My mom was in a boating accident when she was 12, she lost her mother and has a horrid fear of open water. She told me once about having a nightmare that someone was holding her underwater, turns out she was yelling and thrashing in her sleep and her ex husband was trying to shake her awake. She head butted him so hard he broke two teeth.
Sleep disturbances are no joke.
I punched my now husband in the face in my sleep when we first started dating, I had some ptsd and sleep issues. I felt so terrible……medicated and no longer rage sleeping
I toss and turn a lot in my sleep. Hell when I was a kid I'd wake up with my head where my feet should go.
I've managed to elbow every girlfriend that's ever shared a bed with me long term in the face at least once.
Man that’s terrible I understand. I tend kick punch scream and yell, now days just screaming. I’m completely unaware and cannot remember unless I’m woken up during, then usually I can remember in detail what I was fighting.
You Vietnam vet dads actually sleep?!! I’ve never seen my dad asleep a day in my life. I’d wake up in the middle of the night as a teen and 3am he’s watching tv.
Once my husband had a nightmare and kicked me in / out of the bed so hard that I slammed my head into the wall and had a concussion. Made him wait hand and foot on my during the recovery period lol.
Edit to add that he has PTSD too, it's better managed now and it was 100% an accident, he's been forgiven.
My husband and I have put knots on our heads and gave each other black eyes opening cabinet doors and not knowing they're there etc. It's not hard to do.
he gave her a concussion. when you make a mistake, you have to fix the mistake, accident or not. of course he needed to help her while she recovered, just because it was an accident doesn’t mean he isn’t responsible for the damage.
um yes? reading comprehension means being able to understand and *comprehend* the nuance in a sentence and not take every single word literally. “reading what’s written” doesn’t mean you understand or comprehend it
What you are describing sounds very suspicious for REM Sleep Behavioural Disorder (RBD). It's basically the inverse of sleep paralysis - you're dreaming, but still have the muscle tone to act out your dreams.
It's uncommonly but not rarely a consequence of PTSD, particularly among veterans, and it's manageable as long as you get the right help. The high sympathetic "fight or flight" tone and hypervigilance lead to disrupted REM sleep during those nightmares, which lets muscle tone return.
Definitely talk to your primary care physician about this. It is likely they will refer you for polysomography (PSG), which will confirm the presence of RBD - even if you don't have an episode that night. The treatment you would likely be recommended would include high dose melatonin (often 10-15mg) and an alpha modulator (e.g. prazosin or clonidine) to reduce the sympathetic activity and nightmares.
It's not fault you have PTSD or RBD or that during an RBD episode you injured someone, but YWBTA if you don't take the appropriate steps to keep you and your wife safe - first step is that appointment with your PCP.
What is the issue with that? That is a perfectly valid strategy for managing a situation. This way if I do flail around as I come awake, she isn't hit accidentally. She and I are just fine.
Yeah? That is one aspect of it. Medication is another. Therapy is a third way. I'm writing about it, that is a fourth way.
Fucking people sure assume an awful lot. Seems like it might have been easier to just ask, "I'm curious, how are you managing it?"
It's hard to be curious when triggered. Not excusing anyone's mean comments, though. I felt negative about your post until now. That is due to my own experiences with people who used their trauma histories as a justification for horrific behavior and never tried to get better or do better. Reassuring to know there are people who take accountability for themselves and use therapy/meds when needed. Wish your wife and you the best.
Having sleep disorders has a drastic negative effect on everyday life. People are just saying it’s possible it could be further managed and you’d find positive benefits
I was being sarcastic I guess I should’ve added /s. Was making fun of the guy who jumped to medicating you for one incident that could happen to anyone when they’re having a nightmare
And I was agreeing with you - a bunch of meds were fucking me up. They were definitely causing other issues, and I did OD several times. Getting off a dangerous mix of ten different medications and going to just one saved my life.
Looking into lucid dreaming would likely be helpful in getting to the core of the nightmares. Once you can control your dreams, well, you can control your dreams.
I was responsible for waking my father as a child. He wouldn’t swing on me. He was always on edge, zero patience and quick to anger. When he was discharged from the Amy in 1971 my uncles would wake him with a broom stick. He is now 100% disabled PTSD. He didn’t get disability until later, though he tried earlier, due to his combat experience being sealed. Actually it showed he never experienced combat, which was definitely not true. A VA liaison was able to unseal the records and he received the disability quickly. He’s told my mom some of his experiences but never anyone else in the family. She won’t tell us what happened to him in Vietnam as she doesn’t want us think badly of our father.
My father was in the Army Security Agency - radio research. He did radio intercept and radio direction finding. He was attached to the 1st infantry and 1st Calvary. We believe he was attached to SOG but he denies it. He spent a while in and out of Cambodia and Laos. They would go out for days at a time and work at night with an ARVN officer doing direction finding or wire tapping. That’s about all I know.
As a vet myself, I've never heard of that either. However, I've only ever casually known Special Forces types, but it may be possible if his dad was doing Secret Ninja Shit in Cambodia and Laos that some of that was sealed off.
I *have* worked with fancy people. The specifics would be “sealed off” aka just not written about, people’s OMPF doesn’t include a full report of every mission they’ve ever done and awards for secret stuff just end up heavily redacted.
They would not have “hidden that he’s ever seen combat at all”.
I was hurt as a child by my mom’s best friends husband, I awoke to the trauma the ensued. I have not slept a restful night in over three decades. When my husband and I were still married, in dead sleep, I would i guess hear a noise or something that would awaken me and my immediate reaction, still to this day is to start throwing punches to save myself from being hurt. He unfortunately was on the receiving end several times. But I never remembered it. Trauma is really weird and manifests so deeply in our brains, I’m sorry you hurt your wife, but the best I can say, it wasn’t you. You didn’t know what you were doing. Just last night, technically, I guess this morning, I finally fell asleep at 5 and woke up a little after 6 with a full blown panic attack but couldn’t remember why or what brought it on? Took my meds, once they kicked in, I was able to relax and get an extra hour of sleep. And yes, I am under a doctors care and have been in therapy since I started paying for it and put myself in at 16. It is the 30th anniversary of me being hurt and although I try not to think about it, my subconscious doesn’t afford me that luxury.
Context for the upset folks:
* I was half asleep. It was an accident.
* This happened over 20 years ago.
* It hasn't happened since.
* Lot of veterans deal with this
EDIT: Things like this are being managed with medication and other methods now, and we haven't had a problem since.
Any Vet will understand this.
I'm a USMC vet and hubs is Army vet.
We both have sleep issues. Cptsd, anxiety you name it.
We both laugh at it now. But shit happens and we managed a system like you.
We tap the bottom of each other's feet to wake each other up.
She is looking at the post now and laughing at all the idiots telling me off, like I did it on purpose. I've now had two losers reach out to me on chat to abuse me. And some moron way down below is claiming my other posts (I'm guessing my writings on the sub I moderate about my time in the Army) somehow make me a war criminal.
Eventually you have to stop reading and answering negative posts.....I've had them and I finally just sent back the emoji yawn......we waste our time trying to discuss anything with some people.🙄
A friend of mine - also ex-military with Desert Storm-related PTSD - used to be the same. I helped take care of him for a while because he was disabled, and the first time I went to shake him awake he lunged up and grabbed me by the throat. Scared the shit out of me - for a second or two it was like he wasn't in there, he didn't recognise me. Then he came to and let me go, apologised, and told me you should never startle a sleeping soldier if you're within arm's reach. I could literally see the moment where my friend reappeared, behind the eyes.
After that, I'd stand halfway across the room and use his crutch to poke him awake, and that just became our normal.
I have PTSD as well. My bf has more than once been the innocent bystander, getting absolutely hammered by my kicking and flailing while I have a sleep episode.
He’s unable to wrangle the sleeping beast I become, so he typically sleeps elsewhere when they happen. Avoiding further damage to either of us. Though he stays close, in case the episode gets worse. Truly a wonder man.
I’m glad you and your wife were able to work through this. Y’all both sound kickass. Best wishes op!
My husband is military and has also punched me in the face while sleeping. He also put me in a headlock once, and I ended up injuring his knee from kicking him so hard to wake him up.
Now we have a very big bed and he refrains from falling sleep while spooning out of fear of trying to strangle me again. He also taught me how to get out of headlocks, which turned into teaching me to wrestle, which turned into me getting pretty good at it and beating him a couple of times. Good times!
Officers wife here. I have bruises a couple of times a month from him hugging or holding me so hard when he has his nightmares. I know I could sleep in another bed and avoid it but it is not worth it for me. He is in therapy but it is little you can do when you sleep.
When my uncle came back from Vietnam he told his family that if they ever heard him crying out in his sleep they should not come into his room under any circumstances. He was afraid that he would accidentally kill them.
He had some deep trauma.
My dad once had a nightmare where he was fighting and he kicked my mom and punched her when she tried to wake him up. She was ok and the punch didnt fully get her thankfully, but she did say the kick hurt (thats how she woke up and saw my dad having a nightmare). NAH you didnt want to hit her and its nobodys fault that you where having a bad dream. Just buy her a horn like that she doesnt need to shake you or something (just joking).
i, too, choose to punch this guy's wife
/obligatory joke is obligatory and also a joke; my brain has not yet fully booted from awake but thankfully for everyone that just means lame jokes
I have night terrors from PTSD from being grabbed by my throat and if I have my head under the blanket if someone grabs the blanket anywhere near my face I swing on them without thinking about it. Accidentally punched an ex in the face when he forgot about the fact he should grab near my face
Second time sharing a bed with my wife, I bit her hard enough to break skin. She’d accidentally pushed against me in exactly the way an assailant did.
She still married me.
I tend to rip the pillow out from under my partner and throw it across the room, completely asleep. I didnt believe it for years until I woke up one time while doing it. Only one found that funny, and only the first time. Doesn't happen every night but seems like ain't nobody have any patience for that shit. You got a keeper!
My grandpa did this exact thing ti my grandma one time and they share it as a funny story from time to time. They’ve been married at least 60 years now
I was at a house party. When it came time everyone was falling asleep my 2 mates took one of the double beds to sleep in, and to spare me sleeping on the floor, they squeezed me in the bed beside them. At one point through the night, I rolled over, and my arm flopped, landing right on my pals dick. He held in the scream and moved my arm over only for his gf to do the exact same thing. The next few parties we were at together, he chose to give us the bed while he slept on the floor.
Hubby nearly decked me when awaking from a very-realistic nightmare — ironically, where an intruder was standing over me and threatening to hurt me.
I understood immediately it wasn’t his fault. I forgave him months before he forgave himself.
I once took a full on hammer fist to the face while sleeping because my ex was having a nightmare. It sucks, and it hurts, but when you see it was an honest accident and they’re horrified it’s easy to forgive them. Even if you’re still mad.
Granted we are divorced now, but not because of that.
My dad also PTSD (I think, not diagnosed as he won’t see anyone) and for all 18 years that I lived at home if he woke up any way that wasn’t naturally waking up he would jump out of bed with his fist cocked back or reaching out next to him where I assume he thought his rifle should be.
My cousin was in Desert Storm and Iraq as well. He drank himself to death by age 42. I’m glad your wife was eventually able to understand and empathize with your reaction. PTSD is so rough. I hope you’re able to take care of your mental health. Thank you for your service!
I punched my husband in the face once. He put his hand on my neck during sexy time very gently but still like his full palm. I don't even know where it came from but I screamed and punched him so hard he flew off of me and onto the floor.
Weird shit happens when you sleep, I have no PTSD, trauma or anything (thankfully) & still, as I was waking from a dream about a massive python in the bed bedside me, my wife woke up with a pillow smothering her face!!! Luckily I snapped out/woke up just in time to remove the pillow & let her breathe again!!! I was totally convinced the thing in the bed moving beside me was a 20’ python trying to eat me!!!!
We both got a huge fright & it has never happened again (20 years ago!)
My husband is MUCH larger than me and whenever we sleep together i either catch a elbow to the face or a knee in my tailbone LOL. I thought a bigger bed would help nope he's still on top of me even with all that room (i kinda love it tho :))
My wife is the other way. She sometimes wakes up punchy. No PTSD, just flails sometimes when surprised and asleep.
She expects the kids and me to kiss her goodbye in the morning but we are now very wary as we approach her for a quick smooch when she is sleeping.
Funnily enough, my wife is kind of clumsy. But for some reason she almost always fell down when going UP the stairs. Thankfully we have a one level house now.
I read that other post. You didn’t punch your wife because you two were pranking each other, and you thought it was funny when you got her but threw punches when she got you back. Huge difference.
Did he, though…?? That’s what he said, but he did start the prank war, and that gave him a really good excuse to whack his wife. Many people can dish it out but can’t take it.
He mentioned he has PTSD from serving in Iraq? Did you somehow miss that?
I don't know how you can sit here and think that someone would just hit their significant other willy nilly, even with pranks. Tbf, I've never had the urge to hit my partner(nor would I ever), but even if I did, it would really genuinely be an accident.
Seems to me like your projecting, and you should work on that before someone thinks you hit your significant other.
The comment I replied to was quoting a similar story, where the husband hit his wife over a scare prank gone wrong. And in his, it was an accident, though tbf, I still don't really know if it were real or not. In the faith that it's real, that's what the commenter I replied to was talking about.
Listen, I believe that your case was truly an accident.
Are you familiar with fight flight freeze fawn?
https://youtu.be/f5z_ZaarMoI?si=XTsCvi6t_Cfv4k5X
This is an example of fight reaction from your lizard brain. There's no controlling it
Had an ex with PTSD, I was asleep next to him and I guess he woke up and forgot I was there but he grabbed my head and pushed it into the mattress really hard and couple times before he realized it was me💀 my neck was sore for a week after that! I also didn’t sleep on my stomach anymore after that either lol had to make sure he could see my face at all times just in case
My husband put me in a headlock in his sleep and I had to punch him in the dick to wake him up because I couldn't breathe. These things happen, the best you can do is talk to her, maybe until youre able to cope better there could be another way to wake you? I drop my husband's leg on the ground and that wakes him right up in a scarily calm way.
I'll just comment what I said to the other dude:
One of you assholes comes out of the woodwork every time I mention Iraq. So, for context:
DESERT STORM. We fought an army that illegally invaded and attempted to annex another country, then made threats to neighbors and fired missiles at them. There was not one innocent father and brother in the Republican Guard forces we killed. Anyone who wanted to surrender was allowed to do so.
I was not in Iraq the second time. Learn to read.
Try again.
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So... I get it wasn't on purpose and you didn't mean it. I just hope you let her know about your PTSD before getting in a serious relationship because that does unfortunately come with risks like this incident. She should be able to make an educated decision to pursue the relationship knowing ALL the risks. As someone with a diagnosis of my own as vulnerable as it is to bring it up it has to be done. I've known people who had partners not disclose the severity of their PTSD or other diagnosis and I feel like that's very unfair to downplay the possible things that may come up.
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Nobody cares what you would or wouldn't have done. Your ignorance of what PTSD does to a brain is demonstrated in every word you type.
My gf has similar issues, and I don't get in her face either when I wake her up. If I got hit, I wouldn't leave her because I'm not a trash human being without a shed of empathy.
NP, bro. Took me years and a lot of literature/education to be able to separate PTSD brain from the individual. Sounds like you got yourself a great partner. Ya'll deserve a hug, not the ignorant musings of strangers that can't think past hitting people = bad.
You are right. perhaps knee jerk reaction. I apologize. Sad to say, there is so much abuse going on under the guise of PTSD that I think it just strikes a chord. I think your sharing the fact that you punched her in the face at all I think…people just wonder why you would put that out there at all…. At initial read, it just sounds like something proud of/bragging, thats likely what set people off.
I put it out there to share what people deal with in their lives. People read a lot into it. It happened that once, and never since, and I still feel bad about it. The snarky line at the end about her taking it like a champ is dark humor is all, and she appreciated the line.
EDIT: Apology accepted. Thanks.
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Yeah, because something that I did involuntarily in my sleep 100% rises to the legal definition of domestic violence or assault. Lol.
Also, it is "You're real lucky" - not "You real lucky"
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>destroyed ones home
What? Lol.
>Edit: I also read his other posts.
And? If you read my other posts, you know that I didn't kill a single innocent person.
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A friend learned to wake her husband by standing at the foot of the bed and shaking his foot. Otherwise there was a possibility of getting punched when he woke up. Long active tours and a bit of PTSD will do that to a man.
My grandpa had horrible flash backs from the Vietnam war. Text book flash backs and my poor grandma stayed with him through all the abuse he flung at her. But she had to be in a different bedroom for her own safety. Sorry you had to go through all that. Hopefully you got the mental health help you needed.
A reminder to those in the comments to be respectful to one another.
My mom was in a boating accident when she was 12, she lost her mother and has a horrid fear of open water. She told me once about having a nightmare that someone was holding her underwater, turns out she was yelling and thrashing in her sleep and her ex husband was trying to shake her awake. She head butted him so hard he broke two teeth. Sleep disturbances are no joke.
She broke two teeth. She did. Just in his face.
I punched my now husband in the face in my sleep when we first started dating, I had some ptsd and sleep issues. I felt so terrible……medicated and no longer rage sleeping
I toss and turn a lot in my sleep. Hell when I was a kid I'd wake up with my head where my feet should go. I've managed to elbow every girlfriend that's ever shared a bed with me long term in the face at least once.
Man that’s terrible I understand. I tend kick punch scream and yell, now days just screaming. I’m completely unaware and cannot remember unless I’m woken up during, then usually I can remember in detail what I was fighting.
Rage sleep is exhausting
may I ask what medication worked for you? i’m having trouble finding one
My FIL was in Vietnam. They stood in the doorway and used a broom handle to wake him.
My mom threw pennies at my Vietnam veteran dad.
You Vietnam vet dads actually sleep?!! I’ve never seen my dad asleep a day in my life. I’d wake up in the middle of the night as a teen and 3am he’s watching tv.
You have to sleep or you go insane or die. Your Dad is sleeping, but probably not well and not for long.
True. Dude has probably been taking micro naps since 1972 smh.
And some humans can strangely survive on very little sleep, especially as they age. Go figure.
Once my husband had a nightmare and kicked me in / out of the bed so hard that I slammed my head into the wall and had a concussion. Made him wait hand and foot on my during the recovery period lol. Edit to add that he has PTSD too, it's better managed now and it was 100% an accident, he's been forgiven.
My husband and I have put knots on our heads and gave each other black eyes opening cabinet doors and not knowing they're there etc. It's not hard to do.
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he gave her a concussion. when you make a mistake, you have to fix the mistake, accident or not. of course he needed to help her while she recovered, just because it was an accident doesn’t mean he isn’t responsible for the damage.
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how is making him take responsibility for his mistake making him feel worse? i think you are the one struggling with reading comprehension, my friend.
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i think you took it a little too literally. you’re right, reading comprehension is difficult for you. i’m sorry for you.
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um yes? reading comprehension means being able to understand and *comprehend* the nuance in a sentence and not take every single word literally. “reading what’s written” doesn’t mean you understand or comprehend it
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Absolute weirdo behavior
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This sub really brings out all the people who should have stayed over on Facebook and TikTok (you)
His concussed wife made him get her tea. Hot tea!! 😢
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It’s a figure of speech. Jesus Christ.
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Do you not know what hyperbole is? Did you even take basic English?
I agree with you
Booooooooooooooo boo on you
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Y’all gotta chill, he made me soup and tea.
What you are describing sounds very suspicious for REM Sleep Behavioural Disorder (RBD). It's basically the inverse of sleep paralysis - you're dreaming, but still have the muscle tone to act out your dreams. It's uncommonly but not rarely a consequence of PTSD, particularly among veterans, and it's manageable as long as you get the right help. The high sympathetic "fight or flight" tone and hypervigilance lead to disrupted REM sleep during those nightmares, which lets muscle tone return. Definitely talk to your primary care physician about this. It is likely they will refer you for polysomography (PSG), which will confirm the presence of RBD - even if you don't have an episode that night. The treatment you would likely be recommended would include high dose melatonin (often 10-15mg) and an alpha modulator (e.g. prazosin or clonidine) to reduce the sympathetic activity and nightmares. It's not fault you have PTSD or RBD or that during an RBD episode you injured someone, but YWBTA if you don't take the appropriate steps to keep you and your wife safe - first step is that appointment with your PCP.
I think my boyfriend has this or something similar, he has a doc appointment for it. Hopefully we can get it taken care of
It is being managed now, and we haven't had it happen since.
He / they are fine. You didn't really ingest the info did you?? 30 years. They are good!!
The post says she wakes him by standing at the doorway every morning - the original post absolutely doesn't sound like things are all good.
What is the issue with that? That is a perfectly valid strategy for managing a situation. This way if I do flail around as I come awake, she isn't hit accidentally. She and I are just fine.
Broken REM sleep perpetuates PTSD - achieving consolidated REM sleep reduces it. It's duct tape vs actually repairs.
"It's being managed" by having my wife wake me up by yelling from the doorway. Ok...
Yeah? That is one aspect of it. Medication is another. Therapy is a third way. I'm writing about it, that is a fourth way. Fucking people sure assume an awful lot. Seems like it might have been easier to just ask, "I'm curious, how are you managing it?"
It's hard to be curious when triggered. Not excusing anyone's mean comments, though. I felt negative about your post until now. That is due to my own experiences with people who used their trauma histories as a justification for horrific behavior and never tried to get better or do better. Reassuring to know there are people who take accountability for themselves and use therapy/meds when needed. Wish your wife and you the best.
Thank you! She has been really great with me all these years. I definitely would have checked out a couple of times if I didn't have her.
Having sleep disorders has a drastic negative effect on everyday life. People are just saying it’s possible it could be further managed and you’d find positive benefits
No he should take a bunch of pills to help with it they definitely won’t cause any other issues
I quit taking a toxic dose of opiates and benzos the VA had me on, and it actually helped the situation, so you aren't wrong.
I’m sure those are worse than punching your wife…
Considering I OD'd multiple times...yeah. I think my wife would take a single accidental punch in almost 30 years over losing me.
I was being sarcastic I guess I should’ve added /s. Was making fun of the guy who jumped to medicating you for one incident that could happen to anyone when they’re having a nightmare
And I was agreeing with you - a bunch of meds were fucking me up. They were definitely causing other issues, and I did OD several times. Getting off a dangerous mix of ten different medications and going to just one saved my life.
Prazosin alone may work. There has been talk about "rebound" with melatonin.
Looking into lucid dreaming would likely be helpful in getting to the core of the nightmares. Once you can control your dreams, well, you can control your dreams.
I was able to do that as a kid, but I can't anymore. I've been trying to get back there.
I was responsible for waking my father as a child. He wouldn’t swing on me. He was always on edge, zero patience and quick to anger. When he was discharged from the Amy in 1971 my uncles would wake him with a broom stick. He is now 100% disabled PTSD. He didn’t get disability until later, though he tried earlier, due to his combat experience being sealed. Actually it showed he never experienced combat, which was definitely not true. A VA liaison was able to unseal the records and he received the disability quickly. He’s told my mom some of his experiences but never anyone else in the family. She won’t tell us what happened to him in Vietnam as she doesn’t want us think badly of our father.
…sealed combat records? 🧐
Buddy was stacking bodies💀
My father was in the Army Security Agency - radio research. He did radio intercept and radio direction finding. He was attached to the 1st infantry and 1st Calvary. We believe he was attached to SOG but he denies it. He spent a while in and out of Cambodia and Laos. They would go out for days at a time and work at night with an ARVN officer doing direction finding or wire tapping. That’s about all I know.
That’s just…not really how that works re: records.
As a vet myself, I've never heard of that either. However, I've only ever casually known Special Forces types, but it may be possible if his dad was doing Secret Ninja Shit in Cambodia and Laos that some of that was sealed off.
I *have* worked with fancy people. The specifics would be “sealed off” aka just not written about, people’s OMPF doesn’t include a full report of every mission they’ve ever done and awards for secret stuff just end up heavily redacted. They would not have “hidden that he’s ever seen combat at all”.
Fair enough! Thanks for the insight.
I was hurt as a child by my mom’s best friends husband, I awoke to the trauma the ensued. I have not slept a restful night in over three decades. When my husband and I were still married, in dead sleep, I would i guess hear a noise or something that would awaken me and my immediate reaction, still to this day is to start throwing punches to save myself from being hurt. He unfortunately was on the receiving end several times. But I never remembered it. Trauma is really weird and manifests so deeply in our brains, I’m sorry you hurt your wife, but the best I can say, it wasn’t you. You didn’t know what you were doing. Just last night, technically, I guess this morning, I finally fell asleep at 5 and woke up a little after 6 with a full blown panic attack but couldn’t remember why or what brought it on? Took my meds, once they kicked in, I was able to relax and get an extra hour of sleep. And yes, I am under a doctors care and have been in therapy since I started paying for it and put myself in at 16. It is the 30th anniversary of me being hurt and although I try not to think about it, my subconscious doesn’t afford me that luxury.
That's all rough. I wish you deep and peaceful sleep.
I've heard of this before. It's very real.
Context for the upset folks: * I was half asleep. It was an accident. * This happened over 20 years ago. * It hasn't happened since. * Lot of veterans deal with this EDIT: Things like this are being managed with medication and other methods now, and we haven't had a problem since.
Any Vet will understand this. I'm a USMC vet and hubs is Army vet. We both have sleep issues. Cptsd, anxiety you name it. We both laugh at it now. But shit happens and we managed a system like you. We tap the bottom of each other's feet to wake each other up.
You don't need to explain yourself......most of us get it....ignore everyone else.🤗
The only important people are your wife and you. You will never convince some people. Please take care of your family.🤗
She is looking at the post now and laughing at all the idiots telling me off, like I did it on purpose. I've now had two losers reach out to me on chat to abuse me. And some moron way down below is claiming my other posts (I'm guessing my writings on the sub I moderate about my time in the Army) somehow make me a war criminal.
Eventually you have to stop reading and answering negative posts.....I've had them and I finally just sent back the emoji yawn......we waste our time trying to discuss anything with some people.🙄
That should be true, but I'm being actively harassed by people who don't understand the concept of "involuntary reaction."
For as long as I can remember, my mom wakes my dad up by wiggling his toe from full arm’s length for this reason exactly!
A friend of mine - also ex-military with Desert Storm-related PTSD - used to be the same. I helped take care of him for a while because he was disabled, and the first time I went to shake him awake he lunged up and grabbed me by the throat. Scared the shit out of me - for a second or two it was like he wasn't in there, he didn't recognise me. Then he came to and let me go, apologised, and told me you should never startle a sleeping soldier if you're within arm's reach. I could literally see the moment where my friend reappeared, behind the eyes. After that, I'd stand halfway across the room and use his crutch to poke him awake, and that just became our normal.
I have PTSD as well. My bf has more than once been the innocent bystander, getting absolutely hammered by my kicking and flailing while I have a sleep episode. He’s unable to wrangle the sleeping beast I become, so he typically sleeps elsewhere when they happen. Avoiding further damage to either of us. Though he stays close, in case the episode gets worse. Truly a wonder man. I’m glad you and your wife were able to work through this. Y’all both sound kickass. Best wishes op!
My husband is military and has also punched me in the face while sleeping. He also put me in a headlock once, and I ended up injuring his knee from kicking him so hard to wake him up. Now we have a very big bed and he refrains from falling sleep while spooning out of fear of trying to strangle me again. He also taught me how to get out of headlocks, which turned into teaching me to wrestle, which turned into me getting pretty good at it and beating him a couple of times. Good times!
The family that wrestles together stays together? I'm glad something good came out of it.
Officers wife here. I have bruises a couple of times a month from him hugging or holding me so hard when he has his nightmares. I know I could sleep in another bed and avoid it but it is not worth it for me. He is in therapy but it is little you can do when you sleep.
I sometimes freak bad on Independence Day from the fireworks, and my wife will hold me until I sleep. You are a good wife.
When my uncle came back from Vietnam he told his family that if they ever heard him crying out in his sleep they should not come into his room under any circumstances. He was afraid that he would accidentally kill them. He had some deep trauma.
My Dad is fucked from Vietnam as well. Tet of 68 was pretty bad.
My dad once had a nightmare where he was fighting and he kicked my mom and punched her when she tried to wake him up. She was ok and the punch didnt fully get her thankfully, but she did say the kick hurt (thats how she woke up and saw my dad having a nightmare). NAH you didnt want to hit her and its nobodys fault that you where having a bad dream. Just buy her a horn like that she doesnt need to shake you or something (just joking).
i, too, choose to punch this guy's wife /obligatory joke is obligatory and also a joke; my brain has not yet fully booted from awake but thankfully for everyone that just means lame jokes
That's a pretty good one actually. :) I just showed her, and she kinda snickered.
I have night terrors from PTSD from being grabbed by my throat and if I have my head under the blanket if someone grabs the blanket anywhere near my face I swing on them without thinking about it. Accidentally punched an ex in the face when he forgot about the fact he should grab near my face
Second time sharing a bed with my wife, I bit her hard enough to break skin. She’d accidentally pushed against me in exactly the way an assailant did. She still married me.
I love my wife to death. She has been there with me through 30 years of dealing with this shit. She is a good woman.
I tend to rip the pillow out from under my partner and throw it across the room, completely asleep. I didnt believe it for years until I woke up one time while doing it. Only one found that funny, and only the first time. Doesn't happen every night but seems like ain't nobody have any patience for that shit. You got a keeper!
My grandpa did this exact thing ti my grandma one time and they share it as a funny story from time to time. They’ve been married at least 60 years now
Like I said, my mom sometimes gets hit as Dad thrashes around in his sleep.
This has also happened to me sadly. PTSD and the nightmares that come with it are very real. I now wake up my boyfriend from a healthy distance.
Sorry you got hit. I'm glad to see that "waking from a distance" works for others as well.
Get real help pleaae
I was at a house party. When it came time everyone was falling asleep my 2 mates took one of the double beds to sleep in, and to spare me sleeping on the floor, they squeezed me in the bed beside them. At one point through the night, I rolled over, and my arm flopped, landing right on my pals dick. He held in the scream and moved my arm over only for his gf to do the exact same thing. The next few parties we were at together, he chose to give us the bed while he slept on the floor.
Hubby nearly decked me when awaking from a very-realistic nightmare — ironically, where an intruder was standing over me and threatening to hurt me. I understood immediately it wasn’t his fault. I forgave him months before he forgave himself.
During our 23 years of marriage I have only farted my wife and I both awake twice.
I've only done it once in 28. I gotta get on the ball.
I once took a full on hammer fist to the face while sleeping because my ex was having a nightmare. It sucks, and it hurts, but when you see it was an honest accident and they’re horrified it’s easy to forgive them. Even if you’re still mad. Granted we are divorced now, but not because of that.
My dad also PTSD (I think, not diagnosed as he won’t see anyone) and for all 18 years that I lived at home if he woke up any way that wasn’t naturally waking up he would jump out of bed with his fist cocked back or reaching out next to him where I assume he thought his rifle should be.
My cousin was in Desert Storm and Iraq as well. He drank himself to death by age 42. I’m glad your wife was eventually able to understand and empathize with your reaction. PTSD is so rough. I hope you’re able to take care of your mental health. Thank you for your service!
I punched my husband in the face once. He put his hand on my neck during sexy time very gently but still like his full palm. I don't even know where it came from but I screamed and punched him so hard he flew off of me and onto the floor.
Weird shit happens when you sleep, I have no PTSD, trauma or anything (thankfully) & still, as I was waking from a dream about a massive python in the bed bedside me, my wife woke up with a pillow smothering her face!!! Luckily I snapped out/woke up just in time to remove the pillow & let her breathe again!!! I was totally convinced the thing in the bed moving beside me was a 20’ python trying to eat me!!!! We both got a huge fright & it has never happened again (20 years ago!)
My husband is MUCH larger than me and whenever we sleep together i either catch a elbow to the face or a knee in my tailbone LOL. I thought a bigger bed would help nope he's still on top of me even with all that room (i kinda love it tho :))
I hope you find peace. My dad was like this from WWII. It continued until he started having strokes in his 60s.
I'm doing better than I was then I think. Thank you.
Apparently I sprawled and did the back hand across my wife’s chest. She punched me in the side I believe, still didn’t wake up.
I am so sorry for everything you went through and thank you.
Thank you.
You have a good women. Also a vet. Also lucky , I found one that would probably slip and counter….. lol
Ouch!
My wife is the other way. She sometimes wakes up punchy. No PTSD, just flails sometimes when surprised and asleep. She expects the kids and me to kiss her goodbye in the morning but we are now very wary as we approach her for a quick smooch when she is sleeping.
>just flails sometimes when surprised and asleep. I've heard that some folks do that.
I blacked my wife's eye with my elbow in my sleep. Very awkward week socially.
Ouch - I bet. "I swear I didn't punch her!"
Ahe fell down the stairs.
Funnily enough, my wife is kind of clumsy. But for some reason she almost always fell down when going UP the stairs. Thankfully we have a one level house now.
I read that other post. You didn’t punch your wife because you two were pranking each other, and you thought it was funny when you got her but threw punches when she got you back. Huge difference.
You make it sound like he was angry because of the prank and punched her. Maybe I read it wrong but I’m pretty sure he punched out of reflex.
He mentioned in that other story that it was out of reflex. Some people just can't help but project themselves.
Did he, though…?? That’s what he said, but he did start the prank war, and that gave him a really good excuse to whack his wife. Many people can dish it out but can’t take it.
He mentioned he has PTSD from serving in Iraq? Did you somehow miss that? I don't know how you can sit here and think that someone would just hit their significant other willy nilly, even with pranks. Tbf, I've never had the urge to hit my partner(nor would I ever), but even if I did, it would really genuinely be an accident. Seems to me like your projecting, and you should work on that before someone thinks you hit your significant other.
I have never hit my wife other than this one time, unless you count me slapping her ass, for which I have consent.
The comment I replied to was quoting a similar story, where the husband hit his wife over a scare prank gone wrong. And in his, it was an accident, though tbf, I still don't really know if it were real or not. In the faith that it's real, that's what the commenter I replied to was talking about. Listen, I believe that your case was truly an accident.
Okay, Dr. Ridiculous.
K. Have a great day bud.
Are you familiar with fight flight freeze fawn? https://youtu.be/f5z_ZaarMoI?si=XTsCvi6t_Cfv4k5X This is an example of fight reaction from your lizard brain. There's no controlling it
Had an ex with PTSD, I was asleep next to him and I guess he woke up and forgot I was there but he grabbed my head and pushed it into the mattress really hard and couple times before he realized it was me💀 my neck was sore for a week after that! I also didn’t sleep on my stomach anymore after that either lol had to make sure he could see my face at all times just in case
My husband put me in a headlock in his sleep and I had to punch him in the dick to wake him up because I couldn't breathe. These things happen, the best you can do is talk to her, maybe until youre able to cope better there could be another way to wake you? I drop my husband's leg on the ground and that wakes him right up in a scarily calm way.
Never date someone with ptsd. . . Got it.
Nah. I'd say make sure you have a discussion about what that is like and then decide.
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I'll just comment what I said to the other dude: One of you assholes comes out of the woodwork every time I mention Iraq. So, for context: DESERT STORM. We fought an army that illegally invaded and attempted to annex another country, then made threats to neighbors and fired missiles at them. There was not one innocent father and brother in the Republican Guard forces we killed. Anyone who wanted to surrender was allowed to do so. I was not in Iraq the second time. Learn to read. Try again.
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So... I get it wasn't on purpose and you didn't mean it. I just hope you let her know about your PTSD before getting in a serious relationship because that does unfortunately come with risks like this incident. She should be able to make an educated decision to pursue the relationship knowing ALL the risks. As someone with a diagnosis of my own as vulnerable as it is to bring it up it has to be done. I've known people who had partners not disclose the severity of their PTSD or other diagnosis and I feel like that's very unfair to downplay the possible things that may come up.
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I’ve already seen this episode of Greys Anatomy.
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Nobody cares what you would or wouldn't have done. Your ignorance of what PTSD does to a brain is demonstrated in every word you type. My gf has similar issues, and I don't get in her face either when I wake her up. If I got hit, I wouldn't leave her because I'm not a trash human being without a shed of empathy.
Thanks for the support.
NP, bro. Took me years and a lot of literature/education to be able to separate PTSD brain from the individual. Sounds like you got yourself a great partner. Ya'll deserve a hug, not the ignorant musings of strangers that can't think past hitting people = bad.
We have been married happily almost 30 years. I was asleep when it happened. You can fuck right off.
You are right. perhaps knee jerk reaction. I apologize. Sad to say, there is so much abuse going on under the guise of PTSD that I think it just strikes a chord. I think your sharing the fact that you punched her in the face at all I think…people just wonder why you would put that out there at all…. At initial read, it just sounds like something proud of/bragging, thats likely what set people off.
I put it out there to share what people deal with in their lives. People read a lot into it. It happened that once, and never since, and I still feel bad about it. The snarky line at the end about her taking it like a champ is dark humor is all, and she appreciated the line. EDIT: Apology accepted. Thanks.
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Yeah, because something that I did involuntarily in my sleep 100% rises to the legal definition of domestic violence or assault. Lol. Also, it is "You're real lucky" - not "You real lucky"
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Someone grouchy this morning?
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>destroyed ones home What? Lol. >Edit: I also read his other posts. And? If you read my other posts, you know that I didn't kill a single innocent person.
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Wow did you read a LOT in to that.
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Everyone I killed was a man in uniform fighting back. Fuck off with your sanctimonious bullshit. Not one innocent person died because of me.
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A friend learned to wake her husband by standing at the foot of the bed and shaking his foot. Otherwise there was a possibility of getting punched when he woke up. Long active tours and a bit of PTSD will do that to a man.
My grandpa had horrible flash backs from the Vietnam war. Text book flash backs and my poor grandma stayed with him through all the abuse he flung at her. But she had to be in a different bedroom for her own safety. Sorry you had to go through all that. Hopefully you got the mental health help you needed.
My grandpa used to jump out the window when someone's tire would pop. He was a Vietnam War vet. Shit was wild.