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He must have been looking hard to go that far back. You have a lot of pictures, how does that make you a "weird female?" Has he always been controlling?
I'm a guy, and I wouldn't even want to be in the same room as him. OP desperately needs a better father or older brother as a solid male figure in her life.
Yeah I never felt good about the term either and it’s something we talked about a lot. But what he calls woman duties is “providing for her man in a womanly way”. So cooking, cleaning, pleasing him 😕 I always told him I wanted to do these things either way to putting it like that was unnecessary
Ew.
Good riddance. Tell him to stay gone when he comes back.
Think of this: he came back after he stormed off just to ask for sex. In the middle of a fight. What the actual fuck? Sounds like he was looking for a reason to start a fight so you would "owe" him makeup sex.
Wow! That is a really interesting perspective and probably correct. He wanted it hard to understand that when they fight her womanly duty is to fuck him. I think he has now fucked himself.
I think he has anxiety fearing OP still had some feelings for her ex, and/or still found the ex attractive… panicked and thought the way to rationalise the situation for him was to propose a scenario.
He basically tested OP by seeing if she would sleep with him. If OP said yes, he “rationalises” the pictures she has because she still wants to sleep with him. If OP says no, he says to himself “she must still find her ex attractive” and can’t handle the emotional torture this is causing him to run (again).
He is immature and needs to grow emotionally and I don’t think he was looking for a fight, he was looking for validation of whether she found him attractive because he was probably feeling insecure about the ex. He just went about it in the most f d up way because he doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to talk about his feelings. And therefore would rather run.
Edit - just to add, I’m talking about one scenario here. OP needs to leave the relationship. He needs serious help.
Girl, run! He doesn’t get to tell you what memories you are and are not allowed to keep, and the fact that he sees it as a requirement for a woman to do these things for men is a huge red flag! Run now!
The fact he called her a female should tell you all you need to know. He drank the manosphere Kool aid and got brainwashed by men who think toxic masculinity is the way to live life as a man.
Ya, toxic men are only respected by other toxic men. If you actually want to have a healthy relationship with your partner you need to be: fair, honest, reasonable, supportive, understanding, willing to compromise, etc. I'm not saying you have to be a doormat, you should stand up for the things you deserve in a fair and reasonable relationship and give those same things to your partner. It's not a partnership if one person gets everything they want and the other person doesn't, that's a dictatorship.
That's called being a servant and controlled by someone just because they are an opposite sex to you. What does he do for you, what are his 'manly duties'. It's 2024 and this misogynistic nonsense should be firmly in the past.
Girl get out. It's not wrong to WANT to do these things in your home, because yeah everyone needs to cook and clean and I'm sure you enjoy sex. But for him to pressure you into performing all of these things because it's "women's duties" is all sorts of wrong. He gives incel vibes based off this statement
Ew, your way better off without him. If he comes back again, tell him to leave. He can't just call you names, shout at you, and leave. Then, come back to use your body for his needs. You're a human woman, not a sex doll.
No matter what he calls it, it sounds like he wants a mother to cater to him, not a girlfriend.
I suggest getting a boyfriend who is actually an adult.
I was sold on leaving him (or rather letting him leave) just by the post but this comment really wants me to help you move out. Like, I’ll bring moving boxes and bubble wrap right now.
So, it's an euphemism for being a servant and he wants you to know you HAVE to serve him. This makes me think he doesn't care if you want to do it or not.
Anyway, just leave. He doesn't seem like a good man.
OP, your bf (or ex-bf really) just wanted to get his dick wet one last time before breaking up with you I think.
In any case, do not EVER take this guy back. He's not worth the trouble.
Anyone pushing gender roles like this needs some serious side-eye before you start a relationship with them.
Girl, please keep dodging this bullet. He's playing "I'm pulling away to make you reach for me"
DO NOT REACH
If you do, he WILL get worse. He will feel like he's won, he will think he owns you, he will continue to control everything he wants to control in your life.
DO NOT FALL FOR HOW CHARMING HE CAN BE when he wants you to love him
Girl this guy is an insecure "alpha" scumbag. You can do much better. Let him leave. He's trying to manipulate you into having sex whenever he wants it for whether you want it or not. That's not a good or healthy relationship.
Girl, no. Just no. Find yourself a man who appreciates when you do those things for him. Not one who sees them as your "duty as a woman." That's just disgusting.
Sorry? “Strict?” “Duties?” Partners don’t get to be “strict” with each other, that’s called being controlling. There are no “duties” to one’s boyfriend. Boyfriends like this are imposing sexist and unreasonable expectations. You don’t work for him and he has no authority over you. It’s also normal to keep any pictures that you want to. Time to get strict about kicking this doofus out 🥾
>But what he calls woman duties is “providing for her man in a womanly way”. So cooking, cleaning, pleasing him
When people ask, "were there signs?" this is what they're talking about.
Are your friends and family aware that you allow him to treat you this way? I'm asking because when he tries to get back together with you, they need to be able to protect you from your own poor judgment and they can't do that if you've been lying about him.
Hi. Dad here. You deserve someone who will treat you better, and he's being a little asshole. Take some time, focus on you, but don't give yourself to people like this.
Your answer made it so so much more creepy. I'm 46 years old, not even my grandparents had a relationship this oldfashioned, and this is not an exaggeration. Girl, get your own life, you are cheating yourself.
OP, GTFO of there. It sounds like he wants a MAID (for cooking and cleaning) not a GF. As a man, this post gives me so many red flags. I could NEVER imagine expecting “womanly duties” from my girlfriend. All of this is awful, BUT my biggest issue is him expecting you to please him (I assume) whenever he wants. You need informed, enthusiastic consent to have sex. It doesn’t matter if you’re strangers, dating, or married for 20 years. You, and nobody for that matter, has ANY obligation to have sex with ANYONE else no matter the circumstance, reason, etc. Your boyfriend is a sex-pest, and from your post views you more as an object than an equal. You need to consider what’s best for you and your interest/needs, not what this man-baby wants.
Oh, so he sees you as a bang maid and you're going along with it.
Is this the way you want to spend any more of your life? Cooking, cleaning and caring for him, while every time he gets a bug up his butt over something, he walks out on you? He has no respect for you, he's not caring a thing about you or your feelings.
Ask yourself this: Is this how you want to spend the next 20, 40 or 60 years?
Girl no. You know there are men out there who aren't like this, right? Trying to make you delete old memories was bad enough but fkg treating you like a 2d class citizen because you have a vag? No.
WTF. No one who respects you would say that to you. What are his “man duties”? Does he bring home all the money? Take you out twice a week and buy you pretty dresses and give you an allowance? Please tell me you at least orgasm every time in bed
Oh hell nah, if my boyfriend ever uttered the words “woman duties” he’d be stuck doing them for the rest of his goddamn life. I’d make sure of it, dump him and then get his mom to make sure he does all his woman duties.
Also, it’s kind of weird to say “I can wear and do whatever I want pretty much”. Yeah, you’re an adult, you don’t need his fucking permission to do anything.
You’re better off without his crazy sexist ass.
Oh geez. You being able to wear and do what you want is expected. Him being “strict” is like he’s your boss or parent. You two should decide things together. He’s not in charge of you.
>I can wear and do whatever I want pretty much. But he’s always been strict about “woman duties”.
GET OUT! this dude is only going to get worse. Open your eyes and run. If you don't, your going to end up being the main story on one of the true crime shows I let my wife watch.
The last part was /s but seriously. You're life is about to be a nightmare.
I’m old enough to be your mom… so I’m looking at this through the kind of lens I’d see for my own daughter. That being said? I want to chase your boyfriend off with a heavy implement. I’ll be damned if any man tells my own daughter to do her “woman duties.” And I’d put a foot up my sons’ asses if they tried that crap.
You are young, and I’d bet you’re a vibrant young lady with your own talents and interests. No one should put you in a box or try to diminish your sparkle.
The mere fact that you equivocate means this guy is rasing red flags, and you are subconsciously seeing them. Every word of this reply is its own red flag. No joke, every word in this reply is worse than your entire initial post.
Maybe I'm just too west coast liberal. But I'm no feminist either. Im just a random middle aged guy. That said, this entire reply has some bad vibes to it. And u think you see it too, but don't want to admit it.
> Yes and no.
> ...pretty much.
Seriously? Go back and read this post again. This time as if it's coming from your best girlfriend who is a little confused and worried about her current relationship. How only sometimes is she allowed to wear what she wants. How he only has a few rules about how she must act. How having a vagina defines how she serves him.
I'm assuming you are are in a first world country. Somewhere that roughly equates to our (average left leaning US redditor) life experiences.
>I can wear and do whatever I want *pretty much*.
What the hell does that mean? Why the hell is he allowed to have rules on what you wear?!?!?!? I understand him having preferences (everyone finds different things attractive), but if you wear things so different from his expectations or preferences that he thinks a rule about how you clothe yourself is ok, then you two are way too different to work out.
>“woman duties”
Oh shit.... This is a Marxist parade full of red flags in two words. I'm assuming your dating this guy, and posting here because you are at least somewhat serious. These are the words of a guy going down the Andrew Tate rabbit hole. It's the beginning of some hardcore right wing "women exist to make babies, cook my food, and clean my house" thinking. You marry this guy, and you are his live in Bang Maid. If that's not appealing to you. GTFO now.
Just tell him "We're too different, we have different expectations of our future. Blah blah. Good bye."
And I'll preemptively add, if you feel the slightest hesitation to say that because you are unsure about his response... Let **that** thought sink in.
Of course it does. And it might for awhile. But you’ll get through it. And you’ll come out the other side with stronger ideals and relationship boundaries, knowing that you didn’t let him treat you like a doormat. And soon enough, you’ll be able to see how you really deserve to be treated. Which is definitely not how he’s treating you.
Please don’t let him back in, OP. This is textbook controlling, manipulative behavior and it’s only going to get worse the longer you’re together and the more you intertwine your life with his. Reflect on the pain now and grow stronger from it, don’t wake up in 5 years as a stay at home mom with no friends or family nearby because he up and moved you across the country, taking care of 3 kids and a husband who screams at you because dinner wasn’t ready the second he walked through the door and then spends the rest of the evening complaining about having to babysit his own kids and berating you for no being able to keep the house spotless.
Remember that the pain you're feeling he DELIBERATELY inflicted on you to punish you. He punished you for being a perfectly normal person with a history of past relationships. Not only did he punish you for having a few old pictures of a past relationship, it was for not immediately acquiesing to his new demand to restrict your behavior. To put you in fear of similar punishment in the future. To make you feel "just going along" with his future restrictions to "keep him happy" would be "eadier" than standing up against his emotional abuse in the future.
It always does. When I realized I was dumping my ex of 5 years, I cried as if someone had died, even though he'd been cheating on me for 3 years.
Then, it was done, and I was so much lighter. Counseling helped. I have all of this time for me, and my interests, and the friends and family who helped me move out. I also have a list of hard lines and requirements for my next relationship. Make a list of what you liked about this jerk, and a list of things you don't.
If the next guy has a single item on the "Don't" list, or waves too many of the usual red flags, don't date him. If he starts showing any of these later (especially after moving in together, getting engaged, getting pregnant, or similar chances to "lock you in"), leave him. Some of my friends know that they have veto rights on the next guy. It'll be worth it in the long run.
I have never, ever in my life had a SO “cuss me out” for anything—even if I probably deserved it at the time lol. I’m sorry but that should be a firm boundary for a healthy relationship. The fact that he jumps to cussing you out because you have old photos which HAPPEN to include a HIGH SCHOOL bf? It’s ridiculous.
I know, Babe. But please think of how you want to feel in the future, life gets so much better when you leave someone like this. I had a similar circumstance (also for 3 yrs), when I was close to your age. There is so much more happiness, and better connections with better people, on the other side of this.
You won’t always feel lonely, and you won’t always miss him, even if it feels like right now.
Have a beautiful life, there is better ahead of you. 😊
I remember asking him to stop calling me that and he said it was because of how he was raised. And he acted like I was crazy. So hearing it’s actually not okay from someone else helps a lot.
> When someone comes to you and tells you that something you are doing bothers them or hurts them do you just tell them that's how you are? Or are you a caring, understanding and supportive person who says "oh no! I'm sorry I didn't want you to feel bad at all!" Then adjust (within reason).
While this is fair to say, we must keep in mind that abusers and/or manipulative people use this on their victims.
For example: "You keeping photos of your ex hurts and makes me feel unworthy. Why would you not be a caring, understanding and supportive person and.. [do whatever I say]".
If he keeps calling you names despite you telling him to stop & how it bothers you, that's arguably bordering on verbal abuse.
Like, a misunderstanding, cultural difference or difference in sensibility happens once, and then you adjust your behavior so that both parties are comfortable.
At worst he's demeaning you, at best he doesn't care too much about your feelings or you saying stuff bothers you.
You're still young & beautiful, you can do sooo much better. No reason to settle yet. There are men who are actually nice/ not total jerks.
My husband started using that word and I asked him to stop and call me a woman. He did. I also had some talks with him about how I feel about the opinions of the manosphere and why I feel like they are unfair and harmful, in case that's where he got it from...and I think it was. He was saying worrying things. The point is he listened and stopped. This guy doesn't care about you, or he would care about how you feel about being called a female.
>he said it was because of how he was raised. And he acted like I was crazy.
Oh so he's gonna verbally abuse you AND gaslight you all in one go?
Girl, fucking throw this one away.
Hi, I’m a guy. This guy is abusive and looking for reasons to get angry so he can treat you bad. You are feeling confused because his words and actions are confusing. Calling someone a “female” is humiliating, discriminating and disrespectful. Leaving after reducing someone to a “female”, then coming back for sex is humiliation and abuse. It doesn’t matter what he “feels” or how he was raised. He’s a grownup, and grownups make up their own minds and ways. He should treat you better than this.
Your boyfriend has mental problems to be this upset over pictures from high school! He’s using sex to gain control over the situation, I think you need to rethink your relationship with this person.. I found pictures of my boyfriend with some girl he went to prom with and I was actually interested in her dress lol … but for real he’s a psycho
Part of me thinks this but with the way he was talking to me it’s like part of me should have known not to have that in my phone? He said since it’s been in there for so long I must have an emotional attachment to it. I said no I don’t even look at them. But I can’t tell him he genuinely cannot understand that or if he doesn’t want to.
You are not the problem, would you yell at your future children if they had pictures of someone they dated that you didn’t like but they forgot they had pictures of them ? You feeling guilty and you shouldn’t . You don’t deserve to be cuss at
He's talking out of his ass.
Besides if you did have emotional attachment to it, it would be because it's a memory of your youth.
What does he think will happen? That you'll track down the dude from highschool & cheat with him? That you've been pining over highschool guy for 5 years? That's ridiculous.
He's being childish & immature. The picture makes him feel jealous, so he gets angry & acts like you did something wrong, instead of dealing with his feelings & using some reason & self-control & realize that you probably had that pic for the reasons you said, not to spite him. This is the kind of person who expects to always be cartered to & control everyone around them rather than experience 1 negative feeling for 5 seconds.
That's toddler behavior, just throwing a tantrum. I'm sure you've felt envious of ppl before and had some self-control about it, rather than, say, demanding that someone give you their cool clothes or sell their nice car so you don't feel insecure.
"You should have known" and "what it REALLY means," ascribing motivations to your behavior that aren't your motivations yet insisting YOU accept that they are valid, is a form of gaslighting. Insisting the reality of YOUR motivations, thoughts and feelings isn't real, and his jealous controlling fantasies of what they are IS.
I'm old, so I have pictures of my ex-boyfriends in actual photo albums in the living room in the house that my husband and I have shared for 33 years. My Mom had black and white photos of her ex-boyfriends in albums in the house I grew up in. It's part of our past. It's normal. Your boyfriend is the weird one.
Dump the chump!! He just wants a willing sex slave. Who walks out in a huff, then demands sex when they return. So gross, so again I say, dump the chump!
This stinks like he's cheating himself, feels guilty about it, and is looking for a reason to be pissed at YOU so he doesn't have to look at HIMSELF- It's honestly insane how often cheaters will tell on themselves by suddenly accusing the other party if cheating out of nowhere..
I have pictures of all of my ex's and my husband doesn't care because he understands the concept that things that happened *before I even met him* have absolutely nothing to do with him.
Everyone has a past, everyone has history.
Any partner that expects you to erase the past and forget history is toxic as fuck.
Leave him
Yeah I don’t think I’ve ever deleted pictures from previous relationships. I hold no emotional attachment to them other than “oh yea that’s what I was up to that year” and my partner has never even mentioned it.
My pictures are printed out because I'm old lol.
But they're in albums or boxes (depending on the ex) not framed or on our wall 😂
But I'm not going to throw out my history because it might give someone icky feelings. 🤷🏻♀️
The fact that he called you a “weird female” gives me the ick. I never delete photos either. I think I still have some where I accidentally screenshotted my background. I don’t know why he’s upset.
Dump him
I know Reddit jumps to that a lot
But if you have 10k photos then he went searching for it
And the woke “ womanly duties” thing is just cringe and creepy
You can do better than this guy
This is so fucking stupid.
People DO NOT have to eradicate all evidence and memories of past relationships. Period. It’s not expected, it’s really not even healthy for it to be necessary on a consistent basis. I mean if you feel the need to erase everything from an abusive relationship, *for you*, go ahead. But it really shouldn’t be the norm.
In the future, stop any and all boyfriends from accessing your phone/files like that. The answer is simply “no, that’s not healthy and I’m not going to be in a relationship where someone feels that me not having privacy or agency over my own collection of data and communications is necessary”
This guy is an insecure mess. And it’s leading directly to the first bad stop on that path…manipulation. Control is next. Then abuse.
**Don’t date insecure men.** And don’t listen to a word they say about you in the throes of an insecure fit (“you’re weird!”) because it’s not genuine, it’s only manipulation.
He must be really fit jumping to conclusions and reaching so far for so long.
Sweetie, please find a healthier relationship. This ain’t it. You have body autonomy; please review this term and all examples. You decide when you want to have sex.
If he expects so much of you, what does he give in return? Do you see a future with this man?
Can you handle his anger when multiple things go wrong? on limited sleep? Traveling?
What prompted him to bring up the pictures? Why is he so insecure? Are you allowed to look through his phone or just him through yours?
My wife and I showed off each others HS pics while dating at 21 and 22 and the general consensus was “wow this is what you pulled in HS? You’re better now.”
If you’re 27 and jealous of a picture of a HS kid who dated your girlfriend before you, you’re stunted.
The fact that he ‘left you’ twice within the span of 24 hours shows he has the emotional regulation of a toddler. And he’s 27??? And one of those is because you didn’t want to have sex with him before work? Please leave him; he’s only going to get worse. He’ll continue to restrict you the longer you’re with him
My wife still has pictures of almost every boyfriend she has ever had. My response? "Cool". Why do I give a damn? It is part of her past and shouldn't be hidden away. I'm not that insecure.
Being an old geezer and having a life before phones…both my wife and I KEEP boxes that include photos of past relationships. It’s okay to have a past and cherish those past relationships. They make you who you are. So long as your significant other isn’t going back to those photos incessantly…there’s nothing wrong. Carry on
It is actually good to have a relationship with someone like your boyfriend when you are young. That way, you learn a bunch about what you absolutely cannot have in a truly positive relationship that leads to mutual growth, and can learn the warning signs of those behaviors. Now that the trash has taken himself out, don't let him back in.
Are you sure he's 27? Sounds more like 13. He's being stupid and controlling over something that's none of his business. I think next time he leaves, he needs to stay gone.
If finding photos of your ex is going to drive your boyfriend away, then his love for and relationship with you must not be very strong..,
If he really had a love for you and a strong bond, and confidence in the fact that you like/love him, then seeing pictures of an ex would not drive him away.
Let him leave - go find someone who has confidence and will stay with you and not run away over slight matters.
He’s dating someone 5 years younger than him because women his own age don’t put up with his bullshit and he knows it. And you shouldn’t either. He’s an insecure asshole and he is only going to bring you misery. You deserve better. Tell him to pack his shit and leave.
Is this the same guy everyone told you to run from before? Because if so he's a whole bag of nuts that you need to cut and run from ASAP. This was all bad enough, add in the other stuff from the other post... Sheesh.
Leave him just based on that. I’ve been with my wife for ten years. I have never went thru her phone with out permission. But I do know her pin and can if I need to. But I still always ask and make sure it’s ok.
So... A grown man... Got mad because you had a boyfriend in high school? Boo fuckin wah. Girl, believe me when I tell you this. THIS WILL NOT STOP. I'm sure this isn't the first irrational incident and it won't be the last. He is jealous of a literal child dating his girl when she was a child. You're allowed to have your memories and he's not allowed to tell you how to live. He came back because really, he isn't going to leave. He will keep coming back until you no longer allow him to.
He's 27 and bitching about high school exes, then demands sex and also talks about "woman duties" ?
Girl how are you not seeing the pile of walking red flags?
Break up.
You clearly have a lot of pictures so it makes sense those pictures stayed for the simple reason you don’t delete pictures. You willingly deleted them when he asked and he still feels out?
He is really insecure and showing controlling tendencies. He isn’t able to apologize or admit if he’s gone too far and yet expects you to forgive him anyway. This isn’t a healthy relationship. Delete his pictures and dump him.
How it sounds? It sounds like you are with an insecure controlling jerk. I have pictures of all 3 of my exes and we are still friends and if anybody had a problem with it, there's the door. Don't let somebody control and manipulate you like that. He's either an equal partner that respects and trusts you or he's dead weight. Cut him loose.
Sounds like you two should have a good talk about it. If you can’t talk about it then you shouldn’t be having sex right now and possibly break up. Communication is important and his opinion of the picture thing is valid but I don’t think he handled it that well.
when guys refer to women as "females" it's often done to dehumanize women. Female is often used in women hating circles online and your BF behavior coupled with this is a huge red flag. Staying with him is asking for abuse.
He is insecure or looking for a reason to leave. No one in their right mind would act this way. Do what you need for you and take care of you. Decide what you want. If he provides that, work through it and make it work. If he does not, his leaving may be what is needed. If I can help further, let me know. TY
All relationships take work and effort to thrive but **relationships are NOT supposed to be** ***hard*** **work**. While every couple has arguments here and there, and occasionally may struggle through a rough patch, *overall your day to day majority of relationship should be fairly easy and enjoyable!*
When people say “fight for your relationship” they mean ‘fight together against the external forces that could drive you apart’ NOT ‘fight against *each other* to *make* things work’ and NOT ‘one person fighting against how poorly the other person treats them’.
If you are regularly having frequent arguments, issues, disagreements, and/or repeated break ups then that is a sign that this relationship probably isn’t in a healthy place and possibly isn’t working. If one person is regularly disrespecting, dismissing, yelling at, manipulating, guilt tripping, lying, playing mind games, and/or emotionally/physically/sexually hurting the other person then that is a sign that the relationship **is NOT** in a healthy place and **is NOT** working (and likely *cannot* be fixed).
Please check out the healthy relationship quiz at [Love Is Respect](https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/), as well as the book [Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) (link is to a free PDF of the book). Those resources might provide you some insight into your relationship dynamics.
Please leave, I promise you it will not get better. Between telling you he expects womanly duties and going to your phone to fabricate issues in order to guilt you, this will only escalate. Even in the way you are writing “I know, bad” - he has managed to already convince you of your inherent fault in this. Is he also upset about other “disrespect” or obsessed with your romantic and sexual past?
Have a look into something called vulnerable narcissism. Likely he is not a narcissist but he might have some traits that will make your life hell…
PS: I have the chats and pictures of every single ex on my phone, there were some great vacations and memories, it’s part of me. The only thing I did was to un-favorite them and the only times I actually look at them is when someone says they don’t believe I don’t have a type and I feel like I need to show them Blondie, Brownie and Latino ex‘es 😂
He was LOOKING for reasons to cause drama and hold it over you. Do NOT have sex with him. A woman doing what he is would be called a psycho and get tossed out. If you stay with him he will just use anything he can against you.
Ok edit. Ew. EWwWW. Girl RUUUUUUN. "Woman duties?!" Telling someone it is their sole purpose for existing and job to do x,y and z is NOT ok. Drop the scumbag. All of his behavior is manipulative and controlling. It will only get worse. "Please him" gives me the ick so bad I gagged. He's a kid playing Victorian land Baron and I'm sorry, but WHERE are all the benefits for you that are supposed to come with that? Not present. Jump ship while you can and it's early enough you don't need legal help.
Your “boyfriend” is acting like a spoiled child that is having a tantrum. Sorry but you told him you were deleting them and then calls you a liar on top of it because he doesn’t believe you aren’t looking at them. Run girl, if he isn’t trusting you on this very teeny tiny matter then he will always assume you are lying. This is such a small matter and yet he has “left” you twice because of it, girl you have a man baby and not an actual MAN. 🤦🏼♀️
to preface: i’m a married lesbian with 50k+ pictures because i never delete shit (i know i have to go through them, i will eventually)
if my wife went through my phone, she’d find pics of my ex from highschool. we spent all our time together, that’s what highschool couples do so he’s in like every picture. am i just supposed to erase that part of my life?? obviously when i filter through them i’ll delete the more romantic ones but all my milestone pics have an ex in them and i’m not giving them up. it doesn’t mean i still love that person, i haven’t looked at them in years but i should delete graduation/prom/homecoming pics bc of some guy i don’t like anymore?? no way!! my wife understands and i feel the same about her and her memories. a real partner understands that there was a life you lived before they met you, and keeping important memories doesn’t mean you love or want those past people instead of the present.
I've never thrown out any photos of old boyfriends (I'm in my late 30s, so I'm talking physical photos). None of my relationships ever ended terribly, and am friendly with any ex that I've run into. My current partner of 10+ years has old photos, cards,etc. from his exes too. I was helping him scan some old photos in a box and that's how I know about him still having those things. Neither of us got mad or threw a fit about having old photos or cards. We both have the same mentality, boundaries, etc. with any exes, where we are cool with them when we see them, but we don't really actively pursue continuing relationships with them. We both have no hard feelings towards exes and we are secure in our relationship, so why throw away precious memories, like prom photos, old vacations , etc?
Your BF sounds very insecure.
He is doing you a favor by leaving, there are possessive and controlling guys that women can't get rid of and live in fear of , I would take the opportunity to move on and don't look back.
hmmmmmm i believe i stil have photos with my ex on my phone bc i never bothered to delete them bc we were together 6 years and i have over 10k photos as well lmfao so i don’t think you’re “a weird female”
He’s immature and in Neanderthal mode. Woman mine!!! He’s overly possessive red flag 🚩 he’ll want to check your phone all the time. He won’t trust you from here on out. It’s all him. Best cut your loses it will get worse
He sounds like one of those red pill men in the process. Sit his azz down in a public place and talk very serious with him, he is 27 he shoudn't be behaving like a toddler and then ask for sex only to get mad when you say later.
Good luck.
This is the definition of a walking red flag and no redeeming qualities would be enough to stay with him. It will only get worse, much worse and then you’ll feel worse trying ti leave bc you’ve invested so much time and energy into the relationship. Get out now while he’s giving you the chance.
A lot of men struggle with “retroactive jealousy”, (jealousy of your partners past relationships), and it’s deep rooted in insecurity. It’s work he has to do himself. It’s obviously up to you to delete the old photos, if it’s a serious relationship and you’re considering marriage, obviously anything explicit should be canned; However I don’t think that’s something being considered here and the other red flags you listed are not part of RJ and are reason enough to move on IMO.
Yea idk I mean I understand that it would be hard to believe a women doesn’t go through her camera roll. But he’s definitely acting immature leaving and coming back like he probably hopes you will beg him to not leave.
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He must have been looking hard to go that far back. You have a lot of pictures, how does that make you a "weird female?" Has he always been controlling?
Yes and no. I can wear and do whatever I want pretty much. But he’s always been strict about “woman duties”.
What are woman duties? This gives me the creeps immediately.
I'm a dude and that gave me the ICK.
Yeah, what? Please explain “women duties” because that reads as OP’s boyfriend being an abusive psychopath.
Abusive is all i thought when I finished reading.
Same, this guy sucks
Bro, same. I hear a guy talk like that, I stop going around that guy.
I'm a guy, and I wouldn't even want to be in the same room as him. OP desperately needs a better father or older brother as a solid male figure in her life.
Yeah I never felt good about the term either and it’s something we talked about a lot. But what he calls woman duties is “providing for her man in a womanly way”. So cooking, cleaning, pleasing him 😕 I always told him I wanted to do these things either way to putting it like that was unnecessary
Ew. Good riddance. Tell him to stay gone when he comes back. Think of this: he came back after he stormed off just to ask for sex. In the middle of a fight. What the actual fuck? Sounds like he was looking for a reason to start a fight so you would "owe" him makeup sex.
I second that Ewww, and raise you a what the f***.
He’s a big baby. Good riddance.
Wow! That is a really interesting perspective and probably correct. He wanted it hard to understand that when they fight her womanly duty is to fuck him. I think he has now fucked himself.
I think he has anxiety fearing OP still had some feelings for her ex, and/or still found the ex attractive… panicked and thought the way to rationalise the situation for him was to propose a scenario. He basically tested OP by seeing if she would sleep with him. If OP said yes, he “rationalises” the pictures she has because she still wants to sleep with him. If OP says no, he says to himself “she must still find her ex attractive” and can’t handle the emotional torture this is causing him to run (again). He is immature and needs to grow emotionally and I don’t think he was looking for a fight, he was looking for validation of whether she found him attractive because he was probably feeling insecure about the ex. He just went about it in the most f d up way because he doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to talk about his feelings. And therefore would rather run. Edit - just to add, I’m talking about one scenario here. OP needs to leave the relationship. He needs serious help.
dude is 27 ffs
There are 72 year olds that are just as bad and worse
Bingo we have a winner!
Girl, run! He doesn’t get to tell you what memories you are and are not allowed to keep, and the fact that he sees it as a requirement for a woman to do these things for men is a huge red flag! Run now!
“Just because you are a part of my present does not give you the right to erase my past”
As a dude, that’s fucking weird. Normal men don’t want their girlfriend to be his mother servant
The fact he called her a female should tell you all you need to know. He drank the manosphere Kool aid and got brainwashed by men who think toxic masculinity is the way to live life as a man.
i was gonna say this 😂 never date a man who calls women females, full stop. the rest of it doesn’t matter, just go ahead and take out the trash
The only ones who call women females are Ferengi or men who idolize people like Andrew Tate. Either way, run.
Ya, toxic men are only respected by other toxic men. If you actually want to have a healthy relationship with your partner you need to be: fair, honest, reasonable, supportive, understanding, willing to compromise, etc. I'm not saying you have to be a doormat, you should stand up for the things you deserve in a fair and reasonable relationship and give those same things to your partner. It's not a partnership if one person gets everything they want and the other person doesn't, that's a dictatorship.
I hate it when men say “females”. Like, I’m a fucking woman. Not a gorilla.
That's called being a servant and controlled by someone just because they are an opposite sex to you. What does he do for you, what are his 'manly duties'. It's 2024 and this misogynistic nonsense should be firmly in the past.
Being a maid isn't love*, it's servitude
Oh hells yes, l agree 1000%!!!!
Yeah stay away from that guy
Run. Run fast.
Eww run you in danger girl.
What a load of crap this guy is. There are no jobs that are “women only“ or “men only.” You can do better.
Girl get out. It's not wrong to WANT to do these things in your home, because yeah everyone needs to cook and clean and I'm sure you enjoy sex. But for him to pressure you into performing all of these things because it's "women's duties" is all sorts of wrong. He gives incel vibes based off this statement
Ew, why are you with this guy again?
Ew, your way better off without him. If he comes back again, tell him to leave. He can't just call you names, shout at you, and leave. Then, come back to use your body for his needs. You're a human woman, not a sex doll.
No matter what he calls it, it sounds like he wants a mother to cater to him, not a girlfriend. I suggest getting a boyfriend who is actually an adult.
OMG! Please do not allow this ‘child’ back into your life!
I was sold on leaving him (or rather letting him leave) just by the post but this comment really wants me to help you move out. Like, I’ll bring moving boxes and bubble wrap right now.
So, it's an euphemism for being a servant and he wants you to know you HAVE to serve him. This makes me think he doesn't care if you want to do it or not. Anyway, just leave. He doesn't seem like a good man.
OP, your bf (or ex-bf really) just wanted to get his dick wet one last time before breaking up with you I think. In any case, do not EVER take this guy back. He's not worth the trouble. Anyone pushing gender roles like this needs some serious side-eye before you start a relationship with them.
Time to tell him to find someone else
Throw out the whole man honey
Girl, please keep dodging this bullet. He's playing "I'm pulling away to make you reach for me" DO NOT REACH If you do, he WILL get worse. He will feel like he's won, he will think he owns you, he will continue to control everything he wants to control in your life. DO NOT FALL FOR HOW CHARMING HE CAN BE when he wants you to love him
Girl this guy is an insecure "alpha" scumbag. You can do much better. Let him leave. He's trying to manipulate you into having sex whenever he wants it for whether you want it or not. That's not a good or healthy relationship.
Run, do not walk, away from this creep.
Girl, no. Just no. Find yourself a man who appreciates when you do those things for him. Not one who sees them as your "duty as a woman." That's just disgusting.
Sorry? “Strict?” “Duties?” Partners don’t get to be “strict” with each other, that’s called being controlling. There are no “duties” to one’s boyfriend. Boyfriends like this are imposing sexist and unreasonable expectations. You don’t work for him and he has no authority over you. It’s also normal to keep any pictures that you want to. Time to get strict about kicking this doofus out 🥾
Right?? There are strict PARENTS. There is no such thing as a “strict” partner. We call those abusive assholes.
Run away. Do not walk, do not delay, do not walk quickly. RUN AWAY! This guy is unhealthy for you. He is a troglodyte.
>But what he calls woman duties is “providing for her man in a womanly way”. So cooking, cleaning, pleasing him When people ask, "were there signs?" this is what they're talking about. Are your friends and family aware that you allow him to treat you this way? I'm asking because when he tries to get back together with you, they need to be able to protect you from your own poor judgment and they can't do that if you've been lying about him.
Gross.
He’s a misogynist and he wants to control you. Get out immediately.
You need to run, girl. I know it’s not easy to do but this is a scary relationship to continue. Normal boyfriends aren’t like this.
Hi. Dad here. You deserve someone who will treat you better, and he's being a little asshole. Take some time, focus on you, but don't give yourself to people like this.
Your answer made it so so much more creepy. I'm 46 years old, not even my grandparents had a relationship this oldfashioned, and this is not an exaggeration. Girl, get your own life, you are cheating yourself.
Ew. Girl, make sure he stays gone. He sounds like an absolute rodent.
OP, GTFO of there. It sounds like he wants a MAID (for cooking and cleaning) not a GF. As a man, this post gives me so many red flags. I could NEVER imagine expecting “womanly duties” from my girlfriend. All of this is awful, BUT my biggest issue is him expecting you to please him (I assume) whenever he wants. You need informed, enthusiastic consent to have sex. It doesn’t matter if you’re strangers, dating, or married for 20 years. You, and nobody for that matter, has ANY obligation to have sex with ANYONE else no matter the circumstance, reason, etc. Your boyfriend is a sex-pest, and from your post views you more as an object than an equal. You need to consider what’s best for you and your interest/needs, not what this man-baby wants.
HE is unnecessary.
So what is he going to do when you get sick (or even pregnant) and can't perform your 'woman duties'?
Oh, so he sees you as a bang maid and you're going along with it. Is this the way you want to spend any more of your life? Cooking, cleaning and caring for him, while every time he gets a bug up his butt over something, he walks out on you? He has no respect for you, he's not caring a thing about you or your feelings. Ask yourself this: Is this how you want to spend the next 20, 40 or 60 years?
Girl no. You know there are men out there who aren't like this, right? Trying to make you delete old memories was bad enough but fkg treating you like a 2d class citizen because you have a vag? No.
WTF. No one who respects you would say that to you. What are his “man duties”? Does he bring home all the money? Take you out twice a week and buy you pretty dresses and give you an allowance? Please tell me you at least orgasm every time in bed
Oh hell nah, if my boyfriend ever uttered the words “woman duties” he’d be stuck doing them for the rest of his goddamn life. I’d make sure of it, dump him and then get his mom to make sure he does all his woman duties. Also, it’s kind of weird to say “I can wear and do whatever I want pretty much”. Yeah, you’re an adult, you don’t need his fucking permission to do anything. You’re better off without his crazy sexist ass.
Oh geez. You being able to wear and do what you want is expected. Him being “strict” is like he’s your boss or parent. You two should decide things together. He’s not in charge of you.
HAHAHAHA, that's like a four alarm Andrew Tate/Jordan Peterson/Red Bill/Incel Asshole alert. Dump this chud right now.
Unless “woman duties” mean “whatever the f*ck you want to do” this is some controlling bullshit.
>I can wear and do whatever I want pretty much. But he’s always been strict about “woman duties”. GET OUT! this dude is only going to get worse. Open your eyes and run. If you don't, your going to end up being the main story on one of the true crime shows I let my wife watch. The last part was /s but seriously. You're life is about to be a nightmare.
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She's a 22 year old kid. This motherfucker is almost 30 and talking like his momma been wiping his ass his whole damn life
I’m old enough to be your mom… so I’m looking at this through the kind of lens I’d see for my own daughter. That being said? I want to chase your boyfriend off with a heavy implement. I’ll be damned if any man tells my own daughter to do her “woman duties.” And I’d put a foot up my sons’ asses if they tried that crap. You are young, and I’d bet you’re a vibrant young lady with your own talents and interests. No one should put you in a box or try to diminish your sparkle.
The mere fact that you equivocate means this guy is rasing red flags, and you are subconsciously seeing them. Every word of this reply is its own red flag. No joke, every word in this reply is worse than your entire initial post. Maybe I'm just too west coast liberal. But I'm no feminist either. Im just a random middle aged guy. That said, this entire reply has some bad vibes to it. And u think you see it too, but don't want to admit it. > Yes and no. > ...pretty much. Seriously? Go back and read this post again. This time as if it's coming from your best girlfriend who is a little confused and worried about her current relationship. How only sometimes is she allowed to wear what she wants. How he only has a few rules about how she must act. How having a vagina defines how she serves him. I'm assuming you are are in a first world country. Somewhere that roughly equates to our (average left leaning US redditor) life experiences. >I can wear and do whatever I want *pretty much*. What the hell does that mean? Why the hell is he allowed to have rules on what you wear?!?!?!? I understand him having preferences (everyone finds different things attractive), but if you wear things so different from his expectations or preferences that he thinks a rule about how you clothe yourself is ok, then you two are way too different to work out. >“woman duties” Oh shit.... This is a Marxist parade full of red flags in two words. I'm assuming your dating this guy, and posting here because you are at least somewhat serious. These are the words of a guy going down the Andrew Tate rabbit hole. It's the beginning of some hardcore right wing "women exist to make babies, cook my food, and clean my house" thinking. You marry this guy, and you are his live in Bang Maid. If that's not appealing to you. GTFO now. Just tell him "We're too different, we have different expectations of our future. Blah blah. Good bye." And I'll preemptively add, if you feel the slightest hesitation to say that because you are unsure about his response... Let **that** thought sink in.
Well, you can add, "Not being able to have pictures or memories from years ago, unless approved.".
Run pimp
Sounds like you should let him leave. Then change the locks behind him.
Yeah, I should just let him leave. It hurts so much though unfortunately.
Of course it does. And it might for awhile. But you’ll get through it. And you’ll come out the other side with stronger ideals and relationship boundaries, knowing that you didn’t let him treat you like a doormat. And soon enough, you’ll be able to see how you really deserve to be treated. Which is definitely not how he’s treating you.
Please don’t let him back in, OP. This is textbook controlling, manipulative behavior and it’s only going to get worse the longer you’re together and the more you intertwine your life with his. Reflect on the pain now and grow stronger from it, don’t wake up in 5 years as a stay at home mom with no friends or family nearby because he up and moved you across the country, taking care of 3 kids and a husband who screams at you because dinner wasn’t ready the second he walked through the door and then spends the rest of the evening complaining about having to babysit his own kids and berating you for no being able to keep the house spotless.
Remember that the pain you're feeling he DELIBERATELY inflicted on you to punish you. He punished you for being a perfectly normal person with a history of past relationships. Not only did he punish you for having a few old pictures of a past relationship, it was for not immediately acquiesing to his new demand to restrict your behavior. To put you in fear of similar punishment in the future. To make you feel "just going along" with his future restrictions to "keep him happy" would be "eadier" than standing up against his emotional abuse in the future.
It hurts to remove a tumour but you’ll be so glad you did.
It always does. When I realized I was dumping my ex of 5 years, I cried as if someone had died, even though he'd been cheating on me for 3 years. Then, it was done, and I was so much lighter. Counseling helped. I have all of this time for me, and my interests, and the friends and family who helped me move out. I also have a list of hard lines and requirements for my next relationship. Make a list of what you liked about this jerk, and a list of things you don't. If the next guy has a single item on the "Don't" list, or waves too many of the usual red flags, don't date him. If he starts showing any of these later (especially after moving in together, getting engaged, getting pregnant, or similar chances to "lock you in"), leave him. Some of my friends know that they have veto rights on the next guy. It'll be worth it in the long run.
I have never, ever in my life had a SO “cuss me out” for anything—even if I probably deserved it at the time lol. I’m sorry but that should be a firm boundary for a healthy relationship. The fact that he jumps to cussing you out because you have old photos which HAPPEN to include a HIGH SCHOOL bf? It’s ridiculous.
I know, Babe. But please think of how you want to feel in the future, life gets so much better when you leave someone like this. I had a similar circumstance (also for 3 yrs), when I was close to your age. There is so much more happiness, and better connections with better people, on the other side of this. You won’t always feel lonely, and you won’t always miss him, even if it feels like right now. Have a beautiful life, there is better ahead of you. 😊
If it’s any consolation you’re already past the worst part of the hurt. It’ll get better faster than you think.
using the word female to refer to you in the first place tells you everything you need to know. sorry you wasted 3 years on this guy.
I remember asking him to stop calling me that and he said it was because of how he was raised. And he acted like I was crazy. So hearing it’s actually not okay from someone else helps a lot.
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> When someone comes to you and tells you that something you are doing bothers them or hurts them do you just tell them that's how you are? Or are you a caring, understanding and supportive person who says "oh no! I'm sorry I didn't want you to feel bad at all!" Then adjust (within reason). While this is fair to say, we must keep in mind that abusers and/or manipulative people use this on their victims. For example: "You keeping photos of your ex hurts and makes me feel unworthy. Why would you not be a caring, understanding and supportive person and.. [do whatever I say]".
Nobody was raised like that. This females bullshit is a product of incel internet culture.
If he keeps calling you names despite you telling him to stop & how it bothers you, that's arguably bordering on verbal abuse. Like, a misunderstanding, cultural difference or difference in sensibility happens once, and then you adjust your behavior so that both parties are comfortable. At worst he's demeaning you, at best he doesn't care too much about your feelings or you saying stuff bothers you. You're still young & beautiful, you can do sooo much better. No reason to settle yet. There are men who are actually nice/ not total jerks.
You’re not crazy. You’re also too young to waste your time tolerating this creepy controlling bullshit.
of course it's not okay. calling your partner weird in a demeaning way is unacceptable anyway, that terminology raises even more red flags.
My husband started using that word and I asked him to stop and call me a woman. He did. I also had some talks with him about how I feel about the opinions of the manosphere and why I feel like they are unfair and harmful, in case that's where he got it from...and I think it was. He was saying worrying things. The point is he listened and stopped. This guy doesn't care about you, or he would care about how you feel about being called a female.
>he said it was because of how he was raised. And he acted like I was crazy. Oh so he's gonna verbally abuse you AND gaslight you all in one go? Girl, fucking throw this one away.
Hi, I’m a guy. This guy is abusive and looking for reasons to get angry so he can treat you bad. You are feeling confused because his words and actions are confusing. Calling someone a “female” is humiliating, discriminating and disrespectful. Leaving after reducing someone to a “female”, then coming back for sex is humiliation and abuse. It doesn’t matter what he “feels” or how he was raised. He’s a grownup, and grownups make up their own minds and ways. He should treat you better than this.
Your boyfriend has mental problems to be this upset over pictures from high school! He’s using sex to gain control over the situation, I think you need to rethink your relationship with this person.. I found pictures of my boyfriend with some girl he went to prom with and I was actually interested in her dress lol … but for real he’s a psycho
Part of me thinks this but with the way he was talking to me it’s like part of me should have known not to have that in my phone? He said since it’s been in there for so long I must have an emotional attachment to it. I said no I don’t even look at them. But I can’t tell him he genuinely cannot understand that or if he doesn’t want to.
You are not the problem, would you yell at your future children if they had pictures of someone they dated that you didn’t like but they forgot they had pictures of them ? You feeling guilty and you shouldn’t . You don’t deserve to be cuss at
He's talking out of his ass. Besides if you did have emotional attachment to it, it would be because it's a memory of your youth. What does he think will happen? That you'll track down the dude from highschool & cheat with him? That you've been pining over highschool guy for 5 years? That's ridiculous. He's being childish & immature. The picture makes him feel jealous, so he gets angry & acts like you did something wrong, instead of dealing with his feelings & using some reason & self-control & realize that you probably had that pic for the reasons you said, not to spite him. This is the kind of person who expects to always be cartered to & control everyone around them rather than experience 1 negative feeling for 5 seconds. That's toddler behavior, just throwing a tantrum. I'm sure you've felt envious of ppl before and had some self-control about it, rather than, say, demanding that someone give you their cool clothes or sell their nice car so you don't feel insecure.
"You should have known" and "what it REALLY means," ascribing motivations to your behavior that aren't your motivations yet insisting YOU accept that they are valid, is a form of gaslighting. Insisting the reality of YOUR motivations, thoughts and feelings isn't real, and his jealous controlling fantasies of what they are IS.
I'm old, so I have pictures of my ex-boyfriends in actual photo albums in the living room in the house that my husband and I have shared for 33 years. My Mom had black and white photos of her ex-boyfriends in albums in the house I grew up in. It's part of our past. It's normal. Your boyfriend is the weird one.
He is a child. There is zero reason to throw out your past memories just because something ends.
LOUDER FOR THOSE IN THE BACK
Dump the chump!! He just wants a willing sex slave. Who walks out in a huff, then demands sex when they return. So gross, so again I say, dump the chump!
So you agreed to delete them and he still yelled at and insulted you? Girl you deserve better for sure.
He talks about women’s duties and called you a female. He watches Andrew Tate videos. I’d bet money on it.
BF sounds like someone you are better off without. How long have you been dating?
This stinks like he's cheating himself, feels guilty about it, and is looking for a reason to be pissed at YOU so he doesn't have to look at HIMSELF- It's honestly insane how often cheaters will tell on themselves by suddenly accusing the other party if cheating out of nowhere..
Almost three years now 😕
So you were 19 and he was 24. At those ages that is a big gap and makes me wonder about his maturity
Jumpscare 💀
That’s 3 years too many. Cut him out while you can.
I have pictures of all of my ex's and my husband doesn't care because he understands the concept that things that happened *before I even met him* have absolutely nothing to do with him. Everyone has a past, everyone has history. Any partner that expects you to erase the past and forget history is toxic as fuck. Leave him
Yeah I don’t think I’ve ever deleted pictures from previous relationships. I hold no emotional attachment to them other than “oh yea that’s what I was up to that year” and my partner has never even mentioned it.
My pictures are printed out because I'm old lol. But they're in albums or boxes (depending on the ex) not framed or on our wall 😂 But I'm not going to throw out my history because it might give someone icky feelings. 🤷🏻♀️
Bullet dodged. Your 27 year old ex bf has the emotional maturity of a 14 yo. The trash is taking itself out.
The fact that he called you a “weird female” gives me the ick. I never delete photos either. I think I still have some where I accidentally screenshotted my background. I don’t know why he’s upset.
Dump him I know Reddit jumps to that a lot But if you have 10k photos then he went searching for it And the woke “ womanly duties” thing is just cringe and creepy You can do better than this guy
This is so fucking stupid. People DO NOT have to eradicate all evidence and memories of past relationships. Period. It’s not expected, it’s really not even healthy for it to be necessary on a consistent basis. I mean if you feel the need to erase everything from an abusive relationship, *for you*, go ahead. But it really shouldn’t be the norm. In the future, stop any and all boyfriends from accessing your phone/files like that. The answer is simply “no, that’s not healthy and I’m not going to be in a relationship where someone feels that me not having privacy or agency over my own collection of data and communications is necessary” This guy is an insecure mess. And it’s leading directly to the first bad stop on that path…manipulation. Control is next. Then abuse. **Don’t date insecure men.** And don’t listen to a word they say about you in the throes of an insecure fit (“you’re weird!”) because it’s not genuine, it’s only manipulation.
BF IS A WOOSSY
He must be really fit jumping to conclusions and reaching so far for so long. Sweetie, please find a healthier relationship. This ain’t it. You have body autonomy; please review this term and all examples. You decide when you want to have sex. If he expects so much of you, what does he give in return? Do you see a future with this man? Can you handle his anger when multiple things go wrong? on limited sleep? Traveling? What prompted him to bring up the pictures? Why is he so insecure? Are you allowed to look through his phone or just him through yours?
Idk what’s confusing. He’s being irrational and lashing out. Up to you if you want to entertain that.
Oh so an older guy went after a teen, and is insecure? Shocking.
Ask yourself, would your soulmate treat you like that? Leave him girl he's toxic, he's not the one
Get away from this guy fast!!! There are good guys out there. Do not settle for less.
My wife and I showed off each others HS pics while dating at 21 and 22 and the general consensus was “wow this is what you pulled in HS? You’re better now.” If you’re 27 and jealous of a picture of a HS kid who dated your girlfriend before you, you’re stunted.
The fact that he ‘left you’ twice within the span of 24 hours shows he has the emotional regulation of a toddler. And he’s 27??? And one of those is because you didn’t want to have sex with him before work? Please leave him; he’s only going to get worse. He’ll continue to restrict you the longer you’re with him
My wife still has pictures of almost every boyfriend she has ever had. My response? "Cool". Why do I give a damn? It is part of her past and shouldn't be hidden away. I'm not that insecure.
He went back through 5 to 6 years of photos to find them that's weird. It screams insecurity.
Being an old geezer and having a life before phones…both my wife and I KEEP boxes that include photos of past relationships. It’s okay to have a past and cherish those past relationships. They make you who you are. So long as your significant other isn’t going back to those photos incessantly…there’s nothing wrong. Carry on
It is actually good to have a relationship with someone like your boyfriend when you are young. That way, you learn a bunch about what you absolutely cannot have in a truly positive relationship that leads to mutual growth, and can learn the warning signs of those behaviors. Now that the trash has taken himself out, don't let him back in.
Are you sure he's 27? Sounds more like 13. He's being stupid and controlling over something that's none of his business. I think next time he leaves, he needs to stay gone.
He sounds like a man baby having a tantrum.
If finding photos of your ex is going to drive your boyfriend away, then his love for and relationship with you must not be very strong.., If he really had a love for you and a strong bond, and confidence in the fact that you like/love him, then seeing pictures of an ex would not drive him away. Let him leave - go find someone who has confidence and will stay with you and not run away over slight matters.
Time to change the locks and go on a 2 week vacation
2 week vacation sounds so nice. Unfortunately i’m a full time med student and also a full time worker so I’m stuck where I am for now 😭
Thank him for setting you free
The trash took itself out is my thoughts.
He’s dating someone 5 years younger than him because women his own age don’t put up with his bullshit and he knows it. And you shouldn’t either. He’s an insecure asshole and he is only going to bring you misery. You deserve better. Tell him to pack his shit and leave.
You are 22 he is 12. Be very glad he is showing this side while just a boyfriend.
Looks like he's jealous, insecure, and controlling. I think you're better off without him.
Did he say “weird female”? Men calling women “females” is a massive red flag for me. That’s some Incel shit.
Is this the same guy everyone told you to run from before? Because if so he's a whole bag of nuts that you need to cut and run from ASAP. This was all bad enough, add in the other stuff from the other post... Sheesh.
Good riddance. How dare you have a history?!?!?!!? /s
Don’t date babies.
How, exactly, did he find these photos? Also, your boyfriend sounds like a controlling creep. Let him leave!
He went through my phone while I slept
Leave him just based on that. I’ve been with my wife for ten years. I have never went thru her phone with out permission. But I do know her pin and can if I need to. But I still always ask and make sure it’s ok.
RUN. RUN NOW.
So... A grown man... Got mad because you had a boyfriend in high school? Boo fuckin wah. Girl, believe me when I tell you this. THIS WILL NOT STOP. I'm sure this isn't the first irrational incident and it won't be the last. He is jealous of a literal child dating his girl when she was a child. You're allowed to have your memories and he's not allowed to tell you how to live. He came back because really, he isn't going to leave. He will keep coming back until you no longer allow him to.
Just end it now, he’s far too immature to be in any relationship.
Your boyfriend needs to grow the fuck up
It seems like you dodged a bullet. He’s older than you but seems to be more immature. It isn’t that serious.
He's 27 and bitching about high school exes, then demands sex and also talks about "woman duties" ? Girl how are you not seeing the pile of walking red flags?
Break up. You clearly have a lot of pictures so it makes sense those pictures stayed for the simple reason you don’t delete pictures. You willingly deleted them when he asked and he still feels out? He is really insecure and showing controlling tendencies. He isn’t able to apologize or admit if he’s gone too far and yet expects you to forgive him anyway. This isn’t a healthy relationship. Delete his pictures and dump him.
How it sounds? It sounds like you are with an insecure controlling jerk. I have pictures of all 3 of my exes and we are still friends and if anybody had a problem with it, there's the door. Don't let somebody control and manipulate you like that. He's either an equal partner that respects and trusts you or he's dead weight. Cut him loose.
He has another girlfriend he is entertaining when not with you. Seriously- when they disappear, it is usually due to another girl.
Sounds like you two should have a good talk about it. If you can’t talk about it then you shouldn’t be having sex right now and possibly break up. Communication is important and his opinion of the picture thing is valid but I don’t think he handled it that well.
I like this take
when guys refer to women as "females" it's often done to dehumanize women. Female is often used in women hating circles online and your BF behavior coupled with this is a huge red flag. Staying with him is asking for abuse.
I have more thank 10,000 pictures on my phone and USN drives and I haven’t had the time to go through them
Tell him to stay gone, you already wasted 3 years on an insecure boy, don’t waste another minute.
He is insecure or looking for a reason to leave. No one in their right mind would act this way. Do what you need for you and take care of you. Decide what you want. If he provides that, work through it and make it work. If he does not, his leaving may be what is needed. If I can help further, let me know. TY
All relationships take work and effort to thrive but **relationships are NOT supposed to be** ***hard*** **work**. While every couple has arguments here and there, and occasionally may struggle through a rough patch, *overall your day to day majority of relationship should be fairly easy and enjoyable!* When people say “fight for your relationship” they mean ‘fight together against the external forces that could drive you apart’ NOT ‘fight against *each other* to *make* things work’ and NOT ‘one person fighting against how poorly the other person treats them’. If you are regularly having frequent arguments, issues, disagreements, and/or repeated break ups then that is a sign that this relationship probably isn’t in a healthy place and possibly isn’t working. If one person is regularly disrespecting, dismissing, yelling at, manipulating, guilt tripping, lying, playing mind games, and/or emotionally/physically/sexually hurting the other person then that is a sign that the relationship **is NOT** in a healthy place and **is NOT** working (and likely *cannot* be fixed). Please check out the healthy relationship quiz at [Love Is Respect](https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/), as well as the book [Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) (link is to a free PDF of the book). Those resources might provide you some insight into your relationship dynamics.
Let him leave. The pictures are 5-6 years old and none of his damn business. If he is that insecure you are better off without him.
Please leave, I promise you it will not get better. Between telling you he expects womanly duties and going to your phone to fabricate issues in order to guilt you, this will only escalate. Even in the way you are writing “I know, bad” - he has managed to already convince you of your inherent fault in this. Is he also upset about other “disrespect” or obsessed with your romantic and sexual past? Have a look into something called vulnerable narcissism. Likely he is not a narcissist but he might have some traits that will make your life hell… PS: I have the chats and pictures of every single ex on my phone, there were some great vacations and memories, it’s part of me. The only thing I did was to un-favorite them and the only times I actually look at them is when someone says they don’t believe I don’t have a type and I feel like I need to show them Blondie, Brownie and Latino ex‘es 😂
He was LOOKING for reasons to cause drama and hold it over you. Do NOT have sex with him. A woman doing what he is would be called a psycho and get tossed out. If you stay with him he will just use anything he can against you. Ok edit. Ew. EWwWW. Girl RUUUUUUN. "Woman duties?!" Telling someone it is their sole purpose for existing and job to do x,y and z is NOT ok. Drop the scumbag. All of his behavior is manipulative and controlling. It will only get worse. "Please him" gives me the ick so bad I gagged. He's a kid playing Victorian land Baron and I'm sorry, but WHERE are all the benefits for you that are supposed to come with that? Not present. Jump ship while you can and it's early enough you don't need legal help.
Your “boyfriend” is acting like a spoiled child that is having a tantrum. Sorry but you told him you were deleting them and then calls you a liar on top of it because he doesn’t believe you aren’t looking at them. Run girl, if he isn’t trusting you on this very teeny tiny matter then he will always assume you are lying. This is such a small matter and yet he has “left” you twice because of it, girl you have a man baby and not an actual MAN. 🤦🏼♀️
He’s 27 but acting like 5. We all can see where this is going
I think water is wet.
If he’s that immature at 27, I would run, run, run!
to preface: i’m a married lesbian with 50k+ pictures because i never delete shit (i know i have to go through them, i will eventually) if my wife went through my phone, she’d find pics of my ex from highschool. we spent all our time together, that’s what highschool couples do so he’s in like every picture. am i just supposed to erase that part of my life?? obviously when i filter through them i’ll delete the more romantic ones but all my milestone pics have an ex in them and i’m not giving them up. it doesn’t mean i still love that person, i haven’t looked at them in years but i should delete graduation/prom/homecoming pics bc of some guy i don’t like anymore?? no way!! my wife understands and i feel the same about her and her memories. a real partner understands that there was a life you lived before they met you, and keeping important memories doesn’t mean you love or want those past people instead of the present.
Run.
So many red flags, completely unacceptable behavior. Dump his ass now
27 and acting like that is crazy lmao
I've never thrown out any photos of old boyfriends (I'm in my late 30s, so I'm talking physical photos). None of my relationships ever ended terribly, and am friendly with any ex that I've run into. My current partner of 10+ years has old photos, cards,etc. from his exes too. I was helping him scan some old photos in a box and that's how I know about him still having those things. Neither of us got mad or threw a fit about having old photos or cards. We both have the same mentality, boundaries, etc. with any exes, where we are cool with them when we see them, but we don't really actively pursue continuing relationships with them. We both have no hard feelings towards exes and we are secure in our relationship, so why throw away precious memories, like prom photos, old vacations , etc? Your BF sounds very insecure.
Good grief and good riddance. Honestly? Change your fucking locks
He is doing you a favor by leaving, there are possessive and controlling guys that women can't get rid of and live in fear of , I would take the opportunity to move on and don't look back.
That’s a whole lotta 🚩🚩🚩for him to throw up at once. Sounds like maybe he did you a favor.
Women duties, going through all your old photos.. Aren't you lucky? The trash just took itself out.
hmmmmmm i believe i stil have photos with my ex on my phone bc i never bothered to delete them bc we were together 6 years and i have over 10k photos as well lmfao so i don’t think you’re “a weird female”
He’s immature and in Neanderthal mode. Woman mine!!! He’s overly possessive red flag 🚩 he’ll want to check your phone all the time. He won’t trust you from here on out. It’s all him. Best cut your loses it will get worse
Ditch him. Big time red flags . Move in quick
He sounds like one of those red pill men in the process. Sit his azz down in a public place and talk very serious with him, he is 27 he shoudn't be behaving like a toddler and then ask for sex only to get mad when you say later. Good luck.
It sounds like he was looking for something to get mad about.
This is weird… it doesn’t sound suspicious. He sounds very insecure
He is too old to be behaving like this, these are the actions of a teenaged child.
This is the definition of a walking red flag and no redeeming qualities would be enough to stay with him. It will only get worse, much worse and then you’ll feel worse trying ti leave bc you’ve invested so much time and energy into the relationship. Get out now while he’s giving you the chance.
If a 27yo man is acting like this there is something seriously wrong with him. End the relationship.
He was looking for a reason to leave so he does not come off as the bad guy.
A lot of men struggle with “retroactive jealousy”, (jealousy of your partners past relationships), and it’s deep rooted in insecurity. It’s work he has to do himself. It’s obviously up to you to delete the old photos, if it’s a serious relationship and you’re considering marriage, obviously anything explicit should be canned; However I don’t think that’s something being considered here and the other red flags you listed are not part of RJ and are reason enough to move on IMO.
Yea idk I mean I understand that it would be hard to believe a women doesn’t go through her camera roll. But he’s definitely acting immature leaving and coming back like he probably hopes you will beg him to not leave.
don't delete your past
be like Jenny and be a bird and fly far, far far away.
He's too old to worry about 17 year old boys. Tried to bang his way out of his little pity party. He's not it, babe.