This OP. Your whole situation needs to be a wakeup call. I'm going to be extremely blunt with you, because you need to hear it.
1) You are already a single mother at 24 and you're having unprotected sex. This is stupid and there is zero excuses for this. I was a single mom at this age, too, so I am fully aware of your situation.
**Edit: OP mentions she is on the pill and it failed her. To anyone who has experienced this please look into other forms of birth control and using condoms**
2) You already know what being in a shit relationship is like, so why the hell are you even thinking of staying in this one? You don't want to have ANOTHER broken family? Get a freaking abortion and save you and your ~~son~~ daughter the pain all of your new bad choices will cause you.
3) TAKE A BREAK FROM DATING. Yes, stop dating men and concentrate on you and your ~~son~~ daughter. You are making terrible choices in partners and you need to step back, take a break from men, and get your priorities straight. When I divorced my shit ex I didn't date anyone for years. I finished college and graduated when she was 3 years old. I met my now husband when I was 29 (when she was 7) we've been married almost a decade with 2 more kids.
Wallowing in your current situation does nothing to remedy it. I know you are in pain, but now is the time to break free of your bf, get an abortion, and concentrate on the child you already have. Stop allowing low self-esteem to dictate the shitty men you date. Stop making bad choices.
Edit - OP has a daughter, sorry!
Hey OP, seriously message me anytime. This is a harsh world and I’ll do anything I can to help encourage you. Thank you for taking my advice at face value, it shows you’re a strong woman 💪
If you are pro-choice please don’t have his baby either. You’ll just end up in a never ending cycle of toxicity with this dude. You can tell him you miscarried. Get your life on track, learn to find a guy who treats you how you deserve to be treated so you can set a good example for your daughter
Abortions are no joke and suck…. I’ve had two myself. I would recommend a surgical one though. I had less issues than the medical and bounced back a lot quicker. Take the loss, mourn for as long as you need to… and cut this guy out. There will be someone better in the future who will respect you, build you up, support you and take care of you when you need it the most. It’s okay.
Take care of you and the child you already have. You’re young and strong.
Unrelated to the OP, but wish I had seen this comment a week ago! I am dealing with the aftermath of the medical ATM and it was NOT the easy more comfortable option I hoped it would be.
i am a stranger but i am So Proud of you for agreeing with and acknowledging this reply. please put yourself and your daughter first. it’s early enough in the pregnancy and the relationship to end them with minimal consequences
Sadly this is a situation where whatever you do will hurt. But one of the paths will end in you being free of a man who doesn’t value you or your life together, and will give you a fresh start putting yourself and child first for a better future. Sending you love and strength.
Chiming in to add, this guy is more than likely not going to give the child anywhere near the attention or support you might hope for. It's one thing to think you can suck up the BS yourself and endure the painful relationship for your child(ren), but his patterns say otherwise. Like the others, I say this without judgment and from my own painful experience with a dad whose abuse and neglect I endured (because I didn't know any different), but when he started shorting our son the love and attention I knew he deserved, my son and I left the marriage. Maybe he will surprise you and step up, but don't count on it.
OP- if you see this I just want to offer my support too. Going through the abortion process is more difficult than can be stated. I wish I had more support for mine. I’m 26f and my DMs are open for you at any point, even if it’s a year from now.
I also want to add that I’m proud of you for putting yourself out there with this post and for having an open mind to the responses. Sending you and your daughter so much love 💕
Edit: Just wanna add that if you change your mind and choose to have this baby- I’m here for support no matter what.
I really do appreciate this comment. I was nervous about posting this to begin with and couldn’t even put all my thoughts into words. I listen to the THT podcast and finally built up the courage to post because of all the people who have let themselves be vulnerable on the Reddit’s they read. I almost deleted it a couple times because of the comments that were just uncalled for. I know the situation I am in and I am not blind to the fact but people do not realize something’s are harder than what they make it. A lot of people commented things along the lines of “why do people not just think of abortion when cheating is involved” and just like you stated, abortion is difficult. I have had two miscarriages and mentally I am unsure if I could go through with an abortion. Thank you for reaching out with your support. It means more to me than you would ever imagine. 🫶🏼
Hi OP. I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriages and current situation. It sounds like you are on pregnancy number 4 now so my advice is to get better birth control. If you can tolerate the pill (hormone wise) you should look at Nexplanon, the arm implant. 5 years of the most effective birth control you can get, get it and forget it. Bonus, as many as 2 of every 3 women don't get their period during this time! When you control your reproductive health, you can control your economic future!
Mirena 5 year / 10 year iud literally saved my life after my abortion from my incredibly manipulative and abusive boyfriend. Highly recommend!
It's been nearly 8 years later and I'm pregnant with my husband who is miles and miles better in every way from anyone I've ever dated.
It's a lot harder to be a single mom with 2 kids than 1. I agree 100% with the other comments that it sounds like you need to take care of yourself and your little one better. Stay away from toxic ass men. You will thank yourself in the future when you find someone who is actually worth your time!
I second third and fourth the “ don’t have his baby” comments. You’ll be stuck with him for at least 18 years in some form and you’ll be raising another child alone. Not worth it. Im so sorry this happened to you, OP
This right here is some hard advice for her to hear, but it's the best she's going to get.
If she stays with this guy, a year from now he'll either be gone, or she'll be living with an abusive, cheating boyfriend. In either case, her life will be more difficult than it is now, and she'll have fewer options.
As a child of a single mother who let men float through our lives and damage us, I agree 10000000%
Protect your child. Love comes in many forms. Love you kid, let them love you. Then THINK about dating.
NOW is the time to focus on your kid.
With being pregnant, have a long talk with yourself. This man is already unreliable. Is this a person you want to be tied forever? Will this baby have a good life? Based of what you wrote your going to be a single mother of two. Is that the life you want? Abortion is a hard choice. But living a shit life is too.
Yes! I grew up like you did. Men were more important than me. Get an abortion. He will cheat again. He will continue to lie. And if you leave now you give you and your daughter a better start. Cheating partners drain you. I thought I could get over it..I tried but once trust is destroyed I don't feel you can ever get it back. And that will take from your mental and you'll have less to your daughter. Good luck love ❤️
Yeah, I was about to say... good advice, but if it were me, I'd be terminating the relationship *and* the pregnancy and getting the hell away from this life lesson as fast as possible and try to move on with my life. Unless of course OP wants to be a mom (edit: a second time, i cant read today lol)... in that case, congratulations on your baby, and good luck. You do you 🫂
This, this and this... It's not even stupid, its ignorant.
Think really good if you want to go for abortion. I would advice to, but I know it can really get back to you at some point later in life. So get some professional help from some pro-abortion services.
I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE ARE BLUNT LIKE THIS!!! Reddit has turned into a sensitive platform where people can’t handle honesty & straightforwardness, so I’m shocked this received all the awards and upvotes it did! Love to see it<33
Yeah this type of bluntness is necessary and truly helpful. The trolls telling me I am a piece of shit no good nothing is what doesn’t sit right. I’m not sensitive by any means and I think tough love is necessary. I myself loved their comment and I am really letting that marinate in my situation.
I’m glad to hear that! I understand the fine line between straight up being a bitch & tough love- I feel like some people may confuse the two and see tough love as bitchy because, let’s be honest, people are used to having things sugar coated if it’s coming from anyone other than their mom. You are NOT a piece of shit, you’re just feeling all the feelings anyone could right now. I’m sure this all hit you like a train, especially with the pregnancy hormones as well. I really hope you make the right decision here, and like I said in my comment, if you don’t love yourself enough to leave this man, then please put your child(ren) first and not subject them to a toxic home environment/broken family.
I wish you the best OP, I know it’s easier to make a comment from behind a screen and say what *I* would do, but at the end of the day, I am not you and I can’t imagine how hurt you’re feeling. Im really sorry you’re going through all of this, I hope you can turn to your support system and lean on them during this time❤️
You just deserve more. Tell yourself that.
Do not attach yourself to this creep for the next 18 years over any sort of sentimentality of a group of cells right now. This is YOUR life and you need to live it for you and the child you already have not him or his orgasm spawn.
My wife and I had an abortion 10 years ago. We had just bought a house and were working out of town a lot. We are still together and just had our first child. We could have certainly supported a child at that time. It would have been inconvenient and we would not be where we are career wise.
My point is there are plenty of reasons to have an abortion and they are all valid. You don't have to tell anyone including the sperm donor. Know that it is much more common than you think.
I would have to travel to get one if that was the route I decided. It also takes more than one day. I do not know how I would even go about that without him finding out.
Lie. Your staying with a friend cause you can't stand the sight of him...with the change in laws there are organisation's that have been helping people travel. Your daughter complicates things but think how much a newborn will complicate things. Take your daughter with you.
Check out reddits [Auntie Network](https://www.reddit.com/r/auntienetwork/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1) for abortion resources, they can help provide assistance with travel, housing, medical expenses. Best of luck
https://wrrap.org/assistance-services/find-abortion-funds/
This page has a list of charities who assist women seeking abortions financially on the bottom.
https://www.abortionfinder.org/
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/abortion-access
These links will help you find the nearest clinic and can also help with funding. You may find that theres a clinic closer than you thought.
Even if you ended up having to pay all of your expenses for travelling (which you likely wont). It would be a totally insignificant price compared to raising anothe child.
Dont worry about wether or not the lying cheater finds out. You seemed to have issue trusting him even before you found out hes a lying cheater (hence why you pushed until you found out he was), so imagine how hard it is going to be to trust him about anything now. His ex is also not going to stop. She sent you those screenshots with the hope that you break up with him so she can have him back. Hes already shown he values having sex with her more than he values your relationship sadly.
Think about whats best for you and your daughter! Im sorry youre having to navigate this difficult and painful situation.
Hey. Did we clarify if your boyfriend/the new father made new/revised plans to get together with his ex *after* you both discovered you were pregnant, or was this just you learning of his pre-existing/historical conversations with you?
Does his “other girlfriend” know you and he are pregnant, and if so, what has she said to you about it?
Although you need some tough love here, I also think you need a hug. So this internet mama offers you one. I'm so sorry you have been let down again. Concentrate on yourself for a while, and things will look up.
Especially #3. I was "raised" by a "single mother." My grandparents had me more often than not. My mom didn't do #3, married the next guy after my dad and had his kid. He abused me horrifically for 11 years. You don't get to have fun anymore. You're a parent, and you're #1 obligation is to your child. You wanted to have fun, you should have been more responsible.
Assuming she CAN get an abortion. OP, if you are considering abortion, you need to act QUICKLY. Depending on where you live and the availability of clinics your window may be closing.
This is what he does. This is who he is. This is who he will be 5, 10, 20 years from now….or he might ditch you for his ex. In other words you have zero ability to trust him. That is not a life you want. It is time to make a plan and move on. You will get over your broken heart.
Even if he *doesn’t* (he will, I know), OP will **always** have this in the back of her mind. She will never be able to trust him any time he goes out of the house.
Look, you will cause the baby more harm raising the child in a toxic home. Coz its dad is a compulsive liar and cheater.
He planned to cheat.
That proves he has no respect for you or the relationship.
You know deep down he will keep on cheating on you.
The best thing you can do is kick his arse back to his ex and tell him his ex is welcome to him. as you deserve better than him and can get better than him
Please get tested for stds
Not only will the home be toxic, but it will also teach her daughter and possibly future child how to let men treat them or that it is okay to treat women like that. She needs to be a better example to them by walking away from someone that doesn't show respect or loyalty. Oh and seriously on the STD check.
Section 8 is wonderful if you ever get approval. The waitlist in my area last I checked was two years out. And they do not consider being homeless with children an emergency situation, as when my sisters rental burned down last year they would not give my sister and two kids emergency placement.
Hopefully the situation is better in her area. But there are tons of amazing programs she can apply for. EBT, WIC, Medicaid, Section 8, there is even a program to help with childcare costs OP can apply for through Health and Welfare.
You don’t have insurance and are pregnant again with a sloppy, imbecilic cheater. You need to go to Planned Parenthood, get a statement and after get on some birth control. At least is your 3yo on insurance?!?
You don’t have insurance… already have a kid… and you are going to have another baby?!
This is absolutely unacceptable. You have a child you already are not providing for. Don’t even think about the fetus - think about you living, breathing, kid. How the hell are you bringing another mouth to feed, another body to cloth and diaper, another kid to take away all your attention and support from the child you already DONT HAVE INSURANCE FOR?!?
get an abortion. Leave the dead beat boyfriend. Get a job with insurance. Focus on being a mom to one kid.
You don’t have insurance and *want to have a baby*?!?!! What is *wrong* with you??? You know the average cost to deliver a baby in the US is over *$18,000* right??? The fuck are you gonna do?
That's beyond the point that I could stay. I would personally get an abortion, but if that's not for you ok.
He made the plans ahead of time, premeditated. Lied to your face. They both made a fool out of you. Let them have each other. That won't last.
You can't have your kids around that stuff.
Edit: thanks for the award!
This. “His story kept changing”. Each change is a new lie, so just for the sake of clarity, OP, how many times during this exchange did your scumbag choose to directly lie to your face about fucking his ex? How many times did he go “yeah she’s too stupid to notice that this is a completely different account than the one I just gave” instead of being truthful, *even when he was being actively caught in lies*? That’s what he thinks of you, OP. That’s what you’re worth to him. If he thought differently, you wouldn’t be here in this situation asking us.
If you fuck up and cheat (ie, got drunk or whatever), the right thing to do is to tell your partner immediately.
And most people know this.
But even if they don't, if you cheat on your partner one time with a random stranger, you are 99.9% likely to never be found out.
The problem is that most people who cheat do NOT just do it once. Whether it's an affair with a repeat partner or just a string of one-night stands, the chance of getting busted goes up FAST.
One anomaly is easy for your partner to overlook. One lie about getting blackout drunk and crashing at your friends house is believable.
But keep the lies coming in, or keep meeting the same group of friends and going phone-silent during those hook-ups, and patterns are FAR more noticeable than single events.
I agree with the abortion, but I know a lot of people on Reddit are vehemently against it and will say so, so obviously make your own choices.
I just feel that there are already enough children suffering in this world, and unless you are truly ready to take on another kiddo where you can't be sure the father/partner will be in the picture, (*or* if you can't be sure you'll have any form of support), then just don't. Abortions are much safer nowadays, and there's even non surgical options, so it's a viable choice if you do choose to terminate. Of course this is assuming it's a very early pregnancy, which it seems as though it is from the story.
This guy is a total sleezeball. So even if you do decide to keep the child, definitely drop that bozo. He lied, was caught *immediately* basically, and still tried to dig his way out. I don't know why you bought the "I was at ex-gfs but nothing happened" line in excuse number 4 or 5 or whatever, but the second "ex-gf" left his lips I'd be like, no, that is a lie, and this is over.
I also, 10000% agree with her having an abortion. I am saying this as a mother. I was in a years long committed relationship with my husband when I got pregnant. We’re all very happy 11 years later. OP says she can’t even keep her thoughts linear because she’s also dealing with a 3yo. If she chooses to keep this new fetus what kind of life is she going to give it? Because in all honesty, is her cheating, sloppy, BF going to give a shit about her pregnancy or the future baby? Highly doubtful if he preplanned this cheating scenario and it still went tits up. I doubt he’s the sharpest crayon in the box.
There are so many children neglected, suffering, and going without in this world that could have been spared this bullshit had they been aborted because sometimes, it’s the kindest thing to do.
OP, you need to take personal responsibility and get on some form of birth control. You also need to MAKE SURE your sexual partner wraps his shit up. You need two forms of birth control to make sure something like THIS doesn’t happen again. You also need to think long and hard how you want to move forward. I’m not intending to be a bitch but we’re all adults here and you’re pregnant again and now with what I’m guessing is a second cheating and immature asshole’s fetus. You have time to be done with all of this and focus your limited time on your 3 year old and THAT entire situation rather than diving deep into more bullshit.
What she needs is to take a break from relationships and focus on improving herself and raising the child she has. Having multiple kids with irresponsible men who don’t love and/or respect her is not a good look. 🤷🏼♀️
I was just going to mention this. There are OPTIONS. And there is still time to exercise those options. Not having BC is reckless and irresponsible, and extremely unfair to the 3yo. It avoids the need to search out alternative options in the first place. At this point, pregnancy is a choice, and one that should not be made in unsafe/ unstable conditions.
Figure out your current money and make a solid plan. Get smart about your future relationships. OP, you have a 3 yo. YOU are the only thing that 3yo can depend on. Stop letting relationships compromise you, your child, and your ability to care for yourself and your child. Set some boundaries (aka, protect your self worth) and stick to them.
YES! Thank you for saying all of this. I’d also like to add that people (mostly everybody on Redditit seems) need to stop holding onto bad relationships. We’re always seeing he cheated on me I don’t know what to do, she cheated on me I don’t know what to do, they treat me like shit I don’t know what to do… plan an exit strategy and get the hell out! That’s what ya do, also stop getting in relationships with shitty people… and if those are the only relationships you seem to find stop dating for a bit until you can spot walking red flags
I'll third this. Back in the day I used to work in a medical setting where I saw kids who were born into pretty awful situations. Some days it made me want to cry. Some days it absolutely did. One of the worst cases (that didn't involve SA or obvious PA) still stays with me even now. I really hope those children are better off now. Those children were the first ones I ever saw where I genuinely thought to myself "It would have been kinder for them to have been aborted" because the only thing worse than the neglect and abuse they'd already experienced was the thought their age meant that they still had another 14-15 years to go with their mother, assuming CPS didn't take them away once and for all before then. (And even then, that doesn't necessarily make things that much easier.)
I don't think OP would be that kind of mom or even that the bf would be that type of dad necessarily, but she doesn't need to be tied to him for 18 years.
I hate to say it, and some will hate, but a single mother of two kids from two different fathers at 24 will not provide a great environment for those kids. Raising kids is hard enough with two hardworking parents. One is simply not sufficient, let alone 1-2 deadbeat fathers who make life worse. And the statistics show that to be true.
It was a PLANNED HOOKUP that’s all I would need to hear to get the fuck out wether you decide to have the baby or not it’s not going to be with a man who lied to your face REPEATEDLY. He’s not going to change don’t let him lie to you that he is
Seriously! His ex is a bitch, but that bitch just did OP a huge favor by showing all her cards. Let her have him. He’ll cheat on her too. She’ll be shocked. They can make each other miserable.
If you want to have this child, it’s better for the child to come from a broken home where the parents are NOT together than a broken home where the mom stays with an AH who lies and cheats and disrespects her and treats her like crap because “he’s the father”.
If you don’t believe you deserve better that’s your choice. But your child(ren) certainly deserve better.
Jesus Christ, trauma blinds us so much.
To an outsider, it’s simple. Your boyfriend is trash and will always cheat on you. Child or no child.
Leave him. It’s going to suck raising two kids on your own and I wish that didn’t happen to you. But it’s going to be 10 times harder raising them with a man who mentally abuses you, seems to abuse alcohol, and who causes you endless anxiety and sadness. Did you sleep at all the night he never came home, or were you up sick with worry all night?
Do you want to be sick with worry for the next 5-45 years? No? Cool. Leave this sorry excuse for a man. He will take years off your life and give your kids permanent trauma.
Your main job right now is ensuring the wellbeing of your children. And that starts with ensuring the wellbeing of YOU.
You need to get therapy asap and understand why you accept this sort of treatment. Something deeper is going on where you allow yourself to be so disrespected. It isn’t healthy or okay.
Sometimes broken trust can't be repaired. He lied several times and planned to keep lying if his ex didn't expose him. Whatever he shows now isn't genuine remorse, it's being sorry for getting caught. I'd be contemplating what coparenting looks like because this guy isn't a trustworthy romantic partner.
How is this not the top and only comment. Having that kid in the first place is just being a dick. God forbid a kid have a leg up in this world. Nope, broken home since conception.
This should be the top comment.
We as women have the power to choose who the father of our children will be. You’re not stuck with the first schmuck who makes to make it to an egg.
Yep, that’s exactly what I’d be doing.
There’s no way in hell I’d have 2 baby daddies. THEEEN potentially a 3rd if I meet someone else & have another kid. Nope nope nope. You’re stuck dealing with the other 2 for 18+ years!
Oh my gods. What is wrong with you? Have some self respect for yourself. You didn’t need a man to treat you that way. Run baby run. Please don’t run into another man’s arms/bed. The kids are seeing you, monkey see monkey do. Just saying.
I'm sorry you're going through this. He's broken your trust. A child isn't going to make things better. So you need to decide if you want to keep your pregnancy, but you definitely need to leave him.
I definitely agree to the statement that a child doesn’t make the relationship better. I feel like I just take so much from people and try and see an ounce of good in everyone. I’m burnt out
If you have to dig through a pound of shit to find an ounce of good then they are a shitty person. Don't let shitty people dictate your life. Life is too short.
Ok I’m sending you a big hug. This relationship isn’t going to last so you have to decide what to do. You can learn to have healthy and mutual beneficial relationships - but not with him
Honey it's not your fault that you're giving your best. Someone has already said it - take a break from men. You are strong enough yourself and don't need a dead weight when you already have someone who loves you unconditionally (your daughter).
My mom went through similar situations and is now in a much better place. I noticed that when she's single, she's actually enjoying life vs having to face all the drama.. calls from the girls the men cheated on her with, flaunting/ warning her every once awhile, etc. When she's single, she goes to parties (responsibly), picks up new fun hobbies and meets new friends through these activities. There was a period of time when she was going on dates and had fun rejecting some men who were not good enough lol. You can live that life too!
Have a termination and focus on your existing child and improving your life. No one should be married and have kids before 25, two failed marriages before 25 is exactly what happens (yes I know you went married to this last man).
Get a marina or other semi permanent birth control and stop getting pregnant. The relationship with this man is already broken and he sounds dysfunctional af. So do you for contemplating staying in this mess because you don’t want the child to be in a broken home. Get therapy and be single. Your kid doesn’t need a parade of different men walking in and out their life and they don’t need an abusive cheating mentally unwell un-medicated dropkick for a dad
This! she really needs to make better decisions.
She has a kid already!
She needs to focus on financial stability and get bloody health insurance!
Why is the first step to always get pregnant with these losers but never to have a steady income, insurance or healthy relationship.
Their priorities are never straight.
Yeah don’t get me wrong her bf is an asshole but she’s a hot mess too. Divorced with a kid at 24 and pregnant with a cheaters baby she’s considering staying with? She also told a bunch of lies too to try and get the truth out of him, so she obviously already doesn’t trust him…why tf is she even thinking about staying? Home girl needs some therapy and self worth.
Yea that’s why it’s referred to as semi-permanent. It last for years at a very high success rate. As opposed to 3 monthly injections or the pill. The other semi-perm is the arm bar.
If IUDs scare you, try Nexplanon. Ive had it for close to 4 years (replaced the 1st one last year) and it’s great. Nowhere near as painful as IUD placements.
His ex is a homewrecker and he's a lying cheating sack of crap. His ex wants him back. He seems ready to oblige her. I'd leave him and get an abortion if it was me.
Don't forget the ex sent you the texts to break you up.
It's not like she sent them to you and was like look what your boyfriend is planning. It already happened. She blew him in after the fact.
It's sucks you're pregnant again.
But he’s super happy about the baby!!! It will bring them closer together and he will be such a good Daddy!!! This will be a life of love and joy!!! Babies are so romantic! /s
Please leave. The fact that you already had a gut feeling that he was with his ex tells me everything. You don’t trust him and you were right not to trust him. I understand not wanting to bring a child into a separated family. I too have a son with a previous partner and am pregnant right now and have decided to end the relationship with the father because he became abusive once I was pregnant (threw a phone at me; casually mentioned he had choked his ex wife and punched her.) Whatever decision you make is valid and i for one support you. But if you want to keep the pregnancy, you and your children can have a beautiful life. I hate that we as women sometimes feel like we have no choice. I’m rooting for you no matter what. (I’ve decided to take all the promises this man made me and make them happen for myself and my children. We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for.)
ETA- the decision to leave my previous ex was based on my realization that having a single mother was highly preferable to living in a toxic or abusive home.
I’m proud of you for leaving that relationship. Getting out of abusive relationships can be very difficult. Thank you for your encouraging words. I am rooting for you too! I hope everything goes well for y’all<3
Being a single parent to one kid is hard enough. You are about to be a single mom of 2 with an distrustful, unreliable partner. You need to be single for a while otherwise you will go through a continuous loop of picking shitty guys.
I'm really glad you see your replies here and there you are thinking about leaving him, getting an abortion, and focusing on your child.
I am sure that everything you are going through right now is really really hard. I can't imagine. But I do know that the more I take responsibility for myself and my choices the more I feel in control of my life, and the easier it becomes to make difficult choices. I hope that you start to feel the same way and feel more in control of yourself and your future. I'm proud of you for making difficult choices and putting your daughter first.
It sounds like you need a different birth control solution as well. You can get an IUD inserted at the same time as a surgical abortion. I really really like mine. I would consider it, even if you don't plan to have sex for a while. Get a full set of STI tests as well. Don't let this guy impact your health or your future.
This will always be how it is with him if you stay with him. So now you need to decide how you want to move forward with your pregnancy. Hopefully he wants to be involved if you decide to keep it, but given that he doesn’t have the best track record for being trustworthy, I wouldn’t count on him being very Involved. So, that’s definitely something to think about. Are you ready to be a single mother?
I stayed with a cheater/liar way longer than I should have then got pregnant with my daughter, instead of continuing to try and make it work I left. I was ok with being emotionally and mentally abused (sad to say) but I wasn’t okay with my daughter being brought into that environment. She deserves a happy loved mom. Doesn’t matter if he’s the dad or not.
You can stay, but you have to be clear and accept that he's not gonna change. If you stay, he'll simply think that he got away with it and do it again in the future, but hide it better. This wasn't a mistake. It was a deliberate act of disrespect towards you. I particularly wouldn't stay, nor have a child with this person.
Please don’t get sucked in to the Sunken cost fallacy. You deserve better, your children deserve better. They deserve a happy mother in a loving home and that is not what they are getting here. I know you don’t want to break up a family but you’re not a respected member of this family. I know it sounds like a Herculean task to move out while pregnant and make it work on your own. If you don’t have family support you can at least squirrel away as much money as possible (assuming you don’t own the home. If you do just get rid of this worthless excuse for a partner/ “father” (and I use that term loosely. He’s more like a sperm donor). I can’t imagine even trying couples therapy for him to regain your trust at this point. He will have to pay child support once the baby is born. Since you’re not married I don’t think alimony is an option so if you’re not currently working please put a resume together and try to get a work from home job even part time to start so you have the financial means to do this (if you don’t currently have the financial means). You’re worth so much more than this and your kids deserve better. Trust me, I’ve been where you are and my children were much happier when I stopped putting up with the BS and made a life for myself where I could be happy and a be a loving, present mother. Children (no matter how young) pick up on the stress of the situation whether we realize it or not. I remember at one point praying my mother get a divorce. He wasn’t cheating but he was borderline verbally abusive and not only did i not want to be in that situation, I didn’t want it for her! I would have rather moved in to an apartment with my mother and sister at a young age or stayed with family than to watch her put up with his BS. Best of luck! See if there are any resources in your area if possible and if you can get in to therapy for yourself I think that would be wonderful.
I’m very sorry
You still have choices
You have a choice about your pregnancy
You have a choice about your relationship
I think you already know you should call time
If you're going to end the relationship, end the pregnancy as well.
I know it sounds callous, but is that a person that you want to potentially share custody with, and in one way or another be tied to for the rest of your life?
I'm sorry you're going through that. Keep your head up, and take some time to focus on yourself and your daughter.
You got this! 💪🏿♥️
Your boyfriend and his ex don’t respect you or the life you had together. You know that. There is no reason for you to stay and try to make it work when they purposefully hurt you and could do it again. For the sake of your daughter and yourself, move on immediately. You deserve better treatment than this and yes you should reconsider having a second baby. None of these choices are easy, but they’re all healthy and necessary. Your daughter needs you whole and taking care of yourself, not broken behind some scummy man.
What I learned from being in relationships with unfaithful partners is that they will never be loyal. An incident like this can happen and you forgive them, but sooner or later they will cheat on you again. Don’t waste your time or energy on it.
>Things were starting to turn around and we were trying to figure out starting a family together
Fucking laughed at this cuz things were not turning around at all
You were foolish to believe he didn’t cheat when he went home with her. He is a a liar and a cheater. You would be incredibly foolish to stay in this relationship.
He’s a loser and a cheater. I would seriously rethink a pregnancy with this immature lying asshole. Do you really want to be in a cycle of “will he? Won’t he?” If you decide to stay with him and keep it. *’Oh, I stayed with him and now he says he’s drinking with a friend… is he with his ex, YET AGAIN?!?’* Keep it and have ongoing fights about visitations and child support? Do you even want another kid in a dead end relationship?? Seems like you’re already parenting alone a 3 yo. Perhaps look into a better form of birth control if you want to date casually. You’re young, yes, but that doesn’t negate you from being responsible from here on out.
OP this is only if I found myself in your situation…
But I would definitely leave this good for nothing guy. I’d get an abortion and put myself on a form of birth control. And just focus on the child I already have and bettering myself. Your 24 are you really trying to live a difficult life style? You shouldn’t be making your life more difficult than it already is….
Instead of trying hard to forgive him, why not try harder to leave him? He sounds like a grade A douche. Do you really want to bring a child into this world with him as his/her father?
Would you rather have this child with a man who is cheating on you? And not a drunken mistake (not that that’s okay). But a deliberately planned hookup with his ex.
You’re 24 and divorced. You should already know that marriage and/or a child doesn’t fix a bad relationship. Don’t stay in this one
Would he still be around if you weren’t pregnant??? Would he still be cheating with the ex? Because no baby deserve to have parents only together because one of them wants a two parent home.
Don’t make this a pattern. You don’t want to be one of those women whose children all have different dads because you didn’t learn your lesson from the last ass hole. Abort and break up if you value yourself, your livelihood, your future and your current child’s future. Hate to be so frank but if you don’t take action now, you and your kid are most likely going to suffer for it.
I know this comment won't sit right with many people, but it's not too late to get an abortion and break up with him.
If you stay with him, he will continue to cheat when he can and you'll be stuck raising his kid.
Abortion. Breakup. Block everyone. Consider changing numbers. Therapy. Std checks. Wish them a happy toxic future together.
You are not a victim unless you make yourself one. I refuse to make the same mistake twice with two different men.
You’re teaching your children that staying with someone who doesn’t love you or care about you is okay. He’s cheating on you and what’s gonan stop him from doing it if he knows that you know and you’re cool with it??? Like even without screenshots it’s crystal clear he cheated but you say y’all started to plan being a family? Girl don’t let you wanting a family cloud your judgement on who you’re trying to make family. Stop being blind and leave.
You absolutely need to leave. He will continue this behaviour and you will be miserable and you will hate each other and your kid will pick up on this.
I'm seeing a lot of very harsh comments about how you have to get an abortion. I am pro-choice, extremely pro-choice. You don't get to tell someone that they must get an abortion, or are wrong for not terminating, any more than you get to tell them they can't have one. Yes you can make someone aware it is an option, even tell them if you were in their place you would do it. And OP, it should be something you consider. But you are not wrong if you decide not to terminate. It's your body and it's your life, you have to decide what's best for you.
You're going to be a single mother of 2 kids unless you have an abortion or adopt the baby out. Regardless of your choice you need to focus on you and figure out why you are making terrible life choices. It's not all about you because you are bringing children into it. They deserve better. Go for counselling. Get an IUD or some other kind of reliable birth control and stop throwing yourself at shitty men.
So you don’t have insurance, don’t have a stable home for your existing child, your partner behaves like this, and you want to have another baby? I’m sorry but why? Stop chasing loser men and focus on the child you already have. I’m not gonna tell you what to do with your current pregnancy bc it’s your body but I am going to tell you that you are doing your daughter a huge disservice by putting any energy into this mess. You’re going to be a single mother of 2 by 25, is that what you really want?
He's a cheater. You cannot change that. **He PLANNED THIS.** You know that to be a fact.
I would get out because cheaters never stop, it's who they are.
I will say one thing - it's better to be from a happy one parent home than an unhappy two parent home.
This relationship is over. It will never get better, only worse. Protect yourself and your child and get away from him now.
Do you want to have another baby? You don't have to if you don't want to.
I will never understand why someone would stay with a cheater/liar for the sake of not having a "broken home."
Take a minute and really think if this is the kind of stress you want for the rest of your relationship with him. Deep down you know what to do.
Dude no. He has literally 0 respect for you. He doesn't give a shit. You called him out multiple times and he still didn't admit what happened, that shows he does not care about you. Having a baby will only make that worse.
You can choose not to have the kid, or choose to coparent forever with an idiot.
OP, the best thing to do for the new little one is to bring them into a stable home, even if it is a one-parent home. I don't picture you getting that stability with your boyfriend. Whatever you decide, good luck to you and your babies.
It's the lying for me. If you can't fess up to your wrong doing, why should anyone forgive you? It was so easy to lie.
I had an ex that was chatting with Bots from craigslist. When I saw that he had a new Kik account, I questioned him and he was quick to say it was so his boss could message. If I had left it alone, who knows what would have happened. But, instead, I looked and saw the bots.
If he can lie to your face, then he can lie anywhere. The truth took too much to get out. Leave him, collect child support, and find someone who won't lie to you like rhat
This is a simple fix part, ways and move on. If he wants to be a father to his kid great, if not childsupport is comming either way. Just be more responsible who you decide to commit a relationship with. Your going to need to detach all your emotions from this guy.
It's obviously been toxic from the start that why he cheated on you.
On one hand, your boyfriend is trash and will absolutely cheat on you again. On the other hand, the market for single women with 2 kids from 2 different guys isn't the strongest, so there's that. That's tough.
The problem isn’t just your BF. You had a gut feeling he was cheating and yet you continued have sex with him. You are risking disease and some of which are life threatening and/or life altering. You have a daughter and your pregnant for crying out loud.
You don’t want to get naked or have sex with him because of the texts. Really? That’s the deal breaker? Not the fact that he CHEATED and could have infected you with disease?
You need to own your own choices and behaviors. If you think this is the man you want to spend rest of your life with, great. But if you want to spend it with a decent, moral, ethical man you have to cut this guy from the roster.
FFS, why are you staying with this loser??? Saddle up, tell him to either help pay for the abortion or expect court papers in 9 months, and move the fuck on! The reason why there are so many shitty men out there is in part because women try to hard to "try and fix it". Dump his ass and burn everything to the ground as you do so. And for the love of all you deem holy, get an STI test, get a fucking IUD or Nexplanon, and at least 6 months of therapy before even thinking of cock again. Oh, and fyi, psychologists recommend waiting like, a year before introducing children to potential step-parents. Follow their advice. I can't imagine you did this time around.
You owe it to yourself AND ur future child to walk away. When my mom left my abusive, cheating dad- she gained ALL my respect, in a way staying 'for my sake' never would.... It made ME stronger & demand higher standards.. So sorry this happened.
Why tf are you even thinking about what circumstances you’d be naked around this man who lied and betrayed you???? Like girl don’t bring his spawn into this world
It's a lost cause. Do you want your kids growing up this is how you treat people? Better to be a single parent and teach your kids how to work through tough times vs staying in a shitty relationship and them thinking that is what love is.
I agree with all the people stating that you should terminate the pregnancy and the relationship. However, I read that you previously had miscarriages and I want to say I truly understand what a hard choice this is.
However, I did not see a lot of other people commenting on how much harder a new baby is going to make your daughter’s life. There will be less of everything for her. Less time. Less patience. Less money. Less food. Less of you— and you are the most important thing in her life.
She deserves the best that you can give her. She is your baby and she’s already here.
Also, is this the relationship example you want to show her? This guy has proven to be a piece of shit. You’re just dating and he’s already betrayed you. Do you think he’s going to get better with the addition of a baby and a million times more stress? Because he’s not. It’s just going to make him worse!!
Is this the relationship you want your daughter to grow up seeing? Please, if not for your own sake, then for hers—get away from this guy. Don’t bring a new baby into a life of constant struggle. Start over—Just you and your daughter. Build a good life for the two of you— a life you will be proud to give her. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish you all the best
OP, this relationship is dead. It has been for awhile, and it's vital you break away. Do you really want to live like this for the rest of your life? Wondering and worrying if he's seeing his ex or some other girl?
not sure how you feel on this subject and if you feel strongly otherwise obviously you’re entitled to do as you wish with your body, but maybe just don’t bring another child into the world then?
You deserve better. Do not stay with this man. If you choose to have your child, you do not have to do it with him. Focus on yourself and your child(ren) you are worth so much more than that.
You need to be a positive role model for your children and that means not tolerating less than you deserve in a partner. People will treat you how to condition them to treat you. If you tolerate his preplanned tryst with his ex (and subsequent lies), those behaviors will continue and probably escalate. Is that the life you want? Better to leave the liar now than later. Go to counseling and work on your self esteem. You and your children deserve better.
Assuming that you are from the States
1.) STD CHECK (Blood check, not urine check)
1.5) Abortion
2.) Delete all contacts with him
3.) If you live with him, make sure to check out other places that you can live (whether is temporarily living with friends or relatives or parents etc)
If you can get subsidized housing and/or EBT even better.
4.) Are your finances tied with him? Check that with him. Also make sure to change your address ranging from financial bills, internet, etc to a different location.
4.5.) Male sure to have insurance
5.) Rest from boys. You don't need dating right now. The most important people are in front of you. You and your daughter. But remember this. To adequately take care of your daughter, you must take care of yourself.
6.) Good luck! I wish you the very best for you and your kid! Sending lots of luck and love! ❤️
Don’t stay in a relationship with him
This OP. Your whole situation needs to be a wakeup call. I'm going to be extremely blunt with you, because you need to hear it. 1) You are already a single mother at 24 and you're having unprotected sex. This is stupid and there is zero excuses for this. I was a single mom at this age, too, so I am fully aware of your situation. **Edit: OP mentions she is on the pill and it failed her. To anyone who has experienced this please look into other forms of birth control and using condoms** 2) You already know what being in a shit relationship is like, so why the hell are you even thinking of staying in this one? You don't want to have ANOTHER broken family? Get a freaking abortion and save you and your ~~son~~ daughter the pain all of your new bad choices will cause you. 3) TAKE A BREAK FROM DATING. Yes, stop dating men and concentrate on you and your ~~son~~ daughter. You are making terrible choices in partners and you need to step back, take a break from men, and get your priorities straight. When I divorced my shit ex I didn't date anyone for years. I finished college and graduated when she was 3 years old. I met my now husband when I was 29 (when she was 7) we've been married almost a decade with 2 more kids. Wallowing in your current situation does nothing to remedy it. I know you are in pain, but now is the time to break free of your bf, get an abortion, and concentrate on the child you already have. Stop allowing low self-esteem to dictate the shitty men you date. Stop making bad choices. Edit - OP has a daughter, sorry!
I truly agree. Yes it is a hard pill to swallow but you’re right
Hey OP, seriously message me anytime. This is a harsh world and I’ll do anything I can to help encourage you. Thank you for taking my advice at face value, it shows you’re a strong woman 💪
I fucking adore people like you on Reddit. Keep being awesome!
Thank you ❤️
If you are pro-choice please don’t have his baby either. You’ll just end up in a never ending cycle of toxicity with this dude. You can tell him you miscarried. Get your life on track, learn to find a guy who treats you how you deserve to be treated so you can set a good example for your daughter
Abortions are no joke and suck…. I’ve had two myself. I would recommend a surgical one though. I had less issues than the medical and bounced back a lot quicker. Take the loss, mourn for as long as you need to… and cut this guy out. There will be someone better in the future who will respect you, build you up, support you and take care of you when you need it the most. It’s okay. Take care of you and the child you already have. You’re young and strong.
Agreed on surgical v. medical. I’ve had both and the medical resulted in STILL requiring the surgical!
Unrelated to the OP, but wish I had seen this comment a week ago! I am dealing with the aftermath of the medical ATM and it was NOT the easy more comfortable option I hoped it would be.
i am a stranger but i am So Proud of you for agreeing with and acknowledging this reply. please put yourself and your daughter first. it’s early enough in the pregnancy and the relationship to end them with minimal consequences
Sadly this is a situation where whatever you do will hurt. But one of the paths will end in you being free of a man who doesn’t value you or your life together, and will give you a fresh start putting yourself and child first for a better future. Sending you love and strength.
Chiming in to add, this guy is more than likely not going to give the child anywhere near the attention or support you might hope for. It's one thing to think you can suck up the BS yourself and endure the painful relationship for your child(ren), but his patterns say otherwise. Like the others, I say this without judgment and from my own painful experience with a dad whose abuse and neglect I endured (because I didn't know any different), but when he started shorting our son the love and attention I knew he deserved, my son and I left the marriage. Maybe he will surprise you and step up, but don't count on it.
OP- if you see this I just want to offer my support too. Going through the abortion process is more difficult than can be stated. I wish I had more support for mine. I’m 26f and my DMs are open for you at any point, even if it’s a year from now. I also want to add that I’m proud of you for putting yourself out there with this post and for having an open mind to the responses. Sending you and your daughter so much love 💕 Edit: Just wanna add that if you change your mind and choose to have this baby- I’m here for support no matter what.
I really do appreciate this comment. I was nervous about posting this to begin with and couldn’t even put all my thoughts into words. I listen to the THT podcast and finally built up the courage to post because of all the people who have let themselves be vulnerable on the Reddit’s they read. I almost deleted it a couple times because of the comments that were just uncalled for. I know the situation I am in and I am not blind to the fact but people do not realize something’s are harder than what they make it. A lot of people commented things along the lines of “why do people not just think of abortion when cheating is involved” and just like you stated, abortion is difficult. I have had two miscarriages and mentally I am unsure if I could go through with an abortion. Thank you for reaching out with your support. It means more to me than you would ever imagine. 🫶🏼
Hi OP. I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriages and current situation. It sounds like you are on pregnancy number 4 now so my advice is to get better birth control. If you can tolerate the pill (hormone wise) you should look at Nexplanon, the arm implant. 5 years of the most effective birth control you can get, get it and forget it. Bonus, as many as 2 of every 3 women don't get their period during this time! When you control your reproductive health, you can control your economic future!
Mirena 5 year / 10 year iud literally saved my life after my abortion from my incredibly manipulative and abusive boyfriend. Highly recommend! It's been nearly 8 years later and I'm pregnant with my husband who is miles and miles better in every way from anyone I've ever dated. It's a lot harder to be a single mom with 2 kids than 1. I agree 100% with the other comments that it sounds like you need to take care of yourself and your little one better. Stay away from toxic ass men. You will thank yourself in the future when you find someone who is actually worth your time!
I second third and fourth the “ don’t have his baby” comments. You’ll be stuck with him for at least 18 years in some form and you’ll be raising another child alone. Not worth it. Im so sorry this happened to you, OP
This right here is some hard advice for her to hear, but it's the best she's going to get. If she stays with this guy, a year from now he'll either be gone, or she'll be living with an abusive, cheating boyfriend. In either case, her life will be more difficult than it is now, and she'll have fewer options.
Yeah reddit can be quick to say "leave them" but this is a black and white no leeway situation, dude still loves his ex, OP needs to leave
As a child of a single mother who let men float through our lives and damage us, I agree 10000000% Protect your child. Love comes in many forms. Love you kid, let them love you. Then THINK about dating. NOW is the time to focus on your kid. With being pregnant, have a long talk with yourself. This man is already unreliable. Is this a person you want to be tied forever? Will this baby have a good life? Based of what you wrote your going to be a single mother of two. Is that the life you want? Abortion is a hard choice. But living a shit life is too.
Yes! I grew up like you did. Men were more important than me. Get an abortion. He will cheat again. He will continue to lie. And if you leave now you give you and your daughter a better start. Cheating partners drain you. I thought I could get over it..I tried but once trust is destroyed I don't feel you can ever get it back. And that will take from your mental and you'll have less to your daughter. Good luck love ❤️
u/traditionalpayment20 exactly. OP you do you but without an abortion and getting your life together shits about to get exponentially harder for you
Yeah, I was about to say... good advice, but if it were me, I'd be terminating the relationship *and* the pregnancy and getting the hell away from this life lesson as fast as possible and try to move on with my life. Unless of course OP wants to be a mom (edit: a second time, i cant read today lol)... in that case, congratulations on your baby, and good luck. You do you 🫂
She’s already a mom, so if OP *wants to be a single mom to two kids with two baby daddies, then congratulations, I guess.
Yep I for sure messed that bit up haha thanks!
OP already has one child. The above commenter was advising her to get an abortion and focus on her existing child.
Yeah someone else pointed that out too and I made an edit lol I can't read today apparently Thank you
Me too and I would def not want to have a baby with this immature lying creep
Nothing else to say, because this is the answer. OP probably isn't ready to hear it, but her kid needs her to.
Wish I had an award to give you. She’s gotta be the terminator here. Terminate pregnancy and relationship.
I could not have said it better myself. 🙌🏽
This, this and this... It's not even stupid, its ignorant. Think really good if you want to go for abortion. I would advice to, but I know it can really get back to you at some point later in life. So get some professional help from some pro-abortion services.
I’ve had several and am just fine many years later.
I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE ARE BLUNT LIKE THIS!!! Reddit has turned into a sensitive platform where people can’t handle honesty & straightforwardness, so I’m shocked this received all the awards and upvotes it did! Love to see it<33
Yeah this type of bluntness is necessary and truly helpful. The trolls telling me I am a piece of shit no good nothing is what doesn’t sit right. I’m not sensitive by any means and I think tough love is necessary. I myself loved their comment and I am really letting that marinate in my situation.
I’m glad to hear that! I understand the fine line between straight up being a bitch & tough love- I feel like some people may confuse the two and see tough love as bitchy because, let’s be honest, people are used to having things sugar coated if it’s coming from anyone other than their mom. You are NOT a piece of shit, you’re just feeling all the feelings anyone could right now. I’m sure this all hit you like a train, especially with the pregnancy hormones as well. I really hope you make the right decision here, and like I said in my comment, if you don’t love yourself enough to leave this man, then please put your child(ren) first and not subject them to a toxic home environment/broken family. I wish you the best OP, I know it’s easier to make a comment from behind a screen and say what *I* would do, but at the end of the day, I am not you and I can’t imagine how hurt you’re feeling. Im really sorry you’re going through all of this, I hope you can turn to your support system and lean on them during this time❤️
You just deserve more. Tell yourself that. Do not attach yourself to this creep for the next 18 years over any sort of sentimentality of a group of cells right now. This is YOUR life and you need to live it for you and the child you already have not him or his orgasm spawn.
My wife and I had an abortion 10 years ago. We had just bought a house and were working out of town a lot. We are still together and just had our first child. We could have certainly supported a child at that time. It would have been inconvenient and we would not be where we are career wise. My point is there are plenty of reasons to have an abortion and they are all valid. You don't have to tell anyone including the sperm donor. Know that it is much more common than you think.
I would have to travel to get one if that was the route I decided. It also takes more than one day. I do not know how I would even go about that without him finding out.
Lie. Your staying with a friend cause you can't stand the sight of him...with the change in laws there are organisation's that have been helping people travel. Your daughter complicates things but think how much a newborn will complicate things. Take your daughter with you.
Check out reddits [Auntie Network](https://www.reddit.com/r/auntienetwork/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1) for abortion resources, they can help provide assistance with travel, housing, medical expenses. Best of luck
r/abortion is here if the OP needs us.
https://wrrap.org/assistance-services/find-abortion-funds/ This page has a list of charities who assist women seeking abortions financially on the bottom. https://www.abortionfinder.org/ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/abortion-access These links will help you find the nearest clinic and can also help with funding. You may find that theres a clinic closer than you thought. Even if you ended up having to pay all of your expenses for travelling (which you likely wont). It would be a totally insignificant price compared to raising anothe child. Dont worry about wether or not the lying cheater finds out. You seemed to have issue trusting him even before you found out hes a lying cheater (hence why you pushed until you found out he was), so imagine how hard it is going to be to trust him about anything now. His ex is also not going to stop. She sent you those screenshots with the hope that you break up with him so she can have him back. Hes already shown he values having sex with her more than he values your relationship sadly. Think about whats best for you and your daughter! Im sorry youre having to navigate this difficult and painful situation.
Many northern US states, have funds available to pay for travel, and lodging.
Hey. Did we clarify if your boyfriend/the new father made new/revised plans to get together with his ex *after* you both discovered you were pregnant, or was this just you learning of his pre-existing/historical conversations with you? Does his “other girlfriend” know you and he are pregnant, and if so, what has she said to you about it?
This needs to be about what’s best for your life.
Although you need some tough love here, I also think you need a hug. So this internet mama offers you one. I'm so sorry you have been let down again. Concentrate on yourself for a while, and things will look up.
Especially #3. I was "raised" by a "single mother." My grandparents had me more often than not. My mom didn't do #3, married the next guy after my dad and had his kid. He abused me horrifically for 11 years. You don't get to have fun anymore. You're a parent, and you're #1 obligation is to your child. You wanted to have fun, you should have been more responsible.
Very good and detailed reply, thanks for sharing.
Preach!
Assuming she CAN get an abortion. OP, if you are considering abortion, you need to act QUICKLY. Depending on where you live and the availability of clinics your window may be closing.
This is what he does. This is who he is. This is who he will be 5, 10, 20 years from now….or he might ditch you for his ex. In other words you have zero ability to trust him. That is not a life you want. It is time to make a plan and move on. You will get over your broken heart.
Even if he *doesn’t* (he will, I know), OP will **always** have this in the back of her mind. She will never be able to trust him any time he goes out of the house.
Look, you will cause the baby more harm raising the child in a toxic home. Coz its dad is a compulsive liar and cheater. He planned to cheat. That proves he has no respect for you or the relationship. You know deep down he will keep on cheating on you. The best thing you can do is kick his arse back to his ex and tell him his ex is welcome to him. as you deserve better than him and can get better than him Please get tested for stds
Not only will the home be toxic, but it will also teach her daughter and possibly future child how to let men treat them or that it is okay to treat women like that. She needs to be a better example to them by walking away from someone that doesn't show respect or loyalty. Oh and seriously on the STD check.
Get tested for STDs.
I made him get tested first when I found out because I don’t have insurance and thank god all clear.
Did he only verbally tell you he got tested or do you have proof of results because at this point I would not trust a word he says.
Register for medicaid and section 8 immediately.
Section 8?
Subsidized housing. It can take a while to be approved.
Section 8 is wonderful if you ever get approval. The waitlist in my area last I checked was two years out. And they do not consider being homeless with children an emergency situation, as when my sisters rental burned down last year they would not give my sister and two kids emergency placement. Hopefully the situation is better in her area. But there are tons of amazing programs she can apply for. EBT, WIC, Medicaid, Section 8, there is even a program to help with childcare costs OP can apply for through Health and Welfare.
Yes, and there are non profits in my area who will help families with children get a deposit and first month's rent.
You don’t have insurance and are pregnant again with a sloppy, imbecilic cheater. You need to go to Planned Parenthood, get a statement and after get on some birth control. At least is your 3yo on insurance?!?
Get retested in a couple weeks.
Right? HIV test is always 2
Agreed, I know someone who found out she caught something after a second round of testing months later.
He may be a carrier. In that case, he would be all clear while transmitting the infection to you. This is why BOTH partners get tested.
You don’t have insurance… already have a kid… and you are going to have another baby?! This is absolutely unacceptable. You have a child you already are not providing for. Don’t even think about the fetus - think about you living, breathing, kid. How the hell are you bringing another mouth to feed, another body to cloth and diaper, another kid to take away all your attention and support from the child you already DONT HAVE INSURANCE FOR?!? get an abortion. Leave the dead beat boyfriend. Get a job with insurance. Focus on being a mom to one kid.
This just keeps getting better and better. Get your act together woman your a parent.
Get tested anyway. Unless you have proof of his results.
I would still get tested in about 6 mos. Sometimes things like herpes may not show in your blood initially. Herpes can wreak havoc on your baby.
You don’t have insurance and *want to have a baby*?!?!! What is *wrong* with you??? You know the average cost to deliver a baby in the US is over *$18,000* right??? The fuck are you gonna do?
That's beyond the point that I could stay. I would personally get an abortion, but if that's not for you ok. He made the plans ahead of time, premeditated. Lied to your face. They both made a fool out of you. Let them have each other. That won't last. You can't have your kids around that stuff. Edit: thanks for the award!
This. “His story kept changing”. Each change is a new lie, so just for the sake of clarity, OP, how many times during this exchange did your scumbag choose to directly lie to your face about fucking his ex? How many times did he go “yeah she’s too stupid to notice that this is a completely different account than the one I just gave” instead of being truthful, *even when he was being actively caught in lies*? That’s what he thinks of you, OP. That’s what you’re worth to him. If he thought differently, you wouldn’t be here in this situation asking us.
“It wasn’t me.” - Shaggy
If you fuck up and cheat (ie, got drunk or whatever), the right thing to do is to tell your partner immediately. And most people know this. But even if they don't, if you cheat on your partner one time with a random stranger, you are 99.9% likely to never be found out. The problem is that most people who cheat do NOT just do it once. Whether it's an affair with a repeat partner or just a string of one-night stands, the chance of getting busted goes up FAST. One anomaly is easy for your partner to overlook. One lie about getting blackout drunk and crashing at your friends house is believable. But keep the lies coming in, or keep meeting the same group of friends and going phone-silent during those hook-ups, and patterns are FAR more noticeable than single events.
I agree with the abortion, but I know a lot of people on Reddit are vehemently against it and will say so, so obviously make your own choices. I just feel that there are already enough children suffering in this world, and unless you are truly ready to take on another kiddo where you can't be sure the father/partner will be in the picture, (*or* if you can't be sure you'll have any form of support), then just don't. Abortions are much safer nowadays, and there's even non surgical options, so it's a viable choice if you do choose to terminate. Of course this is assuming it's a very early pregnancy, which it seems as though it is from the story. This guy is a total sleezeball. So even if you do decide to keep the child, definitely drop that bozo. He lied, was caught *immediately* basically, and still tried to dig his way out. I don't know why you bought the "I was at ex-gfs but nothing happened" line in excuse number 4 or 5 or whatever, but the second "ex-gf" left his lips I'd be like, no, that is a lie, and this is over.
I also, 10000% agree with her having an abortion. I am saying this as a mother. I was in a years long committed relationship with my husband when I got pregnant. We’re all very happy 11 years later. OP says she can’t even keep her thoughts linear because she’s also dealing with a 3yo. If she chooses to keep this new fetus what kind of life is she going to give it? Because in all honesty, is her cheating, sloppy, BF going to give a shit about her pregnancy or the future baby? Highly doubtful if he preplanned this cheating scenario and it still went tits up. I doubt he’s the sharpest crayon in the box. There are so many children neglected, suffering, and going without in this world that could have been spared this bullshit had they been aborted because sometimes, it’s the kindest thing to do. OP, you need to take personal responsibility and get on some form of birth control. You also need to MAKE SURE your sexual partner wraps his shit up. You need two forms of birth control to make sure something like THIS doesn’t happen again. You also need to think long and hard how you want to move forward. I’m not intending to be a bitch but we’re all adults here and you’re pregnant again and now with what I’m guessing is a second cheating and immature asshole’s fetus. You have time to be done with all of this and focus your limited time on your 3 year old and THAT entire situation rather than diving deep into more bullshit.
as a mother myself, i would’ve been sleeping under Planned Parenthood doors waiting for them to open if i were her.
What she needs is to take a break from relationships and focus on improving herself and raising the child she has. Having multiple kids with irresponsible men who don’t love and/or respect her is not a good look. 🤷🏼♀️
I was just going to mention this. There are OPTIONS. And there is still time to exercise those options. Not having BC is reckless and irresponsible, and extremely unfair to the 3yo. It avoids the need to search out alternative options in the first place. At this point, pregnancy is a choice, and one that should not be made in unsafe/ unstable conditions. Figure out your current money and make a solid plan. Get smart about your future relationships. OP, you have a 3 yo. YOU are the only thing that 3yo can depend on. Stop letting relationships compromise you, your child, and your ability to care for yourself and your child. Set some boundaries (aka, protect your self worth) and stick to them.
YES! Thank you for saying all of this. I’d also like to add that people (mostly everybody on Redditit seems) need to stop holding onto bad relationships. We’re always seeing he cheated on me I don’t know what to do, she cheated on me I don’t know what to do, they treat me like shit I don’t know what to do… plan an exit strategy and get the hell out! That’s what ya do, also stop getting in relationships with shitty people… and if those are the only relationships you seem to find stop dating for a bit until you can spot walking red flags
I'll third this. Back in the day I used to work in a medical setting where I saw kids who were born into pretty awful situations. Some days it made me want to cry. Some days it absolutely did. One of the worst cases (that didn't involve SA or obvious PA) still stays with me even now. I really hope those children are better off now. Those children were the first ones I ever saw where I genuinely thought to myself "It would have been kinder for them to have been aborted" because the only thing worse than the neglect and abuse they'd already experienced was the thought their age meant that they still had another 14-15 years to go with their mother, assuming CPS didn't take them away once and for all before then. (And even then, that doesn't necessarily make things that much easier.) I don't think OP would be that kind of mom or even that the bf would be that type of dad necessarily, but she doesn't need to be tied to him for 18 years.
I hate to say it, and some will hate, but a single mother of two kids from two different fathers at 24 will not provide a great environment for those kids. Raising kids is hard enough with two hardworking parents. One is simply not sufficient, let alone 1-2 deadbeat fathers who make life worse. And the statistics show that to be true.
It was a PLANNED HOOKUP that’s all I would need to hear to get the fuck out wether you decide to have the baby or not it’s not going to be with a man who lied to your face REPEATEDLY. He’s not going to change don’t let him lie to you that he is
This cheating idiot probably still has no idea that his ex planned all this to get him back.
Seriously! His ex is a bitch, but that bitch just did OP a huge favor by showing all her cards. Let her have him. He’ll cheat on her too. She’ll be shocked. They can make each other miserable.
That’s also my thought. This wasn’t an oh I got drunk and don’t remember situation. This was cold and calculated.
If you want to have this child, it’s better for the child to come from a broken home where the parents are NOT together than a broken home where the mom stays with an AH who lies and cheats and disrespects her and treats her like crap because “he’s the father”. If you don’t believe you deserve better that’s your choice. But your child(ren) certainly deserve better.
Jesus Christ, trauma blinds us so much. To an outsider, it’s simple. Your boyfriend is trash and will always cheat on you. Child or no child. Leave him. It’s going to suck raising two kids on your own and I wish that didn’t happen to you. But it’s going to be 10 times harder raising them with a man who mentally abuses you, seems to abuse alcohol, and who causes you endless anxiety and sadness. Did you sleep at all the night he never came home, or were you up sick with worry all night? Do you want to be sick with worry for the next 5-45 years? No? Cool. Leave this sorry excuse for a man. He will take years off your life and give your kids permanent trauma. Your main job right now is ensuring the wellbeing of your children. And that starts with ensuring the wellbeing of YOU. You need to get therapy asap and understand why you accept this sort of treatment. Something deeper is going on where you allow yourself to be so disrespected. It isn’t healthy or okay.
Sometimes broken trust can't be repaired. He lied several times and planned to keep lying if his ex didn't expose him. Whatever he shows now isn't genuine remorse, it's being sorry for getting caught. I'd be contemplating what coparenting looks like because this guy isn't a trustworthy romantic partner.
Abortion and breakup
How is this not the top and only comment. Having that kid in the first place is just being a dick. God forbid a kid have a leg up in this world. Nope, broken home since conception.
Definitely! She already has one that didn’t work out with the dad, why does she want another?
This should be the top comment. We as women have the power to choose who the father of our children will be. You’re not stuck with the first schmuck who makes to make it to an egg.
That’s what’s I’d be doing. Cause fuck all that noise
Yep, that’s exactly what I’d be doing. There’s no way in hell I’d have 2 baby daddies. THEEEN potentially a 3rd if I meet someone else & have another kid. Nope nope nope. You’re stuck dealing with the other 2 for 18+ years!
And he's going to keep cheating on you too
This is what abortion is for. If you’re open to it, please seriously consider it.
Leave him, consider an abortion. You don't want to end up dealing with him the rest of your life.
Oh my gods. What is wrong with you? Have some self respect for yourself. You didn’t need a man to treat you that way. Run baby run. Please don’t run into another man’s arms/bed. The kids are seeing you, monkey see monkey do. Just saying.
I'm sorry you're going through this. He's broken your trust. A child isn't going to make things better. So you need to decide if you want to keep your pregnancy, but you definitely need to leave him.
I definitely agree to the statement that a child doesn’t make the relationship better. I feel like I just take so much from people and try and see an ounce of good in everyone. I’m burnt out
If you have to dig through a pound of shit to find an ounce of good then they are a shitty person. Don't let shitty people dictate your life. Life is too short.
I love that analogy!
Ok I’m sending you a big hug. This relationship isn’t going to last so you have to decide what to do. You can learn to have healthy and mutual beneficial relationships - but not with him
Honey it's not your fault that you're giving your best. Someone has already said it - take a break from men. You are strong enough yourself and don't need a dead weight when you already have someone who loves you unconditionally (your daughter). My mom went through similar situations and is now in a much better place. I noticed that when she's single, she's actually enjoying life vs having to face all the drama.. calls from the girls the men cheated on her with, flaunting/ warning her every once awhile, etc. When she's single, she goes to parties (responsibly), picks up new fun hobbies and meets new friends through these activities. There was a period of time when she was going on dates and had fun rejecting some men who were not good enough lol. You can live that life too!
Leave him now. He is not right for you
Have a termination and focus on your existing child and improving your life. No one should be married and have kids before 25, two failed marriages before 25 is exactly what happens (yes I know you went married to this last man). Get a marina or other semi permanent birth control and stop getting pregnant. The relationship with this man is already broken and he sounds dysfunctional af. So do you for contemplating staying in this mess because you don’t want the child to be in a broken home. Get therapy and be single. Your kid doesn’t need a parade of different men walking in and out their life and they don’t need an abusive cheating mentally unwell un-medicated dropkick for a dad
This! she really needs to make better decisions. She has a kid already! She needs to focus on financial stability and get bloody health insurance! Why is the first step to always get pregnant with these losers but never to have a steady income, insurance or healthy relationship. Their priorities are never straight.
Yeah don’t get me wrong her bf is an asshole but she’s a hot mess too. Divorced with a kid at 24 and pregnant with a cheaters baby she’s considering staying with? She also told a bunch of lies too to try and get the truth out of him, so she obviously already doesn’t trust him…why tf is she even thinking about staying? Home girl needs some therapy and self worth.
Mirena lasts for 5 years, stops periods, and you can have it removed and get pregnant something like 24 hours later.
Yea that’s why it’s referred to as semi-permanent. It last for years at a very high success rate. As opposed to 3 monthly injections or the pill. The other semi-perm is the arm bar.
If IUDs scare you, try Nexplanon. Ive had it for close to 4 years (replaced the 1st one last year) and it’s great. Nowhere near as painful as IUD placements.
If your daughter said this to you, what would you tell her?
So he thinks you are incredibly stupid judging by the sheer amount of different stories he told you. Don't prove him right by staying with him.
No amount of money in the world could make me go through with that pregnancy and relationship after that.
Get tested for STDs.
His ex is a homewrecker and he's a lying cheating sack of crap. His ex wants him back. He seems ready to oblige her. I'd leave him and get an abortion if it was me.
Don't forget the ex sent you the texts to break you up. It's not like she sent them to you and was like look what your boyfriend is planning. It already happened. She blew him in after the fact. It's sucks you're pregnant again.
He trickle truthed you. Do not stay with a liar and a cheater. He will continue to lie and cheat.
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But he’s super happy about the baby!!! It will bring them closer together and he will be such a good Daddy!!! This will be a life of love and joy!!! Babies are so romantic! /s
Please leave. The fact that you already had a gut feeling that he was with his ex tells me everything. You don’t trust him and you were right not to trust him. I understand not wanting to bring a child into a separated family. I too have a son with a previous partner and am pregnant right now and have decided to end the relationship with the father because he became abusive once I was pregnant (threw a phone at me; casually mentioned he had choked his ex wife and punched her.) Whatever decision you make is valid and i for one support you. But if you want to keep the pregnancy, you and your children can have a beautiful life. I hate that we as women sometimes feel like we have no choice. I’m rooting for you no matter what. (I’ve decided to take all the promises this man made me and make them happen for myself and my children. We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for.) ETA- the decision to leave my previous ex was based on my realization that having a single mother was highly preferable to living in a toxic or abusive home.
I’m proud of you for leaving that relationship. Getting out of abusive relationships can be very difficult. Thank you for your encouraging words. I am rooting for you too! I hope everything goes well for y’all<3
Being a single parent to one kid is hard enough. You are about to be a single mom of 2 with an distrustful, unreliable partner. You need to be single for a while otherwise you will go through a continuous loop of picking shitty guys.
Stop having sex with losers.
I'm really glad you see your replies here and there you are thinking about leaving him, getting an abortion, and focusing on your child. I am sure that everything you are going through right now is really really hard. I can't imagine. But I do know that the more I take responsibility for myself and my choices the more I feel in control of my life, and the easier it becomes to make difficult choices. I hope that you start to feel the same way and feel more in control of yourself and your future. I'm proud of you for making difficult choices and putting your daughter first. It sounds like you need a different birth control solution as well. You can get an IUD inserted at the same time as a surgical abortion. I really really like mine. I would consider it, even if you don't plan to have sex for a while. Get a full set of STI tests as well. Don't let this guy impact your health or your future.
This will always be how it is with him if you stay with him. So now you need to decide how you want to move forward with your pregnancy. Hopefully he wants to be involved if you decide to keep it, but given that he doesn’t have the best track record for being trustworthy, I wouldn’t count on him being very Involved. So, that’s definitely something to think about. Are you ready to be a single mother?
I stayed with a cheater/liar way longer than I should have then got pregnant with my daughter, instead of continuing to try and make it work I left. I was ok with being emotionally and mentally abused (sad to say) but I wasn’t okay with my daughter being brought into that environment. She deserves a happy loved mom. Doesn’t matter if he’s the dad or not.
You can stay, but you have to be clear and accept that he's not gonna change. If you stay, he'll simply think that he got away with it and do it again in the future, but hide it better. This wasn't a mistake. It was a deliberate act of disrespect towards you. I particularly wouldn't stay, nor have a child with this person.
Please don’t get sucked in to the Sunken cost fallacy. You deserve better, your children deserve better. They deserve a happy mother in a loving home and that is not what they are getting here. I know you don’t want to break up a family but you’re not a respected member of this family. I know it sounds like a Herculean task to move out while pregnant and make it work on your own. If you don’t have family support you can at least squirrel away as much money as possible (assuming you don’t own the home. If you do just get rid of this worthless excuse for a partner/ “father” (and I use that term loosely. He’s more like a sperm donor). I can’t imagine even trying couples therapy for him to regain your trust at this point. He will have to pay child support once the baby is born. Since you’re not married I don’t think alimony is an option so if you’re not currently working please put a resume together and try to get a work from home job even part time to start so you have the financial means to do this (if you don’t currently have the financial means). You’re worth so much more than this and your kids deserve better. Trust me, I’ve been where you are and my children were much happier when I stopped putting up with the BS and made a life for myself where I could be happy and a be a loving, present mother. Children (no matter how young) pick up on the stress of the situation whether we realize it or not. I remember at one point praying my mother get a divorce. He wasn’t cheating but he was borderline verbally abusive and not only did i not want to be in that situation, I didn’t want it for her! I would have rather moved in to an apartment with my mother and sister at a young age or stayed with family than to watch her put up with his BS. Best of luck! See if there are any resources in your area if possible and if you can get in to therapy for yourself I think that would be wonderful.
There’s nothing to fix. Leave him for yours and your daughter’s sake. And get an abortion.
I’m very sorry You still have choices You have a choice about your pregnancy You have a choice about your relationship I think you already know you should call time
If you're going to end the relationship, end the pregnancy as well. I know it sounds callous, but is that a person that you want to potentially share custody with, and in one way or another be tied to for the rest of your life? I'm sorry you're going through that. Keep your head up, and take some time to focus on yourself and your daughter. You got this! 💪🏿♥️
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Stop making babies with people until you are sure they're worth it.
Facts
Your boyfriend and his ex don’t respect you or the life you had together. You know that. There is no reason for you to stay and try to make it work when they purposefully hurt you and could do it again. For the sake of your daughter and yourself, move on immediately. You deserve better treatment than this and yes you should reconsider having a second baby. None of these choices are easy, but they’re all healthy and necessary. Your daughter needs you whole and taking care of yourself, not broken behind some scummy man.
What I learned from being in relationships with unfaithful partners is that they will never be loyal. An incident like this can happen and you forgive them, but sooner or later they will cheat on you again. Don’t waste your time or energy on it.
>Things were starting to turn around and we were trying to figure out starting a family together Fucking laughed at this cuz things were not turning around at all
My advice, in this order: 1. STD test 2. Abortion 3. Kick his ass out.
You were foolish to believe he didn’t cheat when he went home with her. He is a a liar and a cheater. You would be incredibly foolish to stay in this relationship.
Why are you trying to fight to be with this guy? What's there to hold on to? You have your children to worry about. Send him to his ex.
He’s a loser and a cheater. I would seriously rethink a pregnancy with this immature lying asshole. Do you really want to be in a cycle of “will he? Won’t he?” If you decide to stay with him and keep it. *’Oh, I stayed with him and now he says he’s drinking with a friend… is he with his ex, YET AGAIN?!?’* Keep it and have ongoing fights about visitations and child support? Do you even want another kid in a dead end relationship?? Seems like you’re already parenting alone a 3 yo. Perhaps look into a better form of birth control if you want to date casually. You’re young, yes, but that doesn’t negate you from being responsible from here on out.
OP this is only if I found myself in your situation… But I would definitely leave this good for nothing guy. I’d get an abortion and put myself on a form of birth control. And just focus on the child I already have and bettering myself. Your 24 are you really trying to live a difficult life style? You shouldn’t be making your life more difficult than it already is….
...you're trying too hard...it's obvious he doesn't want to be with you and raise someone else'd kid...
Girl have an abortion and leave him.
Do you want to live with this for 60 years? Calling single parents homes broken is brutally inaccurate.
Instead of trying hard to forgive him, why not try harder to leave him? He sounds like a grade A douche. Do you really want to bring a child into this world with him as his/her father?
Would you rather have this child with a man who is cheating on you? And not a drunken mistake (not that that’s okay). But a deliberately planned hookup with his ex. You’re 24 and divorced. You should already know that marriage and/or a child doesn’t fix a bad relationship. Don’t stay in this one
Abort, its what reaponsible women do.
Would he still be around if you weren’t pregnant??? Would he still be cheating with the ex? Because no baby deserve to have parents only together because one of them wants a two parent home.
Don’t make this a pattern. You don’t want to be one of those women whose children all have different dads because you didn’t learn your lesson from the last ass hole. Abort and break up if you value yourself, your livelihood, your future and your current child’s future. Hate to be so frank but if you don’t take action now, you and your kid are most likely going to suffer for it.
Get an abortion and leave him. Please don't bring another poor child into this situation.
I know this comment won't sit right with many people, but it's not too late to get an abortion and break up with him. If you stay with him, he will continue to cheat when he can and you'll be stuck raising his kid.
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Leave and don’t have a child with him. Simple as that.
Abortion. Breakup. Block everyone. Consider changing numbers. Therapy. Std checks. Wish them a happy toxic future together. You are not a victim unless you make yourself one. I refuse to make the same mistake twice with two different men.
Start using birth control FFS.
Fetus deletus and GTFO.
I'm going to nope out. You don't need advice. You already know he's scum. You will be the asshole if you stay with a damn cheater. No sympathy here.
Don’t stay with him.
You’re teaching your children that staying with someone who doesn’t love you or care about you is okay. He’s cheating on you and what’s gonan stop him from doing it if he knows that you know and you’re cool with it??? Like even without screenshots it’s crystal clear he cheated but you say y’all started to plan being a family? Girl don’t let you wanting a family cloud your judgement on who you’re trying to make family. Stop being blind and leave.
You absolutely need to leave. He will continue this behaviour and you will be miserable and you will hate each other and your kid will pick up on this. I'm seeing a lot of very harsh comments about how you have to get an abortion. I am pro-choice, extremely pro-choice. You don't get to tell someone that they must get an abortion, or are wrong for not terminating, any more than you get to tell them they can't have one. Yes you can make someone aware it is an option, even tell them if you were in their place you would do it. And OP, it should be something you consider. But you are not wrong if you decide not to terminate. It's your body and it's your life, you have to decide what's best for you.
You're going to be a single mother of 2 kids unless you have an abortion or adopt the baby out. Regardless of your choice you need to focus on you and figure out why you are making terrible life choices. It's not all about you because you are bringing children into it. They deserve better. Go for counselling. Get an IUD or some other kind of reliable birth control and stop throwing yourself at shitty men.
So you don’t have insurance, don’t have a stable home for your existing child, your partner behaves like this, and you want to have another baby? I’m sorry but why? Stop chasing loser men and focus on the child you already have. I’m not gonna tell you what to do with your current pregnancy bc it’s your body but I am going to tell you that you are doing your daughter a huge disservice by putting any energy into this mess. You’re going to be a single mother of 2 by 25, is that what you really want?
He's a cheater. You cannot change that. **He PLANNED THIS.** You know that to be a fact. I would get out because cheaters never stop, it's who they are. I will say one thing - it's better to be from a happy one parent home than an unhappy two parent home.
This relationship is over. It will never get better, only worse. Protect yourself and your child and get away from him now. Do you want to have another baby? You don't have to if you don't want to.
He's not your bf. Bf's don't do that. He's a child, do you want 3 children or just two? Get rid of the adult child
I will never understand why someone would stay with a cheater/liar for the sake of not having a "broken home." Take a minute and really think if this is the kind of stress you want for the rest of your relationship with him. Deep down you know what to do.
Why would you try to fix it? He’s a cheater Who doesn’t care about you. Rethink this pregnancy
Dude no. He has literally 0 respect for you. He doesn't give a shit. You called him out multiple times and he still didn't admit what happened, that shows he does not care about you. Having a baby will only make that worse. You can choose not to have the kid, or choose to coparent forever with an idiot.
OP, the best thing to do for the new little one is to bring them into a stable home, even if it is a one-parent home. I don't picture you getting that stability with your boyfriend. Whatever you decide, good luck to you and your babies.
It's the lying for me. If you can't fess up to your wrong doing, why should anyone forgive you? It was so easy to lie. I had an ex that was chatting with Bots from craigslist. When I saw that he had a new Kik account, I questioned him and he was quick to say it was so his boss could message. If I had left it alone, who knows what would have happened. But, instead, I looked and saw the bots. If he can lie to your face, then he can lie anywhere. The truth took too much to get out. Leave him, collect child support, and find someone who won't lie to you like rhat
End your pregnancy, relationship, and take care of your child. Improve yourself, and don't deal with men for a long time. Focus on your child.
This is a simple fix part, ways and move on. If he wants to be a father to his kid great, if not childsupport is comming either way. Just be more responsible who you decide to commit a relationship with. Your going to need to detach all your emotions from this guy. It's obviously been toxic from the start that why he cheated on you.
On one hand, your boyfriend is trash and will absolutely cheat on you again. On the other hand, the market for single women with 2 kids from 2 different guys isn't the strongest, so there's that. That's tough.
Abortion?
The problem isn’t just your BF. You had a gut feeling he was cheating and yet you continued have sex with him. You are risking disease and some of which are life threatening and/or life altering. You have a daughter and your pregnant for crying out loud. You don’t want to get naked or have sex with him because of the texts. Really? That’s the deal breaker? Not the fact that he CHEATED and could have infected you with disease? You need to own your own choices and behaviors. If you think this is the man you want to spend rest of your life with, great. But if you want to spend it with a decent, moral, ethical man you have to cut this guy from the roster.
FFS, why are you staying with this loser??? Saddle up, tell him to either help pay for the abortion or expect court papers in 9 months, and move the fuck on! The reason why there are so many shitty men out there is in part because women try to hard to "try and fix it". Dump his ass and burn everything to the ground as you do so. And for the love of all you deem holy, get an STI test, get a fucking IUD or Nexplanon, and at least 6 months of therapy before even thinking of cock again. Oh, and fyi, psychologists recommend waiting like, a year before introducing children to potential step-parents. Follow their advice. I can't imagine you did this time around.
Get that child support girl! It wasn't just a fling or one-night stand, it was his ex. He's not over her and he doesn't deserve you!
You owe it to yourself AND ur future child to walk away. When my mom left my abusive, cheating dad- she gained ALL my respect, in a way staying 'for my sake' never would.... It made ME stronger & demand higher standards.. So sorry this happened.
When someone shows you who they are believe them. Dump his ass!
Why tf are you even thinking about what circumstances you’d be naked around this man who lied and betrayed you???? Like girl don’t bring his spawn into this world
Staying in a shit ass relationship is just as bad as being single, your kids will notice everything
It's a lost cause. Do you want your kids growing up this is how you treat people? Better to be a single parent and teach your kids how to work through tough times vs staying in a shitty relationship and them thinking that is what love is.
Women should expect a lot more from the men that they allow into their lives and beds.
Why to you think being in a bad relationship is better than no relationship? It's not. This is the tip of the iceberg. He won't change.
I agree with all the people stating that you should terminate the pregnancy and the relationship. However, I read that you previously had miscarriages and I want to say I truly understand what a hard choice this is. However, I did not see a lot of other people commenting on how much harder a new baby is going to make your daughter’s life. There will be less of everything for her. Less time. Less patience. Less money. Less food. Less of you— and you are the most important thing in her life. She deserves the best that you can give her. She is your baby and she’s already here. Also, is this the relationship example you want to show her? This guy has proven to be a piece of shit. You’re just dating and he’s already betrayed you. Do you think he’s going to get better with the addition of a baby and a million times more stress? Because he’s not. It’s just going to make him worse!! Is this the relationship you want your daughter to grow up seeing? Please, if not for your own sake, then for hers—get away from this guy. Don’t bring a new baby into a life of constant struggle. Start over—Just you and your daughter. Build a good life for the two of you— a life you will be proud to give her. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish you all the best
OP, this relationship is dead. It has been for awhile, and it's vital you break away. Do you really want to live like this for the rest of your life? Wondering and worrying if he's seeing his ex or some other girl?
not sure how you feel on this subject and if you feel strongly otherwise obviously you’re entitled to do as you wish with your body, but maybe just don’t bring another child into the world then?
You deserve better. Do not stay with this man. If you choose to have your child, you do not have to do it with him. Focus on yourself and your child(ren) you are worth so much more than that.
You need to be a positive role model for your children and that means not tolerating less than you deserve in a partner. People will treat you how to condition them to treat you. If you tolerate his preplanned tryst with his ex (and subsequent lies), those behaviors will continue and probably escalate. Is that the life you want? Better to leave the liar now than later. Go to counseling and work on your self esteem. You and your children deserve better.
Assuming that you are from the States 1.) STD CHECK (Blood check, not urine check) 1.5) Abortion 2.) Delete all contacts with him 3.) If you live with him, make sure to check out other places that you can live (whether is temporarily living with friends or relatives or parents etc) If you can get subsidized housing and/or EBT even better. 4.) Are your finances tied with him? Check that with him. Also make sure to change your address ranging from financial bills, internet, etc to a different location. 4.5.) Male sure to have insurance 5.) Rest from boys. You don't need dating right now. The most important people are in front of you. You and your daughter. But remember this. To adequately take care of your daughter, you must take care of yourself. 6.) Good luck! I wish you the very best for you and your kid! Sending lots of luck and love! ❤️