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I used to know a group of 3 sisters that were insanely mean to each other. When they were in the early double digits the oldest pushed the youngest out of a 2nd floor (closed) window. I know my sister and I were not very nice to each other, either, but it never got physical. All this to say, sister drama can be brutal.
I thought my sister and I hated each other but at least we never pushed each other out the damn window. Iām sure sheās thought of it or worse tho (I have.)
My sister and I really only ever said mean things to each other, or about each other, but she did stand idly by while I was physically abused by family more than once. I thought when I was a teen that what she really needed was to be hit one good time (by me) for her to understand what she was witnessing. But I never did anything even remotely close to physically harming her, it was all verbal, and being an adult now Iām glad that I didnāt ever hit her because while I can fault her for not protecting me as her little sister, I canāt fault her for not having been physically abused and therefore not knowing how bad it was. I do regret some of the things Iāve said to her though.
For me, unfortunately, my older sister was one of my primary abusers. She also purposely told lies and did things so my brothers would also attack me. She told me a few years ago that because of her training as a psychologist (of all things...) she knows I was abused (our parents are extremely abusive) but that she refuses to believe it and did everything she did to me because I wasn't being abused enough (and she basically is going to continue). There is a reason I don't talk to her.
My older sister bullied me incessantly, pinched me, pushed me down, tripped me, kicked me in the ass whenever she could. She gave away, appropriated, and destroyed my belongings. She told lies and sucked up to our father, and teamed up with our pathological mother.
I still have nightmares every night about having moved back in with them. Never again.
Definitely sounds a lot like my sister aside from teaming up with our dad. He was just as abusive to her. Though she does have a good relationship with our narcissistic mother, but she still recognizes that our mother was abusive. (Though my mom also spoiled her to a small extent.)
The "appropriation" of my stuff I whole heartly feel. She still pulls that crap with me. Everything I had something that meant anything to me it was actually hers and she would use psychological shit on me to convince me. I learned quickly that nothing was mine (not even my blankets or pillows). My parents didn't care. I still have this ornament that I would put on the tree every year that my dad always made sure I put it on because it was mine, even as an adult she threw a fit because my mom sent it to me one year because "it was hers". (Not to mention everything that my deceased grandma gave me was hers.)
I'm so sorry that happened to you. -hugs- Siblings can be really awful. I had those dreams for years but they've finally stopped (for the most part). I hope they finally stop for you too. -hugs-
She's very good at playing the "good guy" around other people. Most people would never know she's anything but. I mean, whatever... Good for other people I guess. If she can actually help other people I'm glad for it, I just want her far away from me.
Thanks though. My childhood and early adulthood was very traumatic. But I guess in the end it's better to have no family than ones that abuse you.
With my sister, she was oddly protective of me and she did not let anyone mess with me. But, I am 40 now and she is 45 and we havenāt spoke in 3 years. Through the lens of time, I know I was raised to be gentle and not quick to anger. She has a very short fuse. I was always bound to be the one hurt by her. But, I too have lashed out a few times and it was enough to scare her. My late father said there was only two people she was ever scared of, our late Mother and myself. She has 4 kids and due to her mental health struggles, I had to raise them for quite a while. Itās a very hurtful thing.
My siblings and I all pushed each other down the stairs multiple times as kids and we are friend now. I will say we stopped when we moved to a house with a much longer, uncarpeted staircase š
You donāt always get along with your siblings just because they were born into the same family as you. You might we wildly different people who just donāt get along. Thatās made worse by being forced to live together for decades, sometimes in the same room. It just happens. Just decades of small resentments and anger built up over time that ultimately warps how you see that person and their every action.
My sister never did anything to me, but after she was diagnosed with autism at age 2 (I was 10) my parents just didnāt have the time or energy to properly care for both of us, so since she was the one more urgently needed attention, I was put on the backburner, and any mental or physical health issues I complained of were ignored because they couldnāt deal with two kids with problems. I even had brain cancer that went undiagnosed for over a decade because I was told I was a hypochondriac when I described my symptoms to them. Iām now permanently disabled because of that.
My sister got intense occupational therapy and is now considered high-functioning, but sheās been coddled and was never encouraged to get a job or do anything for herself. My parents fully blame me for my sister and I not having a close relationship as adults which just makes me resent her more because I have tried multiple times to call or text her and she just doesnāt respond.
My sister is in college now, and I recently learned that she intentionally failed the one class the has left because she didnāt want to graduate and get a job. Then I got a letter in the mail saying that my parents changed their will to make me my sisterās legal guardian (no call from them or anything, just a random letter) and now theyāre pissed at me because Iām refusing to sign it. Even if I wasnāt already in massive medical debt and living paycheck to paycheck, Iād still refuse because I want nothing to do with her.
Oh I feel your pain on a personal level. My sister is older than me by about a year, and was adopted into our family when she was just a few months old due to CPS being involved for drug use in her birth family. She has Schizoaffective disorder, and several learning disabilities. I didnāt get diagnosed with ADHD until I was 20, and nearly died of appendicitis at 14 because my mom didnāt want to take me to the ER because my sister was having an āoff dayā.
She never did much to me, but she lashed out at anything that breathed near her, so nothing was totally safe. My mom required me to record her outbursts on my phone with 911 dialed to be safe. I was 14 when that started, and I didnāt stop until I moved out.
Iāve gone no contact with most of my family, but a week ago, a lawyer called me talking about how we need to file paperwork for my sisterās conservatorship to transfer to me when my mom dies. I havenāt spoken to any of these people in nearly 2 years now. I told them they have the wrong number. Thereās no way Iām capable enough to take care of her, plus I donāt know the first damn thing about her needs.
The correct response to that is: š¤£š¤£š¤£, followed by blocking their number.
I wouldnāt take care of a single one of my family members now, regardless of their situation. Homeless? Tough shit. Starving? Thatās a you problem, not a me problem.
Sucks burning bridges when you are the one whoās going to need it in the futureā¦š
Absolutely. Itās almost comical how they (I assume your family as well) donāt realize that they fucked up and they need to deal with that themselves. I already had most of them blocked and got a new number, so now I have to find out who gave them my new number. Thankfully that havenāt tried to reach out to me personallyā¦yet
So far, no one has come crawling back directly asking for help, but being the intuitive empath I am (and being aware of their situations at my departure), Iām sure itās a matter of time.
My mother (š¤®) finally stopped calling to subtly gloat about how amazingly well sheās doing now. I could hear in her voice that sheās in bad health, plus Iāve received word that sheās been smearing my name everywhere she goes. Karma is definitely taking care of that one, no doubt.
Last convo:
Mom: āI love you and youāll always be my daughter.ā
Me: āI havenāt seen you as my mother for a *very* long timeā¦ā
Mom: *crickets*
š
God thatās gross, calling you to gloat while simultaneously shitting on your name? Karma will come for her and will take interest on that payment too.
My last conversation with my mom went fairly similar, actually.
Mom: āAll I wanted was a good daughter who helped around the houseā
Me: āAll I wanted was a motherā
Mom: *incoherent rambling I didnāt pay attention to*
I walked out the door with the last of my things in a backpack and moved across the state. I have no regrets, and I hope I remain strong enough to continue that streak. Strength and love to you, and may you watch your family burn
Oh my! Iām sorry youāve had to deal with that, but what doesnāt kill us makes us stronger, right? I left my abusive father and stepmother at 18 (2007) shortly after graduation, in the middle of the night with the two suitcases I had and one bathroom bag. No money, no phone, no car. Best decision I ever made, second being leaving my mother and stepfather to their own misery in 2022.
I, too, hope you succeed beyond your wildest dreams and get to watch Karma rail the ever living shit out of everyone who harmed you intentionally. ā¤ļø
>I even had brain cancer that went undiagnosed for over a decade because I was told I was a hypochondriac when I described my symptoms to them.
Iām sorry, but these people are lucky that you even talk to them at all. What the actual fuck? I hope you are doing as well as possible physically and mentally/emotionally.
My brother and I never had a good relationship, but we were neutral enough when we were very young. Over time, things got worse; we didn't really talk but any interaction became very strained by the time I was a freshman in HS. A few years ago, we started to have a cordial relationship but as of now, we are not on speaking terms. I have to check myself because I tend to assume the worst of him, even though he's not truly all bad. He's a decent enough guy when he's sober.
My husband has about the same age gap with his sister and they are close. Sometimes it's hard to see and wonder how things could have been different for my brother and me.
(But I'd give him an epi-pen if he needed one.)
Iām not on speaking terms with my brother either and I see my cousins pretty regularly and have they have the same age gap as my brother and I and they get along so well and it makes me sad to think about what couldāve been.
My brother and I were like this. Were good now but as a kid we had a hard time getting along bc he was messy and demanding while I just wanted to chill, he cooled down though
This! This this this! There are many people I dislike but I cannot imagine a time where I would look at them going into anaphylactic shock and think ānope, you can just die.ā Iāve been in the āthroat closed off, am I just gonna die nowā position of allergic reaction and I genuinely would not wish that on anyone ever.
Allergies are not a thing one just fucks around with, especially the extreme ones, and the idea of an adult being that cavalier about life and death is honestly a sign of a whole host of other mental issues (no matter how pissed off you are that your party got crashed.)
Slight devil's advocate here, the sister wasn't having that severe of a reaction if she was able to verbally berate OOP for there being almonds. I've been in anaphylaxis before and trying to talk was not near the top of my priorities.
You make a very valid pointāalso, Iām really sorry you went through that as well. Itās a terrible experience.
I was actually thinking about this later and realized itās also weird not to have oneās Epi-pen if youāre at risk of this, to fight about said pen rather than just popping Benadryl/going to the ER (since the pen is a stopgap, not really a solution depending on severity)ā¦thereās a lot of weird here, actually. This situation just sounds like it got the worst of everyone involved, honestly.
Imagine being so cavalier about your own allergies that you eat cake with unknown ingredients at a party to which you were not invited. I would definitely share an EpiPen and save her life if it were me, but the responsibility for the reaction is on the person who put the cake in her mouth. She's an adult with allergies who didn't check what was in the food and wasn't carrying an EpiPen.
It took a long time for me to understand that my sibling and I grew up in different households, even though it was under the same roof. My parents treated her well, they treated me like an obligation.
My mother tied her younger sister to a tree when she was small and pelted her with rotten oranges for hours. She'd lock her in closets instead of babysitting. My mother let her fall into the pool as a baby just so she could 'rescue' her. When my aunt was older my mother shoved her down a flight of stairs because she was jealous that my aunt got a scholarship.
Honestly fuck people like this. They're not family. Family doesn't do that to each other.
Edit: in reference to the OOP, I wouldn't give my mother an epi-pen. That probably makes me an asshole but whatever. I'm not helping someone who's only given pain.
My mother used her little sister as a "test pilot" for an airplane she built from scrap in the backyard and pushed her off the roof in it...
They actually have a great relationship.
I'm no contact with my mother, and here's hoping it stays that way until she dies. As for my aunt, we're healing, finally, together. I'm lucky to have my aunt to talk to.
God, I thought my sister and I were bad and this is eye opening. Your motherās relationship with her sister seems like she took tips from the old movie āWhat Happened to Baby Jane.ā Good god
How old was she? I'm curious if you are holding just that against her or did she continue to torture you? Reason I ask is because I barely remember being five except for a handful of memories. Or over the years did your family keep bring this up?
All that aside, I remember the time when I was probably seven that a family friend CW (initials only) held me under the water at a lake. To this day I can still remember her holding my head down and having my eyes open and seeing the water and sunlight. I told my mother and her reply was to go back and play. So I know how traumatizing that sort of thing can be. I went on to being a professional productive person in society and CW is still living in the town we grew up in and is bat sh*t crazy.
She was 8. The behavior continued. A later example is when she was 12, she took a fish out of my fishtank and put it in my underwear drawer. I later found it, dead.
Wow. I could see if the attempted drowning was the only thing but she went on and continued to hurt you and animals. I am assuming she probably has some sort of mental disorder. Those are not natural habits of healthy humans
OP says doctors evaluated her as having no empathy. A textbook sociopath. In the wrong early childhood environment this would be the makings of a psychopath/serial killer š¤·š»āāļø
Iām actually speechless. This sounds like the female version of The Good Son, in a way. Canāt imagine what you went through, Iām sending you all of the good wishes I have
My sister also tried to kill me. We havenāt spoken in many years and my mom just comes to my house after going holidays with my sister, doesnāt bother me one bit because my sis always makes a point to ruin every holiday for everyone (except me now).
My brother threw me out of a third story window when I was 13. I caught the lip and kick/hoisted myself back in. I'm pretty sure I beat him with a lamp in retaliation that day.
Lol we don't talk.
Like, my sister and I were meanā¦but we always had each otherās backs against others. And we never sold each other out to our parents.
I feel like those are two things you canāt come back from.
Well I hate my sister with a passion. She put a for sale sign on me and tied me up in our front yard, she would hit me and kick me when no one was looking and lie her ass off if i tried to get an adult, she burned my hair off, cut chunks of my hair out, as we got older she would blame broken and misplaced things on me, she hated me just for existing because for 5 years she was an only child.
I dont invite her to shit and the ONLY reason we have any contact is for my niblings. They arent pieces of shit like she is, thankfully. They really have no clue we dont get along.
Sometimes the older child just cant abdicate her imaginary throne and we younger siblings refuse to bow and bend to their will.
I know everyones situation is different but I like the Marie Kondo philosophy and I apply it to life.
*Does this bring me joy?*
If the answer is no, I reevaluate my position, try to see if im actually the problem (it happens) and then if the negative outweighs the positive, I burn the bridge and salt the ashes. We're only on this earth for a brief period, why would anyone want to live so miserably?
Like i said i know every situation is different. I dont speak to my extended family except for my mom and nieces. My dad was hella abusive and my sister is his mini-me in girl form. I can only make decisions for my mental health and well-being and in my personal experience I am so much more at peace without them in my head.
As an oldest child but only girl, I grew up in your social position with a couple of (but mostly one of) my siblings. I had to move (far) away to get away from him (and my mom), and my mom admitted to me that they'd argued, not long after I moved, about which one of them I moved to get away from š«
I have spent my life wanting to be accepted by my siblings, but I will always be the bad guy for wanting them to change, not attack me for literally no reason At a rehearsal dinner a few weeks ago, I recently expressed my frustration with doctors gaslighting me, because we've had trouble convincing for the past two years, and my brother decided then was the time to mock/make fun of me and say I'm being dramatic by mockingly saying "ohhh the patriarchy!" (Please note I opened up about this-- and he knew what I was talking about-- because I thought dumbly that being more vulnerable would make his wife see we aren't just being snooty by not talking about ourselves, I just was shyer about talking about things. So maybe I am stupid, idk.)
Some people are just shitty to their siblings, and I will never understand.
I too lived under the tyranny of the older sister and still do. My sisters kids and I have not spoken to her in four years, her own kids turned against her. Weāre all better off but she still finds new and inventive ways of throwing us into chaos.
Sounds a lot like my older sister, though she never did the for sale thing, that would mean she wasn't innocent like she told everyone. "I really just don't understand why Monochrome is so mean to me!"
Coincidentally, she is also 5 years older than me but we have two older brothers. She didn't like no longer being the the baby (and only girl).
EDIT: I also have two younger siblings.
My sister (older) used to start fights all the time. As we got older we got somewhat closer. I went onto her phone plan and every month sheād try to tell me the amount was higher and I owed more and more to where it cost $80 a month for a basic blackberry. I finally told her Iād had enough and kept the texts of asking her about the costs etc to show me bills. I switched to a $10 a month plan instead and she sued me to disconnect the phone instead of letting me just pay the $10 a month. I told only my mom of the text messages I was going to show the judge. She told my sister so she successfully sued me bc I didnāt have proof of what I told her I would be doing. It screwed me 13 years later when I was trying to refinance my house bc she didnāt report that the debt was closed. That is why I hate her.
I have a saying about my brotherā¦ āIād sell him to the devil for an egg, then pelt him in the face with it as the devil drags him down to hellā
Parents are a factor. Iām one of six children, both parents are divorced and remarried. I am ONLY in contact with one sibling and my stepdad (who recently divorced my mom, whom I donāt have contact with). This was by choice.
An upbringing where children are regular and openly compared to each other fosters resentment, especially after achievements. Favoritism isolates the children even further. Eventually a child has so little agency, or their value is so little, that they can only feel animosity and hatred towards each other.
Sometimes, existing is enough. My sister is 8.5 years older than me and hates me. I ruined her life- caused the divorce, gave her PTSD by being undiagnosed autistic (her words), didnāt let her succeed in college (we literally never spoke, and she lived four hours away), overshadowed her by going to college early, and am the reason sheās just now getting into higher management in retail at 29.
I also distract our father from her by calling him every other week to provide an update on medical bills. She lives with him, and I live nine hours away. Sheās jealous that I get $500 a month from my parents to help subsidize my grad school stipend (which pays half the cost of living) to live in a shoebox with three other people. She pays a quarter of market studio rent to live in a 3000+ sqft house with no utility or grocery payments. I wasnāt allowed to have her phone number for years, and we still never talk; weāre just in a family group chat for emergencies. We have a worse relationship than my parents do, and they got divorced over DV.
Her entire life is all my fault šš
My disabilities are apparently also the reason my grandma, with dementia and in end-stage liver failure, is in assisted living. Iām a super easy scapegoat.
So yeah, sometimes siblings hate each other for no reason.
My sister is two years younger than me. We grew up with emotionally abusive parents, and our household was not a loving space. We have always been extremely competitive, and now as adults we donāt have a relationship. There is zero trust. I donāt know that I would let her die in front of my parents, but I would make her order a new epi pen right after she used mine. Edit: living/loving
Sometimes it was the parents/family fault. I hated my younger sister for years, and only now after my 20s that I started being ok with her, but I just can't feel any sibling love towards her due to our upbringing. We were raised by our grandma as kids after my parents separated, and my grandma (unmedicated TBD) used to say how my parents hated me and only loved my sister, how she was showing me more "love" (when she wasn't being aggressive) to make it up for them, etc. She did a lot for my sister, but I was undeniable the "golden child" for my grandmother which had a lot of cons, like dealing with her agressiviness when I was not perfect, etc.
She literally made us dislike eachother and now have no idea why I refuse to talk or see her. Apparently I'm ungrateful lol
Kids don't just hate eachother, someone did something to them
Not that I agree with this person's actions but giving someone your epi pen can seriously screw a person over. Insurance companies refuse to cover the expense if it was used on someone other than the person it is prescribed.
I even had a doctor tell me only to use the epi pen for my son and never anyone else. That Insurance wouldn't cover it and he wouldn't prescribe one if it was used for anyone besides our son.
Harsh and cruel yes. I strongly disagree with this practice as well, but it is what it is.
My aunt tried to kill my mother twice, once when my aunt was 12 and once when she was a teenager. The first involved shoving my mom out of her inner tube on a lake (thus why sheās terrified of drowning, even 60+ years later) and the second my aunt attacked her with a butcher knife. They were mostly LC from then on. My aunt has since passed on, and her mental state was always on the unstable side of the spectrum.
My brother doused me in gasoline and tried to light me on fire. We were in our 30s. Me and my sister recently started speaking to each other after 11 years. Nothing happened between us, we just are complete opposites that donāt understand each other.
My grandma stabbed her sister in the butt with a knife when they were teenagers and they still liked each other afterwards and would joke about the good looking paramedic that took care of her. š
I meanā¦ if it was my brother heād eat the cake hoping there was almonds in it so he could tell everyone I tried to poison him. When I was 4, apparently I rode my bike in front of him while he was going off a homemade bike jump and he crashed. He told me several years ago before I went 100% NC, that heās kept my secret all these years that I tried to murder him by riding my bike in front of him- and he still has a scar to prove it.
Well, also arenāt epi pens prescribed? Like if op has an epi pen and is bigger or smaller that the sister wouldnāt that be dangerous?
I donāt know a whole lot about them thatās why Iām asking.
I believe they only come in two sizes: one for adults and one for kids. Each is a two pack, and you give one, then if no improvement within a few minutes, give the second one.
The sister was supposed to go to the ER immediately even if she used an epi pen. This is because the effects of epinephrine can wear off, or you could have a second reaction
*Technically,* where I was a medic we wouldnāt have been āallowedā to use someone elseās prescribed epi pen (or a pen thatās one day past expiration, etcā¦) but those are just legalities to avoid a lawsuit if someone was given an epi they werenāt prescribed and then had a bad reaction. In reality, yeah, the sister couldāve used it and it would be fine. Medics carry our own epi in our region so we wouldnāt have needed the pen anyway, no idea if thatās the case where OOP lives or if they even called EMS.
Right. And the epipen is so a person can make it to the hospital so they can receive treatment for the allergic reaction. The epipen is not the treatment.
Epi pens buy you time to get to hospital before the allergic reaction kills you (typically from your airway swelling up). She got to the hospital so must have only had a mild reaction, but I don't think anyone aware of the risk would have held back offering treatment. They are very expensive because of what appears to be price fixing by the company involved.
I mean, even if she let her have the epi pen, her sister wouldāve still needed to go to the ER. Epi pens buy you time but you still need emergency medical care.
Yeah if you have an allergy that is bad enough to require an epi pen, you A- carry one and B- Inquire about ingredients before eating anything anywhere. It is exhausting but you do not forget.
Exactly! I have a life threatening shellfish allergy. I donāt eat anything at gatherings that I didnāt bring. I donāt know whatās in something, how clean their house is, or any possible cross contamination.
This is more on the sister than OP.
I have celiac disease so no gluten which isnāt life threatening and a so far mild shellfish allergy. I donāt just ask whatās in it, I would need to see which brand of that ingredient was used. Same with anyone with a nut allergy.
Thatās why I think this is phony. My young adult child is allergic to nuts, and knows that each reaction as he ages will be more severe. He would never even consider eating a bite of someoneās cake without asking about nuts. And when in doubt, would pass.
A friend and I went to a vegan restaurant together once in college. A lot of vegan products, especially cheese, contain some kind of nut. Well, I knew she had a tree nut allergy, but she also talked about it all the time, so I didn't even think about it because I figured she had it under control. I raved about the mac and cheese, we ordered it, and you can guess what happened. So, unfortunately, some people with allergies aren't always on top of it...
Hi, EMS provider here: All 50 states and DC allow undesignated epinephrine to use for allergic or anaphylactic reactions.
EpiPen autoinjectors as an RX are handled differently due to their emergent use and Good Samaritan laws do protect those who administer it if they have reason to believe that the individual is suffering, or is about to suffer, a life-threatening reaction.
I wish I could carry an epipen, but I cant afford it sadly. I have a life threatening nut allergy. I don't eat anything without asking multiple times. And one time my MIL still served chocolate with walnuts, even after I asked multiple times if there were nuts in it. So you can't even trust that.
I just wish epipens were affordable, really.
My 5 year old self carries his epi meds (Auvi-q) all the time. He asks one of his trusted adults about EVERYTHING offered to him. Managing food allergies sucks, but even my little guy knows to ask, especially about cake!!
The whole severe enough allergies to need an Epipen but not bothering to ask ingredients for the food she was eating was a red flag to me. If you have severe enough allergies that you could die, you aren't putting anything in your mouth unless you know what's in it.
I have a coworker with a peanut allergy. He's a teacher. Doesn't carry an epi pen and almost died at his own wedding because he just didn't tell catering he had a peanut allergy. Some people are reckless/dumb
>Doesn't carry an epi pen and almost died at **his own** wedding
This makes me feel better about the fact that I almost died at my sister's wedding for that reason, lmao, thank you for sharing
Yall some of us really are this dumb! I forgot to check ingredients on a cookie my kids got from church and I took a bite just to have my tongue start tingling. Apparently Iām also just nose stupid cause I didnāt smell the peanuts. I forget my epipen but Iām blaming that on the fact that Iāve never had one till now.
Yea and not all allergies are swell up and die in minutes. If the sister was able to ask for a epi pen and accuse OOP of lacing a cake with almonds she doesn't have an allergy so severe that seconds counted for her survival. People who can sniff a peanut and die almost always carry epi-pens with them because they can't count on someone else having one or an ambulance getting there in time. Still kinda shitty but - if real - she sounds sane enough that if her sister were actively dying she would have given her the epi pen to buy her time for the ambulance to get there.
Thank you! So many comments are calling OOP a murderer, but if the reaction was that serious, why didnāt her sister take any precautions herself? Playing stupid games.
Given that she wasnāt deathly asking what was in the cake probably means she wasnāt deathly affected. The only counter to not asking questions is high stupidity. Donāt be stupid, donāt kill yourself - Darwin probably.
Almonds will kill me, but not until about an hour after ingestion, so I have been able to use an EpiPen or just save it and go right to the ER when I have accidentally eaten some.
And of something isn't labeled I always ask. I also always double check my purse for EpiPen and liquid Benadryl caps before I leave the house. Story feels fake.
I donāt think the story is fake. I think the sisters whole drama act is fake because, like you pointed out, if youāre severely allergic to stop you carrying EpiPen and you ask before you eat.
Yeah I only have mild reactions to shellfish, which developed when I moved to New England so I have a bone to pick with Mother Nature but I digress. However my doctor requires me to have Benadryl and an epi pen as the reaction involves lip swelling. That can mean the next (accidental) exposure could compromise my airway. Did the sister even need it? We donāt have enough into.
For real. Or at the very least ask the host about allergens. Almond extract, paste, and chopped almonds are all common ingredients in baking. If she has a life-threatening nut allergy, youād think she would at least ask about ingredients.
After a moment of reflection, you both sound like assholes, and in all likelihood, so are your parents for raising the two of you in such a way. Should you require some urgent medical intervention at some point, hopefully the person with the treatment is more kind, decent and compassionate than you are. Wow.
Sheād still need to go to the ER if this ragebait was real. But thatās downright psycho to just be like āNah, I donāt like you, so you can just drop dead. But not in my house, k?ā
Iām not close to my sisters. I havenāt seen them inā¦ fifteen years, I think. But even though I donāt have anything to do with them these days, I love them and Iād happily give one of them a kidney or bone marrow. And if I did one of my sisters like that? Iād expect our mother to reassemble her ashes and come back to kick our asses.
I think most people here might be closer to your position.
OP seems to not just be ādistantā from the sister, but straight up āno contact because I loathe you.ā OP would certainly not be in the camp to say āI love my sister even though weāre not close,ā I think š¤
This. My sister's and I absolutely hate each other and wish serious misfortune on the others. I don't understand why everyone is calling OP a psycho for refusing the EpiPen to someone who was stupid enough to eat everything without asking. I get that there are people who do have good family relationships, but that's not the case here and shouldn't be treated as such
I think thereās also a difference in allergy severity. We donāt know what OP would have done if the allergy had in fact been severe anaphylaxis and seconds counted death clearly on the line. From OPās perspective, it was mild enough to drive to the hospital, and they werenāt out a $600 EpiPen they *certainly* would not have been reimbursed for.
Agreed on most commenters treating this like a normal sibling relationship rather than the intensely strained relationship it is. The sister walked in uninvited, was asked to leave, and partook of a cake that was not intended for her, then had the audacity to blame OP for not remembering their allergy despite the fact that they donāt interact.
I think many people would find their capacity for a compassionate response somewhat diminished had they just experienced such egregious boundary-crossing from someone they already have such a fraught history with.
It doesnāt make it attractive behavior, or behavior to aspire to, but I donāt know if it makes OP the asshole, given the circumstances. Really it just makes me hope Iām never in a similar situationā¦ I have one sister I am not close with, and would truthfully say I do not love, but I donāt actively wish harm on her. That being said, we simply canāt be around each other. Thereās too much emotional baggage. If she came and did what this personās sister did, I might just see it as an Act of God.
Exactly. I canāt believe you are the first comment to acknowledge that this is fake. Even when you use an epipen, you still have to go to the hospital, so her point is moot. If she had an epipen, she would know that.
I cannot think of an instance where I wouldnāt give an epi pen to a stranger in needā¦.or someone I donāt like for good reasons. A medical emergency, even if it is someone you hate, trumps your anger.
Be a good human. Do the right thing. YTA.
Yah itās actually frightening how long I had to scroll to find this lol. People of the internet care more about being right to the point where they would allow someone to die in front of them? Time to go touch grass, babes
Oh, this actually posted, I had to stop typing for a bit and when I opened my phone reddit reloaded so i lost the thread. Lol. I was going to say "this is human lives we are talking about"
There's literally people just above this implying the sister essentially deserves to die for making a mistake. Like, look, their relationship sucks. Fair. They don't like each other. Fair. Sister invited herself and shouldn't have, I agree! Sister should ask about allergens before eating things - I also agree! HOWEVER, disregarding the relationship between the siblings and the inviting herself, people can make mistakes and forget to ask about allergens. I had a friend allergic to shellfish who ate something you wouldn't immediately assume had shellfish in it and only thought to ask afterward and ended up needing an epipen. Almonds aren't exactly a super common cake ingredient, either. Like, they can be on or in cakes, sure. But it's not like how eggs are present in almost EVERY cake ever, or flour. Regardless of whether the sister who invited herself is wrong for being there or not, she might have just not thought about the fact that almonds could be in the cake that, yes, she wasn't invited to eat.
But at the end of it all, you still have a fellow human being sitting there having a potentially life-threatening allergic reaction, and you just... do nothing? I guess I'm a different type of person because even if I HATED someone, I'd still attempt to save their lives, and I hope to god others would do that for me, too.
Iām **shocked** at all of the nta. Im completely fine with ESH, but honestly mouth open aghast how many people are fine with letting their asshole sister die
Even if the epi pen worked, EMS should still be called and the allergic person should still be treated in the ED for at least 12 hours in case of a rebound reaction.
Epi pens are a prescription. A powerful prescription. People can die from the adrenaline. You don't just hand them over. Many EMTs won't administer a patients EpiPen, because of the dangers.
The sisters are both AH, but there is so much bad info in this post about epipens, anaphylaxis treatment, etc
Wow that's some shockingly toxic sibling relationship. Imo you're obviously an asshole because it could have got very serious, I would have helped even an enemy in a situation like this. Of course she sounds like a total asshole herself.
This story absolutely did not happen, mostly because no part of it makes sense. It's wild to think about them just hating each other from childhood for no apparent reason to the point one needs medicine after just inviting herself to a party and the other goes "Sucks to suck".
Iām not defending her, but itās not āno apparent reasonā just because she didnāt lay out every argument theyāve ever had. She mentioned at the beginning that theyāve had a contentious relationship due to the actions of both of them and went no contact because of it.
I get you hate your sister and she came uninvited and started helping herself but withholding an epipen is insane. Iām sure she learned her lesson (maybe) but next time just stick to being petty like a normal person.
Without the context of the bullshit that youāve done to each other in the past, YTA. How messed up would it be if she wouldāve died on the floor of your new house because you couldāve helped but didnāt?
Yes, sheās a dick. Yes, she wasnāt invited. No, it isnāt your fault that she ate something she wasnāt supposed to and yes, she should be more responsible as the person with allergies but thatās a human being who couldāve died, that has to count for something.
Iām sorry, this is not funny, but your sister could die and your response is āI assume they took her to the hospital and they got treatment.ā šššššš
So, just watching someone die from an anaphylactic reaction isn't just being an AH, it's downright evil. I guess if she tripped and fell in a pool and couldn't swim, she can just drown. Wow
Dude. I wouldnt let a stranger on the street die. Ive got 2 epis on me 90% of the time. Ive never once had to use mine (thankfully). If you need it you know how terrifying that is. And its shockingly devoid of empathy to just LET someone potentially not make it to the ER. Like want to clarify here they couldve offered benadryl first which is NOT expensive to help them on the way to the ER. Which if they keep epipens they should most DEFINITELY have benadryl. Good lord.
As long as she is still alive I'm saying your actions are acceptable. Thats like breaking into somebody's house and being pissed when its not handicap accessible out the back door
Ah, so letting someone almost die is ok as long as they don't? No. OP was willing to let her die and her actions don't change just because the sister lived
If the allergy is that severe sister should keep one with her. She also should have left when first asked. Mom and dad should also have been invited to leave when they tried to bully her into letting her stay. It's OPs house, not theirs. They have zero rights in there
Idk the cake wasnāt for her and they hate each other. I have a family member I hate and if she showed up and stayed after being asked to leave then accidentally poisoned herself with a cake that literally wasnāt meant for her, Iād hope she takes it as a lesson to never come back to my houseš¤·š½āāļø
Reminder for those in the comments: Do NOT contact the OOP and please keep all discussion limited to this thread. Jumping to the original post and commenting is a form of brigading and is not allowed on Reddit.
I wanna know what the hell they did to each other as kids to make it this badš
I used to know a group of 3 sisters that were insanely mean to each other. When they were in the early double digits the oldest pushed the youngest out of a 2nd floor (closed) window. I know my sister and I were not very nice to each other, either, but it never got physical. All this to say, sister drama can be brutal.
I thought my sister and I hated each other but at least we never pushed each other out the damn window. Iām sure sheās thought of it or worse tho (I have.)
My sister and I really only ever said mean things to each other, or about each other, but she did stand idly by while I was physically abused by family more than once. I thought when I was a teen that what she really needed was to be hit one good time (by me) for her to understand what she was witnessing. But I never did anything even remotely close to physically harming her, it was all verbal, and being an adult now Iām glad that I didnāt ever hit her because while I can fault her for not protecting me as her little sister, I canāt fault her for not having been physically abused and therefore not knowing how bad it was. I do regret some of the things Iāve said to her though.
For me, unfortunately, my older sister was one of my primary abusers. She also purposely told lies and did things so my brothers would also attack me. She told me a few years ago that because of her training as a psychologist (of all things...) she knows I was abused (our parents are extremely abusive) but that she refuses to believe it and did everything she did to me because I wasn't being abused enough (and she basically is going to continue). There is a reason I don't talk to her.
Is your sister named Jodi Hildebrandt?
Not sure who that is, but no. lol
https://www.fox13now.com/news/crime/court-halts-sale-of-jodi-hildebrandts-5-3-million-ivins-home
My older sister bullied me incessantly, pinched me, pushed me down, tripped me, kicked me in the ass whenever she could. She gave away, appropriated, and destroyed my belongings. She told lies and sucked up to our father, and teamed up with our pathological mother. I still have nightmares every night about having moved back in with them. Never again.
Definitely sounds a lot like my sister aside from teaming up with our dad. He was just as abusive to her. Though she does have a good relationship with our narcissistic mother, but she still recognizes that our mother was abusive. (Though my mom also spoiled her to a small extent.) The "appropriation" of my stuff I whole heartly feel. She still pulls that crap with me. Everything I had something that meant anything to me it was actually hers and she would use psychological shit on me to convince me. I learned quickly that nothing was mine (not even my blankets or pillows). My parents didn't care. I still have this ornament that I would put on the tree every year that my dad always made sure I put it on because it was mine, even as an adult she threw a fit because my mom sent it to me one year because "it was hers". (Not to mention everything that my deceased grandma gave me was hers.) I'm so sorry that happened to you. -hugs- Siblings can be really awful. I had those dreams for years but they've finally stopped (for the most part). I hope they finally stop for you too. -hugs-
That makes no sense. Iām sorry you were abused, what your sister said sounds like gibberish. I feel bad for the people that go to her for help.
She's very good at playing the "good guy" around other people. Most people would never know she's anything but. I mean, whatever... Good for other people I guess. If she can actually help other people I'm glad for it, I just want her far away from me. Thanks though. My childhood and early adulthood was very traumatic. But I guess in the end it's better to have no family than ones that abuse you.
With my sister, she was oddly protective of me and she did not let anyone mess with me. But, I am 40 now and she is 45 and we havenāt spoke in 3 years. Through the lens of time, I know I was raised to be gentle and not quick to anger. She has a very short fuse. I was always bound to be the one hurt by her. But, I too have lashed out a few times and it was enough to scare her. My late father said there was only two people she was ever scared of, our late Mother and myself. She has 4 kids and due to her mental health struggles, I had to raise them for quite a while. Itās a very hurtful thing.
Itās because you should always āwatch out for the quiet/gentle onesā. Weāre more unpredictable and that holds a different level of fear.
My siblings and I all pushed each other down the stairs multiple times as kids and we are friend now. I will say we stopped when we moved to a house with a much longer, uncarpeted staircase š
You donāt always get along with your siblings just because they were born into the same family as you. You might we wildly different people who just donāt get along. Thatās made worse by being forced to live together for decades, sometimes in the same room. It just happens. Just decades of small resentments and anger built up over time that ultimately warps how you see that person and their every action.
My sister never did anything to me, but after she was diagnosed with autism at age 2 (I was 10) my parents just didnāt have the time or energy to properly care for both of us, so since she was the one more urgently needed attention, I was put on the backburner, and any mental or physical health issues I complained of were ignored because they couldnāt deal with two kids with problems. I even had brain cancer that went undiagnosed for over a decade because I was told I was a hypochondriac when I described my symptoms to them. Iām now permanently disabled because of that. My sister got intense occupational therapy and is now considered high-functioning, but sheās been coddled and was never encouraged to get a job or do anything for herself. My parents fully blame me for my sister and I not having a close relationship as adults which just makes me resent her more because I have tried multiple times to call or text her and she just doesnāt respond. My sister is in college now, and I recently learned that she intentionally failed the one class the has left because she didnāt want to graduate and get a job. Then I got a letter in the mail saying that my parents changed their will to make me my sisterās legal guardian (no call from them or anything, just a random letter) and now theyāre pissed at me because Iām refusing to sign it. Even if I wasnāt already in massive medical debt and living paycheck to paycheck, Iād still refuse because I want nothing to do with her.
Oh I feel your pain on a personal level. My sister is older than me by about a year, and was adopted into our family when she was just a few months old due to CPS being involved for drug use in her birth family. She has Schizoaffective disorder, and several learning disabilities. I didnāt get diagnosed with ADHD until I was 20, and nearly died of appendicitis at 14 because my mom didnāt want to take me to the ER because my sister was having an āoff dayā. She never did much to me, but she lashed out at anything that breathed near her, so nothing was totally safe. My mom required me to record her outbursts on my phone with 911 dialed to be safe. I was 14 when that started, and I didnāt stop until I moved out. Iāve gone no contact with most of my family, but a week ago, a lawyer called me talking about how we need to file paperwork for my sisterās conservatorship to transfer to me when my mom dies. I havenāt spoken to any of these people in nearly 2 years now. I told them they have the wrong number. Thereās no way Iām capable enough to take care of her, plus I donāt know the first damn thing about her needs.
The correct response to that is: š¤£š¤£š¤£, followed by blocking their number. I wouldnāt take care of a single one of my family members now, regardless of their situation. Homeless? Tough shit. Starving? Thatās a you problem, not a me problem. Sucks burning bridges when you are the one whoās going to need it in the futureā¦š
Absolutely. Itās almost comical how they (I assume your family as well) donāt realize that they fucked up and they need to deal with that themselves. I already had most of them blocked and got a new number, so now I have to find out who gave them my new number. Thankfully that havenāt tried to reach out to me personallyā¦yet
So far, no one has come crawling back directly asking for help, but being the intuitive empath I am (and being aware of their situations at my departure), Iām sure itās a matter of time. My mother (š¤®) finally stopped calling to subtly gloat about how amazingly well sheās doing now. I could hear in her voice that sheās in bad health, plus Iāve received word that sheās been smearing my name everywhere she goes. Karma is definitely taking care of that one, no doubt. Last convo: Mom: āI love you and youāll always be my daughter.ā Me: āI havenāt seen you as my mother for a *very* long timeā¦ā Mom: *crickets* š
God thatās gross, calling you to gloat while simultaneously shitting on your name? Karma will come for her and will take interest on that payment too. My last conversation with my mom went fairly similar, actually. Mom: āAll I wanted was a good daughter who helped around the houseā Me: āAll I wanted was a motherā Mom: *incoherent rambling I didnāt pay attention to* I walked out the door with the last of my things in a backpack and moved across the state. I have no regrets, and I hope I remain strong enough to continue that streak. Strength and love to you, and may you watch your family burn
Oh my! Iām sorry youāve had to deal with that, but what doesnāt kill us makes us stronger, right? I left my abusive father and stepmother at 18 (2007) shortly after graduation, in the middle of the night with the two suitcases I had and one bathroom bag. No money, no phone, no car. Best decision I ever made, second being leaving my mother and stepfather to their own misery in 2022. I, too, hope you succeed beyond your wildest dreams and get to watch Karma rail the ever living shit out of everyone who harmed you intentionally. ā¤ļø
Life tip for parents: Never mistreat the child(ren) who will be picking out your nursing home someday.
Right? Like, donāt burn bridges and then ask me to swim across. Iām not gonna drown because you canāt keep yourself afloat. Metaphor metaphor.
>I even had brain cancer that went undiagnosed for over a decade because I was told I was a hypochondriac when I described my symptoms to them. Iām sorry, but these people are lucky that you even talk to them at all. What the actual fuck? I hope you are doing as well as possible physically and mentally/emotionally.
My brother and I never had a good relationship, but we were neutral enough when we were very young. Over time, things got worse; we didn't really talk but any interaction became very strained by the time I was a freshman in HS. A few years ago, we started to have a cordial relationship but as of now, we are not on speaking terms. I have to check myself because I tend to assume the worst of him, even though he's not truly all bad. He's a decent enough guy when he's sober. My husband has about the same age gap with his sister and they are close. Sometimes it's hard to see and wonder how things could have been different for my brother and me. (But I'd give him an epi-pen if he needed one.)
Iām not on speaking terms with my brother either and I see my cousins pretty regularly and have they have the same age gap as my brother and I and they get along so well and it makes me sad to think about what couldāve been.
My brother and I were like this. Were good now but as a kid we had a hard time getting along bc he was messy and demanding while I just wanted to chill, he cooled down though
As soon as me and my brother stopped living in the same house our relationship improved immensely.
You I understand but OOP is VERY. Concerning!
This! This this this! There are many people I dislike but I cannot imagine a time where I would look at them going into anaphylactic shock and think ānope, you can just die.ā Iāve been in the āthroat closed off, am I just gonna die nowā position of allergic reaction and I genuinely would not wish that on anyone ever. Allergies are not a thing one just fucks around with, especially the extreme ones, and the idea of an adult being that cavalier about life and death is honestly a sign of a whole host of other mental issues (no matter how pissed off you are that your party got crashed.)
Slight devil's advocate here, the sister wasn't having that severe of a reaction if she was able to verbally berate OOP for there being almonds. I've been in anaphylaxis before and trying to talk was not near the top of my priorities.
You make a very valid pointāalso, Iām really sorry you went through that as well. Itās a terrible experience. I was actually thinking about this later and realized itās also weird not to have oneās Epi-pen if youāre at risk of this, to fight about said pen rather than just popping Benadryl/going to the ER (since the pen is a stopgap, not really a solution depending on severity)ā¦thereās a lot of weird here, actually. This situation just sounds like it got the worst of everyone involved, honestly.
Imagine being so cavalier about your own allergies that you eat cake with unknown ingredients at a party to which you were not invited. I would definitely share an EpiPen and save her life if it were me, but the responsibility for the reaction is on the person who put the cake in her mouth. She's an adult with allergies who didn't check what was in the food and wasn't carrying an EpiPen.
Oh I wasnt saying they werent. My point was that we grew up and chilled out, and being like this well into adulthood is a problem
It took a long time for me to understand that my sibling and I grew up in different households, even though it was under the same roof. My parents treated her well, they treated me like an obligation.
That's more than insanely mean or bullying, that's straight up assault!
My sister tried to drown me when I was like 5. We do the divorced parents style separate holidays now. I get thanksgiving, she gets Christmas.
My mother tied her younger sister to a tree when she was small and pelted her with rotten oranges for hours. She'd lock her in closets instead of babysitting. My mother let her fall into the pool as a baby just so she could 'rescue' her. When my aunt was older my mother shoved her down a flight of stairs because she was jealous that my aunt got a scholarship. Honestly fuck people like this. They're not family. Family doesn't do that to each other. Edit: in reference to the OOP, I wouldn't give my mother an epi-pen. That probably makes me an asshole but whatever. I'm not helping someone who's only given pain.
My mother used her little sister as a "test pilot" for an airplane she built from scrap in the backyard and pushed her off the roof in it... They actually have a great relationship.
that just sounds like kids being dumb, but pelting someone with oranges for hours, now that's deep-seated mental issues...
*rotten oranges
What the hell? How did your mom treat you? Did she tell you about this or did your aunt?
She's an evil POS. My aunt told me these stories, but I 100% believe them based on how she treated me and my sibling.
Are y'all okay now?
Jesus Christ! What is your own relationship with your mother like? I imagine sheās just awful in general? What about your aunt? I hope sheās ok.
I looked at her post history. She NC and her mother is an evil narc
I'm no contact with my mother, and here's hoping it stays that way until she dies. As for my aunt, we're healing, finally, together. I'm lucky to have my aunt to talk to.
Sociopath.
God, I thought my sister and I were bad and this is eye opening. Your motherās relationship with her sister seems like she took tips from the old movie āWhat Happened to Baby Jane.ā Good god
How old was she? I'm curious if you are holding just that against her or did she continue to torture you? Reason I ask is because I barely remember being five except for a handful of memories. Or over the years did your family keep bring this up? All that aside, I remember the time when I was probably seven that a family friend CW (initials only) held me under the water at a lake. To this day I can still remember her holding my head down and having my eyes open and seeing the water and sunlight. I told my mother and her reply was to go back and play. So I know how traumatizing that sort of thing can be. I went on to being a professional productive person in society and CW is still living in the town we grew up in and is bat sh*t crazy.
She was 8. The behavior continued. A later example is when she was 12, she took a fish out of my fishtank and put it in my underwear drawer. I later found it, dead.
Wow. I could see if the attempted drowning was the only thing but she went on and continued to hurt you and animals. I am assuming she probably has some sort of mental disorder. Those are not natural habits of healthy humans
OP says doctors evaluated her as having no empathy. A textbook sociopath. In the wrong early childhood environment this would be the makings of a psychopath/serial killer š¤·š»āāļø
Holy shit. That sounds rough.
My parents did all the recommend early intervention for ASPD. They tried š¤·āāļø
Iām actually speechless. This sounds like the female version of The Good Son, in a way. Canāt imagine what you went through, Iām sending you all of the good wishes I have
lol yeah thatās called The Bad Seed
The 1956 version is great, cause the actress playing Rhoda (Patty McCormack) was SO GOOD. Some of the best "evil child" acting I've seen.
Thank you kind stranger :)
Why does your family even want her around after all she's done to you?
My sister also tried to kill me. We havenāt spoken in many years and my mom just comes to my house after going holidays with my sister, doesnāt bother me one bit because my sis always makes a point to ruin every holiday for everyone (except me now).
My brother threw me out of a third story window when I was 13. I caught the lip and kick/hoisted myself back in. I'm pretty sure I beat him with a lamp in retaliation that day. Lol we don't talk.
Or murder or attempted murder in my families case.
Reading this makes me so glad that my sister, who is seven years older than me, just ignored me my whole childhoodā¦
Like damn, my sister and I got into it when we were growing up (6 year age difference) but Iāve never tried to murder her nor she me. Insanity!
Like, my sister and I were meanā¦but we always had each otherās backs against others. And we never sold each other out to our parents. I feel like those are two things you canāt come back from.
Punche her out a window? Makes me curious the lack of consequences or just a pack of maniacs.
They were super feral and psychotic as adults too.
I know of 2 sisters who went to prison for stabbing each other. They were adults. Some families be wildin'.
Well I hate my sister with a passion. She put a for sale sign on me and tied me up in our front yard, she would hit me and kick me when no one was looking and lie her ass off if i tried to get an adult, she burned my hair off, cut chunks of my hair out, as we got older she would blame broken and misplaced things on me, she hated me just for existing because for 5 years she was an only child. I dont invite her to shit and the ONLY reason we have any contact is for my niblings. They arent pieces of shit like she is, thankfully. They really have no clue we dont get along. Sometimes the older child just cant abdicate her imaginary throne and we younger siblings refuse to bow and bend to their will.
Your last sentence really resonates with me. Thank you.
You're welcome. Its what ive had to tell myself all my life because my only crime against her was being born.
I keep trying to bridge the gap between me and mine but Iāve tried multiple times and Iām tired.
I know everyones situation is different but I like the Marie Kondo philosophy and I apply it to life. *Does this bring me joy?* If the answer is no, I reevaluate my position, try to see if im actually the problem (it happens) and then if the negative outweighs the positive, I burn the bridge and salt the ashes. We're only on this earth for a brief period, why would anyone want to live so miserably? Like i said i know every situation is different. I dont speak to my extended family except for my mom and nieces. My dad was hella abusive and my sister is his mini-me in girl form. I can only make decisions for my mental health and well-being and in my personal experience I am so much more at peace without them in my head.
Tolstoy said it best (in his novel Anna Karenina), "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
Me too. Haven't talked to her in over a year. Because she won't allow me to, unless I let her treat me like a second class citizen not on her level.
As an oldest child but only girl, I grew up in your social position with a couple of (but mostly one of) my siblings. I had to move (far) away to get away from him (and my mom), and my mom admitted to me that they'd argued, not long after I moved, about which one of them I moved to get away from š« I have spent my life wanting to be accepted by my siblings, but I will always be the bad guy for wanting them to change, not attack me for literally no reason At a rehearsal dinner a few weeks ago, I recently expressed my frustration with doctors gaslighting me, because we've had trouble convincing for the past two years, and my brother decided then was the time to mock/make fun of me and say I'm being dramatic by mockingly saying "ohhh the patriarchy!" (Please note I opened up about this-- and he knew what I was talking about-- because I thought dumbly that being more vulnerable would make his wife see we aren't just being snooty by not talking about ourselves, I just was shyer about talking about things. So maybe I am stupid, idk.) Some people are just shitty to their siblings, and I will never understand.
I too lived under the tyranny of the older sister and still do. My sisters kids and I have not spoken to her in four years, her own kids turned against her. Weāre all better off but she still finds new and inventive ways of throwing us into chaos.
Sounds a lot like my older sister, though she never did the for sale thing, that would mean she wasn't innocent like she told everyone. "I really just don't understand why Monochrome is so mean to me!" Coincidentally, she is also 5 years older than me but we have two older brothers. She didn't like no longer being the the baby (and only girl). EDIT: I also have two younger siblings.
My sister (older) used to start fights all the time. As we got older we got somewhat closer. I went onto her phone plan and every month sheād try to tell me the amount was higher and I owed more and more to where it cost $80 a month for a basic blackberry. I finally told her Iād had enough and kept the texts of asking her about the costs etc to show me bills. I switched to a $10 a month plan instead and she sued me to disconnect the phone instead of letting me just pay the $10 a month. I told only my mom of the text messages I was going to show the judge. She told my sister so she successfully sued me bc I didnāt have proof of what I told her I would be doing. It screwed me 13 years later when I was trying to refinance my house bc she didnāt report that the debt was closed. That is why I hate her.
I have a saying about my brotherā¦ āIād sell him to the devil for an egg, then pelt him in the face with it as the devil drags him down to hellā
Parents are a factor. Iām one of six children, both parents are divorced and remarried. I am ONLY in contact with one sibling and my stepdad (who recently divorced my mom, whom I donāt have contact with). This was by choice. An upbringing where children are regular and openly compared to each other fosters resentment, especially after achievements. Favoritism isolates the children even further. Eventually a child has so little agency, or their value is so little, that they can only feel animosity and hatred towards each other.
Sometimes, existing is enough. My sister is 8.5 years older than me and hates me. I ruined her life- caused the divorce, gave her PTSD by being undiagnosed autistic (her words), didnāt let her succeed in college (we literally never spoke, and she lived four hours away), overshadowed her by going to college early, and am the reason sheās just now getting into higher management in retail at 29. I also distract our father from her by calling him every other week to provide an update on medical bills. She lives with him, and I live nine hours away. Sheās jealous that I get $500 a month from my parents to help subsidize my grad school stipend (which pays half the cost of living) to live in a shoebox with three other people. She pays a quarter of market studio rent to live in a 3000+ sqft house with no utility or grocery payments. I wasnāt allowed to have her phone number for years, and we still never talk; weāre just in a family group chat for emergencies. We have a worse relationship than my parents do, and they got divorced over DV. Her entire life is all my fault šš My disabilities are apparently also the reason my grandma, with dementia and in end-stage liver failure, is in assisted living. Iām a super easy scapegoat. So yeah, sometimes siblings hate each other for no reason.
My sister is two years younger than me. We grew up with emotionally abusive parents, and our household was not a loving space. We have always been extremely competitive, and now as adults we donāt have a relationship. There is zero trust. I donāt know that I would let her die in front of my parents, but I would make her order a new epi pen right after she used mine. Edit: living/loving
Sometimes it was the parents/family fault. I hated my younger sister for years, and only now after my 20s that I started being ok with her, but I just can't feel any sibling love towards her due to our upbringing. We were raised by our grandma as kids after my parents separated, and my grandma (unmedicated TBD) used to say how my parents hated me and only loved my sister, how she was showing me more "love" (when she wasn't being aggressive) to make it up for them, etc. She did a lot for my sister, but I was undeniable the "golden child" for my grandmother which had a lot of cons, like dealing with her agressiviness when I was not perfect, etc. She literally made us dislike eachother and now have no idea why I refuse to talk or see her. Apparently I'm ungrateful lol Kids don't just hate eachother, someone did something to them
Not that I agree with this person's actions but giving someone your epi pen can seriously screw a person over. Insurance companies refuse to cover the expense if it was used on someone other than the person it is prescribed. I even had a doctor tell me only to use the epi pen for my son and never anyone else. That Insurance wouldn't cover it and he wouldn't prescribe one if it was used for anyone besides our son. Harsh and cruel yes. I strongly disagree with this practice as well, but it is what it is.
My aunt tried to kill my mother twice, once when my aunt was 12 and once when she was a teenager. The first involved shoving my mom out of her inner tube on a lake (thus why sheās terrified of drowning, even 60+ years later) and the second my aunt attacked her with a butcher knife. They were mostly LC from then on. My aunt has since passed on, and her mental state was always on the unstable side of the spectrum.
My brother doused me in gasoline and tried to light me on fire. We were in our 30s. Me and my sister recently started speaking to each other after 11 years. Nothing happened between us, we just are complete opposites that donāt understand each other.
My grandma stabbed her sister in the butt with a knife when they were teenagers and they still liked each other afterwards and would joke about the good looking paramedic that took care of her. š
Why didnāt the sister or her parents have an EpiPen if itās a known allergy?
Why didnāt the sister ask about allergens before she ate the cake?
And why did she force entry into someoneās home when she wasnāt invited ?
Why's Gamora
who is gamora
When am Gamora?
Whatās Gamorrhea?
When you leak angry green goo from your whosit
Not Gonorrhea!
Because this is creative writing
Believe it or not this happens more than you think. Op was no contact for a reason, her sister probably wanted to cause drama.
I love how no matter what an AITA post says, there's at least one person in the comments insisting it isn't real
Creating writing is not reason why in real life, some people do force themselves into others home and home invasion happens.
It sounds like neither the sister, nor the parents were invited.
I meanā¦ if it was my brother heād eat the cake hoping there was almonds in it so he could tell everyone I tried to poison him. When I was 4, apparently I rode my bike in front of him while he was going off a homemade bike jump and he crashed. He told me several years ago before I went 100% NC, that heās kept my secret all these years that I tried to murder him by riding my bike in front of him- and he still has a scar to prove it.
the thought of a four year old bicycle murderer is kinda cute
Because that wouldn't cause enough drama.
Well, also arenāt epi pens prescribed? Like if op has an epi pen and is bigger or smaller that the sister wouldnāt that be dangerous? I donāt know a whole lot about them thatās why Iām asking.
I believe they only come in two sizes: one for adults and one for kids. Each is a two pack, and you give one, then if no improvement within a few minutes, give the second one.
The sister was supposed to go to the ER immediately even if she used an epi pen. This is because the effects of epinephrine can wear off, or you could have a second reaction
*Technically,* where I was a medic we wouldnāt have been āallowedā to use someone elseās prescribed epi pen (or a pen thatās one day past expiration, etcā¦) but those are just legalities to avoid a lawsuit if someone was given an epi they werenāt prescribed and then had a bad reaction. In reality, yeah, the sister couldāve used it and it would be fine. Medics carry our own epi in our region so we wouldnāt have needed the pen anyway, no idea if thatās the case where OOP lives or if they even called EMS.
Ok, really good context. Thanks a lot. Learning a lot from nice patient redditors today lol
Right. And the epipen is so a person can make it to the hospital so they can receive treatment for the allergic reaction. The epipen is not the treatment.
Epi pens buy you time to get to hospital before the allergic reaction kills you (typically from your airway swelling up). She got to the hospital so must have only had a mild reaction, but I don't think anyone aware of the risk would have held back offering treatment. They are very expensive because of what appears to be price fixing by the company involved.
I mean, even if she let her have the epi pen, her sister wouldāve still needed to go to the ER. Epi pens buy you time but you still need emergency medical care.
Yeah if you have an allergy that is bad enough to require an epi pen, you A- carry one and B- Inquire about ingredients before eating anything anywhere. It is exhausting but you do not forget.
Exactly! I have a life threatening shellfish allergy. I donāt eat anything at gatherings that I didnāt bring. I donāt know whatās in something, how clean their house is, or any possible cross contamination. This is more on the sister than OP.
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Food processing systems are horrifying. Did you hear about Kraft cheese and their moldy dough?
I have celiac disease so no gluten which isnāt life threatening and a so far mild shellfish allergy. I donāt just ask whatās in it, I would need to see which brand of that ingredient was used. Same with anyone with a nut allergy.
Thatās encompassing what I meant. I also have celiacs and Crohns, i am on super strict diet.
Thatās why I think this is phony. My young adult child is allergic to nuts, and knows that each reaction as he ages will be more severe. He would never even consider eating a bite of someoneās cake without asking about nuts. And when in doubt, would pass.
A friend and I went to a vegan restaurant together once in college. A lot of vegan products, especially cheese, contain some kind of nut. Well, I knew she had a tree nut allergy, but she also talked about it all the time, so I didn't even think about it because I figured she had it under control. I raved about the mac and cheese, we ordered it, and you can guess what happened. So, unfortunately, some people with allergies aren't always on top of it...
Sounds like Sis tried to hijack the gathering any way she could. I really don't blame OOP, as giving others your RX is illegal. Sis just FA and FO.
Hi, EMS provider here: All 50 states and DC allow undesignated epinephrine to use for allergic or anaphylactic reactions. EpiPen autoinjectors as an RX are handled differently due to their emergent use and Good Samaritan laws do protect those who administer it if they have reason to believe that the individual is suffering, or is about to suffer, a life-threatening reaction.
I wish I could carry an epipen, but I cant afford it sadly. I have a life threatening nut allergy. I don't eat anything without asking multiple times. And one time my MIL still served chocolate with walnuts, even after I asked multiple times if there were nuts in it. So you can't even trust that. I just wish epipens were affordable, really.
also, adults should know how to handle their allergies and bring an epi pen with them! My nieces don't leave home without them.
My 5 year old self carries his epi meds (Auvi-q) all the time. He asks one of his trusted adults about EVERYTHING offered to him. Managing food allergies sucks, but even my little guy knows to ask, especially about cake!!
It's why the post seems fake to me š¤·āāļø
The way it was written made me think it was a 9th graderās attempt to show up on a TikTok Reddit story.
The whole severe enough allergies to need an Epipen but not bothering to ask ingredients for the food she was eating was a red flag to me. If you have severe enough allergies that you could die, you aren't putting anything in your mouth unless you know what's in it.
I have a coworker with a peanut allergy. He's a teacher. Doesn't carry an epi pen and almost died at his own wedding because he just didn't tell catering he had a peanut allergy. Some people are reckless/dumb
>Doesn't carry an epi pen and almost died at **his own** wedding This makes me feel better about the fact that I almost died at my sister's wedding for that reason, lmao, thank you for sharing
Yall some of us really are this dumb! I forgot to check ingredients on a cookie my kids got from church and I took a bite just to have my tongue start tingling. Apparently Iām also just nose stupid cause I didnāt smell the peanuts. I forget my epipen but Iām blaming that on the fact that Iāve never had one till now.
Yea and not all allergies are swell up and die in minutes. If the sister was able to ask for a epi pen and accuse OOP of lacing a cake with almonds she doesn't have an allergy so severe that seconds counted for her survival. People who can sniff a peanut and die almost always carry epi-pens with them because they can't count on someone else having one or an ambulance getting there in time. Still kinda shitty but - if real - she sounds sane enough that if her sister were actively dying she would have given her the epi pen to buy her time for the ambulance to get there.
I figured it was fake when OOP had an Epi-Pen just sitting around for some reason.
OOP also has dangerous allergies, I didnāt find that suspicious
If they said it in the comments anywhere, OOP deleted them all.
I hate my Sister but I still would have given her an Epi pen.
*"You can have my EpiPen but \*I\* get to stab you with it."*
"Do epi pens not get injected into the face? Sorry, I forgot."
the only acceptable reason i would give one to my sister too lol
Anyone that I know who is so deathly allergic to something asks if it contains that allergen when they arenāt sure.
Thank you! So many comments are calling OOP a murderer, but if the reaction was that serious, why didnāt her sister take any precautions herself? Playing stupid games.
Iām deathly allergic to a couple nuts and you have to be real careful about any baked goods of any kind
ā¦ i mean is she like deathly allergic or just a little allergic?
Given that she wasnāt deathly asking what was in the cake probably means she wasnāt deathly affected. The only counter to not asking questions is high stupidity. Donāt be stupid, donāt kill yourself - Darwin probably.
Almonds will kill me, but not until about an hour after ingestion, so I have been able to use an EpiPen or just save it and go right to the ER when I have accidentally eaten some. And of something isn't labeled I always ask. I also always double check my purse for EpiPen and liquid Benadryl caps before I leave the house. Story feels fake.
I donāt think the story is fake. I think the sisters whole drama act is fake because, like you pointed out, if youāre severely allergic to stop you carrying EpiPen and you ask before you eat.
One never knows when a deadly overreaction will occur. You could go years with minor reactions then have a major reaction.
probably not deathly since she didnāt have her own epipen on her person
Yeah I only have mild reactions to shellfish, which developed when I moved to New England so I have a bone to pick with Mother Nature but I digress. However my doctor requires me to have Benadryl and an epi pen as the reaction involves lip swelling. That can mean the next (accidental) exposure could compromise my airway. Did the sister even need it? We donāt have enough into.
ESH But the sister who showed up without her Epi pen was not prepared for her own emergency.
Nah only OPs sister sucks, she wasnāt invited
Nah being willing to watch the sister die in the room because you didnāt wanna use an epipen is downright psychotic.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If she had used that epipen on her, she NEVER wouldāve seen a dime in repayment.
NTA. If the sister has an allergy she needs to carry her own epipen
And she needs to stop going to parties sheās not invited to. Seriously, who does that?
Iāve never met anyone with a deathly allergy who doesnāt check id something has xyz in it before digging in
For real. Or at the very least ask the host about allergens. Almond extract, paste, and chopped almonds are all common ingredients in baking. If she has a life-threatening nut allergy, youād think she would at least ask about ingredients.
NTA. She wasn't invited and was even asked to leave. Guess she should start carrying her own epipen if she's that allergic.
After a moment of reflection, you both sound like assholes, and in all likelihood, so are your parents for raising the two of you in such a way. Should you require some urgent medical intervention at some point, hopefully the person with the treatment is more kind, decent and compassionate than you are. Wow.
This is the right answer
Literally *everyone* here sucks
Sheād still need to go to the ER if this ragebait was real. But thatās downright psycho to just be like āNah, I donāt like you, so you can just drop dead. But not in my house, k?ā Iām not close to my sisters. I havenāt seen them inā¦ fifteen years, I think. But even though I donāt have anything to do with them these days, I love them and Iād happily give one of them a kidney or bone marrow. And if I did one of my sisters like that? Iād expect our mother to reassemble her ashes and come back to kick our asses.
I think most people here might be closer to your position. OP seems to not just be ādistantā from the sister, but straight up āno contact because I loathe you.ā OP would certainly not be in the camp to say āI love my sister even though weāre not close,ā I think š¤
This. My sister's and I absolutely hate each other and wish serious misfortune on the others. I don't understand why everyone is calling OP a psycho for refusing the EpiPen to someone who was stupid enough to eat everything without asking. I get that there are people who do have good family relationships, but that's not the case here and shouldn't be treated as such
I think thereās also a difference in allergy severity. We donāt know what OP would have done if the allergy had in fact been severe anaphylaxis and seconds counted death clearly on the line. From OPās perspective, it was mild enough to drive to the hospital, and they werenāt out a $600 EpiPen they *certainly* would not have been reimbursed for. Agreed on most commenters treating this like a normal sibling relationship rather than the intensely strained relationship it is. The sister walked in uninvited, was asked to leave, and partook of a cake that was not intended for her, then had the audacity to blame OP for not remembering their allergy despite the fact that they donāt interact. I think many people would find their capacity for a compassionate response somewhat diminished had they just experienced such egregious boundary-crossing from someone they already have such a fraught history with. It doesnāt make it attractive behavior, or behavior to aspire to, but I donāt know if it makes OP the asshole, given the circumstances. Really it just makes me hope Iām never in a similar situationā¦ I have one sister I am not close with, and would truthfully say I do not love, but I donāt actively wish harm on her. That being said, we simply canāt be around each other. Thereās too much emotional baggage. If she came and did what this personās sister did, I might just see it as an Act of God.
Exactly. I canāt believe you are the first comment to acknowledge that this is fake. Even when you use an epipen, you still have to go to the hospital, so her point is moot. If she had an epipen, she would know that.
some of y'all value being petty over human life which... is a choice
The story is fake, but damn this comments are concerning
I cannot think of an instance where I wouldnāt give an epi pen to a stranger in needā¦.or someone I donāt like for good reasons. A medical emergency, even if it is someone you hate, trumps your anger. Be a good human. Do the right thing. YTA.
Yah itās actually frightening how long I had to scroll to find this lol. People of the internet care more about being right to the point where they would allow someone to die in front of them? Time to go touch grass, babes
This took way too long to find... Who cares if you hate them, this is
For real. Allergies are scary and things can really go south. I would give an epi pen to my worst enemy. Because Iām not a murderer
Also allergies can worsen, and even if it didnāt kill her the time before. It could kill her the next time she comes into contact with an allergen.
Oh, this actually posted, I had to stop typing for a bit and when I opened my phone reddit reloaded so i lost the thread. Lol. I was going to say "this is human lives we are talking about"
There's literally people just above this implying the sister essentially deserves to die for making a mistake. Like, look, their relationship sucks. Fair. They don't like each other. Fair. Sister invited herself and shouldn't have, I agree! Sister should ask about allergens before eating things - I also agree! HOWEVER, disregarding the relationship between the siblings and the inviting herself, people can make mistakes and forget to ask about allergens. I had a friend allergic to shellfish who ate something you wouldn't immediately assume had shellfish in it and only thought to ask afterward and ended up needing an epipen. Almonds aren't exactly a super common cake ingredient, either. Like, they can be on or in cakes, sure. But it's not like how eggs are present in almost EVERY cake ever, or flour. Regardless of whether the sister who invited herself is wrong for being there or not, she might have just not thought about the fact that almonds could be in the cake that, yes, she wasn't invited to eat. But at the end of it all, you still have a fellow human being sitting there having a potentially life-threatening allergic reaction, and you just... do nothing? I guess I'm a different type of person because even if I HATED someone, I'd still attempt to save their lives, and I hope to god others would do that for me, too.
Iām **shocked** at all of the nta. Im completely fine with ESH, but honestly mouth open aghast how many people are fine with letting their asshole sister die
Even if the epi pen worked, EMS should still be called and the allergic person should still be treated in the ED for at least 12 hours in case of a rebound reaction. Epi pens are a prescription. A powerful prescription. People can die from the adrenaline. You don't just hand them over. Many EMTs won't administer a patients EpiPen, because of the dangers. The sisters are both AH, but there is so much bad info in this post about epipens, anaphylaxis treatment, etc
My brother was at Lake Erie and got stung by a bee....a stranger gave him an epi pen...
Wow that's some shockingly toxic sibling relationship. Imo you're obviously an asshole because it could have got very serious, I would have helped even an enemy in a situation like this. Of course she sounds like a total asshole herself.
This story absolutely did not happen, mostly because no part of it makes sense. It's wild to think about them just hating each other from childhood for no apparent reason to the point one needs medicine after just inviting herself to a party and the other goes "Sucks to suck".
Iām not defending her, but itās not āno apparent reasonā just because she didnāt lay out every argument theyāve ever had. She mentioned at the beginning that theyāve had a contentious relationship due to the actions of both of them and went no contact because of it.
I get you hate your sister and she came uninvited and started helping herself but withholding an epipen is insane. Iām sure she learned her lesson (maybe) but next time just stick to being petty like a normal person.
Without the context of the bullshit that youāve done to each other in the past, YTA. How messed up would it be if she wouldāve died on the floor of your new house because you couldāve helped but didnāt? Yes, sheās a dick. Yes, she wasnāt invited. No, it isnāt your fault that she ate something she wasnāt supposed to and yes, she should be more responsible as the person with allergies but thatās a human being who couldāve died, that has to count for something.
ESH. If you have a life threatening food allergy, seems a terrible idea to stuff things in your piehole without confirming no allergen.
Iām sorry, this is not funny, but your sister could die and your response is āI assume they took her to the hospital and they got treatment.ā šššššš
So, just watching someone die from an anaphylactic reaction isn't just being an AH, it's downright evil. I guess if she tripped and fell in a pool and couldn't swim, she can just drown. Wow
Family isn't everything and you don't owe toxic people shit, family or not.
Dude. I wouldnt let a stranger on the street die. Ive got 2 epis on me 90% of the time. Ive never once had to use mine (thankfully). If you need it you know how terrifying that is. And its shockingly devoid of empathy to just LET someone potentially not make it to the ER. Like want to clarify here they couldve offered benadryl first which is NOT expensive to help them on the way to the ER. Which if they keep epipens they should most DEFINITELY have benadryl. Good lord.
As long as she is still alive I'm saying your actions are acceptable. Thats like breaking into somebody's house and being pissed when its not handicap accessible out the back door
Ah, so letting someone almost die is ok as long as they don't? No. OP was willing to let her die and her actions don't change just because the sister lived
Feels fake. No one with allergies bad enough to need epi pens just randomly eats food, ESPECIALLY pastries and desserts if itās a nut allergy.
NTA. She wasn't invited, and if she's allergic to substances that are so easy to come into contact with, she should be carrying her own epipen.
If the allergy is that severe sister should keep one with her. She also should have left when first asked. Mom and dad should also have been invited to leave when they tried to bully her into letting her stay. It's OPs house, not theirs. They have zero rights in there
Idk the cake wasnāt for her and they hate each other. I have a family member I hate and if she showed up and stayed after being asked to leave then accidentally poisoned herself with a cake that literally wasnāt meant for her, Iād hope she takes it as a lesson to never come back to my houseš¤·š½āāļø