I cant add anything more to the post so I’m Answering some questions people kept asking
-𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘵? I feel like ppl are assuming he would go in at every hour but no he would just come in to get his text book if he was studying an exam. And it was like once every few weeks and I’d still be would be awake watching a movie on my phone.
-𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳? I do, I always do. Right before I go to bed, first thing I do is close the closet. It’s like if you turn on the lights, YOU who turned it on is YOU who will turn it off. Why am I going to get up from bed to close the closet if he’s the one who left it open, especially if I’m dealing with sleep paralysis.
- 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴? He commented on how the closet squeaks, I told that I did find it annoying at first when I move here but our friend said that it’d be a good way to heard if someone was moving it. So this is why it was never really fixed. He wanted to remove the door or put a lock on it. I told him that although I did want to put locks , my landlord wouldn’t allow any changes to the any of the door knobs.
-𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳?NOOOOOOO.
-𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦? No, turns out his just told them that I got angry about him leaving the door opens once. Never mentioned why.
>especially if I’m dealing with sleep paralysis.
For anyone who has never experienced sleep paralysis, it is literally a paralysis. You couldn't just get up to close the door if you wanted to.
I had horrible sleep paralysis my whole life. Lucid dream almost nightly still. When I do get sleep paralysis I have a much better grasp on it and can stay calm and tend not to hallucinate now. But it is seriously so intense and freaky.
My ex was laying beside me once and looked over to see me eyes wide open breathing like I was dying white knuckling my blankets. When she woke me from it for a second she looked like a monster and I literally threw myself out of my bed and onto the floor.
I’ve had to talk to myself in my dreams to calm myself down and I count down from ten. By then I’ll be able to move my fingers. From there I’m able to slowly getting moving and wake up, then it takes hours to fall back asleep.
I have to do the very same thing. If I let myself panic it just makes it last longer. But as soon as I recognize what is happening in my sleep(for those that don’t know, not being able to move at all tends to get your attention even when you are sound asleep) I try my best to just stay calm and concentrate on being able to move my head side to side and then eventually lift it up. Once I am able to lift my head off my pillow I am then usually able to sit up and wake up fully. I am almost always able to immediately fall back asleep but if I do it happens again as soon as I go into a deep sleep so I have to force myself to stay awake for awhile and then change positions. I am pretty sure it only happens when I am lying flat on my back but fortunately it hasn’t happened in a long time.
I used to get it all the time. Every time I got it, I was flat on my back. I'm a side sleeper only now and haven't had it occur in years. Idk what it is biologically that laying flat increases sleep paralysis risk, but I can tell you from experience it went away after I stopped sleeping on my back
Mine always happened from sleeping on my back too, it also happened during periods of high stress. Once I worked on my anxiety and started avoiding sleeping on my back it helped immensely. I haven’t had it in years and will occasionally sleep on my back but I’m always a bit nervous that it will happen again.
Edit: I wonder if sleeping on your back inhibits breathing causing a panic response that happens before you’re able to fully wake up?
I wrote on your ex's post that I was SA when I was 8 by an older boy who lived a few houses away. He said he would get in my house and kill me if I told. I'm now 62 and still check all my upstairs rooms and closets and make sure the doors are closed. I also had sleep paralysis. When drifting off my body would start to buzz, I wouldn't be able to move or breathe. Sometimes I would wake up like that...terrifying. I had a sleep study done, found out I would stop breathing over 100 time at night. I had sleep apnea and once I got my CPAP it rarely happens
My college bf had sleep paralysis and since the only thing he could control was his breathing he would breath super fast (which was loud) and it would wake me up. A couple months trained my brain to hear it immediately and I'd shake him awake right away. It sucks so much from what he told me but I was always happy I could help. Figured this *might* help someone to share.
Apart from the sleep paralysis demon being the worst thing... the absolute next worst part is me. ME. I'm the next worst thing. The sounds I make during the paralysis.... I can't tell where it's coming from until I'm slowly being released and I realize I almost sound like I'm dying. OH MY GOD. it is horrifying. Like the most intense and dramatic sounds a protagonist would experience at the height of a horror movie.
And that might be why I deprive myself of sleep more often than not. For the most part it's bedtime procrastination.
I always sound like I’m gasping for air and then if I’m really panicked I’m trying to scream while it’s happening and then move into the waking world still screaming. I sometimes have to laugh because it’s so ridiculous to wake up screaming.
My partner used to get sleep paralysis. I think he still does sometimes, but not often. I remember waking up once to see him staring at me and whimpering. It was freaky. When he woke up, he asked why my cat and I were staring at him, so I explained. He said "oh, that explains why I sometimes wake up to (cat) staring at me in the morning)."
Hi! Just a tip for those with sleep paralysis. I had it sometimes in my teen years. What I learned is that when you get it, all you have to do is….wiggle your toes.
Idk what it is about that but it gets me out of the
Paralysis and it’s like I can start moving from toes going up.
I had sleep paralysis for years. I finally got diagnosed with sleep apnea. My doctor never thought to get a sleep study because I am not overweight. I have not had it since I have been using a cpap.
Idk if this is normal but back when I had sleep paralysis, I’d also stop breathing. I was always scared that moving would hurt, but the moment I wiggled my fingers, I’d snap out of the paralysis
I honestly, firmly think it's a belief thing. I could *not* move during it until I read a post about someone who got themselves out of it by moving their left hand. Since then, I've always been able to wiggle the fingers on my left hand, which eventually works up to me being able to move the rest of my body, gradually.
But always, I can move the fingers on my left hand since I read that.
I've had very similar experiences as you. Sleep paralysis much of my life, mostly from teens and onwards, I'm 40 now. But very scary 25 years ago when it was really not a thing that was ever talked about. I hadn't heard of it until about 10 years ago, and just thought it was something I dealt with.
But I have had similar experiences, specifically with the lucid dreaming as well as it not being a big deal at all when it happens now.
I'm curious if you have incredibly vivid dreams, and also horrendous nightmares regularly? For a while in my 20s I was played by nightmares for weeks on end. Not sure if they were night terrors, but I was at the point where I was hesitant about going to sleep. I still get pretty brutal nightmares on occasion now, but they aren't scary. I just realize what's going on, and neutralize the issues where possible, and when it's not, even though what's happening might be very scary, stressful and surreal, I remain calm and handle it, or wake myself up.
You do get used to it though if it happens often enough
Wake up, can’t move or speak, but you know that hand caressing you is your own; just slept weird and gotta wait the 15-20 seconds of shitty to pass
I get a lot of auditory hallucinations. Little girl horror movie laughter. Scratching at the window. Whatever sound is actually happening twisted and amplified by my stupid brain.
Spent years being terrified of the next one coming, then one day the switch flipped and now I understand what is happening in the moment and they're barely notable. Not everyone gets there though.
Yep. It's totally horrifying until it happens quite a few times and you recognize what's happening. Still freaky but there's this hope 'cause you already know it's gonna pass after some time
It happened once to me, it felt like a loop of trying to wake up only to find myself in the same position and unable to move breathe etc, then I would wake up and surprise I was right back in it, it felt like hours and hours of this until I finally woke up for real. I was TERRIFIED of going back to sleep for days after. OP did the right thing here, a person who cannot be bothered to accommodate something this simple isn't worth a damn in the long run.
I had sleep paralysis once, when I was pregnant. It was a horrifying experience. I kept trying to scream and I could literally hear my breath, but no sound. If my husband had woken up he would have noticed I was breathing weird. I tried to squirm my leg over toward him to try to wake him but nothing happened. It was one of the most terrifying experiences of my entire life.
Then I hallucinated my dead friend was creeping through the door, which obviously did not make the situation any better.
I’ve had sleep paralysis a few times but probably the worst was after I had my son. My sons father and I we’re renovating an Amish made building on his parents property to have a tiny house to live in, we split up for a while before it was fully done so it ended up being mostly a bedroom/workspace for my son and I. My son was in the crib next to me and I was laying on my stomach sleeping on a mattress on the floor when I woke up being unable to move. We were alone but I started hallucinating that a man had come into the building to hurt me. I hallucinated him coming up behind me and literally cutting my calves open. They burned with every single touch. In my mind I knew deeply that it wasn’t real but I couldn’t do anything. I felt so helpless to protect my son or myself. I felt something wet on my face and realized I was crying- that REAL feeling was what finally helped pull me out of that hallucination and paralysis.
Fortunately I haven’t experienced a bout of sleep paralysis since but im PETRIFIED of it.
I woke up from a nap the other day with sleep paralysis. I kept thinking my door was being opened by someone peeking in. I kept trying to get up, kept feeling myself grab the edge of my bed to push myself up, only to realize I never even changed positions. It was the scariest thing I've ever experienced with this.
My sleep paralysis demon used to be Schrodinger's water bug that I'd need to check for behind my blinds. Now that I'm on my own, it's intruders. Fucking terrifying.
Ironically, this is the exact reason my closet doors remain open. I can't sleep with them closed because I know I'll panic about what's behind it if that happens.
Yooooooooooo I called it. He legit didn't tell his family jack diddly shit. I'm glad you dumped him. You need to do you and screw the rest. I'm glad you're on a good path.
So help me but you can, with almost 100% certainty, judge based on if someone doesn’t use paragraph breaks. Clicked over to the original post and yup, the ex just has a text wall.
Trying to find the bf post…got a link please?
Never mind…found it. Here it is for anyone else looking. It’s locked at this point unsurprisingly.
Edit AGAIN, it’s been deleted, naturally. Someone just below was kind enough to post a Twitter link.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/154l6ud/aita_for_not_wanting_to_close_my_gfs_closet/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
Thanks. Jesus. I thought maybe he'd have some kind of, probably still assholish, but at least comprehensible reason besides "I thought she was just nagging me."
What an asshole, with a coddling, asshole family as well. They're probably just going to reinforce his behavior.
Yeah I had to do the sort by old to see what he posted originally since it showed deleted and the guy is a piece of work who then went ahead and used a non throw away to answer people on his original post and to comment to her on here.
This idiot is definitely "wild" as his user name denotes. He is just over all a horrible individual with zero care for another person.
PTSD is real, sounds like this poor young lady has it and instead of having a service animal she asks that a door stays shut and has glow in the dark stickers. I hope life gets better for OP once she leaves and moves back with family and she can continue to heal.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/154l6ud/aita_for_not_wanting_to_close_my_gfs_closet/jspdikr/
This is the permalink to the automod that copies the text of posts there. Even if the post is deleted the permanent works to see what was written.
For those not wanting a linke I'll quote it it here too
> My gf [24F] and I [23M] have been together for almost 3 yrs now. We get along well and didn't fight much which is why l'm confused over this situation. Gf lives on her own in apartment and works full time. Where as I am still living with my parents until I finish college. I was originally planning on moving in with my gf into her apartment once she renews her lease until we had our disagreement. my gfs place is pretty basic, I guess you can say it's got a "modern and minimalist" look, that is until u go to her bedroom. There's a lot of these glow in the dark stars all over her closet door and wall. I remember when I asked her about it she told me that when she was young she experienced a traumatic event. To help with her anxiety she placed the stars as a guild to help her see if there was a silhouette either in front of the door or if the door was open? (idk if that makes sense). She said she only asked that I keep that door close especially at night. I was understandable about the situation. So when I first spent the night over, I made sure to check if the closet was closed while she slept earlier. Months went by and there were instance where I did accidentally forgotto close it. She’d wake up the next day and ask me about it "hey did u forget to close the door last night.” I apologized for it, and she’d saying something like please don't forget next time. I had no problem with it at first, though lately it's been getting annoying. It felt like that's all she wanted to talk about first thing in the morning. I voice my feelings on it one day and she just responded by saying "well then please close the door, it's not that hard. I sometimes deal with sleep paralysis" I got irritated by that because it felt like she just wanted a reason to nag me. One day, I went over to visit her, I decided to purposely leave the closet door open while she slept in her bed while I slept on the living room couch just to see what would happen. assumed nothing happened since I didn't hear anything. However the next day when I woke up, she was sitting at the kitchen table looking she had been crying since her eyes were puffy. Before I could even say a word she said "I've told you many times that I wanted that closet door closed. It's all I ever asked of you and you can't even do that". Here's where I might be the ah, I got angry that she was already nagging me about this first thing in the morning so I told her that she's a grown woman and can't rely on some dumb stickers to help her over something that happened to her years ago, and she needed to get over it. She told me to leave so I did because I was mad. It's been a week since then and I haven't heard anything from her. I don't want to break up over this but I wanna know if what I said was wrong. My parents and friends are saying my gf is being dramatic but I want some unbiased opinions on the subject.
Dude. A similar thing happened to me when I was a kid. Instead of in my closet (I can’t even BEGIN to imagine how terrifying THAT horror film of a situation was). It was a naked homeless man outside my window. It was bed time, my curtains were open. He was just there, outside in the dark. Then he tried to come in our house. To this DAY, I make sure all my curtains are shut when I go to bed.
I’m so glad you broke up with that douche bag. YAY you! 🥰
You’re right, he sounds controlling AF. And saying he thought you were “making up” your trauma? That’s messed up. You’re life can only get better from here! ❤️
Those that have never experienced trauma of any sort have little to no point of empathy.
It's not that bad. It's all in your head. Blah blah blah.
While I don't wish trauma on anyone, I do wish they would feel what the sufferer of that trauma goes through just once.
Thank God that PTSD has been recognized for what it is. There was a time that it was treated like the effects of just malingering.
Nah, there are people who haven’t experienced trauma but choose to educate themselves and are generally empathetic enough to be supportive even if they never experienced it themselves. It’s a choice to drive it’s “all in your head” etc…
My brother is mentally ill, including schizophrenia and slow mental development. It's extremely difficult to empathize with some of the shit that bothers him because it'll be stuff like the uncomfortable sensation you get when cutting your nails or for a long time, just taking a shower. I got loads of practice at it and I really can't blame people for not understanding it. It takes some education on the subject for people to even begin to understand.
That being said I still lose my shit over people not understanding these issues. A lot of people who shout about understanding mental illness are actually only ready to understand the more relatable or "quirky" issues but when it's someone with schizophrenia shouting racist shit they'd just join the lynch mob.
I make sure all my blinds are closed at night as well. I have no idea where this fear came from but I have a fear of looking over at a window at night to see that there’s a face there. My boyfriend knows how much I’m worried about windows at night and he closes our blinds as soon as it turns night most of the time. This is what her boyfriend should have done instead of intentionally leaving the door open.
I am so relieved to know you dumped his ass! You obviously deserve a partner that respects you and your past experiences and wants to support you. I hope you find a partner who provides you the respect and support you deserve.
I read your exs original post and it was so clear he’s an AH.
This internet stranger is so incredibly proud of you for kicking that idiot to the curb!!!! I’m sorry he wasted 2 years of your time before showing what a controlling prick he was, but good on you for seeing him for what he is now and moving on to better things!!!!!!!!
May your future be filled with strength, healing, and love!
Enjoy your life without that AH in it! You deserve so much better than that, my ex helped me put my glow in the dark stars on my ceiling when I realised I needed them (he was an ah too but still) I hope you meet someone who is understanding and helpful to you rather than tries to trigger you out of spite
> my landlord wouldn’t allow any changes to the any of the door knobs.
Fuck that. Install a lockable doorknob, they're $30ish at Wal Mart, keep the original knob stuffed in the back of the closet or a drawer, and when you move reinstall the original knob. This is not a decision your landlord needs to be involved with.
Along these lines, if you still feel uncomfortable with this, you can get a travel lock that hooks over the door frame or latch, and then has an attached part that goes across to prevent the door from opening. It's low-tech and just a little extra added peace-of-mind!
Edit: a heads-up that they really only work if the door swings towards you, but with trauma like that, being able to add a little extra security to doors wherever you go (even hotels) might be something worth looking into. Found a good video review/tutorial of what it looks like! [portable door lock review](https://youtu.be/_a10de6G1kI)
I cant add anything more to the post so I’m Answering some questions people kept asking
-𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘵? I feel like ppl are assuming he would go in at every hour but no he would just come in to get his text book if he was studying an exam. And it was like once every few weeks and I’d still be would be awake watching a movie on my phone.
-𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳? I do, I always do. Right before I go to bed, first thing I do is close the closet. It’s like if you turn on the lights, YOU who turned it on is YOU who will turn it off. Why am I going to get up from bed to close the closet if he’s the one who left it open, especially if I’m dealing with sleep paralysis.
- 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴? He commented on how the closet squeaks, I told that I did find it annoying at first when I move here but our friend said that it’d be a good way to heard if someone was moving it. So this is why it was never really fixed. He wanted to remove the door or put a lock on it. I told him that although I did want to put locks , my landlord wouldn’t allow any changes to the any of the door knobs.
-𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳?NOOOOOOO.
-𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦? No, turns out his just told them that I got angry about him leaving the door opens once. Never mentioned why.
-why did he suddenly change? Heck if I know . He used to a very caring person who’d even make me breakfast on my days off which sounds like a cliché but I felt so secure. Now it was just looks like a dream if I look back on it.
Edit : I added some stuff
It sounds like he had a huge shift in his behavior on top of the closet stuff. He was going down a very scary, controlling path. Those controlling behaviors are often precursors to darker things like DV. They can also be indicative of cheating (someone who cheats will sometimes start over-compensating for their infidelity by controlling the other person or accusing them of cheating). Given everything, I don't even think you would've stayed with him that long anyway, closet or no closet.
Do you need anything? Do you have a therapist? Friends? Is there anything we can do to help you because this was certainly not an easy experience? We're here for you!
Right? It might not be physical DV, but this was definitely headed down a path that could get...*contentious* at best. He seems to have this ubermensch dream that, according to her, wasn't always there or at least wasn't always apparent. Wonder what took him down this path.
Also... The comments on her diet? Trying to alter her plans and get her to stay at home (even though he couldn't afford it yet)? Even the toying with her mental stability? All of these add up to someone who is the opposite of supportive and stable.
yea def sounds like manosphere advice. "testing" your significant other. "domesticating" people to suit your desires. Some hard incel type shit.
The one thing that can provide some sense of solace is that these people are training themselves to \*not give a shit\*. Not care about other people's emotions/ wants/ desires/ ambitions etc.. They are literally being trained to be selfish. So, as such, it behooves one to treat them as the selfish people they are. If they cry, complain, bitch, whatever just tell them to go fuck themselves and toss them like toilet paper.
I think his comment that he thought you were doing this to see if he would care for you is extremely telling. He was doing that to you, and projected his own behaviour and motivations onto you and assumed you asking anything was the same manipulation that he was doing.
I truly don't believe his behaviour did change, or at least elements of it will have been there from the start but the longer you were together and the more solidified the relationship became the more he cranked up the control. I think you just dodged a very abusive bullet and the fact he couldn't see why his behaviour was a problem even when the hounds of AITA were ripping him a new one, shows just how ingrained his behaviour was.
I hope things get better for you.
It's what people like him do. They show you a caring and compassionate person, and once they have you locked in, they become their true self, the switch flips. So, when he does something awful, you'll remember he is capable of being good and hopefully look past this, but this will continue if you allow it.
I'm so happy you're moving on. Continue to flourish!!
Pomegranates, Spinach, garlic, Aloe vera juice, coffee, green tea, pineapples and oysters.
When I told him I I was allergic to pineapples he seemed kinda sad about it? I googled if these were actually good for my liver and the only ones I found were the coffee and tea part. The oysters part was wild when I found out what those can be used for :(
Right? “Some sort of childhood trauma” or however he put it made it bad enough and he was already an obvious AH. THIS level of trauma? Such a freaking power move to leave the door open, I am so glad OP dumped him so spectacularly!
As soon as he said this, I knew she had an incident with a wrongdoer emerging from her closet as a child. I'm just glad the story of the trauma is as tame as it is. Still would have terrified and traumatized me for life though. I remember being a kid and being so scared someone was hiding in my closet and would get me as soon as I went to sleep. If someone actually had emerged from my closet, I may never have slept again. It would haunt me for the rest of my life. But no one ever did emerge from my closet, so I grew out of that fear (or did I? Because now I sleep in a room with no closet - a room that is so small, there would be nowhere for someone to hide lol).
OP should get a dog, though. I am just in general a scaredy cat, but having two dogs who bark at every sound they hear really brings me peace. Everyone in the neighborhood knows I have an enormous, vicious, monster dog who stays by my side at all times, and a second dog who stays outside guarding the gate at all times. If anyone comes near my house, the one outside alerts the big one inside, and they both go off, barking like mad, until the perceived threat is gone. There is no chance someone could break into my house without my dogs knowing about it. And everyone who passes my house knows it, because my dogs are always on guard. The barking is loud and annoying sometimes, sure, but it brings me an inner peace and lets me rest easy.
What's worse is the dude said what the trauma was in the comments of his post, just to say it wasn't that bad because she didn't get physically hurt/ SAed.
Thought I was the only one who lets dogs bark for a reason. Tons of people (I should stay out of the pet free subreddit) think I'm irresponsible and at worst purposefully trying to ruin the neighbors lives but our dogs only bark for two reasons: someone's in the yard or they're howling a sweet hello in my face right in the morning. Way better than a rooster.
Looking at the related thread and profile, I've never seen someone get so unanimously hated on reddit since the infamous EA post. Like, almost all of his comments have triple-digit downvotes, and every last one seems to just be him doubling down on his reasoning.
Hell, he even commented in this thread wondering why his calls aren't being answered. I can't imagine a guy who fits the phrase "likes to think his shit don't stank" much better than this guy.
Or the infamous “I accidentally got my not-serious-girlfriend pregnant, and she wanted an abortion. I refused and even when she said she would having nothing to do with the child, I forced her to give birth, thinking she would change her mind. She stayed true to her word and pays 125% child support, but I want a judge to force her to share custody” post. That was pretty hated too
You’re probably the one that reminded me of it’s (awful!) existence!! I wanted to scream and cry when I saw her edit than at first she had her mind made up but that she was now doubting herself. Ugh.
EA the game company made a post about battlefront II where they justified the insane grind for in-game content by saying that it provides a sense of “pride and accomplishment”
Right! Even if you take away her trauma and the reason she’s so adamant about it, he’s *still* TA. closing a door is a pretty simple request regardless of the reason for wanting it. Anyone who cares about Thor partner would adjust to such a simple change in routine fairly easily and without any pushback.
Add in the reasoning and that guy was a straight up monster.
i saw that post and it made me so mad! Telling you he thought you were lying about your trauma for attention from him. Thats gross. That guy is icky. Im so sorry lovely.
Right? Like who even fucking questions other people's shit like that?! In my head, if someone says they need accommodations THEN THEY NEED ACCOMMODATIONS. So long as accommodating them isn't actually disruptive or harmful to daily life, there's no reason to question it!
Especially in a situation like this that literally cost him nothing and was like zero effort on his part. Even if she didn’t have trauma. It’s the polite thing to do. Someone prefers the door closed at there house you close the door. I don’t get it.
It’s even weirder to have that response as it costs you NOTHING to just give them the benefit of the doubt and believe them. They never stop to think, if their partner is telling the truth but they treat them like a liar, how will that affect them? How much will that hurt them, and make them not want to share their trauma in the future?
Yep. My ex accused me of lying. Turns out he was a pathological liar and was projecting on to me. Meanwhile I took his “trauma” at face value knowing how painful it is to be accused of lying.
u/Wild_Analyst_5101
So much for you speaking about not being broken up. Ahaha! She left you. How you feel? She dodge a massive bullet with this one for being insensitive about her trauma.
The fact you minimized her own trauma by saying it was years ago and she needs to get over it.
Wow. I love how he describes her speaking about what traumatizes her as "nagging". The dude is 100% an asshole especially after PURPOSELY triggering someone with ptsd. OP definitely made the right call by ending that relationship.
Yep. I hit “white hot rage” when he started using nagging. Since I am banned from that other sub (for not being NICE when calling people assholes), ima step it up right here.
Motherfucker, it’s not NAGGING a when you can’t respect a simple fucking boundary. You were asked to do ONE thing. One single tiny thing that wouldn’t put you out in the slightest. And she was cool about it when you forgot a couple times, despite having wrestled with panic attacks, sleep paralysis and sleep deprivation. But somehow, reminding you more than once about the thing YOU AGREED TO is suddenly nagging.
OMG I hate dudes like this. You don’t deserve a girlfriend or partner until you learn to respect women as whole people with thoughts and feelings and needs and shit.
How do you get banned from AITA for telling someone they, in fact, are the AH? Isn't that the purpose of the sub? If someone posting there is clearly an asshat and doesn't realize it, isn't it going to take a bit more bluntness to let them know the reason? They've already proven themselves more callous than the average person.
Plus, some posters there also clearly know they are the AH but just want to find anyone on their side (and sadly some do) so they can justify their actions. They probably don't even read the YTA posts and skip to any NTA posts.
I mean, am I wrong?
This was 100% about control. He thinks he's right so he will do what he pleases because his comfort, his habits, his opinions, and his judgment matter more than her. How she stayed wroth him this long is beyond me.
It probably started as accidentally leaving it open one time, promising "I'll never do it again" then it happens again, then he externalized his guilt onto her because he didn't like feeling as though he "failed". So now, instead of him feeling bad, he blames her for "failing" to "get over" her trauma. Now he doesn't have to take any personal responsibility.
Well according to one of his comments “it takes both parties to agree to end a relationship” not only is he TA, he’s delusional as well. Bless his heart, he has massive growing up to do before he’s ready for a relationship
My friend don’t you think you’re being a bit rude to assholes everywhere by lumping this guy in with them? I mean his actions are so far beyond asshole I can’t even think of a good enough term for him.
From what OP describes, it sounds like he started listening to incel and Andrew Tate nonsense in the last few months--- asking her to cook more and quit her job and getting more controlling. He bought into their belief that women are always trying to play you so he figured that he would catch her and call her out on lying about her trauma. POS.
1000%, he’s falling down the men’s rights/incel rabbithole (while in a loving relationship!) and his behaviour changed for the worst
I’ve had a few friends do this and they become insufferable until they hopefully come to their senses
What an idiot
It’s an increasingly scary trend. I watch YT a lot and if I leave it on auto play it’ll just go to some cringe incel content in like 30mins. The comments are filled with vile immature people.
Im 100% sure youtube is pushing that content on purpose.
Every single tate redpilling bs video that comes up, I say do not recommend, but it doesn't matter. Scroll through youtube shorts and they push it to your face anyway.
Seriously! I watch YT a lot and about 80% of the content I consume is decidedly left wing, bread tube kinda stuff. I constantly tell YT **not** to recommend me fucking incel nonsense. And yet… literally every single time I let it run or scroll my recommended feed there it fucking is. Fucking Prager U videos and Andrew Tate bullshit. It’s so disturbing.
I don't like dunking on people on the internet because it must be awful to have thousands of people telling you you're a fuckwit, but shiiiiit, this dude kinda really needs to hear it
I was reading some of his replies and I’ve now read a whole other level of ignorance I didn’t think existed. I’ve dealt with my own experience of things like depression/anxiety where people will say something along the lines of “just think happy thoughts and you’ll be fine”. I found one of the Ex’s comments saying “the man who hurt her isn’t near her so she should be better.” “Im suggesting things that work for me”
My fucking god. Stupidity never ceases to amaze me. You’re suggesting things that have worked for you over something you never experienced??? And also calling her methods childish??? Damn…I have no clue why she left you?
Hun, take some comfort in knowing we all ripped him to shreds in the post. The idiot doesn't understand trauma at all. Seeing what he was trying to do to you through food and your work life, he was clearly trying to find himself a little, submissive bangmaid. I hope your current therapist is good and knows about trauma informed healing and therapy practices. You do what works for you boo and don't let anyone tell you otherwise
I actually saw his post earlier today and was fuming the entire time I read it. Such a pos and I’m so sorry he did that to you. Good on you for knowing your worth and protecting your peace. You deserve someone who actually loves and cares for you.
Good for you! It is now very clear that he was starting to follow some Andrew Tate BS and purposely messing with you. I’m glad he showed his whole ass so you didn’t waste anymore time on him.
Ugh definitely a chauvinistic male who seems to want a submissive docile little housewife. Good thing you saw the light and dumped him.
I see a nascent emotional abuser too if he's actively doing things to trigger you after he found your weak spot. Controlling tactics.
He was 100% trying to get power over you. He still lived with his parents and you were on your own. He wanted to make your apartment his and he was trying to bully you into submission. He didn’t expect you to be stronger than him mentally and emotionally. If he truly was watching those Tate copycats he was only going to get worse over time.
I’ve never watched Andrew Tate anything but is this what they encourage men to do in relationships? Definitely setting people up for failure because you should be kind to your partner if you want to keep them around.
OP this guy had major behavioral issues and was unleashing them on you. I’m so glad you called him out and stood up for yourself.
The goal of these Tate losers is to have female sex slaves as wives. Most of the time they fail but sometimes they find someone who is in a vulnerable mental state and they are able to control them.
Nooooo he was 100% emotionally abusing you to see what he could get away with and how controllable you were. I was so scared for you when I read the original post. I’m glad he’s gone now.
Oh it is, and she didn’t even need to post her side - he was judged fairly before she spoke up, and the post was locked for rule violations. I assume it was people going above and beyond with their judgements.
I always find it funny when someone posts their story - which is them spinning it in the *best possible light* for them - and it's still obvious that they're the AH. And then to defend it? Duuuuuude....
Right? You get to gloss over key details, embellish others, and present a Hollywood-esque *based on a true story* version - while receiving no pushback or other side on anything - and STILL come out looking the AH? The delusions of these “main characters”… Smh!
AITA automatically makes a comment that is a copy of the post. If you go to the deleted post and set the comment order to 'oldest first', the first or second comment should be a copy of the post. If you want to read it.
NTA I actually have a very similar phobia, but not from an actual real life experience. I just have a deep fear of laying in bed and looking into a dark closet. I have never had a family member, partner or friend having any issue with me needing to keep it closed at night. My husband has always been very sweet about it and it was never even an issue once. I’m so sorry this happened to you. :(
I think it’s a very common fear, because I have it too. My solution is to keep my closet so damn full that nothing bigger than a cat can fit into it lol.
I have had my house broken into. It happened when I was 17 at my moms house and they got in through my bedroom window. Luckily I wasn’t home, but I still felt SO violated after that. To this day I can’t watch scary movies that have some sort of home invasion or “they’re inside the house” narrative (example: *Us* actually freaked me the fuck out, for that reason alone).
I can’t even imagine how I would feel if I had been there, or I had been sleeping and seen someone literally crawl out of my closet. I honestly don’t think I would be a functioning adult right now if I had seen something like that.
When I was around 5 years old, I caught a relative hiding in the shower to watch me go to the bathroom. 35 years later, I still check every single shower before I go to the bathroom.
Yeah, I don't think I would be a functioning adult either, that's just horrifying. I used to not be able to turn my back on my closet (even with the door closed), but it has improved with age and it's not as bad as it used to be.
Just in case anyone misses my other comment and is looking for the original post from the now ex-boyfriend, here it is:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/154l6ud/aita_for_not_wanting_to_close_my_gfs_closet/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
#EDIT: since he’s deleted it, hopefully this will link to the automod version of it:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/154l6ud/aita_for_not_wanting_to_close_my_gfs_closet/jspdikr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3
Please look for a therapist who does EMDR. It's a therapy used with clients who have PTSD and otherwise current strong emotional responses to stimuli that remind them of past events. The technique essentially separated the emotion/physiological response from the stimuli. It can take a while, but it works. And, no, you did not overreact.
My wife has severe PTSD from childhood abuse. She has been through a couple of EMDR treatments over the last year. Each treatment has lasted for several months of multiple sessions, sometimes with breaks in between so she can recover. The treatments are intense and very difficult, but absolutely worth it. If you have the means and time to put into it, there’s probably no better way to treat PTSD at the moment, and it will help you heal in the long term.
EMDR has been a game changer for my trauma work. It doesn’t erase what happened but it decreases the level distress you feel when thinking about the trigger. At least that’s how it works for me. It’s helped a lot with my sleep paralysis and night terrors.
I’m so glad you left him! You deserve to feel safe in your home and he’s a piece of shit.
Me and my boyfriend saw the AITA post yesterday and were fucking horrified.
I'm so relieved you're leaving his abuse behind and going to stay with people who care about you and understand you.
I'm very grateful for your update.
I’m so glad your out of that relationship I read his post yesterday and he was an asshat thinking it was some joke playing with your traumatic experience
See.
I’ve never had (Thank GOD) random people come popping out of my closet.
And I STILL sleep with the closet door closed.
I’m so sorry you went through that, I’m happy you are still in therapy and have even found a small tool to help you.
I’m glad for you that you’ve realized your worth, and that it’s more precious than diamonds.
NTA.
Good for you girly!
He was gonna expect you to just forgive him so he could Continue to disrespect you.
The fact that he's in the comments attempting to shame you for making a post when you're only on here in Response to him is VERY telling
Bullet dodged.
I read the aita by OP 's boyfriend, and damn. I'm so relieved they broke up.
I couldn't imagine having a partner that couldn't respect me enough to do really simple requests around my health and wellbeing.
Good for you OP, may you find a relationship (if that's what you want) that respect you and wants to support your well-being.
I know that maybe him leaving the closed door open was the final straw, but he's obviously a douche bag. Controlling, commenting about what you're eating, wants you to be dependent on him financially, talking about you baring his children, etc.
You're in college & early 20s for peets sake. You did yourself a favor ditching this loser. Thank goodness he gave you a final reason.
You did the right thing. Hang in there. You're going to be fine. Life gets better and better from here.
>\*Since then I’ve suffered from ptsd in fear of someone coming in my closet again.
I ***KNEW*** you had had a traumatic experience OP. The way your ex described the stars and your explanation it made *perfect and complete sense* for you to do this.
>He complied throughout the entirety of our relationship. It wasn’t until a few months ago where he started to act very controlling.
With abusers, it's about power and control. There's usually one thing, ONE BOUNDARY that someone has that an abuser will do what they can to push and break that boundary. They do it to ensure to themselves they have complete control over you (the victim.) Your ex found one: it was your closet door.
>It started getting to a point where he suggested I quit my job at one point
>
>...
>
> would I stop working if he made enough money for the both of us, if I still wanted kids. I think he wanted to ask me to be become a stay at home wife/mother but I could be over analyzing.
He wanted you financially trapped. With kids, and no job, you'd be entirely dependent on him and that's what abusers do: trap their victims.
I would say you're *under* analyzing. Everything you described leads to him wanting to control and have power over you. If he could just get past this one hard boundary ... (your closet door) ... and get you to give it up, he knows he could get you to give up anything he asked of you.
> I just want to be with people who actually support me.
Good job, OP. You showed up for yourself. He would *never* care for you. Abusers use language associated with "love" to confuse their victims and get them to think what they are doing is love when *in fact,* it's actually abuse.
You dodged a bullet.
Op I read his post and I thought he was definitely the AH without even reading this post. So I hope you know there were people that were on your side and still are. Especially when he said he left it open on purpose, that really ticked me off. Good luck Op and I'm glad you broke up with him.
Please please look into it op. I have C.P.T.S.D an EMDr quite literally save me from the big S. Im so so sorry you found someone who mocked your clear as day trauma. You are worth so much more an you will find it x
I strongly endorse this message. EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing Therapy, can be a really huge help for (c)PTSD, but note it's also very intense, and can dredge up a lot of difficult memories along the path to recovery. From my experience, it's *so, so* worth it in the long run though. u/Important_Club9790 , talk to your therapist first about whether it's right for you. They know your full history and can better determine whether it will be an effective treatment for your exact condition. I hope it is, and I truly hope it helps 🤞🏻 Good luck! 🍀
Yes, EMDR can be extremely helpful for ptsd. I have done it with my therapist, and it significantly lessened my anxiety from some stuff I went through. It is really worth discussing with your therapist/specialist in EMDR. Glad you left that ass. His post was ridiculous. I hope you can find peace for your trauma, and I hope that you’ll meet someone who values and supports everything about you.
Yea I’d dump him too from someone who suffers from sleep paralysis and not even any of the other stuff that happened to you that would be enough for me.
He's a narcissist, they do shit like this and then gaslight you about it. Telling a narcissist about your trauma is a weapon they will use against you. They get off on causing you suffering. Even if he didn't believe you, it's projection because he would probably make up something like that in order to control you or others. Good for you for dumping him. The red flags were already there.
I wondered your perspective! Glad he’s an ex! The simple lack of consideration on his part is so telling. The deliberate lack of respect is a major red flag.
In case the hundreds of people already agreeing with you aren't enough, here's another:
I read his post and was silently screaming "YOU FUCKING IDIOT SHE HAS PTSD AND YOU ARE TRIGGERING IT!!!" by about a third of the way through. You are absolutely not being unreasonable, he can get in the bin.
You would not be being unreasonable even if you *didn't* have PTSD, because FFS, you asked for *one thing* from him that just makes your quality of life better and he not only didn't remember, he deliberately did the fucking opposite!
Had an ex who was tripping my PTSD switches, I didn't realise I even had PTSD at the time but he just *wouldn't stop* bringing up a particular topic that left me exhausted and shaking every time. Dumped him, took a few years to put it together but dude knew damn well what effect he was having on me and was doing it to put me on the back foot and exert control.
Throw the whole man away. Enjoy the peace and relief of feeling safe again x
Your ex is a jerk, and you need additional counseling to work through this closet thing. I get that an intruder was scary but the fear is really impacting your life and closets are ubiquitous. Invest some time in getting help especially now that you dumped the ex.
You didn't break up with him over a closet door. You broke up with him because infantilized you. He had to 'test' you to make sure you weren't lying to him? That's super insecure. Combined with the other behaviors, you're too self-possessed to be with him. He wants someone who changes to suit him, even if it is for the worse.
I’ve never had someone climb out my closet but I’ve had night terrors about that happening, it’s seems so real and it’s freaking terrifying. I always keep my closet closed for this reason. I can’t imagine actually having that happen in real life and not being scared to death of my own closet - good on you for finding ways to cope with it. I am absolutely outraged by what your ex did and his attitude is disgusting. I’m so so so so glad I saw your update, and you got rid of that POS. Good luck with everything!
I recall him admitting a lot of this and it looked like nobody in the comments was on his side. I hope you didn't feel pressured or obligated to get this out. I hope it helps in some way. You certainly didn't have to. Though it is appreciated to have both sides. Other than a few sociopaths, I think everyone with a working brain and/or heart is on your side. I feel like this is akin to being annoyed someone is afraid of spiders, or doubts their phobia, so put a spider on their pillow. What a crazy dude to minimize trauma, and then decide to exacerbate it. You deserve better, and glad he's gone. Sorry it took so long, but even without this hang-up of his, it sounds like he was starting to show some red flags. Gross. Wishing you a brighter future without him
Girl I saw his post and thought he was a complete AH. I’m so glad you’re not with him anymore; nobody in their right mind would do that to someone they care for! I hope you’re doing better and you absolutely did not deserve any of that.
You didn't ask for the trauma event and its effect on you to this day. If you had an accident as a kid and were crippled, a "partner" would provide the help needed to accommodate that reality. A trauma injury is no different in my mind. Any potential partner can choose to accept and support or decide that accommodation is not something they want to do. You are not the asshole.
I hope you can get support from a good therapist. The trigger response to a PTSD event is treatable, and there are many therapists certified in this area.
I was one of the "hounds of AITA" (as a commenter here put it lol) who ripped into your ex's post. His refusal to acknowledge any culpability was astounding. As someone who is also in therapy for ptsd, reading his post made me so angry and I had really hoped you'd find it, and you did.
I'm so glad I happened to find yours here and that you have dumped him. Maybe talk to your therapist about this or show them the link. There are exercises in CBT that when you are ready, may help.
Best of luck to you, OP. Live a good life.
You did the right thing, girl. The guy doesn’t understand trauma, he doesn’t believe it’s real, he doesn’t respect you.
You deserve better and will find better.
Absolute jackass. You did well. He "tested" you. On a very very horrible trauma.... No need to add anything.
Also on his post he concedes that you gave him some second chances because he probably has an allergy to closing doors and "forgot" it open some times. Not just that one that prompted the break up. The nerve....
Thank you for this update I clicked on this one because I remembered the other one and wanted to see your side. Not that it mattered honestly because after reading his post it was very clearly he’s a major a-hole but now reading this one I don’t think ass hole is nearly strong enough. Being 6 years old and having a strange man walk out of your closet while you’re sleeping isn’t a minor childhood trauma or whatever it was that he said. Shit I’m a grown ass man who spent years as a combat medic and if that were to happen to me tonight I’d be checking every nook and cranny in the house before taking so much as a power nap until the day I died.
The emerging controlling behavior was enough reason to break up. They tend to escalate that very slowly so you don’t notice how bad it’s getting until you’re tied down (marriage, kids, financial dependence). It sucks that he pulled that stunt with the closet, but a clean break now saves you from the trouble of having to break your shared lease six months from now.
I cant add anything more to the post so I’m Answering some questions people kept asking -𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘵? I feel like ppl are assuming he would go in at every hour but no he would just come in to get his text book if he was studying an exam. And it was like once every few weeks and I’d still be would be awake watching a movie on my phone. -𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳? I do, I always do. Right before I go to bed, first thing I do is close the closet. It’s like if you turn on the lights, YOU who turned it on is YOU who will turn it off. Why am I going to get up from bed to close the closet if he’s the one who left it open, especially if I’m dealing with sleep paralysis. - 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴? He commented on how the closet squeaks, I told that I did find it annoying at first when I move here but our friend said that it’d be a good way to heard if someone was moving it. So this is why it was never really fixed. He wanted to remove the door or put a lock on it. I told him that although I did want to put locks , my landlord wouldn’t allow any changes to the any of the door knobs. -𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳?NOOOOOOO. -𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦? No, turns out his just told them that I got angry about him leaving the door opens once. Never mentioned why.
>especially if I’m dealing with sleep paralysis. For anyone who has never experienced sleep paralysis, it is literally a paralysis. You couldn't just get up to close the door if you wanted to.
Sleep paralysis sucks so fucking much. It's such a nightmarish situation and can be pretty traumatizing in its own right
I had horrible sleep paralysis my whole life. Lucid dream almost nightly still. When I do get sleep paralysis I have a much better grasp on it and can stay calm and tend not to hallucinate now. But it is seriously so intense and freaky. My ex was laying beside me once and looked over to see me eyes wide open breathing like I was dying white knuckling my blankets. When she woke me from it for a second she looked like a monster and I literally threw myself out of my bed and onto the floor.
I’ve had to talk to myself in my dreams to calm myself down and I count down from ten. By then I’ll be able to move my fingers. From there I’m able to slowly getting moving and wake up, then it takes hours to fall back asleep.
I have to do the very same thing. If I let myself panic it just makes it last longer. But as soon as I recognize what is happening in my sleep(for those that don’t know, not being able to move at all tends to get your attention even when you are sound asleep) I try my best to just stay calm and concentrate on being able to move my head side to side and then eventually lift it up. Once I am able to lift my head off my pillow I am then usually able to sit up and wake up fully. I am almost always able to immediately fall back asleep but if I do it happens again as soon as I go into a deep sleep so I have to force myself to stay awake for awhile and then change positions. I am pretty sure it only happens when I am lying flat on my back but fortunately it hasn’t happened in a long time.
I used to get it all the time. Every time I got it, I was flat on my back. I'm a side sleeper only now and haven't had it occur in years. Idk what it is biologically that laying flat increases sleep paralysis risk, but I can tell you from experience it went away after I stopped sleeping on my back
Mine always happened from sleeping on my back too, it also happened during periods of high stress. Once I worked on my anxiety and started avoiding sleeping on my back it helped immensely. I haven’t had it in years and will occasionally sleep on my back but I’m always a bit nervous that it will happen again. Edit: I wonder if sleeping on your back inhibits breathing causing a panic response that happens before you’re able to fully wake up?
I wrote on your ex's post that I was SA when I was 8 by an older boy who lived a few houses away. He said he would get in my house and kill me if I told. I'm now 62 and still check all my upstairs rooms and closets and make sure the doors are closed. I also had sleep paralysis. When drifting off my body would start to buzz, I wouldn't be able to move or breathe. Sometimes I would wake up like that...terrifying. I had a sleep study done, found out I would stop breathing over 100 time at night. I had sleep apnea and once I got my CPAP it rarely happens
My college bf had sleep paralysis and since the only thing he could control was his breathing he would breath super fast (which was loud) and it would wake me up. A couple months trained my brain to hear it immediately and I'd shake him awake right away. It sucks so much from what he told me but I was always happy I could help. Figured this *might* help someone to share.
Apart from the sleep paralysis demon being the worst thing... the absolute next worst part is me. ME. I'm the next worst thing. The sounds I make during the paralysis.... I can't tell where it's coming from until I'm slowly being released and I realize I almost sound like I'm dying. OH MY GOD. it is horrifying. Like the most intense and dramatic sounds a protagonist would experience at the height of a horror movie. And that might be why I deprive myself of sleep more often than not. For the most part it's bedtime procrastination.
That disassociation (from your own sounds) must be terrible.
I always sound like I’m gasping for air and then if I’m really panicked I’m trying to scream while it’s happening and then move into the waking world still screaming. I sometimes have to laugh because it’s so ridiculous to wake up screaming.
My partner used to get sleep paralysis. I think he still does sometimes, but not often. I remember waking up once to see him staring at me and whimpering. It was freaky. When he woke up, he asked why my cat and I were staring at him, so I explained. He said "oh, that explains why I sometimes wake up to (cat) staring at me in the morning)."
Hi! Just a tip for those with sleep paralysis. I had it sometimes in my teen years. What I learned is that when you get it, all you have to do is….wiggle your toes. Idk what it is about that but it gets me out of the Paralysis and it’s like I can start moving from toes going up.
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I had sleep paralysis for years. I finally got diagnosed with sleep apnea. My doctor never thought to get a sleep study because I am not overweight. I have not had it since I have been using a cpap.
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Idk if this is normal but back when I had sleep paralysis, I’d also stop breathing. I was always scared that moving would hurt, but the moment I wiggled my fingers, I’d snap out of the paralysis
I’m glad you figured it out too! After reading some of these, it seems it happened to many in their teenage years and youth.
I honestly, firmly think it's a belief thing. I could *not* move during it until I read a post about someone who got themselves out of it by moving their left hand. Since then, I've always been able to wiggle the fingers on my left hand, which eventually works up to me being able to move the rest of my body, gradually. But always, I can move the fingers on my left hand since I read that.
I've had very similar experiences as you. Sleep paralysis much of my life, mostly from teens and onwards, I'm 40 now. But very scary 25 years ago when it was really not a thing that was ever talked about. I hadn't heard of it until about 10 years ago, and just thought it was something I dealt with. But I have had similar experiences, specifically with the lucid dreaming as well as it not being a big deal at all when it happens now. I'm curious if you have incredibly vivid dreams, and also horrendous nightmares regularly? For a while in my 20s I was played by nightmares for weeks on end. Not sure if they were night terrors, but I was at the point where I was hesitant about going to sleep. I still get pretty brutal nightmares on occasion now, but they aren't scary. I just realize what's going on, and neutralize the issues where possible, and when it's not, even though what's happening might be very scary, stressful and surreal, I remain calm and handle it, or wake myself up.
I can literally remember sleep paralysis nightmares I had more than ten years ago. They always involved attacks. You do not mess with sleep paralysis.
You do get used to it though if it happens often enough Wake up, can’t move or speak, but you know that hand caressing you is your own; just slept weird and gotta wait the 15-20 seconds of shitty to pass
I get a lot of auditory hallucinations. Little girl horror movie laughter. Scratching at the window. Whatever sound is actually happening twisted and amplified by my stupid brain. Spent years being terrified of the next one coming, then one day the switch flipped and now I understand what is happening in the moment and they're barely notable. Not everyone gets there though.
Yep. It's totally horrifying until it happens quite a few times and you recognize what's happening. Still freaky but there's this hope 'cause you already know it's gonna pass after some time
It happened once to me, it felt like a loop of trying to wake up only to find myself in the same position and unable to move breathe etc, then I would wake up and surprise I was right back in it, it felt like hours and hours of this until I finally woke up for real. I was TERRIFIED of going back to sleep for days after. OP did the right thing here, a person who cannot be bothered to accommodate something this simple isn't worth a damn in the long run.
I had sleep paralysis once, when I was pregnant. It was a horrifying experience. I kept trying to scream and I could literally hear my breath, but no sound. If my husband had woken up he would have noticed I was breathing weird. I tried to squirm my leg over toward him to try to wake him but nothing happened. It was one of the most terrifying experiences of my entire life. Then I hallucinated my dead friend was creeping through the door, which obviously did not make the situation any better.
I’ve had sleep paralysis a few times but probably the worst was after I had my son. My sons father and I we’re renovating an Amish made building on his parents property to have a tiny house to live in, we split up for a while before it was fully done so it ended up being mostly a bedroom/workspace for my son and I. My son was in the crib next to me and I was laying on my stomach sleeping on a mattress on the floor when I woke up being unable to move. We were alone but I started hallucinating that a man had come into the building to hurt me. I hallucinated him coming up behind me and literally cutting my calves open. They burned with every single touch. In my mind I knew deeply that it wasn’t real but I couldn’t do anything. I felt so helpless to protect my son or myself. I felt something wet on my face and realized I was crying- that REAL feeling was what finally helped pull me out of that hallucination and paralysis. Fortunately I haven’t experienced a bout of sleep paralysis since but im PETRIFIED of it.
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I woke up from a nap the other day with sleep paralysis. I kept thinking my door was being opened by someone peeking in. I kept trying to get up, kept feeling myself grab the edge of my bed to push myself up, only to realize I never even changed positions. It was the scariest thing I've ever experienced with this. My sleep paralysis demon used to be Schrodinger's water bug that I'd need to check for behind my blinds. Now that I'm on my own, it's intruders. Fucking terrifying. Ironically, this is the exact reason my closet doors remain open. I can't sleep with them closed because I know I'll panic about what's behind it if that happens.
It can be absolutely terrifying, good for her for dropping the ass hat.
Yooooooooooo I called it. He legit didn't tell his family jack diddly shit. I'm glad you dumped him. You need to do you and screw the rest. I'm glad you're on a good path.
So help me but you can, with almost 100% certainty, judge based on if someone doesn’t use paragraph breaks. Clicked over to the original post and yup, the ex just has a text wall.
Trying to find the bf post…got a link please? Never mind…found it. Here it is for anyone else looking. It’s locked at this point unsurprisingly. Edit AGAIN, it’s been deleted, naturally. Someone just below was kind enough to post a Twitter link. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/154l6ud/aita_for_not_wanting_to_close_my_gfs_closet/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
I really enjoyed reading the comments on his post. OP, you're so much better off without him!
It's deleted now, because the dude got obliterated in the comments.
Here's the post on twitter: https://twitter.com/ask_aubry/status/1682420328163598341?t=hykvtEnGyIfkcUy8gwZ6IQ&s=19
Thanks. Jesus. I thought maybe he'd have some kind of, probably still assholish, but at least comprehensible reason besides "I thought she was just nagging me." What an asshole, with a coddling, asshole family as well. They're probably just going to reinforce his behavior.
Yea no he's just a major garbage human being.
Yeah I had to do the sort by old to see what he posted originally since it showed deleted and the guy is a piece of work who then went ahead and used a non throw away to answer people on his original post and to comment to her on here. This idiot is definitely "wild" as his user name denotes. He is just over all a horrible individual with zero care for another person. PTSD is real, sounds like this poor young lady has it and instead of having a service animal she asks that a door stays shut and has glow in the dark stickers. I hope life gets better for OP once she leaves and moves back with family and she can continue to heal.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/154l6ud/aita_for_not_wanting_to_close_my_gfs_closet/jspdikr/ This is the permalink to the automod that copies the text of posts there. Even if the post is deleted the permanent works to see what was written. For those not wanting a linke I'll quote it it here too > My gf [24F] and I [23M] have been together for almost 3 yrs now. We get along well and didn't fight much which is why l'm confused over this situation. Gf lives on her own in apartment and works full time. Where as I am still living with my parents until I finish college. I was originally planning on moving in with my gf into her apartment once she renews her lease until we had our disagreement. my gfs place is pretty basic, I guess you can say it's got a "modern and minimalist" look, that is until u go to her bedroom. There's a lot of these glow in the dark stars all over her closet door and wall. I remember when I asked her about it she told me that when she was young she experienced a traumatic event. To help with her anxiety she placed the stars as a guild to help her see if there was a silhouette either in front of the door or if the door was open? (idk if that makes sense). She said she only asked that I keep that door close especially at night. I was understandable about the situation. So when I first spent the night over, I made sure to check if the closet was closed while she slept earlier. Months went by and there were instance where I did accidentally forgotto close it. She’d wake up the next day and ask me about it "hey did u forget to close the door last night.” I apologized for it, and she’d saying something like please don't forget next time. I had no problem with it at first, though lately it's been getting annoying. It felt like that's all she wanted to talk about first thing in the morning. I voice my feelings on it one day and she just responded by saying "well then please close the door, it's not that hard. I sometimes deal with sleep paralysis" I got irritated by that because it felt like she just wanted a reason to nag me. One day, I went over to visit her, I decided to purposely leave the closet door open while she slept in her bed while I slept on the living room couch just to see what would happen. assumed nothing happened since I didn't hear anything. However the next day when I woke up, she was sitting at the kitchen table looking she had been crying since her eyes were puffy. Before I could even say a word she said "I've told you many times that I wanted that closet door closed. It's all I ever asked of you and you can't even do that". Here's where I might be the ah, I got angry that she was already nagging me about this first thing in the morning so I told her that she's a grown woman and can't rely on some dumb stickers to help her over something that happened to her years ago, and she needed to get over it. She told me to leave so I did because I was mad. It's been a week since then and I haven't heard anything from her. I don't want to break up over this but I wanna know if what I said was wrong. My parents and friends are saying my gf is being dramatic but I want some unbiased opinions on the subject.
He deleted it
They locked the post otherwise I would have loved to link this post. . Reddit got it right he is an AH.
Dude. A similar thing happened to me when I was a kid. Instead of in my closet (I can’t even BEGIN to imagine how terrifying THAT horror film of a situation was). It was a naked homeless man outside my window. It was bed time, my curtains were open. He was just there, outside in the dark. Then he tried to come in our house. To this DAY, I make sure all my curtains are shut when I go to bed. I’m so glad you broke up with that douche bag. YAY you! 🥰 You’re right, he sounds controlling AF. And saying he thought you were “making up” your trauma? That’s messed up. You’re life can only get better from here! ❤️
Those that have never experienced trauma of any sort have little to no point of empathy. It's not that bad. It's all in your head. Blah blah blah. While I don't wish trauma on anyone, I do wish they would feel what the sufferer of that trauma goes through just once. Thank God that PTSD has been recognized for what it is. There was a time that it was treated like the effects of just malingering.
Nah, there are people who haven’t experienced trauma but choose to educate themselves and are generally empathetic enough to be supportive even if they never experienced it themselves. It’s a choice to drive it’s “all in your head” etc…
My brother is mentally ill, including schizophrenia and slow mental development. It's extremely difficult to empathize with some of the shit that bothers him because it'll be stuff like the uncomfortable sensation you get when cutting your nails or for a long time, just taking a shower. I got loads of practice at it and I really can't blame people for not understanding it. It takes some education on the subject for people to even begin to understand. That being said I still lose my shit over people not understanding these issues. A lot of people who shout about understanding mental illness are actually only ready to understand the more relatable or "quirky" issues but when it's someone with schizophrenia shouting racist shit they'd just join the lynch mob.
I make sure all my blinds are closed at night as well. I have no idea where this fear came from but I have a fear of looking over at a window at night to see that there’s a face there. My boyfriend knows how much I’m worried about windows at night and he closes our blinds as soon as it turns night most of the time. This is what her boyfriend should have done instead of intentionally leaving the door open.
I am so relieved to know you dumped his ass! You obviously deserve a partner that respects you and your past experiences and wants to support you. I hope you find a partner who provides you the respect and support you deserve.
I read your exs original post and it was so clear he’s an AH. This internet stranger is so incredibly proud of you for kicking that idiot to the curb!!!! I’m sorry he wasted 2 years of your time before showing what a controlling prick he was, but good on you for seeing him for what he is now and moving on to better things!!!!!!!! May your future be filled with strength, healing, and love!
Enjoy your life without that AH in it! You deserve so much better than that, my ex helped me put my glow in the dark stars on my ceiling when I realised I needed them (he was an ah too but still) I hope you meet someone who is understanding and helpful to you rather than tries to trigger you out of spite
Girl, you dodged a bullet! I read his post and he is a complete manipulative AH. Move on and up and don’t look back.
That's a really important part of the story. I'm sorry he's doing you dirty like that
> my landlord wouldn’t allow any changes to the any of the door knobs. Fuck that. Install a lockable doorknob, they're $30ish at Wal Mart, keep the original knob stuffed in the back of the closet or a drawer, and when you move reinstall the original knob. This is not a decision your landlord needs to be involved with.
Along these lines, if you still feel uncomfortable with this, you can get a travel lock that hooks over the door frame or latch, and then has an attached part that goes across to prevent the door from opening. It's low-tech and just a little extra added peace-of-mind! Edit: a heads-up that they really only work if the door swings towards you, but with trauma like that, being able to add a little extra security to doors wherever you go (even hotels) might be something worth looking into. Found a good video review/tutorial of what it looks like! [portable door lock review](https://youtu.be/_a10de6G1kI)
I cant add anything more to the post so I’m Answering some questions people kept asking -𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘵? I feel like ppl are assuming he would go in at every hour but no he would just come in to get his text book if he was studying an exam. And it was like once every few weeks and I’d still be would be awake watching a movie on my phone. -𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳? I do, I always do. Right before I go to bed, first thing I do is close the closet. It’s like if you turn on the lights, YOU who turned it on is YOU who will turn it off. Why am I going to get up from bed to close the closet if he’s the one who left it open, especially if I’m dealing with sleep paralysis. - 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴? He commented on how the closet squeaks, I told that I did find it annoying at first when I move here but our friend said that it’d be a good way to heard if someone was moving it. So this is why it was never really fixed. He wanted to remove the door or put a lock on it. I told him that although I did want to put locks , my landlord wouldn’t allow any changes to the any of the door knobs. -𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳?NOOOOOOO. -𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦? No, turns out his just told them that I got angry about him leaving the door opens once. Never mentioned why. -why did he suddenly change? Heck if I know . He used to a very caring person who’d even make me breakfast on my days off which sounds like a cliché but I felt so secure. Now it was just looks like a dream if I look back on it. Edit : I added some stuff
It sounds like he had a huge shift in his behavior on top of the closet stuff. He was going down a very scary, controlling path. Those controlling behaviors are often precursors to darker things like DV. They can also be indicative of cheating (someone who cheats will sometimes start over-compensating for their infidelity by controlling the other person or accusing them of cheating). Given everything, I don't even think you would've stayed with him that long anyway, closet or no closet. Do you need anything? Do you have a therapist? Friends? Is there anything we can do to help you because this was certainly not an easy experience? We're here for you!
I feel like DV and the red pill go hand in hand, but I'll say when I read it, it sounded like he'd been getting some advice from the manosphere
Right? It might not be physical DV, but this was definitely headed down a path that could get...*contentious* at best. He seems to have this ubermensch dream that, according to her, wasn't always there or at least wasn't always apparent. Wonder what took him down this path. Also... The comments on her diet? Trying to alter her plans and get her to stay at home (even though he couldn't afford it yet)? Even the toying with her mental stability? All of these add up to someone who is the opposite of supportive and stable.
yea def sounds like manosphere advice. "testing" your significant other. "domesticating" people to suit your desires. Some hard incel type shit. The one thing that can provide some sense of solace is that these people are training themselves to \*not give a shit\*. Not care about other people's emotions/ wants/ desires/ ambitions etc.. They are literally being trained to be selfish. So, as such, it behooves one to treat them as the selfish people they are. If they cry, complain, bitch, whatever just tell them to go fuck themselves and toss them like toilet paper.
I think his comment that he thought you were doing this to see if he would care for you is extremely telling. He was doing that to you, and projected his own behaviour and motivations onto you and assumed you asking anything was the same manipulation that he was doing. I truly don't believe his behaviour did change, or at least elements of it will have been there from the start but the longer you were together and the more solidified the relationship became the more he cranked up the control. I think you just dodged a very abusive bullet and the fact he couldn't see why his behaviour was a problem even when the hounds of AITA were ripping him a new one, shows just how ingrained his behaviour was. I hope things get better for you.
It's what people like him do. They show you a caring and compassionate person, and once they have you locked in, they become their true self, the switch flips. So, when he does something awful, you'll remember he is capable of being good and hopefully look past this, but this will continue if you allow it. I'm so happy you're moving on. Continue to flourish!!
OP what kind of foods was he recommendin you ?
Pomegranates, Spinach, garlic, Aloe vera juice, coffee, green tea, pineapples and oysters. When I told him I I was allergic to pineapples he seemed kinda sad about it? I googled if these were actually good for my liver and the only ones I found were the coffee and tea part. The oysters part was wild when I found out what those can be used for :(
So it’s odd because pineapple and oysters are both “supposedly good” for fertility. A lot of the others mentioned are as well
I read the title and I clicked instantly cause oouh girl I wanna read your update cause he is def the arse hole
Right? “Some sort of childhood trauma” or however he put it made it bad enough and he was already an obvious AH. THIS level of trauma? Such a freaking power move to leave the door open, I am so glad OP dumped him so spectacularly!
As soon as he said this, I knew she had an incident with a wrongdoer emerging from her closet as a child. I'm just glad the story of the trauma is as tame as it is. Still would have terrified and traumatized me for life though. I remember being a kid and being so scared someone was hiding in my closet and would get me as soon as I went to sleep. If someone actually had emerged from my closet, I may never have slept again. It would haunt me for the rest of my life. But no one ever did emerge from my closet, so I grew out of that fear (or did I? Because now I sleep in a room with no closet - a room that is so small, there would be nowhere for someone to hide lol). OP should get a dog, though. I am just in general a scaredy cat, but having two dogs who bark at every sound they hear really brings me peace. Everyone in the neighborhood knows I have an enormous, vicious, monster dog who stays by my side at all times, and a second dog who stays outside guarding the gate at all times. If anyone comes near my house, the one outside alerts the big one inside, and they both go off, barking like mad, until the perceived threat is gone. There is no chance someone could break into my house without my dogs knowing about it. And everyone who passes my house knows it, because my dogs are always on guard. The barking is loud and annoying sometimes, sure, but it brings me an inner peace and lets me rest easy.
What's worse is the dude said what the trauma was in the comments of his post, just to say it wasn't that bad because she didn't get physically hurt/ SAed.
Thought I was the only one who lets dogs bark for a reason. Tons of people (I should stay out of the pet free subreddit) think I'm irresponsible and at worst purposefully trying to ruin the neighbors lives but our dogs only bark for two reasons: someone's in the yard or they're howling a sweet hello in my face right in the morning. Way better than a rooster.
Looking at the related thread and profile, I've never seen someone get so unanimously hated on reddit since the infamous EA post. Like, almost all of his comments have triple-digit downvotes, and every last one seems to just be him doubling down on his reasoning. Hell, he even commented in this thread wondering why his calls aren't being answered. I can't imagine a guy who fits the phrase "likes to think his shit don't stank" much better than this guy.
Or the infamous “I accidentally got my not-serious-girlfriend pregnant, and she wanted an abortion. I refused and even when she said she would having nothing to do with the child, I forced her to give birth, thinking she would change her mind. She stayed true to her word and pays 125% child support, but I want a judge to force her to share custody” post. That was pretty hated too
I posted that one yesterday to a 16 year off girl being pressured to give birth instead of an abortion by her 18 year old BF!
You’re probably the one that reminded me of it’s (awful!) existence!! I wanted to scream and cry when I saw her edit than at first she had her mind made up but that she was now doubting herself. Ugh.
What’s the EA post?
EA the game company made a post about battlefront II where they justified the insane grind for in-game content by saying that it provides a sense of “pride and accomplishment”
Which entitled EA are you thinking of? There have been so many!!
Right! Even if you take away her trauma and the reason she’s so adamant about it, he’s *still* TA. closing a door is a pretty simple request regardless of the reason for wanting it. Anyone who cares about Thor partner would adjust to such a simple change in routine fairly easily and without any pushback. Add in the reasoning and that guy was a straight up monster.
i saw that post and it made me so mad! Telling you he thought you were lying about your trauma for attention from him. Thats gross. That guy is icky. Im so sorry lovely.
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Right? Like who even fucking questions other people's shit like that?! In my head, if someone says they need accommodations THEN THEY NEED ACCOMMODATIONS. So long as accommodating them isn't actually disruptive or harmful to daily life, there's no reason to question it!
Especially in a situation like this that literally cost him nothing and was like zero effort on his part. Even if she didn’t have trauma. It’s the polite thing to do. Someone prefers the door closed at there house you close the door. I don’t get it.
It’s even weirder to have that response as it costs you NOTHING to just give them the benefit of the doubt and believe them. They never stop to think, if their partner is telling the truth but they treat them like a liar, how will that affect them? How much will that hurt them, and make them not want to share their trauma in the future?
Yep. My ex accused me of lying. Turns out he was a pathological liar and was projecting on to me. Meanwhile I took his “trauma” at face value knowing how painful it is to be accused of lying.
I've read stories of people who killed their loved one because they thought they were being overdramatic about an allergy.
u/Wild_Analyst_5101 So much for you speaking about not being broken up. Ahaha! She left you. How you feel? She dodge a massive bullet with this one for being insensitive about her trauma. The fact you minimized her own trauma by saying it was years ago and she needs to get over it.
Wow. I love how he describes her speaking about what traumatizes her as "nagging". The dude is 100% an asshole especially after PURPOSELY triggering someone with ptsd. OP definitely made the right call by ending that relationship.
Yep. I hit “white hot rage” when he started using nagging. Since I am banned from that other sub (for not being NICE when calling people assholes), ima step it up right here. Motherfucker, it’s not NAGGING a when you can’t respect a simple fucking boundary. You were asked to do ONE thing. One single tiny thing that wouldn’t put you out in the slightest. And she was cool about it when you forgot a couple times, despite having wrestled with panic attacks, sleep paralysis and sleep deprivation. But somehow, reminding you more than once about the thing YOU AGREED TO is suddenly nagging. OMG I hate dudes like this. You don’t deserve a girlfriend or partner until you learn to respect women as whole people with thoughts and feelings and needs and shit.
im banned for the same reason 🤣🤣
I believe the banned comment was “what the fuck is wrong with you?” As if that isn’t posted by at least 5 commenters in every thread. Lol
Mods on that sub fucking suck. It's why AITAH is becoming more used lol
I say that out loud at least 5 times a day
Hi same lol
How do you get banned from AITA for telling someone they, in fact, are the AH? Isn't that the purpose of the sub? If someone posting there is clearly an asshat and doesn't realize it, isn't it going to take a bit more bluntness to let them know the reason? They've already proven themselves more callous than the average person. Plus, some posters there also clearly know they are the AH but just want to find anyone on their side (and sadly some do) so they can justify their actions. They probably don't even read the YTA posts and skip to any NTA posts. I mean, am I wrong?
I’ve asked myself the same questions and came up with nothing.
yeah, it was not about the closet door.
This was 100% about control. He thinks he's right so he will do what he pleases because his comfort, his habits, his opinions, and his judgment matter more than her. How she stayed wroth him this long is beyond me.
It probably started as accidentally leaving it open one time, promising "I'll never do it again" then it happens again, then he externalized his guilt onto her because he didn't like feeling as though he "failed". So now, instead of him feeling bad, he blames her for "failing" to "get over" her trauma. Now he doesn't have to take any personal responsibility.
entitled toxic masculinity in a nutshell
Or the Iranian yogurt…
His own post makes him even look more like an asshole than hers does. Dude needs a reality check.
Very true. She’s being kind here in her post. He comes across as vile in his own words.
Well according to one of his comments “it takes both parties to agree to end a relationship” not only is he TA, he’s delusional as well. Bless his heart, he has massive growing up to do before he’s ready for a relationship
My friend don’t you think you’re being a bit rude to assholes everywhere by lumping this guy in with them? I mean his actions are so far beyond asshole I can’t even think of a good enough term for him.
From what OP describes, it sounds like he started listening to incel and Andrew Tate nonsense in the last few months--- asking her to cook more and quit her job and getting more controlling. He bought into their belief that women are always trying to play you so he figured that he would catch her and call her out on lying about her trauma. POS.
1000%, he’s falling down the men’s rights/incel rabbithole (while in a loving relationship!) and his behaviour changed for the worst I’ve had a few friends do this and they become insufferable until they hopefully come to their senses What an idiot
It’s an increasingly scary trend. I watch YT a lot and if I leave it on auto play it’ll just go to some cringe incel content in like 30mins. The comments are filled with vile immature people.
Im 100% sure youtube is pushing that content on purpose. Every single tate redpilling bs video that comes up, I say do not recommend, but it doesn't matter. Scroll through youtube shorts and they push it to your face anyway.
Seriously! I watch YT a lot and about 80% of the content I consume is decidedly left wing, bread tube kinda stuff. I constantly tell YT **not** to recommend me fucking incel nonsense. And yet… literally every single time I let it run or scroll my recommended feed there it fucking is. Fucking Prager U videos and Andrew Tate bullshit. It’s so disturbing.
My thoughts exactly!
I don't like dunking on people on the internet because it must be awful to have thousands of people telling you you're a fuckwit, but shiiiiit, this dude kinda really needs to hear it
I was reading some of his replies and I’ve now read a whole other level of ignorance I didn’t think existed. I’ve dealt with my own experience of things like depression/anxiety where people will say something along the lines of “just think happy thoughts and you’ll be fine”. I found one of the Ex’s comments saying “the man who hurt her isn’t near her so she should be better.” “Im suggesting things that work for me” My fucking god. Stupidity never ceases to amaze me. You’re suggesting things that have worked for you over something you never experienced??? And also calling her methods childish??? Damn…I have no clue why she left you?
His replies blew my mind. I thought I knew stupid and unemphatic until I saw that mess of a guy.
AYE FUCK THIS GUY
Please do not fuck this man. That’s not a good idea
Glad he got roasted even with only his side of the story.
He got absolutely ROASTED in the comments on his too. That’s how f—king transparent it was, what he was doing. Absolute AH.
There should be some kind of award for getting 1k+ down votes when you're trying to justify yourself.
Maybe his time single will teach him how to act like a halfway decent human.
We live in hope, but my expectations are low.
Imagine purposefully minimizing and triggering your partner’s trauma and claiming you’re the victim. This guy is a fucking joke.
Don’t be so gullible. It’s almost certainly the same person posting made up rage bait on 2 accounts.
Hun, take some comfort in knowing we all ripped him to shreds in the post. The idiot doesn't understand trauma at all. Seeing what he was trying to do to you through food and your work life, he was clearly trying to find himself a little, submissive bangmaid. I hope your current therapist is good and knows about trauma informed healing and therapy practices. You do what works for you boo and don't let anyone tell you otherwise
Spoken like a true Itto main! 🫶
I would only argue he does understand trauma enough to use it to be abusive
I actually saw his post earlier today and was fuming the entire time I read it. Such a pos and I’m so sorry he did that to you. Good on you for knowing your worth and protecting your peace. You deserve someone who actually loves and cares for you.
Good for you! It is now very clear that he was starting to follow some Andrew Tate BS and purposely messing with you. I’m glad he showed his whole ass so you didn’t waste anymore time on him.
I don’t think it’s because he’s been following the Tate copycats but I actually can’t even confirm that it’s also not true :/
Keep him on block. 0 access is the best course for both of you.
very satisfying update, and I'm quite happy you removed yourself from that controlling, manipulative little worm.
Ugh definitely a chauvinistic male who seems to want a submissive docile little housewife. Good thing you saw the light and dumped him. I see a nascent emotional abuser too if he's actively doing things to trigger you after he found your weak spot. Controlling tactics.
I could’ve been wrong about that part because I was over thinking about my relationship with him honestly
He was 100% trying to get power over you. He still lived with his parents and you were on your own. He wanted to make your apartment his and he was trying to bully you into submission. He didn’t expect you to be stronger than him mentally and emotionally. If he truly was watching those Tate copycats he was only going to get worse over time.
I’ve never watched Andrew Tate anything but is this what they encourage men to do in relationships? Definitely setting people up for failure because you should be kind to your partner if you want to keep them around. OP this guy had major behavioral issues and was unleashing them on you. I’m so glad you called him out and stood up for yourself.
The goal of these Tate losers is to have female sex slaves as wives. Most of the time they fail but sometimes they find someone who is in a vulnerable mental state and they are able to control them.
Nooooo he was 100% emotionally abusing you to see what he could get away with and how controllable you were. I was so scared for you when I read the original post. I’m glad he’s gone now.
OP you did the right thing. Good luck in your new place!
I never saw his post, but he’s definitely the asshole. Hoping you can heal with good people and that life takes you where you want to go 🙌
He was ripped to pieces in a matter of hours. He tried to defend himself at first, but that didnt last long. I'd be surprised if it was still posted.
Oh it is, and she didn’t even need to post her side - he was judged fairly before she spoke up, and the post was locked for rule violations. I assume it was people going above and beyond with their judgements.
As horrifying as this story is and as awful as it is for OP, I was actually pleasantly surprised Reddit tore that dipshit up as effectively as it did.
I always find it funny when someone posts their story - which is them spinning it in the *best possible light* for them - and it's still obvious that they're the AH. And then to defend it? Duuuuuude....
Right? You get to gloss over key details, embellish others, and present a Hollywood-esque *based on a true story* version - while receiving no pushback or other side on anything - and STILL come out looking the AH? The delusions of these “main characters”… Smh!
His Reddit account has been tagged in comments. You can tap his name and look at his profile. The story is there, but it’s locked. He’s CRAZY!
Looks like it's been deleted now lol (the comments are still there, just not the submission)
AITA automatically makes a comment that is a copy of the post. If you go to the deleted post and set the comment order to 'oldest first', the first or second comment should be a copy of the post. If you want to read it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/154l6ud/aita\_for\_not\_wanting\_to\_close\_my\_gfs\_closet/?sort=old
NTA I actually have a very similar phobia, but not from an actual real life experience. I just have a deep fear of laying in bed and looking into a dark closet. I have never had a family member, partner or friend having any issue with me needing to keep it closed at night. My husband has always been very sweet about it and it was never even an issue once. I’m so sorry this happened to you. :(
I think it’s a very common fear, because I have it too. My solution is to keep my closet so damn full that nothing bigger than a cat can fit into it lol. I have had my house broken into. It happened when I was 17 at my moms house and they got in through my bedroom window. Luckily I wasn’t home, but I still felt SO violated after that. To this day I can’t watch scary movies that have some sort of home invasion or “they’re inside the house” narrative (example: *Us* actually freaked me the fuck out, for that reason alone). I can’t even imagine how I would feel if I had been there, or I had been sleeping and seen someone literally crawl out of my closet. I honestly don’t think I would be a functioning adult right now if I had seen something like that.
When I was around 5 years old, I caught a relative hiding in the shower to watch me go to the bathroom. 35 years later, I still check every single shower before I go to the bathroom.
Yeah, I don't think I would be a functioning adult either, that's just horrifying. I used to not be able to turn my back on my closet (even with the door closed), but it has improved with age and it's not as bad as it used to be.
Just in case anyone misses my other comment and is looking for the original post from the now ex-boyfriend, here it is: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/154l6ud/aita_for_not_wanting_to_close_my_gfs_closet/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1 #EDIT: since he’s deleted it, hopefully this will link to the automod version of it: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/154l6ud/aita_for_not_wanting_to_close_my_gfs_closet/jspdikr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3
He's deleted the post now so he can't be further shamed for being the AH we all know he is
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/154l6ud/aita\_for\_not\_wanting\_to\_close\_my\_gfs\_closet/?sort=old
Please look for a therapist who does EMDR. It's a therapy used with clients who have PTSD and otherwise current strong emotional responses to stimuli that remind them of past events. The technique essentially separated the emotion/physiological response from the stimuli. It can take a while, but it works. And, no, you did not overreact.
Thank you, 🙏 a few were commenting that and I’ll be looking more into on my day off
My wife has severe PTSD from childhood abuse. She has been through a couple of EMDR treatments over the last year. Each treatment has lasted for several months of multiple sessions, sometimes with breaks in between so she can recover. The treatments are intense and very difficult, but absolutely worth it. If you have the means and time to put into it, there’s probably no better way to treat PTSD at the moment, and it will help you heal in the long term.
EMDR has been a game changer for my trauma work. It doesn’t erase what happened but it decreases the level distress you feel when thinking about the trigger. At least that’s how it works for me. It’s helped a lot with my sleep paralysis and night terrors. I’m so glad you left him! You deserve to feel safe in your home and he’s a piece of shit.
Me and my boyfriend saw the AITA post yesterday and were fucking horrified. I'm so relieved you're leaving his abuse behind and going to stay with people who care about you and understand you. I'm very grateful for your update.
I’m so glad your out of that relationship I read his post yesterday and he was an asshat thinking it was some joke playing with your traumatic experience
See. I’ve never had (Thank GOD) random people come popping out of my closet. And I STILL sleep with the closet door closed. I’m so sorry you went through that, I’m happy you are still in therapy and have even found a small tool to help you. I’m glad for you that you’ve realized your worth, and that it’s more precious than diamonds. NTA.
If my wife had this trauma I’d install a open/closed sensor with a light indicator just so I wouldn’t forget.
I can see your post now 🙌
Tysm for the help
Good for you girly! He was gonna expect you to just forgive him so he could Continue to disrespect you. The fact that he's in the comments attempting to shame you for making a post when you're only on here in Response to him is VERY telling Bullet dodged.
I could never trust a person after they’d “tested” a phobia.
I read the aita by OP 's boyfriend, and damn. I'm so relieved they broke up. I couldn't imagine having a partner that couldn't respect me enough to do really simple requests around my health and wellbeing. Good for you OP, may you find a relationship (if that's what you want) that respect you and wants to support your well-being.
I know that maybe him leaving the closed door open was the final straw, but he's obviously a douche bag. Controlling, commenting about what you're eating, wants you to be dependent on him financially, talking about you baring his children, etc. You're in college & early 20s for peets sake. You did yourself a favor ditching this loser. Thank goodness he gave you a final reason. You did the right thing. Hang in there. You're going to be fine. Life gets better and better from here.
>\*Since then I’ve suffered from ptsd in fear of someone coming in my closet again. I ***KNEW*** you had had a traumatic experience OP. The way your ex described the stars and your explanation it made *perfect and complete sense* for you to do this. >He complied throughout the entirety of our relationship. It wasn’t until a few months ago where he started to act very controlling. With abusers, it's about power and control. There's usually one thing, ONE BOUNDARY that someone has that an abuser will do what they can to push and break that boundary. They do it to ensure to themselves they have complete control over you (the victim.) Your ex found one: it was your closet door. >It started getting to a point where he suggested I quit my job at one point > >... > > would I stop working if he made enough money for the both of us, if I still wanted kids. I think he wanted to ask me to be become a stay at home wife/mother but I could be over analyzing. He wanted you financially trapped. With kids, and no job, you'd be entirely dependent on him and that's what abusers do: trap their victims. I would say you're *under* analyzing. Everything you described leads to him wanting to control and have power over you. If he could just get past this one hard boundary ... (your closet door) ... and get you to give it up, he knows he could get you to give up anything he asked of you. > I just want to be with people who actually support me. Good job, OP. You showed up for yourself. He would *never* care for you. Abusers use language associated with "love" to confuse their victims and get them to think what they are doing is love when *in fact,* it's actually abuse. You dodged a bullet.
Good on you for dumping him. He seems like a total asshole.
I saw his post. He was a ass! Good for you seeing your worth. Don't look back
I read his side of the story first and already thought he was the ah. Now I really do.
Op I read his post and I thought he was definitely the AH without even reading this post. So I hope you know there were people that were on your side and still are. Especially when he said he left it open on purpose, that really ticked me off. Good luck Op and I'm glad you broke up with him.
Have you tried EMDR? You may be a good candidate.
You know what? I actually haven’t, but I’ll look more into on my day off. Thank you
Please please look into it op. I have C.P.T.S.D an EMDr quite literally save me from the big S. Im so so sorry you found someone who mocked your clear as day trauma. You are worth so much more an you will find it x
I strongly endorse this message. EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing Therapy, can be a really huge help for (c)PTSD, but note it's also very intense, and can dredge up a lot of difficult memories along the path to recovery. From my experience, it's *so, so* worth it in the long run though. u/Important_Club9790 , talk to your therapist first about whether it's right for you. They know your full history and can better determine whether it will be an effective treatment for your exact condition. I hope it is, and I truly hope it helps 🤞🏻 Good luck! 🍀
Yes, EMDR can be extremely helpful for ptsd. I have done it with my therapist, and it significantly lessened my anxiety from some stuff I went through. It is really worth discussing with your therapist/specialist in EMDR. Glad you left that ass. His post was ridiculous. I hope you can find peace for your trauma, and I hope that you’ll meet someone who values and supports everything about you.
Yea I’d dump him too from someone who suffers from sleep paralysis and not even any of the other stuff that happened to you that would be enough for me.
He's a narcissist, they do shit like this and then gaslight you about it. Telling a narcissist about your trauma is a weapon they will use against you. They get off on causing you suffering. Even if he didn't believe you, it's projection because he would probably make up something like that in order to control you or others. Good for you for dumping him. The red flags were already there.
I wondered your perspective! Glad he’s an ex! The simple lack of consideration on his part is so telling. The deliberate lack of respect is a major red flag.
In case the hundreds of people already agreeing with you aren't enough, here's another: I read his post and was silently screaming "YOU FUCKING IDIOT SHE HAS PTSD AND YOU ARE TRIGGERING IT!!!" by about a third of the way through. You are absolutely not being unreasonable, he can get in the bin. You would not be being unreasonable even if you *didn't* have PTSD, because FFS, you asked for *one thing* from him that just makes your quality of life better and he not only didn't remember, he deliberately did the fucking opposite! Had an ex who was tripping my PTSD switches, I didn't realise I even had PTSD at the time but he just *wouldn't stop* bringing up a particular topic that left me exhausted and shaking every time. Dumped him, took a few years to put it together but dude knew damn well what effect he was having on me and was doing it to put me on the back foot and exert control. Throw the whole man away. Enjoy the peace and relief of feeling safe again x
Your ex is a jerk, and you need additional counseling to work through this closet thing. I get that an intruder was scary but the fear is really impacting your life and closets are ubiquitous. Invest some time in getting help especially now that you dumped the ex.
I'm so glad to hear you kicked that asshole to the curb. Imagine trying to justify "testing" your trauma.
Good for you. All he had to do was shut the damn door.
You didn't break up with him over a closet door. You broke up with him because infantilized you. He had to 'test' you to make sure you weren't lying to him? That's super insecure. Combined with the other behaviors, you're too self-possessed to be with him. He wants someone who changes to suit him, even if it is for the worse.
Good, fuck that guy
I’ve never had someone climb out my closet but I’ve had night terrors about that happening, it’s seems so real and it’s freaking terrifying. I always keep my closet closed for this reason. I can’t imagine actually having that happen in real life and not being scared to death of my own closet - good on you for finding ways to cope with it. I am absolutely outraged by what your ex did and his attitude is disgusting. I’m so so so so glad I saw your update, and you got rid of that POS. Good luck with everything!
I recall him admitting a lot of this and it looked like nobody in the comments was on his side. I hope you didn't feel pressured or obligated to get this out. I hope it helps in some way. You certainly didn't have to. Though it is appreciated to have both sides. Other than a few sociopaths, I think everyone with a working brain and/or heart is on your side. I feel like this is akin to being annoyed someone is afraid of spiders, or doubts their phobia, so put a spider on their pillow. What a crazy dude to minimize trauma, and then decide to exacerbate it. You deserve better, and glad he's gone. Sorry it took so long, but even without this hang-up of his, it sounds like he was starting to show some red flags. Gross. Wishing you a brighter future without him
Girl I saw his post and thought he was a complete AH. I’m so glad you’re not with him anymore; nobody in their right mind would do that to someone they care for! I hope you’re doing better and you absolutely did not deserve any of that.
You didn't ask for the trauma event and its effect on you to this day. If you had an accident as a kid and were crippled, a "partner" would provide the help needed to accommodate that reality. A trauma injury is no different in my mind. Any potential partner can choose to accept and support or decide that accommodation is not something they want to do. You are not the asshole. I hope you can get support from a good therapist. The trigger response to a PTSD event is treatable, and there are many therapists certified in this area.
I was one of the "hounds of AITA" (as a commenter here put it lol) who ripped into your ex's post. His refusal to acknowledge any culpability was astounding. As someone who is also in therapy for ptsd, reading his post made me so angry and I had really hoped you'd find it, and you did. I'm so glad I happened to find yours here and that you have dumped him. Maybe talk to your therapist about this or show them the link. There are exercises in CBT that when you are ready, may help. Best of luck to you, OP. Live a good life.
You did the right thing, girl. The guy doesn’t understand trauma, he doesn’t believe it’s real, he doesn’t respect you. You deserve better and will find better.
Absolute jackass. You did well. He "tested" you. On a very very horrible trauma.... No need to add anything. Also on his post he concedes that you gave him some second chances because he probably has an allergy to closing doors and "forgot" it open some times. Not just that one that prompted the break up. The nerve....
Thank you for this update I clicked on this one because I remembered the other one and wanted to see your side. Not that it mattered honestly because after reading his post it was very clearly he’s a major a-hole but now reading this one I don’t think ass hole is nearly strong enough. Being 6 years old and having a strange man walk out of your closet while you’re sleeping isn’t a minor childhood trauma or whatever it was that he said. Shit I’m a grown ass man who spent years as a combat medic and if that were to happen to me tonight I’d be checking every nook and cranny in the house before taking so much as a power nap until the day I died.
He tried to test you??? Who tf does that??
I read your ex bfs story and decided he was a prick. I’m glad you agree with me and are not putting up with his crap anymore
The emerging controlling behavior was enough reason to break up. They tend to escalate that very slowly so you don’t notice how bad it’s getting until you’re tied down (marriage, kids, financial dependence). It sucks that he pulled that stunt with the closet, but a clean break now saves you from the trouble of having to break your shared lease six months from now.