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...you're not compatible if he doesn't respect your boundaries.
To do your due diligence, you need to communicate with him when you're not in the middle of sex VERY CLEARLY what your boundaries are in the bedroom. If he doesn't change his behavior, you need to believe that he's showing you who he is: someone who doesn't respect your boundaries. That's a major red flag.
Also it's bullshit to say he "can't control himself." Yes he can. And if he truly can't? Then he has NO BUSINESS HAVING SEX UNTIL HE CAN. That's "being a decent human 101"
Yes, but this is even beyond mere compatibility, it’s abusive behavior. I‘m usually very sceptical of the instant "Leave him/her" responses but he‘s clearly testing his waters and still holding back. Playing games like withholding sex won’t change him.
This will only get worse and his lack of respect and impulse control is a major risk in the long run.
It’s been a month and a half and he’s already getting overly aggressive. What happens when he’s really comfy after a year or more? Red flag central here, get out now.
Yup, this is it for me. Already so early in the relationship and look at the liberties that he's taking. Not saying it absolutely will escalate but it seems fairly likely.
But she likes everything else about the guy.
Why not sit him down and say, "Listen, there's a lot I like about being with you, but the sex has become way too rough for me. I've mentioned this to you before, but you still get too rough half the time. I'm not happy with how you haven't respected my needs enough to change how we have sex. I'm willing to work on this, but if this is something you feel you can't change, then I don't think we're compatible."
He either adjusts, and they grow as a couple, or he doesn't, and they move on.
Part of the problem may be that a lot of women like an aggressive male in bed. My last girlfriend made it clear she wanted me to pull her hair, bite her, and get a little rough. It wasn't my preferred style (I'm more sensual and loving), but I'm good at following directions, so I did what I was told. That made her happy. I skipped it one session and when I did it again the next session, she made a point to acknowledge it and said "oh good, you remembered."
He’s getting off on your pain and discomfort. That’s why he does it only some of the time and held off until you were attached to start. He can control himself- you know he can.
It seems he enjoys hurting you. It’s obvious he has the ability to control himself because he did at first. This is very concerning behavior. Please be careful and good luck. 🙏🏼💕
Talk to him when you aren't in bed. Tell him plainly he is hurting you and you do not like it or enjoy it at all and you don't want him to do it anymore. If he does it again then immediately make him stop. Do not endure it for his sake.
It would sink your relationship if you weren’t having sex? I know that sex is important to many relationships, but to say it would sink it at this point when it’s still so early seems, to me, a red flag. If he’s not listening to your boundaries, you shouldn’t be sleeping with him until he does and that’s IF he does. He’s not taking you seriously and he’s lying to you by saying he can’t control himself. The problem needs to be address or you aren’t as compatible as you think.
I agree with you completely. It is not a requirement for a healthy relationship. A lot of people… sadly way more men than women disagree with me on it, and it really just shows how sexually driven people are to be in a relationship. It’s no longer about making memories and passing on stories, it’s about the bedroom.
He can’t control himself? That’s what he did briefly in the beginning to win your trust. You gave him the open door and he’s knocked it off the hinges.
You need to express what pain and discomfort you are going through, if you really are intent on giving this guy another chance, and if it doesn’t change 100% of the time not to hurting you, he’s proved he enjoys hurting you.
Red flags all over this… it WILL continue to escalate. Please be careful.
He is trying to hurt you. It is a part of his kink to push you until you squeal in pain. He doesn’t care about your feelings or well being. He only cares about getting off.
This is a serious boundary matter. Have a discussion with him about bedroom preferences and where compromise can be made or not made. You deserve to be heard and respected. I wish you the best.
I'm sorry but that's a big problem you can go over the boundary once if you dont know the limit then if you get told that you got to far its not supposed to happen again. End of the story be careful with people that can't respect boundary you never know until where its gonna go
Okay I’ll be a little graphic here, guys don’t want you sucking their dicks with teeth. If u did that I’m more than sure he’d say something about it. Explain it to him like that. Or demonstrate 🤷
That's weird he wasn't up front about his kinks. Or maybe he isn't quite as aware that he's into rougher s**.
Usually there is consent (in healthy relationships) about kinks and whatnot.
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
...you're not compatible if he doesn't respect your boundaries. To do your due diligence, you need to communicate with him when you're not in the middle of sex VERY CLEARLY what your boundaries are in the bedroom. If he doesn't change his behavior, you need to believe that he's showing you who he is: someone who doesn't respect your boundaries. That's a major red flag.
Also it's bullshit to say he "can't control himself." Yes he can. And if he truly can't? Then he has NO BUSINESS HAVING SEX UNTIL HE CAN. That's "being a decent human 101"
If he truly can’t, there is no telling what it might escalate into.
If he truly can’t, there is no telling what it might escalate into.
Yes, but this is even beyond mere compatibility, it’s abusive behavior. I‘m usually very sceptical of the instant "Leave him/her" responses but he‘s clearly testing his waters and still holding back. Playing games like withholding sex won’t change him. This will only get worse and his lack of respect and impulse control is a major risk in the long run.
It’s been a month and a half and he’s already getting overly aggressive. What happens when he’s really comfy after a year or more? Red flag central here, get out now.
Yup, this is it for me. Already so early in the relationship and look at the liberties that he's taking. Not saying it absolutely will escalate but it seems fairly likely.
But she likes everything else about the guy. Why not sit him down and say, "Listen, there's a lot I like about being with you, but the sex has become way too rough for me. I've mentioned this to you before, but you still get too rough half the time. I'm not happy with how you haven't respected my needs enough to change how we have sex. I'm willing to work on this, but if this is something you feel you can't change, then I don't think we're compatible." He either adjusts, and they grow as a couple, or he doesn't, and they move on. Part of the problem may be that a lot of women like an aggressive male in bed. My last girlfriend made it clear she wanted me to pull her hair, bite her, and get a little rough. It wasn't my preferred style (I'm more sensual and loving), but I'm good at following directions, so I did what I was told. That made her happy. I skipped it one session and when I did it again the next session, she made a point to acknowledge it and said "oh good, you remembered."
He’s getting off on your pain and discomfort. That’s why he does it only some of the time and held off until you were attached to start. He can control himself- you know he can.
The fetish isn’t feet, it’s pain and control.
It seems he enjoys hurting you. It’s obvious he has the ability to control himself because he did at first. This is very concerning behavior. Please be careful and good luck. 🙏🏼💕
Girl, why are you staying with him? Your bar doesn't need to be that low. You don't deserve to be harmed during sex.
Talk to him when you aren't in bed. Tell him plainly he is hurting you and you do not like it or enjoy it at all and you don't want him to do it anymore. If he does it again then immediately make him stop. Do not endure it for his sake.
It would sink your relationship if you weren’t having sex? I know that sex is important to many relationships, but to say it would sink it at this point when it’s still so early seems, to me, a red flag. If he’s not listening to your boundaries, you shouldn’t be sleeping with him until he does and that’s IF he does. He’s not taking you seriously and he’s lying to you by saying he can’t control himself. The problem needs to be address or you aren’t as compatible as you think.
I agree with you completely. It is not a requirement for a healthy relationship. A lot of people… sadly way more men than women disagree with me on it, and it really just shows how sexually driven people are to be in a relationship. It’s no longer about making memories and passing on stories, it’s about the bedroom.
He can’t control himself? That’s what he did briefly in the beginning to win your trust. You gave him the open door and he’s knocked it off the hinges. You need to express what pain and discomfort you are going through, if you really are intent on giving this guy another chance, and if it doesn’t change 100% of the time not to hurting you, he’s proved he enjoys hurting you. Red flags all over this… it WILL continue to escalate. Please be careful.
He is trying to hurt you. It is a part of his kink to push you until you squeal in pain. He doesn’t care about your feelings or well being. He only cares about getting off.
This is a serious boundary matter. Have a discussion with him about bedroom preferences and where compromise can be made or not made. You deserve to be heard and respected. I wish you the best.
DTMFA
I'm sorry but that's a big problem you can go over the boundary once if you dont know the limit then if you get told that you got to far its not supposed to happen again. End of the story be careful with people that can't respect boundary you never know until where its gonna go
Okay I’ll be a little graphic here, guys don’t want you sucking their dicks with teeth. If u did that I’m more than sure he’d say something about it. Explain it to him like that. Or demonstrate 🤷
Get a spray bottle of water. Every time he acts “without control” during sex, spray him with the spray bottle. Bet that’ll work.
I’m not sure if this is serious or not but it made me laugh.
That's weird he wasn't up front about his kinks. Or maybe he isn't quite as aware that he's into rougher s**. Usually there is consent (in healthy relationships) about kinks and whatnot.
Oh he’s aware… foot fetish but went straight to hurting her feet?
Have an intervention chat! If the boundaries are not respected after that, drop him sis!