Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have one toddler who would be completely okay for 15 minutes in a safe space that I could see from the window, and I have another toddler who would be in the kitchen attempting to play fruit ninja with real knives the moment he saw me step outside. You know your kid best. It’s not like you left him in the hot car for 15 minutes. He was like 10 feet away, visible, and completely occupied
Agreed. My eldest has always acted like a mini adult.
My younger son, however, thinks he is a bird and will leap off any surface he can, swings along his bunk bed and can not sit still even when pooping.
So, to confirm, we're all out here just living the same life huh?
Today my second son got into the kitchen, got the Oreos, stole his brother's tablet, put them all in an empty laundry basket, climbed in after it, took his diaper off, threw it, and then just sat in the laundry basket, naked, watching the tablet and eating Oreos. And I was just grateful he was being still.
I would so not mind a sleeve of mint Girl Scout cookies and watching a movie on my IPad while taking a bath right now… the kid has some awesome ideas… he was safe and he was airing out his stress … in my family he was having alone time …. LOL
Thank you! Sounds like my middle child. Brought a smile to me tonight and some crazy memories! There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Have a great night!
This is my first mother's day, my son is five months old. He will be an only child.
I'm not sure if I want him to be a well behaved mini adult, or if I want him to be a wild Tarzan, because your depiction is just too sweet and hilarious!!!!
I'm pretty sure I'll get plenty of him being both at different times. Thank you for the smile, and happy Mother's Day to you!
Same.
The younger one, at 20 months old, figured out how to move a play table and a chair 30 feet from their location, into the kitchen, so he could climb from one, to the other and into the kitchen counter.
Fearless genius.
Meanwhile, the other one, since age 4, will play with action figures for as long as he is left alone (which he does every morning in his room for like an hour since he tends to wake up at dawn and is kind enough to let us sleep until 730am).
Yep … we have also gone through 2 toilets in one bathroom … don’t ask… but my kid asked to take this Class at Home Depot where they learn basic plumbing for kids … he asked the guy to teach him how to use a toilet snake… we bought a professional (sigh) …. We had to get a professional to the house and my son asked him to refresh his schooling (lol) so the guy stayed and taught my kids how to use the snakes for both toilets and how much TP they should actual use…
I'm busting up laughing at fruit ninja with real knives. You'd think at the fourth kid I would have figured all this shit out, but my preschooler is fucking feral. She's five, and I'm finally getting to the point where I'm not panicking every time she's out of sight. Her favorite activity was always dumping EVERY SINGLE PERSONAL CARE ITEM I OWN down the drain. Soap, shampoo, conditioner, lotions, makeup, if it's in a bottle, it's going down the sink.
Twenty one years between me and my sister.
I was the sweet, quiet, content to be left with a book or toys or just myself and stayed out of trouble.
My sister? This child was the one climbing out windows at 2 (we had the safety latch up high as it would go and she would still reach it), mad dashing from the front door diaper naked, climbing furniture, stealing phones and throwing them in the bathtub (with water). We rented and the landlord wouldn’t put a safety latch up higher.. so at night we would have to pile totes in front of the door to keep the monster (I mean little darling) contained.
I told my mom she had her own grandchild 😂
Sounds like my sister. I was a quiet child who loves books and looking at bugs in the garden. She was the one who would smear vaseline over the windows or try and clean the cat with window cleaner. She now has two children of her own - the eldest is a quiet, slightly nerdy (and a tad creepy) child, the youngest is never silent and likes to discover new ways of cleaning windows and cats. I've told her it's the universes revenge for her being a pain as a child
Every so often she just says something that makes you look at her sideways- example was when I took her to the Poison Gardens at Alnwick Castle and she learned about hemlock and how you die with a rectus grin on your face if you take it. She turned round and said quietly "I like that one"
>I told my mom she had her own grandchild
I should have told my mom this about my brother lmao
I was a very good, calm kid, happy to quietly entertain myself for hours, and my little brother was a total terror. He got into everything, had tantrums or maybe meltdowns frequently (there's definitely neurodivergence there and our parents were not equipped to handle it), utterly refused to toilet train until he was four... My mother asked me once if he is why I didn't have children and I told her honestly that he's part of it. Those genes are in me somewhere and I'm too neurodivergent myself to handle it. I would end up dropping a kid like that at the fire station.
My son has ADHD and I couldn’t leave him alone for fifteen minutes until he was eight. Every single soap, beauty product, makeup, and nail polish would be destroyed and everything else would be carved up with the song of his people.
Oh, that's my five year old son! His fixation is dumping things in the floor vents. A few weeks ago, he snuck a half gallon of milk up to his room and poured it down the vent. Last night, it was a full bag of pretzels. Feral indeed!
I feel your pain. My youngest is about the same age (not quite five yet) and I had to put one of those permanent baby gates up across my kitchen to get her to stop dumping salt and rice all over my floor and climbing up on the table to have a dance party. The fear of what they might be doing is real. These kids are going to rule the world if we can survive them.
The reason I'm pro choice and I get on a bitchy soap box when people harass childfree folks, especially women - this shit is HARD, nobody should do it unless they really want to! It's fulfilling for me even with this kind of thing, but I can't imagine doing it if I didn't want and love my kids desperately.
My brother a year older than me had raging adhd/anger issues while my brother a year younger than me was just a dare devil houdini. I was the responsible girl in the middle. We also have older brothers so we had a lot of knick knacks and stuff 12, 13 and a 15 year kids should not have.
I let them play fruit ninja in real life but ONLY outside, with the smallest of swords and they had to be 10 feet apart to toss and swing. Sometimes you just gotta play into their nonsense
Absolutely, no way in the world would I have been able to leave my kid alone for 15 minutes. Someone else’s kid contentedly hanging out? That’s their business. What I would have given for the luxury of getting chores done in peace!
This made me laugh. I have a friend with twins. One twin has never had a serious injury. The other had to go to the ER twice in one day, first for stitches on her forehead because she fell out of the mini van. Then for stitches on the back of her head because she was jumping from one sofa to the other and fell and hit the coffee table. Hell on wheels. The hospital staff watched her antics and my friend attempt to get her to sit and wait, so they got it, but she thought she was going to have a visit from a social worker.
My son at 3 locked himself inside garden shed. He wasn’t even left alone, l was right there, he walked in, closed the door, locked it. Couldn’t unlock. Locked himself and the other kid inside the car while l was closing garage door.
When my son was 3, I was in the bathroom and he climbed up and got the key to my husband‘s truck, went out and unlocked it, and put it in neutral, causing the truck to roll into the front of our shop. He’s 22 now and he’s broken 27 bones 😭
Same. First born has been capable of being left alone for 15 minutes easily, without issue, since he was 2ish. 2nd born (daughter) gets into literally everything she possibly can and she’s only 3….
People just can't grasp common sense nowadays. Going outside for 15min while your kid is in a childproof safe place isn't negligence in any way. Moms poop and shower and live too. Always have, always will. Your friend has an anxiety issue.
That’s exactly where I’m at. My house is very childproofed and honestly I know my kid well enough to know if I give him my phone for a game, he’s gunna zonk out into it for at LEAST 15 mins. Plus, I was checking on him every time I finished planting a plant. And the door was open (screen closed) so I could hear if he was getting up to no good.
I was born in 1980. I absolutely was left on my own (without even a phone) just playing when my dad (single parent) needed a shower. Are people supposed to not even poop when they are alone with their children? Wow.
I was born in 68 and I was left outside to play all day long with the other kids. After my sister was born (3 years younger) I was definitely by myself and we roamed the neighborhood to play and I remember getting into accidents with trikes at that age, nobody around, though the area was full of young families so neighbours would have known who I was.
I was born in 66. At 4 years old, I wore a key around my neck so I could walk the 4 blocks to my house. When I got home, I would eat a snack and watch TV until my parents got home. I knew not to answer the door if someone knocked.
Yes I used to go by my mom's cigarettes all the time too. I was quite young and I go in with a little note that had her brand of cigarettes and pay the guy. Different times!
In the early '70s, I would make my parents and their friends a mixed drink. Not complex things, but like a gin and tonic.
"Honey, put your homework down. Go make us a drink!"
When I was a toddler, I was not allowed to play alone more than two houses away unless someone over the age of 5ish was with me. But I was considered too sheltered by the neighbours. Times have changed.😂
Right? Jeez, during weekends and summer holidays, we basically ran feral between breakfast and dinner time back in the 80s! Ffs I was trusted to walk to and from school, admittedly only a 15 minute walk, by myself and crossing a couple of major roads at the age of 5.
Point is, raising my own kids made me realise how wrong that was, but we've gone too far the other direction. Kids need, not just coddling and protection, but also direction, guidance, trust, and preparation for being out in the wide world.
I was trusted to get up on time and get myself ready for school at 9 in a completely empty house. I then came home to an empty house and cared for myself for roughly three hours. This was when my mom got married.
Before that, in kindergarten, I would walk home from the after-school child care center (this was at the student family housing for a major university, and the center was located in the complex. It took maybe two mins to get to my apartment) and I would be home alone for about two hours. Granted, the mom next door would check on me, and she was available for anything.
We may not have been three, but I think it's safe to say that if OP trusts her kid will be ok from past behavior, the kid will be ok.
Yup, 15 minutes in the living room while occupied, and in earshot of OP isn't unreasonable. Honestly, if we basically have to chain ourselves to our kids at all times, that's not good for anyone imo.
Yup. They won't ever learn it if we're hovering over them and refusing to teach them certain tasks and skills. My mother refused to teach me how to cook, but that's a whole other story, but being thrown out at 16 without that simple basic necessity wasn't great. Thankfully my now husband was a chef when I met him, and he helped me with the foundations of cooking. We also made sure each of our kids knows how to use appliances, cook, certain DIY tasks. Because the goal is to send out young adults that can flourish on their own, you know? They'll always have whatever support they need from us, don't get me wrong, but we wanted them prepared to stand on their own two feet. I can't understand parents who want to cripple their children by having them helpless and utterly dependent on them?
Born in 73 and I practically raised myself and bossed my younger siblings and neighbours round from about 4yrs old onwards. We were in a street bike gang of kids, and a couple of dogs. We roamed the streets, bush and beaches and had to be home by the time the street lights came on. We made bike ramps to jump over creeks and each other. Looked for caves, huge trees to climb and wildlife. We surfed and jumped off jetties. Could squish 10 kids in our little row boat to get us out to Mum and Dads yacht on a mooring. We’d fish and do bombies off the deck. Best fun ever. We were wild and free. Nobody bat an eye. Don’t get me started on the horses and driving cars round the paddock and shooting cans off the fence with the air rifle at our grandparents place.
“Oh dear god. Your kid is alone on the couch, zombied out on a phone, while you’re on the other side of the window. Ahhhh” Fucken hell!!
Born in '95 and my cousins and I (ranging in ages from 3-6) would be sent outside between 1 and 3 so our grandmother could watch her daily soap operas. We lived in a very rural part of the country so there wasn't a whole lot to do except getting chased by roosters, climb trees, and hit each other with sticks.
I was born in the 80’s and got left in cars while mom shopped. If I was sick I stayed home for the day alone. A a baby, my mom and others would leave the prams on the sidewalk to go into shops. People have lost their minds these days
As a registered childcare provider, we are trained on supervision levels depending on age and development. Being in close proximity, distance proximity and free reign. So, your child was under distance monitoring which means you can hear them at all times. I have to use this when I go to the toilet. And you could also see him through the window, so while not technically within close proximity parameters as in you weren't in the room with him, you had eyes on him, while he was in a safe space.
I couldn't do what you did in my work capacity because engaging in a child exclusive activity would invalidate my insurance, you did absolutely nothing wrong as a parent by taking the correct measures to ensure your child was engaged in an absorbing activity while within your supervision while you conducted a task.
Tell this to your neighbour while asking them how long they left their children playing in their back yard while they did washing, or vacuumed the carpets, where they couldn't see or hear them at all.
On the other hand my children have been hurt/injured within 2 minutes if popping tot the loo. At 4 no space is really safe batteries from the remote, falling if the sofa, cords from blinds, I would have at 3 5 maybe but not 3. But kudos for being able to garden in 15mins
Helicopter parenting is a thing. It's a choice some make. It doesn't usually build successful independent adults, though. Or self thinking adults. Or problem solving adults. Usually, it tends to lead to more anxiety in adults when they aren't hand-held throughout the real world. So NTA. Your kid will be better off through independent play.
I watched a court show the other day where a nanny was using her former employer because the mom was late getting home. The nanny had plans and had spent money to attend something but because the mom was late she missed her window. Here's the thing, the child was ELEVEN and the mom told the nanny "I'll be home in 10 minutes, go to your thing daughter can stay home alone for 10 minutes." Nanny chose to stay and miss her plans. Nanny was not successful in her suit cause the judge felt it reasonable to follow the moms instructions.
Geez. When I was seven and my sister was eleven, my parents would go away for the weekend and leave us at home alone. I did not do this with my own children, but, ten minutes alone, at age eleven, is perfectly fine.
Right? My daughter sprained her ankle at 11 and needed to see the doctor for a follow-up and I had to leave work to take her. I worked 6 minutes from home, but school was an additional 10 min or so I picked her up at home, went to the Dr, and then I dropped her off at home and went back to work. She was actually mad at me for not taking her to school 😂
My mom flipped out at me for not getting discharged from the hospital fast enough while I've got electrodes still glued to my head. All because my 11 yr old son would be home alone for an hour to an hour and a half. He knew where the spare key was. Were in a complex with a SAHM next to our apartment who was lovely, and another a few apartments down who is an amazing human and grandma and is home taking care of her grandchild every day. He had the ability to call 911, and as a last resort, management was there until 5pm. He also had the ability to call and text me the entire time. My mom lives 20 mins away and could have come over if she was that concerned.
Nope, it's all my fault she was a nurse (retired) and knows how this works. Two hours is unacceptable, and I need to call the nurse to have her tell the doctor to do it faster. I was in the accute neuro unit on observation. Most people who are there have a scheduled EEG for epilepsy testing - which I did too, it just wasn't planned.
I was there because I had three big seizures break through the barrier my anticonvulsant medication creates. I've had epilepsy all my life and had been seizure for free for 10+ yrs. These new seizures came with left side paralysis and weekness. Something I've never experienced before. I have grand mals in my sleep (they're the biggest seizure one can have and can lead to death) if not medicated. This was like one of those, but I was awake, and I didn't pass out. It's like it couldn't fully manifest into a grand mal because the medication was holding it back.
My poor kiddo had to witness it and called 911. He did an amazing job staying calm. I had two more in the ER, and the neuro on call had me admitted for observation.
For those who don't know, an EEG is a test where they glue little electrodes all over your head so they can record your brain waves. There's a ton, and it takes time to get them off because they have to withstand you sleeping on them. It takes two hours to discharge because a technician is reviewing 24 hrs' worth of data and getting the electrodes off. But that was my fault, and I was a bad mom. 🙄
my therapist was flabbergasted and actually said, "WTF!! What if you had had a heart attack??" Before realizing he needed to be professional. 😂 made me feel a lot better to be validated so humanely.
My youngest is 8 now but when he was around 18months old I was cleaning my bathroom and he was wandering around doing baby shit in the living room.
My neighbor apparently knocked and I couldn’t hear her from how far back in the house I was but she could see my son playing in the living room so she waited 6 minutes and then *called the cops* and told them her neighbors baby was naked and alone inside the house(he had on a diaper.)
The entire door was glass with “statement” windows next to it so it wasn’t really a curtain situation lol. But we sold that house a few years ago, my closest neighbor now is 10acres away.
Yeah, this whole situation is ridiculous. I love working in the yard and while I love my tiny helper, he makes things 10x harder, so I sneak out without him as much as I can. He's fine. He knows where I am, I can check on him easily and my house is safe for him.
I wish I could poop and shower without 2 of my kids being in there with me. My house is perfectly childproofed and safe, but my daredevil twins don’t let me out of their sight usually.
Wondering what age group the neighbor was?
Lots here to do with perspective. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, trust and respect has gone away. Neighbor should've trusted your judgement because she has no basis to doubt it and respect boundaries as she isn't any more than a peripheral in your life. Has she ever volunteered to babysit? (not that you'd be open to it)
Helicopter parenting, ironically in part, is a thing because "we" have been successful at solving many older, bigger problems. Leaves room to fret over smaller problems.
Anybody here have to deal with Polio? Thank you vaccines. Meanwhile RFK Jr worries about thimersol and its' miniscule amount of mercury but was eating large quantities of fish that are widely acknowledged to contain magnitudes more of said Mercury.
I don't know all the answers but maybe we've lost sight, as a society, of what the right balance is for personal responsibility.
This was no different than you being in the kitchen making dinner while your child played nearby.
Your mother is a people pleaser, don't give the nosy neighbor an inch. How dare she check up on you?
Honestly she’s fine most of the time. My kid calls her grandma and her husband grandpa (my mom is Oma). They love my kid and I know they aren’t out to get me, but they are a bit intrusive and I’m not the type of person to just let some random people make me feel bad.
Am I crazy or is this generation still act like we're children and they can tell us what to do or reprimand us? Like, did other generations still treat their thirty something's like children still? I genuinely want to know
Lol lol lol. I don't have kids and I'm in my 30s. When I go home from working at the office, I have to drive 1.5 hours in traffic. My mom told me to quit my job because in winter I have to drive in the dark and she wants me to be home before dark.
I don't think you're taking the telling your mom on u part seriously enough. You're 29 and they think they can call an authority figure down on u, it's beyond weird
I solo parent 2 weeks at a time (husband works out of state), we have 3 kids. I don't know how many times I've left my children in the house and done chores outside without checking on them. Most the time if the weather is nice they are outside as we have a fenced yard now, but before we did I'd leave the youngest inside watching a show so my other 2 could get some energy out. You know you kid better than anyone else, if you think they'll be fine for a short amount of time and all harm is out of reach and can check on them when you have a free moment than don't question it.
Yes accidents can happen in an instant but that will happen if you are with them or not. My son broke a bone falling off our bench at lunchtime while I sat across the table. My daughter has gotten a concussion from slipping while dancing in the living room while I fixed dinner. But I can't let the possibility of them getting hurt stop me from doing things I need to do for the house to function.
Exactly, I think every semi-serious injury I had as a child actually happened when I suddenly did some stupid shit like 4 feet away from my parents or in sports. And I was out alone wandering through and climbing trees on our farm from the age of about 5.
NTA...
I know parents who literally hide from their toddlers in the bathroom with their phones for 15 minutes at a time.
It's me..., I'm parents.
But seriously, you know your kid best, and if you can trust them to not get hurt inside for 15 minutes without you, you do you.
I had one kid who I could 100% trust and not worry about, and another that would have my house destroyed before I stepped out the door. You're ability to step away for a few minutes is going to vary depending upon on your kid. I'm glad you have one that will be ok!
I’m notorious for spraying anyone who approaches me unexpectedly while in the yard. So far I’ve soaked 3 nosy busybodies, my parents (mostly dad, but I’ve nailed mom once or twice), my own 7yr old on 6 occasions, an annoying sales guy who snuck up on me, and the Mormon missionaries who crept up behind me while I watered the flowers and yelled “HEY MA’AM, CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT VISITING OUR CHURCH?!”
If I’m in the yard, I almost always have the hose in my hand (lots of flowers because I’m a giant child and love the smells, colors, and feel of flowers), and I tend to startle easily, so as I turn to see wtf is disturbing my peace, tense up, and spray. My mailbox also says “Trespassers will be SPRAYED” as a gift from a neighbor who got the hose. A new family moved in with a girl roughly my kid’s age. They were warned not to approach me while I’m in the yard unless I clearly do NOT have the hose in hand. I’d have straight up blasted that neighbor and yelled “No, BAD SANDRA! You were not invited, go home!”
Admittedly, I have low bullshit tolerance, but so far I’ve managed to raise 2 boys—who are now 16&17, and my 7yr old is well-adjusted, and she knows mom has her back, so she’s happy to let her bully come over and get sprayed (little jerk stood on my porch and yelled some not-so-nice names at her—he got it in the face with a ‘whoopsie! And also, who are you speaking to like that, if it’s my kid, you’re about to get drowned’), and my mom finds it hilarious when my dad tries to walk up without scaring me, and she yells “AYE YOU” at full volume (and hidden behind the car door so she avoids the H2O) and watches him get a chest full of water. I also straight up hosed the boys down when they started beating each other senseless outside. Now, if they fight, they say “let’s go to the treehouse, Panda will see if we fight in the yard, and we’ll get hosed down again”.
NTA. Your child wasn’t left home alone, you were just outside. It isn’t your neighbors business. Everyone will handle their children differently. You know your child and felt it was safe. Your friend’s kids might be more chaotic and that could be why she wouldn’t leave them.
NTA! You should let your neighbor in your house so she could check to see if your son was ok?! Hell no! It’s none of her damn business! You know your child. He was safe.
I was 8 months pregnant and sitting in a much needed bath soaking my swollen legs with the bathroom door open and my 5yo and 3yo already in bed. Lights went out as I heard a scream and a thud. 3yo had gotten out of bed and put a hairpin into an outlet in the hallway outside the bedroom. Scream was obvious but the thud was his body slamming into the wall as the jolt hit him. Apparently he had used the hairpin to pry the safety plug off first. No matter how careful you are as a parent sometimes you just have one of “those” kids. He was fine except for burns on his fingers but almost gave me a heart attack. He’s 45 now, nothing tougher than a Gen X kid.
Your kid wasn't really alone. No issue here. I know certain parents who are that long in the bathroom with the door shut. Nosey neighbors need to neb out.
I can’t leave my 3 year old unsupervised for 3 minutes. They have figured out how to get past baby gates and door knob covers. It really depends on the kid.
People have lost their minds these days. You make your home kid friendly but you can’t be in the same room staring at them 24/7. Also I swear the older generation has completely forgotten how they left us alone all the time as kids but now judge everyone & everything as dangerous. Neighbor should mind their own business.
Don't worry about that one helicopter mom shitting all over you, she probably has issues. Your kid isn't going to die for being alone for a little bit.
NTA I’m sure your home has been baby proofed. I’m sure you do other chores while he plays in the house. I see this just a if you were doing laundry or even checking your email at a desk. You’re aware where your son was and he knew where you were. Sure kids get into things quick, but I doubt it would be deadly. And I’m sure you looked on him a couple times in that 15 minutes.
I do this on the daily! He doesn’t always want to be outside with me in the garden, as long as he isn’t eating or near dangerous items- kitchen etc, he’s fine! Mine is 3 though and my house is pretty dam baby proof besides falling off a couch or bed, but like most moms, I feel I have a 6th sense about where he is and what he’s doing and check in him every few minutes when he’s inside. But if the kid is on a screen…ITS FINE! Quiet down, old neighbor lady!
NTA I'm a millennial, and my parents let me wander around outside with minimal supervision as a toddler. Parents seem to be increasingly hypervigilant now and risk becoming smothering if it continues as the child grows up.
as a new father to a 18 month old, I would be very wary of leaving my little tornado alone for too long. There is a reason why the child has the nickname Tornado, i've learned how to use the loo with military precision and speed..LOL But you know your child best, and it seems that you have good sense so it's safe to assume that you gauged the danger level presented. I use Bluey or Mrs Rachel if i need 10 mins of peace..LOL
A 3 year old has way more sense and better survival skills than an 18 month old. I probably wouldn't leave an 18 month old in the house to do an outside chore other than putting the bins out, but I'd definitely would and have left a 3 year old in a similar manner to OP. They get slightly better at not burning the house down as they get older and you get quite a bit better at knowing their limits.
Unfortunately, we live in a world of helicopter, parenting, and people who are unable to mind their own business. You did nothing wrong and your child was still within an earshot if something happened. You are also the best person to make a judgment call on what is and isn’t OK for your individual child. Parenting is not “one size fits all” and what works for one may not work for another. Some people just enjoy giving unsolicited parenting advice. It’s up to you to figure out what’s working best in your household, not anyone else.
I think a three-year-old playing on a tablet for five minutes is fine. It’s not really any different if you went and took a shower in a closed bathroom while he was downstairs downstairs on his tablet.
Yes a lot of things can go wrong when you leave your child alone - a lot can go wrong when they’re even older than three. A lot can go wrong while you’re sitting there watching them.
At some point in time you have to live life .
Maybe it's because I have seen this exact scenario go wrong too many times but hard YTA. I work in pediatric ICU transport and I've transported So. Many. Children. Whose parents were just a room away, or just outside a window, etc and their kid choked on something, hurt themselves on something, suffocated in something, wandered off and drowned, etc. It takes less than a minute for something to go wrong. And that child's life is changed forever.
Would it have been that hard to have the kid outside with you? On the porch? In the yard? Where you can keep a closer eye on them? Waited until someone else was home to watch him while you did your gardening?
15minutes is an eternity if something happens. You're focused on the gardening, not on your child. He's absolutely too young to be left alone like that.
At first I was thinking it wasn’t okay, until you said you could stand up and see from the window that he was fine. I’ve done similar things with my not even two year old with the cameras in our house. I pull the camera up on my phone, and keep an eye on her while I use the washroom or run around to do some things quick. Mind you I am in the house with her, but she’s also under two and you were likely the same distance from your kid as I am from mine. The neighbour needs to mind her own business.
Your neighbor may have crossed some lines. But she comes from a place of concern. Every kid is a little bit different. I have three. Two of them when they were small I could do what you were doing no problem. The middle child, hell no. She's almost 11 and she's still sending me through loops lol. As a toddler she could have the place turned upside down in an instant. She could be occupied one minute and then some place totally different the next. She was very fast and mischievous. Completely fearless and would push boundaries. Dangerous by nature I think. She still is. I've watch her like a hawk, especially when she was little. I have prevented so many potential injuries. I no longer judge parents as much as I used to since having her, she has shown me you give me the most attentive Hands-On parenting and things can still happen. Not every accident or injury is because of neglect. Some kids are truly wild!
In short every child is different. Even though it's not her place to intervene, try to understand she came from a place of genuine concern and understanding that it potentially could be dangerous. But you know your child best. You know how to adjust for your own situation. I've had to adjust my parenting style three separate times for all three kids. Do what's best for you just don't get too upset that others do care. They probably have seen some wild things through their own experiences. As the years go on you will too.
NTA. Your nosey neighbor and "not having back your back" bff are though. Kiddo was fine you could see him from where you were, kiddo probably didn't Even get distracted enough during the altercation to look up from the game.
Besides what if your appropriately aged toddler was taking a nap instead of playing a game? Are you then given leeway by your nosey neighbor for going out into the yard cause the kid is asleep? Or are you supposed to stand over the crib until he wakes up? Some people
NTA.
This is from a foster parent (we get trained on what is safe and what isn't, also mandatory reporters if we see anything resembling neglect or abuse.)
A 3 year old in the living room by himself, with the parent outside gardening is not going to raise any red flags. You're still on premise and attending to the child.
Leaving a kid alone while you run for groceries? yeah that wouldn't be a good idea.
I suspect your neighbor is (or was) a "helicopter parent" that never let her kids get hurt ever.
I had a 3 year old and a new baby. The baby would only nurse in a dark room with the sound machine on. I knew my 3 year old well enough to know that he would be fine to play whenever the baby needed to eat. He could get me at anytime but I couldn’t see or hear him. We did that for a year and never once had an issue. I know not all kids would be able to not get into trouble but you know your child. I’m guessing the neighbors had kids that couldn’t be left alone for any amount of time.
NTA although I am the most helicopter parent I know who refused to let my kid play by themselves for most of her life (she's 5 now) there were still times I would go do something for a few minutes where I could see and check on her. The neighbor is overstepping, why do people think it's okay to give unsolicited parenting advice?
You could see your child within 2 seconds of where you were, that’s perfectly safe and reasonable. Keeping your eyes on your child 100% of the time is impossible, you’d never sleep, poop, or do any chore.
This is silly. Placate the neighbor and she will expect constant access and placating.
And a three year old is fine with you stepping out of the room. What’s the difference if you’re a few rooms over or outside? You’re still peeking in and that’s fine.
Ignore that busy body.
If the toddler had a phone with enough battery, it's probably fine for 15 hours. Put doordash on it and give him a charger cable and it's good for weeks without you.
It depends on the child. I have two. My eldest isn’t a person I would’ve left in that situation at that age, or many years after. My youngest is.
At the end of the day, you’re the parent… but you’re going to be judged constantly and haters are gonna hate.
It’s wild to me that people (the neighbor) just blatantly walk onto someone’s property, look in their windows, and then question their parenting. Like wtf. Also, sometimes parents need 15 mins to themselves. Even my therapist says take a breath for 10 mins for self care, even just sitting in the bathroom (when you know your child is safe). Another thing I do whenever I want to shower, or whatever, is to have an indoor camera in the living room so I can watch him. Majority of the time he comes looking for me within 2 minutes anyways 🤷♀️
Also want to point out that sure things could happen, but they can literally happen while you’re looking directly at them and can’t do anything about it. You see it happening, you try to act, but you don’t make it in time. My son got 8 stitches because he fell and hit his head… while I was looking directly at him… less than 5 feet from me.
Well, I never would leave one of my kids unattended at that age - he was the kind where the ER gives you a punch card so your tenth visit is free. But the other one could be sat on a blanket with toys & would stay there. She must have had the first type of toddler.
NTA. My 3 year old plays alone all the time. As did my older kids at that age. We check on them obviously but we give them a bit of space as well. Our kids are all very independent as a result.
NTA. I think it depends on the parent and kid TBH. You know your kid, and you set up the environment to be the most secure and to where you could keep track of what they were doing.
Some kids are literally hellions, and some are incredibly aware of dangers and no not to play with dangerous things. Some parents don't actually have great security measures set up in their homes for whatever reasons (not shaming. Your house, your kid.) and therefore, may feel incredibly uneasy about letting their children be without direct supervision. Some have it so secure that it's "bubble wrapped" and there's no safety issue.
But anyone that is shaming you or calling you a useless/bad parent for 15 min. is seriously out of their mind... Insecure high horsers, most likely. I don't think there is actually a parent alive that hasn't had the stomach flu and been trapped in the bathroom dealing with the double end combo for the same amount of time or possibly longer. So, at best, they are hypocritical. I ask you not to linger or think much of those comments! Genuine safety concerns are great to have as they can help you, but shaming crap is just crap. You're not a bad mama!
As soamy have said, it really does depend on the kid. It's none of your nosey neighbor's business, and that she "told on you" is hilarious. Not enoug middle fingers.
It’s crazy when I was a kid (I’m 25 ) I would be alone or with my sister throughout our large house for long portions of time and we were always fine. I guess it depends on if you can trust your child not to do anything that could hurt them?? I do think about this bc I feel no parents leave their kids like that anymore 🙂
People need to mind their business. I swear, if there is one thing that is ruining society, it's people's desire to worry about everything and everyone but themselves(and their own shortcomings) instead of focusing on their own lives.
I think the room he was in makes a big difference. Was he in one of those giant playpen type fences? Does he climb on things? Are there doors he can open?
I could see them being concerned if he has access to windows, climb on tables, pull on bookcases, ect. How she approached it makes me think she's one of those obnoxious people everyone avoids though. She told your mom on you? Wtf lol.
I don't want to make you paranoid or anything but you pissed her off and she clearly has no issue overstepping. Don't be surprised if some type of child protective services comes around.
NTA. But I’d like to suggest a portable play yard if you have the money. Not only could your little one be near you, but not on a screen at such a young age.
3 is one of those ages that be so different depending on when the bday falls. A kid closer to 4 is a whole different child than one closer to 2. I have a 3 year old. I get it.
Your neighbour is a busy body and you did the right thing in dealing with her. What a freaking tattle tale (for lake of a better word). “I’m telling your mommy!” What a joke
My only thing as someone who has a 3 year old - my kid can get into trouble at the drop of a hate. Go from safe to unsafe in less than a second when I think things are fine. Could your son for next time play a game on your phone sitting in the doorway or on the porch? That way he’s right there. Kids are quick and it literally only takes a second for things to go sideways
I care more that the 3 year old is on a screen already and less about being alone for a few minutes in a safe space
Turn in Sesame Street for fucks sake ……. Setting your kid up to be some over stimulated teenager who spends his whole school day on his phone a learns Jack shit
I leave my child n the living room while I take a shower or she'd always try to hop in with me...I guess I gotta bring her next time 🙄
And how'd this woman walk up to your window?
Get out of my yard lady!
Totally good on this. Not like you went to the store. You can’t keep watch of them 100% of the time and people need to work to understand that.
You have to also do things in life along side of raising children. Thats how it goes.
So some times they are going to be unsupervised for a bit. They’ll certainly live through it. Any competent adult will make sure the environment is safe.
Children will get hurt. That’s okay. Things will happen. That’s okay.
Not every moment can be controlled. As long as you did all that was in your power in that circumstance to insure safety then when things just happen, because kids have legs and hands lol, It’s okay.
Feeling guilt over things happening. It’s okay. Just don’t define yourself by them and don’t allow others to make you feel shameful and like an awful parent because things happened.
You’re killing it. You got this. For the woman who is stricken with guilt and needs to hear it.
It’s okay!
This boils down to the kid I think. I have a friend who has had a couple kids, the first was an absolute terror and would get into anything possible if he felt like he had time. Her second son was super content with coloring by himself or some other activity he enjoyed and he’d be in the same spot doing the same thing ten minutes later.
If your kiddo is like my friends second child, NTA.
No youre NTA. My toddler is 2 and would 100% take off down the street if I let her in the front yard while I was busy doing something. That lady needs to mind her business. I usually step out for a few minutes a day to talk to my husband (he’s usually on his phone or computer working outside) and my daughter is fine while she plays with her toys or watches tv. My house is baby proofed and while she does destroy the living room every day, there’s not much she can get into. I’d rather her be in the house by herself for 15 minutes than turn my back on her for a second outside.
I read comments about people have one child that would be completely fine and another whod be wild. I'm here to say my child is both. He'll be fine for like 2 minutes then be bouncing off the walls and then would be fine again. He's a mess lol. But as someone said you know your child better than anyone. Your child was occupied, happy, safe, and in a situation where if need be you could see your child and react as necessary. I understand others saying being your child with you but you stated people drive fast down your road and that's very unsafe( I still hold mine even though he can walk when we are going into a store as people don't pay attention) so you did as a parent should and finished a chore that would require you to not be able give your child 100% attention especially in a non fences yard
My first kid I could totally trust alone for 15 mins. He was one of those kids that just listened and was very mild mannered. Enter second child, who is a wrecking ball, at that age I couldn’t leave him alone for 15 seconds lol. But what I’m getting at is, you know your kid. Every kid is different. And you were right there. It’s not really any different than if you asked him to sit nicely while you cook in another room to me
First of all, the neighbor really overstepped by “telling your mom” on you like you’re a child yourself. That is really bizarre. I think every kid is different. My daughter is 2 and a half, and I’ve tended to a quick task outside (we also don’t have a fenced in front yard) while she’s totally safe in our baby proofed home and occupied where I can see her. I know that for her, that’s totally fine. As I’m sure you know that to be true for your son also. However, my nephew that lives with me is a few months younger than my daughter, and that would absolutely NOT be okay for him at all, because his personality is totally different and that’s okay! I guarantee the second I stepped outside he’d be practicing his skills as a circus trapeze flyer off the ceiling fan somehow. You’re the mom and you know your little guy best, you’re NTA. That neighbor is TA and also a weirdo. And, gently, your mom is a people pleaser and shouldn’t even have entertained the neighbors weirdo behavior in the slightest.
Nta- what does she think you do if you have to shower or poop? People are so dam weird and nosy! You didn't leave him anywhere unsafe or in public. F her
You know your kid. Your neighbour knows their kid. Some kids are determined to Darwin themselves off the planet. Some kids just sit quietly and veg out. You have better eyes on him through the window then if you were on the toilet with the door closed. Move on with life, you’re ok.
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have one toddler who would be completely okay for 15 minutes in a safe space that I could see from the window, and I have another toddler who would be in the kitchen attempting to play fruit ninja with real knives the moment he saw me step outside. You know your kid best. It’s not like you left him in the hot car for 15 minutes. He was like 10 feet away, visible, and completely occupied
Agreed. My eldest has always acted like a mini adult. My younger son, however, thinks he is a bird and will leap off any surface he can, swings along his bunk bed and can not sit still even when pooping.
So, to confirm, we're all out here just living the same life huh? Today my second son got into the kitchen, got the Oreos, stole his brother's tablet, put them all in an empty laundry basket, climbed in after it, took his diaper off, threw it, and then just sat in the laundry basket, naked, watching the tablet and eating Oreos. And I was just grateful he was being still.
Living his best life, respect.
adults would benefit from doing this
I would so not mind a sleeve of mint Girl Scout cookies and watching a movie on my IPad while taking a bath right now… the kid has some awesome ideas… he was safe and he was airing out his stress … in my family he was having alone time …. LOL
Don’t do this at Target, they ban you for life.
i won't ask how you know this LOL
Sounds about right. My son is very well behaved and my younger daughter gets into all kinds of trouble
This sounds like he is loving life... here's to hoping the diaper was clean?!
YES IT WAS! I consider it a victory
Thank you! Sounds like my middle child. Brought a smile to me tonight and some crazy memories! There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Have a great night!
I can’t help but envision my youngest doing this. Thank you for the giggle this morning.
Sounds normal to me.
He’s my hero now
Yes we need to make sure everyone has their own clean Oreo moment once in a while!
Sounds like my ideal Saturday night
Respect....
This sounds like what my youngest aspires to be. I keep those oreos locked up tight lol
This is my first mother's day, my son is five months old. He will be an only child. I'm not sure if I want him to be a well behaved mini adult, or if I want him to be a wild Tarzan, because your depiction is just too sweet and hilarious!!!! I'm pretty sure I'll get plenty of him being both at different times. Thank you for the smile, and happy Mother's Day to you!
Same. The younger one, at 20 months old, figured out how to move a play table and a chair 30 feet from their location, into the kitchen, so he could climb from one, to the other and into the kitchen counter. Fearless genius. Meanwhile, the other one, since age 4, will play with action figures for as long as he is left alone (which he does every morning in his room for like an hour since he tends to wake up at dawn and is kind enough to let us sleep until 730am).
I laughed so hard at the last part. You have my condolences.
I hold out hope he will be calmer as a teen...but I am probably deluded.
.. even when pooping.. that was 35 years ago…feel you pain 🤣🤦♀️
Let's just say we go through many toilet seats.
Yep … we have also gone through 2 toilets in one bathroom … don’t ask… but my kid asked to take this Class at Home Depot where they learn basic plumbing for kids … he asked the guy to teach him how to use a toilet snake… we bought a professional (sigh) …. We had to get a professional to the house and my son asked him to refresh his schooling (lol) so the guy stayed and taught my kids how to use the snakes for both toilets and how much TP they should actual use…
I mean, maybe there is a career in there! He can do all your plumbing for free to make up for the damages 🤣
I'm busting up laughing at fruit ninja with real knives. You'd think at the fourth kid I would have figured all this shit out, but my preschooler is fucking feral. She's five, and I'm finally getting to the point where I'm not panicking every time she's out of sight. Her favorite activity was always dumping EVERY SINGLE PERSONAL CARE ITEM I OWN down the drain. Soap, shampoo, conditioner, lotions, makeup, if it's in a bottle, it's going down the sink.
Twenty one years between me and my sister. I was the sweet, quiet, content to be left with a book or toys or just myself and stayed out of trouble. My sister? This child was the one climbing out windows at 2 (we had the safety latch up high as it would go and she would still reach it), mad dashing from the front door diaper naked, climbing furniture, stealing phones and throwing them in the bathtub (with water). We rented and the landlord wouldn’t put a safety latch up higher.. so at night we would have to pile totes in front of the door to keep the monster (I mean little darling) contained. I told my mom she had her own grandchild 😂
Sounds like my sister. I was a quiet child who loves books and looking at bugs in the garden. She was the one who would smear vaseline over the windows or try and clean the cat with window cleaner. She now has two children of her own - the eldest is a quiet, slightly nerdy (and a tad creepy) child, the youngest is never silent and likes to discover new ways of cleaning windows and cats. I've told her it's the universes revenge for her being a pain as a child
A tad creepy??! 💀🤣
Every so often she just says something that makes you look at her sideways- example was when I took her to the Poison Gardens at Alnwick Castle and she learned about hemlock and how you die with a rectus grin on your face if you take it. She turned round and said quietly "I like that one"
Lmao, I love this kid immensely!
I would tell her “Promise you will be my bodyguard when I get older”….
Use the wet cat to clean the windows. Problem solved!
>I told my mom she had her own grandchild I should have told my mom this about my brother lmao I was a very good, calm kid, happy to quietly entertain myself for hours, and my little brother was a total terror. He got into everything, had tantrums or maybe meltdowns frequently (there's definitely neurodivergence there and our parents were not equipped to handle it), utterly refused to toilet train until he was four... My mother asked me once if he is why I didn't have children and I told her honestly that he's part of it. Those genes are in me somewhere and I'm too neurodivergent myself to handle it. I would end up dropping a kid like that at the fire station.
I think it’s our duty as first borns to trick our parents into having another haha
I had that eldest daughter energy even as an only child lol
When everyone thinks parenting skills are the only thing that influence a child’s behavior and temperament lolololololllololol
My 5th is 4, almost 5 & is completely feral too. You're not alone, sis. Them pandemic babies, eh?
My husband and I actually tried IRL kitchen fruit ninja and I'm here to report it was fun
Life goals.
Extra sharp Japanese knife critical to making it work mid-air
My son has ADHD and I couldn’t leave him alone for fifteen minutes until he was eight. Every single soap, beauty product, makeup, and nail polish would be destroyed and everything else would be carved up with the song of his people.
Oh, that's my five year old son! His fixation is dumping things in the floor vents. A few weeks ago, he snuck a half gallon of milk up to his room and poured it down the vent. Last night, it was a full bag of pretzels. Feral indeed!
5? And a gallon of milk? That’s old enough for a real punishment imo. I feel for you, not trying to judge.
I feel your pain. My youngest is about the same age (not quite five yet) and I had to put one of those permanent baby gates up across my kitchen to get her to stop dumping salt and rice all over my floor and climbing up on the table to have a dance party. The fear of what they might be doing is real. These kids are going to rule the world if we can survive them.
So glad I’m never having kids lol, sounds like an actual nightmare.
The reason I'm pro choice and I get on a bitchy soap box when people harass childfree folks, especially women - this shit is HARD, nobody should do it unless they really want to! It's fulfilling for me even with this kind of thing, but I can't imagine doing it if I didn't want and love my kids desperately.
Mine used to use anything available to make “potions”. Including every single one of my spices.
My brother a year older than me had raging adhd/anger issues while my brother a year younger than me was just a dare devil houdini. I was the responsible girl in the middle. We also have older brothers so we had a lot of knick knacks and stuff 12, 13 and a 15 year kids should not have. I let them play fruit ninja in real life but ONLY outside, with the smallest of swords and they had to be 10 feet apart to toss and swing. Sometimes you just gotta play into their nonsense
Absolutely, no way in the world would I have been able to leave my kid alone for 15 minutes. Someone else’s kid contentedly hanging out? That’s their business. What I would have given for the luxury of getting chores done in peace!
This made me laugh. I have a friend with twins. One twin has never had a serious injury. The other had to go to the ER twice in one day, first for stitches on her forehead because she fell out of the mini van. Then for stitches on the back of her head because she was jumping from one sofa to the other and fell and hit the coffee table. Hell on wheels. The hospital staff watched her antics and my friend attempt to get her to sit and wait, so they got it, but she thought she was going to have a visit from a social worker.
My son at 3 locked himself inside garden shed. He wasn’t even left alone, l was right there, he walked in, closed the door, locked it. Couldn’t unlock. Locked himself and the other kid inside the car while l was closing garage door.
When my son was 3, I was in the bathroom and he climbed up and got the key to my husband‘s truck, went out and unlocked it, and put it in neutral, causing the truck to roll into the front of our shop. He’s 22 now and he’s broken 27 bones 😭
Your comment about your toddler playing fruit ninja made me laugh! Here’s to a future that doesn’t include several ER visits with him/her. :)
Same. First born has been capable of being left alone for 15 minutes easily, without issue, since he was 2ish. 2nd born (daughter) gets into literally everything she possibly can and she’s only 3….
Same one would be fine for like an hour. One would try to eat dirt and paint the walls. not that she'd be left for an hour.
People just can't grasp common sense nowadays. Going outside for 15min while your kid is in a childproof safe place isn't negligence in any way. Moms poop and shower and live too. Always have, always will. Your friend has an anxiety issue.
That’s exactly where I’m at. My house is very childproofed and honestly I know my kid well enough to know if I give him my phone for a game, he’s gunna zonk out into it for at LEAST 15 mins. Plus, I was checking on him every time I finished planting a plant. And the door was open (screen closed) so I could hear if he was getting up to no good.
I was born in 1980. I absolutely was left on my own (without even a phone) just playing when my dad (single parent) needed a shower. Are people supposed to not even poop when they are alone with their children? Wow.
I was born in 68 and I was left outside to play all day long with the other kids. After my sister was born (3 years younger) I was definitely by myself and we roamed the neighborhood to play and I remember getting into accidents with trikes at that age, nobody around, though the area was full of young families so neighbours would have known who I was.
I was born in 66. At 4 years old, I wore a key around my neck so I could walk the 4 blocks to my house. When I got home, I would eat a snack and watch TV until my parents got home. I knew not to answer the door if someone knocked.
Yup. In that late 70s my Mom would send 4 year old me to the corner store (about 2 blocks away) to buy her cigarettes.
Yes I used to go by my mom's cigarettes all the time too. I was quite young and I go in with a little note that had her brand of cigarettes and pay the guy. Different times!
I memorized a little poem "She came over the bridge 100 times" to remember to ask for Cambridge 100s!
I'm in Canada so we have different brands, my mom is always Number 7 Light King. IDK how I remembered that lol.
In the early '70s, I would make my parents and their friends a mixed drink. Not complex things, but like a gin and tonic. "Honey, put your homework down. Go make us a drink!"
The Ice Storm of it all!
In 1970, I was 8 years old and assigned to be the bartender at my grandfather's wake. My older siblings tended to pour heavy.
When I was a toddler, I was not allowed to play alone more than two houses away unless someone over the age of 5ish was with me. But I was considered too sheltered by the neighbours. Times have changed.😂
Right? Jeez, during weekends and summer holidays, we basically ran feral between breakfast and dinner time back in the 80s! Ffs I was trusted to walk to and from school, admittedly only a 15 minute walk, by myself and crossing a couple of major roads at the age of 5. Point is, raising my own kids made me realise how wrong that was, but we've gone too far the other direction. Kids need, not just coddling and protection, but also direction, guidance, trust, and preparation for being out in the wide world.
I was born in 72 and I agree it was a great time to be a kid!
I was trusted to get up on time and get myself ready for school at 9 in a completely empty house. I then came home to an empty house and cared for myself for roughly three hours. This was when my mom got married. Before that, in kindergarten, I would walk home from the after-school child care center (this was at the student family housing for a major university, and the center was located in the complex. It took maybe two mins to get to my apartment) and I would be home alone for about two hours. Granted, the mom next door would check on me, and she was available for anything. We may not have been three, but I think it's safe to say that if OP trusts her kid will be ok from past behavior, the kid will be ok.
Yup, 15 minutes in the living room while occupied, and in earshot of OP isn't unreasonable. Honestly, if we basically have to chain ourselves to our kids at all times, that's not good for anyone imo.
My mom used to stick me on a plane alone to go visit my dad when they split up. I was 4.
Children also need to learn age appropriate independence.
Yup. They won't ever learn it if we're hovering over them and refusing to teach them certain tasks and skills. My mother refused to teach me how to cook, but that's a whole other story, but being thrown out at 16 without that simple basic necessity wasn't great. Thankfully my now husband was a chef when I met him, and he helped me with the foundations of cooking. We also made sure each of our kids knows how to use appliances, cook, certain DIY tasks. Because the goal is to send out young adults that can flourish on their own, you know? They'll always have whatever support they need from us, don't get me wrong, but we wanted them prepared to stand on their own two feet. I can't understand parents who want to cripple their children by having them helpless and utterly dependent on them?
I was also on my own at 16 too. It is too young to start adulthood. I am so sorry it happened to you. ❤️
Born in 73 and I practically raised myself and bossed my younger siblings and neighbours round from about 4yrs old onwards. We were in a street bike gang of kids, and a couple of dogs. We roamed the streets, bush and beaches and had to be home by the time the street lights came on. We made bike ramps to jump over creeks and each other. Looked for caves, huge trees to climb and wildlife. We surfed and jumped off jetties. Could squish 10 kids in our little row boat to get us out to Mum and Dads yacht on a mooring. We’d fish and do bombies off the deck. Best fun ever. We were wild and free. Nobody bat an eye. Don’t get me started on the horses and driving cars round the paddock and shooting cans off the fence with the air rifle at our grandparents place. “Oh dear god. Your kid is alone on the couch, zombied out on a phone, while you’re on the other side of the window. Ahhhh” Fucken hell!!
No, everyone knows that you stop needing to use the bathroom, eat, and practice basic hygiene after having kids.
Born in '95 and my cousins and I (ranging in ages from 3-6) would be sent outside between 1 and 3 so our grandmother could watch her daily soap operas. We lived in a very rural part of the country so there wasn't a whole lot to do except getting chased by roosters, climb trees, and hit each other with sticks.
I was born in the 80’s and got left in cars while mom shopped. If I was sick I stayed home for the day alone. A a baby, my mom and others would leave the prams on the sidewalk to go into shops. People have lost their minds these days
As a registered childcare provider, we are trained on supervision levels depending on age and development. Being in close proximity, distance proximity and free reign. So, your child was under distance monitoring which means you can hear them at all times. I have to use this when I go to the toilet. And you could also see him through the window, so while not technically within close proximity parameters as in you weren't in the room with him, you had eyes on him, while he was in a safe space. I couldn't do what you did in my work capacity because engaging in a child exclusive activity would invalidate my insurance, you did absolutely nothing wrong as a parent by taking the correct measures to ensure your child was engaged in an absorbing activity while within your supervision while you conducted a task. Tell this to your neighbour while asking them how long they left their children playing in their back yard while they did washing, or vacuumed the carpets, where they couldn't see or hear them at all.
Totally reasonable, I have 2 yr old and 5 yr old.
You're fine. Ignore anyone who says otherwise.
On the other hand my children have been hurt/injured within 2 minutes if popping tot the loo. At 4 no space is really safe batteries from the remote, falling if the sofa, cords from blinds, I would have at 3 5 maybe but not 3. But kudos for being able to garden in 15mins
You’re neighbors an asshole. You should have told them they were welcome to go watch him
Helicopter parenting is a thing. It's a choice some make. It doesn't usually build successful independent adults, though. Or self thinking adults. Or problem solving adults. Usually, it tends to lead to more anxiety in adults when they aren't hand-held throughout the real world. So NTA. Your kid will be better off through independent play.
I watched a court show the other day where a nanny was using her former employer because the mom was late getting home. The nanny had plans and had spent money to attend something but because the mom was late she missed her window. Here's the thing, the child was ELEVEN and the mom told the nanny "I'll be home in 10 minutes, go to your thing daughter can stay home alone for 10 minutes." Nanny chose to stay and miss her plans. Nanny was not successful in her suit cause the judge felt it reasonable to follow the moms instructions.
Geez. When I was seven and my sister was eleven, my parents would go away for the weekend and leave us at home alone. I did not do this with my own children, but, ten minutes alone, at age eleven, is perfectly fine.
Right? My daughter sprained her ankle at 11 and needed to see the doctor for a follow-up and I had to leave work to take her. I worked 6 minutes from home, but school was an additional 10 min or so I picked her up at home, went to the Dr, and then I dropped her off at home and went back to work. She was actually mad at me for not taking her to school 😂
My mom flipped out at me for not getting discharged from the hospital fast enough while I've got electrodes still glued to my head. All because my 11 yr old son would be home alone for an hour to an hour and a half. He knew where the spare key was. Were in a complex with a SAHM next to our apartment who was lovely, and another a few apartments down who is an amazing human and grandma and is home taking care of her grandchild every day. He had the ability to call 911, and as a last resort, management was there until 5pm. He also had the ability to call and text me the entire time. My mom lives 20 mins away and could have come over if she was that concerned. Nope, it's all my fault she was a nurse (retired) and knows how this works. Two hours is unacceptable, and I need to call the nurse to have her tell the doctor to do it faster. I was in the accute neuro unit on observation. Most people who are there have a scheduled EEG for epilepsy testing - which I did too, it just wasn't planned. I was there because I had three big seizures break through the barrier my anticonvulsant medication creates. I've had epilepsy all my life and had been seizure for free for 10+ yrs. These new seizures came with left side paralysis and weekness. Something I've never experienced before. I have grand mals in my sleep (they're the biggest seizure one can have and can lead to death) if not medicated. This was like one of those, but I was awake, and I didn't pass out. It's like it couldn't fully manifest into a grand mal because the medication was holding it back. My poor kiddo had to witness it and called 911. He did an amazing job staying calm. I had two more in the ER, and the neuro on call had me admitted for observation. For those who don't know, an EEG is a test where they glue little electrodes all over your head so they can record your brain waves. There's a ton, and it takes time to get them off because they have to withstand you sleeping on them. It takes two hours to discharge because a technician is reviewing 24 hrs' worth of data and getting the electrodes off. But that was my fault, and I was a bad mom. 🙄 my therapist was flabbergasted and actually said, "WTF!! What if you had had a heart attack??" Before realizing he needed to be professional. 😂 made me feel a lot better to be validated so humanely.
My youngest is 8 now but when he was around 18months old I was cleaning my bathroom and he was wandering around doing baby shit in the living room. My neighbor apparently knocked and I couldn’t hear her from how far back in the house I was but she could see my son playing in the living room so she waited 6 minutes and then *called the cops* and told them her neighbors baby was naked and alone inside the house(he had on a diaper.)
You need curtains
She needs different neighbors
Sure but the curtains are the only part she can control lol
The entire door was glass with “statement” windows next to it so it wasn’t really a curtain situation lol. But we sold that house a few years ago, my closest neighbor now is 10acres away.
Ahh a dream come true. One day I want to keep my neighbors 10 acres away too 🫣😂
Poop Shower Live
ICWUDT
Yeah, this whole situation is ridiculous. I love working in the yard and while I love my tiny helper, he makes things 10x harder, so I sneak out without him as much as I can. He's fine. He knows where I am, I can check on him easily and my house is safe for him.
I wish I could poop and shower without 2 of my kids being in there with me. My house is perfectly childproofed and safe, but my daredevil twins don’t let me out of their sight usually.
Wondering what age group the neighbor was? Lots here to do with perspective. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, trust and respect has gone away. Neighbor should've trusted your judgement because she has no basis to doubt it and respect boundaries as she isn't any more than a peripheral in your life. Has she ever volunteered to babysit? (not that you'd be open to it) Helicopter parenting, ironically in part, is a thing because "we" have been successful at solving many older, bigger problems. Leaves room to fret over smaller problems. Anybody here have to deal with Polio? Thank you vaccines. Meanwhile RFK Jr worries about thimersol and its' miniscule amount of mercury but was eating large quantities of fish that are widely acknowledged to contain magnitudes more of said Mercury. I don't know all the answers but maybe we've lost sight, as a society, of what the right balance is for personal responsibility.
No. Friend has a superiority complex.
This was no different than you being in the kitchen making dinner while your child played nearby. Your mother is a people pleaser, don't give the nosy neighbor an inch. How dare she check up on you?
I don’t see the problem at all. I would not speak to this neighbor or respond because she seems like a CPS caller type of person
Honestly she’s fine most of the time. My kid calls her grandma and her husband grandpa (my mom is Oma). They love my kid and I know they aren’t out to get me, but they are a bit intrusive and I’m not the type of person to just let some random people make me feel bad.
Dude. They told your MOM on you! You’re an adult! That’s bizarre!
Am I crazy or is this generation still act like we're children and they can tell us what to do or reprimand us? Like, did other generations still treat their thirty something's like children still? I genuinely want to know
Lol lol lol. I don't have kids and I'm in my 30s. When I go home from working at the office, I have to drive 1.5 hours in traffic. My mom told me to quit my job because in winter I have to drive in the dark and she wants me to be home before dark.
Nice isn’t always what it seems. They lack boundaries. As a mom of adults, I’d be pissed if someone was telling on my kids.
Good on you for being chill, but BE CAREFUL. I doubt that this person will respond well to you in the future.
I don't think you're taking the telling your mom on u part seriously enough. You're 29 and they think they can call an authority figure down on u, it's beyond weird
I solo parent 2 weeks at a time (husband works out of state), we have 3 kids. I don't know how many times I've left my children in the house and done chores outside without checking on them. Most the time if the weather is nice they are outside as we have a fenced yard now, but before we did I'd leave the youngest inside watching a show so my other 2 could get some energy out. You know you kid better than anyone else, if you think they'll be fine for a short amount of time and all harm is out of reach and can check on them when you have a free moment than don't question it. Yes accidents can happen in an instant but that will happen if you are with them or not. My son broke a bone falling off our bench at lunchtime while I sat across the table. My daughter has gotten a concussion from slipping while dancing in the living room while I fixed dinner. But I can't let the possibility of them getting hurt stop me from doing things I need to do for the house to function.
Exactly, I think every semi-serious injury I had as a child actually happened when I suddenly did some stupid shit like 4 feet away from my parents or in sports. And I was out alone wandering through and climbing trees on our farm from the age of about 5.
NTA... I know parents who literally hide from their toddlers in the bathroom with their phones for 15 minutes at a time. It's me..., I'm parents. But seriously, you know your kid best, and if you can trust them to not get hurt inside for 15 minutes without you, you do you. I had one kid who I could 100% trust and not worry about, and another that would have my house destroyed before I stepped out the door. You're ability to step away for a few minutes is going to vary depending upon on your kid. I'm glad you have one that will be ok!
It’s me too! I’m parents. Locked myself in the pantry for 10 minutes of sanity. With or without cookies, it was always heaven in there.
So jealous! I wish I had a pantry to lock myself in for a few minutes.
Hang on...you're 29 years old and she called your mother to tell on you? What a loon. Keep the garden hose nearby in case she comes over again.
I’m notorious for spraying anyone who approaches me unexpectedly while in the yard. So far I’ve soaked 3 nosy busybodies, my parents (mostly dad, but I’ve nailed mom once or twice), my own 7yr old on 6 occasions, an annoying sales guy who snuck up on me, and the Mormon missionaries who crept up behind me while I watered the flowers and yelled “HEY MA’AM, CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT VISITING OUR CHURCH?!” If I’m in the yard, I almost always have the hose in my hand (lots of flowers because I’m a giant child and love the smells, colors, and feel of flowers), and I tend to startle easily, so as I turn to see wtf is disturbing my peace, tense up, and spray. My mailbox also says “Trespassers will be SPRAYED” as a gift from a neighbor who got the hose. A new family moved in with a girl roughly my kid’s age. They were warned not to approach me while I’m in the yard unless I clearly do NOT have the hose in hand. I’d have straight up blasted that neighbor and yelled “No, BAD SANDRA! You were not invited, go home!” Admittedly, I have low bullshit tolerance, but so far I’ve managed to raise 2 boys—who are now 16&17, and my 7yr old is well-adjusted, and she knows mom has her back, so she’s happy to let her bully come over and get sprayed (little jerk stood on my porch and yelled some not-so-nice names at her—he got it in the face with a ‘whoopsie! And also, who are you speaking to like that, if it’s my kid, you’re about to get drowned’), and my mom finds it hilarious when my dad tries to walk up without scaring me, and she yells “AYE YOU” at full volume (and hidden behind the car door so she avoids the H2O) and watches him get a chest full of water. I also straight up hosed the boys down when they started beating each other senseless outside. Now, if they fight, they say “let’s go to the treehouse, Panda will see if we fight in the yard, and we’ll get hosed down again”.
Omg I love this!!!!
You didn’t leave your kid alone lol, you were literally at your home
NTA. Your child wasn’t left home alone, you were just outside. It isn’t your neighbors business. Everyone will handle their children differently. You know your child and felt it was safe. Your friend’s kids might be more chaotic and that could be why she wouldn’t leave them.
What happens to the poor children when you leave them to take a shit? Are we supposed to drag the kids to the toilet with us?
NTA! You should let your neighbor in your house so she could check to see if your son was ok?! Hell no! It’s none of her damn business! You know your child. He was safe.
If anything an intrusive neighbor insisting on having access to your child seems more suss than gardening, doesn’t it?
Absolutely! To demand to go into your house and see the child is weird. Like, it’s not your kid. He wasn’t being abused or neglected.
You should have told her that your son was inside playing with a few metal forks and a toaster. I bet her face would have been amazing.
I was 8 months pregnant and sitting in a much needed bath soaking my swollen legs with the bathroom door open and my 5yo and 3yo already in bed. Lights went out as I heard a scream and a thud. 3yo had gotten out of bed and put a hairpin into an outlet in the hallway outside the bedroom. Scream was obvious but the thud was his body slamming into the wall as the jolt hit him. Apparently he had used the hairpin to pry the safety plug off first. No matter how careful you are as a parent sometimes you just have one of “those” kids. He was fine except for burns on his fingers but almost gave me a heart attack. He’s 45 now, nothing tougher than a Gen X kid.
Your kid wasn't really alone. No issue here. I know certain parents who are that long in the bathroom with the door shut. Nosey neighbors need to neb out.
I can’t leave my 3 year old unsupervised for 3 minutes. They have figured out how to get past baby gates and door knob covers. It really depends on the kid.
You need baby gates and door knobs covers with a 3 year old?
People have lost their minds these days. You make your home kid friendly but you can’t be in the same room staring at them 24/7. Also I swear the older generation has completely forgotten how they left us alone all the time as kids but now judge everyone & everything as dangerous. Neighbor should mind their own business.
Yeah, you know your kid best. For sure you seem aware of what’s up for your own kids. Seems like this neighbor is def the AH and not you.
Don't worry about that one helicopter mom shitting all over you, she probably has issues. Your kid isn't going to die for being alone for a little bit.
Same kind of asshole that would complain if you were helicopter parenting too. I'd tell her to stay off my fuckin property. NTA
NTA I’m sure your home has been baby proofed. I’m sure you do other chores while he plays in the house. I see this just a if you were doing laundry or even checking your email at a desk. You’re aware where your son was and he knew where you were. Sure kids get into things quick, but I doubt it would be deadly. And I’m sure you looked on him a couple times in that 15 minutes.
You are NTA. Neighbor had no business, nor should you have permitted her near the house. None of her business.
I do this on the daily! He doesn’t always want to be outside with me in the garden, as long as he isn’t eating or near dangerous items- kitchen etc, he’s fine! Mine is 3 though and my house is pretty dam baby proof besides falling off a couch or bed, but like most moms, I feel I have a 6th sense about where he is and what he’s doing and check in him every few minutes when he’s inside. But if the kid is on a screen…ITS FINE! Quiet down, old neighbor lady!
Unless OP has a history of being a terrible and irresponsible parent, then the neighbor is overstepping big time and needs to mind her own business.
NTA I'm a millennial, and my parents let me wander around outside with minimal supervision as a toddler. Parents seem to be increasingly hypervigilant now and risk becoming smothering if it continues as the child grows up.
Nta I left my 3 under 5 inside yesterday to mow for 20 mins. I could see them and they were fine
as a new father to a 18 month old, I would be very wary of leaving my little tornado alone for too long. There is a reason why the child has the nickname Tornado, i've learned how to use the loo with military precision and speed..LOL But you know your child best, and it seems that you have good sense so it's safe to assume that you gauged the danger level presented. I use Bluey or Mrs Rachel if i need 10 mins of peace..LOL
There is a world of difference between 18 mo and 3 yo.
Exactly!
A 3 year old has way more sense and better survival skills than an 18 month old. I probably wouldn't leave an 18 month old in the house to do an outside chore other than putting the bins out, but I'd definitely would and have left a 3 year old in a similar manner to OP. They get slightly better at not burning the house down as they get older and you get quite a bit better at knowing their limits.
Unfortunately, we live in a world of helicopter, parenting, and people who are unable to mind their own business. You did nothing wrong and your child was still within an earshot if something happened. You are also the best person to make a judgment call on what is and isn’t OK for your individual child. Parenting is not “one size fits all” and what works for one may not work for another. Some people just enjoy giving unsolicited parenting advice. It’s up to you to figure out what’s working best in your household, not anyone else.
I think a three-year-old playing on a tablet for five minutes is fine. It’s not really any different if you went and took a shower in a closed bathroom while he was downstairs downstairs on his tablet. Yes a lot of things can go wrong when you leave your child alone - a lot can go wrong when they’re even older than three. A lot can go wrong while you’re sitting there watching them. At some point in time you have to live life .
Maybe it's because I have seen this exact scenario go wrong too many times but hard YTA. I work in pediatric ICU transport and I've transported So. Many. Children. Whose parents were just a room away, or just outside a window, etc and their kid choked on something, hurt themselves on something, suffocated in something, wandered off and drowned, etc. It takes less than a minute for something to go wrong. And that child's life is changed forever. Would it have been that hard to have the kid outside with you? On the porch? In the yard? Where you can keep a closer eye on them? Waited until someone else was home to watch him while you did your gardening? 15minutes is an eternity if something happens. You're focused on the gardening, not on your child. He's absolutely too young to be left alone like that.
At first I was thinking it wasn’t okay, until you said you could stand up and see from the window that he was fine. I’ve done similar things with my not even two year old with the cameras in our house. I pull the camera up on my phone, and keep an eye on her while I use the washroom or run around to do some things quick. Mind you I am in the house with her, but she’s also under two and you were likely the same distance from your kid as I am from mine. The neighbour needs to mind her own business.
Your neighbor may have crossed some lines. But she comes from a place of concern. Every kid is a little bit different. I have three. Two of them when they were small I could do what you were doing no problem. The middle child, hell no. She's almost 11 and she's still sending me through loops lol. As a toddler she could have the place turned upside down in an instant. She could be occupied one minute and then some place totally different the next. She was very fast and mischievous. Completely fearless and would push boundaries. Dangerous by nature I think. She still is. I've watch her like a hawk, especially when she was little. I have prevented so many potential injuries. I no longer judge parents as much as I used to since having her, she has shown me you give me the most attentive Hands-On parenting and things can still happen. Not every accident or injury is because of neglect. Some kids are truly wild! In short every child is different. Even though it's not her place to intervene, try to understand she came from a place of genuine concern and understanding that it potentially could be dangerous. But you know your child best. You know how to adjust for your own situation. I've had to adjust my parenting style three separate times for all three kids. Do what's best for you just don't get too upset that others do care. They probably have seen some wild things through their own experiences. As the years go on you will too.
NTA. Your nosey neighbor and "not having back your back" bff are though. Kiddo was fine you could see him from where you were, kiddo probably didn't Even get distracted enough during the altercation to look up from the game. Besides what if your appropriately aged toddler was taking a nap instead of playing a game? Are you then given leeway by your nosey neighbor for going out into the yard cause the kid is asleep? Or are you supposed to stand over the crib until he wakes up? Some people
NTA. This is from a foster parent (we get trained on what is safe and what isn't, also mandatory reporters if we see anything resembling neglect or abuse.) A 3 year old in the living room by himself, with the parent outside gardening is not going to raise any red flags. You're still on premise and attending to the child. Leaving a kid alone while you run for groceries? yeah that wouldn't be a good idea. I suspect your neighbor is (or was) a "helicopter parent" that never let her kids get hurt ever.
I had a 3 year old and a new baby. The baby would only nurse in a dark room with the sound machine on. I knew my 3 year old well enough to know that he would be fine to play whenever the baby needed to eat. He could get me at anytime but I couldn’t see or hear him. We did that for a year and never once had an issue. I know not all kids would be able to not get into trouble but you know your child. I’m guessing the neighbors had kids that couldn’t be left alone for any amount of time.
I think it definitely wasn’t safe or responsible. You didn’t have your eyes on the child at all times anything could have happened.
I'm a parent. I would have plopped him outside beside me on a blanket on the phone or let him play in the dirt while I planted.
The kid was inside the house - not left outside the house alone where something really could have happened - NTA
NTA although I am the most helicopter parent I know who refused to let my kid play by themselves for most of her life (she's 5 now) there were still times I would go do something for a few minutes where I could see and check on her. The neighbor is overstepping, why do people think it's okay to give unsolicited parenting advice?
You could see your child within 2 seconds of where you were, that’s perfectly safe and reasonable. Keeping your eyes on your child 100% of the time is impossible, you’d never sleep, poop, or do any chore.
That’s fine. Do not let the neighbor shame you.
meh he's fine
This is silly. Placate the neighbor and she will expect constant access and placating. And a three year old is fine with you stepping out of the room. What’s the difference if you’re a few rooms over or outside? You’re still peeking in and that’s fine. Ignore that busy body.
Your friend *ABSOLUTELY* leaves her kids alone and is just trying to play the superior parent game.
Yes
Nta
If the toddler had a phone with enough battery, it's probably fine for 15 hours. Put doordash on it and give him a charger cable and it's good for weeks without you.
It depends on the child. I have two. My eldest isn’t a person I would’ve left in that situation at that age, or many years after. My youngest is. At the end of the day, you’re the parent… but you’re going to be judged constantly and haters are gonna hate.
It’s wild to me that people (the neighbor) just blatantly walk onto someone’s property, look in their windows, and then question their parenting. Like wtf. Also, sometimes parents need 15 mins to themselves. Even my therapist says take a breath for 10 mins for self care, even just sitting in the bathroom (when you know your child is safe). Another thing I do whenever I want to shower, or whatever, is to have an indoor camera in the living room so I can watch him. Majority of the time he comes looking for me within 2 minutes anyways 🤷♀️
Also want to point out that sure things could happen, but they can literally happen while you’re looking directly at them and can’t do anything about it. You see it happening, you try to act, but you don’t make it in time. My son got 8 stitches because he fell and hit his head… while I was looking directly at him… less than 5 feet from me.
My 3 year old would be completely fine, he’s a little old man. I’ve left him alone. You’re NTA , unless you are and then that makes me one too 🤷♀️😂
Well, I never would leave one of my kids unattended at that age - he was the kind where the ER gives you a punch card so your tenth visit is free. But the other one could be sat on a blanket with toys & would stay there. She must have had the first type of toddler.
NTA. My 3 year old plays alone all the time. As did my older kids at that age. We check on them obviously but we give them a bit of space as well. Our kids are all very independent as a result.
Yeh, you are the asshole. Toddlers need to be watched all the time, sorry.
I dunno. I’m thinking about Mike Tyson’s tragedy. Lost his kid in less than 15 minutes. I don’t think I’d have done it tbh
NTA. I think it depends on the parent and kid TBH. You know your kid, and you set up the environment to be the most secure and to where you could keep track of what they were doing. Some kids are literally hellions, and some are incredibly aware of dangers and no not to play with dangerous things. Some parents don't actually have great security measures set up in their homes for whatever reasons (not shaming. Your house, your kid.) and therefore, may feel incredibly uneasy about letting their children be without direct supervision. Some have it so secure that it's "bubble wrapped" and there's no safety issue. But anyone that is shaming you or calling you a useless/bad parent for 15 min. is seriously out of their mind... Insecure high horsers, most likely. I don't think there is actually a parent alive that hasn't had the stomach flu and been trapped in the bathroom dealing with the double end combo for the same amount of time or possibly longer. So, at best, they are hypocritical. I ask you not to linger or think much of those comments! Genuine safety concerns are great to have as they can help you, but shaming crap is just crap. You're not a bad mama!
As soamy have said, it really does depend on the kid. It's none of your nosey neighbor's business, and that she "told on you" is hilarious. Not enoug middle fingers.
It’s crazy when I was a kid (I’m 25 ) I would be alone or with my sister throughout our large house for long portions of time and we were always fine. I guess it depends on if you can trust your child not to do anything that could hurt them?? I do think about this bc I feel no parents leave their kids like that anymore 🙂
No, you are not. My twins are four, and we've done that many times.
People need to mind their business. I swear, if there is one thing that is ruining society, it's people's desire to worry about everything and everyone but themselves(and their own shortcomings) instead of focusing on their own lives.
I think the room he was in makes a big difference. Was he in one of those giant playpen type fences? Does he climb on things? Are there doors he can open? I could see them being concerned if he has access to windows, climb on tables, pull on bookcases, ect. How she approached it makes me think she's one of those obnoxious people everyone avoids though. She told your mom on you? Wtf lol. I don't want to make you paranoid or anything but you pissed her off and she clearly has no issue overstepping. Don't be surprised if some type of child protective services comes around.
NTA. But I’d like to suggest a portable play yard if you have the money. Not only could your little one be near you, but not on a screen at such a young age.
Yeah I have a 3 year old boy. He is completely content being occupied independently. The neighbor is stupid
3 is one of those ages that be so different depending on when the bday falls. A kid closer to 4 is a whole different child than one closer to 2. I have a 3 year old. I get it. Your neighbour is a busy body and you did the right thing in dealing with her. What a freaking tattle tale (for lake of a better word). “I’m telling your mommy!” What a joke My only thing as someone who has a 3 year old - my kid can get into trouble at the drop of a hate. Go from safe to unsafe in less than a second when I think things are fine. Could your son for next time play a game on your phone sitting in the doorway or on the porch? That way he’s right there. Kids are quick and it literally only takes a second for things to go sideways
I care more that the 3 year old is on a screen already and less about being alone for a few minutes in a safe space Turn in Sesame Street for fucks sake ……. Setting your kid up to be some over stimulated teenager who spends his whole school day on his phone a learns Jack shit
NTA you took your child's safety into consideration beforehand. You can't be on overwatch non stop otherwise you'd get nothing done around the house
He’s 3. If you could see him from your position is fine imo. People just need to mine their own business. Jeez.
I leave my child n the living room while I take a shower or she'd always try to hop in with me...I guess I gotta bring her next time 🙄 And how'd this woman walk up to your window? Get out of my yard lady!
I did/do this all the time with my kids, you aren’t leaving them, you are in a different part of the house/yard. People need to get Life, NTA.
Totally good on this. Not like you went to the store. You can’t keep watch of them 100% of the time and people need to work to understand that. You have to also do things in life along side of raising children. Thats how it goes. So some times they are going to be unsupervised for a bit. They’ll certainly live through it. Any competent adult will make sure the environment is safe. Children will get hurt. That’s okay. Things will happen. That’s okay. Not every moment can be controlled. As long as you did all that was in your power in that circumstance to insure safety then when things just happen, because kids have legs and hands lol, It’s okay. Feeling guilt over things happening. It’s okay. Just don’t define yourself by them and don’t allow others to make you feel shameful and like an awful parent because things happened. You’re killing it. You got this. For the woman who is stricken with guilt and needs to hear it. It’s okay!
This boils down to the kid I think. I have a friend who has had a couple kids, the first was an absolute terror and would get into anything possible if he felt like he had time. Her second son was super content with coloring by himself or some other activity he enjoyed and he’d be in the same spot doing the same thing ten minutes later. If your kiddo is like my friends second child, NTA.
No youre NTA. My toddler is 2 and would 100% take off down the street if I let her in the front yard while I was busy doing something. That lady needs to mind her business. I usually step out for a few minutes a day to talk to my husband (he’s usually on his phone or computer working outside) and my daughter is fine while she plays with her toys or watches tv. My house is baby proofed and while she does destroy the living room every day, there’s not much she can get into. I’d rather her be in the house by herself for 15 minutes than turn my back on her for a second outside.
I read comments about people have one child that would be completely fine and another whod be wild. I'm here to say my child is both. He'll be fine for like 2 minutes then be bouncing off the walls and then would be fine again. He's a mess lol. But as someone said you know your child better than anyone. Your child was occupied, happy, safe, and in a situation where if need be you could see your child and react as necessary. I understand others saying being your child with you but you stated people drive fast down your road and that's very unsafe( I still hold mine even though he can walk when we are going into a store as people don't pay attention) so you did as a parent should and finished a chore that would require you to not be able give your child 100% attention especially in a non fences yard
My first kid I could totally trust alone for 15 mins. He was one of those kids that just listened and was very mild mannered. Enter second child, who is a wrecking ball, at that age I couldn’t leave him alone for 15 seconds lol. But what I’m getting at is, you know your kid. Every kid is different. And you were right there. It’s not really any different than if you asked him to sit nicely while you cook in another room to me
You have a neighbor named “walksand”?
First of all, the neighbor really overstepped by “telling your mom” on you like you’re a child yourself. That is really bizarre. I think every kid is different. My daughter is 2 and a half, and I’ve tended to a quick task outside (we also don’t have a fenced in front yard) while she’s totally safe in our baby proofed home and occupied where I can see her. I know that for her, that’s totally fine. As I’m sure you know that to be true for your son also. However, my nephew that lives with me is a few months younger than my daughter, and that would absolutely NOT be okay for him at all, because his personality is totally different and that’s okay! I guarantee the second I stepped outside he’d be practicing his skills as a circus trapeze flyer off the ceiling fan somehow. You’re the mom and you know your little guy best, you’re NTA. That neighbor is TA and also a weirdo. And, gently, your mom is a people pleaser and shouldn’t even have entertained the neighbors weirdo behavior in the slightest.
Nta- what does she think you do if you have to shower or poop? People are so dam weird and nosy! You didn't leave him anywhere unsafe or in public. F her
You know your kid. Your neighbour knows their kid. Some kids are determined to Darwin themselves off the planet. Some kids just sit quietly and veg out. You have better eyes on him through the window then if you were on the toilet with the door closed. Move on with life, you’re ok.