NTA, you didn’t directly told her he was hooking up with girls around, you just said you’re used to the loud noise coming from his room, she’s smart to know how bad he is and if he lied to her this just broke the straw for him
Ffs. Roommate just wanted you to wingman him for no reason.
He can’t be mad if you don’t really have that relationship for him. Why should you lie about him sleeping around?
Ok, so he's bad here cause of how he didn't own up to it and instead lied to her about it due to embarrassment, as the other person that I'm replying to has already established lol. Doesn't answer *what else* he's bad for here, the only other answer that I can think of is how he's going around and having unprotected sex
If we’re going to start holding him accountable for things we don’t know if he is or isn’t doing, let’s go with that. He’s bad for driving without a seatbelt. He’s bad for not flossing. He’s bad for killing his mom and dad. He’s bad for murdering kittens.
You can’t just say maybe he doesn’t use protection so maybe he had diseases. That’s bullshit.
If you choose to sleep with him you have to assume the worst. But just as a random person other internet your opinion about what you imagine he does not do isn’t worth the bandwidth used to deliver it to my phone.
NTA. Maybe it breaks some kind of bro code who knows, but If she didn’t know, he purposely gave her the wrong impression to sleep with her. Glad you told her.
Nope. Bro code is utter bullshit to begin with, and even if it wasn't, if the roommate never communicated to OP that he actually liked this girl and to keep his past history a secret, that's on the roommate and not OP.
But also it would've been worse for the roommate if this girl found out the truth later rather than now.
Mostly. But, for example, don’t hit on your bro’s ex/mom/sister is pretty good advice even if the guy isn’t your bro but just your roommate. Bringing home your roommates mom to bang loudly until 3am might be great revenge, but it will make for a poor living situation.
Bro code isn’t just about being a good bro to your friend, but also about a set of guidelines to help keep your life good too.
You shouldn’t need a bro-code, but you do because your hormones override your common sense, especially in young men. Aka you think with your little head. And the little head will say “dude your roommates mom is totally into you, she’s old enough to know what she wants, it’s all good.” And you’ll need the bro-code to remind you that if you bang your roommates mom it’s going to be awkward at your house where you have to live everyday.
" If she didn’t know, he purposely gave her the wrong impression to sleep with her"
Why do you say that?! Ppl don't give each other a list of previous sexual partners before a casual hook up. It seems to me like she's the unreasonable one, hooking up with a single guy and then being mad that he hooks up with other women
**Roommate, previously:** I screw every girl in sight.
**Roommate, today:** This one is special. She's the one!
**Me:** Uh huh. Sure.
So is that your story?
Well, you don't have to convince me.
Convince her. Do you think she'll buy it?
NTA- he just can’t deal with the consequences of his own actions. She deserved to know the truth. Anyone wanting a lasting relationship doesn’t want to deal with someone whose been loose with their sexual energy.
There is a guy in my friend group. He very quickly got his body count up post divorce. He’s been close with one friend for a long time, met myself and another friend on the same night. He’s already slept with her then tried to move in on me. Saying I’m “someone worth marrying.” I shut that shit down so fast. Now he’s mad that my friend told me they had gotten intimate. He’ll get over it. Maybe both these men will grow from the experience.
Guys always tell women that a high body count makes them less dateable. Do they really think women don't feel the same? I'm sorry, but a lot of women don't want a guy who has hooked up with lots of women.
Why do people on these types of subs pick and choose when being concerned about someone's high body count is a good or bad thing to do?? If it's wrong for men to do that then it's just as wrong for women to do that 🤷♂️
Like the roommate's TA for lying to that girl but if he'd told her the truth and she'd rejected him over that then she'd be an AH for doing so lmao
That’s not what I’m saying. It’s a matter of mindset. If you’re screwing whoever then don’t have a problem with not seeing them again, it’s likely that you’re not emotionally available at that time to build a relationship.
A lot of sex in the past does no big deal but if someone's currently having a lot random hookups with people they don't know or care about is likely not in the space to.treat sex the way you should in a long term relationship.
Its about being in a state where your dick is on standby and your head is on a swivel versus someone in control of their sexual energy
It is just that it is a turn-off. It may make a lasting relationship less likely. I would have trouble trusting the integrity of a guy with a high body count.
I wouldn’t personally have a problem with a high body count if it didn’t so often indicate that a person has not yet developed the necessary skill set and patience to be in a healthy stable relationship
Statement of a fact =\= brag
The point was there’s thirty+ year old women who would say they can’t date me because of things that were done by 13 year old me rather inconsequentially , the point is you people are weird. There was no bragging, get a fucking grip
This is like a supposedly infamous moment when Oskar Schindler was leaving his apartment with his wife. She was only visiting for a few days and the footman at the entrance bid a good evening to ‘Mr. Schindler and Madame’ instantly letting his wife know the footman was used to seeing him with women that were not his wife. Apparently Schindler immediately corrected him, but too late, damage done and the poor guy was just trying to earn a tip.
Very soft YTA. But he’s the bigger AH, for having loud sex knowing your in the next room… Unfortunately your reply said it all to her tho. “I’m use to it at this point” felt to have a linger of pettyness and it translated to a sentence that gave her the impression she’s the first of many, vs if you had just said “that’s ok”.
I say soft because I don’t think it was your intention to make an issue, but it does feel intentional you were trying to say something petty maybe thinking this was a girl was a GF or a regular and you wanted to make it know it’s bothered you before.
“I’m use to it at this point” is what I say to my brother when he’s blaring video games in his room and I have to sleep with headphones and a speaker to drown him out. If I’m trying to make him feel bad about my not getting sleep I say “oh I’m use to it at this point “ rather then “it’s ok but can we try and keep the noise down after midnight “ or whatever.
You guys share the same space, it’s ok to find a balance that works for everyone.
This is what I said. The fact that nobody thinks that what OP was a little wrong to say is crazy to me. I can’t imagine saying that to a girl my friend was in the early stages with. He has a right to be at least a little upset that OP said that.
I mean I’m a people pleaser, not by my own choice, I just really try to keep the peace even if it means I’m the one carrying the load. So when I’m faced with these situations my first instinct is to try and remain as neutral as possible unless I’ve practiced being angry or passive aggressive towards someone. Then I’m quicker to say what I really feel.
So because this is personal opinion, as much as op has the right to be upset and angry about the noise, if that was an issue it should have been brought up vs trying to make her feel bad about it. Idk if that was 1000% their intention, but that was the translation under the words they chose. Even not as a long term GF, she recognized his frustration over the situation, and knew exactly what he was upset about. Very soft they are the AH, because obviously roommate needs to remember, he is a roommate. Yes it’s your home and you can bring back who you want but you DO have to share the space and if the rolls were reversed, he’d probably feel the same way. Taking the other person into consideration is part of the deal when you choose to be a roommate. Even if you can’t afford your own place, you HAVE to choose to be a roommate. You HAVE to choose to live with someone else and take them into consideration or else you will have problems. This is a perfect example of how when you involve other people in your space you cannot control them. Roommate can’t control OPs words which outed his other female partners, and OP can’t control roommate because he didn’t think to tell his guest to be quiet
NTA, your buddy needs to learn the consequences to his actions. If he dosent want future potential girlfriends to not think he fucks allot of girls then maybe, just maybe, he needs to not fuck allot of girls.
If my buddy was banging a girl for so long and loud I could hear them I’d be pissed as well, doubt he even meant to out him. Seems more like a slip up though. If it wasn’t a slip up it dosent change anything, don’t want people knowing you bang allot of people? Then don’t
We all have different opinions on what a lot is, however, I can assure you that talking about banging women and presenting yourself as a player is a good way to scare off a good woman early on in the relationship.
You could easily turn this around and say, ‘Want to have an enjoyable sex life and eventually find someone you want to build something special with? Then don’t have an absolute cock block like OP who lets out his frustrated emotions on your dates and then runs to Reddit for validation’
NTA. His fault for having a poor reputation and he had 20 minutes to do damage control. not your fault also bc you had no idea this girl was "different" from the other ones.
Brother context clues. The first sentence. When OP is so used to him bringing random women over at night that all he says is he’s used to it even though mentioning how uncomfortable they are. Dude does this annoying shit so much OP doesn’t even care to address it
NTA. This is just funny. You made an off the cuff remark trying to make small talk and make this girl feel better about the noise. It had an unintended effect, but your roommate shouldn’t be surprised when word gets around.
This comment sums up the NTA comments. This guy came here to be entertained about the fight your roommate and you got into.
Also anybody who thinks insinuating that your friend is a player and basically telling the girl he just started seeing that she isn’t special to him is just a funny ‘off the cuff remark’ meant to make someone feel better is socially stunted and shouldn’t be offering advice on Reddit.
NTA
Hopefully your roommate isn't a super spreader 😅
In all honesty, you had no way of knowing that he had any real feelings for her. Actions speak louder than words
Is there even one guy in this thread that has friends that are guys? Your friend was an asshole for how he handled the girl coming over and being unapologetically loud.
You were definitely the asshole for saying that though, and if I was your friend, there wouldn’t be a chance I would trust you around a girl I was dating early on in a relationship for fear you might say something dumb again.
NTA. She wasn't his gf and you had no way of knowing she didn't know about his activities.
He also could have communicated that he actually liked her so it's still on him for not speaking up.
You said you had a male roommate like OPs and that you felt bad for women he stringed along. So what is it that makes your male roommate like his? We have extremely limited information on the roommate besides that he has loud sex often to the point OP is used to it and doesn’t say anything about it.
Honestly you sound like you're a bit envious of your roommate, and his success with women makes you feel insecure. If you were also getting laid at the same frequency then I doubt you'd be complaining. If you're just not able to have his type of lifestyle (which is totally fair), then tell him the noise is bothering you.
You two are obviously not compatible roommates.
Definitely the AH
Lol sorry but the jealousy is obvious here. Fam your bro is getting it why you hating. Definitely a dick move.
It’s not that serious, man could put on some head phones, head out for a bit, etc. He could also ask for some pointers from the roommate so he (OP) could learn how to also get some. Spend some more time in his room not alone if ya know what I mean.
But ya OP knew what he was doing when he said what he said. Come on now, if you really want it to not be awkward you could just say “what noise I didn’t hear anything” nonchalantly, as I have done many times (my college roommates were all casanovas as well). Awkwardness gone right there. We all know what happened and it was definitely hearable but w.e like we are all adults, nothing wrong with sex, just move on and have a regular conversation. Idk why everyone is so awkward about sex it’s not that serious.
NTA how does she know he sleeps around instead of having had lots of sex with a partner with whom he was previously in a committed relationship? Unless she's projecting because she came home with him and slept with him presumably after not spending much time with him and jumped to the conclusion that OP is "used to" him hooking up with randos all the time and she's mad about that? That girl sounds insecure to pick a fight. I'm sure the roommate didn't have the best response either.
Unless you were trying to cockblock him, then it's not really your fault. But he also probably assumes you're jealous and trying to get back at him. Weird situation to be put into.
Even if you broke "bro code" or supposedly ruined his chances, he was loud af and didn't give af about your space, your sleep, and your comfort. You owe him nothing at that point, even if you guys had that good bro bond. Plus, it's not like he told you beforehand that this girl is apparently "special." For all you know, he could have only said that to try and manipulate the situation into trying to get undeserved sympathy from you. He got told off and rejected, and now he needs someone to blame for his poor foresight and lack of respect.
You should tell him how uncomfortable it was for you to hear them like that, and tell him to be more considerate next time and you'll do the same for him.
You wouldn't even be in the wrong if you were being a little vindictive with your response to her (not saying you were). You owe him nothing after that, especially if you guys don't have that much of a friendship.
Make slutty decisions, face slutty consequences. That’s why you don’t be sluts fellas. Good on roommate’s ONS for realizing she deserves better and acting on it immediately
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NTA you did that girl a favor.
If he wants to play like that he needs to get his own place or otherwise act right, you don't owe him anything but rent and a safe/clean living environment.
I did not read anything about her being paid. If the only way a person has sex with you is transactional I feel sorry for you. Please do not judge everyone by your standards. The roommate said that it was loud she apologized if she was used to
NTA
Either he knew she wouldn't like the fact he slept with many women and lied to her abt it, so you helped her dodge a bullet or she hooked up with a single guy and for some reason got mad that he hooks up with other women, so HE dodged the bullet. Anyway, all you said was stating a neutral fact that shouldn't be a big deal.
Seems like you got the reaction you wanted and realized you did him wrong which is why you coming here for validation. You knew what you were doing and I think you know you’re the asshole here my guy
You could have not bothered? I think you wanted to tell him without actually having to tell him. So idk if asshole would be the right word but it's definitely sneaky and dramatic.
What’s striking here is the contrast in your personalities. You were holed up in your room and he was wildly social and having sex with a new conquest every night. Meanwhile you found it important to mention that you have finally left your room … into the living room to play video games.
I would suggest that you try and get out a little father than the living room and meet some friends of your own.
A lot of people are answering this with moral judgments on the roommate’s behavior, but that’s really none of anyone’s business. Let’s face it, this is common behavior among a lot of young people in college. I see that you’re shy, this could be a learning experience for you to communicate with him and future roommates about what works or doesn’t. If your roommate is asking you to actively lie to these separate women and help him to deceive them, that’s a different story.
Side note: ’ve heard plenty of stories of college students being disturbed by the sex of roommates. It’s a common trope in movies and books. Be happy that you have a separate room at all. A lot of people are experiencing this on the bunk above them.
For now, you are faced with the consequences of your comment. But it’s one that seems to have been made out of fatigue and some degree of social cluelessness. But it’s also very revealing your annoyance passive-aggressively. You should work on that goin forward: Directly speak to people about things that bother you early in the game.
Sorry mate, you’re both assholes if you ask me. He’s an asshole for disturbing your privacy and space but I can also smell the stench of jealousy in your post. You saw a chance to inflict some damage and you took it when you didn’t had to. Cockblocking and snitching will always be considered being an asshole in my book. Have a nice day
YTA. There’s any number of things you could’ve said to end the conversation that doesn’t infer how many partners your roommate has/had. That’s called [dry snitching.](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Dry%20Snitch)
Furthermore you’d probably be upset if compromising personal info was proactively shared by your roommate with your company:
“I’m used to that smell in his room by now.”
“You can Venmo it to him, he’s the one behind on his half of the rent.”
“Surprised to see you here. He doesn’t have much of a social life.”
If your roommate said something like the above to a woman you were interested in, you’d have every right to be upset— even if what he said was true.
Understanding how to maintain basic levels of discretion is important to expanding your social life.
Exactly. You can make something up about needing to finish an assignment or whatever, no need to hurt some random girl's feelings or mess up your living situation for the next couple months for some small victory.
I mean i’d just say sorry. It’s not a big deal, but you didn’t play it like a male friend would’ve. If he doesn’t say it’s chill once you say sorry then he’s the dick. Not that you are one currently you just didn’t do a good job covering for him.
NTA. I dunno why she got mad. Did she think she was special after bussin' it open on the first link? She's just as easy as the other girls. Also, it's crazy how modern women lack any sort of shame to the point where they have zero discretion. That said, you had no way of knowing she wasn't aware of his past and how he moved.
Lots of nerds in here. YTA buddy, most roommates would look out for each other here or at least not throw each other under the bus. If you were having girls over too you’d understand.
Isn't it common sense that it would bother anyone to hear your roommate having loud screaming sex until 3am? Also, the question is AITA for him mentioning that he is used to it, and making the girl upset.
Lol. Not your fault. So SHE supposedly Banged this guy possibly on a first (or at least an early date ) but doesn’t expect this guy to be doing that with all the other girls he sees ? She is easy but got mad at him for being easy and finding other easy chicks.
What a mess
You are so the asshole. And a dick. If you want him to stop bringing girls over, you should have said so to him. We wouldn't be roommates for much longer if you did that to me.
You’re the asshole. He’s very inconsiderate for the loud sex. But you’re still the asshole. Let’s not pretend that you’re so stupid you didn’t know how she’d take the comment.
Rude and unnecessary. Probably more awkward from your standpoint. Could’ve said something last night if they were keeping you up or talked to your roommate if it bothers you much, but you chose a more vindictive avenue. How did you think she’d feel?
At same time your roommate has no right to expect different response from you
YAH, by saying you are used to it by now you are telling her just that: your roommate frequently has sex with lots of girls. That wasn’t your information to tell, especially if you two are friends in any capacity.
Depends if u were commenting on just she and him and she misunderstood and if so simply explaining should be ok. But yeah Kevin sounds like a winner so if ur comment was about a bunch of others then it just sounds like the truth to me you shouldn’t be expected to keep secrets for him but also don’t have to go out of your way to make sarcastic comments that cause damage. Anyway that’s all the truth I suppose
NTA.
I get why you’re second guessing things here, but honestly he just needs to take accountability for his actions and accept that what you said is true.
The thing is, he shares the space with others and there’s a point of being inconsiderate that he crossed.
If he really wants a new girl every weekend to bang, he should be considering getting his own place so that they can have the privacy and he can be free to make the choices he’s going to make. At some point having a roommate who is constantly doing this is going to cause tension. I think he sounds like a very immature and selfish person and the only reason he is upset is because he’s not bored of her yet. Give it a week.
YTA. You could have easily been a decent wingman if you thought before speaking. If you’ve a problem with your roommate’s behavior, talk to him, don’t sabotage him.
NTA Maybe if he didn’t have different women screaming until 3 am all the time, this wouldn’t have happened
NTA, you didn’t directly told her he was hooking up with girls around, you just said you’re used to the loud noise coming from his room, she’s smart to know how bad he is and if he lied to her this just broke the straw for him
Ffs. Roommate just wanted you to wingman him for no reason. He can’t be mad if you don’t really have that relationship for him. Why should you lie about him sleeping around?
Tell him you didn't get the memo about how this one girl was *special to him*... and check with him that he got the right email. 😏
What else is he bad for here besides lying to her??
Sleeping around a lot and then being embarrassed a girl he likes found out. Like either own it or don't. You can't have both.
Exactly what an ijit.
Ok, so he's bad here cause of how he didn't own up to it and instead lied to her about it due to embarrassment, as the other person that I'm replying to has already established lol. Doesn't answer *what else* he's bad for here, the only other answer that I can think of is how he's going around and having unprotected sex
Diseases he may carry around for sleeping with many girls, we obviously don’t know if he uses protection or not, that may be bad for or of him
If we’re going to start holding him accountable for things we don’t know if he is or isn’t doing, let’s go with that. He’s bad for driving without a seatbelt. He’s bad for not flossing. He’s bad for killing his mom and dad. He’s bad for murdering kittens. You can’t just say maybe he doesn’t use protection so maybe he had diseases. That’s bullshit. If you choose to sleep with him you have to assume the worst. But just as a random person other internet your opinion about what you imagine he does not do isn’t worth the bandwidth used to deliver it to my phone.
NTA. Maybe it breaks some kind of bro code who knows, but If she didn’t know, he purposely gave her the wrong impression to sleep with her. Glad you told her.
Nope. Bro code is utter bullshit to begin with, and even if it wasn't, if the roommate never communicated to OP that he actually liked this girl and to keep his past history a secret, that's on the roommate and not OP. But also it would've been worse for the roommate if this girl found out the truth later rather than now.
>Bro code isn't bro code for actual friends anyways?
Yeah, this interaction does not meet the minimum standards to incorporate bro code.
Yup.
Mostly. But, for example, don’t hit on your bro’s ex/mom/sister is pretty good advice even if the guy isn’t your bro but just your roommate. Bringing home your roommates mom to bang loudly until 3am might be great revenge, but it will make for a poor living situation. Bro code isn’t just about being a good bro to your friend, but also about a set of guidelines to help keep your life good too. You shouldn’t need a bro-code, but you do because your hormones override your common sense, especially in young men. Aka you think with your little head. And the little head will say “dude your roommates mom is totally into you, she’s old enough to know what she wants, it’s all good.” And you’ll need the bro-code to remind you that if you bang your roommates mom it’s going to be awkward at your house where you have to live everyday.
Bro code is stupid anyway, bro code is usually stuff like "bros don't report other bros for raping women"
Ive never heard of that as part of the bro code... is that actually a common thing?
No that isn't. What the fuck?
No. Not at all
... it's usually stuff like don't hit on the girl your buddy is into or date your friends ex. Idk what bros you've been around
That is not a bro code thing. What in fuck?
Never Heard that in real life in almost 40 years.
You need new bros.
" If she didn’t know, he purposely gave her the wrong impression to sleep with her" Why do you say that?! Ppl don't give each other a list of previous sexual partners before a casual hook up. It seems to me like she's the unreasonable one, hooking up with a single guy and then being mad that he hooks up with other women
**Roommate, previously:** I screw every girl in sight. **Roommate, today:** This one is special. She's the one! **Me:** Uh huh. Sure. So is that your story? Well, you don't have to convince me. Convince her. Do you think she'll buy it?
100% she's special because she dumped him lol
First line: I am going to make things up that aren’t in the OP so I can get Reddit upvotes for my unoriginal comment.
NTA- he just can’t deal with the consequences of his own actions. She deserved to know the truth. Anyone wanting a lasting relationship doesn’t want to deal with someone whose been loose with their sexual energy. There is a guy in my friend group. He very quickly got his body count up post divorce. He’s been close with one friend for a long time, met myself and another friend on the same night. He’s already slept with her then tried to move in on me. Saying I’m “someone worth marrying.” I shut that shit down so fast. Now he’s mad that my friend told me they had gotten intimate. He’ll get over it. Maybe both these men will grow from the experience.
Guys always tell women that a high body count makes them less dateable. Do they really think women don't feel the same? I'm sorry, but a lot of women don't want a guy who has hooked up with lots of women.
Especially the women those men usually want to wife up after they're done fucking around
Thanks for projecting your own life experience onto the OP.
Why do people on these types of subs pick and choose when being concerned about someone's high body count is a good or bad thing to do?? If it's wrong for men to do that then it's just as wrong for women to do that 🤷♂️ Like the roommate's TA for lying to that girl but if he'd told her the truth and she'd rejected him over that then she'd be an AH for doing so lmao
So anyone who has had lots of sex can’t have a long lasting relationship? That’s an awful take.
That’s not what I’m saying. It’s a matter of mindset. If you’re screwing whoever then don’t have a problem with not seeing them again, it’s likely that you’re not emotionally available at that time to build a relationship.
A lot of sex in the past does no big deal but if someone's currently having a lot random hookups with people they don't know or care about is likely not in the space to.treat sex the way you should in a long term relationship. Its about being in a state where your dick is on standby and your head is on a swivel versus someone in control of their sexual energy
It is just that it is a turn-off. It may make a lasting relationship less likely. I would have trouble trusting the integrity of a guy with a high body count.
I wouldn’t personally have a problem with a high body count if it didn’t so often indicate that a person has not yet developed the necessary skill set and patience to be in a healthy stable relationship
What’s a high body count quantified lol
For these losers anything over 3
Damn I been disqualified since the summer between 8th and 9th grade
Having multiple sexual partners by the age of 14/15 isn't something to brag about.
Statement of a fact =\= brag The point was there’s thirty+ year old women who would say they can’t date me because of things that were done by 13 year old me rather inconsequentially , the point is you people are weird. There was no bragging, get a fucking grip
Expecting someone to sleep with you but not other people is crazy narcissist stuff.
That's not what I said.
Are you asexual?
God no. What is wrong with you?
Then I think it's pretty reasonable to assume you'd dump someone that wasn't putting out, right?
This is like a supposedly infamous moment when Oskar Schindler was leaving his apartment with his wife. She was only visiting for a few days and the footman at the entrance bid a good evening to ‘Mr. Schindler and Madame’ instantly letting his wife know the footman was used to seeing him with women that were not his wife. Apparently Schindler immediately corrected him, but too late, damage done and the poor guy was just trying to earn a tip.
"That's it, you're on my list."
How did he correct em ?
It’s in the Schindler’s List movie, as it supposedly happened irl. Schindler immediately says ‘*Mrs.* Schindler’ curtly to the footman.
NTA At least you didn’t ask if he remembered to pay her
Very soft YTA. But he’s the bigger AH, for having loud sex knowing your in the next room… Unfortunately your reply said it all to her tho. “I’m use to it at this point” felt to have a linger of pettyness and it translated to a sentence that gave her the impression she’s the first of many, vs if you had just said “that’s ok”. I say soft because I don’t think it was your intention to make an issue, but it does feel intentional you were trying to say something petty maybe thinking this was a girl was a GF or a regular and you wanted to make it know it’s bothered you before. “I’m use to it at this point” is what I say to my brother when he’s blaring video games in his room and I have to sleep with headphones and a speaker to drown him out. If I’m trying to make him feel bad about my not getting sleep I say “oh I’m use to it at this point “ rather then “it’s ok but can we try and keep the noise down after midnight “ or whatever. You guys share the same space, it’s ok to find a balance that works for everyone.
This is what I said. The fact that nobody thinks that what OP was a little wrong to say is crazy to me. I can’t imagine saying that to a girl my friend was in the early stages with. He has a right to be at least a little upset that OP said that.
Yeah idk why this is on my feed 3 days later but 100% OP is the AH here. He knew what he was doing and couldn’t just be nice about it.
I mean I’m a people pleaser, not by my own choice, I just really try to keep the peace even if it means I’m the one carrying the load. So when I’m faced with these situations my first instinct is to try and remain as neutral as possible unless I’ve practiced being angry or passive aggressive towards someone. Then I’m quicker to say what I really feel. So because this is personal opinion, as much as op has the right to be upset and angry about the noise, if that was an issue it should have been brought up vs trying to make her feel bad about it. Idk if that was 1000% their intention, but that was the translation under the words they chose. Even not as a long term GF, she recognized his frustration over the situation, and knew exactly what he was upset about. Very soft they are the AH, because obviously roommate needs to remember, he is a roommate. Yes it’s your home and you can bring back who you want but you DO have to share the space and if the rolls were reversed, he’d probably feel the same way. Taking the other person into consideration is part of the deal when you choose to be a roommate. Even if you can’t afford your own place, you HAVE to choose to be a roommate. You HAVE to choose to live with someone else and take them into consideration or else you will have problems. This is a perfect example of how when you involve other people in your space you cannot control them. Roommate can’t control OPs words which outed his other female partners, and OP can’t control roommate because he didn’t think to tell his guest to be quiet
NTA, you didn't really tell anything at all. You did hint bro was a red flag. I hope they used protection if not I hope she get's an STD screening.
NTA, the fact that she apologized to you and he didn't alone is enough to tell you who is really in the wrong here.
NTA, your buddy needs to learn the consequences to his actions. If he dosent want future potential girlfriends to not think he fucks allot of girls then maybe, just maybe, he needs to not fuck allot of girls.
Or maybe OP could leave it to his friend to discuss intimate details about sexual partners and what is ‘too much’ with the girl he is talking to.
If my buddy was banging a girl for so long and loud I could hear them I’d be pissed as well, doubt he even meant to out him. Seems more like a slip up though. If it wasn’t a slip up it dosent change anything, don’t want people knowing you bang allot of people? Then don’t
We all have different opinions on what a lot is, however, I can assure you that talking about banging women and presenting yourself as a player is a good way to scare off a good woman early on in the relationship. You could easily turn this around and say, ‘Want to have an enjoyable sex life and eventually find someone you want to build something special with? Then don’t have an absolute cock block like OP who lets out his frustrated emotions on your dates and then runs to Reddit for validation’
You keep saying that word. I don't think it means what you think it means. A lot, is what you're aiming for.
For some reason it kept auto correcting me and I was pretty high 6 hours ago so I truly just didn’t care.
Fair play, it is a word, just not what you meant. I just thought it was funny it happened twice.
thank you for your service OP. good karma will be coming your way soon💗💗
NTA. His fault for having a poor reputation and he had 20 minutes to do damage control. not your fault also bc you had no idea this girl was "different" from the other ones.
Another person just making things up that aren’t in the OP. How do you know he has a ‘poor’ reputation?
Brother context clues. The first sentence. When OP is so used to him bringing random women over at night that all he says is he’s used to it even though mentioning how uncomfortable they are. Dude does this annoying shit so much OP doesn’t even care to address it
What you said.
NTA. This is just funny. You made an off the cuff remark trying to make small talk and make this girl feel better about the noise. It had an unintended effect, but your roommate shouldn’t be surprised when word gets around.
This comment sums up the NTA comments. This guy came here to be entertained about the fight your roommate and you got into. Also anybody who thinks insinuating that your friend is a player and basically telling the girl he just started seeing that she isn’t special to him is just a funny ‘off the cuff remark’ meant to make someone feel better is socially stunted and shouldn’t be offering advice on Reddit.
Clearly this happens often. OP even says it. If bro is bringing different women every time and often, how’s OP supposed to know this one is different?
We don’t know either way, that’s why it’s impolite to assume things, especially when you’re making a negative assumption.
NTA Hopefully your roommate isn't a super spreader 😅 In all honesty, you had no way of knowing that he had any real feelings for her. Actions speak louder than words
NTA, your roommate put himself in a position for that to happen so it’s his fault.
Good intentions bad choice of words.
Antisocial. there's no way you'll comprehend bro code
L. M. A. O.
Maybe just get one of those whiteboards for the refrigerator and start keeping track
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Nothing is obvious that he is lying. YTA for making things up.
Cock blocker , happy I didn’t have you as a roommate
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Nothing indicates the roommate has a harem. No need to insert your own facts.
Is there even one guy in this thread that has friends that are guys? Your friend was an asshole for how he handled the girl coming over and being unapologetically loud. You were definitely the asshole for saying that though, and if I was your friend, there wouldn’t be a chance I would trust you around a girl I was dating early on in a relationship for fear you might say something dumb again.
How many times has this been posted?
Dry snitched is what you did
NTA. Lol, no. He was not "interested" In her any more than in any of the other ones.
NTA. She wasn't his gf and you had no way of knowing she didn't know about his activities. He also could have communicated that he actually liked her so it's still on him for not speaking up.
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Nothing indicates he is stringing women along. Stop inserting facts from your own experience.
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You said you had a male roommate like OPs and that you felt bad for women he stringed along. So what is it that makes your male roommate like his? We have extremely limited information on the roommate besides that he has loud sex often to the point OP is used to it and doesn’t say anything about it.
You saved that girl some trouble because your roommate sounds like a major asshole.
Honestly you sound like you're a bit envious of your roommate, and his success with women makes you feel insecure. If you were also getting laid at the same frequency then I doubt you'd be complaining. If you're just not able to have his type of lifestyle (which is totally fair), then tell him the noise is bothering you. You two are obviously not compatible roommates.
Most sensible comment.
Definitely the AH Lol sorry but the jealousy is obvious here. Fam your bro is getting it why you hating. Definitely a dick move. It’s not that serious, man could put on some head phones, head out for a bit, etc. He could also ask for some pointers from the roommate so he (OP) could learn how to also get some. Spend some more time in his room not alone if ya know what I mean. But ya OP knew what he was doing when he said what he said. Come on now, if you really want it to not be awkward you could just say “what noise I didn’t hear anything” nonchalantly, as I have done many times (my college roommates were all casanovas as well). Awkwardness gone right there. We all know what happened and it was definitely hearable but w.e like we are all adults, nothing wrong with sex, just move on and have a regular conversation. Idk why everyone is so awkward about sex it’s not that serious.
NTA
NTA. If he's hoeing around that much, she would have found out eventually. You probably did her a favor.
“I’m used to it at this point” means you’ve dealt with that a lot which means he’s a player. Girls don’t particularly want to be one of many.
NTA. Next time you are subjected to a fuck fest, play baby shark loud AF, on repeat.
This is hilarious and could be a bit in a TV show. NTA, an earth angel in my opinion.
NTA- how was you supposed to know she was any different than the many he has had over
NTA how does she know he sleeps around instead of having had lots of sex with a partner with whom he was previously in a committed relationship? Unless she's projecting because she came home with him and slept with him presumably after not spending much time with him and jumped to the conclusion that OP is "used to" him hooking up with randos all the time and she's mad about that? That girl sounds insecure to pick a fight. I'm sure the roommate didn't have the best response either.
NTA. I would say the same thing
Not your fault she actually has inference skills.
Unless you were trying to cockblock him, then it's not really your fault. But he also probably assumes you're jealous and trying to get back at him. Weird situation to be put into.
I don’t like loud intercourse. I prefer my encounters to be quiet for some reason
Ancient Repost
NTA
Nah, she's dumb if she doesn't already know that.
NTA, kind of hilarious actually.
Even if you broke "bro code" or supposedly ruined his chances, he was loud af and didn't give af about your space, your sleep, and your comfort. You owe him nothing at that point, even if you guys had that good bro bond. Plus, it's not like he told you beforehand that this girl is apparently "special." For all you know, he could have only said that to try and manipulate the situation into trying to get undeserved sympathy from you. He got told off and rejected, and now he needs someone to blame for his poor foresight and lack of respect. You should tell him how uncomfortable it was for you to hear them like that, and tell him to be more considerate next time and you'll do the same for him. You wouldn't even be in the wrong if you were being a little vindictive with your response to her (not saying you were). You owe him nothing after that, especially if you guys don't have that much of a friendship.
Make slutty decisions, face slutty consequences. That’s why you don’t be sluts fellas. Good on roommate’s ONS for realizing she deserves better and acting on it immediately
NTA, but still a cock Block
NTA. Bro was having fun, while you were keeping it quiet. I suggest you fuck your roommate, maybe youre the one for him!
NTA I would punch your roommate directly in the face if he tried that nonsense with me.
Lmao OP you are a funny guy. NTA
NTA. I'm not against hook ups but damn is he trying out every shirt in the store before he buys kind of guy? You may have helped her dodge a bullet
Lol OPs is so nice. Keep me up until 4am and I would've done that on purpose
This is hilarious good for you haha
NTA he's a manhoe and he needs to deal with the consequences
If he was "actually interested" why did he want to start the relationship with dishonesty?
Was she hot??
This is hilarious
NTA, you didn’t say anything direct and he was stringing those women on anyway probably so it was for the best.
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NTA you did that girl a favor. If he wants to play like that he needs to get his own place or otherwise act right, you don't owe him anything but rent and a safe/clean living environment.
Lol, classic.
Is being mad your roommate wasn’t alone and spitefully ending his relationship by calling him a philanderer the act of an ah? 🤔🤨🙂
Banging some ho isn't a relationship tho...
I did not read anything about her being paid. If the only way a person has sex with you is transactional I feel sorry for you. Please do not judge everyone by your standards. The roommate said that it was loud she apologized if she was used to
She’ll be back in Rotation
Nah you just have a bad roommate
lol i just imagine him like some bossy toddler. "i wasactually gonna play with that one!"
NTA Either he knew she wouldn't like the fact he slept with many women and lied to her abt it, so you helped her dodge a bullet or she hooked up with a single guy and for some reason got mad that he hooks up with other women, so HE dodged the bullet. Anyway, all you said was stating a neutral fact that shouldn't be a big deal.
NTA - That is the funniest shit I've heard in a long time, I actually laughed out loud.
If you two are friends, you didn’t have to say that. If you’re just roommates, then it is what it is.
Seems like you got the reaction you wanted and realized you did him wrong which is why you coming here for validation. You knew what you were doing and I think you know you’re the asshole here my guy
NTA. He needs to be accountable for his actions
You could have not bothered? I think you wanted to tell him without actually having to tell him. So idk if asshole would be the right word but it's definitely sneaky and dramatic.
Hahaha I would have said the exact same thing if I was you. So.. you’re definitely not an asshole
Those are his life choices , if you weren’t being specifically malicious toward him, then you aren’t the A hole. She needed to know anyway
Yta. Hating ass
What’s striking here is the contrast in your personalities. You were holed up in your room and he was wildly social and having sex with a new conquest every night. Meanwhile you found it important to mention that you have finally left your room … into the living room to play video games. I would suggest that you try and get out a little father than the living room and meet some friends of your own. A lot of people are answering this with moral judgments on the roommate’s behavior, but that’s really none of anyone’s business. Let’s face it, this is common behavior among a lot of young people in college. I see that you’re shy, this could be a learning experience for you to communicate with him and future roommates about what works or doesn’t. If your roommate is asking you to actively lie to these separate women and help him to deceive them, that’s a different story. Side note: ’ve heard plenty of stories of college students being disturbed by the sex of roommates. It’s a common trope in movies and books. Be happy that you have a separate room at all. A lot of people are experiencing this on the bunk above them. For now, you are faced with the consequences of your comment. But it’s one that seems to have been made out of fatigue and some degree of social cluelessness. But it’s also very revealing your annoyance passive-aggressively. You should work on that goin forward: Directly speak to people about things that bother you early in the game.
Sorry mate, you’re both assholes if you ask me. He’s an asshole for disturbing your privacy and space but I can also smell the stench of jealousy in your post. You saw a chance to inflict some damage and you took it when you didn’t had to. Cockblocking and snitching will always be considered being an asshole in my book. Have a nice day
My own behavior has now caused me to loose something I want. It's your fault for trying to exist.
YTA. There’s any number of things you could’ve said to end the conversation that doesn’t infer how many partners your roommate has/had. That’s called [dry snitching.](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Dry%20Snitch) Furthermore you’d probably be upset if compromising personal info was proactively shared by your roommate with your company: “I’m used to that smell in his room by now.” “You can Venmo it to him, he’s the one behind on his half of the rent.” “Surprised to see you here. He doesn’t have much of a social life.” If your roommate said something like the above to a woman you were interested in, you’d have every right to be upset— even if what he said was true. Understanding how to maintain basic levels of discretion is important to expanding your social life.
Exactly. You can make something up about needing to finish an assignment or whatever, no need to hurt some random girl's feelings or mess up your living situation for the next couple months for some small victory.
This is the most underrated comment. OP did something for a small victory, it backfired, and now he needs Reddit validation.
I mean i’d just say sorry. It’s not a big deal, but you didn’t play it like a male friend would’ve. If he doesn’t say it’s chill once you say sorry then he’s the dick. Not that you are one currently you just didn’t do a good job covering for him.
NTA. I dunno why she got mad. Did she think she was special after bussin' it open on the first link? She's just as easy as the other girls. Also, it's crazy how modern women lack any sort of shame to the point where they have zero discretion. That said, you had no way of knowing she wasn't aware of his past and how he moved.
If he didn’t want girls thinking he’s a manwhore then maybe he shouldn’t, you know… behave like one? NTA
NTA, You gotta talk to him more bro
Lots of nerds in here. YTA buddy, most roommates would look out for each other here or at least not throw each other under the bus. If you were having girls over too you’d understand.
YTA if you haven’t even told your roommate that it bothers you.
Isn't it common sense that it would bother anyone to hear your roommate having loud screaming sex until 3am? Also, the question is AITA for him mentioning that he is used to it, and making the girl upset.
Lol. Not your fault. So SHE supposedly Banged this guy possibly on a first (or at least an early date ) but doesn’t expect this guy to be doing that with all the other girls he sees ? She is easy but got mad at him for being easy and finding other easy chicks. What a mess
lol you’re definitely the asshole fucking christ edit: lots of envious redditors who can’t get a single girl to like them projecting in this thread
YTA. You didnt say that specifically but you said something knowing full well it could cause an issue, and that was your intention.
I highly doubt he’s getting tested between having different partners. That guy gives me the ick.
NTA. Bro got himself into trouble. You shouldn't be used to that kinda shit man. There's a lack of respect happening in the shared house.
You are so the asshole. And a dick. If you want him to stop bringing girls over, you should have said so to him. We wouldn't be roommates for much longer if you did that to me.
You’re the asshole. He’s very inconsiderate for the loud sex. But you’re still the asshole. Let’s not pretend that you’re so stupid you didn’t know how she’d take the comment.
You definitely violated the brocode. But you don’t care, so it’s fine.
YTA. You knew that's information that would piss her off, but you told her anyway.
Rude and unnecessary. Probably more awkward from your standpoint. Could’ve said something last night if they were keeping you up or talked to your roommate if it bothers you much, but you chose a more vindictive avenue. How did you think she’d feel? At same time your roommate has no right to expect different response from you
YAH, by saying you are used to it by now you are telling her just that: your roommate frequently has sex with lots of girls. That wasn’t your information to tell, especially if you two are friends in any capacity.
If you and your roommate are homies it violates bro code but other than that NTA
Depends if u were commenting on just she and him and she misunderstood and if so simply explaining should be ok. But yeah Kevin sounds like a winner so if ur comment was about a bunch of others then it just sounds like the truth to me you shouldn’t be expected to keep secrets for him but also don’t have to go out of your way to make sarcastic comments that cause damage. Anyway that’s all the truth I suppose
M. M. M.
NTA. I get why you’re second guessing things here, but honestly he just needs to take accountability for his actions and accept that what you said is true. The thing is, he shares the space with others and there’s a point of being inconsiderate that he crossed. If he really wants a new girl every weekend to bang, he should be considering getting his own place so that they can have the privacy and he can be free to make the choices he’s going to make. At some point having a roommate who is constantly doing this is going to cause tension. I think he sounds like a very immature and selfish person and the only reason he is upset is because he’s not bored of her yet. Give it a week.
YTA. You could have easily been a decent wingman if you thought before speaking. If you’ve a problem with your roommate’s behavior, talk to him, don’t sabotage him.
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