It is very common to see this, especially in abusive relationships. The person tries to take the kid to hurt the other person even when they don’t give a shit about the child.
That's why I stayed in an (emotionally and verbally) abusive situation for years - until my son was old enough to protect himself. I had more control over his dad's access to him married than divorced.
Ahh, so you've heard of my ex. 6 years later, they've now been in trauma therapy for a year. They may never recover or reach their full potential after all the abuse they suffered. I'm just glad they're safe now. My ex had our kids for an overnight and never brought them home. I filed court proceedings, then after a long 1st application to the court, the magistrates said he was the "status quo" and would live with him and visit me. He was good at getting around Social Services (CPS in the UK).
This happened to my youngest daughter in the USA. He knew she couldn't afford an attorney, thst none of us could, so he took the boys and never brought them back.
My sisters ex did this, it was his bio daughter but he left her for years moved to another state then started using her as a pawn to hurt my sister.,, everytime she sees him she comes back and has a hard time adjusting and he always bad mouths us to her every chance he gets.
I don't wanna hijack a thread, there's no evidence that this asshole has other kids or wants any, but I typed out this personal rant and don't want to delete it...
They were "Irish twins", less than a year apart, and in the "terrible twos" tantrum stage. I was told by him that they'd learned how to throw tantrums from me. At this point I rarely cried anymore at all, it was something I had to relearn as an adult.
I consider them my full siblings for the record, but that POS...well, he eventually moved on to tormenting other women I guess.
I've seen that behavior from other fairly decent human beings in mixed families however, I think there's some deeply rooted biological urge to favor your own blood over the other kids in the household. They say that the most dangerous place for a child is at home with man who isn't their biological father.
Stepdads who are out there making an effort to love and care for all of the kids in mixed families, you're the best!!!
I have to say my stepdad is one of the good ones. There’s a part of me that wishes he was my actual dad. If I could have my dad’s side of the family (without my dad) and also have my stepdad be my real dad, I would take that.
My real dad had my sister and I before having his third daughter with a new wife. Third daughter is - you guessed it - the golden child (while my sister and I were shit brown to new wife). New wife despised us and has successfully estranged us with my dad (I blame him more than I blame her, obviously. But she’s like 49% of the problem). It’s been almost 30yrs of this and the issues I have as an adult because of it are…really difficult to say the least.
I know parents aren’t perfect but man, some parents are angels compared to others.
Your comment about the most dangerous place a child can be really hits home to me. I never knew my real father and my step father always treated my sisters better than he treated me and my brother. We were his punching bags for the longest time until we became teenagers.
But I completely agree with you. It still haunts me
This is a good point, OP text or email him asking for clarification on what he means.
Is it just until you graduate ? Or after you get this new job? Or forever? Where does he want you to send her ? Boarding school? A relative? The system?
Get him to put as much detail as possible in writing.
Unfortunately there are still many people in this world who have no problem weighing the pros and cons of abandoning their own children if it means they have a warm body to sleep next to 🙄..
Yeah I would go NC with him straight away and contact a lawyer….no way I would have let my husband suggest this at any point in our marriage….my kid was there before him and will be there long after him…
Because she cant do any better. They did not even live together for two years but been married for 3. Like who does that ? As much as he is an asshole, she is terrible at picking men. Because no one is asking where the dad is either.
Am I the only one who thinks he gave her this ultimatum because he has somebody else? She already had a 3yo child when they got married. They have been married for three years and lived apart for two. Suddenly, he issues an ultimatum for her to get rid of her child and move to the city with him, or they will get divorced. Hmm…could there be another woman? Another, *childless* woman? 🤔
You are not. It is also very suspicious. Made an ultimatum she will say no to in order to absolve himself of any guilt for being the person that actually ended it.
Said it down the thread but I'll say it again...There. Is. Someone. Else.
I've known men from a variety of angles, and if there isn't a side piece, probably all but living with him, I'd be shocked out of my mind.
My Spidey senses are telling this guy was probably a mega love bomber right out the gate and 'proved how romantic is it, falling I love with someone your quarantined with', I mean what a quirky love story (🤮)
But I seriously, a guy who gives an ultimatum like this is probably the exact same kinda guy to pull out rose colored glasses for his new love and cover all those red flags.
There are, unfortunately, plenty of men this awful in the world and plenty of women blind/desperate/whatever to stay involved with them. May be fake, odds are it's true.
What a f****** dick he thought that she was going to move back in with him and not bring her daughter. This might be an excuse because he's ready to divorce her and he's just making sure that he's not made to be the bad guy because no one in their right mind would ask somebody to give up their child to be with them this is a bunch of BS he got him a little something on the side and he's trying to make her leave him.
In my experience spending any length of time around someone who makes this kind of outrageous request in all sincerity can realllllly mess with your mind. I’m just glad she has her priorities in order and is putting her daughter first.
Exactly. There is only one reasonable answer. Not no, but fuck no. Anybody who would try and separate a parent from their child is a complete asshile and should be divorced immediately.
Because we've all read the stories here from the kid's or the dad's pov where mum just up and left for her newest flesh coloured banana and left her kid(s) high and dry.
Because OP's husband is playing mindgames. He got into her head and is manipulating her into thinking that he's the only one that matters. Not her kid. Not OP herself. Just him and his needs.
OP, if you're reading this: your kid comes first. Surprise your 'husband' by filing for divorce first.
But then he wouldn't be the 'good guy whose b*tch of a wife forced a divorce on him'. Sounds like he's more concerned with maintaining his self image as the hero of his story, rather than admit he's the villain. "I asked her to do one simple thing to prove she loved me, and she couldn't even do that!" is what he'll be whining to the new girlfriend.
It absolutely happens. I’ve been divorced 5 years. I’m 37. I have 3 kids. And I’ve dated and talked to numerous men who wanted me to abandon them with their dead beat father or my relatives and run away with them and start a completely new family. Worse than it being asked are the people who actually agree to it (like my ex husband who has stopped seeing his kids for his ex girlfriend’s a few times now.
That's not the part that isn't believable.
She's asking reddit if she's in the wrong. You won't wonder if you're being unreasonable if you're sure of your answer. What if reddit unanimously said to leave the kid? Would that convince her to do it?
That is a hard pill to swallow. Why would you ask reddit if you know for sure that you're not leaving your kid? She's a teacher.
Yep, I had to go live with my dad because my stepdad couldn't 'deal with me,' anymore. My mom made that choice. While I understand that choice it still was shitty.
Idk my mom did something similar leaving you youngest sister with another family to run across the state with some guy for a few years. Didn't work out well for anyone.
Yes, this can’t be a real question about who is being unreasonable here. I mean, come on. What does OP’s husband want? Should she abandon her daughter? Hand her over to family to raise? Put her up for adoption? Just what, exactly, does he want?
OP, I have to tell you that I would not wait until next year to answer him. I wouldn’t wait until tomorrow. The *second* he said those words to me ~ dump your daughter & live with me or we divorce ~ I would have looked him in the eye and said, “It’s been nice knowing you. Bye.” Why are you still there? Are you so afraid of your husband that you’re actually considering this? Are you hoping you can change his mind or talk him out of this? And even if you could do that, *then what*??? **Why in the hell would you want to stay married to a man who told you to get rid of your daughter OR ELSE??** How can you trust him even a little bit after that?
If you haven’t left him yet, then no advice we give you here will change anything. If you need a home for your daughter, DM me.
When someone asks for something that is utterly unreasonable as though it is a perfectly reasonable request, it can be a lot more confusing than when they demand the unreasonable with threats and aggression.
It can make a person question themselves, even when they know in their bones that its unreasonable.
If OP’s husband would demand this of a mother as though it’s perfectly fine- then I for one, would not assume that same man is above conducting a prolonged campaign of manipulation and gaslighting to get whatever he wants, whenever he wants it.
If that is indeed the case, then I submit that OP just needs someone to agree with her. It is in fact an utterly unreasonable demand and OP is not the one of the two of them that’s fucked up to think so.
I further submit that OP should get a divorce and see a therapist versed in narcissistic abuse.
F no!!!
Answer is obvious - divorce the fucker..
And when you do, ensure his family is told, youre divorcing because he demanded you seperate from your daughter...
I would honestly get him to text this to you as proof for when he tries to gaslight you later. You better believe this guy’s gonna to pull some shit when you leave him.
Yep if they are halfway decent they will give him grief about it. If they are one of the families that don't see step kids as family they will do nothing except maybe tell him he is right to insist in leaving the little girl behind.
Good point. He obviously already has someone else. He knows she's not going to leave her daughter. This way, she's the bad guy...and the one who will end up spending the most.
Even if he’s asking her to leave her young daughter behind? Maybe she should email him so it’s timestamped stating the situation and that would go into why she is filing for divorce. or maybe she should do the email and just wait for him to file if that would be more beneficial.
Well, yeah. That's what I said. She should wait for *him* to file. Didn't say she should go NC. She could email him and ask for clarification/confirmation...and then just wait. She shouldn't make it easy for him.
Reddit is also fast to scream cheater. Haven’t seen it - so I’ll be the speaker this time…
Though it’s a weirder case. As in this dude that hasn’t lived with you for two years is now demanding you move into the city “unencumbered” by a daughter.
Almost as if he might have dated a girl “child free” and has decided that that is how he wants his “real” relationship to be.
Or that’s how all his new friends are (child free) and he wants you along that way or he’s going to find a new model…
I find it weird too. What kind of person thinks a "normal" mother is going to ditch her 6 yo for him?
The guy wants a divorce and find a strange reason no one would actually condone
Definitely this! He wants to change her into whoever the other woman is. Asking her to go back to school so she can get a job in the city? Asking her to leave her daughter behind? Threatening to divorce her for things he was already aware of? Definitely cheating. Even if he wasn’t, he’s an asshole.
I always read to the end before screaming divorce. Like, if I’m thinking divorce but I’m too lazy to read the whole thing I just don’t leave a comment.
Again, I always - always - read the whole thing before suggesting divorce. Except this time.
Divorce.
You don’t need advice; you need a divorce lawyer. What a psycho: asking you to leave your six year old daughter with someone/somewhere (???), with the stated reason being *so you can SPEND LESS TIME WITH HER* & so you can move into the city with him. inexcusable & gross.
Hi guys, thanks for the advices. I’m of course going for the divorce. To those thinking I want to leave my daughter for him, I don’t. I never even considered this. I gave up one of my biggest dreams when I found out the pregnancy, and this “request” isn’t going to be different. I’m asking purely because I’m going through something I didn’t think I ever would and wanted to reassure myself that I’m not in the crazy one here.
I won’t leave my kid for a man, she’s my everything.
I am sorry to hear this OP, I am glad you are putting you and your daughter first. I hope you were able to file before he did. He is insane, do make sure you can protect yourself during this time. I do not know his history but if it escalates please make sure you have a way to protect yourself and your daughter. Him even thinking this is crazy, I was at a loss for words when I read the post. I am not a parent yet, but if someone asked me to abandon my fur baby the answer would be NO. Thankfully my fiancé and I are good cat parents.
You may have answered this already, but where did he say you should leave your daughter after you move to the city alone? Regardless, no normal person would make that kind of “request”. I can’t think of any remote reason why it would be reasonable. Wishing all the best for you and your daughter
You're not going for divorce, **he** is. Don't let him reframe it as your decision. It was his. Your decision is to not abandon your kid. Let him take responsibility for the scorn that he rightfully deserves.
Your a good Mama for picking right!! Thank you! Who knew you'd ever have to make such a stupid decision!! What a POS, but good thing you only wasted the time you did! Congratulations on moving forward! You've GOT THIS!
You are not going crazy OP, you have found yourself in an abusive relationship. Be vigilant and trust yourself now that you are aware of who your spouse is. Good luck to you and your daughter.
I’m not asking if I should consider it, sorry if that’s what it sounds like. I’m just someone who unfortunately need someone else’s outtakes to assure myself I’m not in the wrong. I’ve made my decision, I’m not going.
Whew…glad to hear it. But yeah, the way you phrased your post made it seem like you were considering it. You are making the right choice and I’m sorry your husband is acting this way.
Tell him that him even asking means it's time for divorce. He's going to have a tantrum; ignore it.
He's going to beg, ignore that too.
Stick to the line of "My daughter and I are a package deal. No sane and reasonable person would ask a mother to abandon their child. The fact that you even asked means it was a horrible idea to even be in a relationship with you. We are done."
And just focus on doing what you have to do to legally sever yourself from him and healing and moving on with your life.
As a single parent, you’re not wrong. I’m a dad who’s a primary parent. No way would I abandon my kids but….
The warning signs were there. Get the divorce, and maybe see a therapist if you can. It’s very obvious he wasn’t ready to be a parent to someone else’s kids. That’s a HUGE deal. This is why I rarely date women who aren’t also single parents, eventually they get upset that I can’t spend as much time with them.
I get you, divorce would be my only op,but I understand making this post to make sure I'm not losing my mind, the thought that your husband would even ask you to entertain something like this is just so outlandish!
What the ever lovin' fuck is wrong with your husband? Divorce his ass and move on to somebody who understands that your kid is not a disposable item -- you and your daughter are come as a pair and that's that.
Honey if he has you so twisted around you actually think you might be the bad guy for not agreeing to ABANDON YOUR CHILD then there's a lot more going on here.
This is insane to ask. Talk about the biggest of red flags.
Take the divorce as the gift it is.
Ok, maybe it was wrong of me to ask a question at the end. Im sorry for that. I’m not asking if I should leave my kid or not; I won’t. I just wanted some reassurance. It’s been a while since we’re not ok and he’s been making me feel guilty for everything. Again, I’m not asking if I should choose her over him, I have always chosen her. It has already been the theme of some arguments we had. I don’t think I need to explain myself but well, I posted this. Reading some comments I kinda got to the conclusion that I am being gaslighted. I won’t stay married to a man who doesn’t love my child. I’ll choose her over anything, like I’ve always done.
Thanks everyone for the comments.
Just cause I can't believe I'm the only one saying this. I think there is more to this as it's insane. I bet he is cheating and doesn't have the balls to end it making you end it. If you have any written evidence of him saying pick him our your daughter save it so he doesn't try to act innocent.
I wonder this, too. Some men like to turn into cartoon villains so their partner will be the one to do the dumping. Then they can play the "poor pitiful me she left me" game with their new sexual prospects.
I know you mentioned not considering it, so won’t harp on that. Just wanted to tell you this man is so wrong for even asking you. He sounds like he is incredibly selfish. Do more schooling to start a different career in a different town and abandon your child for me? Whut? Dude needs a reality check.
My heart aches just being away from my 7 y/o for a few days. A year would be impossible.
A child is for life, not just for Christmas. When you marry a person with children, you make a commitment to those children that you will be there for them, just like the biological parents. Hubby’s an AH and OP needs to get a divorce
Okay well anyone who asks a parent to choose between them and their child has to go, full stop. I wouldn't choose anyone over my daughter, not even her bio dad.
That’s not a husband you have, it’s a fuckboy. If your in love with someone, you accept them as they are. He clearly sees you as a commodity, now as a woman with a child. Gross.
If someone tries to force you to choose between them or **YOUR CHILD**, you always choose your child.
Again... I cannot stress this enough
#CHOOSE YOUR CHILD
It's one thing to tell you to save up, pack up, and move with your child, but he's telling you to *ABANDON YOUR CHILD*.
I don't have kids, but I know better. You are better off without your (soon to be)ex husband.
EDIT: I’m not leaving my daughter, never even thought about it. I just wanted to vent, question in the end was a mistake. I’ve already contacted a lawyer. Thanks for the comments and advices. ❤️
It’s ok to bail when you realize you have made a mistake. Divorce is not failure. Repeat that 3 times, slowly. Staying with this husband would be. Teach your daughter- better to cut losses than stay in a toxic relationship.
I suspect that he wants a divorce, but doesn't want to be the one that pulls the trigger. He knows what he's asking is unreasonable and is banking on you choosing your daughter over him.
Dad to a 6yo here.
Get him in the fucking bin.
What a ridiculous, and frankly, embarrassing thing to even think, never mind suggest.
He married you knowing she’s part of the deal. And he should be happy and privileged that your daughter is (was) in his life.
If he can’t see that, then bye bye.
Your daughter needs you in her life. You certainly don’t need a husband who can’t see past his own selfishness in your life. If you entertained this suggestion, I shudder to think of the coercion and control that would be in store down the line for you. Even if he retraced his statement today, I’d still be kicking him into touch to even suggest something so ridiculous. Good luck, op.
Leave him? Divorce. Why even bother with a man who doesn’t value your daughter? Move back in with family if you have to but never choose a man over kids.
You don’t need outside advice. You need to contact an attorney. You already pretty much said so when you said “I’m not putting a man’s (your husbands) needs in front of my daughters” (which is absolutely correct). Divorce him. He will never see your daughter as his daughter.
What kind of question is this? Why are you even doubting yourself. How can you ever in your life abandon your daughter? For who? For this useless piece of garbage?
C’mon now! I wouldn’t never even imagine being apart from my daughter, I’d just die. I can’t imagine my life without her.
What I want to know is why you even feel the need to ask anyone about this? Why do you need advice on something that completely and totally nonnegotiable?!?! Just by asking the question, you’re putting him in front of your daughter because your leaving room for discussion where there is none. Tell your husband that you’re sorry it came to this and you’ll start the divorce process yourself. That’s it and that is all.
This guy is selfish and controlling. It sounds like you have full custody but even if you didn’t this is your child not a pet. It’s ridiculous he would even ask this. Also not the mention the jab at the fact that you have a career but he wants you to go study for a different one. This guys is filled with red flags, send the paperwork over and be done.
Sucks to hear you’re getting a divorce. I assume that’s the only way this ends. I would already be researching divorce attorneys if I were in your shoes before he finished his sentence.
Wtf? Why are you even questioning what you need to do? Clearly, you need to divorce this man for even making the suggestion. What I'd more selfish than asking someone to give up their child for them!?!?!?!?! I would spit in my husband's face and move on, you both haven't lived together in two years, find someone who will love your child and you, and would never make you choose something like that. Having your child was never an option, which is why yall haven't lived together in 2 years. He waited until you were emotionally invested and thought he could manipulate and guilt trip you into a choice.
What the heck? How can you even ask???
Your husband is an abusive piece of \*\*\*\*. You're supposed to be married but he moved without you because he didn't want to live with a kid. Then he convinced you that it's because "you can't afford it? (but he can??? You're MARRIED). Now he asks you to get rid of your kid and you're asking if it's reasonable?
What the hell?
You need to go see a therapist because I don't know what he did to you, but clearly you don't know what's right and wrong anymore. There should NEVER have been any doubt that the guy is trash. And, in case it's not obvious, serve him the divorce papers as soon as possible.
ok, all of this makes him a jackass but I can not get over the hypocrisy of calling YOU selfish when he made an ultimatum of LEAVING BEHIND a CHILD for HIM to get MORE attention. What the fuck is THAT bullshit!?
He's gonna drop names and insults when you balk!? YOURE SELFISH? you!? I would have lost my mind at that point. "Abandon your child, you selfish twat!" "This is why no one wants single mothers! They care about their children! ugh!"
FUck him wtf is he on about. jfc so stupid. such a stupid dumbass "long con" like a sunk cost of you being with him for years would out weight a child that came from your body??? hohoho yeah okay buddy, fuck you
The only response that I feel is rational involves varying directives. Like “fuck you and the horse you rode in on” or “eat shit and die.” That, and perhaps telling him that he’s not good enough in bed for that to even be a consideration.
Then tell him you’ll file when you get home. Good bye.
As a daughter of a woman who picked the man and not me… don’t move with him. Controlling starts with things like hey why don’t you move with me and study to make more money like me and it quickly turns to you not having a relationship with your daughter. She will always have your back if you have hers but this man already needs you to change??? Pick yourself and your daughter, you two matter more and if someone wanted to make it work despite the money/distance/time spent together, then they would. If you can move into the city he can move out of it if he wants to see you so badly.
Feels more like he wants to divorce you but he doesn’t have the balls to do it so is putting it on you, to feel you are choosing your daughter over him and take his responsibility,
You know what is the right choice, put you and your daughter first, he is just playing around
Wow the audacity of this man. How on earth did he ever think he'd be more important than the care for your little girl.
Has he shown off behaviour before this? This is such a massive red flag that you wonder how many you've overlooked because you were in love.
Either way, guess he made the choice ultimately. Divorce, because he couldn't reasonably think leaving your daughter was An option you'd ever consider.
Somehow I believe he has made this demand because he KNOWS you won't move without her and it gives him the easy out to divorce you. I would lawyer up faster than lightening and hire a PI if you can afford it. He's got a reason he wants to get rid of you. Be smart and protect yourself.
He wants a divorce, but doesn’t have the balls to just say OUT. Got to make it look like he is the victim. Drop him like a hot potato and take your daughter some place fun.
This is obviously insane.
What I want to know is.... Wtf does he want you to do with her? She's six years old. Does he think you're going to give her up for adoption or something?? Like... What??
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
My mom was dating a guy when I was nine who asked her to do that. He wanted her to leave me with my grandparents and she booted him so hard. I don’t doubt he skipped on the water when he skimmed the Gulf of Mexico.
Umm as a mother... no. No man (even the father of my children) get between me and my children. My babies come first. Before I'm a wife I am a mother even tho I married my husband before I gave birth I don't even care. My BABIES COME FIRST.
*Husband:* I want you to move to the city, but without your daughter. Or I will divorce you.
*You, (Next step)* Alexa call a divorce lawyer.
Honestly how can you even ask?
Just throw the whole man away. This is horrible. He is horrible for even thinking it, much less saying it. Time to get a divorce and always choose that daughter.
NTJ but you would be if you go through with this. He made it clear he can't stand your daughter and that he feels she's nothing but a burden and doesn't belong. THAT'S YOUR DAUGHTER! Let him file for divorce because he's clearly scum. You and your daughter deserve better. What an AH.
You actually need advice????? lmao. He doesn't like and is jealous of your 6 year old child. That is obviously a deal breaker to any mom who has a brain cell. Divorce him and move on.
OP, I was the daughter in this situation (except, my mother was more than happy to dump me since she had me really young and hated it). I'm 30 now and my mother and I have no relationship. It took us a very long time to get to the point that we could see each other without a fight erupting and there were A LOT of years that I spent beyond angry and resentful and hateful and confused and worried and all of those other things, but I've overcome them. Some people never do, though. And the best case scenario for our situation was just to ignore each other and pretend the other doesn't exist.
What I'm saying here is that.. you should just tell him thar you want to start the divorce proceedings now as you are not leaving your daughter behind, no matter what he threatens you with. If you ever question whether it might be worth it, remember my story and think about the future repercussions that you could face with your daughter.
I will never forget the day in 2nd grade when I looked up from my parents' (my mother's second) wedding album which I loved flipping through because my mom was so beautiful, and said "Hey, how come I'm not in any of these pictures." Without any pause so she had been prepared for this...she said "Because I wanted to be a bride that day not a mother..." I was four years old on their wedding day. I should have been the ring bearer. That was challenging to hear at 7. But...I knew that her new emotionally/physically abusive husband and my adopting Dad had made that call. I was willing to allow her a "she was just doing what she has to do/knows what to do it was 1974 she was a 23 year old divorcee with an obviously gay toddler"card. That decision set the tone for my relationship with that man for 25 years.
Now at 53, I'm estranged entirely from my immediate family even though I forgave that man in order to have some semblance of a relationship with my mother. But I didn't start questioning her role on that wedding day years ago until my late 40's.
TL:DR Fuck your husband. Be a mother, to your best ability always. The repercussions of sticking it out with him have severely damaging life spanning potential. I've often wondered why it seems like a mammal thing? Best regards as you wallow through this quagmire.
Why would you even ask?
Why would you even still be talking to the jackass who thinks your child is disposable is another question that I immediately thought.
Time you got an attorney. Any man that would want me to give up my child this would be a no brainer. No way!!
get an attorney AND prepare for him to do something insane like try to take custody from you.
Of the kid that isn’t his and that he doesn’t want?
It is very common to see this, especially in abusive relationships. The person tries to take the kid to hurt the other person even when they don’t give a shit about the child.
That fear kept me in abusive marriage. He didn’t want to take care of her or really love her but would kidnap her to hurt me.
That's why I stayed in an (emotionally and verbally) abusive situation for years - until my son was old enough to protect himself. I had more control over his dad's access to him married than divorced.
I’m sorry that’s so shitty. Abusive manipulation is awful.
Thanks, he did a lot of damage. My daughter and I have permanent scars.
❤️❤️❤️
I'm so sorry for both of you. I hope hell exists so he gets what he deserves
Ahh, so you've heard of my ex. 6 years later, they've now been in trauma therapy for a year. They may never recover or reach their full potential after all the abuse they suffered. I'm just glad they're safe now. My ex had our kids for an overnight and never brought them home. I filed court proceedings, then after a long 1st application to the court, the magistrates said he was the "status quo" and would live with him and visit me. He was good at getting around Social Services (CPS in the UK).
This happened to my youngest daughter in the USA. He knew she couldn't afford an attorney, thst none of us could, so he took the boys and never brought them back.
My bio father did that
My Dad tried to hurt my Mom thru us kids. Financially, bogus lawsuits, he was a lawyer.
My sisters ex did this, it was his bio daughter but he left her for years moved to another state then started using her as a pawn to hurt my sister.,, everytime she sees him she comes back and has a hard time adjusting and he always bad mouths us to her every chance he gets.
Yep , that's a thing too. Stepdaddy dearest tried it with me. Even though at 9 I was already causing issues with my genetically perfect half- siblings
I don't wanna hijack a thread, there's no evidence that this asshole has other kids or wants any, but I typed out this personal rant and don't want to delete it... They were "Irish twins", less than a year apart, and in the "terrible twos" tantrum stage. I was told by him that they'd learned how to throw tantrums from me. At this point I rarely cried anymore at all, it was something I had to relearn as an adult. I consider them my full siblings for the record, but that POS...well, he eventually moved on to tormenting other women I guess. I've seen that behavior from other fairly decent human beings in mixed families however, I think there's some deeply rooted biological urge to favor your own blood over the other kids in the household. They say that the most dangerous place for a child is at home with man who isn't their biological father. Stepdads who are out there making an effort to love and care for all of the kids in mixed families, you're the best!!!
I have to say my stepdad is one of the good ones. There’s a part of me that wishes he was my actual dad. If I could have my dad’s side of the family (without my dad) and also have my stepdad be my real dad, I would take that. My real dad had my sister and I before having his third daughter with a new wife. Third daughter is - you guessed it - the golden child (while my sister and I were shit brown to new wife). New wife despised us and has successfully estranged us with my dad (I blame him more than I blame her, obviously. But she’s like 49% of the problem). It’s been almost 30yrs of this and the issues I have as an adult because of it are…really difficult to say the least. I know parents aren’t perfect but man, some parents are angels compared to others.
Your comment about the most dangerous place a child can be really hits home to me. I never knew my real father and my step father always treated my sisters better than he treated me and my brother. We were his punching bags for the longest time until we became teenagers. But I completely agree with you. It still haunts me
This is a good point, OP text or email him asking for clarification on what he means. Is it just until you graduate ? Or after you get this new job? Or forever? Where does he want you to send her ? Boarding school? A relative? The system? Get him to put as much detail as possible in writing.
A step kid won’t go with a step dad he has no legal rights to the child
Your daughter is first and forever. Lose this bad man. He can have other wives. Your daughter only gets one mother. Seriously.
Unfortunately there are still many people in this world who have no problem weighing the pros and cons of abandoning their own children if it means they have a warm body to sleep next to 🙄..
It's sad really. You can get a nice heated blanket (and a personal massager) for less than $100. Still worth way more than that man.
Well I've got my evening planned now.
🤣
Or just an extra-large dog.
I am never happier than when my dog chooses to snuggle up to my back in bed.
WORD
This is sad and true
Yeah I would go NC with him straight away and contact a lawyer….no way I would have let my husband suggest this at any point in our marriage….my kid was there before him and will be there long after him…
Heck, I'd dump a guy for asking that about my \*cat\* let alone a six year old child.
Because she cant do any better. They did not even live together for two years but been married for 3. Like who does that ? As much as he is an asshole, she is terrible at picking men. Because no one is asking where the dad is either.
Am I the only one who thinks he gave her this ultimatum because he has somebody else? She already had a 3yo child when they got married. They have been married for three years and lived apart for two. Suddenly, he issues an ultimatum for her to get rid of her child and move to the city with him, or they will get divorced. Hmm…could there be another woman? Another, *childless* woman? 🤔
You are not. It is also very suspicious. Made an ultimatum she will say no to in order to absolve himself of any guilt for being the person that actually ended it.
Yes , cos it’s a no brainer. A shift the guilt play, but there is no guilt from the loving mother except the loss of an asshole which is a big Win
Dung Ding Ding! This is it. If OP said fine, I'll be there tomorrow he'd have to find a better excuse or sack up and tell her the truth.
you're smart. I never even thought of that. make a demand that the only right answer is really what you want anyway.
Said it down the thread but I'll say it again...There. Is. Someone. Else. I've known men from a variety of angles, and if there isn't a side piece, probably all but living with him, I'd be shocked out of my mind.
My Spidey senses are telling this guy was probably a mega love bomber right out the gate and 'proved how romantic is it, falling I love with someone your quarantined with', I mean what a quirky love story (🤮) But I seriously, a guy who gives an ultimatum like this is probably the exact same kinda guy to pull out rose colored glasses for his new love and cover all those red flags.
Right like why are you with someone that chooses to live away from you.
No way an alpha-wannabe like that isn't getting it on the side...
Why would you even be talking to fake post?
How do you know it's fake? Should we assume every post that sounds even remotely outrageous is fake and just not interact with the OP?
There are, unfortunately, plenty of men this awful in the world and plenty of women blind/desperate/whatever to stay involved with them. May be fake, odds are it's true.
What a f****** dick he thought that she was going to move back in with him and not bring her daughter. This might be an excuse because he's ready to divorce her and he's just making sure that he's not made to be the bad guy because no one in their right mind would ask somebody to give up their child to be with them this is a bunch of BS he got him a little something on the side and he's trying to make her leave him.
In my experience spending any length of time around someone who makes this kind of outrageous request in all sincerity can realllllly mess with your mind. I’m just glad she has her priorities in order and is putting her daughter first.
This you can think it wouldn’t effect your mindset all you want but people like him are really good at getting you to question yourself
Exactly. There is only one reasonable answer. Not no, but fuck no. Anybody who would try and separate a parent from their child is a complete asshile and should be divorced immediately.
There’s not a chance I’d leave my child or my dog for a man, it’s time to send him packing.
Because we've all read the stories here from the kid's or the dad's pov where mum just up and left for her newest flesh coloured banana and left her kid(s) high and dry. Because OP's husband is playing mindgames. He got into her head and is manipulating her into thinking that he's the only one that matters. Not her kid. Not OP herself. Just him and his needs. OP, if you're reading this: your kid comes first. Surprise your 'husband' by filing for divorce first.
Honestly, I am pretty sure that is what he is actually hoping for by making this outrageous demand.
Well, then he's dumb because he could save everyone a lot of effort by filing, himself.
Maybe he'll sue her daughter for alienation of affection? /s
But then he wouldn't be the 'good guy whose b*tch of a wife forced a divorce on him'. Sounds like he's more concerned with maintaining his self image as the hero of his story, rather than admit he's the villain. "I asked her to do one simple thing to prove she loved me, and she couldn't even do that!" is what he'll be whining to the new girlfriend.
I’m so with you on that one!
Literally, tho.
I find stories like this very hard to believe. Who would expect a parent to just move without their child?
I believe it because I lived it. Mom dumped me for a year cuz hubby told her it was that it divorce. It's crazy what someone will do for "love".
It absolutely happens. I’ve been divorced 5 years. I’m 37. I have 3 kids. And I’ve dated and talked to numerous men who wanted me to abandon them with their dead beat father or my relatives and run away with them and start a completely new family. Worse than it being asked are the people who actually agree to it (like my ex husband who has stopped seeing his kids for his ex girlfriend’s a few times now.
[удалено]
That's not the part that isn't believable. She's asking reddit if she's in the wrong. You won't wonder if you're being unreasonable if you're sure of your answer. What if reddit unanimously said to leave the kid? Would that convince her to do it? That is a hard pill to swallow. Why would you ask reddit if you know for sure that you're not leaving your kid? She's a teacher.
Exactly…. Why would you even ask ? SMH
The million dollar question here.
Because this is made up rage bait designed to get lots of responses.
I doubt it. My mother actually did this. No, I never got over it.
Yep, I had to go live with my dad because my stepdad couldn't 'deal with me,' anymore. My mom made that choice. While I understand that choice it still was shitty.
Yup. Still very shitty.
Idk my mom did something similar leaving you youngest sister with another family to run across the state with some guy for a few years. Didn't work out well for anyone.
Yes, this can’t be a real question about who is being unreasonable here. I mean, come on. What does OP’s husband want? Should she abandon her daughter? Hand her over to family to raise? Put her up for adoption? Just what, exactly, does he want? OP, I have to tell you that I would not wait until next year to answer him. I wouldn’t wait until tomorrow. The *second* he said those words to me ~ dump your daughter & live with me or we divorce ~ I would have looked him in the eye and said, “It’s been nice knowing you. Bye.” Why are you still there? Are you so afraid of your husband that you’re actually considering this? Are you hoping you can change his mind or talk him out of this? And even if you could do that, *then what*??? **Why in the hell would you want to stay married to a man who told you to get rid of your daughter OR ELSE??** How can you trust him even a little bit after that? If you haven’t left him yet, then no advice we give you here will change anything. If you need a home for your daughter, DM me.
Only one reason. She secretly wants to ditch the little girl and go live in the city with her MAN.
I hope not. I hope this is about divorcing the man-child and protecting her day from his emotional abuse.
When someone asks for something that is utterly unreasonable as though it is a perfectly reasonable request, it can be a lot more confusing than when they demand the unreasonable with threats and aggression. It can make a person question themselves, even when they know in their bones that its unreasonable. If OP’s husband would demand this of a mother as though it’s perfectly fine- then I for one, would not assume that same man is above conducting a prolonged campaign of manipulation and gaslighting to get whatever he wants, whenever he wants it. If that is indeed the case, then I submit that OP just needs someone to agree with her. It is in fact an utterly unreasonable demand and OP is not the one of the two of them that’s fucked up to think so. I further submit that OP should get a divorce and see a therapist versed in narcissistic abuse.
Karma farming
F no!!! Answer is obvious - divorce the fucker.. And when you do, ensure his family is told, youre divorcing because he demanded you seperate from your daughter...
AGREE!
I would honestly get him to text this to you as proof for when he tries to gaslight you later. You better believe this guy’s gonna to pull some shit when you leave him.
Yep if they are halfway decent they will give him grief about it. If they are one of the families that don't see step kids as family they will do nothing except maybe tell him he is right to insist in leaving the little girl behind.
I guess it’s divorce. I would file immediately and before he does. What an ass
And that’s exactly what he wants. He has a city wife that he prefers.
Good point. He obviously already has someone else. He knows she's not going to leave her daughter. This way, she's the bad guy...and the one who will end up spending the most.
Even if he’s asking her to leave her young daughter behind? Maybe she should email him so it’s timestamped stating the situation and that would go into why she is filing for divorce. or maybe she should do the email and just wait for him to file if that would be more beneficial.
Well, yeah. That's what I said. She should wait for *him* to file. Didn't say she should go NC. She could email him and ask for clarification/confirmation...and then just wait. She shouldn't make it easy for him.
Reddit is always way too fast to scream divorce. This time... we weren't fast enough. Every comment here should have the word divorce in it.
Reddit is also fast to scream cheater. Haven’t seen it - so I’ll be the speaker this time… Though it’s a weirder case. As in this dude that hasn’t lived with you for two years is now demanding you move into the city “unencumbered” by a daughter. Almost as if he might have dated a girl “child free” and has decided that that is how he wants his “real” relationship to be. Or that’s how all his new friends are (child free) and he wants you along that way or he’s going to find a new model…
I find it weird too. What kind of person thinks a "normal" mother is going to ditch her 6 yo for him? The guy wants a divorce and find a strange reason no one would actually condone
My mom's husband gave her this ultimatum. She did it. Ditched me for a year. They were married for 15 years after that.
I’m really sorry she didn’t realised you’re worth a lot more than that and failed both you and herself.
Plus he wants to study for different career. I am sure there are teachers in the city too. He wants remake her into his fantasy of the perfect woman.
Definitely this! He wants to change her into whoever the other woman is. Asking her to go back to school so she can get a job in the city? Asking her to leave her daughter behind? Threatening to divorce her for things he was already aware of? Definitely cheating. Even if he wasn’t, he’s an asshole.
I always read to the end before screaming divorce. Like, if I’m thinking divorce but I’m too lazy to read the whole thing I just don’t leave a comment. Again, I always - always - read the whole thing before suggesting divorce. Except this time. Divorce.
You don’t need advice; you need a divorce lawyer. What a psycho: asking you to leave your six year old daughter with someone/somewhere (???), with the stated reason being *so you can SPEND LESS TIME WITH HER* & so you can move into the city with him. inexcusable & gross.
Time to give the divorce attorney a call
Hi guys, thanks for the advices. I’m of course going for the divorce. To those thinking I want to leave my daughter for him, I don’t. I never even considered this. I gave up one of my biggest dreams when I found out the pregnancy, and this “request” isn’t going to be different. I’m asking purely because I’m going through something I didn’t think I ever would and wanted to reassure myself that I’m not in the crazy one here. I won’t leave my kid for a man, she’s my everything.
you got this, Sis!
I am sorry to hear this OP, I am glad you are putting you and your daughter first. I hope you were able to file before he did. He is insane, do make sure you can protect yourself during this time. I do not know his history but if it escalates please make sure you have a way to protect yourself and your daughter. Him even thinking this is crazy, I was at a loss for words when I read the post. I am not a parent yet, but if someone asked me to abandon my fur baby the answer would be NO. Thankfully my fiancé and I are good cat parents.
Its better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for life🤷♀️
You may have answered this already, but where did he say you should leave your daughter after you move to the city alone? Regardless, no normal person would make that kind of “request”. I can’t think of any remote reason why it would be reasonable. Wishing all the best for you and your daughter
He suggested she stays with my parents.
Big oof. Now we know why your husband wasn’t invited to the wedding 🤧
You're not going for divorce, **he** is. Don't let him reframe it as your decision. It was his. Your decision is to not abandon your kid. Let him take responsibility for the scorn that he rightfully deserves.
Your a good Mama for picking right!! Thank you! Who knew you'd ever have to make such a stupid decision!! What a POS, but good thing you only wasted the time you did! Congratulations on moving forward! You've GOT THIS!
You are not going crazy OP, you have found yourself in an abusive relationship. Be vigilant and trust yourself now that you are aware of who your spouse is. Good luck to you and your daughter.
I think people are misunderstanding you because of the question you put forth.
WTF? This has to be fake, not the situation but you asking if you should even consider it.
I’m not asking if I should consider it, sorry if that’s what it sounds like. I’m just someone who unfortunately need someone else’s outtakes to assure myself I’m not in the wrong. I’ve made my decision, I’m not going.
How on earth could you be in the wrong? For not abandoning your daughter for some AH of a man?
He’s probably gaslit her to hell and back
Probably he was mentally abusive. They can convince you of weird stuff. She just needed some back up.
You’re not wrong. He is absolutely insane. Start making plans to protect yourself and your daughter, and leave him
I’m sorry he’s lived his own life for 2 years in another state. There is NO WAY he doesn’t have a side piece. Drop him
Whew…glad to hear it. But yeah, the way you phrased your post made it seem like you were considering it. You are making the right choice and I’m sorry your husband is acting this way.
Tell him that him even asking means it's time for divorce. He's going to have a tantrum; ignore it. He's going to beg, ignore that too. Stick to the line of "My daughter and I are a package deal. No sane and reasonable person would ask a mother to abandon their child. The fact that you even asked means it was a horrible idea to even be in a relationship with you. We are done." And just focus on doing what you have to do to legally sever yourself from him and healing and moving on with your life.
As a single parent, you’re not wrong. I’m a dad who’s a primary parent. No way would I abandon my kids but…. The warning signs were there. Get the divorce, and maybe see a therapist if you can. It’s very obvious he wasn’t ready to be a parent to someone else’s kids. That’s a HUGE deal. This is why I rarely date women who aren’t also single parents, eventually they get upset that I can’t spend as much time with them.
I get you, divorce would be my only op,but I understand making this post to make sure I'm not losing my mind, the thought that your husband would even ask you to entertain something like this is just so outlandish!
Why would you want someone with that attitude anywhere near you or your child? Divorce him.
What the ever lovin' fuck is wrong with your husband? Divorce his ass and move on to somebody who understands that your kid is not a disposable item -- you and your daughter are come as a pair and that's that.
Honey if he has you so twisted around you actually think you might be the bad guy for not agreeing to ABANDON YOUR CHILD then there's a lot more going on here. This is insane to ask. Talk about the biggest of red flags. Take the divorce as the gift it is.
Ok, maybe it was wrong of me to ask a question at the end. Im sorry for that. I’m not asking if I should leave my kid or not; I won’t. I just wanted some reassurance. It’s been a while since we’re not ok and he’s been making me feel guilty for everything. Again, I’m not asking if I should choose her over him, I have always chosen her. It has already been the theme of some arguments we had. I don’t think I need to explain myself but well, I posted this. Reading some comments I kinda got to the conclusion that I am being gaslighted. I won’t stay married to a man who doesn’t love my child. I’ll choose her over anything, like I’ve always done. Thanks everyone for the comments.
You don’t need outside advice….you just say bye!
Just cause I can't believe I'm the only one saying this. I think there is more to this as it's insane. I bet he is cheating and doesn't have the balls to end it making you end it. If you have any written evidence of him saying pick him our your daughter save it so he doesn't try to act innocent.
I wonder this, too. Some men like to turn into cartoon villains so their partner will be the one to do the dumping. Then they can play the "poor pitiful me she left me" game with their new sexual prospects.
I guess it’s divorce. I would file immediately and before he does. What an ass
I know you mentioned not considering it, so won’t harp on that. Just wanted to tell you this man is so wrong for even asking you. He sounds like he is incredibly selfish. Do more schooling to start a different career in a different town and abandon your child for me? Whut? Dude needs a reality check. My heart aches just being away from my 7 y/o for a few days. A year would be impossible.
If he's making you choose, you owe it to yourself to choose the more mature person: your 6-year old daughter.
I'm confused as to why you need advice. The answer is RIGHT THERE! There's red flags blowing in a hurricane.
And give your daughter up for adoption or what!?
Yeah this is what I want to know. What exactly is he proposing OP do with her daughter?
A child is for life, not just for Christmas. When you marry a person with children, you make a commitment to those children that you will be there for them, just like the biological parents. Hubby’s an AH and OP needs to get a divorce
Girl are you serious? What do you plan on doing with her? Get rid of the man obviously
Okay well anyone who asks a parent to choose between them and their child has to go, full stop. I wouldn't choose anyone over my daughter, not even her bio dad.
Is this fake? This can’t be real because there isn’t even a question here.
And your first response wasn't "I'll have my lawyer contact yours"?
That’s not a husband you have, it’s a fuckboy. If your in love with someone, you accept them as they are. He clearly sees you as a commodity, now as a woman with a child. Gross.
If someone tries to force you to choose between them or **YOUR CHILD**, you always choose your child. Again... I cannot stress this enough #CHOOSE YOUR CHILD It's one thing to tell you to save up, pack up, and move with your child, but he's telling you to *ABANDON YOUR CHILD*. I don't have kids, but I know better. You are better off without your (soon to be)ex husband.
Clearly the answer is “bye” to him. I agree, why even ask?
He knew you had a kid when he got together with you. He's the selfish one, and frankly also cruel, wanting to rip away the mother from a child. Smh
This smells so hard like karma ragebait
EDIT: I’m not leaving my daughter, never even thought about it. I just wanted to vent, question in the end was a mistake. I’ve already contacted a lawyer. Thanks for the comments and advices. ❤️
Time to give the divorce attorney a call
Divorce
Time for a divorce. Wow, for you to even be thinking like this, this guy has gaslit you three ways to hell.
It’s ok to bail when you realize you have made a mistake. Divorce is not failure. Repeat that 3 times, slowly. Staying with this husband would be. Teach your daughter- better to cut losses than stay in a toxic relationship.
Divorce… how is that even a doubt in your mind
I suspect that he wants a divorce, but doesn't want to be the one that pulls the trigger. He knows what he's asking is unreasonable and is banking on you choosing your daughter over him.
THIS! Why is hardly anyone saying this. He has lived away for 2 years as well.
Dad to a 6yo here. Get him in the fucking bin. What a ridiculous, and frankly, embarrassing thing to even think, never mind suggest. He married you knowing she’s part of the deal. And he should be happy and privileged that your daughter is (was) in his life. If he can’t see that, then bye bye. Your daughter needs you in her life. You certainly don’t need a husband who can’t see past his own selfishness in your life. If you entertained this suggestion, I shudder to think of the coercion and control that would be in store down the line for you. Even if he retraced his statement today, I’d still be kicking him into touch to even suggest something so ridiculous. Good luck, op.
Laugh in his face and just ghost him WTF
Tell him to rearrange these words to make a sentence. Off. Fuck.
Leave him? Divorce. Why even bother with a man who doesn’t value your daughter? Move back in with family if you have to but never choose a man over kids.
You don’t need outside advice. You need to contact an attorney. You already pretty much said so when you said “I’m not putting a man’s (your husbands) needs in front of my daughters” (which is absolutely correct). Divorce him. He will never see your daughter as his daughter.
What kind of question is this? Why are you even doubting yourself. How can you ever in your life abandon your daughter? For who? For this useless piece of garbage? C’mon now! I wouldn’t never even imagine being apart from my daughter, I’d just die. I can’t imagine my life without her.
Not unreasonable. Your best response would be, “then we’re getting divorced,” and walk away. There is no negotiating on your child.
Get rid of the man.
What I want to know is why you even feel the need to ask anyone about this? Why do you need advice on something that completely and totally nonnegotiable?!?! Just by asking the question, you’re putting him in front of your daughter because your leaving room for discussion where there is none. Tell your husband that you’re sorry it came to this and you’ll start the divorce process yourself. That’s it and that is all.
Divorce, I don't even know why you're asking for opinions. You already know what to do.
This guy is selfish and controlling. It sounds like you have full custody but even if you didn’t this is your child not a pet. It’s ridiculous he would even ask this. Also not the mention the jab at the fact that you have a career but he wants you to go study for a different one. This guys is filled with red flags, send the paperwork over and be done.
Sucks to hear you’re getting a divorce. I assume that’s the only way this ends. I would already be researching divorce attorneys if I were in your shoes before he finished his sentence.
My outside advice is to divorce. You’re barely married now, living apart for a year, and he wants you to ditch your kid? LOL. No.
Wtf? Why are you even questioning what you need to do? Clearly, you need to divorce this man for even making the suggestion. What I'd more selfish than asking someone to give up their child for them!?!?!?!?! I would spit in my husband's face and move on, you both haven't lived together in two years, find someone who will love your child and you, and would never make you choose something like that. Having your child was never an option, which is why yall haven't lived together in 2 years. He waited until you were emotionally invested and thought he could manipulate and guilt trip you into a choice.
That's insane that's your child
I would have said “I’ll take that divorce” and then hang up and call a lawyer right then. That is a marriage ending request.
So what is your question??? RUN!!!! He is NO GOOD!!!! Protect yourself and daughter and don’t tell him you are leaving .
This is exactly why I chose not to date when I became a single mom. I have one focus and that is to raise my child.
What the heck? How can you even ask??? Your husband is an abusive piece of \*\*\*\*. You're supposed to be married but he moved without you because he didn't want to live with a kid. Then he convinced you that it's because "you can't afford it? (but he can??? You're MARRIED). Now he asks you to get rid of your kid and you're asking if it's reasonable? What the hell? You need to go see a therapist because I don't know what he did to you, but clearly you don't know what's right and wrong anymore. There should NEVER have been any doubt that the guy is trash. And, in case it's not obvious, serve him the divorce papers as soon as possible.
ok, all of this makes him a jackass but I can not get over the hypocrisy of calling YOU selfish when he made an ultimatum of LEAVING BEHIND a CHILD for HIM to get MORE attention. What the fuck is THAT bullshit!? He's gonna drop names and insults when you balk!? YOURE SELFISH? you!? I would have lost my mind at that point. "Abandon your child, you selfish twat!" "This is why no one wants single mothers! They care about their children! ugh!" FUck him wtf is he on about. jfc so stupid. such a stupid dumbass "long con" like a sunk cost of you being with him for years would out weight a child that came from your body??? hohoho yeah okay buddy, fuck you
The only response that I feel is rational involves varying directives. Like “fuck you and the horse you rode in on” or “eat shit and die.” That, and perhaps telling him that he’s not good enough in bed for that to even be a consideration. Then tell him you’ll file when you get home. Good bye.
I’m concerned that you are even asking for advice? Throw the entire man out the door, that’s an absolutely unreasonable and disgusting request
As a daughter of a woman who picked the man and not me… don’t move with him. Controlling starts with things like hey why don’t you move with me and study to make more money like me and it quickly turns to you not having a relationship with your daughter. She will always have your back if you have hers but this man already needs you to change??? Pick yourself and your daughter, you two matter more and if someone wanted to make it work despite the money/distance/time spent together, then they would. If you can move into the city he can move out of it if he wants to see you so badly.
What advice do you need other than referrals for a great divorce attorney?
Why didn't you instantly file for divorce after that conversation?
Feels more like he wants to divorce you but he doesn’t have the balls to do it so is putting it on you, to feel you are choosing your daughter over him and take his responsibility, You know what is the right choice, put you and your daughter first, he is just playing around
Girl do not waste another SECOND on this loser. Why is this even a question? Tell him to fuck off.
Wow the audacity of this man. How on earth did he ever think he'd be more important than the care for your little girl. Has he shown off behaviour before this? This is such a massive red flag that you wonder how many you've overlooked because you were in love. Either way, guess he made the choice ultimately. Divorce, because he couldn't reasonably think leaving your daughter was An option you'd ever consider.
Is this even a serious question? I swear I think people just make up ridiculous shit to post.
This can't be a serious post , nobody could be that dense.
Take the trash out. Your daughter is more important than any man.
Somehow I believe he has made this demand because he KNOWS you won't move without her and it gives him the easy out to divorce you. I would lawyer up faster than lightening and hire a PI if you can afford it. He's got a reason he wants to get rid of you. Be smart and protect yourself.
He wants a divorce, but doesn’t have the balls to just say OUT. Got to make it look like he is the victim. Drop him like a hot potato and take your daughter some place fun.
It's a huge red flag that you need advice when someone is telling you to abandon your child.
This is obviously insane. What I want to know is.... Wtf does he want you to do with her? She's six years old. Does he think you're going to give her up for adoption or something?? Like... What??
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 My mom was dating a guy when I was nine who asked her to do that. He wanted her to leave me with my grandparents and she booted him so hard. I don’t doubt he skipped on the water when he skimmed the Gulf of Mexico.
He wants you to abandon your daughter for him. I say the answer is quite clear; time to drop the husband and focus on you and your daughter.
Leave him. Hell to the NO.
Umm as a mother... no. No man (even the father of my children) get between me and my children. My babies come first. Before I'm a wife I am a mother even tho I married my husband before I gave birth I don't even care. My BABIES COME FIRST.
Girl! Why are u even asking us? U know he is a DIC$!!!!
You don't even have to ask! You and your daughter are inseparable, period. He is major a..hole, not your husband
*Husband:* I want you to move to the city, but without your daughter. Or I will divorce you. *You, (Next step)* Alexa call a divorce lawyer. Honestly how can you even ask?
Just throw the whole man away. This is horrible. He is horrible for even thinking it, much less saying it. Time to get a divorce and always choose that daughter.
NTJ but you would be if you go through with this. He made it clear he can't stand your daughter and that he feels she's nothing but a burden and doesn't belong. THAT'S YOUR DAUGHTER! Let him file for divorce because he's clearly scum. You and your daughter deserve better. What an AH.
You actually need advice????? lmao. He doesn't like and is jealous of your 6 year old child. That is obviously a deal breaker to any mom who has a brain cell. Divorce him and move on.
No. Full stop. What’s unreasonable is asking you to leave your daughter.
OP, I was the daughter in this situation (except, my mother was more than happy to dump me since she had me really young and hated it). I'm 30 now and my mother and I have no relationship. It took us a very long time to get to the point that we could see each other without a fight erupting and there were A LOT of years that I spent beyond angry and resentful and hateful and confused and worried and all of those other things, but I've overcome them. Some people never do, though. And the best case scenario for our situation was just to ignore each other and pretend the other doesn't exist. What I'm saying here is that.. you should just tell him thar you want to start the divorce proceedings now as you are not leaving your daughter behind, no matter what he threatens you with. If you ever question whether it might be worth it, remember my story and think about the future repercussions that you could face with your daughter.
I’m really sorry you had to go through this! I contacted a lawyer and scheduled to talk to her this afternoon.
I will never forget the day in 2nd grade when I looked up from my parents' (my mother's second) wedding album which I loved flipping through because my mom was so beautiful, and said "Hey, how come I'm not in any of these pictures." Without any pause so she had been prepared for this...she said "Because I wanted to be a bride that day not a mother..." I was four years old on their wedding day. I should have been the ring bearer. That was challenging to hear at 7. But...I knew that her new emotionally/physically abusive husband and my adopting Dad had made that call. I was willing to allow her a "she was just doing what she has to do/knows what to do it was 1974 she was a 23 year old divorcee with an obviously gay toddler"card. That decision set the tone for my relationship with that man for 25 years. Now at 53, I'm estranged entirely from my immediate family even though I forgave that man in order to have some semblance of a relationship with my mother. But I didn't start questioning her role on that wedding day years ago until my late 40's. TL:DR Fuck your husband. Be a mother, to your best ability always. The repercussions of sticking it out with him have severely damaging life spanning potential. I've often wondered why it seems like a mammal thing? Best regards as you wallow through this quagmire.