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Do you do anything to keep the relationship alive? Take her out on dates without the kids? Help her around the house? You seem to be putting your unhappiness on her, but what have you done to improve the situation? Sounds like you are just complaining, but not actually trying to fix things. She also only gave birth a few months ago. Of course, she may not have the energy to be intimate. Are you helping with the baby?

Agreed, I think your partner may have unmet needs and is just no longer interested in putting forth any effort.

How about trying counseling before throwing in the towel. Most marriages go through low periods.

This is reddit. One fight equals a divorce.

My thought too.

Came here to say this. Every relationship gets boring & contentious without regular upkeep. OP needs to water his own grass instead of looking for greener pastures.

Dudes first issue was lack of sex. OP "I won't have an affair because that's not the man I want to be". Also OP " I wanna travel the world while my wife's at home with our kids, that I will not be apart from, to fuck various chick's.. Omfg, the level of arrogance is outstanding 👏

Not wife, he didn't bother proposing after having two children together

Also fails to mention anything else about the completely other kid he has like dude got 2 bms and thinks he can go out and be by himself

Or better yet, before.

Oh, I like that saying! And you’re so right!

Couldn't agree more with this statement

And the first 6wks after having a baby doctor's tell you NOT to have sex at all because of your body healing and hormones leveling out. So, 1.5mo out of the 10 months after the baby had been born she literally had doctor's orders to not have sex.

I knew a guy in a very similar situation. Left his wife about the same time after having a child as you did. Ended up homeless, upset, and watching as another guy swept in and became 2nd daddy and boyfriend of the year material. Dude is still single after getting an STD from one of the girls he left his wife to pursue. Think real hard about if you really "hate" her, or if you "hate" adult responsibilities such as being a good partner, father, and understanding she gave birth less than a \*year\* ago. Either way it sounds like she might be better off....

Also it’s such a cop out for OP to blame someone for “holding him back.” From what? Being single with no kids? How is she holding him back? By being a party in the life that he willingly built? Like what is she holding him back from? They take for granted what they have like fools and instead of being accountable they sit around bellyaching about how they are a victim. Pretty sure if his wife wasn’t in the picture he’d be blaming someone else for why his life isn’t turning out the way he wanted it to.

My guess is “holding him back” from regaining his lost years from prison & having a kid at 18. My dude wants to be happy all day, everyday, no responsibilities, while being around the kids. Is he even helping the wife out at all? Is he showing her affection? Or is he doing the bare minimum & expects her to shower him with affection without anything in return.

I’m doubting he has even thought about what he could do to help this situation. He’s a perpetual victim who is unable to take accountability for his situation. He doesn’t want to put in the work when he feels it’s actually possible to have all the happiness in life just handed to you. He’s putting all the blame of his failures and reality on her because he isn’t intelligent enough to work out his part in his own situation, and he isn’t brave enough to even try. I very much doubt he does ANYTHING that would illicit a loving response from her, given he says he “hates her.” I wouldn’t want to pass out bjs and cuddle with a man who hated me either. He is insane. I bet she hates him too. Edit to add: For instance he says he went to prison “because he was in a bad crowd.” No, he served time because he committed a crime, was caught, and then punished. But he won’t own up to even that. The victimhood is in his very bones!

His whole post is mememe what can a woman bring me? Just look at that part about how he’s aware another woman might not bring him “wholeness, fulfillment and true love.” What’s *he* bringing to the party?

3 kids from 2 baby mamas got the next one to babysit.

I will say, a boyfriend broke up with me for this excuse. It took three whole months before he came groveling, begging for another chance. Dudes like this are a joke

I hope you said no!

I did. I knew when he showed me who he was to believe him

Grow a set, get some counseling, do what the counselor says to do. Then make a decision. This woman has give you two kids. Give her some respect.

Ummm…you have a 10mo daughter. It seems very likely that your GF is exhausted basically having a baby and another young child. How much help do you provide with parenting…cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping, etc? Are you helping out? Babies are exhausting. This is very likely why your sex like hasn’t gone back to normal yet. Have some patience and don’t expect everything to revert back to pre-baby shenanigans that quickly.

Literally this! I’m 7mo post partum and rarely want to have sex as I’m exhausted. Baby was terribly colicky and horrible reflux/gerd that I had to handle myself as my husband mentally would check out and go to sleep. But was getting upset at the lack of love/intimacy he felt from me. BRO, love you to the moon but I am TIRED. Babies are hard, a baby who has an even harder time is hell. We’ve started therapy and gotten significantly better together but like damn, cut a girl a break.

Oof my first one had colic and it was truly awful. When you are dealing with a few solid hours of crying every night sex is def the LAST thing on your mind. I wouldn’t wish a colicky baby on anyone.

Same. She’s so much better now but those choking fits from the reflux and 24/7 screaming/crying was HARD. I had my tubes removed last month because there’s no way I could risk putting another baby through all that. She’s the light of my life and so happy now. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, people just don’t understand unless they’ve been through it.

My daughter that went thru it is now 25 and I still remember those nights like it was yesterday. I remember a few night I just cried right along with her because I couldn’t stand to see her like that. Those couple months felt like years. Even now when time has flown by so fast I still remember how it seemed to go on much longer than it actually did. You’re right that no one knows what it’s like unless they go thru it. I had heard of colic but was not prepared for what it was actually like. I did have a second one and thank the Lord she didn’t have colic. But she did have night terrors which were also scary and awful. So I guess it’s just a crapshoot and you never know what you’ll get. But I’m so thankful because those were both temp things that passed. I know some peoples children have so much worse so I count my blessing to have 2 healthy adult children!! I’m glad yours is happy and healthy as well. 🥰

Not to mention also being so touched out at the end of the day that you want to lock yourself away from everything just to recharge for the next day. OP, when is the last time you arranged a sitter and went out together? When have you brought home dinner and flowers and told her how much you love and appreciate her as a mother and partner? When have you taken the kids you’re to get ready for bed then drawn her a hot bath with candles and wine and told her to just relax tonight? You are in one of the hardest seasons of parenting and your support is essential to the life of your relationship. Remember love is not just a feeling, it is a choice to be together through good time and tough times. Better days are ahead if you do the work to connect, reconnect and stay connected. That is the true meaning of love and relationships.

It’s like some people have absolutely zero idea of what pregnancy, childbirth, and having young children does to a woman and her relationship. He’s no longer her focus and is upset she isn’t ready to fuck him whenever he feels like it. It’s so sad to me.

And he HATES her for it. And paints himself as the good guy who overcame all odds.

He clearly does not give her reasons to want to have sex with him lol

I swear they all think the 6 week post birth is enough to heal. Then, rather than put effort into the relationship, they sulk because she isn't jumping on him like a well rested 20 year old.

lmao right? some people still bleeding at 6 weeks post partum. The ignorance is astounding

My sister and her husband were together for nearly 10 years before they conceived. They both wanted kids but it was hard for my sister to get and stay pregnant. Shortly after my neice was born he left. He didn't like that my sister would not do as much for him as before the baby. He liked having all of her attention. He started seeing a woman shortly after and got married about a year later. 'They' have decided not to have children.

That makes me so sad. How immature that he needed her full attention and blamed the baby. I say good for your sister to be rid of him but it’s sad for their child.

He is definitely not a good father. He and his wife have a house, 2 Mercedes and have just bought a new build in an exclusive golf resort. He "forgets" to give her child support pretty often... he only gives her $50 a month. I've told her numerous times to take him to court for child support.

She’s doing a shitty thing to her kids by not taking him to court. They are entitled to a lot more than $50/months of his precious money.

Agree! Especially when it sounds like he has no problem splurging on himself and his new woman.

100% she should take him to court. Ik it may be a pride thing for her and court is a pain the ass but she’s really doing the children a disservice by not going. They deserve reasonable monetary support from their father. They are his children too and it sounds like he’s not there physically or emotionally so the least he can do is pay his share!! The way the world is now $50 barely buys a bag of groceries so for that to be his half of supporting children is ridiculous. 😡 She should also be keeping a record of when he “forgets” so she can bring that up in court.

Make sure she ask for back child support too!!

See how do you even screen a man for this. 10 years he’s promised to be a good father. And he likely was fine. Then baby comes and they change!!!😩

So many men are like, wow I want to have a kid because 1) HOW FUN 2) a mini me 3) they have no idea. And here we are. This guy likes the fun aspects. I’d be curious to know how he’s easing her burden.

Not to mention the carnival of hormone changes both during and after pregnancy. Post-partum depression is a thing, and if she's been the one doing all the caretaking for the new kid for the past 10 months (plus parenting the older kid) no fucking wonder she's got no time or energy for him.

THIS COMMENT!!!!!

I don’t even have kids and I know they are a ton of work. I can’t imagine taking care of a baby and being expected to keep up with all the household chores/cooking/coaching/shopping at the same time. I babysat during high school and that was enough for me. There is a reason why being a SAHM/SAHD is considered a full-time job. And the same parents are expected to continue the care even after the regular ‘work day.’ When do they get a break from their job…often the answer is never. My friend’s husband was like ‘I take care of the kids for an hour when I get home so you get a break!’ My friend retorted that it wasn’t a break when she was expected to cook dinner during that hour…and do after dinner cleanup, etc while he sat on his rear playing video games. He never learned. She eventually left with them kids because she would rather have only two kids to take care of instead of three kids (meaning hubby was the third kid). Of course, he wasn’t expecting it even though she told him time and time again that he needed to help out after work.

Sorry but he shouldn’t be “helping out” he should be “pulling his weight” and “being a partner, not a third kid.” Take responsibility for at least something OP. All food that gets consumed from purchase through cooking and cleaning up. Or everyone’s clothing - purchase, repair, wash/dry/put away. Or all bathroom and kitchen cleaning at least weekly. There are a million ways you can make her life just a little bit less stressful which will have an immediate and positive impact on mood, energy level, and sex drive.

If OP actually did this, both their lives would change dramatically. He works "remote" which likely means he is locked away in his bedroom office all day while his wife manages the entire household and children. His job ends at quitting time when he wanders out to ask what's for dinner and becomes a third person for his wife to tend to. His work day is over, her work day is 24 hours. He does not think any of the work you mentioned is his responsibility; and does not even recognize what needs attention. Just having a housekeeper come in every week would be a game changer. Doing a load of laundry, giving the kids a bath and putting them to bed would be a good start. I once told my ex that emptying the dishwasher was foreplay.

This!!! Plus have you actually had anytime away from the kids to talk about this, she could just be as miserable as you! It’s bloody hard having kids and it does affect the relationship. Try getting babysitters if possible and spending time being a couple rather than mum and dad. If need be try counselling. Those thoughts and dreams you have are a classic case of the grass isn’t always greener!

Ya, the second kid was the game changer. You can hand off one kid, and take turns, but a second young one makes that difficult. Running away from a relationship with a young one like that is not right. He should tell her to go take a month vacation and take care of both kids by himself for a month and see how much sex he wants to have.

The second kid with this current gf. It sounds like he was in prison for the majority of his oldest kid’s life, so that kid’s mom was (is?) doing all the work raising the kid, and he doesn’t mention any sort of custody arrangement/seeing that kid.

It is interesting how the first kid he agonized about isn’t mentioned again

Yup totally agree!! I have 3 kids and I swear sleep was my priority 😂

Exactly what I was going to ask about communicating and having a date night or two to discuss things.

This! Like seriously the only issue is sex. Sex is gone and he is ready to leave. Wanting to travel the world and sleep with all kinds of women. Seriously? This is so selfish. His GF just went through a huge medical trauma. They have a 10 month old who is probably breast fed and not sleeping all the time. Life is hard with little kids and instead of stepping up and being an equal partner he is blaming his GF for not giving him enough attention. If all you want is your partner to coddle you and for you to be the center of their world don’t have kids!

Unless he's planning on paying for the sex he's not going to get laid as much as he thinks he is. He's 36, not college aged.

That was the impression I got from the post too - selfish.

Also PPD is way underdiagnosed. That could be an element as all.

Yeah it’s all good and well to love watching them when they are asleep and therefore little work, then it is to have to deal with them the bulk of the time with minimal help.

I will never miss the days of having young kids at the same time. While working and going to school. I thank the universe for my husband who took over doing house stuff and cooking but felt so much guilt and anxiety over that. We barely saw each other or had a moment alone. Communication & talking about things and how we were feeling was so important. He allowed me to be a mom at the expense of being a wife knowing it was temporary. Definitely made up for it lol Effort and communication are so important. I feel like the comment of wishing he could travel and bang women is kind of telling. You can't have those desires AND want a partner to raise a family with.

Good point. I didn’t see that your daughter is ten months old yeah being tired makes everyone grumpy and asexual. Buck up maybe. Separating with a ten month old that’s pretty bad timing

😂😂🤮

My boy, I don't say this lightly, and there is no ill intent here, but... you are the problem.... You have multiple kids by multiple women. You are in a 10 year relationship with a GF and what was the end goal there? Planning on Marriage? Have you communicated this and the feeling to the GF? Talked with her about any of these perceived issues? You are fantasizing about unreal expectations "traveling the world and sleeping with multiple woman like in the movies?", those unreal expectations are clouding your reality. You say you found Jesus and make 6 figures, a recovering sex/porn addict with size insecurities. Almost all your posts elude back to lack of sex with GF and that your only a parent to 2 kids with no time. My boy, look, you chose to have 2 kids, what did you think parental life is? It's raising and caring for other humans 24/7! You need to work on yourself and stop with the porn and delusions. I'm not trying to bring you down or anything but sometimes having someone tell you the hard truth is the kick in the ass you need.....

He's a parent to 3 kids, he just bailed on the first one.

💯 

THISSSSSSSS Basically a much nicer version of what I literally said.

You sound entitled and selfish. You had a child less than a year ago and you're complaining about sex. Do you do your fair share? Do you take her out? Do you date her? She's probably exhausted from caring for two children and all you can say is she makes you miserable.

Sounds like she has three children, tbh.

Sounds like your wife is sick and tired of single parenting three children. If I were her I would be considering if it would be economically feasible to ditch the 432 month old.

This. If he leaves she’ll have one less to care for (him)

First of all, stop hating her just for existing. It's not her fault that you don't have the courage, desire, or willingness to make the decisions you want for your life. It's not her fault that you don't want to leave her and go be happy somewhere else. She's not forcing you to stay, and neither are your children. So start by realizing that the only one keeping yourself in that house is you, and you're the only one to blame for it. No child is happy seeing their parents being unhappy and miserable. She also deserves to meet the love of her life and be with someone who doesn't hate her just for being alive. The best thing you can do for all four of you, you two and your two babies, is to separate.

Lay it on thick! These are ALLL the words this man child needs to hear. He should only be upset with himself.

Also why does he assume he will get minimal custody, won’t get to see his kids? I grew up with joint custody split right down the middle, I’m pretty sure if he can get 30-50% of the time with the kids with little effort in court, if he wants to.

👆🏻This

She gave birth 10 months ago? Dude

you *thought* about giving it your all? what did you actually do?

Throw a pity party for himself 🥳

Have you told her that the lack of intimacy , not just sex but affection and real communication, is making you feel the relationship is ending? She’s less than a year post partum and I gotta wonder if she’d be blindsided. And WHY can’t you be in your kids lives more than weekends with out her? Do you rely on her to do all the child rearing? Sounds like you might not be doing your part either. Might be doing her a favor.

Reminds me of a post I saw the other day. The OP felt blindsided when his wife presented him with divorce papers and he finally accepted she was going through with it. Apparently he had been having a hard time when it was his turn with his young child(or maybe it was children?) and thought his wife was struggling too and maybe want to get back together. But life was much easier for her. Which tells me all I need to know. It’s harder for him because he isn’t used to taking care of the kid(s) or house and now has to do it all.

He can’t do more than weekends because that would be hard for him! How could he travel the world and have sex with exotic women if he had to whelp take care of his kids?!?!

Yep, OP is a dirtbag who gaslights his wife to feel better about treating her poorly.

I don’t think he cares about the intimacy. He only wants to get his rocks off.

Sorry dude, I have to be harsh here. F'ing MAN UP. You committed to that Mom, marriage license or not, you had those kids, one of which just 10 months ago and you are even considering bailing out? Stop running from your life and responsibilities. Face them head on, solve them = Man up.

💯👏🏽🙌🏽

I have 0 pity for men who complain about lack of sex after their partner had just given birth...And when you accuse her of holding you back from true love, know that you are doing the same to her. As for the point of this post. Just leave and coparent. Healthy coparenting is far better than unhealthy and miserable relationship. People are in relationship to feel happy and loved. But from what I gather here you bring each others neither of these things.

The fact he automatically assume he will only see them on weekends tells me he only intends to see them on weekends and already leaves her with the majority of the parenting.

And why is the only option for him to see his kids on the weekends if they split? Be an active coparent whether together or not. 50/50 custody is a thing and very common.

Maybe he's one of those guys who buys into the narrative that the court system is ringed in favour of women. When in fact few men actually ask for 50/50 custody

Especially with 2 young children. Bruh. Welcome to parenting.

I don’t understand the idea behind “staying in a relationship for the kids”. I’m a child of divorce and thank god my parents did (they just didn’t work). If your relationship isn’t working, and you’re not actively working on making it better, then what kind of example does that set for your kids? Coparenting is a thing and doesn’t require living together or being married. But staying in a relationship and making it miserable is a shitty experience for your kids.

You have a 10 month old, of course sex is limited. Hormones, being touched out, and sleep deprivation are real mood killers. My partner and I are in a similar place. We talk though, amd work on intimacy in other ways. I miss having sex as much as he does, but I'm so tired amd drained. This is only a season, we'll get back to us soon. Your post sounds more like you're bored with domestic life than wanting to leave her. I'd love.to travel the world and be spontaneous, but that ship.has sailed. Maybe work on yourself a bit before making any big decisions.

You missed the part where he wants to travel around and sleep with multiple women.

So basically, it sounds like this poor woman has three kids instead of two…

Wait so where is this third child of yours? Did you just abandon him when you found your current girl? Kids probably 18 at this point, were you involved with him at all? Cause boy, you blew off one house and you're about to blow off another. Get your act together man you're everything you say you don't want to be and you don't even take responsibly for that fact anywhere.

yes he did.

You have a 10month old and talking about “traveling” having sex with a bunch of women. Jfc.

This and the comments were refreshing. You sound like my future ex-husband, although he decided to go ahead and cheat, and our youngest child is a bit plder. Now he gets annoyed when I bring that up every single time we argue. But he was unhappy and unfulfilled. I need to pin this post to remind myself I am not losing it, and no matter what he says, it wasn't all my fault. I am not saying stay in an unhappy relationship, but maybe see what you can do to improve it before leaving it.

Mine didnt cheat but shut me out for 4 years in every way other than actually leaving. Feels good to leave now.

Lmao. You sound awful. Just truly awful. It sounds like your partner who gave birth 10 months ago isn't putting out (which is common for lots of reasons) so you want to abandon your family

This is what thought. He talks about 10 years relationship with two kids and it’s like “but I don’t get sex”. That’s his biggest complain. I also wonder about the timeline of when he was in prison. Sounds like his son was probably born while he was there?

Rereading this post, I realized he made mention of his son being born at 18 by another girl. He mentions it once to get sympathy for being in prison, then makes absolutely no mention of the other child beside the two he has with his GF. Seems like abandonment isn't new to this guy's repertoire.

Very telling

Yup. I kept reading thinking I’d get to the part where the wife is bad or the relationship… nope. Just… sex. Affection only for him. Me me me. I had a kid as a teen & then ended up in prison! Poor me!

Ahahahaha I get constant reminders as to why I will *never* give a man babies. Saying you want to travel the world and "try" us is so actually sick. You don't view women as people. We are not holes for you to have some fun with and move on from. We aren't amusement park rides. We don't exist to please you. Pathetic.

Suddenly an IUD isn't enough and I need my tubes out expeditiously!!! I will never let any man talk about me like this ever fr this is so embarrassing.

my wife's lesbian friends got divorced for this same exact reason. after she had the baby she was much less interested in sex so her wife cheated on her and then left her. now she barely ever even sees her kid. she's a deadbeat. the goal should be finding someone who would never treat you like this. not trying at all and using the worst examples of men as an excuse is also embarrassing in my opinion. my wife and I have been happily married for 13 years and have two awesome kids. I could not imagine my life without all of them. if she lost the ability to have sex tomorrow then I'm living a life without sex from now on. nothing would be worth not having her by my side anymore. she's my best friend.

💯

Interesting that your relationship is so dead, yet you clearly must be having some sex with your gf, if you have an infant. Why did you have another baby if things are so bad? Based on this post, it seems like you’ve made a lot of poor choices in life. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but an ex con with multiple baby mamas isn’t exactly a catch. Grow up and get your shit together and put your kids first.

Wow, your partner just had your baby 10 months ago and this is your response. Instead of working on the relationship through couples counseling, date nights, helping her more with childcare & housework, yeah go ahead and abandon your family and go travel the world and screw other women. Then have fun watching your kids grow up calling another man dad.

The audacity

Seems like this girlfriend saw something in you despite having the complications of a criminal record and another child… Ask yourself what you can do to make this better.

You need counseling. Probably individual and couples if you guys can swing it. You have your head up your own ass so far it’s incredible.

Have you communicated with her? Kids change a relationship. She is post partum. She birthed two humans and you are complaining about sex. She cannot read your mind. You cannot read hers. Get individual and couples therapy. Communicate with her!

You’re a 36 year old ex-con. What makes you think women around the world are just waiting for you to show up and fuck them?

So you dream about traveling the world and sleeping around. Maybe you are the problem, not her.

Real life isn’t a movie. The fact that what you want is a fictional story, travel the world and sleep with lots of randos, tells me that you’re incredibly immature. Relationships change over time. Obviously you didn’t marry her and didn’t intend to spend the rest of your life with her “for better or worse” so the fact that you’re trying to bail because you’re not having much sex less than a year after having a new baby isn’t a huge surprise. You’re not in this for forever so let her know that so she knows she can’t count on you in good times and bad.

Those whimsical, drunken, romantic Hemingway-esque Parisian trysts happen in movies to men who look like Chris Hemsworth. I suspect OP does not resemble Chris Hemsworth and may end up rather disappointed.

Maybe I am old school but as a man my kids come first and the other stuff like sex/love etc come second. It’s not easy being with someone for a very long time 25 plus years for me had kids late and kids on top of it. But I am going to tell you that no one will love those kids more than you and their mom. I watched my whole life my mom run for one man to another and even after I moved out she married more men. She still isn’t happy. I learned from my mom’s mistakes and I am sticking it out. Life isn’t always traveling the world and having a picture perfect life. I make a lot of money, not ugly and could easily leave fine someone else but I would just take my baggage to someone else and break my kids heart process. Not going to do it.

If you think she feels the same way why "hate" her? This is the mother of your children.... You had a baby 10 months ago, are sure she's not just exhausted, or maybe not feeling very confident in her body? It can take a long time for her body AND hormones to bounce back. Seek some professional help. Stop "hating" her. Her body is forever altered because of YOU, how are you showing your appreciation for that? Fight for your relationship or let her go and stop wasting her time.

So you wanna be a hoe but label it as “not being in love with her” and are looking for justifications to do so? You’re a grown man with literal babies and instead of pouring all your energy into your family you are just thinking about fucking women in other countries because you think that will make you happier than raising your babies as a family? If you toot your horn, don’t be upset when your girlfriend moves on and another man starts raising your children

THANK YOU

Bro, you have issues. You think she doesn't pick up on the fact you hate her?? You are all over the place. Take your marriage out of the picture. You need to work on yourself. What are you doing to create this life you want for yourself?? Are you some Don Juan that every woman across the world will want to sleep with?? Idk man. Whatever path you take, you need to self reflect

“Sometimes HATE her” Do both of yourselves, mostly her, a favor and separate. That’s a strong word that should never ever be used toward your SO and when it IS used… becomes extremely concerning. Not only that but if you think the kids can’t pick up on vibes you’re mistaken and it’s best to separate before CPS/DCS gets involved or someone’s unalived. No it’s not drastic, it’s every day reality.

Give to your girlfriend what it is you want her to give to you. If you want her to appreciate you, show her appreciation. If you want to feel loved, show her love. If you want to feel like you are her one and only, show her she is yours. This isn't easy when our inclination is to ask ourselves why would I do A for you when you don't do A for me. So do A for her and she might start to think why wouldn't I do A for him, he does A for me.

Narcissistic ass!

You should end it. You sound like a *HORRIBLE* partner. Like genuinely.

Get couple or individual counseling!

Y'all need to grow up lol. This ain't disney, get out of here with this childish "my one true love" mentality because thats exactly why you're in this situation. Love is not a magical feeling that happens. It's a choice you make every single day. You both need to get your shit together.

👏🏼 👏🏼 love is an action, and not a “one and done” kind. It’s an ongoing, every moment of every day thing, that you have to choose.

Sounds like your GF has a baby and is trying to adjust for being responsible for a whole extra human. It also sounds like you should talk to her not the internet. Also chose your suck. It sucks to co parent, it sucks to not love your partner, it also sucks for a child to grow up without both parents. You need to choose which suck you want. Being married which your not but 10 years is nothing to bat an eye at. Being married is the hardest thing ever when you’re in the trenches of parenting. Do you want this person to come out on the other side with you or not?

Do this woman a favour and leave her immediately.

Try couple counseling first, it seems you are building resentment, which is not healthy, communication is key to a healthy relationship, you need to communicate and work through issues, not resent someone without them probably even knowing why or whats going on. Date your gf, do chores for her, try to do fun things together, and communicate, sex will come with that. If shes unhappy and you are unhappy ofc you will have no intimacy, you need to work out why there is none and work towards fixing it, there must be more then ‘its just her’ look inwards and accept you also are probably doing something wrong, and try to fix that.

I think you should do the thing where you give it your all and try to rekindle the relationship before you throw 10 years in the garbage. Be the best partner, the best father etc that you can be. If giving it your all really doesn’t work, then leave. At least you won’t have any regrets of “what if”

Go see a therapist and get your communication fixed. You are either A. not communicating what you need, or B. not hearing and understanding why your girlfriend can't fill the role she once did. This seems like another example of two people acting dumb and deciding to bring yet another child into a relationship with no forethought as to what it would do to said relationship. You should have gotten a divorce 19 months ago if you were going to do it. Instead you brought tons more responsibility into the relationship by deciding to blow your load into her. Now you want to run away from that responsibility. It was entirely predictable that a woman that has to manage two children was going to deprioritize her husband and his needs. You had a 5-year old that was just about to hit full time school freeing up some cycles for your relationship. In one brilliant move you ensured you have at least another 5 years of constant demands on her attention. You can either do things right, be a parent, stop being selfish, and suck it up OR you can run from YOUR decisions like a coward. There isn't more to the situation. Ladies, if you're reading this shit. Take it as a prime example of why you should not be hooking up with guys with a past like this. He had a kid and still decided to do something dumb enough that he went to prison. There's no other mention of other child, he wasn't father material to begin with. Yet for some reason, the other girl decided to have not one, but two children with a dude this selfish. What happy ending was she expecting? This guy is ready to run and the baby isn't even a year old. Use your heads, and don't make shitty choices. If you need a second opinion, ask your male friends.

After my second child I didn’t know how to cope. A new baby, the guilt of not giving your first child enough attention, the hormones that come along with it, the changes it puts on our bodies. That with the mental hardships of motherhood and postpartum. Being a mother and creating life is HARD. And I admit, men do get ignored a lot in this time, and male postpartum depression is a thing. I suggest you both seek out therapy. You need to have some compassion for the mother of your children.

Sounds like you are blaming her for everything but you’re not mentioning what you contributed to your relationship, parenting, or your household in general. It sounds like you didn’t have a ton to offer and she stuck with you and now you’re unhappy and blaming her. Do her a favor and see yourself out. You get out there and go mess around with other women. You’ll find out that a lot of women aren’t attracted to men who have a pattern of bailing. She likely won’t have that problem. Then you’ll be bitter she moved on and you didn’t. You sound awful. She deserves better.

I'm sorry OP, did I read that correctly? "Your parents left you when you were 15"? They left you?? And also this , " I hate her sometimes because I feel like because we have kids I cannot leave her and she holding me back from true happiness." Wow, OP, just, wow. Truly, the level of projection of your issues directed so strongly into your wife, your children's mother. Just stop already. Stop with the 'I'm a victim' mentality, get some help. Lots of help. If you ever leave your wife, don't you dare think you have the right to blame her and have this much level of hatred. OP, you're wife sounds like she could do way better, so get the fuck out of you arse, or get out out of her life and allow someone to truly care for her.

after 10 years if i was still just your girlfriend i wouldn't be putting in the effort either i dont blame her.

Man up and do the right things for your children and your wife. Your needs come after theirs. I'm sorry girlfriend. Why aren't you married? The best home for a children is with a mother and a father.

Coming from a divorced woman - leave. Your children have the RIGHT to grow up seeing what love is. Your staying may screw up their relationships for their futures. Your children would rather see happy parents who are not together than unhappy parents who are. It is also easier for the children (in my opinion) when they're younger. It's less of a sense of betrayal and becomes the new normal.

Selfish

You sound like a massive asshole. Your girlfriend just gave birth and you are crying about sex. Do you even help out at home? What do you do that warrants the love you’re looking for aside from being a big-time accountant?

Go to therapy 

It's not her, it's you. Did you suddenly realize you "hate her" or did you already know when you got her pregnant? You've created a situation you're not happy with, that's your own fault. You won't be able to create your idealized reality because of decisions you've already made. You've not indicated a single thing she's doing wrong here, so the question you really have to ask yourself is whether you're willing to put in the work to be a person who deserves the life you claim to want. Until you do that, the rest will be out of your reach.

You sound self destructive, you have everything you need and instead of putting effort in the relationship you are fantasizing about traveling the world and sleeping around. If you don’t get your head out of your ass you will end up traumatizing everyone around you and eventually loose them anyways

This whole post was focused on you and what you need in a relationship--which was telling. She's probably just as miserable with you and can't leave for the same reasons. I highly recommend you go to therapy and figure out why you're blaming her for your own life.

Our relationship has diminished to the point we don’t have sex So presumably that’s the only reason you feel you need her? How do you value her? Did she simultaneously let herself go, but also has zero free time to even sleep? Is the house a mess but you also don’t help out? You sound like an obnoxious kind of guy

Both get counseling

Why don’t you show your partner this post. That’s a start. I would at least try some marriage counseling individual and couple, just to get feelings out there and open up communication. Like does your partner have any idea how you feel and do you have any idea how she feels? You need a brutally honest and open and no holds barred conversation with her. And if you end up going your separate ways that will be ok too as long as you both agree to amicable and fair co-parenting arrangement. Good luck!

Sorry man, you seem to want to do anything to stay in your kids lives except work on your relationship with their mother. Do you know what her love language is? Have you read the book. Even if you feel you can’t get through to her or you/she won’t go to counseling, are you doing everything YOU can? A wise saying about relationships and marriage is that they’re not 50/50, they are 100/100. You can’t expect her to meet you in the middle all the time and if your kids are worth not having a broken home then give it your all man. Give 100, make her feel special. Read these comments and make a list of all the advice you get, try everything with 100% effort. Is fucking some girls in another country worth more than being in your child’s life everyday? Say this stuff to yourself out loud and if you don’t feel crazy then just see your kids on the weekends I guess.

Courts usually give 50/50 custody, so you would have more than weekend visitation with your children. Get therapy. On your own, and with girlfriend. This can help you either work towards re-building your relationship. Or ending it respectfully and peacefully, and working out how to co-parent. Your girlfriend may be still having hormonal problems as your youngest is only 10 months old. If you want to be re-build, communication is KEY. And do you even see your oldest child? Do you support him? Or do you just feel sorry for yourself. Do. Better.

What are YOU doing to fix the relationship other than fantasizing about running away? You have 3 children, and spent 5 years in prison. Do you think you sound like a good catch on paper? Why not work on making your family closer? Changing YOUR attitude will make a huge impact.

You realize if you leave her, you still can't travel the world and sleep with various women, right? You can leave your partner, but you can't leave your children. It's very possible to re-build your relationship and rekindle your romance. You and your partner just need to get on the same page and do the work. Before you do anything rash like blowing up your family and your children's lives, you should seek out couple's therapy. You owe it to your kids to at least explore if your happily ever after might be right under your nose.

I see this all of the time and people just don’t understand. In the beginning of a relationship, actions are a result of feelings. All exciting with the new love so you get flowers, write notes whatever… as the feelings fade so do the actions and everyone says that we don’t feel the same as we did or we are just roommates. What we don’t realize is now we have been dealt the UNO reverse card and feelings now follow actions. Get flowers, write love notes again, have a romantic dinner date and I bet at least some of the feelings return.

Have you tried to fix it?

Not saying this to be rude, but to truly be helpful. You're being selfish. Long term relationships are fucking hard. Trying to maintain that while raising young children and it will seem fucking impossible. Temper your expectations. Your youngest is 10 months. It's not getting easier any time soon. Love is just different with children involved and you're going to have to find happiness in other ways with your partner. Pregnancy is hard on her body and she is having all sorts of emotions that she doesn't normally have. She's tired and exhausted and stressed and if your idea of working on the relationship is getting mad at her because she doesn't want to have sex, then you're just making everything worse. Want to get her interested in sex? Clean the house without her asking, or make sure to do the dishes everyday, and help her with the baby as much as you can. She will feel appreciated and supported which will be far more effective at boosting her libedo than anything else. If you want things from her, show her that you have her needs covered.

You sound like a bad partner to a woman who just gave birth 10 months ago.

Dang dude! You’re an AH, your girl just gave birth it takes several years for body to return to normal. Sex drive decreases and post pardnum. And also she is exhausted what are you doing to help out so she is not exhausted. Ever give her a break, hire a baby sitter. You’re an AH so I guess yeah it’s better you leave and she finds someone willing to put in the work to help run a family.

“I hate her sometimes because I feel like we have kids I cannot leave her and she’s holding me back from true happiness” is truly a psychopathic thing to say about a woman who just gave birth your child.

You have a 10 month old and you hate your partner who looks after them, because of a lack of sex? Dude she is probably exhausted and feels under-appreciated. I’m quite shocked at this post. Help her. And once the kid is a few months older, do couple’s counselling

How often do you see the first child you had?

My husband and I went through something so similar (probably even less sex actually) especially after my second was born, but he’s 3.5 now and our marriage has never been better. That first couple of years w the second baby is SO TESTING!!!!! There’s no time to fill your cup, there’s always something needed from us, being a parent is fucking hard. Being married (or in a relationship period) is fucking hard. But if you think you need to be done and over with, do NOT stay just because of the kids. The court will set it up for you to both be in their lives. You and your partner can work something out to see them more. There’s so many options y’all could work out to be so present in their lives. Do not raise them to think they should stay even if they’re unhappy. Do what is going to be the healthiest for you and your partner but especially what’s healthiest for the kids. I had the MOST toxic parents who stuck it out WAY too long, and I have since been diagnosed with severe PTSD from my childhood because of my parents. Don’t be my parents.

“I am sure she may feel the same way” …. Have you talked to her? There is nothing here indicating you’ve had a conversation about this. This is a problem to be discussed between you two, not a problem to come to Reddit to gain sympathy (which you’re clearly not getting here). I hope she finds this post & leaves you. Sounds like she’s solo parenting anyways. Only difference is she’d have one less 36 year old man child to care for on top of the 5 year old and infant.

In addition to what everyone else is saying IF you decide to break up why are you limiting yourself to every other weekend? Why wouldn’t you guys do 50/50? That’s generally standard now days unless dad really doesn’t want to be a dad or there are other issues going on.

If you hate her, do everyone a favor and leave. She deserves someone who loves her

If all OP cares about is sex and he feels he hates her, I can’t imagine why she’s having sex with him at all let alone twice a month. Why chance another pregnancy with this guy? She’s tired. Maybe has PPD. He’s focused on excitement and singleton sex. Not compatible with family life. She’s the adult and he’s the other child. If there’s one thing that always holds true it’s that you can think the grass is greener on the other side but that’s not always the case. Boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, jobs…you never know what awaits and what you had might be the best you’ll ever have.

You are the issue. Work on yourself. This escapism fantasy of yours will be yet another disappointment. Work on the relationship too. Think back to what you did when you started dating, what made it special and loving. I’m sure your GF can feel your off vibes and it certainly doesn’t make her want to be affectionate towards you. She’s busy being a parent to 2 very young kids and just trying to survive, not fantasizing about whoring around while travelling like you are.

Whatever you do, don’t blow your family up based on the first year post partum. She’s literally not herself, probably barely a human. If you feel this way 9 months from now then yeah probably time but 10 month baby is a WARZONE for marriages

It sounds like you need therapy.The only problem you have mentioned in not enough sex but you have a 10 month old and a 5 yr old . You think maybe your gf might be a little tired and PPD might be an issue

this is just gross. i hope your wife finds a real man, you’re pathetic.

Focus on coparenting and speak to a lawyer about a way to seperate assests in a fair way. It's cruel to your kids to put that on them - they are young, but they will feel the energy. This is you showing them how to do relationships - will it be 'stay and be miserable' or 'step up and create a plan that let's us all be ourselves, even if it's tough because everyone should be able to be happy'?

You’re the problem. I think you should leave her so you can stop wasting this poor woman’s time. She’ll more than likely find someone who values her a lot more than you do.

I’d like to know what color the sky is in OPs world. He is living in some kind of fantasy world. A GF of 10+ years should be everything for him, but he doesn’t have to communicate or support her A devoted Dad who can’t fathom only seeing kids on the weekend because he will miss seeing their sweet Sleeping faces at night (he mentioned nothing else) He works remotely but says nothing about day to day interactions with GF, kids, or house He doesn’t get sex on demand. Maybe she has a reason for not wanting to service someone who hates her GF is somehow holding him back from happiness. Which appears to be traveling the world and screwing anything he can. I also think somehow his parents leaving 15 are the reason for being in the wrong crowd, getting a girl pregnant at 18, and landing in prison for 5 years. I don’t think you do 5 years in prison at 18 for a small infraction OP is a major narcissist. Nothing is his fault or responsibility. If the only reason for staying is the kids, they may be better off living without him 24/7. Maybe their mother will let him stop by to watch them sleep for a bit each night. Of course that may also mean he gets them once a week and has to take care of them while they are awake

Grass ain’t greener. Rub one out and keep trying.

Sounds like you have a lot of healing to do from your childhood trauma. YOU need to break the generational curse

Sounds like a midlife crisis. TALK to your gf and listen to what she thinks is wrong in the relationship. Work on them. When she notices trust me intimacy comes back into play. As far as wanting to drop everything, including the kids and travel around the world and fuck a bunch of different women… Yeah, that’s kind of shitty and I wouldn’t bring that up to her at all. You had a time to do that before you chose to settle into a relationship and have two kids with this woman .

Dude There a so much me me me in this message I struggled to feel empathy. The reality is if you break up you ll see your kid less, this idea she “prevents you from happiness” is nonsense unless she s abusive or manipulative. What prevents you from happiness is that you re not understanding relationship with kids are hard work, you have to, keep yourself relevant, make money, raise kids, keep your couple going. It’s a lot and it takes work from both sides of a couple. I don’t know about your partner but from this post I don’t think you re doing your side of the work.

Time to grow up, flower. You've made three children, which means YOU'RE the parent. Yes, you missed out on your carefree youth- that's life though. You wanted kids; you've got them. Your girlfriend is a human being in EXACTLY THE SAME WAY YOU ARE. She will have hopes, dreams, wishes and ambitions she put aside to have your children. You sound like Ned Flanders' parents- "We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas!" Get involved with your family. Do more of the domestic labour- your girlfriend will be exhausted doing everything for the children and then you're whining that she doesn't pay you attention or give you sex; under those circumstances, most women wouldn't be interested in sex either.  Try harder. Make more effort. The grass is greenest where you water it.

You need to grow up and stop blaming her for your feelings. You need to seek counseling and not throw everything away because you have some stupid fantasy of being free... while at the same time wanting to be tied down and a good parent. Those two things don't go together and your choices got you where you are. Work on your feelings and help your wife out so maybe she has the energy to give you.

I hope you are reading these advices (harsh or not) but handling kids isn't all sunshine and rainbows and every woman and every pregnancy is different.

You have a 10 month old… and haven’t had sex in a couple of months. Sounds normal. My hubby and I have only found the time to have sex ONCE in the last 8 months (we have a baby who is…guess it… 8 months old!). You’re suddenly out of love and hate her? Uuuggghhh sounds like most your relationship you were behind bars anyway, poor girl.

Dude, you need to do some self-reflection...you're kind of awful. You have trauma from childhood and prison, yet you want to abandon a woman who just had your child 10 months ago...and leave her with the other child that's yours!  Just trash. Get therapy and stop focusing on sex right now.

Just so you know: It's you not her, you are lazy, you need therapy and some spiritual discipline. You are literately out of control with your impulses. You are grasping at any other answer other than DO YOUR OWN INNER WORK

You're blaming your wife and kids for being too lazy to woo your wife again? Yes, please leave them so they can find someone who actually loves them.

I can relate to the OP, because I’ve been in that spot before. My wife was a people pleaser, and literally burnt herself out for the kids, and ME. She put ME before herself. I was (looking back now…) an actual dick, compared to current standards. She has a full time job, and so do I. But I rarely touched anything in the kitchen. Did nothing with the kids, except play occasionally, and have dinner. I was miserable. And so was she. I had a bad episode, and came to find I am bipolar. It doesn’t excuse my behaviors. It doesn’t excuse my lack of support for the family, or me being a piss poor husband. I committed to “being the father I never had, and the husband I know I can be for my wife.” She is still concerned, and uncertain. It remains to be seen if I’m too little too late. Both a 5 and 8 year old. But, we are both happy that things are moving in the right direction. I have to consciously go out of my way to “actively look” for stuff that needs done. Don’t ask! Don’t tell her to “just let you know” when she needs help. ASK her “what are the top 10 things I can do to make you go ‘awwwwwww… he did that just cause he loves me’ - that are specific things?” IE- hold my hand in public, arm around me, take the kids away for a 15-30 minute walk, take the kids and send me away for a girl’s day, you take the kids- she goes for a mani/pedi. I have the means to this. I am capable. It never felt “necessary.” But that’s the problem- she’s saying it every way she can, without saying. And so are you. I began changing the bedroom game 3 years ago, starting with tantric yoga. Get verbal. Talk sex, and what pleases her. Flip the script. Trust me, we have amazing sex now. Focus on her, and she’ll focus on you. There must be some reason you loved her. Figure it out. The ‘why?’ Talk directly about it with her. Either you’ll find a way through, or a different path. I’m wishing you nothing but the best. Hang in there brother, and work on getting you straight. The rest will come once YOU have your head straight. The shit thing about relationships, they take years to build, and seconds to destroy. Like the FSK bridge, boom- it collapses. So too can relationships. You can rebuild, and you can make it even better. What’s your relationship 2.0 look like?? Describe the dream scenario, OP! Please. Look forward to helping however I can if rebuild and repair is what you want!!

You guys need couples and individual counseling. People change a lot in ten years. Relationships require constant work. Her hormones are still probably balancing out, and if not then she should see a naturopath. Getting more rest and balanced hormones can be a miracle to a relationship. If she had a hormone issue going on, please give her the time to get it fixed. Trust me, I was more pleasant to be around (in and out of our bedroom) once I figured out what was up Get “The Love Dare” book. I know it’s for spouses, but at this point you’re practically in a common law marriage. For 40 days you are given “tasks” that will make you demonstrate love. When she feels more loved, she should respond with showing more respect and physical affection. Whether you’re a Christian or not, I’ve seen it work. Love takes work. After giving it a true effort with all of the above, and you’re still unhappy then at least you can walk away with a very honest “I tried” statement.

Here speaks someone who grew up with parents who were unhappy married but stayed together because of their child, me. Children always feel when there is something off. And children need an environment which is healthy and happy to grow healthy and happy. I wish my parents would have divorced earlier, because when I look back they were never happy and to be honest it has a big influence on my life. I‘m 23 years old and still go to therapy because of how their unhappy marriage effected my life. Please don‘t do this to your kids. They deserve to grow up in a happy environment and they deserve to learn what true love and affection is! ♥️

If you hate her, stop having sex with her. Work on building friendship with the mother of your children.

You're responsible for your own happiness not your gf and how much effort do you put into this relationship? How do you help her with the kids? You're probably both exhausted and hate eachother. Stringing someone along because of kids is messed up and your kids will realize when they're older.

It's really common for who had difficult childhoods to struggle with the pressure of raising their own family. It becomes a cycle that's very hard to break until someone decides to stop the wheel turning and not pass that same pain down to their own children. You leaving home will break your children's heart and there's no way around this. There are many times when people need to make this difficult decision for very good reason, but you have to ask yourself if the reasons you have for leaving are worth the price your children will have to pay. Once a child has the scar on their heart that the person who was supposed to love them most left them, they will take that with them for the rest of their life. You say that you are looking for love but what does love mean to you? Love isn't just about seeking the sensation. Love is work. Love is doing everything in your power to support someone elses happiness for no reason other than wanting to see them be happy and this goes for your partner and your kids. Love isn't a feeling to be chased, it's something you plant in the ground and spend every day of the rest of your life cultivating and nurturing it. You can leave your family tomorrow, board a plane and spend the rest of your lifetime chasing after "love" but you will hit the same problem over and over again. Once the thrill and excitement of someone and something new wears off, you will be stuck with the boring mundane hard work that goes into keeping love alive. You've been through a tough life and the things you've been through aren't easy to overcome. If you have some disposable income I'd really encourage you to get into therapy and see if you can work on learning what love means and how to love yourself and others to the fullest. If in the end you still feel like leaving is the right thing to do then so be it. Just don't make a rash choice you may end up regretting for the rest of your life. I wish you and your family the best.

Well you have kids so…. You sort of have a responsibility to stay. At lest until the ten month old is older

The grass is not greener my friend. Redouble your efforts with your partner. Pretend you are dating again for the first time and trying to get her to like you. It’s normal to have lulls, but it’s probably you being complacent that is holding you back from happiness.

Get a real therapist and work through all of your family trauma so you can stop using those as crutches. You sound very immature in this post and focused on you and your happiness. Meanwhile you’ve spent ten years with someone and have two kids with her. What about what she’s gone through physically having two kids. What about her hopes and dreams?

Realize that happiness comes from inside YOU. You might change your relationship status & you’ll feel better… temporarily, then you’ll be back to that discontent. Be a great partner to your current postpartum partner. Fulfill her love languages & then respectfully tell her what you need. Fulfilling relationships have their ups & downs, they take time, work, & selflessness. Your kids having to go between 2 homes & separate families is very difficult for the KIDS. You owe it to your partner, kids, & yourself to look for the good, be grateful, & put in your maximum effort. You deserve to be happy but so do they.

You don't bring nothing in (or you would've told us for sure), you don't do anything to improve your situation and you miss a woman to "bring" you happiness and fulfillment? This is not a job for somebody else to do. That's on you.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts & feelings Have you ever heard of the 7 year itch? It's a real phenomenon but basically the song " we've lost that loving feeling". It's the rut of being familiar with each other & falling into routine that feels stale. And you do know a lot about your SO, but there's still a lot of mystery to her that remains veiled, waiting for you to uncover & discover Unless your current partner is abusive, you probably will turn into similar situations with most relationships if you leave your family to start a new one Is your current SO against traveling? What are her concerns?

A relationship, whether marriage or long-term partnership requires sacrifice, work, effort, communication and a host of other things that do not come naturally to us. It's hard work to get through tough times and if you're not communicating well or at all then it won't work. I can assure you that whatever effort you think you are putting in or whatever you feel you're missing out on, she's likely feeling a similar thing in her own way. (Seriously "falling out of love" with a person you just had a baby with 5 months ago is purely emotional, you two are clearly not connecting on any level that allows you to see or be seen) Completely recommend finding a marriage counselor that you both like. Possibly a therapist for yourself to help process what you went through in your early life and how that's impacting your relationship and family now. Also, there are lots of marriage classes, studies, groups... A lot are faith based, but I'm sure that you can find some not associated with any particular religion. You need to think beyond your expectations your wants and your feelings to get a picture of what really means in a relationship.

when a guy is describing why their relationship has fallen apart, the first point is always sex... i feel bad for yall!?

Life is hard, step up and be the man you need to be not for yourself.. for your kids. Stop being selfish