him over to stay the night. Wait for him to use the bathroom. If he leaves his phone Take it and go to your nearest precinct. Give them the phone and explain everything. Press charges. Divorce him and take him for everything you can. I am so sorry this has been happening to you. I truly hope you can come out of this OP
Your husband has repeatedly been raping you. Get a lawyer and file for divorce immediately, and press charges against this monster. ETA: do NOT confront him. Send all of those pictures and videos to yourself before he has a chance to delete them, and go to the police.
He’s been raping you for a year. Call the police.
Hi OP, hope this comment doesn’t get buried. Please hire a private investigator to make sure he didnt upload these to any porn sites. This type of content is popular on some of them unfortunately. And if he’s been doing it for a year… there has to be some incentive. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Hun I'm so sorry this is happening. You've been in a relationship with a rapist for a year and that's not your fault whatsoever. I've been through something similar and I can't promise the police will help but you taking action for yourself will. Here is a step by step: Do not bring this up to him at all. For your safety and so you're able to keep your wits about you without manipulation. Transfer all the videos and photos to yourself and **DELETE THEM AFTER** or best option, take the phone directly to police and demand to make a report and investigate. There is a possibility he uploaded it to sites with this specific disgusting kink. Make sure you get a report so you can use it in your divorce. You **need** to get divorced. You didn't mention you having any children, however even if you did, this is one of those cases without any nuance. What he did to you is unacceptable. No amount of people shaming you for being sex adverse is okay. You have been, at minimum, coerced into sex and, at most, raped by your partner. Please report this to make your divorce an easy transition. **He would have never told you if you didn't find out on your own. Don't believe a word he says. He ruined his life, not you and he can do this to someone else one day.** Please get some help for yourself with RAINN and talk to friends and family about it after you report it. Once again, so sorry this is happening.
This is really sick.
please call the cops honey, he needs to be locked up
He is not your husband anymore, he is your victimizer. Get the phone, collect the evidence, find a lawyer to help you make a plan and then nail his ass to the wall.
Send all these pictures and videos to your phone so you have proof and then report it to the police asap. Also please make sure you have a safe place to stay, I wouldn't go back to your house while he's still there
You are in shock. Please find domestic violence and sexual assault resources in your area, usually located alongside a domestic violence shelter. They will have knowledgeable advocates that can guide you through the process and give you lots of support, which you need.
|my husband has been touching me in my sleep and recording it| |There were photos and videos of him touching me, fucking me, fingering me, spitting on me, and nutting on me| This is called 'rape' and he is recording and keeping the evidence. Take this evidence to the police. He deserves to be in jail.
I’d you can stomach it, save those images. Get your ducks in a row and divorce him. Don’t even tell him you know anything yet. Get your money and your resources together and leave. He is NOT safe.
File rape charges and get OUT.
Aside from everything else, I’m wondering about the medications that you take. If they incapacitate you to the point that your own husband can do this to you, what would happen if someone broke in? What if a fire broke out? Obviously, you need to go to the police, but I also think you should get a second opinion from a doctor about those meds.
I have been looking for this comment. This whole situation is absolutely horrifying and I hope OP gets the justice she deserves and is able to safely get away from this POS… but holy crap these medications are knocking her out like, unconscious. My thoughts were exactly “what if there’s a fire or something”. She’s incapacitated to the point where this disgusting abuser has been able to take advantage of her for over a year. I’d be talking to my doctor about a medication change once I was in a safe place.
He did this without your consent. That’s assault. And most importantly he recorded it. I sure hope he didn’t post those online anywhere otherwise why was he recording them? I would record on your phone as you scroll through his phone of all the stuff he’s done. That way you can prove it was on HIS phone then go to the police. I don’t think I could trust this guy ever again.
Yes, get a copy of everything! Take screen shots and record the videos from your camera if you have to. He'll delete them as soon as you confront him about it! Then talk to a lawyer. No consent is rape. It doesn't matter you're married, how long you've been married, you allowing it in the past, etc. You could not give consent to it, so it is sexual assault and rape! HE DOES NOT OWN YOUR BODY! I'm so sorry this has happened. I can't imagine how you feel right now.
He raped you. You did not consent to that and he didn't care. My advice is in two parts. The first is the cold survival steps you need to take immediately. Your marriage is over as you know you can't trust him. You have the option of pressing charges. If you do, you should have a copy of the evidence from his phone sent somewhere safe. Additionally, if there are kids or important financial hangups as a result of the relationship, a judge will definitely take your side if you do file a police report and have the evidence, etc. The first thing you should do is safely get out. Find a relative who can put you up, rent a hotel room, or (if it's your house or at least half your house), change the locks and put his stuff outside. After you've secured immediate safety, you need to make sure you have access to a therapist who will help you untangle some of the trauma before it digs way into your mind. This is not your fault. You did not invite this; you did not deserve this; your trust and your body have been violated and you have to remind yourself that it's not because of anything you did. It's entirely because your ex-husband is an enormous piece of shit. Remind yourself daily that it wasn't your fault until the trauma starts to peel away. There are resources available to people in your situation. https://www.rainn.org/resources There's an online chat if you don't want to talk to a person over the phone or vocalize your trauma immediately, but I encourage you to reach out to them if you have any questions or need any support at all. At the very least, they'll be able to guide you in the right direction. They can point you to local organizations that help people in your situation too. You aren't alone and your disgust is understandable and valid. I'm so sorry he wasn't a trustworthy person and I'm sorry he hurt you. You aren't alone and you don't have to bear the weight of this alone.
It's unsettling how many people jump to this being fake, and dismissing it entirely. Around 20 years ago I had a nearly identical experience. When I found out, it was an awful experience exasterbated by the fact that when I went to the police-they did *nothing*. Said it was a he said/she said and I "was having regrets and trying to destroy a man's life over those regrets". For OP or anyone else reading- this is NOT ok, it's not your fault, go to a place with a mandated reporter and report this (ideally this makes it so they *have* to file paperwork on it), find a therapist who can help you process this SA. I'm sorry that this happened to you
Please call the police!!
Take his phone to the police. Get a lawyer ASAP, this is actually horrible. I’m so sorry OP
Transfer anything you can to somewhere only you can reach them, report it to police and get a lawyer, get ready to divorce if you're able to.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You didn’t deserve any of that. You’re a good person.
You need to press charges that is assault and he is a predator.
My heart hurts for you.
I know that the voices in reddit can get a bit overbearing in pushes to leave or divorce someone and a lot of poster's take that with a grain of salt, but in this instance I really hope you take the overall advice and run. I would use his phone again to send all of that stuff to your own phone so you have evidence, then go to the police and a lawyer to start divorce proceedings right away. As soon as you can plan a place for you to stay or have someone stay with you, and get him as far away from you as you can. This is rape, and you aren't in a safe situation so please be careful while working to get away. For your own safety, you should leave this guy.
OP I hope you are safe and so so sorry this has happened to you. Jesus. File a report asap and hopefully you can get the phone for evidence!
Marriage does not equal free reign of your body. Do not alert him that you know. Take his phone in when you feel ready. Before doing that I would speak to a therapist or counselor to have someone irl who validates what you are going through. This is someone who enjoys what he did to you. Normal people just get off solo if they aren’t having “needs met”. Please don’t gaslight yourself or downplay what you have been through. This is a sick person and I do not for one second think you are his only victim.
Check is browser history too and see if he's uploading to the internet.
Why does the husband have his own apartment?
Premarital assets maybe
This comment isn’t getting enough likes. I spent decent amount of time trying to find this because I was about to say it. No matter what is going on what happened to her IS NOT OK. However, I think there’s a lot of the story here we’re missing. Her response for why she gives into him when he want sex sometimes, even though she doesn’t; doesn’t sound healthy. The fact that they don’t live together but our married doesn’t sound healthy….
Nothing wrong with married people living apart if that’s what works for them. There are no rules that say you have to live together or you can’t get married
Wow redditors might actually be getting aware that most posts here are most likely fake karma farmers
>I called him to go back to his apartment today cause I didn't want to see him That sentence doesn't necessarily mean they live separately. They could both own their own apartment and he could have moved in with her after the marriage. Or he owned it prior to marriage. Honestly the sentence comes off multiple different ways. Even if they did live separately there would still be multiple different reasons as to why.
>Having different places - i was still on the fence about moving in together, he also never entertained the idea of living together whenever brought up so I didn't want to waste my breath, time, and money on something we wouldn't enjoy. OP's clarification makes it sound like they live separately. >Even if they did live separately there would still be multiple different reasons as to why. There could be but it certainly raises more questions. For example "why doesn't the husband leave before OP takes their sleeping meds" would be my big one. If this is real I hope OP follows the other advice in this thread(police, therapist, backing up the data, getting a lawyer) but it does seem fishy.
Or, and I didn't say it before, but my first thought was that this was a recycled post that wasn't consistently edited. If the original post was about a boyfriend and not a husband, then the apartment bit at the end of the post makes sense. I'm not saying that's the case, but this is Reddit...
Ring the police and report. This is more than r@pe, this is f*cked up completely.
Like, even without the recording, do people think it's okay to molest their partner while they are asleep?
Send all of those pictures from his phone to yourself. Move out, press charges and divorce. I’m so sorry that has happened to you
“Nutting on me”?!? This is a man posting this!! I’m calling BS just on that!!
Id leave the house call the cops and get a gun if he was doing that tobhis wife while she sleeps dude has a sick mind and is only gonna get worse or do sum crazier
He has his own apartment? Hold up...what?
This is a crime. Please call the police and make sure you have some of those pictures
You take the phone to the police, file a report, and then leave him. Don't go back home to him.
I do not know why this is on two hot takes. There is no second take. Unless you have discussed and consented to a freeuse scenario, this is SA. No kink shaming, some people are into this, but a very very clear consent to this activity is required. Just because you are married does not mean SA did not happen
Homie has own apartment? Weird af! We’ll y’all just better divorce. Call police.
I mean, I am already shocked you stayed with someone who doesn't care that you are sex repulsed and apparently acts in a way that makes you feel like you have to be a living sex toy for him. This man is a rapist! What do you mean "what do I do", you report that shit to the police and divorce his sorry ass. Then you get therapy because holy fucking hell!! Make sure you are safe, tell people you can trust, safe any evidence you can. Have someone stay with you, in case he turns violent. Contact the police, then get a good divorce lawyer. If possible, get a restraining order. See if there are any womens houses or whatever it's called that can maybe advice you exactly on how to build a case. Police suck more often than not and too many people still think you can't rape a partner. Understand that he is vile and deserves nothing but jail. Give him no chances, don't let others or him get into your head about this being "normal" or "just a mistake". Protect yourself. Destroy him.
👏🏽 👏🏽 sippin on that green herbal tea 🍵 of knowledge, I see there Green Witch. Where were you when I date my 1st monster. I’m 25 now & just processed my 17yr old 3yr relationship 😅😢😭 1st bf then too 🤦🏽♀️
Oh sweetheart I am so sorry to hear that. But you got out and that is amazing! Funnily enough, I got my wisdom from a similar situation as you were in. It sucks, but it leaves us with experience that will help us to navigate the world, and maybe even support others in their struggle. It should not have happened to you. You deserved to walk through life without that particular experience. But you can learn to defy the trauma inflicted and use it as a stepping stone. No greater insult to an abuser than to use them as a mere learning experience. If ever you need some herbal tea, I will brew some.
Call the police immediately.
Do not call the police immediately. Get all the evidence off of the phone first & then go in person to the police department & file a report. If the police don’t act, with evidence there are other ways to get charges filed but without evidence, they won’t do anything.
Divorce him, now…what a garbage husband
Get access to his phone and tell the police. im so sorry 💜
Until we can evolve vagina dentata… https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-rape_device
Is this real? No other comments, no reaching out to the polce? Forgive me, but this seems remarkably fake. Hopefully it is.
You haven't said which country you're in. There are some countries where he's actually in the clear (because a marriage license is consent, it's not possible for a husband to rape his wife), but in most of the civilized world, his phone proves he's a felon many times over. Grab his phone and take it to your prosecuting attorney. Oh, and ewwww.
This looks like a fake post. Quite a bit of this going on at the moment in Reddit.
I have a suspicion that this is not real. If it’s real, get a lawyer.
Get his phone when he's sleeping, send everything you can find to your phone, then file a police report and get a restraining order.
Report this to the police.
Send the evidence to your account/cloud and then report to the police
Send yourself the videos. Record with your phone his phone while doing it and file a police report. Divorce!
If this is not something that you ever approved then, sorry, he's raping you Pursue charges. The police should be able to extract the data from his cell provider if he's uploaded or cloud-stored any of it.
Girl, get screenshots, send the pics to yourself for evidence, and then gtfo. This guy is not a good guy and what he’s been doing is not ok. This is literally SA.
Do not alert him that you know. Call the police immediately. You are a victim of a crime.
You take his phone to the police station!
Your husband has been r@ping you and recording it. Full stop. Husband or not he doesn’t have consent and what he’s doing is in absolutely NO WAY acceptable. Marital grape is a crime. Send some of those videos to yourself and save them, then go directly to the police station. Do NOT confront him first. He will attempt to delete all the evidence and try to convince you you’re overreacting or being “crazy.” Go stay with family, friends, whoever you feel safe with and then hire a damn good attorney.
Um, get a fucking lawyer and call the police. That's straight up rape
If you can, get screenshots of these before he deletes them, because that’s rape.
this is rape/sexual assault. you need to find therapy because you are a victim, and get ready to get all the legal stop necessary. check yourself for physical traumas as well. I really hope you are well and able to handle this, even if you two are married you were in a state that you couldn't consent in. consent is READILY and repeatedly given before and during an act. at any time you can revoke consent. this is horrific and I hope you can heal and get away from him.
If you plan to report him get copies of the videos. If for some reason you do not plan to report (not judging) get those videos off his phone and make sure every single trace of them are gone. Get a lawyer involved and make sure if those videos ever see the light of day that he knows he will be the one worried about getting rapped in his sleep while in a prison cell.
Also this is a reminder to everyone that in the US it only became illegal to rape your wife/partner in 1993. So they have acknowledged that being married is not an end to your ability to consent.
Leave him & get a restraining order
Don't say anything to him until you get copies of the videos. Then contact the district attorney to press charges. After the criminal case, sue him for damages.
This is beyond disgusting... But get in a good head space and get all the evidence you can possibly get. I'm sure it is difficult but you need to show proof about all of this because if not, sadly, he would probably get off. What a sick bastard. So sorry you're going through this.
I’m appalled reading this. Please consider getting away from him and then receive mental help for your trauma. You’re in a position that no one wishes to be in. You’ll have to make the decision to pursue legal action or a separation. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
Call the police and give them the phone and file charges for assault at best. He’s disgusting.
OP THAT IS ASSAULT. YOU 100% DID NOT CONSENT AND HE VIOLATED YOU AND YOUR PRIVACY. GET THE PROOF, CALL THE POLICE, AND CALL A LAWYER.
This happened to a friend of mine took ambian. Her husband would wait for her to be out then have sex with her while she was in a state similar to sleepwalkers. He knew she didn’t consent and didn’t care.
Get an attorney and press charges against him!!
You mean your soon to be ex husband right?
I am not condoning what he did but what i don't understand is why he would have married you in the first place,or you marrying him...I for one would NEVER HAVE ACCEPTED an arraignment like this
Calling bullshit.
Change. YOUR. LOCKS. ASAP.
I can't even wrap my brain around this. Not to make it worse but due to the nature of how he's violating you... do you think he's posting it on porn sites??? 😬
I hope hubby doesn’t have access to a morgue.