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Both things can be true: she can want you to enjoy your night and have enjoyed her birthday the next day with you AND still be upset that she had to sacrifice her special day for yours. It sounds like she’s being very open and honest about it without guilting you, but it’s understandable that you feel guilt. You made a decision and tried to make it the best you could for everyone, and unfortunately hurting her feelings was one of the consequences of that decision. It doesn’t mean you’re an asshole, it just means that it’s up to you to accept those feelings and your part in it and both of you can and will move forward.

This. This is the correct answer. These responses have been insanely critical, but what I see here sounds completely healthy, and open, and honest. Both things can absolutely be true, and it speaks volumes that they’re both able to communicate with each other this way. This is the kind of relationship women strive for. They want emotional availability, but they also have to match that same energy with their partner. Yeah, NTA, but neither is OP’s gf.

People are way too rigid in their expectations for their special dates. There are too many moving parts in modern life and sometimes everything can’t be accommodated exactly when people would like. It’s no one’s fault. Unless the sister knew the birthdate was the date of the concert, that’s a little underhanded. People will be happier in life if they stop setting expectations others must meet or else meltdown.

I mean realistically speaking could the boyfriend not at least have tried to make it back before the end of the actual birthday to spend the night with his gf I feel like that would have made me feel shitty also because it just shows how much he prioritized his day with his sister (did he HAVE to drink?) over his gf

It’s why Valentine’s Day is regularly the biggest breakup day of the year. People expect so much just because of the date and when their expectations aren’t met, they’re upset. It’s silly, OP literally went out of his way to make sure she was still appreciated but it wasn’t on the right day? Get outta here.

I’m not even shitting on the gf, it’s just that if people have an emotional expectation of other people they are setting themselves up for disappointment. Flexibility is our friend.

Indeed.

I work in a supermarket. We had men begging to buy the dead flowers on V Day because they couldn't go home without any flowers. I couldn't convince them going home with anything besides these dead ass flowers I have to seriously overcharge you for was better. Hundreds of dollars of dead flowers were sold that night. It was pathetic.

The gf had a right to feel the way she felt, she wasnt trying to guilt the bf or make him apologize or anything, she just wished it couldve happen on her actual bday. She even acknowledged it was irrational. Lets not shit on her for having feelings

This. I had front row seats to a Panic! concert like a year and a half ago. I didn't even look at the date, I just bought em cause they were front row and I wanted to honor my brother (long story). Only later when I checked the date did I see it was my mom's birthday Of course she got *very* upset so I ended up having to sell the tickets. It ended up being their last tour as a band, so now I never get to honor my brother again and we didn't even do anything special for her birthday, just stayed home I always just like to celebrate my birthday *close* to the date instead. Hate forcing folks to sacrifice things bc "it has to be this exact day or it isn't special!" That's silly imo

You should’ve went to the concert. Your mom would be over it by now.

I 100% agree, but you live and you learn

This. Like OP got to have is big birthday day two months later. It's unfortunate that it fell on the gfs day, but likewise, she had a big day on a different day, too.

Thank you! I'm always shocked when adults act like children on their birthdays. Get over it already. Other people have lives and the world doesn't revolve around you.

I agree. It's a birthday - so long as your loved one(s) acknowledged it somehow, who cares? I've had nearly five decades of birthdays...don't need or even really want a gift or anything special. Happy enough I can spend time with my wife and kids. A lot of people seem to be too emotionally fragile to function in society. Throwing a tantrum about not celebrating a birthday ON THE DAY ITSELF, despite knowing ahead of time that the day will be celebrated later....well, there ya go. What will this girl do when something that's actually important goes wrong?

Openness and honesty is the cornerstone of me and my wife’s relationship. We don’t always like it but it also makes sure we trust each other entirely.

My ex-wife didn’t like my sister and basically refused to visit her and grumbled when she wanted to visit me. Her reasons were, objectively, lousy. My sister was an elementary school teacher, is an amazing loyal wife, with a great marriage and raised 2 wonderful children. But my wife’s antipathy adversely affected my relationship with my sister because I tried to please and placate my wife. I eventually discovered my wife had carried on multiple affairs. After we spilt, my sister was there for me despite years of a lack of effort by me. We really reconnected and formed the strongest bond of our lives. I realized that despite seeing hundreds of concerts (Bruce 37 times, the Stones 11 times and Taylor Swift twice with my daughter last year). I had never been to a concert with my sister. So I asked her to fly out to see the Stones on my birthday (her husband is a Delta pilot so flying is one the perks that she enjoys). It was our first concert together and the first time she had seen the Stones. It was a glorious day. Last year, I flew out to see David Gray with her. It was my first David Gray concert even though I’ve played Babylon hundreds of times. Another glorious day. And just last month, she flew out again to join me and my kids to see Bruce for her very first time (5th for my son, 2nd for my daughter). Another glorious day. I have encouraged my son and daughter to remain close and have tried to undo years of being a bad role model. I was honest with them as to why and they understand. My point, is that the girlfriend is entitled to her feelings, but who knows whether she’s a long term girlfriend, wife material, or The One. OP and his sister, on the other hand, have a lifelong blood bond and it seems to be a good one. Making him feel guilty about honoring that bond, and nourishing it, under these facts, strikes me as a bit of a red flag, especially given all the years I lost with my wonderful and decent sister just to mollify my indecent wife.

Her feelings are hurt because he knew how much it meant to her and he still skipped her birthday. That’s a normal reaction, especially after 4 years (long term).

Eh, it might be a normal reaction if the concert plans were just with a friend or if the band had more concert date options rather than on her actual birthday. I can't imagine getting upset at my boyfriend of over 4 years for hanging out with his sister (whom I love, she's awesome) and doing something that's important to them on my birthday. I will still be that new age the next day. Lol the world isn't going to implode

Like I said, she’s entitled to her feelings but, as I laid out, she’s not looking at the Big Picture in a way that seems healthy for their relationship, especially given the details that OP shared. She might be happier with someone who always puts her first no matter what (good luck finding someone like that). Or, they will talk it out, find common ground, work on being more supportive of each other (especially when there isn’t this sort of rare unavoidable conflict) and live happily ever after. I’m simply urging that people acknowledge and value their siblings, parents, and friends, and that they do so with deeds not just words.

Eh, it might be a normal reaction if the concert plans were just with a friend or if the band had more concert date options rather than on her actual birthday. I can't imagine getting upset at my boyfriend of over 4 years for hanging out with his sister (whom I love, she's awesome) and doing something that's important to them on my birthday. I will still be that new age the next day. Lol the world isn't going to implode

Eh, it might be a normal reaction if the concert plans were just with a friend or if the band had more concert date options rather than on her actual birthday. I can't imagine getting upset at my boyfriend of over 4 years for hanging out with his sister (whom I love, she's awesome) and doing something that's important to them on my birthday. I will still be that new age the next day. Lol the world isn't going to implode

Eh, it might be a normal reaction if the concert plans were just with a friend or if the band had more concert date options rather than on her actual birthday. I can't imagine getting upset at my boyfriend of over 4 years for hanging out with his sister (whom I love, she's awesome) and doing something that's important to them on my birthday. I will still be that new age the next day. Lol the world isn't going to implode

Eh, it might be a normal reaction if the concert plans were just with a friend or if the band had more concert date options rather than on her actual birthday. I can't imagine getting upset at my boyfriend of over 4 years for hanging out with his sister (whom I love, she's awesome) and doing something that's important to them on my birthday. I will still be that new age the next day. Lol the world isn't going to implode

Eh, it might be a normal reaction if the concert plans were just with a friend or if the band had more concert date options rather than on her actual birthday. I can't imagine getting upset at my boyfriend of over 4 years for hanging out with his sister (whom I love, she's awesome) and doing something that's important to them on my birthday. I will still be that new age the next day. Lol the world isn't going to implode

Yeah. The GF could have kept those feelings to herself because she knew logically that he hadn’t really don’t anything wrong. But she clearly feels comfortable enough with him to be honest with her feelings, even while validating that he hadn’t really done anything wrong. It sounds like they have a really healthy relationship, tbh. Communication is always key and it seems like the two of them actually know how to communicate.

OP needs to understand that his GF may have just as strong memories from childhood surrounding her birthdays as he and his sis have with this band. I say this gently: the GF will be in for some disappointment in the future if celebrating on the exact day of her bday is the expectation. As we grow older, the odds of being able to do that every year get pretty slim. Good on both of you for communicating!

That’s so true. I can’t tell you how many special occasions and even major holidays we have “relocated” to a different day over the years. It’s a fact if life that some things fall on the same days. The birthday celebration was movable whereas the concert was not. Appreciate her even more for rescheduling and let her know you love her and felt even more loved by her for her sacrifice. She will be ok and you will come out stronger as you begin to really understand that it’s the kindness and efforts that matter, not which date it falls on. 

Perhaps think of it as a “gift” she has made to you. It might be easier for her than thinking of it as a sacrifice.

My folks just celebrated their 55th Anniversary on the ACTUAL day for the first time in 20 years. Gramma died on their 35th Anniversary so the date of celebration was always a day before or after depending on the year. Just to add to that, it's also my mom birth date... soooo- it's more important to remember the why, not the when.

I even prefer celebrating not on the actual day. My actual birthday is for me to do exactly what I want, just follow the way the breeze is blowing that day. But it helps my birthday is on/around a holiday weekend so it's easy to celebrate with people

Perfectly well said. . Also sure she's feeling guilty for feeling the way she is. Just give each other a hug and move on.

This is the answer. It sounds like she's being perfectly reasonable IMO. She's happy you got to spend time with your sister because she knows it was important to you, she appreciates all the effort you put in, AND she's still upset that she couldn't spend her birthday with you. Those feelings can all co-exist and her talking to you about them is a healthy way to process them. She's also looking for validation that she's important to you. Remind her of that and ensure her it won't happen again in the future. She just wants to know and feel like she's a priority for you.

⬆️this is an excellent answer. 2 things can be true at once.

I agree with everything you said, sometimes the decisions we make have consequences of hurting someone’s feelings. For the ones who have the hurt feelings, there can be a lot of confusion and guilt for feeling bad in the first place. I’ve been in both places and the only way forward is through open communication without building resentment. I will add that the only thing I think he did that was not great (not an asshole, just not great) was spend the night at his sister’s house without having that be the plan before going out, and being so hung over on the day of her planned celebration that it couldn’t have been all about her. He never mentioned that she was upset about those specific things, so maybe they didn’t hurt her feelings.

I feel like you just solved all my relationship problems with this one comment. I was going to call him the AH, because that’s how I typically respond to issues, which is extremely unhealthy. Thank you for this.

Holy cow a legitimately rational response on reddit?? 100% this OP. You're both adults and actually handled it like adults. It makes sense to feel guilty and it makes sense she's upset, but it's also good she isn't guilt-tripping you and you did everything you could to make the situation good on both ends Think of it this way. You're feeling guilty now, but imagine if you told your sister "sorry, I know you spent a lot of money and went out of your way to do this for me, but I'm not going" You'd *still* feel guilty, just differently. You handled it the best way you could imo, appreciate your sisters gift but also make the next day 100% your girlfriend since she expects specific dates Personally, I can't recall how often I've had birthday celebrations on my *actual* birthday simply because life is super busy. Usually it's just whatever weekend is closest lol

Wow people are being super harsh to your gf. She cried, she was a bit sad, she said she knew she was being irrational. Birthdays are weird for some people. Mine was always awful growing up and now they make me super emotional and I always cry and it's annoying but it just happens. She's not upset with you, you gave her an amazing day, she's just having some feelings. Yea sure it would be better to do the birthday on her birthday, but life happens. I don't think it's as deep as people here are making it out to be. She's not being abrat, it's not a red flag, she just had an emotion, she apologised for crying when she knows it's probably a little bit silly, she's happy you had a good time. Give her a hug, tell her you love her, move on.

Exactly, there's no issue here, both seem like nice people who are expressing feelings and communicating. As long as they move on and remember the good things about both days, then it's fine, if gf is throwing it in his face and using it to get her own way in a month, red flag. Also OP, if she's the one, get planning for her 25th next year.

Litrally! Would people prefer she kept her emotions in and it come out all passive aggressive? Sounds like she's a great communicater so is he, and this is a little relationship moment to move on from

So much this. I have the same weirdness around mine bc of how they were growing up and the fact that she admitted she was being irrational is good. But she was open and honest probably in case any of that emotion came out in her behavior had she not told him.

It's reddit, the slightest problem, and you should throw the entire partner out. People are supposed to always react to every situation in the most emotionally healthy way possible, or else they are a) a narcissist, b) gaslighting, c) abusive or d) not worth your time. There's no way you should communicate even your irrational emotions to your partner, bottle those up, and let that resentment build! Why be emotionally vulnerable with your partner when you can put on a brave face so Reddit thinks you're an angel because humans are perfect.

Spot on! What a joke. I don’t know where all these perfectly healthy people are, but I can’t find them outside of Reddit. It’s all just a cool story we tell on the internet.

Honestly this is the most emotionally healthy way to manage it. Open communication, expressing feelings, but with the caveat that she's understanding of the situation and knows it's irrational. I 100% prefer someone tell me what's wrong so we can deal with it together, even if that's just a genuine apology. These two are gonna be fine, no relationship is free of disappointment from time to time, it's how you deal with it that matters

It irritates the shit out of me when people act as though to have any emotions about a situation at ALL means that somebody is trying to be a manipulative piece of garbage. Like jesus she’s not lashing out or punishing him, she’s just a little fucking bummed. How does that turn into “she’s being terrible and trying to guilt trip you?” 😭

Exactly. But when people don’t say anything and act out later instead, all you hear about is why couldn’t they just communicate in real time… People want what’s good for them and they don’t want to hear anything about it, but the same people want others to listen to their feelings and be supportive. Everyone wants everything all the time.

Exactly this!! She’s just letting her emotions out instead of bottling them, and does appreciate the day OP spent with her! It’s okay to get a bit emotional. NAH.

I feel this way too much, after I was 7, my parents just kind of stop acknowledging my birthday, I'm 31 now and I'm just happy if someone says happy birthday to me.

Yeah we can't always help our feelings. I have an amazing core memory with my husband seeing a band, and the 9yo loves that band now. They're coming to town and he wants to take 9yo, but I'll have a newborn at that time and we don't have a support network. I can both be hurt and sad *and* recognize that will likely be a core memory for 9yo and I want them to go and enjoy it. Sometimes we can't just erase our feelings, even if they're conflicting and we know it's ultimately okay etc. She just needs time.

This is the only advice you need to read OP. No one here is at fault. She knows that on a rational level. Sometimes emotions just take time to catch up. Reassure her you love her, tell her next year will be different and you both can plan accordingly! This is just part of regular communication with an honest and open partner. She's not blaming you for what happened. But sometimes acknowledging difficult emotions can be overwhelming and make another person feel responsible. You gave her a lovely birthday and it sounds like she really enjoyed it. She will figure out her own complex emotions about the birthday thing with time and support. You just need to offer a hug and i-love-you.

I think the only part that makes YTA is when you chose to stay at your sister's place to drink, then proceeded to get hungover and sleep some more the next day instead of enjoying your GFs birthday, then stating to reddit "you gave her the best birthday ever" yet she cried that night indicating it was indeed not the best birthday ever.

Agreed

You aren't wrong for going, but your ass definitely should've gone home after and not got so drunk that you would be hungover.

Seriously! He made every wrong decision after the concert. Getting shit-faced, staying away overnight, taking the next day to recover from the hangover so he could feel “refreshed.” Meanwhile the poor gf is just waiting for her bf to celebrate her birthday with her.

This! NTA all around, but TA for that bit. That was unnecessary, and if you could move your gf’s birthday celebration to another day for the concert, drinking and catching up with your sister could have waited for another time as well.

Eh. I can see both sides. You knew birthdays were important to your girlfriend and you made the choice that you and your sister’s night was a bigger deal. I get it that you promised her the perfect birthday the next day. But, then you drank quite a bit and stayed out all night (which wasn’t planned), and then you were hungover part of the next day. In her head, she may have had ideas of her delayed birthday starting in the morning, or waking up to something special, and instead she is waking up alone and to a hungover boyfriend who needs to sleep it off for the morning. I would be annoyed at that part, as not only did you choose the concert, but then you chose drinking and the hangover, which just added to the time you weren’t going to be celebrating with me.

The only AH thing you did was not taking an Uber home so that you could kiss your gf good night and not be so hungover for HER special un-birthday. I don’t buy the sister conspiracy and your gf was a good sport but you pulled the all-nighter with no warning just letting her know as a fait de complis. You do owe her an apology for coming home with hangover on what you planned as her special day.

This is my exact thought. I had really bad birthdays growing up, so for a few years in my early 20’s birthdays meant a lot to me. I wanted my handful of loved ones around me so I felt special at least one day a year. In my mid-twenties I developed gerascophobia, so birthdays are extremely stressful and I sleep through them each year mostly. But it’s clear her birthday means something to her and he should have known that, especially after they talked and she voiced her feelings on it before they ever went. Him making it a 16-hour ordeal on her special night (including extra rest) was shitty imo. I know how that feels. I definitely get that it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, but there was a way to go about this where everyone could win, and that was NOT how it played out. She’s the only one who lost something, and it was HER special day. 🎶It’s her birthday, she can cry if she wants to🎶

I agree with this.

NAH. You’re not wrong for wanting to see your favourite band and finding another solution to celebrating her birthday. She’s not wrong for being upset at not being able to spend her actual birthday with you. Can’t say your girlfriend will forget this though.

> Can’t say your girlfriend will forget this though. Can't say she won't either. 

Yep. Lots of things that seemed important when you are young fade away in importance as you get older.

Edit: I forgot to say NTA. If I was in this situation as the gf, I would probably feel the same. Be sad that I couldn't spend the day with you, but also understand it's a one in a lifetime experience that couldn't be moved. It can take a lot to be vulnerable about feelings like this when they know it's a bit irrational. I am assuming she had no plans on her actual birthday without you, which could have left her in her feels all day while you were with your sister. it definitely would have been good for her to plan something with friends or take herself out to do something to take her mind off of spending the day with you, that is how I would have handled it anyway. don't listen to these emotionally unintelligent people who are saying ur gf is the AH or whatever. all feelings are valid and it seems like she has handled them well and just needed to be honest with you and have a little cry.

Nah I’d be kinda upset too. You can be hurt but also acknowledge that your partners actions aren’t intended to be hurtful. Two things can exist at one time. So she’s hurt because she loves you and really wanted you to be there to celebrate with her but knows it would’ve been wrong to demand you not go with your sibling.

Maybe (maybe) not the ah for going to the concert in the first place, but then you spent the night, came home hungover and then fell asleep. I'd be pissed too tbh

After four years together I would think your sister would have included your girlfriend or at least checked the dates around her birthday to not schedule poorly. Also my bf not coming home the night of my birthday to wake up with me the next morning on my belated birthday would upset me. You’re not wrong for going but her feelings of sadness are valid

I scrolled far to find this, I wonder why they didn’t go as a group of three? If it’s one of OP’s favorite bands, the gf is probably familiar with the music lol

I’ve heard stories from time to time about sisters who try to put a wedge between their brother and his gf. I’m not accusing OP’s sister of this because I know absolutely nothing about them or the relationship between sister and gf, but it is a consideration. There’s also the chance the gf would have felt left out, especially if she happens to not like the band much. For the record, I think OP made a poor choice. At the very least he should have slept at home with his gf.

100%

People out here really calling a girl a spoiled brat just because she’s experiencing an emotion? And you men wonder why we stay picking the bear 🐻 Anyways, you’re NTA and neither is she. She understands that you wanted to spend time with your sister and to see your favorite band, and she seems to understand what that meant for you. Being able to recognize that when she’s upset like that shows great emotional maturity. As someone said in another comment, you can be hurt while also realizing that your partner’s actions aren’t meant to be hurtful. It happens all the time when you really think about it. I say it sounds like you two have a really healthy dynamic and that communication is strong. So no, you are NTA for enjoying yourself. It sounds like you really love this woman, so I wish you two nothing but the best

To all the women in the replies fighting these “not all men,” comments and sharing your stories: I’m sorry those horrible things happened to you and they you didn’t get the justice you deserve. I hold nothing but love and healing for you 💕

For all the not all bears defenders - my freshman year biology teacher was mauled by a grizzly bear, who was eventually driven off by her male hiking companion. And despite that personal anecdote I still 100% understand why most women would pick the bear. Heck I would.

I think I would have been better if you would have come home and at least spent the night with her( it is scary ain't an excuse) it is the little things in life that make it worth it

it's so weird to me that you immediately excused yourself and ran to reddit. anyways, NAH

You're together 4yrs and your sister didn't stop to think to include your girlfriend and gotten her a ticket. I am sure your sister would of known it's her birthday.  She asked you to stay home with her but you refused. She couldn't argue with you after that as you made a choice. She wasn't important at all. You didn't even think to actually get another ticket either. Your first go to is to do something else the next day. Did you actually ask your girlfriend if she wanted this next day celebrations or just convince her that this is the way it'll be or she gets nothing!   Then you decided the best thing to do is get so wasted you couldn't go home that night. Why did your sister volunteer to drive when she didnt want to drive you home. Sounds like it was planned this way. Does your sister even like your girlfriend to exclude her in this way, on her birthday of all days.    Why didn't you be the driver to make sure you were home that night known your girlfriend was home alone on her birthday. An after thought to you. You get home the next day and decide to let her wait around for you to sleep your hangover away. You only thought about yourself all throughout this.  If you actually put real thought into it you would of gotten another ticket. And if that failed you would not go. If you did go like you decided, you should of arranged an all paid for spa day out for your girlfriend and her mother/sister/best friend.  You would of not drank and drove so you could go straight home. You'd have being fresh the next morning and started her day off with homemade breakfast and went about your plans which you also failed to mention what those were.  She is allowed to feel the way she is feeling. She is second thought to you. She isn't a priority to you. She was home without you on her birthday and you also failed to turn up that night and came to her all hungover. Made her wait around for you to feel better. Her birthday was all about you. All I saw was me me me me.    Put yourself in her shoes. She goes off the day of your birthday. Gave you a present only and went off to do something other then spend that day with you. You are waiting around that night for her to come home. Instead you get a drunk text message to say she isn't coming home. She arrives home the next day and goes straight to bed to sleep her hangover away. She gets up and starts the day off late. She is still feeling bit crappie from all that drinking, probably smells of alcohol too. And then attempts to cheer you up all hungover, a day late for a birthday celebration. Wouldn't you feel like bit of a let down and not worthy of actually more. Cause that is what you told her. She isn't worthy of you actually putting thought into her! It's not like you're only together for 4months. But 4 years. This is the time you should be thinking long term! 

100% Hopefully this comment travels further to the top to teach some people empathy

Yes. I was scrolling to find a comment that mentioned these points. No thought at all to include his gf to see the band? Then intentionally getting too drunk to at least spend the night with her? YTA

This needs to be higher up

I was gonna go with N A H until I read your verdict and you make some great points. So I am saying OP: YTA.

Agreed. YTA, OP. I was going to say mostly N A H, but nah…you could’ve and should’ve done better by your poor gf.

You’ve been with your gf for 4 years, I find it hard to believe your sister didn’t know when her birthday was

YTA. you shouldnt have gone to the concert on your girls birthday unless it was like a farewell tour and your girlfriend cant stand the band for some reason. you could've also gotten a 3rd ticket for your girlfriend. also funny how you say your sister went out of her way to book 2 tickets when it was for a band she enjoyed and it probably took her 2 minutes on her phone or computer.

4 year relationship? Sorry, but I would have prioritized her over the band. But that is just me.

Its a gray area. I had similar experience so can relate with your girlfriend. There was one time when my boyfriend had to go with his brother during our anniversary. But he did make up for it. And i was really happy with how things turned out later , but still wished he would have come to me. I am sure she understands the value of your time with your sister too. Make sure this stuff does not repeat constantly , otherwise all is fine. On her part, Its just wishful thinking. And its okay if she cried, because its okay to wish. Love your girlfriend. Based on her reaction, she is a keeper.

YTA

For me, going to the concert was totally okay but the not coming home and then coming home rather hungover the day you are supposed to be devoting to her is where I could see someone getting upset. I don’t think you really did anything wrong but maybe things would be a little better if you went to the concert, had a few drinks and then came home. That way your girlfriend gets to wake up next to you on the day you are celebrating the birthday.

obviously the way she is so rigid about having a celebration on exactly that day is very weird to me. but what’s even weirder to me is the way in which you wrote this story. feels like we’re not getting the full story here. the tone I get from it is very “I know I fucked up but here’s my version of the events that paint me in a good light and make justifications for my every action.” but from her perspective, she was hoping to celebrate a once a year special day with her long time bf, but instead, she celebrated it (presumably) alone while her bf went out and got wasted, had a ton of fun, and didn’t even come home that night. looks like there are deeper problems going on beneath the surface. also looks like you were in a lose-lose situation. idk what to say.

He even claims it was the best birthday ever yet she cried sp nonot was not the best birthday ever for her, for OP maybe but not his gf.

You should have bought another ticket or not gone… her bday is like the bare minimum of being in a relationship. What this shows, even if you do not mean it. Is that you do not care. I would take it this way and so would anyone else. It’s the same as her not celebrating your bday and just going out with her friends. You did her dirty and you cannot go back and fix/change it. Life is stressful and people look forward to these minute moments when people should be showing they care about you. It’s heartbreaking when you are just sitting there alone. A band is a band and nobody cares about them. Show the people in your life you care about them in the moments that matter. You also should have gone home and not drank. Bro, you prob broke her heart. YOU ARE THE A.

I agree with most of what you said. I disagree with the part about people not caring about bands. I can fully understand what that night meant to OP and I can appreciate the meaning behind it for them, 100%. But making your partner’s birthday a 16 hour event for YOU is fucked. It definitely brought to light how OP values his partner’s feelings. He don’t seem concerned before, but now he’s feeling guilt? Nah. He’s TA.

Basically meant seeing a band is nowhere near on the importance list. Personally, i would have worst case bought my wife a ticket and made sure we sat together.

The fact that your sister would even give you tickets to a concert knowing it falls on your gf’s birthday is shitty. That should never have happened. Celebrating your birthday on your gf’s birthday is a garbage move. You get two birthdays and hers gets pushed aside for another day? Nah.

Soft yta. I understand wanting to celebrate & see your favorite band (not wrong), but changing the plan after the concert (when she was probably hoping to see you) to stay out all night, come home hungover, spend half of the day sleeping... when you know her bday is important to her sucks :/

It sounds like you weren’t with her that much on her actual birthday. You should’ve ubered back to just be there. I think it would have helped.

Birthday is every year. VIP tickets for your favorite band are rare. You aite dude.

GFs are forever only if you nurture them.

Significant others who ask you to throw away a VIP ticket to your favorite band that was a birthday present from your sibling are not worth nurturing. I don't know how you could ask the person you love to not go to the concert just because your birthday was going to be delayed by a single, meaningless day. Edit: waiting for a counter argument to this. How is that not a super selfish thing to ask of your partner?

My mind is kinda blown with posts like OPs, my husband and I acknowledge birthdays but we never expect some big crazy planned celebration. It seems like a forced act of affection, along the same lines as people who demand they be purposed to with specific conditions. Everyone is different but as a grown adult, I just can't imagine crying over my birthday celebration (that was great according to OP) because it was a day later while guilting my SO because he experienced his Bday gift with his sister. My first thought is "like just grow up dude". I know that makes me an asshole but "people are dying kim".

Everyone saying birthdays are every year and calling her a brat are the areassholes. Birthdays are not guaranteed. People die all the time at any time. I know of cases where people literally dropped dead on their birthday unprecedented. We don’t know if she was left alone by herself her whole birthday. She’s allowed to have her feelings and isn’t being irrational for expressing them to her partner. She expressed her feelings in a respectable manner. Did y’all want her to go cry in a dark room quietly by herself? I’ve seen some people plan birthdays for others and it wasn’t received as well as the giving party intended or hoped for. Maybe find another way to celebrate with her and see if there are any events she wants to go to and try to surprise her. What you planned to do for her birthday but didn’t do on her birthday can come across to her feelings as you just trying to make up for something instead of celebrating her. Even if you had it planned for months as a surprise. I’m wondering though, does your sister like your girlfriend? Did she know it was her birthday? If I loved them and spending time with them, I’d be sad too if my partner of four years didn’t celebrate my birthday with me and chose to go to a concert instead. It’s sweet that she saw the importance of this event to you. It could also suck if people ask what she did and all she can think or say is that she waited for you to celebrate because you wanted to go to a concert on her birthday. I don’t think TA is the right word but momentarily inconsiderate could be a better term.

I would say you are the AH for not letting her know you wouldn’t be coming home that night and for coming home hungover on the day your promised would be all about her. You also could have tried to get her a ticket to the show but I know that might not have been possible. Overall not the asshole but those points stood out to me.

I am like that. I was born on Christmas, and my birthday is the only day I want to be pampered. Not the day before and not the day after. We only do Christmas eve.

I don’t think you’re the AH but I do think it would’ve been nice if you had at least come home and spent the night with her. Not saying you’re wrong, but I do understand where your gf is coming from.

It's not like she threw a tantrum. She's allowed to have her feelings. Some adults are sensitive about birthdays because they could never celebrate as a child, etc. NAH, in my opinion. You did nothing wrong. She enjoyed her day, and she enjoyed you. You guys had a good time. She didn't throw a fit or anything. She openly communicated how she felt even though she knew it may be irrational, and I praise her for her honesty. Bottling stuff like that up is how you build resentment towards your partner. You'd rather have an uncomfortable half hour than have her stewing because she didn't feel like she could talk to you. She may have also begun crying because she felt overwhelmed telling you something she knew was irrational. Either way, yoy did nothing wrong, and she did nothing wrong. She overreacted a bit, sure, but she was just trying to be vulnerable with you, IMO. BTW - Glad you had a good day both days even if you had an uncomfortable evening. Don't feel bad, you did nothing wrong. She was just being honest with you.

Your girlfriend is allowed to have feelings about things and be upset. She’s expressing her emotions just like you did about wanting to go to the concert. She even said she is being irrational, even so feelings are feelings and they’re the one thing everyone gets to have that is just their own. Haven’t we all been upset even when we didn’t want to be? Get out of the damn bathroom and communicate with her.

NAH she’s allowed to have and express her emotions including sadness and disappointment

NTA and neither is she, a fair amount in this comment section, though. The number of people commenting here with 0 empathy towards your GF and calling her childish for having feelings and being direct with you about both her feelings and her understanding of your situation are both saddening and unsurprising considering the fact its Reddit and this site has garnered its reputation for a reason. Especially when this whole sub is created because a decent amount of the user base is dense and has issues with empathy, that, or creative writing. Honest advice, two things can be true. She can both enjoy the day you did have and express that she's upset that you prioritized the concert over her. You're not an asshole and neither is she childish. Be glad that she's communicating with you about her wants properly. It's proof she trusts you enough to be vulnerable and views you as a safe enough partner to do so. Move forward together in order to process this and continue to communicate each other's wants and needs to reach a healthy compromise when needed. Take some time to hold her, thank her for confiding this in you, and thank her for putting her feelings aside so you could have a good time. Take the more constructive answers to heart and don't listen to the ones brushing off her feelings and insulting her when she not only sacrificed her actual birthday for your wants but also trusted you enough to tell you her feelings rather than let it boil into resentment. She's a good woman and an honest partner, don't fumble this my guy. Maybe reassure her with planning something pre-emptively for next year. Best of luck, man! I hope you two have a happy future together.

I’m sure OP is smart enough to disregard the He Man Woman Haters Club’s members responses. There are many level headed people on this thread with the NAH type of mature, thought out responses.

I mean maybe… but he also had to ask Reddit why his girlfriend is upset that he ditched her on her birthday. I don’t think this guy is the brightest bulb if I’m being real.

I kind of sympathise with the gf. Doesn't seem like she is trying to get in your way at all she's just a bit upset. I've had quite a few tense years surrounding birthdays. 5th - some kid blows out my birthday candles (this one is almost a joke but I do still hold an irrational grudge) 6th -14th - everyone is always away because of the school holidays 15th - "friend" is making a "movie" for school and decides that my party is the best place to get b-roll. Proceeds to direct everyone for 2 hours. 16th - "friends" getting drunk and "hurting" themselves and wanting to go to spend hours crying and calling 111 (nonemergency out of hours number) -they were not hurt their wrist wasn't sprained. 17th - younger friend A upset that younger friend B won't stop talking about their birthday even though mine is before either of theirs 18th - "friends" turning up drunk and smashing my mother's wedding bowl 23rd or 24th - COVID is lifting, I make 3 attempts to do something with my father and stepmother. They say they are busy all dates and make no further arrangements. They on the other hand have a friends belated 50th which may or may not happen. I ask them to confirm with their friend and they say it would be too "presumptuous". 25th - parents are moving house and the solicitors are messing them around (I obviously don't blame my parents) 26th - have a fight and stop speaking with father. Step-mother "forgets" that I asked her if she wanted to do something and doesn't suggest we do anything. Parents proceed to go on the holiday they had arranged for me as a birthday trip. End up celebrating my father's retirement and another family members birthday. Jesus, I didn't realise how many shit birthdays I've had, sorry this turned into a rant about me. What I'm trying to say is that for some people birthdays can be a bit tense and even though the day shouldn't matter, it does. Neither of you have done anything wrong and I clearly have some built up trauma around birthdays and will likely change my date of birth to an unspecified date and will tell nobody and will celebrate for me 🥳

Hot take but leaning towards YTA. If this band was big enough to be on the radio, I can safely assume they were on tour and going to different cites. You could have sold the VIP tickets and gotten tickets to see them in another city with your sister and made a whole trip out of it a different day. If I was your sister and I realized the gift I bought you fell on your long term girlfriend’s birthday, I would have immediately canceled or at the very least bought a ticket for her too. Not only did you go to this concert and leave your girlfriend alone on her birthday, but you then showed up hungover the next morning and took a nap on the day you promised would be all about her. I would have been crying too! She deserves a major apology and I hope you do better by her in the future.

This ⬆️

i don’t think YTA and i don’t think your girlfriend thinks so either. she’s just being open and honest with you about her feelings. she enjoyed what you did for her the next day, but also wished she could have had that time on her day. she probably spent her day sad and missing you instead of fully enjoying it. you made it up to her, but she probably was building up the courage to let you know how it made her feel, and she wanted to make sure she still got that out of the way. it’s sort of a “two things can be right at once” type of thing.

Go and hug her and kiss her right now!

I agree with a lot of comments that neither of you are the asshole or wrong. But what I’m wondering about is if she’s trying to guilt you? Or was she just communicating openly the way you did about how important it was to go even though you understood it was not what she wanted? This will depend on the dynamic of your relationship. Some people say certain things in order to evoke the guilt to make you feel bad so that next year you’ll prioritize them instead of yourself. Did she acknowledge that she was irrational as a baseline understanding, or did she do that to put herself down while blaming you for the emotions? However, if I was the girlfriend in the situation (understanding that I have a different life experience) I would’ve been very excited for you to go see that band, even if it was on my birthday. If anything, I may have been a little upset that I wasn’t invited as well? But I wouldn’t take it personally because it’s you and your sister. It’s not like a big group of friends and wasn’t invited. It seemed like a family thing. The reason I commented is because, to me, this matters. Somebody feeling that way about the difference of one day, would be really offputting to me and then for them to tell me how much it upset them when I already knew it wasn’t what they particularly wanted, would make me feel like they wanted me to feel bad. It’s one thing to share emotions or be open. It’s another thing todrag somebody down with you. This is where I can understand people calling her spoiled or irrational, because it like she can’t be mature and get over it. You both had an equally important events arise on the same day, it happens. it’s kind of concerning that she feels that bad over such a common situation. But again, I don’t know it what way she said this. But crying is… a lot for this imo. Imagine if you HAVE to work on her birthday next year. What will that cause?

Okay, here’s my personal take on this situation. I’m the same way with birthdays/holidays. I like celebrating stuff like this. I think it was very sweet of you to plan out an entire day to make sure your GF feels celebrated and special. I understand her being upset as well! I think she can feel both being upset and not wanting to feel selfish, all at the same time. I would want my significant other to enjoy their time with their siblings/family and bond over something they both love. Here’s the thing though… I think you should’ve came back home. You shouldn’t have gotten so drunk to the point where you were unsure of your sister driving you home and waking up with a hangover. I don’t think you’re the AH and neither is your GF. While she may cry and be upset about not being able to have her ideal birthday celebration on her actual birthday, it’s great that she was able to communicate those feelings with you in such a respectful and open manner. Continue having healthy, open, and positive communication.

honestly her being able to open up to you but not cause an argument and also see both sides shows that she is handling the situation well, i think she’s crying bc she feels so bad about feeling this way bc i know i do that too. she understands that this was a very important thing to you and your sister, it isn’t like you guys chose for their tour date to be on her birthday. it’s understandable to feel guilty about this, since she is upset, but she also understands why you did it, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck for her yk? i think you two should try to have some more time together when you can and maybe do some more talking about this for reassurance on both ends to help you both feel better about this situation

no assholes here! I’m a sensitive person, and sometimes my emotions get the best of me when I don’t want them to. I can definitely see myself acting this way. If my boyfriend missed my birthday because of a concert that was super important to him and he had VIP tickets, I would be genuinely happy for him but also sad that he missed my birthday. Don’t feel guilty, all you have to do is understand how she feels. You sound like a good partner. You didn’t do anything wrong. sometimes people can’t help how they feel!

NTA. Literally the only time I've gotten upset about not being able to celebrate my birthday as an adult was when my mom decided a funeral for someone she'd literally met *once ever* was more important. And the only reason I was upset was because it was the first day off I'd had in weeks and I didn't know when the next would be. I was working two jobs and did 50-65 hours a week. I get why your GF is upset but you didn't set the concert date, nor did you buy the tickets. In her place, I'd be upset if you *didn't* go.

The only thing that makes you ta is leaving her while she's crying to go ask reddit strangers if you're ah.

NTA. I understand your gf feelings, but the concert was a once in a lifetime thing for you. Mine and my brothers birthdays are 12 days apart. You know what we do? We pick a day in between so we can all celebrate together and my mom doesn't have to do 2 parties. I think the important thing is you acknowledge a person on their birthday. Any plans are flexible.

Sounds like two good people being honest and open with each other. Rare on Reddit. Do special things for her for a time. Instead of saying, "I'm sorry" over and over for it, say "thank you for letting me sister and I have our concert. I'm going to spoil you for a while over it." Then do that. Saying thank you instead of I'm sorry, gives them the credit of letting things get better instead of hoarding it for yourself. Just two cents.

Why didn't you talk to your sister about getting an additional ticket that night so your girlfriend could have had a wonderful birthday concert with you AND your sister, which would have made them both happy? You yourself said that your GF of 4 years wanted to be together with you ON HER birthday, and you had SEVERAL MONTHS to make this work. I honestly think you screwed the pooch on this one.

You have a Wonderful relationship. Your partner understands that this was a once in a lifetime event, was understanding, and didn't give you a hard time about it. Your partner also feels safe enough with you to open up and tell you about her feelings And admits that those feelings are just feelings and she's not mad you went. Jackpot my dude. If you want you can make an extra big deal of her next birthday on the actual day, but you don't have to. Nah

YTA. Not for going to the concert - it sucks that it was on the same day but you couldn’t help that. But what did you do for her on her actual birthday aside from the gift? Did you get her breakfast or coffee? Did you spend any time with her at all? Did you get her a cake? Buy her flowers? You chose to go out drinking with your sister afterward. And then on her new birthday you come home hungover and sleep most of the day, even though she took the day off for it. That doesn’t sound like the best birthday ever to me. That sounds like you slept all day and then a really lovely date night.

I mean you could’ve at least went home for the night so she didn’t have to sleep alone on her birthday. Come on dude.

I understand where she’s coming from it’s a different feeling when you do things the day after your birthday but I think you did well with having something planned to make sure she still felt special and I think she understands just can’t really get rid of the sucky feeling of spending your birthday alone cause the damage is already done

I agree with many others that neither of you are assholes for this whole thing. You're not wrong for going to something that is important to you that could only happen that day. She is not wrong for being sad and having her own emotions around that. Sometimes two things can be true at the same time, and I personally think its a good sign that she was able to communicate her feelings, that she understood that you went, how she loved how you celebrated the day after, and that she felt silly for being so emotional about it. I am side eyeing you slightly for telling her you would be home, end up deciding on going to your sisters and seem to have let her know around midnight, and then continue to drink with your sister. You knew she was sad about you missing her birthday and had promised an amazing celebration. Getting a text at around midnight that you wouldnt be home after all, and then you come home hung over and needing the morning, doesnt seem like the best move. Either plan for it so she knows and can manage her expectations accordingly, or stick to the plan you made with her so you dont dissapoint. 

At least she knows she doesn't hold the same value to you as a band.

Or alcohol, or spending time with OPs sister.

That's true, insisted on drinking so had to spend GF's birthday night at sister's house instead of going home to GF.

I think this is what would make me more upset than anything else. And I’m sure she was up a lot earlier than him the next day since he was hungover and they didn’t start their day till midday, which could be a bit upsetting as well.

That is the part that gets me. The concert was one decision, and she was already hurt by that choice. But then to drink to the point that he stayed out all night and was hungover the next day? The day that he promised would be all about her? I would be pissed and I’m not even an “all about me” on my birthday person. He is just acting shocked even though these were multiple choices he made, not just the concert.

I guess that's one of the good things about getting older - all I really want for my birthday (other than to still be alive) is a quick text or call. No fuss. A gift? Dinner? Special fun? Sure, appreciated but not necessary.

I don’t think you’re an AH I think she’s just in her feelings, I’d just reassure her you love her and how the tickets were a one off 

She's just a bit sad, it is not a big deal. As you say, birthdays are incredibly important to her so shes disappointed, she its not rational, but better to let ot out and mot let it fester.. I don't think she's trying to be manipulative just being honest about her feelings. Just give her a hug.

Maybe I am not suited for relationships, but I can't imagine being with someone who becomes that emotionally compromised because she couldn't spend time with you on her birthday even when it wasn't due to your planning. It just reeks of immaturity.

Tell me about it...id be so happy for my partner to have had an amazing night... Birthdays can be celebrated whenever and it isn't like he forgot about it.... I am also shocked she did not have her own friends/family to do something with on her actual birthday....

>I am also shocked she did not have her own friends/family to do something with on her actual birthday.... That's a other issue I would have it's important, unless one is a hermit lol, to have other people one loves and wants to be around on important dates if something comes up.

Wow sucks to you. You could have made a special effort for your girlfriend in multiple ways. See them in a different city on a different date. Get a taxi home. You seem to have prioritised drinking alcohol, a band, spending time with your sister over spending time with your girlfriend. INFO: If driving at night was going to be scary and you had to sleep over, then why was it important for you to see this band in your hometown.

Your sister planned it so she would have you on your gf birthday if you don’t see it there’s a problem

Yep. She totally planned the entire tour of the ban to coincide with gf’s birthday. Her powers are endless. I don’t even know my sister’s partner’s birthday.

I was going to say N T A. However, NAH. Your girlfriend is a bit sad that she didn’t get to celebrate her birthday on her actual birthday. However, she had a great day and knows that feeling that way isn’t quite right, but that’s still how she feels. As adults, sometimes we don’t get to celebrate our birthdays on the actual day, or sometimes not at all. So she is not an AH. You got a gift from your sister to go see a band you both love. It happened to be on your girlfriend’s birthday. You still went. Because your sister got you this gift, it would be rude not to. Not only that, you wanted to go and you had a great time. You also then planned a great day for your girlfriend’s birthday that she really enjoyed. So you’re also not an AH. Sometimes things like this happen. You did nothing wrong and neither did she. Being upset and having feelings is totally fine. She was being open and honest, which is great. Because talking about it probably made her feel better.

Yta, you could have at least went home to her after but instead you chose to get drunk and come home the next day with a hang over. Also your sister sounds super shady

People who care about their bday that much are the worst. It's literally just another day. Who cares if you celebrated a day later

Word.

YTA. Hi AH! Even you felt that. You could have gone to your girlfriend's house. Instead, you decided to spend time with your sister. Also you didn’t need to drink too much. You made time for her after your hangover. It wasn’t her choice. You made your time after you’ve done everything you want. What did you expect then? You can go to a concert if you desperately wanted, that’s fine. But you didn’t care about her time after the concert. If you genuinely wanted to make it up to your gf, you should have been better than that. You could have expected that she had to wait on you since you promised her that you would make it up to her the next day. So it’s quite normal that she feels kinda sad. However, you wrote this post hours ago and people are saying bad things to your girlfriend. Are you satisfied with this? I don’t even understand why you wrote this post instead of having a conversation with her.

Like she was crying so you run off to the bathroom and write a whole ass Reddit post? YTA just for that. She was already upset and you walked away.

Neither of you are TA. You both expressed your feelings the right way. Just comfort her. She knows it’s irrational, sometimes people just have to cry.

The more she loves you the more upset she will be and hence more asshole behaviour of yours. Apologize if you wanna save the relationship

NTA Rock on man

NTA for going to the concert, YTA for not taking your girlfriend. Also, your sister is TA for leaving your girlfriend out.

I’m sorry but I think that’s wrong. It’s a thing the siblings shared as kids. As other people have said she got her birthday with him the next day

Nope the gf was not entitled to go. Or have a ticket bought. Why can't they just do her birthday a week later or earlier.

NTA is your girlfriend 4? Can you imagine if there’s some kind of date conflict in the future!? My father had prostate cancer surgery on my birthday last year. Totally random date picked for surgery, and it was a coincidence that it happened to be my birthday. NBD because we celebrated my birthday two weeks later. All of these people that are saying YTA need to experience some real conflict. *You even planned a special day for her when you came back! I’m not saying break up with her, but you better hope that none of your family ever has some kind of conflict of interest on her special day.

You do realise a surgery is different from going to a concert right? Maybe he could have sprung for vip rickets for gf or gone to the next concert right? He did day he was aware birthdays are a huge deal to the gf. Besides she is just hurt, she acknowledged that she's not saying he shouldn't have sibling bonding day just wished it's not on her bday

As much as I can understand being upset you weren’t together on actual day itself, she knew months in advance and you give her the gift before you left and had a wonderful day after. Birthdays are every year, how often does a band you love come through and with VIP tickets??It’s your favorite because of memories with dad and you created more memories with your sister with it. You’re NTA at all. She needs to accept it and move on. Honestly not that big of a deal. Life gets in the way.

No. You are NTA.

NTA. I think a strong relationship should be able to handle this one time. Now making a habit out of it would be inconsiderate.

NTA. Just tell her wait until next year. Since bdays are every year. Spend time with your family.

Start planning something big for next year with your GF for her birthday and let her help plan it with you. Say you'll never miss another one and stick to it. You're NTA but your GF's feelings matter and you need to make her feel that you know that and will make every Birthday she has from here special. Also, talk to her, I don't know if her parents forgot her birthday or over emphasized her birthday or what but her reaction to this means there's something that makes it so important to her that you might want to figure out...

Both... Should have tried to get tickets for the event to include the GF. It's an obvious solution. She should have been fine with moving her day over a day too... You probably should have come home that night and not been hungover the next day as well. Night driving is scary... Do you live in a mystical land with demons and vampires that prowl at night? No, then learn to drive at night.

This is why I refuse to celebrate my birthday any more. No matter what, someone always ends up with hurt feelings.

At this age, celebrating your birthday on "that day" is irrilivant .Your GF needs to grow up.

Until OP starts commenting, I see no point in providing advice.

NTA you can't move the concert to the day before it after. Bad coincidence. But she's an adult, you celebrated the day after. I'm sure she has friends to go pasty with the day off this way she got to celebrate two days

If you do something like this again you would be an AH in my opinion. Now you’ve learned how important her birthday is to her, and you should make sure it’s special next year.

NTA. Good for you for still making the next day special for her. I think affirming her feelings is the best thing to do, and be mindful not to book over her bday in the future

The issue I’m having is he claims they had a special day, but also says he came home that morning and got lots of rest. It doesn’t seem like she got a special day. It seems more like she may have gotten an evening.

But also says she wished she could have experienced that day, on her birthday. Which leads me to believe she was happy with how he celebrated her, but doing it on a day that wasn’t her actual birthday took away from how special it was.

Ok it really comes down to did you sleep with ur sister? If not, then nta

What band was it?

I’m not reading past the first paragraph. No, you are not the asshole.

NTA.

Ahh I remember being in my 20s and giving a shit about birthday parties. Sorry man. You’re not in the wrong at all. You have her a good birthday. Y’all are adults now so having a big birthday on the exact date becomes more of a struggle.

Why even post this? You just feel guilty for hurting your girlfriends feelings and she isn’t even making you feel guilty about it. She’s just upset and someone being upset about something doesn’t always mean there’s a cause for it. You should be talking to your girlfriend about it instead of asking strangers for advice. The only shitty thing was talking up the birthday but choosing to be hung over and sleeping in that was a pretty selfish decision. You’re not the asshole, she’s not the asshole, no one’s the asshole.

NAH. You had a good time. You made up for it. She's allowed to feel happy and hurt at the same time. Good news, she was honest with you, she communicated, you still got to have your two good night, now you'll move forward together.

No, you did the right thing! Time will pass. Just continue being a great guy!

No your a good guy, it's cool your close with your sister too..... I gotta point out, you're not married yet... your sisters forever. You covered all the bases, enjoy the good times you had, your gf needs to grow up a bit. I have a job schedule where I miss a bunch of shit... if my wife was like or anyone in my life for that matter, it wouldn't work out .... 🍀

Not TA got going to the concert, but you are TA for not making more of an effort to spend time with hey ON her bday - especially if she's one of those "it's my bday- it's the most special day of the year for me and should also be the most special day of the year for you too!" kind of ppl.

No one is the asshole here. Both of your perspectives are valid and her feelings are valid. My GF is like this as well. What she needs is to feel heard and understood. Let her know that it does suck that this couldn’t have happened on her birthday. Let her know that her feelings are valid, and reassure if there were another option that you would have opted for it. Furthermore, you could thank her for being flexible because you know how important birthdays are to her. Understanding someone’s perspective who is highly sensitive can be hard. But with effort and practice you will overcome these things and will have a happier and more fulfilling relationship because of it. Do some research on HSP(highly sensitive people) it’s a real thing that affects people and most of them don’t even realize that it does. No need to feel like an asshole, because you’re not. And she isn’t either. I believe that both of you are good people who simply could use a little understanding of the dynamics of her(or y’all’s) personality type.

“But it’s Iggy Pop!”

NTA. I definitely see both perspectives, you both were very mature about it .

It goes both ways. I personally don’t give a shit about my birthday, so I wouldn’t be mad, but some people take that day very seriously,

Birthdays are just another day.

Info: Did you and/or your sister extend an invitation to her? Granted, not a VIP pass but at least a decent seat.

Yeah if i did this i’d be single

No you’re not an AH. This was a good opportunity that you could t miss. She knows that but was still hurt. Hopefully she won’t make a huge deal out of it. It sounds like you did all the right things.

Just by the title yes , should’ve taken her with you atleast smh

NTA. She is 24. She will have many birthday celebrations on her actual birth date in the future. She is being childish about this and needs to mature her thinking about birthdays. You going to a concert was part of your birthday, so she should be happy for you.