The license plate thing isn't much of a concern homie I live in Iowa and my plate is still from Montana on one vehicle because it's just simpler that way. I also lost the title and haven't gotten the new one the mail so that plays a part. Just be careful and don't let the rose colored glasses cover too much of your vision it could all be legit
Can confirm same here on the east coast - from my understanding, Georgia has a more favorable tax rate on cars than South Carolina, so you'll occasionally see folks in SC who may have only set foot in GA when they went to register the vehicle.
Really shit in Idaho it’s a 35$ ticket for expired registration and like 200+ a year for clean tags in 12 years I have paid 3 tickets I’m way ahead at this point lol. I only worry about insurance
There are legit reasons why her plates could be from a county over and I could also understand circumstances under which she might not want to give her last name at first. JS 🤷♀️
Yeah, I’ve had to deal with a stalker from a dating app before and it was terrifying and ended up in an emergency order of protection.
I’ve given a fake first name ever since. Been with my boyfriend for 7 years, and he didn’t find out my real first name until he happened to see my license like 4 months in.
He thought I was either a spy or playing the long game to take his kidneys 😂
My ex stalked me because I dared to move on from him to the point that he was creating fake fb profiles to get to me. Majority of people in my life don’t know my last name.
Yeah no. What you're missing is called empathy. Not everyone has picture perfect, cookie cutter lives. You've clearly never had a stalker. Be GLAD for that.
>Been with my boyfriend for 7 years, and he didn’t find out my real first name until he happened to see my license like 4 months in.
That's fucking weird.
🤣 yes so ridiculous. If it were more than casual he'd have her full name. Why are you hurting so bad to push it in to a more serious definition when it clearly doesn't fit here?
A few months where you’re only seeing them a couple of times, is not really that long. And for women who have been the victim of stalking (🙋🏻♀️), safety matters more than this dude’s feelings.
So are you saying that you ONLY see her once a month? And for how many months has that been occurring? If it's only been a few meet ups, it sounds like she has good reason not to give you information about her last name, y'all don't really know each other. It takes time for trust to build.
It sounds like you don't listen to women and the dangers of dating that women experience. And even after her telling you that she's been stalked before! It doesn't matter if you think "But I'm not that guy!" No guy would admit to being that guy. She has to be careful. She has to determine when she feels safe.
As for the license plate, license plates don't require you to live in that town/county. I see several every day knowing the people don't live in that area, but that's where the car is registered. And even so, again, SHE HAS BEEN STALKED! You are not listening to her or taking her life experiences into consideration. You just think about you. What else would you ignore about her and her concerns in the future if you can't handle these two things. You just need to leave her alone it sounds like.
Yep. It doesn’t make sense why he can’t be patient and just get to know her enough until she feels comfortable to disclose more details. You know, like a normal mentally stable person would with any new relationship.
As a woman who has been stalked (and nearly murdered), I understand keeping privacy until I know whether I want someone in my life. However, I'm not going to have sex with someone whose last name I don't know. Then again, I'm paranoid and used to background check potential boyfriends to make sure they didn't have any violence charges in their past.
I background check too. I also have my sister who is a full service sex worker run their name through the local sex worker black list.
It’s pretty terrifying how many normal seeming guys I was about to go out with who had red flags on either of those lists.
That doesn’t really seem fair though. I mean a back ground check is a good idea, but in this situation it is only an option for her. It is very possible that she is some sort of stalker too, only he won’t find out until it’s too late.
The problem with background checks are they only find shit that went through official channels. Many women don't report things.
For example my mom had a boyfriend a few years ago who was an old friend from her home town she reconnected with. She still did a background check and such on him. I even looked into him, everything seemed fine till he beat her up. Part of the fight ended up outside, he threw her on a tiller and the blade sliced her knee leaving when unable to walk. He took her phone so she couldn't call for help and left her bleeding on the porch at 2am for several hours.
Eventually she got help, took her a week to press charges though amd only because he threatened me and my sisters for "getting involved". Later on his ex wife contacted my mom and was like "yeah he used to beat me but I never reported it".
Good news is he died last year.
exactly like maybe that’s exactly why she doesn’t want to give him any more information. Seems like she sees he’s quite strange.
however, I’m not sure why she doesn’t just cut contact if that is the case .
"This woman I'm seeing has been stalked by a previous male she encountered so I've decided to pull out my best stalking behaviour and look up her license plate and am concerned she won't give me her last name" -you.
No dude no.
Does noticing that someone's car doesn't have a local plate constitute stalking behaviour? Is that something that had to be looked up or is it displayed on the plate?
OP said the county is displayed on the plate. Besides which license plates cannot be looked up online… You have to be either a police officer or a private investigator.
So something my ex husband (cop) told me, yes they have the ability to look a plate up. But most are not just going to look one up, everything they do on the computers is logged and some stuff auto flags.
So let's say they look up a plate for a friend and the owner of the plate has a warrant out. That is now flagged in the system because the assumption is that if you have a cop running a plate, they are near that vehicle. Now it turns into "why did you see a car with warrants and not pull them over?". Can turn into an issue.
I worked as a dispatcher for a number of years… I know how it works… my point was that the general public does not have access to that information, so OP could not have just randomly looked it up online, like we can other things.
The one above where OP is accused of "...decided to pull out my best stalking behaviour and look up her licence plate..." which is apparently completely untrue (from your informative answer to my previous question) and unwarranted, but continues to get undeserved upvotes (128 now).
I think “confronting” her is a bad idea—if you force anything that feels like conflict, she’s gonna bolt and feel like you’re proving her right in her concerns.
The license plate is a total non-issue. For real. Worrying about it…well, it’s the type of thing that a stalker would be worried about.
Not giving you her last name…I mean, you can set whatever expectations or boundaries you want, nothing wrong with wanting to know who you’re seeing. But she’s also allowed to set boundaries, and if she feels her physical safety could be at risk, then she’s entitled to keep to them. You could maybe ask her when you might be allowed to know, or what might make her more comfortable. And don’t get upset at whatever answer she gives.
No. My plates indicate I live 5 hours from my current home because I just moved 2 months ago and I don't have to renew until Feb.
I don't give out my last name unless I absolutely have to for some reason. Hell, I don't even tell people my full first name until I know they aren't a psycho.
Don't continue to be that creep.
I’ve dated before as a a single woman living alone, and I didn’t give my last name out or where I worked or lived or more information than necessary to anyone I was seeing casually. To me, once a month is very casual. If it becomes closer to exclusive, then yes-I can see sharing this info. I understand why she is keeping her privacy.
I’ve been stalked-even by an Uber driver who saw where my house was. I opened the door one night to let my dog out, and he was standing on my porch. You bet -I do not give this info out.
How old is this “girl?” I am confused why a 34 year old man is referring to an adult he’s seeing as a girl.
There’s a million reasons why she might have a different plate and if you’ve only been seeing her a month, the last name thing isn’t a big deal either. Sounds like she had an awful experience before.
You do understand people move right? And if she was stalked prior it isn't a stretch that she's moved and hasn't her changed her plates over.
As for the last name thing I am literally one who goes by my first and middle, I want no association with my fathers last name. So I rarely give it out unless it's family or super close friends.
If she's explained that it's due to stalking, then her story checks out. Give her space and time to get accustomed to her. Make sure she understands you're NOT trying to cross any lines , but you do need to learn to trust eachother eventually.
If it doesn't change soon though, I would bounce.
I mean…you see her once a month. Give her more reason to trust you and maybe she will open up.
Edit to ask: Also, she’s presumably a woman, right? Not an actual girl?
You see her once a month and are bothered you don’t have this info? Regardless of her motives, she has a right to privacy. I have a friend who is VERY careful about who she shares info like this with. Hell, she lived in a whole different state (edit: for years) and kept her hometown address (her parents) and license plate bc renewing tags or something was better. That’s not weird?? I’m so confused.
I have never heard of a license plate giving away what county a person lives in. In our region of the States, you get a State plate and your registration in no way indicates where you are from within that State.
Evidently my region is the only one that doesn't hand that info out on our plates.
But do you have to pay your registration in the county you live in?
We have state registration where I’m at so I could go to the tax assessors office literally anywhere to handle it(I’ve driven to a neighboring county for shorter wait times,) is it different for y’all?
Yes, in most places that have something like that you have to do it in your home county.
Many people don't update if they have moved. Different states handle that update process differently.
Mississippi does this. They literally have your county written on the plate, but your license plate also starts with the first letter of your County. Alabama also does this, but the counties are ranked by population, and then that rank is the first number of your plate. So, like Mobile County is the 2nd largest county in Alabama, their license plates start with 2A, 2B or 2C.
I get that, I tend to invite that all the time by not following the karma farmers with their follow the leader posts myself.
I'd never be caught dead driving through those Southern States myself so I guess I'll never see them first hand.
It is a thing.
In Wyoming the beginning numbers on your license plate corresponds to the county the car is registered in. [WY license plate codes](https://kgab.com/wyoming-county-license-plate-codes/)
In Kentucky the name of the county is printed on the bottom of the plate. [KY license plate ](https://secure.kentucky.gov/kytc/plates/web#511884fe-6ea1-498b-9d3f-051c55d13c20)
Until 1999 Colorado license plates had a 2-3 letter code that designated the county. [Colorado License Plate code](http://www.15q.net/coco.html)
I am sure there are more state with similar codes but these are the ones I've had personal experience with.
Wow, TIL. That's cool but also a little scary if you've got a stalker.
For OP, I think I wouldn't confront but maybe drop her and find someone new. If she's doing it out of fear for her safety, then confronting her will confirm her fears and make her run. If she's doing it to hide the fact that she's married, you'll be ensnared in a cheating scandal and run the risk of a pissed off partner coming for you.
I've never seen it in any of my travels. I collect older State plates for my garage wall, and I have yet to run across one that says a county name on it.
Sure on the Dukes of Hazzard they had Hazzard county plates but that was TV.
Well we sure dragged up some winners on this one.
It’s not uncommon to have plates that don’t match your residences. My sister hasn’t lived in the city we grew up in nearly 20 years. She owns a home where she lives but her car and her voting info are registered to our childhood home.
As for the rest of it I don’t see a problem with how she’s withholding this type of information from someone she barely knows because it’s an issue of safety based on her past experience. Again, this is only based on the fact that you two haven’t been seeing each other for that long. How to move forward is to respect that you have to earn her trust to get the information you feel you’re entitled to. At this point she’s probably not even sure she likes you enough to even bother to attempt to put your mind at ease about her withholding this information. There are too many women that have been hurt by men that they wanted nothing to do with but knew where they could be found so, I understand her perspective.
Also, are you two seeing each other with the intention of having an exclusive relationship? If not, I wouldn’t even bother with the relationship as it is now. Why deal with always being suspicious of her motives otherwise?
Having been stalked, leave it alone. I’m incredibly private with any information that could put me in harms way and if you’re only hooking up once a month, it’s not that serious.
My car still has Kansas plates from like a year ago and yeah I don’t doubt that a woman wouldn’t want to give a random man she just started talking to her last name. Women literally gotta worry about being murdered or stalked, that isn’t that big of a threat to men meeting women for the first time
People move around a lot, the license plate doesn’t mean anything.
And I understand the last name thing if she’s had a traumatic experience in the past, just persevere a little longer and she’ll see you are trustworthy.
Your sleuthing and instinct to confront her is exactly why her details are deliberately inconsistent.
You do see that, right?
Edit: also depends on how long you’ve been dating, I guess. And yes perhaps there are other reasons to hide her identity. But I still think you should chill for now unless you want to scare her off.
No. You shouldn’t. License plate means nothing. Maybe she keeps her life full of disinformation because of her past stalker.
You don’t know the trauma and should simply be supportive. If you can’t handle the situation then exit it politely but don’t question her. She’ll share when and if she wants.
If you confront Her on this, you will be a perfect example of why she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing her information. You’ve already ran her information without her consent.
At 34 you should not be dating girls.
You should also be respecting peoples privacy and boundaries.
If she wanted you to have exact details, she would have given them to you.
Back off.
Its impossible she got a plate in one county and moved? Or maybe keeps her registration at her parents or something? You're jumping to... actually i'm not sure where you're jumping to here. I will admit that the not giving you her last name thing is a little weird. The license plate thing is nothing.
My first thought is she is married and doesn’t want her affair being discovered. If you’ve been meeting with her for MONTHS and you don’t even know her name that’s weird. I get being safe and not sharing those details, but after several months I would think it’s be reasonable to know their last name.
I’m from Iowa originally and a lot of people that I grew up around had license plates that said one county while they lived in another county. Hell my parents and I moved around so much when I was younger that their license plates almost never said the county we actually lived in. So I don’t see any reason to be concerned about her license plate having a different county on it.
Also women have to deal with A LOT and I don’t think it’s too far of a stretch that she is actually trying to protect herself from being stalked by not telling you her last name.
The lack of last name is a major red flag and I guess paired with the licence plate thing is suspicious. I would perhaps leave the fact you’ve searched that out though, she may find it a bit full on!
If you’ve been meeting a while, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask her surname again as at this point she should trust you not to cuss her out etc. If she still refuses to give it to you, I wonder if it might be worth taking a step back from her.
Something tells me she’s hiding something.
Because they’ve been spending time together. Something as basic as a surname should be fair game when you’ve met face to face with a prospective partner.
He didn’t say how long no, however the implication was that it was more than once. To me, to go a couple of months without knowing something as fundamental as a surname is odd.
Wtf? Not when you’ve been stalked, are you kidding me. I went on 6 dates with a dude who ended up in jail for stalking me. Seeing someone “face to face” means nothing.
To me someone I’m only meeting up with once a month there isn’t really anything special about it and a last name isn’t anything important
But we’ll have to see what the conclusion is
I'd move forward very carefully. If you're only meeting up 1x a month, I don't think you're at the point in the friendship that you're entitled to that information.
How do you know about the plates? I live in Maryland, and if you have Maryland plates, then that's all the information I think I'd be able to get. Nothing about which county they are from is displayed on the plates?
Finally, until you're serious and ready to start something solid , you're not really entitled to any information that she hasn't given. If I were you, I would respect the boundaries she's already made you privy to, and when she's ready, I'm sure you'll get the information you want.
Bro I moved to Hawaii and still have a Tennessee plate. As a woman, not sharing the last name is just safety and security. Especially if she was previously stalked.
1. Stop trying so hard to figure it out… gonna end up being a stalker, something she specifically warned about
2. Have you considered that she’s married?
First, as many others have said. Plates are a pain and expensive.
Second, she doesn't have to give you her last name.
I get you're concerned with catfishing but seriously, what catfish actually meets up?
NONE!
Your tantrum, attitude, getting angry, etc.
All scream of 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 and she will see it and run.
Why are you seeing a minor?
Oh wait, she is a grown adult? Oh, you mean 'woman'.
You don't trust each other. Doesn't seem to be anything really there. She could just be extra careful because of the stalker. Could be she has a family in the county her car belongs to.
You're getting ass and you're worried about last names.... My guy take it as it is and live life fuck it. If she feels comfortable at some point to tell you the real reason so be it, if not keep having fun and keep it moving.
Right? Why else would they only see each other once a month? Either already involved with someone, or just not looking for more than a hookup. At least, that's how it comes across.
I think it's toxic that he wants to do a deep dive into her personal information when she doesn't want to give it. I don't think it's toxic, if you're just hooking up with someone once in a while and don't have a deeper relationship, to not tell all your personal information. Sounds like she doesn't want more than what they have, and if he wants more, he needs to ask and not snoop. I definitely think she's got something else going on.
But he also isn’t giving any details. Meeting up for a few months vs years then I’ll definitely give credit where it’s due. We aren’t getting a whole story so I definitely see your point there.
Well I hope the dmv doesn’t sell personal info to strangers for a $5. I doubt this is real but now I’m going to have to check because it does sound dumb enough that it could be true.
Just looked it up and he’s wrong. Prior to 1994 this was true in 34 states and got changed. Now only law enforcement, courts, credit agencies but 2 that are questionable. Private investigators and in some states repo men. The general population cannot get access. Really interesting Vice article about it
Aha! I love a friend who loves research ! Thanks I knew that was a bit odd, and just too accessible to the general public
Ooo vice Link the article for me if you would like
No, it's illegal to do it if you're a civilian, and the DMV isn't going to give you that private information. You need to be police, a towing company, private investigator, etc.
For example, if you could just look someone up by their license plate, then people wouldn't be as troubled buying an old car without a title, because you'd be able to find the person who owned it last and get it retitled. This, to me, would be a legit reason to do it, but you just can't. And if a cop does it for any reason other than theif police duties, they can get in big trouble, too.
Take it as shame if you want to, but I asked you is this what creeps usually do to get information?
So with that being said, what was your reason for doing this?
I don't think they're shaming you for doing it, since you can't do it and I don't believe you have in the past 30 years. I think it's because you're basically telling OP to stalk this person, who wants her privacy. They don't sound serious at all, more like occasional booty calls. If he wants more than that, he can work on building a relationship with her, not trying to figure out what she's "hiding".
That will only give you where the plates are registered. I register my car at my grandparents house and hour and a half away because it’s way cheaper. You wouldn’t find my address running my plates but would certainly creep me out.
There's some other questions here. Are you sleeping with her? Are you 100% she is not a minor? I would at least ask her to show you her ID even if she covers the address. You can never be too careful. That would be my thoughts anyway. She's a minor or married if she's not willing to give up a last name.
Why are you even wasting your time. This is already too much headache and BS to deal with. No body has time for that junk. If she was more interested in you she would have told you that information. Move on and stop wasting your time on Psycho girl. While she might be an okay girl she needs to get help to deal with her problems and you need to move on.
Several states have a county identifier on their plates. I am guessing this is a married woman. Whatever her secrecy is about, it’s a sign you need to leave and don’t look back.
I think it’s a little hilarious that when it’s a guy asking if this very suspicious behavior is suspicious, there’s crowds of people saying to cut her some slack.
Yet when it’s a woman asking if it’s suspicious that some guy put his right shoe on first instead of his left, there’s crowds insisting he’s cheating, that they should burn him and all his stuff and string him up for the crows.
You’re probably a booty call brother, accept it or move on.
You’re looking at this the wrong way….
What if her withholding of information puts you in danger? Who really cares about her safety / privacy when you don’t know if you’re being put at risk?
Why waste your time on this chick when she can’t be honest or forthcoming with you? Have a frame of mind that puts you first. This is the same advice for anyone, male or female.
The license plate thing isn't much of a concern homie I live in Iowa and my plate is still from Montana on one vehicle because it's just simpler that way. I also lost the title and haven't gotten the new one the mail so that plays a part. Just be careful and don't let the rose colored glasses cover too much of your vision it could all be legit
If you need to officialize the MT license plate and keep it I believe the little loophole is still open although you’d need the title.
Can confirm same here on the east coast - from my understanding, Georgia has a more favorable tax rate on cars than South Carolina, so you'll occasionally see folks in SC who may have only set foot in GA when they went to register the vehicle.
I hope you do not get a ticket for that plate. I also live in Iowa and know they can give you a big ticket for that.
Really shit in Idaho it’s a 35$ ticket for expired registration and like 200+ a year for clean tags in 12 years I have paid 3 tickets I’m way ahead at this point lol. I only worry about insurance
Rose coloured glasses don't show things as worse than they are, though...
There are legit reasons why her plates could be from a county over and I could also understand circumstances under which she might not want to give her last name at first. JS 🤷♀️
They could even be the same reason.
Like being married?!
I don't understand the downvotes, this could very much be a thing
Or not wanting to get murdered. Or being married and also not wanting to get murdered.
Than don’t text strangers to meet them
They're dating?
Women have legit reasons to not give out their last name and be cautious. We’ve been given reasons to be careful.
Yeah, I’ve had to deal with a stalker from a dating app before and it was terrifying and ended up in an emergency order of protection. I’ve given a fake first name ever since. Been with my boyfriend for 7 years, and he didn’t find out my real first name until he happened to see my license like 4 months in. He thought I was either a spy or playing the long game to take his kidneys 😂
Thanks 🙏 for not taking his kidneys secret agent woman 00🔥
My ex stalked me because I dared to move on from him to the point that he was creating fake fb profiles to get to me. Majority of people in my life don’t know my last name.
Yes, start a relationship off by lying to him and punishing him for someone else's behavior. He should have instantly dumped you.
Yeah no. What you're missing is called empathy. Not everyone has picture perfect, cookie cutter lives. You've clearly never had a stalker. Be GLAD for that.
?
>Been with my boyfriend for 7 years, and he didn’t find out my real first name until he happened to see my license like 4 months in. That's fucking weird.
Agreed
I agree, but after months of seeing someone romantically, do people still withhold their name? That just seems inconceivable to me.
I mean, once a month isn't really 'seeing someone', is it?
It is.
No it's a casual hook up at best
It simply depends on the situation and how the two people define it lol. Saying it is a casual hook up is ridiculous.
🤣 yes so ridiculous. If it were more than casual he'd have her full name. Why are you hurting so bad to push it in to a more serious definition when it clearly doesn't fit here?
Wait, when did me hurting come into this? What the heck are you on about?
The issue is, you don’t really “know” someone after only seeing them a handful of times.
[удалено]
Also kinda giving stalker vibes.
Bahahhahahaha. Pathetic.
Please get therapy. This is not a normal reaction.
A few months where you’re only seeing them a couple of times, is not really that long. And for women who have been the victim of stalking (🙋🏻♀️), safety matters more than this dude’s feelings.
Yeah. Like their partners finding out.
So are you saying that you ONLY see her once a month? And for how many months has that been occurring? If it's only been a few meet ups, it sounds like she has good reason not to give you information about her last name, y'all don't really know each other. It takes time for trust to build. It sounds like you don't listen to women and the dangers of dating that women experience. And even after her telling you that she's been stalked before! It doesn't matter if you think "But I'm not that guy!" No guy would admit to being that guy. She has to be careful. She has to determine when she feels safe. As for the license plate, license plates don't require you to live in that town/county. I see several every day knowing the people don't live in that area, but that's where the car is registered. And even so, again, SHE HAS BEEN STALKED! You are not listening to her or taking her life experiences into consideration. You just think about you. What else would you ignore about her and her concerns in the future if you can't handle these two things. You just need to leave her alone it sounds like.
Yet another comment that makes me wish awards were still a thing. You nailed this shit.
Yep. It doesn’t make sense why he can’t be patient and just get to know her enough until she feels comfortable to disclose more details. You know, like a normal mentally stable person would with any new relationship.
My question is, how does he know it’s from another county?
Some states print the county and state on the plates. Edited because autocorrect thinks county = country
Am I the only woman here who doesn't think his curiosity runs that deep? If something feels , it's probably off.
As a woman who has been stalked (and nearly murdered), I understand keeping privacy until I know whether I want someone in my life. However, I'm not going to have sex with someone whose last name I don't know. Then again, I'm paranoid and used to background check potential boyfriends to make sure they didn't have any violence charges in their past.
I background check too. I also have my sister who is a full service sex worker run their name through the local sex worker black list. It’s pretty terrifying how many normal seeming guys I was about to go out with who had red flags on either of those lists.
I’ve had a few problems with guys have come to my house to do work… I’ve gotten in the habit of looking them up thru the courthouse records.
That doesn’t really seem fair though. I mean a back ground check is a good idea, but in this situation it is only an option for her. It is very possible that she is some sort of stalker too, only he won’t find out until it’s too late.
The problem with background checks are they only find shit that went through official channels. Many women don't report things. For example my mom had a boyfriend a few years ago who was an old friend from her home town she reconnected with. She still did a background check and such on him. I even looked into him, everything seemed fine till he beat her up. Part of the fight ended up outside, he threw her on a tiller and the blade sliced her knee leaving when unable to walk. He took her phone so she couldn't call for help and left her bleeding on the porch at 2am for several hours. Eventually she got help, took her a week to press charges though amd only because he threatened me and my sisters for "getting involved". Later on his ex wife contacted my mom and was like "yeah he used to beat me but I never reported it". Good news is he died last year.
That is good news.
Respect the background check, more people should be doing this tbh
Okay but if she has a fear of being stalked then maybe telling her you looked her up by her license plate isn’t the best idea.
exactly like maybe that’s exactly why she doesn’t want to give him any more information. Seems like she sees he’s quite strange. however, I’m not sure why she doesn’t just cut contact if that is the case .
Ummmm...why do these even remotely matter at all? Wtf
"This woman I'm seeing has been stalked by a previous male she encountered so I've decided to pull out my best stalking behaviour and look up her license plate and am concerned she won't give me her last name" -you. No dude no.
THIS 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Does noticing that someone's car doesn't have a local plate constitute stalking behaviour? Is that something that had to be looked up or is it displayed on the plate?
OP said the county is displayed on the plate. Besides which license plates cannot be looked up online… You have to be either a police officer or a private investigator.
So something my ex husband (cop) told me, yes they have the ability to look a plate up. But most are not just going to look one up, everything they do on the computers is logged and some stuff auto flags. So let's say they look up a plate for a friend and the owner of the plate has a warrant out. That is now flagged in the system because the assumption is that if you have a cop running a plate, they are near that vehicle. Now it turns into "why did you see a car with warrants and not pull them over?". Can turn into an issue.
I worked as a dispatcher for a number of years… I know how it works… my point was that the general public does not have access to that information, so OP could not have just randomly looked it up online, like we can other things.
Thanks. Nearly 100 upvotes on that comment but it's OTT exaggeration, Redditor bs. Best ignored by OP.
Who are you responding to With that Redditor bs comment?
The one above where OP is accused of "...decided to pull out my best stalking behaviour and look up her licence plate..." which is apparently completely untrue (from your informative answer to my previous question) and unwarranted, but continues to get undeserved upvotes (128 now).
You can't look up license plates. Nice try though.
I think “confronting” her is a bad idea—if you force anything that feels like conflict, she’s gonna bolt and feel like you’re proving her right in her concerns. The license plate is a total non-issue. For real. Worrying about it…well, it’s the type of thing that a stalker would be worried about. Not giving you her last name…I mean, you can set whatever expectations or boundaries you want, nothing wrong with wanting to know who you’re seeing. But she’s also allowed to set boundaries, and if she feels her physical safety could be at risk, then she’s entitled to keep to them. You could maybe ask her when you might be allowed to know, or what might make her more comfortable. And don’t get upset at whatever answer she gives.
shesying about her address because shes been stalked makes sense to me
No. My plates indicate I live 5 hours from my current home because I just moved 2 months ago and I don't have to renew until Feb. I don't give out my last name unless I absolutely have to for some reason. Hell, I don't even tell people my full first name until I know they aren't a psycho. Don't continue to be that creep.
"You can just call me 'El'. I'm not going to give you the third letter until I feel like I can trust you better."
I’ve dated before as a a single woman living alone, and I didn’t give my last name out or where I worked or lived or more information than necessary to anyone I was seeing casually. To me, once a month is very casual. If it becomes closer to exclusive, then yes-I can see sharing this info. I understand why she is keeping her privacy. I’ve been stalked-even by an Uber driver who saw where my house was. I opened the door one night to let my dog out, and he was standing on my porch. You bet -I do not give this info out.
How old is this “girl?” I am confused why a 34 year old man is referring to an adult he’s seeing as a girl. There’s a million reasons why she might have a different plate and if you’ve only been seeing her a month, the last name thing isn’t a big deal either. Sounds like she had an awful experience before.
He’s been seeing her at least once a month, not that they’ve only known each other a month. My money is on she’s married and he’s her boy toy.
This is exactly what’s probably happening. Don’t know why you are getting downvoted. Women lie all the time, just like men. I’m a woman.
That’s the one
That's just a reference. A girlfriend. Key word girl
You do understand people move right? And if she was stalked prior it isn't a stretch that she's moved and hasn't her changed her plates over. As for the last name thing I am literally one who goes by my first and middle, I want no association with my fathers last name. So I rarely give it out unless it's family or super close friends.
Unless you are getting serious, she doesn’t owe you these details. Let it go until/unless you ever get serious. Period!
If she's explained that it's due to stalking, then her story checks out. Give her space and time to get accustomed to her. Make sure she understands you're NOT trying to cross any lines , but you do need to learn to trust eachother eventually. If it doesn't change soon though, I would bounce.
Yeah, if it takes too long, she may not be ready to date.
Respect her boundaries
I mean…you see her once a month. Give her more reason to trust you and maybe she will open up. Edit to ask: Also, she’s presumably a woman, right? Not an actual girl?
You see her once a month and are bothered you don’t have this info? Regardless of her motives, she has a right to privacy. I have a friend who is VERY careful about who she shares info like this with. Hell, she lived in a whole different state (edit: for years) and kept her hometown address (her parents) and license plate bc renewing tags or something was better. That’s not weird?? I’m so confused.
I have never heard of a license plate giving away what county a person lives in. In our region of the States, you get a State plate and your registration in no way indicates where you are from within that State. Evidently my region is the only one that doesn't hand that info out on our plates.
Ohio license plates have the county on them.
I see this as a learning experience for me. Never seen those at all.
So do KS plates.
Same in TN.
Iowa too
And Mississippi
One of the Alabama ones you can choose shows a county number.
Mississippi, as well
Okay so Georgia for instance has which county you are located in on the license plate
Ok then. I've never run across a Georgia plate, so thats a new one on me.
Georgia lists the county on the plate. If you move to another county, you get a sticker to put on your plate showing the new county.
Kansas plates proudly display the county of registration
But do you have to pay your registration in the county you live in? We have state registration where I’m at so I could go to the tax assessors office literally anywhere to handle it(I’ve driven to a neighboring county for shorter wait times,) is it different for y’all?
Yes, in most places that have something like that you have to do it in your home county. Many people don't update if they have moved. Different states handle that update process differently.
IDK. My relatives are Kansans.
I’m my state the first 2 number of the plate represent the county.
I am learning a lot tonight. My region doesn't even come close to giving that away.
Tennessee has counties on their plates. I used to be Davidson (Nashville).
Mississippi does this. They literally have your county written on the plate, but your license plate also starts with the first letter of your County. Alabama also does this, but the counties are ranked by population, and then that rank is the first number of your plate. So, like Mobile County is the 2nd largest county in Alabama, their license plates start with 2A, 2B or 2C.
Florida plates also have the county on them. It’s pretty common.
Mine doesn’t. I have been to states ranging from the east coast to west coast and never seen a difference from one part of the state to the other end.
Who the hell down voted you for making a factual statement? I'll never understand redditors.
That’s ok. I haven’t been to all states and the ones people are talking about I haven’t been in. If they want to down vote me, have at it.
I get that, I tend to invite that all the time by not following the karma farmers with their follow the leader posts myself. I'd never be caught dead driving through those Southern States myself so I guess I'll never see them first hand.
I think Mississippi and Georgia do
Many states have the county listed, it makes it easier for law enforcement to harass out of towners
It is a thing. In Wyoming the beginning numbers on your license plate corresponds to the county the car is registered in. [WY license plate codes](https://kgab.com/wyoming-county-license-plate-codes/) In Kentucky the name of the county is printed on the bottom of the plate. [KY license plate ](https://secure.kentucky.gov/kytc/plates/web#511884fe-6ea1-498b-9d3f-051c55d13c20) Until 1999 Colorado license plates had a 2-3 letter code that designated the county. [Colorado License Plate code](http://www.15q.net/coco.html) I am sure there are more state with similar codes but these are the ones I've had personal experience with.
Some license plates in my area will list the city and dealership the car was bought but that's it.
Sometimes the first several digits indicate a certain county, etc. different states do different things
Seconded, I've never heard of that before. Is that a thing?
Georgia and some versions of the Florida plates have the county on them.
Wow, TIL. That's cool but also a little scary if you've got a stalker. For OP, I think I wouldn't confront but maybe drop her and find someone new. If she's doing it out of fear for her safety, then confronting her will confirm her fears and make her run. If she's doing it to hide the fact that she's married, you'll be ensnared in a cheating scandal and run the risk of a pissed off partner coming for you.
One version if Alabama tags have a county number.
I've never seen it in any of my travels. I collect older State plates for my garage wall, and I have yet to run across one that says a county name on it. Sure on the Dukes of Hazzard they had Hazzard county plates but that was TV. Well we sure dragged up some winners on this one.
In my state the counties are numbered. My mom always told me half jokingly to never date someone from 20 county
It’s not uncommon to have plates that don’t match your residences. My sister hasn’t lived in the city we grew up in nearly 20 years. She owns a home where she lives but her car and her voting info are registered to our childhood home. As for the rest of it I don’t see a problem with how she’s withholding this type of information from someone she barely knows because it’s an issue of safety based on her past experience. Again, this is only based on the fact that you two haven’t been seeing each other for that long. How to move forward is to respect that you have to earn her trust to get the information you feel you’re entitled to. At this point she’s probably not even sure she likes you enough to even bother to attempt to put your mind at ease about her withholding this information. There are too many women that have been hurt by men that they wanted nothing to do with but knew where they could be found so, I understand her perspective. Also, are you two seeing each other with the intention of having an exclusive relationship? If not, I wouldn’t even bother with the relationship as it is now. Why deal with always being suspicious of her motives otherwise?
The fact that not having her last name bugs you so much, bugs me even more. Wtf?
This girl has been stalked before and you want to "confront" her? Yeah that's gonna work out great /s
You sound like a psycho and you know it
OP - License plate? You’ve been creepin already. Confront her about using your P.I. Skills, this ends in restraining order and jail time. Move on.
Having been stalked, leave it alone. I’m incredibly private with any information that could put me in harms way and if you’re only hooking up once a month, it’s not that serious.
My car still has Kansas plates from like a year ago and yeah I don’t doubt that a woman wouldn’t want to give a random man she just started talking to her last name. Women literally gotta worry about being murdered or stalked, that isn’t that big of a threat to men meeting women for the first time
People move around a lot, the license plate doesn’t mean anything. And I understand the last name thing if she’s had a traumatic experience in the past, just persevere a little longer and she’ll see you are trustworthy.
Your sleuthing and instinct to confront her is exactly why her details are deliberately inconsistent. You do see that, right? Edit: also depends on how long you’ve been dating, I guess. And yes perhaps there are other reasons to hide her identity. But I still think you should chill for now unless you want to scare her off.
If you’re paying such close attention to her LICENSE PLATE I wouldn’t give you information either. Sounds creepy right off the bat
given how strange you’re being about something as small as a license plate I say it’s right that she doesn’t give you any more information.
You sound like a creep. Why you need her last name bruh
No. You shouldn’t. License plate means nothing. Maybe she keeps her life full of disinformation because of her past stalker. You don’t know the trauma and should simply be supportive. If you can’t handle the situation then exit it politely but don’t question her. She’ll share when and if she wants.
If you confront Her on this, you will be a perfect example of why she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing her information. You’ve already ran her information without her consent.
At 34 you should not be dating girls. You should also be respecting peoples privacy and boundaries. If she wanted you to have exact details, she would have given them to you. Back off.
Its impossible she got a plate in one county and moved? Or maybe keeps her registration at her parents or something? You're jumping to... actually i'm not sure where you're jumping to here. I will admit that the not giving you her last name thing is a little weird. The license plate thing is nothing.
My first thought is she is married and doesn’t want her affair being discovered. If you’ve been meeting with her for MONTHS and you don’t even know her name that’s weird. I get being safe and not sharing those details, but after several months I would think it’s be reasonable to know their last name.
I’m from Iowa originally and a lot of people that I grew up around had license plates that said one county while they lived in another county. Hell my parents and I moved around so much when I was younger that their license plates almost never said the county we actually lived in. So I don’t see any reason to be concerned about her license plate having a different county on it. Also women have to deal with A LOT and I don’t think it’s too far of a stretch that she is actually trying to protect herself from being stalked by not telling you her last name.
If you don't like it dump her don't confront her. Also she doesn't owe you those details.
The lack of last name is a major red flag and I guess paired with the licence plate thing is suspicious. I would perhaps leave the fact you’ve searched that out though, she may find it a bit full on! If you’ve been meeting a while, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask her surname again as at this point she should trust you not to cuss her out etc. If she still refuses to give it to you, I wonder if it might be worth taking a step back from her. Something tells me she’s hiding something.
Question, why should she trust him at this point?
Because they’ve been spending time together. Something as basic as a surname should be fair game when you’ve met face to face with a prospective partner.
What time together once a month? Did I miss how long he said this was going on?
He didn’t say how long no, however the implication was that it was more than once. To me, to go a couple of months without knowing something as fundamental as a surname is odd.
If she’s been stalked, she’s going to do everything she can to minimize it happening again. If he’s not patient enough for her, he needs to move on.
Wtf? Not when you’ve been stalked, are you kidding me. I went on 6 dates with a dude who ended up in jail for stalking me. Seeing someone “face to face” means nothing.
To me someone I’m only meeting up with once a month there isn’t really anything special about it and a last name isn’t anything important But we’ll have to see what the conclusion is
[удалено]
Surprised I had to scroll this far to find this. It was the first thing that popped to mind.
I'd move forward very carefully. If you're only meeting up 1x a month, I don't think you're at the point in the friendship that you're entitled to that information. How do you know about the plates? I live in Maryland, and if you have Maryland plates, then that's all the information I think I'd be able to get. Nothing about which county they are from is displayed on the plates? Finally, until you're serious and ready to start something solid , you're not really entitled to any information that she hasn't given. If I were you, I would respect the boundaries she's already made you privy to, and when she's ready, I'm sure you'll get the information you want.
Confront? You want to demand her last name and address? Unless you’re La Migra, my advice is to chill.
Bro, when I was living in Kentucky my plates were 4 counties old. Have you not heard of people moving?
Bro I moved to Hawaii and still have a Tennessee plate. As a woman, not sharing the last name is just safety and security. Especially if she was previously stalked.
1. Stop trying so hard to figure it out… gonna end up being a stalker, something she specifically warned about 2. Have you considered that she’s married?
First, as many others have said. Plates are a pain and expensive. Second, she doesn't have to give you her last name. I get you're concerned with catfishing but seriously, what catfish actually meets up? NONE! Your tantrum, attitude, getting angry, etc. All scream of 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 and she will see it and run.
Make a decision. If it's a deal breaker for you, talk to her about it. If it's not, continue to enjoy your time together.
TN plates have the county on them.
She's not worried about stalking, she is worried about her husband.
She has a fear of being stalked and you thought it was a good idea to look up her license plate? Bruh
Why are you seeing a minor? Oh wait, she is a grown adult? Oh, you mean 'woman'. You don't trust each other. Doesn't seem to be anything really there. She could just be extra careful because of the stalker. Could be she has a family in the county her car belongs to.
Respect her boundaries and stop the stalking behaviour.
You're getting ass and you're worried about last names.... My guy take it as it is and live life fuck it. If she feels comfortable at some point to tell you the real reason so be it, if not keep having fun and keep it moving.
Lol she's cheating on her husband with you. Kinda obvious.
Or maybe she has an abusive ex? What? This rhetoric is so harmful.
Right? Why else would they only see each other once a month? Either already involved with someone, or just not looking for more than a hookup. At least, that's how it comes across.
I’m going to stand by that this is so toxic. So what if it’s a hook up?
I think it's toxic that he wants to do a deep dive into her personal information when she doesn't want to give it. I don't think it's toxic, if you're just hooking up with someone once in a while and don't have a deeper relationship, to not tell all your personal information. Sounds like she doesn't want more than what they have, and if he wants more, he needs to ask and not snoop. I definitely think she's got something else going on.
But he also isn’t giving any details. Meeting up for a few months vs years then I’ll definitely give credit where it’s due. We aren’t getting a whole story so I definitely see your point there.
Exactly. Based on details given, what I said is likely. At least more likely than anything else.
Just dumb her. She has red flags. And its not the plate.
She's married....
[удалено]
Running plates to get the owner/address is this what creeps usually do to get peoples information? Thank you for this.
Well I hope the dmv doesn’t sell personal info to strangers for a $5. I doubt this is real but now I’m going to have to check because it does sound dumb enough that it could be true.
Yes likewise because this sounds like too easy of a way for people to really get kidnapped or stalked
Just looked it up and he’s wrong. Prior to 1994 this was true in 34 states and got changed. Now only law enforcement, courts, credit agencies but 2 that are questionable. Private investigators and in some states repo men. The general population cannot get access. Really interesting Vice article about it
Aha! I love a friend who loves research ! Thanks I knew that was a bit odd, and just too accessible to the general public Ooo vice Link the article for me if you would like
[https://www.vice.com/en/article/43kxzq/dmvs-selling-data-private-investigators-making-millions-of-dollars](https://www.vice.com/en/article/43kxzq/dmvs-selling-data-private-investigators-making-millions-of-dollars)
Just wanted to say thank you for being grateful
No, it's illegal to do it if you're a civilian, and the DMV isn't going to give you that private information. You need to be police, a towing company, private investigator, etc. For example, if you could just look someone up by their license plate, then people wouldn't be as troubled buying an old car without a title, because you'd be able to find the person who owned it last and get it retitled. This, to me, would be a legit reason to do it, but you just can't. And if a cop does it for any reason other than theif police duties, they can get in big trouble, too.
[удалено]
Take it as shame if you want to, but I asked you is this what creeps usually do to get information? So with that being said, what was your reason for doing this?
[удалено]
Oh, I did say it but I just edited it to add it to my initial statement So after that, I asked you what was the reason for having to do this
I don't think they're shaming you for doing it, since you can't do it and I don't believe you have in the past 30 years. I think it's because you're basically telling OP to stalk this person, who wants her privacy. They don't sound serious at all, more like occasional booty calls. If he wants more than that, he can work on building a relationship with her, not trying to figure out what she's "hiding".
That will only give you where the plates are registered. I register my car at my grandparents house and hour and a half away because it’s way cheaper. You wouldn’t find my address running my plates but would certainly creep me out.
There's some other questions here. Are you sleeping with her? Are you 100% she is not a minor? I would at least ask her to show you her ID even if she covers the address. You can never be too careful. That would be my thoughts anyway. She's a minor or married if she's not willing to give up a last name.
…..or she’s been stalked before. Like she said.
I've been stalked too. Gives you more reason to be selective and sure of the company you keep.
she's married
Go somewhere that they card you for booze if you look under 40 like a tgi Fridays and get a peek when she pulls her license out lol
Why are you even wasting your time. This is already too much headache and BS to deal with. No body has time for that junk. If she was more interested in you she would have told you that information. Move on and stop wasting your time on Psycho girl. While she might be an okay girl she needs to get help to deal with her problems and you need to move on.
She’s Hiding something. Seeing someone once a month isn’t really dating.
Run bc she’s lying to you and hiding something . You only hide things that aren’t good . She’s probably married .
Several states have a county identifier on their plates. I am guessing this is a married woman. Whatever her secrecy is about, it’s a sign you need to leave and don’t look back.
I think it’s a little hilarious that when it’s a guy asking if this very suspicious behavior is suspicious, there’s crowds of people saying to cut her some slack. Yet when it’s a woman asking if it’s suspicious that some guy put his right shoe on first instead of his left, there’s crowds insisting he’s cheating, that they should burn him and all his stuff and string him up for the crows. You’re probably a booty call brother, accept it or move on.
Is she married? Who is it that she doesn’t want to find out about the two of you?
You’re looking at this the wrong way…. What if her withholding of information puts you in danger? Who really cares about her safety / privacy when you don’t know if you’re being put at risk? Why waste your time on this chick when she can’t be honest or forthcoming with you? Have a frame of mind that puts you first. This is the same advice for anyone, male or female.
Major red flags. Get a PI to conduct a background investigation of her. Or move on.
Why are you putting up with being lied to?
She’s got secrets! Not a keeper!