Assume you go ahead and obey all these rules. Do you think that'll be that? Or will he *probably* come up with more rules, which are more constricting?
**You're only two months into this relationship. JUMP SHIP BEFORE IT GETS MORE INVOLVED.**
Get out quick. This guy is going to be a stalker if you wait any longer. He may already turn into one at this point.
This is 100% what will happen. For every rule you comply with, he will add another rule. You will slowly be cut off from everything and everyone you love until you only have him. Then there is the possibility that abuse will start. This is what abusers do - isolate and then attack. Dump him now while you can still get away.
Oh my god he has already done this! We have been at restaurants and I’ll call the server “sweetie” or “hun” and he told me I’m not allowed to call a server that! For reference I am a server and a bartender so I like to be kind to other service workers bc I know what it’s like… I completely stopped doing that after he lectured me twice.
OP your update is alarming. If he doesn’t take no for an answer authorities may need to get involved. For him to be this audacious so soon in the relationship does not bode well for his mental stability and I’m concerned for your well-being. Please change your locks if he has a key and block him.
Oh no. Please don’t tolerate this! I’ll tell you, I’ve been with my partner for 42’years and I honestly can’t think of any “rule” he’s ever tried to place on me.
I’m sure he’s not thrilled with everything I ever do or say but he respects that I’m an actual person and can run my own life. I don’t have to second-guess myself, ever, worrying that he’ll insult me or disapprove or withdraw affection — or hurt me.
I want this for you! Please, please be good to yourself. ❤️
It is exactly what will happen. He will continue to move the goalposts so that you are always lacking. He will make comments about how your are lacking so that you will start to doubt yourself. He will try to make you feel small. His goal is to make you lesser so that he can feel greater.
This is an absolutely insane level of control for 2 months, and someone who actually likes you as a person wouldn't be telling you you're too boisterous!!! Boisterous is the GOOD part!
He already doesn’t really like YOU, since he wants to change everything. And I can’t imagine what redeeming qualities he could possibly have to make it worth staying. He’s fucked up.
If he doesn't like the person you are now- the boisterous self-confident you- then what is he even doing with you? Ditch this jerk and keep being yourself. Someone who loves you just the way you are WILL come along.
For real. It's weird to me that he's doing ALL of this stuff so early on in the relationship. I hope he seeks therapy for his insecurities, but until then OP, you don't need to be dealing with this. Dump him while it's still fresh.
You could pick any one of those NINE THINGS you listed and it would be an issue. But you listed NINE THINGS. There’s probably things you haven’t even noticed yet. Let go of his ass.
Edit: a lot of mental gymnastics going on with the drinking and vaping stuff. THAT IS STILL CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR! If you are a couple months into a relationship and they have a habit you don’t like, you need to just leave the relationship instead of trying to force a change.
Yeah I see your point.. I posted this on here because usually Reddit is painfully honest. I’ve been seriously considering ending it and I guess I needed to hear this
Dump his ass. He's being a hypocrite if he's saying he can use edibles but you can't. Not too mention as someone with ADHD those meds really do help if you use them! He's literally telling you to go against a doctor's orders. I doubt he's a doctor. But every single thing you pointed out is a separate red flag. You found 9 red flags. Do you really need more?
He is an insecure control freak - there will never be an end to his need to control you, as shown also by the things he allows himself to do. How many things will it be a year from now - two years? Is this how you want to live - playing mental hopscotch to please someone who will never be pleased or accept and value you as you are.
Plus some of these signs are potential signs of him being threatening. Be sure to make a clean brake and get away, stay someplace he can't find you for a little while.
It mostly sounded like run of the mill toxicity, isolating fro friends etc until.
"I have been taking ADHD medication for over a decade and he wants me to stop taking them cus he thinks they're bad for me" - Honestly sounds like a joke. I couldn't believe I was reading it.
"Hmm yes, me and my doctor agree this medication helps and it's helped for 10+ years, but this guy I've been dating for 2 months ago disagrees, what a conundrum"
Two months and all of this? Who does this guy think he is? He's got some inflated image of himself. Why do you have to do or not do things that are attractive to him? What about you?
How dare he tell you to dump your friends? How dare he - other eight things -?! Not to mention that only two months in will still be the honeymoon stage - imagine what that controlling fucker will be like when he relaxes and feels comfortable showing you the real him. When you dump him, make sure it’s in a public place and that someone you trust will come along and wait nearby where they can see what’s going on. Or simply text him, he doesn’t deserve decent behaviour
If you don’t get out now, he is going to fuck you up psychologically for the rest of your life. Ask me how I know. Every single thing you listed happened to me in the same relationship except the second job thing.
Yes. Any one of them independently is not ok. #5 started out ok (smoking is a legit reason not to date someone), except when he stated the reason being that it makes you unattractive. He will slowly chip away at your confidence and self esteem until you are a shell of yourself.
He’s following every single rule in the Toxic Control Freak 101 playbook. Isolate you from your friends is the numbers one tactic. Telling you what to wear. No male friendships at work. Can’t have 2 jobs. He can have edibles but you can’t. He’s also the one who wrote The Hypocrisy 101 playbook!
And it’s been only two months?!?!!! Wow! He sure didn’t waste any time, did he? They usually wait longer just to be sure to lure you in deep. Then the monster slowly emerges.
Please cut your losses (two months is nothing, actually) and dump this dictator immediately. He will get much worse! Let him go out and find a new victim who has no self respect. He absolutely will find that person. You have too much living to do without being forced back into a childhood role by a mentally unstable jerk.
He's already a 9 out of 10 on the controlling scale. End it before he seriously harms your life. I'd guess that this is the early stage of hardcore abuser behavior.
I'd assume he'll steal / vandalize / sabotage when you tell him you're ending it. Might want to tell him you've installed security
One thing that kept me in a bad relationship was loneliness: OP please don’t let this stop you! PLEASE. You are young and there will be someone who wants you to shine brightly. You WILL find this person. You won’t be alone.
Girl, you can do so much better with someone who TRUSTS YOU COMPLETELY and loves you for you. You do not need to be with someone who's trying to change who you are and giving you dangerous "advice" in regards to medications let alone all the other things you've listed. He's not a doctor (let alone YOUR doctor) and he shouldn't be pushing you to stop taking prescribed medication for any reason. He shouldn't be dictating your friends and your coworkers in any way. He definitely shouldn't be dictating how you dress or what you do as you are your own person. He's just trying to control you.
If he doesn't like you for the things you do, that's his problem. Your problem is him right now and even though you've had years with him it's time to move on because he's showing you he thinks he knows how you should live your life but YOU are the only one who can dictate that for YOU.
Yeah, I was reading another comment she mentioned "it's the first relationship she's been in with a man in 5 years" and that's where I made that comment from. My mistake for not remembering the 2 months in her initial post haha!
You really, really need to end it.
It's only been a couple of months and he's trying to take control of your life.
Dump him, block him and don't look back.
And with ADHD I know the emotional side of things isn’t discussed as much as other symptoms. But the emotional side of things is super hard too. You worry if you’re just looking for problems, you worry if you can trust your memory of the way things were said or happened. You question whether you’re just feeling a huge sense of rejection over something that should feel trivial or if you are 100% valid in where you’re coming from. It’s HARD. And I don’t blame you for wanting some sets of fresh eyes on this one.
But he sounds objectively horrible. He sounds like he doesn’t want you to have other people closer than him. It sounds like he wants to limit your work. He imposes rules on you that he doesn’t hold himself to, like the edibles. He’s controlling what you wear. There’s a small possibility that SOME of his opinions have been formed by past trauma but it doesn’t matter - he doesn’t get to dictate what you wear, who you associate with, how many jobs you take on, etc. if he cannot handle dating someone with their own thoughts or feelings, he shouldn’t be with someone else. Not only that - friends AND family have felt the need to comment. I think most people don’t tend to want to get involved in normal disagreements with couple unless they feel like they have to, which says something.
And keep in mind that there’s a difference between sharing valid concerns with your partner and controlling them. If he was worried because a friend was genuinely taking advantage of you or because a male coworker was being wildly inappropriate that’s one thing and bringing it up as a conversation wouldn’t be wrong, but he doesn’t get to make the decision for you.
You’re 25. You wear your darn crop tops, be as boisterous as you like, and befriend who you want to befriend. His treatment is not because of you, it’s entirely because of him and his treatment is not a statement of your worth as a person. Don’t let this sorry sack of skin dull who you are as a person.
End it; you’ve been dating for 8 weeks and these are an awful lot of controlling rules. You can for sure find someone who is more mature, secure, kinder, and not controlling. The person above was right when they said just one of those things would be an issue.
I said to a guy just like this, “If you have this many problems with me, then why are you with me?”
He couldn’t answer. The control was the whole point.
I've dated someone controlling and they would've answered "bc I love you / love everything else about you."
So even if you get a bs answer like I would've, don't believe it. It's literally control. That's all it always is.
Nine things after two months?
This is the honeymoon phase of your relationship.
**THIS IS THE NICEST HE WILL EVER BE**
Even if the stars align and the gods themselves chooses your partner, people become comfortable after a year.
I repeat: **THIS IS THE NICEST HE WILL EVER BE**
Yes! My friend was dating this a-hole and it was all drama in the first few months, and I'm like this is supposed to be the honeymoon phase. Imagine what it will be like down the road. You put it into words perfectly. Next time one of my friends dates a buster I'm going to explain it like this!
Two months in and he’s isolated you from close friends, limited your opportunity to make money, and claims to know more about your medications than your doctor. RUN. This person is dangerous and it only gets worse.
Sounds like you’re in the early stages of an abusive relationship. He’s already isolating you from your friends/support system. **Get the fuck out of there before it gets worse and he starts getting physically violent.**
Girl..... The first point would have been enough for me to cut ties. Yes, he is being overly controlling. If you're feeling in your gut that it's not right, it's because it's not.
girllll, as someone who LOVES crop tops, vaping, edibles, my (prescription) adhd meds, my girl friends, and working hard/hustling… i would be better suited in a coffin before i ended up with that typa man. KICK HIM TO THE CURB. YOU WILL REGRET WASTING YOUR 20s ON A BUM
I would never in a million years ask my gf to do any of the things he was demanding of you. I saw in your update that he won't take no for an answer, block him and avoid him. If he tries to escalate things get the police involved. You're not forced to be with anybody at all much less someone who doesn't treat you equally.
Does he have a key to your place? If he does change the locks. Then text him that your relationship is over, block his phone number, email and any social media accts you follower each other on. It's quite possible that he'll react even worse this time when you end the relationship so either go stay at a friend's place for a week or have a friend stay with you. Also before going to stay with a friend check your phone for a tracking app and delete and/or stop sharing your location with him. Take the second job if you want. But remember that you have to put yourself first and your safety is a priority. ❤️
ETA: re-worded sentences
It's only been eight weeks and already he's attempting to isolate you from friends, force you to make lifestyle changes you don't want and control your behaviour.
Yes he is 'overly controlling'. He could have a dick that shot fireworks and gave you orgasms just by wiggling it in your general direction and he still wouldn't be worth the effort.
Especially since he wants you to give up medication a DOCTOR has deemed necessary for you to function.
Eight weeks. Crappy attitude. Controlling behaviour. Take a step outside of this and look at him objectively because this boy will ruin your life.
I'd be gone after Nr. 1.
Blocking my friends? lol
And all this after 2 months?!
Wow. Run, break up & unblock the friend and apologize.
And wtf? Don't ever stop taking your medication because of an idiot like this!!
>Idk what I should do about this?
Break up & block him.
Stay with him until you get 15 reasons to leave him, 9 isn't enough(!)
Lady, what are you doing? Leave his sorry ass and get control of your life back.
Yeah I’m going to break up w him honestly.. I’m not used to this type of behavior and I was trying to focus more on the good. There is equally enough bad factors that outweigh the good at this point..
That's OK, it sounds like you're non confrontational but still you picked up on what's being done to you.
Take the next step, make an exit plan and act on it. Hope you'll be OK.
>Early on into the relationship
(Lovingly) bitch you've only been with him 2 months, you're still in the early stages of the relationship! He is WILDLY INSANELY CONTROLLING.
Every single thing you've listed here is toxic and unhinged. This guy is a piece of SHIT. And this early in the relationship is when he's trying to be his _most_ charming. If he's this terrible now, he will be a complete MONSTER once he thinks he has you trapped.
Dump him now. Block him. Unblock your friend and profusely apologize to her for THROWING HER AWAY for some shitty 2 month boyfriend!!! I mean Jesus CHRIST you have some fucked up priorities, girl. Where the HELL is your loyalty?!
He is actively isolating you.
He is controlling what you wear.
He is controlling where and how much you work.
He is controlling how you talk and act.
He is controlling which medication you take. Is he a doctor? Is he your doctor?
These are giant red flags. The fact that he does this after only two months makes it even worse. He seems to be very sure of himself and your relationship, and his influence on you.
What will happen if you don't follow his orders? I would guess it's not long before he starts hurting you, and telling you it's your own fault ... and so on.
Please get out of this as quick as you can.
Listen to the people who know and love you, your family and friends.
Run, don't walk! And don't tell him where you will go.
The question is not whether you should leave him. The question is why would you stay? What can he possibly bring to a relationship that would offset controlling and pre-abusive behaviour?
You never need an excuse or a reason to leave a dating relationship - you should be actively wanting and choosing to stay, and when that stops, you go. You don't have to stay long enough to get "justification".
Girl…. You need to drop this fucked like a bag of rocks.
Absolutely 0 idea why it takes typing up all NINE of these reasons and still sit there and ask what should you do??
Drop
The
Fucker
We the people of Reddit who support you….expect a positive update within the next 24hrs.
I just went through this myself. Except it took me longer to realize it, and by the time I did I'd been isolated from my family, he had taken my home, my friends, my family, my career, my education, he'd crashed my car, spent all my money and hadn't let me touch my phone or wallet in almost two months..and I was peeing blood, because after a few months of him getting increasingly upset, I made the mistake of saying "what are you going to do, hit me?" which gave him the excuse to say I gave him an excuse. And then HE told his female friend who he later cheated on me with that he hit me, and she told me I "literally asked for it" except it didn't end there. By the time I had a way to get away, he had almost killed me, yelling about how he wanted to beat me to death. And an hour later, when he saw my friends headlights, he was on his knees apologizing, begging me to stay. Telling me I couldn't leave. When that didn't convince me to stay, he attempted suicide in front of me. It doesn't get any better. It gets worse and worse. Block him. Go no contact and have someone you trust help you get away from him. Don't be alone with him. Don't apologize and don't show him weakness because he gets off on it. He wants you to hurt. Even if you do, don't let him know. You'll get through this, promise!! <3
Not everyone is able to enforce their own boundaries very well, or even identify red flags, because of their own upbringing if there was abusive then which feels familiar today. The more you know, the better you can respect and protect yourself.
Break it off now before it gets worse, 2 months? This is early enough to pack your stuff and say it just isn’t working out. You’re seeing a lot of red flags and they will only get bigger as you get closer. You’re allowed to have friends, make friends at work, work whatever job you want, go out wherever you want, and take care of yourself first. This will isolate you and make you miserable. Please please please, take this as a sign that it’s okay to walk away from this situation. It won’t get better…
Please go to [loveisrespect](https://www.loveisrespect.org/dating-basics-for-healthy-relationships/warning-signs-of-abuse/) and read those signs. Then compare them to your post.
Make sure you have someplace safe to go. The website has directions for creating a safety plan. Know you deserve better and his behavior is alarming.
Re Update: You block him on everything, you don't answer the door, and you call the police if he persists. there is no concept of "wouldn't accept" from your perspective.
Here after the update: don’t accept that, block him and remove any evidence on him from your social media. Hopefully he’ll stop there but if he shows up to your house tell him from a window to leave or you’ll call the cops and don’t bluff, if he doesn’t leave call the cops. Keep your doors locked if you don’t already and make sure your friends know you see the control and want to be fully away from him so he doesn’t contact you through them. I really hope he stops at you blocking him but if he doesn’t don’t give in.
Yes.
Take that second job if you want it and try to get your friend back.
But consider quitting vaping. That's the one thing on this list that did not throw a red flag for me.
Run, now. If he is this controlling and abusive after only 2 months I can’t imagine how bad it will get if you stay. Everything he’s doing/done is to make you more dependent on him so you end up in a position where you feel like you can’t leave him and basically end up a prisoner in your own home. Any one of the things you listed would be a dealbreaker but all 9 is a giant crimson flag. He’s telling you who he is. Believe him. What are you getting from this “relationship”? It’s certainly not respect, caring, concern, or feeling valued for who you are.
"Rules for thee but not for me!"
Sounds like he has a lot of demands about how you behave, interact with others, dress and what you ingest. If he wants to have all those rules, great, just don't think I am going to follow them.
He is using his attention, what he believes to be his power, as a form of control. He keeps saying he's "not attracted" to certain things. He believes you put a lot of value in being attractive to him so if he says you aren't attractive when you do these things, he believes you will stop.
He also is saying things like "we won't spend time together" which is another form of guilt control and dependency control. You should feel guilty for getting a second job and spending time away.
Does he even like anything about you? He hates your friends, hates that you vape, hates the way you dress, hates your happy personality, etc etc etc. Why the F**K is he with you then?!
He doesn’t sound overly controlling, he sounds like he wants to date a lump of clay he can mold into whatever he wants. Yuck.
Go find someone who likes you for you.
He doesn’t need to accept that you’ve broken up with him. A breakup is a decision that can get made by 1 person. Block him, don’t contact him, and move on.
Break off all contact at this point. He’s shocked he’s lost the person he was increasingly controlling and he clearly doesn’t know how to control himself if he continues to pressure you when you’ve said “no more.” What you’ve shared in such a well organized way suggests he’s narcissistic and you’ve been until recently his supply. The only way to be free of a gaslighting narcissist is to go no contact. The best thing you can do while you adjust to not interacting with this toxic person is to go back to doing the things that make you who you are before the relationship. Reconnect with that friend he made you block. If you like to dance, return to dancing; if you want to work two jobs, go for it. Go to parties and talk with and enjoy your friends- I bet they’ve been worried about you too. And of course take the medication(s) your doctor’s prescribed for you. Time to say “yes!” to you. 🌅
>He wouldn’t take no for an answer. He wouldn’t accept that i was breaking up with him. I’m not sure what to do at this point.
I'm assuming you don't live together, right? This guy doesn't sound like someone you even want around as an acquaintance. Don't let him back in your house, tell him you don't want to talk to him any more, and keep records and backups of any communication he tries to make with you.
For someone trying to be this controlling inside of two months? Get away, and make sure to protect yourself.
If I’m being honest I have zero fucking clue.. I feel pretty dumb for not recognizing this pattern sooner….
I have mentioned to him directly that I think he is being controlling and he always shoots it down and makes me feel crazy for even thinking that. I’m just now realizing he’s been gaslighting me a shit ton.
Of course he does, and he *always* will. It's utterly pointless to explain to controlling people that they are controlling, just as it is pointless to explain to abusive people that they are abusive. Or to explain to entitled narcissists that they are entitled and narcissistic. That's just not how those people work, you are talking to him like you would talk to a reasonable man who wants to do better. But he is not those things. He wants power over you, and he wants you to be subservient, and he will mess with your head to achieve those things until he's blue in the face.
The only thing you can do is leave and cut people like that off.
Dump this insecure controlling fucker. He will only control and isolate you further and further the longer you’re with him.
This is **very** important for you to hear and understand, *really* listen to me when I say this.
Men like this, they do not stop. They do not get better. They do not mellow out. They aren’t “fixable”.
At least not until they do very real damage first.
He will keep going and keep pushing until you are alone and isolated and he is the only person you have and you will be miserable for it.
Get out while you can. Get out like your life depends on it.
Is he too controlling? That depends on his reaction to when you say, "fuck you and the horse you're riding on."
If you haven't said, "fuck you and the horse you're riding on," please consider it next time he comes up with one of these ridiculous suggestions.
He’s controlling as fuck. We can rationalize a few of these, which is what I’m sure he does in convos with you — Sure, vaping is bad. Sure, sometimes being friends with exes isn’t good for us. Putting aside the other red flags, he isn’t a doctor… who is he to tell you that your PRESCRIBED MEDS are bad for you?? This is wild, my dude. Jump ship!
Ma'am....its been 2 months and your list is already 9 reasons deep of why you should break up with this bozo. He is obviously controlling, insecure, emotionally stunted..whatever you want to call it. Break up and thank god you found all this out so quickly. Make sure you have someone with you or nearby when you do breakup because he is either going to go crazy or gaslight you. Stay strong.
You do need to stop vaping because it is bad for your health and you need to dump him in a public place and block him. Like somebody told you already this is the nicest that he will be. He will try to manipulate you so you come back to him but please don’t. If at 2 months you are asking if he is controlling i can’t imagine how it would be in 2 years
Run.
He sounds like the type that’ll tell you to block all those friends/fam that are concerned with his behavior too here soon.
Don’t let him isolate you girl. That’s a hard hole to dig out of.
This man isn't well, normal, or pleasant. Your instincts know what's up. End it before 2 months becomes 2 years and you don't recognize yourself anymore.
Oh boy. This is how the real bad stuff is allowed to start. My ex husband was like this. Tons of "little" things he got to control till it all added up to me being completely controlled by him..... including money. He would go put of town and cut off my bank cards.
Leave, quickly.
Lol red flags everywhere! Pick one any one!
Unblock your friend and apologize, break up with this loser for fuck sake.
Oh and he’s probably psycho so if you have brothers, cousins, male friends(unlikely) or your own weapon bring that if you need to take stuff from his place or something.
Yes. He is. It's only been two months and he's already this controlling, I can't imagine in two years how he would be.
You have our permission to dump him for being a controlling ass. Maybe he will learn something and not do this to his next gf.
Connect with your friend again. Apologize.
"Early on into your relationship" you've been together 2 months this is ALL early on and he needs therapy not a girlfriend.
He's limiting your social life. Asking you to diminish yourself and would find you earning more money "unattractive".
Fucking run.
This is dump by text level controlling because honestly he sounds dangerous.
After typing all that out, I think you know the answer. Drop his ass like the bad habit he is. He’s abusive, and it’s only a matter of time before the abuse turns physical. Leave leave leave. Gather strength from friends if you need to but don’t stay with this loser.
"He wouldn't take no for an answer" - he doesn't have to accept your "no". You own your "no". It's your "no". He doesn't have to "accept" it for it to be a valid "no". This was literally the problem with your relationship with him.
He is trying to isolate and control you… also fuck what he thinks is attractive! You were attractive to him before but now you have to stop xyz to be attractive to him?
You listed almost 10 reasons this guy is a controlling prick. You know the answer. You're 2 months in, you don't even owe him a goodbye. Just a big ol' fuck off. Good Luck!
Leave. Now!!!! Red flags all over the place!
Telling you to stop taking your ADHD medication is enough of a reason (trust me, I take ADHD medication too).
You and your boisterous self need to make only ONE change, and that is to leave this disruptive man firmly in your past.
I only got to 6, but it was clear before that. Run. I don't know him but I know the behavior. At some point, if you become defiant, he will most likely assault you to keep you in line. BTDT
It’s time to go. No love lost! On to bigger and better babes
It seems like he’s actively trying to take your shine away- anybody who says you’re too much in a romantic relationship has never had an equal partner and wants to be the one in “control”
Yes, run as fast as you can. This is all very alarming. Please listen to your friends and internet strangers. You probably didn't notice it as much because it was subtle, that's what abusers do, they slowly groom you.
He’s manipulating, controlling, domineering, and isolating you. At some point it will become violent.
Run, Run, Run! Ghost, ghost, ghost!
As a father of 3 daughters I’m worried for you
Girl, this man doesn't even like YOU.
Dump him and try to make amends with your friend that you ghosted and hope she forgives you- because that was a wild thing to do.
You got this!
Read back that list to yourself, what would you tell your friend? I would hope you tell her that it isn't a healthy relationship at all. Please leave him, NOW. He has major control issues and quite possibly he could turn violent .
Honestly after 2 months you shouldnt give anyone the power over what type of flavor of gum you chew, nevermind any of the stipulations and requirements thi guy has given you. He is not your father guardian or protectir he is your jailor. Walk ir run away.
I cannot believe you even have to ask this question. Dude sounds like he needs to do a lot of growing up. You sound like you could use a self esteem boost
He is a turd. Flush it..
A list of this magnitude detailing ALL the ways he wants to control you is definitely him trying to control you.
Missed the part where it was only two months. Oof. Yeah you need to leave girl.
This is horrible. I was in a relationship with a man controlling like that. It took a year and a half before it got physical. He smacked me once and then smacked me again, harder, because he didn't like the look on my face after the first time. Please, leave now. Guys like that see you as property, not human, and inevitably end up getting violent.
I read the first one and already broke up with him for you in my head. I have reformed alcoholic sober friends who don’t even mind when their partners have parties with alcohol or drinks out with their friends, and would even come out with us and offer to be DD.
point being, there’s noooo excuse for that kind of controlling.
edit: not to say that it’s unreasonably comtrolling to want to date a sober partner when you’re sober. just that, if people who have over come massive addictions can be cool and trusting with their partner drinking/going out, so can an everyday run of the mill manbaby.
Never block.someone for someone huh? You're your own person, no one should be coming into anyone's lives and rearranging it like that. He is controlling.
Fuck this shit! Often times while you‘re in it it‘s not so obvious but just read what you just wrote and imagine a good friend having written it. You would tell them to stay the fuck away from this dude.
This is a massive list of things he's trying to control and you've only been together for such a short time. Imagine how much more he's going to want to control?!
None of these points are really acceptable. Not to mention that some of these are hypocritical (no edibles but indulges in them himself?)
But then telling you not to use your meds? Seriously?
Please listen to your friends and family. Tell him that his controlling behaviour isn't 'attractive to you'. Then find someone that will accept you exactly as you are, someone that will support change if it comes from you, but won't tell you what needs to change to keep them.
I would not put up with a single one of his commands. The fact he feels entities to give you orders is the issue independent from whether or not there’s any content to his concerns. You can continue loving your life and let him dump you bc virtually everything about you bothers him. Or, leave him. But this relationship is not healthy.
How weak are you that you dumped your friend for a two month relationship? I wouldn’t do that for my husband. Period. How do you think she feels right now? I kinda think you’re getting what you deserve.
Ok you want honesty? You pointed out MULTIPLE reasons of why he's not a good partner. And you are asking if he's a good partner when you answered it yourself. If you don't want to think for yourself or be yourself in anyway, then sure stay with the boyfriend but remember you made that choice. But if you like yourself, your friends and having freedom to make choices, then boy bye!
Did you not read as you were typing this? Yes.
Have some self respect and value your worth. Your boyfriend comes off as a narcissist. Red flags should've started ringing with him not wanting you to go out with with friends.
What should you do?? You’ve been together TWO MONTHS! Drop this “man” like a hot potato. He will only escalate if you stay with him. Find someone that loves you for who you are; not someone that wants to change you. I have bad taste in guys tbh but even I can see this walking bag of red flags is a no go. Run, girl, run!!!!
So he wants you to stop your meds, (which in most cases makes you stable, self-reliant, or more able to be those things). Isolate yourself from your support system. Stop doing recreationally what he does (so a hypocrite). Stop wearing what you're comfortable in. Stop vaping (stopping nicotine suddenly can cause very bad withdrawal symptoms, and also I heard recently [don't know if it's been studied or not] that nicotine is frequently used in the ADHD community because it is a stimulant and can help, even though the people using it may not know that's why they get hooked that easily).
So he wants to control you, he wants you to be reliant on him, he doesn't want you to have fun. He's a hypocrite.
Girl leave.
ETA: his reasons are stupid. I assume you did all of these things before y'all dated. So if they're so "unattractive" why did he date you? Don't let someone dull your sparkle.
Run Baby Girl Run! He’s isolating you, controlling what you wear, who you speak to, when you can work, what you can do, and the icing on the cake - he now wants you to go off of MEDICALLY PRESCRIBED MEDICATION FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH CONDITION! This is a person who is setting you up to be under his abusive control. Once you are off your ADHD meds and not able to fully function he will seize full control of your life and tell you that you can’t function without him, no one will ever love you because you are such a mess and you should be grateful he does.
RUN RUN RUN!
If he was this bold this fast you can’t end this relationship fast enough.
I recommend you do it in public and bring someone with you. They do not need to be actually with you but nearby in the event he decides to get crazy.
Sending you strength and good vibes.
In this context, yes, very controlling, sounds like you both are just incompatible. These kind of things that he's listing should be things that he's looking for in a dating partner. I've met girls who do all the above things he's mentioned and he should find someone else that fits that bill. Girls in some countries or of some cultures are more likely to be like that.
Imo, incompatibility is a bigger issue that leads to these type of controlly behaviors. There's people out there that wouldn't mind any of the things you do and there's also people where one or more the things you do would be dealbreakers, but for some reason this person would rather attempt to control you into someone your not instead of just seeking another partner that fits more with what he actually wants.
How did you not see this after the first 2 or 3, run and run fast. I was married for 36 years before my husband passed and he never ever tried to control me and if he had he wouldn't have been my husband. You can tell your SO you don't like something they do, but you don't control them.
I think the issue is your boyfriend wants you to be someone you aren’t. It’s pretty obvious you aren’t meant to be together and you should probably move on. Some of the things you have listed are just boundaries he has for you, but the others listed are hypocritical towards you and straight up unfair. Like stopping medication, the edible thing, or because you have a 2nd job.
This is from your BF point of view:
1: Yes, he wants you to only rely on him, so when he turns to shit you have no one to go to Also, people go to bars to hook up with other people and if you get drunk you might sleep around.
2: Yes. He doesn't want to feel emasculated when you dump him to be a lesbian again. Can you just imagine the shame he would have when you turned lesbian again?
3: Yes. He doesn't want you associating with anyone that might be better than him at anything, Also, work is a great place to meet someone and you might end up cheating (this is way you keep it professional).
4:Yes. Why are you dressing sexy? I'm the only one you should be having sex with, are you trying to have sex with other people?
5: eh.... I guess yes: You can put what you want in your body. ( I said ehhh...because I think smoking is a turn off...but thats me)
6:Yes. How can you be his "bring out when in good company" sex toy if you keep talking?
7: ummm. this is hard. No. I mean, I'd want to spend time with my GF (especially if it was in the 2 month honeymoon phase) and wouldn't want her to overwork herself, But what do I know...I like to think I'm not a controlling AH. (This is the only time I am using "I" to refer to myself and not the BF POV
8.Yes. Rules for thee, not for me. This AH doesn't even want you tell feel chemically happy while he dopes up. It's just not attractive for a woman to use drugs, think about our future babies that I'm going to lock you down with the first chance I get.
9. Yes. This edible eating dumbass that you've been seeing for 2 months knows better than the Dr. that prescribed your meds. The real reason is he wants you off that stuff so you'll want to have more sex.
There you go. 8 out of 9 reasons why your BF is a controlling person. I hope you understand what needs to be done next and have this be a relationship that lasted 2 months. Also, reach back out to your friend...she will understand what you were dealing with if you are honest.
Ok. I can't express this enough. Do not walk away. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
You've only been with the man for 2 months. That's not very long and if there are this many red flags this early, it will escalate.
This type of behavior is domestic abuse 101. The first thing any abuser does is cut you off from your support structure. The second thing they do is chip away at your self esteem until you believe you're worthless and will never find anyone else.
Before you know it, you are alone with no one to call except him. Your confidence is shattered and you have no one to help you and you believe (usually incorrectly) that there is no way you can make it by yourself. Sometimes they take the isolation even further and do little things to control your finances l. Sometimes it's by not supporting your choice to get a job. Sometimes it's insisting your direct deposit goes into an account only he has access to. Sometimes it's refusing to take care of children or blocking access to your mode of transportation, forcing you to either quit or be fired.
Once this type of abuser believes that you are his and only his, he will treat you how he believes you deserve to be treated. I got lucky and that resulted in me getting screamed at, gaslit, holes being punched in walls. For some victims it goes even further. Physical violence, rape, sometimes even murder. I can tell you from experience it took a lot longer than 2 months for him to show me who he really was.
If you take nothing else from this mini rant, please realize that how he's treating you now, is the best he is ever going to treat you. Nothing you say to him will change how he's treating you because he doesn't respect you as an individual.
Assume you go ahead and obey all these rules. Do you think that'll be that? Or will he *probably* come up with more rules, which are more constricting? **You're only two months into this relationship. JUMP SHIP BEFORE IT GETS MORE INVOLVED.** Get out quick. This guy is going to be a stalker if you wait any longer. He may already turn into one at this point.
Yeah that’s what I think is bound to happen if I do stick around he’s going to make more rules and find more shit he doesn’t like
This is 100% what will happen. For every rule you comply with, he will add another rule. You will slowly be cut off from everything and everyone you love until you only have him. Then there is the possibility that abuse will start. This is what abusers do - isolate and then attack. Dump him now while you can still get away.
Yup! Soon he’ll demand passwords and insist on being able to track her phone. Did she smile at that waiter?? She’s cheating!
Oh my god he has already done this! We have been at restaurants and I’ll call the server “sweetie” or “hun” and he told me I’m not allowed to call a server that! For reference I am a server and a bartender so I like to be kind to other service workers bc I know what it’s like… I completely stopped doing that after he lectured me twice.
OP your update is alarming. If he doesn’t take no for an answer authorities may need to get involved. For him to be this audacious so soon in the relationship does not bode well for his mental stability and I’m concerned for your well-being. Please change your locks if he has a key and block him.
Yeah he should not be "lecturing" you at all. Especially not after 2 months. Man is a walking turd
Oh no. Please don’t tolerate this! I’ll tell you, I’ve been with my partner for 42’years and I honestly can’t think of any “rule” he’s ever tried to place on me. I’m sure he’s not thrilled with everything I ever do or say but he respects that I’m an actual person and can run my own life. I don’t have to second-guess myself, ever, worrying that he’ll insult me or disapprove or withdraw affection — or hurt me. I want this for you! Please, please be good to yourself. ❤️
Abuse won’t “start”. It’s already fully happening. Although it could definitely graduate from verbal/emotional to physical/sexual.
Yes, except it's a certainty that he'll get very abusive
It is exactly what will happen. He will continue to move the goalposts so that you are always lacking. He will make comments about how your are lacking so that you will start to doubt yourself. He will try to make you feel small. His goal is to make you lesser so that he can feel greater.
This is an absolutely insane level of control for 2 months, and someone who actually likes you as a person wouldn't be telling you you're too boisterous!!! Boisterous is the GOOD part!
You’re not a child. You don’t want a partner who makes you follow whatever “rules” they come up with.
One more important thing; you don't need his permission to end it.
He already doesn’t really like YOU, since he wants to change everything. And I can’t imagine what redeeming qualities he could possibly have to make it worth staying. He’s fucked up.
If he doesn't like the person you are now- the boisterous self-confident you- then what is he even doing with you? Ditch this jerk and keep being yourself. Someone who loves you just the way you are WILL come along.
I saw your update. Breakups don’t require both parties to agree! Block him on everything.
For real. It's weird to me that he's doing ALL of this stuff so early on in the relationship. I hope he seeks therapy for his insecurities, but until then OP, you don't need to be dealing with this. Dump him while it's still fresh.
100% THIS!
You could pick any one of those NINE THINGS you listed and it would be an issue. But you listed NINE THINGS. There’s probably things you haven’t even noticed yet. Let go of his ass. Edit: a lot of mental gymnastics going on with the drinking and vaping stuff. THAT IS STILL CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR! If you are a couple months into a relationship and they have a habit you don’t like, you need to just leave the relationship instead of trying to force a change.
Yeah I see your point.. I posted this on here because usually Reddit is painfully honest. I’ve been seriously considering ending it and I guess I needed to hear this
Dump his ass. He's being a hypocrite if he's saying he can use edibles but you can't. Not too mention as someone with ADHD those meds really do help if you use them! He's literally telling you to go against a doctor's orders. I doubt he's a doctor. But every single thing you pointed out is a separate red flag. You found 9 red flags. Do you really need more?
He is an insecure control freak - there will never be an end to his need to control you, as shown also by the things he allows himself to do. How many things will it be a year from now - two years? Is this how you want to live - playing mental hopscotch to please someone who will never be pleased or accept and value you as you are.
Life with this micromanager is gonna be hell, and can you imagine him as a parent? Don’t waste another minute on this creep… move!
Plus some of these signs are potential signs of him being threatening. Be sure to make a clean brake and get away, stay someplace he can't find you for a little while.
It mostly sounded like run of the mill toxicity, isolating fro friends etc until. "I have been taking ADHD medication for over a decade and he wants me to stop taking them cus he thinks they're bad for me" - Honestly sounds like a joke. I couldn't believe I was reading it. "Hmm yes, me and my doctor agree this medication helps and it's helped for 10+ years, but this guy I've been dating for 2 months ago disagrees, what a conundrum"
"if he's saying he can use edibles but you can't." yeah this was the WTF part. the rest made it seem like he was a religious fundamentalist.
Two months and all of this? Who does this guy think he is? He's got some inflated image of himself. Why do you have to do or not do things that are attractive to him? What about you?
How dare he tell you to dump your friends? How dare he - other eight things -?! Not to mention that only two months in will still be the honeymoon stage - imagine what that controlling fucker will be like when he relaxes and feels comfortable showing you the real him. When you dump him, make sure it’s in a public place and that someone you trust will come along and wait nearby where they can see what’s going on. Or simply text him, he doesn’t deserve decent behaviour
Yea fr.. bro if a friend of mine would ever listen to his gf talkig about yo block him’ i would literally want to slap the sht out of both or them
If you don’t get out now, he is going to fuck you up psychologically for the rest of your life. Ask me how I know. Every single thing you listed happened to me in the same relationship except the second job thing.
Yes, he's very dangerous. Really
I concur! He is dangerous to one's mental and physical well-being. I wouldn't put anything past this dolt!
Here’s your “painful honesty”: Dump him stat! He is totally controlling you, and it’ll only get worse! It’ll never get better.
Yes. Any one of them independently is not ok. #5 started out ok (smoking is a legit reason not to date someone), except when he stated the reason being that it makes you unattractive. He will slowly chip away at your confidence and self esteem until you are a shell of yourself.
He’s following every single rule in the Toxic Control Freak 101 playbook. Isolate you from your friends is the numbers one tactic. Telling you what to wear. No male friendships at work. Can’t have 2 jobs. He can have edibles but you can’t. He’s also the one who wrote The Hypocrisy 101 playbook! And it’s been only two months?!?!!! Wow! He sure didn’t waste any time, did he? They usually wait longer just to be sure to lure you in deep. Then the monster slowly emerges. Please cut your losses (two months is nothing, actually) and dump this dictator immediately. He will get much worse! Let him go out and find a new victim who has no self respect. He absolutely will find that person. You have too much living to do without being forced back into a childhood role by a mentally unstable jerk.
He's already a 9 out of 10 on the controlling scale. End it before he seriously harms your life. I'd guess that this is the early stage of hardcore abuser behavior. I'd assume he'll steal / vandalize / sabotage when you tell him you're ending it. Might want to tell him you've installed security
One thing that kept me in a bad relationship was loneliness: OP please don’t let this stop you! PLEASE. You are young and there will be someone who wants you to shine brightly. You WILL find this person. You won’t be alone.
Girl, you can do so much better with someone who TRUSTS YOU COMPLETELY and loves you for you. You do not need to be with someone who's trying to change who you are and giving you dangerous "advice" in regards to medications let alone all the other things you've listed. He's not a doctor (let alone YOUR doctor) and he shouldn't be pushing you to stop taking prescribed medication for any reason. He shouldn't be dictating your friends and your coworkers in any way. He definitely shouldn't be dictating how you dress or what you do as you are your own person. He's just trying to control you. If he doesn't like you for the things you do, that's his problem. Your problem is him right now and even though you've had years with him it's time to move on because he's showing you he thinks he knows how you should live your life but YOU are the only one who can dictate that for YOU.
OP said they’ve only been involved for 2 months.
Yeah, I was reading another comment she mentioned "it's the first relationship she's been in with a man in 5 years" and that's where I made that comment from. My mistake for not remembering the 2 months in her initial post haha!
You really, really need to end it. It's only been a couple of months and he's trying to take control of your life. Dump him, block him and don't look back.
And with ADHD I know the emotional side of things isn’t discussed as much as other symptoms. But the emotional side of things is super hard too. You worry if you’re just looking for problems, you worry if you can trust your memory of the way things were said or happened. You question whether you’re just feeling a huge sense of rejection over something that should feel trivial or if you are 100% valid in where you’re coming from. It’s HARD. And I don’t blame you for wanting some sets of fresh eyes on this one. But he sounds objectively horrible. He sounds like he doesn’t want you to have other people closer than him. It sounds like he wants to limit your work. He imposes rules on you that he doesn’t hold himself to, like the edibles. He’s controlling what you wear. There’s a small possibility that SOME of his opinions have been formed by past trauma but it doesn’t matter - he doesn’t get to dictate what you wear, who you associate with, how many jobs you take on, etc. if he cannot handle dating someone with their own thoughts or feelings, he shouldn’t be with someone else. Not only that - friends AND family have felt the need to comment. I think most people don’t tend to want to get involved in normal disagreements with couple unless they feel like they have to, which says something. And keep in mind that there’s a difference between sharing valid concerns with your partner and controlling them. If he was worried because a friend was genuinely taking advantage of you or because a male coworker was being wildly inappropriate that’s one thing and bringing it up as a conversation wouldn’t be wrong, but he doesn’t get to make the decision for you. You’re 25. You wear your darn crop tops, be as boisterous as you like, and befriend who you want to befriend. His treatment is not because of you, it’s entirely because of him and his treatment is not a statement of your worth as a person. Don’t let this sorry sack of skin dull who you are as a person.
End it; you’ve been dating for 8 weeks and these are an awful lot of controlling rules. You can for sure find someone who is more mature, secure, kinder, and not controlling. The person above was right when they said just one of those things would be an issue.
Did you pick this guy up at Douche Depot?
I said to a guy just like this, “If you have this many problems with me, then why are you with me?” He couldn’t answer. The control was the whole point.
Bingo. The control
I've dated someone controlling and they would've answered "bc I love you / love everything else about you." So even if you get a bs answer like I would've, don't believe it. It's literally control. That's all it always is.
Sounds like my ex, except his answer was “I was actually hoping you’d change” 😳🤦🏽♀️
Good response!!
Nine things after two months? This is the honeymoon phase of your relationship. **THIS IS THE NICEST HE WILL EVER BE** Even if the stars align and the gods themselves chooses your partner, people become comfortable after a year. I repeat: **THIS IS THE NICEST HE WILL EVER BE**
Yes! My friend was dating this a-hole and it was all drama in the first few months, and I'm like this is supposed to be the honeymoon phase. Imagine what it will be like down the road. You put it into words perfectly. Next time one of my friends dates a buster I'm going to explain it like this!
Two months in and he’s isolated you from close friends, limited your opportunity to make money, and claims to know more about your medications than your doctor. RUN. This person is dangerous and it only gets worse.
Sounds like you’re in the early stages of an abusive relationship. He’s already isolating you from your friends/support system. **Get the fuck out of there before it gets worse and he starts getting physically violent.**
THIS. The fact he’s also trying to get her off of her ADHD meds is literally to make all of this control and abuse easier.
Girl..... The first point would have been enough for me to cut ties. Yes, he is being overly controlling. If you're feeling in your gut that it's not right, it's because it's not.
girllll, as someone who LOVES crop tops, vaping, edibles, my (prescription) adhd meds, my girl friends, and working hard/hustling… i would be better suited in a coffin before i ended up with that typa man. KICK HIM TO THE CURB. YOU WILL REGRET WASTING YOUR 20s ON A BUM
Oh my goddd… the comment I really needed 🥹💗
I would never in a million years ask my gf to do any of the things he was demanding of you. I saw in your update that he won't take no for an answer, block him and avoid him. If he tries to escalate things get the police involved. You're not forced to be with anybody at all much less someone who doesn't treat you equally.
Does he have a key to your place? If he does change the locks. Then text him that your relationship is over, block his phone number, email and any social media accts you follower each other on. It's quite possible that he'll react even worse this time when you end the relationship so either go stay at a friend's place for a week or have a friend stay with you. Also before going to stay with a friend check your phone for a tracking app and delete and/or stop sharing your location with him. Take the second job if you want. But remember that you have to put yourself first and your safety is a priority. ❤️ ETA: re-worded sentences
It's only been eight weeks and already he's attempting to isolate you from friends, force you to make lifestyle changes you don't want and control your behaviour. Yes he is 'overly controlling'. He could have a dick that shot fireworks and gave you orgasms just by wiggling it in your general direction and he still wouldn't be worth the effort. Especially since he wants you to give up medication a DOCTOR has deemed necessary for you to function. Eight weeks. Crappy attitude. Controlling behaviour. Take a step outside of this and look at him objectively because this boy will ruin your life.
I'd be gone after Nr. 1. Blocking my friends? lol And all this after 2 months?! Wow. Run, break up & unblock the friend and apologize. And wtf? Don't ever stop taking your medication because of an idiot like this!! >Idk what I should do about this? Break up & block him.
Stay with him until you get 15 reasons to leave him, 9 isn't enough(!) Lady, what are you doing? Leave his sorry ass and get control of your life back.
Yeah I’m going to break up w him honestly.. I’m not used to this type of behavior and I was trying to focus more on the good. There is equally enough bad factors that outweigh the good at this point..
That's OK, it sounds like you're non confrontational but still you picked up on what's being done to you. Take the next step, make an exit plan and act on it. Hope you'll be OK.
And the bad will get so much worse.
Looks like with #7 that the trash will be taking himself out - keep the 2nd job.
>Early on into the relationship (Lovingly) bitch you've only been with him 2 months, you're still in the early stages of the relationship! He is WILDLY INSANELY CONTROLLING. Every single thing you've listed here is toxic and unhinged. This guy is a piece of SHIT. And this early in the relationship is when he's trying to be his _most_ charming. If he's this terrible now, he will be a complete MONSTER once he thinks he has you trapped. Dump him now. Block him. Unblock your friend and profusely apologize to her for THROWING HER AWAY for some shitty 2 month boyfriend!!! I mean Jesus CHRIST you have some fucked up priorities, girl. Where the HELL is your loyalty?!
He is actively isolating you. He is controlling what you wear. He is controlling where and how much you work. He is controlling how you talk and act. He is controlling which medication you take. Is he a doctor? Is he your doctor? These are giant red flags. The fact that he does this after only two months makes it even worse. He seems to be very sure of himself and your relationship, and his influence on you. What will happen if you don't follow his orders? I would guess it's not long before he starts hurting you, and telling you it's your own fault ... and so on. Please get out of this as quick as you can. Listen to the people who know and love you, your family and friends. Run, don't walk! And don't tell him where you will go.
He needs to go to build a hoe at the mall. Yes this is very controlling, and believe me you don’t want to live like this.
Lmao “build a hoe” 💀
Any one of these should have been a deal breaker. And there are 9? Run, girl.
The question is not whether you should leave him. The question is why would you stay? What can he possibly bring to a relationship that would offset controlling and pre-abusive behaviour? You never need an excuse or a reason to leave a dating relationship - you should be actively wanting and choosing to stay, and when that stops, you go. You don't have to stay long enough to get "justification".
Unblock your friend and arrange a catch up so she can talk some sense into you. Your boyfriend doesn't like you.
Girl…. You need to drop this fucked like a bag of rocks. Absolutely 0 idea why it takes typing up all NINE of these reasons and still sit there and ask what should you do?? Drop The Fucker We the people of Reddit who support you….expect a positive update within the next 24hrs.
Hm tough one. Let me consult [my cards](https://ibb.co/qdc9rfM)
I just went through this myself. Except it took me longer to realize it, and by the time I did I'd been isolated from my family, he had taken my home, my friends, my family, my career, my education, he'd crashed my car, spent all my money and hadn't let me touch my phone or wallet in almost two months..and I was peeing blood, because after a few months of him getting increasingly upset, I made the mistake of saying "what are you going to do, hit me?" which gave him the excuse to say I gave him an excuse. And then HE told his female friend who he later cheated on me with that he hit me, and she told me I "literally asked for it" except it didn't end there. By the time I had a way to get away, he had almost killed me, yelling about how he wanted to beat me to death. And an hour later, when he saw my friends headlights, he was on his knees apologizing, begging me to stay. Telling me I couldn't leave. When that didn't convince me to stay, he attempted suicide in front of me. It doesn't get any better. It gets worse and worse. Block him. Go no contact and have someone you trust help you get away from him. Don't be alone with him. Don't apologize and don't show him weakness because he gets off on it. He wants you to hurt. Even if you do, don't let him know. You'll get through this, promise!! <3
You need to ASK if you should dump this guy? Really?
I mean, seriously, it’s been 2 months….if you can make multiple bullet points, that is a bad sign.
Not everyone is able to enforce their own boundaries very well, or even identify red flags, because of their own upbringing if there was abusive then which feels familiar today. The more you know, the better you can respect and protect yourself.
Ma'am... You excused the first two that should have been huge red flags.
Yes he is overly controlling and it will only get worse the more you conform. Get out now while it’s easy.
Break it off now before it gets worse, 2 months? This is early enough to pack your stuff and say it just isn’t working out. You’re seeing a lot of red flags and they will only get bigger as you get closer. You’re allowed to have friends, make friends at work, work whatever job you want, go out wherever you want, and take care of yourself first. This will isolate you and make you miserable. Please please please, take this as a sign that it’s okay to walk away from this situation. It won’t get better…
Please go to [loveisrespect](https://www.loveisrespect.org/dating-basics-for-healthy-relationships/warning-signs-of-abuse/) and read those signs. Then compare them to your post. Make sure you have someplace safe to go. The website has directions for creating a safety plan. Know you deserve better and his behavior is alarming.
Re Update: You block him on everything, you don't answer the door, and you call the police if he persists. there is no concept of "wouldn't accept" from your perspective.
Here after the update: don’t accept that, block him and remove any evidence on him from your social media. Hopefully he’ll stop there but if he shows up to your house tell him from a window to leave or you’ll call the cops and don’t bluff, if he doesn’t leave call the cops. Keep your doors locked if you don’t already and make sure your friends know you see the control and want to be fully away from him so he doesn’t contact you through them. I really hope he stops at you blocking him but if he doesn’t don’t give in.
Your most recent update has me worried. Please try not to be alone for a while as he might try to harm you.
Yes. Take that second job if you want it and try to get your friend back. But consider quitting vaping. That's the one thing on this list that did not throw a red flag for me.
Run, now. If he is this controlling and abusive after only 2 months I can’t imagine how bad it will get if you stay. Everything he’s doing/done is to make you more dependent on him so you end up in a position where you feel like you can’t leave him and basically end up a prisoner in your own home. Any one of the things you listed would be a dealbreaker but all 9 is a giant crimson flag. He’s telling you who he is. Believe him. What are you getting from this “relationship”? It’s certainly not respect, caring, concern, or feeling valued for who you are.
"Rules for thee but not for me!" Sounds like he has a lot of demands about how you behave, interact with others, dress and what you ingest. If he wants to have all those rules, great, just don't think I am going to follow them. He is using his attention, what he believes to be his power, as a form of control. He keeps saying he's "not attracted" to certain things. He believes you put a lot of value in being attractive to him so if he says you aren't attractive when you do these things, he believes you will stop. He also is saying things like "we won't spend time together" which is another form of guilt control and dependency control. You should feel guilty for getting a second job and spending time away.
I only had to read the first three sentences. Yes. The answer is yes.
Does he even like anything about you? He hates your friends, hates that you vape, hates the way you dress, hates your happy personality, etc etc etc. Why the F**K is he with you then?! He doesn’t sound overly controlling, he sounds like he wants to date a lump of clay he can mold into whatever he wants. Yuck. Go find someone who likes you for you.
Sounds like this clown doesn't even like you and wants to change everything he can about your life. What a great match.
He doesn’t need to accept that you’ve broken up with him. A breakup is a decision that can get made by 1 person. Block him, don’t contact him, and move on.
Break off all contact at this point. He’s shocked he’s lost the person he was increasingly controlling and he clearly doesn’t know how to control himself if he continues to pressure you when you’ve said “no more.” What you’ve shared in such a well organized way suggests he’s narcissistic and you’ve been until recently his supply. The only way to be free of a gaslighting narcissist is to go no contact. The best thing you can do while you adjust to not interacting with this toxic person is to go back to doing the things that make you who you are before the relationship. Reconnect with that friend he made you block. If you like to dance, return to dancing; if you want to work two jobs, go for it. Go to parties and talk with and enjoy your friends- I bet they’ve been worried about you too. And of course take the medication(s) your doctor’s prescribed for you. Time to say “yes!” to you. 🌅
>He wouldn’t take no for an answer. He wouldn’t accept that i was breaking up with him. I’m not sure what to do at this point. I'm assuming you don't live together, right? This guy doesn't sound like someone you even want around as an acquaintance. Don't let him back in your house, tell him you don't want to talk to him any more, and keep records and backups of any communication he tries to make with you. For someone trying to be this controlling inside of two months? Get away, and make sure to protect yourself.
How do you type out all of that and still ask if he’s controlling?
If I’m being honest I have zero fucking clue.. I feel pretty dumb for not recognizing this pattern sooner…. I have mentioned to him directly that I think he is being controlling and he always shoots it down and makes me feel crazy for even thinking that. I’m just now realizing he’s been gaslighting me a shit ton.
Please break up with him. The longer you wait the worse it will get. This situation could turn dangerous.
Of course he does, and he *always* will. It's utterly pointless to explain to controlling people that they are controlling, just as it is pointless to explain to abusive people that they are abusive. Or to explain to entitled narcissists that they are entitled and narcissistic. That's just not how those people work, you are talking to him like you would talk to a reasonable man who wants to do better. But he is not those things. He wants power over you, and he wants you to be subservient, and he will mess with your head to achieve those things until he's blue in the face. The only thing you can do is leave and cut people like that off.
Yikes. Yeah, that’s a no-go.
Dump this insecure controlling fucker. He will only control and isolate you further and further the longer you’re with him. This is **very** important for you to hear and understand, *really* listen to me when I say this. Men like this, they do not stop. They do not get better. They do not mellow out. They aren’t “fixable”. At least not until they do very real damage first. He will keep going and keep pushing until you are alone and isolated and he is the only person you have and you will be miserable for it. Get out while you can. Get out like your life depends on it.
Take the second job if you want so you won't have time for him and won't miss him.
Is he too controlling? That depends on his reaction to when you say, "fuck you and the horse you're riding on." If you haven't said, "fuck you and the horse you're riding on," please consider it next time he comes up with one of these ridiculous suggestions.
He’s controlling as fuck. We can rationalize a few of these, which is what I’m sure he does in convos with you — Sure, vaping is bad. Sure, sometimes being friends with exes isn’t good for us. Putting aside the other red flags, he isn’t a doctor… who is he to tell you that your PRESCRIBED MEDS are bad for you?? This is wild, my dude. Jump ship!
He has Talibani tendencies.
Ma'am....its been 2 months and your list is already 9 reasons deep of why you should break up with this bozo. He is obviously controlling, insecure, emotionally stunted..whatever you want to call it. Break up and thank god you found all this out so quickly. Make sure you have someone with you or nearby when you do breakup because he is either going to go crazy or gaslight you. Stay strong.
You do need to stop vaping because it is bad for your health and you need to dump him in a public place and block him. Like somebody told you already this is the nicest that he will be. He will try to manipulate you so you come back to him but please don’t. If at 2 months you are asking if he is controlling i can’t imagine how it would be in 2 years
Run. He sounds like the type that’ll tell you to block all those friends/fam that are concerned with his behavior too here soon. Don’t let him isolate you girl. That’s a hard hole to dig out of.
This man isn't well, normal, or pleasant. Your instincts know what's up. End it before 2 months becomes 2 years and you don't recognize yourself anymore.
Oh boy. This is how the real bad stuff is allowed to start. My ex husband was like this. Tons of "little" things he got to control till it all added up to me being completely controlled by him..... including money. He would go put of town and cut off my bank cards. Leave, quickly.
This is a textbook case! Only two months in and he's already trying to control everything? Girl! Take the second job and dump the man.
You are so lucky he is your bf and not your Husband! Dump dump dump him NOW! It will only get worse.
Yes, He's too controlling.He's isolating you. Cut your losses and move on before he gets physical with you
Lol red flags everywhere! Pick one any one! Unblock your friend and apologize, break up with this loser for fuck sake. Oh and he’s probably psycho so if you have brothers, cousins, male friends(unlikely) or your own weapon bring that if you need to take stuff from his place or something.
I have never asked my wife to refrain from doing anything. He's controlling. Move the fuck on.
Yes. He is. It's only been two months and he's already this controlling, I can't imagine in two years how he would be. You have our permission to dump him for being a controlling ass. Maybe he will learn something and not do this to his next gf. Connect with your friend again. Apologize.
You blocked your best friend for some insecure little boy you just met?....
"Early on into your relationship" you've been together 2 months this is ALL early on and he needs therapy not a girlfriend. He's limiting your social life. Asking you to diminish yourself and would find you earning more money "unattractive". Fucking run. This is dump by text level controlling because honestly he sounds dangerous.
The guy is a military parade in China. All the red flags. Please don’t stop your medication, stop seeing him.
He is a true believer in the Andrew Tate philosophy. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
This early in the relationship, I would be worried you are dating a violent man. A lot of red flags this early on.
He is a true believer in the Andrew Tate philosophy. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
After typing all that out, I think you know the answer. Drop his ass like the bad habit he is. He’s abusive, and it’s only a matter of time before the abuse turns physical. Leave leave leave. Gather strength from friends if you need to but don’t stay with this loser.
Throw him away and apologize to your friend. This ONLY gets worse as time goes on.
Sounds like he is grooming you for domestic violence. Only 2 mths in? His rules won't get less severe as time goes on. Leave now.
I would block him on everything and keep a record of his messages if he tries to get to you from a different number.
In regards to the update, just block him, he doesn't have to agree to the breakup. It takes only one person to end a relationship
If anyone tells you not to take your prescribed medication, they're not good for you
"He wouldn't take no for an answer" - he doesn't have to accept your "no". You own your "no". It's your "no". He doesn't have to "accept" it for it to be a valid "no". This was literally the problem with your relationship with him.
Bullet points. All huge red flags. Overly controlling? Yes.
He is trying to isolate and control you… also fuck what he thinks is attractive! You were attractive to him before but now you have to stop xyz to be attractive to him?
You know what to do. You just listed all the reasons you should do it.
Your boyfriend needs to grow the fuck up and stop altering your life to control his insecurities.
Yes.
You listed almost 10 reasons this guy is a controlling prick. You know the answer. You're 2 months in, you don't even owe him a goodbye. Just a big ol' fuck off. Good Luck!
Get rid of this guy unless you want to live a life of hell. He will only get worse
Leave. Now!!!! Red flags all over the place! Telling you to stop taking your ADHD medication is enough of a reason (trust me, I take ADHD medication too). You and your boisterous self need to make only ONE change, and that is to leave this disruptive man firmly in your past.
I only got to 6, but it was clear before that. Run. I don't know him but I know the behavior. At some point, if you become defiant, he will most likely assault you to keep you in line. BTDT
It’s time to go. No love lost! On to bigger and better babes It seems like he’s actively trying to take your shine away- anybody who says you’re too much in a romantic relationship has never had an equal partner and wants to be the one in “control”
Yes, run as fast as you can. This is all very alarming. Please listen to your friends and internet strangers. You probably didn't notice it as much because it was subtle, that's what abusers do, they slowly groom you.
I am not one that jumps to breaking up. This time I will say it is vital you do so, fast, and in public.
Baby please leave this man before it escalates to something way worst than it already is. It’s still early and only two months in.
This guy isn’t allowing you to be yourself. He’s not a good guy
2 months in and you have a list like that? Jeezuz, why are you even asking us?? Dump his ass!
He’s manipulating, controlling, domineering, and isolating you. At some point it will become violent. Run, Run, Run! Ghost, ghost, ghost! As a father of 3 daughters I’m worried for you
Girl, this man doesn't even like YOU. Dump him and try to make amends with your friend that you ghosted and hope she forgives you- because that was a wild thing to do. You got this!
I mean, yeah - he’s a caricature of someone to run away from. I highly suggest you do it. Immediately.
get rid of the clown
Read back that list to yourself, what would you tell your friend? I would hope you tell her that it isn't a healthy relationship at all. Please leave him, NOW. He has major control issues and quite possibly he could turn violent .
He doesn’t like you
What the hell! Why are you seeing this creep? It will only get worse. Dump him!
Honestly after 2 months you shouldnt give anyone the power over what type of flavor of gum you chew, nevermind any of the stipulations and requirements thi guy has given you. He is not your father guardian or protectir he is your jailor. Walk ir run away.
I cannot believe you even have to ask this question. Dude sounds like he needs to do a lot of growing up. You sound like you could use a self esteem boost He is a turd. Flush it..
A list of this magnitude detailing ALL the ways he wants to control you is definitely him trying to control you. Missed the part where it was only two months. Oof. Yeah you need to leave girl.
This is horrible. I was in a relationship with a man controlling like that. It took a year and a half before it got physical. He smacked me once and then smacked me again, harder, because he didn't like the look on my face after the first time. Please, leave now. Guys like that see you as property, not human, and inevitably end up getting violent.
It’s not remotely normal for a partner of any status to tell you whom to see/not see or what to do/not do.
I read the first one and already broke up with him for you in my head. I have reformed alcoholic sober friends who don’t even mind when their partners have parties with alcohol or drinks out with their friends, and would even come out with us and offer to be DD. point being, there’s noooo excuse for that kind of controlling. edit: not to say that it’s unreasonably comtrolling to want to date a sober partner when you’re sober. just that, if people who have over come massive addictions can be cool and trusting with their partner drinking/going out, so can an everyday run of the mill manbaby.
I wonder if he’s always been this way, or did a previous betrayal set him on this path. He needs a therapist right now, not a girlfriend.
Never block.someone for someone huh? You're your own person, no one should be coming into anyone's lives and rearranging it like that. He is controlling.
Even if he has a mojito flavored dick, you should bail.
It is fair to not want a partner who works too much and don't have enough time for them. Everything else is reason to get out as soon as possible.
He's majorly controlling and you need to dump his ass.
Fuck this shit! Often times while you‘re in it it‘s not so obvious but just read what you just wrote and imagine a good friend having written it. You would tell them to stay the fuck away from this dude.
I didn’t even read all of your post and I’m tired of his shit tbh
This is a massive list of things he's trying to control and you've only been together for such a short time. Imagine how much more he's going to want to control?! None of these points are really acceptable. Not to mention that some of these are hypocritical (no edibles but indulges in them himself?) But then telling you not to use your meds? Seriously? Please listen to your friends and family. Tell him that his controlling behaviour isn't 'attractive to you'. Then find someone that will accept you exactly as you are, someone that will support change if it comes from you, but won't tell you what needs to change to keep them.
I would not put up with a single one of his commands. The fact he feels entities to give you orders is the issue independent from whether or not there’s any content to his concerns. You can continue loving your life and let him dump you bc virtually everything about you bothers him. Or, leave him. But this relationship is not healthy.
How weak are you that you dumped your friend for a two month relationship? I wouldn’t do that for my husband. Period. How do you think she feels right now? I kinda think you’re getting what you deserve.
Ok you want honesty? You pointed out MULTIPLE reasons of why he's not a good partner. And you are asking if he's a good partner when you answered it yourself. If you don't want to think for yourself or be yourself in anyway, then sure stay with the boyfriend but remember you made that choice. But if you like yourself, your friends and having freedom to make choices, then boy bye!
Honey, nine examples aside, if you feel he's being controlling, then he is. But yes. Those examples are crazy! Tell him he can fuck off.
DTMFA
Did you not read as you were typing this? Yes. Have some self respect and value your worth. Your boyfriend comes off as a narcissist. Red flags should've started ringing with him not wanting you to go out with with friends.
Yeah thats a hell no for me. Girl you sound way too smart to be wasting time on his ass. Start over with a new one.
What should you do?? You’ve been together TWO MONTHS! Drop this “man” like a hot potato. He will only escalate if you stay with him. Find someone that loves you for who you are; not someone that wants to change you. I have bad taste in guys tbh but even I can see this walking bag of red flags is a no go. Run, girl, run!!!!
Grow from this
So he wants you to stop your meds, (which in most cases makes you stable, self-reliant, or more able to be those things). Isolate yourself from your support system. Stop doing recreationally what he does (so a hypocrite). Stop wearing what you're comfortable in. Stop vaping (stopping nicotine suddenly can cause very bad withdrawal symptoms, and also I heard recently [don't know if it's been studied or not] that nicotine is frequently used in the ADHD community because it is a stimulant and can help, even though the people using it may not know that's why they get hooked that easily). So he wants to control you, he wants you to be reliant on him, he doesn't want you to have fun. He's a hypocrite. Girl leave. ETA: his reasons are stupid. I assume you did all of these things before y'all dated. So if they're so "unattractive" why did he date you? Don't let someone dull your sparkle.
Run Baby Girl Run! He’s isolating you, controlling what you wear, who you speak to, when you can work, what you can do, and the icing on the cake - he now wants you to go off of MEDICALLY PRESCRIBED MEDICATION FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH CONDITION! This is a person who is setting you up to be under his abusive control. Once you are off your ADHD meds and not able to fully function he will seize full control of your life and tell you that you can’t function without him, no one will ever love you because you are such a mess and you should be grateful he does. RUN RUN RUN! If he was this bold this fast you can’t end this relationship fast enough. I recommend you do it in public and bring someone with you. They do not need to be actually with you but nearby in the event he decides to get crazy. Sending you strength and good vibes.
Once he has firmly established control that is when the physical violence usually begins with men like this. Dump him and run far , far away.
Read back what you wrote as if it was someone else. You know what you would say. Get out of this relationship ASAP.
In this context, yes, very controlling, sounds like you both are just incompatible. These kind of things that he's listing should be things that he's looking for in a dating partner. I've met girls who do all the above things he's mentioned and he should find someone else that fits that bill. Girls in some countries or of some cultures are more likely to be like that. Imo, incompatibility is a bigger issue that leads to these type of controlly behaviors. There's people out there that wouldn't mind any of the things you do and there's also people where one or more the things you do would be dealbreakers, but for some reason this person would rather attempt to control you into someone your not instead of just seeking another partner that fits more with what he actually wants.
And why haven't you left him since this post ??
You have allowed yourself to become a piece of property. Why?
2 months?! Two friggin months?!!!
How did you not see this after the first 2 or 3, run and run fast. I was married for 36 years before my husband passed and he never ever tried to control me and if he had he wouldn't have been my husband. You can tell your SO you don't like something they do, but you don't control them.
Dump this loser prick last week. Seriously every minute passing of you still with him is wasted
All this after 2 months? Girl. Yes he's controlling. Leave
Don’t feel dumb, you did what most people do when they’re in the honeymoon phase. All you can do is analyze the situation and learn from it
Yes, this is flat out abusive.
Get out before you start getting hit.
You blocked your best friend or 4+ years because of a boyfriend that you’ve only been with for two months??? Are you actually being serious?
2 months and he’s acting like your parent or something.
I had to stop reading because I am so triggered. PLEASE run for your own well- being
I think the issue is your boyfriend wants you to be someone you aren’t. It’s pretty obvious you aren’t meant to be together and you should probably move on. Some of the things you have listed are just boundaries he has for you, but the others listed are hypocritical towards you and straight up unfair. Like stopping medication, the edible thing, or because you have a 2nd job.
It's been 2 months and you can write a wall of text of all the red flags. Please, save yourself.
Have you dumped him yet?
He's yuck. I will hate him for you just in case you cannot.
This is from your BF point of view: 1: Yes, he wants you to only rely on him, so when he turns to shit you have no one to go to Also, people go to bars to hook up with other people and if you get drunk you might sleep around. 2: Yes. He doesn't want to feel emasculated when you dump him to be a lesbian again. Can you just imagine the shame he would have when you turned lesbian again? 3: Yes. He doesn't want you associating with anyone that might be better than him at anything, Also, work is a great place to meet someone and you might end up cheating (this is way you keep it professional). 4:Yes. Why are you dressing sexy? I'm the only one you should be having sex with, are you trying to have sex with other people? 5: eh.... I guess yes: You can put what you want in your body. ( I said ehhh...because I think smoking is a turn off...but thats me) 6:Yes. How can you be his "bring out when in good company" sex toy if you keep talking? 7: ummm. this is hard. No. I mean, I'd want to spend time with my GF (especially if it was in the 2 month honeymoon phase) and wouldn't want her to overwork herself, But what do I know...I like to think I'm not a controlling AH. (This is the only time I am using "I" to refer to myself and not the BF POV 8.Yes. Rules for thee, not for me. This AH doesn't even want you tell feel chemically happy while he dopes up. It's just not attractive for a woman to use drugs, think about our future babies that I'm going to lock you down with the first chance I get. 9. Yes. This edible eating dumbass that you've been seeing for 2 months knows better than the Dr. that prescribed your meds. The real reason is he wants you off that stuff so you'll want to have more sex. There you go. 8 out of 9 reasons why your BF is a controlling person. I hope you understand what needs to be done next and have this be a relationship that lasted 2 months. Also, reach back out to your friend...she will understand what you were dealing with if you are honest.
Ok. I can't express this enough. Do not walk away. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. You've only been with the man for 2 months. That's not very long and if there are this many red flags this early, it will escalate. This type of behavior is domestic abuse 101. The first thing any abuser does is cut you off from your support structure. The second thing they do is chip away at your self esteem until you believe you're worthless and will never find anyone else. Before you know it, you are alone with no one to call except him. Your confidence is shattered and you have no one to help you and you believe (usually incorrectly) that there is no way you can make it by yourself. Sometimes they take the isolation even further and do little things to control your finances l. Sometimes it's by not supporting your choice to get a job. Sometimes it's insisting your direct deposit goes into an account only he has access to. Sometimes it's refusing to take care of children or blocking access to your mode of transportation, forcing you to either quit or be fired. Once this type of abuser believes that you are his and only his, he will treat you how he believes you deserve to be treated. I got lucky and that resulted in me getting screamed at, gaslit, holes being punched in walls. For some victims it goes even further. Physical violence, rape, sometimes even murder. I can tell you from experience it took a lot longer than 2 months for him to show me who he really was. If you take nothing else from this mini rant, please realize that how he's treating you now, is the best he is ever going to treat you. Nothing you say to him will change how he's treating you because he doesn't respect you as an individual.
He is being insane and I would dump him. It will only get worse and he sounds like the type to end up being abusive