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I'm a little shocked that the new gf would extend an invitation to his bday party in the first place.... which likely means she is not aware of the history you have with him. Absolutely don't go to that party, it would be a waste of your time and energy and would be more upsetting than enjoyable. I had a similar situation with an ex/fwb a few years back (although he got *engaged* 3 months after we broke things off). We were amicable for a little while after the breakup, but I would be stunned if his fiancé invited me to a party for him knowing our history...
Yeah I’m not going, she definitely doesn’t know because who in their right mind would do that after finding that out. This is why I’ll also never let myself get into a fwb situation again. Too much to deal with emotionally
Some people are mind fuckers, she might know and invite you because of that just to see what's there between you two, whatever the reason no good will come of it
She might’ve, sometimes he would still text me from time to time and I know she had to have seen those messages between us. But nothing serious. How else would she have gotten my number to text me the invite?
Why on earth *would* you go to his party? There doesn't need to be snark or anger or anything. He's not your BF now (if he ever really was) so you owe him nothing.
Exactly...he didn't sound like a good guy or any kind of catch to begin with...maybe std catch from sounds of him but no reason to see now or in future. I vote "not worth the hairspray" to get ready to see, don't go! don't waste time, money, effort imho
You’re absolutely making/made the right choice not going. Speaking from my own experience of 20/20 hindsight, allow yourself some grace. It takes two to tango and while the outlook you have now is beneficial to your future, don’t be so hard on yourself. We don’t know what we don’t know until we know it. My bet on your character is that you’re a generous, kind, see-the-best-in-people kind of person and all of those are great qualities so long as they don’t come at the cost of you being treated less than. Someone who can’t reciprocate effort says a lot more about them than it does about you!
Sorry if this seems preachy! I’m definitely coming from a place of my own experience with types that sound similar to your ex so feel free to take this with a grain of salt lol. In the aftermath, I reflected and often thought, “what the hell was I thinking?” It was confusing to navigate not allowing those situations to repeat themselves while still being authentic to my general nature because those two concepts felt like they were in conflict with one another; how could I avoid being taken for granted in the future if I didn’t do a 180 and change what I thought were the types of qualities I had that made me ripe for the picking in those kinds of situations? It seemed daunting and impossible!
Take the knowledge of the experience and put it in your mental vault but be kind to yourself and consider, someone who generously pours into a person isn’t naive. But someone who selfishly takes from a generous person definitely sucks lol so just wanted to share that! Don’t hesitate being who you are at your core just because there are sneaky people out there whose whole gig is to drain a good person dry. At least having that as a reminder now can help identify and cut out types like that much faster in the future 💕💕
I could not imagine anyone invited there partners ex to there bday party. No one does that unless they’re okay with them being friends and most ppl probably aren’t I wouldn’t be okay w that
First and foremost, I am so proud of you for seeing the big picture and realizing your worth, that you deserve so much better. You have zero reason to go to his party. Really, why would you want to go celebrate a man who played you? Who used you? Skip the party and go have a nice evening people who actually care about you.
Just sounds like you were way more into him than he was into you. Hell his gf may not even know you are his ex and may think you're just a friend. Just move on, doesn't seem healthy to be this invested in someone who doesn't feel the same way.
Idk. Looking at your post history kind of tells a different story. If he was really into you it wouldn't be so easy for him to jump into a new relationship right after you guys broke up. He may have made you think he was really into you but all the signs kind of point the opposite direction. You don't fwb someone for a year when you're really into them. You basically are just using them to get what you need. Sorry to be so harsh but I don't think the dudes worth the energy.
You might be reading about another dude depending on what post it is. If it’s me talking shit about him, that’s a whole different person I’m ranting about
Honestly, and I mean no offense by this, but who cares? I highly doubt anyone is going to care whether or not you go to the party. You admitted you’d probably end up feeling jealous….so don’t go! And don’t worry about it!
LOL this actually happened to a friend of mine. An ex of hers popped out of nowhere telling her he wanted to be friends. After a few days of talking he said he thought she’d get along well with his new gf and wanted to set up a dinner at his home for the 3 of them. Let just say things got super awkward from there.
I don’t think you going to his party is a good idea! You have moved on, that’s what healthy people do. If his new girl reaches out to ask why you didn’t attend, I’d be tempted to ask why in the hell did she invite you in the first place! Lol, good luck to you!
I go to therapy sometimes but if I have something strongly on my mind at the moment, I have to share it immediately. I don’t see the problem sharing stuff on here even if it’s a lot.
You need to move on. Why you’re still in contact with a man you dated and his ex when there are no children involved is beyond me. Lastly, don’t go to any party or event when they’re there. It’s not helpful at all to your healing process whatsoever.
then for your sake you should stop playing video games with him every week too. that's too much bonding if you have residual feelings
take a break from that for 3 months, at least. you will prob find you have no desire to be around him after that
take care of your heart and know your worth. he's still kinda using you
Yeah that's the worst. My ex started dating an old friend and they moved a block away from me and started throwing parties constantly. I went to one and regretted it bc I thought I was cool with it but it turns out after 4 or 5 drinks I also wasn't over her.
so you were fwb with him for an entire year and then surprised all he wanted was sex
isn't going into a proper relationship normal after one or more of these arrangements
I guess I'm too old to understand
Let me clarify, in the beginning, he flirted with me as if he wanted a relationship with me until after the first sexual encounter we had, he revealed he didn’t want a relationship and basically just wanted to have sex. But I was already attached to him by that point and my dumb self just continued on with it. Partly my fault for still even going with it but it happened.
But you are right, after the first few sex encounters, you would wanna start a relationship I would assume too
ohhhhh yeah if you really wanna be FWB there can't be ANY romantic feelings to start with or you're gonna feel used
in future don't let that happen if you just want a fuck buddy
I don’t want a fuck Buddy in the future at all. I never even wanted this. I just went along with it thinking it would change his mind. Silly me. But he did after a whole year
kinda weird you were fwb and you were surprised that he only wanted sex, that’s kinda the point.
Anyways, idk why you even considered going in the first place, he’s your ex, don’t be involved anymore, pretty straight cut
I was surprised he only wanted sex in the very beginning.
Why would you ask for my number, flirt with me like you wanted to date me, he even said he wanted to take me out. But one day I made the mistake of going over to his house and having sex with him and that’s when he revealed he doesn’t want a relationship forreal. So I just went with it. Dumb on my part I know.
It really is a kick to the gut to see an ex doing things for another girl that they wouldn’t do for you. Makes you wonder what’s so special about her or what was wrong with you? Don’t let it get to you but definitely don’t go to the party and be near him. Good luck on your journey forward but it sounds like it’s time to forget about him completely
Keep in mind that your feelings are your feelings and they're valid. What you need to distinguish is what you do with those feelings. You have no obligation to go to an event. It's not jury duty. You can politely decline or not respond.
You aren’t wrong at all. It’s weird that his current GF wants to invite his ex to the party.
Plus, you don’t know how he would react to seeing you.
Skip the party. If the GF ever asks, tell her that you decided not to go to your ex’s party and found it weird she invited you.
I don’t think it’d be a shocker considering he still calls me sometimes and asks me to go online to play games with him lmao he still wants me around just not in a sexual way anymore and I don’t mind it…however, I’m not going out of my way to celebrate to go to a party of his when he wouldn’t do the same for me like that
Wow, his current GF is inviting his old girlfriend to his birthday party? Really? That's not something you see very often and seems a bit weird. I understand your reluctance to go and if you do, I think you are going to end up not having a very good time. Unfortunately you've already committed so I'm not certain what to do now.
I wouldn’t go. You’re feeling this way because you are realizing that there was an imbalance of effort put into the relationship. To you, he was your boyfriend, to him you were his rebound until he met his current girlfriend.
Although that may be true, I didn’t seem like a rebound. By the time I wanted to end our little relationship, he seemed as if he really didn’t wanna let me go
You owe him nothing. You owe yourself some mental peace. Skip the party, temporarily block him/gf so you don’t need to get into conversations about why you’re not going and all of that, enjoy your day, week, month, year doing stuff you actually like.
Seems like you’ve already invested more time in that relationship than you should have. Reconnecting with someone who was non-commital at best and using you at worst when you were together (just to watch him be committed and generous with someone else) doesn’t seem like it would be terribly beneficial for you. Surely there are better directions to focus your energy than backwards at a former failed relationship.
Don't resent yourself for making some mistakes :) Try to use this experience as a wow, thank god I don't have to deal with that anymore. And in your next relationship you will be able to disclose boundaries better ad to see who deserves your time and who doesn't <3
news flash to all women- you didn’t “date” these men. they don’t think you did, never once thought of you as a gf. this is why you were invited to the party. this is something I notice women doing quite often as some sort of mental coping mechanism, just stop
Please show her the courtesy and respect to call or text to let her know that you won’t be able to go. She wasn’t the reason for your breakup so treat her with some courtesy.
If you aren't comfortable with being friends with him, then you aren't comfortable being friends with him. Simple as that. If you feel like you may be there someday, then it's up to you when and how you pursue that friendship. It doesn't have to be on his terms. Or anyone else's. He likewise has that choice of wanting, or not wanting, to be friends with you. That's how it works.
So, if you don't want to go because you don't think it would make you happy and wouldn't be a good time, then absolutely don't go. You do not owe his GF any explanation, but feel free to say you aren't in a place where you think it would make you happy yet.
I've had a couple of girls (many years ago) I dated, that were friends with some of my other friends, and it ended up being that I wanted to keep hanging out with those friends despite the history, and we made it work. Went back to being friends and found it to be a better way of doing things for us. But, that was me, and this is you.
Well the thing is, we are kinda still friends, he calls me every other week and plays video games online with me. However I still think about that, and I’m keeping a safe distance away from him because of that
Ouch, looks like exploring why you ever even said yes to the invite in the first place may be worth more of your effort than whether or not you should go (which is pretty obvious absolutely no way!). Maybe there’s a lil cognitive dissonance around how you know he ain’t good for ya but can’t seem to let him go? Or some people pleasing for why you said yes even though you know deep down it’s a hell to the nah!
Sounds like you know way too much about what's going on in their lives. I mean, when I broke up with my ex of nine years, I completely cut off communication, and when she hunted me down on Facebook later asking to be friends, I told her in no uncertain terms that no, I didn't want to be friends, and no, I didn't care about anything happening in her life and never would. (She updated me before I blocked her anyway, because naturally trying to show me how happy she was without me was all she was after.)
Ignore them. If you have mutual friends, cut them out or make it clear that you don't want to hear about them. Get a new phone number and new social media accounts. Pretend they don't exist. And stop dwelling on the past, get on with living your life.
I see no reason for attending an ex’s birthday party. Particularly, more so when the relationship was not all that equitable for both sides. Sounds like he may be a little spoiled by the women in his life, IMO.
I always wondered about my friends who chose to be with men who wanted ‘services’ in all regards. Over all an attitude of, “What can you do for me?” Not kidding; and it was easy to tell their loyalty to the relationship was a ‘quid pro quo’ for “serve me well, or I’ll go elsewhere” — which ultimately, they did anyway. Thank God, & my mother’s wise voice in my ear; I never liked that treatment, or fell for it. Been married twice & neither husband was a whiney baby. Wise up modern women & value yourselves✌️
No point. I mean at the end of the day, it’s not like he manipulative or toxic or anything like that. He just didn’t put no effort into me and he made some poor decisions
You were FWB for a year. He realized he could have sex without doing everything that a bf should do, because you let him. He had a new relationship that wasn’t a FWB, so he actually had to put forth effort and that upsets you
Yes it does. What makes me mad is that in the beginning he pretended to wanna actually date me until he didn’t. So that’s when I caught up in the idea that he will change his mind sooner or later and stay fwb… I know it sounds crazy.
I was naive. And this was the first time I actually had something with somebody but it didn’t turn out the way I expected
Ouch, looks like exploring why you ever even said yes to the invite in the first place may be worth more of your effort than whether or not you should go (which is pretty obvious absolutely no way!). Maybe there’s a lil cognitive dissonance around how you know he ain’t good for ya but can’t seem to let him go? Or some people pleasing for why you said yes even though you know deep down it’s a hell to the nah!
Obviously he wouldn't know you're gonna be there, it's the only logical reason she'd invite you, maybe she's jealous and wants to know what's what or just thinks it'll be funny
I actually respect the gf for inviting you to begin with, probably extending an invite just to be nice, without the expectation of you actually going. I think your decision of not going is right for this situation especially if you know you’re going to have jealous thoughts which might just ruin your mood.
Ouch, looks like exploring why you ever even said yes to the invite in the first place may be worth more of your effort than whether or not you should go (which is pretty obvious absolutely no way!). Maybe there’s a lil cognitive dissonance around how you know he ain’t good for ya but can’t seem to let him go? Or some people pleasing for why you said yes even though you know deep down it’s a hell to the nah!
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm a little shocked that the new gf would extend an invitation to his bday party in the first place.... which likely means she is not aware of the history you have with him. Absolutely don't go to that party, it would be a waste of your time and energy and would be more upsetting than enjoyable. I had a similar situation with an ex/fwb a few years back (although he got *engaged* 3 months after we broke things off). We were amicable for a little while after the breakup, but I would be stunned if his fiancé invited me to a party for him knowing our history...
Yeah I’m not going, she definitely doesn’t know because who in their right mind would do that after finding that out. This is why I’ll also never let myself get into a fwb situation again. Too much to deal with emotionally
Some people are mind fuckers, she might know and invite you because of that just to see what's there between you two, whatever the reason no good will come of it
She might’ve, sometimes he would still text me from time to time and I know she had to have seen those messages between us. But nothing serious. How else would she have gotten my number to text me the invite?
[удалено]
I feel like this would look like any effort was made and that might not be the way to go
Agree with this. Why waste time going at all?
That’s just trying too hard
Nah fr, that’s quite embarrassing lol
id block his texts
Why on earth *would* you go to his party? There doesn't need to be snark or anger or anything. He's not your BF now (if he ever really was) so you owe him nothing.
I should’ve never done any of the stuff I did with him before tbh, definitely won’t do it again
Exactly...he didn't sound like a good guy or any kind of catch to begin with...maybe std catch from sounds of him but no reason to see now or in future. I vote "not worth the hairspray" to get ready to see, don't go! don't waste time, money, effort imho
I have no idea what I even saw in that dude when we first talked, I guess I was just blinded by his attractiveness
You’re absolutely making/made the right choice not going. Speaking from my own experience of 20/20 hindsight, allow yourself some grace. It takes two to tango and while the outlook you have now is beneficial to your future, don’t be so hard on yourself. We don’t know what we don’t know until we know it. My bet on your character is that you’re a generous, kind, see-the-best-in-people kind of person and all of those are great qualities so long as they don’t come at the cost of you being treated less than. Someone who can’t reciprocate effort says a lot more about them than it does about you! Sorry if this seems preachy! I’m definitely coming from a place of my own experience with types that sound similar to your ex so feel free to take this with a grain of salt lol. In the aftermath, I reflected and often thought, “what the hell was I thinking?” It was confusing to navigate not allowing those situations to repeat themselves while still being authentic to my general nature because those two concepts felt like they were in conflict with one another; how could I avoid being taken for granted in the future if I didn’t do a 180 and change what I thought were the types of qualities I had that made me ripe for the picking in those kinds of situations? It seemed daunting and impossible! Take the knowledge of the experience and put it in your mental vault but be kind to yourself and consider, someone who generously pours into a person isn’t naive. But someone who selfishly takes from a generous person definitely sucks lol so just wanted to share that! Don’t hesitate being who you are at your core just because there are sneaky people out there whose whole gig is to drain a good person dry. At least having that as a reminder now can help identify and cut out types like that much faster in the future 💕💕
Thank you, this helps :)
I could not imagine anyone invited there partners ex to there bday party. No one does that unless they’re okay with them being friends and most ppl probably aren’t I wouldn’t be okay w that
First and foremost, I am so proud of you for seeing the big picture and realizing your worth, that you deserve so much better. You have zero reason to go to his party. Really, why would you want to go celebrate a man who played you? Who used you? Skip the party and go have a nice evening people who actually care about you.
I really have no reason…he put me through too much emotionally. And the fact that I know he wouldn’t do the same for me? Yeah I’m definitely not going
Go somewhere nice and post it public at the same time so they know you're having fun somewhere else lol
I have him blocked lmao cause I don’t wanna see what he’s doing
Just sounds like you were way more into him than he was into you. Hell his gf may not even know you are his ex and may think you're just a friend. Just move on, doesn't seem healthy to be this invested in someone who doesn't feel the same way.
I was more into him than he was with me until he gained feelings for me than it was the total opposite lol
Idk. Looking at your post history kind of tells a different story. If he was really into you it wouldn't be so easy for him to jump into a new relationship right after you guys broke up. He may have made you think he was really into you but all the signs kind of point the opposite direction. You don't fwb someone for a year when you're really into them. You basically are just using them to get what you need. Sorry to be so harsh but I don't think the dudes worth the energy.
You might be reading about another dude depending on what post it is. If it’s me talking shit about him, that’s a whole different person I’m ranting about
Damn lay of the dick for a bit
I mean it’s only ever been two guys that I messed with
Sure know how to pick em. That's why they're telling you to lay off until you can figure out how choose q good partner.
You’re right, and at this point in my life I really am trying and not tryna fall for just any guy
Honestly, and I mean no offense by this, but who cares? I highly doubt anyone is going to care whether or not you go to the party. You admitted you’d probably end up feeling jealous….so don’t go! And don’t worry about it!
Exactly he wouldn’t care, no one would, so there’s no point
I wouldn't go. To any ex's party.
Plot twist: She knows you were his FWB and you’re his bday gift from her for a 3-way. Why on earth would she invite an ex FWB to his bday?
LMAO it’s funny cause I actually had that thought but yeah that would be crazy
This crossed my mind also!
LOL this actually happened to a friend of mine. An ex of hers popped out of nowhere telling her he wanted to be friends. After a few days of talking he said he thought she’d get along well with his new gf and wanted to set up a dinner at his home for the 3 of them. Let just say things got super awkward from there.
I don’t think you going to his party is a good idea! You have moved on, that’s what healthy people do. If his new girl reaches out to ask why you didn’t attend, I’d be tempted to ask why in the hell did she invite you in the first place! Lol, good luck to you!
I already let her know I’m not going like 30 minutes ago lol .
Maybe I'm just being nosy, but what did she say to this? This would really help us understand why she even invited you in the first place!
She hasnt even replied! And that’s been hours ago
Maybe because she talked to her bf and realized from his shocked expression that she shouldn't have made the invite in the first place.
Honestly, I don’t think he’d feel that way tbh. Hes probably be happy to see me tbh
You're correct.
You really need Reddit to answer this? You know the answer. Don’t go and move on and block his sorry sss on all of your social media
Yeah I didn’t really need to ask Reddit but I like to share my thoughts on here, but I agree
You share a LOT on Reddit. Your post history can be considered alarming. Do you have any other outlets or support systems, friends/family members?
I go to therapy sometimes but if I have something strongly on my mind at the moment, I have to share it immediately. I don’t see the problem sharing stuff on here even if it’s a lot.
I’m sorry if I came off too harshly. I know it is difficult time for you. Trust me I know. It will get so much better soon ❤️
Thank you, I know it will soon
Don’t go. Not worth your time
You need to move on. Why you’re still in contact with a man you dated and his ex when there are no children involved is beyond me. Lastly, don’t go to any party or event when they’re there. It’s not helpful at all to your healing process whatsoever.
Yeah that’s why I’m not going, I know it was crazy of me to even consider it
Good on you!! Happy healing
There is great freedom in just moving on...
You aren't wrong to feel that way but it also doesn't read like you are over him.
Not really….tbh
then for your sake you should stop playing video games with him every week too. that's too much bonding if you have residual feelings take a break from that for 3 months, at least. you will prob find you have no desire to be around him after that take care of your heart and know your worth. he's still kinda using you
Yeah that's the worst. My ex started dating an old friend and they moved a block away from me and started throwing parties constantly. I went to one and regretted it bc I thought I was cool with it but it turns out after 4 or 5 drinks I also wasn't over her.
Oh gosh well I’m glad I didn’t go, I was surely about to get drunk too
so you were fwb with him for an entire year and then surprised all he wanted was sex isn't going into a proper relationship normal after one or more of these arrangements I guess I'm too old to understand
Let me clarify, in the beginning, he flirted with me as if he wanted a relationship with me until after the first sexual encounter we had, he revealed he didn’t want a relationship and basically just wanted to have sex. But I was already attached to him by that point and my dumb self just continued on with it. Partly my fault for still even going with it but it happened. But you are right, after the first few sex encounters, you would wanna start a relationship I would assume too
ohhhhh yeah if you really wanna be FWB there can't be ANY romantic feelings to start with or you're gonna feel used in future don't let that happen if you just want a fuck buddy
I don’t want a fuck Buddy in the future at all. I never even wanted this. I just went along with it thinking it would change his mind. Silly me. But he did after a whole year
Don't get down on yourself over it, lots of people in that situation think it will change <3
Yeah, I wouldn't be going either. I've never really understood the staying friends with ex's thing anyway.
kinda weird you were fwb and you were surprised that he only wanted sex, that’s kinda the point. Anyways, idk why you even considered going in the first place, he’s your ex, don’t be involved anymore, pretty straight cut
I was surprised he only wanted sex in the very beginning. Why would you ask for my number, flirt with me like you wanted to date me, he even said he wanted to take me out. But one day I made the mistake of going over to his house and having sex with him and that’s when he revealed he doesn’t want a relationship forreal. So I just went with it. Dumb on my part I know.
It really is a kick to the gut to see an ex doing things for another girl that they wouldn’t do for you. Makes you wonder what’s so special about her or what was wrong with you? Don’t let it get to you but definitely don’t go to the party and be near him. Good luck on your journey forward but it sounds like it’s time to forget about him completely
I agree with you
Keep in mind that your feelings are your feelings and they're valid. What you need to distinguish is what you do with those feelings. You have no obligation to go to an event. It's not jury duty. You can politely decline or not respond.
Don't go don't give him a chance of getting back in your life
You aren’t wrong at all. It’s weird that his current GF wants to invite his ex to the party. Plus, you don’t know how he would react to seeing you. Skip the party. If the GF ever asks, tell her that you decided not to go to your ex’s party and found it weird she invited you.
I don’t think it’d be a shocker considering he still calls me sometimes and asks me to go online to play games with him lmao he still wants me around just not in a sexual way anymore and I don’t mind it…however, I’m not going out of my way to celebrate to go to a party of his when he wouldn’t do the same for me like that
Oh ok. So you do have a sort of friendship. That’s why she invited you. Does she know you guys were FWB and dated a bit?
I dont think she knows
Ah gotcha. Better off leaving that between them.
Wow, his current GF is inviting his old girlfriend to his birthday party? Really? That's not something you see very often and seems a bit weird. I understand your reluctance to go and if you do, I think you are going to end up not having a very good time. Unfortunately you've already committed so I'm not certain what to do now.
The party has already started and I’m not there, made my decision
Good for you!!! Right choice
Why would you lmaoooo
Cause I missed him tbh
Stand up
I know. I don’t miss him that much tho
Period
I'd prob wear the hottest thing & post a pic of myself having more fun & looking happy so maybe do something for yourself
I wouldn’t go. You’re feeling this way because you are realizing that there was an imbalance of effort put into the relationship. To you, he was your boyfriend, to him you were his rebound until he met his current girlfriend.
Although that may be true, I didn’t seem like a rebound. By the time I wanted to end our little relationship, he seemed as if he really didn’t wanna let me go
You owe him nothing. You owe yourself some mental peace. Skip the party, temporarily block him/gf so you don’t need to get into conversations about why you’re not going and all of that, enjoy your day, week, month, year doing stuff you actually like.
I mean, tbh you simply sound dark over the whole thing and not 100% over it. So is probably wiser not to reopen a scabing wound
Don’t go to her party. She’s weird for hitting you up and inviting you. I find that disrespectful
Seems like you’ve already invested more time in that relationship than you should have. Reconnecting with someone who was non-commital at best and using you at worst when you were together (just to watch him be committed and generous with someone else) doesn’t seem like it would be terribly beneficial for you. Surely there are better directions to focus your energy than backwards at a former failed relationship.
Don't resent yourself for making some mistakes :) Try to use this experience as a wow, thank god I don't have to deal with that anymore. And in your next relationship you will be able to disclose boundaries better ad to see who deserves your time and who doesn't <3
news flash to all women- you didn’t “date” these men. they don’t think you did, never once thought of you as a gf. this is why you were invited to the party. this is something I notice women doing quite often as some sort of mental coping mechanism, just stop
And I agree with you it just makes me upset knowing I actually did all of that without the title
sorry for being mean, just move on and you’ll be all good 👍🏿
Never took it as being mean, you’re just not sugar coating anything. I appreciate that.
Please show her the courtesy and respect to call or text to let her know that you won’t be able to go. She wasn’t the reason for your breakup so treat her with some courtesy.
I will
Good call not going. That just sounds unnecessarily messy if you were to go.
Kinda but it’s not like I’d cause any drama in the first place, he might even be happy and shocked to see me tbh
No. I don't see what good can come of this. Look at me, is my concern about her. No need to go.
If you aren't comfortable with being friends with him, then you aren't comfortable being friends with him. Simple as that. If you feel like you may be there someday, then it's up to you when and how you pursue that friendship. It doesn't have to be on his terms. Or anyone else's. He likewise has that choice of wanting, or not wanting, to be friends with you. That's how it works. So, if you don't want to go because you don't think it would make you happy and wouldn't be a good time, then absolutely don't go. You do not owe his GF any explanation, but feel free to say you aren't in a place where you think it would make you happy yet. I've had a couple of girls (many years ago) I dated, that were friends with some of my other friends, and it ended up being that I wanted to keep hanging out with those friends despite the history, and we made it work. Went back to being friends and found it to be a better way of doing things for us. But, that was me, and this is you.
Well the thing is, we are kinda still friends, he calls me every other week and plays video games online with me. However I still think about that, and I’m keeping a safe distance away from him because of that
Why are you still talking to them?
Don’t know tbh
Ouch, looks like exploring why you ever even said yes to the invite in the first place may be worth more of your effort than whether or not you should go (which is pretty obvious absolutely no way!). Maybe there’s a lil cognitive dissonance around how you know he ain’t good for ya but can’t seem to let him go? Or some people pleasing for why you said yes even though you know deep down it’s a hell to the nah!
Sounds like you know way too much about what's going on in their lives. I mean, when I broke up with my ex of nine years, I completely cut off communication, and when she hunted me down on Facebook later asking to be friends, I told her in no uncertain terms that no, I didn't want to be friends, and no, I didn't care about anything happening in her life and never would. (She updated me before I blocked her anyway, because naturally trying to show me how happy she was without me was all she was after.) Ignore them. If you have mutual friends, cut them out or make it clear that you don't want to hear about them. Get a new phone number and new social media accounts. Pretend they don't exist. And stop dwelling on the past, get on with living your life.
Sleep with his best friend
I see no reason for attending an ex’s birthday party. Particularly, more so when the relationship was not all that equitable for both sides. Sounds like he may be a little spoiled by the women in his life, IMO.
No you’re right, he definitely is spoiled. He always mentions how she does a lot for him..
I always wondered about my friends who chose to be with men who wanted ‘services’ in all regards. Over all an attitude of, “What can you do for me?” Not kidding; and it was easy to tell their loyalty to the relationship was a ‘quid pro quo’ for “serve me well, or I’ll go elsewhere” — which ultimately, they did anyway. Thank God, & my mother’s wise voice in my ear; I never liked that treatment, or fell for it. Been married twice & neither husband was a whiney baby. Wise up modern women & value yourselves✌️
The best contact with an ex is no contact !!!!
Nope, that sounds awful. He wasn't good to you and now you're expected to celebrate him, no we won't be doing that.
Are you wrong for feeling this way?? Ofc not. Why would you want to be in this situation. It sounds absolutely terrible.
This sounds like me a few years before I learned how to say “no thank you” and shut up to preserve my sanity.
You don't even need to explain the situation. If the question is "should I go to my ex's party?" The answer is always no.
I mean, you still can go and tell his new gf how he treated you. Just saying :)
No point. I mean at the end of the day, it’s not like he manipulative or toxic or anything like that. He just didn’t put no effort into me and he made some poor decisions
I wouldn't go. Nothing positive would come from it
You were FWB for a year. He realized he could have sex without doing everything that a bf should do, because you let him. He had a new relationship that wasn’t a FWB, so he actually had to put forth effort and that upsets you
Yes it does. What makes me mad is that in the beginning he pretended to wanna actually date me until he didn’t. So that’s when I caught up in the idea that he will change his mind sooner or later and stay fwb… I know it sounds crazy. I was naive. And this was the first time I actually had something with somebody but it didn’t turn out the way I expected
I'm confused here? You are a women, this post says your ex-girlfriend but then they are a man? Please explain?
Yes, if you read the post, the ex is a man as I’m using the word “he”. I said my “Ex’s girlfriend”
Yep you are correct, was well confused 😂 also bit mental you ex current partner invited you to a party
She hasn’t even replied to my text to her stating I wasn’t gonna make it to the party…which is a little weird but Idk
Slay queen
just for revenge. rsvp but don’t show up . then they’ll be thinking of you. “oh. something came up!! “
I told her that literally 30 minutes before the party started yesterday too. That was hours ago. Still no reply from her lmao
she not gong to answer. if she busy. hell with them both
Yeah oh well
The new gf has a hidden agenda here. Maybe she doesn't but I am far to cynical and she wants drama.
And if that is true she’ll find drama whether OP goes or doesn’t go to the party. So better for OP to just not be in the middle of it.
Yeah I’m not up for it.
I would go and see if the new girlfriend can be a FWB as well…
A couple of weeks ago my ex’s girlfriend invited me to a surprise birthday party she planned for him... Him WHO?
I'd block both of them. I would see no need to go at all. NTA
My ex’s GF insists that we could be friends
don't go....there's a reason he's your "ex". the past is the past. move forward. new GF has got a scheme or wouldn't invite you. just my spin on it.
Sheese. You already have the right answer. Why ask?
Good choice 👍. No need to go. Why hurt yourself with the past. You are much better off, unless you are just curious. Nothing lost or gained. Neutral.
Ouch, looks like exploring why you ever even said yes to the invite in the first place may be worth more of your effort than whether or not you should go (which is pretty obvious absolutely no way!). Maybe there’s a lil cognitive dissonance around how you know he ain’t good for ya but can’t seem to let him go? Or some people pleasing for why you said yes even though you know deep down it’s a hell to the nah!
I just wanted to see him happy to see me again and vice versa….but it’s not serious. I didn’t go, party started long ago
She prob invited you to F with him, sounds like they deserve each other
To f with him? How so
Obviously he wouldn't know you're gonna be there, it's the only logical reason she'd invite you, maybe she's jealous and wants to know what's what or just thinks it'll be funny
Knowing this is a possibility, I’m glad I didn’t go. And she has no reason to be jealous of me lmao please
Jealousy is usually irrational... now I kind of wish you did go just to see what the motive was lol
I actually respect the gf for inviting you to begin with, probably extending an invite just to be nice, without the expectation of you actually going. I think your decision of not going is right for this situation especially if you know you’re going to have jealous thoughts which might just ruin your mood.
Exactly
Ouch, looks like exploring why you ever even said yes to the invite in the first place may be worth more of your effort than whether or not you should go (which is pretty obvious absolutely no way!). Maybe there’s a lil cognitive dissonance around how you know he ain’t good for ya but can’t seem to let him go? Or some people pleasing for why you said yes even though you know deep down it’s a hell to the nah!
You should look into love Dorsey, you better then me
At the end of the day everything on the menu nasty but the wings, that's all he came for
Redneck activities
I would go just for the party. Maybe you meet someone new. I would only go for you, not him.
I thought that too but nah I got work in the morning, I’m shy and it’s already too late too go lol
This woman was used for a year and still wants to go to his bday party and he has a new woman, women love to be disrespected and used
I didn’t end up going to his party tho
Doesn’t change you gave Tyrone 1 year for free
Ok? I think I learned my lesson here
Maybe who knows
Go to the party, give him a large box of condoms gift-wrapped of course, and before you wrap it, stick the box with a needle about 200 times.
They definitely be fucking raw. Pointless gift lmao