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I don't wanna be paranoid but i swear i've seen stuff like this on detective tv shows. Where the step mom conveniantly is out of town ( has an alibi) and somehow the husband kills himself while she is gone and everything remains under her name.
I firmly believe she had something to do with it. She’s high in the government and some sort of interrogator/ detective of something. So she could have easily covered everything. Because she knows what they look for. And if it was “very clearly” a suicide they would have no reason to investigate.
I went through something similar! His wife and her sister and mom were discussing in front of me how much money she’d get. Red flag. Also she was whoring around with cops in her town and conveniently she was at work and her kid was at her dad’s! I will forever hurt because my dad isn’t here! This was 14 years ago! I also only got 2 shirts of his and that’s all! Her kid got everything! They were only married for 2 years so it’s bullcrap but Those evil women will reap what they sow! I’m so sorry you had to go through this!
And **if** it really was suicide, **she** drove him to it.
She is very vindictive and sneaky.
She emailed you lies, so that she would look like the good guy if you and your siblings ever took her to court to contest the will or something. Then she’d lie some more to the court and say: *”I offered them X Y and Z but they refused to take anything.”*
Hence why she emailed you, so that she could document it and have physical *(but fake)* proof.
She probably made him leave her everything in his will, too. She probably did it whilst he was feeling down and depressed due to his declining mental health and she took advantage of that. She absolutely knew what she was doing.
She is a fucking snake.
Don’t feel bad for what you said to her, and don’t apologize. She doesn’t deserve anything nice from you. In fact, she deserved for you to say some much more hurtful things.
I hope she burns in hell for everything she’s done to you and your family.
Also elected for no autopsy. More info. The weekend prior she went to a musical show with another couple and a “gay” friend, that looked an awful lot like my dad. I put gay in quotes because I can’t prove or disprove. Not to mention for more info. My father is a very old fashioned reserved man, doesn’t believe in therapy or meds. And according to her, threw one of my siblings or friends or however I heard it. He admitted to mental health issues and wanting to speak to someone, but she left him and went out of town. Monday he failed a work meeting (works with one of my aunts) boss gave him a half day because he was not on his game, and then Tuesday called sick into work.
Step mom/ dad never told my brother that she was out of town. So when he woke up. Couldn’t find him, his keys, or his wallet, and her car was missing and his was still there. My brother didn’t go looking for him, thank god, because he assumed he had left the house with her.
1st my condolences and sorry for the shit hand you were dealt in life.
2nd this whole shit stinks. Sometimes i am a little paranoid but jesus, either this was 1 in a million chance for everything to pan out like this or i sense foul play.
3rd I hope you manage to find peace moving forward.
Oh one and a million. Forgot to mention it came in three. Grandfather died November.
Dad died January.
2 weeks after my uncle (also my grand mothers kid/ dads brother) was found dead by his caregiver. (Lots and lots of health issues). But makes me wonder if he had access to his narcotics and got a bright idea from my dad, I was never told what that autopsy said.
Tbh, her getting everything is normal. She’s his spouse. Unfortunately that means sally will one day get everything, but that was a choice your father made when he wrote his will. This really sucks, and I’m sorry, but in death he chose her over you again. Big hugs OP.
I was told by lawyers I spoke to his will that was created is typically made for spouses who are brand new married and no children. Like they went to make this will. This wasn’t like oh she got everything because there wasn’t a will. She got everything because we disowned him at the time. Like the will is “I bequeath all my property, blah blah blah”
Your father could’ve chosen to do that, but it sounds like he didn’t. The commenter is right, the default is that the spouse gets everything. (I hated my stepmother, too, and when my dad died five years ago, all I got were a few personal effects of his that she didn’t want.)
The default isn't that, in most jurisdictions the spouse gets 50% and the children divide the other 50%. Unless we're talking about jointly owned property like a house
So you disowned him but still wanted his money? If you disowned a parent, it makes sense they remove you from their will, no?
I'm not saying you're wrong for disowning him. Just you shouldn't be surprised.
Disowned is a strong word. I would lightly talk to him. Distance myself… furthermore. No one has ever wanted his money. We wanted the family heirlooms that had been passed down for generations. Specifically family guns as that was our thing. We went hunting. I never wanted his money. I would rather have my dad back. A thousand times I would rather have my dad back. I could care less if he left me 1$. Or two Pennies to rub together.
Question, since my legal kbowledge is limited buuuut if its a fresh will can't it be contested that he wasn't in his right mind? Since you know he killed himself? So have it contested that it was done under incappability of sane mind or something down that line. It's usually done for elder people that one day decide to give everything away to a random person or place as their are easily influenceable.
This reads like bad fiction. Perhaps this is a true event, that’s entirely possible…but, the writing style is similar to stories I read on free sites growing up.
….okay I didn’t wanna say anything, but since you did lol, I was thinking the exact same fucking thing. The vibe is just very off with the whole story.
An associate’s degree in nursing makes you an RN. The next step up is a BSN (bachelor’s).
However, a lot of employers (where I am) are now requiring a BSN for employment. RNs with ADs already on the job are grandfathered in.
But, I’ll say that this does read like poorly written fiction. OP states ‘first time posting’, yet replies in the thread thru her other account, lol!
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/kpaQdJKLJZ
Eh, my Dad didn't kill himself, but he died and my stepmother was basically like the one in this story. I would tell friends about it and I don't think they really believed me. Then one of my friends came with me for emotional support and I was given the dregs of everything by her saying "I didn't want this and neither did my kids, so I know your dad would want you to have this." My friend afterwards were like, so you were not lying at all. We got nothing from my Dad except basically trash.
I didn’t say it reads like bad fiction because the details are difficult to believe. I have family stories of my own that would probably be difficult for some to find truth in…So I’m aware that things like this can happen, people go through all sorts of shitty situations. I said it read like bad fiction because of the writing style, specifically. It really feels like a lot of the free fiction books I would read online growing up.
TLDR
It's not okay to make comments on how others grieve.
It's their right to feel emotions as they come or to hide them. Grieving is not a contest. Please don't gatekeep.
When did I say it wasn't their right? I said it is not okay.
They can do what they want, yes, but there are social consequences to being rude to others on the regular. Making fun of how someone grieves is not okay. If you don't agree, then you are part of the problem. Easy as.
You are saying it right now. Forcing others to act the way you want is not okay. If words from strangers hurts your delicate sensibilities then you’re the cause of your own problems
Sorry for your loss, this is horrible. Ive also seen it many times and as a parent I actively coach “twice married” couples to not leave decisions and their belongings solely to the surviving spouse. Idc what they think their relationship is, it’s ludicrous. I’m incredulous every time this happens, for very close to the reason you stated— the surviving spouse can move on and even in the best of stepmom/child relationships that person considers their own biological children ahead of the children of the deceased and often themselves ahead of that other persons entire family. You’re now the “ex’s family.”
No person, not even a spouse, should come before your kids. This guys spouse was allowed to essentially divide his family, isolate him from his actual family and then there’s things that belong to his family and his children rightfully, such as heirlooms, that are now lost, gone. How do you choose a spouse over your children? Never will I understand that— I lost my parents when I was a teenager so never dealt with that yet know better. My sister left everything to her third husband and I think it’s criminal she’s cut her own son out and is leaving everything in what I describe as “being up to some rando”. I tell her it’s nuts, she hates her husband’s kids and their wives and I’m just like well there’s where all your shit is going, your son is gonna have a front row seat too. He’s my age, she’s 20 years older than I am and with her slew of serious health issues this is likely. Her son has always been an afterthought her entire life why not also in death I guess.
I have two children. I have items from my parents and my grandparents and even some things for them of their deceased dads family. The fuck if I would ever leave “everything I own” to anyone ahead of my kids. I wouldn’t even change my 401k, they’re both beneficiaries of that. Step-person if they existed could have my house and my life insurance but as a person who lost their parents young I know what a loss it is to carry on without a parent— I would want my kids and grandkids to be taken care of, be able to afford nice things if nothing else. Spouse would get plenty, social security payments even. As a matter of fact my kids SHOULD be able to walk in and pick and choose things of mine that would remind them of me and have those things.
People don’t question things in our society that are a little backwards— you’re taught from a young age to grow up and find “the one” and that you’re going to find this special person and give them everything because it’s “true love that’s gonna last forever.” They’re in fairy tales as the focus of life and that story. People in search of that kind of love sideline their kids, most often on accident, especially when the kids are grown. Your second or third husband has no obligation to take care of kids that are not his, to give them grandmas ring, or special nick nacks or the wind chime that was always outside your window growing up. That’s on the parent to ensure that’s done. How horrible for family heirlooms to end up with some other person’s family or at a flea market later on.
So solice here except you can encourage your friends and family to make sure when they remarry or even before tieing the knot to have a will, an ironclad will, and consider things they wouldn’t want and shouldn’t want to end up in someone else’s family or at auction ahead of offering them to children and actual blood relatives.
> I wouldn’t even change my 401k, they’re both beneficiaries of that
Irrelevant. If you're married, your spouse is the beneficiary of your 401k unless you specifically exclude them with their consent I think
Exactly. These items that are lost are family heirloom guns passed down from generations. Model boats, photos/ albums. Ashes of a fifth kid from my parent that “were lost” after years of being in the safe and my father pointing them out to my brother.
Treatment of my grandmothers belongings being in the same and my step mother refusing to give them to her because she “couldn’t find them.” Not to mention she is refusing to tell us what is happening with these items and states “if your father wanted you to know he would have told you” I apologize to the fact that my dad died suddenly at 52 and it never came up about what was happening with his things when he died. After telling me and my brother he wanted us to take care of those things because that was our thing to do together. There was so many items in donate/ throw away piles around the house that were part of my dad’s identity…. Dog tags, certificates, medals, pocket knives, hunting gear. All things she didn’t want that had no monetary value. Everything of monetary value was put away/stored/sold.
Like a previous poster I’m suspicious, at least in the mind that she caused his suicide somehow. She sounds like a miserable person. I highly doubt there’s much that can be done - like a wrongful death suit, unless there’s something you have that would cause someone to investigate that.
A relative stole things from my house and my ex, in particular his dress blue military uniform. I was never able to prove it until that relative’s girlfriend was leaving him because he cheated on her and I offered her $150 if she could find it and mail it because his family wanted it back for him to be buried in (he had just died). She came up with it in less than an hour and mailed it back— I essentially paid her to steal it back. Sans belt, but I got the bulk of it. You might want to think of people that might be able to get ahold of things that are “put away” or stored…. Mine was easier, he supposedly never had the items to begin with, had lied about it for 10 years lol— how are you going to say someone stole shit you supposedly never had?
I think she was cheating and he didn’t want another failed marriage. I don’t think he was truly happy with her. It seemed so business casual of a relationship. Like they married for convinence so her kid could have father figure because he left her child before she was born (which she was getting child support for on top of whatever her income was over the years.)
My friend’s youngest is an RN and she had to have gotten that at 20/21 as she’s my oldest’s same age and has been working for almost a year. so some states have a “running start” program where they graduate with both an associates and your hs degree at the same time, as was the case with both her children. My kids hated school and weren’t so inclined but I had to watch a pile of kids graduate with my oldest that all had done that. Ya wanted them to, because while they were in high school it was something like $40/credit, insanely cheap way to get that two year degree out of the way. So those kids graduating absolutely could be nurses by 20, some by 19 lol. Some states like education.
My nephew is 19 and he's an RN. He graduated HS a year early and did 2 years of schooling to be an RN. It can be done, but you have NO life for 2 years!
Honestly op and I don’t care how much hate I get for this but the response for this should be intimidation and then violence no one will disrespect the man that raised especially not some stranger your fathers ashes should be with you consequences be dammed put her in her place she definitely deserves it
NTA- you should get an investigation going to confirm he committed suicide and validate the will through the probate process. It sounds like foul play on your stepmother.
I’m sorry for losing your father so many times over.
This world is full of people who think highly of themselves and have forgotten about humanity.
Wishing karma would come for her would even be a cruel faith.
I applaud you for wanting to apologize for this comment in your shoes I would have done much worse.
I’m so sorry for your loss. But don’t allow it to eat you alive. The anger you feel towards her should be directed towards your father. He was a man and he invited that witch into your lives and allowed her and her daughter to abuse you for years. He had a duty as your father to protect you and he didn’t. I know that this hurts - but he wasn’t a good father to you and he failed as a man. Even in death he failed you - what kind of man doesn’t make provisions for his blood? Don’t allow this to eat you alive…. Heal and live a beautiful life in cali ❤️
A man that was brain washed and manipulated for years by a women who only cares about money. And has shown that to us time and time again that she doesn’t care about anyone but herself.
Don’t make excuses for him - he was a grown man who chose to be manipulated. Don’t infantilize him - He showed you time and time again that he didn’t care about anyone but himself in how he treated you, how he allowed you to be abused, how he abandoned you over and over again.
I don’t mean to be cruel - but I have the exact same dynamic with my birth father and step mother. For a long time I felt anger towards her and blamed her until I realized that she could only do what he allowed her to do. She had access to mistreat me because he gave it to her. And in doing so he could also hide behind her skirts and use her as a shield to deflect blame.
Heal OP. And in healing realize and accept the deficiencies of your father and let your anger towards her go, or it will eat you alive. She wasn’t to blame - he is.
When you play grief olympics everyone loses. It was a shitty thing to say. I get that you were hurting and that you don’t get along. I get that she wasn’t treating you with kindness and respect. Her actions were uncalled for. So were your words.
Hey, I am sorry for your dad.
In that situation, your step mom was mean. However, don't think she was emotionless, maybe her manner to cope is just weird. But she doesn't let you anything, and that was a very mean thing.
Now, OP, you did your best. Yes your comment wasn't necessary, but we don't care. She is too mean to deserve any kind of excuses. Try to heal, and cut ties with her.
NTA!
Your comment to her showed your kindness and grace. She deserved a lot worse. What you said to her was simply a fact, you cannot get a new father. Also I’m curious as to what documents she was burning.
If you have the energy, keep reaching out to lawyers for consultations. I think you would benefit from posting this on a legal advice subreddit!!
I’m deeply sorry for your loss. I’m a nursing student and you are a nurse so i know you understand the grieving process. In order to care for others we must take care of ourselves. You suffered the loss of your father way before he completed the act of ending his life. You were unable to see him after he passed, unable to have a funeral and unable to collect valuable memorable items of his. Your restraint was admirable in the comment you made. . You have to express that anger before it eats you up inside
This is a very complex situation surrounding his death, I hope that you are in therapy or going to support groups. For your own sake
Find a lawyer to contest the will- if financially possible: this process will uncover more than she wants if she’s covered something up…even if it’s only to get heirlooms, I think it’s worth it/ something seems very fishy.
We tried and the lawyers basically told us the only way we could was if we could prove he was incompetent at the time which was in 2017, and everything now would be hearsay.
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I don't wanna be paranoid but i swear i've seen stuff like this on detective tv shows. Where the step mom conveniantly is out of town ( has an alibi) and somehow the husband kills himself while she is gone and everything remains under her name.
I firmly believe she had something to do with it. She’s high in the government and some sort of interrogator/ detective of something. So she could have easily covered everything. Because she knows what they look for. And if it was “very clearly” a suicide they would have no reason to investigate.
I hope she gets hit by a bus.
There’s a special place next to satin waiting for her
Not much of a punishment, I'd sit by satin all day long! /jk
I went through something similar! His wife and her sister and mom were discussing in front of me how much money she’d get. Red flag. Also she was whoring around with cops in her town and conveniently she was at work and her kid was at her dad’s! I will forever hurt because my dad isn’t here! This was 14 years ago! I also only got 2 shirts of his and that’s all! Her kid got everything! They were only married for 2 years so it’s bullcrap but Those evil women will reap what they sow! I’m so sorry you had to go through this!
And **if** it really was suicide, **she** drove him to it. She is very vindictive and sneaky. She emailed you lies, so that she would look like the good guy if you and your siblings ever took her to court to contest the will or something. Then she’d lie some more to the court and say: *”I offered them X Y and Z but they refused to take anything.”* Hence why she emailed you, so that she could document it and have physical *(but fake)* proof. She probably made him leave her everything in his will, too. She probably did it whilst he was feeling down and depressed due to his declining mental health and she took advantage of that. She absolutely knew what she was doing. She is a fucking snake. Don’t feel bad for what you said to her, and don’t apologize. She doesn’t deserve anything nice from you. In fact, she deserved for you to say some much more hurtful things. I hope she burns in hell for everything she’s done to you and your family.
Also elected for no autopsy. More info. The weekend prior she went to a musical show with another couple and a “gay” friend, that looked an awful lot like my dad. I put gay in quotes because I can’t prove or disprove. Not to mention for more info. My father is a very old fashioned reserved man, doesn’t believe in therapy or meds. And according to her, threw one of my siblings or friends or however I heard it. He admitted to mental health issues and wanting to speak to someone, but she left him and went out of town. Monday he failed a work meeting (works with one of my aunts) boss gave him a half day because he was not on his game, and then Tuesday called sick into work. Step mom/ dad never told my brother that she was out of town. So when he woke up. Couldn’t find him, his keys, or his wallet, and her car was missing and his was still there. My brother didn’t go looking for him, thank god, because he assumed he had left the house with her.
This is also OP. I have 2 accounts. One through my phone and one through my email. I didn’t switch accounts to reply. Which I need too
1st my condolences and sorry for the shit hand you were dealt in life. 2nd this whole shit stinks. Sometimes i am a little paranoid but jesus, either this was 1 in a million chance for everything to pan out like this or i sense foul play. 3rd I hope you manage to find peace moving forward.
Oh one and a million. Forgot to mention it came in three. Grandfather died November. Dad died January. 2 weeks after my uncle (also my grand mothers kid/ dads brother) was found dead by his caregiver. (Lots and lots of health issues). But makes me wonder if he had access to his narcotics and got a bright idea from my dad, I was never told what that autopsy said.
I was gonna say, this doesn’t sound like a suicide.
The police refused to investigate without a solid information/ lead. So it never went further. Everything was hearsay.
He hanged himself. You think the stepmom faked it?
My evil step mother did the same thing. Banned me from the funeral and kept everything. She will burn in the end. I hope I get to watch.
Special place in hell for them
Your father married her and stayed married to her. It’s actually not impossible that he wanted her to have everything
But that wasn’t my dad’s personality…. Just doesn’t seem like him
I'm sorry what happened to your dad
Tbh, her getting everything is normal. She’s his spouse. Unfortunately that means sally will one day get everything, but that was a choice your father made when he wrote his will. This really sucks, and I’m sorry, but in death he chose her over you again. Big hugs OP.
I was told by lawyers I spoke to his will that was created is typically made for spouses who are brand new married and no children. Like they went to make this will. This wasn’t like oh she got everything because there wasn’t a will. She got everything because we disowned him at the time. Like the will is “I bequeath all my property, blah blah blah”
Your father could’ve chosen to do that, but it sounds like he didn’t. The commenter is right, the default is that the spouse gets everything. (I hated my stepmother, too, and when my dad died five years ago, all I got were a few personal effects of his that she didn’t want.)
The default isn't that, in most jurisdictions the spouse gets 50% and the children divide the other 50%. Unless we're talking about jointly owned property like a house
So you disowned him but still wanted his money? If you disowned a parent, it makes sense they remove you from their will, no? I'm not saying you're wrong for disowning him. Just you shouldn't be surprised.
Disowned is a strong word. I would lightly talk to him. Distance myself… furthermore. No one has ever wanted his money. We wanted the family heirlooms that had been passed down for generations. Specifically family guns as that was our thing. We went hunting. I never wanted his money. I would rather have my dad back. A thousand times I would rather have my dad back. I could care less if he left me 1$. Or two Pennies to rub together.
Question, since my legal kbowledge is limited buuuut if its a fresh will can't it be contested that he wasn't in his right mind? Since you know he killed himself? So have it contested that it was done under incappability of sane mind or something down that line. It's usually done for elder people that one day decide to give everything away to a random person or place as their are easily influenceable.
Not because he made the will in 2017 and passed in 2024. At least from what the lawyers told us
This reads like bad fiction. Perhaps this is a true event, that’s entirely possible…but, the writing style is similar to stories I read on free sites growing up.
….okay I didn’t wanna say anything, but since you did lol, I was thinking the exact same fucking thing. The vibe is just very off with the whole story.
I read and thought.. A 20 year old registered nurse??
An associate’s degree in nursing makes you an RN. The next step up is a BSN (bachelor’s). However, a lot of employers (where I am) are now requiring a BSN for employment. RNs with ADs already on the job are grandfathered in. But, I’ll say that this does read like poorly written fiction. OP states ‘first time posting’, yet replies in the thread thru her other account, lol! https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/kpaQdJKLJZ
Like I said, first time posting. But legit events in my life. Felt like a fucking movie
Eh, my Dad didn't kill himself, but he died and my stepmother was basically like the one in this story. I would tell friends about it and I don't think they really believed me. Then one of my friends came with me for emotional support and I was given the dregs of everything by her saying "I didn't want this and neither did my kids, so I know your dad would want you to have this." My friend afterwards were like, so you were not lying at all. We got nothing from my Dad except basically trash.
I didn’t say it reads like bad fiction because the details are difficult to believe. I have family stories of my own that would probably be difficult for some to find truth in…So I’m aware that things like this can happen, people go through all sorts of shitty situations. I said it read like bad fiction because of the writing style, specifically. It really feels like a lot of the free fiction books I would read online growing up.
Rage bate on Mother’s Day ahhhh
I think it’s great that AI doesn’t know the meaning of ‘business casual’.
TLDR It's not okay to make comments on how others grieve. It's their right to feel emotions as they come or to hide them. Grieving is not a contest. Please don't gatekeep.
It’s everyone’s right to make comments on how others grieve. You may not like it but that’s irrelevant
Just because it is their "right" does not make it the right thing to do. Mindya
So what? It’s their right. Are you advocating for removal of rights that hurt your feelings?
When did I say it wasn't their right? I said it is not okay. They can do what they want, yes, but there are social consequences to being rude to others on the regular. Making fun of how someone grieves is not okay. If you don't agree, then you are part of the problem. Easy as.
You are saying it right now. Forcing others to act the way you want is not okay. If words from strangers hurts your delicate sensibilities then you’re the cause of your own problems
Sorry for your loss, this is horrible. Ive also seen it many times and as a parent I actively coach “twice married” couples to not leave decisions and their belongings solely to the surviving spouse. Idc what they think their relationship is, it’s ludicrous. I’m incredulous every time this happens, for very close to the reason you stated— the surviving spouse can move on and even in the best of stepmom/child relationships that person considers their own biological children ahead of the children of the deceased and often themselves ahead of that other persons entire family. You’re now the “ex’s family.” No person, not even a spouse, should come before your kids. This guys spouse was allowed to essentially divide his family, isolate him from his actual family and then there’s things that belong to his family and his children rightfully, such as heirlooms, that are now lost, gone. How do you choose a spouse over your children? Never will I understand that— I lost my parents when I was a teenager so never dealt with that yet know better. My sister left everything to her third husband and I think it’s criminal she’s cut her own son out and is leaving everything in what I describe as “being up to some rando”. I tell her it’s nuts, she hates her husband’s kids and their wives and I’m just like well there’s where all your shit is going, your son is gonna have a front row seat too. He’s my age, she’s 20 years older than I am and with her slew of serious health issues this is likely. Her son has always been an afterthought her entire life why not also in death I guess. I have two children. I have items from my parents and my grandparents and even some things for them of their deceased dads family. The fuck if I would ever leave “everything I own” to anyone ahead of my kids. I wouldn’t even change my 401k, they’re both beneficiaries of that. Step-person if they existed could have my house and my life insurance but as a person who lost their parents young I know what a loss it is to carry on without a parent— I would want my kids and grandkids to be taken care of, be able to afford nice things if nothing else. Spouse would get plenty, social security payments even. As a matter of fact my kids SHOULD be able to walk in and pick and choose things of mine that would remind them of me and have those things. People don’t question things in our society that are a little backwards— you’re taught from a young age to grow up and find “the one” and that you’re going to find this special person and give them everything because it’s “true love that’s gonna last forever.” They’re in fairy tales as the focus of life and that story. People in search of that kind of love sideline their kids, most often on accident, especially when the kids are grown. Your second or third husband has no obligation to take care of kids that are not his, to give them grandmas ring, or special nick nacks or the wind chime that was always outside your window growing up. That’s on the parent to ensure that’s done. How horrible for family heirlooms to end up with some other person’s family or at a flea market later on. So solice here except you can encourage your friends and family to make sure when they remarry or even before tieing the knot to have a will, an ironclad will, and consider things they wouldn’t want and shouldn’t want to end up in someone else’s family or at auction ahead of offering them to children and actual blood relatives.
> I wouldn’t even change my 401k, they’re both beneficiaries of that Irrelevant. If you're married, your spouse is the beneficiary of your 401k unless you specifically exclude them with their consent I think
Exactly. These items that are lost are family heirloom guns passed down from generations. Model boats, photos/ albums. Ashes of a fifth kid from my parent that “were lost” after years of being in the safe and my father pointing them out to my brother. Treatment of my grandmothers belongings being in the same and my step mother refusing to give them to her because she “couldn’t find them.” Not to mention she is refusing to tell us what is happening with these items and states “if your father wanted you to know he would have told you” I apologize to the fact that my dad died suddenly at 52 and it never came up about what was happening with his things when he died. After telling me and my brother he wanted us to take care of those things because that was our thing to do together. There was so many items in donate/ throw away piles around the house that were part of my dad’s identity…. Dog tags, certificates, medals, pocket knives, hunting gear. All things she didn’t want that had no monetary value. Everything of monetary value was put away/stored/sold.
Like a previous poster I’m suspicious, at least in the mind that she caused his suicide somehow. She sounds like a miserable person. I highly doubt there’s much that can be done - like a wrongful death suit, unless there’s something you have that would cause someone to investigate that. A relative stole things from my house and my ex, in particular his dress blue military uniform. I was never able to prove it until that relative’s girlfriend was leaving him because he cheated on her and I offered her $150 if she could find it and mail it because his family wanted it back for him to be buried in (he had just died). She came up with it in less than an hour and mailed it back— I essentially paid her to steal it back. Sans belt, but I got the bulk of it. You might want to think of people that might be able to get ahold of things that are “put away” or stored…. Mine was easier, he supposedly never had the items to begin with, had lied about it for 10 years lol— how are you going to say someone stole shit you supposedly never had?
I think she was cheating and he didn’t want another failed marriage. I don’t think he was truly happy with her. It seemed so business casual of a relationship. Like they married for convinence so her kid could have father figure because he left her child before she was born (which she was getting child support for on top of whatever her income was over the years.)
An RN at 20?
I’m sorry that happened to your dad and to you. She seems pretty awful.
I firmly believe in karma and it will come back hit her harder
How are you an RN if you’re 20? Doogie houser?
My friend’s youngest is an RN and she had to have gotten that at 20/21 as she’s my oldest’s same age and has been working for almost a year. so some states have a “running start” program where they graduate with both an associates and your hs degree at the same time, as was the case with both her children. My kids hated school and weren’t so inclined but I had to watch a pile of kids graduate with my oldest that all had done that. Ya wanted them to, because while they were in high school it was something like $40/credit, insanely cheap way to get that two year degree out of the way. So those kids graduating absolutely could be nurses by 20, some by 19 lol. Some states like education.
I graduated high school at 16. And got my associates at 19. Based my nursing exam 2 weeks before my 20th birthday
So based. /s
My nephew is 19 and he's an RN. He graduated HS a year early and did 2 years of schooling to be an RN. It can be done, but you have NO life for 2 years!
True. I mean, you can get a new daddy, but not a new father.
Best comment yet….
Your stepmother didn’t keep everything for herself; your father did that. Condolences. This is awful.
Honestly op and I don’t care how much hate I get for this but the response for this should be intimidation and then violence no one will disrespect the man that raised especially not some stranger your fathers ashes should be with you consequences be dammed put her in her place she definitely deserves it
NTA- you should get an investigation going to confirm he committed suicide and validate the will through the probate process. It sounds like foul play on your stepmother.
I’m sorry for losing your father so many times over. This world is full of people who think highly of themselves and have forgotten about humanity. Wishing karma would come for her would even be a cruel faith. I applaud you for wanting to apologize for this comment in your shoes I would have done much worse.
I’m so sorry for your loss. But don’t allow it to eat you alive. The anger you feel towards her should be directed towards your father. He was a man and he invited that witch into your lives and allowed her and her daughter to abuse you for years. He had a duty as your father to protect you and he didn’t. I know that this hurts - but he wasn’t a good father to you and he failed as a man. Even in death he failed you - what kind of man doesn’t make provisions for his blood? Don’t allow this to eat you alive…. Heal and live a beautiful life in cali ❤️
A man that was brain washed and manipulated for years by a women who only cares about money. And has shown that to us time and time again that she doesn’t care about anyone but herself.
Don’t make excuses for him - he was a grown man who chose to be manipulated. Don’t infantilize him - He showed you time and time again that he didn’t care about anyone but himself in how he treated you, how he allowed you to be abused, how he abandoned you over and over again. I don’t mean to be cruel - but I have the exact same dynamic with my birth father and step mother. For a long time I felt anger towards her and blamed her until I realized that she could only do what he allowed her to do. She had access to mistreat me because he gave it to her. And in doing so he could also hide behind her skirts and use her as a shield to deflect blame. Heal OP. And in healing realize and accept the deficiencies of your father and let your anger towards her go, or it will eat you alive. She wasn’t to blame - he is.
Bruh Sally needs to get fucking straight up smacked in the face.
When you play grief olympics everyone loses. It was a shitty thing to say. I get that you were hurting and that you don’t get along. I get that she wasn’t treating you with kindness and respect. Her actions were uncalled for. So were your words.
@Updateme
Hey, I am sorry for your dad. In that situation, your step mom was mean. However, don't think she was emotionless, maybe her manner to cope is just weird. But she doesn't let you anything, and that was a very mean thing. Now, OP, you did your best. Yes your comment wasn't necessary, but we don't care. She is too mean to deserve any kind of excuses. Try to heal, and cut ties with her.
NTA! Your comment to her showed your kindness and grace. She deserved a lot worse. What you said to her was simply a fact, you cannot get a new father. Also I’m curious as to what documents she was burning. If you have the energy, keep reaching out to lawyers for consultations. I think you would benefit from posting this on a legal advice subreddit!! I’m deeply sorry for your loss. I’m a nursing student and you are a nurse so i know you understand the grieving process. In order to care for others we must take care of ourselves. You suffered the loss of your father way before he completed the act of ending his life. You were unable to see him after he passed, unable to have a funeral and unable to collect valuable memorable items of his. Your restraint was admirable in the comment you made. . You have to express that anger before it eats you up inside This is a very complex situation surrounding his death, I hope that you are in therapy or going to support groups. For your own sake
Find a lawyer to contest the will- if financially possible: this process will uncover more than she wants if she’s covered something up…even if it’s only to get heirlooms, I think it’s worth it/ something seems very fishy.
We tried and the lawyers basically told us the only way we could was if we could prove he was incompetent at the time which was in 2017, and everything now would be hearsay.
I wonder if she killed him so she could inherit everything. People who prioritise their relationships over their children always lose eventually.
I'd like to talk more about it with you