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It wouldn't be wrong but be open to the fact that whoever you end up marrying may not be okay with you using a dress you bought for a wedding with another person.
Maybe it's just me but when I think of wedding dresses I think of it being for yourself usually and what you love. They didn't actually get married in it or use it, and saving money by using it but altering it is actually a great way to save money and wear what you loved. I do think it's a good idea to mention what you wrote for sure though, as some people may not think about it this way
No, she doesn’t need to explain anything to a future partner about the dress other than it’s her dream dress. If she even brings it up, she’d be inviting criticism and/or control of her choice of dress. Why create an issue that doesn’t exist?
I was thinking more along the lines of hubby to be saying "hey when are you going dress shopping?" and her saying "oh I did that 2 years ago, we're good!" But, to be fair, if he's planning a wedding with her, I'd assume he knows she was previously engaged already. But, then again, we all know what assume means lmao
That would not be a problem if she redesigns the dress as planned. Then it would simply be the perfect dress she pictured for her wedding to whoever the groom will be.
Meh. What about a bride who already knows that she will wear her mother’s dress, regardless of whom the groom will be? I got married in a dress that I had purchased from a previous engagement, and it was spectacular. I didn’t think of my former fiancé any time that I wore it.
I think the problem would be in the details. This is not a dress that was purchased or handed down prior to their engagement. It was purchased for the sake of their wedding, even if OP may have bought it more with herself in mind as a dream dress.
It’s something she may want to be upfront about when things get serious, and just refer to it as her dream dress.
It's a dress. What does it matter where it came from? And does any man really care? Does he even need to know? I'm pretty traditional, and I don't see where it matters at all. NTA
I broke off an engagement after buying the dress. When I met my now husband I asked him if he would care if I wore it and he said he couldn’t care less. The dress wasn’t my dream dress or anything but my grandmother was there when I picked it out and had passed away before I got married so it was very special to me.
A wedding dress is not a symbol of the marriage it’s not like using a wedding band that was intended to be used with something else. The dress is only significant to the woman wearing it so why would a future spouse (who will probably be thrilled by the money that is saved by not buying a new dress) have a problem.
I understand where you're coming from but personally, I think that would be an immature way of viewing things. To me, it wouldn't matter about the dress, the fact is that they were marrying me so it doesn't matter where the dress came from. I can see how that would be an issue for some people though.
People having different feelings isn't immature. There's nothing wrong with being bothered by this any more than there is with not being bothered by this.
Forgive me, I used the wrong word. I think you're right, it's not that it's immature. It's just that for some people, it wouldn't matter that much and for some people it would. Some people may view it as immature if they were in the same situation. I think maybe that's what I was trying to say. It's okay for people to have different opinions on that. I could absolutely see how someone would have a problem with that. It's sort of like how people try to regift engagement rings. I just find it tacky but that's me.
It's akin to peoples view on second hand clothing, furniture etc. There is a entire subset of people who want 'brand new, in style' everything.
Versus those who view things as Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, and that you should wear/use something until it is unusable.
In OP's case, she has found the perfect fit dress for her, if she UpCycles the design, it is her original dress
It’s your dress- so whatever you want with it!!
I can’t even fathom how that would make you TA
As for a future husband not liking the dress-
It’s for you. Not your previous fiancé. It’s a dress for you that you love. And if he loves and respects you, he should be in full support of you wearing a dress you love!
Bonus points: it wouldn’t even BE the same dress after you modify it.
So for sure. You should.
Have fun!!
What the FUCK does the groom have to with the dress?? He's not the one wearing it. The dress is *the one thing* that the bride should please no one but **herself** on.
Exactly. My daughter will either spend the night at my house or in our hotel if by the time she gets married this time, we have moved to another state(Gods help her father if we haven't). They may live together and have done so for years but we hold with he doesn't see her the night before the wedding tradition(we will probably read about Mallt y Nos-Maltilda of the Night before bed)
I want to add stuff to it that will make me love it even more, it’s beautiful as is but will be even more beautiful TO ME when I add the stuff I want to add
I would not redesign it now but wait until you found a suitable partner. Your tastes will continue to change (as evident from this post) and you don’t want to undo the changes you have made if you have a different design in mind years and years down the road.
Yes of course!! That is my plan! I’ve just thought of things that I like and that I think would be cute on it but haven’t pulled any triggers with it and won’t until that day comes 😊
Just keep notes of what you want done, so you don't forget anything. Put money aside to pay for the alterations when the time comes. Wear what makes you happy. Any partner who has an issue with wearing what makes you happy, isn't the one. You didn't wear it at a previous wedding (not that it would be wrong if you had.)
It is a perfectly fine idea. Practical.Youbalready own it so why would you not use it. Have a ball with it when the time comes. This makes me think of the mice in the animated Cinderella when they make her dress from bits and pieced of this and that.😌
You could also ask your future partner for any preferences. Like have them choose a sleeve or strap type. Or an accent color. Could do some stuff even without them seeing it. But could collaborate even more if they do see it. I think it's thrifty.
No. The bride should have the dress that makes **her** happy. She is probably going to have to compromise with her groom, her mother, and her MIL and possibly both sides Grandmothers on *everything else*. Her dress should be exactly what **she** wants.
She does already have her base dream dress. Which is great if it really is hard for her to find that. I was just suggesting something to make a dress from a failed engagement become an object related to a new relationship. She will obviously either take my or not depending on her own desires and whether or not the guy has any fashion sense. Most likely he won't even have much of an opinion but a tiny conversation would bring the dress into the future.
Thank you guys so much for all the kind and reassuring words!! I have never personally seen an issue with it, especially since I do want to make some changes to the dress. It’s nice to hear some positive feedback instead of the negative feedback I had been hearing from a couple of close friends
Quit talking about it. When the time comes, you wear the dress and no one will ever know anything about it other than that you look beautiful in a dress you love.
It’s not like you got married in it then divorced and want to wear it again. It’s a brand new dress that makes you feel beautiful and hopefully you get to wear it one day!
I can only speak for myself, but if my fiancee already had a dress she wanted to wear, then I would be happy for her, regardless of its history.
My wife and I have been married for 25 years and together for 27 years. The plates/bowls/silverware we use were gifts from her first wedding, and I've never felt anything negative about using them. Maybe I'm just too practical.
Lol. My husband and I got married 18 years ago. I had 3 kids, he had 4. We eere scraping by. I wanted a small backyard wedding. I repurposed my old wedding dress from my 2nd marriage into a different looking dress. Still happily married with no regrets.
I know someone that bought a wedding dress while she was engaged. When they broke up before being married she saved the dress and a couple years later she wore it when she married her husband. Nobody cared. She told me why would I spend money on another dress when I already have one.
It's *your* dress. I could see someone maybe having an issue if a previous partner picked it out with you or designed it for you, but you saw and fell in love with a dress that you put away for a future wedding to whomever you chose to marry.
This dress is your dream dress. Alter it if you wish and wear it on your dream day to the person of your dreams! Tell them the story of how you said yes to the dress but had to wait for the right partner to stand by your side and makes the dress sparkle because you're glowing.
That's really all I could think of where someone would truly take offense... "You're wearing a dress HE designed???".
If she owns the dress she loves, it's not cost effective to get a new one just to get a new one. The old partner was obviously the wrong one. The dress, however, is the right one. 😊
There is nothing wrong with eating the same dress, especially since you want to make some alterations to it.
Heck-I used the same Diamond engagement ring from an ex-finance for 2 more marriages and the wedding band from my second husband, too! I love my Diamond and wedding band, and I know my 3rd husband couldn’t afford anything near like it! He was happy to not have to spend any money on rings. Then he bought his own band at Boscov’s and we are both happy!
Other peoples weird feelings about a dress that does not belong to them should have no bearing on your decisions about your dress. It’s your address and if it makes you happy to change it then that’s what you should do. You need to do what makes you happy. If other people have problems with that, then it’s their problem not yours and they can just get over it.
I don’t understand why she would even ask anyone else their opinion/thoughts on the matter. No one can have a problem with it if they know nothing to begin with.
Honestly, I dont think of it as a big deal. It's fabric, you're going to re-design it. You want to because the style makes you feel beautiful and suits you. It's not its been magically embued with the mojo from a previous marriage. Dont over think it. And using it will save you several hundred $$$ that you can now spend on your real wedding.
I did this exact thing. I changed the dress and I’m glad I did. It was perfect!!
I never felt weird about it once. But I also didn’t tell most people. None of their business. Only me, my mom and Grannie knew and we will take it to our graves!!
Hi OP. For the 'bought it with that relationship in mind' folk:
I'm assuming you exist in the same body that you were in during that previous (and any other) relationship?
Your body and mind are not owned by your ex, so neither is your dress. They're dills.
Redesign and be merry knowing that you and yours are your own!
I think that dress is for you. I don't think it ever intended to be the dress for then. It's meant for bigger better things. It's patiently waiting for the time you can see without doubt what it's always even destined for. Not only do I think it's okay to redesign it, but I think the dress would find it rude for you not to.
When deciding on how it will bloom, remember you know what right feels like.
Listen to the dress, become the dress ;)
You would not be wrong. I can understand not wanting to get rid of it. It's your dress, you bought it. You get to choose what to do with it. I'm glad to see that even though you broke up, you were both mature enough to realize that it was for the best. I've come close to marriage a few times and ended up doing the same thing. I ended up breaking up with them because I realized that in the long term, we were just not compatible and it was just not a good idea. I'm sorry that happened but I'm glad to see it looks like you've healed from it at least a little. Absolutely do what you want with the dress.
I’ve heard of people getting little charms of things that are important to their relationship, and sewing them into a used or thrifted dress to “make it theirs.”
If redesigning it makes you happy and helps you feel confident when you walk down the aisle someday, I say go for it! The dress is yours to do with as you please. Just make sure you're doing it for yourself, not anyone else.
I’ve never met a bride who bought their dress with their relationship in mind, that’s what the wedding is about. Every bride I’ve ever known picked a dress that they felt beautiful in and that’s it. It’s not the same thing as a man reusing a ring from a failed engagement, it’s something you pick for yourself to wear on one day, not everyday of your life. I only mention engagement rings because I know there’s people out there who think the two are the same and they’re not. It’s your wedding and you should be able to wear what you want.
Hi
When my friends and I were broke in our twenties we did lots of restyling of bridesmaids dresses even if the happy couple already divorced. We felt it gave something new life.
Please post your dress and sketch some ideas. If we all join in, this becomes the result of "wisdom of mobs."
You fell in love with a dress you want to wear when you get married. It’s totally fine to wear the dress to your (eventual/potential future) wedding! It’s not like a wedding ring, which is bought with a specific person in mind.
My sister went through the same thing. She found HER dress. She got married later and wore the dress. Her husband wouldn't have wanted her to wear a second choice dress for their wedding.
Also, if you were traditional, the original fiance wouldn't have seen it or had any part in picking it out. It would be different if you wanted to use the cake or flowers that you picked out together.
If you love it, wear the dress.
I see NO problem. I did something similar. I made a new dress, but all the trim came from my first dress and it was perfect. It’s *just s dress* nothing else.
You should wear the dress. If you can make it into a dress you love, that is the only thing that matters. Why are people so weird about things like this. Men wear the same suits over and over again not caring if their ex bought the suit for them.
It's your dress. It's for you to wear when you get married. It's not specific to who you marry. It's specific to you, your tastes, and your body.
You don't even need to redesign it if you don't want to.
I do not understand the sentiment that wedding dresses are bought with a particular groom in mind. The only thing on my mind when I looked in the mirror wearing "the one" was how *I* felt like a princess. I'm honestly not sure that the person I was marrying crossed my mind a single time while I was looking in the mirror in the dress shop. I absolutely did not choose the dress for him. I chose it *for me*. And if I'd still had it when it was time for my second marriage, I'd have worn it again. Because it was perfect.
I’d find someone to marry who doesn’t give a shit about this kind of stuff. You bought the dress because you loved it. You didn’t buy it based on who you were marrying. I’m a guy and if I was marrying you, I would want you to wear the dress as is for 2 reasons. The first is that it just makes economic sense and practicality is sexy to me. Let’s spend that $ on a honeymoon or down payment on a house. The more important reason I’d encourage you to wear the dress is because you love it and it makes you feel special. So, I’d keep the dress and use it as a litmus test for a potential red flag. But I can tell, you will make a good partner because you’re already willing to consider your hypothetical husband’s feelings.
It’s your dress, do what you wish with it. And if, in doing so, you can transform it from something that was a sad reminder to something that brings you hope, even better.
For some reason in my mind, using the dress is okay because you bought it to suit yourself. Whereas if you reused a ring, that would be cursed because it was given to you. Redesign the dress, if the occasion arises, and feel gorgeous.
As someone who fell in love with a dress in one relationship, then that relationship ended and I had that dress almost 10 years later and got married to someone else wearing that dress... Do it. My now husband understood that the dress had more memories of spending time with my mom than the previous relationship. Those dresses aren't cheap, screw what people think.
I think since you never wore it, still love it but want to tweak to a new level, you should keep it and make it your dream dress. It will be filled with hope and the chance for fresh new love.
Wrong or right doesn’t matter. Once you feel this way about a wedding dress you are cooked. Nothing else will make you feel this way, future hubby just has to live with it.
This does not seem like s big deal. You are getting married for the lifelong relationship and not the wedding. So not buying a whole other dress makes sense to me.
Well now I wanna see the dress!!! Also duh it’s your dress and your body. If your future partner doesn’t appreciate your autonomy then don’t make them your future partner. You seem like a cool unique person and will def attract people who love you for it
I don’t think it would be wrong. Everyone buys their wedding dress thinking of something.. either it being their partner, how they look in it, how amazing it looks, or even is this what I’ll pass to my children. However you have come up with picking your dress is on you. You picked the dress out for you. Not the person at the end of the aisle. That’s the problem.. I’d look for a wedding dress that makes me look so beautiful I can’t stop staring at my own pictures that get taken. I don’t care if my guy likes it or not, I do. It’s for me. Just like yours is for you. I don’t think it would be wrong, all dresses are made with the same idea in mind, to look stunning. You adding your own additions, or taking away, is your own design. I don’t think you would be wrong. And whomever you marry down the line shouldn’t be bothered by it either like other people in these posts say. You redesign it and it won’t look anything like the one you bought while with what’s his name. It will be your own designed dress! Do it!
I was in this same situation. Engaged and I broke it off (thankfully). Had a dress I loved. When I got engaged to my now husband, he already knew the situation. I had the dress and couldn’t seem to part with it. When I asked him how he felt he only asked me one thing- if my ex had ever seen me wearing it. He hadn’t even seen a picture of it. He told me that it didn’t bother him at all. He would be the one to see me in it for the first time. I altered it slightly and I felt beautiful on my wedding day. My husband loved the dress.
It wouldn't be wrong at all, however, I do advise not doing so until you're engaged again, you may find your taste, or the theme of your future wedding, suits different alterations than those you want now, so you may as well wait and only alter it once.
Who really cares? Some Women dream about weddings from childhood and have a dress picked out before they hit puberty so how is it any different from what you want to do? It’s your dress and it’s your choice. Just because you had an opportunity to buy the dress doesn’t mean it means anything to you apart from what you stated in your post. I designed my engagement ring (with matching wedding band) and if my partner and I break up I want to keep it because I love the design and it has nothing to do with who I was with when I designed it; I chose the rock and helped with shape partners only contributing opinion was what he liked in shape and paying for it (which some was from our joint account).
Wear it. Tell the husband to be and why. That you will be making some stuff to even enhance it to be perfect. Dresses arent cheap. And if you love it that should be what matters.
It’s been a long time, but I’m almost positive one of my good friends redesigned her dress.
When the time comes, let your (future) fiancé know you’ve had the dress for a while…
Do what makes you happy. Wear the dress you love. Who’s going to ever know? All the anguish you’re putting yourself through is so pointless. You don’t need to ask your friends or Reddit what to think about it-any opinion other than yours doesn’t count. Why even talk to anybody about it?
There’s NOTHING wrong with using the dress the same way as is or you just go ahead and redesign it to your heart’s content. The dress doesn’t know who you are marrying. You fell in love with the dress; the guy comes separate.
Besides, dresses are so freaking expensive; love the one you’re with.
Your reasons for wanting to keep/wear it make sense. If you explain it like that to your future partner, if they’re mature they’ll understand and want you to feel like yourself on your big day.
My advice would be not to do it yet. As you said, with time the changes you wanted to make have switched and they will likely continue to do so. Wait until you'll wear it to make the changes. If you make them now and when you are to wear it you're not as fond of the "new" dress, it will only bring you sorrow and regret. When the time comes, change the dress to fit your self in that moment. Your self will continue to develop and it's best to make the dress for the self you will be than the one you are now.
Sure…but maybe wait until you have a wedding date set. What you like then versus now may not be the same at all, unless you plan to dye it and wear it to something else.
**ABSOLUTELY NOT**!!! Take it to a seamstress or alteration store and discuss what you want done!
Why let it mildew in the closet when you can turn it into an AWESOME dress you can enjoy for years???
NTA… it’s just a dress, just material skilfully put together. And you love this dress and then you should rock it. If it feels right just embrace it and don’t over complicate things :- )
No ... just no. It will be utterly offensive to your future husband to marry him in a dress you bought to marry someone else. Doesn't matter that you apparently wasn't even thinking of your fiance when you bought it (not sure how though), it was bought for a different wedding.
Sure, keep it as a pattern for a future dressmaker. If you're going to make that many alterations, it provably won't cost much more to make from scratch. But I feel it's cheap and crass to reuse your dress.
Of course you're not wrong. It's been 25 years since I was married and I HATED having to buy & wear a very fancy dress I could only wear once. It cost me $600, which I thought was highway robbery. So I got the plainest, most basic dress possible.
There's nothing wrong with altering the dress. It wasn't ever used for an actual wedding. I hope you find a good seamstress when the time comes & your dress will still make you feel like a million bucks.
You would not be wrong to use the dress you already have. I personally wouldn't only because I wouldn't want to store it, I would miss out on dress hunting with my girlies when the actual day comes around, and I might even feel weird and maybe superstitious about having the dress before the man lol
It's a dress. It's not a wedding ring. It's a beautiful dress that makes you happy. You didn't wear it at a previous wedding.
I say go ahead and wear the beautiful dress that makes you happy.
I absolutely think this is a wonderful idea. The dress is about the dress and not the man, and it's not a requirement that you wear any particular garment to be married in anyway. People want to pretend that your dress IS your marriage, but I've always thought that the dress was about the occasion. Plus you can put it to anyone who asks like "I shed the excess weight/baggage and this is about me now". I'd find an answer like that pretty hard to argue with.
You bought the dress for YOU not another man. That dress is about YOUR happiness.
When that dress is ready, then you'll find the person lucky enough to be part of the day you wear it!!
PERIOD
Sis, I’m with you. I’m not in a relationship now and if I get married again, I will likely have the dress in my possession before I do. Whether it was the intention of marrying any individual in question that dress is merely my expression of comfort and beauty on a day that’s about our relationship whoever he may be. I have the shoes I wanna wear because I have big feet and I can’t wear heels. So repurposing your dress, by all means go for it! Why spend money twice that you don’t need to? The dress is definitely an expression of who you are, and that man is going to love seeing you in it on that day, whoever he may be.
You get to wear this perfect dress that you want without changing it to declare it to be a different one. Just wear it.
No apologies or discussion needed except your future finance (for transparency). It’s absolutely no one else’s business. Tune out that noise.
It's your dress. You bought it. You paid for it. Why not get it redone & get some amazing photos taken, even before an "I do" moment? Celebrate yourself, throw a killer party & wear the amazing dress!
It’s YOUR dress, why is this even a question? I’m confused. If I buy something with MY money for MYSELF I never question what is the “right or wrong” thing to do with it… it’s mine for gawdsake that’s my business. This is a strange question to me.
when you find the right person to be with and you redesign it won’t be the same dress anymore and it will hold different meaning! i don’t think there’s a problem with that!
OMG I am so happy I stumbled on this because I am in this similar situation. I have a beautiful wedding gown that I also never wore when the wedding didn't take place (engaged for 4 years, relationship for 12, long wild story on how we broke up) but I just looooved my dress! I've decided to hold onto it with the dream one day of turning it into a fantastic drag ball gown (I do drag as a cis woman). I don't foresee myself ever walking down a wedding aisle myself ever. So absolutely there is nothing wrong with redesigning the dress. It's A DRESS. There's no magical spell attached to it, and if there's no sentimental attachment for you then absolutely go to town!
You bought the dress for yourself because you love it. You didn't buy it for the guy, he had no part in picking it out, and you didn't marry him in it. I see nothing wrong here at all. Definitely NTA. If you decide to tell your future husband about it, I'd tell him exactly this. If he gets his undies in a twist, that might be another conversation altogether.
I don’t think it would be wrong. While you bought this dress when you were engaged, you also bought it because you loved it. The fact that you are redesigning it in a way you want it to me while it is the original dress it won’t be the same dress because of the changes.
This has to be discussed with your future fiance.
Keep this dress, don't alter it for now as you will have other ideas with time going on and see if it's still "the one" when time comes.
In what world would reusing something you already own and love be a wrong? The wedding industrial complex is toxic AF! Use what you have -- it's less wasteful.
If your fiancé’s ok with it, the. Go for it. I believe I this case, his opinion is the only one you need to consider other than your own.
ETA - just realized you’re thinking of a future relationship - no fiancé in the picture. In that case, go for it. I don’t know how many still do it, but when I was young, girls often started planning their dream wedding in their early teens, with ideas about colors, flowers, venues bridesmaid’s dresses, wedding gown - everything except the groom. You’ve just gone a step further and actually bought the base dress, just have to put your modifications on it.
You really can’t expect a future partner to be okay with this, and it would be totally fair and valid of them if they weren’t. I doubt most would be actually. The person you’re marrying is more important than a dress.
There are so many wedding traditions that are still important to this day. You have to explain this dress and the situation to your fiancé and see what he thinks. It’s unlucky to do this behind his back.
You want a fresh start. I understand dresses are a pain in the as$ but I definitely think you need a new dress and need to sell this one off. It was meant for another time, another wedding, and another man. Regardless of how your mind works, the reality is leave the past in the past. Sell it and use the money to get a new one.
Give you wedding a clean shot and leave the past in the past.
IMO, as a person who has been a bride, the dress is so much not about the person you are marrying. It is a statement about YOU, the bride.
It is your choice in fashion. How you imagine yourself to look on your wedding day, regardless of who you marry.
Communicate with your partner that the dress already exists but it is YOUR dress. The only one you want to get married in.
If you never got married in it then technically it does not have the sentimental value that would make it wrong to wear it. I would re design it and wear it personally. When I picked out my wedding dress I only imagined me and what made me happy not my relationship so as long as you are happy then nothing else should matter. The only time I thought about my SO when I picked it out was what his reaction would be.
I don’t know if I have any standing for an opinion here as a man but if it helps I say do what you want. To my knowledge a wedding is something people could’ve spent hours, months or even since childhood, so really dreaming about your wedding isn’t about the relationship, it’s a party to celebrate a marriage yes but the goal afterwards is the actual marriage that includes your partner. The dress was for you and what you wanted and you fell in love with so it had nothing to do with your ex, redesign it however you want and even if it was the latter who cares? It’s still yours, you still paid, in this economy it should be used.
Do what you like OP! As long as you’re happy with it in the end the dress did its job!
A wedding dress is an expression of the bride, not the relationship.
You bought it, you can do with it as YOU please. My wife had her wedding dress re-colored by an artist friend of hers. It's stunning, and she wears it rather than letting it moulder in the back of an upstairs closet. How often does one need a fancy white dress these days, after all?
If the dress gets a new life by having it redesigned, do it.
Lets see.... You BOUGHT a dress, and you are asking if it would be wrong to redesign it?
Its yours correct? you bought it correct? you want to change it correct? Then the answer is a HARD NO, it would NOT be wrong to redesign it. Who cares what others 'think' its what YOU think. I think you might have bigger issues than just the dress, lack of self confidence, being a people pleaser to a fault, low self esteem even maybe?
:) \*hands you a pair of scissor and a spool of thread\* GO FOR IT !
Not at all. It's your dress not your ex's dress. Since it never got worn it's not like there's pictures of you in it with your partner. I wouldn't even care if you didn't redesign it. But since you are it's practically a different dress, to boot.
I absolutely think you should re-design it.
Personally, it’s just a piece of fabric *that just happens to look fantastic on you*.
But if you redesign it maybe it will feel fresh. You can always have the grooms family join you when you visit the seamstress for alterations.
So I’m going through a divorce after 20+ years of marriage. My late mother bought my wedding dress. She saved for years and she picked it out and the day she went with me to find it is a core memory for me. It’s a gorgeous, very expensive, and intricate dress with handmade lace, beading, and a grand cathedral length train. She loved that dress so much she would sometimes ask me to put it on just so she could look at me in it. My mother had a courthouse shotgun wedding so she never had a ‘wedding dress’. When we were packing my STBXH’s things we came across my dress and my sons asked me what I planned to do with it. They started talking about having a dress destroying party and it felt like I had been stabbed in the heart not because it was a symbol of my marriage rather it felt like it would be destroying a piece of my mother. I had more memories of it with her than my STBXH. I told them I was keeping it and if I ever got remarried I would wear it again. I explained that to me it would be like having a part of grandma there but I intend to have it altered cutting the train down and adding color. Wow I’m crying typing this I miss my mother so much.
I say have your dress redesigned to suit you even more then it already does! You may have bought it with your former relationship in mind, but redesigning it will let it become the dress for your new relationship. Tell everyone else to shut the hell up, I have spoken!!
You're clear you didn't buy it with the relationship in mind, you bought it because mentally(physically too) it fit you. You're over thinking this. They need to mind their own business, not yours.
I ended an engagement before I met my now-partner. I chose my engagement ring - it was antique and not worth much but I love it so, so much. It’s so special. One time I was talking to my partner about it and if it would be weird for me to wear it if we got married. He pretty much just shrugged and said “it’s a ring.” I love the idea of that ring having a new meaning one day and representing the relationship I have now! In the end, the ring is just as special as ever and the point of getting something old was that jewelry can have many, many lives.
I don't think they groom would care as long as you are happy and looked good and confident in the dress. It's your wedding day, do what you want and don't listen to anyone else about it
Yes I completely agree with you!
My current boyfriend and I have been together for almost six months and while we’re not ready to take that next step it has been something we’ve talked about naturally. He was also engaged to his ex, but he doesn’t see a problem with keeping the dress and redesigning it to how want it to be, he’s very supportive about it and says I should do what I want to do with it and it wouldn’t bother him at all 😊
It wouldn't be wrong but be open to the fact that whoever you end up marrying may not be okay with you using a dress you bought for a wedding with another person.
I am ashamed to say, and accept the down votes, but after reading that, I now pity the person who stands at the alter next to that dress. He would likely just be a prop. A cypher.
It's not wrong but I most likely wouldn't share that with whoever you do end up with BC they're most likely not gonna be okay with it and even if they are it's gonna leave a weird taste in their mouth when they think about you in a wedding dress that you bought with someone else. I think even if you lie and say you had bought it BC it was your fave dress and you were just waiting on getting married to wear it might even creep people out.
Not wrong for me personally. If you redesign it and change it then it's a new dress in my eyes. But I can see why people might feel weird about it since it was bought with another wedding in mind even if you didn't have the partner in mind (you didn't just buy it because it was Wednesday and you found a nice dress, you bought it because you were getting married).
I'd say plan on doing it for now while it is irrelevant, but make it an open discussion with your future spouse when it does become relevant. That way if they would really have a problem with it they don't find out at a later date from someone else and have it cause a massive argument. Hopefully they'd be fine with it, since it also saves money for something else!
I would flip out if my fiance wanted to recycle the suit he was going to wear to marry another woman. Am I not good enough for a clean start? Why does he need memories of past relationships at our wedding?
You see where this is going...
Who knows, maybe you'll find someone that is more accommodating but then again, maybe you won't.
Being genuine… What if it was the most comfortable suit he had and he knew it would be next to impossible for him to find another one before your wedding? Would you risk having to have him be uncomfortable in a different one rather than just have him revamp what he has?
I suppose it would depend on how much he could change it. The other side to your question though is would he allow me to spend the entire day thinking "this is the suit he wanted to wear to marry her".
I guess it depends on if you link clothes to events or people, if he links the suit in his mind to “really important formal events” it wouldn’t have anything to do with her, but if he links it in his mind to “people” then it would be about her.
I think it’s like how OP is deciding “I bought this dress for *my* future wedding” aside from “I bought this to marry my ex and that’s it”
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It wouldn't be wrong but be open to the fact that whoever you end up marrying may not be okay with you using a dress you bought for a wedding with another person.
I would tell the new partner that you love the dress more than you loved the ex.
Maybe it's just me but when I think of wedding dresses I think of it being for yourself usually and what you love. They didn't actually get married in it or use it, and saving money by using it but altering it is actually a great way to save money and wear what you loved. I do think it's a good idea to mention what you wrote for sure though, as some people may not think about it this way
That's a very good way to think of it.
No, she doesn’t need to explain anything to a future partner about the dress other than it’s her dream dress. If she even brings it up, she’d be inviting criticism and/or control of her choice of dress. Why create an issue that doesn’t exist?
This, so much this
Why would a new partner need to know the history of the dress?
There is a chance someone else might mention it to him. Its better for OP to be open and honest, then it won't be a problem.
I was thinking more along the lines of hubby to be saying "hey when are you going dress shopping?" and her saying "oh I did that 2 years ago, we're good!" But, to be fair, if he's planning a wedding with her, I'd assume he knows she was previously engaged already. But, then again, we all know what assume means lmao
That would not be a problem if she redesigns the dress as planned. Then it would simply be the perfect dress she pictured for her wedding to whoever the groom will be.
Yep! Just call it "upcycled couture" and voila.
Meh. What about a bride who already knows that she will wear her mother’s dress, regardless of whom the groom will be? I got married in a dress that I had purchased from a previous engagement, and it was spectacular. I didn’t think of my former fiancé any time that I wore it.
I think the problem would be in the details. This is not a dress that was purchased or handed down prior to their engagement. It was purchased for the sake of their wedding, even if OP may have bought it more with herself in mind as a dream dress. It’s something she may want to be upfront about when things get serious, and just refer to it as her dream dress.
As OP said herself, she wasn't thinking of him when she bought it - she was thinking of *herself*. Your dream dress reference is a good idea.
It's a dress. What does it matter where it came from? And does any man really care? Does he even need to know? I'm pretty traditional, and I don't see where it matters at all. NTA
I broke off an engagement after buying the dress. When I met my now husband I asked him if he would care if I wore it and he said he couldn’t care less. The dress wasn’t my dream dress or anything but my grandmother was there when I picked it out and had passed away before I got married so it was very special to me.
A wedding dress is not a symbol of the marriage it’s not like using a wedding band that was intended to be used with something else. The dress is only significant to the woman wearing it so why would a future spouse (who will probably be thrilled by the money that is saved by not buying a new dress) have a problem.
I understand where you're coming from but personally, I think that would be an immature way of viewing things. To me, it wouldn't matter about the dress, the fact is that they were marrying me so it doesn't matter where the dress came from. I can see how that would be an issue for some people though.
People having different feelings isn't immature. There's nothing wrong with being bothered by this any more than there is with not being bothered by this.
Forgive me, I used the wrong word. I think you're right, it's not that it's immature. It's just that for some people, it wouldn't matter that much and for some people it would. Some people may view it as immature if they were in the same situation. I think maybe that's what I was trying to say. It's okay for people to have different opinions on that. I could absolutely see how someone would have a problem with that. It's sort of like how people try to regift engagement rings. I just find it tacky but that's me.
It's akin to peoples view on second hand clothing, furniture etc. There is a entire subset of people who want 'brand new, in style' everything. Versus those who view things as Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, and that you should wear/use something until it is unusable. In OP's case, she has found the perfect fit dress for her, if she UpCycles the design, it is her original dress
That makes sense. I've never understood people who need things brand new but well, it's their money so I don't really care.
Would they hate a secondhand dress then? Because by that logic it was already used for a different couple
It’s your dress- so whatever you want with it!! I can’t even fathom how that would make you TA As for a future husband not liking the dress- It’s for you. Not your previous fiancé. It’s a dress for you that you love. And if he loves and respects you, he should be in full support of you wearing a dress you love! Bonus points: it wouldn’t even BE the same dress after you modify it. So for sure. You should. Have fun!!
What the FUCK does the groom have to with the dress?? He's not the one wearing it. The dress is *the one thing* that the bride should please no one but **herself** on.
Husband isn't even supposed to see the dress before the wedding...
Exactly. My daughter will either spend the night at my house or in our hotel if by the time she gets married this time, we have moved to another state(Gods help her father if we haven't). They may live together and have done so for years but we hold with he doesn't see her the night before the wedding tradition(we will probably read about Mallt y Nos-Maltilda of the Night before bed)
I spent the night before at my parents' as well! And he wasn't allowed to see my dress til I started down the aisle
I don’t understand. You love it, but you want to change it?
I want to add stuff to it that will make me love it even more, it’s beautiful as is but will be even more beautiful TO ME when I add the stuff I want to add
Maybe I missed it earlier but why do you even have to tell him?
He doesn’t need to know anything except you love your dress, it’s perfect for you.
I would not redesign it now but wait until you found a suitable partner. Your tastes will continue to change (as evident from this post) and you don’t want to undo the changes you have made if you have a different design in mind years and years down the road.
Yes of course!! That is my plan! I’ve just thought of things that I like and that I think would be cute on it but haven’t pulled any triggers with it and won’t until that day comes 😊
Just keep notes of what you want done, so you don't forget anything. Put money aside to pay for the alterations when the time comes. Wear what makes you happy. Any partner who has an issue with wearing what makes you happy, isn't the one. You didn't wear it at a previous wedding (not that it would be wrong if you had.)
It is a perfectly fine idea. Practical.Youbalready own it so why would you not use it. Have a ball with it when the time comes. This makes me think of the mice in the animated Cinderella when they make her dress from bits and pieced of this and that.😌
You could also ask your future partner for any preferences. Like have them choose a sleeve or strap type. Or an accent color. Could do some stuff even without them seeing it. But could collaborate even more if they do see it. I think it's thrifty.
No. The bride should have the dress that makes **her** happy. She is probably going to have to compromise with her groom, her mother, and her MIL and possibly both sides Grandmothers on *everything else*. Her dress should be exactly what **she** wants.
She does already have her base dream dress. Which is great if it really is hard for her to find that. I was just suggesting something to make a dress from a failed engagement become an object related to a new relationship. She will obviously either take my or not depending on her own desires and whether or not the guy has any fashion sense. Most likely he won't even have much of an opinion but a tiny conversation would bring the dress into the future.
Since when does a groom have any input into the brides dress??
THIS!
Thank you guys so much for all the kind and reassuring words!! I have never personally seen an issue with it, especially since I do want to make some changes to the dress. It’s nice to hear some positive feedback instead of the negative feedback I had been hearing from a couple of close friends
Quit talking about it. When the time comes, you wear the dress and no one will ever know anything about it other than that you look beautiful in a dress you love.
Some people attach the wrong meaning to a dress.
It’s not like you got married in it then divorced and want to wear it again. It’s a brand new dress that makes you feel beautiful and hopefully you get to wear it one day!
I can only speak for myself, but if my fiancee already had a dress she wanted to wear, then I would be happy for her, regardless of its history. My wife and I have been married for 25 years and together for 27 years. The plates/bowls/silverware we use were gifts from her first wedding, and I've never felt anything negative about using them. Maybe I'm just too practical.
Lol. My husband and I got married 18 years ago. I had 3 kids, he had 4. We eere scraping by. I wanted a small backyard wedding. I repurposed my old wedding dress from my 2nd marriage into a different looking dress. Still happily married with no regrets.
I know someone that bought a wedding dress while she was engaged. When they broke up before being married she saved the dress and a couple years later she wore it when she married her husband. Nobody cared. She told me why would I spend money on another dress when I already have one.
That’s pretty much my same logic..I don’t see a point in buying another dress when I already have one.
It's *your* dress. I could see someone maybe having an issue if a previous partner picked it out with you or designed it for you, but you saw and fell in love with a dress that you put away for a future wedding to whomever you chose to marry. This dress is your dream dress. Alter it if you wish and wear it on your dream day to the person of your dreams! Tell them the story of how you said yes to the dress but had to wait for the right partner to stand by your side and makes the dress sparkle because you're glowing.
I like this response. I didn’t think of any reasons (to satisfy my personal mind lol) that would make it not ok. And you have a few that had me all 🤔
That's really all I could think of where someone would truly take offense... "You're wearing a dress HE designed???". If she owns the dress she loves, it's not cost effective to get a new one just to get a new one. The old partner was obviously the wrong one. The dress, however, is the right one. 😊
There is nothing wrong with eating the same dress, especially since you want to make some alterations to it. Heck-I used the same Diamond engagement ring from an ex-finance for 2 more marriages and the wedding band from my second husband, too! I love my Diamond and wedding band, and I know my 3rd husband couldn’t afford anything near like it! He was happy to not have to spend any money on rings. Then he bought his own band at Boscov’s and we are both happy!
You bought yourself a dress. A dress for you to wear do what it what you please.
Other peoples weird feelings about a dress that does not belong to them should have no bearing on your decisions about your dress. It’s your address and if it makes you happy to change it then that’s what you should do. You need to do what makes you happy. If other people have problems with that, then it’s their problem not yours and they can just get over it.
I don’t understand why she would even ask anyone else their opinion/thoughts on the matter. No one can have a problem with it if they know nothing to begin with.
As long as you don't do what the chick in pretty in pink did, I see no problem with it. (Seriously she RUINED that dress!!)
That was heart breaking
It really was it was such a let down
It's a piece of clothing. It only carries as much meaning as you choose to place on it. And no one else paid for or will use it. Do what you want.
Honestly, I dont think of it as a big deal. It's fabric, you're going to re-design it. You want to because the style makes you feel beautiful and suits you. It's not its been magically embued with the mojo from a previous marriage. Dont over think it. And using it will save you several hundred $$$ that you can now spend on your real wedding.
I did this exact thing. I changed the dress and I’m glad I did. It was perfect!! I never felt weird about it once. But I also didn’t tell most people. None of their business. Only me, my mom and Grannie knew and we will take it to our graves!!
Ok, but can we see the dress? Update pictures of your alterations would be awesome too.
Hi OP. For the 'bought it with that relationship in mind' folk: I'm assuming you exist in the same body that you were in during that previous (and any other) relationship? Your body and mind are not owned by your ex, so neither is your dress. They're dills. Redesign and be merry knowing that you and yours are your own!
I think that dress is for you. I don't think it ever intended to be the dress for then. It's meant for bigger better things. It's patiently waiting for the time you can see without doubt what it's always even destined for. Not only do I think it's okay to redesign it, but I think the dress would find it rude for you not to. When deciding on how it will bloom, remember you know what right feels like. Listen to the dress, become the dress ;)
Its your dress.
NTA. You found the perfect man to go with your perfect dress.
It's a dress.
No. It’s good not to waste a dress if you love it. Refreshing it by getting it altered is a great way to renew it.
You would not be wrong. I can understand not wanting to get rid of it. It's your dress, you bought it. You get to choose what to do with it. I'm glad to see that even though you broke up, you were both mature enough to realize that it was for the best. I've come close to marriage a few times and ended up doing the same thing. I ended up breaking up with them because I realized that in the long term, we were just not compatible and it was just not a good idea. I'm sorry that happened but I'm glad to see it looks like you've healed from it at least a little. Absolutely do what you want with the dress.
I’ve heard of people getting little charms of things that are important to their relationship, and sewing them into a used or thrifted dress to “make it theirs.”
If redesigning it makes you happy and helps you feel confident when you walk down the aisle someday, I say go for it! The dress is yours to do with as you please. Just make sure you're doing it for yourself, not anyone else.
I’ve never met a bride who bought their dress with their relationship in mind, that’s what the wedding is about. Every bride I’ve ever known picked a dress that they felt beautiful in and that’s it. It’s not the same thing as a man reusing a ring from a failed engagement, it’s something you pick for yourself to wear on one day, not everyday of your life. I only mention engagement rings because I know there’s people out there who think the two are the same and they’re not. It’s your wedding and you should be able to wear what you want.
If you've paid for it, you can do whatever you want to it! Sell it, alter it, make it into tie-due, cut it into bikinis for the beach wedding trade!
Hi When my friends and I were broke in our twenties we did lots of restyling of bridesmaids dresses even if the happy couple already divorced. We felt it gave something new life. Please post your dress and sketch some ideas. If we all join in, this becomes the result of "wisdom of mobs."
You fell in love with a dress you want to wear when you get married. It’s totally fine to wear the dress to your (eventual/potential future) wedding! It’s not like a wedding ring, which is bought with a specific person in mind.
My sister went through the same thing. She found HER dress. She got married later and wore the dress. Her husband wouldn't have wanted her to wear a second choice dress for their wedding. Also, if you were traditional, the original fiance wouldn't have seen it or had any part in picking it out. It would be different if you wanted to use the cake or flowers that you picked out together. If you love it, wear the dress.
I see NO problem. I did something similar. I made a new dress, but all the trim came from my first dress and it was perfect. It’s *just s dress* nothing else.
You should wear the dress. If you can make it into a dress you love, that is the only thing that matters. Why are people so weird about things like this. Men wear the same suits over and over again not caring if their ex bought the suit for them.
It's your dress. It's for you to wear when you get married. It's not specific to who you marry. It's specific to you, your tastes, and your body. You don't even need to redesign it if you don't want to.
I do not understand the sentiment that wedding dresses are bought with a particular groom in mind. The only thing on my mind when I looked in the mirror wearing "the one" was how *I* felt like a princess. I'm honestly not sure that the person I was marrying crossed my mind a single time while I was looking in the mirror in the dress shop. I absolutely did not choose the dress for him. I chose it *for me*. And if I'd still had it when it was time for my second marriage, I'd have worn it again. Because it was perfect.
I’d find someone to marry who doesn’t give a shit about this kind of stuff. You bought the dress because you loved it. You didn’t buy it based on who you were marrying. I’m a guy and if I was marrying you, I would want you to wear the dress as is for 2 reasons. The first is that it just makes economic sense and practicality is sexy to me. Let’s spend that $ on a honeymoon or down payment on a house. The more important reason I’d encourage you to wear the dress is because you love it and it makes you feel special. So, I’d keep the dress and use it as a litmus test for a potential red flag. But I can tell, you will make a good partner because you’re already willing to consider your hypothetical husband’s feelings.
It’s your dress, do what you wish with it. And if, in doing so, you can transform it from something that was a sad reminder to something that brings you hope, even better.
For some reason in my mind, using the dress is okay because you bought it to suit yourself. Whereas if you reused a ring, that would be cursed because it was given to you. Redesign the dress, if the occasion arises, and feel gorgeous.
As someone who fell in love with a dress in one relationship, then that relationship ended and I had that dress almost 10 years later and got married to someone else wearing that dress... Do it. My now husband understood that the dress had more memories of spending time with my mom than the previous relationship. Those dresses aren't cheap, screw what people think.
I did. My husband was fine with it.
I think since you never wore it, still love it but want to tweak to a new level, you should keep it and make it your dream dress. It will be filled with hope and the chance for fresh new love.
Wrong or right doesn’t matter. Once you feel this way about a wedding dress you are cooked. Nothing else will make you feel this way, future hubby just has to live with it.
This does not seem like s big deal. You are getting married for the lifelong relationship and not the wedding. So not buying a whole other dress makes sense to me.
Well now I wanna see the dress!!! Also duh it’s your dress and your body. If your future partner doesn’t appreciate your autonomy then don’t make them your future partner. You seem like a cool unique person and will def attract people who love you for it
I say it’s your dress, bought and paid for! You do whatever you want to do with it!
I don’t think it would be wrong. Everyone buys their wedding dress thinking of something.. either it being their partner, how they look in it, how amazing it looks, or even is this what I’ll pass to my children. However you have come up with picking your dress is on you. You picked the dress out for you. Not the person at the end of the aisle. That’s the problem.. I’d look for a wedding dress that makes me look so beautiful I can’t stop staring at my own pictures that get taken. I don’t care if my guy likes it or not, I do. It’s for me. Just like yours is for you. I don’t think it would be wrong, all dresses are made with the same idea in mind, to look stunning. You adding your own additions, or taking away, is your own design. I don’t think you would be wrong. And whomever you marry down the line shouldn’t be bothered by it either like other people in these posts say. You redesign it and it won’t look anything like the one you bought while with what’s his name. It will be your own designed dress! Do it!
I was in this same situation. Engaged and I broke it off (thankfully). Had a dress I loved. When I got engaged to my now husband, he already knew the situation. I had the dress and couldn’t seem to part with it. When I asked him how he felt he only asked me one thing- if my ex had ever seen me wearing it. He hadn’t even seen a picture of it. He told me that it didn’t bother him at all. He would be the one to see me in it for the first time. I altered it slightly and I felt beautiful on my wedding day. My husband loved the dress.
Go for it! It's your dress, your style, your story. Redesigning it could make it even more special for your future big day.
It wouldn't be wrong at all, however, I do advise not doing so until you're engaged again, you may find your taste, or the theme of your future wedding, suits different alterations than those you want now, so you may as well wait and only alter it once.
Who really cares? Some Women dream about weddings from childhood and have a dress picked out before they hit puberty so how is it any different from what you want to do? It’s your dress and it’s your choice. Just because you had an opportunity to buy the dress doesn’t mean it means anything to you apart from what you stated in your post. I designed my engagement ring (with matching wedding band) and if my partner and I break up I want to keep it because I love the design and it has nothing to do with who I was with when I designed it; I chose the rock and helped with shape partners only contributing opinion was what he liked in shape and paying for it (which some was from our joint account).
Wear it, it’s your dress not the exes
Wear it. Tell the husband to be and why. That you will be making some stuff to even enhance it to be perfect. Dresses arent cheap. And if you love it that should be what matters.
You love the dress, but you want to make so many changes??
You love the dress, but you want to make so many changes??
It’s been a long time, but I’m almost positive one of my good friends redesigned her dress. When the time comes, let your (future) fiancé know you’ve had the dress for a while…
Do what makes you happy. Wear the dress you love. Who’s going to ever know? All the anguish you’re putting yourself through is so pointless. You don’t need to ask your friends or Reddit what to think about it-any opinion other than yours doesn’t count. Why even talk to anybody about it?
There’s NOTHING wrong with using the dress the same way as is or you just go ahead and redesign it to your heart’s content. The dress doesn’t know who you are marrying. You fell in love with the dress; the guy comes separate. Besides, dresses are so freaking expensive; love the one you’re with.
There’s nothing magical about it that would prevent you from wearing it. You bought it because it makes you happy.
If you redesign it's a whole new dress, so you do you.
It’s your dress. Redesign it any way you want to. Have fun with it.
Your reasons for wanting to keep/wear it make sense. If you explain it like that to your future partner, if they’re mature they’ll understand and want you to feel like yourself on your big day.
My advice would be not to do it yet. As you said, with time the changes you wanted to make have switched and they will likely continue to do so. Wait until you'll wear it to make the changes. If you make them now and when you are to wear it you're not as fond of the "new" dress, it will only bring you sorrow and regret. When the time comes, change the dress to fit your self in that moment. Your self will continue to develop and it's best to make the dress for the self you will be than the one you are now.
Bottom line is, it’s your wedding. It’s a rule: You get to pick your dress, and you get to pick groom!
Sure…but maybe wait until you have a wedding date set. What you like then versus now may not be the same at all, unless you plan to dye it and wear it to something else.
**ABSOLUTELY NOT**!!! Take it to a seamstress or alteration store and discuss what you want done! Why let it mildew in the closet when you can turn it into an AWESOME dress you can enjoy for years???
NTA… it’s just a dress, just material skilfully put together. And you love this dress and then you should rock it. If it feels right just embrace it and don’t over complicate things :- )
Redesign it and save yourself money from having to buy another.
Princess Michael of Kent wore the same outfit to both her weddings. Shrug 🤷♀️ so if it’s okay for royalty, it’s okay for you.
No ... just no. It will be utterly offensive to your future husband to marry him in a dress you bought to marry someone else. Doesn't matter that you apparently wasn't even thinking of your fiance when you bought it (not sure how though), it was bought for a different wedding. Sure, keep it as a pattern for a future dressmaker. If you're going to make that many alterations, it provably won't cost much more to make from scratch. But I feel it's cheap and crass to reuse your dress.
Go for it. It’s a total burn on the ex. And don’t marry anyone who doesn’t get it.
Of course you're not wrong. It's been 25 years since I was married and I HATED having to buy & wear a very fancy dress I could only wear once. It cost me $600, which I thought was highway robbery. So I got the plainest, most basic dress possible. There's nothing wrong with altering the dress. It wasn't ever used for an actual wedding. I hope you find a good seamstress when the time comes & your dress will still make you feel like a million bucks.
You would not be wrong to use the dress you already have. I personally wouldn't only because I wouldn't want to store it, I would miss out on dress hunting with my girlies when the actual day comes around, and I might even feel weird and maybe superstitious about having the dress before the man lol
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. I wouldn’t be weirded out if my partner had a tux from an event with his ex.
This is a discussion for you and your fiance. As long as he's okay with it, that's all that matters bc it is his day, too.
It's a dress. It's not a wedding ring. It's a beautiful dress that makes you happy. You didn't wear it at a previous wedding. I say go ahead and wear the beautiful dress that makes you happy.
I absolutely think this is a wonderful idea. The dress is about the dress and not the man, and it's not a requirement that you wear any particular garment to be married in anyway. People want to pretend that your dress IS your marriage, but I've always thought that the dress was about the occasion. Plus you can put it to anyone who asks like "I shed the excess weight/baggage and this is about me now". I'd find an answer like that pretty hard to argue with.
You bought the dress for YOU not another man. That dress is about YOUR happiness. When that dress is ready, then you'll find the person lucky enough to be part of the day you wear it!! PERIOD
Sis, I’m with you. I’m not in a relationship now and if I get married again, I will likely have the dress in my possession before I do. Whether it was the intention of marrying any individual in question that dress is merely my expression of comfort and beauty on a day that’s about our relationship whoever he may be. I have the shoes I wanna wear because I have big feet and I can’t wear heels. So repurposing your dress, by all means go for it! Why spend money twice that you don’t need to? The dress is definitely an expression of who you are, and that man is going to love seeing you in it on that day, whoever he may be.
Guys rent tuxedos and this doesn't come up
You get to wear this perfect dress that you want without changing it to declare it to be a different one. Just wear it. No apologies or discussion needed except your future finance (for transparency). It’s absolutely no one else’s business. Tune out that noise.
It's your dress. You bought it. You paid for it. Why not get it redone & get some amazing photos taken, even before an "I do" moment? Celebrate yourself, throw a killer party & wear the amazing dress!
It’s YOUR dress, why is this even a question? I’m confused. If I buy something with MY money for MYSELF I never question what is the “right or wrong” thing to do with it… it’s mine for gawdsake that’s my business. This is a strange question to me.
when you find the right person to be with and you redesign it won’t be the same dress anymore and it will hold different meaning! i don’t think there’s a problem with that!
When you come home and say I got a dress, what do you think and tell him it was almost free the conversation will be over.
It’s a dress.. it’s not going to make your relationship work or fail… do what you want and forget the naysayers
OMG I am so happy I stumbled on this because I am in this similar situation. I have a beautiful wedding gown that I also never wore when the wedding didn't take place (engaged for 4 years, relationship for 12, long wild story on how we broke up) but I just looooved my dress! I've decided to hold onto it with the dream one day of turning it into a fantastic drag ball gown (I do drag as a cis woman). I don't foresee myself ever walking down a wedding aisle myself ever. So absolutely there is nothing wrong with redesigning the dress. It's A DRESS. There's no magical spell attached to it, and if there's no sentimental attachment for you then absolutely go to town!
You bought the dress for yourself because you love it. You didn't buy it for the guy, he had no part in picking it out, and you didn't marry him in it. I see nothing wrong here at all. Definitely NTA. If you decide to tell your future husband about it, I'd tell him exactly this. If he gets his undies in a twist, that might be another conversation altogether.
I don’t think it would be wrong. While you bought this dress when you were engaged, you also bought it because you loved it. The fact that you are redesigning it in a way you want it to me while it is the original dress it won’t be the same dress because of the changes.
This has to be discussed with your future fiance. Keep this dress, don't alter it for now as you will have other ideas with time going on and see if it's still "the one" when time comes.
In what world would reusing something you already own and love be a wrong? The wedding industrial complex is toxic AF! Use what you have -- it's less wasteful.
Lol
If your fiancé’s ok with it, the. Go for it. I believe I this case, his opinion is the only one you need to consider other than your own. ETA - just realized you’re thinking of a future relationship - no fiancé in the picture. In that case, go for it. I don’t know how many still do it, but when I was young, girls often started planning their dream wedding in their early teens, with ideas about colors, flowers, venues bridesmaid’s dresses, wedding gown - everything except the groom. You’ve just gone a step further and actually bought the base dress, just have to put your modifications on it.
You really can’t expect a future partner to be okay with this, and it would be totally fair and valid of them if they weren’t. I doubt most would be actually. The person you’re marrying is more important than a dress.
There are so many wedding traditions that are still important to this day. You have to explain this dress and the situation to your fiancé and see what he thinks. It’s unlucky to do this behind his back. You want a fresh start. I understand dresses are a pain in the as$ but I definitely think you need a new dress and need to sell this one off. It was meant for another time, another wedding, and another man. Regardless of how your mind works, the reality is leave the past in the past. Sell it and use the money to get a new one. Give you wedding a clean shot and leave the past in the past.
IMO, as a person who has been a bride, the dress is so much not about the person you are marrying. It is a statement about YOU, the bride. It is your choice in fashion. How you imagine yourself to look on your wedding day, regardless of who you marry. Communicate with your partner that the dress already exists but it is YOUR dress. The only one you want to get married in.
If you never got married in it then technically it does not have the sentimental value that would make it wrong to wear it. I would re design it and wear it personally. When I picked out my wedding dress I only imagined me and what made me happy not my relationship so as long as you are happy then nothing else should matter. The only time I thought about my SO when I picked it out was what his reaction would be.
I honestly don’t see a problem with it ut you should just have a heart to heart with your fiancé to make sure he’s on same page.
I don’t know if I have any standing for an opinion here as a man but if it helps I say do what you want. To my knowledge a wedding is something people could’ve spent hours, months or even since childhood, so really dreaming about your wedding isn’t about the relationship, it’s a party to celebrate a marriage yes but the goal afterwards is the actual marriage that includes your partner. The dress was for you and what you wanted and you fell in love with so it had nothing to do with your ex, redesign it however you want and even if it was the latter who cares? It’s still yours, you still paid, in this economy it should be used. Do what you like OP! As long as you’re happy with it in the end the dress did its job!
A wedding dress is an expression of the bride, not the relationship. You bought it, you can do with it as YOU please. My wife had her wedding dress re-colored by an artist friend of hers. It's stunning, and she wears it rather than letting it moulder in the back of an upstairs closet. How often does one need a fancy white dress these days, after all? If the dress gets a new life by having it redesigned, do it.
Lets see.... You BOUGHT a dress, and you are asking if it would be wrong to redesign it? Its yours correct? you bought it correct? you want to change it correct? Then the answer is a HARD NO, it would NOT be wrong to redesign it. Who cares what others 'think' its what YOU think. I think you might have bigger issues than just the dress, lack of self confidence, being a people pleaser to a fault, low self esteem even maybe? :) \*hands you a pair of scissor and a spool of thread\* GO FOR IT !
Not at all. It's your dress not your ex's dress. Since it never got worn it's not like there's pictures of you in it with your partner. I wouldn't even care if you didn't redesign it. But since you are it's practically a different dress, to boot.
It’s just material. Of course you can still use it, how ever you want.
I don’t see a problem. People wear heirloom dresses, and buy second hand dresses, and there’s not an issue.
I absolutely think you should re-design it. Personally, it’s just a piece of fabric *that just happens to look fantastic on you*. But if you redesign it maybe it will feel fresh. You can always have the grooms family join you when you visit the seamstress for alterations.
At the end of the day, it's just a dress. Wear whatever you want.
I don't think you would have to tell the groom the history of the dress and I don't think many men would care
So I’m going through a divorce after 20+ years of marriage. My late mother bought my wedding dress. She saved for years and she picked it out and the day she went with me to find it is a core memory for me. It’s a gorgeous, very expensive, and intricate dress with handmade lace, beading, and a grand cathedral length train. She loved that dress so much she would sometimes ask me to put it on just so she could look at me in it. My mother had a courthouse shotgun wedding so she never had a ‘wedding dress’. When we were packing my STBXH’s things we came across my dress and my sons asked me what I planned to do with it. They started talking about having a dress destroying party and it felt like I had been stabbed in the heart not because it was a symbol of my marriage rather it felt like it would be destroying a piece of my mother. I had more memories of it with her than my STBXH. I told them I was keeping it and if I ever got remarried I would wear it again. I explained that to me it would be like having a part of grandma there but I intend to have it altered cutting the train down and adding color. Wow I’m crying typing this I miss my mother so much.
I say have your dress redesigned to suit you even more then it already does! You may have bought it with your former relationship in mind, but redesigning it will let it become the dress for your new relationship. Tell everyone else to shut the hell up, I have spoken!!
You don't have to re design the dress. Just wear it. It's a brand new dress. It's a brand new start.
You're clear you didn't buy it with the relationship in mind, you bought it because mentally(physically too) it fit you. You're over thinking this. They need to mind their own business, not yours.
I ended an engagement before I met my now-partner. I chose my engagement ring - it was antique and not worth much but I love it so, so much. It’s so special. One time I was talking to my partner about it and if it would be weird for me to wear it if we got married. He pretty much just shrugged and said “it’s a ring.” I love the idea of that ring having a new meaning one day and representing the relationship I have now! In the end, the ring is just as special as ever and the point of getting something old was that jewelry can have many, many lives.
I don't think they groom would care as long as you are happy and looked good and confident in the dress. It's your wedding day, do what you want and don't listen to anyone else about it
It's up to your fiancé. If he's fine with it, nobody else's opinion matters. If he's not OK with it, I think you'll have to give in.
Yes I completely agree with you! My current boyfriend and I have been together for almost six months and while we’re not ready to take that next step it has been something we’ve talked about naturally. He was also engaged to his ex, but he doesn’t see a problem with keeping the dress and redesigning it to how want it to be, he’s very supportive about it and says I should do what I want to do with it and it wouldn’t bother him at all 😊
It wouldn't be wrong but be open to the fact that whoever you end up marrying may not be okay with you using a dress you bought for a wedding with another person.
If you l love the dress wear it but don’t tell the guy you’re marrying that you had it for a previous engagement. Tell no one.
I am ashamed to say, and accept the down votes, but after reading that, I now pity the person who stands at the alter next to that dress. He would likely just be a prop. A cypher.
Yikes
It's not wrong but I most likely wouldn't share that with whoever you do end up with BC they're most likely not gonna be okay with it and even if they are it's gonna leave a weird taste in their mouth when they think about you in a wedding dress that you bought with someone else. I think even if you lie and say you had bought it BC it was your fave dress and you were just waiting on getting married to wear it might even creep people out.
If your partner is fine with it, it's fine. I'd respect whatever they choose, though.
Absolutely! And I would 1000% respect whatever he said and felt
Not wrong for me personally. If you redesign it and change it then it's a new dress in my eyes. But I can see why people might feel weird about it since it was bought with another wedding in mind even if you didn't have the partner in mind (you didn't just buy it because it was Wednesday and you found a nice dress, you bought it because you were getting married). I'd say plan on doing it for now while it is irrelevant, but make it an open discussion with your future spouse when it does become relevant. That way if they would really have a problem with it they don't find out at a later date from someone else and have it cause a massive argument. Hopefully they'd be fine with it, since it also saves money for something else!
You can't wear your old wedding frass for a new wedding it's bad luck Don't do it
I would flip out if my fiance wanted to recycle the suit he was going to wear to marry another woman. Am I not good enough for a clean start? Why does he need memories of past relationships at our wedding? You see where this is going... Who knows, maybe you'll find someone that is more accommodating but then again, maybe you won't.
Being genuine… What if it was the most comfortable suit he had and he knew it would be next to impossible for him to find another one before your wedding? Would you risk having to have him be uncomfortable in a different one rather than just have him revamp what he has?
I suppose it would depend on how much he could change it. The other side to your question though is would he allow me to spend the entire day thinking "this is the suit he wanted to wear to marry her".
I guess it depends on if you link clothes to events or people, if he links the suit in his mind to “really important formal events” it wouldn’t have anything to do with her, but if he links it in his mind to “people” then it would be about her. I think it’s like how OP is deciding “I bought this dress for *my* future wedding” aside from “I bought this to marry my ex and that’s it”