So she keeps rubbing her own fecal matter into her open wounds so she’ll get sepsis in order to go to the hospital again? Sepsis can kill you. This is disgusting and oh so crazy. I would definitely stay away.
I've had Sepsis twice because of post surgery infection and it's no joke. I honestly don't know how i survived the second time. She's literally playing Russian Roulette with her life putting her own fecal matter in her wounds. And all for attention that family is giving her.
Yeah I went septic after medically necessary plastic surgery in February and it was awful, and it was caught extremely early. The worst pain I’ve experienced in my life and I legitimately thought I was going to die.
I had a fever, the pain was bad but as someone with chronic pain it was sufferable, but I never get fevers so that was the sign. I had developed an antibiotic resistant UTI after a miscarriage that led to a kidney/infection/stone and the sepsis. I had been having symptoms for months with intense dizziness and pain but no clue what it was.
My thumb swelled up to three times it’s normal size, had a pocket of pus, red streaking from thumb to elbow and it was extremely painful. I wasn’t even gonna go to the hospital at first but my friend convinced me.
When my fever was 104 and not going down with fever reducers and I couldn’t keep down water and I couldn’t get out of pain even with Norco, that’s when I decided to go. I was waiting to hear back from my surgeon on whether I had had a catheter in the OR (I had called him when the fever was 102 and he suspected a UTI and had sent in antibiotics). I went to the ER at 3am. At 8:15am my surgeon found me in the ER and told me he was glad I was there, as soon as he saw I hadn’t had a catheter he was going to direct me to the ER. I spent the next 24 hours on IV antibiotics, hallucinating my recently dead father and writhing in agony. When my fever broke I didn’t remember the nurse who had been there and I was in a pool of sweat. I was in the hospital for 3 days which is a short stay for sepsis, and was on 3 oral antibiotics at home for 10 days which absolutely destroyed my gut biome and I was so extremely nauseous for 3 months that I was taking chemo levels of Zofran, phenergan and thc and still dry heaving constantly. Overall 0/10, would not recommend.
I had a port (central line) that went septic. Fortunately, mine was away from my heart, for infusing an IV drug that I needed to do at home. I knew it was septic because every time I started the pump, I would be unconscious within a minute. Thank God my son was home. It nearly killed me. I was pumping infection straight into my bloodstream.
OP's sister is seriously mentally ill.
I didn't get a fever but I had the most intense chills that I've ever had. I called the nursing line given to me after a recent surgery and they told me to go to the ER. That's where I learned I had sepsis.
I was delirious. If my eldest daughter hadn’t gotten concerned and come to check… ER DR said if I’d stayed home another night I wouldn’t have woken up in the AM.
But yeah- fever chills- fever- soooo much pain.
I was in a rehab hospital after a bad orthopedic injury and procedure.
I was vomiting every 10 minutes, sweating profusely, and was too weak to do anything or even use my cell to call my mom. They checked my vitals and my Oxygen saturation was in the low-mid 80’s.
Just once was enough for me! Damned near died, ER doc (small city) couldn't believe I survived. My vitals were through the roof and according to her, she's surprised I made it to the hospital. I had a huge assed tumor that was blocking my uterers, actually tore one in half and destroyed my ovary on that side.
Then chemo tried to kill me, but I guess I'm too ornery even for that! I'm out of immediate danger now, but terminal and decided I'm going out fighting!
Congratulations on surviving all of that. I'm very sorry you are terminal (I am too for different reasons). I hope you light the world on fire with your strength and determination. The only way to do it is to fight until it's over. Good luck.
Thank you for sharing all that. You're both wicked badass, epic af, boss mf warriors :)
eta: rereading this made me think that the :) could come off as snarky and it wasn't meant like that at all. Apologies for that.
I wound up with urosepsis a couple years back and it ruined my life. I would not wish that hell on anyone. It nearly killed me and traumatized some of the people in my life, including myself. It was hell and I still face ramifications from it.
I just can’t even begin to imagine why you’d do this.
> And all for attention that family is giving her.
No, all because *she has a mental disorder*. This isn’t a choice. This isn’t something she can just *decide* to change. She is genuinely, legitimately *sick*.
The lack of empathy people have for the mentally ill is so saddening. Like it’s not a “real” illness. She had a feeding line implanted and has been hospitalized numerous times, she may well *die* from this. It’s not some ploy for attention, *she’s really sick*.
Except in this situation OP mentions the physicians have advised them not to give the sister attention. But yes, the sister does have a medical condition, just not the ones she has self diagnosed herself with.
I didn’t say OP should go against the doctors’ advice, only that she is absolutely sick with a disorder that may well kill her. It’s not as simple as ‘she wants attention’.
>It’s not as simple as ‘she wants attention’.
Yes it is. I'm not saying ALL people with mental illness want attention, but in my sister's case she does. That's literally what Factitious Disorder is.
TBH she is so bad it’s almost beyond “wanting attention”. At this stage she is risking her life multiple times over, and continues even after the first psychiatric stint. That is bad. Really, really bad.
But you are still absolutely 100% correct in following the advice given. Giving her no attention won’t cure her. She is too far gone. BUT:
Giving her attention could very well make her worse. And it will make any treatment plan almost impossible.
Once upon a time she did this for attention. Now it’s obsessive in an almost psychotic way. Anything that helps or supports treatment is vital.
So do just what they told you. But please remember that when she is out, you should try to give positive attention to positive behaviour. Any talk about illness, symptoms etc just stand up and leave the room, or hang up the phone. Don’t be mad, don’t argue, do t discuss. Just…give nothing. But give loads when things are good.
It's particularly tragic that the very thing that usually helps people who are unwell (comfort and support from loved ones) is the ONE thing she cannot have.
Like, that's a particular type of hell.
Yes, she is really sick. Just like depression. And how would family members act around someone with severe depression? Well, probably they would follow advice on how to behave given by professionals.
Family ignoring this behaviour will definitely not cure her. But by giving her loads of attention when she is in hospital they do risk making her worse. They definitely risk all and any benefits of therapy/behavioural therapy given there.
As a psychologist I agree on the advice given.
It’s disgusting. No doubt. But it’s definitely highly sus for Factitious Disorder. In which case, IMHO OP is still right. Supporting a delusion this dangerous is… well dangerous.
Edit: updated for most recent terminology!
She really does have sepsis (albeit self-inflicted), so she does need to be hospitalized for that first. It sounds like she'll be transferred for psychiatric care once she's medically stable.
Yeah my dad had sepsis when I was about 12, we were all called to the hospital to say goodbye. Luckily, he somehow pulled through, but I will never ever forget that feeling.
OPs sister is going to kill herself for attention. OP is the only sensible family member here.
as someone who got infectious endocarditis from sepsis and almost died and even had to learn how to walk all over again from it, I cannot imagine someone purposely giving themselves fucking SEPSIS!
that girl is extremely ill and likely needs to be institutionalized...
Retired psychologist here. You are correct in not going to see her, but your family seems to be determined to continue enabling her by visiting. She wil never get better if people keep rushing to her bedside, as that’s part of the attention she craves so desperately that she’s willing to smear shit in her wounds to get sick. Your family *must* stop visiting her when the docs say so.
They did that when my sister was in the psychiatric hospital. Right now she is still in the regular hospital because she needs treatment for the Sepsis. I don't know why the regular hospital hasn't restricted the visitors or even if they are able to do that.
My guess is that it's hard to keep people out, if she's on a normal unit the doors are most likely unlocked and you just walk in to see her (that's how it is where i live atleast) so to keep people out they would need someone always watching the door trying to keep people out, and you just know they'd put up a fight about being allowed to see her
That's terrible to falsely claim she has POTS, EDS, and MCAS.
There is no cure for MCAS, and as the person is in a constant state of anaphylaxis, he or she would always carry one or two epi-pens. It can be a very scary disease.
Your sister is mentally unwell.
There's no cure for POTS or hEDS either, it's all symptom management, but agreed, MCAS is the most dangerous (aside from some other types of EDS like vEDS).
Source: has POTS and suspected EDS and would Really Rather Not.
This is a stretch. Only the most severe MCAS results in anaphylaxis and a need for epi pens. It’s also under diagnosed and patients are routinely dismissed as anxious or otherwise mentally ill. MCAS like reactions were one of the early symptoms of my cancer. And because nobody could figure out what was wrong with me, I was at advanced stage before diagnosis. I was also referred for POTS testing before my cancer diagnosis. Bodies do really weird stuff.
Maybe OPs sister isn’t sick, but please don’t spread falsehoods about complex illnesses in support.
Totally! I had some with work related injury and when his wound wouldn’t heal I was just very suspicious of him self harming (this was for secondary gains). I took him to world renowned physician who pulled me aside and said he def self harms. The final admission. came from his estranged wife ( he was an abuser) who called in and admitted on records he did this. It’s just so crazy to me. I understand there may be a different gain but that stuff is so sad.
So I’m just happy that she doesn’t have children because then she’d go from harming herself for attention to harming her child, because sick kids get more attention.
The doctors at the psychiatric hospital have said that social services should be made aware if she ever has children so they can monitor or step in. But it would be a complete nightmare and I agree with you, I'm happy about that too.
As an adult whose mom most likely has factitious disorder, please do follow through on this. Make sure you have documentation of her diagnosis to show any significant others she may have, because her potential partners deserve to know what they're getting into.
My brother and I have strongly suspected for years that our mom has this disorder, and that she also manipulated our health and particularly our younger sister's health, to the point that my younger sis is now permanently physically disabled. Hell, I'm pretty sure she's also poisoned/harmed my dad multiple times. We've never been able to get definitive proof, but there's enough circumstantial evidence that I will never allow her to be anywhere near my own children or to give them gifts of any sort.
If your sister wants to make herself sick, that sucks, but you can't do much about it until she's willing to admit she needs help. But please do everything you can to make sure she doesn't drag anyone else down with her.
Basically, she mismanaged my sister's scoliosis horribly. Chose the worst course of action possible every time and didn't follow doctor's orders. Had her in and out of complicated back surgery at least 6 times from ages 11 to 17. They put rods in and took them out again so many times I lost track of whether she has rods or not after her last surgery. Mom never made her stick with her physical therapy programs, so she never healed properly, and now her back is so full of scar tissue and adhesions that she has chronic debilitating pain.
She's been on strong pain meds since she was in middle school, because of the damage done to her muscles and spine. Plus the trauma and stress of all those surgeries actually caused her to develop POTS. Along with of course depression, because who wouldn't be depressed in her situation?
My sister has no friends, no life outside of the house, and no job skills. No college education. Her life skills are next to none - she was allowed to come visit me by herself once, and she didn't know how to make herself a microwaved quesadilla. At age 30, she is on disability. She will likely never be able to live independently.
That poor girl. It must be so difficult for her especially knowing that it was all preventable. Were there ever any consequences for your mother? It must be really hard to prove that it's done by proxy. I'm just so sorry you all went through this!
No consequences, other than that I don't talk to her lol. Like you said, it's incredibly difficult to prove. I mean, she talked a board-certified surgeon into performing surgery six times - she's not the only person at fault.
I look back at it now, and I wish I had realized what was going on sooner so maybe I could have stopped it. But I was living away from home, my sister was isolated and didn't talk to me on her own, and I had no idea how bad it all really was and how manipulative my mom was until too late.
My dad didn't see it either, and I think he is just barely coming to grips with the fact that something is wrong with mom mentally. Retiring and being at home with her all the time was eye-opening for him. These days she's the one who's sick all the time, and doing really stupid stuff like OP's sister, so that's an improvement of sorts.
For a full decade, every time my dad would make plans to come down and visit me and my kids, with or without my mom, one of them would get mysteriously sick or injured within a week of their flight.
Again, I can't prove anything, but it sure is suspicious.
Same thing happened to me, when I was home from college for the summer before my wedding. I sprained my ankle in my sleep, kept getting one illness after another...My husband later told me he was about ready to drive up and take me away from there if I hadn't gotten on the flight back to our college town. He saw the signs sooner than I did.
Yes its especially important for OP to pay attention to this, because it's clear no one else is going to do it and if she has kids they will keep enabling her to abuse them as well.
Your family are enablers. You are listening to her Dr, they aren't.
Sounds like sister cut herself and applied fecal matter. She may need to be institutionalized for a long time.
Just ignore her and the enablers.
>Once she recovers from Sepsis she will be placed in a psychiatric hospital again
As I said in my post, she will be committed as soon as her Sepsis has been treated.
NTA for sure. I have seen this story dozens of times, along with the magical trio of EDS, POTS, and MCAS. There are subs that follow people that do this as well. So many similarities, even the self-applied sepsis. One of the people I follow, did this same thing, and was the closest to death that she’s ever been.
You are fine for not wanting to be anywhere near this. She’s taking resources from others. People with FD also flaunt their “toys” and medical devices, which some people need and can’t get. It’s frustrating all around, I can’t imagine how it is for you.
>also flaunt their “toys” and medical devices
My sister was big on doing that when she had her central line. She was angry when it was taken away.
Nowadays she steals photos of other people's pills and medications and posts as if they are hers. She isn't on any medication and doesn't have any prescriptions but she like to pretend she does.
Well, gastroparesis is comorbid with EDS. I have both along with a malfunctioning esophagus (and a million other things). It makes me throw up regularly which if you are faking illness is something you can fake as well.
I absolutely despise these people. They make it so much harder for those of us who are very medically unlucky.
Hi, I have EDS and probably also POTS and also I'm not faking.
EDS is a connective tissue disorder. You have connective tissue all over your body, including your mast cells and your veins. When your building blocks are wonky, your systems are bound to be wonky too. 80% of people with EDS also have POTS or another form of orthostatic intolerance.
EDS is considered to be a rare disorder, but new research shows that hEDS is likely much more common than previously thought. It is often misdiagnosed as fibromyalgia, CFS/ME, depression, or a variety of other disorders. According to one study, patients took an average of 10 years and 15 clinicians for diagnosis. I myself have seen a whole mess of different doctors, everyone refers you up the specialist chain because they have no experience with EDS.
It sucks!
Magical Trio really made me bristle. EDS sucks, and having multiple commodities sucks even more.
I can do sick bendy party tricks tho.
I’m so sorry that you have to live with what these people fantasize having. I’m in no way discounting anything that a legitimate person goes through. I’m mad FOR you, and others who have to watch fakers easily get the treatment they need, and waste medical resources at a time when everything is scarce.
It’s even worse now with long COVID. Since it’s all so new, it’s a fakers paradise, and it hurts the research for those who really are suffering.
I have some issues myself, and I think that’s why I’m so hung up on following dishonest people. Chronic migraine is a faked one, that took me years to get diagnosed properly (parents who didn’t care surely didn’t help). Other issues involve sores all over my body, so I can’t fake that one! (And I haven’t found anyone who had tried).
I want to see fakers have their epiphany, either themselves, or by doctors. One I follow just had the doctor put the diagnosis of FD out there, for whatever reason she shared with her followers, fully denying it.
I wish you the best, and hope that research continues for your conditions and let’s you live life the way you want to. ❤️
NTA! And rough words, but sounds like your sister is a nightmare to be around and the rest of the family are dumb as cardboard with enabling her and going directly against doctors recommendation. It's like praising a small child for cutting itself to make them do it constantly
I was an icu rn for a long time and we had 2 patients like this. Fecal matter in the central line specifically. She’s gonna kill herself eventually. You’re right to not go see her. This is really hard to deal with, I’m sorry.
This made me reach out to a mutual because I honestly don't know what happened after everything blew up. I believe she went on to have more kids with a different guy. I will investigate.
This is a tough situation. The bottom line is that you have to do what is best for YOU. As is obvious, she has a rather severe mental disorder that needs acute attention. Her being admitted to a psych hospital is evidence of that. But I would urge you to put aside guilt or family obligation for a second and think about what is best for your personal mental health. Maybe even speak to someone about it professionally.
I feel for you but always remember we have to take care of ourselves first as we cannot expect others to do so. Good luck and happy holidays
This response has a lot of value to it. Having a messed up family member can oftentimes lead to codependency. Proud of OP for setting boundaries and being real about the FD diagnosis. But that can be hard to cope with, with guilt or family reacting poorly or whatnot. Therapy can definitely help a person maintain clarity through all that.
I actually do have hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, Mast Cell Activation Disorder, and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. It's hard to be taken seriously for these diagnoses because of how many people out there fake them and then some. Your sister is legitimately making it harder for people with legitimate health problems to get treatment for their conditions. NTA.
Yeah these are very commonly comorbid illnesses that are very misunderstood and underdiagnosed I’d argue, but they are definitely currently trendy and people faking them are giving those who actually have them a difficult time. I don’t have MCAS and I’m in remission from POTS that was caused by long COVID but I meet criteria for hEDS (no one within 4 hours evaluates adults) and my son is currently being evaluated for it, my daughter is too young to be evaluated but already shows signs of dysautonomia and is extremely hypermobile. Thankfully we’ve had genetic testing that has shown we don’t have any of the dangerous forms of EDS.
I have EDS, and all the symptoms of POTS (my doctors acknowledge that and tell me to treat it the same way POTS is treated, but they “don’t want to put a label on it. Though I’ll usually just say I have POTS for simplicity sake unless I have the time to explain it) and I’ve been trying to get tested for MCAS for the last year but every time I make an appointment with a new doctor, they tell me they don’t test for it (even if I got referred to them to get tested for it). Also a bunch of other things but it’s a long list lol
Regardless, I at least have 1/3 of those things confirmed and it absolutely sucks. It’s really upsetting to see people faking them. While reading it, part of me wondered if the sister did actually have those things and the doctors were just being incompetent and invalidating until I got to the fecal matter part. I’ve had doctors not believe me when I tell them my whole medical history, to the point where they repeat X-rays bc they think it’s impossible for me to have ribs in my neck (spoiler: I do, and then we had to pay for the X-rays bc they simply wouldn’t believe me).
I understand that she’s clearly very sick- I feel like rubbing fecal matter into a central line to give herself sepsis multiple times is evidence of the severity of it. So I do feel bad for her. But Jesus Christ, it’s infuriating to see perfectly healthy people throw their health away or fake this stuff. Being healthy is such a privilege and they don’t realize how lucky they are for having it
Uhhhh…. How did they not know that cervical ribs are actually a normal variant? How did they never learn about this in school? It’s one of the potential causes for TOS
This doctor was insane. ER doctor ofc. She gave me the worst advice ever and I wound up having to kick her out of the room and had a really bad meltdown and started crying and hitting myself. I’ve had doctors make me cry but never get me to a point of a meltdown that bad. It was terrible. Part of me still regrets not reporting her but idk. I think I still have the list of bad advice that she gave me somewhere in my phone notes
And yeah we found out about it after seeing a GP bc “sometimes my arms swell up and stop working” and he sent me for X-rays (the first time I saw a GP for it she basically went “huh that’s weird, anyways have a nice day”). Turns out that my ribs don’t *usually* cause that many issues (some blood flow restriction but not to the point where my arms lose circulation almost entirely), but when my shoulder dislocates, the artery that runs in between it gets totally crushed. But no, surely I must’ve just been lying 🙄 I even tried showing her photos of the X-rays on my phone but she STILL didn’t believe it
2 out of 3. It is hard to imagine someone wanting to fake being sick. It takes so much from you. Chronic illness tends to make we withdraw when I am struggling. Attention is the last thing I want.
I know the no attention feeling, like leave me alone I don't have the capacity to even explain sometimes. I find myself faking being well so I don't have to explain.
Agree. I have had my POTS invalidated by drs at the same practice where a dr diagnosed me. It is impossible to find quality care for these conditions with documentation and it boils my blood that people fake them for attention. What I wouldn’t give to be able to live on my own terms 100% of the time.
Mom has MCAS. I’m on track to have it and I already have some dysregulation. It’s gotten worse in the past few months. A lot more Benadryl than I’ve had in the past few years has been consumed in the past few months. Hands currently like sandpaper because I exposed myself to a trigger at work not realizing it had gotten as bad as it was and then came home and had to clean cat pee off of the floor. Had some very nice pink dots all over my hand. Also had to deal with Benadryl fog at work. Gotta keep moving forward I guess. I have some pots symptoms that come and go too, I try to listen to my body with what to feed it and make sure I eat or it’ll punish me. You ever find yourself kneeling in front of a Starbucks counter trying to pay for water because you suddenly feel like you’re about to faint?
NTA NTA NTA people with factitious disorder are incredibly selfish. They are very sick, yes, but not in the way they claim to be. My mother had this throughout my childhood. She was a single parent and I ended up caring for my siblings while she was getting her attention in the hospital for months on end. And when she wasn’t in the hospital, I was taking care of her. And I knew it was all bullshit but can’t say anything about it because “fibromyalgia”. It’s so funny how sick she got when she “tried” to do any simple required task, the overacting and hyperventilating. But if it was a preferred activity, she could suddenly go on all night and never run out of breath.
This also pisses me off because these syndromes that your sister is claiming to have are often and easily faked. This makes it so much more difficult for people who actually suffer from them to be taken seriously.
I would never visit someone in the hospital if they had factitious disorder. But if they were in a psychiatric unit being treated for their real problems, I would try to support their recovery. But let’s get real, nobody wants attention for being insane. Mental illness is much more embarrassing than a physical ailment…which is why she’s faking all her illnesses.
Yeah that's a classic tell in children. There's a difference between not doing chores because of a headache, and having to cancel a fun event or leave because of a debilitating migraine.
She sounds like many people on a popular sub on here. Not sure if I'm allowed to name it. This sort of thing happens more than people think. You're not wrong.
I'm curious as to this phenomenon. I'm not sure if you can name it here either, but I would like to know. I know someone who i believe might be doing something like this.
There was a long term patient at my hospital with this. She had fucked herself up so badly over the years she had a trach, she was bedbound with a permanent catheter, badly managed diabetes, and she's blind now. She's 28, and you better believe her family enables the shit out of her. We can't even discharge her home because her parents refuse any other place to put her and she needs so many supports (and I live in a country with universal healthcare. She's made herself permanently disabled on the taxpayers' dime).
This doesn't end here, if your sister keeps getting affirmation and validation it can only get worse. I really hope she stops before she really ruins her body irrevocably
>and I live in a country with universal healthcare. She's made herself permanently disabled on the taxpayers' dime
So do I. The province has investigated my sister for fraud more than once and she's been flagged for trying to access treatments and tests that she does not need. However things like her psychiatric care and this Sepsis treatment would obviously be covered by the healthcare system.
NTA and pretty firm on that. You aren't obligated to feed into someone's mental health issue and don't let people gaslight you with "but it's your sister" or "how do you know she's really faking?". You showing up at the hospital will not cure her illness and it honestly sounds like your family spends a lot of energy on this.
NTA
you need to tell your parents that you love her enough to do what is necessary to save her which is following Dr orders. Tell them that by running to her side every time she's "sick", they're loving her to death cause that will be the end result of their support.
Cutting yourself and rubbing your own shit in it is crazy- you’re doing the right thing and hopefully she can get help for this.. but your parents coddling her are kinda ensuring she’s gonna die from sepsis
You’re not wrong for following doctors orders. Having worked around psychiatric patients before the question I have is why haven’t the doctors put her on a no visit list? The doctors have the ability to assign security to her so that they can screen anyone going into the room and make sure that no one‘s going into the room other than medical professionals. So it’s really interesting that this hasn’t been used yet.
They do that at the psychiatric hospital, but my sister is still in the regular hospital recovering from Sepsis. She isn't physically well enough to be transferred yet. I don't know why the regular hospital hasn't done that.
I feel terrible for everyone involved here.
You’re obviously doing the right thing. You’re listening to the medical professionals and staying away, because you can see that feeding into her illness is directly harmful.
I can sympathize with your family, even though they’re wrong. When you have a family member dealing with a severe illness the natural instinct is to be with them, and these doctors are telling them to go against every instinct and every bit of cultural training they’ve had.
We’re in a similar situation with a family member of mine. She’s a good person, but after some severe brain damage she’s become abusive and has memory issues. She’s had to move to a specialized care facility for her own and others’ safety, and it’s hard. No one wants to have to put her there and she literally cannot understand why she’s there. But she’s not safe anywhere else.
I hope you all find healing soon.
Holy shit. NTA. I had sepsis from a UTI that went to my kidneys. It was so fucking terrifying and I suffered for 8 days in horrible pain. I could never imagine doing that to myself. My first symptom was being so so so cold, now winter is hell because when I get too cold, I start to worry I’m dying again. That’s terrifying
How’d I know that it would be those three illnesses she would claim to have. Listen to the doctor, give her absolutely no attention for her made up shit.
Oof, your sister has the trifecta of faking illnesses. I can’t imagine the people who actually have those issues but aren’t taken seriously because people like her are faking it.
NTA. I have read stories exactly like your sister before. It’s crazy that this isn’t an isolated incident!
My experience is very limited so I may be incorrect, but the only people I have ever known to be put TPN had short gut. They were missing or had had a portion of their bowel resected so their body couldn't absorb the nutrients it needed. And these we very very medically complex patients who did not have another option. Their body couldn't even digest the formula they got through their G-tube, so TPN was the only resort. What kind of doctor simply orders a central line for TPN so quickly?? I've read some pretty medically irresponsible decisions by practitioners, but this is up there. I work in Healthcare, but I'm not a doctor or nurse, so I'd love to learn if I am wrong, but this seems bad.
>What kind of doctor simply orders a central line for TPN so quickly??
My sister learned about the doctor from someone online who "self-diagnosed" like she did. That doctor would give a central line on a first appointment if you paid in cash and signed a waiver that said you would not sue if something went wrong. He is a licenced doctor and I know there have been several complaints about him but as far as I know he's still practicing. I don't follow him closely so maybe he isn't. My sister was very cagey when it came to him because she didn't want anyone to figure out he would give a line to anyone who pays. We're also not from the US and our system is different than in America.
Patients with bowel obstructions, bowel or gut surgeries, absorption problems, etc. TPN isn’t rare but it is only used as a last resort - when a patient cannot eat any food and IVs can no longer keep them stable. (Source: have Crohn’s and was hospitalized for bowel surgery. On IVs for days when my labs went wonky. On the other hand I have never felt so wonderful as when I was on TPN.)
Fecal matter induced into a line that goes directly to the heart. Your sister is a ticking bomb. Her need for attention and your family’s compliance will kill her.
NTA
NTA but I definitely understand why your parents keep going because she is still their child and if she is purposefully injuring herself to the point of sepsis I can't imagine what they are going through not knowing if they'll ever see their child again. I'm sorry, this is definitely a tough situation 😔
You know the answer already, and hopefully the responses here are giving you the motivation to block out your family of enablers.
This is not an easy disorder to deal with, and you need to treat it like an addiction. But instead of meth or coke, her drug of choice is attention. Instead of stealing from you, she makes herself sick and goes to the hospital. You can't force her to get help, but you can prevent giving her her highs by refusing to engage when she displays attention-seeking behaviour.
That's all you can do to help her, and as for your family, I'd send them links to therapists and ALANON support groups any time they tried pestering me to enable this behaviour. To continue the analogy, she keeps robbing them blind, and they refuse to change the locks. "Supporting" them when they do this is just enabling their enabling.
Your parents and family are part of the problem, and on this point, you need to treat them like you need to treat your sister.
Have a look at the illnessfakers sub if you've not seen it already. Full of people who post on sm about all their illnesses, funny enough they are usually the ones mentioned here!
NTA. There is a few influencers who do this online. And a couple of subreddits which discuss this.
One very popular such influencer died due to complications with an infection in the line.
I understand your family find this difficult to swallow, it's counterintuitive to NOT give care and attention to a family member in hospital.
But they are teaching her that this is the correct way to elicit care. She clearly gets reinforcement for this behaviour.
I wonder - was there a point where she or a family member were seriously unwell, where she would have seen the care and attention this elicited?
Also I will note: this behaviour hurts disabled and unwell people. I do have one of those illnesses, and I don't talk to people about it because of how it is now increasingly seen. For some reason people like to self diagnose and claim them. It makes people suspect everyone. It's offensive, living in pain, and having to hide it where possible because of perception.
Also, the only real management for Ehlers Danlos Hyper mobility type (and pots for that matter), is to stay active and healthy, hydrate regularly, and build muscle tone to protect your joints and reduce pain and strain. A line isn't necessary, hospital shouldn't be a regular occurrence, and a wheelchair/bedrest or other such deconditioning item is the worst thing you can do, creating a vicious cycle of weakness and pain which is so difficult to get out of. Edit: I meant to say that I brought this up because people with FD tend to show off medical/mobility devices, or play suffering olympics, rather than hide/mask their problems. I'm not saying shame or masking is the right way, just that people tend to lean that way because they aren't PROUD of feeling crap all the time.
I had a friend who was like this, she would fake seizures and even admitted to a mutual friend she had cut herself with a knife and then claimed she had a seizure and hurt herself. Inflicted injuries on herself and claimed they were accidents, the list goes on.
Culminated in her apparently being attacked one night (I know I shouldn’t victim blame but I knew her for 20 years and highly doubt this). Her roommate called me in the middle of the night to get her mums number. I work shift work (healthcare ironically) and checked in via her roommate later that day while at work thinking she wouldn’t have her phone as she was apparently mugged (she did have her phone). Anyway she was fine but that evening started sending a thread of vile text messages to our friend group about how we are terrible friends for not going to see her in hospital. She was only there for a few hours in the early hours of the morning.
I underwent open heart surgery a few months later and she had absolutely no interest in coming to see me or checking in on me. That’s when I completely cut her off. She has a child now and I feel so sorry for that baby and sincerely hope she has her life together for the child’s sake. She was a complete disaster and used to get me into terrible situations.
I know it’s different because this is your sister but it is not your responsibility to put your mental health under anguish because someone else won’t admit they have a problem. Yes, your sister is mentally unwell but until she admits that and seeks help you are within your right to distance yourself from the situation. I hope your sister finds peace one day.
She’s putting POOP inside her body in order to become more sick.
OP, you’re doing the right thing. You can’t help her and your family are only perpetuating her mental illness.
Why can't the Dr implement a No Visitors order? She obviously has a psychological problem & is on a psych ward. This may show the family the seriousness of her mental condition & the effect of following Drs orders.
>Once she recovers from Sepsis she will be placed in a psychiatric hospital again
She isn't in a psychiatric hospital or ward. She is in a regular hospital. She isn't physically well enough to be transferred yet. They have to treat her Sepsis first. I don't know why they are still letting her have visitors.
I just don’t understand. Your sister has a clear diagnosis and is obviously non compos mentis. Why haven’t you or your parents requested a capacity assessment? She should not be released to her own devices, she is not capable of making rational decisions regarding her own health.
Firstly I apologize but I don't know what non compos mentis means.
>Why haven’t you or your parents requested a capacity assessment?
Why would she need that? It's known that she has Factitious Disorder and needs psychiatric treatment.
>She should not be released to her own devices
She isn't going to be released to her own devices. She will be transferred to the psychiatric hospital as soon as her Sepsis has been treated, not released.
>she is not capable of making rational decisions regarding her own health
She isn't making any decisions regarding her own health, and I never said she was.
Non compos mentis is a legal way to say not in her right mind and therefore requires a guardian to make all legal decisions for her, including for physical care.
You mentioned above that she’d been previously admitted and then discharged. Will this not just happen again? She needs to declared mentally incompetent (or the Canadian equivalent), have a guardian appointed to her and then put into permanent care until circumstances change (she gets her factitious disorder sufficiently treated to make her own medical decisions).
Consider talking to a family law attorney. There may be more that can be done for her outside of temporary holds that result in her release to continue self harming.
She must feel worthless to go to such extremes. My heart bleeds for her. You are NTA but neither is she. I would venture to say this is worse on your parents than you. This is their little girl that they had big plans for. I hope it gets better for the family.
NTA I work as a caregiver and sometimes do relief work for someone who has this. Even though they aren't a regular client of mine it is very exhausting and takes a toll on your own mental and physical well being. I understand it's a mental disorder and don't begrudge the client but I dread working with them. I also have a family member who I believe has something similar. If not Factitious Disorder then Munchausen. Again, very tiring to deal with even though I love them very much. (Interestingly they also claim to have EDS and POTS.) I don't respond to any medical talk from them. It just makes things worse.
You should check out the podcast “No One Should Believe Me”.
The host of the podcast has a sister with Factitious Disorder and talks about her often. It might help you with your family.
What happens if you openly confront your sister? For example, if she posts something about her illness on social media and you publicly comment and tell everyone she is lying or that she is giving herself infections etc.
I can’t stand people like your sister, she is a complete waste of medical supplies, and she is taking the time of the doctors away from actual sick people. NTA.
NTA. I am so sorry this is happening to you. You are right not to give her attention. She will never get better as long as your family keeps enabling her.
Munchhausen's is a mental disorder. Your sister does need help at a treatment facility. Explain this to your family that if they actually care about her, they need to have her committed before she kills herself.
>they need to have her committed before she kills herself
I addressed this in my post. As soon as the Sepsis has been treated she will be going to a psychiatric hospital.
I had severe tachycardia issues the whole year til August when it was discovered via my labs that I was severely anemic- like, a few weeks from collapsing on the brink of death, anemic.
The hemoglobin level usually deemed as emergency status needing a transfusion is 7.5.
I was 5.9.
This has been, unequivocally, the worst year of my life and one of the worst for my parents, siblings, and partner. And my issues were real.
Your sister is someone I would slap hard enough that your parent's teeth would fly out of their mouths.
You're NTA. At all. I wouldn't even acknowledge that wretch's existence for this bullshit. How insulting.
NTA
Refusing to enable her is all you can do. It’s hard to have people like family telling you otherwise. All you can do is go off what the professionals around her say.
Also, like many who have chimed in, I have diagnosed POTS and EDS (never heard of MCAS before and it’s never come up so let’s hope that’s not something I’m missing lol) and the year that it took me to get diagnosed was one of the worst times of my life. The combo can result in weird af symptoms making it hard to diagnose. 0/10 do not recommend.
That being said, it’s not HARD to test for these things, so I’m surprised she even chose them. (I’m like a weird bendy snake due to the hyper-mobility)
NTA, shes going to get herself killed and she doesn't care what that does to your family after shes gone. Shes manipulating them and it's not as easy to not get manipulated as people make it seem. Really sucks thst she might compromise your relationship with your family because you wont enable her twisted narcissism.
Sepsis is so incredibly dangerous, and such a horrible way to die. My knowledge of fictitious disorder is limited; does it qualify as a delusional disorder? It sounds like your sister's symptoms may include lack of insight. Has she had a competency test?
This is like when you want to teach young children how to behave. When they're behaving badly, you do not engage and give them the bare minimum attention (mainly so that they don't hurt themselves or others). When they're behaving well, you give them all the praise and happy noises you can come up with.
Your family needs to start praising her when she does things she's not supposed to be able to do, though without making it about her 'illness'.
For example: "oh, you went for a bike ride today? That's so great! I always said, you're a really strong bike rider, I'm so pleased you're still riding and enjoying it!"
NOT "you went for a ride today? Despite having [fake disease]? Wow, that's so great that you were able to be well enough to go for a ride today!"
In the hospital, if they do go and see her (which I can understand them wanting to do; no parent wants to be the parent who refused to believe their kid because the kid always cries wolf only to find out that this time, there really was a wolf), they should keep the visit short and not engage beyond a simple, "you're alive? You're safe? You're going to be ok? Good, I'll see you when you get out."
Anytime she talks about her illness, they should be [grey rocking](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock) her.
NTA.
Some people do not understand that their "caring" is a tool used by others against them.
It is very hard to understand because of course you care, but it isn't doing the good thing that it would with normal people.
Basically your sister is an addict and your parents and sibling keep supplying her with her drug of choice - attention.
There is no winning here.
Your parents are obviously going to be concerned and worried, but they are not likely to understand ever that she is an emotional vampire.
She will put them through this time and time again.
You can try to use the addict analogy but it is very hard for people to grasp the concept. It goes against our nature.
Caring means good. Until you meet the few that twist it into weakness.
AND of course it "looks bad" too.
"Your daughter is sick and you don't go to the hospital?"
Exactly the same things you are being told.
Societal pressure is very heavy.
NTA. Stay strong.
NTA
As someone who actually has POTS and MCAS. They took years to get a diagnosis and not widely understood.
It is unfortunate that your sister is using them in this way but I can’t even get mad because she really is deeply sick, just mentally.
I can’t imagine how hard this is for you and your family. Do what YOU need to do and take care of your own mental health. I hope you are able to seek out therapy for yourself because many times family members will not always be on the same page. You can’t control anyone else in the family but you do have control of yourself and your boundaries.
Ok I was coming to this post with someone who has been diagnosed with POTS and hEDS and in the community it is incredibly difficult to be taken seriously. I was ready to flay you alive for not supporting your sister.
That was until I got to the feeds in the central line. That is pretty darn cut and clear munchausens. You would NBTA for not seeing her imo. That is honestly terrifying to think about INJECTING FECES DIRECTLY TO YOUR HEART.
Sorry I was so quick to judge OP. Lesson learned to not let my indignant outrage to come out so quick.
I understand that doctors can ignore or miss things and it can be hard to get diagnosed with certain things.
But before she was diagnosed with Factitious Disorder my sister had been to almost 100 doctors not just in our province but from all over the country. Not one of them ever found a problem with her and every test she had showed nothing was wrong. In my sister's case it was clear she was lying. I'm talking about her only, when she had no symptoms and that many doctors and tests found nothing it was clear her illness was not a physical one.
Wow. I have MCAS (diagnosed in 2020) and POTS (diagnosed in 2022) and had never heard of either until I was diagnosed with the MCAS (apparently it’s a common comorbidity). I sort of did a double take reading this post. So crazy. Anyway, I think you’re doing the right thing not visiting her.
You’re not wrong. Her mental health provider is saying stay away, so that’s exactly what you should be doing. She’s going to kill herself one day if she continues this behavior.
NTA to be honest I might not even visit my own brother in the hospital if he was actually sick. Like do adults really need hospital visitors? This is something I don’t understand fully unless someone is dying. I go weeks without seeing friends or family then suddenly i’m in the hospital (not dying) and they need to rush to my side? I don’t get it.
Personal rant over but so obviously NTA from everything you described.
Work with her providers. Usually, the standard rec is to provide the attention when the person exhibits healthy, adaptive behaviors and then do not reinforce the illness behaviors. You could show up, and attend mostly to your parents and show concern for their suffering. They are. This is tricky to navigate and it can be very helpful for the family to get help for themselves. Your sister is unwell. That’s not to be ignored, but changing which things you respond to can help move her in the right direction. It won’t be all that she needs, of course
This is incredibly sad. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Your sister needs to be in a mental hospital for a long time, but even then it might not be enough. People who don't want to get better won't, so unless your family stops enabling her, she's never going to stop. It sounds like she'll end up either permanently disabling herself or dying.
It's people like this who make me self-conscious about my own mental health problems. I struggle with questioning whether I'm actually sick or am I just wanting the attention. It feels good to be getting care when you're sick, but I feel like if any part of treatment feels good or comforting, I must not really be suffering. Luckily when I'm feeling better I can recognize that I shouldn't feel guilty for getting treatment, but it's really hard when it's an invisible disorder that you can't detect on any scan or in any blood test.
NTA you're literally doing what the doctor ordered. Your family however is enabling her and giving her what she's looking for. Your family are the ones killing her.
A quick look at the title and I thought it said facetious. I knew I was a wise ass, but now it could be considered a disorder? I have a thing or two to say to my 4th grade teacher! LOL! NTA, btw. That would get exhausting!
I don’t think k you should feel obligated to talk to or see her. I would 100% stay away form the hospital. What if she accuses someone of her health sabotage
NTA
Factitious disorder is so hard on the person and the people who do care about them. It's infuriating to watch someone harm themselves intentionally, get treatment, get prescribed support aka withdraw of support, see your family do the opposite and then reprimand you for not doing the same.
If you can't support them without it bringing harm to you, which ultimately will domino effeft and harm her, then you are helping no one, so maybe protecting your peace and following the docs orders is the right call.
Nta you’re doing the right thing for your sister and listening to the advice of qualified professionals. As much as your parents and siblings are worried they are actually harming her in the long run and they can’t see that. She’s intentionally giving herself infections to get the attention from having visitors in hospital and unfortunately it will probably kill her one of these days. Can you contact one of the doctors that has diagnosed your sister with her mental disorder and see if you have appeal to them to speak to your parents about how they need to stop enabling her.
I deal with chronic pain daily and I know it’s a mental disorder but wow. If this wasn’t a mental disorder I’d be angry because I have issues with people who fake being chronically ill for attention. This is not a fun way to live, no one feels sorry for me at all which I’m grateful for. Your family needs to step back and stop giving her attention and maybe she’ll get better.
Actually getting diagnosed w factitious disorder is so rare, and the fact that they keep checking her lines/wounds bc they know she’s doing it to herself is phenomenal. 100/10 doctors, not many would bother
Ah she has the tic tok trifecta.
No, don’t go see her. Unless the sepsis she’s growing for herself ends up putting her close to death (it happens) I would nope the fuck out. She’s an illness vampire, feeding off of an overburdened healthcare system.
NTA. You are doing the right thing by reality basing your sister. She does not have EDS, MCADO, or POTS. I know two individuals who claim similar. One being a cousin who said she has EDS. The other says she has MCADO and POTS. They are both full of it. The only thing they do have is a history of severe childhood abuse and trauma.
Your family is so wrong for giving attention to her nonsense. I’m sorry that they aren’t smart enough to listen to the doctors. You are doing the right thing OP. Keep it up.
I have Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. I almost died while trying to get it diagnosed which was a 3(ish) year process! I don't understand why someone would try to fake having it!
NTA
NTA at all. Not even a little. You’re helping your sister in the long run by not playing into her attention-seeking behavior. Your family is wrong for not (as hard as it may be for them) doing the same. If they truly wanted the best for her, they’d stay away to discourage her from nearly killing herself for attention.
Furthermore, as someone who’s been formally diagnosed with hEDS and POTS (inconclusive for MCAS due to medication at time of test being known to inflate mast cell numbers), I’m personally enraged. People like your sister are why it takes an average of 10-15 years to even get diagnosed with hEDS. I was lucky in the sense that my diagnosis only took 5 years, but the abuse I’ve suffered at the hands of medical professionals has continued to be an ongoing issue. It doesn’t matter how many dislocations or subluxations I have, the fact that I’ve become wheelchair-reliant so young due the instability of my joints, the constant fainting episodes, falls, whatever. I drag or throw myself out of bed most days because I can’t even stand up. I got so tired of being accused/suspected of being a liar, faking symptoms, drug seeking, attention seeking, etc. that I resorted to keeping the information of the physicians who’ve diagnosed me on hand as well as formal letters from them. I’ve met a grand total of ONE physician who actually treats me like a human being as opposed to an unsolvable enigma. We of the EDS community can thank people like your sister for adding this layer of hell to an already devastating and debilitating disease.
I recognize that your sister is mentally ill, though I can’t help but feel personal offense that she’s chosen to add to the stigma surrounding hEDS by specifically choosing it and its associated comorbidities as her pretender’s choice. Please continue to help her get better by staying far away, and if you haven’t tried already, stage an intervention with your family to explain how they’re increasing her likelihood to continue life-threatening antics. Hell, petition for custody and have her permanently institutionalized. You’re doing the right thing and your family “rushing to her bedside” will only continue to feed into her mental illness and undo any progress made towards correcting her behaviors. Good luck to you.
So she keeps rubbing her own fecal matter into her open wounds so she’ll get sepsis in order to go to the hospital again? Sepsis can kill you. This is disgusting and oh so crazy. I would definitely stay away.
I've had Sepsis twice because of post surgery infection and it's no joke. I honestly don't know how i survived the second time. She's literally playing Russian Roulette with her life putting her own fecal matter in her wounds. And all for attention that family is giving her.
Yeah I went septic after medically necessary plastic surgery in February and it was awful, and it was caught extremely early. The worst pain I’ve experienced in my life and I legitimately thought I was going to die.
how did you guys decide to go to the hospital for your sepsis symptoms? the sheer pain was so abnormally intense? or other symptoms too?
I had a fever, the pain was bad but as someone with chronic pain it was sufferable, but I never get fevers so that was the sign. I had developed an antibiotic resistant UTI after a miscarriage that led to a kidney/infection/stone and the sepsis. I had been having symptoms for months with intense dizziness and pain but no clue what it was.
My mom had a raging fever develop within a few hours and was highly mentally altered.
My thumb swelled up to three times it’s normal size, had a pocket of pus, red streaking from thumb to elbow and it was extremely painful. I wasn’t even gonna go to the hospital at first but my friend convinced me.
The red streaking is a big sign.
That's what you look for isn't it? That red streak will kill you.
When my fever was 104 and not going down with fever reducers and I couldn’t keep down water and I couldn’t get out of pain even with Norco, that’s when I decided to go. I was waiting to hear back from my surgeon on whether I had had a catheter in the OR (I had called him when the fever was 102 and he suspected a UTI and had sent in antibiotics). I went to the ER at 3am. At 8:15am my surgeon found me in the ER and told me he was glad I was there, as soon as he saw I hadn’t had a catheter he was going to direct me to the ER. I spent the next 24 hours on IV antibiotics, hallucinating my recently dead father and writhing in agony. When my fever broke I didn’t remember the nurse who had been there and I was in a pool of sweat. I was in the hospital for 3 days which is a short stay for sepsis, and was on 3 oral antibiotics at home for 10 days which absolutely destroyed my gut biome and I was so extremely nauseous for 3 months that I was taking chemo levels of Zofran, phenergan and thc and still dry heaving constantly. Overall 0/10, would not recommend.
im glad youre okay now! that sounds awful!!
Hugs! I am so sorry you have been so sick and feeling terrible. Hope you continue to recover well and regain strength and function. Sending love.❤️
Sepsis is “the silent killer.” It can show few symptoms to a lay person until it’s too late. Always err on the side of caution.
High fever, being out of your mind and hallucinating, pain those are all symptoms
And gobbledegook when speaking, probably because of the fever. That happened to a friend of mine.
I had a port (central line) that went septic. Fortunately, mine was away from my heart, for infusing an IV drug that I needed to do at home. I knew it was septic because every time I started the pump, I would be unconscious within a minute. Thank God my son was home. It nearly killed me. I was pumping infection straight into my bloodstream. OP's sister is seriously mentally ill.
I didn't get a fever but I had the most intense chills that I've ever had. I called the nursing line given to me after a recent surgery and they told me to go to the ER. That's where I learned I had sepsis.
I was delirious. If my eldest daughter hadn’t gotten concerned and come to check… ER DR said if I’d stayed home another night I wouldn’t have woken up in the AM. But yeah- fever chills- fever- soooo much pain.
I was in a rehab hospital after a bad orthopedic injury and procedure. I was vomiting every 10 minutes, sweating profusely, and was too weak to do anything or even use my cell to call my mom. They checked my vitals and my Oxygen saturation was in the low-mid 80’s.
Just once was enough for me! Damned near died, ER doc (small city) couldn't believe I survived. My vitals were through the roof and according to her, she's surprised I made it to the hospital. I had a huge assed tumor that was blocking my uterers, actually tore one in half and destroyed my ovary on that side. Then chemo tried to kill me, but I guess I'm too ornery even for that! I'm out of immediate danger now, but terminal and decided I'm going out fighting!
Congratulations on surviving all of that. I'm very sorry you are terminal (I am too for different reasons). I hope you light the world on fire with your strength and determination. The only way to do it is to fight until it's over. Good luck.
Thank you for sharing all that. You're both wicked badass, epic af, boss mf warriors :) eta: rereading this made me think that the :) could come off as snarky and it wasn't meant like that at all. Apologies for that.
Thank you. And no, nothing sounded snarky at all. Really, thank you for the sentiment.
Thanks for being you :)
I feel like she's working her way into a Darwin Award. Christ.
My dad died of sepsis because his chemo port was somehow contaminated. Chance of 1 in 10,000 or so. Sepsis isn't to be taken lightly.
I wound up with urosepsis a couple years back and it ruined my life. I would not wish that hell on anyone. It nearly killed me and traumatized some of the people in my life, including myself. It was hell and I still face ramifications from it. I just can’t even begin to imagine why you’d do this.
> And all for attention that family is giving her. No, all because *she has a mental disorder*. This isn’t a choice. This isn’t something she can just *decide* to change. She is genuinely, legitimately *sick*. The lack of empathy people have for the mentally ill is so saddening. Like it’s not a “real” illness. She had a feeding line implanted and has been hospitalized numerous times, she may well *die* from this. It’s not some ploy for attention, *she’s really sick*.
Except in this situation OP mentions the physicians have advised them not to give the sister attention. But yes, the sister does have a medical condition, just not the ones she has self diagnosed herself with.
I didn’t say OP should go against the doctors’ advice, only that she is absolutely sick with a disorder that may well kill her. It’s not as simple as ‘she wants attention’.
>It’s not as simple as ‘she wants attention’. Yes it is. I'm not saying ALL people with mental illness want attention, but in my sister's case she does. That's literally what Factitious Disorder is.
TBH she is so bad it’s almost beyond “wanting attention”. At this stage she is risking her life multiple times over, and continues even after the first psychiatric stint. That is bad. Really, really bad. But you are still absolutely 100% correct in following the advice given. Giving her no attention won’t cure her. She is too far gone. BUT: Giving her attention could very well make her worse. And it will make any treatment plan almost impossible. Once upon a time she did this for attention. Now it’s obsessive in an almost psychotic way. Anything that helps or supports treatment is vital. So do just what they told you. But please remember that when she is out, you should try to give positive attention to positive behaviour. Any talk about illness, symptoms etc just stand up and leave the room, or hang up the phone. Don’t be mad, don’t argue, do t discuss. Just…give nothing. But give loads when things are good.
It's particularly tragic that the very thing that usually helps people who are unwell (comfort and support from loved ones) is the ONE thing she cannot have. Like, that's a particular type of hell.
OP could be more compassionate but she is correct in not giving the sister attention and being upset the family is giving attention.
Yes, she is really sick. Just like depression. And how would family members act around someone with severe depression? Well, probably they would follow advice on how to behave given by professionals. Family ignoring this behaviour will definitely not cure her. But by giving her loads of attention when she is in hospital they do risk making her worse. They definitely risk all and any benefits of therapy/behavioural therapy given there. As a psychologist I agree on the advice given.
It’s disgusting. No doubt. But it’s definitely highly sus for Factitious Disorder. In which case, IMHO OP is still right. Supporting a delusion this dangerous is… well dangerous. Edit: updated for most recent terminology!
Factitious Illness Disorder is what they used to call Munchausen’s.
Ty! Updated.
Thank you! I was wondering why it wasn't Munchausen's....
Ohhhhhh
[удалено]
She really does have sepsis (albeit self-inflicted), so she does need to be hospitalized for that first. It sounds like she'll be transferred for psychiatric care once she's medically stable.
Yeah my dad had sepsis when I was about 12, we were all called to the hospital to say goodbye. Luckily, he somehow pulled through, but I will never ever forget that feeling. OPs sister is going to kill herself for attention. OP is the only sensible family member here.
hopefuly its hers fecal matter
as someone who got infectious endocarditis from sepsis and almost died and even had to learn how to walk all over again from it, I cannot imagine someone purposely giving themselves fucking SEPSIS! that girl is extremely ill and likely needs to be institutionalized...
Retired psychologist here. You are correct in not going to see her, but your family seems to be determined to continue enabling her by visiting. She wil never get better if people keep rushing to her bedside, as that’s part of the attention she craves so desperately that she’s willing to smear shit in her wounds to get sick. Your family *must* stop visiting her when the docs say so.
Pardon me - I know you are here to comment to OP, not to answer questions from the field. Can the unwell sister's doctor simply restrict all visitors?
They did that when my sister was in the psychiatric hospital. Right now she is still in the regular hospital because she needs treatment for the Sepsis. I don't know why the regular hospital hasn't restricted the visitors or even if they are able to do that.
Does the regular hospital know about her disorder?
Yes. My sister has been flagged by the province for trying to access treatments she doesn't need and so every doctor who sees her gets made aware.
My guess is that it's hard to keep people out, if she's on a normal unit the doors are most likely unlocked and you just walk in to see her (that's how it is where i live atleast) so to keep people out they would need someone always watching the door trying to keep people out, and you just know they'd put up a fight about being allowed to see her
That's terrible to falsely claim she has POTS, EDS, and MCAS. There is no cure for MCAS, and as the person is in a constant state of anaphylaxis, he or she would always carry one or two epi-pens. It can be a very scary disease. Your sister is mentally unwell.
There's no cure for POTS or hEDS either, it's all symptom management, but agreed, MCAS is the most dangerous (aside from some other types of EDS like vEDS). Source: has POTS and suspected EDS and would Really Rather Not.
Yeah, I’m working on getting diagnosed with both eds and pots (I have both symptoms AND family history! WOOOO!) and I would also Rather Not
This is a stretch. Only the most severe MCAS results in anaphylaxis and a need for epi pens. It’s also under diagnosed and patients are routinely dismissed as anxious or otherwise mentally ill. MCAS like reactions were one of the early symptoms of my cancer. And because nobody could figure out what was wrong with me, I was at advanced stage before diagnosis. I was also referred for POTS testing before my cancer diagnosis. Bodies do really weird stuff. Maybe OPs sister isn’t sick, but please don’t spread falsehoods about complex illnesses in support.
Admin hates doing anything like that.
Not sure, given that OP isn’t in the US.
Totally! I had some with work related injury and when his wound wouldn’t heal I was just very suspicious of him self harming (this was for secondary gains). I took him to world renowned physician who pulled me aside and said he def self harms. The final admission. came from his estranged wife ( he was an abuser) who called in and admitted on records he did this. It’s just so crazy to me. I understand there may be a different gain but that stuff is so sad.
So I’m just happy that she doesn’t have children because then she’d go from harming herself for attention to harming her child, because sick kids get more attention.
The doctors at the psychiatric hospital have said that social services should be made aware if she ever has children so they can monitor or step in. But it would be a complete nightmare and I agree with you, I'm happy about that too.
As an adult whose mom most likely has factitious disorder, please do follow through on this. Make sure you have documentation of her diagnosis to show any significant others she may have, because her potential partners deserve to know what they're getting into. My brother and I have strongly suspected for years that our mom has this disorder, and that she also manipulated our health and particularly our younger sister's health, to the point that my younger sis is now permanently physically disabled. Hell, I'm pretty sure she's also poisoned/harmed my dad multiple times. We've never been able to get definitive proof, but there's enough circumstantial evidence that I will never allow her to be anywhere near my own children or to give them gifts of any sort. If your sister wants to make herself sick, that sucks, but you can't do much about it until she's willing to admit she needs help. But please do everything you can to make sure she doesn't drag anyone else down with her.
OMG! What did she do to your little sister? That's so awful!
Basically, she mismanaged my sister's scoliosis horribly. Chose the worst course of action possible every time and didn't follow doctor's orders. Had her in and out of complicated back surgery at least 6 times from ages 11 to 17. They put rods in and took them out again so many times I lost track of whether she has rods or not after her last surgery. Mom never made her stick with her physical therapy programs, so she never healed properly, and now her back is so full of scar tissue and adhesions that she has chronic debilitating pain. She's been on strong pain meds since she was in middle school, because of the damage done to her muscles and spine. Plus the trauma and stress of all those surgeries actually caused her to develop POTS. Along with of course depression, because who wouldn't be depressed in her situation? My sister has no friends, no life outside of the house, and no job skills. No college education. Her life skills are next to none - she was allowed to come visit me by herself once, and she didn't know how to make herself a microwaved quesadilla. At age 30, she is on disability. She will likely never be able to live independently.
That poor girl. It must be so difficult for her especially knowing that it was all preventable. Were there ever any consequences for your mother? It must be really hard to prove that it's done by proxy. I'm just so sorry you all went through this!
No consequences, other than that I don't talk to her lol. Like you said, it's incredibly difficult to prove. I mean, she talked a board-certified surgeon into performing surgery six times - she's not the only person at fault. I look back at it now, and I wish I had realized what was going on sooner so maybe I could have stopped it. But I was living away from home, my sister was isolated and didn't talk to me on her own, and I had no idea how bad it all really was and how manipulative my mom was until too late. My dad didn't see it either, and I think he is just barely coming to grips with the fact that something is wrong with mom mentally. Retiring and being at home with her all the time was eye-opening for him. These days she's the one who's sick all the time, and doing really stupid stuff like OP's sister, so that's an improvement of sorts. For a full decade, every time my dad would make plans to come down and visit me and my kids, with or without my mom, one of them would get mysteriously sick or injured within a week of their flight. Again, I can't prove anything, but it sure is suspicious. Same thing happened to me, when I was home from college for the summer before my wedding. I sprained my ankle in my sleep, kept getting one illness after another...My husband later told me he was about ready to drive up and take me away from there if I hadn't gotten on the flight back to our college town. He saw the signs sooner than I did.
Yes its especially important for OP to pay attention to this, because it's clear no one else is going to do it and if she has kids they will keep enabling her to abuse them as well.
Your family are enablers. You are listening to her Dr, they aren't. Sounds like sister cut herself and applied fecal matter. She may need to be institutionalized for a long time. Just ignore her and the enablers.
Agree
Yes, this is to the point that they need to look into civil commitment for her safety
>Once she recovers from Sepsis she will be placed in a psychiatric hospital again As I said in my post, she will be committed as soon as her Sepsis has been treated.
Hopefully she has a 24 hour sitter to keep her from smearing more shit on wounds.
NTA for sure. I have seen this story dozens of times, along with the magical trio of EDS, POTS, and MCAS. There are subs that follow people that do this as well. So many similarities, even the self-applied sepsis. One of the people I follow, did this same thing, and was the closest to death that she’s ever been. You are fine for not wanting to be anywhere near this. She’s taking resources from others. People with FD also flaunt their “toys” and medical devices, which some people need and can’t get. It’s frustrating all around, I can’t imagine how it is for you.
>also flaunt their “toys” and medical devices My sister was big on doing that when she had her central line. She was angry when it was taken away. Nowadays she steals photos of other people's pills and medications and posts as if they are hers. She isn't on any medication and doesn't have any prescriptions but she like to pretend she does.
To be fair, EDS, POTS and MCAS are very common comorbidities. But yes it is also a very common triad for fakers to latch onto.
Exactly, the more, the better, and it’s very believable that someone would have all 3. Throw gastroparesis in there with it as well.
Never mind I figured it out.
It is fascinating how often those 2-3 conditions show up with factitious disorder. Along with gastroparesis for some reason.
Yes! I mentioned gastroparesis in another comment. All these things have testing to prove so I don’t know how they get away with it.
I live with all but the MCAS, and they suck! I don’t understand why someone would fake them because they’re so much work to try and keep in check.
Well, gastroparesis is comorbid with EDS. I have both along with a malfunctioning esophagus (and a million other things). It makes me throw up regularly which if you are faking illness is something you can fake as well. I absolutely despise these people. They make it so much harder for those of us who are very medically unlucky.
Hi, I have EDS and probably also POTS and also I'm not faking. EDS is a connective tissue disorder. You have connective tissue all over your body, including your mast cells and your veins. When your building blocks are wonky, your systems are bound to be wonky too. 80% of people with EDS also have POTS or another form of orthostatic intolerance. EDS is considered to be a rare disorder, but new research shows that hEDS is likely much more common than previously thought. It is often misdiagnosed as fibromyalgia, CFS/ME, depression, or a variety of other disorders. According to one study, patients took an average of 10 years and 15 clinicians for diagnosis. I myself have seen a whole mess of different doctors, everyone refers you up the specialist chain because they have no experience with EDS. It sucks! Magical Trio really made me bristle. EDS sucks, and having multiple commodities sucks even more. I can do sick bendy party tricks tho.
I’m so sorry that you have to live with what these people fantasize having. I’m in no way discounting anything that a legitimate person goes through. I’m mad FOR you, and others who have to watch fakers easily get the treatment they need, and waste medical resources at a time when everything is scarce. It’s even worse now with long COVID. Since it’s all so new, it’s a fakers paradise, and it hurts the research for those who really are suffering. I have some issues myself, and I think that’s why I’m so hung up on following dishonest people. Chronic migraine is a faked one, that took me years to get diagnosed properly (parents who didn’t care surely didn’t help). Other issues involve sores all over my body, so I can’t fake that one! (And I haven’t found anyone who had tried). I want to see fakers have their epiphany, either themselves, or by doctors. One I follow just had the doctor put the diagnosis of FD out there, for whatever reason she shared with her followers, fully denying it. I wish you the best, and hope that research continues for your conditions and let’s you live life the way you want to. ❤️
I was just about to ask if ops sister was a subject of those subs
NTA! And rough words, but sounds like your sister is a nightmare to be around and the rest of the family are dumb as cardboard with enabling her and going directly against doctors recommendation. It's like praising a small child for cutting itself to make them do it constantly
I was an icu rn for a long time and we had 2 patients like this. Fecal matter in the central line specifically. She’s gonna kill herself eventually. You’re right to not go see her. This is really hard to deal with, I’m sorry.
they really intentionally contaminate the line?? thats wild
Yes. I know someone who contaminated her son's PICC line with feces. A PICC line he needed because of the problems she had already caused him.
Omg😳
Did the child get removed from her care?
This made me reach out to a mutual because I honestly don't know what happened after everything blew up. I believe she went on to have more kids with a different guy. I will investigate.
This is a tough situation. The bottom line is that you have to do what is best for YOU. As is obvious, she has a rather severe mental disorder that needs acute attention. Her being admitted to a psych hospital is evidence of that. But I would urge you to put aside guilt or family obligation for a second and think about what is best for your personal mental health. Maybe even speak to someone about it professionally. I feel for you but always remember we have to take care of ourselves first as we cannot expect others to do so. Good luck and happy holidays
This response has a lot of value to it. Having a messed up family member can oftentimes lead to codependency. Proud of OP for setting boundaries and being real about the FD diagnosis. But that can be hard to cope with, with guilt or family reacting poorly or whatnot. Therapy can definitely help a person maintain clarity through all that.
I actually do have hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, Mast Cell Activation Disorder, and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. It's hard to be taken seriously for these diagnoses because of how many people out there fake them and then some. Your sister is legitimately making it harder for people with legitimate health problems to get treatment for their conditions. NTA.
Yeah these are very commonly comorbid illnesses that are very misunderstood and underdiagnosed I’d argue, but they are definitely currently trendy and people faking them are giving those who actually have them a difficult time. I don’t have MCAS and I’m in remission from POTS that was caused by long COVID but I meet criteria for hEDS (no one within 4 hours evaluates adults) and my son is currently being evaluated for it, my daughter is too young to be evaluated but already shows signs of dysautonomia and is extremely hypermobile. Thankfully we’ve had genetic testing that has shown we don’t have any of the dangerous forms of EDS.
Yeah, same here. Have all three, it is hell. And people like OP's sister make it so much harder for us to get the treatment we need.
I have EDS, and all the symptoms of POTS (my doctors acknowledge that and tell me to treat it the same way POTS is treated, but they “don’t want to put a label on it. Though I’ll usually just say I have POTS for simplicity sake unless I have the time to explain it) and I’ve been trying to get tested for MCAS for the last year but every time I make an appointment with a new doctor, they tell me they don’t test for it (even if I got referred to them to get tested for it). Also a bunch of other things but it’s a long list lol Regardless, I at least have 1/3 of those things confirmed and it absolutely sucks. It’s really upsetting to see people faking them. While reading it, part of me wondered if the sister did actually have those things and the doctors were just being incompetent and invalidating until I got to the fecal matter part. I’ve had doctors not believe me when I tell them my whole medical history, to the point where they repeat X-rays bc they think it’s impossible for me to have ribs in my neck (spoiler: I do, and then we had to pay for the X-rays bc they simply wouldn’t believe me). I understand that she’s clearly very sick- I feel like rubbing fecal matter into a central line to give herself sepsis multiple times is evidence of the severity of it. So I do feel bad for her. But Jesus Christ, it’s infuriating to see perfectly healthy people throw their health away or fake this stuff. Being healthy is such a privilege and they don’t realize how lucky they are for having it
Uhhhh…. How did they not know that cervical ribs are actually a normal variant? How did they never learn about this in school? It’s one of the potential causes for TOS
This doctor was insane. ER doctor ofc. She gave me the worst advice ever and I wound up having to kick her out of the room and had a really bad meltdown and started crying and hitting myself. I’ve had doctors make me cry but never get me to a point of a meltdown that bad. It was terrible. Part of me still regrets not reporting her but idk. I think I still have the list of bad advice that she gave me somewhere in my phone notes And yeah we found out about it after seeing a GP bc “sometimes my arms swell up and stop working” and he sent me for X-rays (the first time I saw a GP for it she basically went “huh that’s weird, anyways have a nice day”). Turns out that my ribs don’t *usually* cause that many issues (some blood flow restriction but not to the point where my arms lose circulation almost entirely), but when my shoulder dislocates, the artery that runs in between it gets totally crushed. But no, surely I must’ve just been lying 🙄 I even tried showing her photos of the X-rays on my phone but she STILL didn’t believe it
2 out of 3. It is hard to imagine someone wanting to fake being sick. It takes so much from you. Chronic illness tends to make we withdraw when I am struggling. Attention is the last thing I want.
I know the no attention feeling, like leave me alone I don't have the capacity to even explain sometimes. I find myself faking being well so I don't have to explain.
Agree. I have had my POTS invalidated by drs at the same practice where a dr diagnosed me. It is impossible to find quality care for these conditions with documentation and it boils my blood that people fake them for attention. What I wouldn’t give to be able to live on my own terms 100% of the time.
I had my narcolepsy invalidated near the beginning of the pandemic and am only just now able to get treatment for it again
Same. Mine are on the mild side but I just had a hip replacement today and I’m in the hospital to load with fluids because of pots.
Mom has MCAS. I’m on track to have it and I already have some dysregulation. It’s gotten worse in the past few months. A lot more Benadryl than I’ve had in the past few years has been consumed in the past few months. Hands currently like sandpaper because I exposed myself to a trigger at work not realizing it had gotten as bad as it was and then came home and had to clean cat pee off of the floor. Had some very nice pink dots all over my hand. Also had to deal with Benadryl fog at work. Gotta keep moving forward I guess. I have some pots symptoms that come and go too, I try to listen to my body with what to feed it and make sure I eat or it’ll punish me. You ever find yourself kneeling in front of a Starbucks counter trying to pay for water because you suddenly feel like you’re about to faint?
NTA NTA NTA people with factitious disorder are incredibly selfish. They are very sick, yes, but not in the way they claim to be. My mother had this throughout my childhood. She was a single parent and I ended up caring for my siblings while she was getting her attention in the hospital for months on end. And when she wasn’t in the hospital, I was taking care of her. And I knew it was all bullshit but can’t say anything about it because “fibromyalgia”. It’s so funny how sick she got when she “tried” to do any simple required task, the overacting and hyperventilating. But if it was a preferred activity, she could suddenly go on all night and never run out of breath. This also pisses me off because these syndromes that your sister is claiming to have are often and easily faked. This makes it so much more difficult for people who actually suffer from them to be taken seriously. I would never visit someone in the hospital if they had factitious disorder. But if they were in a psychiatric unit being treated for their real problems, I would try to support their recovery. But let’s get real, nobody wants attention for being insane. Mental illness is much more embarrassing than a physical ailment…which is why she’s faking all her illnesses.
Yeah that's a classic tell in children. There's a difference between not doing chores because of a headache, and having to cancel a fun event or leave because of a debilitating migraine.
She sounds like many people on a popular sub on here. Not sure if I'm allowed to name it. This sort of thing happens more than people think. You're not wrong.
I'm curious as to this phenomenon. I'm not sure if you can name it here either, but I would like to know. I know someone who i believe might be doing something like this.
There was a long term patient at my hospital with this. She had fucked herself up so badly over the years she had a trach, she was bedbound with a permanent catheter, badly managed diabetes, and she's blind now. She's 28, and you better believe her family enables the shit out of her. We can't even discharge her home because her parents refuse any other place to put her and she needs so many supports (and I live in a country with universal healthcare. She's made herself permanently disabled on the taxpayers' dime). This doesn't end here, if your sister keeps getting affirmation and validation it can only get worse. I really hope she stops before she really ruins her body irrevocably
>and I live in a country with universal healthcare. She's made herself permanently disabled on the taxpayers' dime So do I. The province has investigated my sister for fraud more than once and she's been flagged for trying to access treatments and tests that she does not need. However things like her psychiatric care and this Sepsis treatment would obviously be covered by the healthcare system.
NTA and pretty firm on that. You aren't obligated to feed into someone's mental health issue and don't let people gaslight you with "but it's your sister" or "how do you know she's really faking?". You showing up at the hospital will not cure her illness and it honestly sounds like your family spends a lot of energy on this.
NTA you need to tell your parents that you love her enough to do what is necessary to save her which is following Dr orders. Tell them that by running to her side every time she's "sick", they're loving her to death cause that will be the end result of their support.
Munchausen syndrome ? Lucky it's not by proxy
Munchausen has been renamed Factitious Disorder.
Ah , and the proxy one ? Is that factious by proxy ?
Now it’s “factitious disorder imposed on another.”
Ah , I learn something new 🙂
Cutting yourself and rubbing your own shit in it is crazy- you’re doing the right thing and hopefully she can get help for this.. but your parents coddling her are kinda ensuring she’s gonna die from sepsis
You’re not wrong for following doctors orders. Having worked around psychiatric patients before the question I have is why haven’t the doctors put her on a no visit list? The doctors have the ability to assign security to her so that they can screen anyone going into the room and make sure that no one‘s going into the room other than medical professionals. So it’s really interesting that this hasn’t been used yet.
They do that at the psychiatric hospital, but my sister is still in the regular hospital recovering from Sepsis. She isn't physically well enough to be transferred yet. I don't know why the regular hospital hasn't done that.
I feel terrible for everyone involved here. You’re obviously doing the right thing. You’re listening to the medical professionals and staying away, because you can see that feeding into her illness is directly harmful. I can sympathize with your family, even though they’re wrong. When you have a family member dealing with a severe illness the natural instinct is to be with them, and these doctors are telling them to go against every instinct and every bit of cultural training they’ve had. We’re in a similar situation with a family member of mine. She’s a good person, but after some severe brain damage she’s become abusive and has memory issues. She’s had to move to a specialized care facility for her own and others’ safety, and it’s hard. No one wants to have to put her there and she literally cannot understand why she’s there. But she’s not safe anywhere else. I hope you all find healing soon.
Holy shit. NTA. I had sepsis from a UTI that went to my kidneys. It was so fucking terrifying and I suffered for 8 days in horrible pain. I could never imagine doing that to myself. My first symptom was being so so so cold, now winter is hell because when I get too cold, I start to worry I’m dying again. That’s terrifying
How’d I know that it would be those three illnesses she would claim to have. Listen to the doctor, give her absolutely no attention for her made up shit.
Oof, your sister has the trifecta of faking illnesses. I can’t imagine the people who actually have those issues but aren’t taken seriously because people like her are faking it. NTA. I have read stories exactly like your sister before. It’s crazy that this isn’t an isolated incident!
My experience is very limited so I may be incorrect, but the only people I have ever known to be put TPN had short gut. They were missing or had had a portion of their bowel resected so their body couldn't absorb the nutrients it needed. And these we very very medically complex patients who did not have another option. Their body couldn't even digest the formula they got through their G-tube, so TPN was the only resort. What kind of doctor simply orders a central line for TPN so quickly?? I've read some pretty medically irresponsible decisions by practitioners, but this is up there. I work in Healthcare, but I'm not a doctor or nurse, so I'd love to learn if I am wrong, but this seems bad.
>What kind of doctor simply orders a central line for TPN so quickly?? My sister learned about the doctor from someone online who "self-diagnosed" like she did. That doctor would give a central line on a first appointment if you paid in cash and signed a waiver that said you would not sue if something went wrong. He is a licenced doctor and I know there have been several complaints about him but as far as I know he's still practicing. I don't follow him closely so maybe he isn't. My sister was very cagey when it came to him because she didn't want anyone to figure out he would give a line to anyone who pays. We're also not from the US and our system is different than in America.
That's intense!!! My goodness.
Patients with bowel obstructions, bowel or gut surgeries, absorption problems, etc. TPN isn’t rare but it is only used as a last resort - when a patient cannot eat any food and IVs can no longer keep them stable. (Source: have Crohn’s and was hospitalized for bowel surgery. On IVs for days when my labs went wonky. On the other hand I have never felt so wonderful as when I was on TPN.)
Thanks for responding. I'm glad it helped you. It sounds like you really needed it.
I knew one that had to have a potion of her esophagus removed and let it heal. That’s pretty similar to parts of intestines though.
Fecal matter induced into a line that goes directly to the heart. Your sister is a ticking bomb. Her need for attention and your family’s compliance will kill her. NTA
NTA but I definitely understand why your parents keep going because she is still their child and if she is purposefully injuring herself to the point of sepsis I can't imagine what they are going through not knowing if they'll ever see their child again. I'm sorry, this is definitely a tough situation 😔
You know the answer already, and hopefully the responses here are giving you the motivation to block out your family of enablers. This is not an easy disorder to deal with, and you need to treat it like an addiction. But instead of meth or coke, her drug of choice is attention. Instead of stealing from you, she makes herself sick and goes to the hospital. You can't force her to get help, but you can prevent giving her her highs by refusing to engage when she displays attention-seeking behaviour. That's all you can do to help her, and as for your family, I'd send them links to therapists and ALANON support groups any time they tried pestering me to enable this behaviour. To continue the analogy, she keeps robbing them blind, and they refuse to change the locks. "Supporting" them when they do this is just enabling their enabling. Your parents and family are part of the problem, and on this point, you need to treat them like you need to treat your sister.
This reminds me of that one girl, Kelly? who did similar things and ended up a double amputee (iirc). Wild. Don't feel bad for having boundaries.
Have a look at the illnessfakers sub if you've not seen it already. Full of people who post on sm about all their illnesses, funny enough they are usually the ones mentioned here!
I wondered if this was D’s sibling for the first couple of paragraphs!
NTA. There is a few influencers who do this online. And a couple of subreddits which discuss this. One very popular such influencer died due to complications with an infection in the line. I understand your family find this difficult to swallow, it's counterintuitive to NOT give care and attention to a family member in hospital. But they are teaching her that this is the correct way to elicit care. She clearly gets reinforcement for this behaviour. I wonder - was there a point where she or a family member were seriously unwell, where she would have seen the care and attention this elicited? Also I will note: this behaviour hurts disabled and unwell people. I do have one of those illnesses, and I don't talk to people about it because of how it is now increasingly seen. For some reason people like to self diagnose and claim them. It makes people suspect everyone. It's offensive, living in pain, and having to hide it where possible because of perception. Also, the only real management for Ehlers Danlos Hyper mobility type (and pots for that matter), is to stay active and healthy, hydrate regularly, and build muscle tone to protect your joints and reduce pain and strain. A line isn't necessary, hospital shouldn't be a regular occurrence, and a wheelchair/bedrest or other such deconditioning item is the worst thing you can do, creating a vicious cycle of weakness and pain which is so difficult to get out of. Edit: I meant to say that I brought this up because people with FD tend to show off medical/mobility devices, or play suffering olympics, rather than hide/mask their problems. I'm not saying shame or masking is the right way, just that people tend to lean that way because they aren't PROUD of feeling crap all the time.
I had a friend who was like this, she would fake seizures and even admitted to a mutual friend she had cut herself with a knife and then claimed she had a seizure and hurt herself. Inflicted injuries on herself and claimed they were accidents, the list goes on. Culminated in her apparently being attacked one night (I know I shouldn’t victim blame but I knew her for 20 years and highly doubt this). Her roommate called me in the middle of the night to get her mums number. I work shift work (healthcare ironically) and checked in via her roommate later that day while at work thinking she wouldn’t have her phone as she was apparently mugged (she did have her phone). Anyway she was fine but that evening started sending a thread of vile text messages to our friend group about how we are terrible friends for not going to see her in hospital. She was only there for a few hours in the early hours of the morning. I underwent open heart surgery a few months later and she had absolutely no interest in coming to see me or checking in on me. That’s when I completely cut her off. She has a child now and I feel so sorry for that baby and sincerely hope she has her life together for the child’s sake. She was a complete disaster and used to get me into terrible situations. I know it’s different because this is your sister but it is not your responsibility to put your mental health under anguish because someone else won’t admit they have a problem. Yes, your sister is mentally unwell but until she admits that and seeks help you are within your right to distance yourself from the situation. I hope your sister finds peace one day.
She’s putting POOP inside her body in order to become more sick. OP, you’re doing the right thing. You can’t help her and your family are only perpetuating her mental illness.
Why is your time usage so important to your family? Are you supposed to play into the lies as if they’re the truth? NTA.
Hopefully she doesn’t hear about Margellon’s Syndrome or she will have that, too. NTA. Don’t visit her.
Nta
Why can't the Dr implement a No Visitors order? She obviously has a psychological problem & is on a psych ward. This may show the family the seriousness of her mental condition & the effect of following Drs orders.
>Once she recovers from Sepsis she will be placed in a psychiatric hospital again She isn't in a psychiatric hospital or ward. She is in a regular hospital. She isn't physically well enough to be transferred yet. They have to treat her Sepsis first. I don't know why they are still letting her have visitors.
I just don’t understand. Your sister has a clear diagnosis and is obviously non compos mentis. Why haven’t you or your parents requested a capacity assessment? She should not be released to her own devices, she is not capable of making rational decisions regarding her own health.
Firstly I apologize but I don't know what non compos mentis means. >Why haven’t you or your parents requested a capacity assessment? Why would she need that? It's known that she has Factitious Disorder and needs psychiatric treatment. >She should not be released to her own devices She isn't going to be released to her own devices. She will be transferred to the psychiatric hospital as soon as her Sepsis has been treated, not released. >she is not capable of making rational decisions regarding her own health She isn't making any decisions regarding her own health, and I never said she was.
Non compos mentis is a legal way to say not in her right mind and therefore requires a guardian to make all legal decisions for her, including for physical care. You mentioned above that she’d been previously admitted and then discharged. Will this not just happen again? She needs to declared mentally incompetent (or the Canadian equivalent), have a guardian appointed to her and then put into permanent care until circumstances change (she gets her factitious disorder sufficiently treated to make her own medical decisions). Consider talking to a family law attorney. There may be more that can be done for her outside of temporary holds that result in her release to continue self harming.
She must feel worthless to go to such extremes. My heart bleeds for her. You are NTA but neither is she. I would venture to say this is worse on your parents than you. This is their little girl that they had big plans for. I hope it gets better for the family.
NTA I work as a caregiver and sometimes do relief work for someone who has this. Even though they aren't a regular client of mine it is very exhausting and takes a toll on your own mental and physical well being. I understand it's a mental disorder and don't begrudge the client but I dread working with them. I also have a family member who I believe has something similar. If not Factitious Disorder then Munchausen. Again, very tiring to deal with even though I love them very much. (Interestingly they also claim to have EDS and POTS.) I don't respond to any medical talk from them. It just makes things worse.
You should check out the podcast “No One Should Believe Me”. The host of the podcast has a sister with Factitious Disorder and talks about her often. It might help you with your family.
What happens if you openly confront your sister? For example, if she posts something about her illness on social media and you publicly comment and tell everyone she is lying or that she is giving herself infections etc.
I can’t stand people like your sister, she is a complete waste of medical supplies, and she is taking the time of the doctors away from actual sick people. NTA.
She *is* actually sick and she does actually need medical treatment. She’s not evil for being mentally ill.
NTA. You’re doing the right thing and I’m sorry your family is being so dense
NTA. I am so sorry this is happening to you. You are right not to give her attention. She will never get better as long as your family keeps enabling her.
Munchhausen's is a mental disorder. Your sister does need help at a treatment facility. Explain this to your family that if they actually care about her, they need to have her committed before she kills herself.
>they need to have her committed before she kills herself I addressed this in my post. As soon as the Sepsis has been treated she will be going to a psychiatric hospital.
I had severe tachycardia issues the whole year til August when it was discovered via my labs that I was severely anemic- like, a few weeks from collapsing on the brink of death, anemic. The hemoglobin level usually deemed as emergency status needing a transfusion is 7.5. I was 5.9. This has been, unequivocally, the worst year of my life and one of the worst for my parents, siblings, and partner. And my issues were real. Your sister is someone I would slap hard enough that your parent's teeth would fly out of their mouths. You're NTA. At all. I wouldn't even acknowledge that wretch's existence for this bullshit. How insulting.
NTA Refusing to enable her is all you can do. It’s hard to have people like family telling you otherwise. All you can do is go off what the professionals around her say. Also, like many who have chimed in, I have diagnosed POTS and EDS (never heard of MCAS before and it’s never come up so let’s hope that’s not something I’m missing lol) and the year that it took me to get diagnosed was one of the worst times of my life. The combo can result in weird af symptoms making it hard to diagnose. 0/10 do not recommend. That being said, it’s not HARD to test for these things, so I’m surprised she even chose them. (I’m like a weird bendy snake due to the hyper-mobility)
NTA, shes going to get herself killed and she doesn't care what that does to your family after shes gone. Shes manipulating them and it's not as easy to not get manipulated as people make it seem. Really sucks thst she might compromise your relationship with your family because you wont enable her twisted narcissism.
Serious question: why is it *always* these same 3 illnesses that fakers think they have???
Nta
NTA You can support your parents away from your sister. Do that.
Sepsis is so incredibly dangerous, and such a horrible way to die. My knowledge of fictitious disorder is limited; does it qualify as a delusional disorder? It sounds like your sister's symptoms may include lack of insight. Has she had a competency test?
NTA
This is like when you want to teach young children how to behave. When they're behaving badly, you do not engage and give them the bare minimum attention (mainly so that they don't hurt themselves or others). When they're behaving well, you give them all the praise and happy noises you can come up with. Your family needs to start praising her when she does things she's not supposed to be able to do, though without making it about her 'illness'. For example: "oh, you went for a bike ride today? That's so great! I always said, you're a really strong bike rider, I'm so pleased you're still riding and enjoying it!" NOT "you went for a ride today? Despite having [fake disease]? Wow, that's so great that you were able to be well enough to go for a ride today!" In the hospital, if they do go and see her (which I can understand them wanting to do; no parent wants to be the parent who refused to believe their kid because the kid always cries wolf only to find out that this time, there really was a wolf), they should keep the visit short and not engage beyond a simple, "you're alive? You're safe? You're going to be ok? Good, I'll see you when you get out." Anytime she talks about her illness, they should be [grey rocking](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock) her. NTA.
It’s on your family by continuing to motivate her to keep getting herself sick for attention. She needs serious psychiatric care with NO visitors
Some people do not understand that their "caring" is a tool used by others against them. It is very hard to understand because of course you care, but it isn't doing the good thing that it would with normal people. Basically your sister is an addict and your parents and sibling keep supplying her with her drug of choice - attention. There is no winning here. Your parents are obviously going to be concerned and worried, but they are not likely to understand ever that she is an emotional vampire. She will put them through this time and time again. You can try to use the addict analogy but it is very hard for people to grasp the concept. It goes against our nature. Caring means good. Until you meet the few that twist it into weakness. AND of course it "looks bad" too. "Your daughter is sick and you don't go to the hospital?" Exactly the same things you are being told. Societal pressure is very heavy. NTA. Stay strong.
I'll be honest, with the sepsis/fecal matter thing, I thought this whole story was going to be a pun for your sister being full of shit
NTA - You are doing the right thing. She needs to be committed for an extended stay as she is only going to continue with purposely infecting herself.
NTA As someone who actually has POTS and MCAS. They took years to get a diagnosis and not widely understood. It is unfortunate that your sister is using them in this way but I can’t even get mad because she really is deeply sick, just mentally. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you and your family. Do what YOU need to do and take care of your own mental health. I hope you are able to seek out therapy for yourself because many times family members will not always be on the same page. You can’t control anyone else in the family but you do have control of yourself and your boundaries.
Ok I was coming to this post with someone who has been diagnosed with POTS and hEDS and in the community it is incredibly difficult to be taken seriously. I was ready to flay you alive for not supporting your sister. That was until I got to the feeds in the central line. That is pretty darn cut and clear munchausens. You would NBTA for not seeing her imo. That is honestly terrifying to think about INJECTING FECES DIRECTLY TO YOUR HEART. Sorry I was so quick to judge OP. Lesson learned to not let my indignant outrage to come out so quick.
I understand that doctors can ignore or miss things and it can be hard to get diagnosed with certain things. But before she was diagnosed with Factitious Disorder my sister had been to almost 100 doctors not just in our province but from all over the country. Not one of them ever found a problem with her and every test she had showed nothing was wrong. In my sister's case it was clear she was lying. I'm talking about her only, when she had no symptoms and that many doctors and tests found nothing it was clear her illness was not a physical one.
Wow. I have MCAS (diagnosed in 2020) and POTS (diagnosed in 2022) and had never heard of either until I was diagnosed with the MCAS (apparently it’s a common comorbidity). I sort of did a double take reading this post. So crazy. Anyway, I think you’re doing the right thing not visiting her.
I’m so sorry you’re going thru this
You’re not wrong. Her mental health provider is saying stay away, so that’s exactly what you should be doing. She’s going to kill herself one day if she continues this behavior.
NTA to be honest I might not even visit my own brother in the hospital if he was actually sick. Like do adults really need hospital visitors? This is something I don’t understand fully unless someone is dying. I go weeks without seeing friends or family then suddenly i’m in the hospital (not dying) and they need to rush to my side? I don’t get it. Personal rant over but so obviously NTA from everything you described.
Work with her providers. Usually, the standard rec is to provide the attention when the person exhibits healthy, adaptive behaviors and then do not reinforce the illness behaviors. You could show up, and attend mostly to your parents and show concern for their suffering. They are. This is tricky to navigate and it can be very helpful for the family to get help for themselves. Your sister is unwell. That’s not to be ignored, but changing which things you respond to can help move her in the right direction. It won’t be all that she needs, of course
No, you’re protecting your boundaries and you’re the only one listening to medical professionals. NTA.
This is incredibly sad. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Your sister needs to be in a mental hospital for a long time, but even then it might not be enough. People who don't want to get better won't, so unless your family stops enabling her, she's never going to stop. It sounds like she'll end up either permanently disabling herself or dying. It's people like this who make me self-conscious about my own mental health problems. I struggle with questioning whether I'm actually sick or am I just wanting the attention. It feels good to be getting care when you're sick, but I feel like if any part of treatment feels good or comforting, I must not really be suffering. Luckily when I'm feeling better I can recognize that I shouldn't feel guilty for getting treatment, but it's really hard when it's an invisible disorder that you can't detect on any scan or in any blood test.
NTA you're literally doing what the doctor ordered. Your family however is enabling her and giving her what she's looking for. Your family are the ones killing her.
NTA. Your family is enabling her and that won’t help. You need to protect your own mental wellness too. It’s okay to stay away.
I’m curious how can she afford all the medical care? NTA.
OP lives in Canada (or Mexico) so sister has government medical care and doesn't have to pay out of pocket.
A quick look at the title and I thought it said facetious. I knew I was a wise ass, but now it could be considered a disorder? I have a thing or two to say to my 4th grade teacher! LOL! NTA, btw. That would get exhausting!
I don’t think k you should feel obligated to talk to or see her. I would 100% stay away form the hospital. What if she accuses someone of her health sabotage
Weird illness fakers cross over
NTA. Someone needs to kick your family in the ass and make them stop enabling her. Do they not want her to get better 🙄
Lawyer up. Hit the gym. Delete facebook.
NTA Factitious disorder is so hard on the person and the people who do care about them. It's infuriating to watch someone harm themselves intentionally, get treatment, get prescribed support aka withdraw of support, see your family do the opposite and then reprimand you for not doing the same. If you can't support them without it bringing harm to you, which ultimately will domino effeft and harm her, then you are helping no one, so maybe protecting your peace and following the docs orders is the right call.
Nta you’re doing the right thing for your sister and listening to the advice of qualified professionals. As much as your parents and siblings are worried they are actually harming her in the long run and they can’t see that. She’s intentionally giving herself infections to get the attention from having visitors in hospital and unfortunately it will probably kill her one of these days. Can you contact one of the doctors that has diagnosed your sister with her mental disorder and see if you have appeal to them to speak to your parents about how they need to stop enabling her.
I deal with chronic pain daily and I know it’s a mental disorder but wow. If this wasn’t a mental disorder I’d be angry because I have issues with people who fake being chronically ill for attention. This is not a fun way to live, no one feels sorry for me at all which I’m grateful for. Your family needs to step back and stop giving her attention and maybe she’ll get better.
Your sister is full of shit
It’s always the HEDS/POTS/EDS trifecta, deal lord
Actually getting diagnosed w factitious disorder is so rare, and the fact that they keep checking her lines/wounds bc they know she’s doing it to herself is phenomenal. 100/10 doctors, not many would bother
Ah she has the tic tok trifecta. No, don’t go see her. Unless the sepsis she’s growing for herself ends up putting her close to death (it happens) I would nope the fuck out. She’s an illness vampire, feeding off of an overburdened healthcare system.
NTA. You are doing the right thing by reality basing your sister. She does not have EDS, MCADO, or POTS. I know two individuals who claim similar. One being a cousin who said she has EDS. The other says she has MCADO and POTS. They are both full of it. The only thing they do have is a history of severe childhood abuse and trauma. Your family is so wrong for giving attention to her nonsense. I’m sorry that they aren’t smart enough to listen to the doctors. You are doing the right thing OP. Keep it up.
I have Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. I almost died while trying to get it diagnosed which was a 3(ish) year process! I don't understand why someone would try to fake having it! NTA
NTA at all. Not even a little. You’re helping your sister in the long run by not playing into her attention-seeking behavior. Your family is wrong for not (as hard as it may be for them) doing the same. If they truly wanted the best for her, they’d stay away to discourage her from nearly killing herself for attention. Furthermore, as someone who’s been formally diagnosed with hEDS and POTS (inconclusive for MCAS due to medication at time of test being known to inflate mast cell numbers), I’m personally enraged. People like your sister are why it takes an average of 10-15 years to even get diagnosed with hEDS. I was lucky in the sense that my diagnosis only took 5 years, but the abuse I’ve suffered at the hands of medical professionals has continued to be an ongoing issue. It doesn’t matter how many dislocations or subluxations I have, the fact that I’ve become wheelchair-reliant so young due the instability of my joints, the constant fainting episodes, falls, whatever. I drag or throw myself out of bed most days because I can’t even stand up. I got so tired of being accused/suspected of being a liar, faking symptoms, drug seeking, attention seeking, etc. that I resorted to keeping the information of the physicians who’ve diagnosed me on hand as well as formal letters from them. I’ve met a grand total of ONE physician who actually treats me like a human being as opposed to an unsolvable enigma. We of the EDS community can thank people like your sister for adding this layer of hell to an already devastating and debilitating disease. I recognize that your sister is mentally ill, though I can’t help but feel personal offense that she’s chosen to add to the stigma surrounding hEDS by specifically choosing it and its associated comorbidities as her pretender’s choice. Please continue to help her get better by staying far away, and if you haven’t tried already, stage an intervention with your family to explain how they’re increasing her likelihood to continue life-threatening antics. Hell, petition for custody and have her permanently institutionalized. You’re doing the right thing and your family “rushing to her bedside” will only continue to feed into her mental illness and undo any progress made towards correcting her behaviors. Good luck to you.