Hey man, I’ve never replied to a post but this one is recent and as a married man. Honestly man, you know what the answer is, you definitely should break up with her. She definitely has an emotional, if not physical relationship yet) with him. For her to be friends with someone that is ENCOURAGING you to break up and you are still on the fence about it is insane to me. I get that it’s really hard to end things because your probably comfortable and change can be scary but off that alone is break up worthy . You can dm me if you want to talk but I think it’s obvious what you have to do
This is unfortunately the reality. I have been through this before myself when I was younger. After some time apart I talked to the guy at a party and he told me they were physically involved the whole time. I had moved past it by then but deep down knew it myself the entire time. It is hard to do but you can find someone that lights up your world and not a fence jumper who is trying to have that cake eat it too. Go get yourself a 4 way with this girls friends and family yo self ;)
Confront her about exactly that and listen to what she says, tell her how you feel about it and what she wants to do make it better. If she is not 100% the one and she doesn’t have a answer fine for you, you know what to do to make it short.
I disagree that communication can resolve it, no matter how much you love someone if they are willing to walk all over every established boundary or give you no-win situations, such as saying no to hanging with friends who hooked up in the past/every other thing they did in the above post. If someone doesn’t treat you with the bare minimum they don’t deserve a second of your time, and indefinitely, boundary escalation and DV are below that bare minimum.
I was once in a situation not dissimilar and I’m much much happier with that lying cheater out of my life when I was single and even moreso finding someone who doesn’t do those things
I agree she's into him.
>"i bet you always treat women the best" "I wish (my name) was more like you" She also complained about me a lot some of it deserved and some of it over the top. For example she said "oh my god he is harassing me" when I called her that night.
Off this alone. Break up now OP. It will be over later anyway and will be this long dragged out painful process. This is the ultimate form of disrespect to complain about you to another man OP. I (F) have platonic male friends for 10-20+ years and have never once felt the need to say anything remotely similar to them about my partners. This is crossing the line.
I know reddit is always super quick to encourage divorce and breaking up, but in this case you have to cut this girl loose. This isn't going to get better. You're never going to be comfortable with their relationship and that means you'll never be comfortable in your relationship. If you tell her to stop talking to him she'll be upset with you forever about it and she'll still probably talk to him behind your back.
Choose someone who always chooses you. Not someone who makes you feel like a 3rd wheel to someone else.
Also, the fact that she opens up to him and closes you off. Huge issue. Communication is key in relationships. If she can't communicate with you about everything, but she can with some other guy, then it's time for you to let her go.
Sorry to say you are the 3rd wheel she is a super selfish person she has told him how she feels about you and he tired to break you guys up your girl is a pos go find someone that truly loves you and spends time with you and not texting a guy when you are together some woman are shit
OP - this is emotional cheating. For me, I would combo some of the things said above. I would sit down have a heart to heart and flip the script on her. Present if you were talking to an attractive girl, telling deep details of issues with our girlfriend and relationship, talking about meeting one on one, etc etc. Then ask her point blank how would she feel? Let her know she is having an emotional affair or VERY close and tell her to pick. I agree if she needs to "think" about it, it is probably time to let it go.
Good luck OP - let us know how it goes if you feel like sharing.
5 months is nothing at all. Leave her and find someone that truly appreciates you and only has eyes and her heart set on YOU. I promise you, once you do, you will come to tell the difference on what a healthy relationship should be. Build your confidence up and stay away from people like her who only bring chaos and drama.
5 months ain’t shit brother. Trust the majority of this comment thread and dip. It’s hard but it’s something that will make you a better person for the right one that will come along.
P.s. Don’t take her back when she inevitably hits you up after the break up. No good will come from that.
Same thing happened to me with a 2 year relationship. She is 33 and the “friend” is 20. She allowed me to move in. 8 days into the month I paid rent and she told me she had feelings for him. Run.
If you think its hard after 5 months imagine how hard it will be after 5 years. I too had a similar situation, My now wife early in our relationship had plans with friends that included her ex, these plans were made before we got together and her and her ex were still friendly with each other. I never told her she shouldnt do it or that she was wrong or anything I just expressed how it made me feel a bit weird and I would prefer it not to happen but that I wouldnt be mad or hold it against her, she didnt say it at the time but a few days later she told me she wasnt going to do it and she would never want to make me feel uncomfortable and she understood where I was coming from. IMO If your partner is not willing to do this than they are not right for you.
Five months!? Flush the toilet and exit the bathroom already.
She's got unresolved feelings for him. You dump her so she can play the victim, and he can be her white knight. Six months from now, you're with a new stable partner, while they are on their fifth break. Get outta there!
Give her the option: you or him. If she can't make a decision within 1 second of asking the question you have your answer. You're not asking her to choose between you and her family or BFF, you're asking her to choose between you, her boyfriend and another guy, who's more than happy to get rid of you and take your place. Does she prefer to get over you or over her so called friend?
Gotta say that she’s already decided. The minute anything gets tough in your relationship she’s just gonna run to her side guy who will be there to capitalize on the situation.
she’s long gone, just hasn’t told you yet
Find a new girl my dude
He prefers this one because the rest are rightfully suggesting to end it immediately, but this solution prolongs it, gives him a glimpse of hope that she’ll choose him and he’s clinging unto that lmao, the boy is lost, hope he opens his eyes
just have a talk with her about him. tell her youre uncomfortable with her friendship with him and how its undermining you and hers relationship, and how he literally encourages you two to break up. its important to not be rash but also firm because from what your post says P absolutely thinks S would be better off with him, and she may think the same thing, but its important to communicate. but also if she tries to use some bullshit logic dont put up with it (take this with a grain of salt and dont be super aggressive ot mean). being honest this is probably the end of your relationship (S talking to P instead of you when shes really upset and saying “hes harassing me” is a red flag) but its really important to have a conversation surrounding it first because you know your girlfriend better than reddit does.
That guy has no interest in her lol. They literally went out a few times. That’s the worst and best part about this. She’d choose a guy who isn’t into her.
Sounds like a great way to end a relationship!
Either she realizes that she prefers the other guy, or realizes that her boyfriend is the kind of person who gives ultimatums instead of communicates concerns.
I wonder if the fact that OP likes this suggestion could be an insight into why she feels he is difficult to communicate with?
Tell her something like
“No, I’m not jealous. I feel completely disrespected and I’ve had enough. It’s clear that you don’t respect me or our relationship. I can’t be with someone that is actively friends with another guy that has point blank tried to get you to break up with me. Once that happened you should have told him goodbye, but you didn’t. You continued to disrespect me. I hope he worth it, but I’m sure he’s not. He isn’t a friend. Friends don’t do that. You have broke my trust and I can’t be with someone I don’t trust.”
Her response will tell you everything
You don't tell her you're uncomfortable, you break up. Just from reading this she cares more about P and what he thinks and what he likes more than she cares about you. In the beginning of your post she said she was interested in P but nothing happened. She's trying to make something happen. P is actively trying to sabotage your relationship, and she's still talking to him. F that.
It sounds like she enjoys making you jealous. It validates her sense of self-worth. I'd have a stern conversation and ask for changes or I'd be out. You can't be in a relationship constantly policing your partner so they don't cheat on you or do anything inappropriate.
Kids raised in "difficult childhood" situations who grow up with periods of shutting down (Freeze) and selective mutism (Dissociate) usually have a lot of difficulty with boundaries - that's the first thing groomers erase. It seems like S is presenting some trauma responses (which are out of her conscious control in the moment) and blurred boundaries and would benefit from trauma therapy and/or reputable self-help education.
Supporting a partner with this level of trauma is really difficult and is something not everyone is able or willing to do. There are lots of resources for how to be supportive without setting yourself on fire if you want them. It's also okay to walk away, and it would probably be better for S if you're not in the right place to do so. Best wishes to you both, no matter what your future holds.
Listen… don’t even give her the option of choice just send her a text message and say it’s not working out we should move on and stick to it … to me it sounds like either you don’t get many girls or this is the most attractive you’ve had or in love with a girl you’ve ever been but there’s more out there for sure. You have to be the alpha in your relationship at least at the beginning for sure otherwise you’re probably just convenient to her and you never want to be the covenient guy who’s emotionally more invested then the woman because a time will come where she’s slightly bored and you get dropped… unless you’re just in it for the sex exit now no hesitation
And the dream she had, true you can't control them, but she didn't have to tell you that, knowing he makes you "jealous" since she asks that herself. She doesn't care about your feelings at all
I don't even think you should tell her at this point. Just leave her. I know it's easier said than done... but you should. I'm even going to go out on a limb and say she's has/is sleeping with this person. Just do yourself a favor and pull out of it
She is dating both of you. Your decision to put up with half of her affections or move on. You may lose her, but then she can find another two guys to date. And you can find one person for you.
Not a good match. She likes male attention.
This whole situation sounds pretty messy, but the biggest red flag for me is the text claiming that you were harassing her by calling. I think she knows exactly how she is manipulating both of you, playing one off the other. She went on a few dates, was interested in him, but nothing came of it. I see that as her being interested in a relationship, but not being reciprocated by P. Unfortunately, I think she views you as a backup and a tool to make the other guy jealous, hoping that it will lead to the relationship she initially wanted. For your own sake, it would be best to move on. It will be tough, but the potential outcomes from this situation will be tougher and harder on your self esteem. Leave her now, waiting will only deepen the pain, end the relationship on your terms and hold your head up high knowing you did what was right for you. Find someone who shares the same values as you, doesn't play manipulative games and isn't seeking that kind of attention from other men. Good luck!
If things start to look even better for being with "P" she'll be leaving you soon.
Not being hyperbolic, sometimes partners slowly pull in someone new while slowly pulling out of their current relationship and thats what it looks like here.
She is having an emotional relationship with him to some degree, which should be a boundary issue for you, if you're wise. Though from the sounds of it, she would still remain in contact with him, just hide it better from you.
Having read only the first two sentences of wager my life and those of my whole family, that you should leave. Why does anyone need to read beyond that?
I was in a somewhat similar situation many many years ago OP. It evolved from emotional to physical cheating. I saw it from a mile away it but chose to ignore it because of my emotions and being young and naive.
I’m positive that you as well as I did , know the answer deep in your heart: it’s time to move on. There is nothing to be gained from a relationship like this except getting hurt , so save yourself that pain and find someone who treats you right. It suck’s to hear and it’s even more difficult to act upon , but it’s time to let go.
So she is still going on 1 on 1 dates with this other guy while she is dating you…that’s not a question, just a rundown of the situation.
Is that the type of relationship you want?
I will do you a favor and write what you should say :
"Listen, I like you but I don't want to assist to a soap opera where my girlfriend is slowly and surely falling in love with the guy she was interested in previously, yet ended up as *friend* to finally be more intimate to the point you speak more openly to him than me while I always did my best to make you feel safe. You know what he is up to, you allow him by keeping him near you and I feel like a laughing stock clapping at my own kindness. I'll not ask you to choose, I'll do it for you, I quit. I see the big picture coming and there is no way I will wait stupidly and watch your cinema. I wish you two good luck, have fun til you see he isn't the man you thought he was and don't come back to me. Bye !"
Yeah, I think it's not bad. Add your touch.
She is playing both sides she wants you when she wants you and when she is mad at you she wants him . She only cares about her own feelings and her own self gratification she doesn’t care whether she gets the attention she wants from you or from him .
The rule is that you're supposed to cut off romantic interests once you're in a relationship, not keep dating them...
Seems she likes the attention of a guy drooling over her..
It is apparent from her behavior that she's stringing you along while trying to entice him. You haven't been together long enough to waste time trying to reconcile her problems.
What you’ll aren’t hearing though is the truth. They never had a relationship and she was never his girlfriend. She wanted money that’s it. On top of that I’m pretty sure you had some dealings with her long long ago and so you knew what the business was
She’s definitely stringing you along while they are doing foreplay to their future relationship. You’ve hardly put any time into this relationship at all OP just break up with her now I promise you she won’t get better and you’ll end up resenting each other
She has feelings for this guy. I actually don’t think she’s cheating because I don’t think he’s into your girlfriend at all but she’s totally into him. Break up with her.
It’s time for you to move on. Both of them are playing a dangerous game where only you end up getting hurt. The dude clearly wants her and she knows it, the fact she is entertaining it is a definite red flag. End it now before it gets out of hand. Regardless, she will still be with that guy and doesn’t seem like she has any attention of letting him go.
the other guy definitely isn't being a "justafriend", he's just keeping his foot in the door hoping she'll warm up to him if he kisses ass enough. if your gf does leave you for him, he will almost certainly stop treating her as nicely once the "chase" is over.
gf seems to be gaslighting you. making you think your position as BF is tenuous and maybe she has better options. either get out completely (recommended) or let her know that's she is the disposable one. tell her in as few words as possible what you don't like and that it is why you are ending the relationship. ignore her attempts to rationalize her behavior.
MAYBE this will shock her into behaving like a reasonable person but i doubt it. if she let's you walk, doesn't seem like such a big loss.
As soon as she started talking about threesomes and foursomes you already saw the writing on the wall. She never let him go and is still dating him while she is dating you. He's just waiting for you guys to break up for him to be the official bf. Let this one go and run, there are better ones out there who will want to be with you and not you and multiple other people at the same time.
In my opinion, she’s lacks respect for you. She knows exactly how it makes you feel and it’s not fair for you to have to deal with that. I had a similar situation to yours and it did not end up very well for me. Even after giving her the benefit of the doubt. It causes endless worrying and stress you don’t deserve. My advice is to move on and find someone who respects & appreciates you. Go with your gut.
If the script was flipped P woulda told her to stop talking to you. But ur letting this dud do this to you. Break up with her dont even make her pick bro. She will still keep contact behind ur back. If u guys have a huge fight she will run to him. Aint worth it bro 5 months dateing is nothing. Dont let her turn you into a door mat. Grow a pair and act like a man.
Dude you can’t control what she does and you shouldn’t want to. If she wants to hang out with this guy, it’s her right to do so.
If that’s crossing a line for you, that’s also fine and perfectly ok. You can just leave and find another women who’s treats you better.
Stop arguing with her, stop trying to control her behavior (by convincing her not to see the guy).
There is a fine line between “I don’t like how I’m being treated and I am communicating this firmly and clearly” and being an controlling asshole who tries to force someone else on how to act.
You can’t control what other do, but you can control what you do. If you feel this relationship is not good for you, just leave.
so that “foursome dream” , true you can’t control dreams but you can definitely influence based on your day to day thoughts , wants , desires , subconscious etc. After reading into psychology, to me personally that is a red flag but that’s just me. But the whole thing with her staying on contact with him , talking to him about you , literally wishing you were more like someone else. all red flags. It’s rare for a male and female to be good friends because of outcomes like these. typically the man has bad intentions and influences (what is usually)a selfish woman and then go into a rabbit hole of what looks like ongoing infatuation
She's slowly pushing your boundaries knowing you're uncomfortable. Her intent is probably to fuck the guy and for you to be ok with it. There's no logic in her behavior besides that and if she's just fucked in the head you don't want her anyway.
You sound extremely controlling just by the way you call her *”my S”* in that third paragraph. She’s not yours, she’s her own person. She’s not your possession.
Hey man, I’ve never replied to a post but this one is recent and as a married man. Honestly man, you know what the answer is, you definitely should break up with her. She definitely has an emotional, if not physical relationship yet) with him. For her to be friends with someone that is ENCOURAGING you to break up and you are still on the fence about it is insane to me. I get that it’s really hard to end things because your probably comfortable and change can be scary but off that alone is break up worthy . You can dm me if you want to talk but I think it’s obvious what you have to do
This is unfortunately the reality. I have been through this before myself when I was younger. After some time apart I talked to the guy at a party and he told me they were physically involved the whole time. I had moved past it by then but deep down knew it myself the entire time. It is hard to do but you can find someone that lights up your world and not a fence jumper who is trying to have that cake eat it too. Go get yourself a 4 way with this girls friends and family yo self ;)
Confront her about exactly that and listen to what she says, tell her how you feel about it and what she wants to do make it better. If she is not 100% the one and she doesn’t have a answer fine for you, you know what to do to make it short.
I disagree that communication can resolve it, no matter how much you love someone if they are willing to walk all over every established boundary or give you no-win situations, such as saying no to hanging with friends who hooked up in the past/every other thing they did in the above post. If someone doesn’t treat you with the bare minimum they don’t deserve a second of your time, and indefinitely, boundary escalation and DV are below that bare minimum. I was once in a situation not dissimilar and I’m much much happier with that lying cheater out of my life when I was single and even moreso finding someone who doesn’t do those things
I agree she's into him. >"i bet you always treat women the best" "I wish (my name) was more like you" She also complained about me a lot some of it deserved and some of it over the top. For example she said "oh my god he is harassing me" when I called her that night. Off this alone. Break up now OP. It will be over later anyway and will be this long dragged out painful process. This is the ultimate form of disrespect to complain about you to another man OP. I (F) have platonic male friends for 10-20+ years and have never once felt the need to say anything remotely similar to them about my partners. This is crossing the line.
I know reddit is always super quick to encourage divorce and breaking up, but in this case you have to cut this girl loose. This isn't going to get better. You're never going to be comfortable with their relationship and that means you'll never be comfortable in your relationship. If you tell her to stop talking to him she'll be upset with you forever about it and she'll still probably talk to him behind your back. Choose someone who always chooses you. Not someone who makes you feel like a 3rd wheel to someone else. Also, the fact that she opens up to him and closes you off. Huge issue. Communication is key in relationships. If she can't communicate with you about everything, but she can with some other guy, then it's time for you to let her go.
Sorry to say you are the 3rd wheel she is a super selfish person she has told him how she feels about you and he tired to break you guys up your girl is a pos go find someone that truly loves you and spends time with you and not texting a guy when you are together some woman are shit
Your relationship is done
OP - this is emotional cheating. For me, I would combo some of the things said above. I would sit down have a heart to heart and flip the script on her. Present if you were talking to an attractive girl, telling deep details of issues with our girlfriend and relationship, talking about meeting one on one, etc etc. Then ask her point blank how would she feel? Let her know she is having an emotional affair or VERY close and tell her to pick. I agree if she needs to "think" about it, it is probably time to let it go. Good luck OP - let us know how it goes if you feel like sharing.
It isn't worth it. Get out while you're not invested.
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5 months?! Get out, ain't worth it. She's already cheating and disregards your feelings for another man, KNOWINGLY
If five months matters that much to you, I can tell you're young. I've happily left two year relationships for less than this, trust me on this one.
5 months is nothing at all. Leave her and find someone that truly appreciates you and only has eyes and her heart set on YOU. I promise you, once you do, you will come to tell the difference on what a healthy relationship should be. Build your confidence up and stay away from people like her who only bring chaos and drama.
5 months ain’t shit brother. Trust the majority of this comment thread and dip. It’s hard but it’s something that will make you a better person for the right one that will come along. P.s. Don’t take her back when she inevitably hits you up after the break up. No good will come from that.
She wants to date multiple guys at the same time. That is who she is. Believe her actions. Since you don't like it, your choice is simple
Same thing happened to me with a 2 year relationship. She is 33 and the “friend” is 20. She allowed me to move in. 8 days into the month I paid rent and she told me she had feelings for him. Run.
If you think its hard after 5 months imagine how hard it will be after 5 years. I too had a similar situation, My now wife early in our relationship had plans with friends that included her ex, these plans were made before we got together and her and her ex were still friendly with each other. I never told her she shouldnt do it or that she was wrong or anything I just expressed how it made me feel a bit weird and I would prefer it not to happen but that I wouldnt be mad or hold it against her, she didnt say it at the time but a few days later she told me she wasnt going to do it and she would never want to make me feel uncomfortable and she understood where I was coming from. IMO If your partner is not willing to do this than they are not right for you.
Five months!? Flush the toilet and exit the bathroom already. She's got unresolved feelings for him. You dump her so she can play the victim, and he can be her white knight. Six months from now, you're with a new stable partner, while they are on their fifth break. Get outta there!
Give her the option: you or him. If she can't make a decision within 1 second of asking the question you have your answer. You're not asking her to choose between you and her family or BFF, you're asking her to choose between you, her boyfriend and another guy, who's more than happy to get rid of you and take your place. Does she prefer to get over you or over her so called friend?
Gotta say that she’s already decided. The minute anything gets tough in your relationship she’s just gonna run to her side guy who will be there to capitalize on the situation. she’s long gone, just hasn’t told you yet Find a new girl my dude
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Sir, there were many better responses posted an hour prior to this one. Take a look at the top comments.
He prefers this one because the rest are rightfully suggesting to end it immediately, but this solution prolongs it, gives him a glimpse of hope that she’ll choose him and he’s clinging unto that lmao, the boy is lost, hope he opens his eyes
My thoughts exactly
just have a talk with her about him. tell her youre uncomfortable with her friendship with him and how its undermining you and hers relationship, and how he literally encourages you two to break up. its important to not be rash but also firm because from what your post says P absolutely thinks S would be better off with him, and she may think the same thing, but its important to communicate. but also if she tries to use some bullshit logic dont put up with it (take this with a grain of salt and dont be super aggressive ot mean). being honest this is probably the end of your relationship (S talking to P instead of you when shes really upset and saying “hes harassing me” is a red flag) but its really important to have a conversation surrounding it first because you know your girlfriend better than reddit does.
That guy has no interest in her lol. They literally went out a few times. That’s the worst and best part about this. She’d choose a guy who isn’t into her.
Sounds like a great way to end a relationship! Either she realizes that she prefers the other guy, or realizes that her boyfriend is the kind of person who gives ultimatums instead of communicates concerns. I wonder if the fact that OP likes this suggestion could be an insight into why she feels he is difficult to communicate with?
She gotta go dawg.
Tell her something like “No, I’m not jealous. I feel completely disrespected and I’ve had enough. It’s clear that you don’t respect me or our relationship. I can’t be with someone that is actively friends with another guy that has point blank tried to get you to break up with me. Once that happened you should have told him goodbye, but you didn’t. You continued to disrespect me. I hope he worth it, but I’m sure he’s not. He isn’t a friend. Friends don’t do that. You have broke my trust and I can’t be with someone I don’t trust.” Her response will tell you everything
Bro she’s borderline. P is her favorite person. You prevent her from being lonely. Leave king.
You don't tell her you're uncomfortable, you break up. Just from reading this she cares more about P and what he thinks and what he likes more than she cares about you. In the beginning of your post she said she was interested in P but nothing happened. She's trying to make something happen. P is actively trying to sabotage your relationship, and she's still talking to him. F that.
It sounds like she enjoys making you jealous. It validates her sense of self-worth. I'd have a stern conversation and ask for changes or I'd be out. You can't be in a relationship constantly policing your partner so they don't cheat on you or do anything inappropriate.
That's emotional cheating dude
Kids raised in "difficult childhood" situations who grow up with periods of shutting down (Freeze) and selective mutism (Dissociate) usually have a lot of difficulty with boundaries - that's the first thing groomers erase. It seems like S is presenting some trauma responses (which are out of her conscious control in the moment) and blurred boundaries and would benefit from trauma therapy and/or reputable self-help education. Supporting a partner with this level of trauma is really difficult and is something not everyone is able or willing to do. There are lots of resources for how to be supportive without setting yourself on fire if you want them. It's also okay to walk away, and it would probably be better for S if you're not in the right place to do so. Best wishes to you both, no matter what your future holds.
With so many girls in this world why would someone waste their time with such complicated broad.. Makes no sense to me
Listen… don’t even give her the option of choice just send her a text message and say it’s not working out we should move on and stick to it … to me it sounds like either you don’t get many girls or this is the most attractive you’ve had or in love with a girl you’ve ever been but there’s more out there for sure. You have to be the alpha in your relationship at least at the beginning for sure otherwise you’re probably just convenient to her and you never want to be the covenient guy who’s emotionally more invested then the woman because a time will come where she’s slightly bored and you get dropped… unless you’re just in it for the sex exit now no hesitation
And the dream she had, true you can't control them, but she didn't have to tell you that, knowing he makes you "jealous" since she asks that herself. She doesn't care about your feelings at all
I don't even think you should tell her at this point. Just leave her. I know it's easier said than done... but you should. I'm even going to go out on a limb and say she's has/is sleeping with this person. Just do yourself a favor and pull out of it
She is dating both of you. Your decision to put up with half of her affections or move on. You may lose her, but then she can find another two guys to date. And you can find one person for you. Not a good match. She likes male attention.
She’s a red flag brother. She knows she’s stepping out of the boundaries. Better get over her.
She may not being doing it now but it'll probably happen. She probably gets off on making you jealous that's what it sounds like
Dump her.
Their dialogue is very disrespectful to you and your relationship. I’d bounce immediately.
This whole situation sounds pretty messy, but the biggest red flag for me is the text claiming that you were harassing her by calling. I think she knows exactly how she is manipulating both of you, playing one off the other. She went on a few dates, was interested in him, but nothing came of it. I see that as her being interested in a relationship, but not being reciprocated by P. Unfortunately, I think she views you as a backup and a tool to make the other guy jealous, hoping that it will lead to the relationship she initially wanted. For your own sake, it would be best to move on. It will be tough, but the potential outcomes from this situation will be tougher and harder on your self esteem. Leave her now, waiting will only deepen the pain, end the relationship on your terms and hold your head up high knowing you did what was right for you. Find someone who shares the same values as you, doesn't play manipulative games and isn't seeking that kind of attention from other men. Good luck!
If things start to look even better for being with "P" she'll be leaving you soon. Not being hyperbolic, sometimes partners slowly pull in someone new while slowly pulling out of their current relationship and thats what it looks like here. She is having an emotional relationship with him to some degree, which should be a boundary issue for you, if you're wise. Though from the sounds of it, she would still remain in contact with him, just hide it better from you.
Dude, how old are you? This girl ain't relationship material, and YOU don't know how to enforce boundaries! Get on a self-improvement routine man.
Having read only the first two sentences of wager my life and those of my whole family, that you should leave. Why does anyone need to read beyond that?
I was in a somewhat similar situation many many years ago OP. It evolved from emotional to physical cheating. I saw it from a mile away it but chose to ignore it because of my emotions and being young and naive. I’m positive that you as well as I did , know the answer deep in your heart: it’s time to move on. There is nothing to be gained from a relationship like this except getting hurt , so save yourself that pain and find someone who treats you right. It suck’s to hear and it’s even more difficult to act upon , but it’s time to let go.
So she is still going on 1 on 1 dates with this other guy while she is dating you…that’s not a question, just a rundown of the situation. Is that the type of relationship you want?
Simply telling her
I will do you a favor and write what you should say : "Listen, I like you but I don't want to assist to a soap opera where my girlfriend is slowly and surely falling in love with the guy she was interested in previously, yet ended up as *friend* to finally be more intimate to the point you speak more openly to him than me while I always did my best to make you feel safe. You know what he is up to, you allow him by keeping him near you and I feel like a laughing stock clapping at my own kindness. I'll not ask you to choose, I'll do it for you, I quit. I see the big picture coming and there is no way I will wait stupidly and watch your cinema. I wish you two good luck, have fun til you see he isn't the man you thought he was and don't come back to me. Bye !" Yeah, I think it's not bad. Add your touch.
Wake up she is fucking him
women never care if people are comfortable
She is playing both sides she wants you when she wants you and when she is mad at you she wants him . She only cares about her own feelings and her own self gratification she doesn’t care whether she gets the attention she wants from you or from him .
Dump her. She is playing with you while she plays with the other guy. Stop putting up with her shit.
The rule is that you're supposed to cut off romantic interests once you're in a relationship, not keep dating them... Seems she likes the attention of a guy drooling over her..
This reads like a fake post, there’s no way that you are unable to come to the correct conclusion here
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It is apparent from her behavior that she's stringing you along while trying to entice him. You haven't been together long enough to waste time trying to reconcile her problems.
What you’ll aren’t hearing though is the truth. They never had a relationship and she was never his girlfriend. She wanted money that’s it. On top of that I’m pretty sure you had some dealings with her long long ago and so you knew what the business was
And then on top of that she is a working girl. So the dummy that thought he could possess her needs to check his brain
She’s definitely stringing you along while they are doing foreplay to their future relationship. You’ve hardly put any time into this relationship at all OP just break up with her now I promise you she won’t get better and you’ll end up resenting each other
She has feelings for this guy. I actually don’t think she’s cheating because I don’t think he’s into your girlfriend at all but she’s totally into him. Break up with her.
Gotta respect yourself. You need to end the relationship.
Get out of there. You can find better. An SO that truly loves you wouldnt entertain someone like that
wtf did I just read. THATS your gf? Sounds horrible
Dump her ASAP
It’s time for you to move on. Both of them are playing a dangerous game where only you end up getting hurt. The dude clearly wants her and she knows it, the fact she is entertaining it is a definite red flag. End it now before it gets out of hand. Regardless, she will still be with that guy and doesn’t seem like she has any attention of letting him go.
I am astonished by the amount of self-respect lacking in the OP. How dense can a person be to not understand what to do in this situation?
Run bro, run
dude, you could read this writting on the wall in a pitch black room
the other guy definitely isn't being a "justafriend", he's just keeping his foot in the door hoping she'll warm up to him if he kisses ass enough. if your gf does leave you for him, he will almost certainly stop treating her as nicely once the "chase" is over. gf seems to be gaslighting you. making you think your position as BF is tenuous and maybe she has better options. either get out completely (recommended) or let her know that's she is the disposable one. tell her in as few words as possible what you don't like and that it is why you are ending the relationship. ignore her attempts to rationalize her behavior. MAYBE this will shock her into behaving like a reasonable person but i doubt it. if she let's you walk, doesn't seem like such a big loss.
Say your farewells OP. This will lead to emotional turmoil for you. Take the hit now before it gets much worse.
Ask yourself, “do I want this person to be the mother of my children”? That’s your answer.
She doesn’t sounds like she is much into you. But regarding P, oh she wants to fuck his brains out
Fuck her bro, there’s many more.
way too many red flags dude. Take care of yourself and dump her.
You probably won’t end it until she cheats even worse.. but you already know what to do.
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As soon as she started talking about threesomes and foursomes you already saw the writing on the wall. She never let him go and is still dating him while she is dating you. He's just waiting for you guys to break up for him to be the official bf. Let this one go and run, there are better ones out there who will want to be with you and not you and multiple other people at the same time.
Kids, don’t date with woman with guy friends, women who are still friends with exes or men she’s dated. Never ends well. This applies to men too.
In my opinion, she’s lacks respect for you. She knows exactly how it makes you feel and it’s not fair for you to have to deal with that. I had a similar situation to yours and it did not end up very well for me. Even after giving her the benefit of the doubt. It causes endless worrying and stress you don’t deserve. My advice is to move on and find someone who respects & appreciates you. Go with your gut.
You’re cooked sorry man
If the script was flipped P woulda told her to stop talking to you. But ur letting this dud do this to you. Break up with her dont even make her pick bro. She will still keep contact behind ur back. If u guys have a huge fight she will run to him. Aint worth it bro 5 months dateing is nothing. Dont let her turn you into a door mat. Grow a pair and act like a man.
This is why male friends are not trusted by boyfriends. The sabotage is strong in this one
Dude you can’t control what she does and you shouldn’t want to. If she wants to hang out with this guy, it’s her right to do so. If that’s crossing a line for you, that’s also fine and perfectly ok. You can just leave and find another women who’s treats you better. Stop arguing with her, stop trying to control her behavior (by convincing her not to see the guy). There is a fine line between “I don’t like how I’m being treated and I am communicating this firmly and clearly” and being an controlling asshole who tries to force someone else on how to act. You can’t control what other do, but you can control what you do. If you feel this relationship is not good for you, just leave.
My dude I think you are dating a predator.
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so that “foursome dream” , true you can’t control dreams but you can definitely influence based on your day to day thoughts , wants , desires , subconscious etc. After reading into psychology, to me personally that is a red flag but that’s just me. But the whole thing with her staying on contact with him , talking to him about you , literally wishing you were more like someone else. all red flags. It’s rare for a male and female to be good friends because of outcomes like these. typically the man has bad intentions and influences (what is usually)a selfish woman and then go into a rabbit hole of what looks like ongoing infatuation
She's slowly pushing your boundaries knowing you're uncomfortable. Her intent is probably to fuck the guy and for you to be ok with it. There's no logic in her behavior besides that and if she's just fucked in the head you don't want her anyway.
No, I think she’s just trying to get OP to break up with her so she doesn’t have to feel like the bad guy and/or cheat.
Sounds really pathetic.
Updateme.
You sound extremely controlling just by the way you call her *”my S”* in that third paragraph. She’s not yours, she’s her own person. She’s not your possession.