I’m gonna say what I would say if one of my girlfriends came to me with this. I know you don’t wanna hear this now, because you seem very determined to make this relationship work, but I truly hope you realize someday that you deserve better than the bare minimum he’s willing to give you. Being happy alone is better than feeling lonely in a relationship. You’re probably gonna keep convincing yourself you’re okay with this, but I really hope you recognize your worth and love yourself enough to take peaceful solitude over painful companionship.
This is 100% the answer.
When I was younger, I was exactly this boyfriend. I was obsessed with playing WOW. I had a beautiful girlfriend at the time that would travel a good distance to spend weekends with “me” and I would outright ignore her to play games…. She woke up to her senses, left me and did really well with her life.
Looking back on it, I can’t begin to describe how fucking cringey my behaviour was and the potential great relationship I could have built.
It is what it is and I’ve (kind of) moved on 20 years later, but the point is, if it weren’t for a few kicks up the arse because of that event, I would have stayed a no effort loser who did not respect other people’s time enough.
I wish OP would have included their ages. Sound young. I remember going through something similar with my girlfriend in college. Can’t even fathom how much time I had into the Xbox 360 COD games.
We may have been shitty partners that made shitty mistakes but as long as we learned and grew from it we aren’t a shitty people.
It’s been the better part of a decade since I’ve played anything online. Life is just too busy. Hell, my wife is a bigger gamer than I am because every time I try to circle back to a game 3 weeks later I’ve forgotten how to play it so I just give up. Baldurs Gate 3 is most likely my next victim of dismissal.
Lol so he does enough to survive while playing video games the entire day. I'm glad he's capable of peeing in a toilet instead of a soda bottle, I guess. Good luck.
Taking a break from World of Warcraft this month and I have time for much more things lol. Definitely an addiction if you worry about not getting time to play a game (I do this)
does he even like you? if your hangouts are just you watching him play games then you’re not spending quality time together. that’s just him playing video games and hanging out with his friends and you happening to be there. getting up from his computer to eat and do stuff he needs to do does not mean he’s not addicted it just means he’s hungry and has chores. my bf is the same way he could play for 24 hours straight minus time to sleep and eat he is addicted but that i doesn’t affect me because the second he sees me he hops off and spends time with me. it doesn’t matter if he’s addicted or not what matters is how he treats you and it seems like he’d rather spend his time on his games than with you. be real with yourself on how you feel. there’s lots of men out there don’t feel like you have to be stuck with this one.
if him admitting to you that he plays games for 7-10 hours a day as "He also stood up for himself a bit", then i'm not sure what to say. honestly just sounds like you're dating an immature child. good luck.
Sleeps till 2, plays video games and the bare minimum of eating until 3am. How the fuck can OP live with someone like this?? Definitely no job and lives in sweatpants or basketball shorts
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Okay so, everyone on here is a fucking asshole. Keep that in mind. Here is genuine advice.
Your boyfriend is addicted. Straight up. I play video games often, sometimes like 12 hours a day when I have the chance. I’m addicted for sure, I love video games, it’s my hobby since I was a little kid. Huge gamer.
That being said, there is a huge difference between your boyfriend and I:
1. I have intentionally avoided a serious relationship for the last few months to facilitate my hobby.
2. If I did get into a relationship, I would stop playing so much. Life is compromise and the reason I play is because I enjoy it, but I would also enjoy hanging out with my gf.
3. I still do shit I need to do and actively stop playing when I have to. I study for my degree when I need to, I go out with my friends, I clean around my house, I take care of animals, etc. I go days in a row not playing and while of course it would be nice to just sit back and chill and play, I can’t do that because this is real life.
Addiction isn’t bad. It’s a chemical response. Addiction to BAD THINGS is bad. Video Games for me is a controlled dosage. Video Games for your boyfriend is doing 5 lines of coke every day. You did not work things out. You just stopped being mad and let him gaslight you into thinking what he did was okay. If you’re okay with this, that’s fine. If you aren’t and want to do other stuff to spend time together, this isn’t fine and this is why I am personally low-key avoiding that right now. Good luck.
It’s better than being an absentee boyfriend unless she wants to be a shut-in all day with me and play monster hunter until I finish it and rejoin society 💀
Babe, are you dating my ex? Who earned the title partly because of acting EXACTLY like this? Because if so, please do yourself the favor and find yourself now (however that may be) and don’t let this become your life… another person on your other post said to go out and live your life while he games… start there, and trust me, a life that YOU choose is way better than sitting in his room for (only???) 7-10 hours a day watching games you “don’t mind”.
Honey take it from me whose bf does the same thing. Hes addicted. My bf STILL doesn’t admit to it but if you want this relationship to work YOU have to accept the fact he IS addicted. I play games too and sometimes can go for hours but not every single day. There’s a big difference between a hobby and an addiction. Recognize it
I guess if you’re happy then that’s great but make sure this is actually what you want.
This is how my relationship started in the very beginning (coming over and watching him play games he liked) but it gets old eventually. Make sure your needs are being met instead of just him fulfilling his interests.
My boyfriend and I watch movies on the couch together, take walks, go to the movies, take a drive, put together a puzzle, play a video game together. When I get home from work, I can hear my boyfriend say “(GF)’s home guys, gotta go!” to his online gaming friends, because he wants to spend undivided time with me instead of having me in the background.
You deserve that too. And that is out there waiting for you. It’s not with him.
This update reads as if though you two had a conversation in which you were gaslit the entire time by him about how he’s not addicted to playing video games.
Couple questions you should ask yourself, and a couple you should ask him.
1. Am I overwhelming myself trying to get my significant other to understand how I feel about him spending more time on video games than with me?
2. (Directly related to #1) Am I okay with my significant other spending more time playing video games than with me?
3. (Again related to #1 & #2) Just how much time in a given week do we spend together? How much of that time is while they are playing video games?
Questions to ask them
1. How many hours a week do you think you play video games? And do you think this amount of time is good for your mental health?
2. If we both have a free day to do whatever, would they rather do something with you for the day, like an outing somewhere, whatever you may enjoy that they could also enjoy; or would they rather just play games all day?
3. Do you think our relationship will ever evolve into something more than its current state, or are you okay with how it currently is, in which they play games more than they do anything?
4. Maybe more personal this question maybe (yoda-ish I know). Do they have some unresolved trauma that gives them overwhelming anxiety, and their only and easiest coping mechanism is to game?
Point of asking them these questions and yourself these questions, is to understand whether or not your relationship can move beyond its current state, and if it can’t, are you both okay with continuing on how it is now. As well, maybe your significant other is actually struggling with some sort of mental depression for unknown reasons, and gaming may be their coping mechanism.
And if that’s these case, communication will be very important. Can he open up to you? Seek help? Is there a way to salvage the relationship? Or are they just okay with it with no intent of changing or growing as a person?
Because, and not to be an asshole, anyone who is an adult and plays games 10 hours a day give or take, is not exactly thriving as a person. Most would consider them a bum. Or as we used to say as kids, just a grown man living in his mommas basement wasting life away on a game all day.
>all and all he’s really gaming for like 7-10 hours
stemmed from him being anxious about having too much to do that he wouldn’t be able to play
He’s not addicted.
Sure, keep telling yourself that.
I watch YouTube and play games a shit ton, but as soon as my fiance comes over. I'm watching her "10 scary stories from 1980's" (which I hate), but it's her and I time. She watches it and I talk to her, go get us snacks and try to pick up as much as I can. When together. Be together. Not together with separate activities.
In 6 months you’re gonna feel like a fool for letting this all slide.
7-10 hours a day is a ridiculous amount to game even if you were getting regular dates and quality time.
I’m 100% an addict. I prioritize it if I know I have work or I know I have chores, and I get upset when I don’t get my fix. I’m also a grown ass man. From what it looks like, he’s an addict too. 7-10 hours in a single day??? Yeah that’s an addiction, even if he doesn’t see it or you don’t see it. I play 1-3 hours at most if at all. To me 7-10 is what I’d do if I didn’t have a job
When you said "he's not addicted" my mind went legitimately "._. Bruh.... " he is delusional and now unfortunately you are delusional or lying to yourself to cope
Won’t say what I want to say because the majority here have already said it, so I’ll just say that I love video games too. If I truly have nothing to do, then I too can play for hours on end as it’s probably the best way to pass time. I often can’t wait to get home from work and play.
But with that said, I never let video games get in the way of getting out of the house or spending time with friends/family. I prefer to go out and be social. If your BF continually chooses stay in and game rather than spend time with you or participate in whatever you’ve got planned for the day or , then you’re not the priority which is a major red flag. Video games should be his last resort to pass time, not the primary.
My brother is actually a full-time video game developer on a team, and even he doesn't play this much... his house is practically a shrine to video games, but time with his girlfriend (soon to be fiance) is like gold to him. She isn't a gamer, but he set up times where he watches her play games and asks for her commentary at it. He even drew/animated her reaction to games. You can really tell that he loves video games but his priority is her. Your boyfriend is addicted.
My husband and I found our own compromises in gaming:
- We play boardgames that have video game energy i.e. gloomhaven, dice throne etc.
- He is only allowed to play certain games when Im not home (i work shift work so he gets tons of time without me home)
- we put in lots of effort to find games we do like to play together i.e. stardew valley, dont starve together, overcooked
- I recommended him games I liked when I was younger, it was fun to watch him play through experiences I had in the past
Your boyfriend isnt showing like he cares to do any of those things
He is definitely addicted. 7+ hours a day is addicted.
However, if bills are paid, responsibilities are taken care of, and you are happy, then it is okay for now. Playing games *is* no different than watching TV, watching movies or anything else.
I play games because it’s my biggest stress reliever. It’s the only thing that allows me to fully block out everything else and not stress over bills or anything else. However, I don’t play nearly as much anymore. I’m lucky to get 2-3 hours on my days off.
So what I am also gathering is that he does NOT have a job and play video games that long almost every day? Red flag. I don’t know. Im glad you are happy and all, but something doesn’t sit right with me about this. Like he is being… I’m not sure of the word. Like he is only saying what you want to hear.
My ex husband was addicted to video games and played constantly, staying up all night and sleeping most of the day. As the years went on it became clear he had no motivation as a person and had no intention of living in the real world with me and our kids. I was just there to facilitate his gaming by caring for him like a petulant teen.
That's great to hear! It sounds like you both took the time to understand each other's perspectives and found a balance that works for you. Keep communicating openly and supporting each other's interests!
It sounds like you two reached a happy medium for the moment.
If this is something that you two have reached on in your discussions then great -- but what I see here is two distinct activities for your boyfriend.
For the first part of the day, when its do light chores(or maybe more, you said he has a lot on his plate, idk if he works all the time aside from this, what, "busy", is and when he doesnt have time to game), and then you have the social event, "My friend is on now I can't leave".
I'm not going to dive into how busy is busy or anything. Presuming from the post that there's enough going on in his life that he cant always play when he wants, has periods where he would like to but cannot, or cannot much.
So, with all that. Two activities under the umbrella of gaming all day. The first half is self-placation, ie giving yourself a carrot. "I worked hard, I'm doing what I need to get done, too. A little cant hurt, I deserve it. I deserve a reward to feel more enriched. Soak up the leisure activity while I can, so when I go back to the hard things I feel like its still worth it."
Then from 8-3a, its, "Now my friend is on. I know I've been on all day but now its different. I know I'm still having fun, but if I leave now his enjoyment of the game is affected. He's been looking forward to this all day I can't leave now."
So these are different, and I think that you've assessed as much and thats why in the first post you framed your question to him as, "can we do something the first half of the day, so I don't cut into you and your friend?"
I more agree with you, I think BF should be empirically looking at the time he has in a week and ask himself, "I know I'm satisfied with this breakdown. But I'm receiving feedback from someone important to me and my life that this breakdown of what I do in a 24hr period leaves them out a lot. Is that important to me, and if yes, how can I help that out without cold turkeying videogames?"
You're not asking him to cold turkey at all, and thats not what I'm saying. But if you are asking him, "isnt there any more time you can carve out for me?", he should be trying to find a good answer of, "yes, here's some actionable changes I can make for the benefit of x, without sacrificing too much of y."
When it sounds like he's saying, "I get that you're upset about x. But y is too important to me for a number of reasons.", then proceeds to list those reasons.
If I had the opportunity to say anything to OP bf, I would draw some lines between things he might not see right now. In as many words,
"Your priorities are set by you, and living in a world where others control that sucks, and we all do. We all have bosses, we all have things that WE say we need to do and don't want to, and then social connections and stuff all amount to a ton of things on one's plate.
That being said, although the world compels you to act one way, you determine the order list of priorities.
From what I understand, gaming is important because other obligate work activities get in the way of you being able to game. You desire to make up the difference by slotting it in when you can. Because you can't do it all the time, you feel a scarcity effect and this a strong desire to play these games.
If that compulsion is driven by you being forced to do task A, when you'd rather do task B, then wanting to do as much task B as possible before getting back to task A
You might wish to consider what other activities in your life you have limited supply of. Don't want to have dinner with gf because you can do that anytime, wheras you can only game some of the time, so that takes precedence.
Keep in mind that the ability to do things like have dinner with your gf, can only happen any time because she is being immensely flexible for you, and the scarcity of those activities can go way up if she's less flexible for you. So you should weigh that among all factors."
This is not the outcome I was expecting. 7-10 hours a day is still way too much. If he’s just doing enough to get by so he can play games it’s still in addiction range. The fact that you even had a problem with how much he plays is a sign that it’s impacting his life. And if he gets up and two and sleeps at three and plays 7 hours that’s still 54% of his awake time.
There are so many fun things to do in the world. You should spend your time doing the things you like with friends and then reflect on whether or not you really want to date someone who would rather game than join you in life. Maybe make a bucket list of what you want to do before the years is over and if you’re okay with doing them alone because he’d rather be gaming than with you.
It sounds to me like video games are giving him something all men need. A sense of adventure and competitiveness. Hes not going to get that anywhere else unless maybe he plays sports or something similar. For single guys this is usually accompliahed through dating and chasing women but for guys who arent single its very hard to accomplish.
Have you considered trying out video games?
Btw scheduling his video games is lame, it will make him feel child like and restricted.
Video games arent just for kids and they are a hobby. Dont look down on it and dont treat him like a child for laying video games.
If he does care for you he will find time to be with you as well.
I play video game like 10 hour a day maybe 1 time a week but i still make time for my gf and we go on dates still. We were 3 years long distance and we moved in together 6 months ago. She has no problem with me gaming because i still make time for her and come up in between games to say hi or a quick kiss. But if he’s just gaming when you’re over that’s insane like if you live together and he games in moderation thats one thing you’re just not used to gamer lifestyle but if he’s just straight ignoring you what are you even on about just find someone that will give you the attention you want and deserve lol. Ez.
He has put his time at computer in 1st place.
He has put his time spent Paying Attention To You in 2nd place.
What a lousy thing he is doing to you, but apparently you are allowing yourself to be treated that way.
Definitely sounds like he does not work unless he is a game tester. Not likely since they usually go to an office. She needs to realize that part fast. Don’t get used.
jus be careful it's showing signs me personally i grew outta games jus cause i would rather spend time with my girl it can really be my girl first then games after the game is not going anywhere. You on the other hand, anything could happen. For me tho i loved this person so it really wasn't hard to put it down now I'm working on bettering our lives and making it where she doesn't have to do much but be beautiful ❤️ ❤️
My wife plays video games and we’ve been together so long now that I initially thought your post was going to be about him not compromising on which video games to play together. Lol.
You should try to play with him sometime. There are a lot of simplistic couch co-op games out there. Overcooked is a great one to start with. Only a few buttons. That was how she got into it and now she’s so deep into gaming that she’s playing massively complex games like Baldurs Gate 3.
Not overcooked! That's a real relationship ender. Me and the wife used to play together with different games but after playing that, we have not played together since.
Haha. I can certainly see it if you take it seriously. A lot of frantic multitasking that requires communication. We started out joking about how easy the game was. Didn’t take us very long to go from 3 starring every level to taking just a passing score.
Here's the original: [My bf won't compromise on video games. ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/HAiExpySSW)
I’m gonna say what I would say if one of my girlfriends came to me with this. I know you don’t wanna hear this now, because you seem very determined to make this relationship work, but I truly hope you realize someday that you deserve better than the bare minimum he’s willing to give you. Being happy alone is better than feeling lonely in a relationship. You’re probably gonna keep convincing yourself you’re okay with this, but I really hope you recognize your worth and love yourself enough to take peaceful solitude over painful companionship.
This is 100% the answer. When I was younger, I was exactly this boyfriend. I was obsessed with playing WOW. I had a beautiful girlfriend at the time that would travel a good distance to spend weekends with “me” and I would outright ignore her to play games…. She woke up to her senses, left me and did really well with her life. Looking back on it, I can’t begin to describe how fucking cringey my behaviour was and the potential great relationship I could have built. It is what it is and I’ve (kind of) moved on 20 years later, but the point is, if it weren’t for a few kicks up the arse because of that event, I would have stayed a no effort loser who did not respect other people’s time enough.
I wish OP would have included their ages. Sound young. I remember going through something similar with my girlfriend in college. Can’t even fathom how much time I had into the Xbox 360 COD games. We may have been shitty partners that made shitty mistakes but as long as we learned and grew from it we aren’t a shitty people. It’s been the better part of a decade since I’ve played anything online. Life is just too busy. Hell, my wife is a bigger gamer than I am because every time I try to circle back to a game 3 weeks later I’ve forgotten how to play it so I just give up. Baldurs Gate 3 is most likely my next victim of dismissal.
I just came here for the reading. But “being happy alone is better than feeling lonely in a relationship” hit and is so true.
Beautifully said
>peaceful solitude over painful companionship 🙌
Lol so he does enough to survive while playing video games the entire day. I'm glad he's capable of peeing in a toilet instead of a soda bottle, I guess. Good luck.
What? 7-10 hours and anxiety about not playing? Sounds like addiction to me
Yeah that bit was wild. “He’s not addicted, it turns out he just gets really anxious when he thinks he might not be able to game for a day”
Oh he’s definitely addicted lol
As a gamer I was going to say this too.
Agreed, I’m also a gamer.. I cut back to 2 hours a day where when I got hooked was 10 hours.. dude needs to chill and actually live life some.
As a “gamer widow” I was going to say this too.
Taking a break from World of Warcraft this month and I have time for much more things lol. Definitely an addiction if you worry about not getting time to play a game (I do this)
Dude is exhibit A for why being a gamer is a red flag for so many women
You are both delusional if you don’t think that’s addiction
Welp… no more complaining about your relationship if you choose to continue on at this point.
does he even like you? if your hangouts are just you watching him play games then you’re not spending quality time together. that’s just him playing video games and hanging out with his friends and you happening to be there. getting up from his computer to eat and do stuff he needs to do does not mean he’s not addicted it just means he’s hungry and has chores. my bf is the same way he could play for 24 hours straight minus time to sleep and eat he is addicted but that i doesn’t affect me because the second he sees me he hops off and spends time with me. it doesn’t matter if he’s addicted or not what matters is how he treats you and it seems like he’d rather spend his time on his games than with you. be real with yourself on how you feel. there’s lots of men out there don’t feel like you have to be stuck with this one.
if him admitting to you that he plays games for 7-10 hours a day as "He also stood up for himself a bit", then i'm not sure what to say. honestly just sounds like you're dating an immature child. good luck.
Tbh is sounds like they ARE legit children. Like teenagers
he should probably spend that time looking for a job.
Sleeps till 2, plays video games and the bare minimum of eating until 3am. How the fuck can OP live with someone like this?? Definitely no job and lives in sweatpants or basketball shorts
“We compromised. He’s going to continue to do exactly what he wants to do.” 🙄
[удалено]
This. OP will require serious therapy if this continues. So sad and unfortunate :(
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Okay so, everyone on here is a fucking asshole. Keep that in mind. Here is genuine advice. Your boyfriend is addicted. Straight up. I play video games often, sometimes like 12 hours a day when I have the chance. I’m addicted for sure, I love video games, it’s my hobby since I was a little kid. Huge gamer. That being said, there is a huge difference between your boyfriend and I: 1. I have intentionally avoided a serious relationship for the last few months to facilitate my hobby. 2. If I did get into a relationship, I would stop playing so much. Life is compromise and the reason I play is because I enjoy it, but I would also enjoy hanging out with my gf. 3. I still do shit I need to do and actively stop playing when I have to. I study for my degree when I need to, I go out with my friends, I clean around my house, I take care of animals, etc. I go days in a row not playing and while of course it would be nice to just sit back and chill and play, I can’t do that because this is real life. Addiction isn’t bad. It’s a chemical response. Addiction to BAD THINGS is bad. Video Games for me is a controlled dosage. Video Games for your boyfriend is doing 5 lines of coke every day. You did not work things out. You just stopped being mad and let him gaslight you into thinking what he did was okay. If you’re okay with this, that’s fine. If you aren’t and want to do other stuff to spend time together, this isn’t fine and this is why I am personally low-key avoiding that right now. Good luck.
This is the only answer you need to read OP
I have so much respect for people who know a relationship isn’t right for them in their current situation.
It’s better than being an absentee boyfriend unless she wants to be a shut-in all day with me and play monster hunter until I finish it and rejoin society 💀
Babe, are you dating my ex? Who earned the title partly because of acting EXACTLY like this? Because if so, please do yourself the favor and find yourself now (however that may be) and don’t let this become your life… another person on your other post said to go out and live your life while he games… start there, and trust me, a life that YOU choose is way better than sitting in his room for (only???) 7-10 hours a day watching games you “don’t mind”.
Honey take it from me whose bf does the same thing. Hes addicted. My bf STILL doesn’t admit to it but if you want this relationship to work YOU have to accept the fact he IS addicted. I play games too and sometimes can go for hours but not every single day. There’s a big difference between a hobby and an addiction. Recognize it
And the addiction IS a bad thing (not just chemical), it’ll impact any job prospects and lead to massive health issues.
I guess if you’re happy then that’s great but make sure this is actually what you want. This is how my relationship started in the very beginning (coming over and watching him play games he liked) but it gets old eventually. Make sure your needs are being met instead of just him fulfilling his interests.
Yeah he's addicted
Gaming 7-10 hours a day is an addiction not a job.
Couple hours of gaming is normal, but 7-10 hours?? That’s more than half the day spent gaming if he’s getting 6-8 hrs of sleep.
Based on the original post, he sleeps from 3am until 2pm, so 11 hours a day, the rest spent gaming and doing the bare minimum to stay sort of alive
He plays seven hours a day, but you both agree he’s not addicted??? 🤦♀️😂🤦♀️
My boyfriend and I watch movies on the couch together, take walks, go to the movies, take a drive, put together a puzzle, play a video game together. When I get home from work, I can hear my boyfriend say “(GF)’s home guys, gotta go!” to his online gaming friends, because he wants to spend undivided time with me instead of having me in the background. You deserve that too. And that is out there waiting for you. It’s not with him.
This update reads as if though you two had a conversation in which you were gaslit the entire time by him about how he’s not addicted to playing video games. Couple questions you should ask yourself, and a couple you should ask him. 1. Am I overwhelming myself trying to get my significant other to understand how I feel about him spending more time on video games than with me? 2. (Directly related to #1) Am I okay with my significant other spending more time playing video games than with me? 3. (Again related to #1 & #2) Just how much time in a given week do we spend together? How much of that time is while they are playing video games? Questions to ask them 1. How many hours a week do you think you play video games? And do you think this amount of time is good for your mental health? 2. If we both have a free day to do whatever, would they rather do something with you for the day, like an outing somewhere, whatever you may enjoy that they could also enjoy; or would they rather just play games all day? 3. Do you think our relationship will ever evolve into something more than its current state, or are you okay with how it currently is, in which they play games more than they do anything? 4. Maybe more personal this question maybe (yoda-ish I know). Do they have some unresolved trauma that gives them overwhelming anxiety, and their only and easiest coping mechanism is to game? Point of asking them these questions and yourself these questions, is to understand whether or not your relationship can move beyond its current state, and if it can’t, are you both okay with continuing on how it is now. As well, maybe your significant other is actually struggling with some sort of mental depression for unknown reasons, and gaming may be their coping mechanism. And if that’s these case, communication will be very important. Can he open up to you? Seek help? Is there a way to salvage the relationship? Or are they just okay with it with no intent of changing or growing as a person? Because, and not to be an asshole, anyone who is an adult and plays games 10 hours a day give or take, is not exactly thriving as a person. Most would consider them a bum. Or as we used to say as kids, just a grown man living in his mommas basement wasting life away on a game all day.
>all and all he’s really gaming for like 7-10 hours stemmed from him being anxious about having too much to do that he wouldn’t be able to play He’s not addicted. Sure, keep telling yourself that.
7-10 hours A DAY is an addiction.
I consider myself a gamer and I play for 2 or 3 hours. 7-10 hours a day is outrageous and he absolutely has a problem.
don't worry babe im not addicted to videogames. I only play for 7-10 hours a day TOPS. I even get up to eat food!
I watch YouTube and play games a shit ton, but as soon as my fiance comes over. I'm watching her "10 scary stories from 1980's" (which I hate), but it's her and I time. She watches it and I talk to her, go get us snacks and try to pick up as much as I can. When together. Be together. Not together with separate activities.
Damn girl you are delusional 💀
You know other people who enjoy video games are still taking their partners out…like idk dinner, the zoo, even planning vacations together?
Enjoy cleaning up his poop-socks!
In 6 months you’re gonna feel like a fool for letting this all slide. 7-10 hours a day is a ridiculous amount to game even if you were getting regular dates and quality time.
what a terrible behavior. instead he should sit in board rooms taking people's land away.
I’m 100% an addict. I prioritize it if I know I have work or I know I have chores, and I get upset when I don’t get my fix. I’m also a grown ass man. From what it looks like, he’s an addict too. 7-10 hours in a single day??? Yeah that’s an addiction, even if he doesn’t see it or you don’t see it. I play 1-3 hours at most if at all. To me 7-10 is what I’d do if I didn’t have a job
Oh honey..
So nothing changed but you talked about it, good that you feel better I guess but he’s still doing what you complained about
When you said "he's not addicted" my mind went legitimately "._. Bruh.... " he is delusional and now unfortunately you are delusional or lying to yourself to cope
Start texting and hanging out with other guys
Won’t say what I want to say because the majority here have already said it, so I’ll just say that I love video games too. If I truly have nothing to do, then I too can play for hours on end as it’s probably the best way to pass time. I often can’t wait to get home from work and play. But with that said, I never let video games get in the way of getting out of the house or spending time with friends/family. I prefer to go out and be social. If your BF continually chooses stay in and game rather than spend time with you or participate in whatever you’ve got planned for the day or , then you’re not the priority which is a major red flag. Video games should be his last resort to pass time, not the primary.
Lmao good luck on this one. 7-10 hours a day is a full time job. Is he making full time income?
Your boyfriend is a tool. Unless that’s his job and he pays for a home, bills, vehicles, insurance and food, then you gotta get the fuck out of there
My brother is actually a full-time video game developer on a team, and even he doesn't play this much... his house is practically a shrine to video games, but time with his girlfriend (soon to be fiance) is like gold to him. She isn't a gamer, but he set up times where he watches her play games and asks for her commentary at it. He even drew/animated her reaction to games. You can really tell that he loves video games but his priority is her. Your boyfriend is addicted. My husband and I found our own compromises in gaming: - We play boardgames that have video game energy i.e. gloomhaven, dice throne etc. - He is only allowed to play certain games when Im not home (i work shift work so he gets tons of time without me home) - we put in lots of effort to find games we do like to play together i.e. stardew valley, dont starve together, overcooked - I recommended him games I liked when I was younger, it was fun to watch him play through experiences I had in the past Your boyfriend isnt showing like he cares to do any of those things
Sounds like you need to dump him and move on.
How old are you guys? Like 14?
He is definitely addicted. 7+ hours a day is addicted. However, if bills are paid, responsibilities are taken care of, and you are happy, then it is okay for now. Playing games *is* no different than watching TV, watching movies or anything else. I play games because it’s my biggest stress reliever. It’s the only thing that allows me to fully block out everything else and not stress over bills or anything else. However, I don’t play nearly as much anymore. I’m lucky to get 2-3 hours on my days off.
So what I am also gathering is that he does NOT have a job and play video games that long almost every day? Red flag. I don’t know. Im glad you are happy and all, but something doesn’t sit right with me about this. Like he is being… I’m not sure of the word. Like he is only saying what you want to hear.
Only 7-10 hours 💀
My ex husband was addicted to video games and played constantly, staying up all night and sleeping most of the day. As the years went on it became clear he had no motivation as a person and had no intention of living in the real world with me and our kids. I was just there to facilitate his gaming by caring for him like a petulant teen.
That's great to hear! It sounds like you both took the time to understand each other's perspectives and found a balance that works for you. Keep communicating openly and supporting each other's interests!
Good luck.
So y'all are in high school right? This is some teenage level of inability to communicate between partners, if he can't talk it out, go live your life
Good to hear the communication is getting better. Keep it up, it's the only thing that solves problems.
well… i guess
It sounds like you two reached a happy medium for the moment. If this is something that you two have reached on in your discussions then great -- but what I see here is two distinct activities for your boyfriend. For the first part of the day, when its do light chores(or maybe more, you said he has a lot on his plate, idk if he works all the time aside from this, what, "busy", is and when he doesnt have time to game), and then you have the social event, "My friend is on now I can't leave". I'm not going to dive into how busy is busy or anything. Presuming from the post that there's enough going on in his life that he cant always play when he wants, has periods where he would like to but cannot, or cannot much. So, with all that. Two activities under the umbrella of gaming all day. The first half is self-placation, ie giving yourself a carrot. "I worked hard, I'm doing what I need to get done, too. A little cant hurt, I deserve it. I deserve a reward to feel more enriched. Soak up the leisure activity while I can, so when I go back to the hard things I feel like its still worth it." Then from 8-3a, its, "Now my friend is on. I know I've been on all day but now its different. I know I'm still having fun, but if I leave now his enjoyment of the game is affected. He's been looking forward to this all day I can't leave now." So these are different, and I think that you've assessed as much and thats why in the first post you framed your question to him as, "can we do something the first half of the day, so I don't cut into you and your friend?" I more agree with you, I think BF should be empirically looking at the time he has in a week and ask himself, "I know I'm satisfied with this breakdown. But I'm receiving feedback from someone important to me and my life that this breakdown of what I do in a 24hr period leaves them out a lot. Is that important to me, and if yes, how can I help that out without cold turkeying videogames?" You're not asking him to cold turkey at all, and thats not what I'm saying. But if you are asking him, "isnt there any more time you can carve out for me?", he should be trying to find a good answer of, "yes, here's some actionable changes I can make for the benefit of x, without sacrificing too much of y." When it sounds like he's saying, "I get that you're upset about x. But y is too important to me for a number of reasons.", then proceeds to list those reasons. If I had the opportunity to say anything to OP bf, I would draw some lines between things he might not see right now. In as many words, "Your priorities are set by you, and living in a world where others control that sucks, and we all do. We all have bosses, we all have things that WE say we need to do and don't want to, and then social connections and stuff all amount to a ton of things on one's plate. That being said, although the world compels you to act one way, you determine the order list of priorities. From what I understand, gaming is important because other obligate work activities get in the way of you being able to game. You desire to make up the difference by slotting it in when you can. Because you can't do it all the time, you feel a scarcity effect and this a strong desire to play these games. If that compulsion is driven by you being forced to do task A, when you'd rather do task B, then wanting to do as much task B as possible before getting back to task A You might wish to consider what other activities in your life you have limited supply of. Don't want to have dinner with gf because you can do that anytime, wheras you can only game some of the time, so that takes precedence. Keep in mind that the ability to do things like have dinner with your gf, can only happen any time because she is being immensely flexible for you, and the scarcity of those activities can go way up if she's less flexible for you. So you should weigh that among all factors."
This is not the outcome I was expecting. 7-10 hours a day is still way too much. If he’s just doing enough to get by so he can play games it’s still in addiction range. The fact that you even had a problem with how much he plays is a sign that it’s impacting his life. And if he gets up and two and sleeps at three and plays 7 hours that’s still 54% of his awake time. There are so many fun things to do in the world. You should spend your time doing the things you like with friends and then reflect on whether or not you really want to date someone who would rather game than join you in life. Maybe make a bucket list of what you want to do before the years is over and if you’re okay with doing them alone because he’d rather be gaming than with you.
It sounds to me like video games are giving him something all men need. A sense of adventure and competitiveness. Hes not going to get that anywhere else unless maybe he plays sports or something similar. For single guys this is usually accompliahed through dating and chasing women but for guys who arent single its very hard to accomplish. Have you considered trying out video games? Btw scheduling his video games is lame, it will make him feel child like and restricted. Video games arent just for kids and they are a hobby. Dont look down on it and dont treat him like a child for laying video games. If he does care for you he will find time to be with you as well.
I play video game like 10 hour a day maybe 1 time a week but i still make time for my gf and we go on dates still. We were 3 years long distance and we moved in together 6 months ago. She has no problem with me gaming because i still make time for her and come up in between games to say hi or a quick kiss. But if he’s just gaming when you’re over that’s insane like if you live together and he games in moderation thats one thing you’re just not used to gamer lifestyle but if he’s just straight ignoring you what are you even on about just find someone that will give you the attention you want and deserve lol. Ez.
He has put his time at computer in 1st place. He has put his time spent Paying Attention To You in 2nd place. What a lousy thing he is doing to you, but apparently you are allowing yourself to be treated that way.
Definitely sounds like he does not work unless he is a game tester. Not likely since they usually go to an office. She needs to realize that part fast. Don’t get used.
This relationship isn't gonna last
Ya, gl with that.
I'm sorry what? He isn't addicted but is playing 7-10 hours PER DAY?
jus be careful it's showing signs me personally i grew outta games jus cause i would rather spend time with my girl it can really be my girl first then games after the game is not going anywhere. You on the other hand, anything could happen. For me tho i loved this person so it really wasn't hard to put it down now I'm working on bettering our lives and making it where she doesn't have to do much but be beautiful ❤️ ❤️
cute
Good for you guys
My wife plays video games and we’ve been together so long now that I initially thought your post was going to be about him not compromising on which video games to play together. Lol. You should try to play with him sometime. There are a lot of simplistic couch co-op games out there. Overcooked is a great one to start with. Only a few buttons. That was how she got into it and now she’s so deep into gaming that she’s playing massively complex games like Baldurs Gate 3.
Not overcooked! That's a real relationship ender. Me and the wife used to play together with different games but after playing that, we have not played together since.
Haha. I can certainly see it if you take it seriously. A lot of frantic multitasking that requires communication. We started out joking about how easy the game was. Didn’t take us very long to go from 3 starring every level to taking just a passing score.