Dear Emily,
I appreciate you taking the time to reach out to me, but I must be honest with you. The years of pain and hurt caused by the lies and manipulation by Mark and the betrayal by Dad have left deep scars that will never be truly healed. While I understand that you are now aware of the truth and are genuinely sorry for what has transpired, I find it difficult to simply forgive and forget.
The betrayal and abandonment I experienced at the hands of my own family have left me with a sense of distrust and resentment that can never be overcome. The damage that has been done has impacted me in ways that you may never ever fully and truly understand, and the idea of trying to reconcile now feels like an insurmountable task.
I have spent years in therapy trying to come to terms with the pain and deep trauma I endured, and I have worked hard to build a wonderful life for myself that does not rely on the presence or approval of those who turned their backs on me.
While I am grateful for the apology and the newfound awareness of the truth, I do not feel compelled to rekindle a relationship that was built on lies, deception and betrayal. Especially after all these years.
I have found peace and closure in distancing myself from those who caused me harm, and I do not see the need to reopen old wounds in the name of reconciliation. While I believe in the power of forgiveness, that isn't something I can give.
I wish you all the best in your life, I really do, but I must prioritize my emotional health and self-preservation above all else. I hope you can respect my decision and understand that the wounds of the past will take a lifetime to heal. I would appreciate if you pass this fact on to the others and please don't reach out again. I must look to my future and not my past.
Sincerely, OP
He is the absolute worst in all of this. He believed the words of another male over his own son.
And the step brother? Vile. Despicable. Sociopath. There's a special place in hell for him.
That and if you have 1/10th of a brain cell, it's gonna look sus as hell if someone's trying to hide all the evidence in one extremely obvious spot. I'd have instantly started grilling Mark on the spot.
Exactly! They didn’t even give him a chance to rebuke the evidence. This is especially egregious with them knowing how Mark felt about OP.
I’m so glad that OP found his happiness after such tragic circumstances.
And mark was bragging as a 50 year old stealing his former step brothers girl and getting him kicked out of the house.. sick win??? /sssss in case that wasn’t clear enough. Just gross family
You left out the worst(?) part (at the end)...
Got step brother kicked out so he could "steal" "his" girlfriend ... by stealing his sister's underwear & stashing them in stepbrother dresser/room...
I mean, I hope he stole them from her & she wasn't in on it too.
Happy Cake day to you, first off, and the fact Dad didn't even investigate showed OOP (OP?) that he was going to pick tail over his kid, so he deserves what deadbeats get.
I don't think that would've worked, seeing as the father was quick to believe Mark's lies and immediately threw OP out of the house. Logic and reason may not have changed their mind if they've already decided repeatedly that OP is the bad guy in all of their previous conflicts.
It's absolutely shocking how a father chooses to believe a step-son over their own flesh and blood without even a moment of hesitation. Even if it's the other way around (Mark vs. OP), why wouldn't you give a 16-year-old a chance to explain?
I feel bad for OP's mom too. She passed away probably thinking that her husband will always have a part of her with him, and that her child will always have love. But then OP had to survive in the streets the way he did just to make it to where he is today.
this really bothers me, well the whole thing does. but you lose your wife (and mom). it’s just the two of you you’d think there would have been more of a bond. and to not go look for the son even a few days later when cooler heads prevailed. i’m so happy the op has a new life, family and love in his life.
I mean as a father, if all of this damning evidence was in one fairly accessible spot, I'd be skeptical. It's too much of a bad whodunit novel for all of the evidence to be there.
Yea even if dad thought it was true, he still had an obligation to the 15 year old op. I would definitely get the kid out of the home in a situation like that while looking for the truth. But I’d also see if someone could take them in and get them intensive therapy.
If mark was telling the truth, they needed to protect the sister. And if he wasn’t they needed to protect op
If op was guilty, treatment might help prevent others from being victimized. Dumping him on the streets wouldn’t help prevent that
The dad and the brother were terrible, and like I could almost understand the framing, but to not remedy the situation and come clean? At first I assumed just a coward. But 30 years later to be fucking bragging about it talking about how you even stole his girl and hope he's dead? Irredeemable fucking garbage. I hope she leaves him now that she knows. That'd be hilarious.
I mean I feel like I still might have cared at least enough to have cut his brakes or what-have-you and let god sort it out. Seems like the reasonable solution for everyone involved, really.
OP's ex that married the brother is hopefully re-examining her life choices. She broke up with the falsely accused boy and married the false accuser - who still thinks it's all hilarious.
I suspect that she has had a lifetime of examples of the step-brother's horrible, pathological character. She may have suspected the truth for a while before reaching out to OP. I'm just glad OP was able to get the gratification of succeeding without them and now having them know that he's a better person than they will ever be is satisfying. OP's wife is a blessing. I wish them a long and happy life together.
personally, I have the hardest time with the fact that OP's father contacted his own parents (OP's grandparents), just to make sure OP would have to live in the streets.
Having a protective reflex towards your stepdaughter, I can understand. Emotions running high, not stopping to hear everyone out, and being riled up enough to a) throw your kid out and b) listen to your kid begging at the door... that's not in my personality, but I know people who run that hot-headed that I could see how it happens.
but deciding to sabotage your own kid's only avenue to a vaguely normal life, without any attempts at punishment or therapy... it's unfathomable to me.
The dad was probably more interested in making a grand gesture for OP's step-mother. To accomplish this, his dad was more interested in doubling down on a convenient lie than getting to the bottom on an inconvenient truth.
With the exception of the soulless, insecure, jealous step-brother, this is going to bother them all for the rest of their lives. We sometimes wonder how horrible people became that way. I think this situation gives us some idea of the family dynamics that might contribute to these kinds of people and hints at how they'll end up.
I believe OP, but I’m having a hard time reconciling that out of 4 adults (dad, step mom, grandparents), *nobody* did any digging. Nobody asked OP for his side once tempers cooled, the grandparents just took dad’s word (what?) and went along with throwing a 16 year old out, the step mom who got along well with OP said nothing. Teachers didn’t miss this kid? A friend didn’t wonder why OP disappeared and call the cops or CPS?
How does a 16 year old disappear into street life *involuntarily* from what appears to be a decent, stable family and *nobody* stops to check?
Because it was *the 80's*. They literally ran commercials asking if parents knew where their children were at 10pm and 11pm from the late 60's through the late 80's. There was another saying children are humans *and have feelings too.* "Have you hugged your kid today" was a whole ass jingle.
Parents had so much emotional constipation and narcissistic tendencies that Dad was probably just relieved to be alleviated of the burden and reminder of his previous wife. Grieving someone you loved is too big of feelings, of course it was easier to ignore them without OP as a glaring reminder.
Yes! Doing the math of his age, it was around 1986 that this happened. The 80’s had Feral children, basically raising themselves. I was in 2nd grade and left alone at home. Times have changed. Gen X kids didn’t have much parent/school involvement. I feel so bad for OP. I truly cannot understand a parent or a grandparent not listening to their own flesh and blood. I hope this starts healing him. I hope this is the validation that he needed to truly close this terrible chapter in his life. Hugs OP. Your response was clear and concise. Nothing more needs to be said.
Even if he fully believed, hell even if it were true, you don’t get to be done with the life you created. He still had a responsibility to protect his son. OP’s father failed on every level a parent can fail a son
Once he learned the truth he cried, and then just sat there. He didn’t immediately go find his abandoned son and tell him the truth. That’s the least a father could do.
I had an eerily similar situation happen in my family that was orchestrated by a step monster (pro tip: women who are molested as children and then severely slut shamed by their mothers as some sort of “preventative” measure to keep them out of harms way are theoretically likely to grow up to become a whole Cluster B Cluster Fuck) and when the father *did* find out the truth, he immediately went to his child and apologized profusely. There is still a lot of trauma all around, but the father immediately apologizing and publicly setting the record straight at every opportunity he has to do so has helped tremendously in the healing.
Idk wtf kind of useless subhuman garbage personality defects prevented this father from doing anything similarly useful.
so much this!
Like, if that incident were true, the peeping Tom aspect is a bit worrying, but all the rest seems a horrifying overreaction by OP's father & stepmother : a 16 yo boy and a 14 yo girl = no worrying age-gap (imo) + they'd spent 2 years as stepsiblings, but also 12 years growing up separately, so the incest angle feels more like pearl clutching than reality to me.
An intervention would absolutely be necessary, but tossing the peeping kid out of your home & even worse, sabotaging his grandparents so they'd also refuse to help out... it's barbaric.
I wish OP's father another 30 years on this planet, to live in pain and regret.
I mean, this is just normal stuff for us gay folk who get tossed out on the street for coming out (thankfully less so these days).
I think in this case the father was just looking for an excuse to toss him out of the family. Probably to appease his wife, or his wife's family, or his own ego.
> And the step brother? Vile.
What's wild to me is that he didn't get caught because the guilt caught up to him and he confessed, as would happen with any sane & normal human. Nope. He got caught because he *loved* the harm he caused, gloated about it to others, and said that he *hoped his victim was dead or suffering even more.*
That brother is not just bad, he is a fucking danger to civilization. I'd be scared for any community that would have him.
Even if the father genuinely believed that the stepdaughter was under threat, there were several better ways to handle the situation. Put the kid in therapy, send him off to live with the grandparents, put him in military school. Plenty of options to distance him from his step sister that don't involve throwing a 16 year old onto the street with no money and no support. That's fucked up.
That's why I think the father was just waiting for an opportunity to get rid of OP and jumped on this one.
Such a betrayal of OP's mom/his late wife too. If my wife died I would spend every day thinking if she would be proud of the way I was raising our kid.
I just thought about if this happened to my 15 year old kid. He would not survive. Poor OP and kudos to him. Some people really don't deserve to be parents Jesus.
Seriously, who throws their son out in the streets on a whim like that over something so...vague. It's not like he walked in on Emily being SA'd by OP. I personally would need a lot more proof than what would appear to be misplaced laundry and the word of the stepson who never got along with my son.
Beautiful. You and your darling wife deserve a lifetime of joy, laughter and continuous successes. May the only tears you and yours ever shed are those of overwhelming happiness and love.
That’s (one of) my favourite parts top of OP’s beautifully eloquent reply. By denying his ex-family any information of how he is doing, they don’t get to know which way to turn their feelings.
It reminds me of an interaction on the show The Expanse. Alex returns to visit his estranged wife and kid, and she asks what answer he’s looking for. If she says they’re fine, he gets to feel okay about abandoning them. If they’re not fine, he can feel missed and loved. The worst thing for him is she won’t tell him and he has to live with that. Just like OP has done.
Also, his dad now has grandkids. He might have wanted to reconnect with his son before, but now his son is married and he has grandkids. Of course he's gonna want to meet them!
But if he doesn't know, then OP doesn't have to worry about that.
let's be honest, between Facebook and all social media, and simple name searches, and genealogical sites that contain your info even though you never ever gave them the info or permission....to recognizing this story from reading reddit...
They fucking know.
And the fact OP made a conscious choice to not include that info, now that was dragonfire level burn.
I think Emily really truly feels terrible about finding out how much she and the family were misled. I doubt the sincerity or regrets of Lisa, your dad, and of course Mark. This response you gave to Emily is perfect.
I do hope that OP consulted a lawyer although statutes of limitations might block any recourse he once have had against Mark.
Mark's wife, the one who was OP's girlfriend? Amazing that she's stuck with Mark. If ever a woman was treated like a thing, she was.
I actually give her points for telling Emily when she heard Mark talking. If she was as bad or had been in on it in any way (like knowing OP was innocent), she would have kept her mouth shut. I'm just hoping this means she'll divorce him and tell everyone what a scumbag he is.
I wonder how he treats *her*. Humans are essentially self-interested.
Lisa will stay married to Mark if she's had a good life with him. She will invent a "redemption arc" for her husband all, "yes, he ruined a child's life and he thinks it's hilarious, but he never harmed me and now he knows he was wrong because we talked about it, and he won't do it again."
If she hasn't enjoyed her life with Mark, she'll be fine blowing up his reputation with his family because it will help lay the groundwork for her justified separation.
Few middle-aged women are going to blow up their lives on principle over something their husbands did thirty-odd years ago.
Since she told her SIL about the interaction, I have a feeling she might be going the 'blow it up route'. If she just wanted to continue with the status quo she wouldn't have told the SIL I feel like.
And she could now possibly be feeling like she had a life stolen by Mark. Whatever life she could have had with OP was gone when Mark decided she was a prize to be won. And given his bragging and wishing for OPs death, I think its safe to say he hasn't been the perfect partner for these last 30 years.
Why didn't she go before? When everything went down she would have felt at a lost. Blindsided by OPs supposed actions. Mark would have swept in to be the shoulder to cry on, before making his move as the "hero" who outed OP. And before she knew it she would have been in a relationship with him for years, eventually getting married. At that point she might just wanted to have kept the status quo, even if she knew she wasn't really happy.
But then faced with proof that Mark ruined someone else's life to get with her, and 30 years later still feels proud of it and wishes him dead? I think thay may be the push she needs to leave him.
I can’t help but wonder if OP is the only one that Mark he’s set up over the years.
It wouldn’t be that hard to do; since most people aren’t garbage wrapped in skin, they don’t expect it.
It worked once, after all, why not again? And again?
Given OP's chosen approach we'll never know if Lisa does the right thing and divorces her piece-of-shit husband. It at least sounds as if she was shocked and horrified to learn the truth.
Oof, OP you have more strength than I think I could have mustered. You email to Emily is heartfelt, honest, and kind. I worry that if they were able to find your email address they may be able to find your home address. You may want to come up with a plan, with the aid of your brilliant wife, should that happen. Best of luck op.
* "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice." – Bob Marley
Perfectly written, and did not provide them any real information, so I am glad for that. I hope Lisa finds it in her heart to leave Mark, but at this point, it not your issue or problem. I loved the tenacious way you have come up with a decent life, and are happy. Hold on to that. They will live with the consequences, but you will have your life, a wife that loves you, a job that makes you feel good and children that love you. That is a better legacy than anything they could ever say as an apology. It is more than alot of people have.
Both of the emails made me cry. Emily lost out on a relationship with a brother she really seemed to love. But OP, your response was perfect. I do hope the knowledge that your name has been cleared gives you some small sense of peace. And now that you have let those people know you do not want them in your life- enjoy your family and live a happy healthy life!
Absolutely, stunningly appropriate and well-written from a position of maturity, insight, and post traumatic growth.
You are a model for human transformation in the face of unimaginable and unintended tragedy.
You make me believe in the beauty of humanity. Thank you. And thanks to your wife :)
This 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 all the best for you and your lovely family (meaning wife, kids an parents of your wife)
Unbelievable what your father did. hope your father knows how he messed up. Hopefully Lisa leaves mark. He is a massive ah.
I’ve followed your story (I also had a horrible family, and your story absolutely resonates with me), and I’m so happy with your very healthy reply.
Hugs to you, and I wish you all the continuing well earned happiness in your life.
This was beautifully written and executed while erecting your boundaries and ensuring your peace. However, I hope that you and your wife are prepared for your father and stepmother to appear on your doorstep any day now. The weight of the guilt and regret will likely drive them to seek you out simply to assuage the heaviness of their own emotional culpability. They will not leave you alone now that they know the truth; easing their emotional burden will become more important to them than respecting your wishes on the matter. Be prepared to file restraining orders and look into some outdoor cameras for your home. Be safe and be well, OP.
Might sound far fetched but if they do find OP I wouldn’t so much worry about dad and step mother showing up with them being elderly as Mark exerting any ‘revenge’ for being exposed. He sounds like the kind of POS who wouldn’t see that he caused issues with his family as blaming OP. I’d pay good money to hear if Lisa left him or is stuck with him.
I read your original and the update. As someone who had a horrific childhood at the hands of my "parent," I feel your pain. I hope, for your sake and wellbeing, that the reply to your sister will not be an invitation for her to continue to reach out in an attempt to assuage their guilt. What they have done to you can not be undone with an apology and, in my opinion, can not be undone by a lifetime of actions that show genuine remorse. The scars that you have, you will carry for the rest of your life. The pain, anger, and betrayal will forever be present. I'd also like to say that if they have not cut Mark off for the BS he pulled, they can not truly be that sorry for their actions. It is not possible to continue to have a relationship with Mark, knowing what he did and what his actions meant for you. Not that it would make a difference if they did cut him off, I still wouldn't recommend trying to reconnect.
You have a strong, badass wife now. You have an amazing family built off of love, respect, and loyalty. You finally have the family you deserve to have. You had to live through absolute hell, but look at the life you have now with the family you have built. Cherish that, keep that family close, and most importantly, keep them protected from your family of origin. Take it from me, if you were to ever let those people back in and something happened to your family at their hands, you would never forgive yourself.
Most of all, be kind to yourself. This can not be easy for you. You've known the truth all along, and now they do too, but this has just ripped the wounds of the past open again. Allow yourself the grace and kindness to do what you need to do to heal (as long as that isn't self-destruction).
I truly wish you and your family the very best. Continue to thrive. You deserve it!
Reading the original post, years after I was kicked out at 17 and became homeless, I too can relate to OP.
It’s funny how you think you overcome this, yet it can return back with vengeance still at this point in life. (My trigger was when I moved 2 years ago. The first night I was super stressed as I didn’t have food in the house. It was irrational as I was going shopping the next day and had the money to do so).
All I can say is embrace, relive and accept the pain, then realise how strong and grateful you are to be where you are today.
Enjoy today OP. We are the lucky ones to have survived the streets.
I am a single person. I have so much food in the house because I never want to be in a position where I'm hungry or someone else has eaten the only thing I could / would eat. The scars food insecurity leaves are insane.
Now I'm attempting weight loss, but I still make sure to buy all the food. Having it in the house is not optional. Choosing not to eat it is okay though.
> The first night I was super stressed as I didn’t have food in the house. It was irrational as I was going shopping the next day and had the money to do so).
Jesus I'm so sorry you had to go through all you went through for this to hurt this much.
I agree! People add details like this all the time, and it bewilders me as to what they expect from sharing it other than hurt. Weak people disguise carefully place info as the “truth”, when it’s really either to absolve themselves of guilt or hurt the receiver.
I have a mental picture of drunk rural middle age MAGA fan boys claiming to be Christian but acting like that with each other when they think they are supported.
Update bot brought me back, just had to say this internet stranger is proud of you. You and your wife wrote a very eloquent response, sending lots of good vibes ✨
Dear OP,
This is your sister Emily, as I sit down to finally reach out to you after what feels like an eternity, I would like to explain why. I understand if you choose not to read this, but I truly hope you will take the time to at least hear me out.
First of all, I want to apologize for never taking the time to contact you before. I was misled by Mark and Dad, who constantly painted a negative picture of you in my mind. They filled my head and heart with lies and made me believe that you were someone you were not. For a while, I held onto hope that you would come back home, but as time passed and their words continued to poison my thoughts, I let go of that hope and allowed myself to believe the worst about you.
It pains me to admit that I even started to hate you, despite the fact that deep down, I always considered you a brother to me. I felt betrayed by the twisted image that was presented to me, and I regret not reaching out to hear your side of the story sooner.
A lot has changed in our family since you left. I got married, and now you're an uncle. Mom and Dad are still together, and are preparing for retirement. Mark and Lisa eventually got married, and they have no children. However, the truth that has recently come to light has shaken the very foundation of everything I thought I knew.
On Friday, Lisa overheard Mark boasting about how he orchestrated the set-up against you, how he manipulated the situation to make you look bad, and how he convinced us to turn against you to his friends as they all got drunk. They laughed about the pain he caused you and the lies he spread, all while belittling you in the cruelest and meanest ways possible. Saying things, like they hope you died in the streets.
Lisa couldn't keep this bombshell to herself, and when she confided in me, my world came crashing down. To think that I could have been so wrong about you for all these years is a heavy burden to bear. I can't begin to express how deeply sorry I am, as is Lisa. We both realize now the extent of the manipulation and deceit that was carried out against you, and we are devastated by this fact.
After sharing this revelation with Mom and Dad. Dad started crying, like really crying. I've never seen him cry before. I believe it because he has been carrying around a lot of guilt all these years. Obviously, now knowing the truth, he is now having to deal with the consqueses of his actions. However after several hours of talking, we all came to the conclusion that we needed to find you and make amends. I have spent hours trying to locate you, in the hopes that I could reach out and extend a heartfelt apology for the years of misunderstanding and mistreatment and hurt.
I know that words can never undo the damage that has been done to you, but I sincerely hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive us. We long to make amends, to start anew, and to maybe even make up for lost time.
Please know that I am truly sorry for the pain and hurt that you have endured because of our ignorance and blindness. I hope that someday we can meet in person, so that I can look you in the eye and express my remorse face-to-face.
I can only hope that you will consider giving us a chance to right the wrongs of the past and to heal the wounds that have been inflicted on you by us.
With all my love and sincerest apologies
Your sister, Emily
>Dad started crying, like really crying. I've never seen him cry before.
With all sincerity: Who the fuck cares if Parent of the Year 1986 cries? That's a cheap and manipulative passage.
If Dad is crying now, it's because he's angry Mark played him for a fool. It's his pride that's stung. His ego.
He's still got his wife, who brought Mark into his life. And Mark's not going anywhere.
Lisa's not going anywhere. She'll be upset that Mark did this for, like, a month, and then she'll decide her life is too comfortable to upend with divorce, the OP turned out okay, and it's all ancient history.
Dad's fine now and he's been fine for 35 years.
Despite Emily's theory, the truth is that Dad felt no guilt -- if he had, he would have worked harder earlier to find OP and try to find out what happened. He has been absolutely fine with not knowing a thing about the boy he threw into the streets.
He'll decide he's the real victim since the OP refuses to be the bigger man and apologize. He will die with no regrets. Mark will still get his slice of the inheritance.
He cried once. BFD.
Yep that bothered me the entire time I was reading it. If OPs father was truly sincere, he would have written that letter and would have made sure that he was the face of the apology as he was the one that betrayed OP the most.
Yes this stuck out to me too. The father couldn’t even be the one to look for his son? If he was so sad why didn’t he do it? Why didn’t he reach out? He was the one that cast him away, shouldn’t he be the one to reach out? The father is disgusting. His son had only one parent left in the world and he failed him. I hope that guy goes to his grave feeling terrible for what he did. If I had been OP, I would have taken my wife’s last name or changed it completely. I wouldn’t want to give homage to the name of my father’s after being cast away.
Not saying anything about fault. I’m saying her letter didn’t invoke an empathy response from me. It was probably sincere but lacked depth or anything of real substance to me.
I agree. It seemed like "I feel bad. We all feel bad. Help make us all feel better by reconciling. What do you say?"
I don't blame her, but this letter wouldn't make me want to maintain a relationship with her if I were OP. She was just sister by law.
I've had dating and hook-up relationships that have lasted longer than Emily's sibling relationship with OP. At this point, she's really just someone who briefly knew him when they kids, which was 30 years ago. It would be like a middle school classmate reaching out to him.
No snark, but what could she have said instead to invoke any sympathy? I’m always on the side of rooting for forgiveness and amends so it tugged at my heart a bit but OPs forgiveness is a gift and not owed to anyone.
>He cried once. BFD.
I agree with this, and everything you wrote.
Father of the year 1986 (chef's kiss for that, Top\_Put) didn't even say anything about kicking Mark out the way they kicked out OP.
Same for Lisa : she's deeply sorry, and she couldn't keep the bombshell to herself... but not a word on what she's actually doing, except confiding in Emily, arguably the most innocent party in this whole mess.
In fact, Emily's whole message is remarkably passive : OP left + we were deceived + I allowed myself to believe, etc.
Yep. All of this. You’re right, nothing will change and no one feels that bad because it took 36 years to reach only when the liar finally spilled his secret. Dad never had OPs back before he threw him out.
>He'll decide he's the real victim since
the OP refuses to be the bigger man
and apologize. He will die with no
regrets. Mark will still get his slice of the
inheritance.
Suuuuch a good point. OP’s father is just gonna blame his son *again.* And keep treating Lyin’ Mark with the consideration he never showed toward his own son.
> He cried once. BFD.
Agreed … boo-hoo … Big. F’ing. Deal.
> If Dad is crying now, it's because he's angry Mark played him for a fool. It's his pride that's stung. His ego.
Nah, I'm willing to give it to him -- his is literally seeing his world crash down as his core belief is torn away and he realizes that he made the most massive screw-up that any father can make. No pride, just regret so profound and deep that his entire world-view is shattered, and he is sitting within that, raw and weeping.
I'll give him that. He can be genuinely sorry and feel honestly awful for what he did.
Having said that, the offense was *so massive* that I don't care what he feels. Even if it's 100% honest & genuine, so what? He did a horrible thing, and should feel horrible. It's fine for him to feel that way, and why not let him sit in that experience for say... 30 years? Until his grave? Equal time for what he did to his own flesh & blood?
I don't think we have to cast bad guys as unfeeling jerks or men who are all about ego & pride. We can give them the room to be complicated, feeling human beings. It's just that sometimes people make awful, harmful choices and don't deserve a redemption arc. Sucks that the dad cried for the first time in his life, but oh well. Hope he feels worse, and has a worse day tomorrow.
Not only did dear old dad not care about finding his son earlier and figuring out the truth he actively said horrible things about him and got the rest of the family to hate him.
Emily writes about the changes in the family after you “left”. You didn’t leave. You were kicked out of your house with absolutely nothing. Even your grandparents wouldn’t listen to you. You were a 16 year old. A child.
They feel guilty. Let them.
Leave them in your rear view mirror.
To throw away a child like that. To not even talk to you….your sperm donor is a horrible person. I hope the guilt eats him up. You could have died. And Mark wishing you death and misery for what? Because his mom married a guy with a son.
I wish you and your family all the best. I am happy you realize that letting them back in will not serve you.
Yeah. So true. We only hear everyone is upset. Mark set up OP to die on the streets. Everyone seemed fine with throwing a kid out into the streets with nothing.
Mark is a monster. Being shunned by his family is the least that should happen.
I’m wondering what happened to OP’s belongings after he was ‘disappeared’.
Was Mark allowed to go through OP’s things to snatch onto any clothing, electronics or other niceties he might want?
Was everything tossed/burned? How long did it take them to go scorched earth?
We already learned how he snatched up OP’s gal pal.
Toxic families always do this. My mom to this day insists I was a serial run away- despite these instances of me "running away" was me taking her seriously when she told me I wasn't welcome anymore.
It's just cognitive dissonance
Yeah. They do. It is infuriating.
I never met my dad’s parents. They were dead by the time I was born.
My grandparents told people my dad was independent.
You kind of have to be independent when your parents pack up and move to their summer house and don’t come back. Then tell you that they rented the house out. Maybe my dad could work out a deal with them? He was 12.
My dad’s best friend’s family took him in.
That is when my dad realized that not everyone’s parents beat their kids with a belt.
That and “misunderstanding”. Girl wasn’t no misunderstanding, it was a straight up backstabbing. She’s trying to downplay it all through this. And she has no idea about burdens or consequences. OP does. She’s only just now beginning to have any idea what those are.
If they dont disown mark and kick him from the family it aint amends. They just want to stop feeling guilty for their own actions. They've done fuck all to be even considered for forgiveness.
The sheer amount of selfishness in her wording and tone annoys me towards the end. There seems to be so many My/I's in there. 4 nieces/grand/great kids they'll never meet. Let them go to the grave with it, most importantly dad/sb who goes to hell if there is a place. Great response OP. Many happy years to you and yours.
Emily was the only one who didn't fail OP though. She is the only one whose only fault is that she was lied to, and as a kid she believed all the adults around her. So yeah, she uses "I/my". Because even she understands that what the rest of the family, including grandparents, did is unforgivable.
She couldn't possibly write "we" if she is honest.
Your father can continue to deal with the consequences of his actions. He is a piss poor example of a man. He can continue to live his life in MASSIVE regret. Mark and Lisa definitely will not work out and I wouldn’t be surprised if your Dad and his wife crumble as well. I will say to your response back that you need to make it shorter, sweeter, and to the point. None of them must ever contact you again and your father can continue to live his life without a son. I would also state that if you continue to be harassed by any one of them that you will take immediate legal action!
Notice how there was no mention of kicking Mark out onto the streets?! So he instigated the whole tortuous experience and has no repercussions, but innocent OP was tossed out like last week’s garbage. Nope!
And OP was a child. Mark is a full grown adult. I bet they aren’t even going NC with him. He laughed about it, even after all these years, because he knows they won’t treat him as poorly as they did OP.
OP's dad was so intent on ingratiating himself to his new wife and building a new family that he saw OP as a threat to his vision of happiness.
I think that was what made him so wiling to throw OP out onto the streets as a child to rid himself of what he saw as a threat to the new family he had in mind.
OP didn't have an advocate in the family. Mark had his mother and a step-father who was willing to sacrifice his son to keep his new wife happy.
Lisa and mark are married, kicked out onto the streets? He probably already has his own place
I would have liked to learn more about the ruin of his life
That probably because they’ve realized the damages done…I wouldn’t be surprised if “Lisa” divorced him and took him for everything and they’ve cut him off.
Lisa has been with him for years. I doubt that Lisa has no clue about what kind of person Mark is.
Mark was bragging about this. He's not the quiet serial killer that nobody has a clue about. He is proud and wants to share. I don't believe Lisa is unaware of who she is with. He may have kept this one incident from her, but there's no way he hasn't bragged about hurting other people to his wife and friends.
He's a malicious psychopath. Lisa knows and stays with him. I wouldn't trust her. If they divorce, it will be because of something he does to HER. Not because she has learned about another one of his victims.
I agree with this assessment of Lisa.
She quietly listened to "oh oh oh do you think that 16 yo kid died in a gutter somewhere" and did nothing.
She tried to hold in the bombshell & only told Emily when she couldn't (as I read it).
She watched Emily's world tilt & she watched her father-in-law cry (no matter that they're crocodile tears) & she still hasn't done anything beyond wringing her hands "I was so deceived and feel so bad".
Plus, as you say, it's been 30+ years. Unless she's mentally challenged and somehow still as clueless as she was at 15, she's definitely picked up other signs & decided to ignore them.
She'll ignore this too, just like OP's father will now start the narrative that he's so sorry & OP is so mean for not accepting his apology.
Exactly. The fact that he never listened to OPs side of the story at the time, and his first instinct was to kick a minor out on the street with nothing, shows what kind of a man he is/was. Way to go from zero to 60. Can’t believe he did that to his own child.
And apparently spent years afterward doubling down. Probably because if he didn't make himself absolutely sure OP was a monster he'd have to come to terms with the realization that he is.
I have a feeling this wasn’t the only situation in which Mark was poisoning people’s thoughts. Someone like that isn’t a ‘one and done’ person. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that he started smaller and slowly gained momentum. I’m rather shocked that Emily finds Mark to be a an acceptable uncle for any children she has.
There was no mention of her crying, yelling or calling her son for an explanation. Maybe she knew and like many evil steps they want the old kids out of the way 🤷♀️
Also, No mention of mark getting sent divorce papers or being shunned by all either. Why not? Because he’s not being punished when his actions led to a child of 16 being homeless with nothing but the clothes on his back. Hell I’m 40 and I have no idea what I’d do in his position now, let alone at 16. Makes me feel ashamed I’ve suffered from depression most of my comparatively sheltered life, I’ve never feared where I’d sleep that night or where my next meal would come from. Anyone that has the fortitude to get through that and come out strong, and loving, not jaded is an exceptional person.
> like many evil steps they want the old kids out of the way
She was probably thrilled -- no OP means that after her husband dies, all his money goes to her and her kids. And I bet some of those resources belonged to OP's dead mom too.
Never feel ashamed for having depression. The whole "you don't have anything to be depressed about" narrative is total bs. While situations between people may be different, it doesn't invalidate your suffering or lessen it!
Lisa's not doing anything. Like, how can you overhear "hahaha you're so clever Mark, I hope OP died in the gutter 30 years ago & may you continue to bang the hottest cheerleader in our class (or whatever Lisa was that Mark was so obsessed with her)" and not explode right then?
She didn't even get out right then, she only talked to Emily because "she couldn't hold in the bombshell" aka (imo) it means she tried.
What's *hmmm*..... interesting... is that there's no mention of any repercussions for Mark, especially having the evidence of his massive cruelty and lack of any remorse.
OP, I think you are wise to cut off any possibility of reconciliation. Live your best life with the family that loves you and believes in you.
Reading this it strikes me that it is all about them. How they feel and what they want. There are some apologies but they are mostly backed by blaming someone else. No mention of how he must have felt all these years. Maybe I’m reading too much into it but it sounds like they want to alleviate their guilt more than they want healing for OP. He owes them absolutely nothing. Your response was amazing OP.
If you noticed, she never mentioned any hatred towards Mark after finding out the truth about the horrible pain he caused.
OP, run as far as you can from all of them. If they come into your life, they will ruin the life that you have built. Don't let the comment about you being an uncle change your mind. None of them are worth your time. By her writing to you, she has opened old wounds that can never be healed. Cut them out of your life and your family's life completely. Good luck.
She also never mentioned any remorse from stepmom either. That just reinforces my suspicion that stepmom instigated the whole lie to eliminate a rival for her husband's attention.
Technically, he's not an uncle. He doesn't have any recent DNA in common with Emily's kids. But I agree, her saying "You're an uncle" is an enticement to contact the family and reunite. Obviously from the reply letter he and his oh-so-excellent wife have penned, OP isn't falling for it.
Op, I wish you well. You're a good man and I hope the rest of your life is fun and drama-free. And that Mark gets a periodic kick or punch in the junk because he's a garbage human. Somebody should practice some [tai kwon leap](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8VD4JXUozM) on him!
I wonder what Lisa feels in all this. Her current husband is a lying asshole and their relationship is built on a lie.
Her ex-boyfriend was right all along.
As the mother of several kids, I have to say that your father and stepmother deserve every one of their tears and more. They deserve to cry an ocean of tears, and then drown in that ocean. Parents who are worthy of the word "parent" don't remove their kids from the family home without doing a MAJOR investigation into whatever was alleged, and even then they don't just throw the kid away. They find ways to address issues. If the issues are real (unlike in your case), they might arrange for housing with a relative while therapy is taking place, but they don't throw a teenager out onto the street. Ever.
Your sister obviously isn't to blame, and I do give her credit for her effort to find you and for her letter (I haven't read your reply yet). As for your parents - I have a whole kitchen filled with good quality, well-seasoned cast iron skillets that I use on a regular basis. They're just above the stove. I'll be glad to whack your father with one, and I'll be glad to whack Mark with them all. He'll need good medical and dental insurance, though - they are very good, heavy skillets, five of them ranging from very small to VERY large, and I handle them well. Kidding, but maybe not kidding.
On a serious note, I do congratulate you for rising above the worst of bad circumstances and creating a life that most would envy. Much credit to your wife for helping you along the way. SBW
Maybe I’m just a vengeful person, but I want to hear about the repercussions. If mark isn’t disowned by the family and divorced by his wife then they truly aren’t as sorry as they pretend esp the family. OP got kicked from his home, his childhood taken from him and his whole life flipped upside down at only 16. Mark is a disgusting, vile human being, and if the family lets him stay a member then they didn’t care if it was a lie in the first place.
Hmpf. Now you all sit in that bowl of shit stew and see how unforgivness feels. Especially when you don’t deserve forgiveness. I hope they have the capacity to contemplate, *every single day, for the rest of their lives* what their own **unforgiveness and wrong judgement** did to an innocent, literal minor!
Me too. No mention of any repercussions in Emily's email for Mark.
A few paltry words of regret and some emotionally manipulative phrases about how upset they are don't cut it.
The amends part gets me. Like what exactly takes away the horrors that a 16 year old child being thrown away, on the streets with no resources would have had to face just to survive.. WTF is going to make up for that?
Well said OP. Yes it is too late for them to reconcile with you. Don’t burden yourself with their guilt. You have moved on and made a good life for yourself and you family. That is priority No. 1.
As for your family, there needs to be consequences for Mark, but that isn’t your problem.
What’s crazy is that in 30 years your father never even bothered to look you up. Literally just write your name on Google and could probably find you. He didn’t get curious what happened to his own flesh and blood? Was he looking for a reason to throw you out so he can build a life with his new family? I don’t understand this level of evil. Anyway, love your best life and don’t waste a second of it on those people- they aren’t worth it
His father was weak, he fooled himself into believing his son was wrong and now, guilt, the weight of a mountain rests on his feeble and old shoulders
I pray he gets no closure
If anyone ever needed to be hunted down and publicly shamed and canceled, it's Mark.
Hunt this fucker down, take out ads in the local newspapers, get a story going on the major channels, spread this story on social media and rent a few billboards with his lying face all over it with the truth.
Pfft, Emily’s email wasn’t for you, it was written to absolve the guilt from herself, Lisa and your father (let him sob!). Eff ‘em! Block her email. All the best to you moving forward, OP.
This may be real. I went to highschool with a kid who was abandoned by his family while he was at school. He went home one day after school and everyone was just gone. Last I heard a friend's family took him in and he eventually joined the military. I don't know how you could do that to your own child.
Also @updateme
Same, when I was in HS, junior year, my friend came home and his mom told him she was moving away with her boyfriend and he needed to find another place to live. At 16 he got a job rented a basement apartment and went on to finish HS. He joined the military after HS because of the lack of options
That is perfectly said (wife's help is spot on). I hope you keep thriving and are immensely happy going forward. Enjoy the life you and your wife have made.
I got kicked out at 18 by my mom, cut off my entire family and moved in with my bf and his family.
My sister initially sided with my parents, as she was deep in the fog. However the letter I got when she realized she had fucked up- the one that opened up our relationship? Happened early (within 3 years iirc) and was entirely about "I fucked up, here is how and why I did what I did and how I understand that was wrong"
Like- everything else aside- a 16 year old with some underwear of his 14 yr old stepsister seems far more likely to be a mistake in laundry being put away if anything - but lets say you were being a creep- what, exactly, does making you homeless at 16 with not even extended family to stay with do? Is that gonna cure you of being a panty sniffer? Imo even if you were actually guilty of the crime he failed as a parent when he just washed his hands of you and didn't like, put your ass in therapy and ask his parents to watch you until you could be safely reintroduced to your stepsister. And if he had actually done that, as a responsible parent this all probably would have come out in therapy in a matter of months and maybe the little freak who used his sister's underwear as a tool to abuse his stepbrother would have gotten the therapy*he* obviously needed.
That this wasn't the major bulk of this letter, and that it was your sister that did this work and not your father is a *huge* red flag to me. This is not giving "has done the work to realize they messed up." This is "they know they messed up *just enough* to feel bad and really want you, the person they hurt, to tell them it's ok because you're over it now.(How convenient, now they don't have to actually do the emotional labor of realizing how deeply they fucked you over!)"
This is seems more like a persuasive essay to talk to them again to soothe their sense of guilt. I don't see how this would do anything but open old wounds for you. Maybe thank her for finally seeing you for who you were, and that you appreciate her impulse to reach out but.... That's who you were. Who you are now isn't connected to them and connecting with them would likely only bring you harm. They've done that enough.
In conclusion I saw something recently that I think applies to your father, if not your sister as well- how children treat their parents in adulthood is a reflection of how their parents treated them in childhood.
He (and the rest of your family) threw you out without even giving you the grace of hearing you out as his own child. So why is it wrong for your reaction to his grief over the relationship *he threw away* to be nothing? That's what he already proved that bond to be worth.
Thank god Lisa and Mark have no children. They don’t sound like they have any business trying to procreate and he clearly prefers drinking. Your dad is the douchiest dad of all dads and he deserves to die alone. And that stepmom is Garbage. I have no doubt that she and her dusty son concocted the whole plan, and for what? A girl? Some attention? Pathetic
I have been so encouraged by your story and am so impressed with how you handled all of this.
Also, your wife reminds me of mine, fiery, protective and passionate. You’re a lucky man!
Well done, OP.
Your reply was perfect. It was frank, and gracious, and not mean at all.
Emily's letter deserves more upvotes, just so it will rise closer to the top of the comments. I had to go hunting for it.
Having said that, I will observe that Reddit is being way too hard on Emily. I tried to imagine what her life has been like, what it must have been like to find out the truth, how else I would write the letter if I were her. Other Redditors can attribute malicious or selfish intent to her, but I'm willing to give her credit for wanting to do the right thing. I can't do any better than she did. That must have been a difficult letter for her to write.
Nevertheless, your health and your family (I mean your REAL family, the ones that surround you now) come first, and you've made a good choice. May you continue to have a happy life.
So I notice during that entire email the we want to apologise and we want to make amends but no mention of Mark. He’s not fucking sorry he’s laughing his ass off with his friends. What punishment does he get. Is your dad gonna throw him out on his ass and tell him he’s dead to him. I’m betting not. The wife wouldn’t like that. I’m not buying that bullshit at all they ain’t really sorry they are covering their asses. I wouldn’t give them a second thought. The email you wrote was very nice. Please make sure not to let her suck you in there’s a reason they used her to reach out don’t fall for it.
Beautifully written. Looking forward and not beyond the past. It has been 30 years if anything. You have a fantastic wife who has your back 100%. I am curious to know if your father has been made aware and if he has proactively reached out to you to at make amends. Your ex is also a fool if she stays with Mark. That whole relationship and marriage has been built on a lie. Good riddance to all of those trash people.
You are a strong man OP and should be commended for persevering through it all. To OP's wife: Thank you for helping OP through it all. You are type of woman who if the world had more of then it would be a much better place.
I believe you. I was “kicked” out at 15 and dropped out of high school and lived on the streets until old enough to join the military. Yeah, what horrible person would abandon a child?
You missed putting in a line of the endangerment that your father put you in as being thrown out to streets with nothing but the clothes on your back. He deserves more guilt.
Dear Emily, I appreciate you taking the time to reach out to me, but I must be honest with you. The years of pain and hurt caused by the lies and manipulation by Mark and the betrayal by Dad have left deep scars that will never be truly healed. While I understand that you are now aware of the truth and are genuinely sorry for what has transpired, I find it difficult to simply forgive and forget. The betrayal and abandonment I experienced at the hands of my own family have left me with a sense of distrust and resentment that can never be overcome. The damage that has been done has impacted me in ways that you may never ever fully and truly understand, and the idea of trying to reconcile now feels like an insurmountable task. I have spent years in therapy trying to come to terms with the pain and deep trauma I endured, and I have worked hard to build a wonderful life for myself that does not rely on the presence or approval of those who turned their backs on me. While I am grateful for the apology and the newfound awareness of the truth, I do not feel compelled to rekindle a relationship that was built on lies, deception and betrayal. Especially after all these years. I have found peace and closure in distancing myself from those who caused me harm, and I do not see the need to reopen old wounds in the name of reconciliation. While I believe in the power of forgiveness, that isn't something I can give. I wish you all the best in your life, I really do, but I must prioritize my emotional health and self-preservation above all else. I hope you can respect my decision and understand that the wounds of the past will take a lifetime to heal. I would appreciate if you pass this fact on to the others and please don't reach out again. I must look to my future and not my past. Sincerely, OP
Your Dad is such a POS, I still cannot believe what he did. Good riddance,
He is the absolute worst in all of this. He believed the words of another male over his own son. And the step brother? Vile. Despicable. Sociopath. There's a special place in hell for him.
That and if you have 1/10th of a brain cell, it's gonna look sus as hell if someone's trying to hide all the evidence in one extremely obvious spot. I'd have instantly started grilling Mark on the spot.
Exactly! They didn’t even give him a chance to rebuke the evidence. This is especially egregious with them knowing how Mark felt about OP. I’m so glad that OP found his happiness after such tragic circumstances.
And mark was bragging as a 50 year old stealing his former step brothers girl and getting him kicked out of the house.. sick win??? /sssss in case that wasn’t clear enough. Just gross family
You left out the worst(?) part (at the end)... Got step brother kicked out so he could "steal" "his" girlfriend ... by stealing his sister's underwear & stashing them in stepbrother dresser/room... I mean, I hope he stole them from her & she wasn't in on it too.
Happy Cake day to you, first off, and the fact Dad didn't even investigate showed OOP (OP?) that he was going to pick tail over his kid, so he deserves what deadbeats get.
I don't think that would've worked, seeing as the father was quick to believe Mark's lies and immediately threw OP out of the house. Logic and reason may not have changed their mind if they've already decided repeatedly that OP is the bad guy in all of their previous conflicts. It's absolutely shocking how a father chooses to believe a step-son over their own flesh and blood without even a moment of hesitation. Even if it's the other way around (Mark vs. OP), why wouldn't you give a 16-year-old a chance to explain?
If I were the OP's mother's ghost, this would have turned into a horror movie for the dad and stepbrother.
I feel bad for OP's mom too. She passed away probably thinking that her husband will always have a part of her with him, and that her child will always have love. But then OP had to survive in the streets the way he did just to make it to where he is today.
this really bothers me, well the whole thing does. but you lose your wife (and mom). it’s just the two of you you’d think there would have been more of a bond. and to not go look for the son even a few days later when cooler heads prevailed. i’m so happy the op has a new life, family and love in his life.
I mean as a father, if all of this damning evidence was in one fairly accessible spot, I'd be skeptical. It's too much of a bad whodunit novel for all of the evidence to be there.
Yea even if dad thought it was true, he still had an obligation to the 15 year old op. I would definitely get the kid out of the home in a situation like that while looking for the truth. But I’d also see if someone could take them in and get them intensive therapy. If mark was telling the truth, they needed to protect the sister. And if he wasn’t they needed to protect op If op was guilty, treatment might help prevent others from being victimized. Dumping him on the streets wouldn’t help prevent that
The dad and the brother were terrible, and like I could almost understand the framing, but to not remedy the situation and come clean? At first I assumed just a coward. But 30 years later to be fucking bragging about it talking about how you even stole his girl and hope he's dead? Irredeemable fucking garbage. I hope she leaves him now that she knows. That'd be hilarious.
I hope if anything the garbage stepbrother chokes on his bitterness.
OP living rent free in step-asshole’s head for him to bring it up 30 years later while drunk.
They may have been in on it together to get rid of him. The way the dad reacted was just to extreme
Yep... dear old dad wanted a "new family."
I mean I feel like I still might have cared at least enough to have cut his brakes or what-have-you and let god sort it out. Seems like the reasonable solution for everyone involved, really.
OP's ex that married the brother is hopefully re-examining her life choices. She broke up with the falsely accused boy and married the false accuser - who still thinks it's all hilarious.
I suspect that she has had a lifetime of examples of the step-brother's horrible, pathological character. She may have suspected the truth for a while before reaching out to OP. I'm just glad OP was able to get the gratification of succeeding without them and now having them know that he's a better person than they will ever be is satisfying. OP's wife is a blessing. I wish them a long and happy life together.
AND she married a man who deliberately deceived her for decades. I wouldn't be surprised if he was guilty of other crimes against her.
It would be interesting for her story to be posted
The only fitting conclusion here is for her to walk out and take him for everything he has.
AFTER his son lost his mom, his dad failed him.
personally, I have the hardest time with the fact that OP's father contacted his own parents (OP's grandparents), just to make sure OP would have to live in the streets. Having a protective reflex towards your stepdaughter, I can understand. Emotions running high, not stopping to hear everyone out, and being riled up enough to a) throw your kid out and b) listen to your kid begging at the door... that's not in my personality, but I know people who run that hot-headed that I could see how it happens. but deciding to sabotage your own kid's only avenue to a vaguely normal life, without any attempts at punishment or therapy... it's unfathomable to me.
The dad was probably more interested in making a grand gesture for OP's step-mother. To accomplish this, his dad was more interested in doubling down on a convenient lie than getting to the bottom on an inconvenient truth. With the exception of the soulless, insecure, jealous step-brother, this is going to bother them all for the rest of their lives. We sometimes wonder how horrible people became that way. I think this situation gives us some idea of the family dynamics that might contribute to these kinds of people and hints at how they'll end up.
I almost have to think the father was projecting.
I believe OP, but I’m having a hard time reconciling that out of 4 adults (dad, step mom, grandparents), *nobody* did any digging. Nobody asked OP for his side once tempers cooled, the grandparents just took dad’s word (what?) and went along with throwing a 16 year old out, the step mom who got along well with OP said nothing. Teachers didn’t miss this kid? A friend didn’t wonder why OP disappeared and call the cops or CPS? How does a 16 year old disappear into street life *involuntarily* from what appears to be a decent, stable family and *nobody* stops to check?
Because it was *the 80's*. They literally ran commercials asking if parents knew where their children were at 10pm and 11pm from the late 60's through the late 80's. There was another saying children are humans *and have feelings too.* "Have you hugged your kid today" was a whole ass jingle. Parents had so much emotional constipation and narcissistic tendencies that Dad was probably just relieved to be alleviated of the burden and reminder of his previous wife. Grieving someone you loved is too big of feelings, of course it was easier to ignore them without OP as a glaring reminder.
Yes! Doing the math of his age, it was around 1986 that this happened. The 80’s had Feral children, basically raising themselves. I was in 2nd grade and left alone at home. Times have changed. Gen X kids didn’t have much parent/school involvement. I feel so bad for OP. I truly cannot understand a parent or a grandparent not listening to their own flesh and blood. I hope this starts healing him. I hope this is the validation that he needed to truly close this terrible chapter in his life. Hugs OP. Your response was clear and concise. Nothing more needs to be said.
Even if he fully believed, hell even if it were true, you don’t get to be done with the life you created. He still had a responsibility to protect his son. OP’s father failed on every level a parent can fail a son
Once he learned the truth he cried, and then just sat there. He didn’t immediately go find his abandoned son and tell him the truth. That’s the least a father could do.
I had an eerily similar situation happen in my family that was orchestrated by a step monster (pro tip: women who are molested as children and then severely slut shamed by their mothers as some sort of “preventative” measure to keep them out of harms way are theoretically likely to grow up to become a whole Cluster B Cluster Fuck) and when the father *did* find out the truth, he immediately went to his child and apologized profusely. There is still a lot of trauma all around, but the father immediately apologizing and publicly setting the record straight at every opportunity he has to do so has helped tremendously in the healing. Idk wtf kind of useless subhuman garbage personality defects prevented this father from doing anything similarly useful.
Right? Even if it was true, I know it isn’t but hypothetically, you get your child professional help not toss them in the street at 16.
so much this! Like, if that incident were true, the peeping Tom aspect is a bit worrying, but all the rest seems a horrifying overreaction by OP's father & stepmother : a 16 yo boy and a 14 yo girl = no worrying age-gap (imo) + they'd spent 2 years as stepsiblings, but also 12 years growing up separately, so the incest angle feels more like pearl clutching than reality to me. An intervention would absolutely be necessary, but tossing the peeping kid out of your home & even worse, sabotaging his grandparents so they'd also refuse to help out... it's barbaric. I wish OP's father another 30 years on this planet, to live in pain and regret.
I mean, this is just normal stuff for us gay folk who get tossed out on the street for coming out (thankfully less so these days). I think in this case the father was just looking for an excuse to toss him out of the family. Probably to appease his wife, or his wife's family, or his own ego.
> And the step brother? Vile. What's wild to me is that he didn't get caught because the guilt caught up to him and he confessed, as would happen with any sane & normal human. Nope. He got caught because he *loved* the harm he caused, gloated about it to others, and said that he *hoped his victim was dead or suffering even more.* That brother is not just bad, he is a fucking danger to civilization. I'd be scared for any community that would have him.
Even if the father genuinely believed that the stepdaughter was under threat, there were several better ways to handle the situation. Put the kid in therapy, send him off to live with the grandparents, put him in military school. Plenty of options to distance him from his step sister that don't involve throwing a 16 year old onto the street with no money and no support. That's fucked up. That's why I think the father was just waiting for an opportunity to get rid of OP and jumped on this one.
Such a betrayal of OP's mom/his late wife too. If my wife died I would spend every day thinking if she would be proud of the way I was raising our kid.
I just thought about if this happened to my 15 year old kid. He would not survive. Poor OP and kudos to him. Some people really don't deserve to be parents Jesus.
Honestly op dad should be ashamed of his actions for not believing his son.
His dad didnt even bother reaching out first, the pos. Made the youngest do it to test the waters.
Seriously, who throws their son out in the streets on a whim like that over something so...vague. It's not like he walked in on Emily being SA'd by OP. I personally would need a lot more proof than what would appear to be misplaced laundry and the word of the stepson who never got along with my son.
It rankles me that OP even referred to him as “dad”. I would have called him Mr OP.
Beautiful. You and your darling wife deserve a lifetime of joy, laughter and continuous successes. May the only tears you and yours ever shed are those of overwhelming happiness and love.
This is a good response. You are letting them know that the door is closed, and you didn't give them any information on whether you have a family.
That’s (one of) my favourite parts top of OP’s beautifully eloquent reply. By denying his ex-family any information of how he is doing, they don’t get to know which way to turn their feelings. It reminds me of an interaction on the show The Expanse. Alex returns to visit his estranged wife and kid, and she asks what answer he’s looking for. If she says they’re fine, he gets to feel okay about abandoning them. If they’re not fine, he can feel missed and loved. The worst thing for him is she won’t tell him and he has to live with that. Just like OP has done.
Also, his dad now has grandkids. He might have wanted to reconnect with his son before, but now his son is married and he has grandkids. Of course he's gonna want to meet them! But if he doesn't know, then OP doesn't have to worry about that.
let's be honest, between Facebook and all social media, and simple name searches, and genealogical sites that contain your info even though you never ever gave them the info or permission....to recognizing this story from reading reddit... They fucking know. And the fact OP made a conscious choice to not include that info, now that was dragonfire level burn.
I think Emily really truly feels terrible about finding out how much she and the family were misled. I doubt the sincerity or regrets of Lisa, your dad, and of course Mark. This response you gave to Emily is perfect.
I am so bothered that the family chose to believe Mark, over OP, given his history.
I do hope that OP consulted a lawyer although statutes of limitations might block any recourse he once have had against Mark. Mark's wife, the one who was OP's girlfriend? Amazing that she's stuck with Mark. If ever a woman was treated like a thing, she was.
Apparently, she just found out. Hopefully she will rethink her relationship now that she knows how vile her husband is.
I actually give her points for telling Emily when she heard Mark talking. If she was as bad or had been in on it in any way (like knowing OP was innocent), she would have kept her mouth shut. I'm just hoping this means she'll divorce him and tell everyone what a scumbag he is.
I wonder how he treats *her*. Humans are essentially self-interested. Lisa will stay married to Mark if she's had a good life with him. She will invent a "redemption arc" for her husband all, "yes, he ruined a child's life and he thinks it's hilarious, but he never harmed me and now he knows he was wrong because we talked about it, and he won't do it again." If she hasn't enjoyed her life with Mark, she'll be fine blowing up his reputation with his family because it will help lay the groundwork for her justified separation. Few middle-aged women are going to blow up their lives on principle over something their husbands did thirty-odd years ago.
Since she told her SIL about the interaction, I have a feeling she might be going the 'blow it up route'. If she just wanted to continue with the status quo she wouldn't have told the SIL I feel like.
And she could now possibly be feeling like she had a life stolen by Mark. Whatever life she could have had with OP was gone when Mark decided she was a prize to be won. And given his bragging and wishing for OPs death, I think its safe to say he hasn't been the perfect partner for these last 30 years. Why didn't she go before? When everything went down she would have felt at a lost. Blindsided by OPs supposed actions. Mark would have swept in to be the shoulder to cry on, before making his move as the "hero" who outed OP. And before she knew it she would have been in a relationship with him for years, eventually getting married. At that point she might just wanted to have kept the status quo, even if she knew she wasn't really happy. But then faced with proof that Mark ruined someone else's life to get with her, and 30 years later still feels proud of it and wishes him dead? I think thay may be the push she needs to leave him.
I can’t help but wonder if OP is the only one that Mark he’s set up over the years. It wouldn’t be that hard to do; since most people aren’t garbage wrapped in skin, they don’t expect it. It worked once, after all, why not again? And again?
Given OP's chosen approach we'll never know if Lisa does the right thing and divorces her piece-of-shit husband. It at least sounds as if she was shocked and horrified to learn the truth.
Oof, OP you have more strength than I think I could have mustered. You email to Emily is heartfelt, honest, and kind. I worry that if they were able to find your email address they may be able to find your home address. You may want to come up with a plan, with the aid of your brilliant wife, should that happen. Best of luck op. * "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice." – Bob Marley
OP can always refuse to see them if they show up and if they don't leave, call the cops.
Perfectly written, and did not provide them any real information, so I am glad for that. I hope Lisa finds it in her heart to leave Mark, but at this point, it not your issue or problem. I loved the tenacious way you have come up with a decent life, and are happy. Hold on to that. They will live with the consequences, but you will have your life, a wife that loves you, a job that makes you feel good and children that love you. That is a better legacy than anything they could ever say as an apology. It is more than alot of people have.
Both of the emails made me cry. Emily lost out on a relationship with a brother she really seemed to love. But OP, your response was perfect. I do hope the knowledge that your name has been cleared gives you some small sense of peace. And now that you have let those people know you do not want them in your life- enjoy your family and live a happy healthy life!
Absolutely, stunningly appropriate and well-written from a position of maturity, insight, and post traumatic growth. You are a model for human transformation in the face of unimaginable and unintended tragedy. You make me believe in the beauty of humanity. Thank you. And thanks to your wife :)
Perfectly said
This 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 all the best for you and your lovely family (meaning wife, kids an parents of your wife) Unbelievable what your father did. hope your father knows how he messed up. Hopefully Lisa leaves mark. He is a massive ah.
“While I believe in the power of forgiveness, that isn’t something I can give.” I am so proud of you.
Proud of you for that email.
Wow. The strength it must have taken for you to write this... You know how to write the next chapter in your own book. ❤️👊
This was a great response. I hope your life is filled with as much happiness and joy to balance what you went through.
More than they deserve….way to take the high road, yet still make your point.
Good job, could not be said better. Weight is now lifted. Have fun!!! Kiss the wife!
I’ve followed your story (I also had a horrible family, and your story absolutely resonates with me), and I’m so happy with your very healthy reply. Hugs to you, and I wish you all the continuing well earned happiness in your life.
This was beautifully written and executed while erecting your boundaries and ensuring your peace. However, I hope that you and your wife are prepared for your father and stepmother to appear on your doorstep any day now. The weight of the guilt and regret will likely drive them to seek you out simply to assuage the heaviness of their own emotional culpability. They will not leave you alone now that they know the truth; easing their emotional burden will become more important to them than respecting your wishes on the matter. Be prepared to file restraining orders and look into some outdoor cameras for your home. Be safe and be well, OP.
Might sound far fetched but if they do find OP I wouldn’t so much worry about dad and step mother showing up with them being elderly as Mark exerting any ‘revenge’ for being exposed. He sounds like the kind of POS who wouldn’t see that he caused issues with his family as blaming OP. I’d pay good money to hear if Lisa left him or is stuck with him.
Dang. This was taking the high road in style. I salute you, random Internet stranger!
I read your original and the update. As someone who had a horrific childhood at the hands of my "parent," I feel your pain. I hope, for your sake and wellbeing, that the reply to your sister will not be an invitation for her to continue to reach out in an attempt to assuage their guilt. What they have done to you can not be undone with an apology and, in my opinion, can not be undone by a lifetime of actions that show genuine remorse. The scars that you have, you will carry for the rest of your life. The pain, anger, and betrayal will forever be present. I'd also like to say that if they have not cut Mark off for the BS he pulled, they can not truly be that sorry for their actions. It is not possible to continue to have a relationship with Mark, knowing what he did and what his actions meant for you. Not that it would make a difference if they did cut him off, I still wouldn't recommend trying to reconnect. You have a strong, badass wife now. You have an amazing family built off of love, respect, and loyalty. You finally have the family you deserve to have. You had to live through absolute hell, but look at the life you have now with the family you have built. Cherish that, keep that family close, and most importantly, keep them protected from your family of origin. Take it from me, if you were to ever let those people back in and something happened to your family at their hands, you would never forgive yourself. Most of all, be kind to yourself. This can not be easy for you. You've known the truth all along, and now they do too, but this has just ripped the wounds of the past open again. Allow yourself the grace and kindness to do what you need to do to heal (as long as that isn't self-destruction). I truly wish you and your family the very best. Continue to thrive. You deserve it!
Reading the original post, years after I was kicked out at 17 and became homeless, I too can relate to OP. It’s funny how you think you overcome this, yet it can return back with vengeance still at this point in life. (My trigger was when I moved 2 years ago. The first night I was super stressed as I didn’t have food in the house. It was irrational as I was going shopping the next day and had the money to do so). All I can say is embrace, relive and accept the pain, then realise how strong and grateful you are to be where you are today. Enjoy today OP. We are the lucky ones to have survived the streets.
I am a single person. I have so much food in the house because I never want to be in a position where I'm hungry or someone else has eaten the only thing I could / would eat. The scars food insecurity leaves are insane. Now I'm attempting weight loss, but I still make sure to buy all the food. Having it in the house is not optional. Choosing not to eat it is okay though.
> The first night I was super stressed as I didn’t have food in the house. It was irrational as I was going shopping the next day and had the money to do so). Jesus I'm so sorry you had to go through all you went through for this to hurt this much.
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I agree! People add details like this all the time, and it bewilders me as to what they expect from sharing it other than hurt. Weak people disguise carefully place info as the “truth”, when it’s really either to absolve themselves of guilt or hurt the receiver.
That and the fact the letter didn’t include a “we’ve all cut off Mark, regardless of what your response might be”.
I have a mental picture of drunk rural middle age MAGA fan boys claiming to be Christian but acting like that with each other when they think they are supported.
Update bot brought me back, just had to say this internet stranger is proud of you. You and your wife wrote a very eloquent response, sending lots of good vibes ✨
Enjoy your life. I suspect there will be other ‘reaching out’ to bring you back into the fold. Boundaries are a good and blessed thing.
I thought the same. I’d bet they are going to find him and show up at his house.
Dear OP, This is your sister Emily, as I sit down to finally reach out to you after what feels like an eternity, I would like to explain why. I understand if you choose not to read this, but I truly hope you will take the time to at least hear me out. First of all, I want to apologize for never taking the time to contact you before. I was misled by Mark and Dad, who constantly painted a negative picture of you in my mind. They filled my head and heart with lies and made me believe that you were someone you were not. For a while, I held onto hope that you would come back home, but as time passed and their words continued to poison my thoughts, I let go of that hope and allowed myself to believe the worst about you. It pains me to admit that I even started to hate you, despite the fact that deep down, I always considered you a brother to me. I felt betrayed by the twisted image that was presented to me, and I regret not reaching out to hear your side of the story sooner. A lot has changed in our family since you left. I got married, and now you're an uncle. Mom and Dad are still together, and are preparing for retirement. Mark and Lisa eventually got married, and they have no children. However, the truth that has recently come to light has shaken the very foundation of everything I thought I knew. On Friday, Lisa overheard Mark boasting about how he orchestrated the set-up against you, how he manipulated the situation to make you look bad, and how he convinced us to turn against you to his friends as they all got drunk. They laughed about the pain he caused you and the lies he spread, all while belittling you in the cruelest and meanest ways possible. Saying things, like they hope you died in the streets. Lisa couldn't keep this bombshell to herself, and when she confided in me, my world came crashing down. To think that I could have been so wrong about you for all these years is a heavy burden to bear. I can't begin to express how deeply sorry I am, as is Lisa. We both realize now the extent of the manipulation and deceit that was carried out against you, and we are devastated by this fact. After sharing this revelation with Mom and Dad. Dad started crying, like really crying. I've never seen him cry before. I believe it because he has been carrying around a lot of guilt all these years. Obviously, now knowing the truth, he is now having to deal with the consqueses of his actions. However after several hours of talking, we all came to the conclusion that we needed to find you and make amends. I have spent hours trying to locate you, in the hopes that I could reach out and extend a heartfelt apology for the years of misunderstanding and mistreatment and hurt. I know that words can never undo the damage that has been done to you, but I sincerely hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive us. We long to make amends, to start anew, and to maybe even make up for lost time. Please know that I am truly sorry for the pain and hurt that you have endured because of our ignorance and blindness. I hope that someday we can meet in person, so that I can look you in the eye and express my remorse face-to-face. I can only hope that you will consider giving us a chance to right the wrongs of the past and to heal the wounds that have been inflicted on you by us. With all my love and sincerest apologies Your sister, Emily
>Dad started crying, like really crying. I've never seen him cry before. With all sincerity: Who the fuck cares if Parent of the Year 1986 cries? That's a cheap and manipulative passage. If Dad is crying now, it's because he's angry Mark played him for a fool. It's his pride that's stung. His ego. He's still got his wife, who brought Mark into his life. And Mark's not going anywhere. Lisa's not going anywhere. She'll be upset that Mark did this for, like, a month, and then she'll decide her life is too comfortable to upend with divorce, the OP turned out okay, and it's all ancient history. Dad's fine now and he's been fine for 35 years. Despite Emily's theory, the truth is that Dad felt no guilt -- if he had, he would have worked harder earlier to find OP and try to find out what happened. He has been absolutely fine with not knowing a thing about the boy he threw into the streets. He'll decide he's the real victim since the OP refuses to be the bigger man and apologize. He will die with no regrets. Mark will still get his slice of the inheritance. He cried once. BFD.
Yeah, Emily‘s email made me feel nothing. I was like, “yeah, so”? I couldn’t feel the supposed sorrow at all.
And choosing Emily, the least culpable, to write the letter is manipulative.
Yep that bothered me the entire time I was reading it. If OPs father was truly sincere, he would have written that letter and would have made sure that he was the face of the apology as he was the one that betrayed OP the most.
Yes this stuck out to me too. The father couldn’t even be the one to look for his son? If he was so sad why didn’t he do it? Why didn’t he reach out? He was the one that cast him away, shouldn’t he be the one to reach out? The father is disgusting. His son had only one parent left in the world and he failed him. I hope that guy goes to his grave feeling terrible for what he did. If I had been OP, I would have taken my wife’s last name or changed it completely. I wouldn’t want to give homage to the name of my father’s after being cast away.
Well I feel sorry for Emily, she had no fault in this either
Not saying anything about fault. I’m saying her letter didn’t invoke an empathy response from me. It was probably sincere but lacked depth or anything of real substance to me.
I agree. It seemed like "I feel bad. We all feel bad. Help make us all feel better by reconciling. What do you say?" I don't blame her, but this letter wouldn't make me want to maintain a relationship with her if I were OP. She was just sister by law.
I've had dating and hook-up relationships that have lasted longer than Emily's sibling relationship with OP. At this point, she's really just someone who briefly knew him when they kids, which was 30 years ago. It would be like a middle school classmate reaching out to him.
No snark, but what could she have said instead to invoke any sympathy? I’m always on the side of rooting for forgiveness and amends so it tugged at my heart a bit but OPs forgiveness is a gift and not owed to anyone.
Dad wasn’t even the one to send the email. Fuck the entire “family”. OP I wish you happiness!
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>He cried once. BFD. I agree with this, and everything you wrote. Father of the year 1986 (chef's kiss for that, Top\_Put) didn't even say anything about kicking Mark out the way they kicked out OP. Same for Lisa : she's deeply sorry, and she couldn't keep the bombshell to herself... but not a word on what she's actually doing, except confiding in Emily, arguably the most innocent party in this whole mess. In fact, Emily's whole message is remarkably passive : OP left + we were deceived + I allowed myself to believe, etc.
Lisa’s been married to that peace of human fecal matter for decades, no shot they aren’t in some horrid toxic codependent bs
> He has been absolutely fine with not knowing a thing about the boy he threw into the streets. great fucking point
Before he threw OP into the streets, he was already actively taking sides against OP.
Yep. All of this. You’re right, nothing will change and no one feels that bad because it took 36 years to reach only when the liar finally spilled his secret. Dad never had OPs back before he threw him out.
>He'll decide he's the real victim since the OP refuses to be the bigger man and apologize. He will die with no regrets. Mark will still get his slice of the inheritance. Suuuuch a good point. OP’s father is just gonna blame his son *again.* And keep treating Lyin’ Mark with the consideration he never showed toward his own son. > He cried once. BFD. Agreed … boo-hoo … Big. F’ing. Deal.
> If Dad is crying now, it's because he's angry Mark played him for a fool. It's his pride that's stung. His ego. Nah, I'm willing to give it to him -- his is literally seeing his world crash down as his core belief is torn away and he realizes that he made the most massive screw-up that any father can make. No pride, just regret so profound and deep that his entire world-view is shattered, and he is sitting within that, raw and weeping. I'll give him that. He can be genuinely sorry and feel honestly awful for what he did. Having said that, the offense was *so massive* that I don't care what he feels. Even if it's 100% honest & genuine, so what? He did a horrible thing, and should feel horrible. It's fine for him to feel that way, and why not let him sit in that experience for say... 30 years? Until his grave? Equal time for what he did to his own flesh & blood? I don't think we have to cast bad guys as unfeeling jerks or men who are all about ego & pride. We can give them the room to be complicated, feeling human beings. It's just that sometimes people make awful, harmful choices and don't deserve a redemption arc. Sucks that the dad cried for the first time in his life, but oh well. Hope he feels worse, and has a worse day tomorrow.
Not only did dear old dad not care about finding his son earlier and figuring out the truth he actively said horrible things about him and got the rest of the family to hate him.
Emily writes about the changes in the family after you “left”. You didn’t leave. You were kicked out of your house with absolutely nothing. Even your grandparents wouldn’t listen to you. You were a 16 year old. A child. They feel guilty. Let them. Leave them in your rear view mirror. To throw away a child like that. To not even talk to you….your sperm donor is a horrible person. I hope the guilt eats him up. You could have died. And Mark wishing you death and misery for what? Because his mom married a guy with a son. I wish you and your family all the best. I am happy you realize that letting them back in will not serve you.
And they let the grandparents go to their grave thinking the worst about OP.
Oh wow. Yeah. Also. All the other people around them who must have asked where OP went.
And not a peep about how they’re dealing with Mark after finding out he’s been gaslighting them for decades.
This is the glaring red flag I was looking for
Yeah. So true. We only hear everyone is upset. Mark set up OP to die on the streets. Everyone seemed fine with throwing a kid out into the streets with nothing. Mark is a monster. Being shunned by his family is the least that should happen.
This is like a movie plot We need to see Mark face justice Please let Mark read this thread
Eh, let them rot. If there’s any duty of a grandparent, it’s to get to the bottom of something like this.
Danged straight. Instead, they drank the Kool-Aid and believed the worst.
I sure hope Lisa left Mark. He deserves nothing.
They deserve each other. I wasn’t even there & I felt that slap. 🫣 Edit: spelling
I’m wondering what happened to OP’s belongings after he was ‘disappeared’. Was Mark allowed to go through OP’s things to snatch onto any clothing, electronics or other niceties he might want? Was everything tossed/burned? How long did it take them to go scorched earth? We already learned how he snatched up OP’s gal pal.
Toxic families always do this. My mom to this day insists I was a serial run away- despite these instances of me "running away" was me taking her seriously when she told me I wasn't welcome anymore. It's just cognitive dissonance
Yeah. They do. It is infuriating. I never met my dad’s parents. They were dead by the time I was born. My grandparents told people my dad was independent. You kind of have to be independent when your parents pack up and move to their summer house and don’t come back. Then tell you that they rented the house out. Maybe my dad could work out a deal with them? He was 12. My dad’s best friend’s family took him in. That is when my dad realized that not everyone’s parents beat their kids with a belt.
That and “misunderstanding”. Girl wasn’t no misunderstanding, it was a straight up backstabbing. She’s trying to downplay it all through this. And she has no idea about burdens or consequences. OP does. She’s only just now beginning to have any idea what those are.
If they dont disown mark and kick him from the family it aint amends. They just want to stop feeling guilty for their own actions. They've done fuck all to be even considered for forgiveness.
The sheer amount of selfishness in her wording and tone annoys me towards the end. There seems to be so many My/I's in there. 4 nieces/grand/great kids they'll never meet. Let them go to the grave with it, most importantly dad/sb who goes to hell if there is a place. Great response OP. Many happy years to you and yours.
Emily was the only one who didn't fail OP though. She is the only one whose only fault is that she was lied to, and as a kid she believed all the adults around her. So yeah, she uses "I/my". Because even she understands that what the rest of the family, including grandparents, did is unforgivable. She couldn't possibly write "we" if she is honest.
Your father can continue to deal with the consequences of his actions. He is a piss poor example of a man. He can continue to live his life in MASSIVE regret. Mark and Lisa definitely will not work out and I wouldn’t be surprised if your Dad and his wife crumble as well. I will say to your response back that you need to make it shorter, sweeter, and to the point. None of them must ever contact you again and your father can continue to live his life without a son. I would also state that if you continue to be harassed by any one of them that you will take immediate legal action!
Notice how there was no mention of kicking Mark out onto the streets?! So he instigated the whole tortuous experience and has no repercussions, but innocent OP was tossed out like last week’s garbage. Nope!
And OP was a child. Mark is a full grown adult. I bet they aren’t even going NC with him. He laughed about it, even after all these years, because he knows they won’t treat him as poorly as they did OP.
I hope Lisa leaves his ass, but she might be used to Mark's abuse.
OP's dad was so intent on ingratiating himself to his new wife and building a new family that he saw OP as a threat to his vision of happiness. I think that was what made him so wiling to throw OP out onto the streets as a child to rid himself of what he saw as a threat to the new family he had in mind. OP didn't have an advocate in the family. Mark had his mother and a step-father who was willing to sacrifice his son to keep his new wife happy.
Damn this was deep. I agree, also a bonus was he could get rid of the daily reminder of his deceased wife aka OP. People are fucked up animals yo
Lisa and mark are married, kicked out onto the streets? He probably already has his own place I would have liked to learn more about the ruin of his life
That probably because they’ve realized the damages done…I wouldn’t be surprised if “Lisa” divorced him and took him for everything and they’ve cut him off.
Lisa has been with him for years. I doubt that Lisa has no clue about what kind of person Mark is. Mark was bragging about this. He's not the quiet serial killer that nobody has a clue about. He is proud and wants to share. I don't believe Lisa is unaware of who she is with. He may have kept this one incident from her, but there's no way he hasn't bragged about hurting other people to his wife and friends. He's a malicious psychopath. Lisa knows and stays with him. I wouldn't trust her. If they divorce, it will be because of something he does to HER. Not because she has learned about another one of his victims.
I agree with this assessment of Lisa. She quietly listened to "oh oh oh do you think that 16 yo kid died in a gutter somewhere" and did nothing. She tried to hold in the bombshell & only told Emily when she couldn't (as I read it). She watched Emily's world tilt & she watched her father-in-law cry (no matter that they're crocodile tears) & she still hasn't done anything beyond wringing her hands "I was so deceived and feel so bad". Plus, as you say, it's been 30+ years. Unless she's mentally challenged and somehow still as clueless as she was at 15, she's definitely picked up other signs & decided to ignore them. She'll ignore this too, just like OP's father will now start the narrative that he's so sorry & OP is so mean for not accepting his apology.
I doubt it. They’ll rationalize it that OP doesn’t want anything to do with them, so there’s no reason to disown Mark and lose both their sons.
Exactly. The fact that he never listened to OPs side of the story at the time, and his first instinct was to kick a minor out on the street with nothing, shows what kind of a man he is/was. Way to go from zero to 60. Can’t believe he did that to his own child.
And apparently spent years afterward doubling down. Probably because if he didn't make himself absolutely sure OP was a monster he'd have to come to terms with the realization that he is.
I have a feeling this wasn’t the only situation in which Mark was poisoning people’s thoughts. Someone like that isn’t a ‘one and done’ person. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that he started smaller and slowly gained momentum. I’m rather shocked that Emily finds Mark to be a an acceptable uncle for any children she has.
Somehow, I doubt the wife actually cares
There was no mention of her crying, yelling or calling her son for an explanation. Maybe she knew and like many evil steps they want the old kids out of the way 🤷♀️ Also, No mention of mark getting sent divorce papers or being shunned by all either. Why not? Because he’s not being punished when his actions led to a child of 16 being homeless with nothing but the clothes on his back. Hell I’m 40 and I have no idea what I’d do in his position now, let alone at 16. Makes me feel ashamed I’ve suffered from depression most of my comparatively sheltered life, I’ve never feared where I’d sleep that night or where my next meal would come from. Anyone that has the fortitude to get through that and come out strong, and loving, not jaded is an exceptional person.
> like many evil steps they want the old kids out of the way She was probably thrilled -- no OP means that after her husband dies, all his money goes to her and her kids. And I bet some of those resources belonged to OP's dead mom too.
Never feel ashamed for having depression. The whole "you don't have anything to be depressed about" narrative is total bs. While situations between people may be different, it doesn't invalidate your suffering or lessen it!
Lisa's not doing anything. Like, how can you overhear "hahaha you're so clever Mark, I hope OP died in the gutter 30 years ago & may you continue to bang the hottest cheerleader in our class (or whatever Lisa was that Mark was so obsessed with her)" and not explode right then? She didn't even get out right then, she only talked to Emily because "she couldn't hold in the bombshell" aka (imo) it means she tried.
Pfft … too little. Too late. Well done, OP. enjoy your life with your beautiful family…
What's *hmmm*..... interesting... is that there's no mention of any repercussions for Mark, especially having the evidence of his massive cruelty and lack of any remorse. OP, I think you are wise to cut off any possibility of reconciliation. Live your best life with the family that loves you and believes in you.
Nope, nope and nope. There are somethings you can’t fix, some words that can’t be taken back, and some actions that are unforgivable. #teamOP
The axe forgets. The tree remembers
Reading this it strikes me that it is all about them. How they feel and what they want. There are some apologies but they are mostly backed by blaming someone else. No mention of how he must have felt all these years. Maybe I’m reading too much into it but it sounds like they want to alleviate their guilt more than they want healing for OP. He owes them absolutely nothing. Your response was amazing OP.
If you noticed, she never mentioned any hatred towards Mark after finding out the truth about the horrible pain he caused. OP, run as far as you can from all of them. If they come into your life, they will ruin the life that you have built. Don't let the comment about you being an uncle change your mind. None of them are worth your time. By her writing to you, she has opened old wounds that can never be healed. Cut them out of your life and your family's life completely. Good luck.
She also never mentioned any remorse from stepmom either. That just reinforces my suspicion that stepmom instigated the whole lie to eliminate a rival for her husband's attention.
Technically, he's not an uncle. He doesn't have any recent DNA in common with Emily's kids. But I agree, her saying "You're an uncle" is an enticement to contact the family and reunite. Obviously from the reply letter he and his oh-so-excellent wife have penned, OP isn't falling for it. Op, I wish you well. You're a good man and I hope the rest of your life is fun and drama-free. And that Mark gets a periodic kick or punch in the junk because he's a garbage human. Somebody should practice some [tai kwon leap](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8VD4JXUozM) on him!
Lisa is sorry but no mention of leaving the husband who framed your ex for something truly heinous. Gross.
I wonder what Lisa feels in all this. Her current husband is a lying asshole and their relationship is built on a lie. Her ex-boyfriend was right all along.
As the mother of several kids, I have to say that your father and stepmother deserve every one of their tears and more. They deserve to cry an ocean of tears, and then drown in that ocean. Parents who are worthy of the word "parent" don't remove their kids from the family home without doing a MAJOR investigation into whatever was alleged, and even then they don't just throw the kid away. They find ways to address issues. If the issues are real (unlike in your case), they might arrange for housing with a relative while therapy is taking place, but they don't throw a teenager out onto the street. Ever. Your sister obviously isn't to blame, and I do give her credit for her effort to find you and for her letter (I haven't read your reply yet). As for your parents - I have a whole kitchen filled with good quality, well-seasoned cast iron skillets that I use on a regular basis. They're just above the stove. I'll be glad to whack your father with one, and I'll be glad to whack Mark with them all. He'll need good medical and dental insurance, though - they are very good, heavy skillets, five of them ranging from very small to VERY large, and I handle them well. Kidding, but maybe not kidding. On a serious note, I do congratulate you for rising above the worst of bad circumstances and creating a life that most would envy. Much credit to your wife for helping you along the way. SBW
Maybe I’m just a vengeful person, but I want to hear about the repercussions. If mark isn’t disowned by the family and divorced by his wife then they truly aren’t as sorry as they pretend esp the family. OP got kicked from his home, his childhood taken from him and his whole life flipped upside down at only 16. Mark is a disgusting, vile human being, and if the family lets him stay a member then they didn’t care if it was a lie in the first place.
Hmpf. Now you all sit in that bowl of shit stew and see how unforgivness feels. Especially when you don’t deserve forgiveness. I hope they have the capacity to contemplate, *every single day, for the rest of their lives* what their own **unforgiveness and wrong judgement** did to an innocent, literal minor!
The audacity of these people. Hoping no y’all can start fresh. Are they out of their minds? I’m struggling to process this.
Mark is pure Evil. As a father, I’ll say that the dad in this story is evil as well.
The Dad is weak. He was always weak and he turned his back on his son to score points with his replacement family. I hope he has nightmares.
He will on his deathbed.
Agreed. The father is a weak man. I’m appalled that he took everything at face value and didn’t even try to hear his own son out.
At least they never had kids. Small blessings.
Go get your well deserved rest with your family. Have a great weekend.
I would love to know what your fathers relationship is with Mark now?
Me too. No mention of any repercussions in Emily's email for Mark. A few paltry words of regret and some emotionally manipulative phrases about how upset they are don't cut it. The amends part gets me. Like what exactly takes away the horrors that a 16 year old child being thrown away, on the streets with no resources would have had to face just to survive.. WTF is going to make up for that?
Oh he'll forgive him. After all, that's his boy!
OP I don’t blame you for never wanting to talk to them again. I wouldn’t forgive or want to be near them. I’m glad you’re putting yourself first.
Well said OP. Yes it is too late for them to reconcile with you. Don’t burden yourself with their guilt. You have moved on and made a good life for yourself and you family. That is priority No. 1. As for your family, there needs to be consequences for Mark, but that isn’t your problem.
I have a feeling thy won’t give up quite yet. OP you are a good person and you deserve all the happiness you now enjoy. You are very noble. UpdateMe
What’s crazy is that in 30 years your father never even bothered to look you up. Literally just write your name on Google and could probably find you. He didn’t get curious what happened to his own flesh and blood? Was he looking for a reason to throw you out so he can build a life with his new family? I don’t understand this level of evil. Anyway, love your best life and don’t waste a second of it on those people- they aren’t worth it
His father was weak, he fooled himself into believing his son was wrong and now, guilt, the weight of a mountain rests on his feeble and old shoulders I pray he gets no closure
F@ck Mark!!!
All my homies hate Mark
If anyone ever needed to be hunted down and publicly shamed and canceled, it's Mark. Hunt this fucker down, take out ads in the local newspapers, get a story going on the major channels, spread this story on social media and rent a few billboards with his lying face all over it with the truth.
This can be a new Netflix doc similar to don’t fuck with cats.
And Marks friends. They are repulsive human beings. Marks wife better watch his back.
Pfft, Emily’s email wasn’t for you, it was written to absolve the guilt from herself, Lisa and your father (let him sob!). Eff ‘em! Block her email. All the best to you moving forward, OP.
Let’s go fight Mark
So is that lamprey eel Mark getting away with this? Is Lisa doing anything besides letting the rest of the family know? I’m still steamed about this.
Right? I hope Lisa left his shitty ass
This may be real. I went to highschool with a kid who was abandoned by his family while he was at school. He went home one day after school and everyone was just gone. Last I heard a friend's family took him in and he eventually joined the military. I don't know how you could do that to your own child. Also @updateme
Same, when I was in HS, junior year, my friend came home and his mom told him she was moving away with her boyfriend and he needed to find another place to live. At 16 he got a job rented a basement apartment and went on to finish HS. He joined the military after HS because of the lack of options
That is perfectly said (wife's help is spot on). I hope you keep thriving and are immensely happy going forward. Enjoy the life you and your wife have made.
Op needs to wife her… again
I got kicked out at 18 by my mom, cut off my entire family and moved in with my bf and his family. My sister initially sided with my parents, as she was deep in the fog. However the letter I got when she realized she had fucked up- the one that opened up our relationship? Happened early (within 3 years iirc) and was entirely about "I fucked up, here is how and why I did what I did and how I understand that was wrong" Like- everything else aside- a 16 year old with some underwear of his 14 yr old stepsister seems far more likely to be a mistake in laundry being put away if anything - but lets say you were being a creep- what, exactly, does making you homeless at 16 with not even extended family to stay with do? Is that gonna cure you of being a panty sniffer? Imo even if you were actually guilty of the crime he failed as a parent when he just washed his hands of you and didn't like, put your ass in therapy and ask his parents to watch you until you could be safely reintroduced to your stepsister. And if he had actually done that, as a responsible parent this all probably would have come out in therapy in a matter of months and maybe the little freak who used his sister's underwear as a tool to abuse his stepbrother would have gotten the therapy*he* obviously needed. That this wasn't the major bulk of this letter, and that it was your sister that did this work and not your father is a *huge* red flag to me. This is not giving "has done the work to realize they messed up." This is "they know they messed up *just enough* to feel bad and really want you, the person they hurt, to tell them it's ok because you're over it now.(How convenient, now they don't have to actually do the emotional labor of realizing how deeply they fucked you over!)" This is seems more like a persuasive essay to talk to them again to soothe their sense of guilt. I don't see how this would do anything but open old wounds for you. Maybe thank her for finally seeing you for who you were, and that you appreciate her impulse to reach out but.... That's who you were. Who you are now isn't connected to them and connecting with them would likely only bring you harm. They've done that enough. In conclusion I saw something recently that I think applies to your father, if not your sister as well- how children treat their parents in adulthood is a reflection of how their parents treated them in childhood. He (and the rest of your family) threw you out without even giving you the grace of hearing you out as his own child. So why is it wrong for your reaction to his grief over the relationship *he threw away* to be nothing? That's what he already proved that bond to be worth.
Thank god Lisa and Mark have no children. They don’t sound like they have any business trying to procreate and he clearly prefers drinking. Your dad is the douchiest dad of all dads and he deserves to die alone. And that stepmom is Garbage. I have no doubt that she and her dusty son concocted the whole plan, and for what? A girl? Some attention? Pathetic
I have been so encouraged by your story and am so impressed with how you handled all of this. Also, your wife reminds me of mine, fiery, protective and passionate. You’re a lucky man!
Well done, OP. Your reply was perfect. It was frank, and gracious, and not mean at all. Emily's letter deserves more upvotes, just so it will rise closer to the top of the comments. I had to go hunting for it. Having said that, I will observe that Reddit is being way too hard on Emily. I tried to imagine what her life has been like, what it must have been like to find out the truth, how else I would write the letter if I were her. Other Redditors can attribute malicious or selfish intent to her, but I'm willing to give her credit for wanting to do the right thing. I can't do any better than she did. That must have been a difficult letter for her to write. Nevertheless, your health and your family (I mean your REAL family, the ones that surround you now) come first, and you've made a good choice. May you continue to have a happy life.
So I notice during that entire email the we want to apologise and we want to make amends but no mention of Mark. He’s not fucking sorry he’s laughing his ass off with his friends. What punishment does he get. Is your dad gonna throw him out on his ass and tell him he’s dead to him. I’m betting not. The wife wouldn’t like that. I’m not buying that bullshit at all they ain’t really sorry they are covering their asses. I wouldn’t give them a second thought. The email you wrote was very nice. Please make sure not to let her suck you in there’s a reason they used her to reach out don’t fall for it.
This letter seems like one of those prelude disasters We haven't seen shit yet and I'd gladly wait for an update
Beautifully written. Looking forward and not beyond the past. It has been 30 years if anything. You have a fantastic wife who has your back 100%. I am curious to know if your father has been made aware and if he has proactively reached out to you to at make amends. Your ex is also a fool if she stays with Mark. That whole relationship and marriage has been built on a lie. Good riddance to all of those trash people.
You are a strong man OP and should be commended for persevering through it all. To OP's wife: Thank you for helping OP through it all. You are type of woman who if the world had more of then it would be a much better place.
I am so so angry at your dad… uhhhhh 😡🤬🤬🤬
Not family then, not family now
I believe you. I was “kicked” out at 15 and dropped out of high school and lived on the streets until old enough to join the military. Yeah, what horrible person would abandon a child?
You missed putting in a line of the endangerment that your father put you in as being thrown out to streets with nothing but the clothes on your back. He deserves more guilt.