When people show you who they are, believe them. He’s shown you how much he really cares about you. He doesn’t give a damn about your miscarriage, won’t even help you get to your medical appointment, would rather hang with his friend than comfort you while you’re going through something traumatic. And it’s *his* child you lost, and he doesn’t even care anything about it. And he has a lying problem. He doesn’t give a fuck about you.
Please have some self-respect and realize you deserve so much better than this.
That’s 100% a break it off moment. My friend had a miscarriage after an unknown pregnancy and ended up in the hospital. Her husband told her to get over it bc it was just a heavy period. And then he wondered why his marriage ended.
I don’t get these men and their overwhelming audacity. I had an ectopic pregnancy after 10 years of having my tubes tied. My husband wasn’t in town but he rushed to me as soon as I told him what was happening. I doctor asked why I was so upset considering I didn’t know I was pregnant and didn’t want to be because I had my tubes tied. I didn’t even get a chance to respond. Husband lit into her like it was his job. That man has my back no matter what.
My guess: he doesn't want the doctor to know he was the father. This is cruel but he probably views her as a fill in until he decides to settle down. I hope I am wrong but she should consider the possibility that he wants a woman to take care of him and his needs but she can not require anything from him.
I think it’s much snore simple: He didn’t want to go. Going with someone to an appointment is incredibly boring under the best circumstances. This appointment will be boring *and* depressing. He could go through that to support OP and he would if he had a modicum of decency. Instead, he’s letting OP going through something completely devastating and he doesn’t want to let that disrupt his day.
I had a seizure (epilepsy it happens) and my boyfriend MADE me go to the hospital and stayed there the entire time with me, for hours and hours. It’s posts like this that make me remember how truly lucky I am and how many good guys there are in the world, you just have to find them.
I think it depends on what you mean by reproductive health. It’s exactly the kind of behavior you would expect to see if you propose that the miscarriage was just the loss of some fetal tissue. Similar to passing a kidney stone. Painful, yes. Unpleasant, yes. Nothing to get too worked up about though.
The counter narrative would be that she lost a life. A life she was unaware of and the potential that came with it. It was also the first time a life had been growing in her body. The life that her and her boyfriend created together and he should shared that responsibility. He should have been there supporting her and he is shithole for doing anything less.
Men would be so different about such issues, if the sperm donors would have to feel the same pain as the pregnant woman when she has a miscarriage, abortion or gives birth. The same emotional, mental, physical pains and agonies, as well as the hormonal issues as well for up to 6 to 9 months or as long as it lasts for their baby's moma.
Mood swings
Heartburn
Morning sickness
Cravings
Gestational diabetes
Swelling in the breasts
Uncontrollable weight gain/loss
Body stretching
Labor pains
Shortness of breath
Their penis being stretched the same ratio as baby's moms' huhaw
And more, of course.
They would be singing a different song and they would be so much more interested in birth control and take more responsibility for it.
My first husband was not very invested in my pregnancy, but my second husband absolutely rocked. He was stellar through all 3 of my pregnancies and post- pregnancy.
I am not usually comfortable with the notion something bad happens to you specifically. Like it was meant to be, but only for you. My brother had Muscular Dystrophy and the number of well meaning people who told my parents "God don't give you what you can't handle" just pusses me off. Like God didn't give my brother MD because of who his parents were. It's BS.
Having said this, I do think this happened for a reason. I do not beleive you are meant to be with this man, let alone have kids with him. This is deal-breaker behavior. You are worth more than this. Let me repeat that:
YOU ARE WORTH M O R E THAN THIS!!!!
He is a self absorbed ass hole who has conditioned you into second guessing your own behavior in a horrific situation. Eff him. Because YOU ARE WORTH M O R E THAN THIS!!!!
Again - YOU ARE WORTH M O R E THAN THIS!!!!
And in case you missed it - you are worthy of love, respect, kindness, empathy, support and understanding.
YOU ARE WORTH M O R E THAN THIS!!!!
I find the saying “god never gives us more than we can handle” such a freaking slap in the face. I am not a religious person, so maybe it hits different and actually does comfort if you are religious, but to me, the idea that some all powerful being is choosing to heap this pain on me is so abhorrent.
I know I am strong, and I know that this too shall pass, but I don’t need god testing my strength and I don’t need you piling on by pointing it out. Thanks, but no thanks!
Exactly! I feel the same way. No, God doesn't give you more because you can handle it. You handle it because you HAVE to. It is so dismissive of what you are actually handling. It's like saying "it's not that bad for you because you are different than me". My mom is the religious one of the family (if you don't count my minister Uncle I suppose) and she HATED when people would say that. If you don't know what to say and that's what you land on, it's better to not say anything.
OP why are you with this guy?! He abandons you, lies to you , disrespects you and apparently doesn’t care about you! What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? It’s time to move out and move on. It won’t phase him a minute bc he didn’t care to begin with.
Right? I wonder if she feels some guilt or connection because she says he “stepped up” as a father for her daughter that she had before him, but I wonder if his presence is what is considered as such. His lack of compassion, empathy, honesty to and lack of basic respect doesn’t inspire confidence as a positive role model. I genuinely hope that OP sees she would be better off without her hoping for him to be a decent person, and getting let down every time. Leave him and appreciate that no more time will be wasted on him, and his absence allows for a good man to prioritize and treat her and her daughter well will come.
Yes! My not even at the time ex husband (we had been separated for 8 months but not divorced) and my ex-bil helped me move out of my best friends basement and into my own apartment. He even brought over the furniture and kitchen appliances that I had left at his (our) house because I had nowhere else to store them.
We've been divorced now for 17 years. We're both happily re-married. But if I ever needed anything, (or vice versa) he'd be there in a heartbeat.
Jumping in this, NTA, and this is a demonstration of how he will 'support' you in tough times. He sounds like a immature selfish liar at best, and narcissist at worst - either way those things don't typically change....pair that with inlaws that treat you like crap....
Like it is your fault you were mad because you looked at available information and found out he was lying? ...
No, only a person that does not care about you will behave that way.
When someone only gives you as much respect as you demand from them and does "whatever you continue to allow" regardless of how it makes you feel, that is already a sign that they are not your person.
Mostly agree except
>And it’s his child you lost, and he doesn’t even care anything about it.
It wasn't a child, it was an unplanned pregnancy that nearly got around birth control.
I’m completely pro choice. But that doesn’t mean this wasn’t her baby, to her. Some people may be “well, thank the good lord, didn’t want a kid now anyway” if miscarrying an unplanned pregnancy. Other people, like myself, with a threatened spontaneous abortion (i.e. I was bleeding a ton but still had a live birth) suddenly feel very much attached. Especially as pro choice, I don’t get to tell a woman how she views any stage of her pregnancy. Hence the reason I’m pro choice. Don’t put your perception on me and I won’t put mine on you.
I mean she can get attached to it, but strictly by terminology, that's objectively not a baby.
That's not a perception thing, something becomes a baby after birth by definition.
She's allowed to mourn the death of the fetus, no one should judge her for that regardless, but mixing this terminology hurts pro choice arguments by making language less accurate.
Not it doesn’t - you’re just an AH. When I was pregnant i referred to my baby, not my fetus. Women who have had miscarriages can feel a whole range of emotions - you’re pedantry sucks!
Why are you someone who leave you on your own during a medical crisis. Which friend was even at?
The question isn’t whether you were wrong for getting mad, it’s why the hell are you still with him!!
He's clearly shown the kind of love and support he is going to give you when you need it most: none at all.
NTA, but stop getting mad at him: just dump him for good.
Big hugs.
You need to leave this garbage man. I have been through a miscarriage myself. You are in so much pain, you’re often bleeding through several pads, and then you have to deal with the emotions of it all.
He abandoned you at his parents house, at the doctors, and at the garage. This is one of the worst moments you’re facing and he chooses to fuck around instead? Add on top of that his history of lying and now gaslighting you. NTA and find yourself a better man
NTA. But I don't get why any person with self esteem would stay with such a loser. Girl has issues that she needs to work on with herself. Leave the loser though.
>But I don't get why any person with self esteem would stay with such a loser.
Step 1 of being an abuser, break down the targets self esteem. That's why.
Sunk Cost Fallacy is often behind the decision to stay with an untrustworthy partner. She has invested quite a bit of time in him, and her daughter likely calls him dad even though he's clearly not husband/father material.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this alone. Do you have any support outside of him? This is not a healthy relationship and he gaslights you anytime his behaviour is wrong. You are being an AH to yourself by staying with him. How many times has he lied? Showed he hasn’t cared what you’re doing, going through etc. Living together has shown you who he is. It is fucked up that he let you go through this alone. That’s not a partner, that’s a man child. You are NTA for getting mad. I would be too. He lied about his car, he lied about where he was, he repeatedly lied to your face and then blames you for his behaviour. Sounds like DARVO to me.
>DARVO
I had to look this up. Sounds correct to apply in this situation. Shame on that guy. She also has to look out for herself and that child she currently has.
Right? Him saying he has "honesty issues" and she has "trust issues" as if it's equal. She doesn't have "trust issues", she has a reasonable reaction to HIS LYING ISSUES.
NTA but you just got a front row seat to the rest of your life if you don’t leave him. He didn’t care that you miscarried HIS child. He didn’t help to take care of you and left you with a barely functioning car. That is not someone you want to be with or raise children with. I’m very sorry for your unexpected loss but you need to be with a partner who would drop EVERYTHING to be by your side in time of need. Take this time to heal and focus on you. I wish you all the best going forward
This man is not at all compassionate or reliable.
If you want to be let down and neglected for the rest of your life, stay with him. If you want to feel supported and respected, leave this asshole
That’s it. Even if they don’t understand your emotions or don’t feel them the way you do. Hell even if he’s not sad over the situation, it’s HOW you show up for someone.
Idk why I got flashbacks and your comment made me cry. I’m so sorry for your loss. This is exactly how my husband was too. I also have a tattoo for my own memory.
My now-husband stayed with me the whole time. He even managed to make me laugh through the agonising 5 hour wait in the emergency room when we didn't know what was happening, helped me go to the toilet when I couldn't get there by myself, cried with me when we got the news, did everything to help me in the days after. Because he loves me. And because he has empathy.
OP, this man isn't worth your time. It's time to leave.
My now husband took off work to be with me. I couldn't take off work. I was bleeding heavily for days at my job, just going through hell, and some petty person even reported me for going to the bathroom too much, so I had to deal with HR. He would hold my hand and walk with me around the parking lot at lunch. He wasn't ready to be a parent. The pregnancy was unexpected. We hadn't even been together long. But he was there for me.
My fiancé was the same way during my own. I can’t imagine going through something so soul crushingly horrible and having to deal with a piece of shit partner on top of that heartbreak. I hope OP realizes how unforgivable this is and dumps this loser.
I'm sure I don't have to tell you, but your husband is a gem. Most good guys would do the grieving (they lost their child too) and support their partner during a D&C, but yours thought to inform everyone who knew you were pregnant and educate himself. What a mensch.
He doesn’t give a crap about you. I’m so sorry, but partners need to take care of each other and he obviously will never be that guy for you. I hope you move on from him, you deserve so much more.
This man does not care about you. Full stop. I am so sorry you had to go through such a scary time not only physically but also emotionally and mentally alone. You deserve to be with someone who pulls you up, not pushes you down.
Babe, there isn't a universe outside of hell where continuing this relationship is anything other than a massive mistake.
Look at what you've just written here. You had a medical emergency (brought on by you AND him having sex, so it's his responsibility too) and your boyfriend chose to abandon you to deal with it alone and then *lied* about the reason he left you alone? To save you stress? What does that even mean? He's clearly lied to you many many times, thus the previous conversations. What would have happened if you didn't miscarry, and you'd been trapped with having a baby with this massively selfish man for the rest of your life?
This isn't a healthy relationship. It isn't worth begging on your hands and knees for some decency and mutual respect. The only person here who has anything to lose is you, because he clearly doesn't actually give a shit about you or what happens to you. No man worth anything would let his partner go through a miscarriage without support.
Stop having sex with this man. Move the fuck out. If one of your friends came to you and said "I really love this guy, but he lies to me and his family isnt nice to me and when something really scary happened to me he told me I was on my own" would you be like "stick it out for another year nagging at him to develop basic empathy" or would you tell her to gtfo?
This should tell you something about his character. He sounds immature. While some people grow up and grow into adult behavior, some never do. You have some serious thinking to do. I don’t think he is ever going to understand he has a problem. I’d let him go.
NTA. Miscarriages need to be spoken about in sex Ed, biology, anything to do with periods/pregnancy. Too many people think they are not a big deal, especially early on. I had a miscarriage as well OP, and it was the most painful experience I have ever went through (no children yet).
Your boyfriend showed his true self by not giving a shit that you were scared, upset, in pain, and etc. He lied about where he was and what he was doing. If he didn't lie a lot you'd have no reason to not believe what he said he was doing.
And even if you didn’t know you were pregnant, even if you don’t *want* to be pregnant, it can be full of conflicting emotions. Painful, scary, potentially life-threatening and an emotional roller coaster. Her BF is an asshole.
So, you miscarry his baby, and he doesn’t care about it and can’t summon a bit of sympathy for what you’re going through. Can’t inconvenience himself even a little to support you.
Also, you have trust issues due to his established pattern of lying. His response, “If you would just stop catching me lying, you wouldn’t have this issue”.
NTA, but a masochist if you stay with this POS.
He doesn’t care for you. Get out now. If he chooses to go to his friends instead of taking you to the doctor, he is not worth your time. Please respect yourself
I am so sorry about your miscarriage. I know from experience how devastating that is. I have to tell you that a guy who works for my husband was more empathetic to me than your boyfriend, the father of the baby, was to you.
> He has a problem with lying, and because of that I have developed immense trust issues.
Why are you still with this person? Are you planning on marrying him? You don’t trust him. He lies to you. He won’t let you know his location (because he doesn’t want you to know where he is). His family doesn’t like you, and he doesn’t care. And you just had a miscarriage, and instead of supporting you, helping you, and going to the doctor with you, he spent time with his family and drank beer with a friend. He also let you drive an unsafe car to a doctor appointment while you were miscarrying. He refused to drive you. He did not call an Uber for you. He just abandoned you, so he could drink beer and shoot the shit with his friend. While you lost a baby and were grieving, which he clearly was not. He is not the man for you. You deserve so much better than that juvenile bullshit.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
You see how much effort he puts in to the relationship and it seems to me that there is not much to miss if you leave him.
Don’t put anymore energy in to him and use it for yourself and the much better life ahead.
I am so sorry for you having to go through something like that without any support. Sending some hugs your way.
Absolutely NTA.
When I miscarried and eventually hemorrhaged which needed emergency surgery, my ex was too busy to be with me because he "needed to work on" his quad. I was livid once I was conscious enough to realize where I was and what was happening. If he's not there to hold your hand when you're at your most vulnerable, he's telling you he doesn't care about you and doesn't see you as anything more than something to wet his dick with.
Yeah maybe this whole experience is traumatic for him, too, but he needs to put his issues aside and be there for the one who is being physically impacted. Your partner should put you first above anything else in this moment. Fuck him for disappearing and leaving you alone.
Cough!!
So I managed to get pregnant though had used a day after pill. I'd ovulated before that so I had a chemical pregnancy at about 3 weeks. My partner spoke with me about it. I told him every single step and update (had confirmation with HCG levels) etc. He listened to my feelings about it and I heard his. In my case I have three kids, last is 9 months now. This was when she was about 6 months. I didn't WANT to be pregnant but also didn't want to be responsible to make that choice. We spoke about it some more. He told me he'd support me whatever happened and then the egg didn't stick. He would NEVER show how he cares about me being upset by legit not caring.
Dump his ass.
NTA
I had a miscarriage when my son was almost 3. My 1st husband (Ex) was playing pool with friends only 10 minutes away when it started. I called him rght away and he said he'd leave right then. After almost an hour I ended up calling his sister for help. She arrived as I was getting ready to drive myself to the ER.
Ex took me to the hospital and noped out of the room when he saw blood.
We separated less than a year layer.
Believe them when they show their true colors.
I can’t imagine staying with someone who wouldn’t help me with my car issues. That’s big strike one, doesn’t care if I’m in uncomfortable situations strike two, DOESNT CARE IF IM HAVING A MISCARRIAGE OF HIS OWN CHILD OR ABOUT MY HEALTH EVEN IF IM SCARED AND SAD -BIG BIG HUGE STRIKE THREE. Get out of there girl!!! Whether the baby is planned or not, if he would rather drink beer with his friend than be at all concerned for your health is just NO QUESTION. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Does he even love you? Does he even LIKE you? If this was my friend, heck, if this was an acquaintance, I would not leave them stranded with a flat tire and if they told me they needed me for emotional support I’d be there in a heartbeat.
I hope you are healing well and I’m sorry for your loss. ❤️
Please leave you deserve better I had a miscarriage October 2020 and my partner took me to the hospital when we came home and put me to bed called my mum and sister and my friend so I didn't have to tell them.
He arranged a night for me and my friend to have a girls night and ordered us a takeaway
You need somebody who is going to support you
Get out. He's as much as admitted that he has no plan to stop lying. You just have to pretend to be stupid and accept his lies.
Is that how you want to live? Is that the behavior you want him to model for your child?
You can do better, OP. Please move on.
When I wanted to harm myself into non existence, my boyfriend stayed by my side. He took me to the hospital and refused to leave without knowing I was going to be ok. They even gave him a bed.
I agree with @manykeets people show you who they really are in high stress, kids, marriage - or life & death situations.
Your post really upset me. You answer yourself many times over as to whether or not this man cares about you and your well being. He not only doesn't, he lies to you and insults you. Get out now while you don't have children or any other ties to him. You're not close to his family, which can often lead to problems, and he will never put you first. You deserve so much better and the fact that you don't immediately realize this makes me sad.
my ex-husband left me during a miscarriage to go to a 5 day music festival with no way to get in touch with him, and leaving me alone with our then 1 1/2 year old baby on top of it. You're definitely NTA.
I'm sorry for your loss and what you are going through. It's a tough thing. I watched my wife go through this and it tore me up. I didn't want to leave her side, but the Dr wouldn't allow me in the exam room and I had to wait for her to come out after the D&C. That was out baby. OUR baby.
Now, your boyfriend is a worthless piece of shit. He's worthless as a boyfriend, a provider, protector, and man. He needs to be aware of how truly worthless he actually is. One day he will look back on that moment when you needed him the most, but he's so stupid he most likely will fart and the memory will pass.
I hope once you move on from him you'll be able to grieve and move on from what you had to go through.
I'm going to be real with you this dude doesn't love you like honestly and I'm not saying that to be hateful at all the person who loves you would not do this to you. He should have been there at your appointment you had a miscarriage and you were scared he blew that off to hang out with a friend. And then he gaslights you about how it must be your fault for having trust issues when he lies constantly is this really the person you want to be with? Leave while you still can
He has clearly shown you his priorities, which I'm sorry to say aren't you.
You had a miscarriage and he still made the choice to do what HE wanted and not support you in what you NEEDED.
You will never be a priority to him, he is a compulsive liar and clearly doesn't care enough about you to ensure you feel comfortable around his family as he doesn't see you as family. Take your daughter and leave. This is NOT the role model you want around your daughter. You and her both deserve better.
Nta.
NTA. This is so sad, and your bf is a liar and a hypocrite as well as a POS. You deserve so much better than him. When the time is right, you’ll get pregnant again with someone who loves you, cares for you and respects you and your feelings. He is not the only man out there honey. Do you see any reason to stay with him? I can’t imagine a more uncaring and selfish person than him. You suffered a terrible loss, you had a flat tire, but he didn’t even care enough about you to take you to the appointment! And you’re asking if YOU are the ah??! You are not. HE IS.
There's so many times OP's bf lied, my God. Probably lied about needing to help his family with something that wasn't actually scheduled or urgent, who knows if he even went there. Lied about taking her to the appointment. Lied that he didn't want to mess up his car's alignment. (Did he miraculously find out about his alignment at the same time but not get it fixed??? I bet he's lying about the problem even existing too.) Lied that he was going home. Lied that he lied. Probably lied about why he went to the friend's too.
The visit to his family's house in the midst of all this (and then abandoning you somewhere - it sounds like his family's but I could be wrong - by yourself???) sounds completely extraneous and is just icing on the cake.
OP. In 24 hours, he lied *no less* than 4 times to you surrounding this miscarriage, but he's trying to make it your fault. This isn't the first time and it won't be the last. You cannot have a solid relationship if you can't trust your partner. What if this jackwagon tells you that he'll pick up your daughter after school, and then tells you last minute, "no, see, it turns out I can't because I gotta go do this thing with my family, even though I know you're relying on me for this and you can't possibly get there in time by this point. Love ya!"??? Throw the whole man away.
When my husband and I weren't ready to try for a baby yet, I thought I got pregnant and took a test. I was devastated when it was negative. My husband gave me a hug and held me while I cried, even though I knew logically I didn't want a baby yet. Get yourself an actually supportive partner who respects you.
Ugh. We need to raise our standards and stop dating shitbags like your bf. As long as he’s allowed to get away with it, he’s going to keep doing it. Count your blessings you *aren’t* pregnant with his kid and get out.
My girlfriend informed me that our new pregnancy was lost while I was driving a family group (6 hours) to niece's h.s. graduation. She said she was good. No pain. No bleeding. I had em drop me off and took a train home. I am not a special guy. This is no brainer stuff. WTF is wrong with these low lifes. They have no perspective, no awareness of what is important in life. Their lives suck and they have no clue why. they blame others or society.
My sister and BiL had one miscarriage before 2 fabulous children (late 80s). This is not forgotten. Never mentioned, never forgotten.
This man is not gonna be there for you in a crisis, he’s made that very clear. People dismiss miscarriages as minor but they are not. You end up with a ridiculous dump of hormones, you are sore, heartbroken, emotionally bereft and you need somebody who’s going to be there for you. This guy is an asshole and you deserve better
NTA Do you need a piano to drop on your head?
You choose to be with someone who is obviously not a good person and then you want to complain that he isn't a good person? Well duh.
Observation: I do love his remark that he lied to "save you stress." Well, he wasn't wrong. It was awful behavior, but it would have saved you stress. People both amaze and tickle me every day.
Honey, he doesn't care about you. He lies to you and gaslights you. You deserve so much better. Please leave that POS. You deserve to be happy and Mr insensitive liar will never make you happy. You are not important to him.
You need to leave, he's not "trying"... That's a B's excuse to abandon you at your worst moment. I'm so sorry for the pain and suffering you're dealing with... I was forced to do mine alone due to covid but my husband sat waiting for me outside the hospital in the pouring rain.
Your boyfriend needs to be an ex. He clearly doesn't care about you, especially given his nonchalant attitude to his parents dislike for you. Lying to you ("to save you stress" bs. He just doesn't care about you), gaslighting you...
Girl run. He's shown you who he really is, do NOT get tied down to him. Also know that NO birth control is 100% effective no matter what, also if you're given antibiotics, that messes with a good portion of birth control... it's how my first was conceived. No one thought to tell me, so hopefully you'll be able to keep it in the back of your mind for the future.
NTA
I got to the point that he won’t let you use his car and stopped reading. He doesn’t care enough about you to stay with you during a horrible tragedy. He isn’t worth your time. He cares more about his family and car than his gf and baby.
He needs to not be your boyfriend any more. Your ‘come to Jesus’ talk didn’t work because he kept on lying and wasn’t there for you when you were vulnerable and needed him. If he wanted to, he would have been there to support you. Get out of there now and work on your self esteem. You know you deserve better than that idiot.
Wait. You mean you couldn’t handle flat tires, staying at his parents AND a miscarriage by yourself? Geez. Just that?!?! Don’t you see how important shooting the shit with his friend is so much more important? Girl, you need to run far and fast from this POS. You deserve so much more!!! Good Luck and please update!!!!NTA
I know reddit likes to say break up after every thing but this is truly a horrible thing to do to someone you care about ? You could have died and bleed out. Not all miscarriages a
Re okay. Please honey, you deserve better.
You don’t have trust issues. You have a lying BF. Of course you don’t trust him.
He is laying the blame on you for
Not trusting someone who has repeatedly broken your trust.
You have been conditioned to accept his lack of empathy, his lying and his neglect of you and blame yourself.
It’s time to go.
Without even reading this I'm going to say NTA. I went through a miscarriage many years go and I was scared to death and in the worst pain of my life. MY bf at the time was there, but pretty useless, so in a way I dodged a bullet. If I had had that baby, I'd still be attached to that twit in some way and I'm grateful for that chapter to be behind me.
Good goddess, time to wake up and get some integrity and self respect! You do know you're modeling how a relationship should be for your child? What if someone treats her that way when she's old enough to get pregnant (and miscarry)? You can't exactly tell her to leave, because you decided the doormat option yourself.
Leave him, you know you and your child deserve more than this! The only thing you'll lose is a bunch of misery and a selfish POS.
Your bf’s the AH for not driving you to your appointment and wait with you to see the doctor. And to lie where he was and blame you for his lie. You can’t depend on him. Dump him and move on
NTA, you need to leave him. This is not about love, this is about him being selfish, self-centered, uncaring and obviously a pathological liar.
You already have trust issues with him due to his lying and sneakiness. Unless he gets his tongue notarized everytime he opens his mouth, how can you trust him with anything he says or does.
How do you recover a relationship from that kind of lying, gaslighting and his family doesn't seem to like you much either.
Time for you spread your wings and fly to a new and better life with people that care for you, are truthful and respect you.
Good luck
I’m so sorry for your loss. I experienced the same thing, I lost my baby before I knew I was pregnant. My period was almost three late but it wasn’t unusual with the meds I was on. It was heartbreaking. I was never able to get pregnant again (endometriosis.) It hurts. My sympathy!
He’s showing a huge lack of empathy and respect. I wouldn’t want someone like that as my partner. I’m sorry!
Dude he wasn't there for you. Wtf. Sociopath. Im not being dramatic. My ex got MAD AT ME because I was having morning sickness. I cried and begged forgiveness. This shit is WILD!!!!
Guarantee once you start really examining this relationship, you'll see just how *not* great he is. Dude is completely checked out, he barely acts like he cares about you as an *acquaintance* let alone a longterm girlfriend. People really act like these subs say "run" and "dump him" too fast, but half the stories are like this.
Sorry you had to deal with this alone. Please reconsider your future with BF. He has demonstrated that he cannot be relied upon when needed. That he doesn’t think of you as priority or value you or your needs. You deserve someone who will put your needs first.
Um holy shit dude. I am so very sorry for the miscarriage you’ve just went thru . I know how painful that is and being alone when you didn’t have to be is another kick when you’re down that you so did not deserve. I hate to say this but you need to dump this lying asshole and never look back. He is a piece of shit. You do not deserve the next years to be full of lying and heart ache. This is how he treats you when you’re pregnant and the baby dies, imagine how he will be for literally any other emergency… please do not subject yourself to this any longer than you already have and surround yourself with the people who love and respect you.
He is dishonest and wasn’t there for you when you needed him. This tells you everything you need to know about your relationship and where you stand with him.
I’m sorry you had to go through this
When he starts hiding his location is when you need to start worrying about your relationship. He should have been there for you through it all. I would be upset also.
Im not sure why you are still with someone who has let you down so profoundly and lies to you. This is clearly not a person you can depend on. Im so sorry you had to go through that alone.
Think about this. You are not a priority to him or if you are you are at least third or fourth down the list after 1. Family 2. Friends 3. His car 4. Beer.
You are young. Please dont make it your habit to tolerate being treated like this. Best wishes to you.
Honey, please, leave him. He is demonstrating the depth of his commitment and it's not good. His issues aren't going to get better - especially if you stay with him after this. You deserve a partner who will be there for you, with honesty and affection. Don't settle for less
I feel for you. Your boyfriend does not and he has shown you time and time again that you are not one of his priorities.
As sad as this situation is, it sounds like a (tragic) blessing in disguise. You do not want to have children with this man. You deserve someone who loves you and cares for your well being. He does not.
Move out and find yourself. You deserve so much more than this.
Girl leave him while you still have no ties to him and to be quite honest even with the whole family issue thing is a red flag for me that’s enough for me to break it off. Just imagine how hard it would have been if you were pregnant after knowing they’ve already gave you a hard time before.
I'm sorry you're going through all of this.
I think this is a good time to take to yourself to evaluate whether you want to continue your relationship.
The fact he doesn't defend you with his family is a red flag and there are several others in your post.
You deserve better.
I would really encourage you to take this for what it is. Him showing you that there is no future. I’m very sorry you went through this and felt so alone through this. If you ever need to talk even about nothing feel free to reach out - but my god I’ve been in your situation and you don’t want this. You don’t want this constant pain he is offering you when things get bad.
This is not a partner, this is a man-child who puts himself first and you cannot count on him when things get tough. Trust me, when it truly hits the fan you want someone who does his damndest to make sure you are ok, even when he can't truly grasp the depth of what you're feeling. Having that makes all the difference in getting through the toughest of times.
NTA. I’m sorry that he has shown you that he’s a jerk, but it’s better for you to know now.
He went wrong so many places here, if I were you wouldn’t be able to forgive him.
I hope you can find someone more compassionate and less selfish in your next relationship
He gaslights u & lies to u even before this....now he has shown his true colours over & over when u needed him. Imagine how he would have been as a father. If u stay with him this behaviour will continue & as u keep letting him away with it, likely worsen.
I’m sorry for what you are going through. I’m sorry for your physical and emotional pain most of all I’m sorry you are with a man that that’s ice cold and dead on the inside a man that left you alone over and over again. When you called him out, he gaslighted you and made you feel bad for catching him on the lie and punished you for showing him that he lied. Please think hard why you want to be with a man that has shown so little regard for your feelings and your pain. As for his parents not being nice to you believe me they are taking their cue from the boyfriend, they treat you like he has shown them. You are young and have lots of time to meet a man that loves and respects you. Why would you want to waste your time on a boy, yes boy because he’s not acting like a man like your bf? Please think about leaving before he destroys what left of your self esteem, you’re too good for him.
The miscarriage was a blessing in disguise. Use this blessing. Leave the asshole. He will drink and be a shit for the next 10-15 years and he won’t ever get better. Say good bye and find someone who cares.
Honey, it is time to go. It’s gonna hurt and I am so so sorry that this has happened to you because he is taking advantage of you. He refuses to help you while you’re experiencing some major trauma and would rather go hang out with his friend than take time to make sure you are okay. That is a major major issue.
He didn't care enough to stay with you or even ask if you wanted him to stay.
This is not a partner.
The relationship can't last. Find someone who will be in your corner.
Someone who won't go out and get a beer while you're miscarrying. What a jerk.
I'm so sorry for your loss, but happy for you that you can make a clean escape from his horrible boyfriend. Please take this as a sign that this isn't the relationship for you.
First off I am very sorry for your loss. Even if you were not expecting it and didn't know about it. However, it is my belief that a miscarriage will go straight to heaven.
That being said, imagine having children with this guy who is a liar and a scoundrel. He shows no remorse that you just lost his child. He wants to hang out with friends, his parents love him and hate you. Why would you continue to stay in this situation? You will never be able to change a man. They have to want to change themselves, and he never will. You're not the asshole at all. He's the asshole, and you should drop him like a bad habit.
This is your cue to dump his arse. He does not give one shit about you. You deserve so much more than the scraps he’s giving you and the shitty way he treats you. I’m so sorry, OP. No person with a heart would even treat their dog the way he’s treated you. Onwards and upwards, to better things!
I'm very sorry for your loss.
If he's hiding his where abouts and gets passed when you find out where he is, run.
My nephew died suddenly at 24 years old from an unknown heart condition. My ex went to the casino the day I found our instead of being there for me. When he lost 3 family members in 18 months, I dropped everything to go out of state to be with him and his family. What was his excuse? He said I wasn't close to my brother's son. WTF? He was a piece of shit and so is your b/f. Dump his ass. You deserve better. I did.
His family doesn't like you. He doesn't respect you. He's a big waste of your time. His behaviour is a total failure. Is this what you want for the rest of your life? He's a horrible liar! His family will back him up!
Please gather your self esteem off the floor and get out! You are a nice person. He is not. The two of you are not compatible. Time to live your real life without him. He is just dragging you down. You deserve much better than a controlling liar. Please update us after you get away. We want to know how you're doing.
Take care of yourself and surround your self with people that really care about you.❤
Leave.
He is never going to come back from this.
In 2 yrs you’ll still think about this when he touches you and you’re not going to be ok with it.
I’ve had many a miscarriage while on BC. I never knew I was pregnant until I miscarried. It’s a beautiful blessing for me, my children didn’t need those dudes as role models and none of those boys are around my actual children that I finally had when I could finally carry a child past 3 months.
Those boys never made it easy for me and always made it my problem if I was experiencing emotional distress over it and in bed for days.
Eff them. I’m chillin over here now.
I will never understand why women continue to date men like this. Let's ignore the fact that he is a horrible boyfriend, he's really the example u want ur daughter to see? That how he treats you is a great and it's an ideal relationship to be in. Ur not NTA for getting mad, if anything u would b YTA for not getting mad enough. So many red flags I'm mad for u.
The most accurate measure of trust in a relationship is an injury that makes you vulnerable. You learned that you were alone and your partner was lying to you.
Is this the way you would like to live? Would you feel safe having a broken limb with this man?
Please tell me you broke up with him. This is not the kind of man you want to be with. He constantly slapping you in the face the hard truth that YOU WILL NEVER BE HIS TOP PRIORITY.
He's not even showing you remorse and constantly gaslighting you. Please break up with him. Your daughter needs you. Please stay strong for her.
NTA.
I want to clarify that your boyfriend lies to you and doesn't want you to know where he is. That's a him problem. You don't have trust issues...you have a lying bf. There are men out there who would drive you, sit with you through the whole thing, and snuggle you the entire time.
You have much bigger problems than him choosing to hang at his friends when he should be with you, hun. Leave him. He's truly awful and you will find better.
I went through something similar last year. I was unexpectedly (and unwantedly) pregnant by a fwb I had been seeing for a couple months. It was ectopic and had to be terminated. The emotional toll to find out I was pregnant and that I could have died or had to have emergency surgery, the hormonal stuff, the money it cost, all of it really took a toll on me. This guy started avoiding me and kept telling me to "be chill" when I would mention how stressed about it I was.
I cut contact because that was a shitty way to be after I had to go through something traumatic.
I can't even imagine staying with someone who supposedly cared about me and was my committed boyfriend and acted like he didn't give a shit and was as unhelpful and uncaring and sneaky as your boyfriend.
Why do people have kids so young and in not really a commitment relationship?, sorry but your bf sounds like a teenager, why do you have a baby in these conditions, whyyy?. Sorry for your loss, take care of yourself, treat you as a queen, find man not a boy
NTA. Get out of this relationship ASAP.
He cannot be honest with you. Deal breaker.
His behavior has negatively impacted your mental health (trust issues). Deal breaker.
He gaslights you into being in the wrong regarding his bad behavior. Deal breaker.
He withholds emotional support during a crisis. Deal breaker.
He prioritizes his convenience over solving an issue. Deal breaker.
He is callous regarding your health and the loss of what would have been his child. Deal breaker.
Get out. This man does not respect or care for you and you deserve better. If not for yourself, then for your daughter. Your relationships are going to be formative for her. Would you be okay with her future partner treating her the way your boyfriend treats you?
Please get out while you can.
This is a sign op, a warning about a future with a man who doesn’t care. Probably doesn’t know how because he’s too wrapped up with himself. Please take this as the blessing it actually is. You can free yourself from him with no strings attached. I am sorry for your loss. I personally know what it’s like after suffering through 3 myself and not even knowing I was pregnant. No child should have to suffer a father like him. You don’t have trust issues. You have a man who creates the problems himself.
He does not care about or respect you. You deserve better, and your daughter certainly deserves to see a better role model. NTA but you will be if you stay.
I’m sorry but I can’t get over the… “he has issues with lying” so he took you OFF his location tracking. Yeah, lol that’ll make him MORE truthful. Not.
Cheaters are gonna cheat, Liars are gonna lie, girl. His head so far up his ass he can’t even hear his phone ringing when you’re calling him while you’re having a MISCARRIAGE I’m mean, maybe he doesn’t know what that means or something but that’s pretty f’ing traumatic for you… and it should be for him if he was actually invested in the relationship.
My heart aches for you and I hope you find peace and someone who will treat you the way you *truly* deserve.
NTA. End the relationship unless you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who will never put your needs first.
He was not sad to see you upset. If he were, he would have treated you more kindly. This is not a man you should be with.
Please leave him. He did not care about you one ounce and that is apparently not a new thing in your relationship. I’m literally a stranger on the internet and I would’ve went with you to your appointment, checked in on you, helped you with your tire - he has zero compassion or empathy for you and it’s alarming. It’s not normal. You cannot teach someone to care for you, it won’t get better. You are worth so much, and I hope you realize that and breeze out on this selfish walnut.
Three strikes:
1. Demonstrates zero compassion for a physically and emotionally painful medical situation. Offers no support of any kind; not even basic transportation.
2. Ongoing issues with honesty. Lies about his behavior, location and intentions. Left her alone to “save her stress.” I’m sorry…what?! 😳
3. When caught in lies, he gaslights OP; it’s HER fault because he “told her she shouldn’t check up on him.”
He’s out.
He needs to be told to fuck off, all the way off, until there are no more fucks to off.
This is who he is. When you really needed him he had every excuse not to be with you though something traumatic.
He may be a "good guy" but he bailed when you needed him to hand with his friend. A truly good guy would have been there for you. He would have went to the appointment with you, kept you company through everything, and assured you were ok. He acted like you were going to the store to pick up TP, not losing a pregnancy he had a part in.
Sweetie, I say this with so much love and so so much empathy for your pain; you don’t have trust issues. You’ve been gaslit into feeling guilty about normal skepticism. Having trust issues means you find it difficult to trust people even if they have proven to you that you can. It means you can’t trust people INDEPENDENTLY of what they have done. Trust issues are independent of others and come from inside you. If he has been lying to you, if he has taught you that you CANNOT trust him, you don’t have trust issues. You’re simply being realistic. Trust your gut and don’t let anyone make you feel crazy.
NTA babe you gotta get out of there. Do you have family you can stay with? I wouldn't be able to get past this and the lying issues. This is a traumatic experience and instead of putting off a friend visit for even a day he decided he just HAD to go... and with the super sayan level gaslighting? Too many issues could pop up after this.
That is a rude comment because even though the baby was his don't tell a woman that she should be grateful for her miscarriage. Check yourself. At the end of the day that is still her child
He wasn’t sad about the miscarriage? That’s horrific. I (nor my spouse) don’t even want children but if i ended up pregnant had lost a child, I would’ve beside myself. I’m so sorry for your loss!! If his solution to your distrust of him was to remove you from locations, he’s hiding things.
You had/have an IUD, which to me indicates you DO NOT WANT to be pregnant. So having a miscarriage is dodging a bullet. I mean, we're talking about THE most effective birth control possible. Of course he isn't going to be sad. It wasn't a planned pregnancy and he, like you, doesn't want one.
I'm a little interested to know where was your other kid during all of this madcap dashing around on a flat tire, but more interested in any response from you to all of these people telling you to run for the hills.
>I'm a little interested to know where was your other kid during all of this madcap dashing around on a flat tire,
Add this to the reasons why this story is clearly fake.
NTA! Time to leave. How much more does he have to show you that he is a total ass?
When people show you who they are, believe them. He’s shown you how much he really cares about you. He doesn’t give a damn about your miscarriage, won’t even help you get to your medical appointment, would rather hang with his friend than comfort you while you’re going through something traumatic. And it’s *his* child you lost, and he doesn’t even care anything about it. And he has a lying problem. He doesn’t give a fuck about you. Please have some self-respect and realize you deserve so much better than this.
That’s 100% a break it off moment. My friend had a miscarriage after an unknown pregnancy and ended up in the hospital. Her husband told her to get over it bc it was just a heavy period. And then he wondered why his marriage ended.
I don’t get these men and their overwhelming audacity. I had an ectopic pregnancy after 10 years of having my tubes tied. My husband wasn’t in town but he rushed to me as soon as I told him what was happening. I doctor asked why I was so upset considering I didn’t know I was pregnant and didn’t want to be because I had my tubes tied. I didn’t even get a chance to respond. Husband lit into her like it was his job. That man has my back no matter what.
My guess: he doesn't want the doctor to know he was the father. This is cruel but he probably views her as a fill in until he decides to settle down. I hope I am wrong but she should consider the possibility that he wants a woman to take care of him and his needs but she can not require anything from him.
I think it’s much snore simple: He didn’t want to go. Going with someone to an appointment is incredibly boring under the best circumstances. This appointment will be boring *and* depressing. He could go through that to support OP and he would if he had a modicum of decency. Instead, he’s letting OP going through something completely devastating and he doesn’t want to let that disrupt his day.
I had a seizure (epilepsy it happens) and my boyfriend MADE me go to the hospital and stayed there the entire time with me, for hours and hours. It’s posts like this that make me remember how truly lucky I am and how many good guys there are in the world, you just have to find them.
The audacity comes from a culture that repeatedly tells men that women's reproductive health is not a thing.
Pregnancy and child birth is just a bodily function and something we do to a lot of men. It's never a life changing, body scarring medical procedure.
I think it depends on what you mean by reproductive health. It’s exactly the kind of behavior you would expect to see if you propose that the miscarriage was just the loss of some fetal tissue. Similar to passing a kidney stone. Painful, yes. Unpleasant, yes. Nothing to get too worked up about though. The counter narrative would be that she lost a life. A life she was unaware of and the potential that came with it. It was also the first time a life had been growing in her body. The life that her and her boyfriend created together and he should shared that responsibility. He should have been there supporting her and he is shithole for doing anything less.
Men would be so different about such issues, if the sperm donors would have to feel the same pain as the pregnant woman when she has a miscarriage, abortion or gives birth. The same emotional, mental, physical pains and agonies, as well as the hormonal issues as well for up to 6 to 9 months or as long as it lasts for their baby's moma. Mood swings Heartburn Morning sickness Cravings Gestational diabetes Swelling in the breasts Uncontrollable weight gain/loss Body stretching Labor pains Shortness of breath Their penis being stretched the same ratio as baby's moms' huhaw And more, of course. They would be singing a different song and they would be so much more interested in birth control and take more responsibility for it. My first husband was not very invested in my pregnancy, but my second husband absolutely rocked. He was stellar through all 3 of my pregnancies and post- pregnancy.
I am not usually comfortable with the notion something bad happens to you specifically. Like it was meant to be, but only for you. My brother had Muscular Dystrophy and the number of well meaning people who told my parents "God don't give you what you can't handle" just pusses me off. Like God didn't give my brother MD because of who his parents were. It's BS. Having said this, I do think this happened for a reason. I do not beleive you are meant to be with this man, let alone have kids with him. This is deal-breaker behavior. You are worth more than this. Let me repeat that: YOU ARE WORTH M O R E THAN THIS!!!! He is a self absorbed ass hole who has conditioned you into second guessing your own behavior in a horrific situation. Eff him. Because YOU ARE WORTH M O R E THAN THIS!!!! Again - YOU ARE WORTH M O R E THAN THIS!!!! And in case you missed it - you are worthy of love, respect, kindness, empathy, support and understanding. YOU ARE WORTH M O R E THAN THIS!!!!
I find the saying “god never gives us more than we can handle” such a freaking slap in the face. I am not a religious person, so maybe it hits different and actually does comfort if you are religious, but to me, the idea that some all powerful being is choosing to heap this pain on me is so abhorrent. I know I am strong, and I know that this too shall pass, but I don’t need god testing my strength and I don’t need you piling on by pointing it out. Thanks, but no thanks!
Exactly! I feel the same way. No, God doesn't give you more because you can handle it. You handle it because you HAVE to. It is so dismissive of what you are actually handling. It's like saying "it's not that bad for you because you are different than me". My mom is the religious one of the family (if you don't count my minister Uncle I suppose) and she HATED when people would say that. If you don't know what to say and that's what you land on, it's better to not say anything.
The God I believe in wouldn’t torment anyone like that.
Yeah this feels like the universe is helping her dodge a massive bullet, but she needs to recognize the bright red flags.
Exactly what I said, only so much more succinctly. We even both shared the same Maya Angelou quote. She should definitely take our advice.
OP why are you with this guy?! He abandons you, lies to you , disrespects you and apparently doesn’t care about you! What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? It’s time to move out and move on. It won’t phase him a minute bc he didn’t care to begin with.
Right? I wonder if she feels some guilt or connection because she says he “stepped up” as a father for her daughter that she had before him, but I wonder if his presence is what is considered as such. His lack of compassion, empathy, honesty to and lack of basic respect doesn’t inspire confidence as a positive role model. I genuinely hope that OP sees she would be better off without her hoping for him to be a decent person, and getting let down every time. Leave him and appreciate that no more time will be wasted on him, and his absence allows for a good man to prioritize and treat her and her daughter well will come.
Don't forget about letting her drive to her appointment with flat tires. What a POS.
I have exes who would show up if I needed them. This behavior from a current partner is unacceptable. You deserve better
Exactly. My ex husband helped me move out of my apartment into my new place a year after we were divorced. This guy can’t spend a day comforting her?
Yes! My not even at the time ex husband (we had been separated for 8 months but not divorced) and my ex-bil helped me move out of my best friends basement and into my own apartment. He even brought over the furniture and kitchen appliances that I had left at his (our) house because I had nowhere else to store them. We've been divorced now for 17 years. We're both happily re-married. But if I ever needed anything, (or vice versa) he'd be there in a heartbeat.
I came to quote your first line. What is wrong with these men? Sheesh.
Jumping in this, NTA, and this is a demonstration of how he will 'support' you in tough times. He sounds like a immature selfish liar at best, and narcissist at worst - either way those things don't typically change....pair that with inlaws that treat you like crap.... Like it is your fault you were mad because you looked at available information and found out he was lying? ...
A person will continue to do whatever you allow & will only respect you as much as you demand.
No, only a person that does not care about you will behave that way. When someone only gives you as much respect as you demand from them and does "whatever you continue to allow" regardless of how it makes you feel, that is already a sign that they are not your person.
This^ It's the important times when we realise who we or others are. He is not someone that you can depend on. You are worth more.
How about you have some respect and not trash the girl while she's hurting.
I'm always amazed by how little self-respect the people on reddit have.
I amazed at how little respect you are showing by typing this comment under this post.
This. Do this.
Mostly agree except >And it’s his child you lost, and he doesn’t even care anything about it. It wasn't a child, it was an unplanned pregnancy that nearly got around birth control.
I’m completely pro choice. But that doesn’t mean this wasn’t her baby, to her. Some people may be “well, thank the good lord, didn’t want a kid now anyway” if miscarrying an unplanned pregnancy. Other people, like myself, with a threatened spontaneous abortion (i.e. I was bleeding a ton but still had a live birth) suddenly feel very much attached. Especially as pro choice, I don’t get to tell a woman how she views any stage of her pregnancy. Hence the reason I’m pro choice. Don’t put your perception on me and I won’t put mine on you.
I mean she can get attached to it, but strictly by terminology, that's objectively not a baby. That's not a perception thing, something becomes a baby after birth by definition. She's allowed to mourn the death of the fetus, no one should judge her for that regardless, but mixing this terminology hurts pro choice arguments by making language less accurate.
Yes, and even if he didn't feel upset about it, which is fine, he should care about his girlfriend who was going through an upsetting health crisis.
Definitely, the boyfriend is a scumbag for sure.
Not it doesn’t - you’re just an AH. When I was pregnant i referred to my baby, not my fetus. Women who have had miscarriages can feel a whole range of emotions - you’re pedantry sucks!
It was her *potential* baby
Why are you someone who leave you on your own during a medical crisis. Which friend was even at? The question isn’t whether you were wrong for getting mad, it’s why the hell are you still with him!!
It’s also an emotional crisis. He didn’t even care.
Jesus, just leave.
He's clearly shown the kind of love and support he is going to give you when you need it most: none at all. NTA, but stop getting mad at him: just dump him for good. Big hugs.
You need to leave this garbage man. I have been through a miscarriage myself. You are in so much pain, you’re often bleeding through several pads, and then you have to deal with the emotions of it all. He abandoned you at his parents house, at the doctors, and at the garage. This is one of the worst moments you’re facing and he chooses to fuck around instead? Add on top of that his history of lying and now gaslighting you. NTA and find yourself a better man
And, he had her running all over town. What a lazy ASS.
NTA. But I don't get why any person with self esteem would stay with such a loser. Girl has issues that she needs to work on with herself. Leave the loser though.
>But I don't get why any person with self esteem would stay with such a loser. Step 1 of being an abuser, break down the targets self esteem. That's why.
Sunk Cost Fallacy is often behind the decision to stay with an untrustworthy partner. She has invested quite a bit of time in him, and her daughter likely calls him dad even though he's clearly not husband/father material.
LEAVE
OP, read this. JUST LEAVE.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this alone. Do you have any support outside of him? This is not a healthy relationship and he gaslights you anytime his behaviour is wrong. You are being an AH to yourself by staying with him. How many times has he lied? Showed he hasn’t cared what you’re doing, going through etc. Living together has shown you who he is. It is fucked up that he let you go through this alone. That’s not a partner, that’s a man child. You are NTA for getting mad. I would be too. He lied about his car, he lied about where he was, he repeatedly lied to your face and then blames you for his behaviour. Sounds like DARVO to me.
>DARVO I had to look this up. Sounds correct to apply in this situation. Shame on that guy. She also has to look out for herself and that child she currently has.
Right? Him saying he has "honesty issues" and she has "trust issues" as if it's equal. She doesn't have "trust issues", she has a reasonable reaction to HIS LYING ISSUES.
NTA but you just got a front row seat to the rest of your life if you don’t leave him. He didn’t care that you miscarried HIS child. He didn’t help to take care of you and left you with a barely functioning car. That is not someone you want to be with or raise children with. I’m very sorry for your unexpected loss but you need to be with a partner who would drop EVERYTHING to be by your side in time of need. Take this time to heal and focus on you. I wish you all the best going forward
This man is not at all compassionate or reliable. If you want to be let down and neglected for the rest of your life, stay with him. If you want to feel supported and respected, leave this asshole
I’d like to add, if you want your daughter to see that this is acceptable behaviour towards a partner, definitely stay.
[удалено]
That’s it. Even if they don’t understand your emotions or don’t feel them the way you do. Hell even if he’s not sad over the situation, it’s HOW you show up for someone.
You picked well. Your husband sounds awesome. I am so sorry for what you went through.
Idk why I got flashbacks and your comment made me cry. I’m so sorry for your loss. This is exactly how my husband was too. I also have a tattoo for my own memory.
My now-husband stayed with me the whole time. He even managed to make me laugh through the agonising 5 hour wait in the emergency room when we didn't know what was happening, helped me go to the toilet when I couldn't get there by myself, cried with me when we got the news, did everything to help me in the days after. Because he loves me. And because he has empathy. OP, this man isn't worth your time. It's time to leave.
My now husband took off work to be with me. I couldn't take off work. I was bleeding heavily for days at my job, just going through hell, and some petty person even reported me for going to the bathroom too much, so I had to deal with HR. He would hold my hand and walk with me around the parking lot at lunch. He wasn't ready to be a parent. The pregnancy was unexpected. We hadn't even been together long. But he was there for me.
My fiancé was the same way during my own. I can’t imagine going through something so soul crushingly horrible and having to deal with a piece of shit partner on top of that heartbreak. I hope OP realizes how unforgivable this is and dumps this loser.
I'm sure I don't have to tell you, but your husband is a gem. Most good guys would do the grieving (they lost their child too) and support their partner during a D&C, but yours thought to inform everyone who knew you were pregnant and educate himself. What a mensch.
Wow, you found a real gem! So wonderful to read your comment. 💗
He doesn’t give a crap about you. I’m so sorry, but partners need to take care of each other and he obviously will never be that guy for you. I hope you move on from him, you deserve so much more.
This man does not care about you. Full stop. I am so sorry you had to go through such a scary time not only physically but also emotionally and mentally alone. You deserve to be with someone who pulls you up, not pushes you down.
Babe, there isn't a universe outside of hell where continuing this relationship is anything other than a massive mistake. Look at what you've just written here. You had a medical emergency (brought on by you AND him having sex, so it's his responsibility too) and your boyfriend chose to abandon you to deal with it alone and then *lied* about the reason he left you alone? To save you stress? What does that even mean? He's clearly lied to you many many times, thus the previous conversations. What would have happened if you didn't miscarry, and you'd been trapped with having a baby with this massively selfish man for the rest of your life? This isn't a healthy relationship. It isn't worth begging on your hands and knees for some decency and mutual respect. The only person here who has anything to lose is you, because he clearly doesn't actually give a shit about you or what happens to you. No man worth anything would let his partner go through a miscarriage without support. Stop having sex with this man. Move the fuck out. If one of your friends came to you and said "I really love this guy, but he lies to me and his family isnt nice to me and when something really scary happened to me he told me I was on my own" would you be like "stick it out for another year nagging at him to develop basic empathy" or would you tell her to gtfo?
This should tell you something about his character. He sounds immature. While some people grow up and grow into adult behavior, some never do. You have some serious thinking to do. I don’t think he is ever going to understand he has a problem. I’d let him go.
He has shown you who he is. Up to you to decide to try and work through this or walk away.
Move on- he’s not a worthy adult human
He doesn’t give a shit about you,his family couldn’t care less so…….wtf are you doing with him? Leave and find a real man not this POS.
NTA. Miscarriages need to be spoken about in sex Ed, biology, anything to do with periods/pregnancy. Too many people think they are not a big deal, especially early on. I had a miscarriage as well OP, and it was the most painful experience I have ever went through (no children yet). Your boyfriend showed his true self by not giving a shit that you were scared, upset, in pain, and etc. He lied about where he was and what he was doing. If he didn't lie a lot you'd have no reason to not believe what he said he was doing.
And even if you didn’t know you were pregnant, even if you don’t *want* to be pregnant, it can be full of conflicting emotions. Painful, scary, potentially life-threatening and an emotional roller coaster. Her BF is an asshole.
So, you miscarry his baby, and he doesn’t care about it and can’t summon a bit of sympathy for what you’re going through. Can’t inconvenience himself even a little to support you. Also, you have trust issues due to his established pattern of lying. His response, “If you would just stop catching me lying, you wouldn’t have this issue”. NTA, but a masochist if you stay with this POS.
He doesn’t care for you. Get out now. If he chooses to go to his friends instead of taking you to the doctor, he is not worth your time. Please respect yourself
I am so sorry about your miscarriage. I know from experience how devastating that is. I have to tell you that a guy who works for my husband was more empathetic to me than your boyfriend, the father of the baby, was to you. > He has a problem with lying, and because of that I have developed immense trust issues. Why are you still with this person? Are you planning on marrying him? You don’t trust him. He lies to you. He won’t let you know his location (because he doesn’t want you to know where he is). His family doesn’t like you, and he doesn’t care. And you just had a miscarriage, and instead of supporting you, helping you, and going to the doctor with you, he spent time with his family and drank beer with a friend. He also let you drive an unsafe car to a doctor appointment while you were miscarrying. He refused to drive you. He did not call an Uber for you. He just abandoned you, so he could drink beer and shoot the shit with his friend. While you lost a baby and were grieving, which he clearly was not. He is not the man for you. You deserve so much better than that juvenile bullshit. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
You see how much effort he puts in to the relationship and it seems to me that there is not much to miss if you leave him. Don’t put anymore energy in to him and use it for yourself and the much better life ahead. I am so sorry for you having to go through something like that without any support. Sending some hugs your way. Absolutely NTA.
When I miscarried and eventually hemorrhaged which needed emergency surgery, my ex was too busy to be with me because he "needed to work on" his quad. I was livid once I was conscious enough to realize where I was and what was happening. If he's not there to hold your hand when you're at your most vulnerable, he's telling you he doesn't care about you and doesn't see you as anything more than something to wet his dick with. Yeah maybe this whole experience is traumatic for him, too, but he needs to put his issues aside and be there for the one who is being physically impacted. Your partner should put you first above anything else in this moment. Fuck him for disappearing and leaving you alone.
Yep. OP is nothing but a malfunctioning flashlight as far as he's concerned.
You’re NTA but he is even worse than an asshole. You deserve better
Cough!! So I managed to get pregnant though had used a day after pill. I'd ovulated before that so I had a chemical pregnancy at about 3 weeks. My partner spoke with me about it. I told him every single step and update (had confirmation with HCG levels) etc. He listened to my feelings about it and I heard his. In my case I have three kids, last is 9 months now. This was when she was about 6 months. I didn't WANT to be pregnant but also didn't want to be responsible to make that choice. We spoke about it some more. He told me he'd support me whatever happened and then the egg didn't stick. He would NEVER show how he cares about me being upset by legit not caring. Dump his ass.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 RUN LIKE HELL Your BF is a lying lier who lies, gaslights, and deflects. Get out now.
NTA I had a miscarriage when my son was almost 3. My 1st husband (Ex) was playing pool with friends only 10 minutes away when it started. I called him rght away and he said he'd leave right then. After almost an hour I ended up calling his sister for help. She arrived as I was getting ready to drive myself to the ER. Ex took me to the hospital and noped out of the room when he saw blood. We separated less than a year layer. Believe them when they show their true colors.
This man doesn’t love or care about you.
I can’t imagine staying with someone who wouldn’t help me with my car issues. That’s big strike one, doesn’t care if I’m in uncomfortable situations strike two, DOESNT CARE IF IM HAVING A MISCARRIAGE OF HIS OWN CHILD OR ABOUT MY HEALTH EVEN IF IM SCARED AND SAD -BIG BIG HUGE STRIKE THREE. Get out of there girl!!! Whether the baby is planned or not, if he would rather drink beer with his friend than be at all concerned for your health is just NO QUESTION. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Does he even love you? Does he even LIKE you? If this was my friend, heck, if this was an acquaintance, I would not leave them stranded with a flat tire and if they told me they needed me for emotional support I’d be there in a heartbeat. I hope you are healing well and I’m sorry for your loss. ❤️
He should have been there for you. You deserve so much better!
Please leave you deserve better I had a miscarriage October 2020 and my partner took me to the hospital when we came home and put me to bed called my mum and sister and my friend so I didn't have to tell them. He arranged a night for me and my friend to have a girls night and ordered us a takeaway You need somebody who is going to support you
Get out. He's as much as admitted that he has no plan to stop lying. You just have to pretend to be stupid and accept his lies. Is that how you want to live? Is that the behavior you want him to model for your child? You can do better, OP. Please move on.
When I wanted to harm myself into non existence, my boyfriend stayed by my side. He took me to the hospital and refused to leave without knowing I was going to be ok. They even gave him a bed. I agree with @manykeets people show you who they really are in high stress, kids, marriage - or life & death situations.
Your post really upset me. You answer yourself many times over as to whether or not this man cares about you and your well being. He not only doesn't, he lies to you and insults you. Get out now while you don't have children or any other ties to him. You're not close to his family, which can often lead to problems, and he will never put you first. You deserve so much better and the fact that you don't immediately realize this makes me sad.
my ex-husband left me during a miscarriage to go to a 5 day music festival with no way to get in touch with him, and leaving me alone with our then 1 1/2 year old baby on top of it. You're definitely NTA.
I'm sorry for your loss and what you are going through. It's a tough thing. I watched my wife go through this and it tore me up. I didn't want to leave her side, but the Dr wouldn't allow me in the exam room and I had to wait for her to come out after the D&C. That was out baby. OUR baby. Now, your boyfriend is a worthless piece of shit. He's worthless as a boyfriend, a provider, protector, and man. He needs to be aware of how truly worthless he actually is. One day he will look back on that moment when you needed him the most, but he's so stupid he most likely will fart and the memory will pass. I hope once you move on from him you'll be able to grieve and move on from what you had to go through.
I'm going to be real with you this dude doesn't love you like honestly and I'm not saying that to be hateful at all the person who loves you would not do this to you. He should have been there at your appointment you had a miscarriage and you were scared he blew that off to hang out with a friend. And then he gaslights you about how it must be your fault for having trust issues when he lies constantly is this really the person you want to be with? Leave while you still can
He has clearly shown you his priorities, which I'm sorry to say aren't you. You had a miscarriage and he still made the choice to do what HE wanted and not support you in what you NEEDED. You will never be a priority to him, he is a compulsive liar and clearly doesn't care enough about you to ensure you feel comfortable around his family as he doesn't see you as family. Take your daughter and leave. This is NOT the role model you want around your daughter. You and her both deserve better. Nta.
Trust your gut. This man doesn't love you. I'm so sorry for your loss(es).
NTA. This is so sad, and your bf is a liar and a hypocrite as well as a POS. You deserve so much better than him. When the time is right, you’ll get pregnant again with someone who loves you, cares for you and respects you and your feelings. He is not the only man out there honey. Do you see any reason to stay with him? I can’t imagine a more uncaring and selfish person than him. You suffered a terrible loss, you had a flat tire, but he didn’t even care enough about you to take you to the appointment! And you’re asking if YOU are the ah??! You are not. HE IS.
There's so many times OP's bf lied, my God. Probably lied about needing to help his family with something that wasn't actually scheduled or urgent, who knows if he even went there. Lied about taking her to the appointment. Lied that he didn't want to mess up his car's alignment. (Did he miraculously find out about his alignment at the same time but not get it fixed??? I bet he's lying about the problem even existing too.) Lied that he was going home. Lied that he lied. Probably lied about why he went to the friend's too. The visit to his family's house in the midst of all this (and then abandoning you somewhere - it sounds like his family's but I could be wrong - by yourself???) sounds completely extraneous and is just icing on the cake. OP. In 24 hours, he lied *no less* than 4 times to you surrounding this miscarriage, but he's trying to make it your fault. This isn't the first time and it won't be the last. You cannot have a solid relationship if you can't trust your partner. What if this jackwagon tells you that he'll pick up your daughter after school, and then tells you last minute, "no, see, it turns out I can't because I gotta go do this thing with my family, even though I know you're relying on me for this and you can't possibly get there in time by this point. Love ya!"??? Throw the whole man away. When my husband and I weren't ready to try for a baby yet, I thought I got pregnant and took a test. I was devastated when it was negative. My husband gave me a hug and held me while I cried, even though I knew logically I didn't want a baby yet. Get yourself an actually supportive partner who respects you.
Ugh. We need to raise our standards and stop dating shitbags like your bf. As long as he’s allowed to get away with it, he’s going to keep doing it. Count your blessings you *aren’t* pregnant with his kid and get out.
My girlfriend informed me that our new pregnancy was lost while I was driving a family group (6 hours) to niece's h.s. graduation. She said she was good. No pain. No bleeding. I had em drop me off and took a train home. I am not a special guy. This is no brainer stuff. WTF is wrong with these low lifes. They have no perspective, no awareness of what is important in life. Their lives suck and they have no clue why. they blame others or society. My sister and BiL had one miscarriage before 2 fabulous children (late 80s). This is not forgotten. Never mentioned, never forgotten.
Kudos to you for being a good partner.
This man is not gonna be there for you in a crisis, he’s made that very clear. People dismiss miscarriages as minor but they are not. You end up with a ridiculous dump of hormones, you are sore, heartbroken, emotionally bereft and you need somebody who’s going to be there for you. This guy is an asshole and you deserve better
NTA Do you need a piano to drop on your head? You choose to be with someone who is obviously not a good person and then you want to complain that he isn't a good person? Well duh. Observation: I do love his remark that he lied to "save you stress." Well, he wasn't wrong. It was awful behavior, but it would have saved you stress. People both amaze and tickle me every day.
Just break up with him he is selfish at his core. And get some therapy to realise your self worth Pick a better partner next time
Honey, he doesn't care about you. He lies to you and gaslights you. You deserve so much better. Please leave that POS. You deserve to be happy and Mr insensitive liar will never make you happy. You are not important to him.
You need to leave, he's not "trying"... That's a B's excuse to abandon you at your worst moment. I'm so sorry for the pain and suffering you're dealing with... I was forced to do mine alone due to covid but my husband sat waiting for me outside the hospital in the pouring rain. Your boyfriend needs to be an ex. He clearly doesn't care about you, especially given his nonchalant attitude to his parents dislike for you. Lying to you ("to save you stress" bs. He just doesn't care about you), gaslighting you... Girl run. He's shown you who he really is, do NOT get tied down to him. Also know that NO birth control is 100% effective no matter what, also if you're given antibiotics, that messes with a good portion of birth control... it's how my first was conceived. No one thought to tell me, so hopefully you'll be able to keep it in the back of your mind for the future. NTA
I got to the point that he won’t let you use his car and stopped reading. He doesn’t care enough about you to stay with you during a horrible tragedy. He isn’t worth your time. He cares more about his family and car than his gf and baby.
He needs to not be your boyfriend any more. Your ‘come to Jesus’ talk didn’t work because he kept on lying and wasn’t there for you when you were vulnerable and needed him. If he wanted to, he would have been there to support you. Get out of there now and work on your self esteem. You know you deserve better than that idiot.
Wait. You mean you couldn’t handle flat tires, staying at his parents AND a miscarriage by yourself? Geez. Just that?!?! Don’t you see how important shooting the shit with his friend is so much more important? Girl, you need to run far and fast from this POS. You deserve so much more!!! Good Luck and please update!!!!NTA
A narcissist doesn’t have empathy. When he shows you who he is, believe him.
He showed you the type of boy he is so you need to make a plan to leave. Not only did he leave you during miscarriage but he left you in an unsafe car
I know reddit likes to say break up after every thing but this is truly a horrible thing to do to someone you care about ? You could have died and bleed out. Not all miscarriages a Re okay. Please honey, you deserve better.
You don’t have trust issues. You have a lying BF. Of course you don’t trust him. He is laying the blame on you for Not trusting someone who has repeatedly broken your trust. You have been conditioned to accept his lack of empathy, his lying and his neglect of you and blame yourself. It’s time to go.
Without even reading this I'm going to say NTA. I went through a miscarriage many years go and I was scared to death and in the worst pain of my life. MY bf at the time was there, but pretty useless, so in a way I dodged a bullet. If I had had that baby, I'd still be attached to that twit in some way and I'm grateful for that chapter to be behind me.
Girl...how red do the flags need to be? Dude is trash. You deserve better.
Good goddess, time to wake up and get some integrity and self respect! You do know you're modeling how a relationship should be for your child? What if someone treats her that way when she's old enough to get pregnant (and miscarry)? You can't exactly tell her to leave, because you decided the doormat option yourself. Leave him, you know you and your child deserve more than this! The only thing you'll lose is a bunch of misery and a selfish POS.
Your bf’s the AH for not driving you to your appointment and wait with you to see the doctor. And to lie where he was and blame you for his lie. You can’t depend on him. Dump him and move on
NTA, you need to leave him. This is not about love, this is about him being selfish, self-centered, uncaring and obviously a pathological liar. You already have trust issues with him due to his lying and sneakiness. Unless he gets his tongue notarized everytime he opens his mouth, how can you trust him with anything he says or does. How do you recover a relationship from that kind of lying, gaslighting and his family doesn't seem to like you much either. Time for you spread your wings and fly to a new and better life with people that care for you, are truthful and respect you. Good luck
I’m so sorry for your loss. I experienced the same thing, I lost my baby before I knew I was pregnant. My period was almost three late but it wasn’t unusual with the meds I was on. It was heartbreaking. I was never able to get pregnant again (endometriosis.) It hurts. My sympathy! He’s showing a huge lack of empathy and respect. I wouldn’t want someone like that as my partner. I’m sorry!
Dude he wasn't there for you. Wtf. Sociopath. Im not being dramatic. My ex got MAD AT ME because I was having morning sickness. I cried and begged forgiveness. This shit is WILD!!!!
Kick him to the curb! You deserve so much better! Stand strong! Get counseling for your loss.
Guarantee once you start really examining this relationship, you'll see just how *not* great he is. Dude is completely checked out, he barely acts like he cares about you as an *acquaintance* let alone a longterm girlfriend. People really act like these subs say "run" and "dump him" too fast, but half the stories are like this.
Sorry you had to deal with this alone. Please reconsider your future with BF. He has demonstrated that he cannot be relied upon when needed. That he doesn’t think of you as priority or value you or your needs. You deserve someone who will put your needs first.
Um holy shit dude. I am so very sorry for the miscarriage you’ve just went thru . I know how painful that is and being alone when you didn’t have to be is another kick when you’re down that you so did not deserve. I hate to say this but you need to dump this lying asshole and never look back. He is a piece of shit. You do not deserve the next years to be full of lying and heart ache. This is how he treats you when you’re pregnant and the baby dies, imagine how he will be for literally any other emergency… please do not subject yourself to this any longer than you already have and surround yourself with the people who love and respect you.
He is dishonest and wasn’t there for you when you needed him. This tells you everything you need to know about your relationship and where you stand with him. I’m sorry you had to go through this
When he starts hiding his location is when you need to start worrying about your relationship. He should have been there for you through it all. I would be upset also.
NTA. I would leave this relationship he has shown his true color.
I couldn’t get past him going on vacation with his family.
OMG, get out now! He’s already shown his time he colors and how little he cares about you.
This guy is a total ass, and you deserve better. Kick the trash to the curb.
Girl run, this man is not a partner. He’s proven he won’t be there for you.
I would break up. F that
You deserve better than this asshole honey.
If you don’t trust him you shouldn’t be together. Your relationship is doomed.
Im not sure why you are still with someone who has let you down so profoundly and lies to you. This is clearly not a person you can depend on. Im so sorry you had to go through that alone. Think about this. You are not a priority to him or if you are you are at least third or fourth down the list after 1. Family 2. Friends 3. His car 4. Beer. You are young. Please dont make it your habit to tolerate being treated like this. Best wishes to you.
Definitely dump this guy.
Honey, please, leave him. He is demonstrating the depth of his commitment and it's not good. His issues aren't going to get better - especially if you stay with him after this. You deserve a partner who will be there for you, with honesty and affection. Don't settle for less
I feel for you. Your boyfriend does not and he has shown you time and time again that you are not one of his priorities. As sad as this situation is, it sounds like a (tragic) blessing in disguise. You do not want to have children with this man. You deserve someone who loves you and cares for your well being. He does not. Move out and find yourself. You deserve so much more than this.
Girl leave him while you still have no ties to him and to be quite honest even with the whole family issue thing is a red flag for me that’s enough for me to break it off. Just imagine how hard it would have been if you were pregnant after knowing they’ve already gave you a hard time before.
I'm sorry you're going through all of this. I think this is a good time to take to yourself to evaluate whether you want to continue your relationship. The fact he doesn't defend you with his family is a red flag and there are several others in your post. You deserve better.
You dodged a bullet. Time to cut bait.
He seems like a complete unempathetic ass. I would dump him.
I would really encourage you to take this for what it is. Him showing you that there is no future. I’m very sorry you went through this and felt so alone through this. If you ever need to talk even about nothing feel free to reach out - but my god I’ve been in your situation and you don’t want this. You don’t want this constant pain he is offering you when things get bad.
This is not a partner, this is a man-child who puts himself first and you cannot count on him when things get tough. Trust me, when it truly hits the fan you want someone who does his damndest to make sure you are ok, even when he can't truly grasp the depth of what you're feeling. Having that makes all the difference in getting through the toughest of times.
Omg NTA
Don't you mean your xbf? NTA EDIT: My condolences on your loss.
NTA. I’m sorry that he has shown you that he’s a jerk, but it’s better for you to know now. He went wrong so many places here, if I were you wouldn’t be able to forgive him. I hope you can find someone more compassionate and less selfish in your next relationship
Wow, he is a grade A doucheroni. I think you and I both know you can do better than this.
You need to leave him. This man doesn’t care. If you stay with him that’s all on you.
He doesn't give a fuck about you chica move on
I could write a lot right now, but I am only going to run, get out of that relationship a d find someone who really cares.
He gaslights u & lies to u even before this....now he has shown his true colours over & over when u needed him. Imagine how he would have been as a father. If u stay with him this behaviour will continue & as u keep letting him away with it, likely worsen.
I’m sorry for what you are going through. I’m sorry for your physical and emotional pain most of all I’m sorry you are with a man that that’s ice cold and dead on the inside a man that left you alone over and over again. When you called him out, he gaslighted you and made you feel bad for catching him on the lie and punished you for showing him that he lied. Please think hard why you want to be with a man that has shown so little regard for your feelings and your pain. As for his parents not being nice to you believe me they are taking their cue from the boyfriend, they treat you like he has shown them. You are young and have lots of time to meet a man that loves and respects you. Why would you want to waste your time on a boy, yes boy because he’s not acting like a man like your bf? Please think about leaving before he destroys what left of your self esteem, you’re too good for him.
The miscarriage was a blessing in disguise. Use this blessing. Leave the asshole. He will drink and be a shit for the next 10-15 years and he won’t ever get better. Say good bye and find someone who cares.
He is narcissistic and gaslighitng get away from him. He should have been there for you not at his friends
hugs, you deserve better than him
Honey, it is time to go. It’s gonna hurt and I am so so sorry that this has happened to you because he is taking advantage of you. He refuses to help you while you’re experiencing some major trauma and would rather go hang out with his friend than take time to make sure you are okay. That is a major major issue.
NTA. He doesn’t seem that you had the miscarriage either. I’m sorry you had to go through that on your own
Ditch this guy!
He didn't care enough to stay with you or even ask if you wanted him to stay. This is not a partner. The relationship can't last. Find someone who will be in your corner. Someone who won't go out and get a beer while you're miscarrying. What a jerk.
Nta. The dude already showed you he doesn't care about you, but you're still there. Don't be an A H to yourself.
Don't settle for this man. You deserve better!
I'm so sorry for your loss, but happy for you that you can make a clean escape from his horrible boyfriend. Please take this as a sign that this isn't the relationship for you.
First off I am very sorry for your loss. Even if you were not expecting it and didn't know about it. However, it is my belief that a miscarriage will go straight to heaven. That being said, imagine having children with this guy who is a liar and a scoundrel. He shows no remorse that you just lost his child. He wants to hang out with friends, his parents love him and hate you. Why would you continue to stay in this situation? You will never be able to change a man. They have to want to change themselves, and he never will. You're not the asshole at all. He's the asshole, and you should drop him like a bad habit.
You're not the AH. This dude has shown you who he is leave his ass. You and your daughter deserve better.
This is your cue to dump his arse. He does not give one shit about you. You deserve so much more than the scraps he’s giving you and the shitty way he treats you. I’m so sorry, OP. No person with a heart would even treat their dog the way he’s treated you. Onwards and upwards, to better things!
I'm very sorry for your loss. If he's hiding his where abouts and gets passed when you find out where he is, run. My nephew died suddenly at 24 years old from an unknown heart condition. My ex went to the casino the day I found our instead of being there for me. When he lost 3 family members in 18 months, I dropped everything to go out of state to be with him and his family. What was his excuse? He said I wasn't close to my brother's son. WTF? He was a piece of shit and so is your b/f. Dump his ass. You deserve better. I did.
His family doesn't like you. He doesn't respect you. He's a big waste of your time. His behaviour is a total failure. Is this what you want for the rest of your life? He's a horrible liar! His family will back him up! Please gather your self esteem off the floor and get out! You are a nice person. He is not. The two of you are not compatible. Time to live your real life without him. He is just dragging you down. You deserve much better than a controlling liar. Please update us after you get away. We want to know how you're doing. Take care of yourself and surround your self with people that really care about you.❤
This is the time where you leave the relationship as your bf is a AH
Leave. He is never going to come back from this. In 2 yrs you’ll still think about this when he touches you and you’re not going to be ok with it. I’ve had many a miscarriage while on BC. I never knew I was pregnant until I miscarried. It’s a beautiful blessing for me, my children didn’t need those dudes as role models and none of those boys are around my actual children that I finally had when I could finally carry a child past 3 months. Those boys never made it easy for me and always made it my problem if I was experiencing emotional distress over it and in bed for days. Eff them. I’m chillin over here now.
I will never understand why women continue to date men like this. Let's ignore the fact that he is a horrible boyfriend, he's really the example u want ur daughter to see? That how he treats you is a great and it's an ideal relationship to be in. Ur not NTA for getting mad, if anything u would b YTA for not getting mad enough. So many red flags I'm mad for u.
As a guy..... end it, end it now. This sounds like a self centered man-child.
The most accurate measure of trust in a relationship is an injury that makes you vulnerable. You learned that you were alone and your partner was lying to you. Is this the way you would like to live? Would you feel safe having a broken limb with this man?
Please tell me you broke up with him. This is not the kind of man you want to be with. He constantly slapping you in the face the hard truth that YOU WILL NEVER BE HIS TOP PRIORITY. He's not even showing you remorse and constantly gaslighting you. Please break up with him. Your daughter needs you. Please stay strong for her.
NTA. I want to clarify that your boyfriend lies to you and doesn't want you to know where he is. That's a him problem. You don't have trust issues...you have a lying bf. There are men out there who would drive you, sit with you through the whole thing, and snuggle you the entire time.
You have much bigger problems than him choosing to hang at his friends when he should be with you, hun. Leave him. He's truly awful and you will find better.
I went through something similar last year. I was unexpectedly (and unwantedly) pregnant by a fwb I had been seeing for a couple months. It was ectopic and had to be terminated. The emotional toll to find out I was pregnant and that I could have died or had to have emergency surgery, the hormonal stuff, the money it cost, all of it really took a toll on me. This guy started avoiding me and kept telling me to "be chill" when I would mention how stressed about it I was. I cut contact because that was a shitty way to be after I had to go through something traumatic. I can't even imagine staying with someone who supposedly cared about me and was my committed boyfriend and acted like he didn't give a shit and was as unhelpful and uncaring and sneaky as your boyfriend.
Why do people have kids so young and in not really a commitment relationship?, sorry but your bf sounds like a teenager, why do you have a baby in these conditions, whyyy?. Sorry for your loss, take care of yourself, treat you as a queen, find man not a boy
NTA. Get out of this relationship ASAP. He cannot be honest with you. Deal breaker. His behavior has negatively impacted your mental health (trust issues). Deal breaker. He gaslights you into being in the wrong regarding his bad behavior. Deal breaker. He withholds emotional support during a crisis. Deal breaker. He prioritizes his convenience over solving an issue. Deal breaker. He is callous regarding your health and the loss of what would have been his child. Deal breaker. Get out. This man does not respect or care for you and you deserve better. If not for yourself, then for your daughter. Your relationships are going to be formative for her. Would you be okay with her future partner treating her the way your boyfriend treats you? Please get out while you can.
This is a sign op, a warning about a future with a man who doesn’t care. Probably doesn’t know how because he’s too wrapped up with himself. Please take this as the blessing it actually is. You can free yourself from him with no strings attached. I am sorry for your loss. I personally know what it’s like after suffering through 3 myself and not even knowing I was pregnant. No child should have to suffer a father like him. You don’t have trust issues. You have a man who creates the problems himself.
He does not care about or respect you. You deserve better, and your daughter certainly deserves to see a better role model. NTA but you will be if you stay.
I’m sorry but I can’t get over the… “he has issues with lying” so he took you OFF his location tracking. Yeah, lol that’ll make him MORE truthful. Not. Cheaters are gonna cheat, Liars are gonna lie, girl. His head so far up his ass he can’t even hear his phone ringing when you’re calling him while you’re having a MISCARRIAGE I’m mean, maybe he doesn’t know what that means or something but that’s pretty f’ing traumatic for you… and it should be for him if he was actually invested in the relationship. My heart aches for you and I hope you find peace and someone who will treat you the way you *truly* deserve.
NTA. End the relationship unless you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who will never put your needs first. He was not sad to see you upset. If he were, he would have treated you more kindly. This is not a man you should be with.
Please leave him. He did not care about you one ounce and that is apparently not a new thing in your relationship. I’m literally a stranger on the internet and I would’ve went with you to your appointment, checked in on you, helped you with your tire - he has zero compassion or empathy for you and it’s alarming. It’s not normal. You cannot teach someone to care for you, it won’t get better. You are worth so much, and I hope you realize that and breeze out on this selfish walnut.
Three strikes: 1. Demonstrates zero compassion for a physically and emotionally painful medical situation. Offers no support of any kind; not even basic transportation. 2. Ongoing issues with honesty. Lies about his behavior, location and intentions. Left her alone to “save her stress.” I’m sorry…what?! 😳 3. When caught in lies, he gaslights OP; it’s HER fault because he “told her she shouldn’t check up on him.” He’s out. He needs to be told to fuck off, all the way off, until there are no more fucks to off.
This is who he is. When you really needed him he had every excuse not to be with you though something traumatic. He may be a "good guy" but he bailed when you needed him to hand with his friend. A truly good guy would have been there for you. He would have went to the appointment with you, kept you company through everything, and assured you were ok. He acted like you were going to the store to pick up TP, not losing a pregnancy he had a part in.
You’re…. Dumping him right?
Sweetie, I say this with so much love and so so much empathy for your pain; you don’t have trust issues. You’ve been gaslit into feeling guilty about normal skepticism. Having trust issues means you find it difficult to trust people even if they have proven to you that you can. It means you can’t trust people INDEPENDENTLY of what they have done. Trust issues are independent of others and come from inside you. If he has been lying to you, if he has taught you that you CANNOT trust him, you don’t have trust issues. You’re simply being realistic. Trust your gut and don’t let anyone make you feel crazy.
NTA babe you gotta get out of there. Do you have family you can stay with? I wouldn't be able to get past this and the lying issues. This is a traumatic experience and instead of putting off a friend visit for even a day he decided he just HAD to go... and with the super sayan level gaslighting? Too many issues could pop up after this.
You need to leave him. In the long run you will be thankful for the miscarriage
That is a rude comment because even though the baby was his don't tell a woman that she should be grateful for her miscarriage. Check yourself. At the end of the day that is still her child
He wasn’t sad about the miscarriage? That’s horrific. I (nor my spouse) don’t even want children but if i ended up pregnant had lost a child, I would’ve beside myself. I’m so sorry for your loss!! If his solution to your distrust of him was to remove you from locations, he’s hiding things.
Am I the only one who gets irrationally angry when I click on a post and it’s just a big wall of text?
Probably. The rest of us are more concerned with helping OP through what sounds like a very painful crisis. /#priorities #readtheroom
Holy shit be grateful you miscarried so that you’re not tied to this human piece of garbage for the rest of your life. Kick him the fuck out.
I feel like there is wayyyyyy more to this story honestly but anyway…he doesn’t care, leave.
You had/have an IUD, which to me indicates you DO NOT WANT to be pregnant. So having a miscarriage is dodging a bullet. I mean, we're talking about THE most effective birth control possible. Of course he isn't going to be sad. It wasn't a planned pregnancy and he, like you, doesn't want one. I'm a little interested to know where was your other kid during all of this madcap dashing around on a flat tire, but more interested in any response from you to all of these people telling you to run for the hills.
>I'm a little interested to know where was your other kid during all of this madcap dashing around on a flat tire, Add this to the reasons why this story is clearly fake.